Hoe Phase

In this episode of "A Letter to My Homegirls," hosts Sydnei and Morgan engage in a lively and thought-provoking discussion about the complexities of feminine masculinity in today's society. With their signature wit and charm, they navigate through the blurred lines of gender roles and share their personal experiences with strong men and the rise of the "sassy" attitude. From exploring the influence of social media to discussing the concept of a "hoe phase," Sydnei and Morgan shed light on the evolving dynamics of relationships and the importance of maintaining a sense of mystery and surprise.

Transcript

Morgan Adrine: 0:00

So I said this is a letter to my home girls. So Sydney before we start, how are you feeling today on spicy meter check on a scale Carolina Reaper? The bell pepper, how are you feeling?

Sydnei Sellers: 0:10

I'm chilling out a cool, maybe little warm habanero.

Morgan Adrine: 0:16

Hot, but okay. I think I'm up there with you. I'm at a Thai pepper. Okay, I'm going a little spicy. Today Morg. So once you got why you thought was spicy. Alright, so

Sydnei Sellers: 0:28

let's talk about feminine masculinity. Okay, um, how in our, in today's society, women are becoming better at being men than men. Talk about it. So what are your sort of experiences and viewpoints around this whole? strong woman movement?

Morgan Adrine: 0:52

Okay. Ask me a more like, detailed sub question. Okay.

Sydnei Sellers: 0:58

So how do you show up into spaces? As it relates to strong men? So give me an example, or your experiences with a male that you would consider strong? Like, what would be

Morgan Adrine: 1:21

my generation? Yes, I think on that a little longer, but to answer your question, but to answer your question, I don't know. I feel like my generation is but especially gender roles are kind of all mixed up. Like we have men being sassy. We have women being overly you want to be gangbangers? So I feel like everybody's confused. And I say that because, again, my generation especially, I feel like because social media plays such a big part of our world. And then you also hear which I'm all for female rappers, all for it. But you hear so many females being so expressive, and how they talk about whether it be their bodies, somebody else's bodies, shooting somebody's stealing from somebody, you kind of lose that when you're talking about such aggressive things, you kind of lose the idea of being a soft and sensitive woman. And then I don't know. And then you have like, the guys of my generation that I really feel like they are just confused. Like, it's, it's giving sassy, is the best phrase that I can say.

Sydnei Sellers: 2:40

So explain that word. Okay, so what does it mean to be sassy?

Morgan Adrine: 2:44

What does it mean to be sassy? Guys nowadays just have so much attitude, like,

Sydnei Sellers: 2:51

give me an example.

Morgan Adrine: 2:53

They just have so much attitude. And I'll use that as an example of when it comes to like dating. So I understand I believe that a guy can be a catch, too. I do believe that. However, I find my major problems in the idea of me as a woman chasing a man have a problem with it. Because I feel like again, a guy can be a catch. However. I don't know. I just I feel like the role is kind of switch. And these guys nowadays they want to be they want to be courted. They want to be chased. They want to be sought after. They want to feel like they're the prize and they're the winner, when if we're really keeping it a buck. Y'all wouldn't be here if it wasn't for a woman. So should I be the one sought after?

Sydnei Sellers: 3:50

I feel you Morg. I feel you. Um, I do think about like the term sassy. Okay, so there is a little bit of a generational difference age difference and like our views, but we have a lot of commonalities, right. So one thing that I've noticed is this extreme role reversal that's going on in today's society, okay. Deep breath, because I see both sides, right. I see. The strong woman, this aggressive woman, this woman that has to protect herself this woman that totes a gun, this woman who stands up for herself, right, this woman who's not gonna take nothing, right. And I really look at instead of looking at where she is, I look at how she got there. The same thing with the guy right who is sassy, right, the one who wants to be coddled or the one who wants to express his feelings the one who's overly emotional, the one who wants to be chased. Right,

Morgan Adrine: 4:58

but to add a little more context I don't feel when I say getting sassy, it has nothing to do with your emotional intelligence or your level of vulnerability. So I don't make that disclaimer, you can be a vulnerable person, you can know how to help healthy, communicate your feelings and not be sassy. So let me just say, yeah, so let me say that. It's, again, when we get to this idea of, it's really just like, like the chase for me. And and I'm not saying that, you know, a woman should be chased because I believe there should be a certain level of effort on both sides. However, I do feel as if it's a certain initiative that should be taking place, when typically the dominating role, which has often been the man's role. Now, I have a strong personality always have, I am all for women carrying guns, I'm all for being strong as black women, we have to be strong, we have to know how to hold our own, we have to have a voice. I'm all for that. But just because I'm a force and the outside world doesn't mean I want to be forced at home to agree. I definitely. And I feel, again, especially I can only talk about people of my generation, me being 24, I can only talk about, let's say 23 year olds to 31 32, because that's what I've experienced. And again, I know everybody isnt like this, but the guys that I've experienced as somebody who has a strong personality, they want you to always have that strong personality. And again, I don't want to lead my household and my life outside of the house. So you know what I mean?

Sydnei Sellers: 6:45

I get it, I think too often also has to do with influences, right? And like, what are these individual, whether it's a male or a female looking up to an aspiring after, right? Like, what type of lifestyle? Do they want to lead What type of person do they want to be? Right? So one of my biggest things is when you are approached, or you meet different people, not expecting them to be anything other than who they are. Right, right. So like, this idea of a strong woman, right? Like, in today's society, I mean, like you said, I can agree in second that like that, I'm considered a strong woman, right? often get the label you look very intimidating,

Morgan Adrine: 7:29

intimidating.

Sydnei Sellers: 7:30

Okay, but still say hi, you know, like, still say, Hi, it's okay, you can still, you can still say hi. But then to that just, I think it's a mirror reflection of maybe internal things that that person may be struggling with, or going through, right, I

Morgan Adrine: 7:46

completely agree with you. Because I feel like especially in today's world, women are now more than ever being business owners being CEOs, we are running our own shows, like we're doing our own stuff, that, again, I often get the intimidating factor, like as a woman, either I'm not supposed to be doing something, or maybe I should be doing something less than you. So your ego makes you feel like you're doing so much. Really, you're not right. So not say like that, but

Sydnei Sellers: 8:19

you gotta be real, because that's what he's given. Given. So,

Morgan Adrine: 8:22

and again, it's like, I let me say, everybody, it's not like this. I have met guys that, you know, they don't let their ego kind of scare them away. But I've come across more men that again, they hear, Oh, you're doing this, or you're doing that, or you're doing this or not on talk to you. You know what I mean?

Sydnei Sellers: 8:41

Yeah, the intimidation factor. And then like I said, it's almost like a mirror reflection of the things that they lack.

Morgan Adrine: 8:45

Right? So then it's like, I have no choice but to call you sassy because you give me all this attitude. And like, Where's this coming from? Like, given the vibe, divided, it's not vibbing what you say on the big homie? Because you're,

Sydnei Sellers: 8:59

you're not the little one. Okay.

Morgan Adrine: 9:02

This attitude, like, I'm confused.

Sydnei Sellers: 9:05

Yeah. And then to I guess, also with the respects of, you know, the stronger woman, like I said, looking at how she got there. Right? The dating pool, like, in layman's terms is pee in it. Okay, it's contaminated. It's contaminated. There's right, there's definitely poop in it. And I would say, I will go as far as to say that's more of the reason why women now have to take this more strong identity or roll because we when first approached, you had the soft femininity, right? And then you were met with somebody that took advantage of that. So in order to not be in that same space,

Morgan Adrine: 9:46

you have to be stronger. Yeah, you know,

Sydnei Sellers: 9:49

I think it's more aware. Right. So like in a healthier space, I'm not not doing the things that I used to do because I'm trying to take something away from somebody else right. So I'm not hiding who I truly am. But I know that there's other ways to be me without putting myself in harm's way. Right? I don't have to give you all of me, right for me to be good enough, right? You know. So I think that that sometimes, depending on what company you're in could be this thing where you're not being soft, right? Because you have an opinion, you're too tough, or because you don't want to do this. Something's wrong with you, right? So I think that kind of can take us into this idea of like a hoe phase, right? So when you think of dating and understanding who you are, what is your idea of like, the whole phase or the term hoe phase? What does that mean to you?

Morgan Adrine: 10:52

When I hear somebody say hoe phase like, either Yeah, I'm going through a hoe phase right now. Or even I've heard people say, like, you have to go through a hoe phase as a woman or some period in your life, you have to go through a hoe phase. To me, that means pretty much you being loosey goosey. Like, you go, you are not having the highest standard in regards to who you are sharing your physical body with you are there's no criteria, if there is criteria is slim to none. So again, you're just being very free spirited with who you allow in your physical and spiritual energy. Because your your physical and your spirit are tied together. So you're just being loose, who you let in your energy. And I don't know, I feel like, I don't feel like you have to go through some type of hoe phase. But I feel like in our world today. And I don't want to say being a hoe is glorified. But essentially, that's what it is. Because when you turn on the radio, and you hear scratch what the guys are talking about, because we know what they're talking about, right? You hear what the females are talking about? Were they talking about? Shaking a body parts, like keeping the G rated, shaking the body parts, doing whatever using a body to trick who out of whatever? Yeah, isn't that essentially like being hoe? Or do we want to call it something else? Well,

Sydnei Sellers: 12:15

I think we often categorize that and like, expressing who we are sexually right. So like, it's this idea that we hide that part of who we are, and like a sexual explore raishin of ourselves is would be gathered in that

Morgan Adrine: 12:37

unit. That idea, you know, what I appreciate about the generation before us, not you, not you, the generation before us is that there was oh geez, the OGS there was a sense of like, mysterious mystery. Yeah, I can get my words out. There was a mystery. Like you didn't have to show everything to everybody, right? Like you want it to build up that element of surprise. Thank you. You want it to build up that surprise, even when it comes to just like our media like our TV now to see a sexy no television, we don't think twice about it. We've become so desensitized to seeing somebody gets shot on TV, whether it's for a player, whether it's through, we've become so desensitized to sex scenes on TV, we become so desensitized to a lot that if we were to go 20 years, 30 years back, if you were to even kiss on television, it was like, Whoa, like this is right at our if you were to even like it was again, it was the element of surprise. I feel like we as women still need to have element of surprise, you can still be whatever you want to be you still be a hot girl, city girl. Everybody doesn't have to know what your body looks like, or quote unquote, feels like everybody don't need to know that.

Sydnei Sellers: 13:51

I agree. I agree. Again, I think it goes to like, I guess the influences that we have out there, right? I think I was talking to somebody today. And I was saying, like, your generation or like, currently, there isn't any example of necessarily a Classy or a young woman in the music industry, right. Like not to suggest that everybody's perfect, right? Because even the best of the best the people we love most like Beyonce. Right? Right. They had their issues. Right. But like you said, there's still a level of Mysteria like there's, there's still a level of class that we as a society, we don't have, we don't have and then also, I feel like women like me and you right, who don't choose to be sexual

Morgan Adrine: 14:43

or don't act like damn ostriches walking down the sidewalk.

Sydnei Sellers: 14:47

Like you're weird. Obviously, something's wrong with you by and I don't think that that's fair. And I think it's mostly because if you turn left or you turn, right, everybody's naked Right, and then it's, it's wrapped up in this idea that it's my body, I can do whatever I want to do, which is true, but I think that it should be done. Everything should be done with a level of class. And I think we're missing that part. And women who choose to cover themselves up or not be as expressive are not looked at in the same vein as a woman who may have a little bit more sex appeal I think our society is getting a little bit further away from that, and I don't like it to be honest, I don't like it because for me I didn't have a hoe phase I don't necessarily agree with the the terminology hoe phase I think again, everybody should carry themselves in a light that best suits who they are and if they have some sort of higher power or religious belief that they have is conducive to that type of walk of life. But demon are suggesting that you have to have this many bodies to be deemed a pro or active or experienced is weird. Because I've I had somebody tell asked me not only they felt like if I if I didn't have this amount of bodies, then I wasn't experienced. And I just was like, What I remember a time where you be happy, okay? You should be happy like but it's just the way the world is going. And I think one of my fears is youth young women not having a place to feel safe you know,

Morgan Adrine: 16:37

and I feel like the hoe phase also kind of ties into the whole again I'm I'm gonna keep saying it. Men Men sassy because if you if you as a man like and some of y'all got a real good right now because y'all can just blink and you got anybody you want at your foot willing to do whatever you sayF you say jump they say how high so it's also like how can we expect our guys who want to do better or our guys to be better when we're out here doing well? We all here just doing whatever literally, literally? Listen, I'm all about some women that will won't ask any questions. You want me to do this? Okay? Like hello mom. Like cuz you making me look bad now? No, because he thinks that just because you did XYZ to I'm gonna do XYZ. Baby. Don't even ask me to do the X before you can push me. Listen, I will send this out

Sydnei Sellers: 17:32

and guess what? I'm not past having a sim or somebody now. I'm not past it. So you can bring it over here if you want to. Right and I'm gonna just have to politely tell you that it's not that you know what I'm saying? So

Morgan Adrine: 17:44

we just got to tighten up,

Sydnei Sellers: 17:46

tighten up, tighten.

Morgan Adrine: 17:48

All right. PS ladies, tighten everything, everything.

Sydnei Sellers: 17:56

Right and it's okay to express yourselves. We'll make sure that it you are genuinely authentically being true to who you are and is not influenced by anybody else.

Morgan Adrine: 18:07

Facts