So I'm Single (Ft. Dylan from SISP)

Join Morgan and Sydnei and their special guest, Dylan, for a sizzling episode of 'A Letter to My Homegirls. These three dynamic voices bring wit, wisdom, and optimism to the table. With candid conversations on God's plans, personal growth, and the pursuit of love, you'll discover the perfect balance between seeking and patience. So grab your headphones and get ready to be inspired as they drop the mic on singlehood, relationships, and the power of seeking God's guidance.

Transcript

Morgan Adrine: 0:00

So I said, learn how to be content and you're single season. So we have a special guests and I want to ask you, how are you feeling spicy meter check.

Dylan Sellers: 0:13

I think I'm real Bill pepper out here. super chill. I'm really glad that you have allowed me to come into your space. Yes, honored.

Morgan Adrine: 0:23

Thank you Dylan say Hi.

Sydnei Sellers: 0:25

Um, I'm a jalapeno,

Morgan Adrine: 0:28

jalapeno. Okay, so I'm still gonna hold strong at a Thai, Thai pepper. Wow. Type pepper. Because this is actually something that kind of hit my spirit a couple days ago. And I went to this event, it's like a youth ministry group called elevate. And one of the things that they were touching on was as it relates to kind of being content in your, again, in your single season before you can expect to find your person. And that really hit home for me because, you know, so often, I think, especially we as women, we long for, you know, relationship, we long for a partner, we long for like that happy ending that we often don't just find comfort in what's today. And unfortunately, well, I'm not gonna say unfortunately, today, that ain't. That ain't what it is. Um, and again, it's something that I've struggled with, because it's like, I don't want to become so consumed that I think about a relationship, but at the same time, I never want it to lose importance to me, either. So I would ask you as big homie, how, I guess how do you find comfort in your your solitude? Just being alone? Like, how do you find comfort? How do you find peace? And

Sydnei Sellers: 2:04

well, ain't easy. Yes, is a good one Morg. It's not the easiest thing. I think society, especially social media has a way of making even the hardest thing seems so easy, right? Because you see all the candles and spas and girls drinking. You know, it's just so lovely to be single. Right? You know, it's definitely difficult, especially around holidays. But one of the things that I have held strong to is my optimism. Okay, so I'm content in my singleness, because I know what it is that I want. But I'm still hopeful, because I believe that God is still going to provide me what I need. Right? So I don't lose like the optimism of finding that happy ending, right. So when I do find myself getting sad about like, even like the little nuances of like, the day, we think about family and all the stuff that you want to do with a partner, I try to remind myself that like, It's okay and that God is coming, you know, and then to To be honest, I also swallowed the fact that that's the one thing that God never promised any of this was a mate, like a person like that we everybody will get a husband or a wife that was never promised. That was never promised. That was something that

Morgan Adrine: 3:46

that was never promised.

Dylan Sellers: 3:48

That's not a scripture as a promise. No. Okay, that's interesting.

Sydnei Sellers: 3:51

So no, no. And with that realization for me, I think, when I accepted that, I was sad at first. But then I started to get not happy but feel lighter, right? Because then I recognize that when he says that he'll supply all my needs, and I have everything that I need, I started to really feel like I wasn't missing out on much, you know what I'm saying? So it transitioned from me being the single person waiting and preparing for somebody, to me being the single person. That's whole that has everything she needs, in case that never happens, right? Because I also think about, you know, unfortunate circumstances, you know, I've experienced a lot of grief. So, even with the idea of like, God never promising us that life happens, right? I can think of, like, on both of my hands, how many people didn't even get to meet kids or a spouse? You know, I'm saying just because of tragedies that struck in, you know, families at home so I think my mindset is more focused on like day to day living, and that's what keeps me like sane, like, literally, today, how am I feeling? And optimistic that tomorrow could be different?

Morgan Adrine: 5:10

So Dylan, I have a separate question for you. And obviously, you're married. So your perspective is different. But I guess, is it okay to still be dating? If you so let's say, Okay, I'm fully accepting of my single season. I'm loving it. I'm embracing it. I'm a resident single. Can I? Is it still acceptable to be dating? Or does that kind of defeat the purpose of me being content in my single season and let it just flow naturally?

Dylan Sellers: 5:42

I think it may. I think it depends heavily on what you mean by single season.

Morgan Adrine: 5:47

Meaning, my single season is not just about me not dating, but I've like truly, I'm not texting anybody. I'm not sitting on the phone talking to nobody. No, I'm not coming to see, you know, you can't come see me like, I'm just I am in complete solitude. Yeah. That's what I mean, when I say single season.

Dylan Sellers: 6:08

Do you desire not to be married?

Morgan Adrine: 6:11

desire not to be not wanting to be married? You want to be married? Yes.

Dylan Sellers: 6:14

Okay. So you're not in a space where like, you're single and satisfied to borrow a term from from my pastor. It's, you're single and seeking. Right? And so like, you're really looking for a mate. And so to suggest that, like, I shouldn't talk to anybody right now. You'll never find a mate. You didn't know.

Morgan Adrine: 6:40

This is, like questions I had, but then I've had somebody flat out told me, you know, you haven't fully embraced what it is to be single because you're seeking that you need it to be single. What's this? Is this a good name?

Dylan Sellers: 6:56

Is this a God thing? Right, like the gods say, I need you to be by yourself. And it's just you with me right now. And like, don't talk to nobody, or is this something that you fell into? Because you were single?

Morgan Adrine: 7:07

No, like, God didn't tell me that. Okay, so what are we talking about? Like someone like a person like, right, so that person told me that? Yeah,

Dylan Sellers: 7:15

like, cool, right? Like, but at the same time, they not God Right, right. So like, you're dictating your life, like, you can take advice from someone who's your elder, right? Like you're giving them some some honor, right? In that regard. But like, if God didn't tell you that, like, you can't talk to nobody then talk. You know what I'm saying? I'm, I'm sorry, not to make it. So. I guess simple. You know what I'm saying? Like, but it's, it's really not that deep. You gotta mean like, God does intend for us. And I think I want to correct a little bit. God doesn't promise us that you're gonna have a mate. Right? But it is the, it is the design of human that we would write. Right? It is because of the fall of man, that it's not a promise, right? Because things happen, like tragedy strikes, those things weren't intended when it came to the garden. You know, what I'm saying? It's like, the desire that you have in you is a God placed desire. And, I mean, you should be seeking and it's, it's okay for you to go on dates, like you're young. I mean, like, you're young, you're seeking, as long as you're not doing anything, to compromise yourself, as you are going on these dates and being introduced to people and things like that, like, that's fine.

Morgan Adrine: 8:35

I guess I just never want to become so for lack of a better word obsessed with the idea of dating and trying to find my person that I feel like I'm not appreciating the space that I'm currently in.

Dylan Sellers: 8:48

Well, I think that like, that's important, too, right? So like to suggest that like, don't, don't swing one way or the other.

Morgan Adrine: 8:58

And it's hard because it's like, either go all the way to the left or to

Dylan Sellers: 9:01

the middle, either, either she built pepper, she tired. Trying to figure it out. But no, I think that like, it's important because I wanted to introduce this that like, being alone is necessary for being married as well. Right? Like you need to be comfortable with you, right? And being able to like, Take yourself on a date or know what you like you don't I'm saying like really be able to, like, spend time with just you and be okay, and you'll skin so like that that skill that you're learning that that you've been articulating that you're learning will be helpful, whether you're single or not. Right. And the question of like, When am I done with that season is a question for you and God? Right, right. And don't let anybody pressuring you into anything either way. Right? I think they're like, I'm just sitting over here listening to your conversation. And the consistent message is, what is your relationship like with God? That's the consistent response to every question, right? What is your relationship like with God? Because God is going to dictate that now, will he use people sometimes? Yes. But sometimes like it's a, it's another thing. You don't I mean, if you're listening to what God is saying, in the moment, you'll be fine.

Morgan Adrine: 10:25

So realistically on like a, like, on a day to day, how do I find that balance between not being in complete solitude and not being? How do you start? How do I start my day? Yeah, I want to wake up. Yeah, yeah. Brush my teeth.

Dylan Sellers: 10:44

Right. So I think what I'm getting after, like, what you do with the beginning of your day tends to dictate it. Right? And so if you're getting up spending some time with God, or at least focusing on some god kind of things, whether that being reading scripture, praying, you know, I mean, that kind of thing, if you're not getting up immediately going to your phone or seeking, right, because like, a lot of what we're doing on our phone is seeking, there's seeking validation seeking to get rid of boredom, you know what I mean? Like, there's, there's a lot of like, seeking, right? And so like, the question is, when I wake up, am I seeking what God wants or what I want first. And that's how you'll start to strike the balance because the more you consistently seek God, right, he will direct what you're seeking throughout the day.

Sydnei Sellers: 11:34

That's good. That is, that's good. And then that'll probably also help with the balance that you crave with dating. Right? Because once you seek God's face and his wisdom, then the people that come and your path will be sent or it won't be by mistake, and you'll be sure of that because you have already you know, reached out or seeked him first and at the start of the day.

Morgan Adrine: 12:03

So will be a final note to the homegirls.

Sydnei Sellers: 12:07

I know, note to the home girls would be seek and have patience.

Morgan Adrine: 12:17

That's good. Well, we dropped the mic.