{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1.62,"endTime":4.89,"body":"Hey everyone, it's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1.62,"endTime":4.89,"body":"Vanessa. I realized that my mic"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":4.89,"endTime":8.64,"body":"on this episode is absolutely"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":4.89,"endTime":8.64,"body":"horrible. I apologize. I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":8.64,"endTime":14.52,"body":"received the new mic from Amazon"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":8.64,"endTime":14.52,"body":"and it came broken. So for some"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":14.52,"endTime":18.48,"body":"reason my headsets microphone"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":14.52,"endTime":18.48,"body":"got activated instead of my"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":18.66,"endTime":23.55,"body":"phone's microphone. And I sound"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":18.66,"endTime":23.55,"body":"absolutely horrible. But please"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":23.55,"endTime":26.19,"body":"don't let that hold you back"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":23.55,"endTime":26.19,"body":"this steps. It's absolutely"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":26.19,"endTime":29.31,"body":"amazing. Thank you so much for"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":26.19,"endTime":29.31,"body":"listening. Hi, everybody."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":29.34,"endTime":33.12,"body":"Welcome, transcending humanity"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":29.34,"endTime":33.12,"body":"as Episode Five. It's our trans"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":33.12,"endTime":36.54,"body":"Joy episode. I'm Vanessa, and"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":33.12,"endTime":36.54,"body":"I'm joined by Erica and Riley"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":36.54,"endTime":40.08,"body":"today. I believe Eric is gonna"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":36.54,"endTime":40.08,"body":"be taking the lead today. So I'm"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":40.08,"endTime":44.28,"body":"gonna hand it on over to her for"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":40.08,"endTime":44.28,"body":"that way. She's that way."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":44.49,"endTime":45.3,"body":"You're that way."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":45.9,"endTime":47.22,"body":"We're all all over the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":45.9,"endTime":47.22,"body":"place."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":49.02,"endTime":55.02,"body":"What else some some trans"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":49.02,"endTime":55.02,"body":"people in that. Alright. Today,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":55.05,"endTime":59.34,"body":"we're gonna talk about one of my"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":55.05,"endTime":59.34,"body":"favorite topics, which is trans"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":59.4,"endTime":62.52,"body":"joy. Right? I think our"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":59.4,"endTime":62.52,"body":"community is pretty familiar"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":62.52,"endTime":65.85,"body":"with this topic. Although I read"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":62.52,"endTime":65.85,"body":"something pretty interesting"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":65.85,"endTime":69.45,"body":"today, where some people think"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":65.85,"endTime":69.45,"body":"of it as glimmers, which is sort"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":69.45,"endTime":72.72,"body":"of the opposite of a trigger. So"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":69.45,"endTime":72.72,"body":"those things that sort of spark"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":72.75,"endTime":76.95,"body":"a glimmer into your life? Oh,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":72.75,"endTime":76.95,"body":"yes. Yeah, kinda, I'd like it to"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":76.95,"endTime":79.35,"body":"one of my one of my friends"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":76.95,"endTime":79.35,"body":"who's non binary, like, likes"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":79.35,"endTime":84.54,"body":"that term a lot. It's great. Um,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":79.35,"endTime":84.54,"body":"so when I suggested this topic,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":84.54,"endTime":89.58,"body":"I actually like set out to find"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":84.54,"endTime":89.58,"body":"a definition of trans joy. And I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":89.58,"endTime":92.91,"body":"couldn't find one, which was"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":89.58,"endTime":92.91,"body":"kind of surprising. But what I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":92.91,"endTime":96.33,"body":"found was a lot of people's"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":92.91,"endTime":96.33,"body":"collection of like, here's my"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":96.33,"endTime":98.88,"body":"experience with trans joy,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":96.33,"endTime":98.88,"body":"which, at the end was like, wow,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":98.88,"endTime":102.27,"body":"we we don't really agree, but it"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":98.88,"endTime":102.27,"body":"also felt like really"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":102.27,"endTime":106.17,"body":"representative of the being"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":102.27,"endTime":106.17,"body":"transgender, we'd all approach"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":106.17,"endTime":109.41,"body":"it from databases, we have"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":106.17,"endTime":109.41,"body":"different goals, different"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":109.41,"endTime":113.64,"body":"things cause us joy, right. So"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":109.41,"endTime":113.64,"body":"in a sense, it kind of is cool"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":113.64,"endTime":116.85,"body":"that there's not a definition."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":113.64,"endTime":116.85,"body":"So the way I kind of want to"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":116.85,"endTime":119.61,"body":"talk about tackle this, at least"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":116.85,"endTime":119.61,"body":"at the top is for us each to"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":119.61,"endTime":123.9,"body":"kind of define when trans Joy"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":119.61,"endTime":123.9,"body":"means each of us, so I'll go"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":123.9,"endTime":130.68,"body":"first. So trans joy, my joy,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":123.9,"endTime":130.68,"body":"glimmer, right? has its root in"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":130.68,"endTime":135.0,"body":"unequivocally being my authentic"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":130.68,"endTime":135.0,"body":"self, and finding like my style,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":135.27,"endTime":139.59,"body":"and feeling like I'm really"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":135.27,"endTime":139.59,"body":"rocking it. And just the general"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":139.59,"endTime":143.31,"body":"effervescence and joy that just"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":139.59,"endTime":143.31,"body":"comes off of me so much that"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":143.31,"endTime":146.82,"body":"never used to write, I find it"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":143.31,"endTime":146.82,"body":"and others like Vanessa or"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":146.82,"endTime":149.88,"body":"hearing from Riley or some of"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":146.82,"endTime":149.88,"body":"our other hosts, people that I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":149.88,"endTime":153.93,"body":"know. Hearing their experiences"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":149.88,"endTime":153.93,"body":"and seeing them being their full"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":153.93,"endTime":159.24,"body":"of self really brings me joy as"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":153.93,"endTime":159.24,"body":"well that Representative I find"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":159.24,"endTime":162.09,"body":"it in how my body is changing"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":159.24,"endTime":162.09,"body":"and continuing change how my"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":162.09,"endTime":166.35,"body":"mindset has changed a lot"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":162.09,"endTime":166.35,"body":"getting a miss Mrs. or Ma'am, I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":166.35,"endTime":170.88,"body":"was at the coffee shop at work"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":166.35,"endTime":170.88,"body":"today. And this lady made my"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":170.88,"endTime":173.88,"body":"coffee for permission and a"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":170.88,"endTime":173.88,"body":"couple of times and she just is"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":173.88,"endTime":178.71,"body":"always so great at using my name"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":173.88,"endTime":178.71,"body":"or using pronouns. Another co"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":178.71,"endTime":181.14,"body":"worker referred to me as she I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":178.71,"endTime":181.14,"body":"asked that question, and she"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":181.14,"endTime":183.9,"body":"answered it. Yes, ma'am. And"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":181.14,"endTime":183.9,"body":"those aren't things that I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":183.9,"endTime":188.16,"body":"thought would spark joy in me,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":183.9,"endTime":188.16,"body":"but they they really do they"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":188.16,"endTime":192.27,"body":"really bring that up for me."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":188.16,"endTime":192.27,"body":"It's really has it's rooted in"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":192.3,"endTime":195.06,"body":"the fact that I no longer live"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":192.3,"endTime":195.06,"body":"in depression or anxiety the way"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":195.06,"endTime":199.02,"body":"I used to, I feel whole. And"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":195.06,"endTime":199.02,"body":"it's like the best feeling in"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":199.02,"endTime":201.27,"body":"the world. And I was thinking"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":199.02,"endTime":201.27,"body":"today in the run up to this,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":201.27,"endTime":203.7,"body":"like if I had to paint a"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":201.27,"endTime":203.7,"body":"picture, I love wedding"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":203.7,"endTime":209.07,"body":"pictures. To me, it feels like"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":203.7,"endTime":209.07,"body":"I'm sitting in the sun on the"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":209.07,"endTime":211.2,"body":"beach somewhere in the"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":209.07,"endTime":211.2,"body":"Caribbean, preferably and having"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":211.2,"endTime":214.89,"body":"a really great cocktail and just"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":211.2,"endTime":214.89,"body":"watching the sunset to me that's"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":215.34,"endTime":219.3,"body":"encapsulates my, my joy. It"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":215.34,"endTime":219.3,"body":"feels warm, it feels enveloping,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":219.3,"endTime":223.14,"body":"it feels kingly, it's all the"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":219.3,"endTime":223.14,"body":"best things. Yeah. Like it's I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":223.14,"endTime":226.47,"body":"have this. Yeah. And I have this"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":223.14,"endTime":226.47,"body":"experience and in what I wear,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":226.83,"endTime":230.34,"body":"and hugging people, people that"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":226.83,"endTime":230.34,"body":"are part of our community,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":230.34,"endTime":234.3,"body":"people that are allies, just"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":230.34,"endTime":234.3,"body":"meeting other trans and non"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":234.3,"endTime":238.77,"body":"binary people and fighting to do"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":234.3,"endTime":238.77,"body":"that. Yeah, so that's, that's"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":238.77,"endTime":241.92,"body":"like my version and I would love"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":238.77,"endTime":241.92,"body":"to hear yours, Vanessa or rally"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":241.92,"endTime":243.03,"body":"whoever would like to go first."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":243.36,"endTime":246.45,"body":"Let's go Riley next."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":243.36,"endTime":246.45,"body":"And also Riley Can you I sorry,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":246.48,"endTime":248.52,"body":"I completely forgot to introduce"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":246.48,"endTime":248.52,"body":"yourself."},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":251.16,"endTime":255.99,"body":"Yeah, so start with you."},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":251.16,"endTime":255.99,"body":"Yeah, I'm Riley. I'm 29 years"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":255.99,"endTime":261.18,"body":"old. I've been transitioning."},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":255.99,"endTime":261.18,"body":"For the summer will be actually"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":261.18,"endTime":267.72,"body":"11 years since I started"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":261.18,"endTime":267.72,"body":"testosterone. It has been about"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":270.24,"endTime":274.98,"body":"nine, nine years. This your stem"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":270.24,"endTime":274.98,"body":"December will be 10 years since"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":274.98,"endTime":280.44,"body":"my top surgery. Wow. Yeah. So I"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":274.98,"endTime":280.44,"body":"was very fortunate enough to"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":280.44,"endTime":285.6,"body":"begin my transition. The summer"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":280.44,"endTime":285.6,"body":"after I graduated high school. I"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":285.6,"endTime":289.86,"body":"was able to basically start"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":285.6,"endTime":289.86,"body":"college as a male presenting"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":289.86,"endTime":294.03,"body":"student, though I had very"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":289.86,"endTime":294.03,"body":"interesting experiences,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":294.51,"endTime":299.64,"body":"especially freshman year with my"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":294.51,"endTime":299.64,"body":"transition. We'll save that for"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":299.64,"endTime":306.54,"body":"another time. Um, so but, you"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":299.64,"endTime":306.54,"body":"know, tying into though, trans"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":306.54,"endTime":309.96,"body":"joy. I mean, obviously starting"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":306.54,"endTime":309.96,"body":"my transition, though, and"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":309.96,"endTime":315.42,"body":"everything was obviously a big"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":309.96,"endTime":315.42,"body":"source of joy for me not just"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":315.45,"endTime":319.05,"body":"starting to meet other people"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":315.45,"endTime":319.05,"body":"and things like that in college"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":319.05,"endTime":322.8,"body":"that identified within the"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":319.05,"endTime":322.8,"body":"community. But like being able"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":322.8,"endTime":327.66,"body":"to, just like, you know, Erica"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":322.8,"endTime":327.66,"body":"said, just starting to live as"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":327.66,"endTime":333.03,"body":"my authentic self. So, things"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":327.66,"endTime":333.03,"body":"like that were definitely a big"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":333.03,"endTime":337.89,"body":"source of trans joy for me,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":333.03,"endTime":337.89,"body":"especially early on. And you"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":337.89,"endTime":342.42,"body":"know, as I've been transitioning"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":337.89,"endTime":342.42,"body":"just how that joy is even"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":342.42,"endTime":348.3,"body":"transitioned, as well, as, you"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":342.42,"endTime":348.3,"body":"know, I essentially live stealth"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":348.3,"endTime":353.97,"body":"for probably about four or five"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":348.3,"endTime":353.97,"body":"years even. And the definition"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":353.97,"endTime":357.39,"body":"of what my trans Joy was, even"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":353.97,"endTime":357.39,"body":"during that time was kind of a"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":357.39,"endTime":360.12,"body":"bit different than what it was"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":357.39,"endTime":360.12,"body":"early in my transition."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":362.73,"endTime":365.01,"body":"Yeah, that's great. I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":362.73,"endTime":365.01,"body":"would, as we go a little bit"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":365.01,"endTime":369.45,"body":"deeper, I would love to dive"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":365.01,"endTime":369.45,"body":"into how what joy feels like to"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":369.45,"endTime":373.5,"body":"you has has grown with you. So"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":369.45,"endTime":373.5,"body":"we can take that now, what do"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":373.5,"endTime":376.08,"body":"you want or we can go on to"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":373.5,"endTime":376.08,"body":"Vanessa's version."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":378.12,"endTime":384.27,"body":"Okay, it is up to me"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":378.12,"endTime":384.27,"body":"now. So trans is joy. Trans joy"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":384.27,"endTime":389.55,"body":"for me. I have been out for a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":384.27,"endTime":389.55,"body":"lot shorter amount of time, then"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":389.61,"endTime":394.41,"body":"both of you. I came out in"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":389.61,"endTime":394.41,"body":"October of 2021 and didn't start"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":394.41,"endTime":401.73,"body":"my HRT what was just my plate I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":394.41,"endTime":401.73,"body":"started in November 2021. So the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":401.73,"endTime":406.26,"body":"whole concept of trans joy is"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":401.73,"endTime":406.26,"body":"still fairly new to me. And I'm,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":406.35,"endTime":411.63,"body":"I'm learning being"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":406.35,"endTime":411.63,"body":"neurodivergent my brain is just"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":411.63,"endTime":416.76,"body":"always all over the place. And I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":411.63,"endTime":416.76,"body":"have noticed I extra kind to the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":416.76,"endTime":420.57,"body":"good thing I do add this to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":416.76,"endTime":420.57,"body":"change joy is that for so many"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":420.57,"endTime":425.67,"body":"years, I was masking everything"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":420.57,"endTime":425.67,"body":"i I've self diagnosed myself as"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":425.67,"endTime":431.88,"body":"autistic. But I messed that for"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":425.67,"endTime":431.88,"body":"my entire life. And once I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":431.88,"endTime":437.97,"body":"started estrogen in how it how"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":431.88,"endTime":437.97,"body":"the hormones that your brain is"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":437.97,"endTime":441.48,"body":"craving for Erica and I's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":437.97,"endTime":441.48,"body":"estrogen for Riley's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":441.48,"endTime":444.21,"body":"testosterone that your brain has"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":441.48,"endTime":444.21,"body":"always wanted your entire life,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":444.48,"endTime":449.76,"body":"once said is there. The clarity,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":444.48,"endTime":449.76,"body":"while I'm imagining is kind of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":449.76,"endTime":452.52,"body":"the same. When you start"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":449.76,"endTime":452.52,"body":"testosterone too, and everything"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":452.52,"endTime":456.33,"body":"switches over, you have a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":452.52,"endTime":456.33,"body":"clarity and that your brain is"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":456.33,"endTime":460.65,"body":"finally taking in this stuff"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":456.33,"endTime":460.65,"body":"that it's wanted, but your body"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":460.65,"endTime":467.61,"body":"never produced it. And so I've"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":460.65,"endTime":467.61,"body":"been able to unmask and I am"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":467.61,"endTime":472.41,"body":"really being able to find out"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":467.61,"endTime":472.41,"body":"who I am. And it's brought some"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":472.41,"endTime":476.16,"body":"difficulties, yes, because also"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":472.41,"endTime":476.16,"body":"I'm being thrown all these"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":476.16,"endTime":478.86,"body":"emotions and stuff at me that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":476.16,"endTime":478.86,"body":"I'd never had before in my life,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":478.86,"endTime":481.47,"body":"like I have panic attacks. And"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":478.86,"endTime":481.47,"body":"all the time, I never used to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":481.47,"endTime":486.66,"body":"have them. But I'm glad that I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":481.47,"endTime":486.66,"body":"do. So that's kind of a strange"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":486.69,"endTime":490.74,"body":"thing to have in trans joy. But"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":486.69,"endTime":490.74,"body":"I have a feeling that a number"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":490.74,"endTime":495.27,"body":"of other people have that same"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":490.74,"endTime":495.27,"body":"kind of feeling in that their"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":495.48,"endTime":501.15,"body":"true self that for in my case, I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":495.48,"endTime":501.15,"body":"kept buried for 40 years, the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":501.15,"endTime":506.01,"body":"true self is finally starting to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":501.15,"endTime":506.01,"body":"come out. And now that I have"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":506.28,"endTime":510.93,"body":"now that my body is pretty much"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":506.28,"endTime":510.93,"body":"pure estrogen I had orchiectomy"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":510.99,"endTime":516.42,"body":"late last year, so I don't"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":510.99,"endTime":516.42,"body":"produce any testosterone. It's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":516.42,"endTime":522.75,"body":"just everything just clicks now."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":516.42,"endTime":522.75,"body":"But having emotions is so"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":522.75,"endTime":526.08,"body":"foreign to me, especially"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":522.75,"endTime":526.08,"body":"growing up in a family where"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":526.23,"endTime":529.02,"body":"emotions were bad. They're very"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":526.23,"endTime":529.02,"body":"bad. We didn't talk about"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":529.02,"endTime":534.15,"body":"emotions, and now I have them."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":529.02,"endTime":534.15,"body":"And it's both exhilarating and"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":534.15,"endTime":537.96,"body":"terrifying at the same time to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":534.15,"endTime":537.96,"body":"have all these feelings because"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":538.26,"endTime":540.69,"body":"I honestly don't know how to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":538.26,"endTime":540.69,"body":"process them all yet. So I kind"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":540.69,"endTime":546.39,"body":"of shut down but I love that I'm"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":540.69,"endTime":546.39,"body":"able to finally feel this stuff"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":546.42,"endTime":550.14,"body":"is like I was bored forever,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":546.42,"endTime":550.14,"body":"like Seven of Nine and then"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":550.53,"endTime":555.03,"body":"pulled out of the the continuum"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":550.53,"endTime":555.03,"body":"now not to continue the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":555.03,"endTime":559.65,"body":"collective pulled out of the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":555.03,"endTime":559.65,"body":"collective. And yeah, so"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":561.03,"endTime":564.06,"body":"with that. Is that Star"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":561.03,"endTime":564.06,"body":"Trek Voyager"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":564.089,"endTime":566.039,"body":"or was all the Star"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":564.089,"endTime":566.039,"body":"Trek pretty much at the board"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":566.039,"endTime":569.519,"body":"we're in? Oh, seven number nine"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":566.039,"endTime":569.519,"body":"was probably Jerry. Yeah. And,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":570.329,"endTime":576.179,"body":"and Picard. But, so yeah, that's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":570.329,"endTime":576.179,"body":"a joy for me. It's I societally."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":576.329,"endTime":583.229,"body":"I live in a area that trans"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":576.329,"endTime":583.229,"body":"people are not appreciated. So I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":583.229,"endTime":585.719,"body":"haven't had a whole lot of that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":583.229,"endTime":585.719,"body":"silently except for when I went"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":585.719,"endTime":591.389,"body":"to Canada and holy shit Canada."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":585.719,"endTime":591.389,"body":"Everywhere I went, I was still"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":591.389,"endTime":596.489,"body":"even that was last July so I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":591.389,"endTime":596.489,"body":"barely even had boobs or"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":596.489,"endTime":601.769,"body":"anything yet. But people didn't"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":596.489,"endTime":601.769,"body":"care. Like I was just another"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":601.769,"endTime":605.039,"body":"face in the crowd there were"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":601.769,"endTime":605.039,"body":"around here, everyone just stops"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":605.039,"endTime":608.039,"body":"and stares at me. And they're no"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":605.039,"endTime":608.039,"body":"one cared, you know, I go in the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":608.039,"endTime":609.959,"body":"bathroom, they didn't give a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":608.039,"endTime":609.959,"body":"shit because they know it's just"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":609.959,"endTime":617.789,"body":"in there to pee. And that was"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":609.959,"endTime":617.789,"body":"the most. It was such a relief."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":617.819,"endTime":620.939,"body":"It was such a wonderful, amazing"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":617.819,"endTime":620.939,"body":"thing. So that's my joy."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":622.26,"endTime":624.03,"body":"I mean, that's great. I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":622.26,"endTime":624.03,"body":"want to I want to dive in a"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":624.03,"endTime":627.75,"body":"couple of those things and just"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":624.03,"endTime":627.75,"body":"sort of affirm I think,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":628.8,"endTime":632.88,"body":"experiencing your feelings, your"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":628.8,"endTime":632.88,"body":"your thought processes in a new"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":632.88,"endTime":636.57,"body":"way is certainly something to"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":632.88,"endTime":636.57,"body":"have joy about. Right. And I'm"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":636.57,"endTime":639.24,"body":"sure Riley probably has his"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":636.57,"endTime":639.24,"body":"version of that, right. Like for"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":639.24,"endTime":645.09,"body":"me. I was always relatively in"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":639.24,"endTime":645.09,"body":"emotional, I'm a feeling person."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":645.09,"endTime":648.36,"body":"I'm very empathetic. I'm a I'm"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":645.09,"endTime":648.36,"body":"an empath, right. So but it was"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":648.36,"endTime":651.84,"body":"always hard for me to dive into"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":648.36,"endTime":651.84,"body":"the deeper things and really"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":651.84,"endTime":656.31,"body":"kind of get through those and I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":651.84,"endTime":656.31,"body":"don't experience new feelings."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":656.52,"endTime":661.38,"body":"But the volume has increased and"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":656.52,"endTime":661.38,"body":"the law Yeah, whichever, like,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":661.86,"endTime":666.33,"body":"talking from those things, and"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":661.86,"endTime":666.33,"body":"talking about those things, just"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":666.33,"endTime":668.94,"body":"kind of blew me away, I kind of"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":666.33,"endTime":668.94,"body":"knew that that would be coming."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":668.94,"endTime":672.54,"body":"But I didn't think it would feel"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":668.94,"endTime":672.54,"body":"the way it did. And so feeling"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":672.54,"endTime":675.93,"body":"like I can move my feelings and"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":672.54,"endTime":675.93,"body":"talk from them instead of talk"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":675.93,"endTime":680.52,"body":"about them. finally felt like"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":675.93,"endTime":680.52,"body":"something had been fixed. Right."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":680.82,"endTime":684.0,"body":"And for me, when I started"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":680.82,"endTime":684.0,"body":"estrogen, like, within two"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":684.0,"endTime":687.12,"body":"weeks, my whole mindset started"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":684.0,"endTime":687.12,"body":"to change. And the way I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":687.12,"endTime":690.21,"body":"experienced that, as it felt"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":687.12,"endTime":690.21,"body":"like there was less, there was"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":690.21,"endTime":693.78,"body":"less like static, it felt, you"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":690.21,"endTime":693.78,"body":"know, like when you old school"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":693.78,"endTime":695.85,"body":"TV, when you turn it on their"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":693.78,"endTime":695.85,"body":"channel that's not receiving"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":695.85,"endTime":700.98,"body":"it's just that sound that went"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":695.85,"endTime":700.98,"body":"away. So fast, and it changed"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":700.98,"endTime":703.83,"body":"everything for me, but and I'm"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":700.98,"endTime":703.83,"body":"still, you know, even you know,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":703.83,"endTime":707.4,"body":"quite a good ways in at this"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":703.83,"endTime":707.4,"body":"point, still experiencing like,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":707.43,"endTime":710.67,"body":"Oh, I really having a lot of"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":707.43,"endTime":710.67,"body":"feeling around that. On the one"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":710.67,"endTime":713.4,"body":"hand, it's like, Oh, shit. And"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":710.67,"endTime":713.4,"body":"the other hand, it's like,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":713.46,"endTime":719.22,"body":"that's really cool. Right? And"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":713.46,"endTime":719.22,"body":"so, you know, yeah. And so, I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":719.22,"endTime":722.07,"body":"definitely think that, that,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":719.22,"endTime":722.07,"body":"even things like that, it"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":722.07,"endTime":725.25,"body":"doesn't have to be like, I have"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":722.07,"endTime":725.25,"body":"this cool outfit. Or someone"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":725.25,"endTime":730.38,"body":"said ma'am, or sir. Or I feel"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":725.25,"endTime":730.38,"body":"comfortable in my city, it just"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":730.38,"endTime":734.91,"body":"be how I feel about myself,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":730.38,"endTime":734.91,"body":"drive so much joy. So I'm"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":734.91,"endTime":739.47,"body":"curious Riley if you have like,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":734.91,"endTime":739.47,"body":"you know, the trans man version"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":739.47,"endTime":740.94,"body":"of some of those experiences,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":739.47,"endTime":740.94,"body":"frankly."},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":742.05,"endTime":744.69,"body":"So, it's kind of funny"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":742.05,"endTime":744.69,"body":"how you guys were talking about,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":744.69,"endTime":747.42,"body":"like, you know, the, the"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":744.69,"endTime":747.42,"body":"expansion of like, your emotions"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":747.42,"endTime":749.52,"body":"in a way. Just like for me"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":747.42,"endTime":749.52,"body":"actually, when I started"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":749.52,"endTime":753.24,"body":"testosterone, it was almost like"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":749.52,"endTime":753.24,"body":"inverted, where, like, my, my,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":753.27,"endTime":756.96,"body":"my level, like I explained it to"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":753.27,"endTime":756.96,"body":"my partner one time that was"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":756.96,"endTime":760.65,"body":"like, you know, like, I used to"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":756.96,"endTime":760.65,"body":"feel like this. And like, I"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":760.65,"endTime":764.34,"body":"still feel the all those same"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":760.65,"endTime":764.34,"body":"emotions. It just, it's kind of"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":764.34,"endTime":766.47,"body":"more muted. And it's kind of"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":764.34,"endTime":766.47,"body":"just more like, this is the"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":766.47,"endTime":771.6,"body":"range of it now. But like, it"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":766.47,"endTime":771.6,"body":"was still the same time though,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":771.6,"endTime":776.85,"body":"like a weirdly affirming because"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":771.6,"endTime":776.85,"body":"I wasn't like, just becoming"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":776.88,"endTime":781.2,"body":"overly emotional over like,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":776.88,"endTime":781.2,"body":"watching Lion King or something."},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":781.92,"endTime":782.64,"body":"You know, yeah."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":783.93,"endTime":785.19,"body":"That's me now. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":787.08,"endTime":789.63,"body":"I can want something and"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":787.08,"endTime":789.63,"body":"it's like, okay, I know some of"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":789.63,"endTime":792.63,"body":"this is supposed to be sad. But"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":789.63,"endTime":792.63,"body":"like, it's weirdly affirming"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":792.63,"endTime":794.73,"body":"that I'm not crying over"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":792.63,"endTime":794.73,"body":"something right now."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":797.22,"endTime":801.72,"body":"cry like that. At this"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":797.22,"endTime":801.72,"body":"point. That's so wild. Oh, yes."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":801.93,"endTime":805.26,"body":"That dichotomy is"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":801.93,"endTime":805.26,"body":"amazing. It's, it's so wonderful"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":805.26,"endTime":808.98,"body":"to have a trans man on the show"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":805.26,"endTime":808.98,"body":"now, because it's mainly been,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":809.01,"endTime":813.15,"body":"yeah, people influenced by"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":809.01,"endTime":813.15,"body":"estrogen on the show so far,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":813.18,"endTime":816.69,"body":"really. And so having your"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":813.18,"endTime":816.69,"body":"perspective is amazing, because"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":817.08,"endTime":822.9,"body":"it's, what you're describing is"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":817.08,"endTime":822.9,"body":"what Eric and I spent years, you"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":822.9,"endTime":826.35,"body":"know, having, it's almost like"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":822.9,"endTime":826.35,"body":"an emotional tunnel vision, I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":826.35,"endTime":829.56,"body":"suppose. I don't know if that's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":826.35,"endTime":829.56,"body":"the right way to say it. So it's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":829.56,"endTime":833.64,"body":"like, everything's more focused."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":829.56,"endTime":833.64,"body":"And with estrogen, everything's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":833.64,"endTime":836.64,"body":"more broad. And I don't think"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":833.64,"endTime":836.64,"body":"one is better than the other,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":836.64,"endTime":840.21,"body":"but they're very different. It's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":836.64,"endTime":840.21,"body":"very wild, to be able to live in"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":840.21,"endTime":845.67,"body":"life to be able to feel both of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":840.21,"endTime":845.67,"body":"those different perspectives. So"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":845.7,"endTime":847.53,"body":"that's the trans experience"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":845.7,"endTime":847.53,"body":"right there."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":848.25,"endTime":852.72,"body":"Yeah, it feels right. And"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":848.25,"endTime":852.72,"body":"feels native to me now, instead"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":852.72,"endTime":855.54,"body":"of something that used to"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":852.72,"endTime":855.54,"body":"control me. Yeah, you know, so"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":855.54,"endTime":856.56,"body":"what were you gonna say? ralink?"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":859.59,"endTime":862.47,"body":"I don't quite remember"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":859.59,"endTime":862.47,"body":"what I was gonna say. Yes. No,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":862.83,"endTime":863.04,"body":"no,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":863.04,"endTime":867.75,"body":"sorry. Let's go on. Let's"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":863.04,"endTime":867.75,"body":"go into another question."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":867.78,"endTime":871.11,"body":"Thanks. I want to dive into a"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":867.78,"endTime":871.11,"body":"bit more specific. So you know,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":871.5,"endTime":874.68,"body":"what, what brings that for you?"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":871.5,"endTime":874.68,"body":"They're most like your joy, your"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":874.68,"endTime":878.07,"body":"version of joy? What what really"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":874.68,"endTime":878.07,"body":"drives that home for you that's"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":878.07,"endTime":880.74,"body":"reliable and you can kind of see"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":878.07,"endTime":880.74,"body":"it comment. Yeah, what are your"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":880.74,"endTime":881.58,"body":"favorite things?"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":881.88,"endTime":886.35,"body":"Um, I mean, obviously,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":881.88,"endTime":886.35,"body":"for me, like the having the"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":886.35,"endTime":889.44,"body":"consistent like, you know,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":886.35,"endTime":889.44,"body":"gender affirming, like, for me,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":889.44,"endTime":895.35,"body":"sir, and Mr. and things like"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":889.44,"endTime":895.35,"body":"that. Obviously, having a pretty"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":895.38,"endTime":898.17,"body":"well established beard helps"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":895.38,"endTime":898.17,"body":"some of that"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":898.589,"endTime":902.789,"body":"nice appearance, by the"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":898.589,"endTime":902.789,"body":"way. Get this very handsome"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":902.88,"endTime":911.04,"body":"German Irish heritage. So"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":902.88,"endTime":911.04,"body":"I'm a pretty hairy but i, so"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":911.04,"endTime":913.8,"body":"this is actually kind of like"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":911.04,"endTime":913.8,"body":"I've thought about it. And I"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":913.8,"endTime":916.8,"body":"have like a very love hate"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":913.8,"endTime":916.8,"body":"relationship with it. But my"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":916.8,"endTime":923.43,"body":"receding hairline I would, I"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":916.8,"endTime":923.43,"body":"used to have the thickest hair"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":923.43,"endTime":936.0,"body":"guy. And while I am not the most"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":923.43,"endTime":936.0,"body":"thrilled about losing hair, it"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":936.0,"endTime":940.05,"body":"is also a very gender affirming"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":936.0,"endTime":940.05,"body":"thing. Because I mean, it is a"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":940.05,"endTime":942.24,"body":"hereditary thing and like I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":946.5,"endTime":950.16,"body":"it is it's a very, you"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":946.5,"endTime":950.16,"body":"know, typical experience for men"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":950.25,"endTime":954.36,"body":"have my own version or that"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":950.25,"endTime":954.36,"body":"right, you know, and I it's"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":954.36,"endTime":956.79,"body":"weird. I made my peace with that"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":954.36,"endTime":956.79,"body":"a long time ago and going"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":956.79,"endTime":959.16,"body":"through through transition and"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":956.79,"endTime":959.16,"body":"transition and starting"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":959.16,"endTime":962.16,"body":"estrogen, some has come back and"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":959.16,"endTime":962.16,"body":"if it all came back, that'd be"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":962.16,"endTime":965.88,"body":"great. But I'm kind of like,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":962.16,"endTime":965.88,"body":"this is me. It feels it feels"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":965.88,"endTime":969.51,"body":"better. So happy that something"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":965.88,"endTime":969.51,"body":"that that many people are like,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":969.54,"endTime":972.48,"body":"oh, man, still kind of feels"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":969.54,"endTime":972.48,"body":"affirming to you."},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":973.02,"endTime":976.59,"body":"Exactly. Like I am. Plus,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":973.02,"endTime":976.59,"body":"I know myself, I could have"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":976.62,"endTime":979.68,"body":"easily started doing you know,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":976.62,"endTime":979.68,"body":"any of those hair treatment"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":979.68,"endTime":982.92,"body":"things, but I'm just like,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":979.68,"endTime":982.92,"body":"weirdly, parents, like"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":983.13,"endTime":986.97,"body":"transferring stuff to my partner"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":983.13,"endTime":986.97,"body":"because I'm not like, yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":986.97,"endTime":989.73,"body":"just I'm so paranoid about that."},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":986.97,"endTime":989.73,"body":"I I'm like, You know what, I'll"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":989.73,"endTime":991.2,"body":"just all bald, it's fine."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":992.91,"endTime":996.9,"body":"Well, let's, let's be"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":992.91,"endTime":996.9,"body":"honest, you know, hair is very"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":996.9,"endTime":1001.13,"body":"gendered. But it does not make"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":996.9,"endTime":1001.13,"body":"up that gingers experience"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1001.13,"endTime":1006.53,"body":"unless you choose to allow it."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1001.13,"endTime":1006.53,"body":"Right? People, women and men go"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1006.53,"endTime":1009.41,"body":"bald. Women and men have full"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1006.53,"endTime":1009.41,"body":"thick pads of hair."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1009.62,"endTime":1011.69,"body":"And besides bald guys."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1013.37,"endTime":1016.22,"body":"What about you, Vanessa?"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1013.37,"endTime":1016.22,"body":"I know you're talking about kind"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1016.22,"endTime":1019.43,"body":"of being a little early. But do"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1016.22,"endTime":1019.43,"body":"you have some reliable things"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1019.46,"endTime":1021.86,"body":"that you can point to that kind"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1019.46,"endTime":1021.86,"body":"of bring up that sense of joy"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1021.86,"endTime":1022.19,"body":"for you?"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1022.91,"endTime":1025.04,"body":"Okay, this is gonna"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1022.91,"endTime":1025.04,"body":"sound really strange, but it's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1025.04,"endTime":1029.12,"body":"something you just passed up the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1025.04,"endTime":1029.12,"body":"other day is, I all of a sudden"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1029.12,"endTime":1035.27,"body":"have body positivity that I've"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1029.12,"endTime":1035.27,"body":"never had before. And like for"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1035.27,"endTime":1039.14,"body":"years, like I hated my body, I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1035.27,"endTime":1039.14,"body":"didn't care about it. I just let"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1039.14,"endTime":1042.92,"body":"it go. I gained so much weight."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1039.14,"endTime":1042.92,"body":"And I mean, I can wait again"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1042.92,"endTime":1048.29,"body":"too, but that's because I like"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1042.92,"endTime":1048.29,"body":"so. But I have started taking my"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1048.29,"endTime":1053.9,"body":"own nudes. And holy shit is it"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1048.29,"endTime":1053.9,"body":"affirming, like, unlike anything"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1053.9,"endTime":1061.97,"body":"I could possibly have imagined."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1053.9,"endTime":1061.97,"body":"And it's just I, I having"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1061.97,"endTime":1064.76,"body":"trouble putting into words, not"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1061.97,"endTime":1064.76,"body":"something that I ever thought"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1064.76,"endTime":1067.19,"body":"that I would ever do, because"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1064.76,"endTime":1067.19,"body":"I've always just been ashamed of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1067.19,"endTime":1070.37,"body":"what I have. But now like, I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1067.19,"endTime":1070.37,"body":"take these pictures, I'm like,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1070.37,"endTime":1074.63,"body":"Holy shit, this is I'm turning"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1070.37,"endTime":1074.63,"body":"into what this is turning into"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1074.63,"endTime":1079.76,"body":"what I want it to be. And it's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1074.63,"endTime":1079.76,"body":"absolutely amazing. So that may"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1079.76,"endTime":1083.18,"body":"sound like a strange affirming"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1079.76,"endTime":1083.18,"body":"thing that sparks the joy. But"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1083.36,"endTime":1088.94,"body":"that's it's very, very poignant."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1083.36,"endTime":1088.94,"body":"It's very, I'm having so much"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1088.94,"endTime":1091.34,"body":"fun with it. And I'm having fun"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1088.94,"endTime":1091.34,"body":"sharing it to a limited audience"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1091.34,"endTime":1096.92,"body":"as well. So you're expecting but"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1091.34,"endTime":1096.92,"body":"you know, Billy's"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1097.88,"endTime":1100.49,"body":"cool. And that's that"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1097.88,"endTime":1100.49,"body":"kind of references back to how"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1100.49,"endTime":1103.61,"body":"we write. There's not there's"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1100.49,"endTime":1103.61,"body":"not a universal decision. I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1103.61,"endTime":1105.71,"body":"mean, everybody loves being"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1103.61,"endTime":1105.71,"body":"called by their name and loved"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1105.71,"endTime":1109.58,"body":"and gender incorrectly for or"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1105.71,"endTime":1109.58,"body":"whatever that looks like. We"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1109.58,"endTime":1114.71,"body":"love feeling good in your"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1109.58,"endTime":1114.71,"body":"clothes. Right? But there's the"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1114.71,"endTime":1120.44,"body":"role of joy goes well beyond"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1114.71,"endTime":1120.44,"body":"that, like me, i i When I got,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1120.71,"endTime":1123.92,"body":"you know, I guess ma'am, in"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1120.71,"endTime":1123.92,"body":"response to a question I asked"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1123.92,"endTime":1126.92,"body":"my colleague who has has only"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1123.92,"endTime":1126.92,"body":"known me as Erica and who"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1126.92,"endTime":1131.03,"body":"frankly I adore and she always"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1126.92,"endTime":1131.03,"body":"tenders me correctly. It's still"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1131.06,"endTime":1135.14,"body":"really good to get to get that"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1131.06,"endTime":1135.14,"body":"for some. For some indescribable"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1135.14,"endTime":1137.27,"body":"reason. It wasn't a stranger"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1135.14,"endTime":1137.27,"body":"it's someone I know and who"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1137.27,"endTime":1142.52,"body":"knows me but today I just really"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1137.27,"endTime":1142.52,"body":"enjoyed that right or well yeah,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1142.55,"endTime":1147.17,"body":"or when some of my sis female"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1142.55,"endTime":1147.17,"body":"friends referred to me you know"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1147.17,"endTime":1150.29,"body":"like we have a collection of"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1147.17,"endTime":1150.29,"body":"gals that are supporting someone"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1150.29,"endTime":1153.89,"body":"going through some health stuff"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1150.29,"endTime":1153.89,"body":"and to be considered part of the"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1153.92,"endTime":1157.1,"body":"the ladies supporting this"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1153.92,"endTime":1157.1,"body":"amazing lazy lady is always"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1157.1,"endTime":1158.3,"body":"affirming for me. I feel very"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1158.39,"endTime":1161.36,"body":"welcomed. That yes,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1158.39,"endTime":1161.36,"body":"yes,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1161.45,"endTime":1166.37,"body":"yeah, totally. But it can"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1161.45,"endTime":1166.37,"body":"be like this blazer or these"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1166.4,"endTime":1171.8,"body":"earrings or having my nails done"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1166.4,"endTime":1171.8,"body":"or just you know, the thing that"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1172.07,"endTime":1176.72,"body":"I actually enjoy the most is"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1172.07,"endTime":1176.72,"body":"like the weekend we are probably"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1176.72,"endTime":1179.66,"body":"watching some sort of like"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1176.72,"endTime":1179.66,"body":"today's show type of thing on"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1179.66,"endTime":1183.5,"body":"the weekend and like the highs"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1179.66,"endTime":1183.5,"body":"and lows comes on and I always"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1183.5,"endTime":1187.46,"body":"cry at the high so like happy"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1183.5,"endTime":1187.46,"body":"tears is a new thing for me and"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1187.46,"endTime":1193.16,"body":"I love them every single time"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1187.46,"endTime":1193.16,"body":"yeah calm like instantly and"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1193.16,"endTime":1196.91,"body":"that was for and I used to watch"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1193.16,"endTime":1196.91,"body":"my partner and be like, I mean"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1196.91,"endTime":1201.26,"body":"that's that's heartwarming by"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1196.91,"endTime":1201.26,"body":"the tears and Now I get it, I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1201.26,"endTime":1205.4,"body":"totally get it. And I love it so"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1201.26,"endTime":1205.4,"body":"much. But it can just be weird"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1205.4,"endTime":1209.93,"body":"and wild things that it could be"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1205.4,"endTime":1209.93,"body":"feeling like, I don't have to be"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1209.93,"endTime":1212.72,"body":"shamed at wanting to have"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1209.93,"endTime":1212.72,"body":"flowers in my life. I used to"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1212.75,"endTime":1215.21,"body":"I've always loved flowers and"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1212.75,"endTime":1215.21,"body":"always felt like as a man, like,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1215.21,"endTime":1217.43,"body":"although you shouldn't care"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1215.21,"endTime":1217.43,"body":"about flowers so much. I love"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1217.43,"endTime":1222.08,"body":"flowers. You know, so it's just,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1217.43,"endTime":1222.08,"body":"it's, there's, there's things"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1222.08,"endTime":1227.6,"body":"that surprised me all the time."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1222.08,"endTime":1227.6,"body":"You know, when I when I Yes. And"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1227.6,"endTime":1230.57,"body":"when I find them, I take a"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1227.6,"endTime":1230.57,"body":"moment. And I just tried to be"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1231.17,"endTime":1234.2,"body":"in that moment with that thing."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1231.17,"endTime":1234.2,"body":"Because I remember what it was"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1234.2,"endTime":1237.95,"body":"like before, I certainly had joy"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1234.2,"endTime":1237.95,"body":"in my life before but it didn't"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1237.95,"endTime":1241.46,"body":"always feel like this. I have"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1237.95,"endTime":1241.46,"body":"joy with my partner always had"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1241.46,"endTime":1244.13,"body":"that, but outside of some narrow"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1241.46,"endTime":1244.13,"body":"joy with my kids, but outside of"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1244.13,"endTime":1248.15,"body":"some narrow areas, I didn't feel"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1244.13,"endTime":1248.15,"body":"joy. So when it happens now,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1248.15,"endTime":1249.98,"body":"like I eat that thing up."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1251.87,"endTime":1255.56,"body":"Definitely, that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1251.87,"endTime":1255.56,"body":"actually gives me a question for"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1255.56,"endTime":1258.89,"body":"you, Riley. Because I definitely"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1255.56,"endTime":1258.89,"body":"have had the same experience"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1258.89,"endTime":1262.58,"body":"like having groups of sis women"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1258.89,"endTime":1262.58,"body":"being very, very, very"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1262.58,"endTime":1265.85,"body":"supportive of me, which is"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1262.58,"endTime":1265.85,"body":"amazing. They they love giving a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1265.85,"endTime":1271.16,"body":"cocktail. But what experience"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1265.85,"endTime":1271.16,"body":"have you had with sis men? Do"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1271.16,"endTime":1272.36,"body":"you see that as well?"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1274.04,"endTime":1279.89,"body":"Um, so I feel like for"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1274.04,"endTime":1279.89,"body":"the most part, it's kind of hit"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1279.89,"endTime":1285.56,"body":"or miss. Some guys are just kind"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1279.89,"endTime":1285.56,"body":"of like, whatever. And they just"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1285.56,"endTime":1288.32,"body":"kind of go about their day and"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1285.56,"endTime":1288.32,"body":"like, Okay, you're just a dude."},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1288.71,"endTime":1292.49,"body":"Whatever. Yeah. But then they're"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1288.71,"endTime":1292.49,"body":"like, people who want to linger"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1292.49,"endTime":1295.37,"body":"on it. And honestly, it's like"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1292.49,"endTime":1295.37,"body":"the opposite of trans joy when"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1295.37,"endTime":1297.83,"body":"people give me the sprays of"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1295.37,"endTime":1297.83,"body":"like, oh my god, I could have"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1297.83,"endTime":1303.74,"body":"never guessed. And I'm like,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1297.83,"endTime":1303.74,"body":"okay. Yeah. Like, that's not"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1303.74,"endTime":1308.33,"body":"really the compliment you think"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1303.74,"endTime":1308.33,"body":"it is? Yeah. Because there's not"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1308.33,"endTime":1312.59,"body":"really one way to look trans."},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1308.33,"endTime":1312.59,"body":"While I'm not visibly queer,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1312.59,"endTime":1317.81,"body":"like I used to be. Yeah, that"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1312.59,"endTime":1317.81,"body":"don't, please don't say that."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1318.26,"endTime":1321.38,"body":"Yeah, yeah. For anyone"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1318.26,"endTime":1321.38,"body":"listening out that never tell"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1321.38,"endTime":1323.45,"body":"someone. Oh, you don't look"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1321.38,"endTime":1323.45,"body":"trans."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1325.04,"endTime":1328.7,"body":"Like that. It's a tough"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1325.04,"endTime":1328.7,"body":"one to hear. I also kind of"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1328.7,"endTime":1332.6,"body":"always bristle at Oh, you're so"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1328.7,"endTime":1332.6,"body":"brave. Like, No, I'm just being"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1332.6,"endTime":1333.14,"body":"myself."},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1333.41,"endTime":1339.41,"body":"Exactly. What you mean by"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1333.41,"endTime":1339.41,"body":"it, but like I? Yeah, I guess"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1339.41,"endTime":1342.74,"body":"I'm courageous in the aspect of,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1339.41,"endTime":1342.74,"body":"okay, I could have kept living"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1342.74,"endTime":1347.63,"body":"in the closet. But like, I'm"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1342.74,"endTime":1347.63,"body":"sorry, I chose not to continue"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1347.63,"endTime":1351.83,"body":"to be depressed about this,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1347.63,"endTime":1351.83,"body":"like, I'm gonna do not be"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1351.83,"endTime":1353.0,"body":"depressed. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1353.33,"endTime":1357.71,"body":"Yeah. But again, we're"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1353.33,"endTime":1357.71,"body":"not monolithic. People might"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1357.71,"endTime":1361.01,"body":"love hearing that, right. For"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1357.71,"endTime":1361.01,"body":"me. It's I'm always like, I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1361.01,"endTime":1364.04,"body":"mean, yes, I am brave. But"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1361.01,"endTime":1364.04,"body":"that's not the thing I want you"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1364.04,"endTime":1366.35,"body":"to take away from, I want you to"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1364.04,"endTime":1366.35,"body":"take away from the fact that I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1366.35,"endTime":1367.43,"body":"am happy. It's not."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1368.24,"endTime":1372.11,"body":"Yes. Yes. Yes. So much."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1368.24,"endTime":1372.11,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1372.41,"endTime":1374.9,"body":"Although I gotta say, I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1372.41,"endTime":1374.9,"body":"feel you Riley, I think the"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1374.9,"endTime":1378.89,"body":"experience you're having, in"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1374.9,"endTime":1378.89,"body":"terms of men feels kind of very"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1378.89,"endTime":1381.47,"body":"similar to me, obviously, I was"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1378.89,"endTime":1381.47,"body":"never the actual guy in the"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1381.47,"endTime":1383.96,"body":"group, despite what people"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1381.47,"endTime":1383.96,"body":"thought. But there were men that"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1383.96,"endTime":1388.49,"body":"I hit it off with and men that"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1383.96,"endTime":1388.49,"body":"just like, it was so like, and I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1388.49,"endTime":1392.39,"body":"feel like women do a better job"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1388.49,"endTime":1392.39,"body":"of like gathering people in than"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1392.39,"endTime":1395.93,"body":"men do. So I think I've always"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1392.39,"endTime":1395.93,"body":"sort of wondered if trans men"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1395.93,"endTime":1400.25,"body":"sometimes feel suddenly kind of"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1395.93,"endTime":1400.25,"body":"alone and alienated in that way,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1400.28,"endTime":1403.52,"body":"because men just don't gather"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1400.28,"endTime":1403.52,"body":"the way that women do. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1404.09,"endTime":1409.22,"body":"It's more just in the way"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1404.09,"endTime":1409.22,"body":"of like, you have to try and"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1409.34,"endTime":1415.82,"body":"navigate not having lived as a"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1409.34,"endTime":1415.82,"body":"male growing up. So my lived"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1415.82,"endTime":1421.79,"body":"experiences of a, as a female"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1415.82,"endTime":1421.79,"body":"growing up, you know, just the"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1421.79,"endTime":1425.78,"body":"social dynamic is just different"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1421.79,"endTime":1425.78,"body":"in males versus females. So"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1425.78,"endTime":1430.16,"body":"like, even to this day, I still"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1425.78,"endTime":1430.16,"body":"gravitate towards more female"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1430.82,"endTime":1435.95,"body":"centric groups, mostly because I"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1430.82,"endTime":1435.95,"body":"tend to hit it off better with"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1436.01,"endTime":1436.43,"body":"women."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1437.48,"endTime":1442.97,"body":"Yeah. That makes that I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1437.48,"endTime":1442.97,"body":"like you love that guy."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1443.15,"endTime":1445.65,"body":"Yeah, that's one thing"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1443.15,"endTime":1445.65,"body":"I hope that we can all do"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1445.702,"endTime":1448.62,"body":"someday. It's just all get"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1445.702,"endTime":1448.62,"body":"together and just have a big,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1448.672,"endTime":1451.433,"body":"big kind of amazing. Yeah, we"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1448.672,"endTime":1451.433,"body":"can have a transcending"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1451.485,"endTime":1453.83,"body":"conference, transcending"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1451.485,"endTime":1453.83,"body":"humanity conference."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1454.22,"endTime":1457.4,"body":"Yeah, that would be, that"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1454.22,"endTime":1457.4,"body":"would be amazing. Okay, so"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1457.4,"endTime":1460.04,"body":"let's, let's go a little bit"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1457.4,"endTime":1460.04,"body":"deeper with that one, right. So"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1460.52,"endTime":1464.78,"body":"I mentioned to me that trans joy"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1460.52,"endTime":1464.78,"body":"that that sort of glimmer, I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1464.78,"endTime":1468.26,"body":"really know what that term feels"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1464.78,"endTime":1468.26,"body":"different than like, the other"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1468.26,"endTime":1473.15,"body":"joy that I've experienced, like,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1468.26,"endTime":1473.15,"body":"you know, I take a lot of joy in"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1473.15,"endTime":1477.26,"body":"my relationship with my partner"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1473.15,"endTime":1477.26,"body":"in my adult kids and my, my son,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1477.26,"endTime":1479.99,"body":"my son, who's a Boy Scout and"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1477.26,"endTime":1479.99,"body":"who plays soccer and I was a boy"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1479.99,"endTime":1482.09,"body":"scout and I played soccer all"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1479.99,"endTime":1482.09,"body":"the way through university and"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1482.09,"endTime":1486.23,"body":"take a lot of joy and sharing"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1482.09,"endTime":1486.23,"body":"those experiences with him and"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1486.23,"endTime":1491.03,"body":"help bringing him along the way"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1486.23,"endTime":1491.03,"body":"and they feel nice and they feel"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1491.03,"endTime":1494.87,"body":"rich, but not in the same way"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1491.03,"endTime":1494.87,"body":"that that that glimmer that"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1494.87,"endTime":1500.6,"body":"trench Joy does to me, it hits"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1494.87,"endTime":1500.6,"body":"me quite differently. and it"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1500.6,"endTime":1505.19,"body":"feels delightful in a different"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1500.6,"endTime":1505.19,"body":"way. So I'm curious if you guys"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1505.19,"endTime":1508.19,"body":"have some differing experiences,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1505.19,"endTime":1508.19,"body":"or is it transfer, I just feel"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1508.19,"endTime":1509.09,"body":"like all joy to you?"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1511.01,"endTime":1517.13,"body":"Well, so I'll say that"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1511.01,"endTime":1517.13,"body":"for me, it's kind of, especially"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1517.13,"endTime":1521.27,"body":"because I've been transitioning"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1517.13,"endTime":1521.27,"body":"for so long now. It has kind of"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1521.27,"endTime":1525.68,"body":"evolved over time. So like,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1521.27,"endTime":1525.68,"body":"early on, I'd say, like, a lot"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1525.68,"endTime":1529.64,"body":"of my trans Joy was just around"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1525.68,"endTime":1529.64,"body":"the gender euphoria and, like,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1530.27,"endTime":1533.42,"body":"the changes that were happening,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1530.27,"endTime":1533.42,"body":"and being able to document those"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1533.42,"endTime":1537.17,"body":"changes and see, oh, how much"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1533.42,"endTime":1537.17,"body":"more My voice has dropped and"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1537.17,"endTime":1541.28,"body":"things like that, those little,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1537.17,"endTime":1541.28,"body":"little minut details. But you"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1541.28,"endTime":1545.0,"body":"know, after a certain point,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1541.28,"endTime":1545.0,"body":"especially a lot for trans men,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1545.0,"endTime":1548.69,"body":"especially when we've hit, you"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1545.0,"endTime":1548.69,"body":"know, like full beard, you're"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1548.69,"endTime":1553.46,"body":"not really changing much in your"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1548.69,"endTime":1553.46,"body":"voice anymore. Like, it really"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1553.46,"endTime":1557.48,"body":"slows down after a while, you"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1553.46,"endTime":1557.48,"body":"know, for me, it was probably"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1557.48,"endTime":1560.81,"body":"around the four year mark is"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1557.48,"endTime":1560.81,"body":"when I finally was like, Okay,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1560.81,"endTime":1563.81,"body":"this is it's not changing too"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1560.81,"endTime":1563.81,"body":"much. It's just the hair on the"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1563.81,"endTime":1572.57,"body":"top, it's still thin. And it"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1563.81,"endTime":1572.57,"body":"just kept spinning. And, like,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1572.57,"endTime":1575.48,"body":"you know, I was just, it was a"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1572.57,"endTime":1575.48,"body":"lot of gender euphoria at the"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1575.48,"endTime":1578.96,"body":"very beginning. And, you know,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1575.48,"endTime":1578.96,"body":"as it's kind of changed as I've"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1579.11,"endTime":1584.09,"body":"continued to just keep"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1579.11,"endTime":1584.09,"body":"transitioning in general, you"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1584.09,"endTime":1587.6,"body":"know, it's, I'd say, there is"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1584.09,"endTime":1587.6,"body":"kind of a difference in the way"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1587.6,"endTime":1592.49,"body":"that the, the joy feels for"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1587.6,"endTime":1592.49,"body":"trans Joy versus regular joy,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1592.49,"endTime":1596.12,"body":"especially now for me, because"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1592.49,"endTime":1596.12,"body":"like, I kind of think of, oh,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1596.12,"endTime":1601.49,"body":"you know, I did an awesome job"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1596.12,"endTime":1601.49,"body":"at work with this display or"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1601.49,"endTime":1604.46,"body":"something. And like, I'm getting"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1601.49,"endTime":1604.46,"body":"feedback. And it's great,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1604.46,"endTime":1607.79,"body":"because like, that's, like, hey,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1604.46,"endTime":1607.79,"body":"personal pride in my work, sort"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1607.79,"endTime":1612.8,"body":"of like joy. But then there's,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1607.79,"endTime":1612.8,"body":"like, you know, something cool"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1612.8,"endTime":1616.52,"body":"happens in my transition, and"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1612.8,"endTime":1616.52,"body":"like, especially now where it's"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1616.52,"endTime":1620.57,"body":"like, oh, you know, or it's"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1616.52,"endTime":1620.57,"body":"just, I'm very prideful about a"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1620.57,"endTime":1624.35,"body":"specific moment or something."},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1620.57,"endTime":1624.35,"body":"And it's just kind of how that"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1624.38,"endTime":1627.77,"body":"and it's more in relation to how"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1624.38,"endTime":1627.77,"body":"like, my transition is, for me,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1627.77,"endTime":1631.31,"body":"or just a moment of like"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1627.77,"endTime":1631.31,"body":"solidarity with the LGBT"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1631.31,"endTime":1636.2,"body":"community, plus community and"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1631.31,"endTime":1636.2,"body":"things like that. Those kinds of"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1636.2,"endTime":1640.76,"body":"moments also spark trans joy in"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1636.2,"endTime":1640.76,"body":"a way. It feels different. It"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1640.76,"endTime":1641.33,"body":"does."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1641.39,"endTime":1642.08,"body":"That's amazing."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1642.14,"endTime":1646.028,"body":"That's amazing. I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1642.14,"endTime":1646.028,"body":"definitely feel a very that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1646.114,"endTime":1650.953,"body":"there's a separation for me"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1646.114,"endTime":1650.953,"body":"between trans during regular"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1651.04,"endTime":1656.311,"body":"joy, they do overlap as well."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1651.04,"endTime":1656.311,"body":"But being a parent of now three"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1656.397,"endTime":1661.323,"body":"year old, I have a whole"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1656.397,"endTime":1661.323,"body":"separate joy from that life as I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1661.409,"endTime":1666.68,"body":"do. I'm a trans side, because I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1661.409,"endTime":1666.68,"body":"started off, you know, people"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1666.767,"endTime":1672.297,"body":"saw me as my kid's dad, and now"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1666.767,"endTime":1672.297,"body":"I'm, I've evolved to be his, his"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1672.383,"endTime":1677.481,"body":"or their mother, but just my"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1672.383,"endTime":1677.481,"body":"life, just watching my cancers"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1677.568,"endTime":1682.061,"body":"grow and learn, and just all"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1677.568,"endTime":1682.061,"body":"those things that is so"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1682.148,"endTime":1687.332,"body":"incredibly joyful to me on a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1682.148,"endTime":1687.332,"body":"level complete outside of being"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1687.419,"endTime":1692.949,"body":"trans. And when it starts to get"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1687.419,"endTime":1692.949,"body":"closer together, I would say is"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1693.035,"endTime":1698.047,"body":"more of my professional life."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1693.035,"endTime":1698.047,"body":"Because I do, I have started"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1698.134,"endTime":1703.664,"body":"using the fact that I'm trans in"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1698.134,"endTime":1703.664,"body":"my professional life to kind of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1703.75,"endTime":1708.935,"body":"intermingle things somewhat that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1703.75,"endTime":1708.935,"body":"way. But my, I would say my"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1709.021,"endTime":1714.552,"body":"greatest joy now just comes from"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1709.021,"endTime":1714.552,"body":"being a parent. And it makes me"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1714.638,"endTime":1719.823,"body":"kind of wonder what kind of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1714.638,"endTime":1719.823,"body":"person I would have been if I if"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1719.909,"endTime":1725.439,"body":"my kid hadn't been born. When I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1719.909,"endTime":1725.439,"body":"came out, if I come out younger."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1725.526,"endTime":1730.797,"body":"It's kind of wild to think of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1725.526,"endTime":1730.797,"body":"that. But it's, I never thought"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1730.883,"endTime":1735.809,"body":"that I would enjoy being a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1730.883,"endTime":1735.809,"body":"parent. I never wanted to be a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1735.895,"endTime":1741.512,"body":"parent. But now having more of a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1735.895,"endTime":1741.512,"body":"motherly instinct over my kid is"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1741.598,"endTime":1746.869,"body":"it's just so cool. And, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1741.598,"endTime":1746.869,"body":"that's, that's how my joys kind"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1746.956,"endTime":1749.03,"body":"of crossing don't cross."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1751.01,"endTime":1756.56,"body":"That sounds quite lovely."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1751.01,"endTime":1756.56,"body":"So I want to take it in a"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1756.56,"endTime":1763.04,"body":"slightly different direction."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1756.56,"endTime":1763.04,"body":"Trans joy has led to a lot of"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1763.04,"endTime":1766.61,"body":"richness in the life but it's"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1763.04,"endTime":1766.61,"body":"also I think, given me it comes"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1766.61,"endTime":1772.52,"body":"from a sense of my own agency as"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1766.61,"endTime":1772.52,"body":"well. Right. And I know,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1772.79,"endTime":1776.06,"body":"obviously, being in the United"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1772.79,"endTime":1776.06,"body":"States, on the planet at this"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1776.06,"endTime":1781.43,"body":"time, as trans is not very"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1776.06,"endTime":1781.43,"body":"popular. But still feeling like"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1781.43,"endTime":1787.79,"body":"I finally have a sense of"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1781.43,"endTime":1787.79,"body":"control in my life, right? Being"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1787.79,"endTime":1792.62,"body":"trans and and thriving, and"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1787.79,"endTime":1792.62,"body":"finding joy has brought me a new"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1792.62,"endTime":1796.37,"body":"sense of agency that I don't"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1792.62,"endTime":1796.37,"body":"feel like I had before. And it's"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1796.46,"endTime":1799.16,"body":"awaken this voice. And so I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1796.46,"endTime":1799.16,"body":"actually was one of those things"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1799.16,"endTime":1804.98,"body":"that led me I'm here, right. And"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1799.16,"endTime":1804.98,"body":"in my, in my day job, I manage"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1805.37,"endTime":1808.85,"body":"data. I'm a product manager in"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1805.37,"endTime":1808.85,"body":"my day job at work. I'm a lead"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1808.85,"endTime":1813.14,"body":"of the LGBTQ or one of the leads"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1808.85,"endTime":1813.14,"body":"of the LGBT, GQ organization"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1813.14,"endTime":1816.59,"body":"that, you know, rage company."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1813.14,"endTime":1816.59,"body":"And that's something that"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1816.59,"endTime":1819.17,"body":"wouldn't happen before, even"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1816.59,"endTime":1819.17,"body":"though I identified as queer non"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1819.17,"endTime":1826.4,"body":"binary before. And so that sense"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1819.17,"endTime":1826.4,"body":"has given me this real desire to"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1826.4,"endTime":1829.82,"body":"work in people's lives to show"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1826.4,"endTime":1829.82,"body":"up at places like this to make"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1829.82,"endTime":1834.17,"body":"people's lives at work better to"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1829.82,"endTime":1834.17,"body":"mentor to show up for people."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1835.97,"endTime":1838.37,"body":"And to know this, this isn't"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1835.97,"endTime":1838.37,"body":"something I really prepped you"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1838.37,"endTime":1843.14,"body":"both for. But do you either view"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1838.37,"endTime":1843.14,"body":"at this point you transition"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1843.14,"endTime":1846.11,"body":"starting to feel and it's an"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1843.14,"endTime":1846.11,"body":"granted you're further along"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1846.11,"endTime":1849.83,"body":"than both of us? That maybe has"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1846.11,"endTime":1849.83,"body":"more track record with this, but"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1850.46,"endTime":1853.37,"body":"how does that sense of agency"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1850.46,"endTime":1853.37,"body":"feel for you today? And how is"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1853.37,"endTime":1856.1,"body":"that tied to your thriving and"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":1853.37,"endTime":1856.1,"body":"you're enjoy,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1856.25,"endTime":1859.91,"body":"for me, mine is kind of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1856.25,"endTime":1859.91,"body":"on the same lines as yours,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1859.91,"endTime":1866.3,"body":"Erica. Like before, in the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1859.91,"endTime":1866.3,"body":"before times, I didn't really"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1866.3,"endTime":1869.87,"body":"have passions about anything."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1866.3,"endTime":1869.87,"body":"And now I have this community"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1869.87,"endTime":1874.04,"body":"and I am Byerly by early spire"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1869.87,"endTime":1874.04,"body":"that I'm very passionate about"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1874.04,"endTime":1879.17,"body":"it to the point where that's why"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1874.04,"endTime":1879.17,"body":"this podcast exists. Because it"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1879.17,"endTime":1882.23,"body":"had just been brought up kind of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1879.17,"endTime":1882.23,"body":"almost in passing on posts on"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1882.23,"endTime":1890.42,"body":"LinkedIn, I'm like, let's do it."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1882.23,"endTime":1890.42,"body":"And because our community, we're"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1890.48,"endTime":1893.63,"body":"at risk, we're being attacked."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1890.48,"endTime":1893.63,"body":"And we have to stand up for"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1893.63,"endTime":1900.98,"body":"ourselves. And being having this"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1893.63,"endTime":1900.98,"body":"outlet, and being able to just"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1901.76,"endTime":1905.48,"body":"bring hope to people, like I've"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1901.76,"endTime":1905.48,"body":"received messages from people"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1905.48,"endTime":1914.48,"body":"that listen to the show. And"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1905.48,"endTime":1914.48,"body":"it's so so very rewarding to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1914.48,"endTime":1919.4,"body":"read those things. And at first,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1914.48,"endTime":1919.4,"body":"I had a kind of a notion of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1919.4,"endTime":1921.89,"body":"like, oh, we only have like so"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1919.4,"endTime":1921.89,"body":"many downloads of the show right"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1921.89,"endTime":1927.35,"body":"now. And I was talking to one of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1921.89,"endTime":1927.35,"body":"the hosts of another podcast"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1927.35,"endTime":1930.71,"body":"about that who started same time"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1927.35,"endTime":1930.71,"body":"as ours. transplanting, I'm"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1930.71,"endTime":1935.66,"body":"talking about Marcia there. And"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1930.71,"endTime":1935.66,"body":"she said that she's not really"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1935.66,"endTime":1941.48,"body":"that worried about the download"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1935.66,"endTime":1941.48,"body":"numbers. Her concern is, if her"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1941.48,"endTime":1946.28,"body":"show has helped one person, then"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1941.48,"endTime":1946.28,"body":"she's done the right thing. And"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1946.28,"endTime":1949.55,"body":"I'm like, you know, that's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1946.28,"endTime":1949.55,"body":"perfect. You nailed it. That's,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1950.0,"endTime":1953.69,"body":"that's what I feel about"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1950.0,"endTime":1953.69,"body":"transcending humanity is, I know"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1953.69,"endTime":1958.1,"body":"that we are here, it brings so"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1953.69,"endTime":1958.1,"body":"much targeted trans joy, knowing"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1958.1,"endTime":1964.01,"body":"that we are bringing a message"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1958.1,"endTime":1964.01,"body":"of hope for the community, hope"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1964.01,"endTime":1968.0,"body":"for allies, educating people,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1964.01,"endTime":1968.0,"body":"hopefully, maybe some people"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1968.0,"endTime":1970.55,"body":"will listen to this and change"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1968.0,"endTime":1970.55,"body":"their mind about us know, just"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1970.55,"endTime":1973.13,"body":"to hear, hey, we're just people"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1970.55,"endTime":1973.13,"body":"just trying to live our lives"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1973.13,"endTime":1978.62,"body":"and pee. But yeah, that's,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1973.13,"endTime":1978.62,"body":"that's, that's it for me. We"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1978.62,"endTime":1985.55,"body":"always have to pay. So yeah,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1978.62,"endTime":1985.55,"body":"that's, I agree with you"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1985.55,"endTime":1990.74,"body":"completely on that is the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1985.55,"endTime":1990.74,"body":"finding this, just this whole"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1990.74,"endTime":1995.09,"body":"world that I did not know,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1990.74,"endTime":1995.09,"body":"existed until now. And now it's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1995.27,"endTime":1998.15,"body":"just so absolutely beautiful."},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1998.749,"endTime":2001.569,"body":"And I actually I agree"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":1998.749,"endTime":2001.569,"body":"with you both on that. So like,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2002.019,"endTime":2005.949,"body":"in the like, before I began my"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2002.019,"endTime":2005.949,"body":"transition everything, I"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2005.949,"endTime":2010.239,"body":"definitely struggled a lot with"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2005.949,"endTime":2010.239,"body":"a lot of depression, and you"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2010.239,"endTime":2015.819,"body":"know, just a lot of just anxiety"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2010.239,"endTime":2015.819,"body":"and other issues that just kind"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2015.819,"endTime":2020.079,"body":"of prevented me from figuring"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2015.819,"endTime":2020.079,"body":"out who I was. And like, even"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2020.079,"endTime":2024.279,"body":"with some of the things that I"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2020.079,"endTime":2024.279,"body":"enjoyed, there were still like,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2025.359,"endTime":2028.629,"body":"almost like a veil of like,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2025.359,"endTime":2028.629,"body":"okay, I enjoy this, but like"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2028.629,"endTime":2035.049,"body":"there's a layer of something"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2028.629,"endTime":2035.049,"body":"missing here. Like to begin my"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2035.049,"endTime":2039.579,"body":"transition and figure out who I"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2035.049,"endTime":2039.579,"body":"was like, the urgency behind it"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2039.609,"endTime":2043.149,"body":"was, okay, well, I like this,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2039.609,"endTime":2043.149,"body":"what else can I find out that I"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2043.149,"endTime":2046.539,"body":"like, like, Oh, my goodness,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2043.149,"endTime":2046.539,"body":"there's so many possibilities."},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2046.539,"endTime":2052.029,"body":"And so like finding community"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2046.539,"endTime":2052.029,"body":"within the people who all said,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2053.079,"endTime":2059.349,"body":"the same way and like, I ended"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2053.079,"endTime":2059.349,"body":"up so when I began figuring out"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2059.349,"endTime":2063.519,"body":"my gender identity before I went"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2059.349,"endTime":2063.519,"body":"off to college, I had the"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2063.519,"endTime":2067.239,"body":"opportunity to actually meet, go"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2063.519,"endTime":2067.239,"body":"to a monthly transmasculine"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2067.239,"endTime":2071.769,"body":"group meeting at the local LGBT"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2067.239,"endTime":2071.769,"body":"center. I had to wait till I was"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2071.769,"endTime":2075.219,"body":"18 to join so I was like, oh my"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2071.769,"endTime":2075.219,"body":"goodness, I was so excited for"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2075.219,"endTime":2079.509,"body":"it. But once I was able to join"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2075.219,"endTime":2079.509,"body":"like, oh my goodness, getting to"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2079.509,"endTime":2085.809,"body":"meet 1213 other trans men who I"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2079.509,"endTime":2085.809,"body":"could just be like, hey, oh my"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2085.809,"endTime":2089.889,"body":"goodness, I experienced this and"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2085.809,"endTime":2089.889,"body":"they could 1,000% relate with me"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2090.159,"endTime":2097.629,"body":"was and like I had found a very"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2090.159,"endTime":2097.629,"body":"similar but a lot smaller group"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2097.659,"endTime":2100.149,"body":"when I went off to college and"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2097.659,"endTime":2100.149,"body":"it was just a bunch of low cool"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2100.149,"endTime":2103.629,"body":"people wasn't just college"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2100.149,"endTime":2103.629,"body":"students. And like, I made some"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2103.629,"endTime":2107.109,"body":"great friendships out of those"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2103.629,"endTime":2107.109,"body":"groups even. And just meeting"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2107.109,"endTime":2111.429,"body":"those that can relate with you"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2107.109,"endTime":2111.429,"body":"and more than just the Oh my"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2111.429,"endTime":2117.729,"body":"guy, you're a guy. Yeah. I'm"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2111.429,"endTime":2117.729,"body":"like, you 1,000% know, that"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2117.729,"endTime":2121.779,"body":"actually like to have a period."},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2117.729,"endTime":2121.779,"body":"And you know how much it sucks?"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2122.919,"endTime":2127.929,"body":"You know? So just being able to"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2122.919,"endTime":2127.929,"body":"have that sort of urgency and"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2127.929,"endTime":2129.759,"body":"finding the people that could"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2127.929,"endTime":2129.759,"body":"relate."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2131.86,"endTime":2136.21,"body":"I, I love both of your"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2131.86,"endTime":2136.21,"body":"answers. You know, from when I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2136.21,"endTime":2140.11,"body":"was on the outside, looking in"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2136.21,"endTime":2140.11,"body":"knowing who I was, but not"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2140.11,"endTime":2142.93,"body":"really having the courage to"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2140.11,"endTime":2142.93,"body":"step on this path, right, I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2143.56,"endTime":2146.08,"body":"started be walking in alone. I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2143.56,"endTime":2146.08,"body":"mean, I knew my partner was with"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2146.08,"endTime":2150.1,"body":"me, but having one person on"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2146.08,"endTime":2150.1,"body":"your side still is a very, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2150.13,"endTime":2155.02,"body":"and, you know, coming out and"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2150.13,"endTime":2155.02,"body":"coming out at work, I have made"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2155.8,"endTime":2157.99,"body":"so many more friends. And even"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2155.8,"endTime":2157.99,"body":"though it's already part of the"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2157.99,"endTime":2160.9,"body":"queer community, my chosen"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2157.99,"endTime":2160.9,"body":"family has grown tremendously."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2161.62,"endTime":2166.06,"body":"Most of my close friends are"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2161.62,"endTime":2166.06,"body":"trans and non binary, and quite"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2166.06,"endTime":2171.82,"body":"a few of them are, you know,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2166.06,"endTime":2171.82,"body":"queer. Right. And I have to say"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2171.82,"endTime":2175.21,"body":"something that I didn't expect,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2171.82,"endTime":2175.21,"body":"you know, and one of the reasons"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2175.21,"endTime":2178.39,"body":"I wanted to do this episode and"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2175.21,"endTime":2178.39,"body":"future episodes is, I think,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2178.9,"endTime":2183.4,"body":"most of us that on this path,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2178.9,"endTime":2183.4,"body":"thinking, the worst is going to"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2183.4,"endTime":2186.22,"body":"happen, right? We've got to do"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2183.4,"endTime":2186.22,"body":"this thing to stay alive, or"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2186.22,"endTime":2191.26,"body":"whatever your rationale is, but"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2186.22,"endTime":2191.26,"body":"along the way, hopefully, and I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2191.56,"endTime":2195.34,"body":"hear so often, you find so many"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2191.56,"endTime":2195.34,"body":"amazing people like the two of"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2195.34,"endTime":2198.4,"body":"you, right, like all of our"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2195.34,"endTime":2198.4,"body":"other hosts, and CO hosts and"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2198.4,"endTime":2202.15,"body":"the people that are in our"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2198.4,"endTime":2202.15,"body":"channels, right? Finding those"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2202.15,"endTime":2208.21,"body":"people. Feels amazing. Right?"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2202.15,"endTime":2208.21,"body":"And, and back to something you"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2208.21,"endTime":2213.22,"body":"said Vanessa, like, I for a"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2208.21,"endTime":2213.22,"body":"fact, no one told there are more"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2213.22,"endTime":2216.76,"body":"than a few people that had the"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2213.22,"endTime":2216.76,"body":"guts to transition to finally"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2216.76,"endTime":2220.57,"body":"transition because they saw me"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2216.76,"endTime":2220.57,"body":"out in the public, living my"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2220.57,"endTime":2226.6,"body":"life and having a great time."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2220.57,"endTime":2226.6,"body":"And that's why for me, that's"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2226.6,"endTime":2229.75,"body":"why I do this. This is why I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2226.6,"endTime":2229.75,"body":"show up why talk. This is why"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2229.75,"endTime":2234.46,"body":"I'm a lead on the BRG to show"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2229.75,"endTime":2234.46,"body":"people you can do this, and"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2234.46,"endTime":2237.31,"body":"there are good things that"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2234.46,"endTime":2237.31,"body":"happen. Yeah, there's some crap"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2237.34,"endTime":2241.03,"body":"that happens. But there's good"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2237.34,"endTime":2241.03,"body":"stuff too. And it's a worthwhile"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2241.03,"endTime":2245.41,"body":"path. And I have this sort of"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2241.03,"endTime":2245.41,"body":"affirmation, I tell myself all"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2245.41,"endTime":2249.52,"body":"the time when I'm feeling like,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2245.41,"endTime":2249.52,"body":"which is like being trans and"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2249.52,"endTime":2254.62,"body":"non binary is a supreme act of"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2249.52,"endTime":2254.62,"body":"faith. Right? You're, it's the"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2254.62,"endTime":2257.53,"body":"kind of which people just don't"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2254.62,"endTime":2257.53,"body":"really see, we sort of love"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2257.53,"endTime":2261.25,"body":"those people who have these take"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2257.53,"endTime":2261.25,"body":"these big leaps of faith in"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2261.25,"endTime":2265.03,"body":"their life, the Oprah's of the"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2261.25,"endTime":2265.03,"body":"world, or whatever it is. But"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2265.03,"endTime":2268.81,"body":"when you look at the trans"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2265.03,"endTime":2268.81,"body":"community, every single one of"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2268.81,"endTime":2274.69,"body":"us has taken this, this giant"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2268.81,"endTime":2274.69,"body":"leap, this just absolute truth"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2274.72,"endTime":2278.35,"body":"of such an action, like put down"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2274.72,"endTime":2278.35,"body":"the self help books, people get"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2278.35,"endTime":2281.05,"body":"to know a trans person, you're"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2278.35,"endTime":2281.05,"body":"going to learn a lot about"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2281.05,"endTime":2284.98,"body":"resilience, conquering life, and"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2281.05,"endTime":2284.98,"body":"finding your best self and"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2284.98,"endTime":2288.85,"body":"putting that person forward."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2284.98,"endTime":2288.85,"body":"Right? Please read self help"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2288.85,"endTime":2291.91,"body":"books don't Don't, don't take"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2288.85,"endTime":2291.91,"body":"that from this conversation I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2291.91,"endTime":2297.55,"body":"do. But go meet a trans person"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2291.91,"endTime":2297.55,"body":"you're gonna find is so much"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2297.55,"endTime":2301.18,"body":"inspiring about that. And that's"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2297.55,"endTime":2301.18,"body":"why it's wild the way people"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2301.18,"endTime":2306.64,"body":"tend to see us because if you"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2301.18,"endTime":2306.64,"body":"really look, if you look beyond"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2306.67,"endTime":2311.95,"body":"the, the societal, like,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2306.67,"endTime":2311.95,"body":"whatever they think about trans"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2311.95,"endTime":2315.79,"body":"people and look at what we do,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2311.95,"endTime":2315.79,"body":"how we live our lives. That's"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2315.79,"endTime":2320.5,"body":"something people dream of, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2315.79,"endTime":2320.5,"body":"that taking that sort of self"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2320.5,"endTime":2324.4,"body":"love to the most deepest level"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2320.5,"endTime":2324.4,"body":"is something that people hope"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2324.4,"endTime":2327.49,"body":"that they can do at some point"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2324.4,"endTime":2327.49,"body":"in their lives. Get to know"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2327.49,"endTime":2330.49,"body":"trans people, you're gonna find"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2327.49,"endTime":2330.49,"body":"something to be inspired by"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2330.52,"endTime":2337.36,"body":"Yes, definitely. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2330.52,"endTime":2337.36,"body":"it's what that's what finally"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2337.36,"endTime":2340.69,"body":"gave me the courage to come out"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2337.36,"endTime":2340.69,"body":"was there's a Starbucks near me"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2340.69,"endTime":2347.11,"body":"in very red, Ohio. And one of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2340.69,"endTime":2347.11,"body":"the men managers is a trans"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2347.11,"endTime":2351.97,"body":"woman. And I'm just like, at"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2347.11,"endTime":2351.97,"body":"first like, I didn't, at first I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2351.97,"endTime":2356.8,"body":"didn't really comprehend and I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2351.97,"endTime":2356.8,"body":"started clocking her. But I'm"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2356.8,"endTime":2363.55,"body":"like, holy shit. This is me. And"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2356.8,"endTime":2363.55,"body":"it was just this light bulb"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2363.55,"endTime":2367.75,"body":"moment for me seeing that. So"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2363.55,"endTime":2367.75,"body":"knowing that you are going to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2367.75,"endTime":2374.14,"body":"help people in the same way and"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2367.75,"endTime":2374.14,"body":"I'm sure Riley does as well. And"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2374.29,"endTime":2380.02,"body":"it's it's an easy way, Riley,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2374.29,"endTime":2380.02,"body":"this point that you made that I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2380.02,"endTime":2385.27,"body":"wanted to touch on too is when"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2380.02,"endTime":2385.27,"body":"you were at those groups of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2385.27,"endTime":2389.41,"body":"trans mass. It's so fun talking"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2385.27,"endTime":2389.41,"body":"to other trans people,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2389.41,"endTime":2392.71,"body":"especially trans people on the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2389.41,"endTime":2392.71,"body":"same work kind of binaries you"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2393.49,"endTime":2399.28,"body":"just to hear the experiences"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2393.49,"endTime":2399.28,"body":"like the ways that we saw things"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2399.31,"endTime":2402.64,"body":"like that. I know for me and"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2399.31,"endTime":2402.64,"body":"probably for Erica and for Riley"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2402.64,"endTime":2407.92,"body":"on the flip side that, like, you"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2402.64,"endTime":2407.92,"body":"mean, not everybody goes to bed"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2407.92,"endTime":2409.93,"body":"every night wishing that they"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2407.92,"endTime":2409.93,"body":"are a girl or wishing that they"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2409.93,"endTime":2413.8,"body":"are a boy. And but when you talk"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2409.93,"endTime":2413.8,"body":"to other trans people, it's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2413.8,"endTime":2416.83,"body":"like, Okay, we have that in"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2413.8,"endTime":2416.83,"body":"common. There's this, like,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2416.98,"endTime":2420.07,"body":"sense of community that we can"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2416.98,"endTime":2420.07,"body":"all share. And so"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2421.51,"endTime":2423.88,"body":"yeah, and, you know, I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2421.51,"endTime":2423.88,"body":"think one of my favorite thing"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2424.06,"endTime":2428.26,"body":"about doing having a few"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2424.06,"endTime":2428.26,"body":"transmit in my life and many"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2428.26,"endTime":2432.61,"body":"people is the things that it's I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2428.26,"endTime":2432.61,"body":"love hearing about what Riley"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2432.61,"endTime":2436.96,"body":"loves being a trans man, your"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2432.61,"endTime":2436.96,"body":"beard is glorious. Yeah, you"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2436.96,"endTime":2440.92,"body":"were very handsome dude. Yes."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2436.96,"endTime":2440.92,"body":"For me, it was traumatic to have"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2441.13,"endTime":2445.12,"body":"a beard. I still have to shave."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2441.13,"endTime":2445.12,"body":"To a certain extent and like,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2446.44,"endTime":2451.09,"body":"but your joy in that doesn't hit"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2446.44,"endTime":2451.09,"body":"me the wrong way. It hits me at"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2451.09,"endTime":2456.01,"body":"like, look at that authenticity"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2451.09,"endTime":2456.01,"body":"he is wearing. And it's amazing."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2456.7,"endTime":2460.72,"body":"I don't have a beard. You look"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2456.7,"endTime":2460.72,"body":"great with a beard. Yeah, that's"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2460.72,"endTime":2462.55,"body":"something I can get behind"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2460.72,"endTime":2462.55,"body":"celebrating, right?"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2464.77,"endTime":2468.52,"body":"Yeah, yeah, we have a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2464.77,"endTime":2468.52,"body":"hottie in a in a beard on our"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2468.52,"endTime":2469.18,"body":"show right now."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2471.94,"endTime":2474.7,"body":"Sorry to put a spotlight"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2471.94,"endTime":2474.7,"body":"on you and embarrass you. But I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2474.73,"endTime":2478.36,"body":"like to hire people for the"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2474.73,"endTime":2478.36,"body":"things that I see that are true"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2478.36,"endTime":2479.98,"body":"and authentic about them. So"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2478.36,"endTime":2479.98,"body":"that's"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2486.4,"endTime":2490.54,"body":"okay, so sort of bringing this"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2486.4,"endTime":2490.54,"body":"thing back in here in the end,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2490.54,"endTime":2493.12,"body":"right? Because I, there are"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2490.54,"endTime":2493.12,"body":"certainly a lot of trans non"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2493.12,"endTime":2495.94,"body":"binary binary friends watching"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2493.12,"endTime":2495.94,"body":"this. But I suspect there's"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2495.94,"endTime":2499.24,"body":"probably some people kind of"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2495.94,"endTime":2499.24,"body":"contemplating this path, or"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2499.24,"endTime":2501.79,"body":"people knew on this path or"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2499.24,"endTime":2501.79,"body":"people like wait, trans joins a"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2501.79,"endTime":2508.0,"body":"thing? Do you have any advice to"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2501.79,"endTime":2508.0,"body":"sort of point people in the"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2508.0,"endTime":2510.76,"body":"right direction and where they"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2508.0,"endTime":2510.76,"body":"can start to seek this out?"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2512.62,"endTime":2516.85,"body":"For me, my advice would"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2512.62,"endTime":2516.85,"body":"be, well, you're already doing"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2516.85,"endTime":2521.47,"body":"the right thing by listening to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2516.85,"endTime":2521.47,"body":"this show. Find other shows."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2522.64,"endTime":2525.79,"body":"There's so many YouTube"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2522.64,"endTime":2525.79,"body":"channels, there are so many"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2526.0,"endTime":2531.16,"body":"creators just envelop yourself"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2526.0,"endTime":2531.16,"body":"in all the different"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2531.19,"endTime":2535.99,"body":"personalities, all the different"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2531.19,"endTime":2535.99,"body":"the huge spectrum that is"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2535.99,"endTime":2540.55,"body":"underneath the trans umbrella."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2535.99,"endTime":2540.55,"body":"Because right now, the three of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2540.55,"endTime":2546.64,"body":"us were fairly either ended up"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2540.55,"endTime":2546.64,"body":"binary, I would say, but there's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2546.64,"endTime":2551.32,"body":"such it's just as absolute"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2546.64,"endTime":2551.32,"body":"beautiful spectrum of people and"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2552.88,"endTime":2557.17,"body":"just learn about people you'll"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2552.88,"endTime":2557.17,"body":"hear. I think you'll find that a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2557.17,"endTime":2563.5,"body":"lot of us have similar kind of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2557.17,"endTime":2563.5,"body":"like bass. Bass, what might"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2563.98,"endTime":2566.38,"body":"Vanessa use your brain, your"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2563.98,"endTime":2566.38,"body":"brain does not work based"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2566.38,"endTime":2571.06,"body":"experiences, of like the coming"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2566.38,"endTime":2571.06,"body":"out and stuff like that. But all"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2571.06,"endTime":2574.96,"body":"of us have completely different"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2571.06,"endTime":2574.96,"body":"lived experiences to and if you"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2574.96,"endTime":2579.13,"body":"just, if you watch these people"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2574.96,"endTime":2579.13,"body":"and learn from them, you might"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2579.13,"endTime":2585.55,"body":"find Holy shit. That's me. What"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2579.13,"endTime":2585.55,"body":"what this person is going"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2585.55,"endTime":2589.63,"body":"through is exactly how I feel."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2585.55,"endTime":2589.63,"body":"Or what this person is going"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2589.63,"endTime":2594.31,"body":"through is exactly what my child"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2589.63,"endTime":2594.31,"body":"is telling me that they feel or"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2594.34,"endTime":2599.35,"body":"my sibling or whatever. And it"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2594.34,"endTime":2599.35,"body":"could help you just open your"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2599.35,"endTime":2607.3,"body":"eyes, which helps you become"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2599.35,"endTime":2607.3,"body":"Whoa. Yeah, me too."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2609.19,"endTime":2609.91,"body":"That you really,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2610.9,"endTime":2613.03,"body":"I mean, I agree with"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2610.9,"endTime":2613.03,"body":"Vanessa, for sure. Because"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2613.03,"endTime":2615.64,"body":"that's honestly like, for me,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2613.03,"endTime":2615.64,"body":"that's how I figured out I was"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2615.64,"endTime":2620.53,"body":"trans to begin with was, I was"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2615.64,"endTime":2620.53,"body":"you know, perusing YouTube and I"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2620.53,"endTime":2625.18,"body":"would find, you know, various"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2620.53,"endTime":2625.18,"body":"LGBTQ videos and I found like,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2625.48,"endTime":2629.41,"body":"Chase Ross, and I believe, I"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2625.48,"endTime":2629.41,"body":"can't remember his last name,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2629.41,"endTime":2637.42,"body":"but I know his username is like"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2629.41,"endTime":2637.42,"body":"jammie dodger. UK YouTuber, and"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2638.05,"endTime":2641.62,"body":"like, there's just all these"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2638.05,"endTime":2641.62,"body":"YouTubers. And back in the day"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2641.62,"endTime":2645.88,"body":"when Tumblr was still an active"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2641.62,"endTime":2645.88,"body":"thing that was a whole, right? A"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2645.88,"endTime":2650.26,"body":"whole community that I found"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2645.88,"endTime":2650.26,"body":"through there, and just knowing"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2650.26,"endTime":2652.99,"body":"that there were other people out"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2650.26,"endTime":2652.99,"body":"there and being able to do that"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2653.05,"endTime":2657.61,"body":"is just a good way to start"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2653.05,"endTime":2657.61,"body":"figuring out okay, well, is this"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2658.3,"endTime":2662.83,"body":"possibly something that might"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2658.3,"endTime":2662.83,"body":"apply to myself or, you know, as"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2662.83,"endTime":2666.49,"body":"Vanessa or anybody else who said"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2662.83,"endTime":2666.49,"body":"to regarding like bees, it could"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2666.49,"endTime":2669.04,"body":"apply to my child, this is how"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2666.49,"endTime":2669.04,"body":"they've been expressing it to me"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2669.04,"endTime":2673.15,"body":"and, you know, I can see that"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2669.04,"endTime":2673.15,"body":"these people have been living"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2673.15,"endTime":2678.4,"body":"their lives and they are not,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2673.15,"endTime":2678.4,"body":"you know, these monsters or"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2678.4,"endTime":2683.05,"body":"anything that the concert"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2678.4,"endTime":2683.05,"body":"parties are making us out to be,"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2683.47,"endTime":2691.12,"body":"you know, it's it's very just"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2683.47,"endTime":2691.12,"body":"being very open to knowing"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2692.02,"endTime":2694.96,"body":"people that aren't just"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2692.02,"endTime":2694.96,"body":"immediately around you sort of."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2696.34,"endTime":2699.7,"body":"Yeah, I'm not I'm not"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2696.34,"endTime":2699.7,"body":"scary up here, my floral floral"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2699.7,"endTime":2700.51,"body":"blades. You're okay"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2703.959,"endTime":2708.339,"body":"five foot 10 balding man"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2703.959,"endTime":2708.339,"body":"with a beard. But I'm, I'm a"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":2708.339,"endTime":2711.879,"body":"teddy bear. Bear."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2712.149,"endTime":2715.029,"body":"And that's the best thing"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2712.149,"endTime":2715.029,"body":"to be. Yeah, that's the best"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2715.029,"endTime":2718.149,"body":"thing for you to be. And it's"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2715.029,"endTime":2718.149,"body":"amazing that you get to be that."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2719.619,"endTime":2725.059,"body":"It's so I have, I just"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2719.619,"endTime":2725.059,"body":"think trans men are just kind of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2725.158,"endTime":2731.488,"body":"just wonderful. But it's just me"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2725.158,"endTime":2731.488,"body":"like, and that really attracted"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2731.587,"endTime":2737.819,"body":"this cis men but I am attracted"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2731.587,"endTime":2737.819,"body":"to trans men, because, ya know?"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2737.918,"endTime":2739.6,"body":"Yeah, definitely."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2742.33,"endTime":2745.546,"body":"I think from, from my"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2742.33,"endTime":2745.546,"body":"perspective, I think we'll kind"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2745.606,"endTime":2749.065,"body":"of touch on what both of you"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2745.606,"endTime":2749.065,"body":"said already, like, it was a"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2749.126,"endTime":2752.828,"body":"really daunting task for me at"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2749.126,"endTime":2752.828,"body":"first like me to people, to be"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2752.888,"endTime":2756.59,"body":"myself out in public and to try"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2752.888,"endTime":2756.59,"body":"to meet other trans people on"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2756.651,"endTime":2760.231,"body":"it, it took a while, and I work"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2756.651,"endTime":2760.231,"body":"out. There's a whole lot of"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2760.292,"endTime":2763.933,"body":"being trans, especially newly"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2760.292,"endTime":2763.933,"body":"trans, that just takes lots of"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2763.994,"endTime":2767.756,"body":"courage and guts, right? That"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2763.994,"endTime":2767.756,"body":"coming back to that brave thing."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2767.817,"endTime":2771.64,"body":"Because you just have to go out"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2767.817,"endTime":2771.64,"body":"there and do it to some extent."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2771.7,"endTime":2775.584,"body":"But if you can meet people, even"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2771.7,"endTime":2775.584,"body":"if you meet them online, get on"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2775.645,"endTime":2779.529,"body":"a Zoom meeting, show up talk to"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2775.645,"endTime":2779.529,"body":"people have these conversations,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2779.589,"endTime":2783.352,"body":"you're gonna start finding that"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2779.589,"endTime":2783.352,"body":"there are people just like you"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2783.412,"endTime":2786.689,"body":"out there and that your"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2783.412,"endTime":2786.689,"body":"experience isn't isolated, and"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2786.75,"endTime":2790.33,"body":"that you're not alone. Even if"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2786.75,"endTime":2790.33,"body":"there's no one right in your"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2790.391,"endTime":2794.093,"body":"local area that, you know, my"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2790.391,"endTime":2794.093,"body":"world exploded, it blew up when"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2794.153,"endTime":2797.309,"body":"I star ted to get to know"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2794.153,"endTime":2797.309,"body":"people. And it just became"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2797.37,"endTime":2800.768,"body":"easier and easier. I mean,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2797.37,"endTime":2800.768,"body":"that's probably my number one"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2800.829,"endTime":2804.409,"body":"advice, just go meet people in"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2800.829,"endTime":2804.409,"body":"person, online. You know, it"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2804.47,"endTime":2808.05,"body":"just, it just spreads from"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2804.47,"endTime":2808.05,"body":"there, take those opportunities,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2808.111,"endTime":2811.57,"body":"and I think, also just be"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2808.111,"endTime":2811.57,"body":"patient, it's going to show up,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2811.63,"endTime":2815.514,"body":"you know, relatively new on this"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2811.63,"endTime":2815.514,"body":"path. A lot of things are going"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2815.575,"endTime":2819.398,"body":"on, probably going through the"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2815.575,"endTime":2819.398,"body":"coming out process, which is its"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2819.459,"endTime":2823.221,"body":"own beast, right? changes may be"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2819.459,"endTime":2823.221,"body":"happening, maybe you're maybe"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2823.282,"endTime":2826.923,"body":"yourself, right. But just be"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2823.282,"endTime":2826.923,"body":"patient, like it takes time for"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2826.983,"endTime":2830.746,"body":"for things to start to settle"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2826.983,"endTime":2830.746,"body":"for you to feel comfortable. And"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2830.806,"endTime":2834.69,"body":"I think, for me, when I started"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2830.806,"endTime":2834.69,"body":"to feel comfortable, that's when"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2834.751,"endTime":2838.088,"body":"I can see the joy that I was"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2834.751,"endTime":2838.088,"body":"having outside of like the"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2838.149,"endTime":2841.608,"body":"really startling things. And"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2838.149,"endTime":2841.608,"body":"like I said, No more of that"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2841.669,"endTime":2845.31,"body":"static in the back of my head."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2841.669,"endTime":2845.31,"body":"So it is just the presence of"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2845.371,"endTime":2848.83,"body":"time, but most of my joy is in"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2845.371,"endTime":2848.83,"body":"fellowship, frankly. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2849.25,"endTime":2851.14,"body":"you'll find it. Yeah. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2851.17,"endTime":2855.7,"body":"If you don't have a friends, you"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2851.17,"endTime":2855.7,"body":"have i on the show, come talk to"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2855.7,"endTime":2856.93,"body":"me right here, reach out to us."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2859.0,"endTime":2861.31,"body":"We're approachable. One"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2859.0,"endTime":2861.31,"body":"thing that you said that I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2861.31,"endTime":2865.0,"body":"really want to hammer home for"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2861.31,"endTime":2865.0,"body":"everybody, just listen to what"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2865.03,"endTime":2870.28,"body":"Eric has said, You are not alone"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2865.03,"endTime":2870.28,"body":"at all. There are so many people"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2870.31,"endTime":2874.33,"body":"out there that that are here to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2870.31,"endTime":2874.33,"body":"support you. So if you're ever"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2874.33,"endTime":2877.33,"body":"feeling trapped, if you if"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2874.33,"endTime":2877.33,"body":"you're, if your egg is just"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2877.33,"endTime":2880.18,"body":"cracked, and you don't know what"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2877.33,"endTime":2880.18,"body":"to do, don't be afraid to reach"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2880.18,"endTime":2885.97,"body":"out to people. So as Erica said,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2880.18,"endTime":2885.97,"body":"the community is amazing. And"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2885.97,"endTime":2889.84,"body":"yeah, yeah, it's it's huge. So"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2885.97,"endTime":2889.84,"body":"reach out, please."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2890.05,"endTime":2892.42,"body":"And one thing, one thing"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2890.05,"endTime":2892.42,"body":"I want to add on to that finance"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2892.42,"endTime":2894.82,"body":"really quickly is I hear a lot."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2892.42,"endTime":2894.82,"body":"When I talk to people in person,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2894.85,"endTime":2897.13,"body":"you'll you seem like you'd be so"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2894.85,"endTime":2897.13,"body":"intimidating. But you're so"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2897.13,"endTime":2900.73,"body":"friendly and warm and welcoming."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2897.13,"endTime":2900.73,"body":"And that's pretty much true for"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2900.73,"endTime":2903.82,"body":"most trans people. Well, we're"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2900.73,"endTime":2903.82,"body":"not here to crack your egg for"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2903.82,"endTime":2907.96,"body":"you. We're here to hear you out"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2903.82,"endTime":2907.96,"body":"and talk to you. And we know"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2907.96,"endTime":2910.12,"body":"what it's like to step on this"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2907.96,"endTime":2910.12,"body":"path. If there's someone you"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2910.12,"endTime":2912.1,"body":"want to reach out to. I mean, if"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2910.12,"endTime":2912.1,"body":"they're like a megastar, like"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2912.13,"endTime":2915.55,"body":"good luck, right? If you know"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2912.13,"endTime":2915.55,"body":"some people kind of in your"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2915.55,"endTime":2919.72,"body":"community, reach out, say hello,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2915.55,"endTime":2919.72,"body":"they probably would love to chat"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2919.72,"endTime":2923.89,"body":"with you. It's not as you're"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2919.72,"endTime":2923.89,"body":"more scared of them saying no"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2923.89,"endTime":2925.99,"body":"than the fact that they probably"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2923.89,"endTime":2925.99,"body":"are just gonna say yes."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2926.86,"endTime":2930.13,"body":"That's why I'm here."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2926.86,"endTime":2930.13,"body":"And now this shows this is I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2930.13,"endTime":2934.84,"body":"reached out to her on LinkedIn,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2930.13,"endTime":2934.84,"body":"I started just connecting with"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2934.87,"endTime":2937.54,"body":"the bigger names in the trans"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2934.87,"endTime":2937.54,"body":"community on LinkedIn. And now"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2937.54,"endTime":2940.39,"body":"here we are, you know, in"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2937.54,"endTime":2940.39,"body":"creating your own little"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2940.39,"endTime":2942.4,"body":"following. So, yeah."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2943.48,"endTime":2945.73,"body":"All right. So I'm gonna"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2943.48,"endTime":2945.73,"body":"draw to a close here a little"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2945.73,"endTime":2950.05,"body":"bit. So we're going to be coming"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2945.73,"endTime":2950.05,"body":"back to this topic regularly,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2950.05,"endTime":2953.65,"body":"hopefully, once a month. And"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2950.05,"endTime":2953.65,"body":"there's a lot of good reasons"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2953.65,"endTime":2956.86,"body":"for that. A, it's it's a lot of"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2953.65,"endTime":2956.86,"body":"fun to talk about trans joy. But"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2958.12,"endTime":2961.39,"body":"it's, it's important to talk"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2958.12,"endTime":2961.39,"body":"about the good things, right?"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2961.96,"endTime":2966.07,"body":"We're all Well, well, well read"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2961.96,"endTime":2966.07,"body":"on the things that are bad about"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2966.07,"endTime":2970.0,"body":"being trans the things that we"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2966.07,"endTime":2970.0,"body":"all navigate. And the more we"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2970.0,"endTime":2972.07,"body":"focus on that even though"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2970.0,"endTime":2972.07,"body":"there's a lot of things that"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2972.07,"endTime":2975.43,"body":"need our focus, the more it"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2972.07,"endTime":2975.43,"body":"weighs on us, the more defects"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2975.43,"endTime":2979.72,"body":"are our mental health. So the"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2975.43,"endTime":2979.72,"body":"more we also take time to hear"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2979.72,"endTime":2981.76,"body":"about the good things that"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2979.72,"endTime":2981.76,"body":"you're experiencing, that other"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2981.76,"endTime":2984.43,"body":"people experiencing, the better"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2981.76,"endTime":2984.43,"body":"it is for everybody involved. We"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2984.43,"endTime":2987.61,"body":"need to help our community"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2984.43,"endTime":2987.61,"body":"understand there's a lot of good"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2987.88,"endTime":2992.38,"body":"with this path as well. So, to"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2987.88,"endTime":2992.38,"body":"that end, please reach out to"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2992.38,"endTime":2995.71,"body":"the show if you have some news"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2992.38,"endTime":2995.71,"body":"you'd like for us to share on"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2995.71,"endTime":2998.5,"body":"your behalf. If you have"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2995.71,"endTime":2998.5,"body":"questions about trans joy, we"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2998.5,"endTime":3000.0,"body":"want to be able to answer those"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":2998.5,"endTime":3000.0,"body":"for you. We're going to come"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3000.0,"endTime":3004.8,"body":"Back to this monthly. Yeah, so I"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3000.0,"endTime":3004.8,"body":"can't really see Vanessa sitting"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3005.16,"endTime":3005.73,"body":"on her way."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3006.03,"endTime":3009.72,"body":"I just want Riley me."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3006.03,"endTime":3009.72,"body":"It's I'm so glad that you're"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3009.72,"endTime":3014.73,"body":"here. And I'm hoping to see you"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3009.72,"endTime":3014.73,"body":"on many more episodes. Erica,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3014.85,"endTime":3019.2,"body":"thank you so much for this."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3014.85,"endTime":3019.2,"body":"setting this up. It's when Eric"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3019.2,"endTime":3022.71,"body":"I mentioned I mentioned it in"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3019.2,"endTime":3022.71,"body":"our Discord. And just like, that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3022.71,"endTime":3026.88,"body":"is such an amazing idea. Because"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3022.71,"endTime":3026.88,"body":"we are just hit with a constant"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3026.88,"endTime":3031.23,"body":"onslaught of just and just"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3026.88,"endTime":3031.23,"body":"negativity and all this stuff."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3031.86,"endTime":3036.51,"body":"And to be able to step back and"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3031.86,"endTime":3036.51,"body":"be like, because a lot of it I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3036.51,"endTime":3040.44,"body":"know many of us say that even"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3036.51,"endTime":3040.44,"body":"all the bullshit that we have to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3040.44,"endTime":3043.8,"body":"go through. If we had the choice"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3040.44,"endTime":3043.8,"body":"of doing it all over again, we"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3043.8,"endTime":3048.24,"body":"would, because while being trans"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3043.8,"endTime":3048.24,"body":"is awesome, or B while being"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3048.24,"endTime":3053.85,"body":"trans is hard, it's also fucking"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3048.24,"endTime":3053.85,"body":"awesome. And it is it is so"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3055.44,"endTime":3059.34,"body":"yeah, it's these episodes."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3055.44,"endTime":3059.34,"body":"Everyone send your thanks to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3059.34,"endTime":3063.66,"body":"Erica for for conceptualizing"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3059.34,"endTime":3063.66,"body":"this trans Joy thing, because we"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3063.66,"endTime":3067.59,"body":"need it. It's important. And I'm"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3063.66,"endTime":3067.59,"body":"hoping that we have so many"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3067.59,"endTime":3070.89,"body":"people sending in stories or"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3067.59,"endTime":3070.89,"body":"anything having people to add"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3070.89,"endTime":3074.79,"body":"for guests. Anything that was"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3070.89,"endTime":3074.79,"body":"going on with it. Yeah, we want"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3074.79,"endTime":3077.73,"body":"to hear people's stories. We"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3074.79,"endTime":3077.73,"body":"want to hear people's trans joy."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3078.63,"endTime":3081.78,"body":"So if you're interested, if you"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3078.63,"endTime":3081.78,"body":"if you're listening to this, if"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3081.78,"endTime":3085.68,"body":"you're watching this and you're"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3081.78,"endTime":3085.68,"body":"interested in sharing your your"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3085.68,"endTime":3091.71,"body":"joy, let us know. You know,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3085.68,"endTime":3091.71,"body":"we'll have you on. So"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3092.519,"endTime":3095.609,"body":"this is a collective"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3092.519,"endTime":3095.609,"body":"experience this this podcast,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3095.639,"endTime":3099.299,"body":"you have something to say and"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3095.639,"endTime":3099.299,"body":"you're interested reach out to"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3099.299,"endTime":3102.479,"body":"Vanessa. Yeah, big group is"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3099.299,"endTime":3102.479,"body":"growing. That's why you see"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3102.659,"endTime":3103.829,"body":"different faces all the time."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3104.94,"endTime":3106.35,"body":"Riley, do you have any"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3104.94,"endTime":3106.35,"body":"closing thoughts?"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":3106.56,"endTime":3109.71,"body":"Not too much. I just you"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":3106.56,"endTime":3109.71,"body":"know, if you guys have any"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":3109.74,"endTime":3114.18,"body":"questions, or anything, even"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":3109.74,"endTime":3114.18,"body":"especially on the trans"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":3114.18,"endTime":3118.56,"body":"masculine side that you guys"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":3114.18,"endTime":3118.56,"body":"want to direct or not, answer or"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":3118.56,"endTime":3122.04,"body":"even anything like that, just"},{"speaker":"Riley","startTime":3118.56,"endTime":3122.04,"body":"you know, shoot me a message."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3122.91,"endTime":3124.41,"body":"trans masculine elder."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3128.91,"endTime":3131.4,"body":"That's, it's so great to"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3128.91,"endTime":3131.4,"body":"have you Riley. Because as we"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3131.4,"endTime":3134.97,"body":"know, trans representation airs"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3131.4,"endTime":3134.97,"body":"heavily on the side of the trans"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3134.97,"endTime":3137.7,"body":"women, right? And trans men are"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3134.97,"endTime":3137.7,"body":"they're right in there with us."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3137.7,"endTime":3140.64,"body":"And they're just as important"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3137.7,"endTime":3140.64,"body":"and they have similar and also"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3140.64,"endTime":3143.13,"body":"different experiences. So I'm so"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3140.64,"endTime":3143.13,"body":"glad that we have you with us."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3143.61,"endTime":3146.4,"body":"And we are also hoping"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3143.61,"endTime":3146.4,"body":"to find some wonderful bipoc"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3146.4,"endTime":3151.32,"body":"people as well. So is that how"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3146.4,"endTime":3151.32,"body":"you pronounce it? I'm failing"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3151.32,"endTime":3156.42,"body":"it. Yeah. Yeah, I've never"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3151.32,"endTime":3156.42,"body":"really it's somebody. It's just"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3156.42,"endTime":3160.08,"body":"how they read it in my head. But"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3156.42,"endTime":3160.08,"body":"yeah, we are a very pale group"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3160.08,"endTime":3164.01,"body":"right now. So I would love to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3160.08,"endTime":3164.01,"body":"see even more diversity amongst"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3164.01,"endTime":3170.34,"body":"our ranks. But well, Erica,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3164.01,"endTime":3170.34,"body":"thank you so much Riley, thank"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3170.34,"endTime":3174.3,"body":"you so much for joining us. This"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3170.34,"endTime":3174.3,"body":"is a wonderful episode. I'm glad"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3174.3,"endTime":3177.03,"body":"I double record all these"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3174.3,"endTime":3177.03,"body":"because I accidentally forgot to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3177.03,"endTime":3182.79,"body":"hit record on the Zoom one but I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3177.03,"endTime":3182.79,"body":"have it going on OBS sad about"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3182.79,"endTime":3186.54,"body":"like, the recording I'm like"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3182.79,"endTime":3186.54,"body":"shitting there because it's like"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3186.54,"endTime":3190.05,"body":"talking about like, apples will"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3186.54,"endTime":3190.05,"body":"go with it. So but"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3190.44,"endTime":3193.77,"body":"when I used to side side"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3190.44,"endTime":3193.77,"body":"back that my dad's an audio"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3193.77,"endTime":3196.44,"body":"engineer, so I like grew up with"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3193.77,"endTime":3196.44,"body":"know and kind of do recordings"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3196.44,"endTime":3198.99,"body":"and I used to do a bunch of like"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3196.44,"endTime":3198.99,"body":"spoken word stuff for people"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3198.99,"endTime":3201.66,"body":"like their workshops and book"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3198.99,"endTime":3201.66,"body":"recordings and things like that."},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3201.96,"endTime":3204.66,"body":"I was so anal about that because"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3201.96,"endTime":3204.66,"body":"there's just a couple of times"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3204.66,"endTime":3208.32,"body":"where I forgot to hit that"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3204.66,"endTime":3208.32,"body":"button and it's so bad. You have"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3208.32,"endTime":3211.77,"body":"like the backend system. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Erica","startTime":3208.32,"endTime":3211.77,"body":"it causes some crazy panic"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3211.86,"endTime":3215.28,"body":"wreath tendencies. This"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3211.86,"endTime":3215.28,"body":"entire reason I have this entire"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3215.28,"endTime":3219.99,"body":"redundancy set up because I am"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3215.28,"endTime":3219.99,"body":"flaky as fuck thank you both of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3219.99,"endTime":3222.84,"body":"you. Next week I'm not quite"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3219.99,"endTime":3222.84,"body":"sure what our topic is going to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3222.84,"endTime":3227.97,"body":"be what I understand we're going"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3222.84,"endTime":3227.97,"body":"to be talking about people's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3227.97,"endTime":3231.57,"body":"their military experiences but"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3227.97,"endTime":3231.57,"body":"it's not quite set in stone yet."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3231.57,"endTime":3236.19,"body":"So perhaps next week, we'll be"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3231.57,"endTime":3236.19,"body":"emissary sake. Thank you for"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3236.19,"endTime":3239.13,"body":"joining us. Again, if you have"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3236.19,"endTime":3239.13,"body":"questions reach out to us. You"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3239.13,"endTime":3246.3,"body":"can DM DM me or anybody or"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3239.13,"endTime":3246.3,"body":"emails at transcending that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3246.3,"endTime":3250.59,"body":"humanity that podcast@gmail.com"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3246.3,"endTime":3250.59,"body":"It's long but it's simple. So"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3251.04,"endTime":3257.7,"body":"thank you both for joining."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3251.04,"endTime":3257.7,"body":"Until next time. Thank you soon"}]}