Welcome back to the transcending humanity podcast, our monthly tTrans Joy episode. But first, let's say hello to Rylie, who hasn't been with us for just a little bit. Now, how are you doing Rylie? Oh, not too bad. Like I was telling you before we started I've, I've taken on a puppy.
Rylie:So I've definitely, you know, basically taken on like a toddler at this point. He's only 13 weeks old. So
Erica:and yeah, yeah. Puppies are like that. They are like little toddlers. They're a lot, but they're also so adorable. Right? Is that? Is that the only pet you have? I don't remember. Oh, we actually adopted two elderly cats back in October as well. So okay. Yeah, they're they're, of course loving having a puppy in the house. Sir. Favorite? Yeah. We have some elderly cats as well. And when my daughter comes to visit with her dog, it does not go well for anybody. Yeah, I'm, honestly I am surprised at how well they're adjusting. But they've been kind of a surprise. All around. So. Right. Yeah. Okay, well, let's, let's get into it. It's just you and me this week, maybe someone else will pop in halfway through, I have no idea. So we're talking about trans joy and something we need to be able to find after tough times. Coming out of pride in some of the awful Supreme Court, all of the Supreme Court decisions are awful, right. And I was just kind of really down after that pride felt really heavy to me this year, and a lot was a lot more more of a protest than maybe in some recent years. And, you know, I think I spent a lot of the month giving a lot of talks, mostly to allies, or people who shouldn't be allies to the community, and in a variety of use and pride. And I didn't really hold back, I didn't do that. Yeah, it's amazing and fabulous to be outside. It's like, let's talk about why it's protest. Let's talk about the legal issues. Let's talk about the health care, immigration, let's talk about why you should be better allies. And I think coming out of this coming into June, I just felt really heavy. And I, as I talked to some of my other friends in the community, some people hear their podcast some people in other places, I kept hearing that the same. Sort of the same refrain, right. So I thought, man, you know, how do we move past that? And you know, it got me thinking about this episode coming up and wanting to talk about when times seem heavy? How can you get some joy going in your life, right? Because while it doesn't change the reality of the situation, if you can get back to a place of feeling like you're not everything's all dark, it feels like you can handle things a little bit better. So let's be a great episode. So we'll just love your take on that rally before we go into any of the questions.
Rylie:Yeah, no, I mean, it definitely has been a little bit heavier. I mean, like, for me, you know, there's been big joyous moments are in like Cincinnati area, because like, this was our 50th anniversary pride this year. And like, so that was really exciting. But, you know, unfortunately, there's still a lot of the legislation like, I think it was like the last episode I was on, I had mentioned that Ohio's committee was trying to push the gender affirming care for youth to not be allowed. And, you know, just, it is kind of a surreal thing to think about at times. Because, like, for me as a 18 year old who was trying to begin their social transition, I was, you know, that could have been me, because I was in high school when I started my transition. And just it weighs really differently on me at times when I started thinking about it, you know, yeah, I'm lucky to be where I am in my transition now. But like, that could have that mean, right, just so it does weigh, it does weigh on you. And it's hard to sometimes get out of those funks. And there's just little things that sometimes we can all do for ourselves and each other to help with those things. So and I definitely think this is a good episode to talk about that.
Erica:Yeah, for sure. Yeah, so maybe let's just start with, first with what has brought you some joy, you know, over the last couple of weeks, but you can go first strike me first. Does he go first? Lady first. Oh, well, thank you. A couple of things. For me personally. And I think also, now that we're past pride, a lot of the people that I talked to and people here on the podcast that I talked to, we all got to talk to each other more, you know, so getting to talk to the trans fam has really helped a lot in the last two weeks and kind of hearing the same, hearing the same refrain, but like, Hey, we got it, we gotta get over that we got to get past that still pride still have protests going on, right? That really kind of helped get my mind going in the right place. A couple other things, one of my besties got engaged over the last weekend. And I've been waiting to hear that news for like a year for her. So I was super excited about that. I one of my other, one of my other good friends just finished his getting his MBA over the weekend, I didn't, I thought he still had, like, you know, into the fall. And he surprised me with that news. And it was really exciting to hear someone having personal success. So that type of stuff always kind of feels uplifting, because I'm like, Look, good things are happening in the world. I think otherwise, like, we're going to the beach. So I'm gonna go see my mom and my brother is going to be there. So I get to see some of the family that I don't get to see very often. So I'm looking forward to that. And then we have a big birthday party coming up in August for my partner. So I'm getting to plan that. So those are the fun things that are going that that are bringing me joy. I think one final thing is y'all I have loved threads. It's been so good for me. I was an adult, when Twitter launched in 2006. Like, not just the baby adult, but like an adult. So for me, it's been like, Oh, this is what it used to be like, especially without all the hate just people being out there and being weird and weird and queer. And so I've really enjoyed it here on its first week. And I've gotten to, I think the fun thing is, is like I've gotten to talk to some of the people on the podcast more often than the other people I know more often, especially that I only know through social media where you just sort of get this curated version of themselves. And so getting to talk to some of my other, those other people that we've kind of become close to like, Oh, we're actually having a conversation, not just like, here's an image and what I'm trying to say to my audience. So that's been, I think, a blast for me this week. And it's brought me to enjoy especially because so far, I know some of the backdrops got certainly get in there, it's been pretty much like we're paradise. Hey, well, that definitely is a week of some good news and just good energy, it feels like I think so. It's helped, it's helped. So things are still heavy in my life, that they just are the way life is and you know, stress at the job and, you know, also aging parents, but it's really kind of help lift my mood and make me feel like okay, I can get through some of these situations now.
Rylie:Yeah, no, definitely. I definitely agree with that. Because, you know, like for me this week, especially like, I just had my new boss finally start after, right? Yeah, so I started a job and literally, like, a week later, my boss was fired. So I've been in this weird limbo of like, I kinda know what I'm doing, but I'm doing the best I can. And it was an interesting last like, five weeks without having a direct like, immediate supervisor, and having to go to the General Manager. So the like the my boss's boss, essentially, for the last five weeks. I love him, but like, you know, I'm excited to have like a new boss again. And he seems to be fantastic. And we both have weird spellings for our names. So nobody's ever gonna spell names right? over that. Oh, yeah, no, absolutely. That was like the first thing I was like, oh, so your spelling of Matthew is not the standard. Matthew. I see.
Erica:There's more than one. I'm curious. Now. You got to tell us.
Rylie:So M A T T H I E U - it's the French spelling.
Erica:Matthieu.
Rylie:Yes.
Erica:That is okay. That's wild. By the way. Fun fact, I call my boss's boss, my grand boss, and I don't care how offended
Rylie:I mean, I might take that on. I'm not gonna lie. It's great. It's probably gonna make my gosh, I'm going to use it right now. My grandpa, so he's probably going to hate it. He's only like, three or four years older than me.
Erica:I know. I love it. I love it. Which is I guess you're not really calling your boss dad boss or mom boss. They're just boss but grandpa's. And I've gotten like 10 or 15 people doing that now to your bosses or grand boss.
Rylie:If anything, it sounds like a super villain. Like you're like fighting the grand boss.
Erica:Exactly. Hey, it looks like we have Miss Vanessa, on with us today. We just got rolling.
Vanessa:Hi! Sorry for being late. Actually, I'm surprised I'm here. Somehow the baby the kid went down and he's asleep. I don't know how maybe it's melatonin. So we'll see.
Erica:You're here. He's asleep. It's all good, exact account all we've done so far. It's just introduced the topic of trance joy, especially like recovering from heavy times. It's kind of talking about coming out of that a lot of us were just like, yeah, so then Rylie and I had just taken a turn sharing, like what brought us some joy this week before we jump into some of our questions. So putting you on the spot. Do you have anything that has particularly brought you some joy?
Vanessa:Oh. I mean, the fact that I am 47 days away from my surgery, I am just so absolutely fucking excited that it's both joyful and frustrating at the same time, because I know that it's coming, but there's still I love your necklace. So soon. Oh, yes, thank you. It's actually like little beads that make up the chain. Oh, that's adorable. I'm not gonna lean into your clothes, because you're gonna just see all of this too much.
Erica:Like, it's a little stretchy, you know? But I love it. I love it. I actually got it for a pride speaking of it, I was like, Oh, this were my favorite outfit, which has no rainbows. Like, I need to add some. Right. There you go. There you go.
Vanessa:Yeah, I mean, otherwise, the past few weeks have just been a blur. I haven't really been very young, trans, queer focused other than the podcast. So I mean, the thing that just constantly brings me joy is this and all of you everything here. So
Erica:we love that. I was telling Rylie that I have I'm addicted to threads. Yes, yes. Love it. Love it.
Rylie:I have purposefully not downloaded it yet. But I will be caving very soon.
Erica:Okay, well, we're there. So come find us. All of us. Are there. Most of us. Not all of us in there. But most of us most of us are. Rylie. Mel. I've seen the movie. I've seen Liam on there.
Vanessa:I have like 161 followers already somehow have no idea how all
Erica:I'm slightly behind you. Like 10 Behind you.
Vanessa:You better start picking up. It's I never got into Twitter. I could never figure Twitter out. Like it just it always just kind of just blew my mind. Like, I don't know if it's just the autism or what but I could never. It never booked me in so but threads has. And
Erica:I was telling everybody I was a Twitter adult. I was an early adopter when it came out in 2006. And I wasn't just like a baby adult. I was like fully a fucking adult. Right? So I'm old y'all. And I love I love threads because it's so much like early Twitter.
Vanessa:I hope it stays. I mean, you know me, I have no faith in things staying away like that. But yeah, I hope it does. Because it's a Zuck platform. But
Erica:yeah. Okay, so let's get back into our, our next question, right? And so, we're gonna go from like, what brought us joy this week to actually talking about navigating back towards joy. Right? So how do you each deal with like, when you have a difficult day or a difficult week, like, what helps you get through that? Bike? And I literally mean, like, mindset, or these are tools that I need? Or, you know, what's, what do you do?
Rylie:Well, for me personally, like one of my go twos is like, you know, especially like, even if it's just been a hard day at work, even just coming home and just taking time to like, decompress, you know, spend time with my pets, spend time with my partner, just do anything to not focus on work not focused on the other stresses. Like, I hate to say it, but it's kind of dissociating in a way, but like, in a healthy way of doing dishes. You know what I'm gonna do it, but I'm gonna at least be productive if I'm gonna do it.
Erica:I do kind of like that tip. I've gone from being a dissociated or not under my own control to being like, this is a moment I feel like checking out on. Right. So having a good sense of control, but I used to disassociate really badly just like, gone. But yeah, I love the idea of like, and I kind of do the same thing when I come home, if we've been in office, or if I quit working, like getting to go downstairs and do something that's not thinking about that, whether I'm thinking about work or the state of being trans in America, or like what's going on with my own family, doing the dishes or starting dinner or like Hey, kiddo, how was summer camp today or those things don't don't require any cognitive use whatsoever. Kind of really helped me get through that. As long as I go into them with some intention, like I'm going to not think about things so that I can step back How bout you, Vanessa?
Vanessa:I tend to I mean, Puppy cuddles are always good in the past is something actually need to get back into doing but I building Lego. It's just it's such a zen experience I used to have like almost $20,000 worth of Lego stuff now. There's a small class a little bit left there now, but not a whole lot. But it's such a Zen thing where you can just kind of just turn off your brain and just tune everything out. Or like sometimes I'll put on just like Game Grumps or something in the background just to it just sorry, my dog was... Hey, you're on camera. That's not lady like Podcast listeners will be like, What the fuck? Yeah, I just stuff like that. I like to find ways to just kind of Zen out in order to just block out everything. So lately, I've been playing lattice Zelda, that helps me a lot. Like the colors of the kingdom. Yeah, I just be Breath of the Wild. So I could play tiers of the kingdom and don't like tears all that much. But I'm also taking time to grow domain taking time to grow on me. So I do think that as you play it, the more you'll get into it. And I'm almost afraid to go back to breath of the wild now. Yeah, that's why I wanted to be I asked, I accidentally beat the Breath of the Wild. I was just wandering around Hi, real castle. And I went up in Ganon's room and like, honestly, like, how hard this is. So I had an idea, and I wound up eating it so well, Erica's like
Erica:no, my comment was gonna be, I haven't played the last this version of the last version of Zelda. I frankly, I don't think I've played Zelda in like eight or nine years. So I'm really, really out of the loop. But I've heard this one is like, the best thing. This is the first one I've played since Ocarina of Time back in, like, late 90s. So I think I think I played the one that came out in like, 2010 2012. I just, I'm not sure. Yes, that one. I totally get that. What you said too, about like, Oh, I just accidentally beat the game. I was playing Fallout New Vegas. And it's like, laugh didn't make main storyline until I left it like it's almost endpoint. So I can like, do a bunch of other stuff, you know, big sandbox game. And I was like, Oh, I'm kind of bored with that. I'll come back to that stuff later, and see if I can get all the side quests and then I went and like did the final battle. The game was great time. I'm glad you had a good time. This game is over now. I did not realize that I would have to like, oh shit, there's not like, you can't go back in.
Vanessa:That's annoying.
Rylie:At least so the new Zelda game at least lets you go back. It just tells you like, Hey, you began and it just gives you a little star on your saying. Yeah, that would kill me. I was like, auuuugh, Fallout, I'm never playing
Erica:you again.
Vanessa:That's so - Like, I like like how Final Fantasy 15 where you'd beat it. But then you go back and there's so much more game to play after you beat it. So yeah, which is a good sign.
Erica:Right? Okay, so we find ways to cope right we kind of maybe we disconnect or disassociate? Do we get to a Zen moment we play we play games I think I don't know about you all I I've always been a person that sort of talks themselves through things. But since transition since like getting the right chemicals in my brain, I found that to be far more effective. Because there was like, for me, I always had like the static in the background before I started estrogen that went away. And so that's usually a part of it for me too is like I I need to get like some distance the thing that I'm currently upset about so that I can then maybe a day later come back and and have a conversation with myself like okay, this sucks, but you got to do something about it. Yeah, and that's usually the beginning of getting on good fitting good footing. Do you guys have Gee, I think because this is a trends podcast, has your transness helps more recently or not?
Rylie:For me Not always. I mean, there's sometimes it does like like I I was watching rent the other day and I just kind of HID differently this time around and I was just just like, in the fields though most of the movie but you know, like somehow it just kind of like helped me feel a little more connected though at the same time, like in a good way. And while I was like still like upset and like sobbing because like it's it's obviously sad stuff, but like it did like also still bring me a little bit closer to like, you know, especially like Angel in that particular movie is you a trans woman at that, right? Yeah, it's just a lot of similarities, I guess in modern day with that movie going on, not necessarily in the AIDS perspective, but just a lot of the hate and backlash towards the community. So it's just one of those things where, while it is still a little hard to watch at times, it is still also one of those things. It's like, you know, we have come a long way since even this.
Erica:Yeah, I frankly love that you mentioned read. It's one of my favorite musicals, one of my favorite soundtracks and it's actually actually have like a movie score soundtrack musical. So she was one of the ones that I put on when I needed to like to see your music and do something out. So if I had listened to that song the last couple of days, I would actually be singing how many minutes in the air to you know, not, it's okay. 525,000 Something something minutes. Anyways. Yeah, how bout Vanessa has has been trans at durability to kind of navigate rough situations or, or no noticeable difference are actually kind of made it harder.
Vanessa:It's made it both easier and harder. The how you mentioned the static that is so true, like, because our bodies like Rylie was producing estrogen when Rylie's brain was craving testosterone, us we were producing testosterone, and we craved estrogen. It's just, that's, and so everything I do is so much clearer now. But on the other side of that, everything is so much clearer now. You know?
Erica:All right. So both ways.
Vanessa:Yeah. So like I can I see things I can approach things so much better than I could before with so much more clarity, but I also have so many more emotions now. But I wouldn't trade this for the world because I love having these extra emotions. It's I've learned how to, I've learned myself, I figured out that I'm autistic. And it's just been wonderful. Just being trans. Being out as trans admitting finally admitting to myself that I am has been the most rewarding experience of my life. It's not easy, but it's we we all lived our lives lived a lie for so long. And once you are able to have a lot of edits in here that I'm gonna have to pause and I have to edit out and pissing myself off.
Erica:Make a funny face now. Oh.
Vanessa:So I don't even remember I was being trans is awesome. We'll put it there. It's a superpower. I think it is a superpower. It really does shape shift, or shapeshifters.
Erica:Yeah, actually, one of my favorite things is my wife calls me her her precious changeling. Because I just adapt to things all the time. And so for me, that's, I'm so loved that you said that word. That's joy, right there
Vanessa:Adapting is the trans experience. It's that's why we make such good employees. As, as Lisa said last week, because we can adapt. We can adapt.
Erica:Yeah, I mean, like you said, I think you know, our trans. I mean, I assume I'm here there's so much for transplant. I don't know how I think maybe rarely mentioned this for not early on this podcast, but one before that, but like feelings feel so much better to me now when before they felt kind of like locked away and withheld from me like I know you're there but I can't like touch it. So it felt like I was in it longer and now they're just the volume is turned all the way up. Right? You know, so they come hard and fast. You can't miss them. They don't need to be on lock biggest calm. But I think you know, for me, one of the things that kind of goes along with getting out of a tough time is watching something that makes me cry like happy tears even happy. Even like, having happy tears sort of feels like getting that good cry in which I used to hate before asked you to now Mike, that's amazing. But, Rylie, what I hear a lot for transmis is they find this feeling stoled and potentially harder.
Rylie:Oh, it definitely can be at times. I mean, like, especially when my dosage wasn't correct. I definitely was like my first year on TF. I know I talked about it a little bit in the trans mask upload. I was on a dose that was insanely high and like oh, honestly like it was it was so bad for my mental health in the long run at that point in time. And especially as an 18 year old who just was learning how to deal with it. or emotions as an adult anyway, it was a fun time. And you know, especially when I finally went and got the dose lowered, and my body didn't know what to do, basically, it was like this is a complete shock. Like, honestly, like, I would never wish that on anybody that was by far just one of the most, like, unpleasant experiences.
Erica:Yeah.
Rylie:Going from really? Yeah, going from an insanely high dose to a really low dose.
Erica:I do have an experience with that, I think. But we talked to Vanessa about this on the side, when she first started injections not too long ago, where when they moved me from an oral does to an injection because I wasn't taking in enough. I wasn't metabolizing enough of the estrogen, right? Plus it bypasses deliver all that good stuff. And yeah, at the first month, I was like, wow, this is a powerful difference, right. And then by the middle of the month, in month, end of month, I was like, I am an emotional wreck and a mess at all times. You can set me off by being in the same room with me and not moving. And it was just a really wild experience. I'm like, Oh, my God did I make? Did I make a mistake? So I I talked to the doctor a couple of times, I was like, this seems I want a good dose. But this seems like a lot. And he's like, I mean here, you know, it's not that much, you should be fine. And I was like, Are you sure? I'm going through this vial faster than you said? I would he's like, Well, you are you giving your medicine to people? It's like, no. So the more reluctant to realize they gave me the wrong syringe, I was giving myself a triple dose every week. Right. So my estrogen was like, way up there to that first month. But I was a disaster. So kids out there, don't overdose on your medicines, and I don't really like overdose. But like, Don't get yourself a crazy dose, like it's your syringe. It is a rough ride, don't do it. And also, I just always like to point this out to people. I know we shoot to get to a certain threshold, particularly for estrogen. I don't know what it is for testosterone, but people get like really hung up on the on a dose that gets you there. Don't forget, it's also about how you how sensitive you are. Some of us can get to the right threshold with less. So when you give that if you're out there giving that advice to people remember, someone may be insensitive, and someone may be sensitive. And that's going to be two different doses. Okay, sorry. I just have to get that lesson.
Rylie:Oh, no, you're okay. I mean, honestly, that's a great example, though. Because like, honestly, I had a roommate in college, and we were both taking testosterone. And his dose was even once I got down to the proper dose. I mean, there was probably a six, seven inch difference in height, but like we were similar weight, but we had such a different dosage. So like, it really does make a difference and like so follow your doctor's instructions. Don't Don't mess with your dosage without talking to your doctor.
Erica:Yeah, follow your doctor's instructions. If you're not seeing results over a certain amount of time. Ask for a little more, but give yourself great details. Unless you are insensitive. In using the doctor can figure that out. Sorry. Just safety tips kids.
Vanessa:Yeah. Can I can I divert us really quick? Just Just a minute. Yeah. I have a question for you. Rylie. It's something that I couldn't google it, but you're right here. Is there an estrogen blocker? Or does it just like override it so much?
Rylie:Yeah, the testosterone is all I gotta take. Okay. Yeah, it's, it's, I must say it is nice. It's nice to not have to worry about multiple medications. Yeah. But that could just be the, I don't want to say like that is the standard because like, it generally is, though.
Erica:Yeah. Hey, all of our friends who are going on T and anybody who's interested, I recommend you read testosterone. I think it's an unauthorized biography. I just pulled it back out. And it really talks about testosterone and how it works and people who are sensitive and insensitive and it talks about the sports aspects even it's a really great book. You should you should check it out if you want to learn about it. Right because it's it's really kind of cool to wonder about that. So yes, but that's a testerone is a is the primary sex hormone and will override estrogen at the right right level for transplants and they don't have to take anything to suppress estrogen. That's while something which is why they have to suppress ours because it will overfill just Yeah, right on top of the Yeah, Hmm, cool. More tips for you. Yeah, we're always we're always about tips here. Okay. Um, we kind of talked around this, this question. So I'm the one I was planning next, which is like, what do you do to pull yourself out of these moments? We've kind of already hit that. But I want to go on to the next one, which is what's a reliable way for you to find some joy? Like, a lot of times I think most of us experience in Tinder, euphoria, trenched, or just joy in our lives, and it's kind of something that just happens in the moment, right? And maybe it's intentional, like, Oh, I've learned my favorite thing today. Right, or I got to see. All right, I know I'm seeing my favorite person today. But I think longtime it's kind of incidental. So since you can't really count on that. Do you have things that, you know, like, hey, this will probably get me going in the right direction. Okay, eye makeup for me. It's whenever I'm feeling any sort of dysphoria. I just, I don't leave the I don't leave the house without least doing a little bit to my eyes. And that just snaps me right out of it. Because I like being pretty. Yes. Yes, I you do quite good. Eye makeup better than me weren't great. And I see you with it a lot. And it's great. It's all I ever want. You look good. With I don't like how I look without makeup. You do without the eyes. Your eyes done. I love how you look. So I mean, I do do some eye makeup occasion. But when I'm wearing the big red glasses, it doesn't. It doesn't matter. But a fun fact, for all of you out there. I need glasses to read. If you see me in real life, you won't see me wearing glasses. Unless I'm literally looking at a menu or looking at my phone. It blew my mind seeing the pictures of guilt like at the museum or your at your classes. I'm like - is that Erica? Yes, it's me. I am here I am. I'm farsighted. So I need any strong reading glasses. So I'm literally at the range from the computer which I can see you all clearly. And if I lean back when it's you become blurry. So sorry, another fun fact. So you said I makeup and I think Rylie was gonna tell us something.
Rylie:Oh, yeah. I was gonna say like, for me, honestly, I do like shopping actually. So like going out and finding I have a unhealthy collection of ties that I have obtained. And it's such a subtle little, like, you know, gender affirming thing, and usually ties kind of cheap sometimes, especially if you go thrifting and you can find some really cool ones. And so like for me, like I mean, sometimes you're gonna find some really gross looking ones too. But like, you know, just going out like today actually, I just got a new one because I was like, you know, I'm gonna go walk around Macy's. And I was like, looking through their super clearance, like Final sales stuff. And I was like, Ooh, this tie is $11 this is coming home. Like little things
Erica:I love that. I love that for you. I used to think, Oh, I'm going to be a tie guy. I was like, No, I hate ties because I hated them. Because I'm not a guy.
Transcending Humanity:But
Rylie:I have well over 50 ties for sure.
Erica:Oh, that's amazing. But I love seeing our transmis friends be like Oh, I just got the best suit today. Let me show you what it looks like I got a cool tie or a bow tie or a new Hawaiian shirt. That always brings me a lot of like joy in itself because I'm like, Oh, look how happy that that my sibling it is over something that I hated. That's amazing. Wow. Then per second. I'm like, that's really cool. I should wear more of that. And I'm like, No, you shouldn't because I'm so excited about how excited you are. Right so anyways, wow
Vanessa:you know if I see a cool tie to buy it so I can send the Rylie
Erica:totally.
Rylie:Like I'm not gonna lie like I really do have some interesting ones like I have one that is like a Halloween themed Looney Tunes one and then I have like one that has like a bunch of globes on it. I have a crap ton of different colored Paisley ones like there's a chance you might get me a tie that I already have. But you know what? I would still love it anyway.
Erica:Yeah, too. So I have something a little similar it's probably not as much as Israeli but like fun. Socks. I have a lot of fun socks currently or have baby Yoda socks. Sorry. Grow goo socks with the Mandalorian autumn socks with the with Boba Fett on them if you're catching the theme of a big Star Wars fan. But I also have like some really great winter socks that are blue and pink and have like ski little ski bunnies on them because I you know I wear them when I go skiing and and for me just having like some fun little socks like that always right that my day I think. I think outside of socks because I don't wear it. I don't wear socks in the summer unless I'm literally leaving the house. All right. So it's not really helpful. But otherwise, I would say, for me, it's I think when I get to talk to someone from the community, you know, when I get to connect with like, you know, you rally or Vanessa or or, or Mel or Taryn, or Liam or even like Max, or just, you know, some people I've gotten to know closely through some of my own connection connections that I check in on just like, talking to another trans person really lifts my mood. Even if we're talking about the state of affairs is like pets, someone who understands me. Exactly. someone that understands you. That's, that's, yeah, yeah. Because I mean, there's there I don't know how you feel about you guys feel about this. Like, I love my friends that are cisgendered. And I love all the allies that have met, but there's just some things I'm like, Yes, I can talk to you, Joe, about the sort of trans experience I'm having. But and I know you're totally accepting, but you don't. You don't like quite get it. You know, that sounds like I need to talk. Yeah.
Vanessa:It's yeah. Yeah, how can they really?
Rylie:And it's not anything because my partner, but it's the same thing with her right? Like, I love her. And she absolutely does everything in her power to understand but like, talking to you guys versus her on certain things. Absolutely. Just has a different tone to it.
Erica:Yeah, I do. I do tell my wife, I mean, frankly, just about everything. And there's so many places where it's so great to talk to her we see eye to eye or at least emotionally, we're on the same level. And we can like really get each other through some stuff. But yeah, there, there are some some aspects of being trans that she's aware of, but like being like, I need to talk about this thing. Just kind of need to get at home thinking about it's not as easy with her as it would be with one of you. Yeah, but because I know what she wants, she's watching this, she's still my favorite person to talk to.
Rylie:Mine is.
Vanessa:Like, I can talk shit about mine, because I don't have one.
Erica:But you right?
Vanessa:Yeah, it is me, I suppose. Okay.
Erica:We've kind of, I think kind of composted this a little bit. But I did want to kind of want to hit this nail on the head. And that's like, Do you have a mental health routine or boundaries to try to protect yourself? And I think it's important to talk about where we are, whether you have something or you don't have something because I'm a we should be talking about mental health more, we should be normalizing that most people have some sort of mental issue or health thing temporarily or long term in their lives, right, for one reason or another. And I think particularly, that's an issue in our granting, right? That's how I think many of us experience being trans and not being able to do anything about it. Right? When we talk about this, this association, some aspects of dysphoria. So, we'd love to know, like, how do you manage that part of yourself? And like, you know, what do you do to like, seriously, make sure you're not going to the dark place.
Rylie:Like, for me, honestly, a big part of what I do is I make sure that like I'm checking in to make sure that I'm taking the time for myself when I need it. And not that it's easy to do. But sometimes that means having to stop looking at the news for like, a week. Like just Yeah, I you know, ignorance is bliss, and sometimes too much of knowing of what's actually happening, especially when, you know, the next day, I could not have rights doing certain, you know, certain aspects of my rights will be gone. You know, I, I'll find out when I come back to the news next Monday, sort of thing, you know, like, I'll get there, I'll catch up. But like, sometimes you just gotta like, let yourself be a little ignorant just to be able to recover.
Erica:Yeah, I love the idea of like a news break, or even a social media break, if that's how you get your news or just a break from social media. I go through that to Rylie where I'm like, I just can't handle hearing about another bad thing. I'm just gonna, like, even if I'm on social media, I'm just gonna like right past that. For me. I know that if I keep staying in that cycle, it's gonna get worse and worse and worse. I've learned that about myself. So I've been able to teach myself to be like, you feel common? It's time to like, take a break. Vanessa, do you ever do something like that in terms of like, I'm just not going to listen to some things right now? Or maybe don't do social media like, what do you ever? Like?
Vanessa:I've way too much of a social excuse me social media addiction, and that's how I generate my business. But I just got I step away and I can I have a therapist, which if you can afford a therapist, if you have the means of having one that's good one. It's remarkably I'm helpful just to have someone that's not in your everyday life to just bounce stuff off of. I mean, I, most of my stress honestly comes from being a parent rather than being the news and stuff like that. So I will just, I'll leave the room and just kind of sit and just look out the window for a while just to kind of. So.
Erica:Yeah, parental stress is no joke, man. And yeah, whatever you need to do to, like, once you your kid is in a place where you can take a break, and then you can take her out. Look, I got a kid at home. I've got adult kids been there. Gotta look out for your sock. You can't just give everything in job. No, because all it does is hurt the kid. So yeah, if you can't help yourself, you can't help others. Yep. Love to mirror back what you said about the therapist. I know, not everybody can afford a therapist. Right? I, I've had one, often on different ones for a long time. And they've helped me through a lot of things right. Now I have one that like, that's mine, because, you know, I need her for various items. And as a trans person that I really like working with her. But I think even if you don't have the income that allows you to do that regularly, right, or on whatever cycle that works for you, you know, work your circle of friends, right? I think Michelle Obama calls it her kitchen table, all the girls that come to our kitchen table. And, you know, I think Rylie was calling us out, like, you need to talk about it beyond the person that maybe that it was with, right to get some perspective. So try to find people that you trust just to listen to you. Just so you can just start to get it out so that you can hear like, Oh, this is the thing that I do. This is the thing that I always seem to be and what can I do about that? Or I'm not going to continue to invest in energy in that person. Right. You know, so there's, there's a lot of ways that you can get there. But it'd be great if you could have a therapist, for sure.
Vanessa:It is hard for a lot of people that mental health in this country. Like everyone's focused on Oh, you need mental health and mental health. But then it's so hard to get and so expensive. Yeah. And I know turfs one of the most common things I get on the comments that I believe that my like YouTube videos and stuff is. Get help, sir. Get help. You need help. Getting help. So, but
Erica:I'm following the recommended path.
Vanessa:Yeah, exactly.
Erica:Actual Serious therapists and doctors think so. But yeah, it's, it's so it should be healthcare should should just be a human right? But whatever. Yes,
Vanessa:I won't soapbox.
Erica:All right. Let's think about let's see if we can put any couple tips that put on the table for people to think about in their lives. Like, I'm not a regular general journaler I write so much in my job for what I have to do. And then if I'm blogging or posting, I write a lot. So like, the last thing I want to sit down and do is journal every day, because I feel like I've kind of poured everything out, even if it's all business speak. But when I'm really stuck, like it's helped me just to kind of get that stuff, get that stuff on paper, even if I just want it up and throw it away. Does it? Are you guys Journalers?
Rylie:Sadly, no. But I am going to kind of piggyback off that idea. And for those who are not as maybe writing oriented, you can do the same thing and just record a video on your phone even and just save like a daily journal on your phone just talking to yourself. Honestly, I'm going to not say that was an original idea, I'm going to say and I stole that from Grayson Frankie thinking about you know, Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin in their two different little roles. I've seen them doing their little characters there for that show and how like Jane Fonda's character had like some, you know, huge revelation while doing it one time and it was just like those little things kind of like stick with me and it's like, you know, maybe I should start doing that.
Erica:Yeah, I love I love that idea. I have never thought of recording myself, but I do just like, go be by myself somewhere and talk myself out loud.
Vanessa:I don't journal either. I use Instagram. Like, when things should turn on my head. Yeah, I I like having my inner thoughts be very public. So so when something pops in my head, I'll pop a selfie and just type something stupid in shooting out there. So.
Erica:Okay,
Vanessa:because maybe it'll help someone else too.
Erica:Yeah, love it. Just say it. Put it out there. Right. Let's see what else what else do I do? I think the other thing I usually do I have a couple things that I do around this. I really like being outside in nature. I'm not a I go camping hiking person anymore. I was that for the first 25 years of my life I've done it 200 times I don't need to go do it again. But I still love like, I stand next to water can I stand next to a tree or like I happen to have like lemon balm in my yard as well as meant in rosemary, it's one of things I like to do, especially after like a really stressful moment is go outside and grab one of each and just like, you know, inhale it. But even just like, I just need to go be in the sun. So that's that's the thing that works for me as well. Like, what's your like? Do you have a place that you go to that feels like okay, this is helping for me, it's something in nature,
Rylie:nature is definitely a good one. I used to do the hiking as well and things like that. Not as much so now I haven't really gotten an opportunity to explore like the trails around the Cincinnati area so much. You know, just live from work and everything. haven't had a chance to but you know, other than that, like, I will sometimes just go sit in my backyard because I'd like a swing in my backyard and just sit on that sometimes it's nice. Even if there's you know, he's got a spring myself down with a lot of bug spray first, but he lives just going to sit out there just enjoy the sun and just fresh air even if it is like suburban fresh air. It is still fresh air.
Erica:Yeah, I and I love a swing or a hammock. We don't have one at our current house because we don't really have the right like trees for it. They're all like way too tall. But I would love that used to be one of my favorite things is like go out and just had a rough reading. Just go lay on the hammock and pretend like you're at the beach.
Vanessa:I'm not an outdoors girl. Unless the thunderstorms coming in, then I'll sit and watch it. So if I need to get them I just hop in the car and go get a slushie or something.
Erica:Is it? Is it the act of driving? Or is it like go get a treat.
Vanessa:It used to be the act of driving back when I was fueled by testosterone like I was, I was a car nut and obnoxious car. And now it's mainly just to like I'll get the session and I'll just sit in a parking lot and just kind of unwind so it's just some quiet alone time with no one else.
Erica:I like that one too. I don't like go somewhere as much as I used to because it's just really now aren't but I am a very much like hey, I need to not be around anybody. And my partner has learned this over over our years together like oh no Erica needs to be alone and I'm gonna leave so that for me is a powerful and I'm like an extrovert and introvert. I love people I get a lot of energy off of them. But then I need to like go sleep afterwards. So like get I just need probably an hour a day of alone time even if it's in like little bites. I did I do that place. Where are you are?
Rylie:Yeah. I'm very much the kind of person it was like, honestly, it was kind of a joke in college that my friends would be like, oh Rylie's here. He'll be here for about 30 minutes, and then he'll be gone.
Erica:I can go a little longer than 30 minutes. But I definitely get to that point rally where like, I'm having a great time. Oh, no, now it's time to go. You know, where like, I just feel like I didn't doing well and I hit a wall. And then that's when I start to disassociate and like, oh, it's time to go home. Yeah. If there's more, if there's more and more people there are just like really noisy. That also was like, causes, like just the volume of all that is really, it seems really overwhelming for me much quicker than and even if it was just 10 people.
Rylie:You know that that 30 minutes is in regards to like a big party.
Transcending Humanity:It's like, oh, everybody's here. They're really drunk. Okay, cool. Thanks. Nice to see everybody. Wow, that's yeah.
Erica:Are you are you like that at all? Are you more introvert more extrovert? Do you need a break from people? Or is it people like charges you up?
Vanessa:I am extremely introverted. If you do the whole Myers Briggs thing, which some people think is legit. Some people think it's bullshit. I don't really care, but I'm an INFJ. And I'm very introverted. But I can be extroverted when I need to be sorry. I'm a co host of a podcast. But doing that's very draining. I hate being around large groups of people. It's probably a lot of it's the autism talking to but I cannot go to concerts. I cannot go to the sports venues nothing. And like I could never go to New York City. I know that I would just losing my mind.
Transcending Humanity:So next month, Rylie
Rylie:In fairness, I'm going for a Sam Smith concert. See that Lovely non binary person in concert and I am just so excited worth it worth it. Yes.
Erica:But you are not New York just kind of buzzes all the time, which is that? I don't like the city, that city period at all. I think it's probably just that level of like always something Vanessa, is that what you're talking about being worried about?
Vanessa:Get constant noise, constant stimulation, and then just when there's just too many people, like, I know, I couldn't handle just walking down the street in New York, just too many people. I would just lose it. Like, I, I can't handle being around more than as Rylie said, like 10 people at a time. So. Okay, I just get exhausted.
Erica:Still a good tip, though, for our listeners, when you're having a rough time, we need to start moving yourself out of that. Like, what? What charges you up? Is it being alone? Is it getting under the covers? Is it? Is it sleeping? Is it finding someone to talk to? Or is it being around people? Maybe you're the type person that was like, if I could just go walk in the city of New York, I would feel whatever that person is out there, right? So figure out what you need, you know, do those things that help you kind of get into the right place, whether it's, you know, you go to nature, you play a game, you zone out or you zone in or you're around people or you're not around people, I think knowing that you're in that place of, hey, I'm not doing well. And I need to find ways to manage that. While I've sorted out why I'm not doing well, right? Because at the end of the day, I'm hopeful that most people have. It's not all bad all the time, especially for our trans somethings right. There are definitely difficult moments but hoping that through this little mini series within our episode or podcast that you're finding, like, I shouldn't be looking for things that make me happy too. I can't just be mad all the time.
Vanessa:Yeah.
Erica:And doing that isn't a denial of being upset about something or needing to have something change? It's also saying, but I also have to take care of my my own brain.
Vanessa:Yeah, you do. It's your your mental health is your most important asset, really. Because everything revolves around that. If you're not healthy, if you're not comfortable. Everything else falls down around it. So I always I always tell people it's selfish as it sounds. Always put yourself first because if you can't do that, then you can't help others.
Erica:Yeah, totally. Put your oxygen oxygen mask on first, kiddos. Yeah, exactly. That's the best way to put it. Exactly. All right. Well, that is pretty much I think our episode for this evening. Any parting thoughts? You'd like to leave this with Rylie or but don't do drugs? Unless you? No, no, don't use that. Don't use that. Do take your meds did you take?
Rylie:Yeah, take your medicine now. Unless they're prescribed?
Transcending Humanity:Have you heard medicine? prescribed drugs? And hydrated? Yeah. And if you need to have a gummy, that's all right. Yes. gummies are good. Gummies are very good.
Erica:All right. So I think the message is, do what you need to do to take care of yourself and then find people to help. Even if it's just your friend down the street, you can talk to for 30 minutes. And then looking look for those places where you can grab a little joy, grab a little euphoria to kind of keep picking up the mood because as you come to maybe a more normalized place, the better you'll be able to deal with what's going on and move through it.
Vanessa:Yeah, stay healthy. And never be afraid to reach out to people though. And like, comment, subscribe.
Erica:Yes. And comment. We all actually Do want to talk to you don't be afraid to approach us online.
Vanessa:Yeah, no, definitely don't be. And I mean, we're easy to get a hold of to, especially through the website.
Rylie:We're not hiding.
Vanessa:No, we do respond. Unless you're creepy. If someone's creepy, they just get blocked. So don't be creepy.
Erica:Yeah.
Vanessa:No chasers.
Erica:Instant block. Yeah. All right, everybody. Well, it was great talking to you again tonight. See you next time for episode 16. I'm not sure what we're doing, Vanessa, but I hope you do.
Vanessa:I don't either to tell you that. Okay. We still have to figure that out. Yeah. So it will be a surprise. Bye, everyone.