{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":0.0,"endTime":2.64,"body":"I don't really edit the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":0.0,"endTime":2.64,"body":"episodes much though. I've had a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2.64,"endTime":6.33,"body":"lot of tech issues. Oh, okay, so"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2.64,"endTime":6.33,"body":"like we're recording right now."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":6.33,"endTime":9.54,"body":"So if people listen to this"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":6.33,"endTime":9.54,"body":"sorry for last week with any"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":9.54,"endTime":15.24,"body":"tech issues, and we're suddenly"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":9.54,"endTime":15.24,"body":"like I was talking over, Sarah I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":15.3,"endTime":19.56,"body":"didn't mean to be because I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":15.3,"endTime":19.56,"body":"couldn't hear her and there is"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":19.56,"endTime":22.62,"body":"offensive group chat going on."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":19.56,"endTime":22.62,"body":"So hopefully that will happen"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":22.62,"endTime":27.63,"body":"this time. Hello, everybody."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":22.62,"endTime":27.63,"body":"Welcome back to transcending"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":27.63,"endTime":34.56,"body":"humanity. This is episode 4048"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":27.63,"endTime":34.56,"body":"Alisha? This is episode 48 I'm"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":34.56,"endTime":40.83,"body":"Vanessa Joy. AKA when Australia"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":34.56,"endTime":40.83,"body":"your hostess with the sum of its"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":40.86,"endTime":51.87,"body":"asbestos stuff. And yeah I want"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":40.86,"endTime":51.87,"body":"to do a little tricky morning on"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":51.87,"endTime":54.42,"body":"this one or content warning or"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":51.87,"endTime":54.42,"body":"whatever we're gonna be talking"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":54.42,"endTime":57.63,"body":"about some pretty deep stuff."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":54.42,"endTime":57.63,"body":"We're getting into death in"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":57.63,"endTime":60.87,"body":"suicides, stuff like that. This"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":57.63,"endTime":60.87,"body":"might get my lovely guest here."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":60.87,"endTime":63.66,"body":"Hopefully, if I'm pointing this"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":60.87,"endTime":63.66,"body":"way in the final edit, it'll be"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":63.66,"endTime":69.21,"body":"pointing at her and not the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":63.66,"endTime":69.21,"body":"other way. So my lovely guest is"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":69.48,"endTime":73.65,"body":"Nikki the death doula. So"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":69.48,"endTime":73.65,"body":"obviously there's going to be a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":73.65,"endTime":81.06,"body":"little bit of depth talk. Nikki"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":73.65,"endTime":81.06,"body":"runs a podcast called Good"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":81.06,"endTime":86.52,"body":"grief. I was on I was a guest on"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":81.06,"endTime":86.52,"body":"it. Last week, aired last week."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":87.99,"endTime":90.66,"body":"You really want to hear about"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":87.99,"endTime":90.66,"body":"all the bullshit that I've dealt"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":90.66,"endTime":96.21,"body":"with with my family and how it's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":90.66,"endTime":96.21,"body":"not necessarily a bad thing to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":96.63,"endTime":102.0,"body":"not be upset when a parent dies"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":96.63,"endTime":102.0,"body":"check out her podcast you should"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":102.0,"endTime":104.19,"body":"be checking it out anyways"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":102.0,"endTime":104.19,"body":"because she's Nikki and she is"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":104.19,"endTime":109.47,"body":"badass just a reminder the views"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":104.19,"endTime":109.47,"body":"and opinions of myself Nikki and"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":109.47,"endTime":112.14,"body":"anyone else that was in the show"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":109.47,"endTime":112.14,"body":"are their own and not their"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":112.14,"endTime":116.46,"body":"respective organizations this"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":112.14,"endTime":116.46,"body":"Saturday other that obviously I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":116.46,"endTime":120.63,"body":"speak on behalf of transcending"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":116.46,"endTime":120.63,"body":"humanity. I would like to remind"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":120.63,"endTime":124.5,"body":"everybody Patreon subscribe that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":120.63,"endTime":124.5,"body":"kind of stuff. Thank you to my"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":124.5,"endTime":129.39,"body":"buddy bears and above. And our"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":124.5,"endTime":129.39,"body":"merch shop is still there. And"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":129.75,"endTime":136.2,"body":"I'm thinking about making Tamala"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":129.75,"endTime":136.2,"body":"shirt. Where I say something"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":136.2,"endTime":140.49,"body":"like it's time for a woman to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":136.2,"endTime":140.49,"body":"show America what great truly"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":140.49,"endTime":147.24,"body":"is. I think we need that so"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":140.49,"endTime":147.24,"body":"Anyways, enough yammering on"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":147.27,"endTime":150.66,"body":"this is a show where every"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":147.27,"endTime":150.66,"body":"couple of minutes in people are"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":150.66,"endTime":156.66,"body":"like the fuck is going on here."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":150.66,"endTime":156.66,"body":"I would love to introduce Nikki"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":156.66,"endTime":159.63,"body":"Smith. The death doula."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":156.66,"endTime":159.63,"body":"Actually, I will have her"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":159.63,"endTime":163.41,"body":"introduce herself herself Nikki."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":159.63,"endTime":163.41,"body":"Introduce yourself."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":163.8,"endTime":169.5,"body":"Hi, I'm Nikki. I'm"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":163.8,"endTime":169.5,"body":"Nikki Nikki Smith. I'm a death"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":169.5,"endTime":174.15,"body":"doula and a grief coach. I'm"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":169.5,"endTime":174.15,"body":"located in Columbus, Ohio, and I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":174.18,"endTime":177.09,"body":"help the dying and their loved"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":174.18,"endTime":177.09,"body":"ones navigate the end of life"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":177.09,"endTime":177.6,"body":"journey."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":179.85,"endTime":185.88,"body":"Which I mean, because"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":179.85,"endTime":185.88,"body":"there's doulas for birth. So why"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":185.91,"endTime":187.95,"body":"shouldn't there be one for end"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":185.91,"endTime":187.95,"body":"of life?"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":188.13,"endTime":189.87,"body":"Absolutely agree."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":188.13,"endTime":189.87,"body":"Because"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":189.93,"endTime":192.09,"body":"honestly, the two"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":189.93,"endTime":192.09,"body":"events in our lives are pretty"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":192.09,"endTime":194.07,"body":"similar in a lot of ways,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":194.34,"endTime":197.76,"body":"are dying is very"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":194.34,"endTime":197.76,"body":"much a labor. It very much is a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":197.76,"endTime":202.53,"body":"labor and there's a lot involved"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":197.76,"endTime":202.53,"body":"in dying. So"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":203.94,"endTime":208.29,"body":"how did you get into"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":203.94,"endTime":208.29,"body":"becoming a death doula?"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":209.07,"endTime":214.86,"body":"So I had heard"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":209.07,"endTime":214.86,"body":"about death, doulas on a YouTube"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":215.67,"endTime":220.68,"body":"podcast episode years ago. And I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":215.67,"endTime":220.68,"body":"just thought that sounded like"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":220.68,"endTime":223.29,"body":"such a cool thing. I'd worked in"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":220.68,"endTime":223.29,"body":"nursing homes, volunteer to"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":223.29,"endTime":227.28,"body":"hospice, and I was like, oh,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":223.29,"endTime":227.28,"body":"that's like a thing. A thing."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":227.31,"endTime":229.8,"body":"That's like a thing people could"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":227.31,"endTime":229.8,"body":"do that's so cool, and"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":230.13,"endTime":233.85,"body":"immediately became obsessed. I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":230.13,"endTime":233.85,"body":"was finding everything I could"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":233.85,"endTime":237.39,"body":"find which at that time, there"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":233.85,"endTime":237.39,"body":"wasn't a lot. It's a death."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":237.39,"endTime":240.93,"body":"doula movement hasn't been"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":237.39,"endTime":240.93,"body":"around super long. Just since"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":240.93,"endTime":247.71,"body":"like 2000, like late aughts,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":240.93,"endTime":247.71,"body":"late, late early 2000s, I guess"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":247.71,"endTime":252.81,"body":"you could say, but everything I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":247.71,"endTime":252.81,"body":"could find I was reading up on I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":252.81,"endTime":254.82,"body":"just thought it was super cool."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":252.81,"endTime":254.82,"body":"It was always in the back of my"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":254.82,"endTime":258.24,"body":"brain. But I had a very nice"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":254.82,"endTime":258.24,"body":"cushy full time job and it at"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":258.24,"endTime":261.69,"body":"the time, and I was like, Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":258.24,"endTime":261.69,"body":"never actually do that though."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":263.01,"endTime":266.01,"body":"Flash forward to COVID. And like"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":263.01,"endTime":266.01,"body":"everybody else, I was still"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":266.01,"endTime":269.49,"body":"thankfully employed, but I was"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":266.01,"endTime":269.49,"body":"at home with nothing to do but"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":269.49,"endTime":272.37,"body":"reevaluate my entire life on"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":269.49,"endTime":272.37,"body":"this planet."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":273.45,"endTime":275.49,"body":"And it was can really,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":273.45,"endTime":275.49,"body":"right"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":275.52,"endTime":277.68,"body":"I think a lot of"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":275.52,"endTime":277.68,"body":"people made big life changes"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":277.68,"endTime":279.39,"body":"during COVID. So I came"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":279.39,"endTime":283.08,"body":"out, UFC, I was after"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":279.39,"endTime":283.08,"body":"that."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":283.71,"endTime":288.15,"body":"I can't say I did"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":283.71,"endTime":288.15,"body":"that. But I definitely decided"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":288.15,"endTime":292.08,"body":"to shake things up in my life."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":288.15,"endTime":292.08,"body":"And I started training to be a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":292.08,"endTime":294.48,"body":"death doula. I went to the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":292.08,"endTime":294.48,"body":"international end of life doula"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":294.48,"endTime":299.79,"body":"Association, and day one of"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":294.48,"endTime":299.79,"body":"training first day down and I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":299.79,"endTime":304.41,"body":"was I just knew this is what I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":299.79,"endTime":304.41,"body":"meant to do. So, finish up the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":304.41,"endTime":307.08,"body":"training started my"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":304.41,"endTime":307.08,"body":"certification process. And"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":307.08,"endTime":311.04,"body":"during all that I opened my LLC"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":307.08,"endTime":311.04,"body":"started seeing clients and here"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":311.04,"endTime":311.52,"body":"I am."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":312.39,"endTime":318.0,"body":"That's, that's amazing."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":312.39,"endTime":318.0,"body":"That's me so rewarding to have"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":318.0,"endTime":321.87,"body":"you. Yeah. How do you cope with"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":318.0,"endTime":321.87,"body":"so much death though? Like, are"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":321.87,"endTime":327.36,"body":"you able to step aside a little"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":321.87,"endTime":327.36,"body":"bit? Do you like try not to work"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":327.36,"endTime":329.52,"body":"with family members or someone"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":327.36,"endTime":329.52,"body":"that you're too close with?"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":329.52,"endTime":334.02,"body":"Or yeah, I, I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":329.52,"endTime":334.02,"body":"always said I would not be a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":334.02,"endTime":337.8,"body":"doula to a family member. Mostly"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":334.02,"endTime":337.8,"body":"because I mean, part of the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":337.8,"endTime":341.88,"body":"reason I'm coming into this"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":337.8,"endTime":341.88,"body":"space with families is so that"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":342.48,"endTime":345.57,"body":"the children or the loved ones"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":342.48,"endTime":345.57,"body":"surrounding surrounding the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":345.87,"endTime":349.14,"body":"dying person who I can talk"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":345.87,"endTime":349.14,"body":"today, surrounding the dying"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":349.14,"endTime":352.38,"body":"person can just be there in"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":349.14,"endTime":352.38,"body":"whatever that capacity is their"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":352.38,"endTime":354.9,"body":"daughter, their spouse, their"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":352.38,"endTime":354.9,"body":"loved one, whatever that is,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":355.14,"endTime":358.74,"body":"they can just be there in that"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":355.14,"endTime":358.74,"body":"capacity and not do all the crap"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":358.74,"endTime":363.45,"body":"so to speak. So, you know, when"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":358.74,"endTime":363.45,"body":"it comes down to when my parents"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":363.48,"endTime":366.12,"body":"get to their end of life, I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":363.48,"endTime":366.12,"body":"would rather be there as their"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":366.12,"endTime":373.77,"body":"daughter than their doula. That"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":366.12,"endTime":373.77,"body":"makes sense. Absolutely. So I, I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":373.8,"endTime":376.44,"body":"like I said, I wouldn't do"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":373.8,"endTime":376.44,"body":"anybody to close to me, I did, I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":376.47,"endTime":379.74,"body":"did serve as a doula for a very"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":376.47,"endTime":379.74,"body":"close friend. And I don't regret"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":379.74,"endTime":382.92,"body":"it, I was so happy I was there"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":379.74,"endTime":382.92,"body":"and able to help and they're"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":382.92,"endTime":385.71,"body":"very grateful for me as well."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":382.92,"endTime":385.71,"body":"But it was that one was a lot"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":385.71,"endTime":391.53,"body":"harder on me. It took a while."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":385.71,"endTime":391.53,"body":"It's, you know, I, when she when"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":391.53,"endTime":395.64,"body":"she died, I wasn't present at"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":391.53,"endTime":395.64,"body":"the time. But, you know, the her"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":395.64,"endTime":399.09,"body":"daughter texted me and said she,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":395.64,"endTime":399.09,"body":"you know, she's gone now. And I,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":399.75,"endTime":402.3,"body":"I didn't know how to process"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":399.75,"endTime":402.3,"body":"that, like, do I process this as"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":402.3,"endTime":407.13,"body":"a friend as the doula and it was"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":402.3,"endTime":407.13,"body":"very confusing for me. So I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":407.13,"endTime":411.39,"body":"wouldn't make that I wouldn't do"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":407.13,"endTime":411.39,"body":"that again. But also, when I'm"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":411.39,"endTime":414.63,"body":"working with somebody I'm in,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":411.39,"endTime":414.63,"body":"I'm in work mode, if that makes"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":414.63,"endTime":417.24,"body":"sense. I don't know my work is"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":414.63,"endTime":417.24,"body":"different than you know, typing"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":417.24,"endTime":422.31,"body":"away to computer. But much like"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":417.24,"endTime":422.31,"body":"a therapist is not going to be"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":422.52,"endTime":426.33,"body":"taking on their clients problems"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":422.52,"endTime":426.33,"body":"too hard, you know, and they're"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":426.33,"endTime":429.69,"body":"in therapist mode. I'm in doula"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":426.33,"endTime":429.69,"body":"mode when I'm working. That's"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":429.69,"endTime":433.26,"body":"not to say I don't care and I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":429.69,"endTime":433.26,"body":"don't feel a lot of feelings for"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":433.26,"endTime":435.36,"body":"my clients, because I do I grow"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":433.26,"endTime":435.36,"body":"to love them, because I'm"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":435.36,"endTime":441.03,"body":"working with them in their most"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":435.36,"endTime":441.03,"body":"intimate vulnerable moments. But"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":441.03,"endTime":444.42,"body":"I'm also able to just kind of"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":441.03,"endTime":444.42,"body":"take that hold space, you know,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":444.42,"endTime":447.03,"body":"I'll when I leave after work of"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":444.42,"endTime":447.03,"body":"the client, I'll take some time"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":447.03,"endTime":450.54,"body":"alone in my car and just feel"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":447.03,"endTime":450.54,"body":"the feelings hold their hold"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":450.54,"endTime":453.63,"body":"their grief, hold their sadness,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":450.54,"endTime":453.63,"body":"whatever their, their thoughts"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":453.63,"endTime":455.97,"body":"or feelings were that day. And"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":453.63,"endTime":455.97,"body":"then I just kind of pack away in"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":455.97,"endTime":459.57,"body":"a little box and put it up on my"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":455.97,"endTime":459.57,"body":"mental shelf, and leave it there"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":459.57,"endTime":462.54,"body":"until the next time, I need to"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":459.57,"endTime":462.54,"body":"get it down. It's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":462.57,"endTime":467.34,"body":"That's smart. It's, you"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":462.57,"endTime":467.34,"body":"have to do what you anything"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":467.34,"endTime":471.45,"body":"that you can do to survive with"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":467.34,"endTime":471.45,"body":"those kinds of heavy things that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":471.45,"endTime":475.32,"body":"you're dealing with. And I mean,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":471.45,"endTime":475.32,"body":"you see a lot of professions"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":475.65,"endTime":480.0,"body":"work with that too, though, like"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":475.65,"endTime":480.0,"body":"doctors, nurses, hospital staff,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":480.03,"endTime":482.25,"body":"you know, as you said,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":480.03,"endTime":482.25,"body":"therapists stuff like that. So"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":483.42,"endTime":485.55,"body":"you train yourself to step back"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":483.42,"endTime":485.55,"body":"a little bit."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":486.27,"endTime":488.88,"body":"And it's like"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":486.27,"endTime":488.88,"body":"anything, the more you do it, I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":488.88,"endTime":491.73,"body":"don't want to say the easier it"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":488.88,"endTime":491.73,"body":"gets death is always hard,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":491.76,"endTime":495.3,"body":"right? And it's never gonna get"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":491.76,"endTime":495.3,"body":"easier. But the more you do it,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":495.3,"endTime":498.09,"body":"the more you practice anything,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":495.3,"endTime":498.09,"body":"the better you get at it. So"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":498.09,"endTime":501.03,"body":"it's a little easier for me to"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":498.09,"endTime":501.03,"body":"come compartmentalize and you"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":501.03,"endTime":504.3,"body":"know, put those feelings away"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":501.03,"endTime":504.3,"body":"when I need to. Very"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":504.3,"endTime":514.65,"body":"true, very true. Makes"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":504.3,"endTime":514.65,"body":"sense. So then, you my brain"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":514.65,"endTime":517.23,"body":"just stopped working. That"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":514.65,"endTime":517.23,"body":"happens a lot. Anyone that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":517.23,"endTime":519.36,"body":"listen to this shows like"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":517.23,"endTime":519.36,"body":"Vanessa's brain stops working in"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":520.41,"endTime":525.54,"body":"mind to what we have like two"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":520.41,"endTime":525.54,"body":"neurons left, you know, stress"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":525.54,"endTime":533.91,"body":"so, right. So you work both with"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":525.54,"endTime":533.91,"body":"the person who is in the process"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":533.91,"endTime":540.99,"body":"of passing in their families."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":533.91,"endTime":540.99,"body":"Oh, yeah. Who usually fires is"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":540.99,"endTime":543.33,"body":"it usually a family that hires"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":540.99,"endTime":543.33,"body":"years, it's something that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":543.33,"endTime":545.01,"body":"seemed like a living will or"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":545.19,"endTime":549.27,"body":"so, so far"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":545.19,"endTime":549.27,"body":"everybody that has hired me has"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":549.27,"endTime":553.77,"body":"been a family member of the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":549.27,"endTime":553.77,"body":"dying person. I have had people"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":553.77,"endTime":557.37,"body":"with diagnoses that have reached"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":553.77,"endTime":557.37,"body":"out to me just to ask questions"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":557.37,"endTime":559.8,"body":"or, you know, get a little"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":557.37,"endTime":559.8,"body":"guidance, but I haven't really"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":559.8,"endTime":563.64,"body":"worked with them in a full scope"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":559.8,"endTime":563.64,"body":"as a doula, but so far, and"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":563.64,"endTime":566.52,"body":"that's just the way it's worked"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":563.64,"endTime":566.52,"body":"out. I don't know how normal"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":566.52,"endTime":570.42,"body":"that is with other doulas but so"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":566.52,"endTime":570.42,"body":"far everybody that's hired me"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":570.42,"endTime":573.33,"body":"has been a family member their"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":570.42,"endTime":573.33,"body":"their person has been on board,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":573.33,"endTime":575.97,"body":"I would never work with somebody"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":573.33,"endTime":575.97,"body":"who doesn't want me there. So"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":575.97,"endTime":578.7,"body":"that's the first question I ask"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":575.97,"endTime":578.7,"body":"is, do they know you're reaching"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":578.7,"endTime":581.67,"body":"out to me? And are they okay"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":578.7,"endTime":581.67,"body":"with working with me? And if"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":581.67,"endTime":584.28,"body":"they say no, and know that I'm"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":581.67,"endTime":584.28,"body":"gonna say that I can't help you."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":584.31,"endTime":588.42,"body":"So I'm not going to force myself"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":584.31,"endTime":588.42,"body":"on anybody that doesn't want my"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":588.42,"endTime":589.23,"body":"services?"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":589.5,"endTime":593.82,"body":"No. You see that so"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":589.5,"endTime":593.82,"body":"often too, especially with"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":593.85,"endTime":597.0,"body":"elderly elderly abuse? Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":593.85,"endTime":597.0,"body":"stuff like that. Where they just"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":597.75,"endTime":601.17,"body":"they start talking about these"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":597.75,"endTime":601.17,"body":"these People like they're just"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":601.17,"endTime":605.61,"body":"things and forgotten. And it's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":601.17,"endTime":605.61,"body":"heartbreaking, absolutely"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":605.61,"endTime":610.47,"body":"heartbreaking. There's so many"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":605.61,"endTime":610.47,"body":"people that are just fully"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":610.47,"endTime":614.58,"body":"alone. I think I think you"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":610.47,"endTime":614.58,"body":"mentioned when you're"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":614.58,"endTime":619.65,"body":"interviewing me, like during"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":614.58,"endTime":619.65,"body":"the, during the AIDS crisis,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":619.68,"endTime":625.62,"body":"where there were people that,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":619.68,"endTime":625.62,"body":"like were dying alone, because"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":625.65,"endTime":630.09,"body":"doctors, nurses, no one wanted"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":625.65,"endTime":630.09,"body":"to go near them. And the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":630.09,"endTime":633.93,"body":"heartbreak of that, like, oh, I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":630.09,"endTime":633.93,"body":"can't even imagine. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":634.89,"endTime":637.62,"body":"yeah, there were,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":634.89,"endTime":637.62,"body":"there would be so many people"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":637.62,"endTime":641.22,"body":"dying in hospitals. And when it"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":637.62,"endTime":641.22,"body":"was so new and stigmatized,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":641.76,"endTime":644.64,"body":"there would be nurses that would"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":641.76,"endTime":644.64,"body":"refuse to touch them. And you"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":644.64,"endTime":648.12,"body":"have to physically touch people"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":644.64,"endTime":648.12,"body":"as a nurse, like, where they"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":648.12,"endTime":651.87,"body":"would just make it so limited."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":648.12,"endTime":651.87,"body":"And I mean, sure, when you're in"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":651.87,"endTime":655.17,"body":"the hospital, you got, you know,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":651.87,"endTime":655.17,"body":"one nurse for, you know, however"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":655.17,"endTime":657.39,"body":"many people so they can't spend"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":655.17,"endTime":657.39,"body":"all day with you, but they'll at"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":657.39,"endTime":660.3,"body":"least hold your hand and talk to"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":657.39,"endTime":660.3,"body":"you for a minute. But all these"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":660.36,"endTime":663.24,"body":"all these people dying of AIDS"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":660.36,"endTime":663.24,"body":"were like, the nurses would come"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":663.24,"endTime":665.7,"body":"in and like barely touch them,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":663.24,"endTime":665.7,"body":"the doctors would stand at the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":665.7,"endTime":669.6,"body":"other end of the room, and talk"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":665.7,"endTime":669.6,"body":"at them and then leave without"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":669.6,"endTime":675.39,"body":"ever touching them. And knowing"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":669.6,"endTime":675.39,"body":"it, knowing what we know now, we"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":675.39,"endTime":679.05,"body":"know that's horrendous. It was"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":675.39,"endTime":679.05,"body":"horrendous at the time. But I'm"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":679.05,"endTime":682.41,"body":"hoping now we're a little more"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":679.05,"endTime":682.41,"body":"compassionate. And now that we"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":682.41,"endTime":685.56,"body":"know how this is transmitted,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":682.41,"endTime":685.56,"body":"that doctors and nurses are"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":685.56,"endTime":687.06,"body":"being a little nicer about this."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":687.6,"endTime":691.74,"body":"We can only hope. I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":687.6,"endTime":691.74,"body":"mean, not all of them. But yeah."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":692.76,"endTime":696.57,"body":"I'm you said like death doula"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":692.76,"endTime":696.57,"body":"and modern culture is kind of a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":696.57,"endTime":702.03,"body":"newer thing. But I would imagine"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":696.57,"endTime":702.03,"body":"it's has a long history back"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":702.03,"endTime":704.88,"body":"through the years have you done"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":702.03,"endTime":704.88,"body":"research on the history of it,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":704.88,"endTime":705.9,"body":"and so"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":706.41,"endTime":712.74,"body":"there isn't much"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":706.41,"endTime":712.74,"body":"like specific. So, okay, so the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":712.92,"endTime":716.49,"body":"to go way back. The word doula"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":712.92,"endTime":716.49,"body":"is from the ancient Greek word"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":716.49,"endTime":719.82,"body":"dulay, which is female maid"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":716.49,"endTime":719.82,"body":"servant. It's also translated as"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":719.82,"endTime":725.94,"body":"female slave, but I prefer maid"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":719.82,"endTime":725.94,"body":"servant. Right, so and so doulas"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":725.94,"endTime":728.85,"body":"have been around in some"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":725.94,"endTime":728.85,"body":"capacity or another since"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":728.85,"endTime":732.36,"body":"ancient Greek times, and most of"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":728.85,"endTime":732.36,"body":"them were there for births. But"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":732.57,"endTime":735.87,"body":"there's been references here and"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":732.57,"endTime":735.87,"body":"there of doulas or you know"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":735.87,"endTime":738.75,"body":"dulay working with people at"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":735.87,"endTime":738.75,"body":"different times in their life"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":738.75,"endTime":741.9,"body":"sometimes just helping out with"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":738.75,"endTime":741.9,"body":"the wedding or helping out with"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":742.53,"endTime":748.2,"body":"you know, sex so it's just kind"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":742.53,"endTime":748.2,"body":"of assumed that they probably"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":748.2,"endTime":751.02,"body":"were helping people with dying"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":748.2,"endTime":751.02,"body":"as well. And there are in other"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":751.02,"endTime":756.06,"body":"cultures there are people that"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":751.02,"endTime":756.06,"body":"are death walkers that do some"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":756.09,"endTime":759.39,"body":"basically what we're doing so a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":756.09,"endTime":759.39,"body":"death doula is not a brand new"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":759.39,"endTime":763.29,"body":"thing, but a death doula as we"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":759.39,"endTime":763.29,"body":"know it right now, the trainings"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":763.29,"endTime":765.9,"body":"that are out there, the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":763.29,"endTime":765.9,"body":"certifications that are out"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":765.9,"endTime":770.4,"body":"there are all new ish. So"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":765.9,"endTime":770.4,"body":"somebody just finally made a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":770.4,"endTime":773.04,"body":"label for it, so to speak. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":773.61,"endTime":779.49,"body":"Yeah, like it's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":773.61,"endTime":779.49,"body":"probably just like, absorbing"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":779.49,"endTime":783.42,"body":"techniques just built up through"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":779.49,"endTime":783.42,"body":"the years but I like your your"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":783.42,"endTime":786.87,"body":"point with doulas having been"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":783.42,"endTime":786.87,"body":"with other major events like"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":786.87,"endTime":792.3,"body":"wedding sex and stuff like that."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":786.87,"endTime":792.3,"body":"A doula is a guide. Really."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":793.29,"endTime":798.87,"body":"Someone to give you some"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":793.29,"endTime":798.87,"body":"direction, be it starting your"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":798.87,"endTime":803.61,"body":"life, middle of your life, major"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":798.87,"endTime":803.61,"body":"things, and I love that."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":805.5,"endTime":808.29,"body":"Honestly, before I met you, I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":805.5,"endTime":808.29,"body":"didn't even know death. doulas"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":808.29,"endTime":814.29,"body":"were a thing. So now I can thank"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":808.29,"endTime":814.29,"body":"Becky and her podcast collective"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":814.29,"endTime":819.06,"body":"for that. So Thanks, Becky."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":814.29,"endTime":819.06,"body":"Maybe I should run one of her"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":819.06,"endTime":823.56,"body":"ads on this on this episode."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":819.06,"endTime":823.56,"body":"Yeah. Yeah. So right here, put"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":823.56,"endTime":826.17,"body":"it right if I remember. And"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":823.56,"endTime":826.17,"body":"that's about like a gap or"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":826.17,"endTime":828.0,"body":"something. So like"},{"speaker":"Advertisement","startTime":832.17,"endTime":834.6,"body":"the journey"},{"speaker":"Advertisement","startTime":832.17,"endTime":834.6,"body":"towards liberation is hashtag"},{"speaker":"Advertisement","startTime":834.63,"endTime":838.62,"body":"messy AF and honestly, we're"},{"speaker":"Advertisement","startTime":834.63,"endTime":838.62,"body":"here for it. Hi, I'm Tina Brown,"},{"speaker":"Advertisement","startTime":838.65,"endTime":841.77,"body":"a feminist life coach. And I'm"},{"speaker":"Advertisement","startTime":838.65,"endTime":841.77,"body":"Becky Mellencamp with feminist"},{"speaker":"Advertisement","startTime":841.77,"endTime":845.22,"body":"Business Coach, and we're your"},{"speaker":"Advertisement","startTime":841.77,"endTime":845.22,"body":"host for messy liberation. Join"},{"speaker":"Advertisement","startTime":845.22,"endTime":848.04,"body":"us for conversations about"},{"speaker":"Advertisement","startTime":845.22,"endTime":848.04,"body":"current events politics, pop"},{"speaker":"Advertisement","startTime":848.04,"endTime":850.98,"body":"culture, and of course business"},{"speaker":"Advertisement","startTime":848.04,"endTime":850.98,"body":"always with our eye on"},{"speaker":"Advertisement","startTime":850.98,"endTime":854.04,"body":"liberation from oppressive"},{"speaker":"Advertisement","startTime":850.98,"endTime":854.04,"body":"systems. If you're like us and"},{"speaker":"Advertisement","startTime":854.04,"endTime":856.86,"body":"want to create a more equitable"},{"speaker":"Advertisement","startTime":854.04,"endTime":856.86,"body":"world subscribe to Messi"},{"speaker":"Advertisement","startTime":856.86,"endTime":859.62,"body":"liberation available wherever"},{"speaker":"Advertisement","startTime":856.86,"endTime":859.62,"body":"you listen to podcasts,"},{"speaker":"Advertisement","startTime":859.68,"endTime":862.68,"body":"including the biggies Apple,"},{"speaker":"Advertisement","startTime":859.68,"endTime":862.68,"body":"Spotify and YouTube."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":866.4,"endTime":868.44,"body":"Okay, there's an audio"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":866.4,"endTime":868.44,"body":"gap. Hopefully I'll find that."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":869.7,"endTime":873.21,"body":"If there isn't an ad inserted"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":869.7,"endTime":873.21,"body":"right here, you'll know that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":873.21,"endTime":879.6,"body":"Vanessa is just a flake because"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":873.21,"endTime":879.6,"body":"I am. So when it comes to death"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":879.63,"endTime":884.28,"body":"and dying, as you know, the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":879.63,"endTime":884.28,"body":"show's fairly queer focused,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":884.28,"endTime":888.93,"body":"it's not like as trans focus as"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":884.28,"endTime":888.93,"body":"it used to be, but it's run by a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":888.93,"endTime":892.74,"body":"trans person and most of my co"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":888.93,"endTime":892.74,"body":"hosts are queer in one way,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":892.74,"endTime":898.23,"body":"shape or form. One thing that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":892.74,"endTime":898.23,"body":"our community's struggles with a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":898.23,"endTime":904.77,"body":"lot is Um, we're almost we're"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":898.23,"endTime":904.77,"body":"past 10 minutes in. So this"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":904.89,"endTime":909.3,"body":"might eventually get monetized"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":904.89,"endTime":909.3,"body":"as suicide goes on YouTube and"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":909.3,"endTime":916.23,"body":"other algorithm. But it's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":909.3,"endTime":916.23,"body":"something that is effective"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":916.41,"endTime":924.15,"body":"effectively for us. I myself had"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":916.41,"endTime":924.15,"body":"a incident back in April. And"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":924.66,"endTime":928.14,"body":"throughout my life, I've had"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":924.66,"endTime":928.14,"body":"suicidal ideation. It's only"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":928.14,"endTime":932.22,"body":"been since I'm finally on the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":928.14,"endTime":932.22,"body":"correct medication and have my"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":932.22,"endTime":938.82,"body":"ADHD under control and have my"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":932.22,"endTime":938.82,"body":"hormones in check that I haven't"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":938.82,"endTime":942.12,"body":"had a suicidal thought in"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":938.82,"endTime":942.12,"body":"months, which is mind blowing"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":942.12,"endTime":945.57,"body":"for me, because usually it's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":942.12,"endTime":945.57,"body":"everyday. So those in the queer"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":945.57,"endTime":948.69,"body":"community those not in the queer"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":945.57,"endTime":948.69,"body":"community, just, if you have"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":948.69,"endTime":952.68,"body":"those thoughts all the time."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":948.69,"endTime":952.68,"body":"Know that it is normal. A lot of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":952.68,"endTime":956.58,"body":"people a lot of other people"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":952.68,"endTime":956.58,"body":"feel this too. But you still"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":956.58,"endTime":961.05,"body":"need to talk to somebody. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":956.58,"endTime":961.05,"body":"So getting back to my point,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":961.92,"endTime":964.11,"body":"suicide is a very common thing"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":961.92,"endTime":964.11,"body":"in the queer community,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":964.11,"endTime":965.88,"body":"especially in the trans"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":964.11,"endTime":965.88,"body":"community, especially in the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":965.88,"endTime":972.93,"body":"trans youth. And people find"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":965.88,"endTime":972.93,"body":"themselves suddenly missing a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":972.93,"endTime":977.01,"body":"family member, in some cases out"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":972.93,"endTime":977.01,"body":"of nowhere, because they might"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":977.01,"endTime":980.22,"body":"not know how that person how"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":977.01,"endTime":980.22,"body":"much that person was struggling."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":980.94,"endTime":984.87,"body":"And a suicide. It's one of those"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":980.94,"endTime":984.87,"body":"tricky things in that someone"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":984.87,"endTime":991.77,"body":"could seem completely fine. And"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":984.87,"endTime":991.77,"body":"the next day they're gone. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":991.8,"endTime":995.22,"body":"a lot of times is people that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":991.8,"endTime":995.22,"body":"don't feel heard, or they are"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":995.22,"endTime":1000.62,"body":"being oppressed in one way,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":995.22,"endTime":1000.62,"body":"shape or another. So for family"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1000.62,"endTime":1008.63,"body":"and friends of, of the queer"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1000.62,"endTime":1008.63,"body":"community. What advice would you"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1008.63,"endTime":1015.02,"body":"have, especially if they didn't"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1008.63,"endTime":1015.02,"body":"necessarily know that the person"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1015.02,"endTime":1020.63,"body":"that took their life was queer"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1015.02,"endTime":1020.63,"body":"in one way, shape, or form? What"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1020.63,"endTime":1025.31,"body":"advice do you have for unpacking"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1020.63,"endTime":1025.31,"body":"that? I know, that's a deep"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1025.31,"endTime":1025.85,"body":"question."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1026.029,"endTime":1029.479,"body":"I know that is a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1026.029,"endTime":1029.479,"body":"deep question. So and there's a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1029.509,"endTime":1032.329,"body":"yeah, that's, that's a lot."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1029.509,"endTime":1032.329,"body":"There's a lot to unpack with"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1032.329,"endTime":1035.869,"body":"that. But no, that's okay. It's"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1032.329,"endTime":1035.869,"body":"a great question, because I get"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1035.869,"endTime":1040.729,"body":"asked questions like this a lot."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1035.869,"endTime":1040.729,"body":"And so, even just a setback, if"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1040.729,"endTime":1045.709,"body":"you've lost somebody in your"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1040.729,"endTime":1045.709,"body":"life to suicide. There's a lot"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1045.709,"endTime":1048.769,"body":"of cases where they sit, you'll"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1045.709,"endTime":1048.769,"body":"hear I had no idea they were"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1048.799,"endTime":1051.019,"body":"depressed, I had no idea"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1048.799,"endTime":1051.019,"body":"anything was wrong. Or they"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1051.019,"endTime":1056.659,"body":"might say I had no idea they"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1051.019,"endTime":1056.659,"body":"were queer. And first of all,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1056.689,"endTime":1060.379,"body":"don't. It's it's easy to sit"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1056.689,"endTime":1060.379,"body":"back and say, I should have"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1060.379,"endTime":1065.569,"body":"known No, you probably didn't"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1060.379,"endTime":1065.569,"body":"for a reason. I've had a long"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1065.569,"endTime":1068.449,"body":"history of suicidal ideation,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1065.569,"endTime":1068.449,"body":"myself, and I, that's one of the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1068.449,"endTime":1072.559,"body":"things I don't talk about."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1068.449,"endTime":1072.559,"body":"Because there's stigma we all"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1072.559,"endTime":1075.769,"body":"know, there's stigma around"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1072.559,"endTime":1075.769,"body":"suicide. And there's stigma"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1075.769,"endTime":1078.679,"body":"around feeling it or stigma"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1075.769,"endTime":1078.679,"body":"around the act. There's stigma"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1078.709,"endTime":1082.189,"body":"around the family members that"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1078.709,"endTime":1082.189,"body":"should have known. And it's,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1082.219,"endTime":1086.419,"body":"it's stupid and unfounded. And"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1082.219,"endTime":1086.419,"body":"that's why we don't nobody's"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1086.419,"endTime":1089.119,"body":"talking about it. So you know,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1086.419,"endTime":1089.119,"body":"you probably didn't know you"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1089.119,"endTime":1093.649,"body":"probably had no idea. Because"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1089.119,"endTime":1093.649,"body":"they were scared, they were"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1093.649,"endTime":1096.499,"body":"scared to ask for help, or they"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1093.649,"endTime":1096.499,"body":"were scared to let it be known"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1096.499,"endTime":1100.549,"body":"that they weren't well, and when"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1096.499,"endTime":1100.549,"body":"it comes to the queer community,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1100.549,"endTime":1103.909,"body":"there's a lot of stigma with"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1100.549,"endTime":1103.909,"body":"that, too. Unfortunately, it"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1103.909,"endTime":1106.639,"body":"pisses me off. I wish there"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1103.909,"endTime":1106.639,"body":"wasn't, but there is there's"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1106.639,"endTime":1111.769,"body":"just too many people that are"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1106.639,"endTime":1111.769,"body":"you know, ostracized by their"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1111.769,"endTime":1114.649,"body":"family members, ostracized by"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1111.769,"endTime":1114.649,"body":"their friends and find"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1114.649,"endTime":1118.729,"body":"themselves completely alone and"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1114.649,"endTime":1118.729,"body":"or worse, yet abused, hurt,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1118.879,"endTime":1123.379,"body":"attacked, you know, whatever,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1118.879,"endTime":1123.379,"body":"because of their, whatever"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1123.379,"endTime":1127.279,"body":"their, you know, their their"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1123.379,"endTime":1127.279,"body":"queer identification might be,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1127.309,"endTime":1130.279,"body":"and there's so much stigma with"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1127.309,"endTime":1130.279,"body":"it, that they're terrified to"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1130.279,"endTime":1133.819,"body":"talk about it. So they just see"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1130.279,"endTime":1133.819,"body":"people around them being abused,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1133.819,"endTime":1137.989,"body":"hurt, or, you know, looked down"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1133.819,"endTime":1137.989,"body":"on whatever and they say, I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1137.989,"endTime":1142.219,"body":"can't live that way. And they"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1137.989,"endTime":1142.219,"body":"might take their own life. And"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1142.249,"endTime":1146.929,"body":"there's nothing if it's done,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1142.249,"endTime":1146.929,"body":"it's done, right? You We can't"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1146.929,"endTime":1149.509,"body":"change the past. I wish we"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1146.929,"endTime":1149.509,"body":"could, but we can't change that."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1150.019,"endTime":1153.619,"body":"The number one thing you can do"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1150.019,"endTime":1153.619,"body":"is if it's if somebody in your"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1153.619,"endTime":1158.299,"body":"life has come has taken their"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1153.619,"endTime":1158.299,"body":"own life, because they were"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1158.299,"endTime":1160.939,"body":"queer, and they felt like they"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1158.299,"endTime":1160.939,"body":"couldn't come out to anybody."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1161.629,"endTime":1165.649,"body":"For PUC sake, find somebody"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1161.629,"endTime":1165.649,"body":"that's queer and accept them and"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1165.649,"endTime":1169.819,"body":"just know that that's, that's"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1165.649,"endTime":1169.819,"body":"the thing you can change. You"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1169.819,"endTime":1172.489,"body":"can help that for the next"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1169.819,"endTime":1172.489,"body":"person. There's so many people I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1172.489,"endTime":1177.139,"body":"work with or know that work in"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1172.489,"endTime":1177.139,"body":"death and dying or bereavement"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1177.139,"endTime":1181.309,"body":"or grief support, that have"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1177.139,"endTime":1181.309,"body":"taken their grief and done"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1181.309,"endTime":1184.459,"body":"something amazing with it."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1181.309,"endTime":1184.459,"body":"They've i There's a woman here"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1184.459,"endTime":1187.699,"body":"in Dayton, who started a whole"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1184.459,"endTime":1187.699,"body":"program called grief to hope for"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1187.699,"endTime":1191.989,"body":"people who have lost their"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1187.699,"endTime":1191.989,"body":"children. Younger or adult she"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1191.989,"endTime":1194.779,"body":"lost her adult son he was"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1191.989,"endTime":1194.779,"body":"murdered, and she took that she"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1194.779,"endTime":1197.479,"body":"could have just disappeared into"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1194.779,"endTime":1197.479,"body":"herself and beat herself up for"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1197.479,"endTime":1200.329,"body":"the rest of her life or not"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1197.479,"endTime":1200.329,"body":"being able to save her son but"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1200.329,"endTime":1203.239,"body":"she turned it into something"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1200.329,"endTime":1203.239,"body":"amazing. So turn it into"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1203.239,"endTime":1203.989,"body":"something good."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1205.04,"endTime":1208.13,"body":"That's amazing advice."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1205.04,"endTime":1208.13,"body":"One thing that we constantly"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1208.13,"endTime":1214.4,"body":"forget, just as humans, is we"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1208.13,"endTime":1214.4,"body":"can't change the past. The past"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1214.4,"endTime":1218.84,"body":"is the past, this past is the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1214.4,"endTime":1218.84,"body":"past. And I know it's much"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1218.84,"endTime":1222.17,"body":"easier said than done. And"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1218.84,"endTime":1222.17,"body":"personally, as someone that's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1222.17,"endTime":1225.74,"body":"dealt with a lot of abuse and"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1222.17,"endTime":1225.74,"body":"trauma and stuff like that, it's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1225.74,"endTime":1230.75,"body":"only been somewhat recently that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1225.74,"endTime":1230.75,"body":"I'm finally letting myself dip"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1230.78,"endTime":1237.41,"body":"away from all that and live my"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1230.78,"endTime":1237.41,"body":"life. If someone has, if someone"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1237.41,"endTime":1240.56,"body":"has taken their own life, or"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1237.41,"endTime":1240.56,"body":"been murdered, or whatever"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1240.56,"endTime":1243.11,"body":"reason is gone from your life in"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1240.56,"endTime":1243.11,"body":"one way or another, that you"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1243.11,"endTime":1249.68,"body":"don't have any control over. You"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1243.11,"endTime":1249.68,"body":"set situation to learn. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1250.46,"endTime":1252.83,"body":"especially if you find out some"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1250.46,"endTime":1252.83,"body":"things about the person that you"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1252.83,"endTime":1255.68,"body":"didn't know, like, if they're"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1252.83,"endTime":1255.68,"body":"part of the queer community."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1256.76,"endTime":1262.16,"body":"Most people, not all people, but"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1256.76,"endTime":1262.16,"body":"most people can grow and learn."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1264.83,"endTime":1269.84,"body":"And it's what you have to do."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1264.83,"endTime":1269.84,"body":"It's, it's how we will survive"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1269.87,"endTime":1276.02,"body":"as a species is by having"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1269.87,"endTime":1276.02,"body":"empathy. Yeah. And as, as Nicky"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1276.02,"endTime":1280.55,"body":"said, you know, embrace someone"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1276.02,"endTime":1280.55,"body":"else. Get involved with"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1280.55,"endTime":1286.97,"body":"community. Let people know that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1280.55,"endTime":1286.97,"body":"you're safe and can be trusted."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1287.18,"endTime":1291.98,"body":"And remember that that trust is"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1287.18,"endTime":1291.98,"body":"earned not. You don't just take"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1291.98,"endTime":1292.76,"body":"it. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1293.39,"endTime":1296.6,"body":"Yeah, use it to"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1293.39,"endTime":1296.6,"body":"honor them in some way. Like"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1296.63,"endTime":1300.98,"body":"when you see so many people that"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1296.63,"endTime":1300.98,"body":"will lose somebody to cancer and"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1300.98,"endTime":1305.15,"body":"they form a team for a 5k in"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1300.98,"endTime":1305.15,"body":"there that raises money for"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1305.15,"endTime":1309.02,"body":"cancer. And that's, that's"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1305.15,"endTime":1309.02,"body":"great. Go to a Pride March. Go"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1309.02,"endTime":1314.87,"body":"to raise funds for mental health"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1309.02,"endTime":1314.87,"body":"awareness, like do something in"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1314.87,"endTime":1318.86,"body":"their name, you know, plant a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1314.87,"endTime":1318.86,"body":"tree, I don't know, do something"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1318.86,"endTime":1322.07,"body":"beautiful to honor their memory,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1318.86,"endTime":1322.07,"body":"so that they are still alive in"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1322.07,"endTime":1324.35,"body":"some way. They're not physically"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1322.07,"endTime":1324.35,"body":"here, but you can keep their"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1324.35,"endTime":1325.16,"body":"memory alive."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1326.18,"endTime":1329.33,"body":"The pricing is pretty"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1326.18,"endTime":1329.33,"body":"big. It's something that we"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1329.33,"endTime":1333.65,"body":"talked about in our pride"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1329.33,"endTime":1333.65,"body":"episode three episodes back. The"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1333.68,"endTime":1335.33,"body":"free mom hugs free dad hugs."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1335.36,"endTime":1338.48,"body":"Yes. The thing that"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1335.36,"endTime":1338.48,"body":"I do I do the free mom hugs."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1338.72,"endTime":1339.32,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1339.35,"endTime":1342.8,"body":"Like, I know, there's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1339.35,"endTime":1342.8,"body":"some sad people that are worried"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1342.8,"endTime":1346.91,"body":"that it will offend people in"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1342.8,"endTime":1346.91,"body":"our community. No, no. As long"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1346.91,"endTime":1350.12,"body":"as you're genuine. Yeah. Because"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1346.91,"endTime":1350.12,"body":"we assess you out if you're not,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1350.63,"endTime":1356.78,"body":"but so many in the community,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1350.63,"endTime":1356.78,"body":"have been ostracized by family."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1357.38,"endTime":1361.7,"body":"And sometimes we just need a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1357.38,"endTime":1361.7,"body":"fucking hug. Yeah. And having a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1361.7,"endTime":1370.49,"body":"stranger. Willing to be that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1361.7,"endTime":1370.49,"body":"vulnerable with us is a major"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1370.49,"endTime":1375.95,"body":"thing. And it can turn someone's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1370.49,"endTime":1375.95,"body":"life around, it really can."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1377.75,"endTime":1381.2,"body":"Simple things can turn people's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1377.75,"endTime":1381.2,"body":"life around, just in your day to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1381.2,"endTime":1388.7,"body":"day life. If you just make it a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1381.2,"endTime":1388.7,"body":"point, to not be an asshole to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1389.18,"endTime":1391.85,"body":"step one and kill ya smart,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1389.18,"endTime":1391.85,"body":"they'll"},{"speaker":"Transcending Humanity","startTime":1391.85,"endTime":1392.66,"body":"be an"},{"speaker":"Transcending Humanity","startTime":1391.85,"endTime":1392.66,"body":"asshole."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1394.28,"endTime":1396.8,"body":"You would think it"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1394.28,"endTime":1396.8,"body":"would be easy, but uh, so many"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1396.8,"endTime":1400.01,"body":"people struggle with it. But"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1396.8,"endTime":1400.01,"body":"like you don't have to go out of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1400.01,"endTime":1403.25,"body":"your way like you don't need to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1400.01,"endTime":1403.25,"body":"buy someone the car behind you"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1403.25,"endTime":1405.92,"body":"at Starbucks a coffee which you"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1403.25,"endTime":1405.92,"body":"shouldn't be doing anyways. Keep"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1405.92,"endTime":1411.32,"body":"that money as a tip to the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1405.92,"endTime":1411.32,"body":"barista. If someone is in Drive"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1411.32,"endTime":1416.9,"body":"Thru to get a coffee at a coffee"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1411.32,"endTime":1416.9,"body":"shop, they can afford that car."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1417.26,"endTime":1421.43,"body":"Yeah, give that money to the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1417.26,"endTime":1421.43,"body":"people that are being graded by"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1421.43,"endTime":1425.72,"body":"these assholes. That was on the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1421.43,"endTime":1425.72,"body":"side. And we shouldn't be on the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1425.72,"endTime":1430.28,"body":"Starbucks anyways, but yeah,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1425.72,"endTime":1430.28,"body":"they sponsored the urn. See"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1430.31,"endTime":1432.08,"body":"those fuckers? I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1432.08,"endTime":1434.06,"body":"don't know. I don't"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1432.08,"endTime":1434.06,"body":"like their coffee anyway, so I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1434.06,"endTime":1434.51,"body":"don't care."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1435.53,"endTime":1440.45,"body":"Now that I live in"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1435.53,"endTime":1440.45,"body":"downtown, Maslen, there's a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1440.45,"endTime":1442.67,"body":"place here called treatment"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1440.45,"endTime":1442.67,"body":"coffee. It's like a little local"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1442.67,"endTime":1446.15,"body":"chain and they're so fucking"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1442.67,"endTime":1446.15,"body":"good. So yeah, that's my go"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1446.15,"endTime":1448.58,"body":"to your local"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1446.15,"endTime":1448.58,"body":"places. I do that. Exactly."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1448.64,"endTime":1455.27,"body":"Exactly. But yeah, just"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1448.64,"endTime":1455.27,"body":"excuse me. If I made myself that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1455.27,"endTime":1461.18,"body":"came up, treat people nice,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1455.27,"endTime":1461.18,"body":"like, you know, compliment a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1461.18,"endTime":1466.01,"body":"cashier in their hair or hold"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1461.18,"endTime":1466.01,"body":"the door for somebody or just"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1466.01,"endTime":1471.29,"body":"little things. Those little"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1466.01,"endTime":1471.29,"body":"niceties. You could seriously"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1471.29,"endTime":1474.68,"body":"save somebody's life without"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1471.29,"endTime":1474.68,"body":"knowing it, just by treating"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1474.68,"endTime":1477.56,"body":"them with dignity throughout the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1474.68,"endTime":1477.56,"body":"day. So"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1477.59,"endTime":1479.81,"body":"just smiling at"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1477.59,"endTime":1479.81,"body":"somebody could be what they"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1479.81,"endTime":1481.64,"body":"needed that day. You know,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1482.03,"endTime":1485.03,"body":"I know I've been there."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1482.03,"endTime":1485.03,"body":"And I'm sure you have and I'm"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1485.03,"endTime":1490.55,"body":"sure a lot of the listeners and"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1485.03,"endTime":1490.55,"body":"viewers have to so it's it's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1490.55,"endTime":1494.12,"body":"hard, especially if you're"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1490.55,"endTime":1494.12,"body":"having a rough day yourself too."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1494.15,"endTime":1498.38,"body":"But it's also a good way to turn"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1494.15,"endTime":1498.38,"body":"your own day around by just kind"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1498.38,"endTime":1503.42,"body":"of resetting yourself a little"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1498.38,"endTime":1503.42,"body":"bit. it. Yeah. Have you worked"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1503.42,"endTime":1507.95,"body":"with many cases with families"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1503.42,"endTime":1507.95,"body":"where there's a suicide to help"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1507.95,"endTime":1509.09,"body":"them through that? Or?"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1509.33,"endTime":1514.49,"body":"I have not."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1509.33,"endTime":1514.49,"body":"However, I for three, four"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1514.49,"endTime":1520.55,"body":"years, I was a volunteer at the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1514.49,"endTime":1520.55,"body":"suicide hotline. Yeah. And I do"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1520.55,"endTime":1525.47,"body":"I also do grief coaching. And"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1520.55,"endTime":1525.47,"body":"no, I don't think any of my"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1525.47,"endTime":1529.73,"body":"clients lost anybody to suicide."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1525.47,"endTime":1529.73,"body":"But I've helped in support"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1529.73,"endTime":1533.3,"body":"groups for that before. So I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1529.73,"endTime":1533.3,"body":"have at least spoken with"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1533.3,"endTime":1536.96,"body":"people. But I haven't directly"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1533.3,"endTime":1536.96,"body":"had a client. But yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1536.96,"endTime":1538.97,"body":"volunteered at the suicide"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1536.96,"endTime":1538.97,"body":"hotline for a long time. So I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1538.97,"endTime":1542.09,"body":"learned a whole lot about"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1538.97,"endTime":1542.09,"body":"suicide loss while I was there."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1542.69,"endTime":1543.08,"body":"That's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1543.11,"endTime":1543.95,"body":"amazing."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1544.97,"endTime":1546.83,"body":"That's hard. Yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1546.83,"endTime":1550.55,"body":"can imagine I've, I've"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1546.83,"endTime":1550.55,"body":"utilized that myself. These"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1550.55,"endTime":1557.24,"body":"couple of years ago, I did that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1550.55,"endTime":1557.24,"body":"I texted them. And it's helps"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1557.27,"endTime":1564.65,"body":"Yeah, the amount of empathy that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1557.27,"endTime":1564.65,"body":"you have to have to do something"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1564.65,"endTime":1570.23,"body":"like that. Had to be hard in"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1564.65,"endTime":1570.23,"body":"training. But then rewarding is"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1570.23,"endTime":1572.72,"body":"there is"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1570.23,"endTime":1572.72,"body":"compassion, fatigue is totally a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1572.72,"endTime":1577.58,"body":"thing. And mine kicked in about"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1572.72,"endTime":1577.58,"body":"40 minutes. If a call went on"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1577.58,"endTime":1580.31,"body":"longer than 40 minutes, it was"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1577.58,"endTime":1580.31,"body":"really, really hard for me to"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1580.31,"endTime":1583.58,"body":"hold that compassion. And that"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1580.31,"endTime":1583.58,"body":"sounds terrible. But I'm a human"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1583.58,"endTime":1587.15,"body":"being to like anybody, anybody"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1583.58,"endTime":1587.15,"body":"would tell you the same thing."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1588.41,"endTime":1591.86,"body":"And honestly, the calls that"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1588.41,"endTime":1591.86,"body":"that were, we really genuinely"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1591.86,"endTime":1594.32,"body":"help somebody that called in"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1591.86,"endTime":1594.32,"body":"just like, you know, where they"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1594.32,"endTime":1598.1,"body":"were really, you know, on the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1594.32,"endTime":1598.1,"body":"metaphorical ledge, so to speak,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1598.34,"endTime":1600.65,"body":"and just need somebody to talk"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1598.34,"endTime":1600.65,"body":"them down for a second, those"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1600.65,"endTime":1604.07,"body":"calls would be relatively short,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1600.65,"endTime":1604.07,"body":"and they felt great. You could"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1604.07,"endTime":1606.35,"body":"tell like, okay, they're,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1604.07,"endTime":1606.35,"body":"they're okay, they're safe."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1606.35,"endTime":1609.14,"body":"They're gonna go to their"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1606.35,"endTime":1609.14,"body":"friend's house, whatever. It was"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1609.14,"endTime":1612.05,"body":"all the other calls, we got the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1609.14,"endTime":1612.05,"body":"people that just would talk your"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1612.05,"endTime":1615.38,"body":"ear off for 45 minutes about"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1612.05,"endTime":1615.38,"body":"nothing. The prank calls the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1616.1,"endTime":1619.85,"body":"poor, like, we would get the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1616.1,"endTime":1619.85,"body":"perv calls to like, who? Who,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1619.88,"endTime":1621.47,"body":"what? We would"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1622.13,"endTime":1623.12,"body":"consider that."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1623.15,"endTime":1625.16,"body":"Yeah, you hear"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1623.15,"endTime":1625.16,"body":"people whacking off and it's"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1625.16,"endTime":1628.97,"body":"like, Dude, you call the suicide"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1625.16,"endTime":1628.97,"body":"hotline to whack off? real"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1628.97,"endTime":1629.6,"body":"classy."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1632.81,"endTime":1635.3,"body":"I never even thought of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1632.81,"endTime":1635.3,"body":"that employee has to."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1636.2,"endTime":1638.3,"body":"Oh, yeah, people"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1636.2,"endTime":1638.3,"body":"there. Okay, I did. I do have"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1638.3,"endTime":1642.05,"body":"one quick story about that. So I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1638.3,"endTime":1642.05,"body":"was I was, I worked midnight to"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1642.05,"endTime":1647.36,"body":"6am. Friday into Saturday. So I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1642.05,"endTime":1647.36,"body":"was busy on those nights. And I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1647.36,"endTime":1651.71,"body":"had somebody call in that. It"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1647.36,"endTime":1651.71,"body":"sounded like a teenage girl who"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1651.71,"endTime":1653.6,"body":"said, my friends here, she's"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1651.71,"endTime":1653.6,"body":"gonna kill herself. I said,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1653.6,"endTime":1655.37,"body":"okay, and I went through the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1653.6,"endTime":1655.37,"body":"whole process and like, what's"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1655.37,"endTime":1658.1,"body":"going on? Is there a weapon in"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1655.37,"endTime":1658.1,"body":"the room? Does she you know,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1658.1,"endTime":1662.3,"body":"whatever. And they hung up, and"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1658.1,"endTime":1662.3,"body":"I was like, shit. So you know,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1662.3,"endTime":1664.64,"body":"when they hang up. If you get"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1662.3,"endTime":1664.64,"body":"their number, you can try to"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1664.64,"endTime":1668.48,"body":"call it back. nobody's answering"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1664.64,"endTime":1668.48,"body":"the call back again. And then"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1668.51,"endTime":1670.76,"body":"they said something else about"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1668.51,"endTime":1670.76,"body":"like, she's gonna cut and then I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1670.76,"endTime":1675.11,"body":"heard giggling and I'm like, Oh,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1670.76,"endTime":1675.11,"body":"this is a prank call. But you"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1675.11,"endTime":1677.51,"body":"can't assume that right off the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1675.11,"endTime":1677.51,"body":"bat. So I was going through the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1677.51,"endTime":1679.97,"body":"motions. And I was like, you"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1677.51,"endTime":1679.97,"body":"know, is everything okay? What"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1679.97,"endTime":1683.39,"body":"tell me about what's going on"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1679.97,"endTime":1683.39,"body":"What led you to this? And they"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1683.39,"endTime":1686.54,"body":"hung up again. And I was like, I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1683.39,"endTime":1686.54,"body":"was pissed at that point. I'm"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1686.54,"endTime":1689.12,"body":"like, No, this is a prank call."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1686.54,"endTime":1689.12,"body":"I kid you not. 10 minutes later,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1689.12,"endTime":1692.96,"body":"they called back and they"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1689.12,"endTime":1692.96,"body":"apologized to me. Really? Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1692.99,"endTime":1695.45,"body":"they were like they got they"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1692.99,"endTime":1695.45,"body":"were like, We got off the phone"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1695.45,"endTime":1699.08,"body":"and we couldn't believe how"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1695.45,"endTime":1699.08,"body":"sweet and like, caring you were"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1699.08,"endTime":1703.22,"body":"like, You really gave a shit."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1699.08,"endTime":1703.22,"body":"I'm like, Yeah, I thought you"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1703.22,"endTime":1707.33,"body":"were gonna hurt yourself. Yes,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1703.22,"endTime":1707.33,"body":"I'm here. That's what we do. And"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1707.33,"endTime":1710.12,"body":"they were just so blown away by"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1707.33,"endTime":1710.12,"body":"the fact that I was I cared"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1710.12,"endTime":1713.75,"body":"enough to help talk them out of"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1710.12,"endTime":1713.75,"body":"it. That they wanted to"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1713.75,"endTime":1717.59,"body":"apologize to me. I'm like, Don't"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1713.75,"endTime":1717.59,"body":"do that again. Like, thank you"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1717.59,"endTime":1721.07,"body":"for apologizing. Don't fucking"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1717.59,"endTime":1721.07,"body":"do that again. Okay."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1723.14,"endTime":1726.05,"body":"Hoping a lesson was"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1723.14,"endTime":1726.05,"body":"learned there. Yeah, that's a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1726.14,"endTime":1726.77,"body":"yes."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1728.63,"endTime":1731.21,"body":"I mean, we're all"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1728.63,"endTime":1731.21,"body":"idiots when we're teenagers. I'm"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1731.21,"endTime":1733.79,"body":"a prank, too. And I was an"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1731.21,"endTime":1733.79,"body":"asshole when I was a teenager"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1733.79,"endTime":1735.56,"body":"too, but I have since learned,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1733.79,"endTime":1735.56,"body":"so."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1736.31,"endTime":1740.15,"body":"I don't I definitely"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1736.31,"endTime":1740.15,"body":"did prank calls but I don't"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1740.15,"endTime":1744.47,"body":"really even as weird as I am. I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1740.15,"endTime":1744.47,"body":"don't think I could have called"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1744.47,"endTime":1747.74,"body":"the suicide hotline course I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1744.47,"endTime":1747.74,"body":"didn't know it existed. Yeah, it"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1747.74,"endTime":1752.54,"body":"did exist then. I don't know."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1747.74,"endTime":1752.54,"body":"But I guess we should mentioned"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1752.54,"endTime":1755.66,"body":"suicide hotlines. 9886. Or"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1756.11,"endTime":1759.23,"body":"call or text call"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1756.11,"endTime":1759.23,"body":"or text either one. Yeah. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1760.34,"endTime":1764.06,"body":"And it helps it"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1760.34,"endTime":1764.06,"body":"sometimes just as Nikki said,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1764.06,"endTime":1771.89,"body":"sometimes you're gonna latch and"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1764.06,"endTime":1771.89,"body":"you can get talked down but shit"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1771.89,"endTime":1775.13,"body":"in April with my own attempt."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1771.89,"endTime":1775.13,"body":"Like I was standing in the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1775.13,"endTime":1779.42,"body":"kitchen with a handful of pills"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1775.13,"endTime":1779.42,"body":"for like 45 minutes, just"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1779.42,"endTime":1782.84,"body":"staring at it. And Ultra"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1779.42,"endTime":1782.84,"body":"cautious that one hand movement"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1783.44,"endTime":1791.45,"body":"and I miss talk myself down, but"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1783.44,"endTime":1791.45,"body":"it's not always possible. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1791.72,"endTime":1794.18,"body":"Don't be afraid. There's no"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1791.72,"endTime":1794.18,"body":"stigma at all want"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1794.18,"endTime":1797.39,"body":"to know and if"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1794.18,"endTime":1797.39,"body":"you're calling that line, I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1797.39,"endTime":1801.05,"body":"promise you the person that is"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1797.39,"endTime":1801.05,"body":"answering You're not bothering"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1801.05,"endTime":1806.84,"body":"them, you're not offending them."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1801.05,"endTime":1806.84,"body":"And they do care. Because we had"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1806.84,"endTime":1810.56,"body":"like, I went through a 10 week"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1806.84,"endTime":1810.56,"body":"training process, it was insane."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1810.56,"endTime":1813.62,"body":"The amount of training had to go"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1810.56,"endTime":1813.62,"body":"through for that. And they won't"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1813.8,"endTime":1817.49,"body":"let somebody do this. That's"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1813.8,"endTime":1817.49,"body":"going to be rude or doesn't"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1817.49,"endTime":1821.33,"body":"care. So that's the one thing I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1817.49,"endTime":1821.33,"body":"heard so much of as I didn't"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1821.33,"endTime":1824.45,"body":"want to be a bother. It's like,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1821.33,"endTime":1824.45,"body":"Oh, my God, that's literally why"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1824.45,"endTime":1828.5,"body":"we're here. You're so don't"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1824.45,"endTime":1828.5,"body":"think you're a bother. Don't"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1828.5,"endTime":1832.25,"body":"think you're irritating? Anybody"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1828.5,"endTime":1832.25,"body":"don't think you're offending"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1832.25,"endTime":1835.16,"body":"them just call for the love of"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1832.25,"endTime":1835.16,"body":"Pete call?"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1836.33,"endTime":1839.54,"body":"That's very important"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1836.33,"endTime":1839.54,"body":"message there too, about being a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1839.54,"endTime":1842.48,"body":"bother. Yeah, that's I know,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1839.54,"endTime":1842.48,"body":"that's a feeling that I've had,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1842.66,"endTime":1848.66,"body":"and probably when you've had"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1842.66,"endTime":1848.66,"body":"with ideation, and the entire"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1848.66,"endTime":1855.29,"body":"point of the service is to help"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1848.66,"endTime":1855.29,"body":"you. And they are there. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1855.32,"endTime":1859.16,"body":"they're there to answer the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1855.32,"endTime":1859.16,"body":"phone or answer texts to talk to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1859.16,"endTime":1862.94,"body":"you, and you're not bothering"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1859.16,"endTime":1862.94,"body":"them. So did you have to take"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1862.94,"endTime":1866.12,"body":"like mandatory like breaks and"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1862.94,"endTime":1866.12,"body":"stuff like that to like for a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1866.12,"endTime":1867.14,"body":"few days to?"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1868.85,"endTime":1870.47,"body":"I'm trying to"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1868.85,"endTime":1870.47,"body":"remember because it's been a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1870.47,"endTime":1876.98,"body":"minute. We were we only ever"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1870.47,"endTime":1876.98,"body":"worked one shift a week. You"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1876.98,"endTime":1879.95,"body":"could sign up for more, but I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1876.98,"endTime":1879.95,"body":"don't know if they ever like"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1879.95,"endTime":1884.66,"body":"kept you? Or said you couldn't"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1879.95,"endTime":1884.66,"body":"do more. I'm honestly not sure."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1884.66,"endTime":1889.1,"body":"And who knows, each center might"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1884.66,"endTime":1889.1,"body":"be different. But where I was we"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1889.1,"endTime":1892.43,"body":"were only manded. not mandated."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1889.1,"endTime":1892.43,"body":"But we were required to work."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1892.85,"endTime":1896.33,"body":"One shift a week. And that was"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1892.85,"endTime":1896.33,"body":"it. And each shift was three to"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1896.33,"endTime":1900.26,"body":"six hours. So you could work"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1896.33,"endTime":1900.26,"body":"three hours a week. That's fine."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1900.68,"endTime":1904.61,"body":"That's a lot too. Oh,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1900.68,"endTime":1904.61,"body":"yeah. That's not a job that I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1904.64,"endTime":1908.87,"body":"think anybody could or should be"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1904.64,"endTime":1908.87,"body":"doing full time. So oh, God, I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1908.99,"endTime":1910.4,"body":"would absolutely destroy your"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1910.43,"endTime":1913.52,"body":"Yeah, I couldn't"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1910.43,"endTime":1913.52,"body":"imagine like six. When we when"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1913.52,"endTime":1915.98,"body":"you first come out of training"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1913.52,"endTime":1915.98,"body":"mate, we had to do six hours a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1915.98,"endTime":1920.81,"body":"week. And for at least this"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1915.98,"endTime":1920.81,"body":"first six months, just to make"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1920.81,"endTime":1924.05,"body":"sure you really wanted to do it."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1920.81,"endTime":1924.05,"body":"And you know, plus, they really"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1924.08,"endTime":1926.66,"body":"they were always short"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1924.08,"endTime":1926.66,"body":"volunteers. We needed help so"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1926.66,"endTime":1933.8,"body":"bad. And six hours a week was"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1926.66,"endTime":1933.8,"body":"plenty more than enough."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1934.97,"endTime":1938.69,"body":"Can imagine. Yeah. You"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1934.97,"endTime":1938.69,"body":"said it's a volunteer position."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1938.69,"endTime":1944.21,"body":"Yeah. Pay for that. So that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1938.69,"endTime":1944.21,"body":"means that if people aren't"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1944.21,"endTime":1947.81,"body":"getting paid for it, it means"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1944.21,"endTime":1947.81,"body":"that they actually want to be"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1947.81,"endTime":1951.77,"body":"there. Yeah. Because otherwise"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1947.81,"endTime":1951.77,"body":"they wouldn't be there. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1954.83,"endTime":1960.17,"body":"That's what does it take to get"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1954.83,"endTime":1960.17,"body":"involved to volunteer for that?"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1960.17,"endTime":1964.91,"body":"Are there like, rules and"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":1960.17,"endTime":1964.91,"body":"regulations? I imagine that Oh,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1964.91,"endTime":1967.22,"body":"yeah. Oh, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1964.91,"endTime":1967.22,"body":"there's, there's background"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1967.22,"endTime":1972.68,"body":"checks. Gosh, this was like"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1967.22,"endTime":1972.68,"body":"2016, I think when I started"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1972.68,"endTime":1975.23,"body":"volunteering there, but I knew I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1972.68,"endTime":1975.23,"body":"had to go through a background"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1975.23,"endTime":1979.43,"body":"check. I had to do two separate"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1975.23,"endTime":1979.43,"body":"interviews. And then once I was"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1979.43,"endTime":1981.77,"body":"accepted, I had to go through"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1979.43,"endTime":1981.77,"body":"like I said, it may have been"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1981.8,"endTime":1985.4,"body":"eight weeks was a very rigorous"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1981.8,"endTime":1985.4,"body":"training program. And it was it"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1985.4,"endTime":1988.67,"body":"was just one night a week, but"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1985.4,"endTime":1988.67,"body":"it was like three hours, each"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1988.7,"endTime":1991.64,"body":"every week for that whole time."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1988.7,"endTime":1991.64,"body":"And it was a lot of just"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1991.64,"endTime":1994.49,"body":"learning about different types"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1991.64,"endTime":1994.49,"body":"of mental illness crisis, de"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1994.49,"endTime":1998.54,"body":"escalation, policies and"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1994.49,"endTime":1998.54,"body":"procedures. And every senator"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1998.54,"endTime":2003.91,"body":"might be different. I trained"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":1998.54,"endTime":2003.91,"body":"here in Columbus, for the local"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2003.91,"endTime":2007.3,"body":"hotline, but we also answered"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2003.91,"endTime":2007.3,"body":"calls from the national hotline"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2007.3,"endTime":2014.68,"body":"to this was prior to 988. But"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2007.3,"endTime":2014.68,"body":"there was the, like, 888273 talk"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2014.68,"endTime":2019.87,"body":"or helper, I forget, it's been"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2014.68,"endTime":2019.87,"body":"so long. If you ever call that"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2019.87,"endTime":2023.89,"body":"number, it would route you to"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2019.87,"endTime":2023.89,"body":"the local center to the area"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2023.89,"endTime":2027.58,"body":"code you are calling from, which"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2023.89,"endTime":2027.58,"body":"is great in the beginning, but"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2027.58,"endTime":2031.93,"body":"when with cell phones, you know,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2027.58,"endTime":2031.93,"body":"it doesn't mean anything doesn't"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2031.93,"endTime":2034.9,"body":"mean much. So we get calls from"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2031.93,"endTime":2034.9,"body":"people in Texas, they just"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2034.9,"endTime":2039.85,"body":"happen to have a 614 area code."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2034.9,"endTime":2039.85,"body":"But they try to get you to a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2039.85,"endTime":2043.21,"body":"local center because we have"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2039.85,"endTime":2043.21,"body":"resources for like local"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2043.21,"endTime":2047.11,"body":"hospitals, local places, you can"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2043.21,"endTime":2047.11,"body":"go to if you need."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2048.25,"endTime":2050.86,"body":"Yeah. Which makes"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2048.25,"endTime":2050.86,"body":"sense. And plus when you're"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2050.86,"endTime":2053.65,"body":"talking to someone local, they"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2050.86,"endTime":2053.65,"body":"they also know the unique"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2053.65,"endTime":2056.17,"body":"pressures of that particular"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2053.65,"endTime":2056.17,"body":"area. Exactly."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2056.17,"endTime":2058.12,"body":"I can't really"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2056.17,"endTime":2058.12,"body":"identify with somebody in"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2058.12,"endTime":2061.12,"body":"Phoenix who might be dealing"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2058.12,"endTime":2061.12,"body":"with depression from the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2061.12,"endTime":2064.42,"body":"heatwave or California at the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2061.12,"endTime":2064.42,"body":"Santa Ana winds I hear that"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2064.75,"endTime":2070.42,"body":"drives people to suicide a lot."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2064.75,"endTime":2070.42,"body":"So yeah, yeah, I read it. I did"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2070.42,"endTime":2076.96,"body":"a an essay or not an essay, a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2070.42,"endTime":2076.96,"body":"thesis in college on suicide"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2076.96,"endTime":2082.21,"body":"awareness. And I was reading up"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2076.96,"endTime":2082.21,"body":"on different factors of suicide"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2082.21,"endTime":2085.63,"body":"and there was a whole, like,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2082.21,"endTime":2085.63,"body":"tons of articles I found on"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2085.63,"endTime":2090.67,"body":"people going a little crazy"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2085.63,"endTime":2090.67,"body":"during the Santa Ana winds. And"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2090.7,"endTime":2096.58,"body":"I know it's interesting. And"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2090.7,"endTime":2096.58,"body":"yeah, weather can do a lot man."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2096.58,"endTime":2099.73,"body":"It can really play like people"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2096.58,"endTime":2099.73,"body":"who live in areas that don't get"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2099.73,"endTime":2103.87,"body":"a lot of sudden they get more"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2099.73,"endTime":2103.87,"body":"depressed. Yeah, right. I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2103.9,"endTime":2104.38,"body":"Northeast"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2104.38,"endTime":2107.89,"body":"Ohio. Yeah. Which a lot"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2104.38,"endTime":2107.89,"body":"of people don't realize like"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2107.89,"endTime":2109.18,"body":"everyone thinks like Seattle"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2109.21,"endTime":2110.83,"body":"when it comes to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2109.21,"endTime":2110.83,"body":"Seattle gets more."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2112.21,"endTime":2115.42,"body":"Yeah like Seattle in"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2112.21,"endTime":2115.42,"body":"Northeast Ohio like we bounced"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2115.42,"endTime":2119.26,"body":"back and forth for being the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2115.42,"endTime":2119.26,"body":"gloomiest. Yeah. And that's why"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2119.29,"endTime":2121.81,"body":"there's a giant military base in"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2119.29,"endTime":2121.81,"body":"Ravenna because there's so much"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2121.81,"endTime":2129.64,"body":"cloud cover. But good is we got"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2121.81,"endTime":2129.64,"body":"some deep stuff here. Is there"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2129.64,"endTime":2132.58,"body":"anything else that you wanted to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2129.64,"endTime":2132.58,"body":"tell Yammer about while you're"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2132.58,"endTime":2133.03,"body":"here?"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2133.78,"endTime":2137.95,"body":"So the only other"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2133.78,"endTime":2137.95,"body":"hill I have to die on is telling"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2137.95,"endTime":2140.08,"body":"people to fill out their"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2137.95,"endTime":2140.08,"body":"advanced directive paperwork?"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2140.17,"endTime":2145.81,"body":"Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Please, if"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2140.17,"endTime":2145.81,"body":"you do nothing else, fill out a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2145.81,"endTime":2149.59,"body":"living will. And your living"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2145.81,"endTime":2149.59,"body":"will is the it's that's your"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2149.59,"endTime":2152.89,"body":"Advanced Directive. That is the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2149.59,"endTime":2152.89,"body":"if I'm in a permanent vegetative"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2152.89,"endTime":2158.2,"body":"state, no hope of cure or waking"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2152.89,"endTime":2158.2,"body":"up. What? Do I want to be"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2158.2,"endTime":2162.58,"body":"artificially kept alive? Or do I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2158.2,"endTime":2162.58,"body":"want you to let me go fill that"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2162.58,"endTime":2166.24,"body":"out? Because if they don't know,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2162.58,"endTime":2166.24,"body":"they don't know. And they might"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2166.24,"endTime":2169.75,"body":"keep you alive artificially for"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2166.24,"endTime":2169.75,"body":"years. And oh, my God, that's"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2169.75,"endTime":2173.38,"body":"awful for you. That's awful for"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2169.75,"endTime":2173.38,"body":"your family, and very expensive."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2173.92,"endTime":2177.22,"body":"Yeah, it's just there's very"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2173.92,"endTime":2177.22,"body":"little and yeah, there are"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2177.22,"endTime":2179.38,"body":"stories of people that are in"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2177.22,"endTime":2179.38,"body":"comas for 20 years, and they"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2179.38,"endTime":2183.7,"body":"wake up, but they're never"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2179.38,"endTime":2183.7,"body":"really the same. You know, when"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2183.7,"endTime":2188.65,"body":"your time skips there, too?"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2183.7,"endTime":2188.65,"body":"Yeah, yeah. So yeah, if nothing"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2188.65,"endTime":2190.57,"body":"else, fill out a living well,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2188.65,"endTime":2190.57,"body":"for the love of God."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2192.1,"endTime":2195.07,"body":"Yeah, I actually, I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2192.1,"endTime":2195.07,"body":"have one that I did through"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2195.07,"endTime":2200.2,"body":"Legal Zoom. And there you go"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2195.07,"endTime":2200.2,"body":"back and like fully updated 50"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2200.2,"endTime":2202.45,"body":"bucks or something like that."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2200.2,"endTime":2202.45,"body":"There's not too much."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2202.87,"endTime":2205.12,"body":"You can you can use"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2202.87,"endTime":2205.12,"body":"free services. Yeah, you can do"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2205.12,"endTime":2209.56,"body":"them for free. Like in Ohio. I,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2205.12,"endTime":2209.56,"body":"I don't I can give you the link,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2209.56,"endTime":2213.7,"body":"if you want to put it in your,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2209.56,"endTime":2213.7,"body":"in your show notes. There's a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2213.7,"endTime":2217.93,"body":"link through I think is through"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2213.7,"endTime":2217.93,"body":"OhioHealth. But they have all of"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2217.93,"endTime":2221.71,"body":"the documents they Living Will"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2217.93,"endTime":2221.71,"body":"final or not final a Living Will"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2221.95,"endTime":2226.81,"body":"Power of Attorney, financial and"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2221.95,"endTime":2226.81,"body":"medical guardianship, DNR, all"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2226.81,"endTime":2230.47,"body":"of that in one packet. And it"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2226.81,"endTime":2230.47,"body":"has questions like FAQs on which"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2230.47,"endTime":2233.77,"body":"ones you need, and when. And all"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2230.47,"endTime":2233.77,"body":"you have to do is fill them out"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2233.77,"endTime":2236.65,"body":"and have them notarized. That's"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2233.77,"endTime":2236.65,"body":"it, then they're legally"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2236.65,"endTime":2240.82,"body":"binding. That said, if they're"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2236.65,"endTime":2240.82,"body":"sitting in a drawer somewhere"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2240.82,"endTime":2243.7,"body":"that that's not going to help"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2240.82,"endTime":2243.7,"body":"you. So make sure somebody has"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2243.7,"endTime":2245.26,"body":"copies of them. That"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2245.26,"endTime":2249.13,"body":"was going to be my next"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2245.26,"endTime":2249.13,"body":"question. In the queer"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2249.13,"endTime":2255.13,"body":"community, there's a fair number"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2249.13,"endTime":2255.13,"body":"of us that don't really have"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2255.13,"endTime":2260.38,"body":"many people we're close to. And"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2255.13,"endTime":2260.38,"body":"it can be kind of a lonely"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2260.38,"endTime":2267.04,"body":"existence. What would you"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2260.38,"endTime":2267.04,"body":"suggest people do with those"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2267.04,"endTime":2269.68,"body":"documents to make them"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2267.04,"endTime":2269.68,"body":"accessible for people?"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2269.86,"endTime":2275.8,"body":"So first, before"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2269.86,"endTime":2275.8,"body":"that, as far as like medical"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2275.8,"endTime":2278.17,"body":"power of attorney is different"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2275.8,"endTime":2278.17,"body":"than a living well, that's where"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2278.17,"endTime":2280.87,"body":"you have somebody you would"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2278.17,"endTime":2280.87,"body":"appoint to make decisions on"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2280.87,"endTime":2283.48,"body":"your behalf if you're not able"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2280.87,"endTime":2283.48,"body":"to. So that's not necessarily"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2283.81,"endTime":2286.0,"body":"you're in a coma forever, you're"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2283.81,"endTime":2286.0,"body":"not gonna wake up, this might"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2286.0,"endTime":2288.88,"body":"just be you're in surgery,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2286.0,"endTime":2288.88,"body":"something happened, whatever,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2288.88,"endTime":2291.46,"body":"there's some reason you can't"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2288.88,"endTime":2291.46,"body":"make medical decisions, they can"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2291.46,"endTime":2295.15,"body":"do that for you. Pick somebody"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2291.46,"endTime":2295.15,"body":"you trust, if they if you don't"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2295.15,"endTime":2297.61,"body":"have one of those. And this is"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2295.15,"endTime":2297.61,"body":"so important for people in the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2297.61,"endTime":2300.28,"body":"queer community who might be"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2297.61,"endTime":2300.28,"body":"estranged from their family,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2300.43,"endTime":2303.79,"body":"they will go to next of kin. And"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2300.43,"endTime":2303.79,"body":"if you don't trust your next of"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2303.79,"endTime":2307.27,"body":"kin, or they don't align with"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2303.79,"endTime":2307.27,"body":"your beliefs, they won't make"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2307.27,"endTime":2310.0,"body":"the decisions you might want. So"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2307.27,"endTime":2310.0,"body":"make sure you have picked"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2310.0,"endTime":2312.82,"body":"somebody you trust. And this can"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2310.0,"endTime":2312.82,"body":"be a friend, it can be a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2312.82,"endTime":2315.97,"body":"neighbor, just make sure they're"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2312.82,"endTime":2315.97,"body":"okay with it too, because they"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2315.97,"endTime":2320.47,"body":"have to sign the document as"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2315.97,"endTime":2320.47,"body":"well. But once you have those"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2320.47,"endTime":2324.73,"body":"forms, I know in Ohio, if you"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2320.47,"endTime":2324.73,"body":"have an online my chart portal,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2325.09,"endTime":2328.39,"body":"which I like, I think every"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2325.09,"endTime":2328.39,"body":"state has their own version of a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2328.39,"endTime":2332.2,"body":"my charts through epic. You"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2328.39,"endTime":2332.2,"body":"should there's a place you can"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2332.2,"endTime":2336.01,"body":"upload it. So your doctor's"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2332.2,"endTime":2336.01,"body":"office should do that. Yes, I"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2336.01,"endTime":2338.59,"body":"have it. It's really good"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2336.01,"endTime":2338.59,"body":"advice. I have my chart for OSU"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2338.59,"endTime":2342.76,"body":"and Ohio Health and Central Ohio"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2338.59,"endTime":2342.76,"body":"primary care and I've uploaded"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2342.76,"endTime":2348.46,"body":"it to all three places. You can"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2342.76,"endTime":2348.46,"body":"give a copy to your doctor"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2348.46,"endTime":2352.3,"body":"physically, like take a copy and"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2348.46,"endTime":2352.3,"body":"give it to your doctor next time"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2352.3,"endTime":2355.3,"body":"you go and say put this in my"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2352.3,"endTime":2355.3,"body":"file. So they'll have that as"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2355.3,"endTime":2356.92,"body":"well. That's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2356.95,"endTime":2359.77,"body":"good advice."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2356.95,"endTime":2359.77,"body":"Definitely. Good advice. And"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2359.98,"endTime":2364.42,"body":"while you're talking an idea"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2359.98,"endTime":2364.42,"body":"popped in my head of even just"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2364.45,"endTime":2368.83,"body":"having a little coalition of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2364.45,"endTime":2368.83,"body":"local local people, local queer"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2368.83,"endTime":2378.01,"body":"people local, just whatever. And"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2368.83,"endTime":2378.01,"body":"sounds fucked up. But have a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2379.42,"endTime":2381.31,"body":"have a well, buddy, essentially,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2379.42,"endTime":2381.31,"body":"yeah."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2382.03,"endTime":2384.91,"body":"Fucked up at all."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2382.03,"endTime":2384.91,"body":"Not No, I think that's a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2384.91,"endTime":2388.33,"body":"wonderful idea. As long as as"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2384.91,"endTime":2388.33,"body":"long as you trust that person,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2388.33,"endTime":2391.66,"body":"you know, they'll make the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2388.33,"endTime":2391.66,"body":"decisions you want, then yeah,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2391.69,"endTime":2394.75,"body":"there's nothing I wish I tell"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2391.69,"endTime":2394.75,"body":"people. I have a workbook on my"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2394.75,"endTime":2398.08,"body":"website for people who might not"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2394.75,"endTime":2398.08,"body":"have family left or who are"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2398.08,"endTime":2400.84,"body":"estranged from their family. How"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2398.08,"endTime":2400.84,"body":"do I plan for by end of life,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2401.23,"endTime":2405.07,"body":"and I encourage you to dig deep"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2401.23,"endTime":2405.07,"body":"like maybe if you're a part of"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2405.07,"endTime":2408.61,"body":"an organization, is there"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2405.07,"endTime":2408.61,"body":"somebody within that organ it"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2408.61,"endTime":2411.16,"body":"doesn't have to be a church or"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2408.61,"endTime":2411.16,"body":"you know, maybe if it's a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2411.16,"endTime":2415.66,"body":"religious organization, that's a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2411.16,"endTime":2415.66,"body":"great place to look. But a local"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2415.66,"endTime":2419.11,"body":"chapter of, you know, like in"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2415.66,"endTime":2419.11,"body":"Columbus, we have Stonewall"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2419.11,"endTime":2421.96,"body":"Columbus, and there's a great"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2419.11,"endTime":2421.96,"body":"organizations there that help"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2421.96,"endTime":2424.09,"body":"people in the queer community,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2421.96,"endTime":2424.09,"body":"there might be somebody there"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2424.09,"endTime":2428.2,"body":"that's willing to do that. put"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2424.09,"endTime":2428.2,"body":"an ad on Craigslist, don't put"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2428.2,"endTime":2429.82,"body":"it out on Craigslist. I'm"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2428.2,"endTime":2429.82,"body":"kidding. Don't do that."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2430.54,"endTime":2431.53,"body":"Don't do this."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2431.98,"endTime":2436.96,"body":"Don't do that."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2431.98,"endTime":2436.96,"body":"Yeah, just you know, if, if"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2436.96,"endTime":2440.77,"body":"there's really genuinely nobody"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2436.96,"endTime":2440.77,"body":"in your life, will find somebody"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2440.77,"endTime":2446.59,"body":"for you ask, you know, ask"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2440.77,"endTime":2446.59,"body":"around. There is a Facebook"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2446.59,"endTime":2451.63,"body":"group that I'm part of called"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2446.59,"endTime":2451.63,"body":"stand with pride in the Midwest."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2451.63,"endTime":2454.45,"body":"And I know they stand with pride"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2451.63,"endTime":2454.45,"body":"and other areas of the country"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2454.45,"endTime":2458.44,"body":"to where people can reach out to"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2454.45,"endTime":2458.44,"body":"look for, you know, surrogate"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2458.44,"endTime":2460.57,"body":"family members, like I'm getting"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2458.44,"endTime":2460.57,"body":"married, and I want somebody to"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2460.57,"endTime":2463.63,"body":"walk me down the aisle, who will"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2460.57,"endTime":2463.63,"body":"be my my dad, and people will"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2463.63,"endTime":2466.81,"body":"volunteer, I will walk you down"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2463.63,"endTime":2466.81,"body":"the aisle. They'll ask people to"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2466.81,"endTime":2470.2,"body":"show up at their graduation."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2466.81,"endTime":2470.2,"body":"It's like, yeah, so there are"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2470.2,"endTime":2471.73,"body":"people out there that will do"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2470.2,"endTime":2471.73,"body":"that for you."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2473.29,"endTime":2475.24,"body":"And that kind of stuff"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2473.29,"endTime":2475.24,"body":"really, you know, helps give"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2475.24,"endTime":2479.14,"body":"faith in humanity. Especially"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2475.24,"endTime":2479.14,"body":"like, with us being just,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2479.29,"endTime":2482.11,"body":"especially lately just been"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2479.29,"endTime":2482.11,"body":"bombarded by so much bad news,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2482.11,"endTime":2487.39,"body":"in fact that politics on, you"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2482.11,"endTime":2487.39,"body":"know, the for profit news cycle"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2487.39,"endTime":2493.21,"body":"and everything. So it's nice to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2487.39,"endTime":2493.21,"body":"hear the stories of people like"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2493.21,"endTime":2496.99,"body":"that to show, you know, overall,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2493.21,"endTime":2496.99,"body":"humans aren't that terrible."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2497.02,"endTime":2499.12,"body":"Yeah, as much as I like to say"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2497.02,"endTime":2499.12,"body":"humans."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2499.12,"endTime":2501.55,"body":"And if I find"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2499.12,"endTime":2501.55,"body":"myself on Facebook, getting real"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2501.55,"endTime":2504.91,"body":"pissed off, I scroll over to my"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2501.55,"endTime":2504.91,"body":"groups, and I go find stand with"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2504.91,"endTime":2508.57,"body":"pride and Midwest and I just"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2504.91,"endTime":2508.57,"body":"read through posts and comments,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2508.57,"endTime":2512.71,"body":"and I feel good again. There are"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2508.57,"endTime":2512.71,"body":"people out there that give a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2512.71,"endTime":2513.13,"body":"shit."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2514.24,"endTime":2517.48,"body":"There are and remember,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2514.24,"endTime":2517.48,"body":"if you're starting to get into"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2517.48,"endTime":2522.37,"body":"like an argument or someone on"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2517.48,"endTime":2522.37,"body":"Facebook or social media, just"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2522.37,"endTime":2525.28,"body":"don't. Don't just"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2522.37,"endTime":2525.28,"body":"there's no point."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2525.82,"endTime":2529.6,"body":"Yeah, there's no point"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2525.82,"endTime":2529.6,"body":"there's there's no winning. And"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2530.53,"endTime":2534.73,"body":"if, like I don't respond when"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2530.53,"endTime":2534.73,"body":"people post critical stuff on"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2534.91,"endTime":2538.81,"body":"things I post sometimes I'll"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2534.91,"endTime":2538.81,"body":"just delete the post. Because I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2538.81,"endTime":2542.62,"body":"did that the other day with the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2538.81,"endTime":2542.62,"body":"Richard Simmons died the same"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2542.62,"endTime":2549.22,"body":"day that that Trump got shot."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2542.62,"endTime":2549.22,"body":"Yeah, no. And so I'm like, in"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2549.22,"endTime":2552.46,"body":"what universe is something along"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2549.22,"endTime":2552.46,"body":"the lines of what universe is"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2552.49,"endTime":2556.84,"body":"fair that, you know, Richard was"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2552.49,"endTime":2556.84,"body":"taken from us, but the orange"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2556.84,"endTime":2561.61,"body":"menace just got his ear clipped."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2556.84,"endTime":2561.61,"body":"And yeah, bunch of local"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2561.61,"endTime":2565.57,"body":"realtors that never interact"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2561.61,"endTime":2565.57,"body":"with me at all. jumped on, like,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2565.57,"endTime":2568.09,"body":"that's tacky. That's a horrible"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2565.57,"endTime":2568.09,"body":"thing to say this. And yet I'm"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2568.09,"endTime":2572.11,"body":"like, this fucker goes in front"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2568.09,"endTime":2572.11,"body":"of people, and talks about how"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2572.11,"endTime":2575.68,"body":"he would say, eradicate people"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2572.11,"endTime":2575.68,"body":"like me, you know? So"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2575.83,"endTime":2577.54,"body":"what's tacky is"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2575.83,"endTime":2577.54,"body":"they didn't have the same"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2577.54,"endTime":2579.7,"body":"response to children being shot"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2577.54,"endTime":2579.7,"body":"in school."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2579.7,"endTime":2584.41,"body":"Exactly, exactly. Over"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2579.7,"endTime":2584.41,"body":"and over again. So I'm just"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2584.41,"endTime":2589.03,"body":"like, You know what, I don't"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2584.41,"endTime":2589.03,"body":"even want this. And as, frankly,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2589.03,"endTime":2592.87,"body":"as a business decision, I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2589.03,"endTime":2592.87,"body":"deleted it, but don't engage is"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2592.87,"endTime":2596.41,"body":"what I'm trying to say. It also"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2592.87,"endTime":2596.41,"body":"takes away people's power that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2596.41,"endTime":2599.35,"body":"they think that they might have"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2596.41,"endTime":2599.35,"body":"is known as power on the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2599.35,"endTime":2604.03,"body":"internet. You know, once you're"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2599.35,"endTime":2604.03,"body":"in person. We're all just people"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2604.06,"endTime":2605.23,"body":"just trying to."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2606.85,"endTime":2608.98,"body":"We're all fumbling"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2606.85,"endTime":2608.98,"body":"around here on this blue marble."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2609.37,"endTime":2610.36,"body":"Exactly."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2612.46,"endTime":2616.27,"body":"So I've missed this in"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2612.46,"endTime":2616.27,"body":"the past couple episodes,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2616.3,"endTime":2620.11,"body":"because, one, I don't know why I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2616.3,"endTime":2620.11,"body":"forgot to do it with Sarah last"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2620.11,"endTime":2623.02,"body":"week, probably just because I'm"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2620.11,"endTime":2623.02,"body":"flaky and the week before that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2623.59,"endTime":2629.32,"body":"ran long with Chloe. So we"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2623.59,"endTime":2629.32,"body":"weren't able to do it. But I'm"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2629.32,"endTime":2634.54,"body":"gonna bring back courage"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2629.32,"endTime":2634.54,"body":"against. So this is the old"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2634.54,"endTime":2637.99,"body":"school Cards Against Humanity,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2634.54,"endTime":2637.99,"body":"like the original deck, kind"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2637.99,"endTime":2642.04,"body":"essentially. So there's no"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2637.99,"endTime":2642.04,"body":"modifications to this at all."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2644.02,"endTime":2648.55,"body":"I'm just kind of going through"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2644.02,"endTime":2648.55,"body":"and just loosely shuffling and"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2649.27,"endTime":2655.84,"body":"the rule to this game. Nicki's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2649.27,"endTime":2655.84,"body":"excited. She's, like bouncing up"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2655.84,"endTime":2665.59,"body":"and down like the rules are. You"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2655.84,"endTime":2665.59,"body":"pick a card, and we have to come"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2665.59,"endTime":2669.07,"body":"up with something to respond to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2665.59,"endTime":2669.07,"body":"it. So it's only black cards,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2669.07,"endTime":2673.84,"body":"not the white cards. But"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2669.07,"endTime":2673.84,"body":"because, to me, it usually isn't"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2673.84,"endTime":2678.91,"body":"a two person game, right? I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2673.84,"endTime":2678.91,"body":"remember. I don't know if you"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2678.91,"endTime":2681.07,"body":"still do it or not. But there"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2678.91,"endTime":2681.07,"body":"used to be like an eyeline like"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2681.07,"endTime":2684.4,"body":"techspace version that you play"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2681.07,"endTime":2684.4,"body":"with like, I played with my"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2684.4,"endTime":2691.18,"body":"Warcraft friends. Oh, holy shit."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2684.4,"endTime":2691.18,"body":"The girls that we were playing"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2691.18,"endTime":2696.46,"body":"with were fucking raunchy. It"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2691.18,"endTime":2696.46,"body":"was amazing. It was the best"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2696.46,"endTime":2700.51,"body":"thing ever. So anyways, so"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2696.46,"endTime":2700.51,"body":"Nikki? Yeah, Okay, I'm"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2700.51,"endTime":2702.34,"body":"ready. Here's a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2700.51,"endTime":2702.34,"body":"deck."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2702.4,"endTime":2704.65,"body":"Tell me like"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2702.4,"endTime":2704.65,"body":"approximately where in the deck"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2704.65,"endTime":2709.51,"body":"you want to pull the cart from"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2704.65,"endTime":2709.51,"body":"right there. Right? Here are in"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2709.51,"endTime":2710.8,"body":"like this. Yeah, right there."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2710.83,"endTime":2713.02,"body":"That's fine. Here."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2710.83,"endTime":2713.02,"body":"Yeah. Okay."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2714.67,"endTime":2720.49,"body":"So, this is gonna be"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2714.67,"endTime":2720.49,"body":"your card. Okay. and I are going"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2720.49,"endTime":2732.04,"body":"to one at random. So the suspect"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2720.49,"endTime":2732.04,"body":"code. Okay, so are you ready for"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2733.3,"endTime":2735.52,"body":"your, your, your your stuff?"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2735.61,"endTime":2737.26,"body":"I'm writing things"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2735.61,"endTime":2737.26,"body":"already."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2738.49,"endTime":2745.12,"body":"Okay. I was gonna focus"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2738.49,"endTime":2745.12,"body":"on this, the way the world ends."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2745.39,"endTime":2749.35,"body":"This is the way the world ends."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2745.39,"endTime":2749.35,"body":"Not with a bang, but with"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2752.77,"endTime":2756.4,"body":"Okay, so we were"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2752.77,"endTime":2756.4,"body":"all on SNAP with a bang but with"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2757.42,"endTime":2760.21,"body":"glitter with glitter. That's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2760.21,"endTime":2765.19,"body":"a good luck enhancer."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2760.21,"endTime":2765.19,"body":"Can you imagine? I mean, enough"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2765.19,"endTime":2767.74,"body":"glitter would just destroy the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2765.19,"endTime":2767.74,"body":"world. I mean, people use them"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2767.74,"endTime":2771.67,"body":"as glitter. Have you seen this"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2767.74,"endTime":2771.67,"body":"glitter bomb pranks? Yeah, those"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2771.67,"endTime":2774.76,"body":"are amazing. So Good answer."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2771.67,"endTime":2774.76,"body":"Good answer."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2775.39,"endTime":2777.16,"body":"You could say you"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2775.39,"endTime":2777.16,"body":"better candidate too, but I like"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2777.16,"endTime":2778.39,"body":"glitter. Glitter"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2778.39,"endTime":2779.02,"body":"is better."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2782.92,"endTime":2790.87,"body":"Craft Supplies it's"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2782.92,"endTime":2790.87,"body":"true. That never goes away."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2791.35,"endTime":2794.77,"body":"If this episode weren't"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2791.35,"endTime":2794.77,"body":"about death and stuff, I will"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2794.8,"endTime":2801.46,"body":"tell you. It's the hurt piece of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2794.8,"endTime":2801.46,"body":"craft supplies. Yeah, because"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2801.46,"endTime":2805.66,"body":"that's a quote. That's a that's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2801.46,"endTime":2805.66,"body":"definitely a quote. I'm hoping a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2805.66,"endTime":2807.49,"body":"little clip generator from"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2805.66,"endTime":2807.49,"body":"Riverside."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2808.18,"endTime":2811.0,"body":"For that because"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2808.18,"endTime":2811.0,"body":"that one Exactly. Is crossed."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2811.0,"endTime":2811.6,"body":"Fingers crossed."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2811.63,"endTime":2814.09,"body":"You never know what"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2811.63,"endTime":2814.09,"body":"it's gonna do. Okay, so mine"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2814.3,"endTime":2819.88,"body":"blank. Hit tested. Mother"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2814.3,"endTime":2819.88,"body":"approved. Okay."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2825.52,"endTime":2832.81,"body":"I mean, there's so many things"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2825.52,"endTime":2832.81,"body":"and it's just how raunchy to do"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2832.81,"endTime":2839.38,"body":"we call yours was fairly yours"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2832.81,"endTime":2839.38,"body":"is fairly clean. But as a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2839.38,"endTime":2843.76,"body":"lesbian, I'm just gonna say"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2839.38,"endTime":2843.76,"body":"today's mother approved because"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2843.76,"endTime":2847.48,"body":"I like it. My mom and I do love"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2843.76,"endTime":2847.48,"body":"some titties both my both my own"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2847.48,"endTime":2848.44,"body":"and those of other people."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2850.06,"endTime":2852.49,"body":"That's because"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2850.06,"endTime":2852.49,"body":"Teddy's are fantastic. titties."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2852.49,"endTime":2855.19,"body":"Everybody loves"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2852.49,"endTime":2855.19,"body":"titties. Everybody loves"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2855.19,"endTime":2856.45,"body":"studies. Everybody"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2856.6,"endTime":2858.58,"body":"loves titties. Oh,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2856.6,"endTime":2858.58,"body":"yeah."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2859.69,"endTime":2862.84,"body":"Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, not"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2859.69,"endTime":2862.84,"body":"not everybody loves to these on"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2862.84,"endTime":2866.08,"body":"themselves. Like I'm looking at,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2862.84,"endTime":2866.08,"body":"like trans mask individuals and"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2866.08,"endTime":2871.36,"body":"stuff. Sure, but the trans mass"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2866.08,"endTime":2871.36,"body":"people I've talked to still love"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2871.36,"endTime":2876.85,"body":"Teddy. It's just somebody else."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2871.36,"endTime":2876.85,"body":"100% Yeah, I'm so happy that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2876.85,"endTime":2881.32,"body":"I've grown my own there. It's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2876.85,"endTime":2881.32,"body":"just, you know, just looking"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2881.32,"endTime":2884.8,"body":"myself in the mirror just laying"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2881.32,"endTime":2884.8,"body":"there. I'm like, Oops. Oops."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2884.8,"endTime":2889.93,"body":"Yeah, too. These are the best."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2884.8,"endTime":2889.93,"body":"Yeah. Do you have any closing"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2889.93,"endTime":2895.45,"body":"thoughts? Anything? That Yeah."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2889.93,"endTime":2895.45,"body":"Any anything else that you want"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2895.45,"endTime":2898.69,"body":"to get out there? To my 90"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2895.45,"endTime":2898.69,"body":"listeners?"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2901.27,"endTime":2904.63,"body":"It's okay to not be"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2901.27,"endTime":2904.63,"body":"okay. But it's also okay to be"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2904.63,"endTime":2907.78,"body":"okay. Like that's the lesson we"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2904.63,"endTime":2907.78,"body":"learned from when you were on my"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2907.81,"endTime":2912.4,"body":"episode. As far as death loss"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2907.81,"endTime":2912.4,"body":"and grief, whatever you're gonna"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2912.4,"endTime":2918.4,"body":"feel is okay, valid and normal."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2912.4,"endTime":2918.4,"body":"So don't there's so many people"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2918.4,"endTime":2920.62,"body":"think they're grieving wrong."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2918.4,"endTime":2920.62,"body":"You're not how are you doing? It"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2920.62,"endTime":2923.23,"body":"is exactly right. Just don't"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2920.62,"endTime":2923.23,"body":"hurt anybody else in the"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2923.23,"endTime":2927.07,"body":"process. Whatever you're gonna"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2923.23,"endTime":2927.07,"body":"feel as I always had my episode,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2927.1,"endTime":2930.58,"body":"every episode with your grief is"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2927.1,"endTime":2930.58,"body":"yours. Your feelings are valid."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2930.58,"endTime":2933.88,"body":"And grief doesn't always have to"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2930.58,"endTime":2933.88,"body":"suck. So take with that."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2934.48,"endTime":2938.74,"body":"That's an amazing,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2934.48,"endTime":2938.74,"body":"amazing advice. And as alone as"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2938.77,"endTime":2943.09,"body":"anyone feels in their grief, I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2938.77,"endTime":2943.09,"body":"guarantee you somebody else is"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2943.27,"endTime":2945.19,"body":"the only one that feels that"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2943.27,"endTime":2945.19,"body":"way. Somebody else has"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2945.19,"endTime":2948.46,"body":"felt it thought it"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2945.19,"endTime":2948.46,"body":"said you're never really truly"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2948.46,"endTime":2950.74,"body":"alone. And you're it's isolate."},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2948.46,"endTime":2950.74,"body":"Grief is isolating, but you're"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2950.74,"endTime":2952.0,"body":"never isolating."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2952.27,"endTime":2954.7,"body":"But if you can find if"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2952.27,"endTime":2954.7,"body":"you can find the strength within"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2954.7,"endTime":2958.27,"body":"you to talk to somebody and you"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2954.7,"endTime":2958.27,"body":"don't have to either there's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2958.27,"endTime":2960.82,"body":"there's there's no shame in not"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2958.27,"endTime":2960.82,"body":"talking to somebody, but if you"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2960.82,"endTime":2965.29,"body":"can, you might find some"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2960.82,"endTime":2965.29,"body":"commonalities. Like I just"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2965.29,"endTime":2968.5,"body":"noticed when I was on your"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2965.29,"endTime":2968.5,"body":"podcast, just kind of unloading"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2968.5,"endTime":2972.55,"body":"about my dad, especially the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2968.5,"endTime":2972.55,"body":"first time that we talked before"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2972.55,"endTime":2977.05,"body":"that, like, it's nice to get all"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2972.55,"endTime":2977.05,"body":"that out there. Like not a lot"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2977.05,"endTime":2979.9,"body":"of people knew those things"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2977.05,"endTime":2979.9,"body":"about me beyond like my"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2979.9,"endTime":2986.44,"body":"therapist and my sons or their"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2979.9,"endTime":2986.44,"body":"mother. So it's just getting it"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2986.44,"endTime":2989.32,"body":"out there getting it off your"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2986.44,"endTime":2989.32,"body":"chest, putting words to it can"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2989.32,"endTime":2989.56,"body":"help a"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2989.56,"endTime":2993.43,"body":"lot, so much. So,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":2989.56,"endTime":2993.43,"body":"yes,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2993.46,"endTime":2996.43,"body":"it was a pleasure"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2993.46,"endTime":2996.43,"body":"having you on the show. This was"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2996.43,"endTime":3002.43,"body":"fun. And it was and thank you To"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":2996.43,"endTime":3002.43,"body":"me, thank you for having me. I'm"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3002.43,"endTime":3006.78,"body":"yours. Yeah. And I kind of give"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3002.43,"endTime":3006.78,"body":"people a preview of this because"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3006.78,"endTime":3013.26,"body":"I ran your ad on last week's. I"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3006.78,"endTime":3013.26,"body":"ran it another time too, but so,"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3013.86,"endTime":3019.71,"body":"but definitely people go check"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3013.86,"endTime":3019.71,"body":"out Good grief. Thank you, Nick."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3019.71,"endTime":3023.49,"body":"He's a wonderful person and I'm"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3019.71,"endTime":3023.49,"body":"honored to get to know her and"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3023.52,"endTime":3025.83,"body":"she's not too far from me"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3023.52,"endTime":3025.83,"body":"either. So we're gonna have to"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3025.86,"endTime":3029.43,"body":"we're gonna have to get a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3025.86,"endTime":3029.43,"body":"coffee. Yes, yeah. I need a trip"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3029.43,"endTime":3032.49,"body":"to Columbus. So possibly because"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3029.43,"endTime":3032.49,"body":"you either too, they're always"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3032.49,"endTime":3034.29,"body":"trying to get me to come down."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3032.49,"endTime":3034.29,"body":"So yeah,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":3035.01,"endTime":3036.84,"body":"if you ever doubt,"},{"speaker":"Nikki Smith","startTime":3035.01,"endTime":3036.84,"body":"let me know."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3038.79,"endTime":3042.78,"body":"I shall, next week and"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3038.79,"endTime":3042.78,"body":"transcending humanity. Let's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3042.78,"endTime":3048.0,"body":"see, who do we have? Next week"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3042.78,"endTime":3048.0,"body":"is Samantha Tiana or tanto. I'm"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3048.0,"endTime":3051.6,"body":"not quite sure how to pronounce"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3048.0,"endTime":3051.6,"body":"her last name. And the return of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3051.6,"endTime":3057.75,"body":"Erica vocal. Samantha is a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3051.6,"endTime":3057.75,"body":"published author recently has a"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3057.75,"endTime":3061.38,"body":"book that just came out. And"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3057.75,"endTime":3061.38,"body":"Erica is a frequent co host on"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3061.38,"endTime":3066.78,"body":"the show. She has her own book"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3061.38,"endTime":3066.78,"body":"coming out. So I'm probably just"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3066.78,"endTime":3068.97,"body":"gonna sit in the background of"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3066.78,"endTime":3068.97,"body":"that episode and let those two"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3069.0,"endTime":3071.97,"body":"approaches him around about"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3069.0,"endTime":3071.97,"body":"writing and stuff. And hopefully"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3072.0,"endTime":3074.34,"body":"learn some lessons myself"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3072.0,"endTime":3074.34,"body":"because I want to start my own"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3074.4,"endTime":3081.15,"body":"my own book. And yeah, and the"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3074.4,"endTime":3081.15,"body":"week after that, I have someone"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3081.15,"endTime":3090.24,"body":"lined up hope it works out. He's"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3081.15,"endTime":3090.24,"body":"a YouTuber, so be fine. Thanks"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3090.24,"endTime":3093.69,"body":"again for joining us. Nikki."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3090.24,"endTime":3093.69,"body":"Thank you again, I know I said"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3093.69,"endTime":3097.74,"body":"this already, but you know, and"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3093.69,"endTime":3097.74,"body":"we will see you next time on"},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3097.77,"endTime":3104.1,"body":"transcending humanity. Laws."},{"speaker":"Vanessa","startTime":3097.77,"endTime":3104.1,"body":"There it is."}]}