Identity Centered Leadership with Dr. Stephanie M. Kirkland

Guess What! We added a featured speaker to The Confident You Beach Retreat in September! Participants will be able to develop their unique identity pitch (kinda like a business pitch). 

I had the opportunity to speak one-on-one with Dr. Stephanie M. Kirkland. Her research-based leadership development programs replace outdated and irrelevant training. She is the creator of the Identity Centered Leadership framework. 

Dr. Stephanie is such an impressive professional that is taking the organizational development space by storm!

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Transcript

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This is one of those episodes where you are going to need to sit down for this and you are going to need to take notes. Okay, even if you're driving, then you're just going to have to do the playback because I am joined by Dr. Stephanie M. Kirkland. Hey, welcome. Welcome, Dr. Stephanie. Can I call you that? Thank you. Yes, please do. Thank you for having me. Awesome. Well, here's the deal, and I'm sharing this with our audience, but I'm also saying to you is that you are one of the most fascinating individuals that I've met in a very long time. Okay. Don't be nervous about that. Don't be nervous. I'm just intrigued by your intellect. I'm intrigued by the level of relatable experience that you have in the leadership development sector. But I really do think that you work in a space that is so needed, but I don't think that there's a lot of individuals that are as well-researched and passionate about subjects that you do. And I want to dive into that. I want you to tell us a little bit more. I don't want to spoil it. So tell us a little bit more about, again, your work experience and what you focus on. Well, my focus is on what I call identity-centered leadership, which means that we are leveraging, right, the intersectionality of everything that makes us who we are and we're using it to build our own identity blueprint as we move through different environments, organizations, personal, professional. But now how do we actually own it, right? How do we appreciate it? How do we grow? How do we engage who we are, be okay with who we are, right? And then use that, use who we are and how we show up in spaces as a leverage to walk in our purpose, to do this leadership work that we're called to do as we impact other people's lives. So in a nutshell, it's taking our identity, owning the intersectionality of it, using everything that makes us who we are, and then using who we are to impact as our message. I love it. From an HR perspective, I'm even saying, I love that. Because I do think there's a saying from an HR perspective is that you have to treat everybody the same. And I don't think that that's the case. Actually, you have to treat everyone differently. And I think what you're saying is the other side of that. As an identity-centered coach and consultant, I believe that you're saying, hey, let's focus on who you are and how can you show up in your own authentic way In the organization, that's what I think Difference is the superpower different. I mean, I mean really hear that Difference is the superpower not just for the individual but for the organization Because the more we allow people to be they are the more productivity we get with our organizations, the more innovation and creativity, the more people are resilient because they know who they are and how they show up and they're not comparing themselves to other people. Oh, she works like this. Oh, I must got to do that. No. Who are you? How do you show up? What do you need? How do you engage that? So when we know who we are and what we need, then the organization can actually be a benefactor, right? For their own growth, for their own forward movement as an organization, because they are paying attention to difference. And I think we have a wrong definition of unity, right? When everybody is trying to become a prototype that does not actually tap into the greatness that you have as your workforce. So moving away from prototypicality and allowing and normalizing difference as the superpower really not only empowers people, it helps us to keep our people in the house. They're not moving on. They're not fulfilled and they can't be themselves and they can't be authentic. So now what are you doing? You're empowering your best resource, human capacity. And it's also leveraging your business because they enjoy being with you and they enjoy what they do as themselves. I mean, now that I have an expert in front of me, I have so many questions, but before I get into my questions, I want to talk about, okay, so as you described, I'm in alignment with everything you said, but I also like to make it relatable. Like, how would someone, what would I hire you for? If I was a corporate entity, if I was a small business, like what, how do I work with you? You would work with me in order to build your leadership capacity, right? Now, leadership capacity is not just upper staff, right? It can be C-suite executive, but really it is your workforce, right? You're helping them to develop who they are, how they show up, what that looks like, their values, their characteristics, their beliefs, their emotional intelligence. Then you're teaching them about what we've talked about earlier. How do I now connect this to my brain for success? What's going on in my thinking, my mindset, how am I shifting? What are the issues and challenges that I'm dealing with? But this is what's powerful. It's all about them. Everybody's building their own blueprint for success, which creates what? Successful organizations, because everybody is identity centered. What? Everybody's on the same page, right? Now, how do I become unique with that? What is my brand? Now I can have conversations with people about what I bring to the table, about what I do and what I don't do, what I'm good at and what I'm not good at. So we're not now accepting engagements and responsibilities that don't match who we are and our strengths as people. We can do personal SWOT, not just organizational SWOT, right? Okay, now what does that mean? What is the language around me? What are my capacities? Oh my gosh, where do I need to grow? What do I see myself doing and being? And then how do I build my capacity towards that? Now I'm invested in my performance, my productivity. Now I have self-efficacy. I'm confident, right? Because I am allowed to be me. I'm allowed to develop. And now guess what do we have, Jada? And it includes the culture. Oh my goodness. How do we get- Just like that. You do make it sound easy, and I'm going to ask any one of the listeners, please hire this lady for a keynote. I mean, I want to come to your conference, and you don't even have one right now. And if you do, tell me about it, because I'm so passionate about what you're speaking on because I do think that so many HR professionals, so many leaders need to hear this message and you can teach them of the mechanics of what to do. Things that stuck out to me, the personal SWOT, that needs to be a course. So either live or I don't know if you have it already, that needs to be a course because we all would benefit from that. I don't care who you are, but really getting to know yourself, I like to call it the zone of genius. You're getting to know how do you operate in your zone of genius. One of those things that are more of the zone of excellence of how do you align yourself? Because if you don't know this, then you are going to accept allow so much for your life and for your career. And so I mean, I feel that anyone going through, you know, your program's going to have a higher level of confidence, going to have, and that doesn't mean that we need to be scared by that, by the way. So sometimes we say that and we get to say, oh my goodness, these folks feel empowered, they know their strengths and they're confident. That doesn't mean that someone's going to walk in and not be flexible, adaptable, bulldoze. That's not what you're saying, right? Oh, no, not at all. Because when we understand who we are, then we know what we're bringing to the table. Then we can have bigger, more effective conversations. Then people who really have that skillset can volunteer. You see what I'm saying? Then the job is not just a schedule and a task. It is me saying who I am and what that means to this organization because I want to be here. I want to be empowered and encouraged. I think when we come from a fear perspective, it's usually because we have not done that work. Exactly. So we usually fear what is not a part of our context and capacity. That's why I say identity-centered leadership is not just for certain people, it's for everyone because when you do the work, you can appreciate the work that's being done in other people, right? There used to be the saying in organizations, don't bring yourself, bring your action to the office. Interesting. But think about that. There's no way that I cannot bring myself to the office. There's no way that I leave myself at home because I am the worker, right? So if I don't develop this person, if I don't give them skill, if I don't give them capacity, then what they're bringing to me is the issues that we're having in our offices, not being able to be compliant, not being able to do the work. All of the things that we're doing on performance reviews can literally be impacted if we create this conversation around identity-centered leadership. So now capacity is different. Conversations are different. Now I know what I need to address from a different perspective of me empowering them and them not just thinking, I'm here just to do this work. So now there's compassion, there's empathy, there's emotional intelligence. The person who is actually supporting the worker, because they're doing the work too. Understand, okay, now I'm able to really truly support you. Yes, I want you to do the job, but I understand that you bring you to this job. So if you're having identity issues, if you don't know who you are, if you don't know what you're doing, if you don't know your capacity, if you don't know your opportunities, your threats, right? Your strengths, your weaknesses, then we're both at a loss. So I'm trying to help you find the problem. You don't know what the problem is. We're not having a great performance review because you're lost, I'm lost. Everybody going back to brain-based learning, everyone lives in their own paradigm. We're both projecting on each other, because when we live in our paradigms, we project our perspective onto others. I'm projecting as the manager, you're projecting as the follower. Our mindsets are not in the same plane because we don't understand what is actually happening between us and now for both. And you covered so many points, but I'm glad that you highlighted in that way because it means that you still have performance reviews. You're still, I'm HR at heart, there's still accountability in the workplace, but it actually, through your perspective though, I think it enhances one's ability to actually receive feedback, critical feedback, constructive feedback. How do how do we? Operate from a respectful place when you feel more confident who you are you actually can tone down an emotional response Because you understand you understand who you are you understand and you actually understand other people Correct. Oh, that's correct a lot better whenever you have I like to call it self leadership. Yes. And it's so important. I think more and more we need this because there's also so many people in the workplace that don't have it, that don't really, they're coming from a place, like you said, fear, insecurity. I like the projecting back and forth, whether it be with your manager or a peer, and that's not what we want. We're all here. No one starts a job because they want to show up and do a bad job or they want it to turn into a bad workplace. Correct. Correct. And then there is, like you said, the toxicity becomes a part of the culture, right? Because there isn't really a real solution, and I believe identity-centered leadership is the solution. Everybody working to become the greatest expression of themselves and knowing how to bring that to the job. Everybody like you were saying, okay, I just got somebody said something bad. I'm feeling some kind of way. So then I can say, oh, Stephanie taught me resistance. That resistance is coming up against a belief that I have. This is not personal. Okay, where is the belief? So now we learn to be what? Self-aware. Okay, I'm feeling resistance to what she's saying to me. Where is this belief coming from? Have I had... You know the questions. Okay, have I had a bad experience with this in the past? What does this mean? Is this something that's happened to me in my personal life? How do I deal with rejection? Why? Because you know yourself. So when someone says something that you don't like, you don't go, you know, you don't do it again. You don't go in attack mode. You go into self-awareness mode. Okay. Why am I feeling resistance here? Why am I upset? Why am I angry? Because you're no longer making it about them. I talked to my clients and working with CEOs and entrepreneurs. I actually call it going to the balcony because I'm dealing with a lot of people issues, right? So on the side of this, but especially founders though, there's a higher level of emotion attached to it because you started it, like that's your baby, right? Your baby, and so I can speak from experience, and so it's a different emotional tie there, so you really do have to, in my mind, go to the balcony so you can start asking those questions. You can start testing, because if you don't mentally or emotionally remove yourself from that situation, then that's where it's not the best place. It's not going to be productive on either side. And you'll be defensive. You'll be defensive instead of being able to listen. Yes. So I think what came to mind as you were talking is that I think it'd be neat if there's some sort of assessment, personality assessment, for identity-centered leadership. And to think about that, because it would be really neat if there was like the DISC assessment. There's an assessment of who you are, maybe personally and then workplace, and then apply the other coaching principles. So I see this, and I don't say this to anybody, but I see this being you know, in several team environments and just like disc assessment, this could be something that's universal and international because people, people, thank you for, you know, nodding your head, people need to understand themselves. And that doesn't mean just in South Carolina, that means all over the world. This is a issue. I talked about the leadership crisis that's happening. I mean, this would be so applicable to what leaders are fighting against, either to the external world, the pressures, and then also inside their own minds. Yeah. And I think it's so important, again, that we are able, with an identity-centered focus, to cut the environment out of the conversation. Yes. We can be who we are irregardless. There is a cognitive behavioral study around the crooked room and how people situate themselves in a crooked room with regards to how they see themselves. And so part of the field apparatus of the study is, okay, some people really turn themselves how the crooked room is crooked, and other people can tell that the room is crooked, and they align themselves differently even though the room is off kilter. And so when we are able to look at ourselves and cut the environment out, right, and begin to make everything introspective, how do I want to show up? What does this look like? How am I going to handle this?" And that keeps the blame game off the table. Do environments impact us? Yes. Do circumstances impact us? Yes. They don't have to control you. And when you know who you are, you know how you show up, have a bigger conversation, right? Because then you can say, okay, this is triggering me. Why am I triggered? But then you can go, yeah, why am I... Then, but guess what? The triggering is still you, right? Even though the environment is contributing to it, even when your environment is crooked, you can still show up. You can still be the best that you can be. You can still take your power back. You can still not allow environment to control your temperament or perspective. I use this statement all the time. You can be a thermostat. You do not have to be a thermometer. I do not have to lean to the room. I can control the room. I can control the impact of this room on who I am as a leader. This is so powerful. It's so powerful. I feel like there's so many times, I have to watch this too. So many times I'm like, you know whenever the preacher's talking, you're just like, listen, like that, it just hits, it resonates. I'm like, are you talking to me? I know that for every listener, everyone's going like, does she see me right now? Has she heard about my situation? Because this is, it's just so, it's so relatable. It's so powerful. I want to, I have so many questions, but I don't like I do want to keep this to a certain a certain limit I know that Our work, you know isn't finished in this just conversation I think that this is my continual conversation, but I do want to know about maybe some hurdles that you've experienced with rolling out You know identity centered leadership or pushback that you've gotten because I can't imagine From working with the leaders that I've also worked with, I can't imagine that everyone is 100% on board. But tell me, what has been your experience? I think the main pushback is people wanting to still allow the environment to control how they show up. True. So it's more so along, but you don't know what I'm dealing with, but you don't know who these people, but you don't know how they're acting. And so I have to go back and say, I understand what you're dealing with. I do understand your environment, but I do also understand that we control who we are and how we show up. We still control our response. We still control our emotions. How we interact with a crooked environment is still our responsibility. And that's hard to swallow. It is. It's still our responsibility. And do you know what? I started redefining success to me. And success means something different to everybody, right? Everyone usually thinks about money or things, and sure, those are things to think about. But success means to me, true freedom is actually whenever you can have so many things, challenging situations, and emotional chaos occurring, and you actually feel at peace. When you actually are in a place where you can objectively and logically look at a scenario and look at a situation where you aren't consumed by what's around you. That's true freedom. That's true success. Yes, yes, yes, and are not controlled by who you used to be. I mean, going back to what we talked about, about the brain, there's this beautiful word called neuroplasticity. I love, you know, I love brain stuff, but Jada, you know, I love it. So neuroplasticity means that my brain has the capacity to change. So I am not held in bondage to how I used to respond, I can get to freedom. I don't have to be held by what I used to do in the circumstance. I can get to peace. I can get to freedom and I can reprogram my brain for that. I mean, we have synaptic connections in our brain and our brain has ways in which it engages based on our lived experience, right? And my past lived experience does not have to control my future engagement. I can reprogram the way that I think, the way that I show up. I can reprogram my beliefs to support my destiny. Gandhi says it like this, Become your thoughts. Become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. And your habits control your destiny. Not what you want in your language, right? Oh, I want to be a success. Okay, that's language. So now what are the beliefs so that we can create thought? What are the thoughts so that we can begin to develop words, right? What are the words so that we can create action? What are those actions that create habits so that success is not just language, it is a process of reprogramming our way of thinking, our mindset, our way of dealing with environment so that we have what we say and not just say it, but truly like intentionally beyond the shadow of a doubt know that we can have it. Absolutely. And when you have that level of hope, like, so I think it also starts with a level of, because you may not be in the place where you can even fathom, like maybe you've been through some trauma, the world has beat you up. And but I think that if you can just have a little bit of hope, all of that could be possible, right? All of that change, all of that growth. And hope is expectation, is it not? It is expectation because of a confirmed understanding. Think about that. I can only hope when there is expectation. I can only have expectation if I have confidence in what it is that I'm standing on, right? And if I am standing on my growth, if I'm standing on the possibility of my own change, that which I can control, because remember, we can't control the environment, but I can hope and expect and have confidence in my ability to take knowledge, increase my capacity, and become a greater expression of myself. So my expectation is not in the change of the environment. Oh Replay that the expectation is not in the change in the environment Okay, why? Yeah, I'm no longer controlled by environment because we can pick you up and put you in any environment Yes, and you can be calm peaceful happy Successful. Yes. This is truly reprogramming your brain for success. It is. And it's your work, right? And that's so powerful. It is your work. Because no one can take that from you. No one can take that from you. No, no. Nobody can take your peace or your freedom, right? We have to choose to give it away. And for so many of us, we have been programmed to give it away through people pleasing. We've been programmed to give it away because of trauma. We've been programmed to give it away because of bad experiences. And we can really do the self-leadership. We can do the self-awareness and the emotional intelligence work. We can then in-house that within this identity framework and do the personal work to position ourselves for what it is that we want, and then actually walk in it. Perfect. This conversation, I say it a few other times where I can talk to this person all day, but I'm telling you, I feel like we are going to work on something together. I've put it out in the universe and- I received it, I caught it. It would be an honor and a privilege because you're just, you're a phenomenal human, but you, you have a phenomenal brain and you're welcome. And you're tasked with a certain responsibility here. And it's really to get this message out and then teach people how to, and not just people, but teaching the leaders, teaching human resources, teaching learning and development professionals, teaching the people that reach the masses so you can really impact lives. You're already doing that, but I'm excited to even see it on a wider scale. So before we go, I want to know, OK, so how can folks reach out to you and maybe, what are you selling today? Like, what service? I've signed up already. What services should I reach out to you for? Right now it's open because not everything is. And also, how do I get in touch with you? You can get in touch with me through identitydynamics.net and you can send me some contact. You can get in contact with me through LinkedIn, Dr. Stephanie M. Kirkland, you can reach me there. You can get in contact with me through Jada. Yes, it does. The link's below. No, it's not a good. For more information, the link to our website, all of that is right below. Yeah. And the work that I'm positioning now for is what we've talked about earlier. This identity-centered leader, how do we create these conversations? And so I have some components that I am offering to people just to be introduced to the conversation, right? Developing your identity-centered blueprint, reprogramming your brain for success, creating your unique leader brand, improving your performance and productivity, developing inclusive culture. So these sessions that I have, and of course, I do, we've talked about that. We do all of a different kind of packaging for what that is and how we can actually have this intersectional and inclusive conversation across different paradigms, whether it's your women of color who need to have a historical and cultural context to what their leadership dynamics looks like based on my research. If it's just your leaders needing to understand their identity and what they're building as leaders and what do they want to look like? What does a leader mean? I mean, we've never asked them, well, what is a leader to you? We tell them what a leader is. And then we what? We don't recognize, we just put them in spots based on prototypes that we've been using for decades that does not support the globalization that's taking place in our organizations and there needs to be a shift. So my charge is to support that shift so that we can be and do and be who we're called to be in the earth through the work that we do. I completely agree. And I think this is a fantastic start to my day. Hope it was for you as well. And to all of our listeners and viewers, I want you to like, share, make comments, ask questions. We're gonna engage with you. I mean, it's not every day that you can actually access an expert, identity-centered leadership expert. I mean, come on. It's a great opportunity, but Dr. Stephanie's made the opening claim that we can reach out to her. And I so appreciate your time today. To our listeners and viewers, this is actually a really good segue into knowing that our Rising Leaders Cohort registration has opened. It has opened. And so I want you to follow the link below. I want you to visit jadawillis.com. You're going to get all the good information, but I bet there is a bonus that includes Stephanie in your feedback. She doesn't know it yet. You know it first. So everyone got the message at the same time. Thanks for tuning in. Can't wait to see you next time.