#46 How Feminine Energy transformed my finances & my relationship with money

Feminine energy has given me the relationship with money that I dreamed only exclusive people had. Budgeting is easy, no stress, paying bills is easy, and it's affected how my family functions at a core level. Listen to this podcast! 

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Transcript

Miriam (00:00.066)
Hello, hello, welcome to today's episode of Awakening the Feminine Within. Did I change it to Awaken the Feminine Within? You know, guys, honestly, I feel like my head is not really even on my shoulders. So we're just going to let that slide. Today we are talking about how Feminine Energy totally transformed my relationship with money into something that is so freaking healthy. And I've talked about this, I don't know if I've necessarily talked about it specifically, at least my journey and what.

and how it's evolved over the years, but feminine energy has truly gotten it to a place when I tell you I have not felt more safe, secure, at peace with regards to money than I've ever. I've never felt like this before specifically. So I wanted to talk about it because I've been talking about it in my collective and we've had, we've been having a lot of discussions around money and what it's like to feel good and feel safe and how...

everything just organized in a way that doesn't feel exhausting. It doesn't feel taxing. It doesn't feel like, oh, I have to go and do this. Right. Like any time you feel that way about something, it's not in alignment for you. Right. And so it can be a drag. And then you have worries that go on in your head. And then you're like, shoot, is this bill going to be covered? What happens when an emergency expense comes in? Like, how am I going to deal with that, et cetera, et cetera? And it can just feel.

Like for most people, money feels incredibly draining, incredibly frustrating, and just like a necessary evil, right? It's like, why is this here? I don't really like this. What the heck? So that's what I want to talk about today, because I really have gotten it to this point where it's like, for the most part, excuse me, for the most part, it's tied up in a pretty bow. I did need my husband's help with the Excel side of things. And we're still ironing a few kinks out in terms of like,

the actuality of the Excel sheet. And if you guys want to workshop on this, because I have been, well, if she doesn't listen to my podcast, but she's been out here before, Joyce Hansen, she actually used to be an accountant and I did a little meeting with her to get her Excel system down because it was so simple and so easy and I used that pretty heavily. I actually can't live without it for, it's a huge part of finances now and I've thought about

Miriam (02:17.026)
having reaching out to her and doing a little workshop where we review basically how to set up your money in a way and how to do your budgeting and finances and whatever in a way that's very non, it doesn't feel invasive, right? And it doesn't feel like claustrophobic and like it's restricting you. So before I get into that though, because I don't want to, I don't want people to start this episode and be like, oh my gosh, she's going to talk about budgeting. I mean, I am, but like not in the way that you think I am. So I'm going to give you a little story because

Growing up, my parents didn't tell us anything. It's a miracle. Honestly, all my siblings and I have a relatively decent idea of what to do with our money because we were not taught anything. At least I wasn't. I mean, maybe my siblings have something else to say and I don't know about it. But there was no financial education. My mom was just like, well, you should save. And I'm like, what does that mean, though? Because in my mind, saving meant that I wasn't spending any because that's what my parents did.

They just tried and saved. They would complain and get frustrated every time an emergency expense came in. Everything was like, okay, well, we have to save our pennies here and we have to save our pennies here. And everything was like, let's just kind of hoard money. What little of it they did have because hoarding it didn't make them more money, right? Like it was just, it was like, it was always a pain point and there was never really a solution for them. And that was really hard to watch and to view from a childhood perspective.

And then as I started making my own money, because I didn't feel safe with it and I wasn't taught what to do with it, I just, and I didn't, like, because I had a negative perspective of saving, I didn't wanna save. I was just like, ew, why would I do that? Because it doesn't look like you can enjoy your life when you save, AKA, in my parents. Like, they didn't look like they were really living a life that they really enjoyed. And so, and this is all subconscious, like, I had no clue consciously that this is what was going through my mind.

So as a result, I spent all of my money. Like I worked at the grocery store and I just like, you know, blew every paycheck, whatever as you know, teens do. And then I went to school and I mean, that situation didn't get rectified. There was a small period of time when I finished school, I started working and I had a really good routine where I like, I didn't, you know, I had credit cards, but I didn't use them if I didn't have the money in my checking account. And it was a really good healthy relationship until things started to change around, like when I had to get married.

Miriam (04:36.074)
And then it was like, oh, well, we have to, you know, borrow money here and borrow money there. And like, I have to work more in order to save money for, you know, the, for the wedding. And then I had to get my own car and things like that. So it wasn't until I really, like, I know I'm trying to think because, okay. So things started getting significantly worse when my husband and I, kids were about, I think my oldest was three at the time.

And I was like, you know what, this really isn't working. I think I need to make more money because my husband was working full time at the time. I just felt really restricted, like it wasn't enough money. And he was already working his way up the ladder. There really wasn't much he could do at the time. And so I thought, okay, I am gonna start my photography business. And that was really great because it allowed me some freedom. It gave me something to do. It gave me purpose. It gave me passion. And I was also working part-time at Sephora at the time. Now...

The downside of working at Sephora, if you're a makeup enthusiast, is it feels like that when it goes right back into a Sephora. And so you're not really saving a whole lot. And I just remember thinking, I mean, it was a really fun time of my life. I learned so much and I wouldn't be here in my photography business if I didn't have those skills and if I didn't have a lot of those products that got me started, they were so great. It was so necessary. However, as my business continued.

Making money then became this, oh my gosh, I can do this. Like I can make money. And it became less of a, oh, making money is something that's good and healthy for you. And it serves a purpose. Instead of making money, it became an accomplishment. Except the problem with that is that, which is in my opinion, the only downside of making money as an accomplishment, is it then becomes a, oh, I'm getting dopamine from this.

But because I don't feel safe with money and other aspects of it, spending it in a healthy way, budgeting it, putting it aside, whatever, because I hadn't worked through those money blocks, I was never able to really fully retain money. I was making large sums of it with my photography business and it always was just, I was like chasing this achievement. It was always like, okay, well, if I can just get a bigger achievement, if I can just make more money, then I'm still achieving more, except I actually wasn't because it was...

Miriam (06:52.262)
I didn't have a purpose for the money beyond actually making it. And so it became, and this is so wild when you look at how you make your money. Like, you know, and doing a little mini audit is so key. And this is why this work is so beautiful because when I really got into my healed feminine state, I had to sit down and ask myself and be like, what am I even doing? Why am I making this money?

Now, of course, I love what I do for photography. It has been so soul healing and is so gratifying to see women walk away and say, oh my gosh, I love photos of myself and now I actually feel good about myself for the first time in years. And like, it's amazing, it's incredible. But beyond that, what is it that I'm earning money for? Because I had this root, I have this root fear of, oh my gosh.

There's never going to be enough money just because that's what I grew up seeing, right, with my parents. And also, it's not, there are repercussions if you save. So in my mind, I still had these blocks going on while I was making this money. So what ended up happening is, you know, it really, I really didn't get anywhere. Yes, I was making a lot of money, but because I wasn't really addressing the root issue of why am I averse to saving? Why am I averse to not?

spending or whatever it might be. And I absolutely do not regret those years where I did spend more because spending in a way was it was a very long journey of healing because it was an energetic state that I was in. I was searching. Spending is a way of searching for something that you are looking for. Now, had I been guided by somebody or something to say, hey, you know what, you can look at spending.

as a bandaid. If you find that you're an excessive spender and you find that you're like, oh my gosh, I just really, really want this thing, then there's a reason why you want that specifically. Sometimes it can be an actual like, you know what, I'm just craving that and I know it's coming from something like deeper inside myself. Most of the time though, it's like you're scratching an itch. Okay. But why is that itch there in the first place? And this is what I do with my coaching clients because I, and I've experienced this myself.

Miriam (09:09.814)
Shopping addictions are a sign of on-heel trauma. So when you are craving this thing, you are craving it because you wanna feel something. And that's what I was doing. I was searching for a feeling. I was searching for purpose. I was searching for something deeper and it just wasn't in these things. But I didn't know how to sit and how to process and how to find the root cause of what it is that I was trying to feel, what it is that I was trying to have. And so...

got really got heavily into feminine energy, started really looking at like, okay, what is it like to receive? What is it like to feel safe, just like letting go of all expectations and really unsubscribing from all these money beliefs that I had before. So I started reading a bunch of books and there's one book in particular, I'm gonna see if I can put it in the show notes because I don't remember exactly what the title is. It was recommended to me, literally so freaking amazing.

Some of it I already knew, but there was a lot of it that he goes into that was just so eye-opening and just a really great refresher for people who have done money trauma work before and want to dive a little bit deeper into it. So I'll put that down below after I'm done this podcast because I really can't remember it. I got it off of Audible. It's a yellow book. I think it's called Happy Money, but don't quote me on that because I don't remember for sure. So when you are able to sit,

and kind of have a little mini intervention and say, why, where am I at with my finances? Do I like where I'm at? Do I not like where I'm at? Where are the holes? Where are the blind spots? Because where I'm at right now, and let me describe it for you, I do budget. I could never budget before because it would send me into scarcity mindset. The second I would have that restriction, I was like, nope, I felt like I was suffocating. I felt like I was gonna be like, like someone was literally choking me. That's what it felt like. And so I just could not do it.

And that's because it didn't feel safe, right? It makes sense why I didn't, why I was so averse to it. Now I freaking love budgeting. Like I literally could not, like I'm like, ooh, budget, yay, amazing. Like I've fallen in love with Excel sheets. I track literally everything. And I have savings accounts, I'm saving, have no issues with credit cards anymore. It's really like, it feels like a well oil machine.

Miriam (11:30.538)
And like I wake up during the day and oh, also this has improved like my cooking and my grocery shopping. Like I've saved almost a thousand dollars a month. Not quite. It's not a thousand. Well, actually, yes. It's like I've saved six to eight hundred dollars a month in grocery shopping because by budgeting I was like, oh, I'll just meal plan and do all these things. And you know, if you're someone who's good with money, you might this episode might not mean much to you. And there might be little bits here and there that might make sense. And for a lot of people, this is like they're like, well, yeah, duh.

except for me because I had such a trigger and fear because I watched my mom budget. I watched her spread out her meals, but it was like they were forced into it. It wasn't something that they chose. And because it wasn't something that they chose, I was like, I don't want that. I don't want to live a life that just feels like straight up depression because this is what you're forced into. And so,

I didn't feel inclined to budget because of that. And it wasn't until I really had healed my feminine that I was like, okay, you know what? I need some structure here. And this is the thing about feminine energy because feminine energy, a lot of people are like, yeah, it's really chaotic. It is chaotic. And if it is not, if it's on healed feminine, it'll feel really restricted when it comes to masculine structures like,

budgeting, saving, restriction, timelines, things like that. So because I did a lot of this work and I healed my feminine and I was like, oh, I got to the point where I was craving all of this structure because I had done all that work. I was like, oh my gosh, yes, I gave myself permission to feel, I gave myself permission to choose my own path. Not only that, but I saw on a deeper level what my purpose was and what I was here to do in this world.

If you haven't listened to episode 45, go and listen to that. It's the one right before this, because I talk extensively in that episode what it's like to let your purpose lead you. And leaning into that is what's brought me to this point where my finances are a well-oiled machine. Because I just, I was in my unhealed feminine, I was in my wounded masculine, I was in my wounded feminine. Everything was a threat to me.

Miriam (13:52.342)
everything, every structure, any advice that anybody could have offered me, it was all just wrong. And it didn't feel right because there was so much trauma that I hadn't worked through. I wasn't self-aware, I wasn't open, I wasn't willing to receive. And so because of that, I lived this very chaotic, dysfunctional, in both financial, energetically, and emotional life, that really didn't serve me. And it wasn't until I started seeking out

Having my life really serve me that got to this point where like all these other things like my health, things are finally clearing up after so many years because I've been like, okay, let's widen my doors. Let's really be so, so open. I don't need to know everything. I can have things come to me. I can have things serve me. Thus was born this desire to, I mean, like, I've never been this organized even in my business. Like I have Excel sheets for like everything.

all of my leads coming in, where they're coming from, how much money I'm spending on marketing, how much money is being sent in like all these different areas that I have because I really wanna see, excuse me, the function and the structure and the health of my business both financially as well as like, okay, what's working, what marketing strategies are working like over here and over here and over here. And so I've just all of a sudden I'm craving, it's not really all of a sudden, it actually makes perfect sense if you think about like the timeline of how I...

healed myself because I'm about a little over a year and a half since I started my entire feminine energy journey. And it has been so satisfying to see, to sit down every week and go through my little, what is it called? It's one of my actual, what does Joyce call it? I forget what she called it. Her little register. That's what she calls it.

weekly register, you log your transactions, you see if everything's adding up and you see like, okay, this is how much money I spent in groceries and this is how much money I spent here and everything. And being able to go through those and be like, oh yeah, there were some extra things that came in, but like it all panned out. And then it also tells me, great, do I need to earn more money or do I need to push and save more over here and more over here? And it has given me the most amazing amount of peace. And it's...

Miriam (16:14.866)
I didn't really realize till I had implemented these things that that's another source that I was craving. I mean, it was there subconsciously, but it wasn't there in my conscious mind of like, oh my gosh, you're craving this piece. My kids have been loving all the meals that I've been prepping. It's been so easy for me. I don't feel like I'm grocery shopping like randomly throughout the week anymore. I'm just like, great, we just shop. You know, sometimes, of course, there's exceptions where like the other day I had to go to the grocery store because I was like, oh shoot. What am I?

pieces of food went bad, had to replace it and end up getting more because that's what happens. We can go to the grocery store. And so it's like, great, okay, we just, you know, we're able to, we're more organized because we're prepping for the grocery shopping and then we're also getting the right things. We're not like forgetting things at the grocery store because we're thinking about it in advance. We're planning in advance and everything is just so much more, it's better. Like everything is better.

And the best part about this is that I don't feel like, oh my gosh, I have to do this. I feel like a lot of people in society right now are like, oh my gosh, I need to stretch my pennies and I need to stretch things because of the economy. This was totally intuitively like, this wasn't something that was like, oh, the economy is this way, so therefore we need to save money. No, it wasn't like that. It was so like my intuition was leading me to this process. And it's actually really funny because my husband was like,

We talked about, I mean, I can, I do a lot of cooking. I can make bread. And he was like, I really think that he's like, maybe, cause I don't have a lot of time. I would bake bread if I could, if I had the time, I can do it. I just don't have the time for it. So he said, he's like, I have familiarity with bread machine. Why don't we get one and then I'll make bread. Oh my gosh. What'd I tell you? Like, so now he's off on this thing. He loves it. Kids love it. Every day they're like, oh my gosh, fresh bread. Yay. And they're like so obsessed with it. It was just so funny because I grew up on.

freshly made bread, thank you, mom. She definitely, she made like eight loaves a week because I had three brothers. And so there was like, of course they ate like a loaf the second it came out of the oven. And it's a really, it's a great memory. I love having fresh melted butter on, not fresh melted butter, butter on fresh bread. Oh my gosh, it like, you can see like the steam coming off the bread. It's amazing. So many core childhood memories from that. And it was just so crazy. I saw the other day.

Miriam (18:40.298)
that my kids go crazy over a new loaf. Like they were literally in the kitchen waiting for the bread machine to go off. And then they were like, it's done, take it out. And they were so excited. And I thought about it and I'm like, wow, my intuition led us to this point that, you know, it was first financial, then meal planning, then it was like, you know what, why don't we just make bread? Let's get a bread machine and let's invest. And it's like saving so much money because bread is actually and like, I don't know if you guys are, how much, how many of you are paying the attention to this? But

Bread has definitely gone up and it's like, oh, okay. And I mean, my kids are like, I don't want store-bought bread anymore. And I'm like, that's amazing. It's homemade bread is so much better for you. And then there isn't all these extra ingredients and like, there's so many pros, right? So being able to watch my kids experience that and just like, I was thinking my intuition because I'm like, wow, we came here and it's become this holistic family experience on a core level. My husband is so happy. He loves being able to help out.

And also, he really secretly likes baking, which is hilarious because my husband has no experience in the kitchen whatsoever. And so he is often terrified to like bake anything or do anything because he's scared of getting it wrong. And I'm over here like I don't follow recipes at all. Like I just whip things out and they turn out great and it's weird. So it's weird. It's a great skill to have, I guess. But so he's like traumatized because he's like, you don't even follow recipes. How the heck am I supposed to follow a recipe and have it turn out? So he's

thrilled, satisfied. It's just so much easier to meal plan. The kids are doing so much better. And like my husband, I don't think we've ever felt so at peace before because we have budgeted in the past. Trust me, we've done it. I've like when my husband was working full time and I was very like slowly building in to my photography business and it was just such a depressing thing. It was there was nothing but fear and depression associated with it. And that I had to make sure that if I was going to go back into budgeting that I was

reframing exactly how I wanted that relationship to look like. It was going to be fun, it was going to be enjoyable, it was going to give me peace, it was going to bring me joy, and it was going to serve me. That was the mindset that I went into it with and it has done check, check every single one of those things. So mind you, it is so necessary to really see what comes up with your feelings when you start considering some of these things.

Miriam (21:02.882)
that you either want to implement or clean up, or maybe you want to figure out a new budgeting, whatever it might be, or when it comes to like making more money. It's like, okay, you really want to pay attention to the feelings that come up, because there are going to be fear, there's going to be doubt, there's going to be shame. Oh my gosh, there was so much shame. And I have to, that is something I still have to work through because yes, I made dumb decisions for a lot of financial things, and I am quote unquote, paying for that right now. And...

But I'm not going to shame myself for those mistakes. I had to go through that in order to get here. In order to have integrity with my finances, I needed to go through that. It's crazy because I like to think of like my financial life up until this point was like my wild 20s, literally, because I'm like, oh, you know, and then when you start making a lot of money as a business owner, there's so many, like there's, you're in this new energetic territory because.

And if you're anybody, anyone who's experienced that, whether it's like a really big promotion or you've been given an inheritance or something like that, like larger sums of money have a very, um, they, you enter into a different energetic state. And if you're not familiar and if you haven't healed your money trauma, it can really be tricky. And you can find yourself like either the money's gone and you were like, crap, what happened to it? I wasn't even able to do anything with it. Right? Like there's so many things that can come up.

around money. And it's so important that you just do your assessment with your finances and just say, hey, what kind of relationship do I have with this? What do I want? That is what I love so much about feminine energy is because you are approaching your life and saying, this is going to serve me. I am going to pursue this and I'm going to look at the feelings and the little cobwebs hanging out in the dark that I need to clean out because ultimately everything should serve you.

110% your job, how you pay your bills. Like everything is on auto now. I don't have to think about it. Now, some people might be like, oh, I've already been, I've been doing that for years. That's amazing. However, this episode is more so for people who have had that money trauma and might be like, you know what? Yes, this is going to be really important for me, right? Like I have a coaching client, actually, she doesn't have.

Miriam (23:17.406)
nowhere near the level of financial trauma that I've had. And she has no issues with budgeting. She's been budgeting for eons, you know? And same thing like my friend Joyce, who I got my Excel sheets from, like same thing. She's been a natural at it for years. Like the majority of her life, she hasn't really had any issues like with money. And I honestly, like I freaking love that for them. That is not the case for me. And I'm okay with that story, right? Like we're all on our own path. Don't judge or shame yourself just because you have a different story.

than other people. So I really would love your feedback on this. This podcast episode, I really was like not sure how long this was gonna go for because I was like, oh, hopefully I can hit everything. If you want me to do a workshop and deeper because in the workshop, we actually go through any money blocks that you're gonna have. So yes, we are at the very end, we're gonna go over like, okay, this is, because budgeting looks different for everyone, okay? Like literally it looks different for everyone.

I actually have another coaching client who, like she was having some anxiety around money and then she didn't realize that it was like, she was making up, like it was a block that was coming from like, oh my gosh, maybe I don't have enough money and she was like projecting these doubts onto herself. Turns out everything was fine. It was just a matter of, oh shoot, where does that come from, right? Like her body was chasing doubt when in actuality she didn't have any, it was manifesting itself.

in order to like protect herself. Cause she was like, oh my gosh, everything is going to go to shit. Like, what am I going to do? Turns out wasn't the case, but we had to, you know, this is the accountability that happens when you work with somebody on a regular basis is you can say, oh shoot, I didn't realize that was an issue. And I can address that nip it in the bud and go on and live your best life because your every day today should not feel so daunting, overwhelming, depressing, in the link, like lingering behind you, right? Like

It should serve you, it should flow, it should feel light, it should feel free, it should be like, oh my gosh, yes, amazing. And that's not me talking out of my ass. I mean, literally, like my collective clients are, like all of my coaching clients, that is the gold standard and they are like 85% there. And it's amazing. And you know, it ebbs and it flows. Sometimes, most of the time they are at 100%, but then there are phases that you go through and that's okay. Everything in life is supposed to eb and flow.

Miriam (25:39.486)
So if you want that workshop, you're going to either send me a DM on my Instagram or drop a comment in our Facebook group and give me a holler, you know, let's do it. Let's set it up. I always limit when I do workshops like that because I'm coaching you directly on money specifically. You're basically getting like one to one coaching in that in that specific niche for money specifically that we're talking about. You can get to the root of like, oh my gosh, this is why I have the shopping addiction. This is why I'm unable to save. This is why, etc, etc.

Share this with a friend if you found this was helpful. And thanks for listening and I will see you in the next episode. Take care.