#47 How to get to the root of your issue/frustration REALLY fast w Katie Skinner

Having the same problem persist over and over in your life and you're tired of it? This episode is for you! 

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Transcript

Miriam Bulcher (00:00.522)
Welcome to today's episode of Awaken the Feminine Within. We are gonna get into today what it's like to get to the root of a problem really, really quickly and like instantly, basically, because it's kind of a known thing in the personal development world that like, you know, when a lot of people will say this, like, okay, well, yeah, you wanna start like your inner child healing, you wanna start like your healing yourself and doing your shadow work and all this stuff, but you don't know how long it's gonna really take.

And it's something that's very daunting, can be very frustrating. And so today I have with me an amazing guest, Katie Skinner. And if you have not listened to her podcast episode, which was a little while ago, probably around like earlier, like episode 22, I think, or 23, you are definitely going to want to go and give that a listen. But it's not pertinent today's conversation. So, Katie, give us an intro for those who have not listened to that podcast episode.

Katie Skinner (00:54.946)
Hello, hi, okay, so I'm Katie. I am a working mom, also a dabbling entrepreneur, so I feel like, yeah, I feel like I kind of see and get it all. In that podcast interview, we talked a lot about balancing how I balance my own self-care, my own self-worth, with having a toddler. So my son's at the age, he's 18 months old, probably like 16 months at the time of that episode, where he was like becoming mobile, becoming his own person, becoming his own being, and like.

I also am my own person, I'm my own being with my own wants and boundaries. And so I love getting the chance to talk to you about how we balance that and how I can also still maintain my health and well-being on top of his health and well-being.

Miriam Bulcher (01:39.034)
I love it. Amazing. Okay. So Katie, after we had chatted after that podcast episode, Katie and I have been connected for quite a few years now. But after that podcast episode, Katie sent me an intro. We'll tell your story of how we came about, like to where we're at now. Because I feel like I want to hear it from your perspective.

Katie Skinner (01:54.482)
Okay, cool. Okay, so, um, were you gonna get into like how we started coaching together? Yeah, because to me, that okay, I love the story. So, um, I love your content, love your podcast love, you know, love that interview, that interview felt like. It's a really good interview. If you're on the fence about listening to it, I would recommend putting that on your queue next after this one. Um, if you resonate with being a working mom and needing time for yourself. Anywho.

Miriam Bulcher (02:01.846)
Yeah, exactly.

Katie Skinner (02:23.006)
So that podcast interview gave me so much to think about and it gave me so much, it made me kind of realize how much I was struggling inside. Not, like I did have time for self care. I was good, like things were good. But I felt like these dreams of mine were kind of like falling to the wayside. It's funny now trying to like remember that version of myself, because it feels so distant now. Like since the work we've done, it feels distant. Sometimes you can recall like

struggles you've had as if they were like yesterday, but this one feels, it's weird, it feels so distant. Like, who was I? I remember just feeling like there is this frustration that I'm feeling, there's this pattern I'm repeating. And I know that pattern is like optional. I just didn't know how things are good and then I kind of slide back into this pattern and things are good and then I slide back into this pattern. And when we had that podcast episode.

I felt like things in my life were really good. And then I started noticing myself slipping into this pattern. And I was like, well, Miriam and I already unpacked this. We talked about this. Like things don't have to be the cyclical negative pattern. Like you can catch them, you can notice them, and you can start giving yourself the resources and tools to circumvent that same situation. So to be more specific, one pattern that I kept finding myself being in is like.

long story short, is basically credit card debt. It was like, I was like, things were good, I had a lot of hope, and I, and you feel free to jump in because I'm like, wow, I don't even remember. I'm having such a hard time connecting to that frustration now because it feels kind of like in my past. I was feeling like things were good and then I would just get so frustrated. I used to work corporate.

in the corporate world and I would like get this job and then you'd start this job and you'd feel so, what's the word, you'd feel so honored to be there. Like I have this new job, things are going well, like this daycare is lining up and things would be going well. And then I would just feel like I was trapped. And I was like, okay, well things are great so I can't change them, I can't breathe into them, I can't flow with things. Like things are set, like my calendar is set. I go to my job and as long as I show up every day,

Katie Skinner (04:41.87)
to that job, then my image is clean. Like people, like, it was such a good feeling telling people where I worked. I worked at this corporation that's pretty well known here in Richmond, Virginia. And I was telling people I worked there and they'd be like, wow, I bet you make a lot of money. I know you make a lot of money. Like, I know that they pay their people really well. And having the money and like, like being told over time, like, I bet you have lots of money and like.

being told by higher ups and other coworkers, we are the highest paid for our education level and experience level, which is in the city, which is true. And that was just kind of their strategy, was to pay people a lot so that they couldn't leave. And so over time, that reality started to sink in and feel kind of heavy and gross, and it felt like the status that I needed to uphold. And for some whatever reason, despite getting paid pretty well, I would...

get myself into credit card debt. It kind of just felt like this assertion of like, everything is fine, this is fine, this is fine. Like this insanity feeling of like, everything is okay. So this is fine. Like I'll just kind of, like I'm sure most people, many of us have been in a situation where you kind of want to bury your head in the sand about your finances, because like it's fine, everything is fine, this is fine. Like I get paid so well. And like when you're making that impulse purchase, like you're not thinking. And I realized at one point that

this was not good. I didn't like this job. It was just such a heaviness. I remember even my parents came to visit me once and looked around the office and heard about what I did and talked to my coworkers. They were just visiting me out of town and they even said to themselves, like my dad said to me, Katie, I'm so proud of you for having this job. And I felt my inner child, please don't say that. Of all the inner child work that I've done of trying to get my dad to be proud of me and detaching myself from that.

I knew at this point this job was not sustainable. We had, for a little more context on how stressful it was, there was these giant computer screens on the walls that had everyone's metrics. And I worked in creative, I was a writer. So having my creativity measured like that and paid it against my peers, and I would be going and getting coffee in the middle of the day and thinking I'm doing good, and I'll notice that my score bumped down five notches in two hours, and I'm like, oh my God. That just started to mess with me.

Katie Skinner (07:01.866)
And so hearing my dad say, I'm so proud of you for having this job, I just knew that I had to go. And so I quit. And then right after I was riding that high, I was like, I'm a free woman, I'm with my son again. That's when we had our podcast interview. And then over time, again, I started finding myself slipping into this pattern again. I was like, I don't know who I am when I'm not working. I don't know what I wanna do. I know what I don't want. I have this abundance of clarity on what I don't want.

but I'm getting myself into credit card debt again. It's like, I would look at my phone the next morning, like, what did I even buy? And this is where it gets sneaky. It's not that I was like buying things that were like so clearly not like, I mean, I used to be like that. And I know a lot of people can like buy something that they're like, why do I need like a foot massager? Like, I don't want this. It's like, these were really sneaky because they're like things that I did like and did want and did make my family's life better. It's just like a matter of like, I'm not sticking to a budget and I'm not like.

being in alignment with my purchases. And like, it just came down to like, and you helped me get to this, it's like, it comes down to like, are you buying something even if it's justifiable and like you need it and you use it and you love it every day. It's like, are you using your money to assert that things are fine when you don't feel like they're fine? Like it's somehow about like getting, buying something. I remember specifically this one time, I was at anthropology and I fell in love with this cardigan. It was like so beautiful. And in my head I saw it and I was like,

this is mine, I want it. And I looked at the price tag and it was like $230 or something like that. And I remember thinking like, if I have this, then I've made it. Like if I own this Anthropologie cardigan, like I have made it and I've made it, haven't I? Like I can have it. And even though I have the number in my bank account to buy it, it's just a matter of like, I know I'm sacrificing other things. And then it just like dilutes that feeling of pleasure and alignment when you do buy something in pleasure and alignment. Like...

These are all things that have just like came flooding to me from you because I think in a world that says like treat yourself, you can have anything you want, like women can have it all. That's true. But like I was putting myself into so much stress and frustration, like trapping myself by asserting like this is fine. This is okay. And being afraid of doing the work to get myself out of things or like think like taking it a step further. Like in a world that says like treat yourself, it's okay. Like YOLO like like.

Miriam Bulcher (09:23.018)
So in a way, it's almost like by taking on the mindset of like, it's fine, which is in some format, a mindset hack and can be, it can also really bring to the forefront fear. And it sounds like you are living a very superficial level of like, oh, I'm fine. Everything is fine. But it actually on a subconscious level, like, it's like there were more issues that came with the more you thought that.

Katie Skinner (09:49.31)
Yeah, yeah, it just felt like more and more being trapped. There was at one point where one of the managers at the company I worked at said something that kind of snapped me awake. She said, there are no other good jobs, period. You have to do what it takes to survive the status quo because there's no good jobs. And in my heart, I felt like that's bullshit. And I quit without a backup plan and...

But then I started to like, I reached out to you because I was like, I know that's not true, I just don't have the perspective. Like, I'm starting to panic, I'm starting to freak out, I don't know who I am, like I don't know how to incorporate feminine energy into this. And this I feel like is the most crucial part of this, is like, this is not, like this is where like the ego kind of comes in, is like, this is not my first time working with a coach, working with feminine energy, any of that. So there's this like part of my ego that was telling me.

before I signed on working with you, I should already know this. I'm good. I did this already, I'm good. But I had to trust that wasn't true. And just a short conversation with you, I don't even remember what you said, but it was the way that you said that made me feel like there's so much more. Yeah, maybe you've already done this. Okay, great, you think you know everything. You've gone pretty far. I'm a lot farther along than I used to be, but just some of the things that you said made me feel like there's hope that things can get better. And that...

There is a tendency for the ego to make you feel like, I did so much for you, I've done so much mindset work, I've done so much coaching, I've done so much whatever, so you should just be happy with what you have. And that's very much an ego-based thought. And I just felt like, I'm just making more room here. I'm just opening up more room. Yes, you've gotten me so far, you've kept me safe up to this point, you've guided me, and I know that it's scary to keep going, keep like...

working more, because I remember the first time I ever hired a coach, I thought in my head like, this was it. Like, I was only gonna do this one time. And that's not true at all. And I'm grateful because my ego every time is like, we did it once. It's like saying like, oh you bought groceries last week, like you don't need them again. Like, I'm a human. I evolve. I need more things. Things change. And I just knew that like, I was approaching this frustration again that I needed help with. And like, you said it perfectly. Like, when you're drowning...

Katie Skinner (12:13.99)
you said something along the lines of like, when you're drowning, you don't have perspective because like you're in the water. Like you can't see that the like boat is right there or like, I'm paraphrasing here, but that really helped because I was like, I don't have perspective. Like I'm fine and everything is fine, but I do not have that higher perspective. And like everyone in my life right now has never been where I wanna go. Like whenever I need advice, oftentimes I lean onto my husband and I ask him like, what do you think? And he's a projector and he's like mental authority projector. Like he's so good at.

having a higher perspective, but he's never been where I wanna go. He's never been in, he doesn't need to be giving me advice on feminine energy. He doesn't, and also he's in the weeds with me. We both have a toddler, we both work a lot. Also, one piece of shame that I was carrying around with me is my husband is so good with money. And when I say, okay, when I say so good with money, I wanna be more specific and say he has always stuck to a budget, he's lived.

below his means, he's never wanted more than he has had. I mean, if he has, it's been like barely and it's always been like when another door opens for him. For me, sometimes I know I want something when I don't even see a door. Like my current door is fine, but I don't see a door somewhere else. Like who am I to want more? And I think what your coaching has made me realize is like sometimes as women, like that's our gift. Like we want what we can't see sometimes, or yeah, we want what we can't see, or we want what's like not, there's no proof of it tangibly being there.

And I know my husband is so good at taking what he's been given and doing something amazing with it. And for me, I feel like I'm so good at bringing the non-physical into the material world. A lot of the amazing stuff we have is because I had an idea. And that's my... I just had to own and honor that gift that I have that he doesn't because I typically go to him for advice. And I had to admit that there's a lot of shame of, hey, I'm feeling frustrated.

I want to, like, he doesn't have career advice for me, and like, if I were to tell him, like, I have, like, and we've talked about money, like, plenty, and every time I tell him, I feel like I can see him, like, dying a little bit inside and being like, he just wants to trust me, and he wants to know that, like, I have this handled and everything's gonna be okay, and I want that for him, but it was just so fascinating that I was like, I'm at a crossroads right now and I need to do something different, and that was, like, listen to my intuition.

Katie Skinner (14:37.778)
in a scary way, because it's like, I feel like I'm pretty good with my intuition, but your, like the decision to hire you was like a scary decision in a way, but like as soon as I did, I felt like another door opened up, like another hallway came down, and I had so much more space. And for that, I'm very grateful.

Miriam Bulcher (14:57.086)
Yeah. Oh, I love this. So yeah, because when, when you had reached out to me and when we did that first initial call, you know, to talk about things, you were like, and I know one of the, one of the biggest signs I think for you being out of alignment was that creative outlet was blocked because, you know, for those that don't know, Katie has, you know, a large following on Tik TOK. I would consider a large, it's like 50, 55,000, isn't it? Like it's, it's large.

and you show up so well, you have such great energy. And I remember you specifically were like, I just like, it's blocked. And you were like, I don't have a desire to show up anymore. I don't have a desire. Like that outlet was just like choked. And I remember that being one of your primary concerns. And it's so interesting because like even in that first call that I think we did, it was like, you know, there were a couple things and I love that you've touched so much upon the money because that wasn't even your first initial.

concern. Like when you got on that consultation, it was like, it was more focused on identity, being a mom, being able to have make money as a mom and also make money as a creative as a mom. And, and then the money thing came up, like, I think, after a few conversations that we had later on, it was like two, three weeks in already. And I love that it's become such a, like,

Katie Skinner (15:53.494)
Yeah.

Miriam Bulcher (16:19.262)
such a core part of your memory of like the work that we're doing together because it's insane how like and this is honestly how I see like the outside world is because I've had somebody else who worked with a coach that I actually worked with previously and she was inquiring with me this was a while ago this was last year last year beginning of last year and she was inquiring with me about um coaching and also photography and she said she was like you know I followed that

process and it literally put me in debt and I was like, oh shit and I remember thinking like after I got off that call I was like, I know the reason why because she didn't have all the pieces and sometimes that's the tricky thing with following someone else's approach is if you don't find the root of where it sits for you and like what it means for you which is

And this is also why I honestly just don't think courses are a thing. Like, I just don't think they're really beneficial for people. Like, I think that you can have a transformation out of them. How long that transformation will last? I don't know. And that's a whole other rant for another day. But I was like, oh, I mean, without that level of personalization and without a coach going in and saying like, OK, well, this is why it's not working for you. And this is why if you take something at face value and implement it, you may not have the same result as somebody who's working with someone.

Because talking about your journey, I mean, it started with identity. It started with just overall frustration and creativity being blocked. And then after a few conversations, it touched on, holy moly, there is a whole underlying identity tied to money here that we kind of need to address. Because I would say a large portion of your identity was based in money shame. Does it not feel that way, like thinking back?

Katie Skinner (17:52.866)
You know.

Katie Skinner (18:09.899)
Yeah, yeah, I actually was just thinking this morning I was kind of reflecting and thinking about how like, I, if my like if I'm creating, and there is potential to earn money, like, I'm blocked, like, it like that's something that I was feeling a lot was like, the starving artist kind of like I create just for the joy of it I create blah like.

But when money came up or people were like, oh, can I tip you, can I pay you, or you should charge for this, or you should work with people one-on-one, that to me, I didn't realize how sneaky it was. One thing that I also realized from us working together was that I have done this in the past. I've been an entrepreneur since 2017, really, but I realized recently that every time I was charging people, sending PayPal links, accepting money for my services, I was doing it with gritted teeth. I was clenching, and I was like,

I need to do this because I need to pay my bills. And like, there was just like that energy that was so sneaky. And then now I'm like, what if I cleanse myself of that energy and just like try it again with like, with something new, like what we're working through and that is like what I'm working on right now is like accepting money, like you said, because I get to, because it's fun, because I like to, like that's the basis of Evident Energy is like, it's fun to make it and like not asking for money.

from like fear or from like I have to or I need to. Cause that is where I started feeling creatively stifled.

Miriam Bulcher (19:38.774)
Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I mean, I kind of love that this is I love that this is a whole conversation around money because I mean, I've talked about money on my own, but I don't think I've ever had a guest come on specifically and necessarily talk about like this fun energy around money. But I want to go back to what do you feel like what if you can't well, other than what we're talking about now in the context of money, but were there other big, big takeaways within those first couple weeks? Because I mean, guys, like

Katie and I are having our next call on like Wednesday. So it's literally been less than four weeks that this has all taken place. Like it has been whoo-hoo, lightning. Like it's been really fast, but what are some of your biggest things that you recognized in that first like week to two weeks that we were working together that you were like, holy crap. Like I worked with how many people and I never really came to this conclusion before.

Katie Skinner (20:10.84)
your honey.

Katie Skinner (20:15.496)
Yeah.

Katie Skinner (20:26.902)
Yeah.

Katie Skinner (20:30.454)
Yeah, okay, what I will say to preface this is that you mentioned our next call is on Wednesday, and I was kind of thinking the other day, I was like, wow, I've come so far, I don't know what's next. I don't know, this is where I feel like things go from good to great, and that's a little scary for me, and I'm so grateful to have the support through that, because when we're kind of on our own in support, when we're just kind of on our own, we are really good at maintaining the status quo, and having perspective, someone is helping us scale from like,

good to great, or like, okay, things are good enough. Like, sometimes I think about my life, and I'm like, I am so, my life is so beautiful. I definitely manifested every inch of it, and I can claim every bit of it, but then I'm like, how could it possibly get better? I don't know, and that's like what I'm so excited to figure out. So the biggest takeaways for me, one was that I still, I think the biggest takeaway, it was like with this quickness and this speed of like,

you mentioned at one point when I was talking about like I don't feel creative, I don't feel inspired, and you at some point you brought up like what was your money situation like growing up. And I have journaled on this so many times. I've like never really talked to a coach about it, but like I've unpacked this, I've taken courses, like all that stuff. And so part of me was like I don't know what I'm gonna learn that wasn't already like unearthed. And I used like when I told you my money story um

you so quickly were like, yeah, this is all related. Like it was just this quickness with like, I know I see it instead of like, huh, this is interesting. Wow. Like there's something so unsettling about like sitting with your trauma and like saying something out loud and then just kind of like sitting with it and being like, well, that's crazy. Like, darn, that sucked that happened to me. But like you responded so quickly and be like, I know what you're talking about and it's directly related. Just felt like I could breathe and be like.

okay so like there's like i'm not crazy it sounds crazy when you say like your money story out loud and my money story essentially was like there was just a lot of shame. i grew up pretty middle class my mom grew up dirt poor basically i think they all just like got out with like my mom basically was the person who got a full scholarship to go to college and she like

Katie Skinner (22:49.902)
because she was such a good student. She just spent her whole life trying to get out of poverty by going to college, and she did get out of college. And then she had seven kids with my dad who worked really, really hard in the military to provide for all of us. And my mom's a stay-at-home mom, and just like her managing my dad's money, but never making her own, I felt really messed with her. She was a great stay-at-home mom, but I felt like I absorbed some of that.

trauma and stress and I went for a little while, I went to private school and I learned in private school that in order to survive and not be picked on or bullied or whatever is to just like be one of the cool kids. Like if everyone is wearing Lacoste sneakers, you're wearing Lacoste sneakers. If everyone's wearing Abercrombie and Fitch, you're wearing Abercrombie and Fitch and like that is survival. Like you are not gonna be picked on if you're wearing what everyone else is wearing. And I saw my older sisters graduate and go onto college and be like, you know, fuck this place, I'm out of here.

But for me, I knew that I had several years in that private school, and my poor parents, like thinking that they're doing the, they are doing the right thing by like sending us to a good school, and every day I was just like struggling with the identity of like, I'm gonna get made fun of today because I'm not wearing like, my parents don't like own Gucci or like, that was huge, and it sounds so dumb now, but like when you're a teenager, it's like.

your survival is like, I have to wear Abercrombie and Fitch, and if it's fake, then everyone will know. And like, so I remember telling my mom, like, can you get me Abercrombie and Fitch? And she was like, absolutely not. Like, who do you think you are? That is, like, and my mom also gave me, which is really hilarious, my mom taught me a very, very healthy distrust of, well, a very strong distrust of marketing. Like, you know, these are just labels, like marketing is out to like trick you.

And it's hilarious because I work in marketing now. And advertising has been something I've always wanted to get into and selling and helping people find solutions to their problems and helping entrepreneurs make more money because of marketing and that's my passion. And so that survival piece and my mother saying no repeatedly made me associate that safety was status quo. It was wearing what everyone else was wearing. That's safety.

Katie Skinner (25:07.902)
my mom saying, no, we can't afford that, not safety. And so like, I was just in constant like balance of fight or flight and like, of course, I had like body image issues and eating disorders and like all these things into money and like my distrust of money. And my dad on the other hand was like, well, I'm working so hard. Of course you can have this. Like, let me give you some, like I'm working so hard. I want to see you happy. I know you're unhappy. Here's some money, go get what you want. And then I'd be like, great, like I'm safe. All my problems are solved. Like...

And then I would go and my mom would then call me or kind of follow up with me and be like, that was a bad financial decision. Like you are putting us in a bad financial situation with the things that you want and the things you desire. And realizing that I was carrying all that as a teenager. I mean, I journaled on this here and there, but it wasn't until I realized like through our coaching that you pointed out like the weight I was carrying and how it was like not, I think the biggest, biggest takeaway was like the awareness.

And then also, I swear to God, on the first call we had, the way you phrased it, the way you personalized it to me, it felt like I was just cleansed of all that shame. And I've heard people say on podcasts or whatever, put your past behind you, it's not your future. But the way that you said it was like.

you said like, who gives a shit? Like, you didn't say that. Like, you said it to me in a way that made me feel like you're right. Like, who gives a shit? Like, I always said like, my husband's good with money and I'm not, and you said like, you are good with money. And so I just like sat with the feeling of, because in my current reality, like, I get the things I want, and I often like get things that make me feel luxurious and happy.

in the guise of safety. Like it's not necessarily of like, I want this because I want this. It's like, I want this because it's gonna make me feel safe. And so I had this internalized story of like, I'm not good with money, I'm not good with money, I'm not good with money, but I don't want to not make money. But I think...

Miriam Bulcher (27:08.63)
It's like a catch-22 because you're like, I want more money, but how do I get more money if I'm not good with money? Shame, shame, shame. I'm not good with money. Your mom here, you know, your mom's story playing in your head all the time. You know, like, I'm not good with money. I'm not good with money. I can't be trusted with money. And then you're like hitting this wall of, shoot, well, how do I get across this bridge? Like how do I get off this massive like block in the road, right?

Katie Skinner (27:31.478)
Yeah. It was like, I want money because we all do. I definitely didn't resonate with like money is evil. Like I don't want, well I always wanted it. Like some people say like, I don't want it. I've always wanted it. But once I get it, I like get this thing away from me. And like it's so easy to like have made a bunch of money, have gotten your paycheck, has a client, just paid you whatever. And then like scrolling.

your feed, looking at your email inbox, and like all these other businesses are like, give me your money, we're better at managing it. It's like how I saw like if you see a sales going on somewhere you're like, I bet that business would be better at having this money. So like you unconsciously like give it to them. And it's so sneaky. But it was just the way that it doesn't really matter at the end of the day like what you spend your money on is what I've learned. It's just more like... Yeah, yeah, like when you said like who gives a shit like, who gives a shit how...

Miriam Bulcher (28:19.482)
how you spend your money and the energy that you spend it from.

Katie Skinner (28:26.978)
people spend their money, like something about the way you said it just like made me feel so cleansed of like all my decisions and like I stopped saying out loud I'm not good with money or stop even thinking it. I even told my husband like I've said a lot of times like you're good with money I'm not and I'm gonna stop saying that now and he was like great. I like it.

Miriam Bulcher (28:46.658)
Yeah. Oh, I remember actually the context of that conversation took me a little, so much has happened. Oh my gosh, this is that conversation. But I remember us specifically talking. I said, oh, how you spend your money is your business. It's not anybody else's business of how they perceive you because so many people pay their whatever stuff on time. And the only thing they have.

Katie Skinner (28:52.756)
Enough, enough.

Miriam Bulcher (29:09.606)
show for it is a credit score, which honestly has only really been around for 30 years anyways. So all the millennia of years that people have been like paying for things, they've never really had this public system. Not public, I mean, it's not really, it's still private, but also not really, because it's like the metrics that were at your job. It's like, you know, it's a competitive game, right? And it's like, okay, so we have this credit score system that's like playing behind the scenes

Katie Skinner (29:31.595)
Yeah.

Miriam Bulcher (29:38.802)
your belief about yourself and about how you use and spend your money. And so that number becomes tied to your identity. And then you're like, wait, well, if I don't have a credit score above 700, then that must mean I'm a piece of shit. And so it's like, and so we have this whole conversation around, you know what, how about you move into the identity of nobody else really needs to know my spending habits. And also, even if I were a good spender, I probably wouldn't even put that on display anyways. Like you don't.

Katie Skinner (29:50.582)
Yeah.

Katie Skinner (30:00.962)
Uh-huh.

Katie Skinner (30:06.71)
Yeah.

Miriam Bulcher (30:06.734)
People who have an $800 credit score or $800 credit score, if they do walk around saying it, get away from those people. But also like the people that do have it, it's not like they go around with a sign saying like, oh my gosh, I have an 800 credit score. Like it's not necessary. It's not like, hello, like unless you need more validation, which that's another whole shame piece anyways. But it's like, yeah, the way how your relationship with money is your own relationship with money.

Katie Skinner (30:22.016)
Yeah.

Miriam Bulcher (30:34.226)
it shouldn't be viewed to the public world, just like a relationship, like with your partner as like not all going to be shown to the world and like as it should be. Um, and so, but I want to go back to what you were saying though, also about it all being connected because we started with the creativity and their identity and the frustration, right? And then all of a sudden, with the talk about money, I noticed that there was a connection between money, creativity, and your identity. And they were all three pieces of a larger puzzle, but they were a hundred percent connected.

Like your relationship with your money was without knowing it, like really, really subconsciously affecting how you felt about yourself, which was preventing you from being able to show up on social media, right. And have that creative block, which I'm sure you felt differently about now that you've worked through the money stuff.

Katie Skinner (31:14.733)
Yeah.

Katie Skinner (31:22.678)
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, about the living publicly with your credit score, I actually recently bought a house and my husband and I bought our car that we were leasing and it came up, the concept of this credit score, both times and inside of it, it ended up working out, okay, we bought the car, we bought the house, but I remember in those conversations, I remember thinking like, I am going to be the reason that we can't have a house and a car. Like...

everything like was it worth it? Like was ruining everything worth it? And like suddenly my whole value, my whole, everything came down to like, you fucked up and you messed up and like we can't have this car now, or we can't have this house or whatever. And I remember dedicating myself to being like, I'm gonna work on my credit score for a while because that was so shameful. Like that was so embarrassing and that was so bad, was the situation of like running our credit scores to see what rate we can get and like.

my husband being very motivated to play this game well and get a good rate. I forgot that I bring other things to the table. And there was something about posting content and pursuing entrepreneurship and creating things and working with clients made me feel like it's just going to tempt me to take more risks that are shameful and embarrassing. I'm ashamed of my family and all that kind of stuff. By having a creative blog, it was my subconscious protecting me.

from being shame, like being more... like bringing more shame into my life. Because I felt like I was at my max, I was like, I can't handle more shame. It's a protective mechanism. And in that moment I had to ask myself, do I want what I want more than what I don't want what I don't want? Or can I trust that everything is going to be okay despite this? Or can I trust a different route? Or like a more scenic route to the things that I want, rather than the route that's been set up for me?

Miriam Bulcher (32:55.79)
Mm-hmm.

Miriam Bulcher (33:16.778)
Yeah, absolutely. Talk for a minute about your, there were actually two things that came through my mind and I'm like, oh, which one do I talk about first? Talk about your history with other coaches and how this experience has been for you because I know you mentioned like before we started recording how this experience has been so different.

Katie Skinner (33:26.089)
No, no.

Katie Skinner (33:38.67)
Yeah, I think that the, like you getting to the root of it so quickly and being able to ask really good questions instead of like, so there's something about the way that you responded to the things I've said with a question rather than just like a validation fest. To me, I respond like that worked really well for me. And I mean, I'm not saying like I don't need validation because like when you like, okay. So let me think of it this way.

Like I would say, this is my problem, I have this pain point, I'm frustrated, I'm feeling stressed out. And you would say, you would ask a question like, can you tell me another time you felt this way? Or when did this start? Or like showing some type of like curiosity and like needing more information. Instead of like, that's okay, we all feel that way sometimes. Or something like that. Like showing curiosity like made me get curious and feel safe to get curious myself. Instead of like...

opening up and being like, I'm struggling. And everyone's like, you got it bestie. Or like, everything's gonna be, or like, I struggle with that too. Like something about, okay, first step one, curiosity. Okay, and then I would answer the question and then you would respond with like, something that showed that you knew, like you knew what I was talking about. Maybe like so, and it sounds so dumb, but it was like something about feeling safe and like, okay, you know what I'm talking about? I'm not a freak for saying that. Like.

sharing my whole money story and feeling like, this is weird, I'm a freak and that didn't make sense. And you're like, that makes perfect sense. I know what you're talking about. They're all connected. Then can we work on like, and then asking about like my money or my creativity and like seeing the connections when I couldn't see the connections. Like to me, that's so gratifying. I felt so safe knowing that you, like your brain was turning and you were like, okay, like intuitively I feel guided to ask you this next thing. Made the process so fast and so like,

activating for me. It's like I knew what was next. It was just so potent and quick and clear and comfortable, even though I did have to go and sit and think about stuff and get curious about my emotions. It was like, you made that happen in action instead of three years in therapy, where we're talking and unpacking and unpacking and packing and then realizing, oh, I better do something about this. It was just quick and kind and potent is the best way that I can describe it.

Miriam Bulcher (36:04.794)
I love it. Oh my gosh. I'm so, so thrilled to hear this. We got to talk about though, the progression of how you landed the job that you have now because the people listening don't know the story. It is freaking so powerful. Like I'm still like, I literally am like, damn, this stuff is so crazy how it works. And you're not, and you're the second client this has happened to, but I like need it. And she's going to tell her story later on, but like you need to share exactly cause like randomly one day you showed up in the chat.

Katie Skinner (36:12.331)
We are.

Yeah.

Miriam Bulcher (36:34.21)
And you were like, oh, I got this. And I was like, like my eyes were bulging out of my head. I was like, what the heck? And I told my husband, my husband was like, oh my gosh, that's amazing. So yes, tell the story.

Katie Skinner (36:38.8)
Yeah.

Katie Skinner (36:46.41)
Yeah, okay, so also I will say that you just congratulating me and being like, what, that's amazing, made me pause and realize actually yeah, because there was something that felt like, okay, it's just another day. To me, I just didn't wanna celebrate myself. I felt so normal, I don't know. And you celebrating that made me take a minute and be like, okay, cool. So the situation was I...

we were working together and I was like, I know I need to be, I want to be making money. I want to be working. It needs to be creative. It needs to be like something I can grow in. Like I don't want to like go back to my old corporate job, which was probably something that I could have done. Like I could have reapplied and probably would have gotten it. I just wanted to like incorporate feminine energy into like my work and my money more. And so I kind of set that intention. And I saw that this entrepreneur that I've been following for a long time,

The way that I met her is that I was her Starbucks barista six years ago. I worked at the Starbucks six years ago at this pretty high end neighborhood where all of the, almost all the regulars were kind of rude and just like, they acted like they were better than you and they didn't give you the time of the day. But then there was this woman that would come in every day, order the same thing, and she was wearing all pink and Chanel and she had the longest blonde hair and she was so freaking nice.

and she would walk into this little central Virginia Starbucks that was the size of the room I'm in, wearing decked out in pink and Chanel, and just something about the fact that she knew that she must have been, it just felt so, the energy that she was giving off was like, I look great and I just dress like this for me. There was something about that, her energy was like, this is just who I am. I'm not trying to get attention, I'm just.

going to work like the rest of you. And I love that. Like I remember she stood out to me so much. And I remember following her on Instagram because her Instagram feed is like all pink and it's Louis Vuitton and it's iconic and her captions would always be like so insightful and kind. She's at the Caroline doll for context and she's like always been the sweetest lady. So throughout the years I've applied, she would say that her PR agency that she founded, Posh PR, was opening up spots.

Katie Skinner (39:02.83)
and opening up, she was hiring, and I would always apply. Like, I think I applied like three times, and I would never get it. And then at one point, I applied to work for her as a client, she does PR. And so I was like, I wanted to get my copywriting agency, Namaste Creative, which currently does not exist, but I was a copywriter. I wanted to work with her, and then I like backed out. Because I was just scared, I don't know. And I backed out, and then.

moved on with my life and then I saw like not even three weeks ago that she was hiring and so I was like whatever I'm gonna apply like I'm not gonna hear anything back. Two days later I get an email from her saying OMG Katie I would love all caps to interview you! So I'm like okay we're not gonna get excited we're not gonna get our hopes up. We have a quick zoom call it wasn't quick it was like two hours long. We had a zoom call and she's...

her same self, amazing, iconic, super kind, has that quick, intuitive mind of an entrepreneur that I love, as opposed to working for, if you've ever worked for a smaller entrepreneur versus a giant corporation, there's just something so, there's just the energy's so different, and I really love that fast-paced, feminine, creative energy. It's what I want more in my life. And we're interviewing, she's asking me some hard questions, not hard questions, like,

Where do you see yourself in five years? But like, are you comfortable with this task? Or like, you know, trying to get like some really like clear, like trying to hone down like the perfect candidate. And I was like, oh yeah, I know what you're talking about. She's like, if I gave you this task, would you, what would you do? And I was like, I've done that before so many times. Like just giving basically all the right answers and the way that it felt, it felt like I was floating. I was like flying through this job interview. Like no big deal, give me harder questions. Like whatever. And,

then, oh boy, it was just like, it just felt so natural. Like, yeah, it felt like I wasn't even trying. And then at the end, then she got really excited. And she's like, okay, like I'm gonna, like send me over some of your work samples and then I'll get back to you. She said, I wanna expedite your interview, your next interview. And I remember getting off that call from really excited. And then I started to feel.

Katie Skinner (41:28.054)
this kind of dread of like, that was too easy. Like there was something about it where I was like, there has never been my, like, I mean, I've always been naturally pretty good at job interviews and like getting jobs, but it was like, I don't know, like I have, I lost some trust in myself. Like just after when I worked at my last corporate job, I remember feeling like I love this job. And then I was like, I don't love this job anymore. And so I was like, it's gonna be one of those situations again.

But it had like everything off my list. Like it was a role that I would grow into because she said like, I need somebody dynamic. I don't want someone doing the same thing over and over and over again. And I was like, that's literally what I need. I don't want to sit there and do the same thing every day. I need a dynamic role. And she said like, yeah, I want someone who's like looking to grow with us. I want like, it just, it just felt too good to be true. And so like a week passed and I was like kind of feeling anxious. And then she sent me an email being like, do you want to come in and meet everyone at our headquarters? And then...

I'm like, yeah, sure, how's Friday? And then two days later, she says, actually, I'm just gonna offer you the job. No more interviews, I know in my gut, how's this? And I came in to the headquarters, which is all pink and amazing. It's such a huge difference to work somewhere where the environment is beautiful. That is...

huge. So the headquarters is like all pink and it's super comfortable and like it's just a cute place to be. There's like palm trees and it's like Miami vibes in there right next to like a farm with cows and chickens and it's like kind of remote and it's just cozy and I love it. It was like a custom headquarters that she built and there's like snacks and I just love being there.

She said to me when we were on boarding, so I came in and we did the onboarding, she gave me my laptop and my cell phone, and she like turned to me at one point and she was like, Katie, I'm really, really excited. And I was like, what? Like, there's just something that like felt like jarring about, like it's work. It's like, okay, I work, I understand, like I'm kind of in like logical brain. And then she like turns to me and like shares this emotion with me and she's like, I'm really excited. And I was like, in my head, I realized that I put her on a pedestal. And I was like, I have been.

Katie Skinner (43:40.258)
putting this woman on a pedestal, and by her saying I'm excited, made me think it was a little too good to be true, because it's like, I'm a little sister, I've always kind of tended to put women on pedestals sometimes and been like, you're my big sister, you're too cool for me, I have something that I've caught myself doing a lot, and so I realized, why would she be excited to work with me? And she said, you know, Katie, God told me to hire you. And I was like, in the moment, I was kind of like, uh-huh, cool, that's amazing, cool.

But now in retrospect, I'm like, that gave me chills. She was like, God told me to hire you. And she was like, I was literally praying the other night, please send me the right person. And I need the right person to grow in my team. And she just did seem genuinely so excited, which I didn't realize. Maybe that was actual genuine excitement. Maybe it was actually the right place at the right time. And long story short, the daycare right next to the office had a two-year wait list.

and I put my name on there anyway and they called me on Thursday being like, actually can your son start this Monday, so tomorrow. And just like that was like more confirmation that like this door has opened up for me and it feels a little too good to be true but like I also catch myself when I'm at work. I've been there for one week. One good sign that I've noticed is that when I started to feel a little bit stressed because like, you know, it's work, we're working, it's stressful, I noticed my like, my body catching me and starting to calm me down.

Whereas when I was at my last corporate job, I would get fatigued and burnt out or my anxiety would just feel like it would never stop and I would need to physically leave the building and take a deep breath. And being here for some reason, I just feel like, like at Posh PR, I feel like I kept my body's like, okay, you've met a little bit of stress, let's start to kick in and cool you down and relax a little bit. And I also just feel like, also my boss, my new boss, Caroline, she has a son that's my...

my son's age, they were born a month and a half apart. And so her just sitting in there knowing that she gets it, like if I have, like my last boss was male and not very sympathetic, it's like my whole mom situation, my whole working mom situation, and she just gets it at the end of the day, I know she understands what I'm going through, I can breathe and that is opening me up to creativity. I feel like I was doing really well at work, my boss actually said multiple times, I'm blown away by your work. And it feels genuine.

Katie Skinner (45:57.458)
this whole experience, I couldn't have predicted it. I couldn't have controlled it. I couldn't have gone out and made it happen. It felt like I wasn't even trying. And here I am. And now the work begins where I tell myself every day that I am worthy of this and this is normal. This is my new normal. Like this is okay. Instead of catching myself trying to sabotage it or something weird happening. Now the work begins of just breathing into it and being like, this is my life now.

Miriam Bulcher (46:26.97)
Oh, I'm like getting chills even just like listening to you talk about like the ease how the job interview went How the daycare opened up how caroline is supporting you and honoring your value Because this whole conversation started because you were like i'm frustrated. I feel like i'm lost I don't know like what i'm doing or what I should be doing. I want to earn more money and one of the very also really important things you said is like i'm

feeling like I don't have a community as a mom with a young son because you are like a new mom and it's really hard as a mom and the moms listening to this will know this like as a new mom finding your sense of community especially if you have a lot of friends who don't have children and like I mean I have my first child when I was 22 so like there was no one around having children.

that like no one. It was so, I was like a weird unicorn. And so I remember you saying like, oh, I wanna work with someone also who has children and knows what it's like to run a business, have a family and also be living their best life. And so the fact that Caroline has an 18 month old, like there's no coincidences here. Like the fact that your boss has a toddler, you have a toddler and she's like a family supporting creative business running.

Katie Skinner (47:46.434)
Yeah.

Miriam Bulcher (47:55.278)
do you realize that her description is exactly what you said to me that you were looking for and looking to be surrounded more by? Like what the heck?

Katie Skinner (47:59.402)
Yeah.

Katie Skinner (48:05.062)
And my work is what I'm like, every time I've like had a job, it's felt so stifling. Like this is your job title. Don't do more, don't do less. And the fact that so far my job has felt very like, like I used to do like, it's just like so far it's been like creating reels for her, like high paying clients. And I'm like, this feels like a walk in the park. I mean, stress comes in when I'm like.

managing my time well and like kind of taking feedback like then stress naturally happens But like i'm not saying it's like i'm laying out on the beach all day but like it feels like you stress like productive stress like I feel like i'm just Yeah, it feels like a good challenge and also since she has high paying clients that trust her a lot It feels like i'm taking that on too until like I get to like practice that identity rather than like I felt so isolated when I was an entrepreneur and I felt like

Miriam Bulcher (48:39.886)
like it's a good challenge.

Katie Skinner (48:55.882)
and this just feels like I don't feel that way anymore. And it's pretty mind blowing.

Miriam Bulcher (49:02.294)
I mean, I just, yeah, I mean, the, how you're describing the emotion of like, it feels effortless. It feels seamless. It feels like you're flowing. Like it just like flowed. It's like your cup was ready and then it was just like, boop. And you were like, great, I'm thirsty. I'm going to drink this. And it doesn't feel like you had to go out of your way to drink it, or you had to source the drink from like another country. Like it, and this for the people listening, like this is what feminine energy does to you when you're.

in alignment. Like this is how it should be. Like, I mean, this whole, and I talked about this on my last podcast, like my whole trip to Dubai, like there were so many affirmations that was like, yep, here's something for free. Here's an opportunity. Here's what you're supposed to do. Boop, boop, boop. Here's the money to go. Like all these things, it was just like boom, right after the other. And I was like, I mean, even still for me, I'm like,

Okay, we're breathing in another level of alignment here. This feels like a game. Like it's like, okay, boop, I moved up to the next level in the game. And it's like, okay, great, I'm safe here. I feel good here. Like this is like, but when it's almost like you're being waterboarded with like the most positive experiences you could possibly imagine in your life. And that's like the best analysis actually is like being water, like you're almost like choking on positivity and like emotion and like positive experience.

Katie Skinner (50:21.714)
Yeah, and your job is just to take it in and like, let it be normal. This is normal, this isn't like a fluke, like this is normal. And that's like what I'm working on right now, is like not, like just letting it be normal. Like, okay, this is a day in the life, normal.

Miriam Bulcher (50:23.967)
Yeah, literally.

Miriam Bulcher (50:28.536)
Yeah.

Miriam Bulcher (50:36.222)
normal, but also really celebrating at the same time and really appreciating it and letting it soak into your soul. Because when you've lived, as you know, the majority of your life, feeling like you're not even really in your body and then you feel like now you're in your body, it's like, oh, I just want to let this absorb to every single cell in my being, which is... And you're doing a really amazing job at that when you're already saying, okay, when I catch my body reach a certain level of disconnect at my job, I'm like, okay, we're going to connect back

And like, that's incredible because it's so, so important. Otherwise, you can just get caught up in it. And then, you know, without realizing it, you're like bitching and complaining about stuff that really doesn't even need to be a complaint. Right. But because you're staying connected with your physical body in this process of aligning to an even higher more experiences in your life. Right. Like you're leveling up and you're bringing your brain and your body along with it. And that goes back to what you said in the beginning of the podcast of like

opening yourself up to a greater life experience and having and like just opening the doors and being really safe, just leaving them open so it can just the universe can be like here, great, the doors are her doors are open guys, like we're going to flood the gates like again. And it's like, oh, awesome. This can be my new normal without the fear popping in every four to six to eight to 12 weeks being like, oh, great. Well, what are you going to fuck this up again? Right. Like it's your you're adjusting to that.

which is, oh my gosh, so freaking amazing.

Katie Skinner (52:10.15)
yeah, I'm working on it, but I got your help. so I feel pretty, I feel pretty supported.

Miriam Bulcher (52:13.386)
Yeah. Yeah, I love that so much. So if you have anything to share with the women who might be contemplating, because I mean, like one thing is that, and I don't know if you experience this, but it can be really hard to be seen. You know, I mean, like the reason why I've been able to piece together things really quickly for you is because I'm like, you know, you're not holding anything back for me. You're being so open, which is incredible. But does it feel weird having someone who can like kind of see everything and like into your past? Like really, like, does that feel weird?

Katie Skinner (52:42.882)
Yeah, I mean, like I said, I was kind of thinking back on like when I was saying like the process you had that really worked for me, I was thinking like the hardest part of that was sharing and then getting curious and like sitting with emotions. And I think about like a golden truth that my actually my, I was a theater in high school, I was a theater kid. And one thing that my theater teacher said to me over and over again was it's.

always easier to tell someone who's too much to come back. Like if you're being too much, it's easier for you to tell them to kind of reel it in than it is to tell someone to go bigger. And so my philosophy has always been like overshare because I also know like, like I just know that to be true. I don't love like it, yeah, it is weird. It does hurt, but like I know that it always leads to good things because like with manifesting or making a list, like over detailing just allows you more chances to be like,

in spite like more chances to be pleasantly surprised like and when I say that I mean like over like over expressing yourself over like expressing yourself a lot will lead to like more connection with the people around you in the same way that like when you're making a list of like what you want to manifest like overdoing the details if they feel good like if you're like I'm gonna just like share the down to the littlest detail of what I want will allow like the universe

little surprises. Like for example, when I was manifesting this job, I didn't have to like write it down on a piece of paper, but like the universe knows that like I, when I was a teenager, I loved the color pink and I loved, I collected like magazines and like Vogue magazines and I really loved, I couldn't afford it. Like I loved Chanel and like I loved Louis Vuitton and all that kind of stuff. And then I was like shamed into not being that way anymore. Like I kind of like.

you know, took a hit with like the world being like, you're too girly or you're too much, you're too materialistic. And the fact like my office now has like a giant, like Chanel, like tons of Chanel and Louis Vuitton like sitting around like the hand dryer, the hand towels are like Louis Vuitton. Like just that just feels like a little wink to like, it's safe to express yourself, like you can be yourself. And that's how it felt expressing myself to you. Like the more that I share and the more that I am and express, the more that you're able to like, more information you have to like give back.

Katie Skinner (55:06.599)
like to reflect back at me. Yeah.

Miriam Bulcher (55:09.822)
Love that so much. So what would you say to women that are maybe on the fence and feeling like, oh shoot, I really want to experience that, that ease that flow of that life, but are maybe like, I don't know if I really am ready for someone to see me or number two, to like, you know, it's terrifying to like take that jump and like be seen.

Katie Skinner (55:30.378)
What I say, yeah, I think that like this is your birthright like feminine energy is your birthright and Having somebody who has a perspective in that somebody who has something to teach you about it somebody who is Dedicated and living it and reflecting it and like thinking about it like it's just such an asset in your life Like it's going to get you back to yourself. It's like It's your birthright like you can have this like you use yours like that's your job is to like be in your feminine energy and like

I think that you're probably using up a lot of very precious energy and a lot of precious time by fighting it rather than going with it. I think that things feel like so fast, like oh my God, it was so fast. And whenever things in my life happen fast, it's because I've trusted quickly. So that's not to say like everything is fast all the time in my life, but it's like when I lay a foundation and then trust and surrender.

then it happens fast. And if you don't feel like you have the foundation yet, like that's something that I know that you do. And if you need like those tough questions to get you back into a line, not even tough, just like they can feel tough. Like this is your birthright and you can have it and it's probably time, like anytime is a good time. Like I would say like, like the more you wait, the more energy it takes to kind of like get you back, if that makes sense. Like the more words out you feel, the more you'll have to heal, if that makes sense.

Miriam Bulcher (56:50.712)
Yeah.

Miriam Bulcher (56:54.274)
Yep, totally. Yeah, it's like the more when you have that magnetic pull, because I feel like that's kind of what it was like when you sent me that first original Instagram message. You were like, this is like, I might be sharing too much. And I was like, excuse me. First of all, don't apologize. Second of all, just spill the tea, sis. I was like, just tell me. And you were like, oh, okay. Um, and I felt like that came from, you know, you were just like magnetically pulled to like start that conversation.

Katie Skinner (57:09.356)
It is not yet.

Miriam Bulcher (57:18.982)
And so I 100% agree. Like if anybody who's listening is like, oh, I feel that pull. I mean, you're totally right. You're going to spend so much energy proving to yourself if you don't listen to it that your life is good and OK. And you're going to feel so exhausted because you're like, my life is fine, right? Yeah, so I love that. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for joining us today and telling your incredible.

Katie Skinner (57:33.716)
Yeah.

Miriam Bulcher (57:44.426)
I can't believe it's been 30 days. What the heck? Oh my gosh, that's amazing.

Katie Skinner (57:45.932)
Yeah.

Katie Skinner (57:49.13)
yeah, it's been awesome.

Miriam Bulcher (57:50.986)
Yep. Yes, I love it. Okay, awesome. Well, thank you for joining me. Love having you here. And yeah, I appreciate you.

Katie Skinner (57:59.659)
Yeah, thank you, Miriam.

Miriam Bulcher (58:01.402)
Okay, we'll just stop this real quick. We can still.