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From Hustle to Ease with Miriam Bulcher
From Hustle to Ease with Miriam Bulcher
#56 Cultivating Self-Compassion Amidst Faith Traditions w Shayla Kirana
Have you ever juggled the realms of faith, femininity, and the quest for self-care? My friend Shayla Kirana joins me, Miriam Bulcher, in a heart-to-heart that explores these intertwined aspects of our lives. Shayla shares her insights on reconciling spiritual practices with self-love, and together we unearth the profound impact that religion can have on a woman's view of herself and her self-care rituals.
Expectations can be a towering presence in a woman's life, whether they stem from society, faith, or oneself. Shayla and I dissect how these expectations can shape everything from our morning routines to deep-seated views on self-worth. We address the guilt that often accompanies self-care and service, and the liberating realization that tending to one's own needs isn't selfish but vital. Join us as we celebrate the power of community support, the beauty in life's simple moments, and the courage it takes to step into the light of self-celebration.
Our conversation doesn't shy away from the tougher aspects of navigating womanhood and faith. We confront the reality of judgment and shame that can sometimes pervade religious communities, and discuss the transformative power of questioning and affirming one's faith. This episode is not just about sharing experiences; it's about fostering an environment where women can grow, question, and embrace their inner strength without fear of judgment. So, come along as we journey through these rich and intricate landscapes, building a bridge of understanding and embracing the universal quest for healing and self-discovery.
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Welcome to From Hustle to Ease podcast.
Speaker 1:I'm your host, miriam Bolger. I'm a photographer and a quantum life coach. I help women reach the root of their struggles fast and relieve their frustration permanently. This podcast is all about helping women say goodbye to a life filled with hustle. You're going to learn how to say yes to you and to build your life around what gives you happiness, a life filled with joy, peace and fulfillment. I'm so excited to have you here with me today. Let's dive in. Welcome to From Hustle to Ease podcast.
Speaker 1:And today we are diving into a very tricky topic. But it came to me a couple weeks ago and I was actually I think it was last week or two weeks ago, either way. And it's funny because I've been wanting to record the podcast like this for probably about a year and I was always just very cautious because some of the topics that I dive into if you're a listener, you understand that I don't shy away from like triggering topics and that's part of this conversation. And it's also really, really important because being triggered is something that you want to understand and you want to dive into why you're triggered or the feelings run it, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker 1:So today I have with me a really amazing friend of mine, she we were, we met together. I don't even remember how we met exactly. Anyways, her name is Sheila Carana and she we met. I think was it like a mom's group, I don't remember. It was back in Canada and I don't know where we went. I remember we met at Starbucks and that's all I remember. I don't remember how we got connected.
Speaker 1:Do you remember?
Speaker 2:It was literally we were part of a mom's group, but it was a Facebook Ottawa like Catholic mom's group. And I remember seeing your name pop up a couple of times because you'd post about things going on in your life. And I had that realization because the stuff that you're going on, you were alone and basically, is there anyone here that I can talk, to hang out with or whatever? And I remember being like I'm just going to reach out to her. So I didn't even know you. I messaged you, being like hey, I'm in the Ottawa area, I see that you need friends. Do you want to hang out? And then that's where it happened, met up with you and then that's how it happened.
Speaker 1:The rest is history, amazing. Okay, that's so wild that I don't remember that at all. Okay, so, shayla, tell the people who you are and anything else that you want to share about you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I am a mom of five, I homeschool Also, I'm Catholic, my face is very important to me, and some randoms, I love dinosaurs. Some randoms, I love dinosaurs, love the color green and love talking about stuff like this. Yeah, and disclaimer, I'm not an expert in anything, you know. I just I go through life, we learn and yeah, so that's me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Awesome, I love it. Okay, so let's talk about today's subject. So the people that are listening. We are going to talk about and I probably should have I worded it so specifically, but basically how religion affects a woman's ability to be able to care for herself, and so for people that don't know I actually don't know how many people who are listening know I am also Catholic, and before you click out of this podcast episode, because I can already see, people are like ah, like I don't want to have anything to do with religion and Catholicism and all that crazy stuff. I do not. I am. I feel like I'm a unicorn and, shaylee, you might feel like this sometimes too, but it's like.
Speaker 1:I don't judge other people for what they do. I am very inclusive, and that includes, like my photography business as well. Like there are so many people sometimes I think that get surprised that I am Catholic because they're like wait, you don't really like you know, get on a soapbox. Or like, judge other people, like I literally am the least judgmental person that there is. Like, if you're whatever or you know, whatever you believe, I literally don't care. I'm like great, cool, great that you believe in something. I guess I don't fall into the stereotype and for those that have been listening for my podcast for a year, you'll probably know this. So I'm just going to ask that you don't judge the conversation based off of the fact that both Shaila and I are Catholic, because we're really just going to talk about religion in a very loose term, not necessarily like any specific denomination, because I don't feel like that's pertinent to the conversation. So you know, and as I've said a million times, if you're triggered, like, definitely continue to listen, because you are probably going to get something out of this.
Speaker 1:Like, if you're a Christian, if you're whatever it is that you believe in, it is so pertinent to what we are going to talk about, because women's ability to care for themselves and this has been my experience as well is so heavily tied to whatever it is that you believed growing up, if you were religious when you were younger because your parents were religious and then you opted out when you were older, it's all connected. Or maybe you've maintained a Christian know, a christian faith, and you're struggling to get what you want out of life, or you're struggling just in general, how tied it can be to like what you believe in your, in your faith and in your, you know, or just like as part of what the church is. Whatever church you're in is like trying to guide you to or whatever, and there's so much shame and there's so much like selfishness and resistance and like all that stuff, and so we're going to get into all of that today. So, shayla, for you, what has been and I mean we talked about this I think like last year we had like a really intense conversation about.
Speaker 1:I was like I was bitching and complaining because I'm like, oh my gosh, I just I was like so annoyed at like the expectations that church slash churches put on a certain demographics of like women and like and I mean, you know, mormonism has a whole thing about this too where it's like, oh well, you have to you know, like provide or there's like certain expectations for women in terms of like you know and I'm not an expert, so if I'm wrong, you know, don't, don't judge me on that um, you know, in terms of like you know visual presentation and like expectation, social media world and like responsibility and how you provide and how you represent like the church and things like that. So like every denomination again has these things. But, um, sheila, how do you feel, like for you it's, how do you work through, or how have you worked through, your ability to be like, oh, I can care for myself. In a way that maybe might not seem like it flows with what you've been taught, like growing up and like you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, totally Honestly in my life. There's a couple of things here because, like for me personally and this may not be for everyone um, I think I started off kind of using, uh, my religion as an excuse for my insecurities so like when, yeah, so, like, I used to wear sweaters, like baby zip-up sweaters and jeans.
Speaker 2:That was my life. Like, growing up, I I wouldn't wear like dresses or uh, like like anything that would make me feel beautiful or like gain attention, but a lot of that stemmed from my insecurity. So then I would just like in my mind, make up the fact, like, oh well, I'm supposed to be modest and I'm supposed to be all these things, and so then I would use that. So that was like for, like when I was younger, in my teen years, getting out of that, I started to discover myself more and then, like you know, little things start coming to your life. You start like trying to do things for yourself, like do your hair, put on makeup and all that stuff. And makeup was actually a huge thing that I struggled with, because I got to the point where I was starting to like find who I am and be okay with that.
Speaker 2:And now I didn't have religion as an excuse but because I also love my, started to wrestle with vanity, like, am I putting makeup on to feel good, and is that wrong? And for a long time I'd put on makeup and be about to go at the door and then I'd wipe it off Because I just I couldn't, I couldn't like reconcile like my faith and my desire, you know, like things that I wanted to do for myself, and I think in this journey, I honestly forget what kind of led me to it to like take a step back and kind of actually learn what it was that my faith was actually teaching, because I think I had a lack of understanding, a lack of education that was contributing to my preconceived like notions of like, oh well, this is what vanity means, but that's not necessarily what was taught me. It's just kind of like what I chose to believe, and we hear it from other people too, like we hear all these stereotypes around us. It's like oh well, catholics believe you shouldn't do like, shouldn't. Uh, we're like, okay, sorry, people believe that we need to be wearing long sleeves, long long skirts, hair up, no makeup.
Speaker 2:People believe extremes that could make us believe that those are also truths, but anyway. So I had to dive deep into what does my faith actually teach and, in contrast, remind myself of those truths, because reality is there's no teaching on wearing makeup or not Like. That's not actually like objectively wrong in light of our faith, but I had perceived it to be that way, that way, and so, like I think, a lot of times with people, uh, we just have like a lack of education on the topic and it can lead and some, uh, yeah, it can lead to misunderstandings and it can lead to those wounds that we have and that prevent us from like growing. Um, yeah, I forget where I was going with that, but yeah, that's kind of my experience.
Speaker 1:I love what you said about yeah, well, I was just gonna say that I love that you started with, like how you know, your insecurities were basically like you used religion as an excuse to like cloak your insecurities, basically, and that is so, and I mean everything that you said there. How you know, we can. I think, ultimately, ultimately, I feel like at least you know, kind of comparing like my experience and like hearing what, hearing you talk about that like it's such an easy way, because I feel like we, as women, we want, and I feel like a lot of us who are actively choosing to have a faith and believe in it, we're doing it because we want a sense of belonging, right, like ultimately, we want to belong and because we believe in this thing that is greater than ourselves. And I think, ultimately, what the tricky boundaries and the tricky journey of like discovering and learning because there is a lot of gray area and at least for you know, both of us who are Catholic, like there's really, you know, even I it was the same for me growing up Like my parents were like why are you wearing that much makeup? And I'm like there's nothing that says I can't wear this much makeup. So like why are you making me feel and why are you having me question why I'm wearing this? Because there's actually nothing like in church documents that say I can't wear. It says like don't be vain, sure, but like how are you? You know, because it was the same journey as you with makeup.
Speaker 1:It was like, oh, I want to feel good about myself and feel good about my body and like feel pretty, and I'm like like that doesn't mean that I want to be the center of attention or that I should like be a, you know, a massive beacon when I walk into society. That's like I'm a celebrity, like that's wasn't the purpose behind it. It was literally like a teenage girl wanting validation and not wanting to feel like ugly, and I feel like there's so much there to unpack in and of itself, um, and so the shame I think that comes with this very I'm gonna bring in the word puritanical like kind of expectation, because I think that there is a lot and I and I and I see that because there's one gal that I follow on, tiktok, who she is like the like and I feel like I'm very girly, but she is like level 10 girly, which in my opinion, is like not a bad thing like she's obsessed with pink and jewelry and accessories and like all the really cute outfits and makeup and she loves it. And I remember she made a tiktok once about like her, like christianity, and how she was trying to find like a christian guy or whatever. And her comment section went off and so many people were like what, like you're a christian, like that, like. They were so confused because she was so like she really cared a lot about her appearance and they were like that doesn't really like, totally make sense. And I was like what? Like? What do you mean? It doesn't make any sense Because they're not like. You can have both and you can have like.
Speaker 1:And it just astounded me that still today, in the year like 2024, we're still putting labels and visual expectations on other people based off of what they believe in. And I'm like why? Because it doesn't, they don't need to. And this again goes to like generational belief and generational patterns and just like what you grew up with and what your parents' parents grew up with, and like this expectation and there are so much that's like okay, well, if you're Christian or if you believe in X, y, z, then this is what you have to look like because you don't want to be in like, whatever you want to call it.
Speaker 1:You know, you don't want to be prideful and you don't want to be focused on yourself.
Speaker 1:And you don't want to be prideful and you don't want to be focused on yourself and you don't want to be proud and you don't want to be vain and you don't want to be selfish and all these things, and I'm like okay, but and this is what led to this topic of conversation because I'm like we, as women, are literally not setting a good example for our children and we're literally suffering because we're like oh well, you know, church or churches or whatever your faith might be, is like okay, well, you should be giving yourself to your kids, or giving yourself to your work, or giving yourself to, you know, your family, whether it be your own children, or like your mother and siblings and whatever it might be and literally ceasing to exist.
Speaker 1:And then you wonder why so many women are suffering from anxiety and depression and suicidal tendencies and like, running themselves ragged, having so many health problems, because this domino effect of like, okay, well, your faith is like, and it's so. And this is where I you know, I went off on a tangent last year, because I'm, like it's so based in shame of like, well, you can't exist, but also you're supposed to exist for your faith and it's like, okay, well, how do you have both?
Speaker 2:you know what I'm saying like talking about, like the wounds, and I like all those things. I feel like it's important for us to understand where the root of it is coming from, because, like, um, we could be doing our makeup, which isn't bad, like it's not bad to do your makeup, but if you're solely relying on it, um, to feel beautiful, then that's where, like, there's a problem. And if you're using it to like, um, yeah, because that that plays into vanity, it's like I'm doing this for my vanity, because, like, I can't do anything without it, you know. So I feel like that's where, like, the fine lines come in. It's like there's not necessarily a moral judgment on wearing makeup, um, but, yeah, so we have to understand, like, the root of where a lot of these things are coming from. And it's so easy to blame, put blame on, like religion or our parents, like you know, all those like lines of things that we can blame for, things that we struggle with, when we really just need to, like, kind of find the root to where that's leading to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I don't know if you have anything to say to that confidence and self-assurance and like all the things that I feel like most women are craving, is to question and also maybe dig in a little bit deeper. And you know, because I mean there's lots of things like, you know that I and I mean my husband and I have talked about this like extensively and where I'm like you know I'll get so frustrated because a classic one, at least for me, and it's been a big, big, big, big, big one has been earning a lot of money because that is a very like and there are so many things you know biblically that kind of are like you know, you, it's very like in general religion is very like anti, well, an anti like you know, rich, except it's actually very much not. And so then I started to really I had to dig so much deeper. And I had to because I mean like, for example, like if I were to go and ask, like you know and you know, if anybody were to do this like priest, pastor, whoever you know what I mean like whatever label applies to you, sometimes they'll give you like their it's not necessarily even church applies to you, sometimes they'll give you like their it's not necessarily even church teaching that you'll get, you'll get, or like biblical teaching, you'll get their opinion, and then you're left feeling like, oh, I have to do this because that person said because I was looking for guidance, but it actually is not necessarily what's meant for you, it's that you got their opinion because they believed in that very, very heavily.
Speaker 1:And so for me it was like how do I navigate this? Because that opinion could change based on what church I go to and who I end up talking to, and I'm like that doesn't make any sense. And so then I found that I had to really give myself permission to basically do my own research and basically like really, and I was like, okay, what's moral? Like is this not moral? Is this moral? Like I am feeling this call to be wealthy. So how do I find my place, I guess we should say, in my faith for that, because what I'm seeing, 99% of everywhere, is against that. And I mean how many church teachings not church teachings but how many homilies and talks have I heard against the rich? You know can make you prideful and everything. And yet every single wealthy person I would meet in my life who was also religious did nothing but good and like donate and, you know, sponsor, like so many things, and I'm over here like the math isn't mathing and so that's just one example.
Speaker 1:But I feel like, again, when it comes to women and and again like speaking to you know, I want your opinion on this too is like having children made it like. It like deep into the layers of confusion, at least for me, because I'm like what if I'm called to work? And it was like wait a minute, like what if I'm called to something other than like just being a mother? And that felt so scandalous, like, at least for you know, for anybody who's listening and probably is like grown up Catholic or whatever, because I feel like I know everybody in their, their dog has grown up Catholic.
Speaker 1:It's like such a very, such a very heavy pressure to like perform, you know, with a certain like visual expectation of like okay, what your job is, to like have babies, and like be a mom, and they're in society. Still, there is a lot of pressure on women to be like your identity isn't. There's a lot of shame for women who like choose not to have children or choose not to like get married or choose that you know the list is endless. But how did you navigate those layers of confusion after having children and were like, wait, I actually need time for myself and I actually need to find things that make me feel good, but also dealing with, like the guilt of like what, what am I doing? You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2:no, totally, um, I know, like after having kids, there was like, especially after like the first two, I feel like you're going through so much adjustment that like, honestly, anything that was for you kind of just like falls apart. You know you're taking care of the baby. You're, at least in my experience, like I was married and had a baby right away. So, like you know, also kind of learning like how to be a good wife at the same time, you know, and parent and all these things that like the idea of self-care and like taking care of myself, and just wasn't there. I spent which I still have, no shame wearing sweats all day, but my reasons are different than it was before, if that makes sense. It's like before it was out of, like I literally had no time to do anything for myself. You know, wake up in the morning and just thought, oh, I can't do my hair because I have to take care of the kids, cook dinner, all the things, all the things. And I think a lot of my journey started changing when I realized and I'm going to talk from like for those who aren't religious or anything, but for myself, it came from like my changing came from a place of realizing that like I was created by God and I need to take care of this temple and part of that. Like it's okay, like I had to remind myself that it's okay if I have to take care of me, because that's also important. It's important for me to take care of my family and take care of myself. Like it's not, like I'm less value because now I am a mother. You know One of my sisters I was talking to about this topic and she reminded me kind of like there's this like a, if you look at your life like a pyramid, and for me it's like God is at the top and then I have others before me and there's a famous saying I am third.
Speaker 2:And a lot of people misunderstand this. They think like I'm last, I'm nothing, like I come after all these things. But it's really nice for me to kind of remember this because it sets up a balance. Like it's actually like I am If we have our faith in order, but also we need to take care of our children. We still need to take care of them before we can even take care of ourselves. Like I can't go and start doing my makeup and hair and I haven't even dressed or fed my children right. So like it's still maintaining this like balance, but I'm still in the equation, whereas before I wasn't part of that pyramid, it wasn't a factor in that and it was like, yeah, and it was a struggle to take care of myself and also to just kind of learn that like process. But for me I had to just get regain perspective and realize that my body and who I am is just as important and that just because I'm a mother and I have kids, that that's an excuse or a reason to forget about that.
Speaker 2:Um, and part of that journey, too, was actually like after meeting you, um, because I think, first of all, I believe you are also like on that journey too, like of trying to discover like who you are, what your place was, and you even started the. Was it like a? Oh, what is it called? Like Makeup Mommies or I forget what you called it? Yeah, yes, that's like such a minor part, but it like I remember having people in my life that were on this journey and witnessing what they went through, like witnessing you go through your change and like what you were doing to better yourself encouraged me in that journey. So I was like no longer alone too, so that's another aspect.
Speaker 1:It was witnessing other women take care of themselves and love themselves pulled me out of that as well, so there's like a lot going on there, but yeah no, I think it's good that you it sounds like you were searching for your place right, which I think a lot of women are so, whether it be subconsciously, passively, whatever you know, and whether they're moms or not, it's like that constant, like where is my zone, where is my? How do I find a balance of being able to take care of myself without guilt and also serve my faith and serve my family and serve my job, whatever it might be? And I love that you did find that, because I think that there are a lot of women and this is mostly what this podcast is going to be for think that there are a lot of women, and this is mostly what this podcast is going to be for is there are a lot of women who are still dealing with that guilt of hmm, I want to, but I don't want to because of that societal religious pressure to like, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, and then you'll find your identity, or give and you'll find your worth, or give until there is no more to give and you'll somehow find value. And it's so not true, because I mean, at least for me it felt so ironic, because it was like the more I took care of myself, the better my family was, the better my business was, like the I was, and I'm like huh, like that is so contraire to everything that like we've been taught, especially like from a faith perspective, like growing up, it's like you know, and again, it's all very like passive, because I feel like there isn't. I've never heard anybody explicitly say like, oh, oh, you need to put yourself last. It was all just a subconscious and I'm sure you probably experienced this too, where it was all like. It was never explicitly said oh, put yourself last.
Speaker 1:But there was this like, basically blind pressure of like, but you have to fit into this box. To fit into this box, you have to fit into this mold of giving and giving and giving and giving and giving and serve and volunteer and keep yourself busy and take your kids to all the things or volunteer for all the events and church activities, social activities, business, whatever it might be. And then you end up wondering why you have to get anxiety medication or depression medication, like, and your kids are or you're you know, you're not even that, maybe you're even like mid 30s or early 40s and you're like, wait a minute. Like, why do I have to rely on a medication. I mean, I'm not knocking medication.
Speaker 1:Medication is like life saving I'm on medication, but like it can be a sign right is like life-saving I'm on medication, but like it can be a sign right. It can be a sign that, hmm, maybe I need to sit down and readjust my mindset and my beliefs about how I can better take care of myself. It's like you have to be. Women most oftentimes, at least in my experience, have to be forced into taking care of themselves instead of voluntarily taking care of themselves, because there is just too much guilt associated with taking care of yourself. So how did you maintain or continue your purpose? Search for you, because I feel like there's still a whole level outside of makeup and taking care of yourself to where you're like? How do I give myself permission to see me within the realm of faith?
Speaker 2:um, I feel like it all starts with balance. Like you know, people always do like kind of like a mental check-in with themselves every day, like what's on my schedule, like what do I need to do, like all those things that we all kind of go through in our daily life. But it's just like recognizing that there still needs to be a balance in that, like yeah, and also realizing like what do I need to stay afloat, what does my family need, and you know, and like how can we also be a service to others in that? And I think there's like a fine balance. And I feel like that's kind of like we kind of learned that on the way Like I could have a week where I'm like solely just giving, because I do tend to be a busy person is part of my personality, but I can often run dry, which isn't a service to anyone. So if I don't have that balance, I'm not a service to my family, I'm not doing any good to my feet, I'm. So that's. I think that's how I try to continue.
Speaker 2:I have to have my balance and my perspective and I think maintaining the foundational things, so like for me, my daily self-care like begins with me actually waking up early. I have to wake up before my kids. Some people are like but I need to sleep, most of the time you do what you need to do, right. And for me it's like if I get up before the kids I'm, I have a better attitude, you know. So, like you know, taking care of that, taking care of my attitude, I have time to pray, I have time to get in a little workout if I need to, and even just start my day in silence instead of being woken up with, like mom, you know, like a fight going on, like rolling out of bed to that is the worst.
Speaker 2:But like those are like little things that I set up for my day and then normally, like as they're eating or even actually sometimes, even before they wake up, I'm able to just unload the dishwasher and I don't know. It's just like these little things that are part of my self-care, that are like essential as the base, and that like sets me up daily to have time and space to do all the other things, whether it is like giving or whether it is like taking that time to do the extra. So if it is putting on makeup or getting dressed to go out, I'm allowing myself that time and space to do that, but I feel like on a daily basis, it's literally those foundational things and for everyone that's different, like everybody has their different level of what they need to continue beyond the point of just like baseline, you know, like all those extra things, yeah, so that's what I, yeah, at least me personally, that's what I do. I have to have those foundational things.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So basically, having kind of non-negotiables allows you to continue to maintain you and to give yourself permission to keep finding you, which is awesome, and I mean there are things that you have to fight for right. It's not an easy one, but it is so, so, so, so critically important. And it's funny because my, so my husband Paul which is ironic, both Shayla and I, I, our husbands are named paul, so it's it can get confusing sometimes, but it's all, it's all good. Um, so my husband paul takes the kids, like that's he's his morning duty, is like the kids, basically.
Speaker 1:And my son yesterday, my oldest son, was like, oh well, like you have to, you can sleep in every day. And I was like I. I snapped right back at him because you could tell he was like jealous that I could sleep in and I don't even sleep in every day. And I was like I. I snapped right back at him because you could tell he was like jealous that I could sleep in and I don't even sleep in every day, but like like tomorrow I have to get up at 630. But I was like I have also earned that, like I've gone all through school, all through college, like I have. And he was like. It was really funny because he was like I guess, yeah, I guess you're right, like you kind of have, and I was like you can, you can figure out what works for you when you become a parent. But besides that, so I thought of something while you were talking, which is, you know, how did you give yourself permission to, I guess, seek and even have a conversation with yourself about, like, like you said, you know, like you kind of found that pyramid and that I guess you could say number at which you fall, and that gave yourself permission to discover you, but how did you even allow yourself the space to seek that conversation and that placement within the realm of faith?
Speaker 1:Because I think a lot of people probably subconsciously, feel these very tight parameters right within their own faith of like this is wrong, this is right, this is the box, this is the size of the box, and then if you're falling outside that box, you're in sin or you're doing something immoral or whatever. And so how do you? Because I feel like we share very similar, you know, mentalities when it comes to our faith and, like you know, we prioritize it and it's, like you know, in my mind it's like a non-negotiable Like I know why I believe in what I believe in and I am like, yeah, I live that and I love it and I don't I wouldn't choose anything else, but I had to have like that was a journey in and of itself. But I think a lot of people, like I know I had, I had to choose my faith. It wasn't just something that I adopted from my parents, like, yes, I was raised in it, but then I had to choose it for my own reasons, not my parents reasons, or like my siblings reasons, or the world's reasons, or like just anything. And I think that can be and, you know, I think that can be really hard to navigate.
Speaker 1:And how did you? Because, again, I feel like and that's why I was like you know, shayla and I are in very similar boats, like that's why I wanted you to come on here. But how did you, I guess, find a way to do that? Because it's not something that just like pops out of thin air and is like, yeah, let me go do my research and like see why I'm doing this and, like you know, find, find my place within the faith that I'm, because I feel I mean, if I'm not wrong. You grew up with it too right. So it's like how did you find your place and give yourself permission to do and to, to, I don't know like find yourself?
Speaker 2:I guess in that, in that process, your path like yeah, no, um, I think a lot of it started from feeling in a place like you know, it's almost like you know they always say it's like you kind of have to hit rock bottom to kind of start kind of going back up. I kind of felt like that for a time I joke, but I'm also serious about this like how, the first few years of being a mom and for people to understand in my situation I had four kids under the age of four, or was it three I remember my first baby being eight months old and I found out I was pregnant again and so I was in this perpetual unlove of myself, also because and I'm sure many women can relate to this, many women can relate to this my pregnancies were not like picture perfect baby bump, cute, cute baby body. Like I easily, without like trying, easily, gained 70 to 100 pounds in a pregnancy and this was really hard on me. It like shook me to the core and that brought me to like a really deep place, um, and so like bouncing back from that. It's not like I never dealt with, um, my like, I've dealt with insecurities and just kind of like that fight with like where does my faith stand on that. But I was hit more with it after that and I joked that it was like traumatic that I don't remember so much of those first few years of like going through all this.
Speaker 2:It just kind of I just remember hitting me one day like I was just so unhappy with myself to the point like I'd get in an argument with my husband. I remember him actually, this is probably it because it sticks with me so deep. He said to me um, oh, what was I saying? I was going on about like why I don't love myself. Basically, like, why do you not love? Like you can't possibly love this about me and you can't love this. Like look at all my stretch marks, I've gained so much weight. Like you can't love me. And he just looked at me. He's like, are you trying to convince me that you're not beautiful? Like, what are you doing? Like, if you want to convince me that I don not beautiful? Like what are you doing? Like, if you want to convince me that I don't love you, then just keep going. You know, and I remember that just really like, like that just hit me so hard because I realized I'm like I'm actually so negative and, yeah, I'm honestly trying to convince him that I'm unlovable and that kind of started me down this path of how can I heal from this and how can I do this.
Speaker 2:But a lot of this for me it wasn't like I feel like that was something in my life that just kind of like gave me a little nudge in the right direction, like without him, just kind of being honest with me in that moment. I know may have taken longer, but I do feel like that kind of helped, um, and then part of that journey was just me doing a lot of self-help, like reading books. Um, at the time there weren't many podcasts, but when they started coming out, I do that, um. And also like reading books about, like, being a woman and also in relation to my faith, because I hadn't actually done any research or had any like as much understanding in that. Because it's like, yeah, there's certain things that we think our faith teaches. But then I'm like, if someone asks me, why, like, why does your faith teach that I wasn't able to be like, oh, because of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, so like I had a recognition that I actually didn't know as much as I thought I did, and so it went through like I just I took that deep dive because something had to change.
Speaker 2:I was not happy, like I really didn't love myself. It was sad. I was not happy Like I really didn't love myself. It was sad, like really didn't love it. Yeah, and so just something had to change.
Speaker 2:And so that path was just I had to go down that path of reading, learning more about my faith, to like to kind of come on terms with what my thoughts were and my feelings. Like I wanted to lose weight. Like is that vanity, you know? Like is me going through that path wrong? I know I have to be healthy, but like is that too much? Am I focusing too much on me? Um, am I being selfish, like when I choose? Not like when I choose to change my diet and it kind of like not that it affects the family, but like is it wrong but I change that and affects people around me, and like all those questions, um, I had to just kind of like stop and realize, okay, I'm having these thoughts and I need to find the answer to them.
Speaker 2:So it's like if I was questioning something, I actually had to dive into it and do research, kind of like what you were saying you did, actually had to dive into it and do research, kind of like what you were saying you did. You had to just like dive into it and try to see where, if you making money, could be reconciled with your faith. And I think sometimes we have to do that because we can get so many opinions around us that we have to just kind of discover where that truth is and you know, and not not to like make it fit, because if you're in a religion that doesn't align with what you feel like is a core value, um, then you're probably in the wrong place or you just don't know enough to actually understand it. So you have to like make those efforts, and I made those efforts and I feel like I'm in a, a place where I'm comfortable and happy. Yes, we always have our issues and our like those thoughts come back in where we're like we get. Shame again we get.
Speaker 2:I still find sometimes I go down those patterns again, like, uh, when I'm dressing up nice to go out, I'm like is this too much? You know I mean down those patterns again, like, uh, when I'm dressing up nice to go out, I'm like is this too much? You know, I mean like where you're like I don't know, I don't know what are people going to think of me? Um, does my feet line up with what they're looking at, like you know where? You just like feel insecure about that too? Um, yeah, so I just I had to make that journey, and it was just from a lot of people around me that I recognized that I needed to change yeah, I absolutely love that story and I love that you know you talked about the trauma of you, know your, which is a huge part of your purpose.
Speaker 1:And it's so fascinating to me because your purpose can be traumatic. Like just because you're meant for something doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be like a hundred. I was actually explaining that to a coaching client this morning. I was like you know, you're going to hit really difficult periods in the life of your business because that is just the next. That's like a sign you're moving to another phase in your life or in your journey or whatever it might be. And I just love how you explain that, like those periods are there for you to challenge and for you to like get a better understanding of what you're here for, why you're here, where your place is in life. And also, you know, like you, how it was so tied to health conversations, weight conversations, vanity conversations.
Speaker 1:Because I do think, like you know, I'll encounter women quite often who you know they want to better their lives or invest in coaching and they're just like, well, I have to put my kid through college and I'm like, okay, I, you can have both. Like you don't have to believe that you can have one without the other, because that's you saying that there's no room for you, and that's really a very sad thought to think that you have to trade, that life is a trade, that you trade this and then you trade it for that. Or you give up this and then you get that, or you have to. You know, in order to get this you have to give up this, a la Dave Ramsey, which I'm totally, you know, against that, and I feel like that should be a whole other podcast. But because, while, yes, there is some merit sometimes and I say very key sometimes to like giving up certain things very, very temporarily in order to get something, I don't feel like we are meant to be a trade item in and of itself, like we are not supposed to just sacrifice our entire life and our entire identity and our all of our wants and desires in order to be of value or be of service or be of, you know, so our kids can have, like you know, a better life, and I'm not talking about, like you know, parents who have, you know, immigrated here for a better. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about a reference to that.
Speaker 1:This is, I'm talking about current living situations right now, you know, because it's very easy to and I mean, I think I've talked about this on a past podcast where it was like, oh, I genuinely believed that the longest time that I had to suffer in order to get somewhere and order to get to like a better life, which was so I'm like that actually doesn't work at all. Because I felt like I did that for my entire like up until I was, like you know, 29 and it didn't work, and I just kept getting more miserable and more miserable and more miserable. And I was like, you know, 29 and it didn't work, and I just kept getting more miserable and more miserable and more miserable. And I was like, well, how come I haven't gotten to where I thought I was going to get? Because I've just been giving up. I've been giving up all these things that I've been suffering, and I've been suffering and suffering and suffering, and like giving everything to my family and giving everything to, like you know, amidst trying to ease the burden and ease the suffering with makeup and like all those things, and still feeling completely dysfunctional and feeling completely like wait, am I supposed to do this for the rest of my life, because if I've lived 30 years and I'm still not here yet, how long is it going to take for me to feel that? And that's when, at least for me, I started questioning and being like, wait, okay, same thing as you Started reading all the books, started understanding and diving in.
Speaker 1:And I remember, at least for me, my rock bottom was that I realized that I inherited this belief from my parents, that, because, well, I and again, nothing was ever explicitly said, as I'm sure you probably learned like growing up, like your parents never really like directly taught you something, but you ended up taking on their belief anyways. But somehow along the way, I believed and this was totally subconscious, not something I was totally aware of at all, but I believed that what's the best way to like? I'm trying to think of the best terms to explain this, but I actually believe that god didn't want me to live a life of happiness, which sounds absolutely insane. And because I saw my parents constantly giving up and working their asses for a life that they didn't even like. And yet it was like this constant pressure and like, oh, you have to do this and you have to give up this and you have to work really hard this and you have to, like you know, not spend any of your money here and any of your money ever in order to, like you know, get these things.
Speaker 1:And it wasn't until I started doing really deep subconscious work and, like you know, really questioning and having these conversations with my, with my faith and my husband and like all of this to you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Like I just I had no clue that at the very, very like, and I could have prayed like 12 hours a day for like 10 years and I would have never gotten to that conclusion because it was so like hidden, rooted like in my being, and it was never set, it was never actually like my parents never went out and said that and even if I asked them right now, they would totally, totally be like well, that's not true, even though they are still living that to this day. And so, and I'm curious if you've, you know, if you have felt and I mean I feel like you have done that just in like the way you are living your life, but if you've had to unsubscribe from things that were quote unquote relative to your faith but that you learned from your parents or your family that actually were actually relative, but you had to like dissect them no one.
Speaker 2:That's a tough one, um, um, I do feel like, for me, one of the big ones like and it doesn't, it doesn't happen majorly have to deal with like self-care or whatever, but um, is the like, the giving so, which isn't like bad or even okay, you know what? No, even better, not even that's better, but like. One thing that I do struggle with is, um, accepting praise. Uh, because it's like, um, I'm being, uh, what's the word? Um, not selfish or like prideful. Prideful, if you accept that praise like, you have to be humble, and my understanding of humble is like, okay, just don't accept praise. You know, um, and like, when it came to like my birthday, I would not tell anyone about it. It was always like I couldn't accept even someone wishing me a happy birthday.
Speaker 2:Receiving gifts like this all bled into like I couldn't, like it was hard for me to find joy in opening a gift. Yet I had this inner bottle because I love receiving gifts. It's like part of my love language, like I love it. I love receiving gifts. It could be nothing, honestly. It could be like the tiniest little trinket. I really don't care what it is, but somebody like thought to give it to me and I'm like, wow, thank you. I feel so loved.
Speaker 2:But those things are actually hard for me to accept and to like find joy in and embrace and I don't like, like you're saying, it's like nobody told me I had to be that way, but it's just like my understanding and how I perceived it and that like deeply affected me to a point where even today, I still struggle with that. Like I have the head knowledge, like I know that it's okay to celebrate yourself, it's okay to find joy when someone gives you a gift, it's okay, like celebrating a birthday and being proud of that. There's nothing wrong with that, making your own birthday party there. I still struggle with that and even though I've tried to do the work, it's now. I just have to like force myself to take those steps until it becomes something that's actually comfortable and something that I can believe with my whole being. You know, uh, yeah, that's like one thing that was major in my life that was never discussed, but it just like deeply affected me.
Speaker 2:Um, and my you know in in my parents defense, like my mom is the best at receiving gifts. She's also someone she could get. You can give her a glass plate for christmas and she'll be like oh my gosh, it's so beautiful, thank you, oh my gosh, she thought of me. Oh, and she'll like pick it apart. She's so good at that. But for whatever reason, just due to my faith and just, I just find it hard yeah, it's like that.
Speaker 1:It's so funny because when you were describing like humility and pride, it's almost like the existence of you is not safe. Yeah, which is so like, and I experienced the exact same thing like growing up. It was like same thing, like I loved gifts absolutely, but then like and I mean I still struggle with this like when I post on social media like about either of my businesses, it feels so like, like what?
Speaker 1:like I'm like gonna vomit and I have to like post and ghost and like not stay on the app because I feel so insecure about oh my gosh, people are looking at me and I'm talking about myself and it feels so wrong. Except it's actually really not about me at all, I'm just the vessel and so it's just this weird like. But what you were saying about that gift receiving and like just getting attention, it's like. And it's so funny because, if you look at it from like obviously we're here as intended to be, no matter what people believe. Like you're here for a reason period, right, like you know, and it's like why would you be here? And also not supposed to exist. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:When it comes to the identity side of things, it's like well, we do have a purpose, and I did a podcast on this like a couple weeks ago about like using your purpose to guide you. Because it's like to get to the life that you really want. Because your purpose, whatever it might be like and I do genuinely believe that every person, no matter whether they're a doctor or like a researcher or a scientist or whatever it might be like everyone's purpose is going to have a domino effect on the outside world and that is the joy and knowing what your purpose is. Right. Because you know that you are helping other human beings and I do feel like that, right, there is the only way to be secure in knowing and focus and being able to focus on yourself in like a non prideful way, because you know that there is a domino effect to you focusing on your purpose, which is essentially on you, because you can't get to your purpose without knowing you, discovering you, having conversations with yourself, being able to give yourself permission to do xyz, self-compassion, the whole nine yards. Um.
Speaker 1:Because you know, in my opinion, humility is like not narcissism, right, which is like constantly not searching for ways to be in the spotlight and like redirecting conversations to be all about you, etc. Etc. Etc. Right, like there's so many instances that I see you know humility, and like also not looking for like oh well, I made that, so therefore I need to get credit for it. It's like, you know, just not seeking the spotlight 24 7 um, but also being able to recognize that like yeah, you are here, you're, you are you and you're here for a reason. So, like don't walk all over yourself, because that defeats, like the entire reason that you're here in the first place, um, which I also feel like is a great like that kind of summarizes almost exactly what this whole podcast was supposed to be be about, right, which is, like you know, in the end, yes, your faith is going to be so, so, so, so critically important.
Speaker 1:But I think having a conversation with yourself about, like do I need to do a deeper dive in my beliefs, in my my faith beliefs and in my purpose amidst those beliefs, and also, I think, giving yourself permission that you can be here to exist and serve other people in a way that might look different than what you've seen growing up Because, at least for me, that was a huge one. I was like like, oh, I can do something other than what I've seen and the examples that were shown to me, like growing up and my path can look different than that and I can still check all the boxes and like be, um, in alignment with my faith amidst like that entire process. Um, I know in the beginning, you had said that you had like a couple points you had put aside. I definitely want you to like, you know, if there's anything that we haven't talked about, like I want you to kind of go off and like expand on those if if we've talked about hasn't covered like any of them I know I feel like we have.
Speaker 2:I just had like one thought, um, when you're talking and it ties into, like, the purpose, um, just like we all are called to try to understand and deep dive on what our purpose is in general. Um, because, like, if me, coming from a place of like faith and as a catholic, like I firmly believe that god didn't intend us to be miserable. Agreed, do miserable things happen? Yes, okay, but we are called to find joy in our life and that's okay. And it's just what are we like, what actually brings us joy? Like for some people, yeah, it's just what are we like, what actually brings us joy? Like for some people, yeah, it's not working that million-dollar job. For some people, it's like, you know, as long as I just have my family and I don't mind, like I want to work my nine to five and like this is the life that I love and I find peace and joy. And in this, that is okay, because they're trying to live out where they feel called and live out that purpose that is bringing them that joy. It's when, like, I feel like some people are stuck in a hard place, don't have feel like they have purpose, don't have joy in anything, um, like you know, or they don't have direction in anything in their life. That's where it's like, come on, get out of that. Like that's not where you're called to be. If you're so miserable and so unhappy with everything and are not at a place that you, like I don't know, it's just like you know, it's like it's okay to get out of that, like you do not have to accept that low place and there's nothing wrong with getting out of that. So, yeah, I'm completely happy with the life that I have and content in it. I do not need to move out of this. Are there things I need to work on? Sure, obviously, um, but, like, I'm proud of my husband and the efforts that he's doing to like build up his business. Does it make a million dollars? No, but that's okay. That's something in my life that I've accepted and we are content and happy in that. Content and happy in that.
Speaker 2:And then other people like you yourself, you always had this desire to like reach women on this level that you can like help and lead them and guide them. You've always had this passion since I've known you, and so it's like it makes sense, like this trajectory, that you have this like purpose. It's like I see you living in that and living that purpose and I totally believe that's where God is calling you to help mentor women and all that stuff. So, yeah, it's like a lot about just like, as long as you have joy in what you're living and you feel like you're living that purpose, like yeah, and if not, think about that, like what? Where do you feel like you're being called in life and explore it? You know, it's like you know we all have one life. Try to use it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, I 110%. Like I'm obsessed with that entire statement because it's true. It's like you know, take the dissatisfaction as a sign. Like that is 110% the sign. And it's like a totally.
Speaker 1:And I mean I think a lot of people struggle with that mindset because I think a lot of people have adapted like it's a very and I've talked about this with so many women like it's so hard for them to wrestle that they're here to live a joy-filled life. And it's never explicitly said, like growing up up it's not like someone was like you're going to have to be sad or you're going to have to be annoyed or you're going to have to be like you're going to have to deal with the shoe dropping every other day for the rest of your life. It was never said but somehow we and I can say for myself, I fell into it and it was like whoa, I had to manually unsubscribe from that because I had somehow adapted it in the course of my adult life or, you know, conscious life from the age of seven onward, and it's so important that to be able to take on and I mean, if that's, you know, all you take away from this podcast episode for those that are listening, like take that. Like you are here to live a happy and content and positive life, and I love everything that you said about. You know, like it's so ironic how everything is like perfectly timed.
Speaker 1:Literally on sunday, I was thinking about how, like my daughter was making a fort in the living room and my son was playing with his like you know, um, like play sword, like in the other room and they're both listening to music and I'm just sitting there and I was like, wow, my kids are so content and we're not running around and doing five to ten different activities like on the weekend and we're not like chasing our tails and then coming home and like hardly, you know like they were so like and I can like feel their nervous systems, like they were just so at peace, like my daughter is like, as long as I'm near mommy, like I'll do whatever, and neither of them were on the electronics and I was like, wow, I get my mind that was the definition of contentment.
Speaker 1:Because I was content, I could feel that my kids are content and I'm like that's awesome, like that is literally like I've made it, like in my mind, that's my definition of success, because I'm like I would ask for nothing more that my kids are so content and that I'm not like and I mean for some other people that might be going and doing something on the weekend and they do feel really content Like I'm not a social person and not obviously, neither are my children Like.
Speaker 1:They love it every once in a while, but like not every weekend, on both Saturday and Sunday, and so it's just being able to have those moments, I think, and seek them is what's going to get you. Everything that you know you need in life is like, as long as you're searching for it and giving yourself permission to search for it, and like just adapting that mindset is awesome, amazing. Is there anything else that you feel like we haven't shared, that you're like oh, I need to, I don't know something. A piece of advice for the women that are listening, or anything, and if not, that's totally fine uh, I can't even think of it.
Speaker 2:Watch me, I'm gonna watch this episode over and I'll be like, oh my god, forgot to say this or forgot to say that. That always happens to me. But no, no, I no, I really enjoyed it. It's funny. I had like a different idea where our conversation was going to go, which is so funny, because you have like ideas running in your head and just talking about it. Yeah, no, it's. Yeah, I enjoy talking about this.
Speaker 2:I love talking about stuff like this and even getting uh, deeper. Like you know, I could even go deep in like the whole spiritual side too. I love it. But, um, yeah, no, I feel like we hit on a lot of really great things and yeah, I just encourage everyone that it's like you feel like you're in a place where you're like I'm not happy, or like you're like I can't reconcile my thoughts with my feet. Like just start with, like just discover your feet, like go into it, research it, talk to people you trust and get a better foundation to understand it. And if you don't understand it, like it's either like the teachings that you're not aligned with um, you know, or like maybe your ideas need to change too, because that that can also happen. You could have kind of ideas based on other factors, but just to do that deep dive and take the work, because nobody's going to do it for you. You know you have to make that choice in your life and that that's where it starts. You have to just do it, yeah absolutely.
Speaker 1:And I mean even for me, like I feel like this is going to be a good reference point Because I mean, depending on what denomination you're in at least for you know, like Shayla and I were Catholic, so like there's like different degrees that you go through, it's like, okay, you have the catechism and then you have like canonical lawyers, and then you have, you know, like you have so many things that you can reference that are technically, according to the church, like legally, are like those are like your baseline parameters, right, like where you're going to find, like exactly what the church says about X, y, z or whatever. And for me what was so tough is there weren't anything like there wasn't really necessarily anything there about the things that I was struggling with, which left me even more frustrated, because then I was like if I go ask pastor, priest, whoever you know, in your situation, I I knew I was like they're either gonna reference, reference something from like the catechism, canonical lawyer, whoever, and then I'm like, but then there's nothing else outside of that. And there is a reason why there is so many gray areas, because it's not necessarily like the church's duty to write out exactly how you're supposed to live, every single minute detail, like of your life. And so that really left you know, because when I looked at like my social group or like the people that I knew who were living my faith, I was like, just like you said, like who can you talk to that you can trust? Because there's a lot of judgment and there's a lot of shame and a lot of like expectations in terms how people like within your faith will think that you should live your faith.
Speaker 1:And so it can be very hard if you're in this process of wondering, questioning, researching, understanding like you have to choose the people that you talk to about this or whatever it is that you're researching very carefully, because you'll either get slammed in the face with judgment and then you'll feel even more like crap because you're like I'm just trying to search the truth, right, um, or you'll be, and I mean I'm sure you've seen this like I feel like I've seen it so many times.
Speaker 1:I'm not a part of like catholic mommy groups anymore, but I see, and maybe that's how we got connected, um, but I remember thinking like dude whoa, the judgment is insane, but like so many people were asking really valid questions that they were looking to answers for and they had nowhere else to ask and then to just and I mean the comments were all over the place and I mean she and I I think that's exactly how we met because I think we were a part of like a bunch of different groups and then they merged and then they closed because there was so much heated discussions amongst the community.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty sure we both left the group at the same time, for the same reasons, and we like I remember us having like a phone call because somebody commented on me. I remember one time like remember there's like drama and I was just like what just happened? Yeah. It's like what I'm like. I'm done with this. You know, there's a point, too, where you're so sure of yourself and you know where you're at that it's just like exactly, exactly, and I mean they have, they have their use and they have their time in place, and I think that you know, for women that are listening, that are like, oh my gosh, like, and, and what shayla and I are saying would be.
Speaker 1:And it's so funny because, paul, my husband and I have had this conversation about, like you know, doing more like couples, education, like within the realm of faith, and I'm like I honestly, the only reason why I have it is because I'm going to get slaughtered by other people because the religion and this is this is going to sound really horrible, but I actually think and I've said this to a couple people that Catholics are the most judgmental demographic of Christian Christians that I know of, and I'm like that doesn't include you, but like I know so many that are just like, so, like you know, they consider themselves like the highest tier and up on the shelf and all this stuff, and I'm like I don't understand, like I don't understand where that comes from, because it's not like there's a hierarchy of denominations, which is LOL, you know, know, everybody has like whatever. Anyways, that's a whole different. That can lead to a whole other different discussion. But I think that being able to seek and also make sure you're not dishing out judgment, and like being able to open your open, be open and also give yourself space to seek the truth, I think, in your own, within the realm of whether you want to. You know, and I think what you said specifically about, like you know, really understanding the beliefs of your faith, I think is so, so, so key, because I, I know I've talked to or I've seen, you know, passing by comments that are like oh well, you know, I dropped Catholicism because of XYZ and I was like, oh well, that's really interesting because I don't necessarily fall into that category either, but I don't.
Speaker 1:I didn't feel pressured by my faith to be like I have to maintain one or the other. It was like, oh, I can actually be kind of like in the middle, and that doesn't mean that I'm committing a sin or whatever it might be like in the church. I was like so there's so many stereotypes and there's so much pressure and there's so much judgment and there's so much shame. It's like, if you can let all of that, let it go there and like seek the church, the faith, your faith beliefs. Seek your own, like quest for truth and purpose. I think that, and I mean I feel like that's exactly how you and I got to where we are now, where we're like oh, we're content with our faith, we're content with where our situation is in life, and we've seen a significant increase in happiness and joy and contentment because of that, because of leaving judgment at the door and, like you know, and that's why I've waited a year to like upload this podcast, because I'm like, I don't want people to put me in a box simply because I am catholic I want to, like you know, let it be a discussion, and I've met probably only one or two other women who are like, not, they're not Catholic, but they're like, oh, let's talk about, like, why these judgments exist between like denominations and between people.
Speaker 1:Because, just because you believe something, whether it be like a heavy topic, like abortion or politics or whatever it might be, it's like, oh, let's talk about why.
Speaker 1:Because it's so fascinating, and I'm like, oh my gosh, how amazing, right, let's talk about why.
Speaker 1:Because it's so fascinating and I'm like, oh my gosh, how amazing, right, to be able to have those conversations with other people and not, you know, be judged or shamed, like within 30 seconds of the conversation.
Speaker 1:So I'm really hoping that, for those that have gone through this whole episode, that they, I don't know, have a new outlook on what it's like to be open and to also seek your you know, because I know that there are a lot of women who listen, who are Christian, and it's like, yeah, I'm not, we're not here to shame and we're not here to cause judgment. It's like just trying to point in a direction that's going to serve you, like at your core, because your ability to be content as you have lived affects your daily life and affects how you literally treat the people in your life as well, and it's like an insane game changer, which is nuts, yeah yeah, like religious or not, we have these core beliefs that affect how we respond in life, so like, and we need to deep dive to understand why we have those core beliefs in order to heal, to move forward.
Speaker 2:And you know, and on a side note, for, like any christians who are listening, I do feel like we do feel like there's a little extra thing in our pocket where it's like sometimes, if I don't know where to turn or to look to, like I know that God will speak to me in a way that I would understand. Like, if I'm like at a crossroads, like I don't know yes or no on this topic, like I know that a path will be made and that I'll eventually like discover it because I can pray about it and I know that god will speak to me.
Speaker 1:But, um, yeah, like take those deep dives, like figure out why you believe what you believe, or why you grew up with a certain belief, and as soon as you understand because that's where a lot of like the judgments come from it's literally just lack of education, yeah, yeah, and taking on generational beliefs that really probably don't serve you anymore, and our parents took on their parents beliefs and their parents beliefs, and I mean, it goes on and on and on and it's and I feel like that's why we still have such a, you know, puritanical societal excitation, depending on you know what demographic or group of people you're talking to. And I feel like that's why there's so many polar opposite extremes, like in society, because there's the group of people that are like I want nothing to do with that, and then there's a group of people who are like, okay, I'm open, I could swing either way. And then there's a group of people that are like ew, the devil. And I'm just like okay, hold on. We don like. Okay, hold on, we don't need to like be so extreme here, like we can. You know, not that there's anything wrong, like with either of the extremes, but it's just, like you know, there's no communication between the two, and that's what really gets me is I'm like hold on, like we.
Speaker 1:This being able to foster openness and discussion is so, so, so and first and most importantly, with yourself. Like you said, you know what I mean like take the deep dive, give yourself permission and just like go at it. And if you are like genuinely because I've had, um, a couple ladies that have reached out to me and they're like I really want to like deepen my faith, but I don't know who to talk to about that and I've coached women who are not catholic. I've coached women who are catholic and I've coached women who are like very much not. And I've coached atheists, and I have a bunch of atheists who are like in my coaching container and I'm like that's because I'm just gonna guide you to where you need to be and that's not determined by like. You don't have to be tunneled by religion like in order to in order to do that, um, and so I think it's um, yeah, it's just great being able to be open and take you.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, the open conversations and really just are not like. We all have wounds that need healing. Yeah, basic, like without faith, and that's the journey that we're all on and you know, and it's just about where do you find that healing? And I, you know, absolutely.
Speaker 1:And I think also too, like at least for me, I know removing another belief that was taken from my parents. It was like, oh, I have to judge everybody who's not Catholic or who's not. You know what I mean. And as soon as I let that go, holy did it make a difference and like my relationships, who I was able to connect with, who was able to like, and you find out that you have so much in common.
Speaker 1:But because I had like limited myself because of that belief, it like you know which is, and I'm like dude, that was one of the best things I could have gonna talk to humans, because I like humans and I just want to connect with other humans, like at a base level. But yeah, what I was saying is like if you have questions like reach out to me or reach out to shayla, like there's, this is like a no judgment zone, you will not be judged, period. Because I don't believe in that. And it's like don't judge yourself and don't judge others. That's the best. Yeah, so Exactly, awesome, okay, amazing. Well, I appreciate you being here with me. It was a very it's not an easy subject to discuss, and so I'm very grateful that you're here speaking with me.
Speaker 2:No, thank you for inviting me. Yeah, I enjoyed it. This is my first time doing this, so awesome. Didn't know what to expect and but I enjoyed it. Yeah, I love talking with you anyways, awesome.
Speaker 1:I love it Amazing. Thank you so much for listening to today's podcast episode. If you loved it, please leave us a review or give it a rating on whatever app that you are listening on, as well as please share it with a friend. We want to reach as many women as possible, because this message of living and building a life filled with joy and ease is so, so, so important, so please share it with a friend as well. Please join our email list to stay up to date on newly released episodes, as well as to get notified of any free masterclasses that I am going to be recording and to have you participate in. So that's it for today. We'll see you next time.