Finding Yourself Again In Perimenopause

Feeling like you don’t recognise yourself anymore can be the most confronting part of perimenopause and it often sits beneath the better-known symptoms like weight gain, brain fog, anxiety, poor sleep, and mood swings. I’m Susie Garden, a perimenopause naturopath and clinical nutritionist, and I’m talking about the “unlisted symptom” I hear in clinic all the time: that deep sense of becoming a stranger to yourself, sometimes with tears and a lot of self-doubt.

We explore how everyday changes can start rewriting your self-image. Forgetting words can feel like losing your mind, stubborn weight can feel like losing control, and irritability can feel like you’ve become someone you don’t like. I explain why this makes so much sense when hormones influence almost every system in the body including mood, memory, appetite, energy, confidence, and resilience. For many women, there’s also real grief: for the version of you who felt effortless, or for reproductive years ending earlier than expected. Naming that grief and the isolation is not “being negative” it’s being honest, and it can be the first step towards feeling steady again.

Most importantly, I want you to hear this: you haven’t gone anywhere. The symptoms are real, but they’re not your identity. We talk about the mindset shift that helps most, moving from fighting your body to getting curious about what it’s asking for, whether that’s more sleep, better nutrition, strength training, less alcohol, stress support, or a proper medical review. If you’re ready to understand what’s driving your symptoms and find your way back to feeling like you, hit play, then subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more women can find this support.

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It’s time to reclaim your youthful energy, radiance and self-assurance (and your ideal weight).

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Transcript

Welcome And What We Stand For

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi, I'm Susie Garden and this is the Ageless and Autumn Podcast. I'm an age-defying naturopath and clinical nutritionist and I'm here to bust myths around women's health and ageing so that you can be ageless and autumn in your 40s, 50s, and beyond. The Ageless and Awesome Podcast is dedicated to helping women through perimenopause and menopause with great health, a positive mindset, and outrageous confidence. Hit subscribe or follow now and let's get started. Hello, gorgeous one, and welcome to this week's episode of the Ageless and Awesome Podcast. I'm Susie Garden, your host, perimenopause naturopath, weight loss nutritionist, and founder of the Perimenopause Path Clinic.

The Unlisted Symptom: Losing Yourself

SPEAKER_00 0:50

And today I want to talk to you about something that, in my opinion, is one of the most difficult symptoms of perimenopause, and can be menopause, actually, as well. And interestingly, it's not something that's actually listed as a symptom. It's something that I hear women say almost every single week, sometimes every single day in clinic. And often there's tears. Quite deeply, quite deeply in your soul, you don't feel like yourself anymore. Not, you know, in the sense of I've gained weight, or not in the sense that I've having these symptoms, I got flushes, or that I'm not sleeping, and all of the other things that we all know about. Those things are all happening too, of course. But underneath all of this is this something that's much deeper. This feeling that you've somehow become a stranger to yourself, that you don't even recognize yourself. And if you've ever felt that way, and I know I have, I want you to know that today's episode is for you. And I want to explain why this happens, why it makes so much sense, and why I genuinely believe that you can find your way back to yourself again. So let's talk about this. It's not just about the symptoms. Let's just imagine something. Like if you picture yourself before perimenopause, say, picture yourself in your 30s. Who were you? Maybe you were really energized, really energetic person, maybe you're super confident, quick-witted, patient, motivated, getting things done in a way that really energized you. You trusted your body, you trusted your mind, you knew how to lose weight if you wanted to, you slept well, you coped with everything going on in your life. And then compare that with how many women describe themselves when they're in peri- or postmenopause, even sometimes. And maybe this is you, you feel flat. Maybe you don't have the patience that you used to have, can't remember anything, losing confidence, having crying. I know for me, I was crying one day because I couldn't get my necklace on. Just sounds crazy now, but literally at the time was just like obviously the straw that broke the camel's back at the time on that particular day, a number of years ago now. Um, but yeah, that sense that you just you just don't recognize yourself anymore because of the way you feel and and responding to some of the simple everyday stuff. And if you look at all of this, it's not just individual

How Symptoms Rewrite Your Self-Image

SPEAKER_00 3:50

symptoms that are appearing during perimetopause. It's the symptoms that begin changing the way you might see yourself. And that, in my opinion, is one of the hardest parts of this transition. It's not just that physical stuff, it's that's how you see yourself and how you then I guess get concerned about is this how others are seeing me? Because it's not just your hormones changing, it's your identity being challenged. And a lot of people talk about this being an identity shift. And I think in some ways that can be true for some women. It's not that for every woman, but sometimes it is. And I and I guess the thing is a lot of these changes happen fairly um insidiously, so you don't really notice them so much. And I guess it depends how good you are at keeping records. If you were writing a journal, kind of like many people do all throughout their life, it'd be interesting to go back and reflect on those journal entries from, you know, that pre-perimenopause time and see how that's changed how you are today. But you know, that is something that's something you can do if you keep those records. It's not something that that I tend to do or certainly didn't do back at that time. I probably do it a lot more now. Um, but one of the saddest things I see is how quickly women can lose trust in themselves. You forget a word and suddenly it's like, oh man, I'm losing my memory. What is going on? You gain weight and you can't get it off, and suddenly you're going, well, what's going on? Why don't I have control over my body anymore? Maybe you're really irritable and you're snapping at your partner or your kids, and you think, God, I'm just becoming such so difficult to live with. I'm awful. Or you lose motivation and you feel like you're lazy or undisciplined. Every symptom can become evidence that you've somehow changed for the worse. And often when you're in it, you just feel like this is how it's always going to be. This is my life now. I've certainly felt like that. But you know what? What if none of that were true? What if your symptoms weren't revealing this new person, but simply reflecting your hormonal status?

Hormones Affect Everything, Not Just Periods

SPEAKER_00 6:03

Because here's the thing hormones influence almost every system in your body. I think we've kind of been conditioned to feel like hormones are a women's problem and hormones are about reproduction. When you think about hormones and hormonal women, you're thinking about pre-menstrual syndrome and irritability before your period and all of that sort of stuff. But really, hormones they influence every system in your body and they influence men as well. It influences your brain, your mood, your sleep, your appetite, your energy, your memory, your confidence, even your resilience. And so when hormones are fluctuating quite dramatically, of course you're gonna feel different. How could you not feel different? So, again, another reason not to kind of beat yourself up, not to think that there's something wrong with you. It's just simply a stage of life that all women will go through if they get to this sort of age group.

Grief, Isolation, And Why It Feels Unfair

SPEAKER_00 7:05

And there's something else sometimes that's happening that we don't really acknowledge enough. And again, this is for some women, it's not for all women. Um, it's this grieving of a version of yourself. And perhaps it's grief for the version of yourself that felt easier, the woman that didn't have to think about everything they're putting in their mouth, how much protein am I having? Hello? Uh, the woman who could sleep through the night, the woman who had endless energy, the woman who wasn't anxious, the woman who felt confident in her in her body. That, of course, it's a loss. It's not necessarily permanent. Um, but I think we need to make space for that. Again, for some women, uh, some women are grieving, also just the fact that, you know, perhaps my reproductive years are over if there was a little bit of hope that maybe there was another child that was going to come into your life. Um, so of course, there can be grief for that, particularly if you hit menopause early. Like I have some of my clients who've hit menopause like 41 or 42, and really never ever thought that would happen to them. So there's a lot that's going on, and I do think we need to make space for that. Because pretending that it's not hard doesn't really help anyone. And perimenopause can feel incredibly unfair and can feel incredibly isolating. I think we're kind of seeing a change in the last probably 12 to 24 months. I really feel like we're seeing way more conversations about it, way more conversations with between women, between women and men, and between men. And I think that is amazing and awesome because certainly when I went through this, no one even acknowledged that perimenopause existed. You were either pre-menopausal or post-menopausal. And that was it. There was no real, um, I can't even remember whether perimenopause was around as a word. I'm sure it probably was, but people didn't really understand what it meant. Um, so yeah, it can feel incredibly unfair and incredibly isolating. I'm so excited about the fact that we can and are having these conversations now. Um, because the thing is you've spent decades learning who you are, and then suddenly the rules change and no one gives you a handbook, no one explains what's happening, and often this is happening and you have no idea that that this is all sort of in that perimenopause sort of um realm, and you're expected to just carry on, right? Um, and it's okay to acknowledge that this transition can be difficult, it can have difficult days and weeks and months sometimes. It doesn't make you negative, it doesn't mean that you've inherently changed as a person or anything like that. It just, you know, honestly, acknowledging this challenge of this time can just make you an honest person and sometimes can really help with how you then approach making the best of the situation.

You Haven’t Gone Anywhere

SPEAKER_00 10:12

And the good news is you actually haven't, you as a person, haven't gone anywhere. And this is the part I really want you to hear because the woman you think has gone that you've lost, she hasn't disappeared. She's still there. She might be a little harder to access now. Um, if you think about the episodes that I've covered in the last few weeks about low motivation and brain fog and anxiety and poor sleep, I mean, each of those symptoms can change how you experience yourself, how you experience other people around you and the world. But none of them define who you are. You're still intelligent, even if you can't find a word occasionally, or you lose yourself in the middle of a sentence. You're still capable, even if things sometimes feel harder, you're still resilient, even if you're more emotional than you used to be. The symptoms are real, but they're temporary, they're not your identity. And I think that's a really important part of this picture.

Stop Fighting Your Body, Get Curious

SPEAKER_00 11:15

And one of the biggest mindset shifts I see in women who begin feeling better is this they stop fighting their body instead of trying to be and get back to the same place they were, they begin asking, what is my body asking for? Maybe it's asking for more sleep, more protein. You know, I feel about all that protein discussion. Anyway, maybe your body is asking for less alcohol. Maybe your body is asking for strength training or stress reduction or support, compassion. Instead of constantly trying to force your body back into the woman you were at say 35 or even 40, what if you became curious about the woman you're becoming now? Because this chapter doesn't have to be one of decline, it doesn't have to be one of just accepting what's going on and not actually seeking solutions and support. And this time can be actually one of incredible wisdom. And many of my clients tell me they feel better in their, you know, say at 52 than they did at 46. And I gotta say, for me, I feel like definitely I'm fitter. My body is way stronger than I was in the decade of my 40s because I'm focusing on it. Um, I definitely feel there's so many aspects of my life that are way better now that I'm through that transition. And I'm fortunate in that I've had a lot of training over my life in health and well-being, and it was just pure, pure serendipity that I trained uh in nutrition and naturopathy in my early 40s. So I was equipped to deal with everything that was going on, certainly from a nutritional point of view. Um even if I didn't potentially know that what I know now, and I didn't potentially know that I was in perimenopause at the time, there's certain principles of nutrition that are going to help regardless. So yeah, um, I mean, the thing is you may feel better, like I've I go back to that. I've sort of got over a tangent a bit. If you feel when I say clients are feeling better at sort of the in their early 50s and their 40s, it's not because their hormones have magically fixed themselves. That's for sure. It's because they finally understood their bodies and and stopped working against their bodies, and that really makes the difference.

What Feeling Like You Means

SPEAKER_00 13:56

So let's talk about what feeling like yourself again really looks like. Because people often think when we might say that you're feeling like yourself again. It might mean you might think rather that it means being the same weight you were 20 years ago or having endless energy or never feeling stressed. But that's not actually what most women tell me. They tell me they want to wake up feeling refreshed, they want to be energized, they want to laugh more, they want to enjoy food without guilt, they want confidence, they want their brain back, that's for sure. They want to feel calm, they want to look in the mirror and recognize themselves again. And do you know what? Those are really realistic goals. That's kind of what we're aiming for. Not perfection, not turning back the clock, just feeling good in your own skin again.

Support, Next Steps, And Invitations

SPEAKER_00 14:48

And one thing I want to say before we finish today is you don't have to figure this out alone. Please don't suffer in silence. And don't believe everything you're seeing on social media. Perimenopause has been misunderstood for far too long. Women have been told this is just part, this is a natural part of aging. This is just stress, this is normal. And while some symptoms are common, they're not something you simply have to endure. You know, women are used to suffering. You do not have to suffer through this. And it let me tell you, can it can be very much something that you can suffer. Um, but you have to kind of realize there is support available. And whether that's through lifestyle changes, nutrition, medical um review, or simply having someone explain what's happening so that you understand that, oh, okay, this is actually a normal part of the process. I don't have dementia, I don't have something wrong in my brain, I don't have something wrong in my body. This is actually part of this transition. Because you deserve to feel hurt, you deserve answers, and you deserve to feel like yourself again. So I want to leave you with one final thought today. If you've been quietly wondering, is this it now? Is this my life now? Where did the old me go? Can I have her back now, please? Um please remember this. She hasn't gone anywhere. She's still there. She's still, or rather, she's simply navigating one of the biggest hormonal transitions of her life. And transitions by their very nature have another side. And it doesn't take long to see improvements. You know, I see women every week who come into my clinic feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, completely disconnected from themselves, sometimes, you know, from family members or friends. And even just weeks later, they're sl, and I'm talking maybe a week or two, they're sleeping better, the energy has returned, they're laughing again, they're exercising because they enjoy it, not because they're punishing themselves, their bloating's gone, their gut health improves, they're feeling hopeful. And that's why I love this work. Not because, yes, I can help women lose weight. That's a great outcome for many reasons. Um, but it's also when I see women coming back to themselves. So if today's episode resonated with you and you're ready to understand your body rather than fight against it, I'd love to support you. At the Perimenopause Path Clinic, we take a whole-person approach to perimenopause and menopause. We look at your symptoms, your hormones, your metabolism, your nutrition, your sleep, your lifestyle, and coach you to help you feel like yourself again. You can book a free periweight loss assessment using the link in the show notes, and together we can explore what's driving your symptoms, what your next steps might look like. Um so yeah, thank you so much for joining me today. If you've enjoyed this little series of podcasts, I'd love it if you could leave a review or share it with a friend. You never know who needs to hear these episodes. So until next time, take care, be well, and I will see you next week with some fresh new podcasts. Thanks so much for joining me on the Ageless and Awesome podcast. If you would like this episode, please make sure you click the little post button if you're on Apple Podcasts, or the follow button if you're on Spotify, so that you get each new episode delivered to you every single week. If you feel like writing me a five-star review, you would absolutely make my day. If you found this episode resonated with you, head over to my Instagram and DM me at the Perimetopause Park. I would love to connect with you.