33: Gratitude Series w/ Amanda Kuscera: Leveraging Anxiety to Fuel Your Dreams

Welcome licensed counselor  Amanda Kuscera for another amazing show. She speaks about anxiety and how it can actually help us grow and succeed.

Here are three (3) important things you'll learn in today's episode:

1. Our Brain and Anxiety: Amanda explains why our brains make us feel anxious and how being positive and thankful can help us handle anxiety and do great things.

2. Finding Balance: Discover why being flexible and having control over our lives is so important for reaching our goals. Also, learn about how balancing our personal life and work life can make a big difference.

3. Taking Care of Yourself: Find out why taking care of yourself is super important for handling anxiety. Amanda shares tips on how doing things you love and celebrating small wins can make you stronger.

Join us for an enriching conversation that uncovers the keys to managing anxiety, finding balance, and turning your dreams into reality. Tune in and be inspired to embrace a life where anxiety fuels your success rather than holds you back!

How to Connect with Amanda:

Connect with Amanda on LinkedIn

Learn more about Amanda's Services at Sunflower Counseling Center.

How to Work with Nikisha (Your Certified Business & Life Coach):

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• Managing Work-Life Stress
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• Finding Fulfilment in Your Brand

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Transcript

Nikisha King: 0:00

Welcome to Nikisha King podcast, leading her way, where we see the human, evolving and resilient spirit in you. I'm your host, Nikisha, and on today's episode we have returning guest Amanda Tissera.

Nikisha King: 0:12

Now let me ask you are you tired of anxiety getting in your way, of your financial freedom and scaling and growing your business? If yes, you're in the right place, because Amanda is going to unveil a treasure trove of insight, empowering tips and a transformative tool to help you manage your anxiety. Brace yourself for profound journey, because mastering anxiety gives you the ability to reclaim your life and all the goals you have with it. By the time this episode concludes, you're emerged on with knowledge and skills to manage your lifelong anxiety and hear this out. When you learn to manage your anxiety, you're going to have a ripple effect that allows you to show up and be present for your family, friends and valued clients. Don't miss out on this life-changing episode. Conquer your anxiety today and embrace a brighter future.

Nikisha King: 1:26

Hello, gorgeous, welcome to leading her way podcast. My name is Nikisha, your host, and today I have a special guest, amanda Tissera, a licensed professional counselor who is back for the second time, which I'm so blessed and grateful for. We are doing our Thanksgiving series and in doing this series, what we're going to be talking about is the gratitude or ways to find the positive in the dark, the light in the dark, I should say, or the positive in the negative, and I thought this would be really good for this month, because I just want you to have some tools in your pocket to help you. So, in speaking to Amanda today, we're going to be speaking about anxiety and some of the tools, tips or tricks that you can implement to help you disturb your anxiety, and you should disturb it a lot, okay. So, hi, amanda, welcome back. How are you?

Amanda Kucsera, LPC: 2:26

Hi, thank you so much for having me again. I'm doing well. I'm happy to be back. I'm very excited for this episode.

Nikisha King: 2:34

Thank you. So I would like to ask you when we last spoke, we spoke about the fear, the beast within or the beast with you, and we spoke about fear and anxiety and how it shows up, and a lot of times we've come to the realization that our thoughts right is what stems these feelings of anxiety, the concern about our tomorrow, if I can say in general terms. And when we have these thoughts about tomorrow we usually go into a place of fear about tomorrow. So, if you want, just share a little bit about that from your professional life and what you do, and then we can go from there.

Amanda Kucsera, LPC: 3:18

Sure. So yeah, like you were saying, when we look to the future and we maybe see things that are a little bit scary or anxiety provoking for us, maybe there's uncertainty or something I'm familiar we tend to go to worst case scenario and we tend to think about all of the possible things that could happen that are not great for us. And one thing that I teach my clients is that that's a survival skill, right, our mind is doing its job. Our mind is designed to find the threats that are present, or what it perceives to be the present threats, right? Unfortunately, it doesn't always know the difference between a real threat and a perceived threat, but it wants to be able to find them and it tries to find them as quickly as possible so that it can keep us safe physically, mentally, emotionally.

Amanda Kucsera, LPC: 4:12

And I always, you know, use the analogy with my clients that if you're walking down a road and on one side of the road you have this beautiful field of wildflowers and on the other side of the road you have a mountain lion just kind of creeping through the brush, your mind's better be able to pick up that that mountain lion is over there, otherwise we're in trouble, even though these beautiful flowers are so nice to look at and we want to pick them and smell them. Our minds better be able to know that that lion is over there waiting for us, right? Because it's a survival skill, and so sometimes our mind reacts that way to things that aren't necessarily threats, and it focuses on that negative or that scary part of it, and we have to retrain it and bring it back to the positive side of things so, in other words, this is all natural, this is just, this is just, is right, yeah, and what it comes down to is the management of it.

Nikisha King: 5:07

it is management we can work towards, working towards keeping it in the gratitude, grateful, positive light, but know that sometimes there are certain things that's going to make you feel a little bit nervous and fearful and very on survival mode, where I'm not sure if that's the best move. For me, you know, as as an entrepreneur, this is the thing that we battle with, and starting our business. That's the first sign. Is this the right thing to do? Right, like, oh my gosh, me starting a business and leaving my secure, safe cozy aka not really safe nine to five. Right, because someone can easily say layoff fired. Right, business is shutting down and ron take over.

Nikisha King: 5:53

You know all the good things that can happen like not good, but we think of starting our own business as one of the most scariest things to do, and it is because it's a journey of the unknown. It's that. That's what it is, and when we have the unknown, that's where the anxiety come from. I don't know what's gonna happen. Am I gonna fail and find myself and my family on the streets, although I've never experienced living on the streets right, I was always amazed how much my anxiety led to me living on the streets and I've never lived on the street Like, I've never had that experience but it always led to that and I guess it led to that.

Nikisha King: 6:34

I lived in the city and I saw a lot of people who were homeless and I just assumed they were homeless because they ran out of money. But what I learned as I matured? Some people are homeless because they actually decide to be homeless, because they don't wanna deal with society. Some people are homeless because they may have addictions and unfortunately, their family weren't able to help them, and this is where they might feel safe. There's so many reasons people live outside of a home, and that's just some of the things I've learned and what I wanted to do with this episode. In speaking about anxiety and knowing it's a survival instinct, I wanted to focus on what are some of the tools or tips or tricks that we can use in knowing that our mechanism that's in play is not really true right. So is there a tool, amanda, that you use to guide your clients when they're going through an anxiety episode, or what kind of tools do you give them that they can use, if you don't mind sharing.

Amanda Kucsera, LPC: 7:42

Yeah. So I like to help my clients build a whole toolbox of tools so, depending on the job, they have the right one to use. If we're talking about that negative mindset, our mind is going to a worst case scenario and we need to maybe shift perspective. We need to see things a little bit more wide view. We need to be a little bit more rational in our thought. When we have a worry thought or an angry thought, some type of thought that's not helpful to us is coming up and we need to shift perspective, right?

Amanda Kucsera, LPC: 8:14

So I tell my clients to ask themselves one question what's another reason that this is happening? If I didn't get invited to this wedding and I'm assuming that somebody hates me and that's why I didn't get the invitation what's another reason that this is happening? Maybe it was a small, intimate wedding, right? Maybe they're trying to save money. Maybe my invitation got lost in the mail. Maybe this person doesn't hate me the way that I'm receiving it, right? So just asking yourself what else could be going on here that could explain why I'm experiencing what I'm experiencing.

Nikisha King: 8:48

I love that. I love that I felt like I had that recently. Oh, this is so good. Recently, I am working with two people who are familiar with one another, and one of them I just continued like we stopped, we completed, and the other one, we're still working. And in speaking to the other person I'm still working with, I felt like they were pushed back and my first thought was like they're talking about me behind my back, right, and I was like Nikisha, you know, that's not true. I was like I know, that's not true. That's how I feel.

Amanda Kucsera, LPC: 9:20

And then I have to go.

Nikisha King: 9:21

Okay, let's be serious here. First and foremost, they can actually be saying, oh my God, working with her is amazing. I've gained so much in the time I've been with her. They can actually be saying I've gotten so much out of this and I'm gonna implement this in my business.

Nikisha King: 9:37

Right, and the pushback could have been Nikisha, you're just pushing too much.

Nikisha King: 9:41

You're just you're asking in a way that maybe putting someone in defense, right, Maybe it's no conversation being had anywhere, right, it's so good that you even brought that to my attention, because I don't think of that as a tool. I just think of Nikisha, you're being really crazy. Let's turn this positive because you know better and I'm like, okay, I know better, but still I have to experience it. Can I just not experience my negative for like a minute and then after a minute, I'm like all right, realistically, I know they're not talking about me, because the person I am, I'm very aware that there's no reason, because I don't give that energy, therefore I'm not gonna receive it. So that's an amazing tool. So, everyone listening, when you're going down that anxiety and you're thinking someone's mad at you, upset at you, talking about you, what is the other possibility, right? So I love that you share that tool. Is there another tool that you have or tip or trick that you can share if someone's having these survival instinct thoughts?

Amanda Kucsera, LPC: 10:48

Yeah, so there's a few things we can do with our body that can actually kind of trick our mind into feeling like we're cool, calm and collected. One is as simple as just regulating our breathing. If we're in fight or flight and there's truly a threat around, we're not going to be sitting calm, we're not going to be relaxed, we're not going to be breathing regularly. Right, we're gonna be hyperventilating, we're gonna be stressed, we're gonna be running away or fighting off this thought. If your body is still and you're regulating your breathing using some controlled breathing patterns, it will trick your mind into thinking everything's fine, because your mind's going to see you cool, calm and collected on the outside and think, oh, okay, well, there must not be a threat here. I must have gotten that wrong, because if there was, she wouldn't be this calm, right. So we can use our breath to really help us regulate and calm down when that worry thought is kind of coming in.

Amanda Kucsera, LPC: 11:46

Another skill that I like to use is called half smile, so we can again trick our brain into thinking that we're happy, we're content, we're good, we're cruising right. Again, same concept when we are truly faced with a threat, we're not going to be smiling and laughing, we're gonna be scared and running away or fighting it off. So if our mind sees us smiling or laughing using humor, it will start to reevaluate the situation. It will start to think oh okay, we can be calm, this is okay, there's no threat. If there was a threat, she wouldn't be laughing, so we're okay.

Nikisha King: 12:23

That's a really good one too, tricking your mind, and I love that you shared that one, because my mind I feel like it's a whole entity on its own, like I feel like my mind like there's a battle of control. Right, we do work together, but half of the time it knows more than I do. That's how I visually see it, and I remember there was one moment where I came downstairs in my home and I was getting something from my living room and my back was turned to the couch, but my ears registered a sound like someone was moving behind me. And this was like six in the morning, so my family was sleeping, it was early, and the first thing I felt I felt the actual release of adrenaline, my fight or flight instinct, because there was a sound that it shouldn't be a sound and I was like, oh no, what is this? And I felt it. And then all of a sudden, my dog jumped off the couch. Somehow I forgot the dog was sleeping in the living room, I don't know. It was dark, and then I turned the light on but I didn't see it. So I guess my brain didn't see it, it didn't get to register what's in this living room.

Nikisha King: 13:32

And it was so funny because I know I felt the cortisol hit my system right Because you get the shimmers and when I turn around I know this is my dog. I started laughing and then everything calmed down because it knew I wasn't about to. I didn't have to fight, I didn't have to run. I was like let's get the system ready, just in case. So the fact that you said the trick is smiling and I know a lot of our listeners are like yeah, but when I'm upset I don't have time to smile that's why she said have smile. Notice that she didn't say laugh full smile, have smile a smirk. And it's a small, simple step. A smirk is really small.

Nikisha King: 14:12

It doesn't have to be big, but it does allow your mind to understand that you are safe. And I think that trick is so good and a lot of my listeners might be like, but it's not true, it's like a lie. And I'm like, yeah, lie to yourself, like lie, until it believes it, like it's OK. Do you agree, amanda? Is it OK to lie to yourself? Let's get it from you.

Amanda Kucsera, LPC: 14:36

The profession yeah, I think sometimes there are certain ways that our mind and body works, that it's its natural way of being and we can tap into that and manipulate it and use it to our advantage. And this is definitely one of those situations. You may not feel amazing the second you put a half smile on but if you keep going, you may notice that, yeah, you're starting to feel a little bit better. It's the same thing as when you're really upset and maybe someone just tries to tell you a little joke or they do something silly to make you just laugh a little bit, and then you start to notice the shift in your emotions. Right, we can fake it till we make it, it's OK.

Nikisha King: 15:19

It's so true. And when we say that, we're talking about with you, not with someone else, so we're not talking about lying to anyone else. You're welcome to lie to yourself and fake it till you make it. Just let's be clear on that and it's such a valid one.

Nikisha King: 15:35

I remember a while back years I had a friend and anytime she felt sick she would put on her best face, meaning her makeup, because she wanted to feel good. Therefore she dressed the part so she can actually trick her mind into feeling good, so she can get on with her day. And I was just like that's so good Because for me back then lying to myself was not an option. I was like I'm just crappy, but my crappiness wasn't positive to anyone else because I complained a lot. Right, like I was crappy to everyone around me because that was crappy.

Nikisha King: 16:13

So the fact that you mentioned to trick yourself by a half smile to help you get out of that space or that mind or that thought, is such a really good and simple one. So right now we have that tool of half smile. We have, or I should say, a trick. We have the tool of seeing the other possibilities, the positive possibilities. And if we look at us in our anxiety state. These are some of the things we can do to get out. I would say get out Is getting out of it the right word, or are some of the things we can do to ease it? How do you see it?

Amanda Kucsera, LPC: 16:54

Yeah, I always look at it from a perspective of making it manageable. Right, my goal with clients is never to get rid of anxiety. Anxiety is a natural emotion and the fight-or-flight response that kicks in is our brain doing its job to keep us safe, and we want it to do that when it needs to. So we just want to make the anxiety manageable, make the situation bearable enough that we can get through it.

Nikisha King: 17:19

I like that. That works. Thank you for that. Thank you for reframing or rephrasing it so people don't think that you can get rid of it, but it's a management of it Right, because when I do it I know I'm not getting rid of it. Like you said, it's here for my survival.

Nikisha King: 17:35

But, I can manage it, knowing I'm safe, right. So another tool that I use is that when I'm feeling anxious, I verbally express that I'm safe. So I would go, nikisha, are you safe? And I would go yes, I'm safe. I'm sitting in front of my desk, I'm not at threat, like there's nothing around me, and when I say that, I can usually feel in my body the release of tension from the anxiety thought that I had, and I usually go okay, all right. And I usually, even if I'm outside because I live in New Jersey I don't know if anyone knows, but there's bears and bears and a lot of stuff out here and I'm just like I don't ever want to see a beer while I'm on my walk in the morning. But I was a mindful and I know when I'm mindful I'm getting in my peak performance. I know my body's like tensed up a little bit, but usually when that happens I'm just like I Do the thoughts. I realign my thoughts and start thinking about the trees and the beauty.

Amanda Kucsera, LPC: 18:35

And.

Nikisha King: 18:35

I start thinking about you'll be fine, nothing's gonna attack you. I do have scenarios where I jump on a car and figure out how to get away. Those do pop up, they don't things don't go away, but you just manage them. So I love the tips and tricks and the tools that you've shared and, in speaking about this, is there any way or anything you give in regards to gratitude, or do you work with your clients so that they can see positive in their journey, in their future?

Nikisha King: 19:07

Is there anything you have to share about that.

Amanda Kucsera, LPC: 19:09

Yeah, yeah. So one of the tools that I use with my clients is called making meaning, and so when we're going through something difficult, trying to find that thing that we can take away from it, that just makes it a little bit more bearable. That might be a lesson that we can learn. It might be maybe a silver lining to the situation, a blessing in disguise. What's something this situation taught you about yourself? What's a tool that you had to develop or a reset resource you had to develop in order to get through this situation? So when we look back on a situation that seemed really terrible Not to minimize it or not to take away how difficult it was for a person, but to help them just shift perspective a little bit and find the meaning in it. What was the point of me going through this and what can I take away that can help me in future situations?

Nikisha King: 20:08

So good, amanda, I love how knowledgeable you are about your, your skill. Like anyone listening Her informations in the show notes, please, if you feel like you're struggling with anxiety and You're at a point where you're like there's no one that you believe was able to help you, I think Amanda will be great. She's a woman full of tools and tips and tricks and and she really can spend the time working with you. So I would hope that you get in touch with her, and getting in touch with her is just that. Get in touch with her, speak to her right and let her see she could do her magic with you, would, I believe.

Amanda Kucsera, LPC: 20:44

Thank you, I appreciate that Welcome.

Nikisha King: 20:47

I love this. I that's why I love having you here Like. You're so full of so many good information. Like I call it go nuggets or aha moments. Let's get to you. I want to ask you a question about you and you being a licensed professional counselor. What has been the gift or the gratitude part for you in what you do?

Amanda Kucsera, LPC: 21:09

Yeah, that's a great question. I feel like there there's a lot of things I'm very grateful for about my my job. I Don't really even kind of view it as a job. I just enjoy what I do and Since leaving the traditional nine to five structure and joining my colleague at her private practice, I really have gained a lot of autonomy. I have the flexibility that I've always wanted.

Amanda Kucsera, LPC: 21:34

My work life balance has improved greatly and I feel like I have ownership over my time. I'm able to work with my clients in the way that I want to. I'm able to have the space to go after these different professional goals that I have, and I can make the room, my schedule to do that, because I have the flexibility and autonomy in this role, and I'm honestly very grateful for everyone that is Working with me right now and is one of my clients. I'm a firm believer that the people who are meant to be your clients or who are meant to cross your path will and and I am very grateful for what I've learned from working with each of my clients, because they may feel like I'm there giving them all this information, but I'm learning just as much about myself in working with them. So it's a really, a really cool perspective to have on the work that we do.

Nikisha King: 22:32

That's so good. I usually realize when people find their purpose, they're usually fueled and energized by the work that they do, so it's a win-win situation. So when you're working with your clients, they're getting what they need the value from you, but in working with them you're serving your purpose, so you're getting value from that interaction right.

Nikisha King: 23:00

I think that's such a till-till sign for any business owner out there. If you realize you're doing something and you feel depleted after doing it, you're not in your zone of genius, you're not doing your purpose. Yeah, you're kind of maybe playing in the box or playing to the societal thought of what you should be doing. It's when you find your yours outside the box, when you're coloring outside the lines and it's not pretty you are serving from a better place and it's a win-win.

Nikisha King: 23:35

So I love that you have that experience in your profession right and you also have, I think, the benefit of having the autonomy, having the time, but not the entrepreneur journey of the behind-the-scenes like crazy town business right.

Amanda Kucsera, LPC: 23:56

I always say I have the best of both worlds. My colleague that I work with is great in terms of just letting me kind of do my own thing, and she's also a great mentor that I've been able to learn a lot from, and I think we're very like-minded in how we approach business and people and just how we want to Show up as professionals and as helpers. So it's been a really, really great journey and I feel like I always felt solid in my you know Clinical skills at my old job, but then, when I came into this side of the field, I felt like I grew in so many other ways as a professional and I don't think that that would have been possible without Kind of collaborating with her, so I'm very grateful for that.

Nikisha King: 24:43

Okay, that's really good, finding true partnership in business. And when I say partnership, partnership has different definitions. When I usually say it, people always think about the negative right, anxiety, right, oh my god, a partnership. What does that look like? Right, yeah, but in this situation it is a partnership. You and that person have come together, you are partners, you work within her company, but she respects you enough to mentor you, to allow you to have the freedom to practice, and you respect her To have the ability to practice, to show up. Right, you're keeping your partnership, your commitment.

Nikisha King: 25:26

Yeah and in this partnership, you both are the similar values, so how you show up and serve is very similar, so it's a win-win. She benefits from you being there because she's building this business, that a lot of clients are coming to her and she needs you to help offset her workload. And While you come in to help her, you're serving, you're getting what you need and giving at the same time, and it helps her business to flourish. Partnerships doesn't always have to be a negative thought, mm-hmm. Partnerships are amazing. Partnerships are just like any relationship a best friend, a spouse there are ups and downs, but if you value are aligned, there is common ground to have a conversation about it. If you're even more aligned, you do things up front, you create.

Nikisha King: 26:21

What does it look like if we find out we're coming to the end of our partnership? Because it's the same thing if you're working somewhere. I would think about that too. Well, what would it look like if I want to exit? How would it exit? I'm not trying to leave, but God forbid if I pass away. There was no other option, right, like I didn't have a choice. But what does that look like for us? And it is great to have both worlds and I think that Having both worlds are possible. When you're not a control, he then like when you can let go some of that control? Right, because that's what it is. When you think about partnership and I think you sparked that in me when you said that because I'm an advocate for partnership my team members are my partners, they're my partners in crime, right, and my crime is our work, the work that we bring to the world, and I don't want employees. I don't like employees, because employees for me usually have a. I'll tell you what to do and you do it.

Amanda Kucsera, LPC: 27:19

And.

Nikisha King: 27:19

I don't, I don't desire that. I like a partner who knows the mission, the value and they know how to go. This would work well for the company if I do this, Such a different perspective.

Amanda Kucsera, LPC: 27:32

You know what I?

Nikisha King: 27:32

mean it is yeah. So I think you having the best of both worlds is great. And let me see in your journey, like five years from now, can you share with me your dream of where you would want to be?

Amanda Kucsera, LPC: 27:51

Sure.

Nikisha King: 27:52

Yeah.

Amanda Kucsera, LPC: 27:54

So I've always said, ever since getting into this field, I can't see myself doing just one thing, because there's a lot of different aspects to it that I really enjoy and I think when people first get into the field, they just think, oh, you're going to be doing therapy, right, that's it, that's all you're doing. You're a therapist, you're going to be doing therapy. But there's so much more that therapists can do. We can teach right at the collegiate level. We can supervise, we can consult, we can give you know speaking engagements, presentations, trainings, workshops right, there's. There's so much more than just doing therapy that we can do to kind of expand our reach into the world and advocate for our field and share the knowledge and tools with other people.

Amanda Kucsera, LPC: 28:41

So that's something that has always been on my radar and has always been something I've been working towards. My hopes are that I am able to do all of the above. I would love to supervise. I loved working with my interns and my staff at my old position and it was one of my favorite parts of my job was getting to work with people who are brand new to the field and help kind of guide them along and help them build their foundation and get their footing in the fields, and I would love to eventually be able to teach at the collegiate level and share more knowledge and again just helping guide the next generation of helpers and healers. I just find the idea of that very fulfilling.

Nikisha King: 29:28

So good and I think you're well. You're not on your way. You're already doing it right, like you are doing it, that's all. Like I don't believe people are going to, I don't believe in speaking in that sense. You are doing it, you're working towards it. You're you're working every day when you show up. You're showing up on this podcast helping others do your conversation with me and it's something amazing and I look forward to seeing where you are in five years, right?

Nikisha King: 29:58

I truly am grateful for you even giving me more of your time, thank you, thank you. Thank you for sharing your knowledge, your wisdom and anxiety is a legit thing. Like you said, it's manageable. It doesn't go away. So you're not going away, right? It's like one of the greatest jobs to have, and I just wanted to share that with you. So, thank you so much for coming to Leading Her Way podcast. We truly appreciate you and we look forward to speaking to you in the future. Thank you so much.

Amanda Kucsera, LPC: 30:30

I really appreciate you having me again. It's always great speaking with you you too.

Nikisha King: 30:35

Have an amazing day and everyone listening have a wonderful day. We will see you next Tuesday. Next Tuesday with another guest. Bye.

Speaker 3: 30:45

Thanks for spending time with me today and if you received an aha moment in today's episode, hit the follow button and share a review. But more importantly, if you have a friend who will truly benefit from today's episode, click the three dots and share this link via text. You never know how this small action can help someone tremendously. See you next Tuesday and have an amazing day.