Life Quakes: When Everything Breaks and You Still Have to Show Up

In our first episode of 2026, Kate sits down with Donna West, founder of Donna's Balcony Views and resilience expert to talk about ‘Life Quakes’: those unexpected and brutal events or situations in life that crack your world open and force you to rebuild from the rubble.

Life Quakes include things like workplace trauma, death of a loved one, miscarriage, illness, divorce, survival of traumatic events like tsunamis or bushfires, just to name a few. Having suffered her own ‘life quake’ in recent years, Donna now helps people through the aftermath of life quakes to find solid ground, and to eventually rebuild.

What We Cover

• Life Quakes defined: The moments that permanently rewire how you see yourself and the world
• Survival mode is success: In the beginning, making it through the day is a celebration in itself
• The mask tax: What it costs to pretend you're fine when you're fracturing inside. And how to keep showing up each day, even when you want to stay in bed and cry.
• The power of a single act: How a single person's courage can be the sliding door moment that saves a life
• After the rubble: Rebuilding your identity as a new person, navigating the grief process, and finding yourself again
• How isolation kills healing: Surrounding yourself with good people is essential.

If you're going through a life quake, or you feel like you're holding it together with duct tape and sheer will, we hope you find this conversation helpful.

👉 Listen now. Share it with someone who's silently carrying their own quake.
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 👉 Connect with Donna West to learn more about navigating life quakes and rebuilding resilience here: https://donnasbalconyviews.com.au/ 

Connect with Your Hosts:

Kate De Jong, PhD | Inspired Business 🌐 Website: https://katedejong.com/ 📱 Instagram: @katedejong.inspiredbusiness ✉️ Email: kate@katedejong.com

Sam Morris | The O8 🌐 Website: https://www.theo8.com/ 📱 Instagram: @the_o8crew ✉️ Email: sam@theo8.com

Thriving Business Podcast 🌐Website:   https://www.thrivingbusinesspodcast.com/ 

Transcript

Welcome to Thriving Business, real Stories and innovative insights to help you grow a business that truly thrives. I'm Kate De Young. And I'm Sam Morris. Let's dive in. Good afternoon everyone, and welcome back to the Thriving Business Podcast. This is our first episode for 2026, and I'm very, very excited to have a very special guest with me today.

Donna West from Donna's Balcony Views. Hi Donna. Hi, Kate. It's lovely. Lovely to be here. Thank you for inviting me. Yeah. And I've wanted to talk to you for a while, ever since I met you actually, and do a deep dive into your work, which is,  life quakes. And I think you came up with that term, is that right?

Uh, I did, I've read the term somewhere else and, but I, when I, it really resonated with me. When I read it, I was like, wow, that's exactly what I'm going through. And it's quite a, I think it's a good word to describe, sort of going through an unexpected mm-hmm. Sort of a sudden and unexpected traumatic life event.

Really life changing event. Yeah. Yeah. So you, support others to survive a life quake. You're a founder, a mentor, a researcher, a writer, a speaker, and a co-host of the Double D'S Discovery Diaries podcast. And an expert in resilience. And, uh, your latest podcast episode you were saying was interviewing a Holocaust survivor.

Yes. It was really interesting because we had a, a previous guest, who, uh, Lawrence Brown. So he lived in the northwest of Western Australia, in the sixties and seventies. Mm-hmm. And he had a very popular episode on our podcast. Mm-hmm. And, uh, he was 89 when we interviewed him. Wow. And he invited.

Me and my husband over to Adelaide for his 90th birthday. Wow. Where he went, where he went skydiving. And at that birthday party I met Andrew Steiner, who, was 92 and had, been in Hungary during World War ii, and in a Jewish family. And he really wanted to,  be interviewed, because he felt that there's a lot of things going on in the world.

At the moment where some of the lessons of the Holocaust and how it all started and unfolded could really, are really relevant today. Yes. So yes, that's been forgotten. The new generation does not remember no. Or had not experienced how these things evolve. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he's got a theory, the power of one.

Everyone has a power of one, so every person has the ability to do something for the good or something for evil. And, and he spoke about, there was one day where there was a, a bomb alert. And, everyone was going to this bunker, which was underneath part of the city, and everyone was racing in there.

And he wasn't allowed to go in because he had, he had,  the Jewish, they all had to wear a Jewish star of David. Yeah, yeah. And another person, and who wasn't Jewish, stood up for him and said, no, this is my friend and he is coming in here and Wow. Wouldn't let the guard keep him out. Wow. And he said his life was probably saved by that.

So individually we can, sometimes we feel like we can't do anything, because these world forces are so much stronger, but individually we can make a difference. Isn't it crazy that 92 years later he is telling the story of that one decision by one person to save his life? Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. So that's episode 27, of our, I'm gonna have to go have a listen to that.

It sounds amazing and I was just thinking recently, I wonder if there are any Holocaust survivors still around, but  yeah, there are. Yes. Well, he, he's, uh, he lives in Adelaide and he's actually formed, his life's mission project is to open up the Holocaust Museum in Adelaide. Mm. And so he, there's a number of, there's a few people that are still, alive in Adelaide that have shared their stories in the museum, and he, and he's one of them as well.

We need to extract all those stories while we can, don't we? While there's still a few around that remember it. Yeah. And to remind everyone about the crazy stuff that's happening now. Yes. Yeah. Well, fascinating. And talking about life quakes, the Holocaust was one massive life quake for everyone involved, wasn't it?

And  well, especially the victims. But,  Donna, you were drawn to do this work because of your own life quake. Yes. Yes. And yeah, if you wouldn't mind giving us a little overview of what, what that meant for you and how that unfolded. Yeah. So I sort of say there's a trilogy,  in my story of my workplace related life quake.

So part one,  was. In, uh, late 2021. Mm-hmm. Uh, so I was in a, worked in a government department in quite a senior position. Mm.  and I was dragged into a,  corruption and crime commission case. Mm-hmm. in late 2021. And when I had to go to this hearing,  it was, and I was accused of all those things.

I was just. I went into complete utter shock. Mm-hmm. I was, and as I was being questioned, I came to realize that a group of people I worked with were involved in, in coming up with these allegations and to say the betrayal, the shock, the devastation. and that was really when I, I really hit rock bottom.

But just to clarify, those allegations against you were to cover up something that they had been involved. Were you the scapegoat? No. No, not at that point. That was, that was. You know, accusations that they had come up with. But I knew when I was being questioned that there was, that just none of it was true at all.

Mm and so, but it was very, very traumatic. And when you go to the Corruption and Crime Commission, they tell you that if you speak to anyone about this, you'll be put in jail immediately. Wow. And so you're very isolated. I couldn't even,  talk to my doctor at the time. Oh wow. And then was able to get special medical professionals are included in that.

Yes, that's right. And um. Eventually I was able to get special permission and exemption to be able to talk to my doctor. But it's very isolating, very frightening. But so your husband didn't know any of this at the time? He, he knew a little bit 'cause he was there when they arrived at the front door, so he was good.

But so after that came to your home. Yes. Yes. Yes, they did. They did. Who? The crime, corruption Crime Commission. Yes. The Corruption and Crime Commission, which is in itself very intrusive, isn't it? That they come to you. It, it, it is really frightening and I think it's sort of, the system is set up for it to be frightening.

But the problem is if you've, if you've done something wrong, u like there was. A public servant who, you know, stole around $24 million and is in prison at the moment. So he knew, he knew when they came for him what he'd done. Yeah. And so, but if you actually haven't done anything and you've just been inadvertently dragged into it, uh, it is extremely frightening and extremely traumatic.

Mm-hmm. Um, and it took a really long time for me to recover from that, and I sort of. Really had to look for tools and strategies, um, and, and seek support. But nine months later, um, we got a letter, um, saying that the, the case was no longer confidential and there was no report done, which essentially suggests that no one had actually done anything wrong.

So. That was, that was, that was the end of life quake number one. And I thought that that was the end of it. And what was the motivation of the colleagues to, to make these allegations against you? Do, do you think? Uh, look, I'm not, I'm not sure. Um, I'm not sure. I, I, I don't think it was completely, uh, all malice.

I think there's some systemic issues, right? Um. They, they say, you know, often you think things are malice and it's incompetence and it's systemic issues. So I think all of those factors played a part. Mm. Um, but the impact of the people involved in the case, so there was, I think there was four or five of us involved, was very, very traumatic.

Mm. Um. So after, after we were able to talk about it and then we uncovered more about what had happened, I thought that was it. And then I got dragged into an internal departmental investigation about exactly the same issues. Mm-hmm. Um, and I thought that would be almost a formality at the beginning because, um, it was very clear cut and I was able to demonstrate I hadn't done anything wrong.

Mm-hmm. But, um. Yeah, af, so that was in November, 2022. And then. In April, 2023, I found I was suspended from work on full pay. So had you been working, had you been working through this time when of quite Yes. I had, I had, and, and at that point I'd been working in the department for about 25 years. Mm. So, um, I started there as a graduate.

So, um, yeah, all this is your life career. Yeah. Yeah. And I was sort of known as a very hard worker and, and, and things like that. And I've since found out that sometimes, um, being a hard worker can make you a target as well. Um, so, so yeah, so, and then once I got suspended from work, um, that was kind of my second life quake and defending myself again and getting a team of lawyers and things like that.

And, but. I was really determined not to give up because I knew I hadn't done anything wrong. Mm-hmm. Um, and so I ended up being suspended from work for a total of, um, 809 days. So that was well over, over two years. Yeah. Almost. Oh yeah. Two and a half. Yeah. So I was basically not allowed to work isolated from other workplace.

Um. For, uh, yeah, five, well over two years. And then my name was finally cleared in June, 2025. Mm-hmm. Unfortunately, so just six months ago, unfortunately, it was, it would, it was untenable for me to, for me to go back Oh, yeah. After all of that. So, yeah. Yeah. No. Talk about PTSD or, you know, going back into the workplace where, where it all happened.

Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. And so that, and so that was the second part, um, was being suspended and having to fight to, to have your innocence proven. Yes, that's right. That's right. Yeah. And, uh, sort of the third piece, which hasn't really begun yet is, um, you know, why did all this occur and seeking some justice?

So I'm not sure when that's gonna happen, but, uh, we'll just have to wait and see. Yeah. And is that a, a personal quest that you want to pursue because you're seeking to understand what happened and make sense of everything? Yeah, just my, um, I mean, I have, I have kind of uncovered quite a lot about why it did occur.

Okay. Um, but. But none of that sort of come out, come to light just at the moment. So are you hoping to make that, um, public knowledge or, or just um, uh, I think there's still a lot to, a lot that it's, put it this way, it's a work in progress. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the goal there for you is to help change the.

The system that created these problems, or is that what's Um, well, I think it's justice for me personally because I had, um, I, I had a very significant legal costs and, um, quite a lot of medical costs as well because, um, obviously mm-hmm. I was, um, referred to a psychiatrist to kind of get through the stress pressure.

Mm-hmm. Uh, and then, and then also there's other people that have been targeted as well. Um, so it's sort of justice for all of us. Right. And then, and then just to, yeah. To, to, for some of these issues to be really, really looked at closely, um, to avoid anything like this happening again to other people.

Yeah. Got it. So potentially compensation as well for the last three, four years. It's a four year. Process from beginning to end. Yeah. So the first, um, yeah, the first bit sort of started in late 2021. Yeah. So yeah. Now I actually did think, um, I thought about New Year, this year thinking, yeah, it's been five years.

It's five New years ago since I wasn't dealing with, um. Having to defend myself and clear my name and things like that. So, which is like 10% of your life, isn't it? Or it's a big chunk, a big chunk of time in your life? Yeah, I think the biggest thing, um, that's been something I've had to develop because I was, this was one of my weaknesses before, is patience.

Um, and so much, uh, out of my control. Um, especially the timeframes and things like that. So I've just really had to become a lot more patient and which I think is a positive overall because I was probably someone who got quite frustrated and always wanted to get things done fast before. Yeah, yeah. This is possibly not the way you wanted to develop patients, but yeah, it's a positive side effect.

That's it. Um, yeah, and so. You've since gone on to sort of explore the, the concept of life quakes and how this affects people. And, um, the reason I wanted to get you on the, on our show was for small business owners who might be going through a life quake and meaning a big traumatic event or, um, or life changing event that you kind of have to keep soldiering on and putting up the mask of.

I'm fine. And, but behind the scenes everything's, you know, you're dealing with, with a life quake. Yeah. Um, I I sort of say, um, say these life quakes a little bit like a, like a real earthquake in that there's kind of a Richter scale. Yeah. And there's certain things that are, you know, like for example the suicide of a loved one or, or something like that.

And then it's just destroys your entire world and there's no way you can keep going. That's right. And then other times. Other things will happen and it still can be difficult, but you can keep going in a way. Um, yeah, yeah. Interest Richter scale. Yeah. So it's, yeah. Yeah. Different scale. So you've got, you'd have suicide at the top, which is like a 10 on the Richter scale, right?

Huge earthquake. And like you say, un. Then there's just devastation. Um, you can't actually move on at that point. Everything gets, um, put on hold while you deal with the, the aftermath. But, um, yeah, it's like I was talking to a counselor, um, this week and he says, I call trauma, he said is a, it's, it's a sliding scale as well.

And he said, you've got big teas and little teas. Mm mm. And, but sometimes people underestimate the little teas or um, or the cumulative effect of lots of little traumas. Yes, exactly. But it's all trauma at the end of the day, and I guess you are sort of talking a life quake is a significant traumatic event that happens.

Um, and, you know, um, what are some other examples of, of trauma, uh, you know, life quakes that you've experienced, obviously when you've interviewed the Holocaust survivor? That's a, an obvious one. Yeah. Yeah. I think, I think it's been really interesting on the podcast. I've also, um, was holding some, uh, workshops last year and, but sort of by Providence.

Um, one of the workshops all of the participants were, um, had been recently been through cancer treatment. Mm-hmm. And so that, that was really interesting and I actually learned a lot myself, um, listening to what they were all saying because it was one of those things where I think, um, you know, beforehand they maybe thought we've got this treatment and then we'll be, we'll be fine and life will go back to normal.

Yeah. And I think the reality was that, um, you know, that's not the case and it, it takes a long time to recover and, and then you've got a lot of other. Kind of medical appointments and ongoing, um, medications and just energy management and just so many, many things. Um, mm-hmm. So that, that was really good.

Um, and I think one of the big takeaways for me was, you know, the, the need to be in, get some support. Yeah. And ideally, um, it's, it's great to have support from people that have. Either going through the same thing as you or have been Yeah. Through where they've got the empathy and understanding. Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.

Definitely. And there's, you know, there's lots of, lots of other things. There's obviously, with my own personal story, there's been a lot of people that have approached me who've had workplace related. Things going on, like bullying or being targeted. Mm-hmm. Um, yeah, there's like suicides. Um, yeah, a lot, a lot of, a lot of different things that people, people go through.

I mean, I think everyone in their life, especially the older you are, there's gonna be something that happens. Um, yeah. And I think that you were saying also the definition of a life quake is it's unexpected. It comes from nowhere and it creates this shock that you were talking about. So there's that process of dealing with the shock and then.

Um, you know, yeah. So you were, you were explaining before, um, about the different sort of stages of moving through a life quake. Can you, you mentioned survival mode is the first port of call. Yeah. This, these were kind of, um, just through my own experiences, um, of going through this kind of thing twice and.

Yeah, I, I call it kind of survival mode. Um, you know, when I first, after I went to the Corruption and Crime Commission the first time, I mean, I wasn't, I was an absolute wreck. Mm. And I was actually struggling to get outta bed. Um, so from that point of view, you know, those first week or two was, you know.

Getting myself out, out, out of bed. Yeah. And I, I, um, there was a coffee van, um, about a kilometer from my house. So I would get up and say, right, I'm gonna walk to the coffee van. And that was my main goal. My main goal. But I know people, I mean, I haven't experienced myself losing like someone to suicide or something, but I think they survival mode.

Can really go, you know, take months or years, um, yeah. Depending on what's happened to you. So, yeah. Yeah. It was taken when you were talking about the, I mean, my most recent life quote is the divorce and Oh, that's why I was curious to talk about you, uh, sorry. Talk with you about, um, the, the lasting impacts that something like that can have.

Um, but as you were talking about not being able to get outta bed, it took me back to my first. Miscarriage, um, at 12 weeks losing a pregnancy. We went in for the 12 week scan, hope, you know, thinking we could finally tell everybody. And then the baby was lifeless and the shock of that. And then, and that, yeah.

Not being able to actually just get out of bed. Yeah. And just not wanting to even wake up, you know, those sort of, um, yeah, yeah. Traumatic events and that, um, yeah, that would must. Been really so difficult. Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. And, and they, and I couldn't talk about it for year. I mean, I still feel the emotion rising now, but um, yes.

Yeah, I think so. There's obviously, um, once you get through that survival period, which is just stra any strategies like you say, that can help you get through the day, the sole focus at that time is getting through the day, right? Yeah. Yeah. And I think, um, you know. Just one little step at a time, you know?

Um, and, and just realizing these things are really big events in your life and you just can't, you, you just can't carry on, as you mentioned. Yeah. And I think that the, it'd be interesting. It was probably the same for you. Um. After that miscarriage, I, the first, um, we ended up having two, but the first one I did what I'd always done, which is put the mask on, go back to work, I'm fine.

And like nobody knew, it was just my secret that I was carrying or burden that I was carrying. And. And then, yeah, you rock up to work, do your job, and then you're really, really struggling behind the scenes. But, but you have, for some reason, you feel, you still feel you have to maintain this facade. And then it happened again about six months later.

And that time I couldn't even must have the energy to put the mask on anymore. So I'm just done now. I can't even pretend to be okay anymore, you know? Oh gosh. Yeah. Um, yeah, so it's interesting. Um. Just on, just on miscarriages, um, we, um, interviewed someone on our podcast. Mm-hmm. Um, this woman called Sarah, and she, um, her baby was born, but died after 90 minutes.

Oh, I cannot imagine. Yeah. Yeah. And it, it, it was so insightful because, you know, she just talked about, um, how it's not really something that's discussed. Mm-hmm. And then she'd met a lot of people with miscarriages as well since, and she said that people just don't talk to her. Yeah. Weren't talking to her, her about her baby, and they were talking about everything else except for the most important, the one thing she needed help with.

Yeah. Yeah. And she said she thought it was because people didn't wanna upset her. Yeah. She said, I'm thinking about it 24 7. Anyway, um, and so I think that was a really important message, um, just for listeners to, to hear how important it is to talk, to acknowledge it, and you might feel, you know, and you can just say, I don't know what to say, but I just wanna acknowledge that.

I'm so sorry for what happened and I, yeah. Yeah. Just it is the elephant in the room, isn't it? And by people not acknowledging this elephant, it's, it makes it harder for the person dealing with the, the trauma. Yeah. I don't know how you felt, Kate, but did you sort of looking back, think that it was better when you kind of shared the news or better when Yeah.

Um, yes. The first time I fell pregnant, um. We did what most people do. You keep it secret and um, you know, the 12 week scan is meant to be the time when you can, you know, celebrate. And because we, um, went through that experience, I. I at that point had to tell friends and family. 'cause I was just so devastated I couldn't go turn up to events, so I couldn't, you know, just, yeah.

Um, and so then you think, why did I keep it a secret? 'cause now I'm telling everyone anyway, and it's bad news. Do you know what it, it's, yeah, it's, um, you think, why do we, and, and so why do we hold it a, a secret and then. It really, I had ended up telling them out of necessity more than, and you know, more than, yeah.

I mean, I didn't tell everyone, obviously, but most people I don't think work even knew, actually looking back, I don't think I told them what had happened. Mm-hmm. Um, yeah, because there's that balance. This was, you know, 15 years ago, there's that balance between wanting to. Keep your job and, and, um, them to think that you're still functional and all because it's your livelihood versus Yeah.

Them, especially in the engineering world, if you show that kind of weakness, you might be a risk to their chain of, you know, productivity or whatever. So, do you know what I mean? I was, I was scared about losing my job, I suppose. But yeah, the second time round we told everyone that we're pregnant again, and then, um, we just.

I needed that moral support during that 12 weeks try trying to get through. But then the same thing happened again. But, um, I have two healthy boys now, so I'm so extremely grateful, you know, but definitely talking with people about it. Um. Um, release the burden somewhat. You've gotta have people empathetic, loving, kind people in your corner.

Would you say like that just makes it difference? Oh, definitely. I mean, the support, um, is just so, so crucial. And that's why this whole secrecy of the corruption and crime commission, um, yes, because you can't talk. No. Um, it's. It's a massive, um, issue to do with, I believe, to do with mental health. So I've actually been discussing with a professor, um, from the University of Western Australia about looking into it with a more formal study.

Okay. Um, because, you know, potentially they may not realize the mental health impacts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And how devastating it is not to be able to discuss it. Um, that whole process sounded brutal. Like you're, you're isolated, which is a number one, you know, difficult for mental health, and then you're, you're not allowed to speak or process or.

Talk about what you're going through, which is how we heal or, you know, process stuff so that you're isolated and you're not allowed to talk. That's extremely damaging, isn't it, for someone. Yeah. It, it, it does have big, big impacts and I think I can understand why they've got those rules in place because if something is going on, they don't want them people to go around and warn other people and things like that.

But I, I don't, I'm not sure they've really considered the unintended. Devastating consequences, especially on people that haven't actually done anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, logically it makes sense that that process should take place, but from a humane perspective, doesn't seem very humane at all.

Doesn't, yeah. They've gotta somehow balance that out. Yeah. I think also. Just, um, sort of seeing people and being involved with this. The ones that have kind of bottled it up and haven't really spoken about it, I'm not sure that is necessarily the best strategy. In the longer term. No, because, um, it's still there.

The trauma's still there. It's just bottled up and it's. It'll come out. I sort feel like it'll come out at some point. Yeah. I always think of it as like a, a balloon that you try and push underwater. You know, the, the deeper you push it, the with more force it comes out, you know, or, or a beach ball or something that you push down and Yeah.

If you keep trying to push it further, the further down you push it with the more force it comes back with. Right. And, yeah. Yeah. And if I, I think also if you don't have, um, you know, a, a lot of people don't have close friends or family Mm. Then, you know, get. I would sort of suggest getting that professional help.

Like my doctor was just so amazing and Right. Um, you know, and then she got me onto the psychiatrist. But even just tiring lawyers, um, you know, it means that someone's in your corner as well. Yeah. And on in terms of strategies, well, firstly the, the impact. So, um, you and I, we were talking before the show, I was saying how, you know, my recent, um, divorce, the, the rip, the after effects of that have taken what much longer than I ever anticipated.

And that, I'm sure that's something you see in common in life quakes, like with the cancer patients and so on. It's not, oh, we go and get treatment and then, you know, we, we've. We are better Again, it's like there's a whole shift in identity. There's a whole shift in your life philosophy. There's a whole, everything shifts in a life quake, right?

Like you say, it's this big, everything trembles and, and, and there's like this shift and, um, how, and then what I've struggled with aft after coming out of that is, well, who am I now? And, and, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um. Yeah. And also just the grieving process was, um, you know, I, I finally. Um, you know, we've been physically separated two years now, but I finally moved into my new apartment a year ago, and so that was sort of the end of financial untangling and, um, and so, and dealing with all the logistical stuff that comes with untangling two lives for 25 years.

And then got into my house thought, oh, I'm gonna have a housewarming party. And then the grief just hit and. And yeah. And then I was out for about three months. I could barely, again, I felt like I was in survival mode. I could barely get outta bed. I could barely function. And so it sounds like it goes in waves, right?

Any recovery from a And I think, I think, um, is it. A couple of things, like one in particular, um, that I've sort of noticed with people is just realizing how, how long these things can take and, and the impact, the extent of Yeah. And, and there will be ups and downs. And I think generally I'm in a good place at the moment, but every now and again, I feel this grief because my career's being destroyed.

You know, I love my job. I was there for 25 years. Yeah. You miss the people or you miss the projects or, or, yeah. And you're grieving. What was your vision of the future and, yeah, exactly. And I think it's, it's, I think it's important to realize that that's completely normal. And of course you're gonna grieve because this huge, there's been this massive change and it's not gonna ever come back.

So I think, you know, just sort of sit with the grief and think mm-hmm. Well, yeah, I'm gonna be sad for a while, or, um. You know, and, and the other thing I find is people, um, can be very, very hard on themselves. Um, sometimes they sort of say, oh, you know, they, they almost chastises themselves, you why I over this yet and I should be recovered by now, and things like that.

Yeah. But that's where I sort of suggest that, um, you know, how would you treat your best friend? If your best friend was going through what you are going through? I'm sure you wouldn't be saying to your best friend. You know, snap out of it. Get, get your acting into gear by now. Your whole life's been tipped upside down, but just get on with things.

Yeah. Um, but yeah, I, I do, I do really find that, um, we're all can be very hard on ourselves. Mm-hmm. And that sounds like something you developed out of your, you said before the life quake, you were very driven, task oriented, get stuff done. You didn't have a lot of patience. And now, yes, you, it sounds like you've got a level of self-compassion because these waves of grief do come and you're, you're more giving yourself permission to actually process and work through those waves of, of grieving rather than.

Come on. Stop. Stop now. Get on with it and you've got work to do sort of thing. It, yeah. Yeah. That's right. That's right. And I mean, sometimes, you know, some days, you know, I do am very sort of like, right, let's get going on on these new things that, um, I'm doing. But then other days yeah, you just, it's, I think it's completely normal.

Um, yeah. That you do have up ups and downs and is, it is so it just comes out of the blue for you that you, you know, your mood might just shift and change and you're, it usually can be something unexpected. And I've heard a lot of people talk about this, um, on other podcasts and in books and things about, especially when they've lost their life partner.

Mm-hmm. Um, especially if they've died, um, you know, they might have had a week or two weeks where they're actually feeling quite good. Mm-hmm. And then they might say something in the supermarket. Mm. That triggers a memory. It it is, yeah. Is something they used to eat together or, or just brings back a memory and then they sort of almost feel like they're back to square one again.

Yeah. So it's, um, I think it's, everyone goes, goes through those different, different points. Yeah. Yeah. And what sort of strategies have helped you? You said medical support has been an absolute critical thing for you. Yeah. I just, um, so I think the friends and family, um, have been, um. Really important and especially the group that's also been targeted.

Um, 'cause we've all been got kind of gone through, I actually didn't realize there was more of you. I had a, uh, for some reason I thought it was they targeted you, but there, there's a, a few of you going through. Yeah, there was, I guess I was the person that kind of held on the, by far the longest. But, um, yeah, there was, there was been a number of people overall, um, probably up to nine or 10, um, who've been, so you all were, um, suspended from work.

No, no, no, no. Um, I was the only one who was, oh, there was one other person, but I was the only one that was suspended for such a long period. Right. Maybe that's the part that I thought was, yeah. And, and yeah. And that feels a bit like scapegoat is, or to me, that you were targeted as the one to be suspended, that they could say, well, this person's at fault, so they've now been suspended.

Yeah. I've just got, um, I've got a few theories on what. Why, why what happened occurred, but I may or may not be right. So not, but the others, have they experienced this quake to the extent that you have? Uh, I think, um, different people have experienced it differently. Like some people have been more open in speaking out, others haven't.

Um, but are they still working? Everyone? No. No. Everyone's left. The, pretty much, most people have left. Um. I mean, others have taken years to recover as well. Um, just, uh, yeah. Yeah. And when you're working with someone who's, um, been through a life quake, how do, how do you, like, what does that look like? Well, I think that it's, um, so because I was with, um, in my old job for 28 years, in the end I sort of, you see the life cycles of people.

Mm-hmm. Um, and I think sometimes people kind of look at things and they go, well, that person's not being very productive this month. Or, um, but I think when you look at the whole of the life cycle, like you think, well, hang on a sec, maybe something's going on in their life because, you know, a year ago. You know, great worker and everything.

Mm-hmm. You know, and I think about some of the people I've worked with, you know, they've gone. On the whole have always been fantastic workers, but then everyone goes through different stages of life. Like they might, um, have a child with an illness or, um, going through a divorce as you did, or an illness themselves or, and a lot of people have got to, um, take care of their aging parents.

Mm. And I think you've gotta take all those sorts of things into account because when you're going through that sort of stuff, you can't. Expect that becomes, that becomes such an important priority. Yeah. That you can't expect, or your focus and energy goes is being drawn. Something else. I think a workplace is the whole person.

Um. So, yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And, and there could be something going on at the workplace as well that might be impacting on them. Yeah. So, um, yeah. When someone comes to you and they've, they're going through a life quake, what's the, um, how do you help them move through that? A work through that? Yeah, just sort of a lot of it's, um, just someone to listen to.

Um, someone who understands and gets it. Yeah. Yeah. And often I find when people start talking about it, and I found this, I was on a panel, um, last weekend with two women from the US who had gone through similar sorts of things. That's, it's actually quite cathartic. And as you start talking and talking it through you, you.

You come to realization that, you know, the people that are talking are coming to realizations themselves. Mm-hmm. And I think it really, really helps. Um Mm. But when I was in, after I'd been suspended for about two months, so in mid-June 2023 mm-hmm. I just had this absolutely massive panic attack. Right.

And I had had a couple of them. In the interim, but I just woke up and I was just an absolute wreck. I was crying and crying uncontrollably and just really in a massive panic attack. And sort later that day, um, it was, it was sort of the end of the road. I was like, right. That that is it. I'm not letting these people impact on me in this way anymore.

Right. Turning point. Um, I said, you know, yeah, everything, everything is, um, outta my control. I can control my reaction Yeah. To it and to what they're doing. Um, and so I think at that, that week I sort of started training for a marathon 'cause I had had the time. And I also started, I do, um, a weekly newsletter about building resilience and, um, improving wellbeing.

And I, I started, I started it that week because. Pretty much for myself to, I thought if I'm start researching articles on how to help build myself up, then that would be, um, yeah, I need to sign up for your newsletter. So you do a weekly Yeah. Um, yeah. Weekly or fortnightly, but yeah. So, um, and other time it's grown to the, the amount of people that are receiving it.

Um, beautiful. And, um, these are resilience, um, conversations or thoughts and ideas that you have around resilience. Yeah, so usually I just, um, sort of say one thing that I've, one thing I've learned from experience, so something I've done that week, um, and then something from someone else. So either a podcast or a book or something that I've learn from another person.

Mm-hmm. Uh, and then I have something about the podcast, um, some of our guests on the podcast and then somebody else, um, I call it one view from a friend. So someone will contribute a story about what they. Do for their own wellbeing and their own resilience. And where can someone sign up for that? Um, uh, just on my, on my webpage on the right, donnas balcony views.com au Yeah, just on the homepage there's a, there's a sign up.

So Beautiful. And, um, we're almost at the end of our, our time together, but, um, so there's lots of ways Donna can help you if you're going through a life quake. So signing up for the newsletter would be one just to, um, get all those. Tips and tricks or in insights around building resilience And, um, it sounds like, um, purpose and meaning is something that's helped you get through.

So you said you signed up for a marathon, it gave you a goal to work towards, and then your absolutely weekly newsletter gives you something. Some structure to focus on every week. So you're, it's, that's, that's been a part. Yeah. I think, um, two other things that helped me enormously. One was getting outside and, and exercising every day.

Mm. That just helps so much. Yeah. Refreshing. And just the moving your body. Yeah. I think moving your body can really move your. Energy, um, mind and energy as well. Yeah. Uh, and the other thing was having a structure. So, you know, I sort of, you know, did, you know, running on one day and I actually set up a walking group, um, because all the people I'd usually hang out with were at work.

So I started off a walking group on a Tuesday morning, um, to meet some new people. And so I think it's really, it is good. I, I have found that people, especially going through workplace related mm-hmm. Ones which can be. Sort of quite, um, people feel a bit of shame and yes, they, they become very isolated.

But I wouldn't say, you know, keep, keep up your social side of things. Yeah. And learning new things. It's important I think, like you say, to find people who understand what you're going through. So you're walking group is what, you know, inviting people that are going through similar thing. 'cause it's similar with just on, on the divorce front.

Um. A lot of the friends of mine who are still happily married avoid the conversation with me or don't want to talk about, or it's just uncomfortable, you know? But the ones where I can really talk freely and deeply and genuinely are fellow divorcees, you know? And yeah. And now, yes, I, I've, I seem to keep attracting them everywhere because I find that with, um, people who've got cancer as well, like, you know, I mean, because no one else you find your people.

Yeah. No one else can help someone who's about to start cancer treatment and then someone who's already been, been through it. And, and that's sort of why I've, um, yeah, started sort of. Supporting and mentoring people because if, if my difficult experience can help other people, then absolutely. And I think there's a real niche there for workplace trauma that, um, for, for you.

Right. Um, like you said, you've been invited on this panel in the US. To talk specifically about that. Um, and it's such a, a widespread thing that often doesn't get talked about. So, um, yeah, I think it's a lot of stuff, um, with this is hidden, um, in the shadows partly 'cause people don't wanna talk about it.

Mm. They fear of backlash and then also a lot of people have, um, had to sign non-disclosure agreements as well. Yeah. And plus, it's your livelihood, isn't it? It's your, your salary, so you've gotta tread carefully and, um, yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Mm. Yeah. Yeah. So finding, finding your people is, is you're saying structure, getting outside in nature, moving your body.

Get, finding people who can understand and support you on the journey. They're all really good strategies and, and most of all, understanding that. The ripple effects of the earth or the aftershock, is that what they call it? With an earthquake? Yeah, the aftershocks and they can extend years, years and years beyond the effect, beyond the impact, um, and beyond the situation, I meant to say.

And then having compassion for yourself. That is perfectly normal. And I think you said allow yourself to feel the grief and, and, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I, I found it very useful writing as well. Um, just in a journal. I know not everyone, um, enjoys that, but that really helped me write at the beginning. Um, when I was at my worst, I would just write down three small things.

I was grateful for that day. That really helped because these life quakes are so all encompassing. Yeah. It's really hard to think about anything else. Yeah. And you forget to see the small wa wonders. Yeah. Yeah. But I was like, oh, hang on a sec. I've got, still got a fa loving family, loving friend. And, and it helps you to sort of see the perspective that this isn't.

This isn't the end of the world. It's, yeah, it's part, a big part of your life, but there's other things that you can be grateful for. Yeah. And you've got a beautiful husband that, um, he's been your rock through all of it. I under, as I understand. Uh, he is been, yeah, he's, yeah, he's been incredible. Um, him and my, um, my mom as well.

Um, my mom's been very, very supportive. Um, but yeah, just lots of, um. Good. I've been very, very lucky to have a lot of people supporting me behind the scenes, so. Oh, beautiful. Well, thank you so much for sharing your story with us and your work. And so if people wanna connect with you, there's um, the newsletter, there's your website, donna's balcony views.com au.

You've got the double Ds, um, diaries podcast. Um, if anyone's experienced a life quake, um, you can they reach out to you to potentially come on your podcast. Yeah, for sure, for sure. Um, yeah, just send me through, um, an email and, um, yeah, we we're always looking for, um, so far we've been mostly doing, um, in person recordings, right?

Um, so we've mostly done recordings. People based in Western Australia. Mm-hmm. Um, but yes, we've had all sorts of different people, um, who've gone on. So at pwa, oh, sorry, what were Yeah, yeah. I was just gonna say we had one man who, um, speaking of very traumatic life quakes, he was in the Boxing Day tsunami.

Oh. Uh, and it actually took him up to the, um, 20th anniversary, ah, um, which was last year before he felt ready to tell, to tell his story. It was a really powerful story, actually, literally. Proposed to his girlfriend while walking on the beach, um, in Sri Lanka. And then less than half an hour later, um, they were hit with the tsunami.

So Oh my goodness. Yeah, there's all sorts of different things that people go through in their lives and it's um, yeah, really great. It's a incredible survived that. Oh, absolutely. And so many people around them didn't. Um, so yeah, I think, um, and the other thing is if you're going through a life quake, you know you're not alone.

Yeah. Reach out to Don who can help you. I know. Well, just, I think you just, it's good to know that there's other people that are going through similar things, you know? Yeah. And it helps to talk about it and get the support you need, so. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you, Donna. It's been an absolute pleasure.

I appreciate you making time for us this morning and wishing you so much love and luck on your journey as you go forward. Thanks so much, Kate, and thank you for sharing some of your life quakes as well. Bye for now. Thanks for listening in. If you'd like to learn more about working with me, Sam, or Kate, you can find me@digitalsysters.com, and that's sisters spelled with a Y.

Or reach out to kate@katedejong.com, Have a great day.