The Imposter Syndrome | The Healthy High Achiever Series

In this episode, we look at the often-hidden and misunderstood struggle of imposter syndrome, a common experience among high achievers. 

We look at what imposter syndrome is, why high achievers are prone to it, and practical tools to help overcome it. 

Through compassion, reframing, and celebrating successes, we examine how you can begin shifting away from self-doubt and toward self-acceptance. 

I hope you see in this episode how common imposter syndrome is and how you can  embrace a kinder relationship with yourself as you overcome it.

Key Takeaways:

• Understanding Imposter Syndrome: Persistent self-doubt and feelings of being a “fraud” can lead to burnout and hinder genuine achievements.
• Root Causes: Perfectionism, comparison, and reliance on external validation often fuel imposter syndrome among high achievers.
• Practical Steps to Overcome Imposter Syndrome: Acknowledge it, reframe self-perceptions, embrace imperfection, seek support, and celebrate achievements.
• Self-Compassion: Meeting oneself with kindness is key to dismantling self-critical thoughts and embracing authentic success.

Chapters: 
00:00 - Introduction and gratitude to listeners
02:04 - Defining imposter syndrome and its impact on high achievers
02:58 - Common thoughts associated with imposter syndrome
03:55 - History of imposter syndrome and its relevance to high achievers
05:11 - Why high achievers are prone to imposter syndrome: perfectionism, comparison, and external validation
08:15 - Consequences of imposter syndrome: burnout, anxiety, strained relationships
11:40 - The importance of achieving from a place of wholeness vs. unworthiness
12:44 - Practical strategies to overcome imposter syndrome
13:33 - Reframing self-perceptions and challenging negative thoughts
14:13 - The role of cognitive exercises and keeping a success journal
16:02 - Embracing imperfection and seeking support
17:43 - Celebrating successes with enthusiasm
19:37 - The power of self-compassion and building a kinder relationship with oneself
23:51 - Encouragement to take steps to overcome imposter syndrome

Connect with Jerry:

• Website: jerryhenderson.org
• Instagram: @jerryahenderson
• Email: jerry@jerryhenderson.org

Be sure to subscribe and share this episode with someone who could benefit from understanding and managing imposter syndrom

I am grateful you are here,
Jerry

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Transcript

Jerry Henderson: 0:00

What that's going to do over time is it's going to allow your brain to see your successes and to stop dismissing them so much, and you're going to begin to shift away from seeing yourself as an imposter to seeing somebody who actually does accomplish things right. We're trying to interrupt that circuitry that kicks in and tells you all the reasons why what you did wasn't such a big deal and that you're actually not capable. Hello everybody, and welcome to another episode of the Permission to Love podcast. I am your host, jerry Henderson, and, as always, I am so grateful that you are here that you're taking time out of your schedule to invest in yourself by listening to this podcast. Now, in this episode, we're continuing our series on how to be a healthy high achiever, and in the last episode we talked about overcoming perfectionism, and in today's episode we're going to be talking about a very common and often hidden struggle that many high achievers face but rarely talk about the dreaded imposter syndrome. I didn't even know imposter syndrome was a thing until about six years ago, and even though I felt like an imposter syndrome, I didn't even know imposter syndrome was a thing until about six years ago, and even though I felt like an imposter. I never knew that there was a thing called this and I never knew it was something that people get diagnosed with, that there's language around it, that there's treatments that can be put in place to help with it. I felt like I was the only one dealing with it. I didn't know what it was and therefore I didn't know how to overcome it. So I'm hoping, in this episode, to shine some light on it and then give you some practical tools about how you can begin to overcome it, if it's something that you're struggling with. So let me kick this episode off with a few questions. Have you ever felt like your accomplishments are just luck? Do you feel like, at any moment now, somebody's going to figure out that you're not as capable as they think you are? Do you feel like a fraud? Do you feel like, no matter how much you accomplish, you can never feel like you're enough? Well, if you answered yes to those questions, this episode is for you, and I also want to let you know you're not alone.

Jerry Henderson: 2:04

Imposter syndrome, as I mentioned, is incredibly common among high achievers, and in this episode, we're going to explore what it is, why it happens and how we can begin to shift our relationship with it. Let's start by defining what is imposter syndrome? Well, imposter syndrome is the persistent feeling of being a fraud, despite evidence of your accomplishments, and this is why it plagues so many high achievers right and drives those unhealthy behaviors that lead to all those unhealthy symptoms that we've been talking about in this series. Because a person with imposter syndrome is never going to feel like their accomplishments are enough. Because in the background, they don't believe that they're enough and they believe that they're going to be found out as a fraud. So they got to keep stacking those wins, because as soon as they stop stacking the wins, they're afraid that people are going to see that they're not who they think they are.

Jerry Henderson: 2:58

So imposter syndrome is that nagging voice in your head that says you're really not good enough or you've just been lucky. I know I used to say that all the time. Right, that I'm an accidental leader. I was just in the right place at the right time. Now, while that can be true right, there's a lot of times when we just find ourselves in the right scenario at the right time. But here's the truth about that you can be in the right place at the right time, but you still have to have the skills to make the darn thing work. So if you've ever just told yourself that you're just lucky, I want to challenge that for you. You still had to show up, you still had to do work and you still had to put in the sweat, blood and tears to make something happen, because I know, as a high achiever, you've been doing that. So I want to remind you that it's not just luck. It's a combination of many factors. But with the imposter, you're always going to minimize yourself because you fundamentally feel that you're not enough.

Jerry Henderson: 3:55

Where did the term imposter syndrome come from? Well, it was first coined by psychologists Dr Pauline Klantz and Dr Suzanne Imes in the 1970s. They initially identified this imposter syndrome, or what they called at the time imposter phenomenon, in high-achieving women, and further research since that time has shown that imposter syndrome can affect anyone, regardless of gender, background or levels of success. And what's fascinating and interesting about imposter syndrome is that it often affects those who, objectively, are successful, the people you would point at and say man, that person is a success. They have a high likelihood of struggling with imposter syndrome, and this is especially true for the high achiever who's constantly setting those high standards for themselves and feeling like they might not reach them, and if they don't reach them, then they're going to be found out to be a fraud, and so they live in a constant state of anxiety around those achievements, which causes the perfectionism, the worry, the anxiety, the burnout, etc. So the imposter syndrome isn't something to be taken lightly. It's not just something that somebody feels like maybe I'm not as good at that as I could be. No, it's an feels like maybe I'm not as good at that as I could be. No, it's an underlying narrative and belief system that drives a lot of unhealthy behavior in high achievers.

Jerry Henderson: 5:11

So let's take a little bit of time and talk about why high achievers are so prone to imposter syndrome. Well, here's a few key reasons. We talked about one of them last week, which is perfectionism. High achievers are often setting these unrealistic high standards for themselves. They believe that anything less than perfect is a failure, which all that can feed these feelings of fraudulence when they inevitably fall short of their own expectations. Many high achievers who struggle with perfectionism are often setting themselves up for failure because that failure is aligning with the core belief that they have about themselves a core belief that's not true, but something that they carry and their actions are trying to reinforce that in their system.

Jerry Henderson: 5:54

Now, another reason that high achievers are so prone to imposter syndrome is because they get caught in the comparison trap all the time. They're constantly saying this person's doing that, I should be able to do that. What's wrong with me that I can't do that at that level? Well, here's the reality. Not everybody's wired the same. Not everybody has the same goals or needs, et cetera.

Jerry Henderson: 6:12

But the high achiever is always out there trying to compare themselves to others and they'll often think things like everybody else has it figured out, but me. Everybody else seems to be getting it right, but me. Now I just want to challenge that thinking right, because you don't know what somebody else is thinking, you don't know what's going on behind closed doors and you don't know what their struggle is. You're only seeing what they allow you to see and from that you're building a narrative and a story which is once again just trying to simply reinforce the way that you feel about yourself. And the good news is you can change that and you can let go of that, and part of the process of letting go of it is identifying and understanding that that's what's going on.

Jerry Henderson: 6:54

And here's the challenge with comparison trap, right, you're going to constantly feel like you're not measuring up, because even if you get to the same playing field in your mind quote, unquote playing field that somebody else is on, then all of a sudden you're going to be starting to look across the street and go who's another level up for me? And that's okay in some sense. Right, we want to keep pushing ourselves, we want to keep growing, but at some point we're setting the bar on ourselves, not for growth, okay, this is important. You're not raising the bar on yourself for growth. For growth okay, this is important. You're not raising the bar on yourself for growth. You're raising the bar to try to prove that you're not who you believe that you are.

Jerry Henderson: 7:33

And when achievements are rooted and grounded in overcoming a sense of unworthiness versus achieving from a place of wholeness, the energy's off. The treadmill just keeps on going and going and we don't see any way off of it. And then what's going to happen is, no matter how much you excel, no matter how much you achieve, you're still not going to feel like it's enough. And this is going to lead to that burnout. It's going to lead to you doing things that you're not even sure why you're doing them. So if there's anything that I can help with in helping high achievers, it's to let you know that you're enough without your achievements, that your identity does not have to be based in your achievements.

Jerry Henderson: 8:15

Now the third reason why high achievers are so prone to imposter syndrome is because many high achievers rely heavily on external validation and praise and rewards and promotions to feel like they're worthy. That if they don't hit certain things it means that they failed at the task. But then they take it one more step. They don't stop at saying that I didn't at the task, but then they take it one more step. They don't stop at saying that I didn't do the task well. They begin to internalize it and personalize it, and so a failure at a task becomes I'm a failure.

Jerry Henderson: 8:42

And of course the obvious challenge with this is it creates a very fragile sense of self-worth that can crumble in the absence of constant affirmation. I mean, we become addicted to it, we become dependent upon it, and I know firsthand about those feelings. If I didn't get those external validations, if I didn't get the awards, the promotions or whatever, it really began to affect my ego and then that drove me even more to try to prove myself, saying yes to things that I probably shouldn't have said yes to, and constantly raising saying yes to things that I probably shouldn't have said yes to, and constantly raising the bar on myself so that I can get that reward mechanism that others would say that I'm okay. And once again, remember, what we're looking for when we're trying to get other people to say we're okay is we're actually trying to get permission to tell ourselves that we're okay. Right, because we don't trust our own opinion, we don't trust our voice, and so if other people can tell us we're okay, then we can finally give ourselves the permission to say that we're okay.

Jerry Henderson: 9:39

And when the high achiever is living in that world right, they're going to have some pretty tough consequences to deal with emotionally, mentally and physically. That's going to impact not just their professional lives but also their personal life. Right? Because the relationships that we care about the most we're going to check out on, or we're always going to be there but not there, and we're going to sacrifice time with people that we really love and care about to try to prove ourselves to everybody else and, as a result, we wind up missing out on our entire lives and the research shows that when we live in that state right of chronic self-doubt or feeling like an imposter, it leads to that underlying sense of anxiety that spikes into panic attacks. It keeps us in stress mode and fight or flight, which then leads to things like workaholism, perfectionism, the things we've mentioned, this constant sense of a fear of failure.

Jerry Henderson: 10:31

No wonder the person who deals with imposter syndrome as a high achiever is always pretty darn dialed up, because they're in there, right, trying to manage the story, and then externally they're trying to manage the image and they're trying to keep up with all these things that they've created for themselves. And then ultimately, that's a recipe for burnout, not just burnout in the professional world, but burnout holistically, mentally, emotionally, physically, in our relationships, everywhere, and we begin to lose a sense of self. And then what can happen for many high achievers is they'll actually begin to shrink back from trying to achieve, from trying to take on those new exciting opportunities that once gave them so much life. Because they've created a world that they don't want to live, they're trying to manage that world and then they become so afraid of failure that they actually start trying to achieve in a comfort zone which for them isn't sustainable right, because for many high achievers they have this need or this drive, and I want to note that that can be healthy right To have the desire to achieve when it's rooted in healthy motivators. It's a beautiful, wonderful thing.

Jerry Henderson: 11:40

But what happens is when we begin to operate out of fear or the fear of failure and we begin to make our world smaller, we're not taking on and doing the things that naturally make us feel alive, like stretching ourselves and pushing ourselves and excelling in areas. Then we get into a double whammy situation. Not only are we driving ourselves to keep something together that we're not even really excited about anymore, but we're also beginning to lose out on the life-giving side of achievements, of success, of moving forward, and our world starts to constrict down to just trying to manage an image, a story, to manage our fears and to manage the achievements that are in more of an incremental space versus that space where we really feel like we're coming alive through some of those breakthrough achievements. So how do we manage and overcome imposter syndrome? Well, here's some quick strategies that I think can help you. Number one acknowledge and name it.

Jerry Henderson: 12:44

This was such a key part for me of overcoming imposter syndrome was to just realize it was a thing right, that it wasn't me who was uniquely broken. But this is a thing that many people struggle with. You are not alone in it. So simply knowing that it exists and naming it can take away its power. So when those feelings come up, remind yourself these feelings are common and they're not a reflection of your actual abilities. Because, remember once again, the person who deals with imposter syndrome is going to ignore all external evidence that they are capable, talented and good at what they do. Right. They're going to ignore all that and they're going to go internal and say that, no matter what's happening outside or no matter what other people say, what I feel about myself is more true than all that. So they get this bias to confirm how they feel about themselves and they push aside any evidence that says otherwise.

Jerry Henderson: 13:33

Now the second thing that can help is to reframe your thinking. Challenge those negative thoughts right that are associated with the imposter syndrome. Allow yourself to see the evidence that's there and realize that it's your nervous system that's causing you to reject the evidence. It's your core beliefs that are kicking in around the story that you have about yourself, and this is especially true for the high achiever, who's dealt with the aces that we've talked about in a previous episode. So what you can do is, instead of focusing in on what you don't know or you haven't done, continue to remind yourself of your accomplishments and the skills that you've developed.

Jerry Henderson: 14:13

You can do an exercise of actually writing this out. Cognitive behavioral exercises or techniques can be really helpful here, right? So what you can do is you can actually start to challenge those thoughts. Write out your achievements, write out the things that you've done, notice them and then begin to notice the story that starts to come up that's trying to dismiss those achievements, that's trying to say, oh, that was just luck, and here's the 10 reasons why it really wasn't successful or it really wasn't an achievement. And then begin to dig in to the story that begins to arise around those achievements and challenge those right. Challenge the story that starts to come up. Ask yourself how is that story serving you? How is it keeping you small? Where did that story originally come from?

Jerry Henderson: 15:02

And I think what you'll begin to find as you challenge those narratives, if you get them out on paper, you'll begin to see why those stories aren't true. I mean, how could it possibly be that one person could have a list of accomplishments and every single one of them have some story around them as to why it's not true, as to why it wasn't really an accomplishment, why it was just luck. I mean, would that make sense for anybody else? If somebody came to you with a list of their achievements and accomplishments, would you go through it and tell them all the reasons why it really wasn't true, why it was just luck, etc. So let me ask you this why are you doing that to yourself? It's obviously serving a core belief that you have about yourself. So become curious about that, with love, with compassion, with kindness, with gentleness. Begin to examine the story that comes up around your achievements and ask yourself how is it serving you, how is it keeping you safe?

Jerry Henderson: 16:02

Now the third thing that you can do as a high achiever to deal with imposter syndrome is to embrace imperfection. And if you need some help with that, go back to the last episode that we did before this one about how embracing imperfection can be liberating, that allowing ourselves to realize that perfection isn't possible and that imperfection is a more life-giving way to live. I think it'll help you in this space of allowing yourself to embrace imperfection. Now the fourth thing you can do is seek some help, seek some support and share your experience with people who have been where you're at, because what's going to happen in this is you're going to see that others have struggled with it, they've overcome it and you're going to be hopefully met with empathy if you choose the right person to connect with around this. And being met with empathy is a key part of beginning to overcome the imposter syndrome, because you're going to realize you're not the only one who's dealt with it.

Jerry Henderson: 17:01

And when you realize you're not the only one dealing with it, that in and of itself as we've talked about earlier is going to really deflate that feeling of being an imposter. Because what's going to happen is you work with somebody right, who you respect. You're going to say to yourself well, if they feel that way and I respect them and they've been able to accomplish so much and they've struggled with this, wow, I'm in good company and it's okay that I feel this way. I don't have to feel this way forever, but just knowing the people you respect and you trust and you love have also dealt with it. It helps reframe those biases that you have about yourself that you're the only one struggling with this.

Jerry Henderson: 17:43

Now, the fifth thing, as we've talked about before in other episodes, is celebrate your success, and I'm going to encourage you again celebrate your success with the same enthusiasm as you are in dismissing your success, because what we're doing here is we're rewiring our nervous system, and if you're really struggling with the imposter syndrome, you've probably gotten addicted to the feeling of beating yourself up, to discounting your achievements, because that's serving you and is probably acting as a motivator to keep trying to push yourself and keep trying to prove yourself, and all of that stuff are things that are wired in our nervous system. They become addictions, and so one of the ways that we can counteract that is celebrating our successes with the same enthusiasm, emotional connection and energy as we are in dismissing our achievements. And a key to this is to celebrate those achievements, no matter how small they might seem to you. Okay, because once again, we're retraining ourselves. We're rewiring ourselves. So, instead of shaming yourself for all the times that you haven't done it right and then all of a sudden, well, I did it this one time and I sure hope it lasts Instead of having that kind of language and energy, celebrate the heck out of yourself, allow yourself to sit in the wind, because that's going to start building a reward mechanism inside of you that's going to do, over time is it's going to allow your brain to see your successes and to stop dismissing them so much, and you're going to begin to shift away from seeing yourself as an imposter to seeing somebody who actually does accomplish things right.

Jerry Henderson: 19:37

We're trying to interrupt that circuitry that kicks in and tells you all the reasons why what you did wasn't such a big deal and that you're actually not capable. You need to be able to see that you're capable, and one of the ways that you do that is by celebrating it, giving yourself the permission to celebrate it, and in doing that celebration, it's activating a whole set of internal reactions inside of you. Right, your chemicals are beginning to change, there's new neural pathways that are beginning to get wired into your system and you're beginning to shift yourself away from the habit, the addiction to dismissing yourself, to allowing yourself to honor, respect and celebrate yourself. And one of the things you can do to help with this is keep a success journal, and in this journal you're writing down your wins and they can serve as a reminder of your progress and your competence, because you are competent, even though your brain's trying to tell you that you're not. And when you write down those successes, do like we've talked about before just allow them to be. Interrupt the circuitry that tries to get into telling you why you didn't really do something all that great. Write it down, connect with it emotionally, allow yourself to celebrate it and then let it be. Don't come in and tear it down with that story that you have about yourself.

Jerry Henderson: 20:57

Another thing you can do to help with imposter syndrome is to focus in on continuous learning. Remember that it's the journey, not the destination. Okay, because when we get focused in on the destination, we think we should already know everything or we should already be there. That's just going to set us back, and if we can shift our mindset away from thinking we have to have everything figured out as fast as possible. Two we're on a continuous learning journey, right? This can help take some of the pressure off of us to be perfect. We can relax in the fact that we don't have all the answers and it's okay to not have all the answers and we can become curious about learning for learning's sake versus learning to try to have to prove ourselves.

Jerry Henderson: 21:45

Now here's something that I really want to encourage you about. When we think about imposter syndrome, I want to invite you to have self-compassion, to look at the part of yourself that feels like an imposter and not see it as a flaw. To not see it as a part of you that's broken or a part of you that's weak, but to look at it as a part, once again, that's trying to keep you safe, that's trying to help you. So can you approach that part of you with curiosity and kindness, as we've talked about already in this episode. What would happen if you just reminded yourself that, when you feel that way, to be gentle with yourself, to acknowledge all the hard work you've done to embrace your worthiness to be okay, regardless of that external validation? I mean, what would happen if you'd look at the part of you that feels like an imposter and meet it with love, meet it with kindness, let it know that it's okay, acknowledge how tired that part of you must be and begin to build a loving relationship with the part of you that feels like an imposter.

Jerry Henderson: 22:53

Because as long as you're beating that part of you up, you're trying to push it away, you're trying to get rid of it, you're only going to agitate and aggravate that part of yourself and you're going to wind up feeling like even more of an imposter because you're judging you and you're telling yourself that there's something wrong with you, there's something broken, there's something bad, and that is often what's activating the feeling of being an imposter. So for many people who deal with the imposter syndrome, one of the things that's key in activating that is our relationship with ourselves. We have a part of us that's treating another part of us as an imposter. So no wonder we're in there all worked up about feeling like a fraud because we're calling ourselves a fraud all of the time. And so if you can change the energy that you have with yourself to love and acceptance and compassion, that can do as much to make progress in this area as anything that I know of.

Jerry Henderson: 23:51

So let me just encourage you that imposter syndrome is a challenge for many high achievers. Many high achievers face this, but it doesn't have to control your life. By acknowledging it, reframing your thoughts and practicing self-compassion, you can begin to quiet that inner critic and step fully into creating the life that you actually want to live Now. If you need help or you need resources on learning how to heal your relationship with yourself, to change the way that you talk to yourself, to allow yourself to meet yourself with compassion. I want to encourage you See the show notes in this episode, or you can go to my website at jerryhendersonorg.

Jerry Henderson: 24:32

You can find the resources that I have there and you can also learn more about my one-on-one coaching program, where I'll work with you to come to a place where you have a healthier relationship with yourself. Now, if you enjoyed today's episode, I want to encourage you, as I always do, share it with somebody, because if it's made a difference in your life, it'll make a difference in their life as well. And finally, I want to remind you, as always, that you are worthy of your own love.