How to Build Grit and Not Burn Out: The Secret to Sustainable Success

In this empowering episode, we explore the essential role of grit in personal mastery and growth. 

You’ll learn why grit is more than just pushing through — it’s about purpose, resilience, and sustained passion for your goals. We look at the practical, research-backed strategies to build grit in a way that’s healthy and sustainable, not self-destructive.

In the episode I also opens up about my own journey of perseverance through addiction, burnout, and self-doubt, and why high achievers often need a different kind of fuel to truly thrive. 

If you’ve ever felt like giving up, this episode is for you.

What You’ll Learn:

• Why grit outperforms talent, IQ, and even leadership potential
• How to develop grit sustainably (without burning out)
• The role of purpose and meaning in keeping you motivated
• How to reframe failure and use it as fuel
• The importance of relationships that reinforce perseverance
• How grit supports both healing and high performance
• Introduction to the Personal Mastery Framework

Resources & Links:

• 🎯 Apply for the Personal Mastery Coaching Program: jerryhenderson.org
• 🎧 Related Episode: Self-Love: The Root from Which Personal Mastery Grows
• 📩 Connect with Jerry: jerry@jerryhenderson.org
• 📱 Instagram: @jerryahenderson

Connect & Subscribe:
The podcast is transitioning to Personal Mastery with Jerry Henderson on May 5th. Subscribe now so you don’t miss an episode.

🕰️ Chapter Markers

00:00 - Introduction & Podcast Update
01:46 - What Is Grit (And Why It Matters)
03:53 - Michael Jordan and the Power of Perseverance
05:36 - Grit Outperforms Talent & IQ
07:06 - Trauma, Healing, and Finding Grit
10:22 - Introducing the Personal Mastery Framework
13:26 - Grit Turns Effort Into Achievement
14:12 - My Personal Story: From Struggle to Grit
16:30 - Building Grit: Step 1 - Connect to Your Purpose
19:41 - Building Grit: Step 2 - Deliberate Practice
23:37 - Building Grit: Step 3 - Adopt a Growth Mindset
27:18 - Building Grit: Step 4 - Embrace “Failure”
31:01 - Building Grit: Step 5 - Surround Yourself with Gritty People

I am grateful you are here,
Jerry

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Transcript

Jerry Henderson: 0:01

Hello everybody and welcome to this episode of the Permission to Love podcast. I'm your host, jerry Henderson, and, as always, I am so grateful that you're here today. Today we're going to be talking about grit. What is it, why is it important and how do you develop it. But before we get into that, I do want to remind you that as of May the 5th, this podcast is going to be changing its name from the Permission to Love podcast to Personal Mastery with Jerry Henderson. If you want more information about the transition, why we're doing it, what's going to be included in the new show, you can listen to last week's episode on self-love, the root from which personal mastery grows. I'm really excited about this transition. I feel like we've been building a foundation for two years about how to love ourselves, how to heal, how to overcome shame. Once again, none of that's going away. We're just expanding on that, because this podcast is about self-expansion. It's about having a healthy relationship with yourself, and one of the ways that we have a healthy relationship with ourselves is learning the art, the science, the psychology of personal mastery. Now, also as a reminder, if you've not yet subscribed to or followed this podcast yet, it's going to be really important that you do that, because the title of this podcast is going to change and all of a sudden, you're going to see a new thumbnail, you're going to see a new title if you're a subscriber, but if you're not a subscriber, you're not going to be able to find this podcast because it's going to be under a different name. So I want to encourage you, take the time to subscribe, to follow and also share this episode and others with people that you know who could benefit from it.

Jerry Henderson: 1:46

Now let's jump into today's topic, which is about grit. So let me start by asking you a question have you ever started something with total fire, full of energy, fully committed, but somewhere along the way, that fire started to flicker? Maybe it was burnout that was creeping in, maybe life hit you with some unexpected challenges, or maybe it was that quiet, gnawing feeling of doubt and you started asking yourself can I really keep going to have the energy for this? Can I sustain that? Well, if you've ever felt that, this episode's for you and we're going to talk about why that happens and how you can develop the needed grit to continue to perform, to heal or whatever it is that you're trying to do in your life so that you can sustain it, have the energy for it and continue to push forward towards creating the life that you want to live.

Jerry Henderson: 2:43

So what is grit? Well, psychologist Angela Duckworth, who literally wrote the book on this, defines grit as passion and perseverance for long-term goals. See, grit isn't about short-term bursts of motivation. It's not about simply having raw talent, and it's also not just about having resilience in the moment. Grit's about staying the course. It's about sticking with something for months, years, even decades, especially when progress feels slow and no one's clapping for you, nobody's cheering you on, nobody sees those times where you're having to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. But guess what Grit is about that? Pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, being able to go forward. Now I do want to be clear on something that this isn't just about gutting through life. This isn't just about grinding we're going to talk about that here in a little bit but it is about accessing a part of you, an energy within you that has a mix of raw determination, faith and support that helps you keep moving forward even when you don't feel like it.

Jerry Henderson: 3:53

And I'm going to mention the classic example of this, which is Michael Jordan. You know he was actually cut from his high school basketball team. I'll let that sink in for a minute but he kept on going day after day. Why? Because he was fueled. But he kept on going day after day. Why? Because he was fueled by something that kept him going this relentless need to get better, to practice. And he had this unstoppable drive that kept him going. That made him debatably, in my opinion, the greatest basketball player of all time. Up to this point Now, of course, michael Jordan had a lot of talent, but he also had a lot of grit, and his story wasn't simply about instant success or natural genius.

Jerry Henderson: 4:36

No, it was about grit. And here's something that I want you to remember throughout this episode Things like talent, things like determination, things like pure passion this episode, things like talent, things like determination, things like pure passion, motivation, et cetera those things might get you going, but guess what's going to keep you going? Grit. And so let's talk about why grit matters so much. Well, research shows and this is super fascinating to me that grit predicts success more reliably than IQ, natural ability or even leadership potential. One of the most famous studies on this took place at West Point Military Academy. Researchers found that the cadets who scored higher on grit outperformed their peers, even when those peers had higher physical fitness scores or academic achievements. And here's the reality Grit actually becomes the great equalizer. It bridges the gap between the goals that we have and reality. It is the key to manifesting the life that we want.

Jerry Henderson: 5:36

You know, I think about the book Think and Grow Rich. Now, a lot of people, when they think of that book, they think it's simply about positive mindset, visualization. Yes, there's a lot of truth in it being about those things, but the truth also is that it's very clear that Napoleon Hill talks about taking action, sustained action, staying at it until you see the desires that you have come to pass. So it's a combination, yes, of mindset and visualization, and determination and clarity. But here's the truth you can have all of that, but if you don't have grit, that stick-to-it-ness, then it doesn't matter what your visions and plans are, they're not going to come to pass.

Jerry Henderson: 6:18

And here's the thing and I said it earlier that grit can outperform all those other things that we think that we need in order to be successful. That stick-to-it-ness is what's going to get you through. So if you see yourself as somebody who doesn't have all of the things that you think somebody else has that made them successful, or the things that you think you have to have in order to be successful. I want to challenge your mindset around that, if you will put in the work, if you will stick at it, not give up on your dreams and not make the excuses that I don't have the intelligence, I don't come from wealth, I don't have the natural talent, I don't have the IQ or whatever that story is, those are just stories and grit can overcome your stories.

Jerry Henderson: 7:06

Now I realize that you might be listening to this podcast and you have a history of trauma and that trauma has maybe diminished some of your grit and for some of you, it actually increased your grit, right, that ability to push through and get through life regardless of what happened. But I want to tell you something right now. If you have a story of pain and if that story of pain has taken its toll on your nervous system and you feel exhausted story of pain and if that story of pain has taken its toll on your nervous system and you feel exhausted, burned out and you're in this constant state of fight or flight and you're just feeling like you're surviving, can I encourage you with something that grit can be your best friend. Grit can keep you pushing forward. Grit can keep you taking that next step to discover how you can heal, how you can transform your life. Grit, really, if anything, is about not giving up on us. So I want to encourage you today. Do not give up on you. Grit is the key that's going to help you get through. When you can't see the answers, when you can't see the future, when you don't know what's around the corner, when you're trying to talk yourself out of your journey, when you feel like it's hopeless and you're never going to get there. Grit is going to help you get through that. It's going to help you keep going even when you don't see the finish line.

Jerry Henderson: 8:22

And I know this is true. I absolutely know it's true why. I've seen it in my life. I've seen how perseverance and pushing through and continuing to learn and grow has been so transformative for me. I've seen it in the lives of my clients where they felt stuck. They didn't know how to move forward, but they just figured out how to take that next step. They got the help that they needed, the support that they needed. They decided that they were worth not giving up on that. They didn't want to give up on themselves because they knew deep down inside that they were worthy of a life that was better than the one that they had. They wanted to create something that made them feel alive.

Jerry Henderson: 8:59

And if that's you today and you're listening to this, you are worthy of a beautiful life. You're worthy of overcoming that story. You're worthy of those beautiful relationships. You're worthy of overcoming that story. You're worthy of those beautiful relationships. You're worthy of building that dream, that career. You're worthy of health. You're worthy of being able to be at peace with yourself and to live out a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside. Okay, I believe in you and I believe that the dreams that you have are important and that they are a part of who you are.

Jerry Henderson: 9:29

Believe that the dreams that you have are important and that they are a part of who you are, and the mere fact that you have them, that they're in your soul, that they're in your heart, it is telling me, and it should be telling you that, as an indicator, that it is possible for you to have that life. And it doesn't matter if you have any of the resources right now. It doesn't matter what past you came from. It doesn't matter if you have any of the resources right now. It doesn't matter what past you came from. It doesn't matter if you can't see the finish line. If you can access grit and you can make a decision to not give up on yourself. And I'm going to say it again this isn't about not giving up on your dreams. This is about not giving up on you. And if you feel like you're giving up on you and you feel like you can't figure out how to take that next step forward, I want to encourage you reach out, get help, get the things that you need, that you can have a partner so that you don't feel like you're having to do it alone.

Jerry Henderson: 10:22

I want to take a moment to talk to you about the new coaching framework that I've designed, called the Personal Mastery Framework. What is it? Well, I like to say it this way High performance coaching helps you succeed. Therapy helps you get healthy. This program does both. It's about you performing from a place of health. It's about doing the inner work so that you can create sustainable success, and aligning your outer world with your inner world. I like to say it's about helping you create a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside. You know, a lot of high performance coaching is simply about grinding success, etc. All good things, wonderful things.

Jerry Henderson: 11:04

I like success, you like success, we like successful relationships, successful businesses. We like our bank, you like success. We like successful relationships, successful businesses. We like our bank accounts to be successful. We love all of that right, but sometimes we've been chasing and trying to achieve and we get to those places and we find that we don't have any fulfillment, that it's lacked purpose, and so that's why I created the Personal Mastery Coaching Program because I want to help individuals get what I wish I would have had 10 years ago. I want to help individuals understand the motivators behind their achievements. I want to help them achieve more, but do it in a way that's sustainable, that doesn't lead to burnout or to recover from burnout. If you're experiencing that, I want people to understand that success and performance doesn't have to cost you your joy, your happiness, your relationship, your health.

Jerry Henderson: 11:52

The program is built on six pillars that are research-based, evidence-based, that have been developed as a part of my time at Harvard University. The first one is mindset, or the psychology of happiness and success. The second one, resilience, or the science of emotional mastery. The third one is about living present, or the art of living fully. Fourth one is about alignment how do you get the inside to match the outside and the outside to match the inside? That's where we get into strategy, work, vision, goals, habits, etc. The fifth one is around connection. How can you build meaningful relationships? Because the research is so clear, right, that if you had to choose one thing in order to increase your well-being, it's better relationships. How can you learn to develop healthier, more meaningful connections with other people? And also, starting with yourself, that connection, relationship that you have with yourself. And then, finally, learning how to live a life that's filled with purpose, meaning, legacy and service to others. And these six pillars have been shown time and time again through research to be such an important part of allowing us to live a life that we actually want to live, to create success and to sustain it. So, if you spend a lot of energy trying to master success, master achievement, master everything else in your life, but you haven't learned how to master yourself. Master achievement, master everything else in your life, but you haven't learned how to master yourself, how to build personal mastery self-mastery then I want to encourage you Go to my website at jerryhendersonorg and apply to be a part of the Personal Mastery Coaching Program, and I look forward to connecting with you and learning more about you.

Jerry Henderson: 13:26

I love what Angela Duckworth says about this. She says grit turns effort into achievement. And here's the thing about high achievers. High achievers aren't the ones who never fail, they're the ones who refuse to quit even when everybody else does.

Jerry Henderson: 13:44

I remember when I was in high school and I'd flunked the 10th grade two times you know I graduated pretty late I was getting kicked out of school every year from the 6th grade on. Super rebellious, dealing drugs in school, getting in fights with teachers. I mean chaotic childhood and chaotic years in school. So I just kept getting kicked out all the time because I was always getting in trouble, I was always causing some problem. And here's the thing I was watching everybody around me drop out of high school.

Jerry Henderson: 14:12

That was the crowd I was running with, but something inside of me said no, I don't want to drop out of high school, I want to finish this thing for some reason, and I don't know why that was there. Call it grace, call it God, call it the universe, but there was something inside of me that said don't give up on yourself. I mean, this was when I was addicted to drugs and had been in rehab at the age of 14 and had just this pathway that everybody said was going to end in death or in mental institution or in prison. But I felt like there was something inside of me that I just wasn't going to give up on myself. And you might be listening to this and you have every bit of evidence in your life that you're not going to be able to be successful. But here's the thing Grit doesn't see all of that. Grit says you know what? I feel something inside of me and I'm going to keep taking the next step, even when it doesn't make sense.

Jerry Henderson: 15:04

It didn't make sense for me to not drop out of school. I mean, I was flunking out all of the time and I thought, man, what am I going to be? A perpetual 10th grader Wound up graduating when I was almost 20 years old. But I stuck at it because something inside me was calling me to more. And if you're listening to this podcast, something inside of you is calling you to more because you're listening to this podcast. You wouldn't be here if you didn't have that sense of wanting to change and expecting a life that is better than the one that you have right now.

Jerry Henderson: 15:34

And let me tell you something taking that next step, finding that grid, finding the way to pull up by your bootstraps and move forward, is what's going to get you there, and it's not going to happen overnight, right, because life is for the long haul. Goals are big and the path towards it is rarely smooth. But I want to tell you something you are worthy of not giving up on yourself. Let me say it again you are worthy of not giving up on yourself. You are worthy of building a future that is a future filled with blessings, filled with abundance. And if nobody else has ever told you, I'm telling you today I believe in you and I believe that you're worthy of a life that is full of abundance, love, purpose and meaning.

Jerry Henderson: 16:30

So now let's start talking about how do you build grit, how do you build it sustainably, powerfully and intentionally? Well, let's get super practical. Number one connect to your purpose. I just got done talking quite a bit about the fact that you matter, that you have purpose, and guess what? Grit is fueled by meaning. Ask yourself right now and ask yourself regularly what matters to you and why does it matter to you? You see, part of what I do in coaching is helping people align their lives to what actually matters to them.

Jerry Henderson: 17:12

You know, often people are building lives that they're not even sure they really want, or they're building lives because of the voices that somebody else told them on how they should live and what success is and all of those narratives. Right, that is not the way that we want to live, because it's not sustainable. We'll wind up burning out or we'll wind up with a lack of fulfillment. We'll feel disconnected from life and others because we're following a script that everybody told us that we're supposed to live that way. Listen, you have full permission, full agency, to reinvent your life at any time along your journey. I want to invite you right now, if you're living a life that you don't want to live, that doesn't resonate with you, can I invite you to take the brave step of asking yourself what truly matters to you? And then the next question why does it matter to you? Question why does it matter to you?

Jerry Henderson: 18:11

You see, viktor Frankl taught us right, that purpose and meaning gives us the strength to endure. If you're not familiar with Viktor Frankl, he wrote the best-selling book Man's Search for Meaning. He lived in a concentration camp and out of there he developed a therapeutic practice about how to find meaning in life and from that meaning, turn it into something that is purposeful. You see, when we have purpose, it lives beyond us. You see, purpose is one of the pillars, intentionally, of the personal mastery framework. Why? Because purpose is something beyond us, where life isn't just about us, it transcends us, and finding and connecting to your purpose allows life to show up a lot differently. It allows you to show up a lot differently in life, and grit takes its fuel from that sense of purpose, from that sense of meaning that says you know what? I'm going to continue on because I feel like I have a purpose, I have a reason, I have meaning, I have something inside of me that I want to contribute to this world, or something that I want to do, simply so that I'm the highest version of myself, so that I feel like I am bringing the best version of me to this planet, to my family, to the people around me. That sense that I feel like I am bringing the best version of me to this planet, to my family, to the people around me. That sense that I'm describing right now is going to be key in developing and maintaining grit in your life.

Jerry Henderson: 19:41

The second thing it's deliberate practice. Grit grows when you consistently show up. There's no substitute for this. It's getting back on the horse when you've fallen off for the tenth time. It's telling yourself to give it another try. It's about refining your craft and getting a little bit better. It's about 1% improvement to whatever you're putting your hand to. 1% improvement to whatever you're putting your hand to. And the reason this is important is because you're teaching your brain that you're going to keep at it. And that's how grit grows. That's how we develop it by showing ourselves, by taking those steps of faith, by believing that if we just keep showing up, god, the universe is going to meet us with our effort.

Jerry Henderson: 20:30

You see, you can't develop grit if you don't keep showing up. And that's the challenge with it, right? Because a lot of times we think that, well, I need the grit in order to show up. But it's like anything in life you show up and the grit and the grace meet you in your showing up. You know, a lot of times people want to get the self-confidence before they start the podcast or before they do the thing, whatever the thing is. No, it's not how it works. You do the thing and the self-confidence begins to get developed from you doing the thing, whatever the thing is. And it is that consistency, that showing up, that grit develops from. It is the fertilizer for the soil which, in grit, grows. And as we stick at those things, guess what happens? We begin to develop mastery. You see, when we think of people who have mastery in an area, you know why they mastered it, you know why they've gotten better at it. You know how you develop.

Jerry Henderson: 21:28

Personal mastery is because you keep showing up, you keep trying, you learn from the setbacks. You understand that your life is worth sticking at it and showing up one more time. You know it might just be that one more time that you show up that actually makes the breakthrough happen. And there's so many stories, right, of people saying I didn't give up, I took that next step and it was that next step where the breakthrough happened. Here's the challenge, right. We never know when that next step is, and many people give up right before the breakthrough, right before the moment where all of their effort is getting ready to catapult them into greatness, into the life that they want, into the relationship that they want, into the role, the business or whatever it is. Don't give up. Stay consistent, and as you're consistent, you'll develop mastery around whatever it is. You know Anders Ericsson. His research shows that mastery isn't magic, it's simply daily effort.

Jerry Henderson: 22:39

Okay, with that, now let's talk about the third thing that helps you develop grit, and it's this adopting a growth mindset. You know I talk about mindset a lot in this podcast because I believe it is so important. It is the lens that we see our entire world through. It is determining so much about your life. You know Carol Dweck, who I've mentioned before. Life. You know Carol Dweck, who I've mentioned before, her work reminds us that believing, just simply believing, you can improve your life, that things can get better, that you're not fixed with whatever circumstance, whatever IQ, whatever personality, whatever life has seemed to have given you. You're not stuck with that. If you think you're stuck with it, that's that fixed mindset. But all the research, all the evidence, says that you're not fixed. In that story, intelligence isn't fixed. Your brain can rewire itself.

Jerry Henderson: 23:37

Neuroplasticity teaches that we can change, we can improve, and the mere belief that we can do. That is what keeps us in the game. That we can do, that is what keeps us in the game. And it's that belief that we can change that helps grit continue to be fostered. Because when you attach that belief within the grit that causes you to take that next step, you start to see changes in your life. And when you start to see changes in your life, it fuels you even more. And even when you see the quote, unquote failure, you decide that you're going to keep going right Because just because you failed now doesn't mean you're going to fail in the future. You see, a fixed mindset says I failed at that business, or I failed that business twice, so I might as well give up because I can't do it. That's a fixed mindset. It says that the past is going to repeat itself, that I'm kind of trapped in this thing. A growth mindset says no, I can learn from those mistakes. I can learn from those past failures and make different decisions. Moving forward and allowing yourself to have that mindset keeps grit alive.

Jerry Henderson: 24:43

I think about myself when I was trying to get sober. It took me a number of times to get sober and I could have said to myself you know I'll. I was trying to get sober. It took me a number of times to get sober and I could have said to myself you know, I'll never be able to get sober, I'll just be drunk for all of my life. I'm doomed to this because my dad was an alcoholic and my grandmother was alcoholic and my grandfather on both sides were alcoholics. I mean, I could have gone down that story right, but instead something just kept pushing me to say maybe this time will be different, maybe this time I'll actually be able to get sober. And guess what? It was that one more time where I said you know what? I'm going to give it another shot. What else do I have to lose? And I was in a desperate situation right On the outside, as I've shared with you. It looked good, it looked okay, it looked like life was great, but on the inside I was falling apart and I was trying to escape myself and, as a result of that, I was drinking myself to death. And, yes, I could have given up. I could have just thrown my hat in and said this is my life. And I want to encourage you that if you're struggling with things like that, give it one more chance. Try one more time. This might be the time that you get sober. This might be the time that you change that behavior. This might be the time that you have the breakthrough you can change.

Jerry Henderson: 25:52

It doesn't matter if your parents were alcoholics. It doesn't matter if your parents were drug addicts. It doesn't matter what that generational curse or generational trauma was. When I say it doesn't matter, I'm not saying that it doesn't matter the impact that it's had on you. I'm not saying that the pain needs to be ignored or dismissed or undermined. I'm not saying any of that.

Jerry Henderson: 26:11

But what I'm saying is that those things do not have to determine your future. Those things are chapters in your story, but they are not the full story. Your full story has not been written yet, and having a growth mindset allows us to understand that we're in charge of the next chapter. We are in charge of how we respond to life, how we view ourselves, how we view other people, the decisions that we make. Now, of course, we can't control everything in life. Right, life shows up, things happen, but we're in full control of what happens inside of us and having that agency, that autonomy, that self-efficacy, the belief that internally, I can make a decision to view life through a growth mindset which says that I can change, my future's not fixed and a beautiful life is in front of me if I choose to see it that way and move towards it with that attitude. And see, having that attitude, it allows us to access and develop grit.

Jerry Henderson: 27:18

Now, the fourth thing that is important in developing grit is embracing quote-unquote failure. And I say quote-unquote because I don't think things are failure unless we decide that they're failure. You know, the only time it's failure is when we give up, when we quit, when we don't keep trying again. You see, failure isn't a stop sign. It's a stepping stone if we'll allow it to be, if we'll reframe mistakes as learning. You see, every great success story is built on setbacks. They all are. Everybody had them, everybody has them. You just don't get to see them. We don't like to publicly put them out there, we like to just tell the success part of it. But I'm telling you here as a person who's gone through a lot of this stuff there are a lot of setbacks that I've had, a lot of the clients that I've worked with, massive setbacks, and they figured out how to turn that failure into a story that they could use to learn from, to build on, to grow from.

Jerry Henderson: 28:15

And when we reframe it and we see that just because something didn't turn out the way that we wanted it to, just because the marriage didn't turn out the way that we thought it was going to, or the career or the health or whatever, it doesn't mean that we have to stay stuck there. Failure is never failure unless we decide to give up, to quit, to stop. Now let me encourage you with something Even if you've decided to quit, to give up, to stop, guess what? You can change that decision right now. You can make a different decision in this moment. You can decide right now that you're going to start moving forward, regardless of what's happening. And I'm not saying that's easy, that's hard.

Jerry Henderson: 28:59

And that's what that grit's about. It's about the belief that my previous chapters, as I said earlier, are not going to define my future chapters. My past pain is not going to become my only story in life. You feeling stuck right now. You don't have to stay stuck and I know there's a lot that goes on for many of us as trauma survivors in the nervous system and we have to do healing there. And that's a part of that grit to say I'm going to lean into the painful places. I'm going to heal. I'm not going to let that be my identity anymore. My identity is going to be one who has said I've overcome, I've learned how to move forward and I'm passing that on to other people. I now have a ministry, a purpose or a calling whatever word you want to use to take that pain. Do a work of alchemy with the grit and get in there and watch things transform.

Jerry Henderson: 29:58

Now let me be clear Once again when I'm saying grit, I'm not talking about beating the hell out of yourself. I'm not talking about being hard on yourself, diminishing yourself or judging yourself or beating yourself up to keep you moving forward. It's not about that. Okay, and if anything I've said has made you feel that way, it's not about that. Grit is rooted in self-compassion, self-love, self-acceptance, because those are the things that you tap into to allow yourself to see that you're worthy of a life that's different than the one that you have right now. That's why I talk about in this podcast that your relationship with yourself is the most important one, and we've set these foundations right and we're continuing to build off of them. So grit isn't about just trying to push yourself to the breaking point. No, it's about finding the energy inside of you from a place that knows your worth and then overcomes the obstacles to move you towards manifesting in your life what you believe that you're worthy of Now.

Jerry Henderson: 31:01

The fifth thing is surround yourself with gritty people, and so that might sound odd, you know, but you do. You need to surround yourself with people who have grit, because they're going to rub off on you, and environment matters. Whether we like it or not, environment matters. You know, nicholas Kratakis' research on this on social networks shows that behaviors like perseverance, joy, gratitude, they're contagious. They truly are. It's an energy field that we put around ourselves and then we put off to other people, and it's a contagious thing. And just like people who are negative can pull us down, people who are gritty can help motivate us to stay at it, to keep going. They act as encouragers. They act as champions, cheering us on. We want those type of people in our lives and, guess what? We also want to be those type of people in other people's lives.

Jerry Henderson: 31:59

So I encourage you look around your life right now, the people in it. Are they lifting you up? Are they encouraging you? Are they saying go for it. Are they believing in you? If they're not, I'd encourage you to find those type of people. I'd encourage you to find a coach or a therapist who can help you do that, who can champion you, who can walk alongside you in your growth, who can hold you accountable to the goals and the changes that you want to make, who can be a support system and a safe place for you to be you and to work out the things that are blocking you from having grit, and helping you develop it and live in it.

Jerry Henderson: 32:34

Now, if you do have people in your life that are gritty like that, I would encourage you to thank them. Take the time to let them know how much you appreciate them, what an encouragement they've been to you. Show them gratitude. Here's the thing if you want more of those relationships showing up in your life, gratitude's going to attract them. The things that we're grateful for are the things that we attract. So this week, take time to call them, text them or write them a letter, a handwritten letter. We don't do them anymore today, and that's what makes them so powerful. So take time today to encourage the person or the people, either in your past or in your present, who've helped you persevere. Those are important people and you want to keep them in your life and one of the ways you keep them in your life is letting them know how much you appreciate them.

Jerry Henderson: 33:21

Now, as we wrap this section of the podcast up, or this part of it up, I do want to just take a moment and get personal with you about something, because this whole idea of grit for me isn't just a theory. Early in my journey, as I've shared with so many of you, I made some pretty big mistakes. I pushed myself past the breaking point. I mean, I thought grit meant just pushing yourself harder, working longer hours, never stopping, and I burned out. And that burnout cost me a lot. It took me a long time to recover from it and I wore like a badge of honor the fact that I had tremendous work capacity, that I could get so much more done than other people could get done, and that I was answering the emails after hours and on the weekend and I was doing everything to the maximum.

Jerry Henderson: 34:10

And while I am still so wired to be an achiever, to be a high performer, I now realize that it's not about pushing yourself to the breaking point, it's not about grinding, hustling until you break Grit is not about those things. Okay, because what actually happens when you live like that, when you live that hustle, that grind, that constant, never resting and feeling like you got to be the one to outperform everybody else in the world that kind of life it actually drains grit, it doesn't build it, and if you're in that bucket, you're in that place of burning out. You know, trying to prove yourself, doing all the things that I described about myself and you think life is simply about grinding and you can't figure out how to get off that achievement treadmill. Can I encourage you about something? I know that there's a fear that's often associated with slowing down, of not pushing yourself, of not driving yourself, that you got to stay on top, you got to get ahead, you got to prove yourself. I get that, I really do.

Jerry Henderson: 35:10

But can I let you know something that you can get more done by changing your energy. You can get more done when you come from an energy that's filled with self-compassion, self-acceptance, that's performing and achieving as an expression of yourself, instead of trying to fix or to prove yourself. Listen, I'm just going to say it as loud and as clear as I can, and I work with clients like this all the time and I'm so grateful to be able to work with them and have them in my life and to go on this journey with them. And part of the work is reminding individuals that you can achieve everything you want and do it from a place that's more centered, more peaceful, that's rooted in an identity that's beyond just achieving, that's rooted in an identity of who you truly are. So hear me on this you can achieve, you can perform from an energy that's about self-expansion, not about having to prove yourself or to fix yourself.

Jerry Henderson: 36:15

I say it a lot your achievements are not going to heal you. If success was going to fix you, it would have worked by now. And here's part of the secret sauce which makes achievers really become high achievers and high performers become extra high performers when they realize they don't have to abandon their aspirations. They don't have to abandon their desire to achieve, to be healthy and to be sustainable and to have connection in relationship and to enjoy their life and to be present. You can do all of those things without having to abandon your desire to achieve, your desire to perform.

Jerry Henderson: 36:54

You're going to find, as you get healthy in all those other areas, you're going to have a lot more energy for the things that truly matter to you, and you're going to have a lot more energy to put towards the things that you truly want to achieve and accomplish in life. Because it's a lot of energy to put towards the things that you truly want to achieve and accomplish in life, because it's a lot of energy trying to prove yourself. It's a lot of energy trying to do things simply because you think you're supposed to do them or you should do them, and as you get healthy, all that energy gets freed up and you can direct that energy to the people and the things that you really love, while still achieving and I'm going to tell you, achieving even at a higher level than you did before. And I want to encourage you that you don't have to find that out the hard way. You can make changes now, okay, all right. So, with all that in mind, let's just do a quick recap.

Jerry Henderson: 37:39

Grit is passion and perseverance for long-term goals. It matters because it bridges the gap between effort and achievement, and the good news about it is you can build it and you can rebuild it and you can protect it. And that grit is about you believing in yourself. It's about you continuing to move forward because you believe that you're worthy, and you believe that you're worthy of a life filled with love, connection, passion, meaning and purpose. Well, thank you for joining this episode of the Permission to Love podcast, and I want to remind you that, if you need help in your journey, you can go to my website at jerryhendersonorg. Learn more about the Personal Mastery Coaching Framework. And if the program resonates with you, I encourage you to apply for the program. We'll connect, meet together and determine if working together is the right fit. And finally, I want to remind you, as I always do, that you are worthy of your own love.