I'll Be Happy When… Why Not Now? | Why the Story You've Been Telling Yourself About Happiness Is Wrong

This episode could change your relationship with happiness forever. If you’ve ever found yourself saying “I’ll be happy when…” — this conversation is for you. You don’t need more accomplishments, more money, or more time to feel the way you want to feel. You need a new story.

Today, Jerry shares one of the most powerful mindset shifts you’ll ever hear — rooted in neuroscience, behavioral psychology, and real-life transformation.

This is the episode that will help you take your power back.

You’ll learn:

• The psychological trap of “I’ll be happy when…” — and how it’s wired into high achievers
• Why your nervous system resists joy (and what to do about it)
• The story you’ve been telling yourself — and how to rewrite it
• The surprising truth about happiness and your brain’s dopamine system
• A simple exercise to access happiness right now — no external changes needed
• The Camino moment that changed Jerry’s perspective on changing our state — and how you can replicate it in your own life.

Whether you’re burned out, chasing the next goal, or just feeling stuck in your own success — this episode is a wake-up call.

Because happiness isn’t a reward for getting life right.
It’s the fuel that makes life worth living.

🎯 Call to Action:
If this episode resonated, share it with someone who needs to hear it.
And if you’re ready to create a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside, schedule a free strategy call at jerryhenderson.org.

Chapters

00:00 - Welcome to Personal Mastery
01:12 - Why “I’ll Be Happy When…” Is a Lie
03:58 - A True Story About a Terminal Diagnosis and Perspective
06:07 - The Trap of Delaying Happiness
07:46 - What’s Behind the Story? Fear, Unworthiness, and Addiction
09:55 - The Brain Science of Why We Resist Happiness
12:16 - Why Your Inner State Shapes Your Outer Life
14:25 - My Camino Story: How I Learned to Access Joy On-Demand
17:32 - How I Recreated My Happiness State Without Leaving My City
19:26 - You Can Rewire Yourself for Joy
21:06 - Write a New Story: You Deserve to Be Happy Now
22:15 - Final Truth: Your Story Is What’s in the Way
23:24 - Take Action: How to Start Living a Life That Feels Good Now

I am grateful you are here,
Jerry

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Transcript

Jerry Henderson: 0:00

Hello everybody and welcome to Personal Mastery. I'm your host, jerry Henderson, and if you're ready to create a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside, you're in the right place. Let's get started Now. I am so excited to welcome you here today on this first episode under the new title, personal Mastery, and if you're interested in learning more about why we've made this transition from the Permission to Love podcast to Personal Mastery, you can go back and listen to an episode called Self-Love, the Root From which Personal Mastery Grows. Now I want to take a moment, and I want to refer to the tagline of the Personal Mastery podcast, that tagline that you heard in the beginning, which is about creating a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside. And that's really what Personal Mastery is about. It's about doing the inner work, it's about coming to a place where we have a healthy relationship with ourselves that then gets expressed in our lives, in our other relationships, in the environment that we create, relationships in the environment that we create and, ultimately, in the life that we create holistically. So when we talk about personal mastery, I want to invite you to think about it that way, not as arriving, not as some task to be done or some skill to simply develop, but it truly is about us mastering our internal world, our mindset, our ability to have and build resilience, our ability to have healthy relationships with others and with ourselves, etc. And a big part of creating that life that feels as good on the outside as it looks on the inside and doing the work of personal mastery is realizing how much choice we have in our lives, how much choice we have to be in healthy or unhealthy relationships to create states of happiness, of choosing purpose, of living a life of fulfillment and service to others. And a lot of personal mastery is realizing that truth that you have choice, you have agency, and today we're going to talk about one of those key areas where we have more choice, more agency, than we think we do.

Jerry Henderson: 2:12

So let me start by asking you a question. Have you ever said to yourself I'll be happy when fill in the blank I'll be happy when I get that job, when I get that guy, when I get that girl, when I get that new house. I'll be happy when I lose weight, when I get in better shape, when I'm healthy, healed and whole, whatever the story of when that you have in your head. I want to invite you and challenge you, even today, to consider that that story is simply that it's just a story, and we have the power to change the stories that we have. It's one of the most powerful truths about us as humans that we have the power to change and choose a new story, the story that we're telling ourselves, where those stories can either be limiting or those stories can be expansive. So let me ask you again what is your? I'll be happy when story what comes after that phrase for you. I want you to just take a moment and get it in your mind, because I'm going to encourage you to reflect on it throughout this episode as we challenge that thinking that we all have, that we all have to figure out a way to overcome, and I hope today's episode is going to help you overcome the lie of I'll be happy when, a few months ago, I was sitting with a friend of mine and we were catching up and they were reflecting on the loss of their spouse that had just happened eight months ago, and they were sharing their story about when they received that terminal diagnosis and how their spouse was only supposed to live for a year after receiving that diagnosis, but they wound up living for a total of four years after receiving the diagnosis.

Jerry Henderson: 3:58

And the individual was sharing with me just how sweet life was for them. In the midst of that challenge, in the midst of that heartache and the reality that they were going to lose their spouse, they were reflecting on how sweet an already healthy relationship had become over the last four years of their relationship before their spouse's passing. And I asked them, I said what made it so sweet for you? And as the person shared, they talked about the reality of the time being short that they had with the person that they loved so deeply. They shared how they wanted to savor the moments that they had. And it brought the reality of how short life really is.

Jerry Henderson: 4:45

And after they shared that, it really made me reflect on the truth that we all have a terminal diagnosis. It's called being human. We're all going to die and I'm not trying to be morbid, but the truth is we are all going to die, but most of us live like we're going to live forever. Die, but most of us live like we're going to live forever. And what a terminal diagnosis does, or having a terminal illness is. It brings that reality home. It makes it real and people start to live different when they either receive a terminal diagnosis or their loved one becomes aware that they're going to lose a loved one. And I walked away from that meeting really reflecting on what would happen if I lived like I have a terminal diagnosis or the people in my life who I love so deeply had terminal diagnosis.

Jerry Henderson: 5:35

Because the fact is we do. We all have a terminal diagnosis, as I shared earlier, and it's called being human. None of us get to escape that reality. None of us have figured it out. I know there's some people who are trying to figure it out and maybe they will someday. But as of right now, we all have a terminal diagnosis, but we forget about it. We fall asleep to that truth and we go on living our lives like we have more days, like we have time to someday give ourselves the permission to live our lives.

Jerry Henderson: 6:07

But the truth is life is happening right now and the more we delay our happiness because of that story that we've been talking about I'll be happy when X, y and Z happens the more we're ignoring the reality that life is short. We don't know if we're even going to get to that finish line that we think is going to make us happy, and the whole time we're letting life pass us by and that story is robbing us from living in the present moment, savoring the people who are in our lives, and robbing us of true fulfillment and happiness. And this is one of the big challenges for many high achievers. When you're so high achieving oriented, or high performance, goal oriented, once again, all that's good, but one thing that can happen is you can lose sight of the fact that you have the power to give yourself the permission to be happy right now. So let's revisit that question.

Jerry Henderson: 7:06

What is your I'll be happy when story? What's holding you back from giving yourself the permission to create a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside? What's keeping you from taking the risks that you want, from starting the business, from having deeper, more loving relationships, from savoring life? What's stopping you from creating a life where you feel like you're thriving, where you're truly and deeply happy? Because here's the real truth that I want you to think about today is it's not about the I'll be happy when story. It's actually a story that we have subconsciously about worthiness.

Jerry Henderson: 7:46

We're finding excuses to keep us from being happy because it doesn't feel safe to be happy. We might be disappointed, we might lose the good things that come in our life, we may not feel like we deserve happiness. We have to earn it. We have to do all of these things in order to give ourselves the permission to be happy. We might be addicted to that dopamine cycle where we get more addicted to the chase than the actual reward. Now the research shows this that we can actually shift our brain from just being focused in on the reward and we get more addicted to the behavior than we do the reward of the behavior. And so the pursuit and the chase actually becomes the thing that's giving us all of the dopamine release. And then, when we actually get the thing that we want, it doesn't satisfy and so we feel like we just got to keep running and gunning and going after that next thing. And in the meantime, we're never giving ourselves the permission to enjoy everything that's around us. Once again, big challenge for many high achievers they don't even give themselves the permission to enjoy the life that they've built, because pausing to savor feels like we're letting off of the gas and we're allowing ourselves to slip back.

Jerry Henderson: 8:55

Reality is savoring life can become fuel for you. The truth is accessing happiness. Self-acceptance becomes a part of what charges our internal battery and keeps us from burnout. And we'll do other episodes on that later, but for today I want to ask you the question what's the fear behind the story? I'll be happy when.

Jerry Henderson: 9:20

What's the pattern behind it? Is there a sense of unworthiness? Is there an addiction to trying to prove yourself? Is there a fear that if you get it, it's going to be taken away? What makes you believe that you have to get to a certain place or earn certain things, or certain things have to fall in place before you can have happiness? And you might even have the narrative that other people can be happy, other people can give themselves the permission to be happy, but you got to do something to get it, you got to be somebody before you can have it.

Jerry Henderson: 9:55

Can I invite you to consider? It's a story, it's not truth and it's something that's creating suffering in your life. And you have the choice to choose to be happy. Happiness is a choice, and I know it sounds so cliche, but here's the truth around a lot of things that sound cliche. They sound that way because they're repeated, simple truths. And we've just found another way to dismiss that simple, repeatable truth by calling it a cliche. Because happiness is a choice and it doesn't mean that it's an easy choice. It just means that it is a choice and the research supports this. I love the long-term study that Harvard University has done. It has talked about how happiness is a choice and, yes, how relationships help support our happiness and our overall well-being. But happiness is a choice and, yes, how relationships help support our happiness and our overall well-being. But happiness is a choice. I love the work of Sonja Lubomirsky's work on the how of happiness. It says that absolutely evidence-based facts that happiness is a choice.

Jerry Henderson: 10:56

And I got to tell you I've struggled with this for years. Been listening to this podcast. You know my story. I really struggled with this for years Been listening to this podcast. You know my story. I've really struggled with it. I even got frustrated at one point in my life thinking why the heck do we have to work so hard to be happy? And for many of us it might be because we were born with a biological set point of a lower level of happiness the way our brain works, and that's okay. It doesn't mean that you're stuck there, because there's things that you can do to learn how to be more happy, and one of them, the very first one of them, is to realize it is a choice, that you have agency over this, that you are not a victim to your emotional state.

Jerry Henderson: 11:33

And, as I said, I really have struggled with that and I still struggle with reframing in my brain that there's nothing out there that's going to make me happy, that happiness is an inside job, and I'm so thankful for that, because the truth is, external circumstances change way too much for us to be dependent on them for our happiness. I mean, it's a roller coaster of what happens out there. We don't have control over so many things that we think are going to make us happy. We don't have control over whether or not somebody's going to stay in a relationship with us. We don't have control over whether or not the economy is going to boom or crash. We don't have control over whether or not our company is going to keep us on or let us go. We don't have control over so many things.

Jerry Henderson: 12:16

And yet we put our dependency for happiness on all those externals, when the truth is the one area that we have control over our inner state is the place that we often put the least attention towards, and often the reason for this is because we know, either consciously or subconsciously, that we have that power. But once again, we don't choose it because we have these blockages around happiness, like I've mentioned before, a fear that exists within us, a sense of unworthiness, an addiction to a certain lifestyle or an addiction to certain states of being and feeling. Did you know you can get addicted to feeling terrible, you can get addicted to feeling depressed, you can get addicted to feeling shame. And when all of those fears and stories and beliefs and patterns start to show up in our lives, we start to sabotage our happiness and we start to align our outer world to match our inner world. And that's why it's so darn important for us to do this inner work, because your inner world is going to start to be reflected in your outer world. Because what's going on inside of you, the way that you feel about yourself, what you believe about yourself, what's going on on the inside, starts to get manifested on the outside. And that's great news, because right now, if on the inside it doesn't feel so good being in there, you might be manifesting a lot of things that you don't want. Well, if you have the power to create that, like I say in my book, when I realized that I was the source of my own suffering, I also realized that I could be the source of my own healing. And this is such an important truth for us to hold on to and to really take ownership of our internal state, because when we don't take ownership of our internal state, we're a victim of everything else. But when we do take ownership of our internal state and we do the work, the practices to help us shift and help us change internally, we will begin to see our outer world change. It's just a matter of time, but it absolutely will begin to happen. And I want to tell you that you're worthy of the time and you're worthy of the work to create the life that you actually want to happen. And I want to tell you that you're worthy of the time and you're worthy of the work to create the life that you actually want to live.

Jerry Henderson: 14:25

You know, and speaking of my own journey of happiness and creating internal states, you know, a year ago I was walking the Camino de Santiago at this exact time and if you're not familiar with the Camino de Santiago. It's a pilgrimage, it's a walk, it's a time for reflection, to do deep work or, for some people, just to have an experience. And all of that's great, it's beautiful, and there's many paths to walk as a part of the Camino de Santiago, but they all end at the St James Cathedral in Santiago, spain. Now I chose to walk what is known as the French Way, which starts in France and then ends in Santiago, and it's a 500-mile journey, or 780, 800 kilometers somewhere around there, and it took me 30 days to walk that journey, and the reason I did it was because there was a lot going on.

Jerry Henderson: 15:13

I needed to clear my head, I was making some transitions in some really important areas of my life and I just needed that space for solitude, reflection and deep inner work. And I have to say it was one of the most deeply impactful journeys of my life, and anytime I think about it, I immediately have some very positive emotions that come up inside of me, emotions of peace, of gratitude, of happiness. I mean. It absolutely, literally changes my internal state when I think about that experience, so much so that I have this deep longing to go back and walk it again or to walk other parts of the Camino. And a few weeks ago I was reflecting on all those feelings, that experience, and I thought you know what? I want to go back and I want to walk it again and I want to walk it with my wife.

Jerry Henderson: 16:00

As we were talking about it, all of a sudden I was starting to think about all the plans and everything that goes into it and I started to get really excited and I said you know what? Let's do it this month, let's just take two weeks off and let's go walk a portion of the Camino together. Well then, a reality check set my wife's still finishing a semester, as she's seeking her master's degree in nutrition and holistic health, and I'm on the last stretch of my courses this semester at Harvard University. And then we have some other things that are planned. And then I realized that, as much as I love spontaneous living, that it wasn't going to be the wisest decision to drop everything, rearrange schedules and then go walk the Camino for two weeks.

Jerry Henderson: 16:37

So what I decided to do instead of going to the Camino was trying to figure out a way to bring the Camino here to my neighborhood, because I like to go take walks. They help me clear my brain, shift my energy. Those walks become a very creative space for me, a very life-giving space for me. And so I thought let me just see what happens if I go take a walk and try to bring the Camino here. Because I began to realize and I know this, but it just became more of a reality to me in that moment that I chose the state, I chose the feelings that I had when I walked the Camino. I chose to stop, look at trees, watch the animals, practice mindful breathing, really doing a lot of reflection internally. I chose that state as I walked the Camino. It wasn't the Camino itself, it was the choices I was making, the decisions I was making as I was on that journey.

Jerry Henderson: 17:32

So, with that reminder and that awareness of that truth, I decided to put my headphones on, play the same music track that I listened to when I was walking the Camino, and just go take a walk and try to get into that state and that feeling that I had when I was walking the Camino de Santiago. And you know what happened? I was actually able to get into a very deep state of joy, gratitude, and I got to say it was actually overwhelming for me. I got overwhelmed emotionally. I just had to sit down and allow myself to be and experience what was happening in that moment. You know, I think it was so powerful and overwhelming for a couple of reasons. One, because I gave myself the permission to do it. I set that intention and I accessed some of those things like the music and then being present and allowing myself to feel things internally and observing my environment in a mindfulness state as I was walking. All of that unlocked that internal pharmacy that we all have.

Jerry Henderson: 18:29

But the other thing that was so powerful about it was that I realized once again how much power we all have to change our state, to choose happiness, to choose to feel good inside here it's one of the deepest pursuits of humanity is how do I feel good in here, how do I feel okay with me? And just sitting there in that moment, realizing and reconnecting to the truth that, yes, even though choosing happiness can feel like work sometimes, it's absolutely worth the work. And the other truth about it is the more that we choose it, the more that we practice it, the more it becomes a natural part of who we are. We can shift to that being our more normal state. Now am I saying that we're just going to walk around constantly happy all the time? I don't know? Maybe, but if we don't, let's at least change the ratio Right now. If you're at 70% unhappy, 30% happy, you can change that ratio.

Jerry Henderson: 19:26

You can start moving the needle, even if it's 1%, 5%, 10%, getting a little bit happier along the journey by realizing that we don't have to believe the story, that I'll be happy when you know for me in that moment, in that example of the Camino, it was in my brain that I'll feel that way when I go back to the Camino and walk it again. But the truth is I can access it at any moment when I'm intentional about it. I do the work to do it and the shift in the emotional state and the reward of doing those actions is so worth the effort and more than anything, it teaches us how empowered we are, how much more control we have over our internal states than we think we do. So let me ask you again what is your? I'll be happy when story, what conditions, like the condition that I placed on, I'll feel that when I go back to the Camino, what conditions have you placed on your happiness? I'd invite you to really take some time to identify it, because, if that condition is there, I want to invite you to explore the fear, the sense of unworthiness, the patterns that you have and really identify what that story is. It's just under that story of. I'll be happy when Identify the story that's right underneath that one, take some time to write it out and then from there, I'd invite you to write a new story, a story that says I deserve happiness because it's my birthright and because I choose to be happy.

Jerry Henderson: 21:06

Because here's the reality about happiness we don't simply get what we deserve, we get what we choose. And I want to let you know that you deserve happiness. It is your birthright, it's there for you. You're no different than any other person. We all do that thing right. Well, they can be happy because of X, y, z, but I can't because of A, b, c, all of those things that you might be saying. They're just stories, and they're stories that are trying to protect us, and I want to invite you to consider writing a new story that you deserve happiness because it's your birthright and because you choose it.

Jerry Henderson: 21:42

Because here is the truth about our internal state, here's the truth about creating a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside. 99% of the time, the only thing that's keeping us from it is the story that we have. I'll be happy when XYZ happens I'll give myself permission to do that when I accomplish 1, 2, 3. I'll feel worthy of it when ABC happens. It doesn't feel safe to me to be happy or to thrive because of 1, 2, 3. What are those stories?

Jerry Henderson: 22:15

And just like you're choosing to align your life with those stories, just like you're choosing to align your life with those stories, you can absolutely research back evidence-based and anecdotally. I've seen it happen in so many people's lives. Choose to align your life with the new story of I'm going to choose to be happy, there are no conditions to my happiness. And if you feel resistance around that statement, even I invite you to reflect on the story that creates that resistance. Because, listen, we live in a culture that has wired us to think that our happiness is in that new car, that new house, that new relationship, whatever it is. Because for some reason, we want to create a culture, we want to create a reality that our happiness is outside of us, that it's dependent on something that we have to chase or achieve, but it's not Absolutely is not. You have full power to choose happiness today and start creating a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.

Jerry Henderson: 23:21

Well, that's it for today's episode.

Jerry Henderson: 23:24

Thank you for being here today and investing in yourself.

Jerry Henderson: 23:26

I'm so grateful to have you as a part of this community Now. If you'd like to learn more about my coaching program and the work that I do, you can simply go to my website at jerryhendersonorg and while you're there, you can set up a free strategy call where we can connect and see if working together is the right fit. You can also access a link to my website and to set up that free strategy call by seeing the show notes in this episode. And if you've not yet had a chance to follow or subscribe, I want to invite you to take a moment to do that, so you don't miss out on a single episode. Also, if you've not had a chance yet to review or to rate this podcast, it would mean the world to me, because the more reviews we get, the more likely people are to discover this podcast and learn the art and science of personal mastery, and I want to take a moment and remind you you are worthy of a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.