Personal Mastery with Jerry Henderson
You deserve a life that feels as extraordinary on the inside as it looks on the outside—and Personal Mastery with Jerry Henderson (formerly The Permission to Love Podcast) will help you build it.
I’m Jerry Henderson, creator of the Personal Mastery Framework™, high-performance and trauma-informed coach, Harvard-trained in the psychology of human behavior, researcher, author, and speaker.
Every week, I—along with world-renowned experts—share powerful conversations and research-backed insights to help you align with your true self and create sustainable success from the inside out.
We cover topics like cultivating a growth mindset, building resilience, healing trauma, overcoming shame, practicing presence, strengthening relationships, developing a healthy relationship with yourself, and living your purpose—real, relatable tools for meaningful transformation.
If you’re ready to achieve from a place of full alignment, fulfillment, and lead with authenticity, this podcast is for you.
New episodes every Monday. Subscribe now—and start creating a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.
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Personal Mastery with Jerry Henderson
How to Get Unstuck: 5 Tools That Actually Work
Are you stuck in a rut and can't seem to move forward—no matter how hard you try?
You're not lazy. You're not broken. You're just stuck—and in today’s episode of Personal Mastery, Jerry breaks down the 5 most powerful tools (grounded in neuroscience, psychology, and real-life coaching) that will help you move from stagnation into sustainable momentum.
You’ll learn:
- Why action leads to motivation, not the other way around
- How to leverage behavioral activation to create a breakthrough
- The role of identity and mindset in getting unstuck
- How to design for dopamine and ignite motivation again
- How to heal emotional blocks and rewire your system for clarity and energy
- How reconnecting with purpose + play can make life feel meaningful again
Whether you're burned out, emotionally overwhelmed, or just frozen in place—this episode will give you the clarity and strategy to move forward today.
🎯 Join the Personal Mastery Coaching Program
Work 1-on-1 with Jerry to realign your mindset, heal emotional blocks, and create sustainable forward motion.
👉 Schedule your free strategy call here
Chapters:
00:00 – The Truth About Feeling Stuck
02:40 – Tool #1: Take Action Before You Feel Ready
04:00 – The Science of Behavioral Activation
05:24 – Tiny Wins and the Physics of Momentum
06:10 – Tool #2: Shift Your Identity & Perspective
07:08 – The Power of “I Am” Statements + Self-Compassion
08:07 – Tool #3: Design for Dopamine
10:08 – Celebrate Small Wins (It’s a Neuroscience Hack)
11:56 – Novelty, Environment, and Cold Showers
12:45 – Sunlight, Dopamine, and Micro-Motivation
13:53 – Tool #4: Heal Emotional Blocks (Not Just Habits)
14:56 – Trauma, Stress & Motivational Dysfunction
16:04 – Mindfulness, Journaling, & Internal Clarity
18:30 – Tool #5: Reconnect to Purpose with Play
20:40 – Stop Making “Getting Out of the Rut” the Goal
22:20 – This Is Just a Chapter of Your Life
I am grateful you are here,
Jerry
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www.jerryhenderson.org
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Hello everybody and welcome to Personal Mastery. I'm your host, jerry Henderson, and if you're ready to create a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside, you're in the right place. Let's get started. Today, in this episode, I'm going to share with you five powerful tools that can help you get unstuck. Maybe you've tried all of the hacks to try to figure out how to get unstuck, but you just can't seem to do that. Now, if that is all of the hacks to try to figure out how to get unstuck but you just can't seem to do that, now, if that is you, I want to let you know that you're not alone. Even the top performers hit this wall. But here's the great news there are proven ways to help you get out of that rut, to get out of being stuck, and today'm gonna be sharing with you the psychology and the neuroscience of why action actually brings motivation, how to shift your mindset towards action, why building on small wins is a key to getting unstuck, understanding the role that emotional barriers play in feeling stuck, and how to tap into purpose and a sense of playfulness to help reboot your brain and ignite your motivation and help you get moving forward again. So let's start with tool number one, and it's to take action even before you feel ready. And you might be thinking, wow, thanks a lot, take action. That's the whole problem I can't find motivation, I don't want to get started, and now you're telling me to take some action. I know I reacted the same way when people told me that, and it was really hard for me to try to find the energy to take action. I mean, there was a time in my life where I was in such a deep rut the darkest, deepest rut that I'd ever been in my life and for five days I barely even got out of bed. I couldn't figure out how to get the motivation to do anything at all. But the thing that was really key for me breaking that and starting to climb my way out of that rut and getting unstuck was by taking some action, even when I didn't feel like it. And so I do want to just say to you that I understand, I understand the pain, I understand the challenge when we're in that deep rut, and I do want to note something that there's a difference between feeling stuck or feeling like we're in a rut and dealing with depression, and if you feel like you're dealing with depression and it's gone on for a really long time, then I want to encourage you to get some help. You don't have to go through it alone. Find somebody a therapist, a coach who can help you start to find your way out of that rut. We're not designed to have to do this alone. I certainly didn't do it alone. I got the help that I needed. So I want to encourage you if you need help, there's no shame in it Get the help that you need.
Speaker 1:Now, why is taking action, even when we don't feel like we want to or that we can, so important? Well, psychologists call it behavioral activation, and it's a model and a theory that was actually developed by a psychologist in the 1970s and it was used as a key breakthrough treatment for depression and apathy, and the core idea behind it is very simple Action creates motivation, not the other way around, and researchers did clinical trials on this over and over, and they gathered the data that said that when people are in that state of apathy, the most important thing they can do is to start to take action. We often think that action follows this linear path of we get inspired, we find some motivation, then we take action. But that is not how it works. It is not a linear path. I want you to think of it as a circle that you can enter into at any point along the journey. You can enter into it on action, you can enter into it on motivation. You can enter into that cycle on inspiration. There doesn't have to be a path of inspiration first. Then we get some motivation, then we take action. This behavioral activation model has proven that that action can actually bring inspiration, that action can actually be what causes motivation.
Speaker 1:And I often tell people in my coaching practice don't wait for motivation to show up, get started and allow motivation to catch up, because it will catch up to you eventually. How fast will it catch up? I don't know. But I do know this that eventually it will. Because here's the truth about feeling like we're in a rut. It's almost like our flywheel stopped and the challenge with that flywheel stopping is it feels like it's so much effort to start getting it going again. But the truth is it's the little actions, just that little bit of pushing it forward. It's going to get the flywheel going and as it gets going it's going to start to build energy, it's going to start to bring motivation and inspiration to you.
Speaker 1:So how do we put this tool of action in action? Well, the first thing is start with anything, a very tiny step or task. You can put on some nice clothes, right, get out of those sweats, get out of that robe or whatever it is. Put on some clothes that you feel good in and that's going to start signaling to your brain to start feeling different. So if you're in that rut, you're probably going to have to force yourself to begin to do some things to get that positive energy going. And here's the truth Energy begets energy. It's basic physics and psychology that an object in motion tends to stay in motion.
Speaker 1:Now, the second tool that can help us get out of a rut is to start shifting our perspective, and this is around our identity and our mindset. And here's the truth about this we're often stuck or staying stuck because of how we're seeing ourselves or how we're seeing the situation. And there's two big shifts that can happen in this space for us, and the first is building some identity-based actions or habits, and the second is leaning into a growth mindset with self-compassion. You know I'm a big fan of self-compassion and it's rare that I don't bring this up because the research shows this is one of the most powerful things to help us get unstuck, to help us reach our goals and to help us build the life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.
Speaker 1:So the tool that we can use here is, instead of saying I'm stuck, I'm unmotivated, I don't know what to do, start saying I am the kind of person that finds a way. I am experiencing feeling stuck, instead of I am stuck. You see, what we're trying to do here is send a signal to our brain about what we believe about ourselves and the identity that we carry about ourselves. And so if we're using language all of the time about I'm you know, I'm or I am is one of the most powerful statements that we can use, because we attach our identity to whatever comes after that. So if we can say things like I'm the kind of person who finds a way, I'm acknowledging the fact that I'm in a moment that doesn't feel so good that where I feel stuck or I feel like I'm in a rut, but it also acknowledges that I have the capacity, that me, as the person who's experiencing this, has the capacity and the tools to find my way out of this.
Speaker 1:So be very careful to not judge yourself, to not tell yourself that you're lazy, that you're incapable, that this always happens to you. We don't want to go down that path, okay. We want to go down the path of self-compassion. Even if you don't feel like giving yourself self-compassion or you don't think that you deserve it, that's the exact time to give it to yourself, because that self-compassion is going to change your energy towards yourself and you're going to free up energy that you're using to beat yourself up, judging yourself for being stuck, calling yourself stupid, that you can't figure it out, or whatever you're feeling. When you stop doing that, you're going to free up that energy and that's energy that you can start directing towards finding solutions, finding the energy to then start moving forward and taking that walk, putting on those nice clothes, brushing your teeth, cleaning up one corner of the room, whatever it is. Take that energy that you're using of beating yourself up and start directing it towards some action.
Speaker 1:Now the third tool I want to share with you is about designing for dopamine. I mean, dopamine is a good friend and I know it gets a bad rap these days about being addicted to it and I talk a lot about it and the challenges of when we do get addicted to it, but it's also something that can really serve us, because when we're feeling stuck, one of the things that can be a part of that is that we either have dopamine depletion or we're not activating our dopamine. And here's the thing dopamine is a key neurotransmitter for us to be motivated. It's the thing that causes us to pursue, to seek the reward. And when we stop caring about the reward because we feel like we're in such a rut, we could start getting trapped in that rut. And we need to figure out how to access dopamine and I'm going to share some tips with you about that real quick on how to do it.
Speaker 1:And the first thing that you can do is to celebrate every single win, because here's the thing we're really good at judging ourselves and beating ourselves up for our failures, or beating ourselves up that we're in the rut and we don't celebrate any movement or action that we try. That's gonna help us get out of the rut. And if dopamine is a part of pursuing based off of rewards, why would we ever get motivated to change if we're not giving ourselves a reward for that change? And so those times where you get up, when you don't feel like getting up, or you do that thing, when you don't feel like doing that thing, whatever it is, I want to encourage you, celebrate it, do a little happy dance, give yourself a high five, tell yourself attaboy, attagirl, do something that celebrates it. Because when you're doing that, you're actually getting your brain to release the chemicals, the reward chemicals around it and you're starting to trick your brain into wanting to do that and to move away from that rut by the simple act of celebrating every single little thing. And listen, I get it.
Speaker 1:I'm not the type of guy who's historically allowed myself to celebrate the little things, right, because I've always felt like, well, that's just table stakes, that's what you're supposed to do, that's like the entry fee to do these things, and I never allowed myself to celebrate when I was doing the small things. But here's the thing when you're in a rut, when you're feeling stuck, it's absolutely essential that you do it, because what you're trying to do is activate dopamine, and dopamine is a key part of reward and motivation, and when we're feeling stuck, we're probably not releasing a lot of it. We're not knowing how to access it, so we want to find the ways to access it and, once again, the key way that you can do that celebrate the smallest of wins. Now, another thing that can help you access your dopamine is to change your environment or change your routine, because dopamine is associated with novelty and when we get stuck in a rut because we're doing the same thing all of the time, one of the things that can help us break that is to do things that are outside of the norm for us, and I know that can be hard. When you don't find any motivation right. The friend calls and says hey, do you want to do this? No, I don't want to do anything. Or those things that you have on your list that you've wanted to do like none of it sounds at all appealing. But here's what I want to encourage you to do Do it now, anyway. Do it bored, do it frustrated, do it unmotivated. Drag your butt to it, whatever it is, because what it's going to do is it's going to start to disrupt the routine. It's going to get you out of the environment and that change, that novelty, is going to start releasing dopamine in your brain and that's going to start moving you towards some inspiration, towards some motivation that can help you get unstuck.
Speaker 1:A couple other things that I'll quickly share with you about how you can access your dopamine, get that flowing again. Number one is sunlight getting yourself out in the sun. It can be as little as just 10 minutes, and if there's anybody who's a big fan of sunlight, it's Huberman. Right, he talks about it all the time, about how it can help us release dopamine, get motivated, etc. And so get out in the sun. And if you're in a place that's got a lot of clouds and a little bit of sun, get yourself one of those sun lamps. Okay, it's really important, especially when we're in a rut, because when we're in a rut, we want to stay in bed or sit on the couch and we're in the dark or whatever it is, and we're scrolling on our phones and watching TV, working on the computer and we've got all that blue light exposure In that time. We need to get out and get some sunlight.
Speaker 1:Now, another thing that you can do to get some dopamine release and get a quick hit of motivation is take a cold shower or do cold therapy, and I know the mere thought of it, right, it's like dear God. No, I don't want to do that. But here's the thing it has been shown to increase dopamine levels in your systems for hours afterwards. I know it's uncomfortable, and that's part of the point, right, because a lot of times we'll procrastinate or we'll be in a rut. Because we don't want to do some uncomfortable thing, we're avoiding pushing ourselves, we're avoiding tackling all of those things that we just don't want to do and have no motivation around. Taking a cold shower actually shocks the system and you get over that barrier of not wanting to do something uncomfortable and you, like, break through it by giving yourself that shock. And what that also does is it makes the other things that you're avoiding doing a little easier to do, because your body's already gone through something very uncomfortable. Now thinking about doing that other thing doesn't feel as uncomfortable and you're going to find more motivation to do those things and help you get unstuck.
Speaker 1:Now the fourth tool is about attacking the emotional barriers that we're facing when we're stuck and when we're in a rut. Because here's the thing sometimes being in a rut isn't about habits or routines. It can be about a much deeper emotional block that's keeping us stuck in that pattern. It's really important to identify these things and address them, especially for those of us who've experienced trauma or we're living in chronic stress. And sometimes when we're stuck, it's because we're in freeze mode, and freeze mode is a response to stress. Right, we have our fight flight, freeze fawn. Those are all a part of that stress response, that trauma response. Because when we're in a chronic state of stress, we're in that chronic state of red alert waiting for the shoe to drop, and our nervous system is on high alert all of the time. We're going to get depleted, our energy gets depleted, our motivation gets depleted. Because we're spending so much of our effort on managing all of that, it's no wonder that we get stuck, it's no wonder that we find ourselves in a rut.
Speaker 1:The research shows us that if we've had traumatic stress, it actually leads to what is called motivational dysfunction. Did you know that was a thing? It's an actual thing. Because trauma and chronic stress and the inability to manage our emotions it starts to undermine things like self-efficacy, which is such an important part of us being motivated, moving towards our goals. It also impacts our locus of control, it also impacts our self-esteem and all of those things are the ingredients that normally help us find our motivation and move forward. And the research shows us that being in that state, having experienced trauma or being in a chronic state of stress, literally affects the brain's ability to self-regulate and to find motivation. So can I encourage you with something right now that if that's your experience, that's your story, it's not your fault. You're dealing with something that is a natural outcome of the experiences that you've had, and then you beating yourself up for the fact that you can't seem to find your way out of it it's not going to serve you, it's just going to keep you stuck in that state.
Speaker 1:Other practices that can help us process things emotionally and help us get unstuck are things like mindfulness, meditation, journaling, really going through and understanding what you're feeling, why you feel like you're stuck. All of that can help increase your ability to navigate those emotions, and those actions in and of themselves can start to produce some motivation and inspiration inside of you. And here's the important thing to understand Many high achievers they just try to power through this right. They just try to power through getting out of the rut, without understanding the emotional issues that are behind a lot of this. And the research shows us that sheer willpower alone it's not enough. You know, willpower is finite and when we're spending it on all these other things and we're depleted of it and we feel like we're in a rut, we don't have a lot of it to try to get unstuck. And so doing these things of understanding what's going on with us, emotionally, addressing that, allowing healing to come there, that's going to allow us to get to the root of some of these issues and then to start moving forward in a much healthier way. Now, if you need some help in figuring out how to get unstuck and start to move forward, I want to invite you to check out my one-on-one coaching program called Personal Mastery, if you'd like more information about the program, and to set up a free strategy. Call to see if working together is the right fit. I encourage you to check out the show notes.
Speaker 1:In this episode, I'm looking forward to hearing from you, learning more about the goals that you have and, most importantly, learning more about you. From you learning more about the goals that you have and, most importantly, learning more about you Now. The fifth tool I want to talk to you about is reigniting, reconnecting to your sense of purpose, and doing that with a sense of playfulness, because often one of the things that happens to us, or one of the reasons we get in a rut is we've disconnected from our sense of purpose and our joy around that purpose and this is especially true for high achievers because you've been pushing yourself, you've been driving yourself, you've not been rewarding yourself, you've been raising the bar, and nothing is ever good enough. And you have a life that everybody thinks is a pretty good life, but you're inside there going. I don't like it, I'm not enjoying it, and you've disconnected with your purpose and life is no longer fun for you. So here's what I want to invite you to do I want you to ask yourself the question is there one thing in your life that you not everybody else but that you actually care about, that you actually want to connect to right now?
Speaker 1:I'm sure, if you think hard enough and you give yourself enough space, that something's going to come to the surface, because for many of us, the reason we get stuck is that we're doing all of this stuff that doesn't really matter, it doesn't have any meaning to it, and so, if that's the case, we've got to find a way to connect to something that feels meaningful to us, and I know that can feel really hard. There was a time in my life when nothing felt meaningful, nothing felt purposeful. I didn't want to do a darn thing and I mean, if somebody would have asked me the question that I just asked you, I would have said nothing. But here's the truth. I eventually found my way to finding the thing that felt meaningful, that felt purposeful, and began to really connect with that and that became that little spark that I needed inside of me to get things going again. So once again, let me ask you is there that one little thing inside of you right now that you can say, yeah, that matters to me. Is it an important relationship? Is it some type of hobby or thing that you do that you feel alive when you do it? Right now it just kind of feels dead to you.
Speaker 1:Can I encourage you to, right now, in this season, try to push away as many of the shoulds or the energy around I should be doing this and move towards what you could be doing, what you would like to be doing, what you would be doing, even if you didn't get paid for it, even if you didn't have to, you'd really want to, and then start taking action towards it. One simple little thing do it and then put some fun into it while you're doing it, because that play is going to release those feel good chemicals. It's going to re-spark some of that stuff inside of you where you kind of maybe feel a little like dead in here or whatever that is Doing things that are connected to purpose. Adding some play, making it fun, can really help that all come back alive inside of you and you start to find your way out of the rut. Because here's the truth about being in a rut. We can get so serious about trying to find our way out of the rut Because here's the truth about being in a rut.
Speaker 1:We can get so serious about trying to find our way out of the rut or to get unstuck and walking around thinking like what's wrong with me that I can't figure out how to get out of this, and we start to catastrophize and going gosh, if I don't get out of this in the next week or so, life's going to start to fall apart, or why do I always do this? Et cetera. All of that is like fun sucking energy. It's just taking it all away. And we need to put some fun back into things Because the truth is we're making getting out of a rut and getting unstuck something that's just a ton of work that feels like energy in and of itself that we don't want to expend and so turning it away from all of that.
Speaker 1:Okay, right now, if you're in the rut, your purpose is not to get out of the rut. Don't make that your focus. Make the focus the process, because we get so outcome-oriented that we never enjoy the present moment, we don't enjoy the people that are around us, we don't savor life, and then we're on our path towards the rut. So I encourage you, do not try to make getting out of the rut your goal. Make taking a small action your goal and celebrating it. Make the behaviors that release those feel-good chemicals in your life your goal. You see where our attention goes, our energy goes, and if we're putting a lot of attention on the fact we're spending a lot of time ruminating about the fact that we're in a rut, we're more likely to stay in the rut. But if we shift our attention and our energy to the habits, to the behavior, to who we want to be, to having some fun, all of that starts to actually naturally flow us out of feeling stuck and into a state where we're starting to thrive again.
Speaker 1:And so can I encourage you about something you have a purpose in life. You're important, you matter, and I'm so glad that you're here and you're part of this community. I care about you and I know it feels really tough to be in that rut and to feel stuck, and I know how it feels to not feel so good about yourself. But can I tell you something? This moment in your life is just a chapter in the story. It's not the full story. This is just one chapter and your story has not been fully written yet. You matter, you're important, you have a purpose. I care about you. Other people care about you. Even if you can't see it, even if you don't think they do, they do.
Speaker 1:So I want to invite you to start trying to use some of these tools, any of them. Just start with one of them. Don't feel overwhelmed that you got to do all five. Just start with the one that feels the most resonant to you. Take some action on it Now. If you haven't had a chance yet to subscribe to or to follow this podcast, I want to take a moment and encourage you to do that so that you don't miss out on a single episode. Also, if you've not had a chance yet to leave a review, I want to encourage you to do that as well, because the more reviews that we get, the more likely this podcast is going to find its way to people who need to hear the message about how to have a healthy relationship with themselves, and I want to remind you that you are worthy of a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Now. In this episode, I'm going to be sharing with you. I'm going to be sharing with you Now.
Speaker 1:If you need some help in figuring out how to get unstuck and start to move forward, I want to invite you to check out my one-on-one coaching program called Personal Mastery, If you'd like more information about the program, and to set up a free strategy. Call to see if working together is the right fit. You can simply see the description section of this video. I'm looking forward to hearing from you, learning more about the goals that you have and, most importantly, learning more about you. Thank you, if you're new here, I'm Jerry, no-transcript. No-transcript.
Speaker 1:It's a one-on-one coaching program that is designed to help you on your journey of creating a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside. The coaching program is based on six evidence-based pillars around things like mindset resilience to bring alignment with your internal world those desires, your hopes and dreams and your external world, to help you deepen connections and a sense of belonging in your relationships. To learn how to practice presence so that you're not missing out on your life. And to connect with your true sense of purpose so that you're living the life that you truly believe that you were meant to live. So if you'd like to learn more about the art and science of personal mastery, I encourage you to check out the show notes in this episode. You'll find a link there where you can set up a free strategy call so that we can connect and determine if working together is the right fit. So if you're ready to take that next step, set up that free call. I'm looking forward to learning more about the goals that you have.
