Personal Mastery with Jerry Henderson
You deserve a life that feels as extraordinary on the inside as it looks on the outside—and Personal Mastery with Jerry Henderson (formerly The Permission to Love Podcast) will help you build it.
I’m Jerry Henderson, creator of the Personal Mastery Framework™, high-performance and trauma-informed coach, Harvard-trained in the psychology of human behavior, researcher, author, and speaker.
Every week, I—along with world-renowned experts—share powerful conversations and research-backed insights to help you align with your true self and create sustainable success from the inside out.
We cover topics like cultivating a growth mindset, building resilience, healing trauma, overcoming shame, practicing presence, strengthening relationships, developing a healthy relationship with yourself, and living your purpose—real, relatable tools for meaningful transformation.
If you’re ready to achieve from a place of full alignment, fulfillment, and lead with authenticity, this podcast is for you.
New episodes every Monday. Subscribe now—and start creating a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.
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Personal Mastery with Jerry Henderson
How to Quickly Stop Ruminating With 4 Proven Tools
How to stop ruminating is something that many of us struggle with.
Do you ever feel like your brain just won’t shut off? Like you’re replaying past conversations, worrying about what’s next, or stuck in a loop of “what ifs”?
That’s rumination—and it’s more than just overthinking. It’s a neurological trap that drains your energy, fuels anxiety, and blocks you from living fully in the present.
In this episode, Jerry breaks down the real science behind rumination and gives you 4 proven tools to stop it—starting today.
You’ll learn why your brain gets stuck in loops, how perfectionism and shame feed the cycle, and what to do instead of trying to “think your way out.”
These insights are grounded in neuroscience, trauma psychology, and real-life coaching strategies that have helped hundreds of high achievers break free from mental spirals and finally create a calm, focused, and empowered mind.
If you’re ready to stop ruminating and start living, this episode is for you.
👉 Learn more about Jerry’s 1-on-1 coaching program: Personal Mastery Coaching
🧠 What You’ll Learn:
- The neuroscience of why we ruminate
- Why high performers are especially prone to mental spirals
- The “default mode network” and how it keeps you stuck
- How to reset your nervous system to break the loop
- 4 research-backed tools to interrupt rumination
- How to turn thought spirals into present-moment peace
I am grateful you are here,
Jerry
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www.jerryhenderson.org
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Hello everybody and welcome to Personal Mastery. I'm your host, jerry Henderson, and if you're ready to create a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside, you're in the right place. Let's get started. Today, in this episode, I'm going to share with you how to stop ruminating. So if you're trying to figure out how to break that loop of constantly overthinking, or you feel stuck inside your head and you can't seem to turn the switch off about your past mistakes or the fears of the future, or what you should have said or shouldn't have said in that conversation, you are in the right place, because today I'm going to be sharing with you four tips that can help you stop ruminating. Not next week, not next month, but you can actually start today to break that cycle. So the first thing that's going to be really important in this, the first tip, is to understand why we ruminate. We need to understand the loop so that we can break the loop.
Jerry Henderson:The first reason that we ruminate is because of our default mode network. That's the part of our brain that almost acts like a screensaver. When we're not actively thinking, we're not actively engaged in a task, that part of our brain kicks in. And then what happens? When that part of our brain, that screensaver, kicks on and it becomes active, it's kicking up all of those subconscious thoughts or those negative thoughts. So we default into this mode of negativity, overthinking, et cetera, and we get trapped in a loop because of that default mode network. Now the second reason we ruminate is that our brain is trying to seek closure. We're actually trying to stay safe by trying to resolve emotional pain or deal with a point of confusion in our life. But what actually happens is our brain gets stuck in, just chewing it over and over and over, but no solutions or no progress is actually found.
Jerry Henderson:Another reason that we might ruminate is because of feelings of shame that we carry, or because we have a negative self-view. When we feel like we're not good enough or that we always mess up, our brain is going to ruminate on our mistakes to try to confirm that belief, to try to reinforce those feelings that we have. Another thing that can trigger it is social rejection, because this is a survival instinct for us when we are rejected socially. I mean it's an evolutionary thing that we have to try to figure out what we did wrong and what we should do the next time. But the challenge is, when we're ruminating, we're not actually solving problems. We're just replaying that scenario. That can cause us to have more anxiety, socially, etc. So it's not good for us, but once again, it can be triggered by negative social interactions.
Jerry Henderson:Another thing that can trigger it is perfectionism or a need for control. If you're a high achiever or you're a person who feels like everything is your responsibility, either because of childhood trauma or other painful life experiences, you feel like you have to be in control or responsible for everything. You're going to ruminate a lot Because rumination gives the illusion of control and it gives the illusion that we can figure out what happened and figure out how to fix it. Rumination actually feels like problem solving. It's triggering all of these chemicals and neural pathways in us that has the same feeling of problem solving. But the challenge is rumination is simply overthinking. We're not actually solving problems. We're actually using it as a coping mechanism to give us the feeling that we're problem solving. So those are just a few of the reasons why we ruminate. There's others and you might have personal experiences that are different than that, but those are some common reasons. But the key is to remember that it almost happens automatically, before we're even aware. It just sneaks up on us and we're doing it.
Jerry Henderson:And so now I want to start talking about how to stop it, how to break that cycle. And the first thing that you can do when you notice that you're starting to ruminate is to break that cycle, break that state by resetting your nervous system. Because here's the trap that we find ourselves in with rumination we can't think our way out of rumination. Rumination is a thinking problem and, to paraphrase Einstein, who said, you cannot solve your problems with the same thinking that created those problems. And so we can't think our way out of it. We have to feel our way out of rumination. And why is this? It's because the brain, when it's ruminating, what's happening is? We're in that low-grade sense of a threat. Our systems are scanning for danger, replaying danger, replaying danger, replaying mistakes, fearing about the future, and we're trying to find some sense of certainty, or we're trying to find some sense of resolution. But what's going to happen is we're going to stay in that cycle and we won't even take action because we get so trapped in overthinking.
Jerry Henderson:So to disrupt that loop, we actually need a pattern disruption, and the easiest way for that to happen. The quickest way for that to happen is to get our body into a different state. So here's some really quick ways to shift from your head and into your body to break that loop. Number one Cold water. And you can do this either by a cold shower or you can simply put cold water on your face. When you put really cold water on your face, what's happening is you're activating your mammalian dive reflex. When your body starts to respond to that shock, and what that's going to do is it's going to start to shift you out of that sympathetic arousal that rumination has got you stuck in. Another way to move out of the head into the body is some intense physical movement. This can be 30 seconds of pushups or jumping jacks or going for a quick, brisk walk around the neighborhood. All of that shifts the blood flow right to the rest of our body and it starts to calm down that default mode network and put us into a more relaxed and calm state.
Jerry Henderson:Now, another thing that helped break that loop is what is known as a verbal pattern interrupt, and what this is is where you literally say something out loud like this is not helpful, and you say it out loud and you say it with some energy, and when you do that, you're gonna engage your salience network and your auditory cortex and what that's gonna do once again is to pull you out of that DMN default mode network state that you're in. You can literally think of it like an old TV where you're going up and you're slapping it on the side to try to help that signal come back on. That's exactly what you're doing. You're helping you come back online and getting yourself out of that state that's lost in rumination. So maybe, if it's helpful, don't think about it like you're trying to stop rumination in and of itself. What you're trying to do is bring your system back online and pull yourself out of that lost thought, that space that you think is helpful but is not helpful. All the research tells us that. So these things like cold water to the face, some vigorous physical movement and that verbal pattern interrupt can be really helpful to bring you back online.
Jerry Henderson:Now the third tip I want to share with you about getting out of rumination is to name it so that you can tame it. What we're going to do here is a process known as effect labeling. It's a really powerful tool because what you're doing is you're literally naming what you're experiencing. The study that was done in 2024 found that labeling a feeling before trying to change it significantly improved emotional regulation and outcomes around what was trying to be changed. What it does for us is it takes it from being this scary thing that feels so out of control for us, gives it a name, allows us to look at it and then we can say to ourselves it's that, it's rumination, it's not me or I'm ruminating again, not that I have some problem.
Jerry Henderson:I'm engaging in something that is very common, that is caused by the things that we talked about earlier, and giving it that name can really help. It's like the boogeyman under the bed or the boogeyman in the closet. When you label it and you understand that it's just a thought, it's not a reality, and you actually face it, it loses its power, it loses its scariness and then, by labeling it, you're actually going to be stepping into what is known as metacognitive awareness, which is when you begin to observe the mind, instead of being sucked into it or actually being controlled by it. You look at it and you see what the mind's activity is doing and understand that it's the mind doing what the mind is created to do what it naturally does. I like to think of it literally like you're stepping outside of the fog and you're observing the fog. You're labeling it the fog and then you're empowered to determine whether or not you want to go back into the fog or stay out of the fog, and now you start to feel a sense of choice around it instead of feeling like you're a victim of it.
Jerry Henderson:Now, if you need help in your journey of breaking that pattern of rumination and developing a growth mindset and begin creating a life that you love, I want to encourage you to check out my one-on-one coaching program called Personal Mastery. For more information about the program, you can simply see the show notes in this episode. You'll find a link there where you can set up a free strategy call where we can connect and see if working together is the right fit. I'm really looking forward to connecting with you, learning more about your goals and, most importantly, learning more about you. Now, if you haven't had a chance yet to subscribe to or to follow this podcast, I want to take a moment and encourage you to do that so that you don't miss out on a single episode. Also, if you've not had a chance yet to leave a review. I want to encourage you to do that as well, because the more reviews that we get, the more likely this podcast is going to find its way to people who need to hear the message about how to have a healthy relationship with themselves. And I really do just want to let you know that I'm grateful that you're here and I'm grateful that you're part of this community.
Jerry Henderson:Now, the fourth tip I want to give you in overcoming rumination is to redirect that thought energy. You see, this is where a lot of people fall short. They just try to shut that part off, to stop ruminating, and then they don't fill it with anything else. Well, guess what happens? You go right back into that default mode network, the screensaver kicks right back on and all of a sudden you're lost in rumination again. So what we can do in this situation is beginning to engage in what is known as behavioral activation. It's a very effective cognitive behavioral tool that is used all of the time to get people to start moving forward when they feel stuck. So we have to ask ourselves what's one thing that I actually have control over right now and start to put your energy towards that. So, for example, if you're ruminating about something in the past that you did and you just can't get it off of your mind, or an old relationship. Something that you could do that would move you towards more peace is to journal about it. Let those emotions get out instead of staying trapped inside of you.
Jerry Henderson:And a real key to behavioral activation is it's pulling us into the present moment, because rumination does not live in the present moment. Rumination lives in the future. It lives in the past. It's connected to worries and fears and regrets. In the present moment. There's none of that, and anything that can draw In the present moment, there's none of that. And anything that can draw you into the present moment is going to reduce your tendency for rumination.
Jerry Henderson:You see, for many people they think it is being present that actually causes them to ruminate, causes them to fear. That's not the truth. The present moment only has what is. Think about it. Just take a moment. Anytime you feel anxiety, are you here right now, in this present moment, or are you thinking about something that might happen? When I'm focused in on what is here and what is now, rumination ceases. And that's the key behind behavioral activation. It gets us doing something or engaged in something. That's present moment focused. It takes our attention out of the space where rumination lives, thrives and causes suffering.
Jerry Henderson:Just as a quick recap of what we covered today we covered the reasons why we get involved in rumination. We also discussed how we can break that loop of rumination by resetting our nervous system. We also discussed the power of labeling rumination as rumination, so that we can see it for what it is and not get stuck in it, and we also discussed the power of redirecting our attention towards action in the present moment. Now, bonus tip that I wanna share with you that can help pull all this together is when you find yourself ruminating or getting into overthinking, or whatever you want to label it as.
Jerry Henderson:Tell yourself there's a part of me that's experiencing fear right now and that's okay. What you're doing is you're witnessing the part of you that feels the need to overthink, to ruminate, to try to project, to try to protect, and as you see that part of yourself and you meet it with compassion, instead of judgment and beating yourself up as to why you can't stop ruminating and trying to yell at yourself and tell yourself to stop it all the time, if you'll meet yourself with compassion, witness that part and say there's a part of me that's afraid right now, and then what that does is it creates a gentle separation between you and the part of you that's ruminating, and you can see it as a part of you, but not the whole of you, and, as a result, you're a lot more likely to break that pattern and get out of that rut of rumination. And I want to remind you that you are worthy of a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.
