SIMPLE + INTENTIONAL, decluttering, intentional living, habits, decluttering tips, minimalism
The simple + intentional podcast is here to support you, whether it’s to clear clutter, ditch the overwhelm + create ease + simplicity , figure out how to be more intentional in your life or inspire you to into action.
Each week I will share things like practical + actionable tips you can start using immediately to start living more intentionally and create YOUR life as well interviews with people that will inspire and educate you
SIMPLE + INTENTIONAL, decluttering, intentional living, habits, decluttering tips, minimalism
181// Clearing Mental Clutter with Yvette Bowlin, The Declutterist
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Do you struggle with the constant busyness of your mind. The endless to-do list and feeling like if you could just create a little bit of clarity in your head, things would be different?
My guest this week, Yvette Bowlin AKA The Declutterist, shares her insights on how to clear the chaos and find more clarity and calm in your mental space.
Find Yvette here: https://www.declutterist.com/
Follow her here: https://www.instagram.com/declutterist
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Do you feel overwhelmed by clutter when you walk through the door? Are you tired all the time and stuck just getting by? With each day being a carbon copy of the next and no time or space for yourself? Hi, I'm Sarah, and I was you, so I understand. You're a busy mom, whether at home or working full-time, feeling like you're in survival mode. There isn't time for more because you're just putting out fires, overwhelmed by all the stuff, and aching for something more. That's what the Simple Intentional Podcast is here for. To support you. Whether it's to clear clutter, ditch the overwhelm, and create ease and simplicity. Figure out how to be more intentional in your life or inspire you into action. Each week I'll share things like practical and actionable tips you can start using immediately to start living more intentionally and create your life, as well as interviews with people that will inspire and educate you. I'm a full-time working mom, wife, and lover of all things simple. After a stage four cancer diagnosis in 2014, I started on a path to change how I was living. And I'm sharing with you everything that has helped me move from a stressed-out, people-pleasing perfectionist to calm, in control, and feeling like the best version of myself. So grab your earbuds, a cup of tea, and join me to start making powerful shifts in your life today. This is about so much more than stuff. Hello and welcome back to the Simple and Intentional Podcast. Have you ever sat down to finally rest and found your brain still spinning through to-do lists, worries, and everything you should be doing instead? Or do you find yourself bouncing between tasks with a brain that feels like scrambled eggs, just dying for a little less chaos and a little more clarity? Then this episode is for you. Today, my guest, Yvette Bolin, will help share some strategies for something I think so many of you are craving, mental clarity. That feeling of actually being present in whatever you're doing, having that sense of urgency fall away, and being able to stay focused on what's in front of you and know where you're going next. These are feelings that many of you, as busy women and moms, especially if you're in a cluttered environment, are after. And your time is precious, but it's not just about having more time. It's about the quality of that time. Rest that actually feels restful, productivity that actually moves the needle, and presence that actually lets you enjoy your life. And Yvette helps women clear the mental clutter so they can stop running on autopilot and start living with more intention. So let's dig into how we get there with author, speaker, and clarity coach Yvette. She is on a mission to inspire clarity and peace in the heads, hearts, and homes around the world. She helps millions through her book, The Declutter Code: 10 Simple Steps to Clarity, her blog, online programs, yoga classes, space clearing, and business coaching. And since becoming a mom herself, she's leaned into helping overwhelmed, overworked, overloaded moms balance work and family without burnout. Her work has been featured on CBS 8 News, Fox Five News, The Huffington Post, Los Angeles Business Journal, and more. Hello, Yvette. Welcome and thank you so much for being here.
SPEAKER_01Thank you. Thank you for having me. I just really, I'm really grateful to be in your presence virtually because I just want to give you a big shout out. You're like a force in the world. We need you, you know, and everything you have to say. I just think your message is really powerful.
SPEAKER_00Oh, thank you so much. Well, I feel the same. I I feel that I have this um great benefit getting to have conversations with people like you, Yvette, and and you know, share what you're doing in the world as well because it's so beneficial. And, you know, I think for the busy moms and the busy women that are listening, you know, who are constantly on this treadmill and just go, go, going, that the time to listen to something like this and to absorb it and, you know, maybe take a piece away and apply it to their own lives is just such a gift. So I I wonder if we could start just with you sharing a little bit more about yourself for listeners and maybe what your story is.
SPEAKER_01Um, yeah, geez, let's see. Do I go back to uh when I got first inspired with the declutterist business? Um, I was traveling abroad, backpacking. And so I had already decluttered a lot of my life. And so it was in that decluttering and that simplifying down um and really being portable in a backpack with a laptop and running my business um from Brazil, that I was like, okay, um, I get it.
unknownI get it now.
SPEAKER_01And um how all the stuff we carry are just our stories and um that it starts there. And so I was like, okay, declutters was born, you know, declutter from the inside out. I wrote the so from there, um the blog, the podcast, the book, uh, and then, you know, coaching ever since I was coaching beyond that though, uh, because my background is in marketing and branding. And so there was always um a desire to get to the root of the why of the by. So I was, I was always kind of a student of the mind in that regard. And then um my spirituality was always really ever present in my life. And yeah, I think the two combined and led me this way. And I'm here now, and everything just feels real really aligned. It always has. And um I'm you know, it just feels like when you're you when you're walking in purpose, yeah, that's that's where where I feel I I am.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's so great. I like, you know, I talk about decluttering on this podcast. I interview people about decluttering, but what you're talking about is kind of that once you get past that initial part where you've let go of a lot of stuff and you you become proficient at that. You know, you you are really good at making decisions and letting go of things or keeping things and and you know, you know what's for you and what's not, and you get to that place where, like you said, um, it's the stories that have to do with what you keep and what you don't, and and that understanding those stories and then being able to either rewrite them in the way that you want to rewrite them, or you know, uh lean into those I I guess those identities more and then be able to easily keep the things you want to keep. And so I I like how you said that, the stories, because I think that that's a really important piece for people to I guess um understand. And maybe not everybody's at that place where they they might, but just that little nugget that you know, as you let go of things in your decluttering, you might think about that. Like, what is the story attached to this?
SPEAKER_01Right, right. I'm sure you deal with that in your work too, with your clients. There the stories start to come out, and it's like, oh, that's what's keeping them holding on to this. Uh and then it's just some, it's very it's deeper than that, right? It's deeper than the thing.
SPEAKER_00It is always deeper than the thing. And I think that that's a really neat place to get to when you can start to um understand that, I guess, and and you know, be able to step back from the stories a little bit and look at what they're saying and and decide like, do I still want to carry this story with me or am I ready to let this story go? Right. And I imagine like because you focus so much on mental clarity, maybe we could start just talking about like what what would you say mental clutter is and and like how do you know and in our world right now that's just so busy, like how do we differentiate between when our mind is cluttered and we're just busy?
SPEAKER_01Uh I think busy is a form of clutter, uh, because I I think I I think that I when I look at it, I I declutter minds, but really I'm I'm helping the busy-minded become uncluttered. And I think there are so many moms, especially are just we're busy-minded. We've got so there's the complexity, right? The layers um under which we operate uh get to be peeled back and revealed. Um, the root revealed, I guess, is what you could say. Like if it's an onion, it's the bulb that you're you finally get to, those layers of stories that you've you've come to identify as and with that keep the wall up, keep you protected, uh, keep you performing. And um, and it's it is a form of uh busy. And so I would say mental clutter is really everything in the way of clarity and freedom and peace and joy and love, really, and all the goodness that flows in the world, which is only all that flows, is the goodness. And when we remember that, uh, when we see that, we can be that, you know, we can remember that we are that. And uh from that place, life is simple, right? It's uncomplicated, it uh it feels good. And sometimes it is kind of reverse engineering some of those stories, coming back to not necessarily like as if we're in a therapy session. Uh, do we are we harping on the past, right? Well happened, you know, what happened then? Um sometimes, and you know, it is actually accurate to to find when maybe that started, if that helps serve you, um, but anything that's limiting you, holding you down, holding you back, um is mental clutter. It's in the way of you seeing through the things that really don't matter, um, that aren't real, um, that um are fear-based. Ultimately it's fear.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And you you m mentioned sort of um protection. Do you find a lot of women the busyness and the mental clutter is related to that protection and that fear?
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. I think fear is insecurity, and from insecurity our our um ego gained power, right? It's the way the ego stays in position. Uh so insecurity is the is at the root of our mental clutter.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Uh because it has us building the the reinforcement to never feel that pain again that we once felt, you know, that that first uh alerted us to the fact that we're vulnerable and that we're here on earth, you know, whoa, in these meat suits and um, you know, really vulnerable to attack, you know, as far as the ego not wanting to, you know, die or feel feel humiliated, you know, fall on your face. You you know, that that's where the say face comes from. It's all in a in protection of um this human, right?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I I certainly I see that too, you know, when we we talk about decluttering, you know, with a client or um, you know, even in conversation sometimes on this podcast, like when people share their stories, I think that what you're saying is really relatable because a lot of people do, they get in this busy mindset, this productive uh way of being all the time, you know, checking the things off the list because that feels good, it feels safe, it feels like you're doing something. Um when what's required to sort of get out of that is to slow down, to look at what's going on, to face some things, to ask some questions. And those things can certainly be really uncomfortable and you know may lead to thing doing things that you don't necessarily want to do out of out of fear. And so yeah, I think a lot of us get really comfortable in being productive and busy because that's that's a safe place to be.
SPEAKER_01And I actually think busy isn't productive, right? So I think there is, you know, definitely meaningful productivity, a way to be productive um and still be mindful, right? So be clear on the priorities, the things that matter the most and get those done.
SPEAKER_00Um yeah. So how would you like differentiate those two two things, like productiveness and busyness?
SPEAKER_01I think busy is um, I I I mean, I really do parallel it to like the hamster on the wheel or the rat race or uh name another cliche, right? Yeah, that we're in, right? We're kind of chasing our tails, we're running after something as an escape or a distraction. Um uh because we feel doubt, right? We feel self-doubt. And that kind of spurs this, this um uh this runaway, you know, um, from sitting with it, right? Being with what is, or, you know, scurrying out I literally picture, right, a scurrying like that kind of fluttering. Um, because that's what happens with your heart, right? Um, you know how they say kids have big feelings. I actually think they're not, it's not big. You can have a big, you know, um anyway, sadness can feel big, but yeah, um, they're fast because the heart moves really fast. And so they're fast feelings, actually. So, and and we never lose that, right? So the heart moves and it's going and it's like, oh, we have to respond to that. Um, so there's a time to let that kind of um it it I guess uh let me just simplify and say that when you feel that it's kind of wouldn't you rather that energy that the body's starting to course through your veins, your blood's ready and boiling and going um in the perpetuation of things that you would rather have and it for a life you'd rather live. And so it does, it does require the counterbalance to that kind of fight or flight moment, um, because that's what it is. You know, the deer raises its head, hears something, you know, the ears move and and then it, you know, sees something and then it's it darts, you know, but then it doesn't stay in fight or flight. It doesn't, it doesn't still imagine that coyote or whatever else lion is nearby, right? It knows it's you know, it can sense peace. And um, so there's the balance. We don't stay in fight or flight, we counterbalance with relaxing and meditate, you know, if that's meditating or praying or um massages, facials, you know, like things that just really remind you that, okay, I'm in this body, um, but there's more, right? Because the body's rested now, it's calm, which makes my mind, you know, free to kind of explore and think. And um, because I, you know, meditation isn't to to quiet the mind, it definitely slows down the mind, but it's to observe the mind. And so, so when you're in that balanced state of, okay, this maybe I'm feeling more feminine here, right? I I'm less in my masculine, then um I'm like able to connect from within and regroup.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So it's like leaning into the feelings when they come, like leveraging the energy of them. So it's like, what is the feeling trying to tell you? And you know, if it's you know, fear or sadness or something that may be uncomfortable, you know, what's the message? That kind of thing. Is that what you're saying? So that it's you can sort of lean into that and help it push you towards the thing that that instigated the feeling.
SPEAKER_01Um sure. And also just to um sit with the feeling and maybe uh be guided as to the behavior that might really quantum leap your next move. So that I call I do something called an 80-20 edit, and it does really boil down to what it is, what is it that you want, yeah, and making sure the behavior aligns because the behavior is always what follows a belief. So we only, you know, we believe something and then we act. Um, we behave in a certain way, we form habits, rituals, routines, right, around this a belief. Um, and so no nervous system can be calmed outside of reframing, reprogramming, readjusting, um, retelling a story. Uh no, you know, so it it really follows uh what we think, right? Um and so you can, what's really cool about being productive is you can come within, right? Realize, oh, the problem that that is making me like, oh, agitated, anxious, nervous, like uh um bubbling, um, that kind of buzzing in your skin. You know, you can when you sit back with it, you can identify that there's both the masculine and the feminine in that, right? There's both the the okay, what do I do now? What do I do? Notice the conversation is right, the inner converse, the dialogue is ready for you to act.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, but then also while we're calm, we're noticing that uh, well, what do I believe I need to do? And what if what you did was the most inspired action you could take? How much more fulfilling the results would be? Uh so then coming back right into your meditation or your silence, right? The slowing down of yourself and reconciling, right, the two, the two planes that want to be the doing and the being. Really? I think it's the doing and the non-doing because both are being.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01They're both being. You can't remove one from the other. They're not mutually exclusive, or else you're resisting parts of yourself and therefore just furthering the conundrum of you know, chaos and inner turmoil and you know, the emotional roller coaster of life, you're still riding it instead of like riding the wave of of goodness and you know.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, no, totally. I hear what you're saying. Because I I think like a lot of women live in this sort of perpetual mental overload. And I think a lot of them think it's just part of the deal. Like this is what it is being a mom or having a career or trying to keep life ticking by, you know? And um, you know, obviously there is another way, and that this is not part of the deal. Um and I wonder if we could just sort of talk a little bit of about like how how do you step out of that? How do you step out of the busyness? Like, what are some things that people can do to sort of start to shift and to pursue something different?
SPEAKER_01I think uh noticing, noticing uh what your behaviors are, the the habits you have and what is behind them. I remember when I was a new mom and or a new mom of two, because a new mom of one, I felt like I still had space to breathe. But when I had two boys under two, I I couldn't blink, you know, and uh I would find myself snacking and just eating anything and everything just because I didn't know the next meal I could have, right? And I needed to maintain my energy. And so the thought was eat anything you can because in those times of stress, you need fuel reserves, right? And if you're not sitting down for a proper meal, like hardly I was, um, and I was nursing, attachment nursing. So we were just my life was that, right? Well, anyway, um what I had to do was kind of use those down moments, right? Of of nursing, let's say, and just be with myself, not scroll, not be anything that's alarming to my energy. Um, because one, the baby's on me. I want him to have solace and serenity and for us both, right? We both need it. Uh, that's why people say nap when the baby naps, because you really do need it's you we need to slow down as much as having this new baby uh requires of us. Well, um, that's kind of such a lesson in us slowing down and stepping back because we're kind of forced to. Well, you know, nowadays we're not we're trying to fit it all in and do all the things um without giving us this the proper balance of rest. And so whatever you deem rest, self-care and the slowing down of your body, I would say that is what to do. So if you notice, if you just start to notice, simply notice. Go about your day today. Nothing, you don't need a journal, just go about your day today and just notice. Really. Um notice how you uh react to your kids. Notice how you uh think about something you have to do for work and what it causes you to do and to feel in your body, where what lights up, what starts to light up, and then what parts of you start to um tense up. Um and so where there's tension, there's a story. Where there's tension, there's something that you can look into and say, okay, well, let me unravel this knob. That lives inside my gut around this particular topic. And then it starts to lead into you know more things that you can do. But I really to for simplicity's sake, just notice. Notice, and then you'll start to be led intuitively to what it's saying, what it's telling you about yourself, what it means. So you're allowing that space, right? You're allowing the perspective to come in because you're being present to what's happening.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And I mean, this takes time, right? Like doing this noticing, like this isn't you just spend a day noticing and then you understand it all.
SPEAKER_01Like uh good, good point. Um, well, it's gonna be revealing if you if you um give if you go all in on it, right? If you go all in on the noticing, you will have quite a bit of revelations by the end of the day. Let's say we're just gonna go with that. We're gonna notice for 24 hours uh what we tend to do, how we tend to behave, and uh and we'll be we'll be enlightened to some things about ourselves. And then if but with but it does it, you said it takes time. It actually takes space. So if we just give it space to live the noticing without the judging, yeah, right. The noticing and the being with it, uh, the no the notice, right? We've been put on notice because we're being present to like, okay, oh wow, I do do that, huh? And I know we do that. We're we'll we catch ourselves on a regular basis. Oh, I do do that. Um, but we we haven't spent maybe the day on it where like I'm intentional, I'm coming back to it. Yeah. Um, so it's a it's a nice little exercise to see how willing you are to kind of be met with uh where you react in life um and where you are holding on, gripping tight, right? The steering wheel, yeah, holding on for dear life, where you are doing that and what it really causes and how it might be a ripple effect. And all of this, right, is showing up. So we get to be present to oh whoa, I just totally caused that domino effect. Um next, you know, and not even having to think, but this could be another thing. Next time you start to prepare for what when it happens again. Next time, I think I'll take a breath in and out before this happens. I think I'll take a breath in and out before my partner comes home because I I tend to lay my day on him. And uh, and he's just coming home thinking, you know, his way, and he's coming in from his world, right? Into I guess my world, because I'm home and the kids are home. And so it's like, okay, you know, um, if I'm laying the day, the weight of my day on him, what happens, right? And that's a notice, right? That's a stepping back. Same with the kids, same with anything, same with your clients, right? Um, wherever you're stressed out, if you don't, if let's say I did do a breath, and then I imagine, I'm imagining myself, I'm seeing myself walk through. He walks through the door. Let's say your partner's your husband, he walks through the door, and I just breathe. And then I'm I I'm separate, right? From I've given myself room to breathe around maybe the stress instead of putting it right on him, as if that's my relief.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01My relief was in my breath. And then I can kind of enter the scene, enter the situation, enter him, entering the room with like, hey, how's your day? Just that little breath alone. But because I had the space to then imagine a different outcome, a different scenario, just but from me doing one simple thing. Notice the doing got really simple. It wasn't, oh, let me clean the house. No, I just and I'm ready for maybe his comment about how dirty the house is, right? Yeah. Like I'm ready for maybe he's not the most uh congenial guy and he comes in with the harshest critique about what I didn't do all day. Like, you know, if you're the stay-at-home mom, and so that's in that's eating you alive. But just with that breath alone, instead of doing the cleaning and trying to appease him, breath the breath in alone might allow you some space to just see that. Oh, maybe he comes in, you know, giving him a you're giving him the benefit of the doubt. You're giving him a new story. So you're he's coming in and he sees the mess, and maybe it makes him a little anxious. You allow for his anxiety, but it doesn't have to affect you. Yeah. Okay, he comes in, he says the thing, I don't even hear it because I know that's how he is, and um, and I know I probably would too. And another breath. And then I'm, you know, I I can just kind of receive what he's saying, maybe with more compassion, with with um with less defenses.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah, I definitely I I love that it's like such a simple, very portable strategy, right? Like that's 100% within your control. How you um can respond to something when you sort of arm yourself with these strategies and you give yourself that space, that it's like that mental clarity that you're talking about because it's it's you know, the breath in and out, bringing yourself into the moment, just yeah, detaching from the story. Like I I love what you said about because we do, we anticipate what people are gonna say, or we already have in our mind like how someone's gonna respond or what they're gonna do. And then we're already 10 steps ahead with our response to the response we think is coming, and we're not really thinking with compassion, we're not really thinking, okay, like if I could separate myself here for a minute, and instead of reacting and being pissed off about the comment about how untidy or unclean things are, could I think about, yeah, like how this person that I care about feels when they enter this space and and why they might be just being curious about why they might respond that way and just sort of giving yourself that space. Um, that's such a great strategy because it's yeah, it's dead simple. And the more you practice it, right? The more I I mean, I've definitely found that with any type of mindfulness, like the more you practice it, the more at hand it is, you know, like and the times where I have not practiced those things as regularly, you know, life has gotten busy and you know, these things get let go of sometimes and you kind of return to them and you start to feel the difference. Um, and I don't know if you would find this too, but I found certainly over the years of my different practices, but meditation especially. When I meditate regularly versus when, you know, I've had a busy week at work or something else has come up and I've sort of swapped out that time in the morning for something else. You know, maybe I sleep in a little bit and then I'm not doing it as much. I really feel the difference in my body. Like it's sort of that I don't know, that sense of urgency is a little more at the surface. I just feel a little more distracted and I'm not able to sort of, yeah, take that breath and pause before I respond to things. Like I think the you know, I get more on edge, like I'm like ready to, I don't know, more impulsive, I guess, you know, about my responses. And so yeah, I think that strategy is so great.
SPEAKER_01And I even invite you and probably anyone who's listening to um even just kind of examine the the context around meditation as if that's the only way to find yourself at a peaceful start, right? Because sleeping in is great, right? If we need sleep, nothing happens well without sleep, right? If if you're finding that this is actually most important, then let that be what fuels you, right? Let that be your meditation. I I'm choosing to sleep in, and with consciousness and awareness, I'm like, I'm gonna sleep in and the extra these extra 15 minutes are gonna be everything I need. And it's feel it feels really good to be a choice here. And I for sure. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I definitely find it's just, I don't know, and this is just since I've become a parent. But that window of time in the morning where it is quiet, it is just me. Not a lot else replaces for me. I thought like, you know, the extra sleep is good, but there is something about just having a little bit of space to myself that I I definitely value. Um, but I hear what you're saying because I know meditation is one of those words that people hear there and they're like, uh, I'm not gonna do that, or like that doesn't work for me. And so I think it's it's truly important what you're saying that there are many ways to be mindful and to slow down and to give yourself that space for sure. Um and yeah, maybe it's a walk, like you know, whatever it is, you know, there's there's many ways to access it for sure. But um, such an important strategy, you know, to to give yourself that space. Um the pause. Which is important for I mean, for the people listening who are working on decluttering. I talk about this a lot, like the pause before you do something, before you buy something, before you accept a free item, you know, before you do anything. It's just really great to just take that pause because a lot of times we'll make a different decision.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah. I love that. I love waiting, especially like to buy something 24 hours.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um for my business or home, you know. Yeah. I really do. I like just to take a second um to say, do I really need that? And a lot of times it just sits in my cart on Amazon, you know, it did, it doesn't, you know, because it's not like it's I when you think about it, if you were to imagine yourself in the house of your dreams, let's say that you're you're working toward buying that house and you're like, oh, finally I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna, I'm gonna feel so alive and like I I finally conquered the world, and this is what I'm working so hard for. Um, you're in that house. I mean, what does it feel like when you're in that house? Great, exciting, exhilarated doesn't mean your dreams stop there, right? It doesn't mean you stop there and you just sit in your couch all day, right? You still life moves forward. You still want to maybe propel your purpose forward and uh live your passion, right? So uh notice how the house was just a thing, another thing, right? Yet another thing that really at the end of the day didn't cause a difference in your consciousness or your peace, right? Um it does for sure. The the quality of the way that you live matters. Um, but what you perceive as clutter is really um the only clutter that exists, right? What anyone else perceives as clutter is not your problem, I guess, right? If you perceive it, it's your problem. Um if you perceive it as clutter, it's your problem. And so um, yeah, I think the quality of life, right? The way that we live, the the peace in our home, the energy, all of that matters for sure, but it's not, it doesn't come in the size, it doesn't come in the shape. And so we can kind of remove the thing, the object, um, as if it's the the end all, right? Yeah, and then coming away from those kinds of stories, then yeah, you're purchasing habits do change quite a bit.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's so true, you know, and like 24 hours could be a whole different world. Like, you know, you know, where we're talking about feelings. Like I say this to my daughter sometimes when she does have those, I don't know, yeah, it is big feelings that um gets used a lot with children, like you said, but it's like the intensity of feelings or the discomfort of the feeling, or you know, like how overwhelmed we feel by it, you know. And so when that intensity comes in and she's feeling overwhelmed, like one thing that I've certainly found true in life is feelings change. Like if you can guarantee anything, your feelings will change. And how you feel in this moment, you know, like whether it's uh, you know, grief that's so painful or um you know, overwhelming anger or you know, whatever, shame or whatever these feelings are that are generally very uncomfortable for us, like they will shift. And a lot of times it's faster than we uh anticipate. And so, you know, like I am a huge advocate of people feeling their feelings because I think that it's really important for the mindfulness piece. It's important for, you know, like you were saying about the stories. Like it's important for that because you need to really be in your story and understand what the story you're telling is and and know how that story feels, and then start to think about like, yeah, what is it that you want to change about that? Like you gave the example of the house, like how you want to feel in a space, you know, and think about like what are the things that are contributing to this feeling you're having that you you don't really want to have, and you know, like, um, but that it will move through. And so you gotta be with it. But that that 24 hours, like, you know, whatever's in your cart in 24 hours, you could be in a totally different place. So it's just yeah, just riding through the feeling, even just riding through the feeling of wanting something really badly, you know, and just being like, okay, I really want this. But you know, I say to my daughter all the time, like, it's gonna be available again. If there's anything you can guarantee, like stuff will be there, you know?
SPEAKER_01Absolutely, it will come around next year or something else.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, or it might be even better this year. Yeah, you might like it even more in a different color. Like, I you know, how many times have you you experienced that, right? Like, no, they made it better. So yeah, sometimes we yeah, exactly. Um and yeah, I just I guess like I, you know, this mental clarity piece. Um, I know like I think of decision fatigue being a big piece of this, and I don't know if you'd agree with me or not, but I know that that is a battle for people listening um to this episode right now because uh, you know, as whether you're a mom or you're a busy woman, like you are making a ton of decisions all the time. And you know, another piece that I talk a lot about is the mental load, and a lot of women are carrying that, and that comes with, you know, the endless decision making, um, and and stuff that you know gets laid on you from other people, and it's not just your decisions. And so I I wonder like how can people let go of some of that, or how do we lay down some of that decision fatigue?
SPEAKER_01I think uh it boils down to how many decisions we're trying to make on a daily basis, how much of the decision making we feel rests only on our shoulders, you know, what we haven't delegated out. Uh, and then what it what does rest on our shoulders as far as what decisions we're we're taking on really just be in ownership of like, you know what, I do want to make all the decisions on doctors, dentists, appointments. I do want to make decisions on uh the the brand of detergent we use on the clothes and uh you know the way we wash our dishes and put them in the dishwasher. Or I don't, or I don't make those decisions and I do pass them off and I do trust somebody reliable who's proven themselves maybe in other ways, and all I have to do is we get on the same page and make an agreement that this is how it's done. Yeah. Um, this is how we vacuum. I remember back in the day my dad would um vacuum and you he'd want the lines in the right. And I didn't ever have the stride that perfect, you know. Um, not that he would say you're doing it wrong, but he would always try to teach me that this is the way. And I think at some point he just was happy that the place was vacuumed, right? And so you just have to, you know, I'm just glad it's done and not by me. And so how many decisions are you taking on? Because I I do believe we're we're at a fork in the road at any moment. And that's decision, right? And if you're at the fork in the road of this or that, every single time, every single second of your life, you are going to be fatigued. Um, and but then there's also the freedom in choosing a lane, going that way, right? Choosing that this is what I'm gonna do today because it feels more in my flow. And I'm making the decision to do what feels in flow. And for me, that is, you know, I'm not gonna do the dishes. I'm actually gonna sit with my kids on the floor and we're gonna talk about our day and play. And, you know, I'm just gonna sit with them and watch them. I'm actually not even gonna say a word because this is what I'd rather do, right? As a mom of littles, let's say, um, um, right, I would rather just watch them develop instead of doing the dishes. In which case, if you've made that decision of what's more important, and it was simple as that because you tuned in tapped down, tapped into like, okay, this is actually what's more important right now, this is where I'm needed most, is my I'm being called, maybe instinctively, to sit down. Not necessarily because I'm tired, but also that, sure. Sit down, rest. Um, but then while you're resting, maybe there's something else that's super nourishing for your soul, and that's looking at your kids or something like that, um, or engaging in some kind of way. Or not why, you know, go, I would rather go lay in my room and just turn the lights out instead of do these dishes. So the decision fatigue, I think it comes from yeah, piling too much on our plate, thinking we have to do it all, it all falls on us, um, which, you know, is a story.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And but you made a, I think, a really good distinction there too, is that there is that agreed upon what um in the fair play they call the minimum standard of care. Like this is what we've agreed upon is like doing the laundry or washing the dishes, you know, and so that there is, you know, that you're not gonna come back later and be like, oh, well, actually, I need to do this again because it's not clean or it's not, you know, so it is being able to pass it off and knowing that it may not be done exactly the way that you want it to be done, but that there's gonna be, you know, like it'll be vacuumed, like you said, you know, may not have the lines, but it'll be vacuumed and um and letting go of that. And so I think that that's a really good uh thought for people to take with them because um yeah, when you're carrying all those decisions all the time, you know, there has to be a way to let some of them down so that you can rest. And and maybe we could just uh talk about that. I could just ask you um because rest is another piece that I find is a real challenge. And what rest looks like for a lot of listeners is sitting down and like scrolling on their phone um instead of what would actually be restful. And so how do people flip the switch between you know being on and then giving themselves actual rest?
SPEAKER_01Um I I think it's as simple as uh noticing. So if we notice that when we are at our most restful, when we feel like, oh, I'm I actually felt rejuvenated, uh just sitting down. Sometimes I feel really rejuvenated. Um yeah, just laying flat on my back and kind of getting my alignment back, you know, instead of like leaning over everything all the time. So I just lay flat on the floor, and that really does rejuvenate me. And just like you had mentioned earlier, like the more you do something, the better you get at it, the more at the ready it is, right? That kind of like, oh. So then it was like just that, those three breaths I took on the floor, flattening my flattening my back, um, allowed me to kind of like, okay, collect myself and then be ready for what was next. Um, so rest doesn't have to look a certain way unless you deem it rest. Right. Uh so I guess trying to kind of label anything rest because so-and-so did it, um, you know, I guess is kind of the first issue with not finding the time for rest, right? You're kind of making it something that you never define for yourself.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00No, it's so, I mean, that's so true. What you're saying, it's like with any kind of self-care, like there, I mean, it again, I think this comes back to the mental clarity. Like, there's so many inputs coming towards us where you know, like I my Instagram feed, like, you know, it comes through you should be doing this, this, this, and this. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm not doing any of those things. You know, so I think a lot of women experience that, right? Like they're like, oh, I'm I'm failing at this because I'm not able to like, you know, do like do some like somatic movement today and then like use my red light mask and you know, whatever, eat enough cottage cheese.
SPEAKER_01Like absolutely. Oh my gosh. And notice how just the scrolling added to your to-do list.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01And of course we're in de decision fatigue and burnout.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it, but I love what you're saying about rest because I think that that's I I mean, to go back to the mental clarity, like I think that for me, um, and I'm sure that everybody feels this way, but you know, you come home and you've been out and either you've been working or you've been doing stuff and you're tired and you're, you know, you've been going, going, going, and you know you still have more to do, and you feel that sense of overwhelm, and you're like, okay, how am I gonna do it? And you know, we all figure it out, but the amazing thing about actually just sometimes sitting down and like maybe watching a little bit of TV with my daughter and closing my eyes a bit and like snuggling with her a little bit, or or even just sitting down and Reading for a few minutes or doing something and it doesn't take a lot of time. I found like now I'm like, wow, 15 or 20 minutes actually just like the feelings, the world is a different place again, you know. But you can move yourself from that. How am I gonna do this to okay, I'm ready for the next thing, um, with a bit of whatever your type of rest is.
SPEAKER_01And I, you know, what do they say? Like, don't make decisions if you're it halt H A L P. Yeah, I don't hungry, angry, something L, tired. Um, but but yet we do all the time. Yeah. And so that's a mental state, right? A state of mind. We're we're feeling that way. We're we're deciding we um we're we're tired or we're hungry, like I'm looking for food, right? Um I noticed I'm famished, I haven't eaten in hours, right? And then the stories compound. And then that leads you to be desperate for a solution, and you then your behavior just kind of move it follows in the form of desperation. Um, and so of course, right? Our energy is being so it's sucked dry um by all the things we um think are ours. And a lot of times, I mean, we're co-creating with God, right? So we can delegate, we can decide that you know, God's gonna do some of this. I don't know, I don't know how, but um a way will be made that those dishes, I don't know who is gonna do them, it's not me. They're gonna, and then imagine, right? That, oh wow, yeah, so-and-so comes home and does them. Someone visits, sees their dirty, and offers to do them, right? I mean, how far fetched, right? But not not really, not really. Like you have benevolent people enough in your life that that could happen, right? Does a reality exist where you don't have to do the laundry? Absolutely. The minute you think otherwise is like you just choosing for yourself the life of a life of doing laundry. I personally would love to hire it out. I while I'm doing it though, while I'm the one doing it for my boys, I love folding their clothes. My um their grandma, my mom, even says, like, why do you hang their clothes? Like just dry them. I said, I don't mind the ritual of hanging them to dry. I feel like I'm giving care. Maybe one day, you know, I'll put them in the dryer, but I just have never been that person, especially since traveling. I I hang my clothes. Well, anyway, I hang theirs too. And um, there's a there's a quality of life it gives me. Like I see their clothes, I notice if something's snagged. And I don't, you know, I guess you just you don't know unless you know, right? You I this is where I'm at, right? And she's in a different place, and so is anybody else. They're all in different places than where I am right now. So choose, I choose me. I choose kind of this fuels me. I love seeing the clothes, I love smelling them that they're clean. I love seeing that, oh, we need new pants because there's a thing, and not as though it's like a burden. I'm like, oh, I gotta, I'm making this a problem because then I have to go to Amazon or we have to go to Carter's, I have to figure out where to buy these pants at. Um, no, no, I actually I I know the time will come when pants will be right there in front of me to buy and it'll be the perfect time.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01There's also that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so true. And it's, I mean, that's another piece, just like as an aside, when you do declutter and you do have less stuff, because I'm the same, I hang dry most clothes as well. That you because I do, I'm an advocate of daily laundry because I just think it, you know, like anything you sort of chip away at it, and it's just, you know, it does, it slows down the process of it. It doesn't for for me, it's like uh never an overwhelming thing, you know, because it's just slowly happening. But the it's true when you have less that you're able to have some of these slower practices too. Because if you had tons and tons of clothes and you're doing like 12 loads of laundry a week, then I mean you would never be able to hang dry all your clothes. But if you get to a place where you have fewer things, then you know you allow yourself to have that space that allows for the more mental clarity and and to slow down and just spend time with the things. Um so I love that.
SPEAKER_01Well said. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Well, I I have three final questions that are just for fun um that I ask everybody. And the first one is what is something you can't live without?
SPEAKER_01Not a thing, right? Not a person.
SPEAKER_00It could be it could be whatever.
SPEAKER_01I would say uh travel.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. That's a good one. I actually don't know if anybody's ever said that one before. That's a really good one. Um, what about a favorite quote or saying?
SPEAKER_01Uh for peace or purpose?
SPEAKER_00Either. You whatever you decide.
SPEAKER_01Uh for peace, uh be the change you wish to see in the world. Uh and do it with a smile. I added that part of Gandhi. And then I'll follow your bliss. I believe that's the best. Joseph Campbell, I believe that's the best purpose statement ever.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you know, it's so true because I mean like just thinking about my audience, I don't know that a lot of people have really thought about doing that for themselves. So it's such a it's such a big thing to really think about, like what feels good. Um yeah, and then last one is what is an easy go-to dinner.
SPEAKER_01Uh curry turkey tacos.
SPEAKER_00Oh.
SPEAKER_01I yeah, these super easy recipe. It's a something I borrowed from a a person who was throwing a party once. The host had curry tacos, and I I adapted it a little bit. My boys love it. We all love it. It's yeah, it's so good. So good.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, tacos are definitely one that have been like mentioned many, many times. But I love that curry turkey tacos. That sounds good.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, ground turkey.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Well, for those listening who would love to know more about you or want to read your book or just kind of like enter your world a little more, where can they find you?
SPEAKER_01I'd say YouTube. Uh YouTube, so YouTube.com forward slash at declutterist. Uh search by title, you know, whatever you might need at the time. Um, there is also my book on Amazon, the declutter code 10 Simple Steps to Clarity. Uh, and then yeah, message me, comment on a video, let me know you stop by. I'd love it. I'd love this audience, right? Anybody know?
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. I know this will be so valuable to them. So thank you so much for your time today. It's been wonderful to speak with you. Thank you. Thanks, Sarah. That's all for today. I'll see you again next week. And if you liked today's episode and found it helpful, I'd be so grateful if you would write a review. If you do, your day will be entered for this month's giveaway. You can also share with another mom who would be helped by listening. And be sure to follow me on Instagram at Simple Intentional. Thanks for listening.
