Blaine: This bachelorette's the gay bars.
Blaine: They really piss me off.
Adam: You freaking, open your mouth and Prada comes out.
Ryan: It's so time between Bargain Bradley and my mate.
Ryan: Hello everyone, welcome to another episode of Coffee with Gays.
Ryan: I'm your host this week, ryan, and we have Adam and.
Blaine: Blaine, here's, everybody.
Blaine: Hi, ed, hey, everyone, hey.
Ryan: And for today's topic, gen Z, the millennial perspective.
Ryan: So all of us are millennials, different stages of millennial, but we're here to talk about kind of our perspective on that, topics such as pronouns.
Ryan: I know Adam has got a lot to say.
Ryan: I'm sure we hear from him a lot every episode, but I think he will show up a lot for this one.
Ryan: So I got my espresso in to hopefully get a few words in and we'll just kind of go through some topics here.
Ryan: But I think first we just wanted to open it up and hear what are your thoughts on just Gen Z impact in society right now.
Blaine: I mean you have your espresso, though I just want to say you've been sober for a couple weeks now.
Ryan: Yeah, I'm going on two weeks.
Blaine: You're like on a supercut, post your proposal.
Blaine: Yes, what led to that?
Ryan: Just as a little intro for everyone, there was a lot of drinking leading up to that.
Ryan: Bradley and I love our tequila.
Ryan: If the video isn't out yet, I may have had a drunk little brawl with Adam over here.
Blaine: Oh, it's not out yet, but actually this is a really good segue to actually launch the fight in homo sasa between Adam and Ryan.
Blaine: It was really good, funny and I get it.
Adam: I was the sober person in that moment.
Ryan: Yeah, that was reverse roles, yeah.
Blaine: You want to tell them the story really quick for everybody, because I just really just want to now.
Ryan: Yeah, so in homo sasa, and so I think Blaine was probably like instigating this, because we all know she's trying to get content.
Ryan: Yeah, I will say okay.
Ryan: So we found out that.
Ryan: So he was sleeping in the garage room and needed to redirect the air to make sure it stayed cool.
Adam: So, mind you, I was sleeping in a garage.
Ryan: So keep going.
Ryan: So we found out that he closed all the air vents.
Adam: I did not close them all.
Adam: I closed the ones that were blowing out very hard to try to get more air into the garage because I was sweating like a horn church so I was dying and I was like we got to get some air in this thing because it was rough.
Adam: But anyway, I closed the vents and I said to Bradley hey, I'm going to close these vents.
Adam: If you get hot, just crack them back open like for the bedroom.
Adam: But you guys have a lot of air coming in.
Adam: And the day before this brawl went out Brad was like I agree.
Blaine: And then you know Bradley's like shit face and he's like Adam closed all the vents in the house and I did not know this and what led to the fight, quite frankly, until I was in the airport, the like a few days later, because I went to see a guy in Jacksonville, florida.
Blaine: That's a whole other story, for another episode, because I left earlier.
Blaine: I did, I know Well, anytime you go to Jacksonville, but I was in the airport lounge and it was a very busy lounge and I was looking through my videos of that day and I found the video of Brad.
Adam: Now, mind you, lane videotapes everything.
Adam: Whether you're going to the bathroom, having sex, making a sandwich, it doesn't matter, lane is going to record it, so watch what you do around, blake.
Blaine: I just want to make sure we have enough content for coffee with gay.
Blaine: We need those shorts and those tiktoks, so please make sure and follow us on tiktok, youtube and Instagram reels, because these things will show up there for sure at random times.
Blaine: But I didn't know the cause of the fight.
Blaine: Basically, long story short Ryan comes after Adam, who was sober, so it was not a fair match and Adam took him down three times.
Ryan: I know, I know, I know it was so fair.
Ryan: But you know, when I was drunk, in that moment I wasn't thinking.
Adam: So the sad part about it was like, hey, you're drunk and I'm sober, you're going to lose.
Adam: And he's like no, I'm not.
Adam: And I was like you're going to lose, like what?
Adam: And he was like, no, and he just launches on my back and just starts whaling me into the head and I was like, oh God.
Adam: And then I had to decide at what moment do I lay down, like Ryan, like should I jokingly let this go, or should I just really throw him down?
Adam: And I like went on for like I'm going to say like 30 seconds, and then I was like you're going down, like WWE, I'm throwing you down, hold on, you're going to get hurt, you're going to get hurt.
Blaine: And then I love how Matt just casually shot Saunders in and is like like just sitting next to me and we're just both like by standards.
Blaine: And then where's Bradley, who started this whole thing?
Ryan: He started the whole thing.
Ryan: I guess the bed.
Adam: This was on like his third sleep cycle.
Blaine: The next day he's like I don't know, guys, I was just in bed, oh shit.
Blaine: And I'm like you're you instigated the whole fight.
Blaine: You're up there on a stool and your speedo like, like, adjusting the vent, say an atom shut off all the vents in the house and, mind you, the best part about this is guess who had zero air conditioning vents in the porch, which is where I was staying.
Blaine: Me, I had to open the windows in homosasks order, where it's humid, hot and everything.
Blaine: So I just want to say that I should, I should have been the one that was mad.
Blaine: That's what I want to say at the end of the day.
Adam: Does that mean that you want to?
Blaine: hit me?
Blaine: No, it didn't.
Blaine: I was pretty sober myself, so I just thought the whole thing was hysterical.
Blaine: What we'll probably do is edit a whole YouTube video for the for the video and we'll post it with this one it was you.
Blaine: I won't post it in this video because it might be too much.
Adam: I want to do an actual, dedicated part of it was when Ryan like finally realized like it was over and he and he got.
Adam: He got upset, he kicked the bag of trash which launched all across the house and I was like wait as his mother walked out of her bedroom.
Adam: And then I come over like a little six year old like oh my God he was, literally was a caught six year old.
Blaine: He's like he knew he was in trouble, he knew it was time to go to bed.
Blaine: And he went to bed and then came out the next morning singing Last night we let the liquor talk.
Adam: I still love you yeah.
Blaine: Yeah, chosen family, chosen family, had a moment I just had to highlight that really fun time in homosasa.
Blaine: But anyway, back to our friends and our friends with Gen Z.
Blaine: So where are we with this?
Blaine: Where are we with Gen Z?
Blaine: And like what we think about them.
Ryan: Let's start with, like Ryan, like what's the thought I mean the thought I just recognizing, first, I think, millennial and then Gen Z.
Ryan: So, being a younger, what do we say?
Ryan: Nineteen, born in 1990s, 97, 2012.
Ryan: This particular group, like so I think millennial, like we're coming in at our age and maybe moving to be like predominant kind of workforce and in society at this point, and then younger generation, gen Z, and every generation is different, but I think this one in particular, always, you know, having grown up, digital and social media, and it's just a very different, I think, approach on maybe, yeah, approach on how addressing it could be the climate change.
Ryan: Or I think the biggest thing that I think we can talk about with like gender, gender identity and pronouns and like it's a whole nother world even for us and like in my career, even, but being able to kind of be a voice just explaining like a pronoun in general, this is even a he-him.
Ryan: And now we look at, I mean I get confused.
Ryan: There's just so much new language and things that I feel like this generation is like are they introducing and they're trying to figure out.
Ryan: Is it like, is that real?
Ryan: I mean I know this week I mean you sent me this TikTok neo pronouns.
Ryan: I thought I was like keeping up with some stuff, like I'm at work trying to like explain stuff to people, and now I'm like this is and I follow this amazing TikToker God.
Blaine: I wish I remember her TikTok handle, but I'll definitely tag it in the show notes and she's a Gen Xer and she basically talks about Gen X, which I actually really identify.
Blaine: I'm an elder millennial and she has all these funny stories about how like look our parents just like let us run around the thing they didn't even know we were home, like, and I kind of feel like that's the thing I was like raised in.
Blaine: You know, I was kind of like I mean my parents were kind of protective, but like not like overprotective, like it wasn't helicopter mom scenarios.
Blaine: So I kind of identify with Gen Z, kind of with millennials, so that's kind of the groups that we're all talking about.
Adam: Gen.
Blaine: X, gen X I kind of am more like a Gen Xer, but you have to realize the Gen Xers are the ones that raise these Gen Zers and I think because they were kind of, like you know these forgotten and I mean Gen Xers were raised by the boomers who are like sitting there smoking with their kids and, like you know, like letting them run around malls and like don't know where they are and like leaving them in cars there's no seat belts, like you have to think, like no rules basically for the Gen Xers, and then, and then with their kids, they're really like focused on, like these kids and like raising them in a certain way and it's almost like, from our perspective, they become like very like spoiled.
Blaine: But I do think because they've grown in a digital age, they have so much knowledge and my perspective is they do really care about a lot of things.
Blaine: I mean a lot of things.
Blaine: I think it's their Achilles heel, I think it's their biggest no hold on, because there's a lot of Gen Xers.
Blaine: Put this on Tiktok for a second and I can tell you there's a lot of Gen Zers.
Blaine: They can call me an old man, because I've been called an old man a lot and I get it, but I do think that they have a lot of causes that they really love and feel strongly about.
Blaine: I don't think they know how to tackle it and I do appreciate the passion that they have behind it, but I don't think they know how to make it a real cause and what is important to bring forward.
Blaine: So, like the neo pronoun thing I sent you is a great example.
Blaine: As an executive at a company, I was brought with a bunch of Gen Zers that were like oh, we really need to have pronouns in our email signatures.
Blaine: And I was like I'm an executive that talks to people outside of our organization from all over the country.
Blaine: Personally, as a game man, I'm just not going to do that because I don't need that conversation to happen.
Blaine: It's a business conversation.
Blaine: I don't know this person personally.
Blaine: I don't need to have that conversation personally.
Blaine: So for me, I don't believe in that.
Blaine: What do you think?
Ryan: That's another one that I'd say I've learned a lot more about and I don't think it needs to be like I'm going to go have a conversation about my pronouns, but I'm like fine with putting in my signature like has it after my name, because now I know like if I'm addressing and talking and having the conversation with someone, I know like how to address them.
Blaine: But if someone called me a ma'am and I know I can be a little feminine sometimes- Do you know how many times I've been on the phone Like?
Adam: I can't even count.
Adam: And they're like ma'am, would you like, or me.
Adam: Mr Tube, manor and that's the funny part about it and I'll never forget.
Adam: Matt and I were in a car and I was talking to some sort of customer service and they're like oh well, ma'am, would you like this?
Adam: And Matt busted out, laughing Like he was like this is hysterical as shit.
Adam: And I was like ma'am, I'm not a ma'am, I'm a surer.
Adam: And she was like oh, can I really hung up that conversation and call it another company?
Adam: And they did the same thing and I was like oh well, ma'am, would you like?
Adam: And I and this is where my position gets in with this is like Gen Z right now would be offended by that.
Adam: I laugh at it.
Adam: I'm like haha, how like I look at their perspective if they thought that I had a more feminine voice, whatever, or they just couldn't hear me, or whatever, and they just roll with it and they made a mistake.
Adam: Do you think that I lose sleep over it?
Adam: You know it wasn't on purpose.
Adam: It wasn't on purpose.
Adam: Gen Z, though here's my problem.
Adam: There's a Gen Z and I'm going to go right out of the game with this.
Adam: A Gen Z would stop that and be like how dare you come out and say that I'm a female when I'm a male, or vice versa.
Blaine: Whatever it is, it's called misgender and actually see it.
Blaine: And the CNN actually just recently had to do a formal apology for misgendering Dylan Mulvaney and they did this very dramatic formal apology for it.
Adam: If this is the shit that you people have to worry about in your life, then go get a second job.
Adam: If you literally are worried about, if you're being caught a hand here or her, or an it what or whatever, then you don't have enough work in your life and you don't have enough responsibilities.
Adam: And this is where I'm going to go in with this, because I'm going to fire right off of this.
Adam: It is your parents fault, right, it's your parents fault.
Adam: Your parents have made you so much in your life that when you played soccer and you lost the thing that gave you a participant ribbon because you had to get something to feel, something, you sucked.
Adam: My father said to me and I'll never forget it I played baseball and we won or we lost that game and they gave us a participant ribbon.
Adam: And my dad said you know why?
Adam: You're still a loser.
Adam: You didn't win first place, you didn't win second, you were a loser.
Adam: So the only thing that you can do is to grow and get better and learn from it and move forward.
Blaine: I'm glad you stayed on time with that one.
Blaine: For sure I do agree with you on on on this point, and I think.
Blaine: But what I want to do is do a little translation for Adam here.
Blaine: Let's say it was a part of our last episode was about chosen family and you had a moment of being choked up about one of our really dear friends.
Blaine: Let's say that person had decided to transition and had a chosen pronoun.
Blaine: I believe that you would respect the pronoun, would you not?
Adam: So so, so hold on with that.
Adam: He came to me and said hey, I would like to be a female Right.
Adam: So so how do I stay on topic with this?
Blaine: Yeah, stay on topic.
Adam: Because he has a penis or vagina.
Ryan: That doesn't define it.
Blaine: Just say, just say like that really person that's close to you, because what you're talking about is customers and with people, and then I agree with you.
Adam: If he said I want to be a her, so I'd be like her.
Adam: But here's the deal If he is calling into a customer service or yeah but I'm not.
Blaine: I'm talking about your personal relationship.
Adam: So then fine, I would, I would call him a her.
Adam: What the thing is Like.
Adam: You have to realize when you're doing this sort of change, there's going to be people who are not going to know, who are not going to understand, who are in their older ways, People who are 80 years old today don't understand the gay life.
Adam: Let me say this Don't understand the gay life of Adam Bailey.
Adam: And the gay life is the old news.
Adam: Transgender is the new news, right For the old news of being gay.
Adam: They don't understand.
Adam: So if they take offense to anything that I do, I understand where they came from.
Blaine: The.
Blaine: My issue in this, as the centrist of the group here flies and this is what I truly believe about, regardless of your political stance, quite frankly, on this is, I do think, because you personally know a person, I think that you would respect their pronouns, like if they said like this is what really matters to me, adam, and you care about the person and you would respect the pronoun, I think, where Gen Z gets it really wrong and they push it, they expect the poor barista at Starbucks to look at them and, without any other kind of like anything, to not misgender them.
Blaine: They take super offense if they do and it's like, oh, you've misgendered me, what?
Ryan: do you.
Ryan: I partially agree with some things here, but I see some other sides too, because I've met Gen Zs that are, I feel, like, mature and smart and are going to recognize that and say yeah, but say someone, you know they, maybe they refer to them at their Starbucks and someone does the misgendering or whatever, but they should be, you know if that and kind of choosing.
Ryan: When are these opportunities to explain it and learn?
Ryan: Like it's not, like you know, some maybe go straight into that attack defensive mode, but that's not the right thing to do.
Ryan: I think I've met Gen Zs that are both.
Ryan: Some maybe get really offended immediately and attack, and I think others are like I need to be able to bring a you know, bring along, invite people into this like conversation of what that means and that may not happen in your five second exchange at a Starbucks, Probably not and choose, you know, choose your battles in a way.
Blaine: Hold on, hold on, let me get the out of belly.
Blaine: Do you think, though, maybe because social media and there are a lot of Gen Zs have large social media platforms they were on tick, they were early TikTok adopters they probably have larger platforms.
Blaine: Do you think that maybe they have used those platforms to kind of amplify the louder voices more?
Ryan: Yeah, I mean there's the opportunity from those platforms to do it, which is both a really great, free, exciting thing, like kind of a democracy of communications, but at the same time it opens it up for people to have voices and large, large followings, just like I mean, any time in history.
Ryan: But I think this particular generation has that platform to use, to talk to you know, get what they think out there and can get a large following, even if it's like not accurate or maybe hasn't had the backing and also needing.
Ryan: You know we talked about being coming into an office environment.
Ryan: You come in strong with a lot of ideas and you want to change things or, you know, make move something.
Ryan: But like I remember feeling like that going in as a millennial, but something I've learned and they better learn too is like you have to learn to work with different generations.
Adam: So Forbids, sent out this article, wow.
Blaine: Did you just say wait?
Blaine: Did you just say Forbids?
Blaine: Do you mean Forbes?
Blaine: Please tell me, it's Forbes.
Blaine: Oh my God.
Adam: It's Forbes.
Blaine: That's definitely going to be its own TikTok, because that's the dumbest thing you've done.
Blaine: You know we like to refer to Adam as our lovable idiot, but he's also very smart, okay.
Blaine: So, forbes, he just doesn't speak.
Adam: Well, guys, I would say forbids stated, gen Zs are the most depressed, anxious and fragile generation ever.
Adam: And let me give you this why and I want to get back to this it's back to that.
Adam: You know, their parents set them up for this.
Adam: Their parents made sure that they were given the participant award when they weren't first, second or third place.
Adam: Like, look, you have to be broken down to build character.
Adam: You have to be I can't tell you how many times as a gay man that I have been, you know booking a reservation for two at a restaurant and they said you and your wife.
Adam: Do you think that I ever got offended by that?
Adam: No, like, you have to realize people's other dynamics.
Adam: They don't know what they don't know.
Adam: And that's the thing.
Adam: Even today, the country's still not in the understanding of that.
Adam: There is a huge part of the gay population, a huge part of transgender, so you have to be on the other side of it to go.
Adam: You know why they don't know.
Adam: No better, and I'm not going to attack them.
Blaine: They don't know no better Like.
Blaine: No, no better.
Blaine: Cook, Tom Ponyk didn't work for you, girl.
Adam: Like they do not know any better and you can't attack them for it.
Adam: Like attacking them is going to make you look 20 times worse than anything and if you think attacking somebody is going to get you anywhere, it's not.
Adam: Like it's not going to make the person that you're attacking make them want to be a part of that or, like you, they're going to resist that.
Adam: I mean, we see that in everyday America that if you attack something and you go after something instead of just trying to sit back and listen, understand and then present something different, like you're going to get pushed back.
Blaine: I think this is a good point and I think what I've seen every generation, probably since I would say probably the 50s has done I mean obviously since the civil rights movement, let's just say that has really been fighting something big, right, like, I think, always fighting for something new, something big to really change our society.
Blaine: And I think every generation has slowly changed the way in which we've done it.
Blaine: But I think, well, I don't know, I disagree.
Blaine: I think we've done it kind of in the same way, like, if I think like from the civil rights movement to the gay rights movement well, I guess the gay rights movement started in the 60s too but like we and you and I are kind of probably more on the spectrum because you're a little younger than us like the way we attacked gay rights.
Adam: We didn't come out of the gates and saying you are going to like us, you are going to it, you're gonna give us respect.
Adam: We had to earn that respect and we we took it took us a lot of time and a lot of effort and this is so.
Adam: This is where where.
Adam: Look, if you were to give a transgender Gay from, I'm gonna say, the 90s through a transgender gay from the 2020s, you will see two different spectrums of that.
Adam: The one from the 90s is gonna sit there and say we Slowly fall for this.
Adam: The one from 2020, you know There'd be like you're going to like us whether you want to or not, and I think that's a bad way of doing things.
Adam: By the way, that's not just transgender.
Blaine: That has to do with.
Blaine: No, that has to do with a degeneration Right like Gen Z, my issue with their issues, and like when I say that they care about climate change and they care about Human rights and all of these different things and they, they care about pronoun usage, which, by the way, I think if we I don't have a study on it, I'm not gonna lie, but like I don't think, like they're talking about it as much anymore because I think they now care about other things, but I don't think they know what will really be world changing and what's truly important.
Blaine: And the problem is is they think everything's important and everything has to be accepted right now.
Blaine: They don't understand the societal changes and what we focused on was what will change the world and and what is truly important for like us.
Blaine: It was like we're going to get gay marriage, we are gonna get equal rights when it comes to employment, like those Bullet points were the most important things.
Ryan: Did you both feel like you were part of that, like leading up like I Want to get?
Blaine: further.
Blaine: I gotta say I was I think I was like the pivotal generation.
Blaine: Which is why I say like I'm the like, kind of like Bridging the gap here, because what you want.
Adam: That though.
Blaine: Yeah, because I started college as a freshman, nobody was like out them and by the time I graduated, by the way, there's a lot of gays.
Blaine: But when I came back from being overseas, my sophomore year, my junior year, the freshman class president was gay.
Blaine: There was like a whole gay straight alliance had a pepperdine, which is a Conservative Christian organization.
Blaine: I was like, where'd all these days come from?
Blaine: I was in Argentina for a year.
Blaine: I'm like there's gay people.
Blaine: Before it was one French guy and one other dude that was swishing, swashing around and they were the gayest people I knew and I was like and then all the people that been overseas, we came out while we were abroad because we felt safe, you know, abroad.
Blaine: And then I was like now we have these huge things.
Blaine: It was literally happened within two years and I was born in 84.
Blaine: So the people born in like 86, we're just like all this sudden and these people have been out since high school.
Adam: That's a board.
Adam: That's a board like is even in.
Blaine: Even I was 86, so even in my my day, like Well, I'm just saying the shift happened, started happening quickly, and I think it was a social media thing.
Blaine: It was just like you guys, since I'm the oldest Unfortunately the oldest in this group with the best looking skin.
Blaine: Oh my god because I do that laser resurfacing her.
Blaine: But yeah, like I think I just noticed it was just a really quick shift that just like accelerated things and that was just like Other worldly for me.
Blaine: And then you feel kind of the same way and you're only two years behind me and you're how many years 89, so this three years.
Adam: I feel like there's a whole different like spectrum from from even 86 89 and disrespect to you.
Adam: But like we, we went through a lot of shit, like you know, people were still Looking at us and I kind of and I still kind of hold on to it, like when I go to the street bars, obviously there's a lot of difference between 86 89, because you'll go, that's a gay bar and you'll fucking make out with anybody, you go into the straight bar or straight bar.
Blaine: Yeah, you're gonna say part of me, of anybody, but I, I go to a straight bar and I hold back like the old years and and I'm like, ooh, I don't know if I like this is comfortable to do but you know, what's not comfortable for me is and this is one thing I'll say about shouldn't see that I find very Disrespectful and I've had this on some of our TikTok comments on some of my clips, I think, especially when I did.
Blaine: Our pride episode was is there like, okay, grandpa, blah, blah, blah.
Blaine: I gotta tell you like I always respected the elders in our gay community, because I say this, like when you say like Did I march for?
Blaine: Like gay rights and gay marriage?
Blaine: I did.
Blaine: It was very active in and policies that affected getting gay marriage legalized and pushing forward that agenda, like the freedom to marry, which you know, isn't even an organization anymore, but or they might be still a little bit, but like they were huge back in the day, but like I was so involved in those different causes and because I really cared about it.
Blaine: And I know, though, that people that were older than me, that were friends of mine, fought even harder.
Blaine: I have friends that have been married, like now, I guess, like 30 plus years.
Blaine: I mean they were, they were like literally together in the 80s when they were dying of AIDS, and I, like so respect those men and women that went through those times, and we hearing those stories was just Such a crazy thing that's.
Blaine: Actually.
Blaine: We have a friend that has a really cool place in Rancho Mirage that we always used to go to and he's like 78 now and we were talking to him about the neo pronoun thing and he basically was just like this is such bullshit.
Blaine: He's like this is not what I fought for.
Blaine: And this guy lived through Literally everything like Stonewall, the AIDS Crisis, like he lived through everything and is one of the coolest guys I know and it just was like what is going on with his generation?
Blaine: And you know, I respect him more than anything and I think that's what kind of kills me is I feel like Anybody that comments on this shit and is like okay, grandpa, you just didn't know.
Blaine: I'm like you just don't know what we went through, girl.
Adam: So I first want to say this is I want to thank Every person that's been before me To pave that road to get to where I can actually sit here and I'm gonna speak for all of us so that we can get here to Sit here on a podcast and talk about Things that happen in a gay man's relationship.
Adam: Like you guys are the ones who Paid that road for us, because if it wasn't for you guys, we would never be able to sit here and do this.
Adam: And and that's where I get Frustrated with with Jen's Is I feel like they don't realize what was before them and who actually paved that road and I'm not saying that I paved the road by any means, like I didn't do shit.
Adam: It was the people before us that that actually paved that road open to let them to even be able to sit there and bitch about the.
Adam: What I Will say no, I'm not gonna put a quarter from your mouth, but what I would say is the dumb shit of saying him, her, whatever.
Adam: Just be happy that we're in a world that you can be Insec, you can have sex with whoever you want, whether that's a man, a woman.
Adam: Stop fighting for this dumb shit and be happy that we've gotten this for and not that there's not further to go.
Ryan: Yeah, no, I just I love the first part of your comment, not maybe the last part, but I love the first part because, yes, we're free to be here.
Ryan: We're on a like public podcast, with coffee, with gaze, talking about all the shit we've talked about, and we feel free to do that and it's fine.
Blaine: Have you ever felt like you could be like in the workplace and be free to like?
Ryan: I do now and I wanted to.
Ryan: I just another thing I just thought of because, you know, a few years apart, just as far as when we were born and generation, generationally, but also just thinking about where each of us, the difference, where we were on our journey and being I know Adam's going to love this our journey of being queer, lgbtq, however you want to define it.
Ryan: But I'm just saying like when gay marriage was happening for me, I wasn't already identifying within that community or knowing about it or like doing anything, so I didn't feel any connection to be involved.
Ryan: I think that I remember being for me like experiencing, like in my, in my gay like what's going on and also trying to, coming from my Christian upbringing, in that background, like I think I was at this kind of Christian hippie fest type thing, but I remember seeing a table of like like gay Christian so it wasn't a gay event, it was more like a Christian kind of spiritual conference or whatever.
Ryan: And that was the first time where I was like oh my gosh, can there be like someone who's gay and Christian?
Ryan: I went over the table, just start kind of meeting them and making connections, but like that's where I was at that time just trying to find who I was.
Ryan: Is there anybody that can be both Christian and gay?
Ryan: Later on it can someone be a surfer and gay.
Ryan: Like combining and figuring out where is my identity and are there others in that space?
Ryan: So I mean, that's where I was at.
Adam: Hello, you be a firmly engaged.
Adam: We are a mix of people blended up into like this crazy concoction.
Adam: Oh, it sounds like America Like, but we sadly like we are every aspect of America and I'm talking every aspect of America and we, honestly, can sit down and have a conversation unlike America and be able to understand, because the biggest thing is Gen Z, have a sit down with somebody and just listen, just listen, listen to the audience, listen to where they're coming from and just try to push yourself in their shoes, because that'll get you way further in life.
Ryan: So Gen Z comes and listens to you?
Ryan: You promised to listen back.
Adam: I listen to everybody.
Adam: I'm like, if you have an issue or what's going on, just just talk to it.
Ryan: This is good because we're speaking about generations, and so someone that I know told him about the podcast and he said if you'd like to have you know, older closeted gay man on the show secretly, you know.
Ryan: Just kind of talk about his experience.
Ryan: We might be able to invite him on the show.
Ryan: He's still closeted, but he would come on the show.
Blaine: And we'd have him behind the screen.
Adam: Shut the fuck up.
Blaine: Isn't that fun?
Blaine: I mean it's fun and sad, but like I think it's great.
Blaine: Yeah, no.
Blaine: So let us know if you want yes or no, because I think that would be a really good one.
Blaine: I really have a lot of questions.
Blaine: I have a lot of questions because I've seen a lot of stats and mainly from the right, by the way which is like are there more gay people than there used to be?
Blaine: Like, surely everybody's come out of the closet?
Blaine: And I don't think everybody's come out of the closet yet.
Blaine: I don't think they have.
Adam: Is this guy married?
Ryan: I'm not going to release any more details.
Ryan: You'll have to stay tuned.
Blaine: Yeah, I don't think everybody is comfortable necessarily coming out of the closet.
Blaine: I think progressively, like I said, my college experience included I think it is a very much a fluid thing and I think it's more comfortable to come out now than it was Gen.
Adam: Z.
Adam: So you just bust the closet doors down and they're like we're gay, you're going to like us, whether you like it or not, and we don't give a fuck.
Blaine: Well, we're gay and we're cats and we're the different things and that's where it gets weird sometimes and it's too much.
Blaine: It's too much change and I think you know, I think gay marriage took, you know, 40 or 40, I guess it took 60 years almost.
Adam: But we're not saying that like, like, we're changing and evolving in this, but we're saying you can't demand that change.
Adam: You have to evolve that change.
Adam: You know that's the difference in this.
Adam: That change has to evolve.
Adam: You can't demand it, because if you demand it you're going to get no respect for it.
Ryan: Yeah, it's going to backfire.
Ryan: Slow it down and know that.
Ryan: You know change isn't going to happen immediately or overnight.
Ryan: I think a lot of I mean maybe some millennial, definitely a new generation probably used to that more instant gratification, satisfaction, like we're not gonna make that difference overnight.
Ryan: And I mean I've even had to be told this and learn this some, because I I want things quickly a lot of times.
Ryan: But I've been told from older generations like, hey, you know, recognized, like you are making a difference, you're moving the needle.
Ryan: Now I feel like I hear that phrase all the time You're moving the needle.
Ryan: Sometimes it has felt frustrating, but it is a lot of learning to recognize and pause and know like, okay, this isn't gonna change immediately and you know, respect that, like we're making a difference, like we have a constructive conversation about it and move along.
Ryan: Don't come in demanding and not listen.
Blaine: Yeah, and I think that's what we did back in the day when we kind of started all this conversation, and my advice for our younger gay LGBTQIA community is to really listen and Hone your argument and not even make it an argument.
Blaine: Make it a conversation right.
Adam: So don't, as a Gen Z, do not start fighting people.
Adam: Sit there and listen, because there's and this is with everybody in the world Just listen to the other side, listen to whoever you're talking to, whether it's a friend on your side or whatever.
Adam: Everybody has a different point of perspective.
Adam: So listen to them, take it in, try to put yourself in their shoes and then Come to a resolution.
Adam: Don't demand things, because I'm telling you right now, if you start putting demands out, you're never gonna get.
Adam: That.
Adam: You're never gonna get unless unless you pay their paycheck.
Blaine: Oberfell was not the first Supreme Court case that could have made gay marriage legal nationwide and it really was a progression and the polls kept showing that there was constant Acceptance of gay marriage nationwide.
Blaine: And I really do think it was people like probably you and me, like in our communities, where we came out and we were just nice to people that may have had different views.
Blaine: And I talked about my grandmother before and and, and you know, I spent the last year of her life for quite a few months with her and I talked to her about things like Seriousy and stuff she never even knew about.
Blaine: I didn't force it down her throat.
Blaine: We didn't talk for 14 years over me being gay and I also never harbored anger towards her for that, and I just knew she was in her 80s and lived a different life and I didn't force her to accept me, but she did accept me in the end and I'm so thankful for that and I'm so thankful for those last like seven years of Her life that I was able to be a part of it and also change her perception of gay people, and I think that that was like my job to do that, and then not only her but all of her friends as well.
Adam: You know religious people in East Texas, so I just think, like that's how you do it as you you show by example and you show by being a nice person and Kind and understanding their opinion and and not forcing your way on people exactly if you want somebody to love you, be nice, be kind and and that's the biggest thing, because, coming from somebody who's a small town farm boy who came out and and all of my friends Like around me, I Skate that part of my life because I was so scared that I would get so much backlash.
Adam: And when I slowly came out to all then and even though, like they all kind of knew I was so hot back with that and and they absolutely From where I was before I came out, where they would, they would talk smack about gay people left and right To where I am now, like it's a whole different world and and and I have a lot of respect from those people.
Adam: And it's funny because there's people who I thought would never entertain this in my life and when I last went home they were like, oh my gosh, we want to meet your boyfriend and that that's a huge win, like that, beyond anything like ever.
Adam: And imagine, and it's, there's all build-ups to it and you got to know how to take that, how to deliver it like you can't force it, you've got to slowly build that that makes me think of just a reminder.
Ryan: I think for all of us, and probably especially for Gen Z, is those wins and a smaller scale or in our local community and our hometown and our you know, our immediate family or small groups, like those are our wins.
Ryan: We don't have to come out of it and think like I'm busting out and I'm gonna change all the laws in this whole country today, but like knowing that you made a difference in your small town by getting you know those people Know you and support you and on board with that, because that you know, as I was listening to you just even made me think about when, like my story of talking to my grandparents about, hey, I'm hold to, held this guy's hand and I, having, you know, getting with my boyfriend and and started kind of that, sharing that with them and very conservative and Baptist, there was a lot of they didn't understand and agree, didn't think it was God's way, like all that typical conservative Stuff that goes along with it.
Ryan: But like, if I kind of move, flash forward, you know a few years and we've gotten to know each other, we've had conversations.
Ryan: I remember one day when my grandpa you know we just were and it was over at their house and you know we prayed together and he Supported and loved me and to just think about the shift and that movement with their mindset, which later on ended up being at their church in Florida Baptist Church, and someone said something very negative about, oh, those gays.
Ryan: And he spoke up and said something and he's like you know, I don't Appreciate that.
Ryan: Like you know, my grandson, I don't believe he's gonna go to hell.
Ryan: And he said something and like that's still like I'm getting chills right now thinking about it.
Ryan: And when I was at his funeral service I guess to is the last, oh, last summer, I remember thinking, you know that it had the opportunities anyone want to come up and say anything.
Ryan: And I'm sitting there slightly scared but also feeling like my grandpa would want me to say something like and I went up and I said that story in front of the Baptist Church, of everyone out his funeral, because I said, you know, my grandpa would want me to say this and I told that story and it felt.
Ryan: It felt yeah, it was, it was scary, but I felt like I needed to do it and he would want me to do it and I had several people you know afterwards come up and just say you know, thank you for sharing that and it was just a moment of just Love and gratitude and I felt like it was his.
Ryan: You know he speaking of multi generations.
Ryan: You know he didn't understand at first and just over the years, and and and conversation, I think we made movement in the family and then with the church and so you know, that difference can can live on with everyone that was there that day and and their families, right, if they tell that story too and that's how you make change and I gotta tell you I actually have.
Blaine: I don't even have a story.
Blaine: I have an exact same story with my grandfather in their church, baptist in conservative East Texas.
Blaine: So it's a beautiful story because I think, you know, this is just two of us and you know, I think everybody can make that difference and it can spread, because my grandfather did the same thing.
Blaine: He just said I have a great grandson, boom, boom, boom.
Blaine: And that's how you can change in people's minds and I think that's how the movement has made change over time and it's been a beautiful thing to see and and it hasn't been what is it called confrontational, it's been more of like about understanding and a conversation.
Ryan: So we've learned definitely start with listen, just come from place of listening.
Ryan: I think that's kind of the biggest lesson that we have for everyone today Don't attack, just listen.
Ryan: Have a conversation with someone next to you and well, yeah, we'll go.
Ryan: We'll go from there and that's part of the reason we've got this podcast, because we want to lift up those voices, have the conversation.
Ryan: So Come at us in the comments will be.
Ryan: Will be in the conversation with you.
Ryan: Yes, definitely.
Blaine: Oh my god, you're crying, get way too emotional, very emotional.
Blaine: You've been emotional lately.
Blaine: You've been an emotional girl, girl.
Blaine: So like definitely, subscribe for our YouTube channel and we're also on all the different podcasts Apple, spotify, I heart radio and yeah you, thank you for that can also email.
Ryan: Do tell at coffee with gaze calm.
Ryan: You can always do that as well if you have a topic idea or something you want to be a little more in private to us.
Ryan: So, or the DM's.
Blaine: Cheers, boys.
Blaine: Now we're gonna go to the pool.
Blaine: Yes, yeah, it's time for pool time.
Blaine: Ready says bye.
Blaine: He's so cute.
Blaine: Look how cute he is oh.