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Steel Roses Podcast
Steel Roses is a podcast created for women by women. Social pressures for women are constant. Professionals, stay at home moms, working moms, we are here to tell you that you are not alone! This podcasts primary focus is providing real honest content shedding light on the daily struggles of women while also elevating women's voices.
All women are experiencing similar pressures and hurdles, and yet, no one is talking out in the open. If these topics continue to only exist as whispered conversations then we further permeate a culture of judgement and shame.
Join Jenny weekly as she discusses topics that effect women in a relatable, honest way.
Steel Roses Podcast
Mina Brower on Balancing Career, Motherhood, and Dreams
Mina Brower shares her journey from Mexican-American immigrant to lawyer to author, highlighting how her postpartum therapy led her to rediscover her passion for writing and create a fantasy novel.
• Immigrating to America with her family and serving as a childhood translator and advocate
• Pursuing law while harboring a passion for writing fiction since childhood
• Finding her voice through writing during postpartum therapy after struggling with infertility
• Creating a fantasy novel featuring a PhD student heroine who must decide whether to embrace her magical legacy
• Balancing motherhood, career, and creative pursuits with supportive partnership
• Breaking generational patterns around mental health and self-care
• Recognizing that "if you can't fill your own cup, you are no good to your children"
• Understanding that the corporate world isn't designed for mothers, requiring creative solutions
• Finding your voice after trauma and transforming grief into creativity
Pre-order Mina Brower's fantasy novel, releasing June 30th! Visit our episode description for links to pre-order and connect with Mina on social media.
https://www.minabrowerbooks.com/
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Hello everybody, this is Steel Roses podcast. This podcast was created for women, by women, to elevate women's voices. I'm super excited to introduce you to our guest today, not just because she's fantastic, but because we've tried to record together at least three or four times and it did not happen. So today's the day. I'm super excited about it. So I want to have all of you give a warm welcome to Mina Brower. She is a Mexican-American citizen who aims to inspire other immigrants to chase their dreams.
Speaker 1:She's a wife, a mom and a lawyer and is proud to live a lifelong dream of also adding author to her many lists of titles. And if you were to ask Mina how she balances it all, she would give you a diplomatic, legalese answer of that depends, which I think many of us would feel quite deeply. Every time I read that line I'm like, yeah, that's yeah, it depends on the day. You asked me, the time of day. So, mina, welcome to the show. I'm super excited that we're here.
Speaker 2:I know I was like it's meant to be. We're doing it today.
Speaker 1:I pulled out all the stops I was like it's happening. Mina, I would love it if you introduced yourself to the listeners and tell them a little bit about your story, because I mean you have a quite a wide range here. I mean, you're a lawyer, beyond the wife and mom, which we already know is like tough stuff. You're also a lawyer and now you're also an author, so I'd love to hear your story.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, thank you for having me on, I appreciate it. I'd love to hear your story. Yeah Well, thank you for having me on, I appreciate it. But yeah, so my story, my lore. That's like the new Instagram going around they're talking about everyone's lore. So my story began pretty much when we immigrated here.
Speaker 2:I immigrated here to the United States with my parents, united States with my parents, and we immigrated and my parents were so focused on the American dream and what that typically is looks like for immigrants. So typically, you'll see, you know, if a family immigrates together, the parents always want their children to be doctors or lawyers, that very like high education, postgraduate sort of lifestyle, and I understand that from my perspective of trying to, you know, gain some stability and trying to make sure that the child is prosperous in the future. So education is very heavy. It's a very heavy topic for a lot of immigrant families and that was my case. So we immigrated here and my parents were very, very tough when it came to, you know, to school and education and all of that. And we were all learning English together at the same time and I think because for kids if there's any immigrants listening out there who learned English as a second language. When you're a child, when you learn English, you pick it up fairly quickly, and for adults it's a little bit difficult, just because the kids' brains are like sponges, right. So my parents would say things like can you help me translate this, or can you help me translate this, or let's go to the grocery store and I need you to, like, help me order this.
Speaker 2:So that was, that was my experience, which is not unique, it's very common, but I think, because of the advocacy that I did in a very young age, um, and the reading that I had to do, like high end, like reading, like leases and things like that, I was sort of put on a sort of automatic path of advocacy. So my parents were like, well, you know, you can be a doctor or a lawyer, so let's, let's pick. I was like, okay, what about writer? Because I love writing, because you guys have me writing, you have me reading all of these pick. And I was like, okay, what about writer? Because I love writing, because you guys have me writing, you have me reading all of these things, and I'm doing all of these things, and and they're like no, definitely not writer.
Speaker 2:And I said, okay, well, let, let me, let me, let me, let me do lawyer Right. And I think it's. I think, if you don't have the immigrant experience like that, to ask a child to make a decision like that very early on is sounds very, almost too much right like at the top, um, but again, I understand it from a wanting to fulfill the American dream perspective, um. So anyways, we, um, we set on a path of like this higher education sort of goal and in the middle of that I developed a love of writing fiction, and it was something where it became my passion, my hobby, and we would have family parties I mean, we're Hispanic, so big family parties like music and everything. I would be upstairs in my room in the family desktop which was conveniently in my room, typing and writing and short stories and everything.
Speaker 2:And eventually my claim to fame, according to me, is that I won my school's young author competition, which is like a big deal because it's like you, my book, my book, went to like regionals or something like that, or just state, and I thought I made it. I came home with a little trophy and I told my parents I'm like look like there's a future in this and they're like no, you're in eighth grade, like relax, relax. So then you know I, you know the years pass by and it wasn't until I became a mom and was dealing with. I did eventually go to law school, thank goodness for my parents, and it's something that I do enjoy. But it wasn't until my postpartum journey, after becoming a mom, that I really gave writing a chance, because at the time, shortly after I gave birth, I was in therapy for postpartum emotions and feelings and all of that and my therapist said have you ever considered writing out your feelings and your emotions, because you have a lot of warring feelings of sadness, happiness, all of that.
Speaker 2:And I said, well, I love writing. I never thought of, you know, looking at it like this. So a lot of things came together and I was able to sort of start writing and revisit that passion of mine. And yeah, and then just, I mean just for for everyone's you know purposes that are listening, and even to you, jenny, I know that you're so passionate about women balancing everything that is going on in their lives. I think it's so important that we talk about it.
Speaker 2:For me, specifically, when I started writing this book, I was struggling with a lot of really sad emotions because I had suffered from infertility for such a long time. A lot of really sad emotions because I had suffered from infertility for such a long time. So for me it was like I'm trying to be a lawyer, I'm trying to be a new mom, I'm balancing all of these feelings and emotions that are I should be really happy that I'm a new mom, but I'm, like, extremely sad because I've suffered so much loss. So, yeah, it's just, it's a lot of things came together and then the book started materializing and then, you know, one thing led to another and then I eventually published a year after. But yeah, that's sort of that's how it happened.
Speaker 1:So you, you touched on a lot of things that I want to. I want to talk about a lot so well. First and foremost, my, my, um, my, I am my husband's Ecuadorian, so I'm very well-versed with the big family parties. I have to tell you, as you were talking about, that, I was picturing the very first year that we moved into our house. Um, we decided it would be a great idea to um host Thanksgiving three weeks after we moved in, and by we, I don't mean me, um, but the idea. The idea was he was so, he was so excited, he was so excited, and we didn't have any furniture. I had to order folding tables from Amazon, like there was nothing here.
Speaker 1:But, that's the typical.
Speaker 1:Hispanic party folding tables and chairs. So I love that part of your story because it does provide a little bit of a glimpse of what it is when you do immigrate here and what you're looking for. You know you're looking and what your parents are looking for, because I've heard similar from my in-laws that they they really just they wanted their kids to get an education, they wanted them to be successful, to have something better than what they had and thankfully, for the most part, they all did. But that's really what it is, like everyone's. You're coming here because you want something a little bit better and here's the place where this can really happen, like you can make it happen. So I really resonated with that part of your story because of my husband and just knowing what he went through and he immigrated here when he was a little little kid, so so you know, but he had the same experience as you were, like he always helped his parents out.
Speaker 1:He still does it.
Speaker 1:His parents didn't really ever learn English, so it was just, if anything.
Speaker 1:I actually learned Spanish when we, when we were dating, cause I was like I'm going to need to talk to my mother-in-law at some point, um, so that makes I think that I really liked that part of your story, the part that I also want to touch on, because you this is where this is the pivotal moment you becoming a writer because I mean, being a lawyer is in itself is like that's huge, and any woman after having a child, like you're, I used to say when I was pregnant with my son, sounds so stupid now, but when, when I was pregnant with my son, I used to tell people that I worked with oh yeah, I can't wait to have him Because then regular Jenny will be back not pregnant Jenny and I kept saying regular Jenny is going to be here, like regular Jenny will be able to do you know the workload that I used to do and I always referred to be here, like regular Jenny will be able to do the workload that I used to do, and I always referred to regular Jenny.
Speaker 1:And then my son was born and I had the shock of, oh that Jenny isn't here anymore.
Speaker 2:Priority shift.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there wasn't a regular Jenny anymore, it was mom Jenny, and nobody really talks about that part. That's like there is a very huge thing that happens there. Now, after you have a baby, you know, I don't know if you've heard this before, but after you have a baby there's an actual physical change that happens in women's brains. That is chemical and it will. It'll show like our brains will shift and change because now we've had a child and so we're. It's basically like a, it's an old thing, that's just like kind of part of our biology and that mental shift happens that we can care for our children. That's also the reason why moms and dads will have a lot of conflict after a child is born, because that has not happened to the man and it's not his fault. He's going to continue, it's not biological for him, so he's going to continue on living his life. And you're changed deeply and then you're like what's wrong with you? Why aren't you changed deeply? Like it's just? But there's the actual physical reason.
Speaker 1:I like to highlight that because a lot of people have a lot of marriage problems and self-included. I'm not, I'm not exempt from that. Yeah Right, I think the worst I was just telling someone today. The worst part, the worst times in our marriage was the first few years when we were having kids, because it was so straining on and draining on us. I was incredibly sleep deprived. I had postpartum depression after my pregnancies. I still tried to work. It really does snowball. So I, like I want you to talk a little bit more about how did you, when you started writing postpartum, did you go right into creative?
Speaker 2:mode or did you start journaling and going from there? Yeah, so I also, also, you know, I also absolutely experienced, like the, the marital sort of in crisis situation we can talk about that as well. But, um, yeah, so, uh, right before I got pregnant, I was sort of journeying, like journaling a little bit, because I never gave up on my dream of like writing but I never took it seriously. So I was creating this universe, world series and it never really went anywhere.
Speaker 2:But the shift for me happened and during that moment in time where my therapist said, okay, well, you need to figure out how to get you these, how to get these emotions out. So I talked with my husband and I said, you know, this is something that I need to do because I'm already, you know, I was. I was put into therapy while I was pregnant because I was a very high risk of being postpartum depression. Postpartum depression my, my, my, my gyno obstetrician team were like amazing. They were like all right, you're high risk because, like, your job is very like stressful, like I mean I were. I was working when I was in labor, I was sending work emails, right.
Speaker 2:That sounds about right, yeah, so so my, my, my, yeah, my doctor were like okay, we're going to put you in therapy, like, and you're going to continue in therapy.
Speaker 2:So, um, and I just graduated from therapy, like um, probably less three months ago, but anyways. So I said to my husband I need to do this, I need to um, be able to, you know, do this exercise with my therapist. And my husband said which, it doesn't, there's very I don't want to villainize all men, but it's not really typical because he said to me okay, it's not typical. Okay, so it ended up working out that from 9 pm to 12, every single day I had me time, which is not normal.
Speaker 1:Not normal.
Speaker 2:Not normal, because I started writing my book when I was five months postpartum. So it was incredible for my to see my husband step up um in the in the in the parent department, and then the, the uh, the partner department, and to say, okay, I got the house, I'll be downstairs washing dishes, I'll be downstairs sanitizing the bottles, Um, and, and we'll make it work. It worked out for me because I was. I was in breastfeeding at that time because my milk just like stopped. Yeah, so I was. We were feeding formula, so that helped a lot and when you feed formula, typically babies fall asleep quicker and longer, because that's what I did.
Speaker 2:Right, right. So I don't want to make it seem like it's like this fairy tale, like there was. You know, there was a lot of things involved that made it possible so I could write, but my husband, um, you know, he would bring me up like mocktails, like because I don't really drink. So he would like he would buy, like the fake alcohol that he would bring me up like margarita jalapeno mocktails and he had the cure.
Speaker 2:um, he, he was just so accommodating and I think he saw how much I was struggling mentally that he was like if you're, if you're not're not okay, you can't be a good mom, and I know that you're going to feel like shit if you're not a good mom. So, let's get you to a place where you are able to function and and, yeah so. So that's sort of what made it possible for me to um, to get to that moment.
Speaker 1:You know, I want to touch on um the support of your husband there, because and because I always do want to say it like I like to say I'm like I don't want to villainize men either Like obviously I'm married, they have their place. I mean, come on, like what I didn't do and I'm I'm in the middle of writing something that's supposed to be released later this year as part of a book, and in part of it, I'm telling my story a little bit about how I never asked for help. Yes, I very deeply. I was raised in a house where it was like, if you're a martyr, that's the best thing for you. Turn the other cheek, sacrifice, self-sacrifice, just do it.
Speaker 1:And I remember like this messaging coming along consistently and in my head as a growing up. I remember being like no, like that's crazy, I'm not doing all this. And I remember seeing like my mom was not happy at the end, like she was resentment and bitter. And I remember being like I'm not going to be like that, but the learned behavior was already there, and so I had my son in 2016, and then I had twins in 2017.
Speaker 1:And, out of sheer determination to prove people wrong, I was like I will carry all of this. I will still travel for work, I will still push my career forward and I can be a great mom. And I can be a great mom. And that thought is insane because it truly takes a village. And had I actually accepted help, I, I refuse, I refused help. Like my parents would come over, my aunt would come over. My husband had two older kids, like he's been, he's been down the road before. He already knew what to do. But I was determined to be like no, these are my children, I'm caring for them, like that's it.
Speaker 2:So, even when I was pregnant, I refused.
Speaker 1:Even when the help was there, I was like no, it's fine, they're like Jenny, just go go lay down, like go rest. And I and I refused it and I got to a certain point where it blew up in my face basically because I just kept saying no and I should have asked for help and it just I couldn't at the time.
Speaker 2:I still have a little trouble with it, but not as much as I used to like, I don't go away ever, because it's that's our, you know immediate that's our immediate well.
Speaker 1:so my point with that whole long like rant, because I think I've been thinking about him like my god, jenny, yeah, you know, hopefully I can teach my daughters better. But my whole point there is there's a lot of instances where we're not clear with our husbands about what we need. They're not mind readers Right. Like communication is such a huge deal. So, like my husband and I are, I work in communications in general and he just likes to talk. So but he, he, you know, when he came into this marriage and he, I learned so much from him because he did come in and anytime there was something that would happen that like seemed like there was a tone of resentment or seemed like it wasn't quite done yet he was very much that we're not going to sleep until until we talk it out until we're cool.
Speaker 1:And I was always like, oh please, can we please, you know. But he was like no, like we're we're addressing this, like we're not going to fail here, like're going to make this happen. And you know, I think that that's part of the issue with women across the board is, if you don't ask for help and you're not very clear to your husband, like I'm falling apart, it's okay to say it, I'm falling apart.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm not myself.
Speaker 2:I'm out of my head. I'm out of my head Especially like after work, like something so simple, like them coming home from work and you've been with the kids for hours, right? Um, because I, I work from home. So like I know, I, I have, I have help, right, so like I I'm not by myself with her, like I have help here inside of my house but, then my husband eventually comes home and like I mean I'm home, so like I, I I'm still sort of interacting with my child.
Speaker 2:And then my husband comes home and I'm like, okay, well, like I, I'm touched out, yes, I don't want to talk to anybody, I'm going to go into our bedroom and I'm going to lay down and I'm going to be on Instagram for the next hour. Do not talk to me, bother me, and I'm not available, and you figure it out.
Speaker 1:Figure it out. I say that the way that I say it to my kid. I'm like mommy just needs to be a potato for a minute. Yeah, please, just I can't talk to you, I can't. And I I was. I was texting one of my mom friends and I was like it's like a wild overload because it'll be like TV here. And then all three of my kids are so close in age and it happened earlier when I was getting them ready for bed. I was sitting in the girl's room and my son is sitting next to me, my daughter's in the chair, my other daughter's over here, and Vincent starts to talk to me and then he was like 75% of the way done with his thought. But then the other one started talking and she was about 50% done, and then the third one, and so they were literally all talking at the same time and I was like okay, wait.
Speaker 2:And I was like trying to yeah, we're the nurturer, and it's like people can't see me, but I'm quoting. We're supposed to take it all in. That's, you know, that's the image of women and of moms.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And we can't do it all the time.
Speaker 1:The mental drain is very real. I'm actually very impressed that you do have that buffer time at the end of your day, by the way, because that's actually been something I always struggle with. So, like you're seeing me where I record right now. Like where I record right now, this is like an office space. It used to be a dining room area, but we converged it to an office space for me, and right there in that black hole behind me, that's the living room.
Speaker 1:So when I'm working here, they're usually all right there, and then it doesn't even really matter if I move something, because we have an office upstairs too. So sometimes I'll go up there if I really need to be by myself.
Speaker 2:The noise follows you.
Speaker 1:They will come upstairs Even if the door is locked. They will start playing right outside the door. That's everywhere I go and I I have to laugh about it a little bit, because it's always like little ducklings, like they will follow me and they will not leave me right?
Speaker 2:no, it's like to go to the bathroom. It's like an open door policy.
Speaker 1:It's like oh my god, can I please like I can't even I can't even get a minute in there, because it's always as soon as I, as soon as I go in there, I hear like mommy, are you so the? So the key takeaway here is the struggle is very real for all of us. Yes, and when you work from home, mina, I actually really love that you step away. I I'm. I've been really wanting to do something like that, to do it Like I need to take 15 minutes, because even like today, I had to. I worked until five, from five to six, I like whipped together dinner.
Speaker 2:I had another call at six and they had to put your kids to bed because then I had to get them showered and do all that.
Speaker 1:So it was like, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And it's honestly I think it's and I think it's beneficial for our partners as well. Um, I might come from eventually my parents divorced. So I come from from that very background of seeing adults not communicate effectively and seeing how a marriage can deteriorate. So for me, it's even more beneficial for me to take after my daughter is in bed and she's sleeping, for me to just if I'm not, even if I'm not writing, to just take an hour by myself and then to just afterwards interact with my husband, because then it's not fair to him.
Speaker 2:either you know what I mean. Or even if people sometimes don't have an hour, right, 15 minutes, like you said, or 30 minutes, honestly to, to allow yourself, to nurture yourself, but then also be ready to have have a meaningful time with your partner. Yeah, yeah so.
Speaker 1:If you're not filling your own cup Right. Exactly what you said in the beginning when you talked about how your husband supported you during your postpartum depression period. If you can't correct what's going on in yourself, if you can't fill your own cup, you are no good to your children. You just aren't.
Speaker 1:And, like I had my big shift away from being in the burnout model consistently and really not paying attention to my own cup literally happened like three years ago when we moved into this house and I had like a catalyst moment of I was working these wild hours and my kids grew up outside with my husband and I had to watch from the window. Because I was working these wild hours and my kids grew up outside with my husband and I had to watch from the window. Because I was working these crazy hours Like I didn't teach them to swim or dive off the diving board or do any of those cool things. That was all. My husband and I watched it all from upstairs the whole time, like eating away at me, like wow, like I wanted so badly to have children and now, instead of being with my kids, I'm like up here working.
Speaker 2:I'm like this doesn't match up the, the, the, the, the working model is not designed for mothers. And you can have as much parental leave, whatever you want to call it, you can have an incredible HR department or whatever, but the, the corporate, the world and and professions aren't designed for moms. And it's very sad, um, because you know, we want to continue working, yeah, we want to continue, like it cost me a lot, like emotionally and and physically and all these things become a lawyer I mean, it's a good and or or any profession, right, um, and then to to see it all sort of um shift drastically and have like an identity crisis almost of like, what am I doing? Is this even worth my time? Because, like you said, my child is outside playing, you know, and I'm in here, literally also also me, watching it from the window yeah so it's, it's a very coming to god moment of what do I do?
Speaker 1:Yeah, Well, so I will say this In that moment that's actually when the podcast was born. That was when the podcast was born. So it's very interesting to me because every single woman that comes onto this podcast and shares their story there was a catalyst moment of cancer in some instances, a death in their family, an assault, like there was something that happened that the woman has decided I am not living my life like this anymore. So I had that catalyst moment because I came up from this project that was like three weeks long. I hadn't seen my kids, even though I live in this house, and they were all bigger and I was totally crushed. So I had this.
Speaker 1:You know what you've talked about podcasting. That seems like something that's really big. Why don't you just do it, just go for it? And in pulling that trigger, it aligned me with a whole bunch of people that have pushed my life into a whole different pathway that I would have never been able to do, and I now have more balance now than I ever had before in my life, into a whole different pathway that I would have never been able to do. And I now have more balance now than I ever had before in my life. Right and I have autonomy in my work, in my daytime job, to be able to step away Right, which is huge, like my kids came home from school at three, 55 and I made everybody their snacks and had made sure they had healthy food, and I was able to actually do that without feeling like I had this pit of like oh my God, work, oh my God, I got to get to my emails.
Speaker 1:It's not like that, and it's only because I've been able to do this now, and I'll also say this before we move on. So I want to talk about your book release. Another thing that I started doing is I get up super early.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I need to start doing that. I get up super early so I try for five, but that doesn't really happen because I like to sleep. So usually at like 5.45, 6 o'clock is when I start to really get up, and then I have from 6 am to 7 am or 6.45 to just write. I do journaling. I started journaling this year. So every, every morning I journal and then I'll do meditation, affirmation, visualization. Sometimes I do yoga, like it depends on like how much time I have, but that moment in the morning feeds me for the entire day.
Speaker 2:Yes, cause you, you find you, center yourself. It it's uh, you're feeding your soul you're feeding your spirituality. Um, you know you're not praying, but it's. It's a form of spirituality yeah to be at peace with your soul.
Speaker 1:So yeah, yeah, it's, it's huge and I know like not everyone's morning people, some people would rather do that at night. I'm not a night person because, as you said, like I want to spend the evening with my husband, like he worked all day. I worked all day. Like let's hang out.
Speaker 2:When is a Netflix episode gonna get watched, right?
Speaker 1:and it's funny because that's what we do, like we pick a series and we're like oh yeah, um. So you went through postpartum, your husband was very he supported. You was eight, you were able to make it through and in that you found your voice again. In writing yes and how did that? How did the writing to the book come to me like, how did you get there?
Speaker 2:so, um, I started. Okay, how do I explain this? Uh, so I basically one of the characters and a lot of writers will will say that this happened to them as well. My one of my characters came to me in a dream and, um he, he basically visited me and, and the scene where he, where he visited me, I put it in my book and it's like almost verbatim, and I mean I felt like he was like maybe like an angel or or just some something from my subconscious saying like, hey, I, I'm here.
Speaker 2:Oh, there's a story, there's a story worth telling here of a woman finding her voice after suffering. And, um, I sort of let that guide me into this fantastical world where, um, yeah, people, the male main character is dealing with grief of having lost his future wife and people around him dying, and he's carrying this survivor's guilt and the woman had been carrying his child. So it's just, it was a way for me to connect and create a character that was like dealing with grief at the same time that I was dealing with grief with my pregnancy losses. So he is the god of moonlight and stardust. So he is. He is the. The title is the book of the first book. The title of the first book is named after him. Um, so he really taught me a lot about processing my own, like again, emotions about grief and all that.
Speaker 2:And then I created, um, this, this bad-ass woman who was so strong and fierce that the dream visitor that came to me was, like hey, there's a story here about, like, a woman finding her voice and I created her and she you know, it's a fantasy book, so there's magic and there's supernatural, because that's so cool to me and she has supernatural powers and, and she has supernatural powers and she is a daughter of a villainous God in a dystopian, post apocalyptic world, and in this post apocalyptic world, magic is forbidden. Her question whether she should embrace the legacy of magic within her and use it, um, or try to be as normal and as invisible as possible and, like, try to fit into this society. And then the god of moonland and stardust helps her sort of claim and and understand her identity. So that's sort of you know, um, I gotta ask if it's autobiographical. Certainly not, but there are elements there that I can see Elements of survival.
Speaker 2:You know of a woman making it despite all odds, despite, you know, very extreme hardships like domestic violence, and you know PTSD and anxiety, and she's a fighter and I think women and she's also a PhD student. So she's like an older female book character she's not 18. So she has this life experience that she's gone through and I feel like I wrote her in mind with all of the incredible women that are, you know, in their mid thirties up, you know, who have all this life experience and these loves and these losses and and are just dying to find a voice after you know these, um, potential very sad events. So, and then, having a supportive partner as well.
Speaker 1:You know, I, I like that you chose that age range quite a bit, Cause you're right, Like most of the books are like, oh, she was like 22 and like whatever. You know, I, I recently said to somebody well, first of all, it's a little bit funny Cause you know, like when you are 18 or whatever that age, you think about your forties and you're like, oh God, that's like it's like really old. It's also it's like really old. Now I'm there and I'm like, wait, hold up. I'm almost there too and I'm like, no, it's young, it's young, it's young.
Speaker 1:Well, so I, I was talking to my husband about this the other day, Cause I had, I, when did I have my kids? I think I was like 31 and 32 when I had them. I only really had just started scraping the surface of who Jenny is in my thirties, and then my whole thirties felt like I was digging myself out of toxic behaviors, bad habits, Like I mean I just explained in detail, like how I never asked for help, Like, like, please, you know, give me a break here. I didn't really have my, I didn't have my catalyst moment that pushed me to where I am now until I was like 38. You know, like I was, I was older and I feel like you know, there was this whole like ageist culture. That's like oh, you're getting older?
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh God, it's like. Oh, women, women, getting older is like, you know, you're a hag, you're a um, what is it? Not a crow? Um, a crone. Thank you, I appreciate it. Did you know? Like there was um, oh, spinster. This is something I talked about recently actually. Okay, hold on On the shelf, first of all. First of all, the first. I remember being told that, so like when I was in like my early twenties and I was single, and everyone's like, oh, you need to get married and you do this, you don't want it, you don't want to be a spinster. And I was like, do I not want to? Okay, well, listen to this though Historically, spinster the term spinster was originally coined to describe a female who was unmarried but she had her own business.
Speaker 1:Like she is a spinster, meaning like she spun, like, I think, wool or thread or whatever it was. So she was called a spinster because that was her job. That was something that she did, and somehow that got like misconstrued into like, oh, you're a spinster, like that's bad. This was the first. Like women, woman entrepreneur. What are we talking about? This is the okay, yeah, I'd like to be a spinster right now. Like that'd be awesome if I could like, like you, know everything, everything that has to do with women.
Speaker 2:Seems getting older seems to have this like terrible connotation that you have to have your stuff figured out and she doesn't. And it's interesting because so my character she has like everything like academically going for her she's in, she's doing her phd and everything and the classics, um, but in terms of her personal life she has it, she does not have it figured out. Yeah, and that's so refreshing to me I mean, thank goodness it's real.
Speaker 1:That's real Like who has it figured out? Again, I just started and I turned 41 this year and now I'm like I said to my cousin, I'm like I feel like my 40s are going to be really like amazing. Because now I'm like and you're arrived.
Speaker 1:Yes, I'm like you know, I said that I'm like I feel like I'm here, like I'm awake and I I'm like owning this and I'm present and I'm not like wishing the time away, like I actively make it a point. What was it? What's today, tuesday? Yeah, yesterday everybody had off, you know, and my kids had off, and I had actually planned on it being like a podcasting work day and I was like, ooh, like I was all excited to do it, and it just kind of snowballed because I was alone with my kids and I sat down to do some work and to work on this write this book chapter that I'm writing for this book for later this year.
Speaker 1:And I um, I started, I got a couple of sentences in and they were just kind of bickering, you know, like kids, like they're just bickering with each other. And I kind of just stopped and I was like, what are you doing? They're home, yeah, just hang out with them. Like, yeah, just whatever, like you're not going to get your stuff done, just just be cool with it and move on with your life.
Speaker 2:You're only so little for such a little time.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, exactly. So I love that your character is in a point in her life where she's still trying to figure things out, she's still trying to find her own voice, she's trying to heal from past trauma, which I mean that's in itself also I want to talk about, because, you know, in our age range you're younger than me but still, like in this grouping, our parents' generation mental health was not like a thing.
Speaker 2:It wasn't especially, I mean especially for Hispanics.
Speaker 1:Definitely not for Hispanics. No, not even.
Speaker 2:And your husband, or maybe you still see it in like his family. It's just, it's not. It's not real.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:And I remember a family member asking for help and I was a child but I was like I was there for that conversation and an adult in my life said I need help, like I need help, like I need a psychologist. And another adult in my life looked at this person and said are you, are you crazy? Do you want to go to like an insane asylum? It was such an extreme response to someone saying like, hey, I need help.
Speaker 1:But yeah, mental health is just not it wasn't a thing, and so it makes sense to me that our generation I guess I'm an older millennial is what I've been told. I am the older millennial generation. We're on the cusp of like oh, we can really make big shifts for society. Yes, we get the knowledge of our parents and what they did that didn't really work, and now we can really come here and like show and we have the tools.
Speaker 2:Therapy is much more accessible now.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh, I did telehealth. Yeah, you know I was doing telehealth. I didn't even have to leave my house. And I know some people even do like um, like texting therapists.
Speaker 1:Oh, I would do that, a hundred percent yeah. Oh, it's's like it's so accessible any which way that you want it and I also, I also think like the, the branding up, like I mean, people aren't as like scared to say like oh, I'm in therapy. No, you know, it's not like it, you don't have the same thing yeah it's applauded.
Speaker 2:It's seen as a very positive thing yeah, I think that 30 years ago that was not the case.
Speaker 1:I and honestly like it. It does say a lot about the state of like people that are older than us now, because I remember I had tried to. I have two brothers, I'm in between them, I have an older and a younger and I had tried to explain to my mom the one time something that she did that I was like mom, look, I'm an adult now, so it doesn't bother me as much, but I want you to know that when you do this action, you're telling me I'm not as important as my brothers.
Speaker 2:right, and she was like well, I'm a terrible mother, no, she just Mina.
Speaker 1:She all she did was she rolled her eyes and did this deep sigh of oh, give me a break. I was like, all right, forget it, nevermind.
Speaker 2:Or you get the classic. Oh, I'm a terrible mom.
Speaker 1:I'm so terrible.
Speaker 2:I gave you guys so much trauma and it's like, no, that's not what I was trying to tell you. No, we're not doing this so that you can turn it around and then make me feel bad for like no-transcript of this villainous god and it's just like their stories of how they deal with um.
Speaker 2:Having this legacy of magic of this very like terrible this is very cool domestic abuser, basically, and and how they find their voice and their and their power. Because, um, you know it's, it's very much the story of I don't want to be like my parents, yeah, and what happens if you have their magical powers. So it's that question of like okay, well, you know what it's like, even for you and for me, how we were just talking about like we're learning these lessons from our, you know, very like baby boomer parents or like older parents and I don't want to be like that.
Speaker 2:But what happens if you have magical powers? So that's the question, and how you know, how do you navigate that?
Speaker 1:So you know what the through line is there I was thinking about while you're talking, because in the story it's like well, what if you have their? If you have their, you know magical powers. Like so, you are kind of like them, yes, but that also that applies, though, to what we were talking about like you're going to have parts of your parents. There's, like I said, there's learned behavior that you can't avoid yeah how can you make it work for you, which is, I'm having a sense that that's what these women do how can you use it for good and not evil?
Speaker 2:because he like's a fantasy, so he's like a villainous God, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:This is fantastic. I'm very excited. I'm very excited and I also love these types of books because I have to be honest with you. I'm so serious all the time.
Speaker 2:Yes, I need that. Like there's just a mental escape. Yes, yes.
Speaker 1:Just a mental escape, that's just a release and it's like this is fun and like I've been watching a bunch of like new, like Netflix series because of it. I'm like I just need something that's not educational and I used to be teaching myself all the time. I'm excited about it. So, listeners, what I'm going to do is because, um, her book is not being released until June 30th, but the airing of your episode is actually going to be in April and the listeners are listening right now in April. So it'll be fine, but what we'll do is we're going to link your website and your socials in the description of the episode. So, listeners, you can follow.
Speaker 2:And they can pre-order the book. They'll be able to pre-order.
Speaker 1:There you go, perfect Okay.
Speaker 2:They'll be able to pre-order it, and the ebook at least, and then I feel that by April potentially maybe they'll be able to pre-order the paperback. So I'll give you all the information.
Speaker 1:Okay, cool. So then Mina and I will connect before the episode airs. We'll get all the appropriate links in there and then, even when it airs, let's do a little splash. We wanna make sure the listeners know, because that's super exciting. Yeah, mina, thank you so much for coming on, and I'm so glad we actually got to record today.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank you, and I and I and I really appreciate that you created this space for women to talk about these issues, because I've listened to your other episodes and it's refreshing to find honesty, because I feel like social media portrays this image that everyone has their shit together and we don't. And I think we need space like raw, real spaces like this, where women can say like hey, so life sucks.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm a mess.
Speaker 2:And I'm trying to do the best, yeah, and this is what's working, what's not working, and yeah, so I really appreciate the value that you bring to a space that needs this conversation.
Speaker 1:That you made my whole day, because I'm in season three now, so I'm like three seasons, like it's been a lot and people resonate yeah, yeah, you know it's.
Speaker 1:It's been a really honestly a really beautiful journey and the part that, like you said, people are resonating with the episodes and I mean I was telling somebody recently they were asking me like, well, what do you do on social media, like what do you do this like? And you know it's basically like, what are you doing? That's like bro marketing, like that kind of thing, and I don't do bro marketing, like I really just will release stuff when I can, and but the listenership it went international on its own and the reach extended quite significantly on its own. And the listenership it was like up by 400% in season three on its own, like truly just on its own.
Speaker 1:People are finding their way and much like what we said earlier with you read a book when it's appropriate for the time for you to read it. I feel like that with this podcast, people are finding it when they need to hear this message and each episode has its own message and it's not the same content over and over again and it's new things and new voices and even if it's the same subject, it's still a new voice and a different perspective. And you really took the premise and summarized it quite nicely, because this is meant to be a non-judgmental space where we can just have an organic conversation and the listeners can know that they're not alone yeah, I mean like if someone listening they might not be a lawyer, they're not alone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean like someone listening they might not be a lawyer, they might not have had postpartum, you know depression and been in therapy, but they can maybe take away, you know, asking for help, learning how to potentially, eventually, potentially and eventually balance it all. You know it's, it's, we're not meant to do it all on our own and I think you tell you, saying that it takes a village is very applicable to not only raising kids but also for our own selves, because just because we grow up and we become adults doesn't mean that we still don't need that village.
Speaker 2:I know, so yeah.
Speaker 1:Very, very nicely said. Well, Mina, thank you again for coming on. Thank you and listeners. Thank you for hanging out with us and we will see you on the next one. Take care. Bye.
