You Are Not Meant To Be For Everyone And That Is Freedom

Buy it and change your life --> Abundant Ever After

Some advice sounds nice until you try to live it. “Be yourself” is one of those lines, right up until you feel the pressure to keep the peace, stay likable, and avoid disappointing anyone. Today we go straight into the tension between authenticity and people pleasing, and why trying to be “for everyone” quietly drains your energy, your confidence, and your joy. 

We pull a powerful excerpt from Cathy Heller’s Abundant Ever After and sit with a simple command that lands like a wake-up call: unsubscribe from pleasing everyone. From there, we talk about what authenticity actually does in real life, not as a slogan but as a signal. When you show up as you, the right people lean in, and the wrong people opt out. We also explore the “seven degrees” idea of energy alignment and why you can’t convince, argue, or force someone to meet you where you are. If they’re not ready, they can’t hear you and it’s not your job to drag them there. 

We make it practical and personal with stories about feeling someone’s high energy after a call, noticing misalignment in social spaces, and teaching our kids to trust their gut as an “inside feeling” that keeps them safe and grounded. We also name the hard part: as your boundaries get clearer and your mindset gets stronger, some friends and even relatives may fall away. That loss can sting, but it can also be a sign you’re finally choosing what supports your mental health, your peace, and your growth. 

If you’re working on boundaries, self trust, women’s empowerment, and healthier relationships, hit play. Then subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more women can find the ripple.

Transcript

Welcome And Weather Whiplash

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Good morning, everybody. This is Still Roses Podcast. This podcast was created for women by women to elevate women's voices. I have two things to say today. Well, I have a few things to say today, but two things to have mind really quickly before I dive into my topic. Um, one, oh my gosh, what is with the weather? Oh, it's like beautiful. One day you're able to go outside, and the next day I'm freezing and I'm wrapped up in blankets. Like this, this doesn't make any sense. I was watching on the news this morning that they're having to like move on the East Coast here. Um, we got spring baseball, and they're literally moving the time frames for when the ball games are happening, the professional ball games, because it's so cold that they don't want the players to be playing in 20 degree weather at night. Like this is insane. It's not supposed to be happening now. And I'll say it, and I know that this is a topic of a debate, and I don't usually go political, but this is a fine example of global warming. Now, I know that sounds a little crazy, and to be perfectly honest with you, I have I've also said, well, if there's global warming, I don't understand like it's cold, it's supposed to be warmer. That's not technically right. My cousin, of course, corrected me there. Um, global warming affects the patterns of weather. So there's extremes across. And the extreme is the, you know, disorientation of the weather. We're meant to have spring warmth right now, and it's shifted towards cold. And you'll see in other areas when it's supposed to be cold, it's getting very hot. Um, Texas, for example, is probably boiling right now. But in any case, one, I'm cold and I'm sitting downstairs shivering under a blanket, recording this. Two, I am thrilled to report that this morning when my alarm went off, I was able to get up out of bed. That sounds like, okay, Jenny, yes, you get up out of bed every day. I always get up out of bed. You're right. However, the past, I don't know, seven to 10 days, I couldn't physically drag myself out of the bed with the same energy that I usually have. So my husband has this annoying habit where he makes fun of me in the morning and says, Oh, you're getting up to take over the world. And every time he says it, you know, in the beginning, it was funny. And then after a while, it felt like um condescending or something. I don't know. It started to annoy me. Um, thus is marriage, right? Um, but it started to annoy me. But the accuracy of it is that, like, yes, I jump out of bed with gusto almost every single morning. Like, I'm always ready to go. I jump, as soon as my eyes open, I'm up. I jump up. And the past seven to ten days because of the flu, I couldn't do that. That energy level, that like zest, that like push that I always, always, always have has not been present. And I finally freaking have it back today. And I could not be more thrilled. Like I cannot tell you. I I just cannot explain to you and express to you how utterly grateful I am this morning for being able to have that. Now I know my voice still sounds a little raspy. I'll deal with that. I don't care about that. I'm just happy to be able to get up and out of bed with the same energy that I always have, just in time for me to go back to work tomorrow, um, which I do miss my team. So I am excited to go back and see everybody. If you hear noise in the background, those are my children fighting upstairs over a video game. Um so today, um, one of the things I was able to revisit last night, and I've mentioned it to you guys before, um, you know, I'm a huge fan of Kathy Heller, changed my entire life, changed everything, changed, literally changed the course of my life when I found Kathy Heller and engaged with her teachings and the things that she does. So I, as soon as she released a book, I was on the wait list. I bought it immediately because I knew it was gonna be a killer. I knew this is gonna be something that was gonna be really important. I read it as soon as I tore it open as soon as I came home, read it immediately, was so thrilled, put it on my shelf. And then I revisited it. And so I'm in my second read-through of the book, but this time slower, right? So whenever you read books, I actually encourage people to reread books all the time. And I think readers usually do. If you really love to read, you'll have books that you will revisit that are impactful to you. Um, there was a book that I read in college called The Alchemist. And the first time, wait, it was either college or high school, I can't remember. But there was, I had read The Alchemist at one point. And the first time I read it, it was topical. Read it, read it through one time and had to do my report, whatever the heck it was that I had to do on it, done and dusted, put it on the shelf. And then I was bored one night, picked it up. It was a small book, read it again, and I started to pick up other notes in it. I think I've read The Alchemist about seven or eight times. And every single time you read that book, there's something else that comes out of it because The Alchemist is not topical, it's actually really in depth. And there's a lot of symbolism in there, there's a lot of meaning underneath the meaning, and it takes time to really actually like read through it and really get it. And every time you read it, you get a different impression. So Kathy's book, Abundant Ever After, was released last year, I believe. Um so I'm in my second read, and this time around, I'm actually taking a lot of time to read it because I'm highlighting entries, I'm pulling out things that I want to talk with you all about on the podcast. There's just stuff that in here that, you know, takes time. And the first time that I read through it, I just I blazed through it so quickly that like I don't, I didn't get everything. I just didn't. So now I'm reading through it again and I'm actually doing a lot of the exercises and I'm making sure that I'm I'm making sure that I'm taking time to really pull out the nuggets for it. And I'll probably read it again. Um actually, before I read it again, what I really want to do is go through and take all my highlights out of here and write it all down. Um because it is so impactful and important. And there's things in here that I want to talk with you guys about, but there's also stuff that I want to just pull out of it and have it to the side so I can at a glance read the things that really popped out and resonated to me. Now, today I actually really wanted to read to you from the book. Um, if you haven't picked it up, um I think right now it's actually, I don't even know how much cheaper it is now. How much did I pay for this book? I can't remember. Oh, 40 bucks. No, 30 bucks. I think it's on sale for like 10 bucks right now. Um, I'll put a link in the episode description uh for Amazon. You could probably get it for about$10 now. Think of it this way: to be perfectly frank,$10 for a book that could potentially change your life if you follow the practices in here, it will open up your eyes. And if you start to engage with Kathy's teachings and you check out her website, everything is incredibly moderately priced and attainable and reachable. And with that, like you have the world at your fingertips. I took a course with Kathy Heller, I guess three years ago at this point. I still access her old modules. I still access all the meditations I have access to. I actively log in to the old course. Because once you have access to one of Kathy's courses, you're you have access for life to it. You don't get any of the new stuff, but you get everything that she pushed into that course. And let me tell you, she says the phrase many times. It's like drinking from a fryer hose. She puts so much effort and so much energy into these courses. There's a wealth of information you could study and restudy for years and re-engage with her courses and just completely change the entire course of your life. So, on that note, reading from abundant ever after, I'm in the section called please yourself. The quote that I highlighted here is unsubscribe from pleasing everyone. You are not designed to be all things to everyone. I might have actually talked about this already, um, and I might have even read this excerpt already, but never hurts to revisit this particular topic because this is something that I'm actually trying to teach my kids now. When they come home from school and tell me like so-and-so didn't want to play with me or so-and-so, so they don't want to be my friend anymore. I consistently say to them, that's okay. You're not meant to be for everybody. Think about that for a moment. When you were growing up, right, our parents were all bored in what the 50s, 60s, right? Like around that age range. Did any of them, when you came home from school crying and saying somebody doesn't like me? I don't remember ever my mother or father giving me advice and telling me, that's all right, you're not for everybody. Be yourself and do your thing and your friends will come, kind of thing. They didn't say it quite like that. And I want to make sure that my kids are getting the understanding here that like you're not meant to be for everybody. If you were meant to be for everybody, then that doesn't really make you unique. There's only one per one you out there, and there's one unique level of you, and it would be near, it would be impossible and also ridiculous for you to be for everybody. Even myself with this podcast, I imagine that people probably listen to it sometimes and it's like this lady's full of S H-I-T and she's just talking nonsense. Sure, probably. I am talking nonsense sometimes, but that's the point. There's people that will listen to this podcast and criticize it and say, you're, you know, you're you're talking a lot of trash, you don't know what you're talking about. Like, that's honestly the time that people will show up and start criticizing you. That's almost like you know that you've kind of reached the threshold. I remember um one of the teachings that I had with Kathy where she says that where she, the first time she started getting negative feedback online, she was like, Well, I guess I made it because now people have decided to take an opposing opinion to you. That's almost a compliment at this point. So, anyway, the goal here, the big takeaway is stop trying to please everybody. You can't do that. That's not possible, it's not sustainable. So I'm gonna read part, this part that I've highlighted here. Um, let's see here. Despite what you may fear, showing up as yourself is less likely to clear a room than to attract more people to it. You're able to say, This is me, this is my truth, this is it. You draw people in like a DJ calling everyone to the dance floor. Will everyone join your party? Will everyone dance to your beat? No. Because everyone is playing to their own music. But don't let that stop you from making your grand entrance. Don't let that stop you from putting your shoulders back, stepping forward, and playing to your highest note. When you play to your notes, when you turn up the volume of your authentic self, many people move in your direction. How many times have you been with a person who helps you by the very nature of their energy to feel more connected to flow, calmer, more creative? It's because each of us imprints an energy on the world, a resonance that is felt by others. I'm gonna pause here for a minute. I know people that I have engaged with. And when I hang up the phone with them, if I stop my call with them, whatever it is, when I disengage with them, I feel a rush of energy. Not everybody has that effect on me. My shout out to my Aunt Christy. Um, she's one of these people. The last time that I was messaging with her and we were talking, I think we were talking on the phone. We talked, we were trying, we were just catching up quickly for 20 minutes. We hung up the phone. I texted her immediately and said, I don't know what you're doing, but your energy is really high right now. Keep it up. And it's the it's a very odd compliment to give people, and some people aren't into it, but it's a very real thing. I have a mom friend. Her her by her vibrational energy is so high. When I went to her house, the last time I was to her house for a party, I was in awe at the level of energy that I felt at her home. And she had a lot of people at her house, but the energy takeaway from everybody that was there was so high. I was in, I was in awe just observing. And I was honored to be person, to be perfectly honest, that I had been welcomed into that energy because that meant that my energy was matching her energy. What a compliment. What a high compliment for somebody to come and to be invited in like that. Now I've also felt the opposite when people come and they're not energetically aligned to me or to the environment or to the vibrational energy that I want in my environment, you feel that immediately too. We have hosted gatherings at our house where afterwards we know like there's certain people like we really don't want to have back because we can tell they're misaligned. You know, they don't feel right for the space. If you're sensitive to it, if you're paying attention to how you feel when you're engaging with people, you'll be able to pick that up too. I've been telling my kids it's in it's an inside feeling, it's a feeling in your gut. And I've been telling them, like you tell me, there was a situation recently where my kids were outside riding their bikes together. And this is a little bit different, but this is just an example of how I'm trying to teach my children this as I go. My kids were all outside riding their bikes together. And so my two girls and my my boy. And so they all, this is the first summer that we're letting them ride their bikes around the block without an adult. They're all tagged and tracked, but there's no adult. You know that I have to tag and track my children. I don't care that it's just around the corner. I'm tagging and tracking my kids. Um, but so they're allowed to go with unsupervised. And, you know, we have little checkpoints with parents in the neighborhood, so everyone's kind of keeping an eye, making sure we're we're keeping mindful of our children. Um, one of my girls comes home and I said, What's what's the matter? Why aren't you why aren't you outside? I don't want to. Did something happen? No. Do you want to talk about anything? No. Okay. I just I just don't like so-and-so who's hanging out with my brother. Okay. And I don't feel comfortable with him. And I said, good for you. Good for you for recognizing that you didn't feel comfortable and that you don't like that person and that you walked away. Good for you. That's you trusting your instinct, and you always trust your instinct. And if you ever are troubled by this, you come and you tell me, and I will make sure you understand I'm backing you up, okay? I'll always back you up. I want you to know you have to trust your gut. You got it, mommy. Now, um, my mother used to do this in a different way, but it didn't resonate with me. It actually had the opposite effect because I'm very pig headed, right? And um, or I was, I was much more pig headed before. And much, and when I was a child, forget about it, my poor mother. Um, and so she would tell me, uh, it's your conscience, it's it's God. You, you know, it's your conscience, it's your angel telling you this is a bad situation, you gotta get out of there. For some reason, little defiant Jenny took that as, oh, it's a bad situation, and and God is telling, and it was more of a mocking thing. And for me, I was like, well, I don't want to, I don't want to do that. I'm gonna check this out then. I went the opposite direction. So I changed the phrasing with my kids. I don't use those kinds of phrases with my kids. I don't, I don't push it towards God. I say, this is your barometer. You trust your gut, you trust your instinct, you come home, and I'm here for you. So anyway, um, so that's like the whole energy thing, right? All right, diving back in. So the way it works energetically is that we are always moving in the direction of more ease, more bliss, more equanimity, a more receptive mood, but it takes time. You will only be able to tune or to resonate or to influence someone who's within seven degrees of where you are energetically. Well, that's interesting. Anyone who's beyond that can't be tuned by you. They can't feed off of it. They can't hear it. It doesn't register, they're too far away, and this is helpful because you can't affect the whole world and you don't need to affect the whole world. You just need to affect the people who are an energetic match who can be influenced by your tuning because they're within seven degrees of your frequency. That's why it's important to be authentic and to not waste your time trying to influence those who are in their resistance. If they're that far from where you are energetically, they can't hear it. People need to build their own foundation and decide what they're when they're ready and when they are, and when they are, you'll be there. Now, this is actually really important. How many of us don't raise your hand because you're probably in your car? How many of us have tried to convince and argue our way into someone else to change their opinion about someone or something? How many times have you exhausted efforts trying to convince a relative or a friend they're going the wrong way with something? Or how many times have you exhausted yourself and your energy trying to force someone else to see your point of view? How many times? I don't do this anymore, by the way, like at all. My entire persona has changed from that because that used to be me. Now, my older brother, at one point, um, he and I were had a lot of a lot of conflict. We buttheads consistently because he wants to be alpha, and I certainly am alpha, and there is no frigging way I was gonna let anyone be alpha to me. Um, and so we fought constantly, trying to convince each other of the other person's perspective. It was like a constant battle. And it's something that at certain at a certain point, even before all this, and before I discovered meditation, before I understood energy alignment, at a certain point, when I the first time when I picked up the book, The Secret, and I started to understand a little bit about what was going on, I was scraping the surface. The first thing I changed was my attitude towards other people and their opinions. It is not my job, and it is not your job to make someone else see the world from your lens. It is not your job to control someone else. The only person you can control is yourself. You cannot control the decisions of other people. You cannot control how other people feel about a situation, you cannot control how anyone else shows up to the party. You can only control yourself and how you show up to the party while you're only focusing on yourself. The people that are in alignment with you, that's seven degrees of alignment, are going to show up. And then it's gonna be a party. And then you're gonna start to see it. I have over the years lost many, many people in my life. People that I thought were close friends, people that, you know, 15, 20 years ago, I would have said, no, I'll always be friends with this person. These people are gonna be the godmother and godfather to my children. You truly don't know if the people in your life are in alignment with you until you really start to align with your own energy and get into your own alignment with the universe. Everyone will start to drop off once you are in alignment and once your energy becomes really, really strong and good, and once you start to recognize how you feel with only just existing in your own abundance, once all of that happens, it's almost a guarantee that people will start to drop off. It's the craziest thing to observe, it's the craziest thing to experience. Uh but the more you do it, the better it feels. And the more you start to realize, huh, I guess this person really wasn't a friend. I guess this relative really wasn't good for me. Now, people pay attention here. It's not just, you know, friends that drop off. Relatives will drop off. People you grew up with, people that raised you. But just because somebody is a blood relative does not mean that they're energetically matched to you, and it does not mean that they are good for you. There are many people that are toxic that shouldn't be around you. And you do not need to feel guilted in any way into having them in your life. It is your choice. And what you should always choose is what works for your energy, what feels good for you. It is incredibly easy to recognize when somebody's not in alignment with you. Now, this whole like somebody people are within seven degrees of each other. If you are really paying attention to how things feel, you're going to start to see that. Sometimes I wonder to myself about that. Um, and sometimes I question myself. I wonder about, you know, have I gone the right way here? Did I go too far? I don't have loads and loads of friends anymore. I used to be very much quantity over quality. I used to 110% lean into I want to have a lot of friends. I always want to be socially active. I love being out and about. I do. I really do like being social. I love being social. I like being out and about. It doesn't mean I need to do it all the time. And it doesn't mean that everybody should be invited into that. There's some people that shouldn't be invited into that at all. And you do have to be mindful of who you're giving your energy to and who you're spending your time with. They've done actual studies and research. There's literal research about how a negative person or how somebody with negative energy can bring down an entire group of people just by poisoning the well. It's incredibly interesting. And there's actual research on it. Noodle on that for a little bit. I'm going to talk more about this in our next episode because I am, I, like I said, I'm feeling really good. I'm getting back in the swing of things. I'm feeling very high energy. I'm also feeling regretful that I didn't take a whole week off. But again, it is what it is. More, more, more good things to come. Um, so thank you all so much for being with me today. I am so grateful for all of you. I'm grateful to be able to be sitting here recording and feeling healthy. Um to all the new subscribers. I mean, I literally, guys, I honestly can't say enough about how grateful I am for all of you. For somebody like myself who has no social media presence, like very minimal social media presence, I don't even post anymore because I've been, it's it's just too busy and I'm just focusing on recording. Um, but for somebody like me with no social media presence, I come from little old New Jersey. All I want to do here is drop a penny into the pond and make a ripple. And if that ripple reaches even just one person and and helps to change and shift the course of one person's life, I mean, my God, I would be grateful. To be able to make an impact on somebody that's the greatest honor that you could ever have is for somebody to say to you, you made a difference in my life. What an honor. Truly what an honor. So thank you again for all being with me. Um, I'm sincerely just so grateful for all of you. And I will catch you on the next one. Take care.