The Survival Mindset That Blocks Your Next Level

Your mind can sound like a bully when you are trying to grow, but what if it is just doing its job a little too well? I’m sharing a truth that instantly changes how you read your anxiety, your hesitation, and that constant background self-talk: your brain is wired for survival, not for success. Once you see that, you stop making fear mean “I can’t” and start treating it like a safety signal you can work with.

I walk you through what survival wiring looks like in everyday life, from the ultra-convincing reasons to stay comfortable to the Groundhog Day thought loops that repeat until you believe they are “you”. Then we get practical. I share my personal reset toolkit for nervous system regulation, including simple breathwork, a three minute pause to get back into your body, and why nature, water, and unplugging from your phone can bring you back to clarity faster than another late-night scroll for the next strategy.

We also talk about stopping the habit of outsourcing your answers. Your intuition and body cues are quieter than your mind, so you need space to hear them. I explain how I use Human Design as a unique energetic blueprint to help you find aligned strategy, stop leaking energy, and build from the inside out. Finally, I bring it home with identity work: choosing the future you through small daily decisions, even when the old patterns feel loud.

If this lands, share it with a friend who’s building big things with a busy brain, then subscribe and leave a review so more ambitious women can find The Reset with Me, Emma Clayton. What part of your “survival brain” shows up the most right now?

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Transcript

Welcome And Rebrand Tease

SPEAKER_01 0:01

This is the Modern Lead Her Way. Podcast ambitious-driven career women who want to feel good on the way to the top.

SPEAKER_00 0:08

I'm Emma Clayton and I'll be sharing with you tangible advice to help you stop sacrificing your soul in the name of success. And experience more balance, confidence, and fulfilment both in and out of work.

Your Brain Is Built For Safety

Thought Loops Groundhog Day Effect

Anxiety Business And Being Present

Nervous System Reset Toolkit

Stop Outsourcing Your Answers

Human Design And Aligned Strategy

Choosing Future Self Plus Reset Days

Podcast Rebrand And Goodbye

SPEAKER_01 0:21

Hello and welcome back to another solo episode of The Modern Leader Way, which is actually gonna get a rebrand. I've decided it's gonna have a new name, and if I remember, I will try and remember to reveal the new name at the end of this episode because it might make a bit more sense after we've talked about the brain slash neuroscience slash mindset that is required for success. Because here is what I have learned over the years, and actually what I've been reminded of very recently as some anxiety has crept up and um smacked me upside the head. What I've remembered and been reminded of, which I want to share here, and then I want to go into it, is that our brain is wired for survival, not for success. It cares not if you are successful and thriving in life, it only cares that it's keeping you safe from harm and alive, right? That is his one sole purpose, is to provide the logic that ensures that you are not going to put yourself in any immediate danger, and that if something that resembles danger, even if it's like not really dangerous in this day and age, when that comes up, it's going to make sure that you feel the alert, see it clearly, and avoid it at all costs, right? And when we relate this to wanting change in our life, success in our life, probably you will be able to bring to mind things that your brain tells you, and it tells you this in a narrative that runs in your head, right? That inner self-talk is what you hear. It probably tells you it's not safe to put yourself out there, it's not safe to go bigger, it's not safe to do something you've never tried before, and you know, it's going to give you all the reasons why you probably don't want to do that. Now, I will say this runs as deep as, you know, when I'm waking up in the morning and I'm all cozy and warm in bed, and the dog gets on for its morning snuggles, and I know that my first chore of the day is to get up, get my ass out of bed, and get down to the gym and just follow the plan, follow the program that I've been set. I don't have to think about it, I just have to open my app, I have to start the workout and I have to follow the instructions, right? When I am nice and cozy, my brain is like, do you really want to get up and go to the gym? Because you know that's hella uncomfortable. You're gonna get a sweat on, you're gonna have to have a shower afterwards, you know, you're gonna potentially hurt your knees. You know, your knees are really good at the moment. You don't want to tempt fate and like potentially hurt your knees again. You don't want to be walking around with limp again after all that time healing and look how strong you are now. It really does have a compelling reason why you should stay comfortable, why you should stay warm and snug in your bed. But actually, when we have this awareness that our brain is wired for survival, not for thrival. I'm not even sure if that's a word, but it just doesn't care for my success. It doesn't care that I have a goal to be my fittest, strongest, healthiest, and wealthiest by the time I turn 50. By the way, side note, it's my birthday tomorrow, at the time of recording. I turn 47. So I've got a three years, a three-year countdown is on for my big vision that I see for myself, which is, you know, very selfishly, I want to be fit, healthy, strong, and bloody wealthy, turning 50. I want to be at the prime of my life at 50 years old. I want to defy, you know, what society tells us about aging and um how we're past middle-aged and on the way down, like it's all down here from from here on, right? I want to defy that. And you know, I've made a good start, and actually, next week we're gonna talk about the body journey because I brought you along for the for the ride so far, and it's only fair that I update you on that. What the biggest hurdle is, is not necessarily the weight loss, it's not necessarily making the money in business, it's not necessarily whatever it is that you know you want to uh achieve. The challenge, the hurdle is overcoming this inner self-talk, this inner narrative, these stories that are running on repeat. And if you tune in long enough, you'll realize it's the same bloody groundhog day every day, the same bullshit stories come up time and time again. Maybe that voice is silenced for you, um, and you're not walking around with the awareness that I have, and maybe you're thinking I'm a little bit crazy because I think I'm a little bit crazy sometimes if I'm honest, especially when I'm planning on sharing some of the shizz with you. But if you are walking around pretty ignorant to that voice, then I actually would say don't worry about it, continue, continue assuming you're happy with life as it is, and you don't see that there is more, and that you are content and you are happy going another 20, 30, 40, 50 years of your life as you are, then don't worry about this, like switch off now. In fact, don't even listen to me any longer. However, if you know that there is something in your life that you want to improve, something in your life or something about your person that you want to change, maybe some unwanted habits that you want to finally break the habit of a lifetime on, maybe some behaviours that you're like, I don't like that I do that still at this ripe old age. Maybe it's a situation or a circumstance you're in, maybe it's a relationship that you want to change or improve, maybe it's the relationship of yourself that you want to improve. If you see change for yourself in your life, in your future, then you've got to master this piece, which is just that understanding that your brain is wired for survival, not your success. So if you are listening to your mind, that self-talk, that inner narrative, if you are listening to that as your main strategist in life, then you are setting yourself up to stay the same. And I say this with so much love, and I say this as a stark reminder to myself, because I'm in this with you. Like this is this is no mean feat overcoming our minds, which are set up for survival, right? But when we know that, we can do something with it, we can work with it because all of a sudden we get to take back control and we get to go, okay. So if it's not my mind chatter, if it's not that internal narrative that's like just constantly going on in the background, because like by the way, we have like 80,000 thoughts or something. I don't know whoever's sat there and counted them, but some neuroscientist somewhere has worked out that we have 80,000 thoughts or in the region of a day, every single day. And then add to that that 95% of those are the same as the day before. So you have a a window of 5% for new thoughts to come in, and you're only actually consciously aware of five percent because there's so many. You can't be aware of them all when there's 80,000 thoughts, you cannot give time and attention to them all. So you have a like a tiny slice of thoughts that you're aware of, consciously aware of, the rest is running in the background, and then just have this awareness that the ones that are running in the background are likely to be the same as the thoughts you had the day before, and the thoughts you had the day before, and the thoughts you had the day before. So whoever created that film, The Groundhog Day, yeah, they were on to something because you imagine that happening in your brain, and you know, it's a pretty accurate picture with a little bit of window tolerance for some new thoughts to come in. Let me uh back up a little bit and just bring you into my mind so that you know if any, if if nothing else, when you leave this podcast episode, you will have an idea that at least if you feel crazy, you're not alone because I'm gonna sound crazy with some of the things I'm gonna share with you. And the the beautiful thing that um I love about Adam, my other half, uh is as a gardener, right? As a gardener, he is out in nature every day, he's very much in a physical task, and I I'm imagining that he's got he's got eight hours a day to think about all this stuff, right? Like what you could think about if you didn't have to like do stuff at the desk or whatever. So I say I used to say to him, What do you think about when you're working? He was like, No, I don't. I was like, Well, you must do, and he's like, Well, I don't, and what I realised was that he has actually a beautiful example of someone that's fully present in the moment in the task at hand. However, there will still be up to 80,000 thoughts running in the background, it's just he might not be aware of them because he's just uh overriding that with this presence in the moment, and he can like spot the robin that's been watching him and he can see the worm that's coming up through the soil that he's just dug up, right? I just think that's really beautiful because he's in his senses, he's like in the moment, and um he's not paying much attention to those thoughts, even though they're there. Me, on the other hand, I've had some, let's just call it worries. You know, I've been on a bit of a journey, as I shared in the last episode around my business and the twists and turns that that's taken, in this attempt to land on something that feels really freaking good, not just to me, but feels like it's something that really does add value to people's lives, and it's something that they need and want. Because I always feel like the work I've done has been amazing and life-changing, but trying to translate that into a piece of content on social media or a podcast episode that allows someone to get an insight into what that actually could look like for them and why they should be interested in it, and then why they should put their hand in their pocket and actually pay for it. That's been a trip for me because I've had to learn marketing and messaging, and that's not my strong point. It's just not my strong point. There's some people out there that are so freaking good at tempting you into their offer and getting you to say, take my money, like where can I pay? Quickly, just give me the thing because you are speaking to me. You are speaking to a part of me that needs this, this is exactly what I want. Give it to me now, right? They're really good at that. Now, there is an argument that they may not actually be as good on the inside of the offer. Like when you buy the thing, is it does it actually crack up to be much? I would argue I have had experiences where you know I've been sucked into good marketing and messaging and have been disappointed or underwhelmed by what I've received on the inside. However, that's not the case for everyone. Some people have mastered both the marketing and the delivery, which is great. And what I would say is I've always mastered the delivery. Like what you get inside my containers is bloody good quality, and it's gonna change your life if you allow it to. What I have had to like really put some effort and attention and intention into is learning how to market and message myself. So, in that space in between over the last couple of years where I've been like twisting and turning my message, you know, business has been slower. I'm not gonna lie. It's this is hard. This is hard work. Like, if I thought I worked hard and was burning out in corporate, my god, like that is nothing compared to um the experience of running your own business. I digress. My whole point of telling you about Adam was because I have more recently let him in to my crazy head, and part of that was my decision to go on Manjaro and trying to explain to him what food noise sounded like. And it was clear he just did not resonate in the slightest. He did not have a clue what I was talking about, and it's actually quite cathartic to share with him like these are the thoughts I have on repeat, these are the regular thoughts that I pick myself up having. And the funniest thing is what takes a lot of the weight out of the kind of meaning that we might otherwise give these thoughts is his reaction because he does look at me as if I'm a little bit crazy, and he kind of sort of shakes his head and laughs a little bit and sort of gets back to his food because it's usually over the dinner table that we're having this conversation. But yeah, I just want you to know that if you resonate with any of this, then you are not alone, and hopefully there are some of you out there that do resonate with this, and I am not alone. I'm it's not just me. So I wanted to just share this and then share some of my tools, if you like, in my toolkit that I use to help myself. And I guess the first one for me is when when I feel particularly anxious, it's knowing where I feel it in my body, and for me, it's in my upper chest, right? I often feel like my breath is quite shallow, I'm only breathing really into that top cavity of my chest, not even into my lungs, really. And then I often get like a this feeling of overwhelm, and sometimes I even get a little pain in my chest uh that feels like it could be chest pain, which can be a little bit scary, and then can breed more anxiety, right? But what I can do is put a hand on my chest and take a couple of deep breaths. When I notice I'm not deep breathing enough, we slow down and we take a breath, and so we can breathe in through the nose and let it out through the mouth with a hand on the heart, just telling yourself that you've got you, and a couple of deep breaths in through the nose, out through the mouth can be enough to calm that anxiety. And what we're doing in this moment is we're signalling to the brain that actually we are not in immediate danger of anything of getting out of bed and going to the gym. We're not in immediate danger of you know eating the wrong thing or the money running out tomorrow. Okay, no one's gonna die. We're we're good, we've got this, I've got you. Let's go. That little reset in the day is something I often do. I've actually got this little um egg timer on my desk. It's for three minutes, got black sand in it, and oftentimes I will just turn that over, I will like push away from my desk and just do some deep breathing and um movement, like see where my body wants to move, where it's tense, like where I need to roll my neck or whatever, um, and just get back into my body. So I'm getting out of my head and back into my body. Another thing that I do oftentimes when I get overwhelmed, um, when I feel like it's all getting too much, when the noise of my my own thoughts as well as the noise of the internet is kind of crowding out any sort of sense of sensibility. I often have to get away from my desk and get out in nature. And this is a big one for me. So my dog walks, um, my going to the gym, you know, and I now call myself a gym goer. I go four times a week on my own to the gym. I follow a plan, so I don't have to think about what it is I'm doing. I just, you know, trust the system, trust the process, and get up and go. I just know that tomorrow I'm going to the gym first thing, I'm putting my stuff out to ensure that I have that system in place so that I step out of bed, I step into those clothes, and I'm more likely to go to the gym next, right? Um, but for me, getting outside in nature and moving my body in that way, um, and unplugging in the process. Now I am guilty of taking my phone with me. I do think it's sensible, especially some of the walks I go on, um, as they're all like off-road, up in the hills, on the cliffs, whatever. I wouldn't want to go about my phone for safety reasons. However, I also don't need to take my headphones. I also don't need to be like catching up on emails while I'm out in nature. So I make a real conscious effort and set the intention before I get out of the car or before I leave the house that I am going to just be present for this walk and I'm not going to be on my phone. And that really, really helps to again hit that reset button. Um, and I can come back to my desk and often um focus a lot easier. And I often get inspired while I'm on my walks as well. So if I'm like really struggling with what do I post today or what do I say on my podcast, I'll be like, right, let's hit the reset button, let's get out on that walk. It's gonna come to me. So really like unplugging when you can. I love to be around water. I know that if I go and sit down the beach or if I go and sit and have a view of the water, of the sea, of a lake, I am so much like more connected to myself. So being around water, but being in the bath, right? I also am guilty of taking my phone in the bath. But if I'm gonna be in the bath for an hour or an hour and a half, which I often am, providing I keep the water hot enough, I need to be like in the bath, in the in my body, feeling the water on my body, it actually helps get you out of your head and back connected to your body. And this is a lot of the work that I do when you come and do any work with me. I'm gonna sense when you are up in your head, when your breath is shallow, when you're potentially slightly scattered, or um, you know, just feeling a little bit overwhelmed, and I'm gonna help facilitate you coming back into your body. And it doesn't have to be like a really long meditation, oftentimes it's connecting to a few breaths, it's closing your eyes, putting your hand on your chest, and and grounding you. You know, imagine roots growing out of your feet and into the ground and drawing that energy back up. It's like literally reminding your brain that there is a whole body that operates below the neck because we walk around literally like we are hovering heads, like you would forget, you'd be forgiven for forgetting that you have legs that walk you around because that happens on autopilot, right? That's another job of the brain is to signal to the body when we need to move, when we need to run. So it happens on autopilot. However, we have to like acknowledge our other body parts because a big part of our body that is going to help us moving forward in making decisions that are aligned with our best interests at heart is our intuition, is our instincts, is our bodily cues, right? We get clues from our body, and this is what we do as humans is when things aren't necessarily going our way, when things aren't necessarily landing as easily as we'd like them to, we go seeking outside of us. We go looking and scrolling on Instagram for the next freebie that's going to give us the answers, for the next coach that's going to have the strategy to give us, you know, the launch strategy or the self-confidence strategy, whatever it is. We go looking for the strategies and the answers outside of us when we have the answers inside of us. We just so cut off from them because we walk around in our heads all the time that we don't we ignore. We ignore the subtle body cues until they get really loud. And that look that sounds like burnout, right? It sounds like fuck, I'm so exhausted, I cannot take another action. It looks like symptoms arising, it looks like excess fat on your body. It is all the cis symptoms that we ignore whilst they're they're you know light and just tapping us, tapping us on the on the shoulder until they start getting louder and louder. There are ways that we can do this on our own. You don't need anyone to tell you how to do it. I've already given you a couple of subtle clues as to what you can do. Take a couple of deep breaths, go and have a bath without your phone, go for a walk without your headphones, get out in nature, um, tap into your senses, see what you see with your eyes, smell what you can with your nose, listen as far as you can with your ears. You know, this is all what Adam's doing very naturally every day when he's working. Tapping into them senses, like really feeling your feet on the ground as you're walking, as you're sitting at your desk. Like, can you wiggle your toes every now and again and go, Oh, I have lower limbs, you know. Um, we're very familiar with our fingers because. They're usually tapping on a keyboard, but our feet sort of surplus to requirement most of the days when we're when we're sat at a desk, right? So, how you can get out of your head, tap into your body, and really start to tune into that voice that is not the voice of your mind, but the voice of your body, and it's subtly different, it's very much quieter. Your intuition is very quiet, your instinct is probably a little bit knee more knee-jerk. It's like, oh no, don't step out into the road. Um but your intuition is a lot more subtle, it's kind of like this voice that comes from nowhere. You might not even hear it, you might just feel it. But it's like a real knowing that either you're on the wrong path or you're on the right path, or this is what you need to do next. Um, we just don't hear it. So, a big part of the work that I realise I do, whether that's in my reset days, you know, where you come to my house and there's a small group of people, and we're I'm facilitating a beautiful day where we've ground you, we reconnect you to your breath, to your body, to your vision, to your values, what it's all for, what's important to you, what it is that you're creating in this world. And we allow that space and time for you to hear it. We're extracting it from you rather than telling you what you need to do next. Like none of the work that I do is really telling anyone anything. It's not teaching you to do anything other than come back to yourself because that's where the truth lies. That's where the answers lie. They are not outside of you. And ask me how I know, and I still get tripped up on this every month, every month. I start the month with new intention uh to cut out the noise, to ensure that I'm not on my phone before 9 a.m. in the morning and not on it after eight o'clock at night, and still I manage to find a way around my little app that blocks out my um apps after those times. You know, still I find myself downloading the next strategy. Um, don't always look at them now. Um, and sometimes I do question myself and say, no, I don't need it, and if I really want it two days later, I'll know where to go and find it, right? Um, it really does help with that decision fatigue as well when you're thinking, how am I gonna feel about this if I buy it or not, or if I do it or I don't do it, in five minutes time, in five hours time, in five days' time, and five weeks time. What about five years time, right? If I haven't bought this thing for£27 in five years, am I going to have regretted that decision not to buy it? Or is it going to make a difference in my life if I do buy it, right? In five years' time? Probably not. But you know, there's your answer there. But the other tool that I use that I don't talk enough about, but you certainly get access to when you get on a call with me or you come to me for the day is human design, which is a tool that I just love and have been studying for about six years for myself. And then, you know, in the fascination of how this life-changing this has been for myself, I wanted to understand Adam, right? And then I wanted to understand my sister and my mum and dad, and then I wanted to understand all of my clients that came across my business. And so I went out and I learned from my good friend Sue Jones Miranda how to um interpret human design charts and read them. So I can now look at a body graph, which if you know what I'm talking about, you'll know looks quite complex. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you can go to mybodygraph.com and put in your birth data and it will send you your uh body graph. And then when you don't know how to read it, feel free to come and ask me and I'll I'll give you some interpretation on it. If if there's one way of describing it, it's like your unique energetic blueprint. This is your operating manual, you know, the one that we wish we were born with, but it's not like a one size fits all, it actually is very bespoke to you and your unique way of showing up in the world and moving through life in the most effective, efficient, and easeful way, right? So when we're moving through life and we're following someone else's strategy and it doesn't feel good, it just is like this should this should be easy because look at them, they've had success with it, but it's not. So, what is wrong with me? There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you, my friend. You're just following someone else's blueprint when you have your own, and when we can unlock that and go, Oh, this is where you're leaking energy by do it like following someone else's way. When actually, if we just tweak this over here and we get you to focus on this rather than that, then we see how much life opens up for you and how much easier it gets for you. And it's just like, oh my god, where has this been my whole life? Um, that is human design, that's a slight tool that I use in the work that I do, and it's also another great tool for a reset. And then ultimately, where we have to get to if we want to change the habits of a lifetime when it comes to our thought loops, is we have to do something with the awareness that we do have around what thoughts are cropping up that are potentially gonna swerve us off course, off where we're heading, and that is we have to go, oh hello, old ancient thought on repeat. Thank you, I see you, but I'm gonna choose differently today. This goes into a whole nother conversation about identity, and this is one of the deeper layers that I work on as well, and I can do this work because I am doing it for myself day in, day out. It is a constant choice as to whether I choose the old me, the past me that's got me to where I am today, or whether I'm choosing the future me, the future version of me that I am moving towards. And I only move towards her if I'm making choices that she's had to make to get where she wants to get. So if I want to be the fittest, the strongest, the healthiest and wealthiest of my life in three years' time, the work starts now. We don't wait, the work starts now. The work starts now to choose more empowering thoughts, more positive thoughts, and not just from a toxic positivity plate point of view, but actually deciding whether or not I follow the old thought patterns or whether I create new ones. Deciding whether I give in to that voice when I'm more anxious that says hit the fuck it button, let's feel better quickly in the moment by binging on a packet of MMs and saying no. No, we're not doing that today. And in saying no to that older version of myself, what am I saying yes to? I'm saying yes to that future version of me, and so I want you to take this away. If you take nothing else, it's we have to get really super honest with ourselves and what it is that we want, and we have to then make choices on the daily, those small, seemingly inconsequential decisions in the moment of every day that either move us forwards and towards our goals or keep us where we are, and remembering that the brain is wired for our survival and not for our success, not for change. We have to override that with the thoughts and the actions that are going to move us forwards. My business is moving very much towards the framework that I have created, which I mentioned last time, which is the reset framework. And I'm gonna save that for another podcast episode to go through that with you. But I have a framework, and human design is a part of it. Reconnecting you to your body is a part of it, getting you out of your head is a part of it. Um, regulating your nervous system through the power of breath, through the power of movement, through the power of nature is another part of it. These are all subtle ways that I work that I didn't really appreciate until I sort of took a step back because it's so natural to me. And actually, that's in my human design. In my profile line, I have a two-line, which is the natural, is the passionate. Like we we are the easy breezy geniuses. We don't necessarily see what it is that our genius is because it comes so naturally to us, and it's only now that I'm eight and a half years down the line of doing this work that I realise I've had a very similar way that I've worked with anyone, whatever it's been in, whether it's been in body confidence or it's been in business, whether it's been in imposter syndrome and leadership coaching, or it's been in um managing your back end of your business. There is a way that I work and the reset framework is it. So the easiest way to access that and get an experience of it is to come along to one of my founders reset days. I'm doing these once a quarter. And if you want details of the next one, then just DM me founders reset and I will give you all the details. I would love to facilitate you for a day to host you, to give you a full experience of what it is like to take that time out of your business, to get out of your head, that busy brain of yours, and to get back into your body and to give it the nurturing it needs to be able to listen and hear it again. Because that's where your str that's where your most aligned strategy lies, is in inside of you. And then we build from there, we build from the inside out, we build from within. It's the only fail-proof way of building a business and a life that feels as good as it fucking looks on the outside. So that's all I'm gonna say. Like, if you feel crazy because of the thoughts that go on in your head, you are not, it is how your brain is wired. Your brain is wired for survival, not for success, but we can hack it, we can find a way around it, we can override it and say, No, we are good today, no one's gonna die, there is no lion. Trust me, I've got you, we're gonna do the thing anyway. And there are many ways as well that we can support ourselves in our own businesses in taking out some of that decision fatigue by really understanding what our natural nature is when it comes to how we operate and who we came here to be, and that is the way that I work. So if you want to learn more about how I can help, um yeah, DM me reset, and we can we can go from there, we can start a conversation. You'll get no pushy sales from me. I just really want to help you find your way back to you, which is where you have all the answers. And when you tap into that, you don't need to pay anyone else to tell you what to do next because you you have access to everything you've always needed inside of you, and you just know how to do that. So I said I was gonna tell you what the name of the podcast is gonna be moving forward, and you may have some guesses based on what I've talked about, but it is going to be rebrand rebranded as The Reset with Me, Emma Clayton. So I am not gonna do any big launch, but you are going to see me start talking more about this. If I've never felt so aligned than I do now. I am glad it's taken me this long because I now know because of how good it feels to me, how aligned it feels to me and my human design. I'm glad it's taken this long because no one else could have told me that this is where I would have landed. Um, I've very much had to do the deep introspective work and work from the inside out. And if you want help and support to do that too, then you know where I am. So thanks for being here again. I am gonna go off and enjoy my birthday weekend, and I will see you next time. Take care of the video.