Two Sober Chicks II

Second in a series “Two Sober Chicks”

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Hi there. I'm Miranda.

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Hi, I'm Mariana. And we are two sober chicks.

SPEAKER_01 0:08

Still back. Yeah, still. We've got some questions and answers.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

That's all right. It's been about uh we're now both about two and a half years sober.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

And uh we thought of some questions, so here we go. Um, so Miranda, yes, what has surprised you the most about sobriety that no one warned you about?

SPEAKER_01 0:34

Oof, the fellowship, how many others are sober? Seems like um there's a lot of people in the rooms that you know, being being sober in a drunk planet kind of deal where there's so many, you know, everybody's partying. I didn't realize that there was a whole fellowship inside the rooms of people that are not drinking. So I think that, yeah. Um what does this is for you, what does your life look like today that would have seemed impossible when you were still drinking, Ariana?

SPEAKER_00 1:14

What does my life look like? My life looks amazing today because I wake up with fresh eyes and I know where I'm at, and I know I'm in bed but with myself and my dogs, and and I just have pure joy and I have energy to take on the day, you know. Today, I love my job. I just thought of that today. I just got done working a shift, and I literally was driving here and I was thinking, I love my job, and I love my job because I'm not hungover. I get to enjoy people, I get to listen to people, you know, and uh I get to go to AA meetings, like I get to, you know, which at that first I didn't think I'd ever get it. But now I I I love my life.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Excellent.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

Um, so Miranda, when life gets really hard now, what tools do you reach for instead of alcohol?

SPEAKER_01 2:18

You know, it's prayer, it's calling my sponsor, it's calling you, um, reading a lot, you know. There's daily meditations to read, and that really is like higher power talking to me, like what needs to be said and heard. So I think, you know, that uh there's a thousand things I do now instead of reaching for alcohol. That's like the last or the that's the no option, you know. That ain't happening.

SPEAKER_00 2:50

Right.

SPEAKER_01 2:51

So it's amazing. And Marianna, how is your definition of happiness or success changed in sobriety? Kind of touched on that with the last question.

SPEAKER_00 3:02

Right. So like a really good day for me is starting out my day by going to the early birds, 6 50 a.m. meeting.

SPEAKER_01 3:13

Early.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

Early.

SPEAKER_01 3:14

So early.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

So early, even though I'm always late to it. Um I'm still working. Progress, not perfection. Um, so starting a day with a meeting, you know, then going home and doing some prayer meditation. There's an app I like to use called Insight Timer. There's a meditation on there called Upon Awakening, and it's actually page 86, 87, 88. Um, so it's amazing and uh reminds me. And then I have some breakfast, I play with my dogs, you know. And then if it's my day off, I'll go to the 1210 meeting, you know. And then I'll go to another meeting later that day, and in between I'll go to the gym or you know, and then I go in fellowship with people from AA because I love to be around people that are also sober. Oh, is that you, God? Yep. But um, yeah. Sober people are the best, and there's so many fun things to do when you're sober. You know, when I first was getting sober, I was like, nothing's gonna ever be fun again. And bowling, going to breakfast.

SPEAKER_01 4:28

So much fun.

SPEAKER_00 4:29

You know, just hanging out watching movies, and just I don't know, life life is abundant and there's just so much.

SPEAKER_01 4:37

Yeah, so true.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

Miranda, if you could sit down with baby Miranda, two and a half years. Two and a half years today. Not today, sorry. That was on the first. Okay. Yeah. So now you're old news.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

So old.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

So if you were to talk to baby Miranda first walking into the friendship club, trying to figure out life, what would you tell baby Miranda?

SPEAKER_01 5:05

Well, the first day that I quit my sobriety day, I hadn't been into AA yet. I waited six months, about five and a half months, to get into the rooms. So I probably would have told myself, get in there sooner. Start making your friends, start listening, start having fun, you know, living again, being of service for sure. Instead of sulking, being sick all day. Ugh, I hated that. Yeah. Thoughtful. The only cure was to drink more.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

Right.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

So I would say get your ass in there. Make it happen.

SPEAKER_00 5:47

Practice walking through the doors. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because I know that's Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

Always the fear of being late. Yeah. Like you. Yep. Um, like you do for the early birds. Um always, you know, just it's this parking lot's full, don't interrupt the meeting. All those things that weren't that weren't true that I had in my head, you know. Yeah. Can't interrupt the meeting, can't be late.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Yeah, I was on my way into the meeting the other day. Of course I was running late. Once again, I'm trying to work on my my timing. And I saw this woman sitting out there with her dog, and I said I didn't say the meeting's inside. But I alluded to like, hey, do you know there's a meeting that's just started? Would you like to go in there? And she goes, Well, I'm drunk. And I said, That's okay. Just try not to share, you know. Because that's one of the things they say is don't share if you're intoxicated in some of the meetings. Um, but you're more than welcome to come and observe and be in the room, and you could still feel you could still feel the spirituality in there, you know.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

It's hard not to share when you've been drinking. You just out of it.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

Yeah, yeah. And she she she stayed for half the meeting. So at least she made it through half. But it's just like just get into the door. The start. Just to start to feel the other people around and just being in there, you know.

SPEAKER_01 7:16

Yeah, that's true. It's hard. I mean I wish I could wave a magic wand and be like, bring, and here it is, you know, this is what it's like. This is how it works. But people have to go through it. Yeah. Go through their stuff.

SPEAKER_00 7:31

Uh so what's one belief you had about yourself while drinking that sobriety proved was completely false?

SPEAKER_01 7:40

Um I think that I just thought, you know, I had this romantic version of when I travel, I have to be able to drink. Like if I'm in France, I have to have champagne, and there's this romantic version of the alcohol in in the world and my daily life. Like you know, because I'll I was just saying, I'm an adult, it's my life, I'll do what I want to do. Tell me what to do. Yeah, it's legal. I'm not hurting anyone, although I was hurting everyone.

SPEAKER_00 8:10

Right.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

All around. Um but yeah, I think that the thinking that it's just intertwined with everything in life. You know, thinking that I had to have it in order to travel or to enjoy stuff like concerts or ball games or whatever it was. And so that you know, that's I've enjoy myself, like you were saying earlier, so much more without, you know, being able to remember stuff and not be sick or make an ass of myself. Yeah. I can do that without alcohol. What Mariana has been the hardest part of staying sober after the first year?

SPEAKER_00 8:55

After the first year.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

After the first year.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

Um I feel like what's been the hardest is trying to get down a routine, you know. Now that I'm almost at two and a half years, now I understand that at the beginning of people were like, keep coming back. Have you tried praying and meditating? You know, these are the little tools that they start to try to ingrain in you to try and get a routine. Because us alcoholics, we need a routine. Like we need structure because we're so used to being so chaotic and just f living life by the seam of our pants or seat of our pants. What is what is the seat? It's a seat. Okay. Seat. Okay. Excuse me.

SPEAKER_01 9:38

I'm foreign. There's a seam in your seat too.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

Right. So think about it. I think uh finally getting down a routine, like waking up, praying and meditating, you know, going to meetings, reaching out to um my friends, my truth tellers, how my sponsor likes to call them. You know, meeting up with my sponsor once a week. You know, these are the things that I'm now learning as I'm in the second year. So Yeah. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:12

There's a lot.

SPEAKER_00 10:14

So Miranda, how has sobriety changed your relationships, such as with your family, your friends, your husband, or even yourself?

SPEAKER_01 10:25

Um, the relationships with my families change night and day. I mean, I wasn't I was pretty absent. Um and so the boys see me, you know, and see me doing well. And that's good because they know what it's all about. When I go to meetings and when I leave, I'm gonna come back. Mommy's not going out for a pack of smokes and showing up three days later. Right. I go for an hour, come back, you know. Yeah. And if there's any question, they know exactly the building I'm in and where to find me. So that's that's been wonderful. Um my husband always wanted me to quit. He was always like, maybe just take a break. Just take a month off from the drinking and partying and stuff. And so, but it really had to come from me and not you know, I couldn't have my mom or my husband telling me, you need to quit, because that just threw f gasoline on the flames of my addiction. And so I you know, but it's hard, it's because they do care, they love me and they wanted the best for me.

unknown 11:32

Right.

SPEAKER_01 11:45

I'm done with this.

SPEAKER_00 11:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:47

Which made my sponsor's life easy because you know, there wasn't no I wasn't thinking about going out and drinking. I was thinking about staying in and working it, you know. So what is something you had to let go of in order to grow in recovery? Marianna.

SPEAKER_00 12:05

There's so many things I have to learn how to let go, you know, um my ego. My ego is not my amigo, is what I've learned.

SPEAKER_01 12:15

That's what they say.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

You know, um, the the people pleasing, you know. Um it's kind of like in my job description to be a people pleaser, but then in my life, I have to have boundaries. Yeah, you know. And uh, and with that I have to pause many times throughout the day to prevent old Mariana to from coming out. You know what I mean? Popping back up. Just popping off. That's popping off.

SPEAKER_01 12:48

Here she is, folks.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

And uh letting go of control and trying to be perfect. You know. You know, um I'm I'm a control freak. Even though my life used to be chaotic, I don't understand why I thrive on wanting such control now. Maybe it's because my life was such a chaos. And uh yeah. And resentments. Now I try not to have resentments because I know I'll have to make amends. Yeah. So now I pause a lot. I almost feel like I'm a deaf mute sometimes because I'm like, I I shouldn't say that. That's probably not appropriate.

SPEAKER_01 13:28

You could just be a mime.

SPEAKER_00 13:29

Okay, I can mime it.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

Yeah, yeah. Just mime it out.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

Yeah, just middle fingers everywhere.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

Well, maybe first fingers, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:37

So just more innocent miming. Oh G the G mime.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

The G the G rated mime. G rated, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:45

G rated mime for sure.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

So Miranda. Yes. If someone listening is afraid they can't stay sober forever, what would you tell them?

SPEAKER_01 13:55

Well, I first of all, it's it's like it's one day at a time, so you try not to dwell too much about the past or the future. I think if somebody's afraid that they can't do it or get started, like I did it. I didn't want to do it at first, I didn't know until I knew that I was ready and that this was the life I wanted. And that I chose um there's so many tools to help along the way with recovery. Um there's you know, I don't be afraid. You just it's a change. It's definitely a shift, but it's a positive thing. It's like a new chapter that you have to write. And yeah, that's what I did was just stay close with my sponsor, work the steps. That was the best thing that I could do, and it's still not perfect. I'm not perfect. The program for me, the way I work it isn't perfect, but I'll be learning till the day I die. Um, there's nothing to fear. If I can do it, anybody can do it. There's another question I have for you.

SPEAKER_00 15:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:10

Which is what's one thing you still struggle with today that people might assume disappears once you're sober?

SPEAKER_00 15:19

I still think about the drink.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:22

You know, the the obsession has been lifted, but uh I was out at uh breakfast with a friend of mine from from AA and we were fellowshipping and we're actually talking about the book and not just everyday life. You know what I mean? Uh, because I think it's important to not just to shoot the shit all the time when you're fellowshipping. I feel like sometimes if you finish a meeting, it's nice to regurgitate it together, you know, and see what we've learned or bounce off ideas, and all of a sudden, this glass just started shining in the corner of my eye. And there was this this champagne flute-looking thing. And there's these four w women, you know, bougie looking. And my crazy ass started looking at the menu, trying to look up the description of what was in that glass. And then while he's talking, I'm just not fantasizing, but I'm just like, what does that drink do for me right now? What would what would it what would happen if I drank that? Yeah. And then all of a sudden in my mind, this whole scroll came down of like photographic memories of me dancing on tables, doing inappropriate things, being thrown out of fancy restaurants. And it's like moderate drinkers can drink like that or whatever. You know, people who don't even she pr she didn't even finish the glass.

unknown 16:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:41

That's what pissed me off the most.

SPEAKER_01 16:43

That's abuse right there.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

Yeah, it's alcohol abuse. Yeah. So but the thing is, I didn't r I didn't I kind of romanticized about it, but then I let it go because I don't I don't want that and I don't need that in my life. I enjoyed my iced tea and my corned beef hash and my beautiful walk back to my house, you know. Sure.

SPEAKER_01 17:07

And uh Yeah, you you've play the tape forward. Like if I take that one drink, I know for me it's gonna lead to ten more drinks.

SPEAKER_02 17:18

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 17:18

And then a couple other bottles. You know, see you in a few days. Yeah. So and then, like I was talking about earlier, the headaches and the stomach and all that stuff, you know, just going through it. I'm like, no, gotta stay away from that first drink so you don't go downhill completely and you're talking about the insanity.

SPEAKER_00 17:41

I remember I would be vomiting and then drink more. Sure. And then vomit and drink more. I'm like You're not supposed to do that. Right.

unknown 17:49

Right.

SPEAKER_01 17:49

Well they say you're not supposed to do that.

SPEAKER_00 17:52

Yeah. Well, I'm a nurse and I still did it and I know it. You know what I mean? So it doesn't matter. The sobriety does not discriminate. I mean, sobriety, alcoholism doesn't discriminate, you know. Could be rich, could be poor, could be born into family that don't drink. Like my parents didn't drink. So can happen to anybody. Um what is this is a fun little question. The biggest sober purchase that made you smile. What is something you purchased in sobriety? Because you know how sometimes they're like, oh, she's got new teeth, she must be sober. Have you heard about that?

SPEAKER_01 18:37

New teeth?

SPEAKER_00 18:37

Yeah, people get new teeth once they get sober.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

I thought that was like once you quit smoking cigarettes or smoking other things, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:48

Um any fun purchases?

SPEAKER_01 18:51

Vacations? The ankle weights and the wrist weights, the gym well, I had the gym membership for a couple years, but didn't use it until recently. So because of my sponsor told me don't try to do everything to heal yourself, fix yourself, or burden yourself with a bunch of stuff all at once. So I had to wait a little while and just work the steps first, and then I got into the gym to do that. You know, because that's a discipline too, waking up early and doing that and being healthy, you know. Yeah. Different part, the physical stuff.

SPEAKER_00 19:29

It's funny you should mention that. I just went to Define today and I had my first session for personal training. And uh, you know how they do your like BMI and all that stuff to see how fat you are right now or whatever. Well, I went there two years ago, and so I've lost a significant amount of weight since I quit drinking, which is great for my health, which is you know another reason to quit drinking. Mm-hmm. And uh yeah, so I'm gonna get back in the gym and not just pay for the gym membership and then go into debt with it because they sent me to collections when I was drinking, you know. So um now I'm actually using my gym membership and I'm excited. Like I'm excited, I'm excited about life now. Like I'm excited about going to meetings. I'm excited wake up excited, I'm happy. It's just borderline sickening because I'm like, who is this person? You know what I mean? I used to be so miserable and just to knew you woe is me and feel bad for me, you know.

SPEAKER_01 20:33

And uh well, you learn a few things along the way, and you continue to learn. I've learned.

SPEAKER_00 20:39

Yeah, and I've learned from the people in the rooms too, the good and the bad. You know?

SPEAKER_01 20:46

Yeah. There's been stuff, people are people still, you know.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

Yeah. And people will continue people and you know, spread rumors and things like that, you know.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

And you just have to focus on self. That's right.

SPEAKER_01 21:00

Don't get involved in that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 21:02

Not self-ish, but you know.

SPEAKER_01 21:04

Yeah. Um going to the meetings. We love the meetings.

SPEAKER_00 21:09

Yeah, and there's so many meetings around town, you know. I actually met a newcomer today and uh I helped her download the meeting guide app, you know, and I helped her download the everything AA app, which has all the books on there.

SPEAKER_01 21:23

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 21:24

So it's like, even if that was just my one interaction with her, yeah, that I may never see her again, at least I explained to her how to use the app because I said you could use the meeting guide in any state that you go, because she's also from another state, you know, and she was like, Oh my god, this is amazing. And I'm like, Yeah, and then there's the everything AA uh app where you have all the books in your hands. So there's no excuses not to read daily reflection or you know, any of the any of the books. So that's what I wish somebody would have well, it I don't that wasn't around. Two and a half years ago. So technology just keeps evolving and so do we.

SPEAKER_01 22:04

Yeah. Hopefully. That's true. Um slow down with the kiddos.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

Oh, how big how big they're getting.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

Well, the technology stuff with them.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:15

No, we didn't or you're still you're a lot younger than I am, but I didn't grow up with all that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

Yeah, I was AOL.

SPEAKER_01 22:23

AOL.com.

SPEAKER_00 22:25

The brrrrrr. That loud ass noise? That loud ass noise. Yeah. My mom would be like, Can you get off that shit? I'm oh no, I gotta go talk shit in chat rooms. Okay, um, so let's do this. Fill in the blank. Sobriety gave me back.

SPEAKER_01 22:49

Try sobriety gave me back my life. My entire life. And everything good about it. Seeing um sunsets for the first time. Because I used to see him be like, oh wow, but I was just blasted and didn't really see 'em. Mm-hmm. Or feel 'em. I guess it's a feeling. Mm-hmm. To along with the visual. So that was touching grass. Oh. Just everything in nature, you know. I think nature is is huge. Yeah. Taking walks in nature and just hiking. Oh, my favorite.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, I still haven't gone hiking, but I need to.

SPEAKER_01 23:31

Let's go.

SPEAKER_00 23:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

Probably not right now because the torrential thunderstorm and right, right.

SPEAKER_00 23:37

Um, but I was thinking sobriety gave me back my intelligence. I I guess, you know, I've been able to go back to school and pursue, you know, my master's degree because I was in no shape to help anybody. I couldn't help myself, you know. And it's like once you start getting what what do they say? The order is you start to physically feel better, then you start to mentally feel better, then you feel spiritually better. Yep. Right? Yeah. And so it's like once with that progression, um I feel like in January I can go back to school and then one year finally become a nurse practitioner and be able to give back to the community at a higher level.

SPEAKER_01 24:36

Yeah. Absolutely higher level, because we already are. Like we're not driving around drinking behind the wheel, we're not, you know, harming ourselves. So we we are giving back without even knowing it. But yeah, the better equipped we are to really help in the community. The the nursing thing is awesome.

SPEAKER_00 24:57

Yeah. And I um, you know, I've got a new sponsor and I'm redoing the stuff I'm doing the steps. Um I didn't complete my steps, so I'm going to the very beginning. Nice. I've experienced some spiritual awakenings, and that has been eye-opening to the point where I've cried. Nice. Um, I have my feelings now. I'm not numb. I could feel things. It's just it's it's unbelievable that this just this program is just so eye-opening, and these steps are there and they've worked for so many years, and I just wish I would have gotten this when I was first put on the plane to New Mexico in 2008. And I'm only two and a half almost years so that takes as long as it takes.

SPEAKER_01 25:44

That was my DWI, it was in 2008. Oh, really?

SPEAKER_00 25:47

Mine mine was 2013.

SPEAKER_01 25:49

Well, if we would have gotten it in 2008, but it just wasn't the right timing. Yeah. I don't think.

SPEAKER_00 25:56

You get it when you get it. Yeah. You know, it depends on how rock bottom your bottom is, or if you even have the opportunity to have a bottom. Some people you fuck around and you don't find out. You don't find out. You just die. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's sad. So it's a blessing. Every day. Oh God. There's this thing where it says name your favorite slogans from AA. So you go.

SPEAKER_01 26:25

You got a bunch. Um Live and Let Live is a great one. Yeah. That's serenity prayer.

SPEAKER_00 26:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:34

I think.

SPEAKER_00 26:35

Yeah, that's great. Um What's yours? What is Of course I'm gonna draw a blank right now.

SPEAKER_01 26:42

Yeah, of course. Uh we said one day at a time earlier. One day at a time.

SPEAKER_00 26:47

What else? Blessing or a lesson.

SPEAKER_01 26:50

Oh. Stinking thinking. Think think think. Oh, think, think, think.

SPEAKER_00 26:56

No matter what.

SPEAKER_01 26:58

No matter what.

SPEAKER_00 27:00

Progress, not perfection.

SPEAKER_01 27:02

Yes. You I think you mentioned that one earlier too.

SPEAKER_00 27:06

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 27:06

Mm-hmm. So any.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

But uh, you know, I'm just glad that we finally are able to get back into the studio and we've got back together.

SPEAKER_01 27:20

We've had busy schedules, but here we are in the hot ass studio.

SPEAKER_00 27:24

That's okay. Life gets life heat, but you know what? Friendship club and all the meetings are always here.

SPEAKER_01 27:31

Friendship.

SPEAKER_00 27:32

Friendship club is here. This is the only club I go to now. That's where it's popping.

SPEAKER_01 27:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:38

And I can and I don't pop off.

SPEAKER_01 27:40

No. I got about seven different I live here.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

You probably see my cot?

SPEAKER_01 27:45

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 27:45

You could get bunk beds if you're. Oh my god, yes, let's get bunk beds.

SPEAKER_01 27:48

Yeah. So just stay.

SPEAKER_00 27:50

Just stay.

SPEAKER_01 27:51

Just stay.

SPEAKER_00 27:52

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 27:52

Just stay. Tonight. Don't pick up.

SPEAKER_00 27:56

We're always here for you.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

Aww.

SPEAKER_00 27:58

We're like the Motel 6. The lights always on. Hey. Or when you're here, your family. Whatever. I think that's like a garden. Yeah, it's a food slogan. But I love you too. I love you very much.

SPEAKER_01 28:11

All right. Till next time. Till later. Gator.