Textual Tension
The comedy podcast that unpacks the bananas world of romance novels! Tune in every other Tuesday as one co-host, either Margie or Rachel, recount a romance novel to the other unsuspecting co-host.
Whether you love romance, love comedy, or love both, join us on our truly bananas comedy adventure!
Textual Tension
Ep. 23: A Game of Groans
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
A momentous episode! Your co-host Rachel has read her first truly problematic book. Listen in as Rachel tells Margie all about Kristen Ashley's book, Wildest Dreams. What if there was an alternate dimension with a copy of everyone you know and love? Would you want to go check it out? We sure wouldn't!
Warning. The following podcast contains adult themes. Our hosts are just too romantic saps that love overthinking and overanalyzing their favorite literary genre the thoughts and opinions expressed are entirely their own listener discretion is advised.
Margie:Oh, tearing me apart from
Rachel:Roxy. Hello, and welcome to textual tension, a love hate relationship with romance novels. I'm your co
Margie:host, Rachel and I am your co host, Margie.
Rachel:Every other week one of us reads a romance novel and summarizes it for our unsuspecting co host. This week, the listener is big. And together we unpack what the fuck just happened. And MARGIE You have you have
Margie:gotten your wish, oh, the roles have been reversed. So let's she has been texted me and told me that she finally found
Rachel:so Margie always gives me shit. Because the books that I find, I'll pick them up like Ha, this is gonna leave and it's good. So much. Well, a good one.
Margie:Kind of are like, really bad. No,
Rachel:it's not good. Good.
Margie:It is no point. Oh,
Rachel:no, boy. Um, let's just say that later on, we will be adding in a new segment called Rachael social justice rant. Yay, on all get there. And I have a feeling we'll get there after you do your own social justice rant. Okay, so Margie wanted to know how I found this one. be perfectly honest, I was sitting there thinking, I need to get a new book for this recording session. And I need to return my last book to the library. I'm lazy. I'll just look on my app and see if there's anything good on there first, and it will just popped up. Totally random. And I read the description and was like, oh boy. So I'm actually going to pause it that we go a little bit off script today. Because the description gives away some of the ridiculousness not all of it. Okay, so I'm kind of thinking maybe we will pause on the description until the end. Yeah, and I can just give you because I really just want to get your cold reactions to all of this. Yeah,
Margie:I'm ready. Like sounds good.
Rachel:I've been really wanting this so I'm gonna still gonna give you the cover and I'll admit it's very boring.
Margie:Oh, okay. Yeah, it is really boring. The title of the book is called Wildest Dreams and there's like it's not like a family emblem or you know, I mean like
Rachel:it plays in
Margie:Yeah, it's a drag to Dragon a holding a shield that says the fantasyland series book one so there's more than one and I later to and also though the the author's name is smaller than the title is yes. Very true. It is. Yeah, but it's like it's blue. There's really not much to go on based off of
Rachel:no no fawning women or shirtless man right.
Margie:Or Brad or plaid.
Rachel:The Scotland skirt just come to so triggers y'all Oh. Oh, man. Me, I think
Margie:please no for no no more
Rachel:murder, which is the biggest one and there's really no way for me to narrow this down more is body autonomy. What body autonomy. Okay, so having someone else make choices for you? Ah, yeah.
Margie:Like, so. It's not like a BS. Is it like, Oh, yeah.
Rachel:Physical abuse. Emotional abuse. Yeah, you could say that. Yeah. body autonomy is really the best way to just like encompass everything. Oh,
Margie:hey. Yeah, okay. Anything else? That's it.
Rachel:It's not great. Oh, oh. I would say not physical abuse towards LGBTQ persons. Oh, but I already hate it. But. But I would say, um, discrimination. I can see that. Oh,
Margie:okay. I was gonna say awesome. But I'm like, no, no,
Rachel:this is I so we had again, a little bit of role reversal, the last like two recordings. So usually we record these back to back but we like waited a day in between. And it was really nice to be in this seat and get something good and now Yes, I can't decide if I'm going to Enjoy this or I'm gonna really excited. I'm afraid I've ranted, like four different people about this book and I'm gonna rant to you. So I'm ready.
Margie:I'm ready. I'm ready. Come
Rachel:on yourself. Okay. All right. So, sir, the characters.
Margie:Okay, here we go.
Rachel:Special Snowflake name sorry, ready? See often?
Margie:What
Rachel:wild is our lady's name Phinney for short, it is a Norse name, why? She's named after a Norse goddess of
Margie:love. How do you spell say Yo, Finn?
Rachel:So the there's two spellings. The actual spelling of it is SJOF I n, okay. Z, her spelling of it is SEOAF I ns are parents spelled it phonetically? I hate specifically so as readers probably know how to say I Vinny for short, I will refer to her as funny from now on. She has like white blond hair. Okay. Like icy blue eyes. Okay, rockin body. So she's Elsa. Yeah, pretty much and helically. And is that is how I described her. Um, our man's name is Frey. His last name is Dre car. So he's referred to as the DRE car, which is the dragon.
Margie:Okay.
Rachel:He's a huge like six for like really tall, super muscular. He's a Viking. He's a Viking. He has thick, dark, long, wavy hair, like green slash Hazel kind of eyes and he is jacked. So in my brain and honestly, this is one of two saving graces in this book. Like there's a couple things I'll talk about later that they do okay, like kind of fun. But two major saving graces in this book and it's not really is the one in my brain. He is Jason Momoa. Yes. Describe. And I'm like, Okay, well, you know, at least he's pretty. Okay, yeah. Haha. So imagine Jason Momoa me but maybe don't because then you'll be sad about Jason Momoa.
Margie:But, like, the author was kind of doing some like Game of Thrones vibes because you describe the main girl character as white blond hair and
Rachel:a little caldera generis? Yeah, but not not at all. Now. Granted, I've actually never read the books or seen the show
Margie:in the books. That's actually a better relationship, but she is still way too young. Oh, yeah. Well,
Rachel:Vinnie is not too young. We'll get to that. Yeah. Okay, so scene one. Are you ready to hit the ground running? Plot is also buckwild Okay. Um, so Phinney opening open Arsene Finney is sitting in the parlor of a witch in New Orleans after having paid one milldale A million dollars to oh god okay, I'm gonna read this word for many years sitting in the parlor of a witch's house in New Orleans after having paid one mil dough. That is how I wrote my notes to be swamped with her twin in a an alternate dimension
Margie:is the twin to Doris or Elsa? Okay, got to know that. We have a million dollars just to throw away on wishes. So
Rachel:let's get some exposition. Yes, so she is arguing with her friend who's trying to convince her not to do this. Oh, I wonder why. So Finney is what you would call a thrill seeker. Her parents were also thrill seekers and that's like where she got it from. It's like they taught her to like seize the day and like you know, every day they died when she was like 14 What were
Margie:they doing monster trucking
Rachel:or were flying a plane over something dangerous? And so she was with the no she wasn't so they're both dead. And so her whole thing is she paid this money because she found out that there's this alternate dimension everyone there has a twin and in this which has been in contact with her twin there and their twin like agrees to this so they're like actually like going back and forth to be like, Okay, let's swap places for a year. Because I want to go on another adventure in the sounds fucking ran.
Margie:What the frick is this freaky Friday?
Rachel:I don't know. But her big. So her big reason for doing this is because her parents in this other world are alive. And she wants to see her parents again.
Margie:Come on. Yeah.
Rachel:So just rolling it go because
Margie:Wayne a good you know what?
Rachel:Yeah, so I should really should have prefaced this but we'll at least get it a little bit. Now. Hold on to your potatoes.
Margie:Oh, thank you. Thank
Rachel:you your suspension of disbelief. Yes. And your life? Yeah. Okay. Okay.
Margie:So I think you've already lost to you're trying to get it back. I
Rachel:swear. So she's agreed her friends really trying to convince her not to, but she's like, uh, no, we're doing this friend too. Well, a friend is like, like, you know, I'm gonna go with it. If you want to but really maybe don't like a good
Margie:doctor who is taught us don't go to alternate dimensions also you can never come back
Rachel:well she can come back in a year. Okay, so there the agreement is one year she will be there for a year and then it will switch back.
Margie:Honestly though, too because I trusted no one I would not trust an alternate version of myself I would not be like I don't know that bench that's
Rachel:one thing they like tell each other they tell her is like just a you know, like people there will look how you expect them to look. They are not the same people. They're going to be very different people. So
Margie:like so creepy, but it's like yeah, though. It's an alternate dimension. And time and yeah, I shouldn't multi verse should
Rachel:also mention that, um, her parents left her loaded, like well, I loaded
Margie:a million dollars. Yeah. On a witch. Yeah.
Rachel:Yeah. So boom, switch happens. So she's transported and she shows up in a castle by wearing a kick ass dress. Nice, awesome dress like amazing makeup. She goes on and on about how awesome the underwear is in this world. It's apparently it's amazing lingerie that's super comfortable. It is Dream lingerie. She's also
Margie:probably Shitload into the other world as well as of course she can afford like dreamy lingerie turns out she's a princess in this world. Why the Why the fuck did the twin want to leave?
Rachel:Us Just wait. So the best part is she shows up pops up in this world. She's kick ass. This is awesome. And there's this witches like, oh, I worked by Felicia and jumps out who believes her and she's like, What? Be on your merry little way. And they're like she wakes up in someone is like her mom is banging on the door trying to get her to come out. And so she's like the fuck and, uh, okay, again, hi, I really just need to like I wrote this stream of consciousness, I need to just read it. Because there's no better way for me to give you like rip this band aid off. So she sees her mom for the first time in over a decade as she's whisked off to a church with no explanation sees her dad also for the first time and is then married off to a very large and intimidating man who whisks her off again to a cabin in the woods and leaves her there for two months. Wow.
Margie:Why so, okay,
Rachel:so Hey, okay, so she finally finally after getting whisked off to the church gets two seconds to read the note. So they agreed that they would leave really detailed notes for the other person. She has a note that's maybe like a paragraph.
Margie:Oh, good. She turns out and trust your alternate the budget itself she
Rachel:got played? Because this lady's like I just really didn't want to marry this dude. So have fun for a year.
Margie:Oh my god. So like is it is but the witch jumped out the window? Right? Yeah,
Rachel:she's done. The other the witch and this were original. Okay,
Margie:but if that's the case, then do they need both witches? Or is it just like any year boom, everybody need
Rachel:both witches to communicate? So the witch our world is the one that's like super fucking powerful. She can do this switch. Okay, um, and but she's like, you know, if anything happens, I'll get a message to you somehow. Okay, one of these witches like if we need to talk. Okay, but this one which is just like buy and wait.
Margie:doesn't leave. like
Rachel:flies. Oh, she
Margie:flies away. I literally thought she could Okay, so I'm less worried now. Yeah, she
Rachel:just jumped out a window. So this the marriage scenes actually really funny. Like, it's like, really awkward because she's standing there. And she's like, like, I guess I gotta go. Like, there's literally nothing I can do right now. Yeah. And she's like, so she's like, Okay, well, I'm gonna be married to this dude forever. I don't really know him. Let's try to talk so tries just make small talk and he just glares at her like he hates her. Oh, we do not like each other. So he drops her off at this cabin in the middle of nowhere. It's just like super dirty. well stocked but it's really dirty. Like he always says hunting cabins. Like clean dinner. Yeah. And he's just like, basically it comes down to Yeah, you might not remember that I that we got really drunk together but I knew and I do not want to. Eventually I'll find someone who looks like you and we can have a child for your dad the king to like pretend that we did but I don't want to put my dick in someone that's a lesbian this chick already, homeboy, he's your homeboy. Yeah, so he hates her because he thinks that she's a lesbian because the other one is a lesbian. And it's trying to escape this marriage so that she can not be married to a do this. Yeah, like, like she this chick dresses like a dude like you He's like one of the best hunters in the land. And like all this shit, she's awesome. She sounds amazing. But that's,
Margie:I mean, that's all really, really cool. But like Don't force your children to marry people they don't want to marry.
Rachel:And it's kind of interesting in this world because the whole thing is like, like, they're totally accepting of like, gay and lesbian, you know? For him, well, the her only thing she's like, I am fully aware that I am, you know, I'm like this and it's normally accepted. But I am the only daughter only trial to the king and queen of this world, I have to produce an animal that she's like, I'm going to so I guess it makes a little better because this chick is like, I just want to hear tonight, and then I'll go back and do my duty. Like, I swear, but so it's still it's like he played it she left her more detailed notes and likes her packing like the stretchy packed and everything. But, I mean, I kind of
Margie:I get it, but it's also kind of like a but it's funny how I said that at the beginning. Like don't trust your alternate. Definitely not trust early.
Rachel:And congratulations. That's one of the last times you'll hear from her.
Margie:Well, yeah, that's weird. Cuz she's such a such I honestly would have liked to hear about how she did in our world.
Rachel:Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
Margie:So going to all the gay bars, right.
Rachel:So he basically is like, Alright, bye cuz he's a Viking. Essentially, he goes off on raids and chicks who's like, I'm out. So he leaves and just leaves her and like his. He did it because he hates this other chick. Like he they don't get along. Like I personally don't match anyway.
Margie:But you mentioned that he mentions like, a night where they both got really really Yeah,
Rachel:cuz so they met each other like three times before this, essentially. Okay. And because it was an arranged marriage, and apparently, she got really drunk and let it slip that she liked ladies. Oh, she's like, the way he says it's super disgusting. Yes. He's like, I don't wanna put my dick in that. But you know, maybe when I get back, we'll find a lady and it could be interesting for me to watch. And then he leaves and I'm like,
Margie:you are in.
Rachel:So that's where this started out.
Margie:Oh, good. Cuz you don't So honestly, if I were the scroll, theny or whatever, hmm, what I would do is well stocked cabin in the woods, make a backpack, go explore this world. Just be like, fuck you. So
Rachel:what she ends up doing is she she's like, Alright, fuck you. I'm gonna make it awesome. So she cleans the whole cabin, like sets it up exactly how she wants and like, for two months, like goes into town learns how to play cards with the guys in the bar and like, Oh, cool. Yeah, like she like, thrives like her. Yeah, her inner monologue is alright. Get your shit together. Let's go. I appreciate that. Yeah, it gets worse. Oh, good. Yeah,
Margie:to be honest with you. I'm kind of relieved. It's not as bad. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. But it's not bad. Yeah, I hate your little smile. So much. Oh, God now terrified, seem to I am literally hugging your pillow listeners. And so far,
Rachel:we haven't gotten to the body autonomy part seems to rise. Okay. So Femi has like, thrived in this cabin. And she's made a bunch of friends in the nearby village. And so she's in the bar, like playing cards with everyone. And fresh shows up. And is like, like, he's back. He's like you home now. On horse and she goes home.
Margie:And she doesn't go home. She says,
Rachel:No, he stays. He stays at the bar. Yes. And so he like, like, she's like, fine, and she's pissed. Like ranting around the house and everything until finally she like she had adopted a cat and this whole time, like all this shit. And so she's like, finally fucking tired. goes to bed. He comes back later. And they sleep in the same bed. But why? Because there's only one bed in the house. There's a couch. There's a couch. Yeah, right? Cuz he's a dick. So they wake up in the morning and like she wakes up. He's not there anymore. And like, he like it's that really awful homeboy, because he's an asshole. Yeah. But he also does these little things that are like super sweet. So it's traditionally the abusive so yeah, it's the whole like, like, he stalked the fire and like, tucked her in and everything when he got up and like was kind of nice
Margie:to her. So he's only nice to her when she's not gonna see it, basically, pretty much. Yeah. And also, he
Rachel:still has no idea that you know, she's not this other person. So
Margie:okay, so but one thing I have to clarify, she's Princess, right. Two things. How are parents okay with this through, they just like
Rachel:see, they were not like he like pretty much they were supposed to have a reception. He's like, nope, threw her in a sleigh and they left. Okay. And so they're not pleased, but he is we're about to get to exposition, okay, okay. Um, so so he's gonna be king. Yeah, kinda. We'll get her Okay, sorry. Um, there's, there's a lot. So she wakes up and she's like, well, I might as well get to know this dude because I am I'm stuck here. So she like why don't know. So she makes breakfast and everything and he comes in and she's like her kind of feisty self, but also he's super scary and intimidating. Like she's like, Okay, we need to talk and he's just like, stares at her. She's like, I'm not a lesbian. Firstly, she says he's like, what? But like, I'm not I don't know what I like she's pretending to be this other guy. She's like, I don't know what I like said I don't remember, but I'm not a lesbian. He's like, okay, so we can just go back there and like, get it on right now. And she's like, No. And he's so he's like, Uh huh. He doesn't believe her. And she's like, No, I'd like to get to know you. Let's have some like meals together and shit. And he's, you know, big. Yeah,
Margie:we're married. Let's not have a lifetime of awkward encounters. Right? So
Rachel:he's like, Alright, um, how many meals and she's like, I like 15. He's like, 252. Okay, does this one count? Yes. Oh, god, you're gonna get it on.
Margie:She didn't even like counter with like, Okay, five.
Rachel:She does. She tries to just like two to two.
Margie:I would just be like, then you're not getting anything? Yeah, well, oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Rachel:So well, no, he would. If she completely was like, No, then he would have figured something out. And it wouldn't have been good. Yeah.
Margie:Keep going, keep going. Keep going. I want this over.
Rachel:I told you. I told you this was bad.
Margie:The bad day. This Beauty and the Beast shit.
Rachel:So she tries to like, make a nice dinner and he's starting to notice he's like, she is not the person that I know. Right? Thanks. That was one way to like she's actually like, super personable with people and like, no offense. She's
Margie:also a little domestic, which sounds like the other girl wasn't really Yeah,
Rachel:like that was the first thing he's like she's wearing a dress and doing her makeup. What's wrong? So he's starting to like, notice and he's like, he's being nice to her. Like he's not being he's a he's a digs where it gets hard,
Margie:doesn't it? You're reading it when you're in the story. Like he there was you know,
Rachel:I one thing I did appreciate. There was no gray area. Yeah, he was either really nice or a massive douche canoe. There was no in between. Yeah. At least that made it easy. Makes it almost harder for the overall like, where is he on the homeboy? I still say very much homeboy. Absolutely. Because the bad ones are. Really Yeah. But he is very sweet to her when he's not being really bad. So great for some hot and cold
Margie:signs of an abusive relationship. Yeah,
Rachel:she doesn't know it's abuse for most of the book.
Margie:Wait, what? are we kidding? Oh, my God.
Rachel:So Vinnie, like tries to make a nice dinner and finally, like, tells him off. She's like, you left me in the woods for two months. Like you've done all this shit. Like, this is not cool. Yeah, he calls him on it. And so he like, has this mode of like, you know, i Great. That was cool with me. I'm sorry. And then it gets steamy? Because consensually okay? She thinks he's hot. There's kind of consensually
Margie:sorry and explain himself. Okay.
Rachel:He's a man. Oh, yeah. Um, but then Frank gets called to a meeting with the elves in the middle of in the middle of sexy time. So he is so down. And he's like, kind of so there's this brief glimpse in the beginning of like, he's like, his, his The reason he's like, not the reason but he's like, so like, kind of cold and everything, whether it's because he thinks that she's this chick that he's super attracted to, like, he really likes. He thinks she's super attractive and all this stuff, but she doesn't want him and ever will. So he like gets his male privilege and of twist about that. And so then when she's actually like, no, like, I'm really turned on right now. And I think you're hot. He's like, what? Wait, really? Really? He's like, holy shit, like super excited. And she's like, alright, let's let's do this. Which there's a lot of rationalizing on her part that happens that I'm like, awkward. A lot of like, willing Guess I'm here anyway. And I there's no way around it. I'm like, that doesn't mean
Margie:Oh, no, no, that's not okay. That's okay. That's okay. That's okay. Also, he's really like, nagging her to like, get it on with like, dude, yeah, so no, no, no, I'm not calling I'm calling that nonconsensual. It's
Rachel:not great. So in the middle of it, she gets he gets pulled to a meeting with the house. And I think he shows up. And this is where we kind of find out fray Dre car is like the ultimate chosen one in this world, basically. So there are two like there are two titles that you can be essentially there's the DRE car and there's the fray. So his name is to title so the fray is someone that is in communication with the elves, so they have essentially not power over the elves but they're like the leader of the Elves. And then the Drake car is the one that can control dragons.
Margie:This is not the type of guy that I want controlling dragons. No.
Rachel:So he's both and that hasn't happened in like 1000s of years. Okay, one person that both those titles so he is like that's the reason they're like they have no choice but be okay with it is because he's prophecy has said he is the like rightful ruler of this land and his child will usher in like a era of peace.
Margie:Okay, so I'm just putting it down right now this is Game of Thrones fans? Probably. Yeah,
Rachel:I Yeah, yeah. Excuse me well, like I've gotten past my eyes rolling into the sunset, like my body has rolled in on itself, and it's just rolling down like a tumble into the void. Yeah. So they basically tell them, they're like, hey, so you know when you came to us a while ago, and we're asking about how your wife is acting weird. So we figured it out. Oh, she's from another dimension. So he knows now he's like, Oh, shit. No. And they're like, but so you know how we told you, you really shouldn't take this like, arranged marriage because you had someone who was like your destiny and the gods had chosen for you? Well, actually, it's the. So you're fine. You did it right. You're good. You're good. You're married to the right one. And he's like, Oh, okay. And then like, but she's gonna leave in a year. And he's like, No, she's not make a tie her to this world forever. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Margie:no. You're cheeky smile is
Rachel:what they do. They're like, basically, like, Are you sure you want to do that without talk? He's like, don't worry. I'll make it so she wants to stay. Do it and then do it right off the bat. Oh, my God. So she's
Margie:permanently tied to that
Rachel:has no idea.
Margie:Oh, they could just do that.
Rachel:So they're actually like, the elves are like, this witch that they have in on earth that she talked to is like one of the most powerful beings they've ever seen. Because none of the witches in their world have that type of power where they can just translate transfer someone and then like, not even a year later, have someone else come again. Like, she's super powerful. They're like, No witch here can like do that binding spell or whatever. And they're like, Yeah, but you're the elves. The elves are the most powerful magical beings, like ever do it? And they're like, fuck, you got us there. Okay. And they did it. Because he was like their leader. Oh,
Margie:my God, the fact that this guy's leader over everything is fucking terrifying. Yeah, yeah.
Rachel:I can't I can't even keep a straight face roll. So all of that how he like traps her there forever without her permission is explained in the summary of the book. So I wanted to like Oh. So we'll read the summary at the end, but I didn't want that to be spoiled. It was too good of a douche canoe. Yeah. Okay, I
Margie:have to ask correspondent Do you think he loves her?
Rachel:Oh, he totally does. Okay, he's obsessed with her. Okay, but he's
Margie:very loves her
Rachel:little column a little Combi. Okay, a little bit both. So they also explained to him that like she came here specifically, like because of grief or whatever to see her parents. Like she's here for that. That is why she came. And so he's like, let's
Margie:figure this all out. There else. Okay, because Fuck you,
Rachel:man. Thank you, man. Um, so they tell them all that and he like, God forbid, has some humanity and he's like, oh, like, that's actually like, kind of sweet and really said, Okay, I'll be nice to her. So we actually like,
Margie:now you're gonna be nice. Where it now that you've realized that she's in pain?
Rachel:Oh, good. Good. Thanks. And that she's your destiny. Right? Oh, yeah,
Margie:bad too. Oh, and basically because toxic masculinity their destiny equals property. Yeah,
Rachel:yeah. So he can make her suffer. Yeah.
Margie:That was crazy. They were just like, right. Okay.
Rachel:Wonderful. So he hands back and he's like, she like wakes up and he's like, No, we're just gonna cuddle, like doesn't make her do anything. extra sexy. And that's like how he does it for like, a while now. He's like, No, we're just gonna, like get comfortable with each other. I'm gonna give you time to adjust. Yeah, I wonder why he knows she doesn't know that he knows. So whenever like she does something that the other like Safin like would have done or like wouldn't have done right. He's, she's just like, has to cover for it. She's the guy for God, and like stuff like that. And he thinks it's hilarious. So he's just kind of like, Alright, we're gonna,
Margie:I mean, do you think he ever had plans to tell her?
Rachel:Okay, just wait, I'm okay. I'm getting a lot that just like we're getting back on. Okay, so I literally have in my notes, it says he starts not forcing her to do anything. She doesn't want to parentheses. Okay, but not really.
Margie:Yeah, nagging or nagging or whatever. There's
Rachel:a lot of snark in my notes. Yeah. And he's very supportive and everything. He's just again, it's like why did he Sweet. He's very sweet. And then he's really awful. It's like there is no end. But yeah, so we're one of the sweet phases. Now we've gone from the asshole of doing things without telling you because property and masculinity and now we're into being a really sweet and attentive husband. So good, great.
Margie:I mean, like, just start with that. Yeah, well, yeah.
Rachel:lesbians. So
Margie:honestly, like if you hadn't made that lesbian comment, I've made a bit a little bit more okay with a little bit. But no,
Rachel:and even he's like, I mostly like I'm okay, I'm totally fine with people being lesbians and like gay and stuff. It's just like, I don't want to marry someone who is because I want to be loved. And it's like, Ah, I get the you want sex? Yeah, I get the trouble of the forced marriage. But you actively talked with your friends about I don't know. Maybe I'll force myself on her eventually. Oh, my God.
Margie:He did. I hate him. I hate him.
Rachel:So, so much. Please don't make the connection to Jason Momoa because he is super sweet. And Jason wonderful. We love you just
Margie:love you so much, I guess on our show is
Rachel:now that Frey knows like, why because the original Stephens parents, like her dad really likes the original one. But her mom is like they they are just tired of her shit because she like is rebellious and all this stuff. So they're not super close to her. And so now that he knows that that's the reason Finney came. He's like, Okay, well, we're actually going to go visit your parents now. So he they like go and she's like super excited, obviously. So he takes her to Oh, but before they leave Oh, no. assassination attempt number one. There's actually not that many one on Finney and she watches him just straight up murder three people it's kind of awesome. Oh my god. She's like, so they tried to kill me. Yes. Or trying to kill Finney because again prophecy has said that the child of the DRE car will bring peace or whatever. So who wants to be when he wants that? So
Margie:they he takes that really well. So
Rachel:instead of because he's hella protective of her now? Well, it's his property is corny and he has this internal monologue of like, like she was so brave and courageous to do this giant like this huge thing that was so much risk to herself. But who buddy if I knew her then I wouldn't have let her do it because it's too dangerous and that gets worse too. So instead of waiting until like the next day and everything Leave immediately because like someone tried to tell you we're gonna go now so they go to this the palace and is where she started essentially. And Frey immediately walks in is like you to office now like her parents like we need to talk yeah, it's a funny goes off with the for like handmaid's or whatever of the previous please also him
Margie:his servants Sure.
Rachel:Um, ladies and waiting ladies and waiting. And they knew so they had tried initially to like get three seconds to talk to her before she was whisked away and they weren't able to see like, Okay, are you saving? Are you funny? So like, what? She's like I'm finished. Okay, we tried so hard. I'm so sorry. Like they're really sweet when we I'm sorry.
Margie:Who are these people? These
Rachel:are the original Cevennes Han or Oh, the waiting and they knew that the changes
Margie:Okay, okay. I
Rachel:tried to get her like be able to talk to her for like 10 minutes before she got wished away but it couldn't. So now they're like, Oh, thank god. Okay. Yeah, they were like super worried. They're worried about someone they've never even met. They're really sweet like they're adorable. Um, so we're back into esoteric Okay, great. So he sits down with her parents and his tells her parents everything about this is not actually your wire. Yes. Oh, you will not tell her that we know that she's not her know your daughter because your daughter committed treason by doing this thing, so she's never coming back
Margie:why did you even bother telling them because
Rachel:she there's no way they wouldn't have noticed the difference. Okay, and so he's like so the reason she came back was to meet her parents who are dead in her world so you guys are going to give her a chance and try to get close to her and like make a relationship like he basically just command some because imagine
Margie:because he fucking magic and also he can exactly pretty much has all the power
Rachel:that he tells them and then like he's like, and if you do anything to hurt her or anyone tries to like can't hurt her in any way. I will release the dragons and you will all die. Oh my god. I hate this I forced myself to read this shit. I'm so proud of Have you heard it was awful? Terrible? Yeah. Um, so they're like, well, like they're sad, obviously, because they their daughter's never coming back. Yeah. Um, but they're like, I mean, we have to try. There's nothing we can do. So they start like, and they like actually really like Finney. Like they start to like, like her dad takes her out and like, shows like they've shoot arrows together, like do archery. And he she's like, Nick can't hit anything. Right. And the other thing like Stephen was the best hunter in the world. Yeah. And so he's like, she's like, I guess I just forgot. He's like, Okay. What can you do? Right, but, um,
Margie:she's having so much easier with like, just, he just told everyone.
Rachel:Am I right? Terrible ones. He's having a fucking great time. I'm getting close to my parents and everything here is so full of magic. I can talk to animals. People can talk to animals. That was Yeah, okay. Uh huh. Um, she's having a great time. And, at one point Finney finds out and this this is her being a home girl. Oh, I was not okay with this part. So she at one point had talked to like when they were first talking about them first getting on she's like, obviously, like, I'm not a virgin. Like I've had sex with other men. But still like she was rationalizing it. Yeah, I don't think Well, this time she finds out that in this world, it's it's, you know, typical fantasy world where men can do whatever the fuck they want. So she found out that Frey had bowing to one of the like maids in the palace. Oh, like before she even knew that this right was Yeah, and she gets pissed. I don't know why. So unlike that is
Margie:jealousy. Just like, that's just like your jealousy running. And she like goes off on him for this. Why? She likes other men in the past. Right?
Rachel:I was like, how that's a double standard. Okay. And like, Why is it okay for you, but not him? Whatever. So he like obviously gets upset because he's like, no, like, Yeah, I know each other. Yeah. And so he leaves. And to be fair, he does rub her nose in a little bit by asking this chick to like, wait on them at dinner or whatever. My God. I was like, Okay, you're both at fault here. Yeah. And her more than you. And so she gets pissed for like, weeks. They don't talk to each other. Oh, I know. Like, what are the 12
Margie:Yeah, and also such like unhealthy that is such a bad, unhealthy relationship sign.
Rachel:And she finally like rationalizes and come to the realization of like, I was being an idiot. Yeah, fuck, I have to apologize to them. And she's like, trying to figure out a way to stick. Wow, I wish she hadn't seen him like hardly Oh, yeah. So she's like, trying to figure out a way to like apologize. And she's like, there's a big bowl coming up. Yeah. And she is like, trying on like, the lingerie for it because she's gonna put it on the underwear that's gonna go under her dress. Okay, again, underwear is a thing in this world. And he shows up and is like, like, at first he's like, Oh, fuck, because like, he's always like, just kind of mouth drops, whatever he says there cuz she's really attracted to her. And she's like, he's like, I'm leaving tomorrow. What? Like, I'm gonna leave for another month. Like he's like, if you don't, I'm gone. Like, you know, if you don't want if you don't want to, you know, have a relationship because you're pissed at me for this thing. I'm leaving. Yeah. And she's like, starts crying. And she's like, No, don't leave and he's like, wait, what? And she apologizes to him and then they totally get it on. And that starts them not just getting it on but fucking like rabbit. Because apparently, this man has a lot of stamina. And that is reference to people in the book. Oh, my God, so much stamina. Play Realty. Honestly, it just sounds uncomfortable.
Margie:But also just like, exhausted,
Rachel:and then we also find out that free knows about her being from another world. Okay. Yeah. And that her parents know. So he admits that to her now. Okay, that's yeah, that's good. And she's like, Why didn't you tell me before? And he's like, Well, because at first I was coming to grips with it, because that's a big like, there's an alternate universe. He had no idea that that was a thing, right? And then he's like, and then the assassination attempt happened. And I thought, like, you were in like a really did not take that well. Like she was she broke down without one. And he's like, so then like, we were going to see your parents and I just like, I didn't know when you were going to be emotionally stable enough for me to tell you. So you like didn't want to like, yeah, too much on her. It wasn't that bad. But also it's like, no, but you were lying. Yeah, you weren't straight up until he still doesn't tell her that she's trapped there.
Margie:And he still doesn't tell her about the whole destiny thing.
Rachel:No, that either. Yeah, so she only only knows that he knows she's from another demo. Great. Nothing else. Oh
Margie:my God. You're learning and then
Rachel:autonomy. Okay, so she's about to start going back to back to back here. We're about to start really pumped for that. Okay, here we go. There's a huge ball. Feeny meets phrase parents who are dicks okay. He's basically like cut himself off from their family house or whatever. Because their houses because you know Game of Thrones fanfic. Right.
Margie:I really think it is. Probably.
Rachel:So then there's assassination attempt number two. Oh, by the maid. That is jealous. Uh huh. That comes into play. So Frey feels super guilty.
Margie:Because he's like, Wow, man, I came back to haunt me.
Rachel:Yep. So the media because they had been planning the day after the ball to like, go on adventures because he's like, she's like, I want to go in. You're like, right next raid. Like I want it. He's like, Well, okay, sure. So we're gonna leave the next day assassination attempt happens via poison. Oh, so he's like, we're like going now? And they'll say,
Margie:oh, so she doesn't wish she doesn't get poisoned somebody else does.
Rachel:Um, so they leave they go on his ship. Okay, and they sail away cool. And they're going to so the way these countries where there's like the country there is like the frozen Northland Okay, full of like a land of plenty or whatever. And then underneath it is another land that when the king or her dad, the king and his brother, so their dad split those two kingdoms. split it into two kingdoms so that both brothers could rule something. Okay. His other brother is an asshole. Oh, yeah. So they're going down to his brother's like land the land. middle middle end. That's all brother. So it's basil brother and his son. So yeah, he's cousin. Okay. Um, and they like rule that land and the cousins but like, just kind of nice. The dad's an asshole. Her uncle. Um, so they are going on there too. And they're Frey and his raiding party are going into steal like a super Ralph powerful relic because that's basically what they've been doing is all their raids aren't like raping and pillaging. Like trying to recover relics that have been stolen kind of deal. Okay, so that's what they're trying to do. So they go on an adventure like Finney starts learning knife work and archery and like actually like learning how to do all this fighting stuff, which is kind of fun from his crew member who all know that she's from another thing to another place. So they they make it to this other land and he's off he's been off for a couple days now on this this mission and she's sitting there and all and they were trying to keep it super on the down low and the king shows up because it's been kind of assumed at this point that the king is the one that's trying to kill her. Okay, doesn't want their nations like combined and like been prophesied or whatever, right? Um, so her and this other dude is like fuck you because phrase not here. And I'm not the actual siphons my five something up? Yeah, I could get murdered and kidnapped right? So she's like, well, we got to do something. Yeah. Let's go. So they like she like takes like a party of people and like, onto the shore to meet with them and have an audience and she like, props to her because she has balls. And also, she's like, Alright, here's what we're gonna do. She pretends to be really sick in a way that like she can't talk very well. Oh, because that's what they've done originally. Right? They demanded to see her and they're like, she's really sick. She can't come off the boat. And she's like, Okay, fine. Let's play it. Yeah. So they like managed to get through that and like free comes back in the middle of it. It's like yeah, I wasn't able to get the medicine I went on land to get let's leave. Lily.
Margie:Thank God. Yeah. Like out
Rachel:right. So this entire scene was really just like to introduce you to the uncle, cousin and the cousins lover. Who's the dude. Yeah, so just want to do that for them. So then they continue on to one a phrase vacation homes because Frey is also loaded. Okay. Yeah. And they stay there for like two novels. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they stay there for like two months looking like rabbits. Um, so I'm going to say something else that's going to really goddamn off. Is she pregnant yet? Not yet. Okay. Because her labor the ladies in waiting gave her this like, essentially birth control powders kind of that is there. Um, so, I'm going to say something, it's going to be terrible. You're going to want to rage. Oh, no. And here in a little while, I'm going to have a Rachel's justice rant about it. Now guys, okay, finds out about her birth control pattern. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. No property. He can control what she does with her body. So instead of talking to her about it, because he has this moment of, well, maybe in their world, it's normal to do this, right. But you know what I'm going to do instead, you go to the apothecary. Get a placebo. And her to do that he has do this is like, are you sure that is not a good idea? And he's Yeah, do it. So he does it. So now oh my god not taking birth control and has no idea. Oh my god, I almost threw my phone across the goddamn room
Margie:just talk to her. Like, also it's not fair to because she doesn't know about this whole destiny thing if she knew that it was that important maybe she'd be like in a year maybe two we could have a conversation about
Rachel:it. I will so at this point, she is doing her best to figure out a way to stay there forever because she really loves she loves him. Why? Beyond because he's sweet sometimes.
Margie:Her fucking birth control Yeah. What would she have done if she had an IUD? I told Zack
Rachel:that if he ever swapped my birth control for a placebo, I would cut his dick off and leave him and he his response was you know what? I would deserve it?
Margie:Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So very effective type of birth control.
Rachel:I, I'm gearing up for my rant. Alright, here we go. I'm gearing up for it. Okay. So then they sail back to the Capitol after this little mini vacation they have. So they meet up with their parents again. Just in time for an execution of the people that had tried to murder her. Oh, good, huh. Yeah. So that was fun. Um, and they are getting it on again. Yeah, that evening, and Frey gets called to see the elves again. Oh, and he's like, do you want to meet the elves? She's like,
Margie:yes. Super excited about it. But you should have said no. Well, she
Rachel:really wanted to like she asked him initially, like, the first time it happened the next time Can I come with you? And he's like, maybe,
Margie:well, like, but they know, everything. And she knows.
Rachel:She shows up. They both show up. He goes up to talk to them. And she stays on the horse at first. And they find out that she's pregnant. First, she's like, wait, what? And then I
Margie:did, she probably would have figured out something was wrong. If she did have a period. She had
Rachel:a moment where she was like, fuck, that's right. I haven't had my period in a while. Like she's
Margie:on the birth control powder. She might not have had a period anyway. Exactly.
Rachel:So and Frey is ecstatic. So then she's like, Okay, well, I guess Okay, great. Yeah. Like, it's very much like she to be, like, super excited about it. But I kind of got the feeling of I don't have a choice. So I'm gonna be happy.
Margie:Yeah, yeah.
Rachel:I am, like, we're just talking about yes. And I ranted about this to so many people so
Margie:stupid to because like, they didn't need to have a kid immediately. There's no reason to. And also, there's so much danger surrounding them right now. Why would you want to have a kid anyway? When
Rachel:they first like started, like when she first was like, I'm not a lesbian or whatever. Like that night. She's like, hey, like, do we want to maybe like figure something out about birth control or something? Because then she's like, he's like, what's, uh, you don't want to, like, have an heir to the throne or whatever. And she's like, I like Sure. Like, he was like, you want to wait. And he's like, Yeah, I want to spend time with you first. Yeah, I
Margie:want to get to know you. Well, he knows her body now and his property. So what else does he mean? She belongs to him. Yeah.
Rachel:So they end up leaving again. To go did you
Margie:ever find out about the birth control thing?
Rachel:Okay, good. Wait. So they go to another one of his houses, chalet things? A ton of them. And they're hanging out. She's having a grand old time. And but I will also mention, Oh, I did forget to mention this when he was like, great. Well, now I'm gonna really try to get her pregnant because she enjoys all these adventuring things. But oh, I really think she shouldn't be doing that because it's dangerous. And when she's pregnant, I can control her in
Margie:the sky.
Rachel:So she like as soon as you pray me, he's like, alright, so you're not going to do your knife fighting training anymore. And you're going to do this instead of your archery stuff and like starts like Oh, fuck yourself, right? Yeah, yeah, I yeah, I am beyond rage. Yeah. So I'm just like, okay. Yeah, I can't even express my anger. There this place and she like walks into her room to like, just relax everything. And the witch from her world is there. Oh, and she's like, so and then switches name is Valentine. Okay, so Valentine. She's there and she's like so I've been watching for a little while. And I think that none of the messages I'm sending to this other which are getting to you because I think phrase intercepting them um oh, I felt like I needed to make some direct intervention you're trapped in this world there's nothing I can do to fix it it was Frey who did it. This is when he did it also he swapped your birth control and like tells her
Margie:every check Valentine yes here for it she will be way I with her.
Rachel:Yes, she gets right
Margie:good.
Rachel:Yeah, so she gets pissed and goes out and confronts him in front of good everybody and just screaming at him and he's trying to like Wait whoa let me explain like she's you can you can queue assassination attempt number three. Well, we really didn't need to count. Yeah, I'm only this time it's it's I was trying to kill Frank Frank. It's three arrows to the chest cool or Amir style awesome. And she gets kidnapped, put to sleep forcibly and wakes up in a dungeon and is told phrase dead. Oh, God, this is where for Rachel social justice is coming in. Because as soon as she wakes up and finds out that phrase dad moment her internal monologue is oh my god, it's my fault. I shouldn't have said all those terrible things to him. Let's have
Margie:a conversation. So, ladies,
Rachel:ladies, I've been thinking about having this conversation for a while. No, no one gets tell you what to do is your own body it is your body. And if someone tries to do that you can tell them to go fuck themselves. And you know what, if they want to go fuck themselves? That's what they can do with their body because it's thereby they know what they aren't you? Yes. You know what they can't control you. If you want to have birth control, do birth control. If you don't, don't, nobody gets to make that decision for you. And if they would make the decision and don't tell you that they've made that decision then oh my god, no do
Margie:it hoc sick relationship awful. And you need to have to go and get out of that.
Rachel:If that happens. And then like, I get survivor's guilt and everything but like something traumatic happens, or even I mean ever, your internal monologue should never be it's my fault. It's not your fault.
Margie:It's not your fault that somebody else made poor decisions for you and then ended up shitty. Yeah. Oh, yeah. got so many things. Shit. Where's
Rachel:my throwing cupcake?
Margie:I don't know. Are you throwing something? Man? Want to throw this pillow? Yes. Yeah, that'll work. hitting me.
Rachel:I almost didn't.
Margie:Okay, I mean, it's just right. I was like, I love how the arrows hit him. I was like, good.
Rachel:Only Boromir was better than him. Yeah, even after getting seduced by the ring because he had a redemption. It was like three
Margie:minutes long, but it was amazing. This man has no redemption arc. Oh, no. So okay.
Rachel:This is where so her and Valentine and another which have been captured.
Margie:I will say this though. It's it's stupid. But they decided to kill him because she's already pregnant, like the air is coming.
Rachel:Well, so the reason she's not killed is because it's not her uncle. It's Oh, cousin. So the cousin is like, I is like, I want to combine these two like countries together. I'm gonna rule it though. So he's trying to start like a war but he's like, but they were like her and a cousin were really close. So he's like, I didn't want to hurt you. Like I love you. So he like when he Hey, I guess so when he finds out like as a cousin. When he finds out that she's like, in a dungeon. He's like, What the fuck? Yeah. It was his like Loverboy was the one who like did all his love her boys like trying to be like, No, you listen. He's like, no, what we do in the bedroom does not translate to this. Shut up. All right, man. Yeah. So he like takes her she like goes off and like gets cleaned up and is sitting there and she's like, sitting there rational like thinking about all of this. She's like, Okay, how are we going to deal with this? Yeah, I'm distraught and upset. How are we going to deal with this? So cousin in Loverboy show up? Yeah, her cousin Loverboy show up. Your cousin's looking. I'm so sorry. And like, all this stuff. And I just I couldn't. I couldn't like you know, like, he was too powerful. Yeah. And so she said, she's like, Alright, do you love him? Putting deliver boy and he's like, What do you mean? Like, well, like, like, I loved Frey. And now there's a hole in my heart. That's never gonna be be doing girl be filled. Do you love him? And he said, I don't know if like, love she's like, Alright, then you won't mind if I do this and throw the knife and there was?
Margie:No, do it.
Rachel:And he's just like, the fuck and then she stabs him in the shoulder and ties him. Good for her. This is the kick ass part. Okay, awesome. Yeah, this is fantastic. So I didn't need to worry about anything right. So he she like, also all that training paid off. Yeah. So she murders him stabs him ties up the cousin stuff because and ties him up and opens the door to a rescue attempt by phrase men that survived. Like, Oh, you did it. Yeah, one problem though and they walk over and stab the cousin. They're like, never leave anyone alive. So now, the world is in chaos. Yeah, because rulers are dead. Yeah, half of the houses have like, joined into two different sides fighting for power. Okay, so her or her father's dead mother is not
Margie:her father was killed. So now she's had three parents die. Weird, right? Yeah. She's like, like, she needs to become Batman.
Rachel:I know. Right? Like Jesus, she would be more powerful than Batman. Yeah. So they escaped with the witches and everything. So we're gonna cut to a couple weeks after, okay, they are in a tent in the woods, like, essentially fighting this war. And she's like in a war council and all this stuff. Oh, yeah. And so she's, and no one else is working as like she is now by herself. No one except Valentine knows that she's not from this world. So she is playing the part.
Margie:She's well she's also just like, like, learned everything. And like, that's initiative. Yeah. Like, that's cool. Yeah, this
Rachel:is actually the cool part. Yeah.
Margie:It's just the douche canoe. That's horrible. He's dead. Yeah.
Rachel:Yeah. Definitely, really. But so her energy witches are like sitting in the in the thing in the tent after everyone else left. And all sudden she starts to hear like, battle like breakout around them. So their camp is being attacked. Oh, so they're sitting there waiting. And they're like, Okay, like, we'll wait. We'll try to wait it out. It'll be fine. And finally, she's like, this is not going to be fine. She goes over and she like hands knives to the witches and like gets her bow and arrow and she's like, all right. Well, sue me. I'm the one that has training. Right? So she's like, they're like, running away. How
Margie:long pregnant? Is she at this point?
Rachel:Just like she's still in like her first time. Okay, so
Margie:it's like showing her okay.
Rachel:So she's like, running along and like murdering people that are trying to come out? No, and like, even like, like some dude like, grabs one of the witches and like holds holding a knife to her throat and just he's like, drop Lena Drop the weapon. And she's like, holding, you know? Yeah, stand off kind of thing. Like no, and he's like, drop it or she dies. She's like, No, I have another choice and hits him in the I love it. Great. She's awesome. And then all of a sudden, like they're running away they're running through the woods trying to escape and like fire just erupts around them. And then like this other magic starts like magic just flying everywhere. Okay, and guess who's a lie? Hey, guess who when you hear was actually dead he quote unquote gone from this world in that he went to the elves world.
Margie:Why? Yeah. Wow. Lucky.
Rachel:Lucky magic. So he's alive now. And she's so happy to see him. And he basically murders all of the quote unquote bad people and the Warrens.
Margie:Yay.
Rachel:So circuit again, so my scenes in my notes like scene one and two take up entire pages. Scenes, five through eight. Take up a page. It starts out very quickly. Alright. So the war is over. Yeah. This is a couple of weeks later, they are able to rescue her mother because her mother is being held captive. And like they're essentially at the castle again. Her dad is still didn't like his dad and everything. Her dad did not get fucking magic resurrected.
Margie:The one that should
Rachel:know right. So what Frey essentially says is okay, I still don't want to be king. So she's queen now to her mom. Oh, okay. Nice mom. Yeah, I know. And everyone's like, a lot of the houses are like, are some of the houses are like white? Like no, like they're a woman has never been ruler. This is not acceptable. And he's like, Oh, you don't like it? You're no longer head of that house. You are like, fuck you. It's gonna be great. So we put her in.
Margie:Like that was cool.
Rachel:Um, and so they finally get a chance to talk about the shit that he did. Good.
Margie:isn't a good conversation. No, I'm judging by the look on your face. No, it's
Rachel:how it ends up shaking out. Basically. He admits okay, maybe I shouldn't have tied you to this world because there's some stuff I didn't think about about how you would need to go back and like tie up loose ends and stuff. That was his that yeah, that's the
Margie:reason why and
Rachel:the rest of it was you know what I'm sorry for I shouldn't have been so upset for Oh that's really
Margie:a larger one because I just like I feel like I'm in pain.
Rachel:Good. So how does it feel? Being in that chair in the listening about a terrible book? It's just my life normally. I'm so mad. Have you ever been so like angry and upset that you're not angry and upset? You just laugh because there's nothing I feel. Yeah. That's all you can do is that's how I feel. Right?
Margie:Right. Right, right. Exactly. Exactly. That shitty little smile. And I'm telling you about my book pretty
Rachel:much. Okay, so let's get back. Let's get into the like, wrapping everything.
Margie:Thank God. Yeah.
Rachel:So they're in the pub, back where they started. Okay, so essentially that town that she first put down everything.
Margie:I'm sorry, I'm just like, dead.
Rachel:I'm fine. I'm playing cards with a bunch of her friends that she had made in the pub as well as Frey and his man having a good old time with Brian hard, right difficult. Um, so and Valentine shows up with her friend from the very beginning who was trying to convince her not to do that. Valentine showed up with her friend. And the way that they figured it out was basically her friend is going back and forth helping her figure shit out because cool Vinnie, to be fair, still doesn't want to leave, but she wants to stay. But this way, she can at least wrap everything up on that and make sure the other stuff and is like, okay, yeah, and before which again, we still never hear about her no idea
Margie:where that's such a bad loosen up, try. So
Rachel:there's this little bit of a subplot where she's been. She's felt really guilty about just dropping her into the situation. So she's been like, blowing a ton of money getting Valentine to send these communications to this other witch trying to talk to her and be like, I will come back, I will do what I can to help. And Frey like, sends a lie to her saying, Oh, no, I love to hear I'm saying. And that's the last time we hear of her.
Margie:Well, here's the thing, though. If she's sending those communications, we have to assume that she's doing okay. Yeah, I would like to think that yeah,
Rachel:well, but part of it is like Valentine is like your double ganger spending a lot of your money to send all of these communications so you better hope she still has enough to survive after this. And you don't hear about it. Oh, yeah. But so we're able to meet her and
Margie:Valentine could also stop being such a bitch. Charging so much.
Rachel:The funny thing is Valentine's like, I don't know why I care. It's weird. I usually don't. What? Okay, yeah, right. Yeah, it's dumb. Um, so, again, still have no idea how say often does, but that's like how it ends is like, she's able to get everything wrapped up. And what about the baby? She's still pregnant, like the ending of it, but she's gonna have the kid. And the second. Well, so there's three things in this book that I think are like, actually kind of fun. One is the fact that it kind of looks like Jason Momoa. Because Jason Momoa is a wonderful man. To his her being badass at the end. Yeah. Even though that is very short lived. And three is her friend has been bringing her like some stuff from her like our world. Yeah, that she wants to show Frey and like kindness. And okay. You're from the Midwest. Have you ever had a fluffernutter sandwich?
Margie:I've heard of a fluffer. Okay. Do
Rachel:you know what it is? I think Okay, so first of all, it's a hilarious name. But uh, fluffernutter is amazing. It is a peanut butter and marshmallow fluff sandwich. Yeah. So she brings her friend brings her peanut butter and marshmallow fluff. And she's like, You have to try this. And they're like, are a spoon and just like, eat both. I'm like, okay, that's the third good thing in this book is that it actually makes reference to fluffernutter. which no one out of the Midwest knows what it is. That's it. And end of book.
Margie:Okay, so now we're getting into reviews. I don't want it. I know you don't I don't. Okay, so do you don't do is that how you feel like because I don't think it was that badly. No,
Rachel:no, I still don't want to I know I want to be done. Okay. I want
Margie:you want the nightmare to
Rachel:be over. So, our boy, humble homeboy. Not our boy homeboy.
Margie:Our homeboy. Our homeboy on our boy homeboy scale. Oh boy.
Rachel:Here's homeboy, homeboy. He's not quite to fuck boy territory, but he's homeboy. He's very close. He's close. He is skirting Okay, so y'all we started at another level to the our boy homeboys scale and it is fuck boy if you cute boi Yeah, um, and he is not quite breached into fuck boy territory, but he is close. Yeah, god damn bad. Yeah. Um, so he's a point five, maybe a one. character in a one to five scale of one to 5.5 maybe a one. Yeah. Because, again, there's no no intermediate here. He's either super sweet and like really caring and when he is he really legitimately is like trying to like, I understand this is new for you let me like, like when she doesn't know that he knows that she's from another world. They're like going through and she's like looking back on it. It's kind of strange that as we were going through all of these towns traveling, he was explaining like, Oh, these are the gods they worship and this is what they do.
Margie:Yeah, that's actually That's kind of cute. Yeah, a lot of
Rachel:like, sweet stuff he does is very cute and sweet.
Margie:I mean, like, honestly, his toxic masculinity is really just too strong. Yeah, he's the guy who because he was the chosen one. He was given all of this like, power.
Rachel:Oh, you're right. Our co host Fitzy might be joining. Yeah, she's
Margie:gonna lie. She's got a lot to say.
Rachel:She has a lot to say about our friend Frey. Okay, Miss Betsy,
Margie:I think yeah, I think is toxic. Masculinity was just too strong. And it gave him and made him feel like he had license to do whatever the fuck he wanted, because probably in his life can't get where
Rachel:are you? She's, and she's agreeing with you very,
Margie:very strongly as very strongly. I know. It's hard. It's hard. He's an asshole. Yeah,
Rachel:get it? He's almost. You want? Wait, hang on. Fitzy would you like to have a busy social justice rant? You can if you want. Yeah, you can't be
Margie:left to listen.
Rachel:Maybe later, maybe Off mic. Yeah, so he is. That's the thing is like the only reason he's not like completely like I the owners. I won't refuse to rate him. Yeah, because when he is sweet and nice. He's very sweet and nice. Yeah, but that is like abusive behaviors. When someone's Sweden they hot and cold, right? It's really not good. So he's,
Margie:he's fine. As long as he's doing you're doing what he wants you to do. Exactly. And that's your fuckin they are just agreeing with anything that he thinks he will not people like that will not accept no for an answer. And I mean that literally. Yeah. Well, obvious.
Rachel:Yes. As evidenced by his making choices for um, so her. Yeah, she like is feisty and I enjoy the self sufficient of Alright, let's get my shit together. Kind of like, Oh, something happened. She's like, alright, gather your shit. Let's go. Like, I really appreciate that about her. And also like, she's, she is doing her best in this world. To learn archery, I'm gonna learn shit. There's some parts where it's like getting jealous about the one chick like, yeah, it was not okay. And at the end of the whole, like, oh, it was my fault. No, no, it was not it was not. I don't know how much of that I can like, ding her because she's in an abusive situation where it's like this. That's not her fault that she feels that way. Like, yeah, so it's like, how much of that can I hold against her? Right like the jersey? Yes, absolutely. But
Margie:I don't. Yeah, everything else is self blame. And yeah,
Rachel:so I'm gonna call her honestly, I'm gonna say she's right. Yeah, because she's a
Margie:pretty strong character. And after he she thinks he's dead. She's like, let's go to war
Rachel:like, look. Yeah, like she doesn't just fall over.
Margie:Awesome. She actually like to take on a lot on her own, which is also unfortunate that she's in this abusive relationship because she's not going to be able to do it. She's not going to live up to her full potential. Yeah. Which is unfortunate. Yeah, yeah, cuz it sounds like she could be a total man.
Rachel:Appreciate how much she just calls him on his shit. Yeah,
Margie:time. Someone's got to write.
Rachel:Good job. on her lap. It's he can't um, yeah, so I would give her honestly a three. Because she's actually a pretty cool strong character. And I liked her. Mm hmm. He's just
Margie:a douche canoe. Yeah, awful. Just so bad.
Rachel:story.
Margie:I don't like it. I don't know why I'm not one for the chosen one. I'm not one for prophecies and all of that.
Rachel:I again, I've only read some of Game of Thrones. And I've never seen the show. So if you say it's like Game of Thrones fan fiction,
Margie:it's like Game of Thrones man. Like, I believe that I can totally see that. Well, like the stuff with the different houses and then at the beginning, like the so you probably didn't get that far on the books or the series, right? How far just not far not super. So in the first season in the first book, denarius her Garion Mary's called drunk to get that far as you got that far. So and there she meets these like witches I didn't get that far. Yeah, she meets I can't remember how she finds out but there's a prophecy that the the child that she and Drogo have is the stallion that will mount the world so it's basically just going to unite all the kingdoms together.
Rachel:Okay, all right. Yeah, yeah, first. Metal is fun for a prophecy. Yeah, yeah, this is very
Margie:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same thing and then the white hair and nice blue eyes.
Rachel:She's the blood of the Elves dinner.
Margie:Okay, whatever. So, um, yeah,
Rachel:I'm gonna be honest, I'm gonna give like a one and a half, two for the plot. I mean, I could see that it was interesting. And the world I will say, is pretty cool. I am a sucker for good world building. Well, my favorite to like world building worlds to build is the frozen north and desert. Like those two are just fascinating. I mean, it's like, like,
Margie:you'd be up there with Jon Snow or the wall.
Rachel:I love it. So it was actually a really cool world. So I will give it like a one and a half two for that reason. Because we've we've added the the smart scale.
Margie:Yes. What else? Let's go.
Rachel:Honestly, like, Jesus, they just had a lot of sex, like so much sex like days of sex. And robot sounds really good. Also to think about it. Like she probably has a yeast infection at this point. That's just everyone no one there is that clean? And like, yeah, just sounds like comfortable. So I'm gonna go with like, like two okay, to two and a half. It was pretty like, just by just the massive amount of sex they were having. It was pretty middle like it was okay. Yes, fine. Yeah, but but
Margie:it wasn't it was it was quantity over quality. Yeah, uh huh.
Rachel:Okay, and then overall Jesus, I'm gonna give it like a three because there was definitely interesting parts and she's pretty kick ass but with him and everything. I'm going to give it like a three out of 10 Yeah,
Margie:I mean that's it was very like a middle of the road like destiny like yeah,
Rachel:see like he's just a massive dick. Yeah, really
Margie:ruin so so I could see actually how the store again really interesting. Yeah, I like him. Really? Yeah, he's like, he's kind of like that other book that you would read before where the girl was like super power like overnight? Yeah,
Rachel:come to mind come to you various Yeah,
Margie:he was just a complete douche canoe to I mean that I think honestly, this book might be a little bit better than that one. I do cuz I didn't like the world as much in that one. And I didn't like the girl and as much in that one as I do this one that Oh, fair.
Rachel:Um, yeah. So that's, yeah, don't don't spend money on it. Yeah, don't don't get it now. Just ignore it. It doesn't exist. So I'm going to actually let you read. Yes, please. The background now a little Wow, it's a long one. This is a really long book to
Margie:sailfin Finney Wilde was taught by our parents that every breath was a treasure and to seek every adventure she could find. And she learned this lesson the hard way when they perish an appointment. She never forgets it when she discovers there's a parallel universe where every person has a twin. She finds a witch you can send her there so she can have the adventure of a lifetime. But upon arrival in the winter wonderland of Ludwin, Lynn when Lynn when she realizes that she's been plagued by her twin and finds herself walking down the aisle to be wed to the truck thrown into an auspicious circumstances with years of practice. Phinney best the challenges and digs into her adventure, but it's free. Jakar discovers the woman who was his new wife is not Princess sailfin. A woman he dislikes but but instead has funny a free spirit with a thirst for more I'm gonna say they meant adventure but just as venture just like him. without her knowledge, he orders his new bride bound to his frozen world everlasting. Maha. But at the same time, Frey plunges penny into a web of political intrigue that includes assassination plots, poison magic, mystery, and Dragon.
Rachel:None of that sounds good. No. Romance.
Margie:It all sounds like even just like this guy that your car that's
Rachel:terrifying. It's like It's like he finds her so wasted.
Margie:I see the Oh yeah, I have seen the cover. Yeah. Literally, not interesting. So I don't remember.
Rachel:But he's like, it's like he binds her to this world forever. But also assassination. So you get why I wanted to wait on that because I had to like, yeah, um,
Margie:or what are you reading right now that isn't this. Yeah,
Rachel:I started reading a book called empire of sand. I think I don't know. It's like, the more adult side of young adult like that genre of fantasy. It's pretty good. It's good. I'm not done with it yet. It's okay. Um, I'm enjoying it so far. It's like a like, again, it's I love winter wonderland and deserts and the desert one right so It's pretty nice like magic and mystics and it's it's pretty cool.
Margie:Okay thanks for tuning in guys yeah I'm sorry we will I apologize deeply is gonna come out to all of you thank you who came out to our live show? Thank you for coming out I'm sure we're gonna have a lot of fun we haven't done it yet. Oh
Rachel:no, hold on hold on. We had a great
Margie:part was great.
Rachel:Oh right part with the one dude. Yeah, it was real good
Margie:with that thing that happens yeah.
Rachel:So if you did come out and take us there's a chance that we'll have a video recording of it or record actually recorded we're not sure we'll see. And if we did great if not, you're never gonna see
Margie:it and we will have we were are going to have a future live shows.
Rachel:Yeah, we're gonna do more. So we'll keep you posted on that. But it was a blast. Yes, I'm, I live in that reality now. It was great. And thank you guys so much for tuning in. Please rate review, subscribe. I forgot to say that beginning. But if you do and you send us your deets, we will send you a sticker, which is awesome. Reach out, give us some recommendations. Tell us what you think. Tell us tell us what you think about the drag car. Uh huh. And what you think about fragile masculinity. Yeah. And also body autonomy is very curious. And if you do want to reach out you can hit us up on Facebook. Textual tension,
Margie:Twitter, tetrapod Instagram. Textual tension. Good, right? Yeah, textual tension. Okay. Good. Textual tension. Gmail, textual tension pod@gmail.com and website textual tension pod.com. Boom. Yeah. Um, thanks to the people who've sent us in recommendations.
Rachel:Yeah, thank you so much. We've gotten a couple and we are in the works yet with
Margie:those winter one it was the Scotland skirt. Was it the end it was the scourge of Scotland well for now for now and it might be Voldemort with its work cruxes he's always coming back.
Rachel:was returning it is a very popular. So again, thank you guys so much. Please come back in two weeks. I'm getting Marty's turn to tell me something hopefully not as terrible as
Margie:this hopefully. I mean, low bar.
Rachel:You will hear us. Yes, in two weeks. Thank you guys so much for listening. And yeah, we love you.