Ep. 26: On the Origin of Missing Links (feat. Trashy Divorces)

This week, Stacie and Alicia of Trashy Divorces are here to help us answer some truly perplexing questions. How much ghosting is too much? Can Andre the Giant and a literal black hole ever find love together? Truly questions only J.M. Sevilla's novel, Marked Part 1: The Missing Link, can answer.

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

Rachel: 0:00

Warning. The following podcast contains adult themes. Our hosts are just too romantic saps that love overthinking and overanalyzing their favorite literary genre the thoughts and opinions expressed are entirely their own listener discretion is advised. tearing me apart from Rocky sea

Margie: 0:30

Hello and welcome to textual tension, a love hate relationship with romance novels podcast, I am your co host, Margie, and I'm your co host Rachel. Every other week one of us reads a romance novel and summarizes it for the other unsuspecting co host this week. This co host is Rachel but not just me, not just you. Also the ladies, the lovely ladies from trashy divorces.

Unknown: 0:51

I'm Stacy. And I'm Alicia. And we make a podcast called trashy divorces, which takes two stories throughout history of all kinds of different people and their really bad behavior. Sure. It's a little pop culture, a little history a little it's a good podcast about bad relationships is how we describe it pretty much. So yeah, two stories from, you know, wherever, each week, and we just tell each other about the trashy divorces of so and so there's laughter There's tears. I mean, like divorce is such a common thing, right? Like everybody. It's such a thing. And we've had a great time we actually going to try to get the tears out of my voice. We just wrapped up Season Three for us. And that is going to be out tomorrow. I know. Thank you. It's amazing. Thanks. Really exciting stuff. And Stacy, in this episode got her fury and I are up with the GOP primary candidate field.

Rachel: 1:50

Oh, oh, good. Yeah. Oh, good. Oh,

Unknown: 1:53

yeah. All four of them are divorced, which has never happened before in American history. And I cried. Yeah, it's crazy. And I cried a terrific amount covering the trashy divorces of John Denver. I am I am not. I'm not the same as when I started.

Margie: 2:10

It was a journey. It was a quest.

Rachel: 2:13

Well, together with the beautiful folks here and trashy divorces, we're going to unpack what the fuck just happened in this book. And Margie has been giving me like, little shelf, isn't it? Like, I don't know anything about it. And you guys don't know anything about it. But she's looking at me like, just oh my god, oh, my God, this dialogue and then like half of a sentence. And I'm, I've never

Margie: 2:37

read a book where the dialogue is just so strange. And this is one of those books to where it goes from. Like, at the beginning, you're kind of like, okay, this is like, normal, like romance, I guess between two people, then you're like, where's this going? Through? I was like, what is happening? So are you guys ready? I'm so excited. Are you so

Rachel: 2:59

we are going to it's going to work we're going to show you guys send you guys I'm going to see the cover of this book. And we're going to describe it to our listeners. And then we're going to go over the summary of the book and then get into the like margin is going to then go further and summarize everything further for us.

Unknown: 3:20

We can't wait. So let's do it. Okay, sorry. I

Margie: 3:22

just sent you guys the link over Twitter. Okay. All right.

Unknown: 3:29

What the hell kind of cover is that? This is a romance novel. Yes. Yes. Okay,

Rachel: 3:39

so this book is called marked part one. Colon, the missing link by Jay M Seville. Sophia. That's just like, I don't know, a quarter of a dude's butt. And the gun?

Unknown: 3:54

No, the more disturbing the gun.

Rachel: 3:58

I'm a little so we've had some experience with guns and Hitman which I'm assuming in the past, and it ended up the end result was me going and interviewing someone at my university about human trafficking because it was so goddamn bad. So I scared and alarmed.

Unknown: 4:18

I mean, the only thing that's missing off that I don't see any blood.

Rachel: 4:23

No was actively bleeding out. So I guess that's good

Margie: 4:26

yet. No, he's

Unknown: 4:27

just planning bad behavior.

Rachel: 4:29

Right? Well, I'm a little concerned. So it is it's like a close up and about an eighth of a dude's butt in dark jeans. And then you see his hand at his side holding a gun and I can only assume he is standing in front of a concrete wall, which is that ricochets gonna suck. Like

Margie: 4:47

maybe it's gonna be like an old western style where at the very last minute he turns around to the shoe. Oh, yeah, like that.

Rachel: 4:53

Yeah, I'm sure. I don't believe you.

Unknown: 4:57

i How does this become a Romance Yes, I've got an

Rachel: 5:02

AHA Yeah.

Margie: 5:06

I don't think sometimes books like these there is an alternate title and there is no alternate not alternate title alternate cover. Yeah. And there was no alternate cover here like,

Rachel: 5:16

like, even with the name like Colin's the missing link like, is this Are we doing the answer?

Unknown: 5:21

I was gonna say yeah, there's so but that's that's deep. Yeah.

Margie: 5:26

Okay, you ready?

Rachel: 5:27

Right prehistoric love. Okay.

Margie: 5:31

This is not a tingle novel.

Rachel: 5:32

Oh, how nice of them. They wrapped our trigger warnings right into the book description

Margie: 5:39

and put all of them in there. Oh, good. Okay,

Rachel: 5:41

here we go. Here's the book description. Warning. This book contains violence, excessive language and strong sexual content. It's intended to be read by mature audiences. Part one of a two part series. There are three things Lily Evans is. Um, that's Harry Potter. Right. Okay, cool. Great. Awesome. Immediately notices about her new neighbor, Jay Lincoln. The first is his monstrous size. The second is the malicious way. He glares at her and thirdly, but most importantly, the three scars that Mark has right.

Unknown: 6:19

Oh my god. I think he knows he did it. The size of his white

Rachel: 6:31

apparently that's okay. Okay.

Margie: 6:36

Good. Well, actually, there we go into that,

Rachel: 6:38

of course. Alright, she knows the smart thing to do is stay away, but she has never met or seen anyone like him. The more time she spends with this frightening yet captivating man, the harder it becomes. He can make her hairs stand on end, but he also has a sweetness to him that tugs at her heart. Soon she finds herself merged into his world full of murder, revenge and deceit. New Adult romance. What's the new adult Rome? Like? Do they had to quantify this for me?

Unknown: 7:15

So like, people who've just turned 18

Rachel: 7:18

I guess? Well, yeah, it's like one step up from young adult, right? New Adult.

Margie: 7:24

You definitely needed to be mature to read this. I am not mature. So I was the wrong person to be reading this.

Rachel: 7:30

Alright, how many how many dick jokes? Am I gonna make? As many

Margie: 7:33

please just make Johnny's you can? Okay. The rating is 4.19 which is shocking to me.

Rachel: 7:40

We've learned never to trust you're never trusted. They're always wrong. But

Margie: 7:44

for once I'm actually going to read a little review. Oh, okay.

Rachel: 7:49

Well don't really usually don't do reviews. But if this is a good one, I'm excited. Yeah.

Margie: 7:53

Honestly, this book so that I'm Vishu gave it five stars. And said honestly, this doesn't deserve five stars. So why am I giving this book five stars because this book had me cracking up from the beginning. Nice. I swear I laughed so hard. I couldn't control myself. Yes. I cried to tears were rolling and supports how hard I left. This is completely ridiculous. Completely characters cracked me up all the

Rachel: 8:16

time. Okay, I understand why has such a high rating? No.

Margie: 8:19

Yeah. Well, I but I think that people actually honestly liked it. They must have because you don't get 4.19 out of people thinking that your book is no bad, right?

Rachel: 8:31

I don't know. Yeah. This is terrifying. Yeah. So we should probably go over triggers then all of that because I have a feeling you said that that does not cover it. Even though it's built into the frickin description of

Margie: 8:42

a big book. It's got a like, what is it? Like we said the bingo card of triggers. Oh, yeah, we're

Rachel: 8:46

playing trigger bingo. Tray. Trigger. Bingo. Good. So

Margie: 8:49

why sexual assault, torture, Jesus of physical assaults kidnap? Um, let's see what else

Unknown: 9:01

I have that. I'm sorry. I got so many questions. Okay, we make a podcast you got y'all make a podcast too. And you know the amount of time and love and effort that takes so we spend a lot of time in research with our stories. So not a whole lot of time for leftover reading per se. But if I was going to read a romance novel, if romance novels don't come with trigger warnings I'm sorry, I'm having a hard time getting over this proverbial gun in hand mountain. And maybe I'm not the typical romance reader, but

Margie: 9:47

we never really read romance novels until it's actually

Unknown: 9:52

a sexual assault and GM is not sexy ever. No, no, it's

Margie: 9:57

no it's never um, see. So you

Rachel: 10:00

We actually haven't gone over this in a while. So the reason I kind of started this podcast is because we both enjoyed romance novels, but the more I read them, okay, fair sometimes sometimes. The more of them the more the more we realized that this shit should not be marketed to young chilled, like, like girls that are informative about what relationships are as romance because it's not. And it's really damaging. So that's kind of like where we're coming from, because this is not okay.

Margie: 10:29

We don't We I reference like, it's not sexual assault between the two leads. It's sexual assault that happened in this character's past. So you still have references, right? Like happened in the book and she describes what happened, right. So

Unknown: 10:43

so my, my level of understanding may be different. I think the last romance novel I actively read. I was that kid I was 13. And right like middle school, and I think it was lace, which did some pretty kinky shit with goldfish Not gonna lie. I was not prepared for as a 13 year old. So feel is teach me about romance novels of today.

Margie: 11:08

This is not this is not a good lesson. But no, it's gonna be better. That

Rachel: 11:13

is one thing that I found very, actually very interesting with like, we've read some older romance novels. And then we've read more modern romance novels. And it really is a crapshoot for whether you get a really good one a really bad one, and it doesn't necessarily matter when it was written. Like there's a lot of buckwild shit happening in the 80s and 90s. But there's also a lot of buckwild shit happening in like 2018 When I read one about literal badgers badger Yeah, the Badger people the Badger people.

Unknown: 11:40

Oh, my God.

Rachel: 11:42

They were were badgers.

Unknown: 11:44

Wow. Oh. fantasy romance. Furry. Yeah. Going on.

Rachel: 11:50

Oh, a little bit. Yeah, it was which, you know, that's your thing. Hey, not particularly mine. But it was

Margie: 11:57

the first one. My first one ever was a nymphs from Atlantis. Atlantis, off the Florida coast.

Rachel: 12:05

Yep. They had to have sex to gain power. And they. Oh, yeah. So it's really a crapshoot. Really, you

Margie: 12:14

never know. You know, fair,

Rachel: 12:15

we try to shoot for the ridiculous ones because they're just more fun to talk about. Sure. Once

Margie: 12:19

these past two ones, we're pretty good. We're good ones.

Rachel: 12:22

So take us into the world against online romance.

Margie: 12:25

I would tell you about what they look like except there is no description for our characters. I don't think this in this whole book. Impressions, but there's not really descriptions of what they look like other than the chick Lily Evans, is 110 pounds.

Rachel: 12:43

Okay, so right. Is that the only description of her? You don't get a height on that?

Margie: 12:48

I don't think so. I think she might be maybe five one. Maybe that's what came to my mind when he asked that question.

Unknown: 12:53

So no eye color. No hair color. No skin color. No. Just no make up your own. Perfect. Petite feminine. So

Rachel: 13:04

yeah. So I guess here's my question. Do you guys want them to be? I mean, we could sub in Fabio for our gentlemen.

Margie: 13:11

I will tell you how she describes him.

Unknown: 13:13

I'm thinking Andre the Giant from

Margie: 13:17

that. Yes. Get a feel of it. All right, here we go. So this book starts out introducing Lily ovens. And she's living with her mom and younger

Rachel: 13:27

just graduated wizarding school.

Margie: 13:30

And actually though she had just broken up with her boyfriend, it's Christmas Day. Because her boyfriend was an abusive asshole like hitter and you know, the general banks as well. Not Richard for once. Wow. Yeah, their needs are always Richard because then they can sub it for deck. Always. Yeah, always. So creative. Yeah, they're really creative. So but then Lily's mom sees this guy go across the street into his house with Taco Bell of his hand and it's Christmas day and he's by himself.

Unknown: 14:00

Wait a minute, we have a fucking description of the fast food bag, but we don't know what hair color is. Is America

Rachel: 14:11

just be a giant version of the Taco Bell like Chihuahua.

Margie: 14:15

So the mom asks her daughter to go over there and pretty much pity invite him over for Christmas dinner with their whole family.

Rachel: 14:22

I'm sorry, but my socially awkward ass is not ever going to go out of my way that far for someone I don't know.

Unknown: 14:29

Yeah. So not for somebody who already has the Taco Bell bag in their hand your man Yeah. Yeah. Up Yeah.

Rachel: 14:39

Obviously he has a full like plan of eating Taco Bell and then dealing with the consequences. Sounds like a great Christmas to me.

Margie: 14:48

I mean, he may also have like those over there, so

Rachel: 14:51

maybe he wanted a nice quiet night in with his cat.

Unknown: 14:56

Andre the Giant with a Taco Bell bag going to hang out with his cats it'd be amazing

Margie: 15:04

how many tacos Do you think Andre the Giant could have eaten? Oh God like 100 Any one of those whole he will take like one of those whole like sack things that they have now you know this can take away

Rachel: 15:14

yeah taco 12 Yeah

Margie: 15:18

I gotta get Oh we gotta get moving Okay, so Lily goes across the street and the guy is Jay and our other main dude and Jays like no by and shuts the door and like all right, I'm going back home but then Louise mom was like no no go back with this plate of food that I've made because nobody should eat Taco Bell and Christmas

Rachel: 15:38

not how human interactions work. I'm pretty sure her mom is an alien.

Margie: 15:44

Just wait. Just wait so I'm Lily goes again. And this is the impression that Lily gets everything is okay until he noticed his eyes. They're an average color blue. Nothing special. But what sends a tremor down my spine is the raw intensity of them. They are cold withdrawn and blight blinking did something dark and sinister. Another trauma travels down but I noticed the scars. How had I not noticed them right away. It looks like a three clot animal tried to scratch out his right eye owls definitely. First of all, Mark is on his temple. The second runs along the edge of his eye and the third is placed close to the middle. All three star above the brown end of the cheekbone progressively growing in size. The smallest one is on this temple. The weirdest description for the stars. Well,

Rachel: 16:35

yes, ma'am. You've given us a great motive, but I really need a physical description for our police report. It's going to do no help.

Unknown: 16:41

Yeah. And we can't get a hair color on the heroine like this is ridiculous.

Rachel: 16:46

No, but we know exactly how those three scars are situated. Alright, so we know we know exactly how David Bowie fucked up his face. Yes. Thank you jerris

Margie: 16:58

Thank you, sir. Thank you labyrinth for that amazing movie. So boy, who you I in my opinion, he's floats between so we have a homeboy our boy scale. Yeah. Yeah. So home, homeboy, some of that we hate. Yes, he's an animal with every fiber of our being our boy we love. Yes, our boys are we love them. We want to protect them. Boys are just kind of like, middle in the middle. It's a sliding scale. He's more of a boy sliding towards homeboy. Yeah, yeah.

Rachel: 17:25

And that just kind of stemmed from us referring to most of the male characters as homeboys anyway and then feeling bad when they weren't assholes.

Margie: 17:32

Yeah, yeah. So we are jumping now forward to New Year's

Rachel: 17:38

Eve. Okay, so she has not seen him in this.

Margie: 17:41

Oh, they've been looking flirtatiously locking eyes across the street from one another.

Rachel: 17:48

Just never speaking, just standing in the windows of their houses just staring at each other for five days. Yeah.

Margie: 17:56

You guys did with your respective authors.

Rachel: 17:58

I mean, that's that sounds like normal standard flirting dating to me. Yeah. Yeah, you guys did that right.

Unknown: 18:06

Every day. You have to mention the boombox though it only gets good when there's a boombox outside. Right, of course, a quarter hoisted aloft. Yeah. Yeah, yeah,

Rachel: 18:15

I still have my collection of pennies that I'd throw in the window to get his attention.

Margie: 18:22

So tonight, it's the year's eve Naomi and Stevie. Lily, Lily. Lily's girlfriends are taking her out to finally go have some fun or post breakup. The dialogue in this book is so weird. It's only gonna get worse. But I'm gonna give you guys a taste of what's to come there. Stevie puts down the lip gloss to fix my hair, making my ponytail more messy and stylish. Much better. With every passing day. You look more like the loving kind hearted Lily we love and not the meek, docile girl who possessed you for the past two years.

Unknown: 18:53

Totally talk like that.

Rachel: 18:56

Are the robots I'm getting the vibe that these are all just like automatons or something that have been really studying human interaction, but don't quite get it

Margie: 19:06

but maybe that's what the writer is. Oh, I

Rachel: 19:08

like that is a weird

Margie: 19:09

name. Yeah, yeah.

Rachel: 19:10

Hang on looking them up. Okay, so they go

Margie: 19:13

out and their favorite bar is absolutely packed with a line out the door to get in. But guess who's the bouncer?

Unknown: 19:19

Oh, my chicken. Three claw marks or whatever? It's all guy. Yeah, of course. Yeah, boy.

Rachel: 19:28

He's our boy. No.

Margie: 19:31

Scarier so nobody wants to come in and everybody is scared of him. Like her two friends Naomi and Naomi and Stevie are like, Oh, the fuck is that? He's scary. Who the fuck is that? He's the buck. Um, okay, so girls, our girl gets upset comments that our friends made about her previous abusive relationship. And she steps out the back door of the bar to get some air and this is total Yeah, this this totally happens when four guys corner her in the alley and she can't get back into the bar because the door automatically locked behind her when she walked out. So, everyone here right in our group does anybody remember the wonderful 2002 Spiderman with Tobey Maguire? Yeah. All right remember that scene when MJ is in the middle of New York City on a rainy night and four guys chaser into an alley? Remember how realistic that belts Yeah, take that by 3000 For this next scene for the four guys grab her push her into a car and basically try to kidnap her

Rachel: 20:37

I am sighing from the depths of my soul we've been over this whole trafficking thing before I do not want to go back into

Margie: 20:45

a trafficking they're pretty much straight up gonna rape and murder her.

Rachel: 20:49

Oh, good. Yeah, right yeah. For now.

Margie: 20:53

So she's fighting with all her might when suddenly one of the window shatter the doors flung open and she's pulled out of the car saved by

Unknown: 21:00

olive oil on hand when trying to catch when do they make Harry Potter together though like that's what I want to know. Yeah, boy who lived I'm really hanging in for that.

Margie: 21:13

For like a couple puffs not a griffin nor the boy had broken through the window and pulled girl out of the car and I already asked Rachel this that's not really that possible. So

Unknown: 21:26

well, I don't know. Hold on. Andre. The giant has sort of morphed into Hagrid probably could do that. This is just a rough giant. Yeah,

Rachel: 21:38

weird ass Hagrid Lily fanfiction Yeah.

Margie: 21:44

Oh, well this are our boy though. Owlboy in this Owlboy he does have a blonde hair so

Rachel: 21:51

Wow. Okay, well so we're gonna make this a little bit of a Rachel science corner mini um, so we have a Rachel science corner here which is where I just rant about bad science and books it's very lucrative. So car the windshield like material is a actually incredibly strong type of safety glass. And so when it breaks it spider webs out which is what keeps it from you know sure shattering in your face and murdering you. Yeah. So the way that you break it it is possible to break okay, but you need to have something a very small pinpoint. So I don't know if you've ever seen they actually sell special hammers that you can keep in your car that you can break glass with. So like

Margie: 22:32

if you've ever Thor's hammer, yeah.

Rachel: 22:35

significantly smaller. So I mean, you know, it's it. You can keep in your car in case like, I don't know you go off of a bridge and are sinking into a lake or something. And it's the super tiny pinpoint of metal and you could slack it and it shatters the whole glass but your fist would absolutely not. It would hurt like a motherfucker and it broke your bones specifically

Margie: 22:57

say how he broke open the window.

Rachel: 23:00

Oh no, this woman's getting getting kidnapped Let me grab out my tiny specifically made when she was breaking hammer. rabidly didn't happen.

Margie: 23:09

So he pulled her out of the car. He beats the shit out of those four guys that said, Of course he does. And and from reading this, if I'm reading this book correctly, if I'm understanding what happened, I'm pretty sure that Jay goes back later finds those guys and straight up murders them.

Unknown: 23:25

Cool, cool. 100 cool.

Margie: 23:28

Character, right. So

Rachel: 23:30

I don't think the words if I'm reading this book correctly, should ever be uttered in terms of a book.

Margie: 23:39

It's not clear happen. All right, girl Lily passes out because she's a delicate flower and wakes up at the management office of the bar and Jays there and J offers to drive her home. They do. She's like, can you please keep driving around? He does. Finally they show up in his driveway. And she's like, Nah, I don't really want to go home. So basically, she ends up on his couch at first and then he picks her up and puts her in his bed and then he gets in bed. Show me your army of dragons oh my god, okay. Yeah, one

Rachel: 24:15

where the fuck are the police in this situation? Because that's,

Margie: 24:20

that's exploited later?

Rachel: 24:21

Oh, good. Yeah, sure enough to like, I don't think she'd pass out without that adrenaline going through her system.

Margie: 24:28

She did. She's a delicate flower. What can I say?

Rachel: 24:30

You know,

Margie: 24:31

she's 110 pound flower.

Rachel: 24:34

It's really hard.

Unknown: 24:36

With no eye color.

Rachel: 24:39

It's really hard sometimes to get control of your uterus when it goes flying around your body, you know, in the throes of hysteria and you just got to pass out sometimes. Right?

Margie: 24:48

Exactly. Okay, so I'm pretty. I'm not going to really describe too much what happens next because pretty much it's just some falling in love like they she starts sleeping over at his house every night because she can't sleep because she's afraid he just kind of lets her do that because he likes it. Then he just starts showering her with tons of attention like getting her into the bar and like getting her free drinks by her love by

Unknown: 25:13

by her owl she dusting off his bookshelves now and this Beauty and the Beast fantasy thing

Rachel: 25:23

you know hey guys, I get it. It really was I also gave him that scar because he was practicing for the you know, Karen feeding a magical beast.

Unknown: 25:31

Yeah. No, no.

Margie: 25:34

That's not true. The scars are explained. So and then they started having like, tons of sex just so much more to it. It's 65% of the book is probably them having sex. And it's not like it's very strange sex because someone said to reread it because I was like, what's what's going in where? I literally didn't understand. I was like, the author described something where like, basically, Lilly was giving you a blowjob, but it was not clear. I had to read it like twice to understand what was going on. It

Rachel: 26:10

really are alien lizard. She's giving him a blowjob with her fourth mouth. So Jesus,

Margie: 26:20

I so they have this whole like, she's more like telling him stuff about her past.

Rachel: 26:26

I'm sorry, how does this size thing work? I just got that

Margie: 26:30

size thing. He's.

Unknown: 26:34

Yeah, it really breaks

Rachel: 26:35

her in half. Yeah,

Unknown: 26:38

he's a wizard. I'm sure he can do something. Also, he's got a gun. I mean, there's just a lot happening. Checkout thing, like put the gun in the first scene and you don't have to write anymore or whatever.

Rachel: 26:56

And something like that. I'm pretty sure that's how

Margie: 26:58

this whole weird bromance that they're having like, jail. Deuce says stuff like, I have a dark past. And I don't want you caught up in it. You're too fucking sweet and pure to get in brought into my world.

Rachel: 27:16

So this is, that is an incredibly common trope like it is. Yeah, so common and one deal with your own shit before trying to shove it on someone else and to let the other person you're shoving it on decide whether they want to deal with their shit with your shit.

Margie: 27:32

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he doesn't really give her that. Adela.

Unknown: 27:35

She's a delicate, delicate flower.

Margie: 27:37

Good. Um, let's see what if

Unknown: 27:41

she just has like a medical condition where adrenaline is a sedative to her. I mean, we don't know. You're right.

Margie: 27:49

The first time she passes out this romance. He's also training her to kind of like, be able like self defense training.

Rachel: 27:56

Okay, I was gonna say that sentence could have ended like a lot of ways and none of them sounded good. At first I

Margie: 28:02

use self defense training her he's also like, he has a lot of workout equipment. So she's working out at his house a lot. Because he's like, You have no muscle mass. Because you're a delicate flower. Hmm. Like,

Rachel: 28:14

this whole relationship. Just seems very, like taking myself out of the fact that this is just problematic. Very problematic as

Margie: 28:25

a word here. It's

Rachel: 28:26

actually it's true. It just seems very, like unnatural.

Margie: 28:32

Oh, it's so unnatural. Just wait.

Rachel: 28:33

So how long has this taken?

Margie: 28:36

Like a month?

Rachel: 28:37

Okay, that's longer than most. Yeah, usually. They're like Romeo and Juliet.

Margie: 28:42

Totally bad, like a week after she met him though. Okay. And they hadn't really talked like how to really conversation?

Unknown: 28:48

Well, a bit across the street staring.

Rachel: 28:52

They were smoking mindmeld.

Unknown: 28:54

To talk, right, right made eye contact. Yeah, with

Rachel: 28:58

his blue eyes and her void. The void.

Margie: 29:04

Okay, um, so he starts training her and so that she feels safer and like, can defend herself, etc. So one day, her ex boyfriend actually shows up when she's crossing back to her own home for once. And he's like, Babe, it's been so long. She's like, stay the fuck away. And he's like, No, I want to get back together. And she's like, No, seriously, stay the fuck away from me. And she beats the shit out of it.

Unknown: 29:29

Whoa, yeah. Quick, like, Dude, you let a girl start lifting weights and like anything could happen.

Rachel: 29:37

I know.

Margie: 29:38

Well, so that Jay comes out like grabs her is like you You've done enough you, you know? He's toast like, broken his face. I don't know. And so he like and it's described to you that J carries her back into his house like a football like

Unknown: 29:58

there's a lot going on here.

Rachel: 30:00

So, I've, I've taught a couple self defense classes. Yeah. And one of the first things I teach people is if you're in a situation with like a party or something and someone's making you uncomfortable, you draw attention to it. So you say like, loudly like, Hey, back up, you're making me uncomfortable so that other people are watching. Because it doesn't look good when someone's making you uncomfortable and no one else knows. And you just dec the fucker. Yeah, it doesn't look good on you. And that's the vibe I got is she's like, you're making me uncomfortable and then just beats the shit. For no reason. She

Margie: 30:36

does grab her at one point, and then she kind of does a throw down sort of thing. Okay, yeah. So anyway, so then, oh, Jay and Lily have sex again? Because that's all they do. And

Rachel: 30:48

the core character traits

Unknown: 30:52

he carries her around and then have sex with her like this very strange, super strange story.

Rachel: 30:56

I 100% understand to get so much worse. I completely understand the missing link subtitle now. Athol Okay, so,

Margie: 31:05

um, and then Lily after the sex is like, Man, I feel so powerful like because I just beat the shit out of this guy. And then God only over. I feel so much freer now like I like she got you know, she's like, she doesn't have that fear anymore, basically, is what she's telling Jay and I'm like,

Rachel: 31:22

I just have sex with Karina, whatever you're afraid of. And

Margie: 31:25

she's like, great. Alright, leave. So he's like, get out of the house. I have work to do. And she's like, what? And he's like, yeah, and he basically cold shoulders her. And she's like, What the hell is happening? He's like, um, I'm leaving in like, a few days, and I'm gonna leave forever, and I will never see you again. And she's like, what? And he's like, you're returning to his time. Like, where's he going? In this relationship as well, like he's, you know, the dark past that he's like, I've got a dark past and like secrets and all of that

Rachel: 31:55

is returning to

Unknown: 31:57

tinkering with a time machine in the garage.

Margie: 32:02

So he's like, No, I

Unknown: 32:03

leave time machine.

Margie: 32:07

So he's like, Girl, I'm leaving. Like, you gotta end this now. I've never loved you by pretty much. Girl. I'm out.

Unknown: 32:18

I gotta go back and save the dinosaurs. Come on. My people need me. Technology now.

Margie: 32:24

He gets his gym equipment.

Unknown: 32:31

I'm sorry. I should have actually asked this question long before now. But may I ask the gender of the writer of this book?

Rachel: 32:42

Okay, what's it called again? Yeah, I got pulled up on I was looking up, but I forgot what the title was. Oh, I was too blinded by

Margie: 32:54

now she's okay. Are they have 780 I was gonna say

Rachel: 32:57

this is my my bet. is it's a dude writing under a female pen name.

Margie: 33:02

It doesn't really there's no discipline about them. J. J. Viola. Yeah. Okay. All right. Telling I'll keep going. So let's see. Where are we? Oh, yes. gym equipment. So

Rachel: 33:14

think of me whenever you

Margie: 33:19

good. So, he leaves and then like the next day after he leaves, like Naomi or Stevie calls, Lily and is like, oh my god turn on the TV. Your ex boyfriend just got arrested for murder. She's arrested for the murder of the four guys who attacked her outside the bar.

Rachel: 33:40

So he definitely did go back and just fucking murder

Margie: 33:43

Yeah, Jay just went back murdered them and then pinned to the murder on her exploit her views. Yeah,

Unknown: 33:50

wow. Yeah. Our boy so romantic.

Margie: 33:55

Um, so it's she's pissed because she's like, how could you just leave me You're such an asshole if I can hate you. We've been having so much sex. Where am I going to sleep now?

Rachel: 34:07

So I'm the only thing I can find on J. M Sevilla, is that their description everywhere is author of beginnings and marked part one the missing link. That's, there's no pictures on their Twitter. There's no descriptions on Amazon. They have a Twitter. But there is nothing this person isn't a Nygma

Unknown: 34:33

it's Voldemort. Maybe they went back to their time and most spectacular writer on

Margie: 34:40

planet I think they're more went back to their planet. Alright, so it's been probably like few days a week and like, they they being Lily and her mom get a knock at their door. It's two FBI agents who say, hey, guess what this guy you were dating or having sex with is actually really dangerous. We think you might be after you so you should come with us so that we can protect you they flash some badges and she's like alright guess I better go with a mom oh no so that we get

Unknown: 35:15

the mean if we even reach the epiphany yet is the Christmas tree down like this whole thing fucking started on Christmas right like it's what January a lot of action in two weeks

Margie: 35:32

so she's kidnapped by these two guys who work for somebody else who basically who wants something from J

Rachel: 35:40

secrets on animals they want

Margie: 35:43

they want him to do a job for them and so she's basically like putting the car carted around with them because they're trying to find J and they're they want to be like hey we got your girl we got your girl so do a job

Rachel: 35:54

for isn't he's still in jail for you know four counts of murder. Oh,

Margie: 36:00

that's the ex boyfriend remember who was accused of that? Yeah,

Rachel: 36:05

yes the dude that she beat the shit out.

Margie: 36:07

Yes. The dude that she beat the shit out of J pin to the murders on

Unknown: 36:14

y'all I'm sorry we have a quick little interjection because now we are curious on this side. Just so you know. There is a marked part two.

Margie: 36:26

There isn't I have not read it.

Unknown: 36:29

Have you seen the cover? Oh no. Oh my god. Dude with a

Margie: 36:38

look at this nipple. nipple.

Rachel: 36:42

We've gotten

Unknown: 36:43

Martin apart to becoming Noah Baxter and named Joe that is not the no a Baxter does not command respect. He's like do invoke the gun is gone. But now he's voguing with his nipple. Oh, I think he's got a migraine. You think Mike maybe has a migraine? Or a lot of medical conditions in the series.

Rachel: 37:06

Just Noah Baxter come up at all in this book. Yes. First. Okay, so he is in the first book. I just haven't met him.

Margie: 37:15

Where are we? Yeah, she's been kidnapped by these two fake FBI dudes.

Rachel: 37:20

That covers some Hunchback of Notre DOM like Joe Look at me.

Margie: 37:25

She's got three scars. He was no one to look at. That's not Noah. He said no one. Oh, right. Yeah, that is Oh, cool.

Rachel: 37:32

Great. All right. Sorry. Spoiler. Spoilers.

Margie: 37:35

So she's kidnapped by these dudes. She's with them for like at least a few days. And they they Yeah, it's a feeding her. They feed her one Taco Bell. Now. I think that she eats some donuts which she that throws up poles immediately. Oh,

Unknown: 37:53

because she's pregnant. No, that's not

Margie: 37:58

pregnant. No, but it is. Oh, robots. I was working usually. No. Id That's all she does.

Rachel: 38:04

Oh, good. Yeah, at least they explain it. Yeah. It's not just magical, like the magical birth control. That is Yeah, romance novels. So

Margie: 38:12

then um,

Unknown: 38:13

they we don't get pregnant with the fourth hole.

Margie: 38:19

Lizard find J in this diner and laid sit

Rachel: 38:24

just it's just eaten stonemason bacon and shit literally.

Margie: 38:28

So she gets pushed into the like the booth first and then it's the other two guys who are with her, like who have kidnapped her. And they're holding it she is a zip ties are walking into this diner, and they have a gun up to her. definitely noticed that. What don't I Okay, so I

Rachel: 38:50

guess let's go over some of my favorite some of the indicators of someone that has been kidnapped. You know, they're nervous. They they they don't have any of their ID on them. And they're literally zip gun held to

Margie: 39:03

him. Yeah, but everything. It's like,

Unknown: 39:06

maybe they took her to a to a crook bar or something. You know, like their cars. They're probably like rubber bars. Right?

Margie: 39:12

Well, that's a diner so it's a robber diner. Yeah,

Unknown: 39:15

there you go. Yeah, there's got to eat to man. It's crazy for

Margie: 39:18

that, right? Oh, then they're the two guys pretty much tell Jay they're like, Yo, we got your girl. So can you do this job for us for our boss? And he's like, No, I'm not gonna fucking do it. And he's like, I don't give a shit about her. Like, go to hell. And she's like, Hey, I'm gonna die. And so Jays like, Fine, I'll go with you. Like, let's figure this out. I'll do it for some cash or something. So they all get into these two cronies car basically. And jays, like, Does anybody else know about what's happening here? And they're like, nope. And he's like, so only this this the person who's going to be working for his labs. And he's like, so only last knows that you guys are here with her. And they're, they're like, yep, that's It's true. And then he's like, okay, Lily, hold on, hold on to your seatbelt this cars about the crash. And so the two guys have been poisoned, so they just wrote go in the diner, JB I should have poisoned them.

Unknown: 40:15

Or was it just the cook?

Margie: 40:19

J gave them a little bit of creamer that he had already poisoned. So when they put cream in their coffee, they were dead. Perfect. Yeah, perfect.

Unknown: 40:28

I guess, Rachel I spawned. I guess her dairy allergy fine.

Margie: 40:36

So the two cronies are dead, right? And they car

Rachel: 40:41

car body count six. Keep

Margie: 40:44

is six. You should keep it out of that. You're gonna lose count. There's there are times where like, he's murdering it. discriminately right. Let's keep it going. Yeah, she grabs her out of the car. And she's like, No, I think I'll wait for the police. He's like, No, you're not gonna wait for the police are coming with me. And so now she's me. Our boy has taken our girl Lily. And number two. I think kidnapped, is kidnapped because she even says she's like, Nah, I'll wait for the police. And he's like, No, you can't wait for the police. Somebody's gonna come in. Quickly. Kidnap number three. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Cool. Great. Um, so he steals a car. They? Yeah, hey,

Unknown: 41:23

like, shorty has everything

Rachel: 41:28

really should have a big appearance for

Margie: 41:30

us. And she says, and then they go on like the montage of like driving everywhere, like falling back to love and regaining trust in one another. It's

Rachel: 41:40

not how you regain trust in this situation. It's not how they're How long is this road

Margie: 41:46

trip? Like? Trip is probably just like a few days.

Rachel: 41:49

Anything is possible via montage.

Margie: 41:55

There's this point to where she's like, and I don't understand why but she's kind of like, she forgives them almost immediately. And then she tries to comfort him and I'm like, What are you doing?

Unknown: 42:08

Six people that you've interact.

Margie: 42:10

Okay, okay. Okay, so this is the part that me and Rachel are going to do together. This is this is the first time we're doing I forgot. Yes. This is gonna be very fun. We are just to teach you how weird this dialogue is. Yeah. Do you want to play the main character? Would you like to play her mother? Oh, God.

Rachel: 42:28

I'll play the main character if and only if I can do a whoo girl accent.

Margie: 42:32

Yes. Please do girl. Okay, so ready? Sorry. Alright, so we'll be a little girl. So you I'll start there. Hello.

Rachel: 42:41

Hey, Mom, Lily.

Margie: 42:43

Going out of my bind with worry. Are you all right? Where are you? The familiar sound on my mom's voice? How has we choking up?

Rachel: 42:50

I'm fine. It's been crazy. Since I left. They're worried for my safety and moved me to a secret location. They finally agreed to let me call you under secure line. But I only have about 30 seconds left.

Margie: 43:03

Are you okay? Are they taking good care of you? I don't need to worry about that killer do I?

Rachel: 43:17

They're more than confident he will return. It's not his style. They're treating me really well. Mom, please don't worry about me. I'm right where I belong. I stare into Jays eyes. As I say the last part. Everything I desire is here inches from me. So don't worry, I'm okay. I needed to make sure you won't worry. They promise I won't be a promise I'll be home as soon as it's safe for me.

Margie: 43:45

I'm so relieved to hear that. I love you Lily.

Rachel: 43:50

It's not how humans work.

Unknown: 43:53

Because kidnapping is now Bermuda.

Rachel: 43:58

Does she even know? She's zooming?

Margie: 44:01

So Jay makes her call and say to her mom, just tell her that you're still with those FBI guys so that she doesn't worry. This is so good, right?

Unknown: 44:10

Whenever I'm in witness protection, my mom is like, but you don't the criminal is cool, right? Like you don't need to worry about that anymore. And I'm like, yeah, no, we're, yeah, I'm just chilling here. Because

Margie: 44:20

yes. So the montage ensues. Eventually he's like, we have to go to San Francisco to meet with a contact of mine. So I'm going to hire a private jet. So they fly by the jets to say oh,

Rachel: 44:33

how old is she and what does she do for a living? Because she doesn't hasn't ever doing work in like two months. So she's

Margie: 44:39

not tons of money from his dad.

Rachel: 44:41

Yes, but what does she do? She does nothing. So how old is she? She

Margie: 44:44

does nothing. Okay, she had a major in Business Administration. I call her color or eye color. So,

Rachel: 44:55

I'm going to illustrate a page of this as a comic book page and just just going to be a blur outline,

Margie: 45:01

please do. Alright, so

Unknown: 45:05

dairy allergy in a weird reaction to adrenaline

Margie: 45:10

so they fly to San Francisco where they meet up with a business associate of Jays who just goes by vault vault or volt vaults as a bank vault. Okay? Because he's pretty much at the vault of like the criminal underworld like if you want secrets you want anything locked up tight. He's gonna do it. It's very strange.

Rachel: 45:36

So hashtag deep. Wow.

Margie: 45:41

Yeah, his name is vault. She describes them, like very sex like she's super attracted to go away. So we know what he looks like. We know he looks like yeah, okay. Yeah. Oh, he looks like they describe it later. He looks like Tom Hardy.

Rachel: 45:54

Okay. All right. So we have a void under the giant and Tom Hardy.

Unknown: 46:00

Like Far from the Madding Crowd

Margie: 46:01

tomorrow. Tomorrow Venom Tom Hardy

Unknown: 46:06

just checking. I bet I bet it to mine actually. So book is very confusing.

Margie: 46:15

I said, God I

Rachel: 46:18

spent a lot of montage of falling in love montage. Forgiveness montage murder montage.

Unknown: 46:23

Kidnapping montage.

Margie: 46:27

So the backs are you guys ready? Finally for some answers? Were the backstory of this.

Unknown: 46:34

Because so I'm sure it makes sense. Oh, so much. That's our boy.

Margie: 46:40

His father was a hitman. Okay, and he made like crazy amounts of money off of being a hitman and saved it all basically for son later on. So that's why Jay is so rich. But Jane's mother was murdered by this guy called the marker.

Unknown: 46:59

This is a blacklist episode. This is a blacklist episode. So porn thrown in like my

Rachel: 47:07

mother was murdered by a man who calls himself Expo

Margie: 47:12

What are Viola, Crayola Sharpie Yeah, take your pick so I'm in the marker and he has this weird fetish with the number three because like That's why Jay has because he's gone after J twice the third time but he actually murders j is what he's gonna give him the five star weight but he's has three scars around three scar. Yes, yeah, that's probably why it's already met him before. Okay, yeah. Okay. Okay. And every so if you hire the marker to be your hitman, which you can do he has this weird thing of like, Yeah, he'll kill the person that he you want him to kill but he also wants to kill two other people within a span of three minutes.

Unknown: 47:54

Oh, now Dexter episode. Like this is a very unoriginal,

Rachel: 47:59

really weird nobody ever let this man go to church because there's threes everywhere in the Catholic Church and it would just not

Margie: 48:07

be good. So he's frickin bananas. And so this guy he murdered he murdered Jays mom and I think he actually murdered Jays dad and so now Jay is like, what's like Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father Prepare to die kind

Rachel: 48:25

of Princess Bride reference bride. Yeah.

Margie: 48:28

Um, and so now the I don't know it's not explained in this book. But the Crayola the marker is after this like special dagger for generations that only vault has. So j goes to vault to be like, I need this special dagger so that I can like bribe the marker to come out and then I can straight up murder. Are we playing

Rachel: 48:58

Calvin Ball with

Margie: 48:59

this plot? Yeah, there we are. There's an enchanted knife now. That's awesome I was like, I can't not do this book. Like I have to do

Rachel: 49:15

the only thing that would make this this super mysterious scarred giant gentlemen. That's probably my money's on it. Wearing a black leather trench coat cooler is a magic sword. Hopefully it's a katana

Margie: 49:27

magic dagger, which ever actually get in this book. Okay. Yeah, I think that's in part two.

Unknown: 49:36

Oh, the Noah Baxter book. Okay.

Margie: 49:38

All right. So

Unknown: 49:40

are we. Seriously,

Margie: 49:44

we're almost there. Okay, so and like, so later, Jay and Lily have sex again. Of course. He finally tells his tribe like more of his tragic backstory. where he like took down like a fighting or like a Hunger Games style fighting ran. And

Unknown: 50:09

was hippo grips.

Rachel: 50:13

Oh my god, they were Avantika jabbering everywhere,

Margie: 50:17

all over the place. And then he's like, that's who he was before. He like murdered. All these kids basically murdered. Yeah. His name was Noah Baxter. And then he was like,

Rachel: 50:31

your children and heard his new name.

Margie: 50:33

Yeah. Jay like good way to go. Oh, yeah. Yeah,

Rachel: 50:38

I'm gonna be conservative and say that puts our kill count at 56. Yeah. Yeah, not

Margie: 50:45

more. And she's still like, Oh, I love you. And I'm like, why?

Rachel: 50:49

But I love murder. Make murder fail. Okay.

Unknown: 50:53

86 encode the original six. Are we really at 62? Okay,

Rachel: 50:58

yeah. Original. I'm gauging 50 for the hunger game style children massacre.

Margie: 51:02

So guys remember earlier in this book? I mentioned somebody named Lazarus. Ah, yeah, sure. Yes.

Unknown: 51:11

A lot. No, I do cuz they were the only ones who knew let so last is the only one Yeah, no. Okay. All

Margie: 51:19

right. So last last also wants to get the marker. So she also wants this guy dead. So she also wants that dagger he really needs to make

Rachel: 51:29

a list on a whiteboard

Unknown: 51:36

when When do they realize that the magical daggers the friends they made along the way

Rachel: 51:42

was inside of them the whole time, which is

Margie: 51:46

revolutionary girl. So let's kind of I'm getting confused. Like Well, we're all here together so sorry. So they did like last are also wants to stagger. Okay, and basically what it comes down to is that the bar girl gets kidnapped again by Lazarus. Five. Yeah. Let's see. And it's revealed that Lazarus and the marker are actually siblings. And so that's really why she wants the dagger because she wants to take the dagger and murder her brother with it. Okay, oh my God.

Rachel: 52:26

It's not just one female like, important person in this boy. Yeah,

Margie: 52:32

that's true. Yeah. Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

Rachel: 52:36

Today ever talk? Yes, they talk and they talk about something that's not boys. Yes. Okay, then. Yes, it does. Alright, but

Unknown: 52:42

it's very but it's very stilted. Yeah,

Margie: 52:44

it's very strange. You heard that dialogue like it's a totally natural totally natural. And so we figured that out Jay comes in guns blazing like what the fuck is my girl he gets her out he gets her out of the room and then he pretty much straight up goes and murders everybody so he tries to murder Lazarus she gets away but her guards are all murdered. And then vault so she Lily gets in the car with vaults and they're like driving away and then vault looks behind him and it's like shit somebody's following us because of course Uh huh. And so they stop the car volts guards get out of the car and kind of like run up to the car that was following them and it explodes and then out of nowhere and starts shooting them she our girls straight up murders for people

Rachel: 53:39

oh my god

Margie: 53:41

yes a gun she murders four people and then she passes out because she's a delicate

Rachel: 53:49

it's a sign of growth she was able to murder four people this time

Unknown: 53:55

um she's been working out she got all that gym equipment

Margie: 54:03

weird moment of like well the rest of this was for having like this very like strange flirty interaction like he's carrying so she's so that they're waiting in in volts office for like this mission of Jays to like murder Lazarus and everybody else to finish up

Rachel: 54:29

so they're hanging out while Jay goes and murders more people. Yes.

Margie: 54:31

Okay. Yeah. And then he J comes back and says where's my girl? Oh,

Rachel: 54:38

okay. Where's my property unites

Margie: 54:40

with this girl. He throws her onto a private jet because his life is too dangerous for her and he needs to find the marker so that she won't get murdered. And that

Unknown: 54:53

was that was a journey that was we can't wait to be invited back for Do a Baxter that was the most I'm gonna give that five stars for how delightfully horrible it was. That was amazing. And we put in all seriousness,

Rachel: 55:13

can we do a part two? And can I Please edit in a last time on textual tension?

Margie: 55:20

Yeah. Oh my god. Yeah. So I'm so sorry. That was confusing, but don't

Unknown: 55:24

leave can't leave us. Yeah, we have to come back for part two. You can't leave. Hey, I know. But that was amazing. I know. That sounds like seriously, like people who write novels deserve. You know, like, wow, yeah, that's some stick to itiveness. Well done. But like, that sounds like shitty but

Margie: 55:43

what I've never read a book to like, where it was just written that badly. Like, you know, the, because I told you there were several times during the book, I was like, so confused. I'm like, what's happening? what's what, when

Rachel: 55:56

and where? God?

Margie: 55:59

I don't know.

Rachel: 56:00

I don't think there's anything you could have done to make that less confusing.

Margie: 56:04

I don't think so. either. I know. There's just I think one of the problems with the book is that there's so many plot details that are unnecessary. It's like this whole last character is really not necessary. Like, yeah, make her less confusing, because like, maybe because it's supposed to be maybe supposed to be read immediately one following the other, you know what I mean? But like, make it one book. Why did it have to be? Why did they make it to books? And I also want it known that this book was originally $1 on Kindle, but it was marked down to free.

Rachel: 56:39

Well, 100%

Margie: 56:43

Because it's like, garbage.

Rachel: 56:46

I will say we got something out of this book. Yeah, I now have a new scale for the level of ghosting that someone's like done to you. So on on a scale of one to pretending you don't know the person and then murdering the people that they're with. You're not speaking to them. Like, how hard were you ghosted?

Margie: 57:07

So weird because I remember what I like. So I always read a book and then I'll go back over it, you know, and like, had to open it up again. And I was like, the part where he goes through is so strange, because we're literally having sex and then he gets out of bed like a robot and goes to his computer just starts working. Hey, I've

Unknown: 57:25

got one little weird loose thread. Yes, please. Is the homeboy boyfriend still in jail for the murder? He didn't commit?

Margie: 57:35

We're assuming so. He was at least charged with those murders. That's another that's a cya. That is another true grip. That's a true crime podcast though. I don't know. Lorne charged with those. I feel bad for him. He kind of sounds like a garbage. I mean, yeah, but

Rachel: 57:53

like hey, it's been a while will you talk to me grabs your arm not okay. But doesn't work getting the fuck beat out of you and thrown in jail for murders. You didn't do?

Margie: 58:03

Well. Okay. Not in like to put a little bit of context into that. He did rape her. Okay.

Rachel: 58:10

All right.

Margie: 58:13

That's why she was like, Do not fucking touch me. Okay, yeah, just Yeah. Does she get to

Rachel: 58:18

use her mad Kung Fu skills anymore? Oh, she murdered the four people

Margie: 58:22

that she murdered. She murdered them with a God now so

Rachel: 58:26

lame. I wanted her to rip they're still beating hearts out of their chests Kali ma style. Kali ma

Margie: 58:34

What are you talking about?

Rachel: 58:35

Indiana Jones. Oh, yeah. Okay. Second movie. Yeah,

Unknown: 58:40

yeah, I got it. I knew where that was coming. Thank you.

Rachel: 58:42

Thank you see someone got it.

Margie: 58:47

Okay, so how many trash cans does this book

Unknown: 58:51

I go toward we can't even locate them. They're in different time space.

Rachel: 58:59

Levels are not allowed in there.

Unknown: 59:01

Yeah, yeah, the house elves are filling them full of magical refuse as we speak and daggers

Margie: 59:09

still wrote this book.

Rachel: 59:10

Oh, no. Now I feel bad about bashing

Unknown: 59:14

who wrote the book

Margie: 59:15

How self read

Unknown: 59:21

I think it's probably rude to ask them so yeah. Yeah. I feel like we also want to check out summer nights by the same promising Title

Margie: 59:32

One of us will read well read the second part and then you guys should read several nights of it tell us that.

Unknown: 59:39

That is that is probably a fair

Margie: 59:43

well, yeah, consider get to read two books out of great.

Unknown: 59:48

Yeah, that was a wild ride. Yeah. Thank you.

Rachel: 59:52

You're welcome. Yeah, do we so do we want a real quick break down a rating?

Margie: 59:56

We are. Yes,

Rachel: 59:57

we do. Okay, real quick. We'll go through real quick. So we are write our two main characters, the plot and the smile on a scale of one to five and then overall one to 10. And then tell people whether or not they should spend money on the book. I'm going to say no.

Unknown: 1:00:12

Absolutely not.

Margie: 1:00:13

I mean, it is pretty funny.

Rachel: 1:00:15

So how would you rate Andre the Giant? Or Hagrid

Margie: 1:00:19

Take your pick? Is it? Well, not a five? Right one out of 512121 or two? Yeah, somewhere? Yeah.

Rachel: 1:00:27

What do you guys think? One or two?

Unknown: 1:00:29

How much Taco Bell is he bringing? may make a difference? No. I mean, I think he may need three for the owl scarf. That's

Rachel: 1:00:36

true. The scars were pretty cool. No, no, no, he

Margie: 1:00:39

gets a two two. Okay.

Unknown: 1:00:40

Okay. Then we go back to two for all the murder. Oh, yeah, he loses one. Murders. Yeah,

Rachel: 1:00:47

it balances out. Well, more than that, because he killed a bunch of guards too. So I think I'm gonna just pull it out there say 72.

Unknown: 1:00:54

Okay. Yeah, definitely, you know,

Rachel: 1:00:57

6969 69 Damn it. Okay. All right. Our void, or void,

Margie: 1:01:06

a one, one for the void. She's like, very MarySue. She's very, like, you can stick any person into that person. And they you know what I mean?

Rachel: 1:01:14

She's a placeholder. Yeah, she's, she's literally not even described.

Margie: 1:01:18

Yeah,

Unknown: 1:01:18

I'm very sorry. But she later becomes the mother of Harry Potter. So like,

Rachel: 1:01:24

okay, 1.5 1.5. Margie, how would you rate the plot?

Margie: 1:01:36

away, I want to give it like a high rating. It's just so bad data. I guess like, it gets like a four banana scale. And then the actual book plot scale it gets like 1.5.

Rachel: 1:01:47

When we do do part two, I'm going to make us bingo cards for action movie bingo cards. Like, is there an explosion? is more than five people murdered in a scene like we're gonna hack off. We're gonna go through Yeah,

Unknown: 1:02:01

yeah, no, that seems that seems right. Don't forget to add glass break tool.

Rachel: 1:02:05

Oh, yeah, I like that.

Unknown: 1:02:08

It's like the opposite of Thor's hammer.

Rachel: 1:02:12

So how was the gratuitous amounts of sex? Like how, basically I'm asking you to rate a quarter of this, but this month,

Unknown: 1:02:20

it sounds like even those who are not that great. They were

Margie: 1:02:23

just like, No, because it wasn't. Was it as awkward as the conversation? Well, no, actually, the author wrote the sex better than they wrote the conversation. But that's a low bar play

Rachel: 1:02:33

to your strengths. low bar.

Margie: 1:02:35

I mean, there's a lot of pumpkin pie involved in the sex.

Rachel: 1:02:42

I'm sorry, why did we not cover this?

Margie: 1:02:45

Too many details.

Rachel: 1:02:47

But I know I know what we're getting.

Unknown: 1:02:51

It's very autumnal.

Rachel: 1:02:55

Yes, okay, so we do know something about her personality. She's a basic bitch. She loves her pumpkin pie spice. Yeah, she

Margie: 1:03:01

literally started baking it when she was eight years old because her mom. Good.

Rachel: 1:03:07

Cool. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Nothing against pumpkin pie spice. But the void also likes pumpkin pies is

Unknown: 1:03:19

the most descriptive thing we've learned about the entire damn book. Should hobby. Who do? Yeah, I mean before before working out. abiding interest.

Margie: 1:03:32

I think this book may have been written by a dude because all there's the only way she's described as 110 pounds and sexy as fuck. So

Rachel: 1:03:41

yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, that's

Unknown: 1:03:44

a dude. Yeah,

Margie: 1:03:45

that's probably probably written by a dude.

Unknown: 1:03:47

You have involved sex scenes with a pie. Yeah. It's a deal. So they

Margie: 1:03:53

bake the pie. It has to sit in cool for two hours. While it's cooler. They have seven. And then I mean, everywhere like animals.

Unknown: 1:04:03

What else are you supposed to do for two hours?

Margie: 1:04:07

Feed it to each other? What boy.

Rachel: 1:04:09

I mean, they could have just used the still hot pie and saved a lot of money on like candle wax and shed.

Unknown: 1:04:16

Lubricant? I don't know. It just depends on your case.

Margie: 1:04:21

It would be so warm. It's sticky

Rachel: 1:04:29

Okay, all right. When it's in one, perfect. Then money.

Margie: 1:04:35

Three for comedy three for comedy. Okay, spend money on it. I didn't have to like they literally marked it down to$0 $0 Reduce $0

Unknown: 1:04:44

I suspect that this podcast is the best way to consume this book. Yes, probably for for the listener. You could skip the purchase or whatever. And

Margie: 1:04:53

yeah, yeah. And there are literally characters guys that I didn't go into because there's just so many I was just like, No, they're not no more emulous They're not.

Unknown: 1:05:00

I think I think we all understood that while you were talking. I was like

Rachel: 1:05:09

oh my god. All right. We did it. We did it. Hey, you're in 15, which is about what I expected. Hey,

Unknown: 1:05:16

thanks so much for having us on. This was a ton of fun.

Margie: 1:05:20

We can't wait to have you guys on for the next book.

Unknown: 1:05:22

Yeah, I see you there Yeah, I'm I'm like my eyes are all Misty from laughing so hard.

Margie: 1:05:30

So thank you guys so much for coming on. And give us a little shout out on your podcast. Just say we had a great time on textual tension that will be great.

Rachel: 1:05:40

All your listeners over here should go listen to trashy divorce. Yes. Wonderful. I

Margie: 1:05:44

love it. It's so good, though. L Ron Hubbard one so far as my favorites.

Rachel: 1:05:49

Ron Hubbard is a trash and I human dumpster fire. So

Margie: 1:05:54

I started a new job this week. And one of my co workers is obsessed with Scientology like in like, yeah, not not creepy way. And here's a picture of L Ron Hubbard. Scientology it's been

Unknown: 1:06:09

Oh, yeah, I think you need to change jobs.

Margie: 1:06:11

I just moved to this job. They're paying me double ain't going no. No, I need to eat.

Unknown: 1:06:18

Gotcha. Gotcha. Thanks y'all so much. And from trashy divorces headquarters. Do y'all keep a trashy?

Rachel: 1:06:26

Little deal done?

Margie: 1:06:28

Bye. Bye.

Rachel: 1:06:31

Okay, so Margie, what were you reading?

Margie: 1:06:33

I read this book called The Nightingale and I can't remember the author and but it's about World War Two sisters in during World War Two, and they kind of like have grown up apart. But they're relearning their relationship to one another. And their reactions to the war are very, very different. One of them is very rebellious. And the other one is really just protect doing her best to protect her family. Hmm. And it's, I mean, it was a beautiful book. That's cool. Yeah. And now right now I'm reading this book called The Illusionist by that one I just picked it up off the shelf. And so far, I really like it. It's one of those books that we're I'm still kind of trying to figure out what it's actually about. Right? Right. But the aesthetic of it is very, The Night Circus.

Rachel: 1:07:13

Oh my god. I love the night. Yes. Yeah, Lord and Savior. I've been really in the mood to reread the nights. This fall. It's true. Like all right, circus time, right. Oh, my gosh, that was a roller coaster. Thank you guys so much for sticking around. And huge thanks to Tracy. Yes, they're not on the call anymore. But they're wonderful. And we hit so much.

Margie: 1:07:33

We had so much fun with them. And their podcast is awesome. I'm really sorry. I

Rachel: 1:07:40

might get to me. They might get them

Margie: 1:07:42

to be awesome. shouldn't be so cool.

Rachel: 1:07:44

So thank you guys so much. If you guys have any recommendations that you want to shoot our way hit us up on Facebook.

Margie: 1:07:50

Textual tension bot, Twitter, she touch upon good rates. Textual tension, website. Sexual tension. potty.com. I'm tired. Email. Bada G.

Rachel: 1:08:03

Instagram.

Margie: 1:08:05

Sexual tension.

Rachel: 1:08:08

Well, those are at least one of those to find out Yeah, it's fine.

Margie: 1:08:11

I promise. Look for the lips. I'm so turned around. I mean, would whine

Rachel: 1:08:18

done that I can handle so we'll scale guys up to see me too. Yeah. Jesus Christ.

Margie: 1:08:28

God fucking fucking murder. Come back in two weeks. Yeah. And Sunday. Come back when we have trashy divorces back. Yeah, we're

Rachel: 1:08:35

good. Jeff will totally go away. I'm so ready to do a last time on textual tension. I'm so excited. It's gonna be a blast. Oh, yay. All right. All right, guys. Um, thank you guys so much for listening. And a huge thank you to the artists Elon near you for the use of her song. Oh, love of the LMB hell, it's a great album. It's a great song, so please check it out. Oh, rate review. Subscribe. Yes, please.

Margie: 1:08:58

We need those. We Yeah, we've been loving it. We've been getting some new reviews lately. Beautiful. Thank you guys. Yeah, so much.

Rachel: 1:09:04

Right. Well, the I think this has become a normal thing. Now.