Textual Tension
The comedy podcast that unpacks the bananas world of romance novels! Tune in every other Tuesday as one co-host, either Margie or Rachel, recount a romance novel to the other unsuspecting co-host.
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Textual Tension
Halloween Special Ep. 29: Catula
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It's a Textual Tension Spooktacular! Join Margie and Rachel for this very special and very spoopy bonus episode! The girl's discuss The Cat's Meow, featuring stories by Victoria Alexander, Nina Coombs, Coral Smith Saxe, and Colleen Shannon. Let's pour one out for the spoopiest, and best, time of year!
The Monster Monster Mash Oh you do a 20 sided Hello, and welcome spooky to textual tension after dark after dark a love hate relationship with romance. Sexy beautiful. Do your witches kacal purpose there was that was not I am smoky and I'm your co host Rachel every other week one of us
Unknown:here every Halloween. Halloween we come out of the Void Yes,
Margie:we come out of the void. We come we come back from the dead as in hocus pocus Yeah. and summarize a Halloween themed robots. Which Rachel are this year it's together we unpack what love fuck just happened, but just spoopy let's movie. We already had a bit to drink.
Rachel:So longtime listeners will remember our Christmas special from last year, which involved alcohol and just the biggest Hallmark book ever. We decided to have a reprisal what is the best season of all the spooky season? So alcohol is being consumed. Gay. Ah, I thought you said gay not yay. And I'm not mad about either. Alcohol is being consumed. I took a couple shots to catch up with Margie. So, you know more than catch up with me hit me up in a couple of minutes. So we'll be we'll be there. And we're gonna have a fucking boy.
Margie:It's gonna be great. Okay, so I have to explain. Yes, please do how I found this book. And I'm sorry, I didn't find it. My best friend Olivia did was their suggestion. So
Unknown:I think before we show it, we should talk about what we're drinking. Oh,
Margie:good idea. Yeah. Okay, so what are you drinking?
Rachel:I am, you know, always gets me in the mood for whiskey. So I'm drinking some good bullet, right. I had, I don't know, maybe a quarter left in the bottle. And now I have significantly less than that. So it's gonna be a good night.
Margie:I am drinking a Sauvignon Blanc starting with that because I also have a pumpkin cider. Hell yeah, it would be cider and I am halfway through this Sauvignon Blanc called outer sounds. It is from New Zealand. Yes. And I'm already feeling
Rachel:it. Good. Yeah, you're gonna have to finish that real quick so you can get your spoopy cider while we're doing the smoothie episode. Oh my God. Are you gonna chug half a bottle of wine? Okay, I
Margie:was about to be like my girl. I'm gonna fill my one. I'm gonna try.
Unknown:Oh, it'll all fit. It'll fit. It'll fit baby. It'll fit. So new listeners. Welcome. This is not a normal episode. This is a druggie pants episode.
Margie:Wait, what are we filming? What are we?
Unknown:What are we filming? Margie? Why did you set up cameras?
Margie:Stop drinking.
Rachel:No, you all right now so okay, I do have a first initial question. Is it spooky scary because it's a scary book, or is it spooky scary because how fucking awful it
Margie:is. I've more have to lean towards the second one. But, but there's a disclaimer. It's not 100% Scary, awful. And you will understand
Rachel:is there four stories in this? Yeah, you read all four and you're gonna summarize all four?
Margie:No, I'm not going to summarize. I'll choose your own adventure. Yes, you have given me it's a Halloween miracle. Julie and so I want to thank Olivia. Okay, all right. Okay, yeah, deserves all the respect right now,
Rachel:this book. And again, longtime listeners will understand why I love this so much is called the cat's meow. And it has a kitty cat. It's not your stereotypical black cat. It is known as an orange and white cat that definitely has a drawn on smirk on little face. Yes. And he's wearing a witch hat. And he's the best boy and I love him and there's a Beartown absolute unit
Margie:is a unit
Rachel:and it says four stories of perfect romance. Wow by Victoria Alexander. Nina combs. I know Nina I've we've read something. I remember something from I remember her name. I could have seen something. Oh my god. I'm coral Smith sex and Colleen Shannon. Wow. Whoa, wow. I'm so good. happy and excited. Oh my gosh. Hey, this book was 599. All right, two persons of good character free feline to stay home. The app seemed perfect for what Giselle allow an eccentric Bostonian gypsy intended. Well, the newspaper ad offered only the possible adoption of four adorable cats Giselle has plans for a whisker more complex for individual tales of magic. As the October night strip chill and wins household for couples would cuddle before their hearts protected from the things that go bump in the night while outside children frolics and trips from door to door. The lovers would sample tricks and treats of their own. Learning that unwrapping candy wasn't the best thing about the holiday. And by Halloween, each would realize that they had been rewarded with the most fulfilling gift of all a warm affection, Feline, and of course, true love.
Unknown:First of all, I'm so excited. I know. Second of all, gypsy is an offensive term.
Margie:In my nose, I put which because she's way more of a wedge. Wedge. Okay, cool. Cool. Cool. Oh my god, it isn't offensive term. So here's the thing about this book, which I wasn't expecting is that although it is four stories, they all tie into like one scene. Right rounds, Giselle in a while. Lol. Okay, so you did a couple different offer.
Rachel:So she the one that's putting the kittens up for adoption? Yes. Okay. And they're like kittens or cats. Oh, and they're all witches familiars.
Margie:Yes, she is a billion cats. She
Rachel:first of all goals. Yeah. Second of all, I love this woman and I'm so here for this story.
Margie:And if you'll notice only one page of notes. I know. It's gonna be fast episode. I don't think so. So it's gonna be a choose your own adventure because I could either do four stories poorly. Or I could do two stories really well. Okay,
Rachel:so we start with two stories really well see how much time we have left at the end.
Margie:So let's see this book is a continuous story. Like I said,
Unknown:are there any triggers? No. That's good for Halloween.
Margie:Oh, it also is a very, it's a clean romance or sex is only referenced once. And it's not even they don't even like, look how they did it.
Rachel:I mean, like, very weird. I mean, well, yeah. But like, that's really refreshing and nice because writing a romance novel doesn't have to have sex, and that's totally fine. At the same time. trunky pants Rachel is like, come on.
Margie:I mean, can you? Can you deny this? Can you deny this? I've only got the book, listen to the show. I agree. I know. And then in the back of the book The last page, it says attention to romance customers. Special toll free number with a 104 a 19191. Call Monday through Friday 10am to 9pm. Eastern Time to get a free catalog. Join the romance book club in order books. Use your Visa, MasterCard or Discover.
Unknown:I'm calling on Monday. I won't even be drunk for
Margie:Yeah, yeah.
Rachel:I mean, I kind of sounds like a fun sexy line, but I'm still down for it.
Margie:If you do that you have hell yes. Okay, go get you ready. I doubt that number is still like a thing. If it is, it's gonna be amazing. So this book is set in the year 1889 in Boston.
Unknown:Wow. Yeah, that's way earlier than I expected. Yeah,
Margie:way early. Yeah. Yeah. Well, when you read it, you kind of like get that. Yeah.
Rachel:Also listeners I apologize to add to the spooky ambience there was someone out in the gazebo in front of my house just rocking out on an acoustic guitar. Yeah, you hear Wonderwall at some point I know terrifying but
Margie:we'll get through it. Um, so like so this therefore different stories but they're all grounded in the same world and also around the same character of Giselle in a while, who is a very wealthy widow and is presumed by almost all in the city to be a witch and they're not wrong. She's 100% of which my girl love witches. She even had a tower built into the house that she lives in where basically she does all her witchy stuff. Oh, hashtag Oh,
Unknown:absolutely my girl I am no
Margie:here for her. Right she's my favorite. No, Miss G's Ella Noel has put a rather into
Unknown:low or no, low low low has
Margie:been a rather interesting adage in the newspaper. To persons of good character free feeling to stable home. Chosen applicants will will be given $10,000 to begin new business interview interview mandatory acceptance sole forgotten, prerogative of current owner, but each applicant must agree to take exemplary exemplary care of the cat for so long as the animal lives.
Rachel:Okay, first couple of things. One, she's a witch this cats are gonna live forever. To us. You
Margie:can also talk to the cats within their heads.
Rachel:She's a witch. Of course she came to the wording makes a lot more sense now that I know it's in like 18 Sounds like Yeah, yeah. I was like, that's an interesting way to work now. Okay, so Well, three, if I was given $10,000 in 18, whatever money Oh,
Margie:I have it. I have the illusion
Rachel:good. Every time I adopted a cat. I mean, even if that wasn't the case, I'd still have a million cats. But I would have like so many.
Margie:Your boy yeah. Okay. So here's a quick perspective. I couldn't find what the inflation will be in 1889 to today, because it's the very year well, it's not even that they don't go back that far. I went to like, really? Episode episodes like this, I'm not usually the stroke. So to put the $10,000 in perspective, to adjust for inflation, the earliest I could go was 1913. So that's fair. And in today's money, that would be equal to approximately $260,000. Yep, yeah. Yeah.
Rachel:Call me a witch. I'll take all the cats. Hey, to be fair, and I want this out there because it's important to me. My goal in life is to live my life as a person that would have been burned at the stake. Like, you know, in 17, whatever. And 16. That's a low bar. Okay. Yeah. But like, kind of a hermit loves cats. Kind of a weird woman that's in a woman's rights. I would totally have been burned at the stake and I'd be happy
Margie:about it. Hell yeah. So over the course of this book, she gives away forecasts which means in today's money she's giving away cats for over $1 million
Unknown:Dolla dolla bills. I guess we get a which
Margie:why not? And also an easy add the fact that she had that much money to throw away it's pretty, pretty doggone impressive. Yeah. All right. So is that
Unknown:I keep glancing at the picture. I
Margie:also has the old book smell my love. Okay, so it's we're gonna do choose your own adventure? Hell yes. The first two. Absolutely. Yeah. Alright, so choose your own adventure. The first one is cinnamon roll in shining armor. These are your clues that you get Okay. Okay. Number two much ado about cats. number three spot the douche canoe. And number four, cat morphs. Also, you have a 5050 shot of getting a book with a cat Amorphis.
Rachel:Yes, boy, boy, but but I'm gonna go against what everyone's expecting me to go for. And go for the second to the last one spot the douche canoe. All right. All right, and then maybe like Animorphs we'll see. All right, so
Margie:that's your first one. You want to bet the first one. All right. So our first character's name is Bridget Templeton. She's very shy. Very sweet. And um, she her parents have both died. And she's grown up with people who are She's grown up with her boy cousins. Okay, and hashtag tomboy. She's not at all Oh, she's grown up with her boy cousins. And her aunt who's not biologically her aunt. Her uncle passed away. So it's like Jane Eyre. Right. Jane Eyre so she was promised. Her uncle made her aunt promise please take care of my niece. Okay. Okay, the promise and to give her aunt bridges and does not like her that much. But she's very Jane Eyre. This is very Jane Eyre, but she's not she's not as been as Lily Ryanair. In fact, she's
Unknown:low bar low.
Margie:Low bar. So where was oh, so hurt, but her aunt is trying to basically like marry her off, and is trying to get Bridget to all these Society events, putting her up on good clothes, and all these things are so she had to get rid of her to have her coming out. Yes, to have her coming out party. Pretty much. Um, so one day, sure. There's this dude on the street who meets Bridget and Bridget is walking alone, which is 1889 as a young lady, she should not be doing that. scandalous. Right. So this guy though, was friends with her mom. And so he's very protective of her and like kind of a fatherly way. Okay, and so he is Kreutz her back home and she's like, he can tell that she's kind of nervous and he's like, What the fuck is going on? Maybe I should talk to Paul. Paul is her cousin who? They all currently live together. Right. And yeah, the two brothers Paul and I think his name is Steven and Bridget. Okay. And so they go back home and you and this fatherly character knows Bridgette and Paul are super close. He's like, you know, I'm gonna go home and like, make sure everything's okay. So they get home and what the fatherly character discovers Is that his name is Colonel Gordon. And what Colonel Gordon discovers is that she has gotten one of the cats from Giselle lol so she interviewed for it. She found the cat and so she's getting this $10,000 as well.
Unknown:Hell yeah.
Margie:Name is
Unknown:please tell me what what my baby child's name is? My sweet beautiful boy.
Margie:Okay, let's smudge Okay, so instead of instead of describing the people we're going to describe the cat
Rachel:please do and can we put a bunch of resources for local cat like adoption places in the notes? Such
Margie:a great idea. Yeah, everyone.
Unknown:Everybody I'm not going to pay you $10,000 to get
Margie:right Well, you shouldn't have to go and adopt a cat. They're fucking great. Okay, so just searches Allah. This is when smudge just at home. Just Allah studied him for a long moment. His personality was as unique as his appearance. Sebastian was his true name, revered in the language of our homeland, a distinguished name for fitting a cat of his breeding a regal nature. But when he'd been barely more than a kitten, just Allah had once laughingly called him smudge, much to our chagrin, he'd refused to answer to Sebastian ever since. She suspected his refusal had a great deal to chip more to do with his desire to annoy her and a story assert his obvious belief that he was the master and see the pet rather than any preference for the name itself. So he's a very fat, very big, okay, go looking okay. Okay.
Unknown:Okay. Okay. He's an absolute unit. He's
Margie:a unit and absolutely so hot take
Rachel:every romance novel From now on, should describe the pets as they would the men and women or women or whatever, whatever, of the romance novel, because I love that so much. You have hit home with me, and especially drunk Rachel's so Oh, girl. always given me a gift you don't even know.
Margie:Okay, so Colonel Gordon, fatherly type. And Bridget get back home. And they meet Stephen, one of the brothers and Paul, the other brother, Paul is he's an adventurer, he really wants to go out there and explore the world. See what's out there. That's the right time for it. Right. And Colonel Borden has kind of that same personality, but he's gone off and already done those things. And Paul, and Chris record and go to talk and like the library without a wrench or anything murdering each other anyway. Paul is kind of like, hey, I really like Bridget. I think I'm in love with Bridget. All right. Yeah. And
Unknown:is it like, like mid to late 1800s love where it's like, I've talked to her three times. And I've seen her ankle. I know. I'm in love with her.
Margie:No, no, they've like, remember, well, they're cousins. Which Colonel Gordon is like, you need to just fucking talk.
Rachel:I was really hoping you were gonna stop with you need to just fucker.
Margie:Well, hey, oh, well, but he's like the fatherly type. So he's kind of like,
Unknown:Don't be weird to me. Why?
Margie:I don't want to take my father. No, no, no, no, Colonel Gordon. Oh, stilling Well, okay. Oh, I'm sorry. So, Colonel. So Paul is kind of like, hey, I really like Bridget. And Colonel Gordon is kind of like, if you think that you need to just tell her because I think Aragorn and I'm way more on board. Yeah, Colonel Gordon is like actually a complete sweetheart. Like I love him. So I can so sweet. He's so protective of budget. It's really sweet. So and he saw Colonel Gordon when he walked in he saw the check that low Well, how would
Rachel:you discreetly give a single woman in 1840? Whatever.$10,000
Margie:She left the cat in a box. Child and the home the cat was there with the $10,000 check and Colonel Gordon soft check. Like why do you need this money?
Rachel:I was gonna say he that cat has got to be very indignant about the entire Oh,
Margie:so indignant, but she's also very sweet. She loves her cat already. Like no I. I can't wait to be friends with you. I'm just like to remember like her aunt is kind of a bitch to her to sort of handle in the House who liked her right? It's a good thing. So meanwhile, while this lovely conversation between two grown us adults is happening. Bridget and Steven is well making out with Bridget in the other eyes.
Unknown:Hell yeah. Wait, yeah. Stephen. One of the
Margie:brothers. Stephen is Paul's brother. Yeah.
Rachel:Wait, are they like cousins of her?
Margie:Cousins? Yeah, I was wondering when you're gonna get on that.
Rachel:I am. Less on board. Much, much less on board.
Margie:but it's still not on board. Yeah, but you have to remember culturally it was okay. That's fair. DNA wise. It was not okay. Oh, Carlos. Carlos wasn't expecting to see you here. Carlos. She was on whiskey. Your cat whiskey has zero interest. Okay. See while you're doing that,
Unknown:not a fan. Okay, okay.
Margie:Okay, so, um, Paul's in love with Bridget. Bridget is in love with Steven.
Unknown:My Love Triangle.
Margie:Triangle because Steven is in love with himself. Steven is narcissists. I fucking love this. Yes. So do
Unknown:I'm echoing nurses.
Margie:Yeah. And so like they have this. It's a lot of this. The problem with the story is that's a lot of talking. Like Bridget and Paul Bridget goes up to Paul says, Hey, I need to let you know I'm gonna marry your brother. And Paul's like, What the fuck? Know that. Stephen was in love with you. And she's like, Yeah, we're gonna get married. And so here's what happened Bridget got that$10,000 Check and handed it straight over to Stephen. No, like Oh, Bridget. Aspen bitch because he's involved in like investments and spec. He's speculation under it.
Unknown:No, kitty cat. Stop it. Yeah. So Paul, stop everything. Kitty cat go,
Margie:right. Suppose kind of like, white. And I look what the frick prac paddywhack. I'm just like, Yeah, I'm in love
Unknown:with him. He's a great kisser.
Margie:Yeah, yeah. And I think he is like he's, you know, but I mean, both are good looking. Guys. Come on. They're both genetic genetic pool. Always made it. Here's the other thing. Mage hates Steven. Good. Prosecco. Smile, even loves Paul. Oh, loves so much. So Giselle is working her magic. Okay.
Rachel:So I love it. Okay. I love love, love the aesthetic of this which up in her tower that she made herself just for her would you do as you do giving away cat right? To people that need it? And being like, you know what, I'm gonna make these four people's lives better because I can and because Norwich because fuck all y'all. And that sounds amazing. And I'm so here for that.
Margie:So basically after that Paul's after that confession that Bridget is in love Steven.
Rachel:I know. Excuse me while my eyes roll into the sunset.
Margie:Yeah, Paul starts to avoid virgin which like I can't blame him for because he's heartbroken. Yeah. He loves her.
Unknown:He loved her. Well, I mean, 1880s Hello. And
Margie:he's trying to be a good person. And why? Because he's like, okay, Steven loves he's
Unknown:such an our boy. Here. He sounds like our boy.
Margie:There are lots of our boys in this book. Oh, yeah, that's a good thing. So um, and she doesn't really understand because she's like, we've been best friends for a really long time. I don't understand why you're being like this. So he's
Unknown:he not told her that he loves her? No. Okay. No communication. Yeah,
Margie:well, communication, but also she came up to him first, right? And he said, I love Steven. Steven and I are going to be married. Right? So then Paul goes up to Steven and says, Hey, I hear congratulations are in order and he's like, yes. To preface this, Paul found a letter that basically sets Steven is going to marry this other chick. Oh yeah. Yeah. And so Oh, whole goes up to see what it says so here congratulations are in order and seems like yeah, you know, like what's her name? Luisa Luisa is a lovely girl. Like, she's got a lot of money. This is gonna be great. And Paul's like, So you took$10,000 from Bridget so that you can marry Luisa and he's like, Yeah, because Bridget is gonna be my mistress. Your eyes so wide? Can so can
Rachel:I I think I have the answer to the spot the douche canoe game. Oh, do you? I do. Oh, good. I think Stephens the new Skinner.
Margie:Correct. Yeah, yeah. Hit him. Oh, yeah. And so does Paul. Good. And Paul, even though your cousins like I like Paul. Yeah. So and he pulled He's like, he's like He Try that versus say like, Stephen, you know, can't be a good dude. Totally a day. Don't be a dick. And it's really sad because one thing like Paul says she expects to be your wife. And it just like breaks my little heart. Feeling for her so hard and also, Paul punches Steven. Um, because he's like, like, he said her lips yet you don't know. You don't understand. Hey, Steven. Oh, I'm gonna fuck it. Okay, so then like Paul's like, I'm gonna tell her everything. I'm gonna tell her what your plans are good. And Stephens like Yeah, but like, remember. She may shoot the messenger. Fuck you, Steve. Steven.
Rachel:I'm waiting for this cat to come into play. I'm so excited.
Margie:I told you before Paul and Bridget, right. Yeah.
Unknown:My eyes are huge. And it's because of alcohol. Keep going.
Margie:Alright, so Poland, rigid. Rigid. Finally, like corners. Paultons. Like, we need to talk because Paul's been avoiding her. And Paul's like, yeah, we do. Cuz I just talked to my brother and you cannot marry him. And she's like, and she's like, what? And he's like, Do you love him? And she's like, Yeah, and he, obviously, yeah,
Unknown:he loves her.
Margie:So they have a lot of this moment of, like, textual tension. There's a lot of sexual tension in this
Unknown:now textual, it's
Margie:textual, but but but but but, but. But you might Anaconda No. My head I don't want doesn't tell her how he feels. But they do kiss.
Rachel:Okay, so he tells her how he feels.
Margie:Yeah, so like there was so Pawlik kisser and Lord help her she kissed him back. A kiss. She couldn't get out of her mind. A kiss. Nothing like that of the man she loved. Good. Yeah, good. So you must use Steven. There were a Stephens kisses were excited and dangerous a weekend or nice or at least they had at first you go call Hell Yeah. Fuck it. We're doing it live do it. Okay, so this is what happens. Right? So there's like this ball. I don't remember what ball it is. It's someone's Halloween ball. It is a Halloween ball. Yeah. And so like, semen gets Bridgette off into a private corner and is like, Hey, I know that Paul Paul talks to you a little shuck.
Unknown:Did a Patreon. Drug Robbins No. Need to be part of
Margie:the deal. Okay, so he's like, I know that you're a little shocked by the conversation. But don't worry, I'll do you good. Like you'll have your own townhouse. Like, it'll be good. I'll have my wife to like, provide for both of us. But okay, I'm gonna worry. I still love you.
Rachel:I'm gonna be 100% Honest. Okay. If I lived in that time period, I would I would totally be a mystery. Oh, because I get to do whatever the fuck I want fuck around with the dude and probably more. And actually be kind of my own person. I sponsor a sponsor at that. Or
Margie:the problem though, is until you once you turn 45 I was gonna say, No,
Rachel:once you turn like 27 Yeah, I'd be that or I'd be a spinster and I'm okay with either. Okay, so
Margie:here's her response to that, because Paul has invaded her brain fair, because Paul's an actual cinnamon roll. I love him good. Steven is like you love me? And she says no, Steven, a 12 year old girl fell in love with a fascinating prince from a fairy tale and through the years failed to notice the prince was not a prince at all, but something of a frog and failed to realize as well what can sustain the dreams of a naive child simply will not serve for a woman Yeah, hold the fuck yeah.
Unknown:Rigid. So I love you.
Margie:You're great. And he says you've changed and not for the better. No, and she's she says indeed I have Steven and pasttime too. Yeah, how are you?
Unknown:Okay, I have a question. Where is our boy sledge and all this
Margie:smoke just kind of like so. The point of the castle story is that they're kind of like like guardians you know there's they're either guardians or they're subtly influence Okay? All right. And so like the thing in with smudge in this story is that claudia her aunt write the answers and want her there and is trying to marry her off, does not want smudge there at all. So like the point of Smudge is to make it so that Bridgette is forced to assert herself and say no, the cat stays here because I want my$10,000. Yes. And so he kind of gives her that courage to do that, because he's literally like described as a royal. Yeah. Well, like he's this big, chunky cat. And so like, in the moment that Bridgette sees him, she's like, No, he's royalty and I will protect him. Yes. Oh, oh my God. Yes. Yeah. So, so Steven says to her, Well, Paul loves you. Are you going to go off and be with Paul instead of me? God? I hope so. And she's like, Wait, Paul, loves me. In the end, Stephens like yeah, Paul loves you, but he's like a loser. So she's like, Oh, my God. Like, I think I can feelings for Paul too. And so she runs off. And she goes and pause Paul. And she's like, Hey, Steven told me everything he needs like, Oh, no. And she's like, Oh, yes. Like you
Rachel:get to get I mean, by that. I mean, get married and then have children because this is
Margie:married make baby. And let's see. And so they like pretty much tell each other. We're gonna love each other forever. With smudge and they live happily ever after. That's a sweet. All right. All right. So Rachel, yeah. You have another choice.
Unknown:Do I want a new category? All right. All right. That category, you don't even know how much I love
Margie:it. So in the first chapter, we're introduced to the cat Hector. Hector. Okay. Love me. Like, what I call a teenage cat. Do you mean by that? Kind of like medium grown? At the roasting teams? Yes. Hector is like very comfortable where he is he's living which is Ella. It's chill, right? Like it's it's casual. And sells like, Hey, I got a job for you. And he's like, Oh, work. I shouldn't have to work bright cats remember that? They were once revered as gods. Yeah. So that's I've never forgotten
Unknown:that fact. Right. Exactly. Terry Pratchett. Exactly.
Margie:So just I was like, No, this chick is coming. She's going to be interviewed to adopt you. And you gotta like, like her and Hector's like, a guess. But Hector does like her. The girl's name is Amedee. MD, MD. Like she has recently. Yes. Yes. Amityville Horror, exactly. Amedee. She is like she's older for those times. So honestly, she's probably about our age. What's her? This is the fourth story out of the book.
Unknown:Okay. All right. Well, that's my old one. That makes the least sense.
Margie:Exactly. It's the one that makes the least sense. And it's the one where it's revealed that Giselle lol can speak to the cats through their minds.
Unknown:I honestly goals.
Margie:my knuckles because if I could speak I don't want to speak to Betsy.
Rachel:I want to speak to Carlos. We just came in and said Hi, mother fucker.
Margie:So Amedy comes to interview to get one of these cats right up and be myself. Like cat. Oh, jeez, Ella says to Hector in his brain, the cat. Hey, you're gonna go with this chicken. If you go then I will let you see that top tower that I only let the most exclusive cats in.
Rachel:Oh, Carlos would be one of those exclusive co amedia Don't worry, we'll put a picture paralyzer knows
Margie:exactly. So actors like five but he also really likes Amedy so he's like, cool going. And Giselle is like, you have special mission I'm sending to you. Like that's why I'm putting with the Amadeus JMD is like, I want those that $10,000 I can buy back the home that my parents bought and use it as a boarding house for sailors who come in to Boston go girl. Yeah, so her parents died. And she's like, she's pretty much determined to be a spinster. Hell yeah, she's like, I'm like, goals and goals. It's she has these two older people like this older couple who come in who absolutely adore her and she was to hire back so that she can have this boring house for sailors to come in. So she is Hector. Okay, so this guy named Adam strong the same is excuse me Captain Adam strong Okay, Captain strong.
Unknown:So okay, wait, he's not her cousin,
Margie:right? No, thank God he has shipped into port In Boston because his he put his shit into port. No, I did okay to ship into port and Boston, because his beautiful lady, that's what the ships Davis these repairs, okay? Anyway, I don't straw goes into aborting and she's like, Yo dawg, I see you need a room until your ship is finished and he's like, Yeah, that's cool. And the cat Hector doesn't like him. No, no, I want to protect her. So Giselle is speaking to the cat through her brain. Yeah, through his brain, right. And the cat questions everything. Good as he should, as he sees a cat status would you express but like the cat is also really sweet because he really really cares for the Amity. He's a cat. I love him. Right. But he's also like, I'm not sure if this guy Adam strong is like Good for her. But Adam strong is one of those guys who Oh my god, it's so funny because he fulfills that stereotype of I just love the see. He loves everything about Taylor, boyhood. Yo, every sailor boy. Ah, let's see, such as Ella is talking in the cat's head. And she's like, You should hang out with that dude. Have them strong. Yes. Like, I don't want to. And chisels like no, you have to. So he does. And he goes into like the into Adams room. And he's like, I don't like this dude. But then Adam was like, really sweet. Like, I don't like the cat in my room. I don't like the cat in my lap. I don't like the stroke the cat. Okay. Yes. Yes. No, I know. He said he's actually kind of cute. Um, so then one day Adam was like Adams getting really like, tired of sitting around. But he's found out that the ship isn't gonna be repaired as quickly as he wants it to be. Yeah. And he's depressed about it. But he's also just like, kind of like, I don't like sitting still. Which makes sense cuz he's never sat still. So very similar boy. He's a sailor boy. So he goes down to the beach. He's like walking around and he sees our girl. Sexy. Our girl sexy. Our girl. Yeah. Well, he sees the cat first. He sees Hector on the beach is sitting next er cat? No. Oh. So um, and he's like, what's the cat do? What's Amedee doing in the water? Amedy is swimming. Because it's like, probably, you know, it's summertime. It's hot outside, and she's in like, six petticoats, or whatever. And so she's, like, all soaked. But like, just like, as I imagine just being Oh,
Unknown:hey, as sexy as you can be in six. Pedego. Right,
Margie:exactly. So she comes out of the water. And she's like, Oh, no, oh, god, okay. I was just super hot. Like,
Unknown:hey, this is the for conditioning. I get it.
Margie:I get I get it. And he gets it. But she's like, I'm a lady. Like, I can't be seen doing this. Like, I'm also a scandal. Self describes herself as a spinster and is like, I can't be seen doing these things. And he's like, hey, what if I took off my shirt and shoes and you took off like three of your petticoats? And we just like kind of messed around in the water. Well, three of her petticoats that's basically nude, basically. Yeah. So they do. And she's like, I can do this shit. Ko Amity? Oh, Amedy which is very unlike her character in the story. Amedy has been giving a few extra rules for taking care of Hi. I'm Hector. And one of those rules is on Halloween night. Because it's black cat. You cannot
Unknown:use a black. Yeah,
Margie:I love him. You could not let him stay up past dark. No, makes sense. Sure. But on Halloween, Hector gets particularly like
Unknown:he wants to be outside
Margie:outside because just Allah told him to and his brain.
Rachel:Okay, so he's not supposed to be outside and I start pitches I will totally okay. All
Margie:right. Exactly. And so, um, he goes outside with our girl Amity onto the beach. And Amedy is kind of sitting by the waves is so okay. So after that day of swimming on the beach, there was a short period of them of actually getting
Unknown:on like they're not
Margie:getting it on. They're not getting it on my kids. So no. Oh, just wait. Yes. Wait. So says so so um, well, okay, so after that though, Amedy is very awesome. Without him, because she's like, I shouldn't have done that, but I did anyway, why did I do that? So she kind of just keep her distance and abs like, why are you doing that? Like? So she's really broody because our boy is in love with the sea and not her. Yes. And so but then during that point Giselle speaks into Hector's. Hatton's, like, you need to just go the fuck off and go hide somewhere and just run away. Okay, girl, and he's like, Why, though? She's like, you need to stress me, which is just a terrible answer.
Rachel:Sure. Head is cool. Yeah, question everything. She's been with him forever. So I imagine she has some amount of trust.
Margie:Yes, that's true. That's true. So Hector does he goes runs off to like a beach cave somewhere? Hey, listeners, I
Rachel:graduated Jin,
Margie:our girl Amedy. Freaks fuck out good. And she runs around the beach can't find him. And then she goes back to the house and is like, I can't find Hector. I'm super worried. And that's when our boy comes back. And is like, oh my god, I'm so sorry that you can't find Hector. Let's go back down. And he remembers, hey, you got this book of how to take care of him. Let's bring it down to the beach. And maybe it'll have something in there and that like meeting us. So they do and they're reading it and they're like, there's this like, special magic spell and to become carrots. No. Ah, yes. Okay. Good. So, he's like, let's so there's like this calling spelling it for Hector? And yes, this is several times it doesn't work. And then she uses it and it works.
Rachel:So yeah, we use it's her cat also. So Giselle gave each person a book on how to take care of the cat, right. Okay. All right. All right. All right.
Margie:So then, um, um,
Rachel:so worse when she is
Margie:that? Yes. But then there's other spell in the book that becomes clear under moonlights. cakey. That's about how to find your heart's true desire. And I was like, let's just try it, whatever. Like, should, he's like we should. And she's like, Okay, why the fuck not? And so they do. Turning the cats.
Rachel:Okay. 100% honest, if I did a spell that told my heart's desire, Zack and I would turn into cats and we'd snuggle all the time.
Margie:Okay. Awesome.
Unknown:Are they fucked out there? Okay.
Margie:Okay, so they both go running down the beach. Like these two cats. They're both kind of like, Jason.
Rachel:They know their cats.
Margie:I think that they do. Okay, so like, what happens is that they both run, it's taking her Hector's perspective. So they both go bolting down the beach, Hector kind of stays where he is, because that's what Giselle has told him. And he's like, I'm gonna let him do what they need to do, they need to do and they're kind of just running off down the beach. So they come back several hours later, they're both human again, and they explained to Hector,
Unknown:did they get her on as cats? And can I talk to Hector now?
Margie:Not clear? Okay. They can't talk to Hector. So they do. You know what? No, they kind of explained, they're like, We were cats. And we're just running around and being free. And just like being who we are, like, basically what is described as this weird acid trend. That sounds like fucking Woodstock. Right? Exactly. So like, they're like, we had this weird trip. And then at the end of it, we turned back into humans and we fucked and we decided we're gonna get married. Yeah.
Unknown:My life was like, so
Margie:here's two things at the beginning of the book, Jesus Ella says, in the first story, a cat turns back into a human. Same thing is here similar, and she's like, great. Only three left. Okay, so we're assuming that there's some sort of curse on three other cats. That explains what the fuck is going on. Okay, the fourth story?
Unknown:Yeah. All right.
Margie:So it's not explained what's going on. Also, in this whole last story, Hector has been told, Hey, if you do this thing for me, I will take you up into the super secret tower and dance up there. Right. Find out our
Rachel:story and Okay, let's see if I can summarize this. Yeah. So for our listeners, it's been like 20 minutes for us. It's been like an hour because we've been so drunk. So this is good. So Our friend will turn in Amedee Amedee like the horror Amedee adopts Hector. Yes. Which I remember his name because he's grateful cat and I love him. Yes. Black Cat. Yes. So She adopts him. And Hector is told through juice Ella guess that he needs to grant the beach with Amedee and Amedee is swimming in the beach like in the water? Yes. Right. So what's the dude's name? Adam strong Adam straw. That's right. So Adam sees Amedee in the water. Yes. And then he gets in the water too. And they like have flirty times. Yes. Well, so that tells Hector that you need to disappear for just
Margie:Halloween and that's a curse of
Unknown:time. Because not supposed to be out after dark on
Margie:Black Cat don't put your cat black cow on
Rachel:Halloween. So Hector goes and hides in like a sea cave. Yes. And a Amedy and Adam are trying to find him so they grab the book The Giselle gave them the magic book, I have to take care of the cat. And they find it a thing that calls him and it works with me to use it a smell and we're able to use it and then when they're done with that they find a smell that gives you your quote unquote Heart's Desire guys like you know what? Let's try that and so they both turned into cats and run around like crazy being free as birds but really cats Yes. And then after a while that turned back into humans have an acid fueled fuck session come back and like you know what, I love each other forever. Let's get married actors like my job here is done. I'm really
Margie:kind of upset because you covered it. Clearly. I got this.
Rachel:I'm drunk enough to remember it. This is I loved the spa the douche canoe because fuck Steven. Paul's great. I love Catadores because Catadores Okay, so thank you
Margie:for listening. I'm too tired for this bullshit. Okay,
Rachel:and thank you so much for those too drunk Margie and Rachel talk about cats. And my love of cats. All right. Well. Thank you so much for listening. Welcome. Thank you for listening at home and special. It was a blast.
Margie:The next episode if you want to actually hear him not drunk.
Rachel:I had so much fun. We're gonna go eat pizza. Yes, I love you guys so much.
Margie:Goodbye.