Can you say Macedonian Love Slave? We didn't think we could, but here we are! Listen in as Rachel tells Margie all about Sherrilyn Kenyon's Fantasy Lover! It's got everything you want in a romance novel! Macedonians, and love slaves!
Patreon: patreon.com/textualtension
Can you say Macedonian Love Slave? We didn't think we could, but here we are! Listen in as Rachel tells Margie all about Sherrilyn Kenyon's Fantasy Lover! It's got everything you want in a romance novel! Macedonians, and love slaves!
Patreon: patreon.com/textualtension
Hello, and welcome to textual tension, a love hate relationship with romance novels. I am your co host, Rachel, I am here every other week before the show to go over our quick announcements and any information that you guys might need that we haven't announced to the world yet. So not a lot of announcements this week. But we did want to let you guys know, in case you were not here two weeks ago, we have a Patreon which is superduper. Exciting. So if you guys want to go check that out, there's some really awesome stuff on there it is patreon.com/textual tension, you cannot search us through Patreon. Because we do produce adult content, go figure. But if you follow at patreon.com/textual tension, just go to that URL, you will find us there. We have some awesome new patrons over the last two weeks. So a huge shout out to Olivia, Christina and Julia, you guys are amazing. You get to all kinds of new extra cool content. And we really appreciate you and we really appreciate you supporting us. So thank you so much, guys. We have a merch store over on TeePublic we have all of our social media textual tension pod, check us out, there should be links to all of our Patreon and merchant everything on those things. And I think that's it for this week. So without further ado, thank you guys for tuning in. And please enjoy episode 32 and Odyssey Oh Terran tearing me apart from listeners Bitsy is currently purring in my lap. So if you hear that. Hello, and welcome to textual tension, a love hate relationship with romance novels. I'm your co host Rachel and I am your co host Margie. Every other week one of us reads a romance novel and summarizes it for our unsuspecting co host this week. The Lisney is Miss Margie. We, we we try. Try and together we unpack what the fuck just happened and we just ate dinner. So now I'm like snoozy and she just put on her comfy clothes. Yeah. You got to stay with me for this. Don't worry. I don't think you'll have a problem fading. Um, don't worry, this book will give you life. All right. Oh, yeah. And we do like I said, we do have Bitsy
Margie:it is a menagerie. Well, it's not really the menagerie.
Rachel:Carlos Yeah. Okay, Amber. Huh? This goes out to you. Oh, I was finally Yes. Able to get a book from the library. And you have given me a gift. No joke. This is Oh my god. I'm so excited. No joke,
Margie:though. I am a little disappointed that it's not about demon pirates.
Rachel:It's not about demon pirates. But I think it's better. And you will see why in a moment. Yeah, so thank you, Amber. I didn't know what to expect. But I wasn't prepared for it. So Margie, here you are. So I will say Amber gave me a recommendation of an author. So I had to go through the author's books and try to like pick one and I think I will Oh my God.
Unknown:Oh, wow. Oh, I
Rachel:want you to know, I want you to know it was a toss up between this one or one that was going to take you back to Atlantis. No, the one that was taking me but you've actually Lantis needed to be returned and someone that was waiting for it. So I couldn't wait but this one I think was the better choice.
Margie:Okay. All right. So the book is called fantasy lover.
Rachel:Yeah, not being subtle here our way and it's
Margie:it's by the New York Times best selling author Cherylin can Kenyan it means nothing. Boy, Sherilyn is spelled Wow, dramatically with an with an unnecessarily it's very why in there. Okay, so do I just where do I find it?
Rachel:Okay, describe the cover, and then I'll hand it back. And it's a picture of like a guy
Margie:who he looks kind of like some buildings in London, but it's like white with pillar white with pillars.
Rachel:It looks like the like Greek London's version of Greek stuff. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. British Muse and
Margie:there's a guy leaning against one of the pillars. He's a very buff, but he is wearing a shirt.
Rachel:He is wearing pants and pants.
Margie:black shirt, blue, dark blue jeans, arms crossed. He looks kind of like that guy. Stephen from The Vampire Diaries.
Rachel:I never watched him. Yeah. I figured he would. But we're talking about he's,
Margie:I can't tell really what color his hair is. I want to say Brown.
Rachel:There's just a lot of blue happening.
Margie:There's a lot Water blue it is kind of like he's underwater a little bit and it's a little bit like I'm wearing water like Atlantis does
Rachel:not appear in this promise. Promise okay hold 100% Promise Oh Poseidon doesn't even appear in this yeah he's just
Margie:kind of staring at you with a knowing look so is there anything else I need to point out
Rachel:I think that's about it
Margie:my wife sorry cuz I'm not
Rachel:for the cover I think that's about it yeah his hair does look brown it died is very like blue green yesterday
Margie:Yeah listeners I am literally had a dream like every night this week about cats because I want my subconscious once a cat so bad No,
Rachel:she's my now. All right. Strap the fuck in Oh boy. Oh boy. That is your warning. Hold on to your potatoes.
Margie:dear reader all I can think of the SNL skit
Rachel:your sister
Margie:dear reader be trapped in a bedroom with a woman is a grand thing. Okay? Being trapped in hundreds of bedrooms over 2000 years isn't and being cursed into a book as a lost slave for eternity can route even a Spartan warriors. You're
Rachel:living for this moment when I give you this blog,
Margie:my God and it gets worse. Oh god, okay, as a love slave, I know everything about women, how to touch them, how to savor them, and most of all how to pleasure them. But when I was summoned to fulfill Grace Alexander's sexual fantasies. I found the first woman in history who saw me as a man with a tormented past
Rachel:I hope you can hear my shit eating grin right now.
Margie:She alone bothered to take me out of the bedroom and onto it onto the world. Yeah, that makes me think of Atlantis again. It's not okay. Promise haunt me to love again. But I was not born to love. I was cursed to walk eternity. General I long ago accepted my sentence. Yeah, now I have found grace. The one thing my wounded heart cannot survive without sure love can heal all wounds. But can it break a 2000 year old curse? Julian of Macedon.
Rachel:Uh huh. Oh, and I don't I think it was Jim. I don't know one of my friends. I looked it up it is Macedon not on Yeah, well, he was he had watched like someone had watched some some documentary and the the person he messed with like British or something kept saying Macedon Oh, Macedon looked it up.
Margie:I mean, it could be pronounced differently in different countries. But here we are. It's a massive massive down.
Rachel:So initial thoughts shock to me. Oh, my God.
Margie:I have so many questions about like this curse. Why? There's so many rooms. All I can imagine is like, oh, it's like a hotel. And he's like, bouncing from room to room. Why doesn't this like why you're not that wrong? Why is he the only one there? Oh,
Rachel:we'll get into. So I will say um, I it was a toss up between the one of the Atlantis in the plot and this one. And I read both descriptions to Zack and he's like that one has to be that one and I didn't disagree.
Margie:The love slave to like, oh, yeah, love slave baby.
Rachel:Alright.
Margie:Concubine. Anything love slave laughs like,
Rachel:I'm sure fair warning. I was very sassy when I wrote these notes. Yay. So love it so much sass. All right. Oh, triggers triggers first. Feature Rachel here. We missed one. They also talked about familial murder, including kids. So that's great. Take it away past us. There is
Margie:sexual slavery. sexual slavery.
Rachel:There is a little bit of again, this
Margie:is not normal. I know which is a curtsy for 2000 years
Rachel:so it's not a witch. How, how comfortable are you with Greek mythology?
Margie:I read Laura Olympus. Okay.
Rachel:Well as as someone who used to be obsessed with it as a kid strap in. Um, oh, shoot. Oh, so there's a little bit of sexual assault. Okay. To one of the main characters. Oh, great. There is stalking. There is
Margie:the pining or is it stuck to the last episode?
Rachel:It's definitely stalking. But it is a fine line. And oh, and there's a little bit of homophobic rhetoric. Oh, it is demonized like it is like Hey, dude, you're being an asshole out of it. Words are still used. All right, there we go. I'm ready. I'm ready. Let's go over our characters first we have grace. Grace is described as cute but not hot. I don't know what that means. Okay, she has thick sable hair down to the middle of her back Sable. I think it's like dark brown. Okay, I could be wrong. Okay, um, gray eyes. Okay,
Margie:she's black white right now. Quote Okay,
Rachel:gray eyes quote. They looked like the sea before a storm flush with tiny bits of silver and green this this
Margie:some authors just unoriginal that's literally a line almost taken from Princess Bride. Is it really? Yeah cuz she he's he was poor imperfect with eyes like the sea after a storm.
Rachel:No, I mean, to be fair, that's used a lot. Yeah, it's novel spear. And she's pale but with a lot of freckles. So like Irish II kind of complexion. Giuliana Macedon.
Margie:Hills was the thickest eyebrows I've ever seen in my life.
Rachel:He did have very thick eyebrows. Julian has clear celestial blue eyes God quote, of a perfect cloudless sky with a tiny band of dark blue highlighting the outer edges of his irises. Hey, listeners. When was the last time you noticed your significant others eyes in that much goddamn detail? I haven't. Zach's eyes are green. Not emerald. Not like I don't know. Fucking clover.
Margie:Green eyes are blue. Right? What? Your eyes are blue. Right minor blue. Yeah, God,
Rachel:not ocean, not cloud. I don't know. Hazel. Hey, I guess right. Cool. All right. So he he has celestial blue eyes. Wavy shoulder length, tawny hair. It's Tony like blonde or brown.
Margie:It's somewhere in between.
Rachel:Can we use colors? Okay, can we use he is a fucking perfect physical specimen and has a massive dog.
Margie:You have time to work out? What is pleasuring all these women
Rachel:magic? Hey, no, no,
Margie:no, fuck you match. Literal fucking
Rachel:magic. Okay. All right. I'm going to set the scene a little bit here. We're in New Orleans. How well do you remember the year? 2000? I don't know. All right, well, I'm gonna give you some kinematical world pre
Margie:911
Rachel:Well, this is pre 911. Um, I'm going to give you some visual reference. To give you an idea of kind of what is specifically referenced and also what are our boy he is an art isn't our boy. I'm surprised Yeah, what our boy Julian looks like oh boy. Do you perhaps remember George of the jungle Brendan Fraser. I know he was. Or perhaps do you remember Brad Pitt from the movie? Troy? Oh,
Margie:God. Fortunately,
Unknown:so Okay, come
Margie:on Brendan Fraser
Rachel:overhead any day? Absolutely. Buck
Margie:a day bread do we love you? I
Rachel:love Daniel. Yes. But that is what he like when you think Julian thank them think that yeah, um I mean
Margie:it's not a bad I'm more thinking though. Like the mummy Britain razor now because that's that's peak.
Rachel:I know. He's more George of the jungle. Brandon. I know that. That's just what? It's the hair. Your hairs. Okay, it's gonna do the scene one. Grace and her friend Selena are hanging out by Salinas taro slash fortune reader tent.
Margie:Yeah, that about tracks for someone named Selena.
Rachel:Both of them have PhDs. I want to mention a. Selena is in it's on like, Oh, God, it's like Greek classical history or something like that. Yeah. But she has a husband that can Celine is Selena. Okay, but she has a husband that can let her do whatever she wants. And she's like, I like this stuff. So she just does it. Which is good for her. She's still really smart
Margie:object of another romance novel.
Rachel:I don't think so. I'm not sure No, cuz she already has a husband. Yes. But she could be. This is the first one in the series. Oh, so I don't know if it jumps around. I'm not sure. I'm Grace is a sex therapist.
Unknown:Okay. Yeah.
Margie:She's in sex therapy.
Rachel:She has a PhD in like psychology or whatever. But sex therapy is like what she does, yeah. Okay. It's like high interest. That's the one that can. Yeah, um, no, so it's psychology. So psychology, PhD in psychology, but she does sex therapy. And they are discussing Grace's sex life because Selena and existant I'm guessing. Yes, yeah. Selena discusses her sex life in public a lot. Oh, he's like, come on.
Margie:To be honest with you low is my friend was a sex therapist. I probably wouldn't care either.
Rachel:I mean, that's it. Well, maybe this was Typically mentioned there like, like, she was like, towing your don't your Come on. Don't your clients ever, like try to shock you like, yeah, they try to shock me all the time, but I'm desensitized to it. Yeah, yeah. So she mentions that, and Selena wants to help. Oh, oh, naturally great. So she shows her a book with a hot hunk of man made on the front.
Margie:Okay, that she has, right because that's on the back. Right. So Selena
Rachel:is like, I'm gonna help. We're gonna fix this. And she explains this book to her. She's like, I found this book in some like witchy aesthetic, you know, your store? And what about that story?
Margie:Have you? Absolutely.
Rachel:Um, and she's like, basically this is. You can if you on the full moon, which happens to be tonight. If you say his name three times, he'll show up and stay for a month. Wow. Uh, huh.
Unknown:It is pretty stunning. Oh, a lot of people
Margie:thought. Oh, that's okay. A lot of people. Um, I understand. Yeah.
Rachel:Yeah, it makes total 100% rational sense now. Okay. And Grace is like, No, we are not trying to someone who loves
Margie:to do it. I would do it like, like write the Beetlejuice. That's what it is. Yeah.
Rachel:Oh, awesome. Also, they also mentioned that anyone that's been with him will never be this satisfied again. He's that good. Apparently.
Margie:I got that from a lot of guys and romance novels. Yeah, you really do are too good to be true. Degas McKellar was the same deal. Do you think so too? Yeah. She's I knew she was on board for Degas mackell. So absolutely.
Rachel:She's she's a fan. Totally as Scots. Got the microphone. You weirdo. So graces like, No, we're not doing that. But also, hey, it's my birthday tonight. You want to come over and drink some wine and have pizza later? Oh, no, keep your head down. And Selena is a cashier. So Grace goes back to work. Okay. So we cut to that evening, grace comes over for pizza and movies for Grace's birthday. And Grace gets a bit drunk and agrees to try the book with Selena. Selena is like your drunk. Okay, that's come on holiday. They got right. totally valid. So they go out on the balcony and like, grace is super snarky about the whole thing. So she's like, love slave loves live love slave like, like, just making a total like, right? Yeah, making fun of the whole thing. And so they they try it and nothing happens. Selena gets a call from her husband or from her husband's friends saying because he was hanging out with her, his buddies, and he'd managed to fall and break his arms. So she's like, I gotta go. So she leaves. Yeah, and grace is like cleaning up a little bit. And then she sees a flash of light in her living room. Oh, no. And poof. Haha, come in the house. Man. Man, just add water. Just just add Beetlejuice rules. Yeah,
Margie:lovely, lovely. Lovely.
Rachel:No, you have to say Julian Macedon, Julian Macedon, Juliana Macedon. Oh my god. He's here. No, I'm kidding. Wait, hold
Margie:on. Julian. Ambassador Julian Ambassador Julian ambassador.
Rachel:Well, Carlos just walked in. So that must be No, no, that was busy. Oh, was it
Margie:she's a little slight for attention.
Rachel:She's snuggle slide. Alright, um, so poof, honk. Manmeet is real. So Grace's first reaction is what my first reaction would probably be. She screams and tries to run away. Yeah. And proceeds to fall flat on her face.
Margie:Oh, that would that's what I would do.
Rachel:He's also to get away. He's also buck naked.
Margie:Yeah, this really is like George of the jungle. Yes.
Rachel:Yeah, very much. So. Um, Julian is very confused. Yeah. Because he's like, usually the people knows they're ever tried to run away from me before. Interesting. And so she like, alright,
Margie:it's okay. backtrack. I'm very surprised that in all of the history that he's been in that book, nobody else has done like something similar and so it wouldn't work.
Rachel:Well. So what His thing was, was that everyone that has summoned him has had an idea of what was going to happen and what he would have been there for. So it's like, well, this probably isn't going to work but I'm going to try it anyway because it might work. That kind of deal. And he's not it's been a while since he was summoned last Okay. Last time he was summon was in like, the mid 1800s Oh, wow. It's been I'm not going to ask but it does come out though that in when he's in the book, he can hear what's going on around him. Oh my gosh. So he that's why he can like that. The hand wavy way of explaining why he has normal, up to date to early 2000s. Or not how that works. Yeah, well, like speech patterns. He can't read English, but he does understand modern speaking like patterns. So like when someone says, Hey, change the light bulb or whatever, he can assume that, oh, it's the light in the room. Like he's like flicking the light switch and like looking at the light, like, Oh, that's cool. Like, stuff like that. Okay, um, and so Grace gets into cover up with a towel. And he's like, so congratulations. I think it's safe to say we've bridged the gap into erotica, which is funny since we talked about it last time. Oh, wow. Because almost entirely. It's not entirely sex. It's entirely
Margie:like, sex or almost sex? Yes. Okay.
Rachel:Almost the entire book. Oh, really. So they get to smooching immediately. Because he's like, Well, this is what I'm here for. And like, oh, so he just goes for it. And she's not mad about it. Like she's super into it. But she eventually is like, like, he's like, Alright, let's go and like, goes to try to take her to the bedroom. And she's like, maybe no, no, no, no, no, yeah. What are we doing? And so Julie livan what? What are you doing? Right? And Julian's even more confused now, because this is, this is what I are for. Right? And it's so it's actually kind of funny, because like, he has a little bit of snark, and so does she. So he's, she she's like, how long? Are you Aries? Like, a month? Oh, and it's not by my choice. And he's like, she's like, okay, fair. And can you control that pointing? It is his dog? Because it's like constantly just like boy. Yeah, yeah. He's like, No, actually, I have no control over this. So.
Unknown:Oh, God, uncontrollable.
Rachel:It doesn't switch. But he has no control over it. Part of the curse.
Margie:Literally stick is erect all the time. Almost.
Rachel:Sounds uncomfortable. There's a lot of just sounds uncomfortable on this bus be terrible to wear pants. Yeah. Well, to be fair, he usually doesn't. Oh, okay. Then he said that she is like, the she asked him she's like, have you seriously never been given cuz she eventually like gets in pants? Like, have you seriously never been like, asked to wear clothes. And he's like, twice, once. When during like some blizzard. And another time when I was forced to put on a dress and hide on a balcony because her husband was coming.
Unknown:Oh my god. really worn
Rachel:clothes much. Oh, that's fun. Oh, yeah. So he can hear everything. Which means he heard all of her snarky quips about like, love, slave love, slave love slave and like making fun of anything. So he's like, she's, like, awkward here at all that, um, and he's like, Yeah, I'd really rather not be here when I'm here. So let's make the most of it and it tries to kiss her again. She's like, No, no, no, no. So finally, she puts him up with some clothes and food and leaves them to watch TV while she goes to bed. She's like, I have to go to work in the morning. Yeah, and
Margie:he's gonna still be super confused though.
Rachel:He's way more just like alright, then I cuz I think he's like, Well, in a month. I'm going back anyway, so yeah, whatever, okay, doesn't matter. So, and she's like, do you want to go to bed? He's like, I've spent like the last 200 years in a dark book with nothing. I don't want to sleep and she's like, okay, so he'll, and it's actually like, kind of cute because,
Margie:well, it's kind of sad. Really. That's,
Rachel:yeah, it's sad. But like, she's also she's like, Okay, I'll set up a TV and he'll she goes to go to bed. He just kind of looks after us. She's like, there's a TV in my room. Do you just want to stay because he doesn't want to be alone? Because he's been alone for like, so it's kind of cute. Yeah, still real weird. Yeah. kind of cute. Yeah, there. Okay. Bits. Okay.
Margie:So we already mentioned that he is an our boy,
Rachel:he is an art boy. Yes, he is very much in our boy. So Julia wakes Grace up with some smooth chin,
Margie:of course. And he's like, super attracted to her, right?
Rachel:Yes, but at this point, he's not really thinking past. This person summoned me or whatever. So this is what I have. Right to kind of deal. Um, and she is like, again, at first super into it. Yes. He's very good. Natural light.
Margie:And like, what 2000 years?
Rachel:Yeah, exactly. Um, and, but then she's like, nope, gotta go to work. Can't do this. And so she calls Selena to come over and she's like, Selena, I need you
Margie:Hey, Alisa Lena would believer
Rachel:Yeah, it is like, oh my god it works like yeah, this is also where we find out that Selena speaks ancient Greek so she can actually like talk to him and like have conversations with him like I don't know it's fine um but So Grace goes to work and she gets Selena to take Julian bring Julian clothes that fit him kind of and take him to her like booth with her because she's like, I need someone to be with him today. Oh, I don't want to just right be in my house by himself like, yeah. And also she doesn't want to make him be alone. Cuz she's like, this entire time. You can tell her like psychology brain is kind of working and she's like, okay, what can I do to help like she wants to help him? Because he's kind of started explaining a little bit of his situation to her. Um,
Margie:what's the situation?
Rachel:We'll get there. So Celina calls her halfway through the day. And so like, Girl, I need you here stat. Because Oh, not only is Julian incredibly attractive in his Brendan Fraser away, okay. Um, he attracts women. Just like
Margie:he's got that Atlantis pheromone shit a little bit odd,
Rachel:um, and makes men jealous. Oh, so no. So great shows up at Salinas booth. And there's just like a crowd of women. Oh, my God, like, Oh, hello. Celine is like, I've made so much money today. But this has to stop.
Margie:You have to get rid of him. Yeah,
Rachel:exactly. So Grace shows up, which is like, Okay, let's go get your clothes that actually fit. Which is where we find out that he's never really been asked to put on clothes before. Oh, like twice his entire time. And also, she like, shoves him in the because he's like, keeps trying to get handsy this entire time. He's trying to get handsy with it. Yeah. Um, so she like, shoves them into the dressing room. He's terrified of small spaces. Oh, he is very quiet phobic. Because when he's in the book, he's in this tiny dark room. That's sensory things sensory deprivation chamber, but he can hear like, that's it? Oh, yeah, there's actually some interesting moments of him like eating because he, you get to eat well, you don't know. And, and people would rarely feed him because it doesn't need to eat. Even though he still gets hungry. It's very specificed kind of. Yeah. ernestus If you know Tantalus it's very Tantalus of like, you're hungry. You can come off this way. I mean, she could. But it's like you're hungry. But you can't eat unless someone you can. You can eat but, you know, if someone no one gives you food, then what are you gonna do? Yeah, so like him eating for the first time is interesting because he like has to resist shoving it in his face. Because he's like, oh my god food like, Yeah. Must be so it must suck to be cursed to be forever ripped. Right? So Oh, okay. So like I said, I was really sassy when I wrote my notes are a little all over the place. I apologize. But this book was buck wild. So I haven't quite mentioned up to this point. There is so much brooding. Much brooding so much Britain. Oh my god, there is so much I'm I'm an animal at this point. I'm a monster. All that matters is me and having sex with people.
Margie:A lot of that. My dick. Just me and my dick.
Rachel:Take a look at my enormous speed. Yeah, pretty much. Um, so he's just brooding constantly because he's like, I don't want to go out in public and meet people. And you're like, why not? He's like, because I'm going to meet these people. And we're ever going to see him again. Yeah, right. So there's just a lot of deep dark broody stuff. Okay. And I should mention, this is a Friday so that he showed up on a Thursday. This is Friday, so she has the weekend coming up. Okay, so that's that. That matters. Because time is weird. In this book. I got I got a like, I was reading this book. And I'm like, God, it's only been like two weeks weird. Books gonna take forever to read. I was 85% done with the book. Oh my god, time is an illusion. Yeah. So they end up going out to lunch. And then who's that? Selena, grace and Julian, okay. And they're brainstorming ways of breaking the curse. And because Christ wants to hell, right, like the system you need. Yeah, like you shouldn't be have to do this. I want to help you. And so Julian, jokingly she's like, Well, why don't you like, should they like, what did you do? And I will say, that's where we started to learn what happened. props for doing a great job with like, a real Greek myth. The way they she wrote what happened to him sounds like a legit Greek myth, because it's legitimately just buckwild Old and so depressing. And there's a lot of like, sexual infidelity and death.
Margie:Is that those that do both of those things have to do with Zeus.
Rachel:They don't Oh, actually, I know it's Aphrodite and surprising now and arrows and also not surprised. Yeah. And so this is where we learn. Julian is half Greek and by half Greek I mean Aphrodite is his mom. So he's a demigod. Yes, he's got his other half is Macedonian so
Margie:it really shouldn't have been complaining.
Rachel:No, it's not. It's not a my dad Poseidon situation. It's
Margie:not my dad. It's my mom. Exactly.
Rachel:So he jokingly calls out to Oh, no, Eris never do that. No, no, no, his thing is like Eris, you fucking bastard come here already. It's like I've tried it doesn't work. And then they keep going. So they go to lunch and everything, and they're walking out of the store and the lunch place and everything and, and Julian sees a kid stepping into traffic. Oh, no. And he runs over and he saves him. And this is where we learned that Julian can't get hurt. Oh, at all. I mean, he can get hurt. He heals very quickly because he can't die. He can't. He can't. He's Kirsten Adi also. Okay. And he's like, he's gotten moves. Because Oh, yeah. spartan warrior, right. He got moves. Um, so let's see. My notes. Hey, look, Julian can't get hurt and is also super strong and fast fit. Also, Julian loves kids. Like,
Margie:I love guys who like kids. He
Rachel:there's a reason he loves kids. Oh, um, and then more brooding. And a lot of sexy talk in public which again, weird Yes.
Margie:That's that that sounds like again like that. The first book I read where they were in Atlantis and everything he talked she talked about will be turned into sexual innuendo.
Rachel:Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's I would not be comfortable doing that public but sure, whatever.
Margie:Once like once or twice, not like Stop it. Come on.
Rachel:This is perpetual. Right. So there's more brooding like I said, a lot of talking in public, and they're going to leave and go back to her house. Great House. Guess who shows up? Who Eris. Oh, nice. Yeah. So Julian's just walking along, and he stops and he's looking at these people walking down the street, and he just turns around and decks the dude. Like, Hey, fuck you. Like they're brawling in public? And nobody says anything I should mention. Oh, okay. So Harris and his mom did not know the extent of this curse. And Eris is going to go talk to Daryl mommy. Okay. So this is where we kind of figure out what happens with this, what happened with this curse, basically. I'm going to give a little bit of extra exposition because you learn bits and pieces of it as the story goes on. And it's just going to be way easier if I get it all out. Okay. So Julian was from Sparta. Do you know much about Spartan warriors like how Okay, so Spartan boys were taken from their family when they were like seven or nine or something, and put into the Army because that was sparked his whole deal was war. And so they like were given a group to be part of like a cohort, I don't even know what to call it. And it was like, if you wanted something you usually had to you had to learn how to steal, you had to learn how to cheat, you had to learn how to do all the stuff. And then you also had to learn how to like, so and this is props to her. Her history is right here, where it's like, they would beat the kids. And if you cried out, then that was a failure on you and your teacher, like you do not show pain, like that kind of stuff. So like he had a legitimately shitty childhood. Yeah. And he never really had a suit was always blessed by his mom. So he's always been, like, really attractive, and like all that stuff, and drawn attention to himself. But nobody's really formed meaningful relationships with him, okay, and everyone is always jealous of him. So he was never like, like, all the people that he made, quote, unquote, friends with had like significant others and all this stuff, but they didn't want to be. But they didn't want to be close to him, because like if they had a wife or something, their wife was gonna have their eyes on Julian a little bit because he's always attracted the attention of women and like all this stuff. It's kind of a like, oh, woe is me. I'm very attractive to everybody. But it actually does kind of suck. Yeah. So he's never really made meaningful relationships. And his, one of his friends, quote, unquote, friends had a woman who he was betrothed to that Julian had fallen in love with. So Julian asked his brother arrows to shoot her with a love arrow and shoot him with something to make him forget. Oh, so they did that. Yeah. And Julian was married to this woman for very long time they had kids okay and all this stuff and his brother so Julian's other brother whose name is priceless he got jealous of Julian's winning certain like battles against people that he that prime has had favored. So prior to this was like all right oh no looks like heiresses spell is weakening looks like she remembers now and so does his quote unquote friend so they remembered that wait a minute we were supposed to get married Julian stole this from us and like all this stuff oh so they like went nuts and his his quote unquote French started like attacking Julian and yeah well this is where the like this is a legit Greek myth. Our boy he's he's like a homeboy he is this are all mistakes in the past where he's like, like he just wanted to be loved. Like nobody loved him, okay. And like even this woman and and his quote unquote friend had been like, they hung out and pretended to be his friend and then they were like, Yeah, well, we're only with him because we can get stuff out of it. Like, he's really he has some serious not just daddy issues but behavioral issues. Yeah. And so he just no good very bad Julian's life. So his quote unquote friend attacks Julian and his I guess technically wife is like trying to help kill Julian. And he's trying really hard not to hurt either. Yeah. And it's accidentally he ends up killing his wife friend. Oh, friend friend. The wife goes crazy. Yeah, because she just I think price so price has makes her go crazy, essentially. And she's like you're gonna pay for this and runs away and when Julian realizes what's happening it's too late what she did was she locked herself in the their home and murdered their children. Hey, child murder is a trigger. I'm going to jump into that one.
Margie:Yeah. Oh my god. Yeah, zero to 100 Real quick, right.
Rachel:And so Julia knew that prior pets did this. Okay, I knew that it was prime was his fault because prime has always hated Julian over the rights of the children of Aphrodite. So he goes to his temple practice his temple because crisis is a demigod or our privacy is a god Julian's more demigod, okay, I don't pray to God. I have no fucking clue. He's a minor deity. Okay. Um, I think you kind of it comes across that if this didn't happen to Julian, he would have been one also. Okay. Yeah. So he goes to the temple to confront him. Primus Julian goes to the temple to confront chop prappas and sees one of prime offices. priestesses Oh no, who is a virgin who is like, who like begs him. She's like, you're really hot and I'd rather be with you than purpose. So let's do it. Okay, so they get to get in and pry up. This is like you defiled a virgin or whatever, in my temple and curses him. Okay. Does that story make any sense? No. Okay. Did you at least follow what happened? Yes. Okay. That happened. But good.
Margie:I will say I didn't understand why any of
Rachel:them. No, you don't. Um, ever. I will say it did lead to a mildly funny joke of well, what made you get cursed? I invaded Alexandria. know her name was Alexandria. That's like, god dammit. Yeah, if you have a little bit of Greek mythology background, it makes a little more sense, but it doesn't make that much sense.
Margie:What is so bad?
Rachel:I know they want Snuggles. Hello, sir. Alright, so I listeners I apologize if that made fuck all sense. But I'm doing my best here. It's kind of fucking makes no goddamn sense. All right, so that was the expedition dump. Mm hmm. Okay, so they end up going to dinner at this point. Who's they? Sorry, Grace, Selena and Julian. Oh, they go to dinner and arrow shows up again. Oh, no. And he's like, so I went and talked to mom. Oh, good. There's there is a way to break the
Margie:curse is a true love's kiss.
Rachel:It's not. It's way weirder than that. Oh, um, no sex for the whole month. Oh, until the last night until the last petal falls until midnight on the last night. And this is where it just starts to sound uncomfortable and then he has to stay inside of her all night until dawn. Just sounds like it would hurt and it is only was a woman of Alexandria. So she has to be a virgin. No. Okay. It's dumber than that. Oh, no. She has to be Greek. No. We'll put Julian my last name is Alexander parallettes go no,
Unknown:my God.
Rachel:There's no genealogy. There's no Greek blood. There's nothing. It's just her last name is Alexander. So I guess that's okay.
Unknown:What? Ah. That's like a lots of loophole ship,
Rachel:isn't it? Yeah, it really is. It's very like hand wavy. It's
Margie:like very like Aphrodite to like, okay. Oh, right.
Rachel:That's fine. My notes. Grace's last name is Alexander which I guess is good enough. Oh, and one more thing, the longer he goes without having sex with her, the more powerful he becomes crazy. He's gonna get oh, start to legitimately lose his mind. Ah. Oh. So here's some magical handcuffs that he can't break out of for when that happens.
Unknown:Oh, but
Margie:Oh, okay. But then like the last of the night when they actually he's gonna lose his goddamn mind.
Rachel:It will already be gone at that point.
Unknown:Oh, my gosh. Ah, okay. Okay.
Margie:You don't just continue. So might as well just have this happen.
Rachel:Right. So later that evening, back at her house. I want to mention, I am unseen for Yeah, it has been two days. Not even it's been a day. 24 hours. Okay. I am on scene four out of eight. So I'm in an illusion. Yeah. I'm
Margie:sorry, stressful. 24 hours.
Rachel:Right? They've just done a lot with him in 24 hours.
Margie:So I was just thinking, but this is also very Goblin King. You speak certain words. And he appears Yeah, a little bit when he tries to seduce you with sex and wait, why and why?
Rachel:It's Beetlejuice meets jerris.
Unknown:So it's
Margie:GA the jungle
Rachel:meets Brendan Fraser in 2000. So rolling back a little bit. on that Friday. Grace had a new client and it was she was taking a client for one of her coworkers who was on vacation. And he had to be he had to see a psychiatrist for psychologist. I don't. Yeah. Because he had been convicted of like, certain he was having like, stalkery he was uh, still had some issues.
Margie:I mean, yeah, to be honest with you. So he had to though. Yes. Okay. Well, then. No, he was
Rachel:required to. So that night, Grace gets a call from him. Oh, good at her home,
Margie:saying Hey, who's that dude inside your
Rachel:house? No, saying, Hey, I missed you today because like She left early to go take care of Julian's like, are you okay? Are you sick or whatever? And she's like, I don't take calls at home. You need to stop calling me and hangs up. So that was creepy. Yeah. And Julian's like side i Yeah, hard side. Yeah. But it's fine. He is not like there it's it's a little bit creepy, but it's not okay. So now we've reached the first true step of any relationship finger wagging the finger fuckin stage already. Already.
Margie:Alright, alright, let's let's do this.
Rachel:Let's. And this is also where we learn what is considered possibly to be the worst part of his career. So no. Can't orgasm. Oh. No, not allowed to.
Unknown:He's oh my god
Rachel:physically hurts him. Go figure. What? Yeah, that's the worst case of blue balls ever.
Margie:Okay, just keep going.
Rachel:I'm telling you, guys, I
Margie:really is the worst part of this curse. Right?
Rachel:Not that not that his kids were murdered in front of him know
Margie:that he can orgasm I can orgasm
Rachel:so i Hey, to be fair, I warned you. You dead. Dead. So Julian is obviously in pain. Yeah, and grace.
Margie:Wait, so he finger bucks her right? Yeah. Isn't orgasm.
Rachel:He doesn't know. Okay. He's just he gets her off. Yeah. And she's like, she wants she's like, okay, like, let me help. And she's like, Nope, it's only gonna make
Margie:it worse. Oh, yeah. So yeah.
Rachel:So in order to distract him. She reads to him because he can't read English. Okay, he can speak it. I mean, he can't read it. And I mean, what better way than you know, I mean, reading right. I read a book when I want to do something else. Not when I want to ignore sex, but you know, whatever. So she reads like this Peter Pan. Oh, yeah. Um, so she reads to help kind of distract him and they end up just going to bed afterwards. They've been sleeping in the same bed this whole time. Why? because he doesn't want to be alone. Sleep my floor. Yeah. Yeah, you think he does, however, wake up in the middle of the night because of a really bad dream. And this is where I say grace goes on sex therapist on him. Okay? And this is where she finds out about his kids and
Unknown:Oh, okay.
Rachel:So when they wake up, when the key calms down, they go back to bed. And when she wakes up in the morning, he can't mind Julian. He's outside with the neighbor's kids like playing with them and telling them stories. He loves kids. And he misses his kid, obviously. Right. So this is Saturday. It has been two days. Yeah. Just want to get that across. Okay, fine. So they go and visit Selena again. And they meet an old college professor of theirs who's kind of a dick who's just happens to be visiting Selena. He's one of those super, like, misogynistic, and just kind of an asshole. And we learned the historical side of Julian Macedon. So we learned the night before we learned his curse. Now we learned the actual history, and how he disappeared. And he was such like an incredible general. And like, it was kind of crazy that he just fell off the face of the planet and all this stuff. And so I guess Grace has been thinking this whole time about like, well, if Julian, if we break the curse, and Julian stays, what could he do? Like? Yeah,
Margie:right.
Rachel:Maybe it could be a professor. You need more than that to be a professor but okay, because he has at least all of the like, knowledge of that.
Margie:Right. Okay. Don't Yeah, but that that's not that's fine. That's
Rachel:not I don't that was Yeah, I don't just keep going. It's, it's yeah,
Margie:it's not fine. But let's just keep moving. We're just we're just gonna let it be. Let it lie,
Rachel:let it lie. And Julian, at that point, told her that he doesn't really want to stay. Oh, because then he's told her kind of about this before, but Athena actually showed up, made herself known to him, okay. Well, Grace was in the shower or something. And tells him i because Athena was like, favored. He favored Athena, like he because he was a general, right. So he made sacrifices and everything. She's like, like, I did not know this had happened to you. If you can break this curse, I will give you the option to go back. Or come here. If you go back. You cannot fight. You have to go. You cannot do anything that would change history. You have to just go hang out in a home your house. Oh, and relax for the rest of your life. Yeah, but you can go back in your own time. Yeah. So he gives, she gives him the option. And he's like, I don't want to stay here. Because I don't know anything here. I don't know anybody. I don't even know how to read the language. Like, I want to go home. Yeah. And Grace gets kind of upset about this. It's been two days. It's been two days.
Margie:Just to clarify that she
Rachel:loves not yet and yeah, but you know what, everybody's Hi. Yeah, buddies. Hi. Um, so she gets upset and lash remains. And she's like, why don't you stay with Selena for a little while? Okay, stay away from me like,
Margie:oh, yeah, this seems like a perfect way for soccer guy to come back into the story.
Rachel:I love it when you do that.
Margie:That's my writers. Right.
Rachel:So creepy. New Client guy. Yeah. shows up at her house after she gets home. Oh, good. While she's alone is definitely stalking her. And show he's like trying to ask her to dinner and being like, yeah, and I thought you know what, we just hit it off. So well.
Margie:yada yada. Yeah, because I paid to hit it off with
Rachel:and so she like closes the door locks the door and like he and goes to call the cops and he's like looking at her windows for like an hour until the cops get there.
Margie:Why does it take the cops so long to get there? Yeah, hots.
Rachel:Yep, that's good. And the cops are basically like, he's not here. He runs away by the time they get there is that there's nothing we can really do right now.
Margie:1000 CCTV cameras we're not at their best Exactly. At all.
Rachel:So Julian has Selena take him back to Grace's she's like he's like I want to talk to her. Like I want to talk. Okay. Yeah. And so Julian shows up right as Grace is like, shoving things in her car because she's like, I'm leaving. I'm going to hotel for a couple days like to get away from creepy guy. Yeah. And Julian's like, I will stay with you. Yeah, cuz she's like, I should already feel safer with him there because sparkling general
Margie:already caught. Why didn't you just call him?
Rachel:Well, so she liked it. They got there pretty shortly after that whole Okay. Okay. But so, Grace kind of realizes and she realized when she was on her way home and like, I'm the one being unreasonable here. Like, obviously he wants to go home, right? Yeah, not all about me. Yeah. So she's like, yes. Stay here, please. Like you know, I feel a lot safer with you here and I'd really rather not leave my home. So Julian ends up coming back and staying with her more also out of nowhere oh no Julian is gifted a sword and his sword and shield from from 2000 years ago on the off chance that he has to fight pry up is just the off chance Oh, it might not be you probably won't he might
Margie:not show up.
Rachel:He might you might not have to use the
Margie:bathroom on the street just like eras you know, randomly walking around.
Rachel:It's day two, and you're sore just shows up. In case you need it. Wow, that
Margie:is some convenient plot device. Yeah,
Rachel:there was no better way to get to him was
Margie:to gave it him back to him.
Rachel:The question so it's like probably Athena. It's kind
Margie:of weirdly like Harry Potter's brooms first broomstick?
Unknown:Yeah, how can we be here's a broomstick.
Rachel:In this case. It's like, we're kissing and making out and there's a sword on the bed. There's no reason. So it's not like, I'm on the Quidditch team. So now someone's gonna buy me a broom even though I'm a special snowflake. Yes. Oh my God. You're so hot poop. Sorry. Okay.
Margie:Second clock block is a sword block.
Rachel:I guess. That is one aggressive cause you're also like they make a point about how she can't touch it. Because only like demigods can touch it. It'll burn her.
Margie:We're gonna find out some special snowflake shit about her
Rachel:whenever comes up. That's that is never touched on. That's weird. All right, so we're in the scene six now. After the sword happens. Oh, it's been about a week now. At this point. So So one week later. Oh, it's been a week. It's been a week. I'm Grace takes Julian out to experience more of New Orleans. She's like either stuff you haven't seen let's you know, let's go to Bourbon Street and like, do all this stuff and get you a venue and stuff. Oh. And they get a call while they're out from Grace house. creepy guy. Oh, no. It's calling phrases house from inside of her house. Oh, good. So she has a cell phone. Yeah. And so they're like, he's like, Yeah, or razor? Probably a Nokia. Oh, hey, razor, means she had a Nokia and you could kill someone with it.
Margie:I know from experience,
Rachel:perhaps. That's a creepy guy calls her from her house. Talking about how like, I know that you like like going through her panty drawer and shit.
Margie:Terrifying.
Rachel:And then all of a sudden he starts screaming at her and calling her a slut and everything because he finds someone else a dude's clothing at her house. And like Who is he and yada yada yada and so they rush home is their stop?
Margie:Shouldn't this guy the creepy stalker guy already know about Julian though?
Rachel:Oh, I would have thought so too. Yeah, yeah, go on. Um, and so they rush home and they find out that her her house has been like wrecked on the inside. Oh my gosh, specifically. So. So she's been reading to him a bunch. She loves books. When she has like her own little mini library. She turned her walking closet into a mini library. Like she loves books. Her books are destroyed. And like her, she also has a bunch of her parents stuff because her parents passed away relatively recently destroyed. So she's justifiably a hot mess. And she's like Salinas. They're like comforting her and Julian goes upstairs and he like cleans everything up so that she doesn't have to see it and like, like, he's like, I'm gonna fucking kill. I'm gonna kill the dude. I'm just gonna kill him. So Grace is understandably feeling like, you know, it's a little bit of a struggle. She doesn't feel safe, especially at work. So Julian comes with her to work on Monday, the next day. Find out he does not like elevators, understandably so because he doesn't like small spaces. Yeah. So Julian's like hanging out for a while. And he she's like, Hey, I got these papers for my next client in the car. He's like, I'll go get everything. I'll go get him. It's fine. So he goes to get them. He takes the stairs because he's just not gonna get in the elevator is gonna get kidnapped. No, he wouldn't get kidnapped. Well, she forgets that crap. I need my palm pilot because it's Yeah, early 2000s. Yeah. From the car. I'll run out and meet him and grab it with him. And she takes the elevator. Okay, and she's distracted when she gets in the elevator. Oh, guess who else is in the elevator?
Margie:The guy who's nice rapey
Rachel:dude. Oh, yeah, so creepy dude is in the elevator and he pulls the lever to stop the elevator. And he starts just like kind of attacking her really laying into her and going off and everything calling her a slut and all this shit and God. And so Julian comes back up and he's like, Hey, where's Where's grace? She's like, Oh, do you Did you see her? She went down to see you and he's like, has he kind of registers that like Because grace and kind of explained elevators to him and like the alarm that goes off and all this stuff. And he's like, I think I heard the alarm and so he runs back to the elevator for him and realizes that because of course he's super strong he Oh yes the thing Yeah. And realizes that the elevator stuck in between floors. Okay, so if he wants to get to her he has to jump climb into the dark oh good tiny hole yeah to get to her. That he's terrified Oh, so she's in the elevator trying to like get out because this do the tagging her and you just hear a thump on the roof of the elevator. Someone fought his fears. Sexy and so he like jumps down in the because the this do creepy dude is talking about like, I'm gonna kill him and like all this stuff because he laid his hands on you. And so Julian jumps into the elevator and just stands up and stares at him. grabs him and just punches him into the wall. And it's like, it's a pity you are so small because otherwise I would kill you. Like, yeah, goes full like, like mama bear, okay on this dude. And just punches him out. Okay, and so the police show up, they're able to like get everyone out as like Julian has his arm around grace and everything. And this dude is like they're trying to handcuff him and he's going crazy. And so he grabs the gun out of one of the police's like belts and goes to shoot at them and he misses. Like Julian obviously grabs Grayson like holder, he misses and he's shot by the police. Okay, and he's killed Hey, well, okay, yeah, he's killed, but um, it is kind of sweet because Julian's like Grace goes to look and Julian's like, Nope, you don't need to see this memory and it's him dying. Essentially. She's like, not worth it. Yeah, so everything with creepy dude has been resolved now. Okay, we get a lot of it's been very much a bonding experience. Julian's kind of protected her and taking care of her through all of this. So we're going to jump ahead another week. Okay. So, at this point, Julia has been going to work with her everyday this week. And she's like, I just don't feel safe and comfortable. Obviously traumatic experience. And Grace is like, Okay, I think I'm okay, now. I think I can do this. I can, right. Go to work. It's okay. So she goes work by herself. For the first time in the week. And Julian,
Margie:how long have they been known each other at this point?
Rachel:This is week two. Okay, so she's
Margie:circling crazy soon. Okay,
Rachel:here we go. We're getting there. So this is week two. So it's actually this is actually really, really cute and sweet. So grace comes home from work, right as Salinas leaving the house. And Selena just looks at Grace and goes, you got a fucking keeper, you better figure this shit out and believe she walks in. And Julian's just kind of standing there and on the bedside table is a copy of her copy of Peter Pan that she loves so much that like because it had been destroyed, right? And she's like, Oh, my God, like you found this copy because it was like a really nice copy or whatever, right? And then she goes into her. What was her library? Okay, and all of the books have been replaced. So Julian got Selena to take him out so that he could figure out like, like, restock her books that had been destroyed by this creepy guy. He doesn't know what to read. He doesn't know but she had Selena helper. Oh, help i So Selena took him out to do this. Oh, boy. He got still didn't know the title of books. She had had to make an inventory of it for the police. Oh, they had like they had a list. Okay. And so he he's like Selena helped me with some of the ones like we couldn't get all of them like all the paperbacks and stuff because she has a couple of romance novels in her collection. But I think they hit they like we hit all of the big ones which was like they she had some in there that were like her. Her dad was like a professor or something. So his books he'd written, like textbooks and stuff like they were able to find copies of them and everything. So super sweet. And the way he got the money was so when those magic sword know, when your humans aren't allowed to touch that they are right. When you are a super high up general in Greek society. There's so you get a generals ring, essentially. Oh, wow. He still had it. And it was worth Wow. tons of money. So when they talked to that professor that was kind of an asshole. Yeah, Professor noticed the ring and was like, Holy shit, I will buy that from you. Like, I will spend any amount of money on that. Oh my God. And so he ended up selling his ring. Oh, wow. And using the money to like, yeah, replace all of her books, which was so sweet. I thought it was really cute. Yeah. Um, okay. So we're kind of getting to a fast pace, though. This is about 80%
Margie:through the books. Okay, here we go. So I'm like ready for him to start losing his mind? Yes, he does start
Rachel:losing it was good. So fast forward a few more days. They've like they're reading to each other. She's actually starting to teach him how to read English and like, because she found a copy of The Odyssey, which he had read when he was younger that like has the Greek translation in it so they're able to like See in the Greek I make so she's teaching in that. So the next day grace is at work. And she's confronted in her office by Aphrodite. Oh, Aphrodite shows up. I'm casual a hot. So there's been a lot of like, internal struggle between the two of them of like Julian's kind of like, I don't want to stay here. But also I don't want to leave grace. Yeah. And Grace has kind of been like I Grace at this point is like, I didn't I know I love him. Yeah, but I don't want to make this harder on him. Then it already it has to be so she hasn't said anything to him. So Aphrodite shows up. And this is where you find out that effort. It was just butthurt that her son never like said hi to her, essentially never like called out to her or summoned her or whatever. So she's the one that cursed him to be beautiful, and that no one would ever love him but just be attracted to him. Oh, haha, because he wouldn't return her
Margie:calls. Oh my god. So and that's so stupid too. Because like, usually in Greek myths, so the gods are like, so don't care about Yeah, children. Yeah. Oh,
Rachel:yeah, exactly. Um, and so it's, it's kind of her fault that he got cursed in the first place. Because he just wanted someone to love him. Right. But his dad Yeah. Um, and she's like, when grace is like, why haven't you ever showed up to him and told him this and, and she's like, or to anyone else that he you know, was with and told them that and she's like, well, because he has never loved them and then disappears. Oh, that grace knows the Julian likes or not. Um, so I'm very curious about this part where he starts to go crazy. Yeah, so grace comes home after that. And finds Julian half handcuffed to something so he can't cut himself because he's like, I can't do this anymore. I'm starting to lose my goddamn mind. So she helps him like can cup the other his other hand or something and he just starts going crazy and she like she's trying to help like he's burning up so she's like, to bathe his head and like, read to him and talk to him and and ends up like taking the week off of work so that she can be there with him and he's like, incoherent he's like babbling and you know, just He's mad. It's Greek style madness right. That's what Yeah.
Unknown:Things like soil Mike style
Rachel:madness. TMT MTM? Think Bacchanalia, but let's have fun. Yep. Um, and so after like a almost a week of this. Aphrodite shows up again, in Grace's bedroom this time. But now when when Grace had that initial conversation with every ad, she kind of called Aphrodite out and was like, What the fuck? Like this is more on you than him. Right? Like she called him out. So Aphrodite shows up and she's like, look, I thought about what you said. There's a chance you're right.
Margie:Good on her though, for calling out a goddess. Right? Because usually that should
Rachel:no no God should don't fly. Ah. So she's like, I am going to catch Hades for this, which is what she says like catch hell, but I'm going to catch Hades for this and she snaps him out of his madness. Yeah.
Margie:Wow. That is some plot armor though. Right?
Rachel:Oh, you think that's just wait. So, snap. Spider Man is He's great. He takes a couple days for him to recover. But he's fine now just okay, just fine. Okay. Um, so, Julian eventually finds out that Aphrodite threatened to gray so essentially, and sure that what goes over right, yeah. Well, so that cues Julian to say to not admit that he loves grace. Because he doesn't want grace to get hurt by the gods because the gods have heard everything else in his life
Margie:that he cared about. Oh, yes. Now. No, this is like him being broody. Yes.
Rachel:Cut to the last day. bullet number one more brooding.
Margie:So much Rudy. When the brooding Olympics that year. He must held in New Orleans. Apparently it was. Jesus we love you like see. Oh God.
Rachel:So it's the last night that he's there? And Grace is like, come on, Julian. Come on. Like are you coming? Let's go. Come on. Hey.
Margie:Can you imagine how big his orgasm is gonna be after 2000 years
Rachel:probably hear from the other side of
Unknown:1000 years will give you such a huge orgasm.
Rachel:Such a crick in the neck. So he's like, so the thing he's brooding on right now? Is that grace it kind of like they have had a lot of conversations about like Grace, like, I mean, she's a sex therapist, right. They've talked about both of their like sex sex lives. Yeah. And Grace felt like she had been used by Paul, which she had. He really doesn't want to just use her, and then leave like that. He's really struggling with that. So they go to get to get and they get like, what you're Daikeler they get so close. Like her midnight, like, like poise, slip
Margie:that boat into Alexandria
Rachel:invaded, made it so that she is like poised then he's like, I'm sorry, I can't do this and then pop this appears. And she's like, oh, what? No, no, no, no, no. And so she runs back to the book. Yeah. And he's on the cover again. And she tries
Margie:to wait a whole nother fucking month. Well, so
Rachel:she tries to summon him again, which this was a question I had in the beginning. And apparently you can't summon him twice. Same person can't so she's trying and it's not working. And she's freaking out and trying something new. It's not working. We know someone who will finally Aphrodite pops up and is like Jesus fine.
Margie:Oh my god plot armor and turns back time. I
Rachel:guess it's never explained. Basically.
Margie:Does she have power over time?
Rachel:I don't know. It cuts back to them on the bed. And they get to get
Margie:that is so stupid. It's so stupid. So stupid. Necessary. zestfully break
Rachel:the curse, which honestly just sounds painful. And that's what it says in my notes.
Margie:Literally, like, what? So he has to be inside of her all night. But does he have to be thrusting?
Rachel:No, he just has to be there. Like she is so important. falls asleep. Because he gets her off so many times that she's just really tired. I mean, that doesn't sound that uncomfortable. She has like six orgasms on the reg with this man. In a short period of time.
Margie:That sounds exhausting. But like just staying in.
Rachel:No, I wouldn't be down for that. That just sounds like the end of the day you would be well beginning of the day you would be so sore. So it's got to be
Margie:um, let's save that for under the covers. Okay, but okay, it's got to be 24 hours though, right?
Rachel:No, from midnight till dawn. Okay, okay, go save this for under the covers. Hey, y'all, check out our Patreon and
Margie:yes, you'll hear a great episode of under the cover. Oh, God,
Rachel:just wait. Okay, so get ready for fuck you plot armor because up to now it's been nothing. Yeah, all right. Nothing compared to this. So they do it. They successfully break the curse. Prior pitch shows up when it's all done. He does and is pissed. So he kidnaps grace.
Unknown:Oh my god. And it's like my God. Yeah,
Rachel:well, fuck you. I'm gonna take something you love and kidnaps grace and is like, hey, congratulations. I'm gonna rape you. Yay. So then Julian shows up? Yeah. I don't know where. And then like, how did you find me? My powers are coming back.
Margie:Okay. I overdyed 1000 Not yet. He's getting there.
Unknown:My guess I don't find my iPhone. Siri. Grace will bubble up. Hey, Siri,
Margie:find grace. Here are matches for Greece.
Rachel:That's staying in because that's really funny. Good especially cuz Greece. Um, so Julian shows up and they fight. Julian isn't at full power though. So he gets stabbed and dies. He dies. Aphrodite shows up my God. And it's like, hey,
Margie:Greek gods this interested in their children's lives.
Rachel:So never so Aphrodite shows up and is like, Hey, fuck you. I love him more than you to pry. EPIs Okay,
Margie:fair. Seems like a douche canoe.
Rachel:Yeah. And is like, guess what? Julian's soul hasn't been collected by it. He's not Hades. It's they actually by fun not over sticks. finatus Oh, the NATOs Yeah, which props they got their Greek mythology. Right. So and like, brings him back to life at full power. Also, Athena shows up. No Athena shows up and makes them full power after it brings him back to life. And then Julius Zeus during during all of this parently nursing Well, no, no, he's fucking some mortals. That's probably drunk. He's a swan somewhere. Yeah. And Julian just fucking wrecks prior purpose. Yeah, so he feeds us shit. And we have a happily ever after. Oh, so Julian chooses to stay. Oh, haha. And again, props to the auditor for thinking about this because like, I can't believe she did. Their poofed back to her bedroom. Okay. And Aphrodite shows up right as they're about to get it on because apparently grace is incredibly sore at this point probably watch rapidly and effortlessly shows up with all Don't worry, effort. It got you covered with all the necessary paperwork for him to live a functioning life in including to doctoral degrees. This
Margie:is some Adam black shit.
Rachel:Oh yeah to doctoral degrees. And so necessary passports necessary birth certificates
Margie:all that Aphrodite would come into my life and give me passports right.
Rachel:And all of his money converted to modern day money surprise. He was loaded back in Massey I
Margie:want to be surprised. I wouldn't be so yes.
Rachel:So now they're rich. Yeah, he can be a professor if he wants because he has two doctoral degrees. And everything's fine now, I guess. So
Unknown:it's not fun to be a professor.
Margie:But he has all the documentation. Documentation. That doesn't mean he could do it. That's like forgery. But it's God forgery. It's so it's really good for luxury. It's still for
Rachel:hey, we've established she can bring him back to life and also do like six other things to make him just fine.
Margie:Yeah, well, fine. Whatever. Whatever. Yeah, yeah. Um,
Rachel:so then we cut to the epilogue where grace is in the hospital with giving birth to twins. Okay, a year later. Oh, wow. That was fast. And all the gods show up. Oh, god. Yeah, no, you don't want that to happen. I'm sorry. Oh, gods. And it's funny. Sorry, because Aphrodite is like, Oh, I'm gonna give them so many gifts. No, no, Julian's like, No, you're not. You're not. You're not just like, Oh, fine.
Margie:Don't Don't do that. No, no, it isn't accept gifts.
Rachel:No. So did any of that make any kind of sense?
Margie:The reasons for why the things happened to the make sense, but like I understood the store.
Rachel:Oh, good. That's what I was worried about.
Margie:Like the whole thing with prior posts, like that whole plotline. And Julian having sex with a virgin in the temple, like that was just like,
Rachel:oh, so pry APUs specifically sent that woman to intercept Julian and distract him. So that Julian wouldn't come kill purpose because prep is new Julian could kill him. Okay, so Julian are privately
Margie:got mad at him for doing something he knew he was gonna do anyway.
Rachel:Yeah, he will. He used it as an excuse. Yeah, cuz that's always hated Julian price was knew that Julian was going to come kill him. Yeah, so he's like, I'm gonna have you distract him. And then I can use that as an excuse to curse him forever. Hmm, that was kind of his big evil mustache twirling Oh,
Margie:not not your best but no All right. Know what that very well. Haha. Wha Hi. heard
Rachel:at the train tracks. Yeah. Only tie him into it. Sex book, right?
Margie:Yeah. Okay, Rachel. Yeah,
Rachel:it was a rollercoaster. Yeah, something.
Unknown:Yeah. So
Rachel:thank you, Amber.
Margie:Yeah. Thank you, Amber. Wow, I really want to hear from Amber though. Like,
Unknown:what book did you read? Yeah,
Rachel:I want to know, usually you truly gave me a gift. Yeah.
Margie:Well, you put us in the podcast to give so thank you.
Rachel:I got so tired of like, at first all admit, the like steamy bits were good. Oh, they were very good. And then they happen every three pages. And then you're like, okay,
Margie:it does. Yeah. It's like, and I posted it on our Twitter to have like, I love it in books where there's some yearning. I love urine. If you're just giving me it, like give it like there's a lot of finger fuckin Yeah, a lot of finger. They hit that they hit also the fact that he's never getting pleasure from me. He's never worked out something is like not that much of a
Rachel:turn. I guess. It like it feels good. He just doesn't get the release bit of it. So it's just blue balls. It's edging. He's been edging for 2000 years. His
Margie:orgasm must have been under the covers. I know. Must have rectum though. Anyway. Oh, yeah. God. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Oh, it did. Okay. Oh, um, writings? Yeah. So,
Rachel:there's not really a lot to discuss as far as substance here because there's not a lot of stuff.
Margie:So our girl 125
Rachel:This is hard. Uh, she was interesting. Mm hmm. She just wasn't that interesting. Mm hmm. I didn't think I was gonna be on board with the sex therapist thing, but actually, I
Margie:was okay. It's fine. I was actually kind of interesting. Like, it's done. And
Rachel:it made sense that she would be the only person to like, not only person but like, one of the people will be like, you're a human with like, you know, issues and obviously a lot of trauma. Let's discuss it. Yeah, cuz that's what she does. Right? I give her like a two and a half. Oh, okay. Whoa, pretty middle to Neff three. Okay. Pretty middle of the road. Okay. Um, he had a far more fleshed out backstory. Yeah. And if it was ridiculous bananas, and I was actually kind of on board with it because it wasn't poorly written. Oh, this was written just fine. It was pretty well and weird. It was weird. Just weird. I did actually kind of have like some of the like, I'm all about go women you can do shit yourself but some of the protection stuff like the stuff with the elevator and the creepy guy, I was super here for.
Margie:I need to I'm glad you said that because like I was like, Oh no, yeah, I'm usual. I'm super
Rachel:there for that. So like, I'm gonna give him more of a three and a half. Okay, like I actually really Yeah, it was weird. He was weird. I actually kind of really liked his character.
Margie:So kind of like because I keep thinking of it because you made the reference of like, Georgia the jungle were like, very out of his element. Yeah, he doesn't know but like, even in Georgia, the jungle like whatever the chicks name is. He's not. He's very protective and sweet and like, still wants to get to know her.
Rachel:Yes. And that's very much the vibe that I get. And if you take out all of the fucking buckwild yellow shit and all of the like, Greek plot armor like Greek gods plot armor, Shin, he is not the problem with the book. The crazy with the book is the plot and the rate gods which to be fair, Greek gods are crazy, right? Yeah, but he was actually kind of fun. And I liked him a lot. So I'd say like three and a half guy. Plot work. What the actual fuck was
Margie:this? What what what even,
Rachel:but it was at least mildly entertaining. Yeah,
Margie:it was entertaining. Yeah, sure. It's just banana. It was bananas.
Rachel:I'm gonna give it a two. Okay. Yeah, I could see that. Yeah, and smite. You said the smell was really good. It was high and low. Because there was too much of it. Yeah, there's too much of it. But it was good. When it when they really didn't get to get it was like like the finger fucking parts. Great. Okay, this actual sexy bit was not there for it at all.
Margie:Yeah. Okay. We'll get into that
Rachel:with Yeah,
Margie:so the covers,
Rachel:I would call the smite two and a half. Yeah, I think it balances out. And then overall, I would give this one a five. If you're looking for a romance book a six if you're looking for something fucking buckwild for entertainment. Okay, that's what I would give it. Yeah, fair. Yeah, it was pretty. It was. It was entertaining.
Margie:Okay, I'll give it that. Okay, um,
Rachel:oh, girl. I'm gonna need you to ask what I'm reading.
Margie:What are you reading? Holy? Oh, yeah.
Rachel:Okay, y'all. We've talked about the Night Circus. Yeah, we love The Night Circus here. Erin Morgenstern, author of The Night Circus just came out with another book called The starless sea. And I am like, like, 100 name to No, I It's like, so I've been nerding out about this book, right? work constantly, because I'm like, 130 pages into it, like, a third of the way. Yeah. And it's so The Night Circus where the super fine details of like, it cuts to those things where you're in the scenes where you're in The Night Circus and you're watching so it's super fine detail. This is like broad strokes, but you still get that atmospheric picture of the whole way. Yeah, yeah, I think that's it. Thank you guys so much for listening. Sorry, this one was kind of crazy.
Margie:Um, if you subscribe to our Patreon, you'll get our under the covers special witches. Next I'm gonna read or sexy sex
Rachel:if you guys have any. So this was a list of recommendations. So if you guys have any listener recommendations that you want us to read, we would love to hear them. The next one I have is actually one from my husband. So if you want to love her husband, that's true. My husband's pretty great. So if you have any recommendations, hit us up on Twitter, tension pod, Instagram, textual tension pod, Facebook, textual tension, Gmail, textual tension, Potter gmail.com and Goodreads textual tension website.
Margie:I already know textual tension pod.com
Rachel:Perfect. Hit us up there. Check out our Patreon check out our T public store. There's a link to that on our website. I'm huge thanks to the artist island near you for the use of our song Oh love of the album be held. And I think that's it. See
Margie:you next time guys. Hell yeah. Under the covers. Yeah,
Unknown:boy.