Hello South America! It's been a while huh? Your co-hosts are joined by Emily of FBoL as they dive deep into the rainforests of South America and attempt to...fight terrorism? Let's just say there's a lot going on in Kat Martin's Hot Rain
Hello South America! It's been a while huh? Your co-hosts are joined by Emily of FBoL as they dive deep into the rainforests of South America and attempt to...fight terrorism? Let's just say there's a lot going on in Kat Martin's Hot Rain
Hello, and welcome to textual tension. I'm your co host, Rachel, every other week, I jump in and give you the who's who and what's what. In the textual tension universe. We have a really fun one this week, specifically, we recorded with fuckboys of literature, which is amazing. And we had just so much fun, and I can't wait for you guys to hear it. And sort of related to that I have really fun announcement. First off, congratulations to everyone that one hour. Really cool. Someone in Layton in Dayton loves you. Stickers, we love them. And I hope you love them as much as I do, I might actually go by myself one. But we also are going to do sort of inspired by fuckboys of literature, another giveaway, this one with a really just kick ass pin from an awesome local shop by me that says no fuckboys. And it's great. And I love it. And check out all of our social media for more information on that this week. Speaking of social media, if you guys want to get on and take a look at that, or share us with your friends, or reach out to us or anything like that, um, you can check us out across all across the board on our social media at textual tension pod. We also have a website at textual tension pod.com, and an email, textual tension pod@gmail.com. So we get a ton of recommendations from people. And if you guys ever just want to reach out, give us your thoughts, your opinions, we love hearing from you. And we might even read something you say to us on the podcast, we've done that before. So that will be awesome reach out. We also have a Patreon that is patreon.com/textual tension. We remember you cannot search for us on Patreon, you have to type in that URL because we do adult content. And we are super, super thankful to all of our patrons out there. Specifically this week or two new patrons, Olivia and Marie. And if you heard that noise that was Carlos, one of our other co hosts the cat telling me specifically that Olivia Marie, you guys are amazing. He told me, so it's true. He doesn't lie. So thank you guys so much. We really appreciate your support. You guys are just amazing. And we are just flabbergasted by how much you guys have like stepped up and supported us in this just passion project that we have. So thank you, like, legitimately Thank you. So I think that's just about it for us. Oh, one more thing. Like I said we had fun with this one. Fair warning though. We did miss a trigger. So I'll go and throw this out there now so I don't have to cut in later. This book does have some racism in it. So great. Yay. So be on the lookout for that, I guess. And I think that's it. So without further ado, here is episode A 35 The Call of the jungle tearing me apart from Roxy.
Margie:Hello, and welcome to textual tension, a love hate relationship with romance novels podcast. I am your co host Margie, and I'm your co host Rachel. Every other week one of us reads and summarizes a novel for other unsuspecting ghosts this week. It's Rachel but not just me, not just you. It's also Emily from fuckboys of literature. Hi, hello.
Unknown:How are you? How are you? We're so happy to have you here. Good. Thank you. I'm so excited to be here. I am so
Margie:good now at like 50% of the book. It'd be like what did I get myself into? Juggle literature. And together we unpack what the fuck just happened.
Rachel:Yeah. So before we get into it, do you want to go ahead and throw all of your pluggable right up front so
Unknown:my name is Emily Edwards I'm the host of fuckboys of literature on you can find us a lot on Twitter at fuckboys of late and on most pod catchers at FB AOL because tech boys are fuckboys and they don't like the censor it quite a bit. And yeah, it's a weekly podcast where we talk about pretty self explanatory all the toxic terrible fuckboys in literature from you know Shakespeare to mythology to modern novels and everything.
Margie:ology episode in particular was one of my favorites
Unknown:care. Yeah, my guest for that Carrie just knocked it out of the park. She was it was Yeah.
Rachel:I love like I don't know, man. I feel like there's so much crossover here. Because the number of fuckboys is take you to everyone for this show in two.
Margie:We do. We do, but it's, it's not the main character. He is not the fuck boy. Wow. Yeah. Okay,
Rachel:so Margie the way this is gonna work, Margie is going to give her she's going to text you the book cover and then she's going to show me the book cover and we are going to describe it to the listeners. And then I will read the description and then we go into our triggers for the book, which is upsetting that that is something that we need for romance novels, but sure. Um, and then Margie is going to start explaining it to us and our job is to just react and be funny. I believe you I believe in you, if you will.
Margie:It's got the author leaning against the book in a very bad Photoshop. The one shall understand. Okay, I'm gonna send this out. Alright, you're getting good at it. Still.
Rachel:No theory. Oh my god. Wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Okay, can we talk for a second about the width of this man? The width?
Margie:That's funny that you mentioned that. Oh, God. Yes. I'm
Rachel:scared. Oh, no. In the wide gentleman. I can't tell if he's wide or is a wide boy. He's his reverse tucked. Genom all the way unbuttoned except still tucked into his pants shirt is just making him look wide. So he has a full tan
Unknown:France French tough.
Margie:We have referenced that so many times on the covers. It's like you come on the show before you
Rachel:know you know. Wow. I'm sorry. But belly button. Oh, yeah, yeah, belly button. Oh, okay. I have a question. And Emily, I need your opinion on this. Is that belly button. Okay, up. It looks too high up to
Unknown:me. Yeah, it is. Okay, it is okay to His pants are riding real well.
Rachel:I just like like the distance. Okay, so I'm gonna just real quickly do some some hand I'll show you in the video. So this is about the size of his pecs, and it is the same distance to his bellybutton. So his PEC height is the same as lower PEC to belly button height.
Unknown:Yeah, they definitely photoshopped the belly button. So you could ever
Rachel:gotten a photoshopped your belly button.
Margie:This is amazing. They would think you know what you don't have this picture needs some Belly belly button like
Rachel:that sexy. Mythical fourth hole right when I'm kidding.
Unknown:Oh, God. Definitely the sexiest part of
Margie:why would I get on bothered? I'm like, oh, yeah, show me that belly. that belly button. Belly button.
Unknown:Belly button. Okay, so
Rachel:let me go and he has
Unknown:a full Jensen Ackles pout happening. Right.
Rachel:Okay, so So what is on this cover? It looks like there is a it's kind of like a sunset but the way that through clouds but the way that the background looks almost looks like everything is just on fire. Absolutely, yeah. And then there's a gentleman and you see, like, from from right above the the eyebrows down to the bottom of the deepest. Um it's a wide gentleman and I do think it's in a denim shirt. I think it's a shirt that's making him look white and black pants. And it's it's that front tuck. So it's totally unbuttoned, but still tucked into the pants.
Margie:10 France. You're right. He wouldn't be proud. Yeah.
Rachel:And it's yes.
Unknown:It's very swimming in a way
Rachel:it's got he's got that smoldering look thing go into but it's like at a weird angle.
Unknown:Yeah, I don't I the chin is almost fully down to the chest. And I've never seen someone like It's like he's staring over his glasses, but wearing me.
Margie:A very good way to describe it. I literally
Rachel:Oh, we never said that. I'm sorry. This book is called Hot rain. By Kat Martin. And the tagline is, can you handle the heat? I don't know. I'm not sure.
Margie:I'll say this. Looking at it. Now he kind of looks more like a daemonset el salvador type like Ian Somerhalder. kind of deal. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I feel that too. Like that. Vampire Diaries shit going. Oh,
Unknown:and can yeah, there's a real like, touch of.
Rachel:Can we mention he is like Brazilian level waxed clean. Like that, man. Yeah, he is oily. Like he is
Margie:probably more sweaty now. He the story got
Rachel:yo, yo, yo, yo. Um, okay, so I'm actually trying to find descriptions there. Oh, is it? Oh,
Margie:I thought it was. Yeah, it looks like it's all just reviews. Yeah.
Rachel:All right, so I'm gonna read the description. Oh, and if you hear random like crinkly noises or rumbling, I have cats, and they'll probably make an appearance. We have we have two additional CO hosts that make cameos sometimes. Alright, so here we go. Ellie Parker knows her best friend's death was no accident, but her quest to find the truth soon puts her in the wrong place at the worst possible time. And unwilling passenger on a boat carrying deadly cargo and dangerous men, her only allies mysterious Jake Dawson. That's the name who warns her that she must play the role of his reluctant bedmate. She wants to stay Okay, oh god, okay. I'm sorry, I didn't read that quite right. Let me let me put the correct inflection in the sentence. who warns her that she must play the role of his reluctant bedmate. If she wants to survive, there was an ellipses that I missed. Gotta get gotta get it. under any other circumstances, she'd welcome the attentions of a man with Jake's powerful body and seductive deep blue eyes. But as Allie places her body and her trust in the hands of a total stranger, she wonders if this desperate Campbell will be her last. Alright, first of all, how do you just get in that situation?
Margie:Oh, don't worry. She
Rachel:drugged No. Ah, no, that always had I always it's usually drugs.
Margie:Usually, you say that like Well, well, surely
Rachel:you say that. But we had one in like setting like Edwardian England, England, where this chick was Clora formed and put on a train to Scotland as you do buy love interest. Which seems like a solid basis for a relationship
Unknown:especially because Clora forming someone has like a really high percentage chance of killing it sounds like a really bad
Rachel:chloroform mate fast. No, it takes a long time.
Margie:Now and like we also mentioned like you think the people who were also getting on that train would be concerned like why aren't they bringing an unconscious woman onto a train
Unknown:that you describe cargo black
Rachel:that's I mean little drama rail at the time women were basically just cargo
Unknown:that's a really good all right. All right. ideal time for romance. Yeah.
Rachel:When when you didn't have to worry about this pesky things like female feelings.
Margie:your ovaries just goes zipping around your body,
Rachel:man that uterus man. I can't get a pang on it. Okay, okay. Triggers first. Oh triggers right. most upsetting part. It's
Margie:gotten violence nor death. Okay,
Rachel:standard. Why haven't we made a bingo card yet?
Margie:Oh, here's a new one. With a new one. Played crash. Okay. All right.
Unknown:Okay, so it's modern, modern, modern. Modern.
Margie:Yeah, I say gun violence. Right.
Rachel:You said you didn't say that.
Margie:Right. Oh, it's sexual. Oh,
Rachel:of course, naturally match. You know, it wouldn't be romance without sexual assault.
Unknown:No, no, no, that's a given.
Rachel:Okay, all right. Okay. Let's get into it.
Margie:I'm open so I'm gonna describe the two leads this is how Rachel does it. Yeah, I'm taking hurts um, so we've alley Parker who is she lives with a roommate Chrissy their best their best friends in the whole wide world. Allie is Petite short. Think she has blue eyes to the WHO KNOWS short haired blonde, a natural bought blonde which he notes later in the book perfect. So he's Yeah, so um, that's what she's like. Very small, tiny. He talks a lot about smaller press star.
Rachel:That matters to you. Cool.
Margie:Cool. Cool. He is tall, broad shoulders wavy dark hair.
Rachel:I mean, I could have told you brought from
Margie:but he has wavy, wavy, long black hair that goes down to his shoulder so this is not actually covers not accurate.
Unknown:i This is just some
Rachel:man, Brando, Jesus Brando, dude, but but they did get the width Correct. He is a broad gentleman.
Margie:Okay, so here's something that's he's described as which I've never heard before. He's described as long waisted so I went on Twitter. I was like, What the fuck does long waist and he asked to buy special. I was like, what wasted doesn't sound like a good thing because it sounds like to me like a seal or a diameter. Is
Rachel:he a Dorito? Is that what that mean?
Margie:Somebody said that it meant he had a large like he had a large torso. But I was like that's not long wasted.
Rachel:Just imagine like a Dorito shape, but instead of like seamlessly transitioning into hips, it just really comes to a point and then goes
Margie:so there's like it's like a block person. Yes. Yeah. Okay, so that's a triangle. Yeah, triangle is xx awfully pointed. Oh, god. Oh.
Rachel:In the last recording that we just did, though, the man could fit his hands entirely around the woman's waist. So maybe it's the other way around the female the woman in this book had her hands entirely around his
Unknown:oh, maybe he's a tight
Margie:you'll break otter to us all. The times one,
Rachel:we count how many times Margie breaks into song.
Margie:It's a lot Okay, so this book opens its alley she's dropping off her friend Chrissy at the harbor because her friend Chrissy is going on a boat ride with Dawn with her boyfriend Donnie. Okay, on the dynasty one that is what the boat is called? Is a yacht
Rachel:is I've read Fabio books before Is this like a are we talking like like Victorian era? Oh, let's go on a boat ride around the harbor. No. Okay,
Margie:we're like a yacht like a billionaire. Yeah, like yeah, that that douche canoe for that one book who had the billionaire Yeah, fuck boy the fuck boy right got absolute douche canoe. I use them interchangeably but fair. Fair. So yeah, so she's dropping off her friend. Her friends like it's gonna be great can't wait just gonna spend the day out in the water. Chrissy and Donnie go up onto the boat. The boat explodes Chrissy is debt don't well, that escalated quickly. That's really
Rachel:good. Do we have a death count in this book? Like do a lot of people die?
Margie:Not a lot of people but okay,
Rachel:that's not a good qualifier.
Unknown:There's more than two
Margie:right yeah, I just I kind of forgot Dottie as a person even though I just mentioned
Rachel:we're at two I'm keep on keeping track or two.
Margie:So she Chrissy and Donnie are dead alleys devastated. Yeah, no shit. Al is Ali's best friend. And they had actually been working like at the same restaurant. They they lived in the same apartment together. And so and Ali's not really satisfied with what the police come back with. Basically, the police say it was an accident. Which I'm like, How often do boats blow up?
Rachel:I mean, it's fair. It is like not not often, but it is a combustion engine.
Margie:That's what well that's what the police officer says he's like, it happens 70 times a year like it's it's just an accident. Like there's nothing weird about it that feels like the author definitely Google actually tried to Google it. I tried to verify that and I couldn't find the information on that. I mean, I doubt that they keep it like
Rachel:I don't know. We'll see here's the problem the boat just worked too well. It's a combustion engine and it just converted to well
Margie:no know so she Alli is not convinced she's just not satisfied. So she and she tells her friend other friend at work that BB she's like a police imagine BB from Stranger Things because this BB actually gets a happy ending, which is what BB from Stranger Things deserved. Okay, moving on. notic. So, she's talking to Barb and she's like, Barb, I really don't feel right about this. Like something just feels weird. What
Rachel:does she do as a job?
Margie:She works as a waitress. Okay, so at a place called the Rochus Raven in San Diego.
Rachel:The follow up question is What the fuck she gonna do about it? What do you mean? I don't know. I'm just pretty sure my
Unknown:detectives.
Margie:Just gonna do some sleuthing.
Rachel:Uh huh. Okay, cool. Yeah, that sounds like a smart, totally rational human response to this situation. So
Margie:she goes to her first stop. She tries to go and speak to the owner of the boat whose name is Felix. Fair enough. Wow, what a day. And she can't even
Unknown:he's a German movie.
Margie:Um, and she can't even get in to see him. So she's like, next best. She's
Rachel:a waitress and he's fucking rich.
Margie:Well, she dresses up she tries to pretend to be someone that she isn't just to kind of like get into his office and snip poke around doesn't work,
Rachel:or have only her tits were big. Right?
Margie:So then she goes to so then she goes to the insurance agency that insured the boats. I don't remember how she I think she figured that out. She figured it out because Felix Baron off owns like a bear enough Corporation and they work with an insurance company called Albright. So she's like, okay, the assumption is these boats were insured by all right. Sure. So she goes to the office and she claims that she works for bear enough as his personal assistant is like, hey, I need the paperwork for that boat that blew up two weeks ago. Yeah,
Rachel:I'm really curious how this plays out. I'm hoping it's the way I hoped I would like think it will Oh, it won't go doesn't work.
Margie:Okay, all right. So I'm
Rachel:good. That's good for all of us insurance owning people.
Margie:So she goes, the guy weirdly enough, it's just like, okay, it gives her this paperwork.
Rachel:No, that's not good insurance only people,
Margie:though that he like up to oh, those identifying numbers document like so the guy paraphrases the documents for instance, like, it's weird. It looks on the dynasty, one that they upped the insurance policy, like two weeks before it blew up.
Rachel:Okay, hang on. Wait a minute.
Unknown:That usually no holes and voids and insurance policy? Yes.
Rachel:And how the fuck did the police see that one? That's kind of a red flag.
Unknown:You would think that's like the number one
Margie:thing so the orange a little bit at the beginning of the book. And but bear enough does like not pay off. But it gives to some pretty pretty prominent charities in the San Diego area that benefit the police.
Rachel:So you know, that makes more sense. Because if I if I can draw an analogy, let's pretend Yeah, I'd love my husband very much. Oh, no, let's pretend murdered him. He explodes in a boat. If I say up to his life insurance, shortly before that happened, I think it would raise some red flags. And further if the police showed up at my house while I'm
Margie:wearing or not wearing your wedding band right now. Well, if I the
Rachel:police show up in my house while I'm wearing my drapey bath house coat, and say, my husband, then that's also probably gonna raise some flags.
Unknown:And then you offer them a coffee?
Rachel:Yeah, interest you in a drink?
Margie:If you will. Oh, it just happens to be champagne, champagne. It's fine. Um, so now Ali's like, Huh? That's weird. God. She's mulling it over. She's mulling it over she I can't remember. She tells No, she doesn't tell Barb, which is stupid. Always tell your friends where you're going. So she goes to the horrible place. She goes to the harbor just to like kind of, I don't know, sniff around be sleuthy
Rachel:You know, everything that a professional trained waitress is definitely qualified to do. Right. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Well, she I mean, she's definitely not going to put the entire case if the police had won, which, if they did, they wouldn't have told her about it in jeopardy. So that's probably a great thing to
Margie:do. Yeah, exactly. So she goes to the harbor. And she manages to actually get in past the gate because somebody like, leaves or comes in and she's coming in.
Rachel:I just imagined she did that. And there's like, Well, fuck, now what? So she sees the dynasty
Margie:two. They have another one. He has another he's Boogaloo. He's dynasty two. I can't remember what the third vote is called. It's like dynasty infinity or something like that. It's really stupid.
Rachel:So we've dynasty to explode.
Margie:No, dynasty.
Rachel:dynasty dynasty one exploded. dynasty two. Okay, good. Electric Boogaloo? Yeah. diner to dynasty infinite. dynasty harder. Exactly on it.
Margie:So she, she walks up to a guy in the harbor, and it's kind of like, yeah, did you hear about the accident that happened couple weeks ago. And he was like,
Rachel:and the guy at the harbor was like, Who the fuck are you? Why are you here? No, he
Margie:thinks she owns a boat. Okay, he thinks she owns a yacht. And so he's like, yeah, it was super weird. And he tells her Oh, he was like, he tells her like, it was weird. I saw somebody go onto the boat that earlier that day, and nobody was supposed to be there. Or something like that.
Unknown:I didn't tell this.
Margie:Oh, yeah, they didn't question him. Apparently.
Unknown:They were carrying propane
Rachel:jars jugs of kerosene and it was a weird they were splashing it around.
Margie:Do you think I should have called the cops?
Rachel:Hey, I just saw someone stab a guide. You should have no cops. That's probably fine. I saw
Unknown:his face plainly. And I found this
Rachel:picture. We're best friends.
Margie:I put them on my Instagram. Oh my god. So so she's like, Huh, okay, so but she makes us really stupid move. Okay, because it wasn't up until now cool. Oh, you use the dynasty to she's like, there's nobody on that boat. She gets on dynasty too. And she snit showed sniffing around like the office or the Cylon or whatever fucking shit that rich people have on the boat like trying to find some sort of like weird evidence. And I think that she does she finds like some sort of like, paper document that says that implicates Bear it off, but then, but then she hears upstairs basically a drug deal going down on the top of the boat like on the deck. And she's like now I can't get away there's nowhere I can go. And so she like hides I think she hides in like the bedroom in the hole.
Rachel:She kind of got shanghaied huh? What she's about a little bit
Unknown:I'm deeply concerned that this bad guy keeps incriminating evidence every
Margie:second then the second
Unknown:one just the next slip just the same exact thing. Okay Don't worry about it. I'll never look here
Rachel:and money was on my other yacht. It's okay this one is
Unknown:bad crime and that's not
Rachel:to crimes. Think it through? Yeah. Okay, let's textual tension. If you're gonna do crimes, think it through. Like, I'm really curious what sort of shady shit her roommate or roommates boyfriend got into that they were on the receiving end of an explosion seriously,
Unknown:what was Donnie?
Margie:Explain that. I'm reading the book now. And actually, she doesn't find anything in the hole. She found the compass a brass Protractor a pencil pencils, pens and a small handheld computer guilty
Unknown:because he was helping his ninth grader
Margie:as you do on your second yacht, oh, no, I
Rachel:mean, exactly. No one hands on parents. No one ever said that these drug dealers passed the ninth grade so maybe they're just like that straight a lot of help with their math.
Unknown:They're getting their GED they're putting themselves through school.
Margie:So she hears these she describes it sounds like three different men all of them Hispanic.
Rachel:Oh geez,
Unknown:you can tell by their footsteps. Yeah.
Margie:Alright, so these are three guys that she hears up on the deck of the boat and they're like making a drug deal and then this other guy comes out that she hears who is not Hispanic because she can tell
Rachel:sound more Nigerian?
Margie:I wonder if they I wanted to see if they describe his voice but I don't think that she does initially so and he's like, guys like what the fuck are you doing? Like you're not making a drug deal right now we've got bigger, bigger fish to fry. So get this guy off the boat. We're leaving. Oh, God. So the guy the drug dealer leaves. The the there. Another just three men on the boat. And they all set sail they leave. Good. So now
Unknown:with a bartender
Rachel:our girl is fuck it says ain't gonna end well. Yeah,
Margie:it's like gonna end well, so it doesn't take very long for for them to find her in the hold one of the guys. Okay. I think it's it's Roberto. Yeah. Roberto, Roberto. Roberto, Roberto. Okay, so Roberto finds finds alley and drags her up and it's like all right, we got a little slice while we're going down to I think they're going down they're going well they're going down to Mexico awesome green we're I'm gonna get some and the other guy who is Jake are our boy whatever he's a boy.
Rachel:Which one the the other one that she thought sounded
Unknown:Hispanic sounding.
Margie:Okay, so there are two Hispanic sounding men on the boat that is Roberto and Luis.
Rachel:Okay, yeah, and the other one who said we have bigger fish to fry
Margie:that is Jake
Rachel:is he the rich guy? No. Okay. I am Color me confused so they're just okay, I'm here for this right I have thrown suspension of disbelief overboard Yes, you should do that now effect if you haven't told that exploded with the Destiny one.
Unknown:Okay, so
Margie:dynasty sorry,
Rachel:dynasty not destiny. My bed.
Margie:Feel classy bitch. dynasty, not destiny. It's stupid baby.
Rachel:Oh god.
Margie:Um, okay, so now she tries to tell them she's like my friends do I was here like they're gonna call the police are gonna be all concerned.
Rachel:We're concerned but not for her physical safety for her mental health.
Margie:Right? And he's like bullshit. Like, what you're just going to tell your friends that you were going to go and sneak around a boat in the middle of the day
Unknown:Barbizon.
Margie:So he's like shitty nuns gets out into the bedroom. I'm gonna fuck you.
Rachel:Oh, okay. Oh, good. Oh, no
Margie:good. So he drags her down there locks the door behind him. He pushes her down into the bed. Okay. And it gets on top of her and says scream. And she's like, What is this is Jake, this is Jake. Okay. All right, Jake J page directly. Yeah, so Jake is like scream and he and she's like, What are you talking about? He's scream right now to
Rachel:pitch when someone tells you I dream in this situation.
Unknown:You scrape them. Yeah, exactly. raping,
Margie:you cooperate. I need to make them believe that I'm raping you. And she's like, what? And so then he's like, fine. So then he kisses her. And he rips open her bra and like grabs that boob. And so the moment he comes up with air from kissing her, then she screams and then he just immediately leaps off is the start
Unknown:of every great
Rachel:it's that foundation level.
Margie:Salt, it's great. So he he like leaves the cabin like 15 minutes later to make the guys think that he raped he raped her. And now she says, um, and so he come but then he goes back up because he asked us to go and work on the deck with the other two guys for Broto and Luis. And
Rachel:did they speak about anything else in this? 15 minutes? No.
Unknown:He comes exactly actuation and exit
Margie:did not come her at all. So he just leaves. He goes back down later. And he tells her listen, we just got to get to our destination. I can't let you go now. I can't just drop you off somewhere. You're just gonna have to come with us for now. And she's like,
Rachel:I can only assume they just sat in awkward silence for 15 minutes.
Margie:Yeah, she was more terrified of him. It was like trying to get away like just being Yeah, it couldn't have been great. Yeah,
Rachel:I'm punchy when I'm scared. So that would have been fun. Yeah. So
Margie:so he tells her that and she's like, I don't really believe you and he's like, you're gonna have to like you don't really have much of a choice Forgive
Rachel:me if I don't believe the person that ripped my shirt open and like this, you know begins
Margie:No, good. Very bad few weeks of Ollie Parker
Rachel:and Okay. Oh my god.
Margie:Why oh, I'm gonna
Unknown:Okay. But like, presumably they're going to like Puerto Vallarta or something like that. Or like Cabo, and there's like, embassies or hotels you can run to
Margie:like, we're gonna get
Rachel:into that. Oh, God, I'm gonna go back through all our previous episodes and catalogue how many of them start with a kidnapping?
Margie:Because it's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It is like really like, um, so she attempts to escape three times. She's actually extremely resourceful, full rich, I really like about her. Okay. And like the guy for Yeah, well, so the first time he tries to escape she, they're going into to gas up the boat, basically in Mexico somewhere, because I think they're actually they're going down to Belize or something. And somewhere in South America, and I prepared
Unknown:according to this writer,
Rachel:Hispanic,
Margie:so they're going down to Belize, and then they have to come back up to Mexico. So it like gets a little can why because I had to pick up drugs. Yeah. Okay. Let's call it because. So, um,
Unknown:yep. Which drugs?
Rachel:Like Good, good. Booger sugar.
Margie:Yes. Y'all got any more of that? Okay. Okay, so um, what was I say?
Rachel:So they're gassing up,
Margie:they're gassing up. This was the first time they're gassing up and he ties her up in the bedroom where she's kind of been almost the whole time, ties her out, puts a gag in her mouth and is like, so he's keeping. Yeah, cuz she's like, I promise I won't do anything if you just like, not do that. And he's like, Nope, sorry. And trust.
Rachel:Trust in a relationship is so important.
Unknown:I'm gonna continue crimes, so I can't let you go.
Margie:So they start gassing up. She hadn't managed to resourcefulness Fine. Get her purse down into the hold where she is. Oh, I don't know. Okay. Yeah, she just did. And she actually had like, a Swiss army knife in her purse. Okay. Okay, so she cuts through the cable that he has tied around her hands and pulls out the gag goes up to the window and starts screaming her head off like please help me and like very bad Spanish like please help me. I've been kidnapped like all the stuff at Jake is like fuck. So Jake run back down to the boat, like throws her into the bathroom basically ties her up again through it puts a gag in her mouth and the runs back out and the police come in are like hey, so we heard A woman was screaming,
Unknown:like, Nah,
Margie:we don't have to check. He's like, No, it's my wife and she's just really drunk. And here's $400
Rachel:My wife that was screaming that I was raping her and kidnapping and asking,
Unknown:it's fine. Just
Margie:give some like for it somewhere between 400 $600
Rachel:Okay and make the darndest
Margie:so good
Unknown:Good to know how cat Martin is about like a lawn person in Mexico. Exactly.
Margie:So they are obviously that that that sours whatever good relationship that they had,
Rachel:which you know what's totally justified getting angry at the chick that's trying to be rescued from you kidnapping her and tie her up
Margie:and so he does have an internal model of the damn I'm actually kind of impressed like because she managed to do that. But I'm also like, Bitch if you keep doing shit like that, I'm gonna have like something bad is gonna happen Luis and Roberto will kill you. And
Rachel:that's how I'm gonna take a wild shot in the dark and say he has explained nothing to
Margie:nothing so and Roberto Luis are both pissed because they're like, if this bitch causes problem and this this business deal that we this job that we have going on, like, we're gonna we're gonna kill ourselves. And so like Jake is the one who's trying to keep her Jake's trying to keep her alive
Rachel:to commit suicide. Kill her.
Unknown:But you're gonna be a prisoner forever. So
Margie:no, no, no, they're gonna kill her. Oh, yeah. So Jake is trying to keep her alive by like, trying to make it seem like he's got her in line.
Rachel:Okay, I'm confused. Just
Margie:just I want to make sure I'm telling
Rachel:this. Oh, no, I understand what's happening. I don't understand why.
Margie:Okay, okay. So the second time they gas up he does the same thing he put except he puts I think he puts her hands behind her back this time and still has no idea what's happening. So the gag in her mouth
Unknown:the flaw with this plan with the knots.
Margie:Put as the gag in her mouth goes up to gas up at this time she manages to find the lighter okay, I don't even want to hear about it. It was magical purse Mary Poppins
Rachel:first Mary Poppins Carpetbag
Margie:she she puts like a bunch as much paper or junk as she can on the bed and lights it
Rachel:on fire and lights up
Margie:fire she's the windows are open so her ideas that Smoke will start coming out somebody will come in to save her
Rachel:okay your block that's not how physics works to she's already seen one dynasty explode with alone I mean statistically speaking I was already done it why would the second one when you played it on
Margie:70 That happened every year
Unknown:no
Rachel:it's probably already bad it's fine
Margie:so once again Jake catches are luckily he's the only one to catch her. Um Roberto and Luis don't see it don't see this go down
Rachel:don't see the fire
Margie:Yeah, cuz Jake was like Go Go take a break in the city. Like go find some whores like whatever. Yeah, good. Yeah, can't placate yourself. Well, they didn't get that woman so he's like go find some other women.
Rachel:Yeah, you said boy, but this dude is absolutely a homeboy right now. He's not a
Margie:boy. Boy, he puts out the fire he throws her into the closet like her on the fire a very small closet and then goes back up and like benches the business that he had going on
Rachel:this point just put her in the smaller confined space initially we've learned seriously
Margie:from them you're not telling him how to do his job right we want him to do it wrong.
Rachel:Well he's fucking it
Margie:up. Alright, so so she's claustrophobic however because of a traumatizing experience from childhood nach match and so she literally like start freaking out like she cuz she wasn't already Well yeah, but you know what I mean? Like having she basically has a panic attack because
Unknown:the state room on a medium size Yeah.
Rachel:Or the bathroom?
Margie:Yeah, yeah, she she starts having a panic attack. He comes back with the attitude of like, Oh, I'm so mad he's gonna tear for I'm gonna scare the shit out of her. That he opens lots of doors. She's like, eyes why likely cry? Like not crying yet? Not the gag and she bursts into tears and just is like freaking out and he's like,
Rachel:back to you up to this point. But now I do.
Margie:The 10 B's moment.
Rachel:The 10 DS chicken It's not a phrase we've used up till now and I'm upset that we haven't
Margie:so we like holds her and like they have like a moment they have sex. No, they do not have good sex doesn't come up until so don't worry.
Rachel:Fingers crossed for affirming life. So I know they don't rope in a lot of romance novels is the we are affirming life, which is the we just had a near death experience. Let's fuck.
Unknown:Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, I've been watching a lot of movies lately, because I did bond on episode past and that happens all the time in Bond movies where they're just like, everything stressful.
Rachel:Let's relieve some pressure. So, okay. I love classic bonds, though. It's so fucking ridiculous.
Unknown:So happy. It has a much better phrase of affirming life rather than just like we're gonna get down. The other choice there
Margie:is one small detail that I didn't tell you guys. Night when he's sleeping. They sleep in the same bed together and he ties a cord from his wrist to hers. So she can't get away while he's sleeping.
Rachel:Um, you know, we know what the worst part about that is. But it's not the first time we've had that happen in a book. When was the other time? The one with the weird Poseidon dad? God? Yeah.
Margie:No, yes. People's dads a lot a lot. That's another truck Believe it or not. Beside and in particular. Yeah. Um, okay.
Rachel:The ultimate fuck boy. That's true.
Margie:Oh, god. Okay. All right. So she's trying to escape twice. just tried to escape twice. Okay. All right. All right. So let's go. She falls asleep. He comes back later. They're both talking and awake and all that he's like, I need to get some rest you're gonna have to go back to sleep, whatever. Fuck it and she's like, Okay, fine. So they get in the bed and she starts talking to him and she's like, so why haven't you tried to rape me yet? I find it kind of its own thing Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah Yes, yes. Yeah.
Rachel:Ask the person that is kidnapped you and pretended to rape you why they haven't raped you yet and then find that insulting?
Margie:So I actually was gonna I had this whole like sheet on like research you find
Rachel:that as ridiculous as I do, right?
Unknown:Oh, absolutely. She's like Hey, what are you sexually assaulted yet? completely unacceptable.
Margie:White so it's like good now getting bed if I wanted to rape you I'd have done it long before that. So why haven't you? You in he's like You want me to repeal? No, of course not. I just wondered. You know why you hadn't? I'm sure if my roommate had been the one hiding in your cabin you would have at least considered the idea. It seems kind of insulting in some way. That's the dialogue
Unknown:okay. Okay, I am I ever have the same horrified look on my face as you do it at the moment. But I need you to tell me what page of the book that is for
Margie:oh, it gets worse
Rachel:All right. I promise I'll stuff.
Margie:No, you're fine. So um um, so I was I had this whole sheet of like research on like, why men rape and all that stuff. But then I just came to the conclusion is not a compliment. Rape is not a compliment. That's it. That's all it comes down to for me like,
Rachel:alright, let's let's roll it back to my favorite thing. The tea analogy analogy. Um, if you offer someone tea, and they say no, you do not shove that tea down their throat. If you you should probably not get upset if someone doesn't forcibly shove it down your throat on their own. That's not
Margie:That's not That's No, no, no, no. Okay, so there's also Oh, so he she looks down at his his deck this deck. It's coming up. And he's like, Oh, don't worry. Like, I'd like to have sex with you. It's just like, like my women willing.
Rachel:What a good wonderful upstanding gentleman. Yeah, crimes
Unknown:ruin. Truly romantic.
Rachel:And I'm hot and bothered. Yeah, I
Margie:know. You are. It's a he gets a sir. Sort of consensual sort of consensually sort of well, now I wouldn't want to insult a lady. You know, by not raping her.
Rachel:I hate this man. The sad thing is he hasn't even reached fuck boy level yet. He's still only in homeboys. Normally, we've had worse
Margie:it gets worse. And we've had worse to it gets worse well, but not with him like there's other there's another two boys in this book who are assholes. So cool.
Rachel:Oh, he only reaches homeboy. Not fast boy.
Margie:Okay, so we're gonna move on from that. At one point I'll just gloss over this Roberto tries to rape her. A jig saves her.
Rachel:You know, it's sad when you just have to gloss over a couple things. And that's one of them. Yeah. Okay, tries to
Unknown:rape her. Fastforward he
Rachel:tries to rape her. This other dude tries to rape her.
Margie:She's bullies yet they're getting there.
Rachel:She gets addicted. Okay. Okay. And at one point.
Margie:So. Um, let's see here. Oh, so then it's the third and final escape times. Okay. Yeah. So
Rachel:they're only allowed. I mean, it's the rule of threes. Any good myth? Exactly. Thanks. Yeah.
Unknown:And then you give up and go with your after drugs. Doors. Yeah.
Margie:So they this time? Um, I can't remember if they tire up again. But, uh, no, I think that they do the tire up again, they feel up, but there's no problem with that this time. So then they're, like, leaving the port again. And she's kind of on deck by herself. Because the other guys are going and doing something else. And they kind of just let her have wander around because they're like, where's she gonna go? And she's like, over the side. It's not that far.
Unknown:Anywhere, but.
Margie:Okay, so she jumps into the ocean. It's not far. It's she's like, it's only it can't be that far. Okay, so she jumps into the ocean and she starts swimming frantically for sure. Distance is
Rachel:really hard to judge and openwater thrown that. Yeah, yeah. Well, so
Margie:she were one of the things about the book is that she did used to work for a cruise line. So that made good for her. That may be why she felt like she could judge that
Unknown:she was underpaid. And there too,
Rachel:maybe that's why it's so comforting. Yeah.
Margie:She starts swimming desperately to shore. And so I can't remember if it's Roberto or Luis but they're like, Hey, what's that tiny little dot son
Unknown:of a bitch. As they see her small breasted glide dot.
Margie:They see her start swimming towards shore. Jake is like a puck. And so he like turns the boat around and jumps into the water after once he gets close enough and like grabs her and this is this will be terrifying to me. As he pushes her head under the water until she like slows down her struggles and then brings her back up so that she's exhausted enough that he can drag her back to the boat.
Rachel:He attempts murder.
Unknown:He doesn't want to kill and that was our eight kids.
Rachel:How did you guys meet?
Margie:He tried to drown me and I knew he wasn't the one. So he pushes so that she's exhausted enough that like she can't fight against him in the water. And he drags her back up onto the boat. Once he drags her up onto the boat, Ruby, Roberto and Louisa like you need to get rid of her like you need to shoot her and toss her off the side of the boat because she's causing way too much trouble. We've already like this mission is is going to be a bust if she keeps us Shut up. So Jake's like, I'm sorry, guys, you're right. And he just slaps her really hard across the face and is like, Don't you dare try that shit again. And put her down into the hole
Unknown:you know what will arouse no suspicion of foul play a dead American?
Rachel:Oh, it's okay. We've already established an interest in international waters. There are no crimes,
Margie:right? No crimes. So um, she goes down back down into the hole. And like, it's just he describes it. He's like, Oh, God, I hated doing that. Like, and he's like, and he's he says it's the first time that she's truly looked defeated.
Rachel:And he's still not explained any of this to her. No, he's
Margie:explaining nothing of what is going.
Unknown:And he is so into it.
Margie:Not at all. Actually, he goes down in the apologizes immediately. It's like, I'm so sorry that I did that. Like, I had to I can't like I have to make them think that you're I'm keeping you in line. Otherwise they probably will kill you or rape you or something like that. And he's wireless logic, flawless logic. And so now he's like, I guess I don't really have any choice. I have to tell you and she's like, what? And he's like, I'm actually an agent for I work for work for like the ATF something like that. Okay. It's like it's a big government organization. Got it? Yeah. So she thinks that he's she already knew that Barrett off was shady. She thought the parent off was shady, but he basically explains we're trying to we're trying to set Baron off up.
Rachel:Okay? Yeah. Are his associates actual bad guys?
Margie:Yes, they are actual bad guys, their actual homeboys got it come.
Unknown:Okay, so this is the white guy who's suddenly, suddenly Yeah, I only the bad guys are really bad. Alright,
Margie:so cool they finally get to bullies. Uh huh. And the plan is okay, so Oh, and they almost have sex but they don't know of course, yeah. gloss over, but
Rachel:have they reached the first stage of a relationship? The finger fucking stage they
Margie:have not reached the fucking stage. That's another, it's really important to get to that finger. Okay, so they get to Belize. And the plan is? Well, Jake and Alex plan is that he's going to take her into the middle woods and pretend to shoot her and then she's just going to run off and try to find somebody to help her flawless black wall. Nothing can go wrong. Nothing. Nothing. No, um,
Unknown:she doesn't speak the language. She
Margie:doesn't know a little bit of Spanish.
Rachel:So not enough.
Margie:So but then they get their Roberto's like know she's not leaving. And he's in Jake's like, what course she's leaving. And Roberto says I heard everything that you said the other night. She's not leaving. You're not leaving. You're both now my hostage is gonna be great. So they get onto a plane along with a bunch of other cargo that Ali doesn't know what the cargo is. And they're heading back up into Mexico. Okay, sure. Yeah, sure. So why were they ever I mean, in the dock the boat? No, this
Unknown:has nothing to do with your
Margie:I think they needed to dock the boat. And Belize is basically kind of like they're trying to make it look like this was more like a pleasure cruise kind of ride as opposed to like smuggling. It's really obviously smuggling. So I'm like getting a plan they're starting that they're starting to head towards Belize there. I think that Jake is like give me back my gun because Roberto taken his gun, and he's definitely gonna like give me back my gun. No. Bite on the plane, and Roberto shoots the pilot accidentally through the head. Oh,
Unknown:God now it's turned into a slapstick
Rachel:dollar for every time that happened.
Margie:So I'm prepared to then like Jacob goes up to the cockpit to try to lay on the plane get it down safely at least. Roberto starts attacking Ollie for whatever reason. I don't know why. The plane goes down the cat. Everybody basically gets like when everybody dies.
Rachel:Book. Oh,
Margie:Louise dies. Happy Ending Luis dies. Oberto they can't find Oh, good. That's good. That's good. And it's gonna take an alley or miraculously fine naturally, naturally, flat armor, right. So they but now, chicken earlier, like
Rachel:a firm life.
Margie:There. They do. We're getting there. We're getting there firm life, right. So they get they gather some supplies from the plane and then they're like, Okay, it's like 80 miles to the closest city. We got to start hiking. Dead to start hiking. Okay, they have they find maps on the plane, they find enough supplies that like Jake can make
Rachel:a couple day. Let's like several days, that's less than a week of hiking. Yeah,
Margie:you're fine. You're fine. She's never hiked
Unknown:Belize is a modern country, though. Like, they're gonna bounce down. Are you anything
Rachel:else? But they don't stealth plane went down. Yeah.
Margie:Well, they were smuggling shit. So it could be that they didn't actually. They start hiking and then and in this time, Jake starts explaining what's really going on. He's like, okay, so on the plane, we're actually missiles that we were
Rachel:good. They didn't explode when the plane went down. There were
Margie:missiles on the plane. The missiles are going to be taken to an opposing party in Mexico so they can take down the current regime. Okay. Are you following by this guy didn't really see well. We went
Unknown:we went from like, gum shoe mystery to drug smuggling. And now internet, whatever.
Margie:Yes, so bear. Bear it off is selling these missiles to this Mexican leader like Revolutionary Party leader named bellissimo, who will who was going to give Barrett off the mask of it's an it's a Nuka or something like that. It's a golden mask.
Rachel:So a stereotypical racist, Mexican, Aztec cool.
Unknown:That just evil White Yes. Pretty much riches
Rachel:Indiana Jones probably has some sort of vague mystical thing like Indiana Jones movies do as well. Probably Probably Probably.
Margie:So then there they are. The plan now is that Jake and Ollie are going to start hiking towards going to not die. Yeah are going to not die. They're gonna split they're gonna lean towards closest city which is like, no, they're gonna hike towards the safest city for her to go to, which is like 80 miles away. And then but Ali's like, Yeah, but you said that the bellissimo was 70 miles away, like his base camp? And he's like, yeah, so And she's like, let's go there. You have to finish your mission?
Unknown:No, girl, no,
Margie:um, she's like, we need to finish our mission. And he's like, No, we have to get you to safety. That is my number one priority here because I am a federal agent. Like, that's what I have to do. Your girl. So she sits out in the middle of the trail. And it's like, I'm not going anywhere other than to Felisa most camps. So either you're gonna carry me to that city, or we're going to walk together definitely seamless camp.
Rachel:This bitch has a she's
Margie:just scared the shit out of her. And he's like, god dammit. That's not what he does. He was like, god dammit, son of a bitch. Okay, I guess we're going to finish this mission. Great.
Rachel:No, right. Yeah, she has no fucking idea where she is say, Okay, you're right. And then take her.
Unknown:So true. That's so true. You know, he
Margie:doesn't do that. Of course. So um, this is when we get to the affirming life part. The next day, guys. Well, it's just kind of like overall, there's a lot of stress is gone. A lot of stress is going on. Yeah, you know, there's
Unknown:there's been three days
Rachel:and the only the only thing that's really gonna relieve all the stress and pressure that they're under is jungle fog. And you know
Margie:what? You know what, though? It's because Roberto shows up again. So there's like a shootout in the jungle and
Rachel:they murder someone and that is the sexiest thing I've ever heard. I
Margie:think they murdered so they didn't take it out. Roberto, he should have already been dead because he was flown thrown from a fucking plane. Now he's been shot. He's still alive.
Rachel:I want his story. He sounds like a cool guy.
Margie:tried to rape a girl
Rachel:learn more of him. Yeah, but like he's immortal. Apparently.
Margie:Okay, so so like firming the girl Ali our girl is like I would kill for a shower our boys like here. Here's a waterfall. She's like sweet starts to jump in. And then he's like she's a natural bond and then they have sex
Rachel:what would he have done if she wasn't a natural blonde? No, he
Margie:just likes blonde. Blonde jokes in his head this entire book. You just really as a thing for blondes.
Unknown:Oh, no. She's also painting government employees with a broad brush
Margie:he's already married to blondes in the past and divorce them both. Oh, yeah. But they were not good ones.
Unknown:So it's not her it's just as
Rachel:soon as he found out they weren't natural blondes
Margie:so now they've had sex out in the job. They do though. They do use a condom because he grabs them off of Roberto apparently
Rachel:bunch of the up we can use them as a parachute
Margie:after the plane crash like went back to get supplies he's
Rachel:a fucking Boy Scout.
Margie:Yeah, yeah. They reach felici most camp they meet bellissimo, who was like okay great. Where are the missiles and he's like they're about like this many miles whatever. Jake is cool let's go get them sweet we'll do it the next day they agree on that so and you know they keep up the cover story basically their cover story for Ali is that yeah what is this I want to know they believe she was not happy about it but she acts like she's a piece of ass that that I found along the way I've just flawless
Rachel:yeah perfect budget.
Unknown:Cool so he went with
Margie:Emily I love you
Rachel:so should we put casual racism in the triggers Okay,
Margie:aren't you okay just remember the casual racism on top of everything else so Okay, so there oh just wait when it comes to casual racism
Unknown:there's so much fun
Margie:Alright, so the next day are the Jake goes off to like sort out the missile situation. Go get the missiles. And he's also going to train the guys he's supposed to train the guys to how to use the missiles
Rachel:so the missiles survived the million forever five,
Margie:the plane crash. The only way I can understand is that maybe They were in pieces you know like to put them together and once they get there
Rachel:I mean that would be the safe way to transport missiles but right nothing else in this
Unknown:yeah not like to
Rachel:make sense though so right who am I to assume
Margie:so um and then the just to add a little bit on this the plan is that when Jacob space we're gonna have a US US Army come into his camp and come into his camp to take the missiles back and it's gonna be this whole thing.
Rachel:Yeah. Have the US Army come in after they have the missile right?
Margie:Yeah. So after that bellissimo will will come clean about bear it off and say bear it off is the one who sold these to me
Rachel:bold assumption but okay, okay. So I'm sure went on
Margie:while while Jake's teaching them how to use these missiles just exactly what you want to be doing. She our girl befriends this little five year old boy baby girl who live who is an orphan Alright, so we're just gonna we're gonna gloss over a couple of things. bellissimo son is a complete deck His name is Rico he tries to rape our girl.
Rachel:Oh wait Hang on. Okay one one attempted rape to did rapes three three I think we're on for
Margie:three that was a third attempted rape because we had the rape the attempted rape from the
Rachel:from Jake no cuz she he was attempted she was the the two guys attempted to rape her twice and Jake safety right once Oh, only once. Okay, only one so we're only on three. Okay.
Margie:Even tried to come on.
Unknown:I'm also not getting over the name Rico police.
Rachel:Awesome. Maybe you're right.
Margie:Yeah. Well, so jealousy sex because Rico was flirting with Allie and trying to rape her. That was the way he tried to rape her.
Unknown:He tried to rape her and Jake has no actual claim you
Margie:ever will so they have jealousy sex, but
Rachel:someone else is raping you long story short, the
Margie:plan goes into action everything works out. bearing on expect then bear it off is implicated. But he gets away basically like he goes into like an underground hiding in the United States. Yeah, absolutely. Um, our girl wants to bring back me gal with her. He's, she's like, I want to adopt him. And Jake is like, no, no, it's like, that's not how that works. He's like belongs to someone. He doesn't actually he has no family or anything. He really has no okay. Um, so that's why she kind of befriended him while she was there. I
Unknown:I am fairly certain a single waitress in San Diego does not have the means to take care.
Rachel:You can't just take a child from the middle of his drug camp. It's like if you see him, his mom or someone's probably around to take care of him and you just
Margie:but so bad, but I love you so much. Actually. He doesn't have a cat
Rachel:Jesus, I just I get I get so cynical about
Unknown:this. Yeah, it gets worse.
Margie:Worse. So I'm Jake and Ali are like Ha this is all over. Oh, shit. Like, everything's worked out. It's all great. And the US government, a guy from the US government comes up to them and it's like, Hey, you can go home or you can kind of let you rest up in a in a resort house for three days.
Rachel:Yeah, cuz the government would spend money on that.
Unknown:Oh, they do? They do. Absolutely.
Margie:It's been so they spent three days together. Now these two are like totally in love, right? Oh,
Rachel:I mean, logical conclusion.
Unknown:I would be so nice.
Margie:I'm three days together fucking snorkeling. I'd like a drink.
Rachel:You're gonna say snorting cocaine
Unknown:I was really wondering
Margie:okay, that's what that placement three days together and then it's like this really is has to end this is the end of this. Like we you know, we can't see each other again. We can't date he's very much like, my career is everything to me kind of dude. And she's like, but I love you.
Rachel:And you're fat money because I'm a waitress.
Unknown:So she, exactly you have government? Like honestly,
Rachel:I just mean
Margie:seriously, I'm diabetic. So yeah, I need health care. So, but they go their separate ways very dramatically. Of course.
Rachel:I were just imagining like on the tarmac. hair blowing in the wind and like we're talking like Casanova level
Margie:not quite that they're they're actually in an awkward airport terminal and all of that somehow makes
Rachel:it better. Yeah. But still, yes, a wind coming from
Margie:going through. So then they go back to their own lives like she tries to get over him. He tries to get over her. However, bear it off is still in the wind. And they're not nobody's happy about that. Does she
Rachel:get kidnapped? No. Does he get kidnapped? No. Okay, yeah. Well, I have no idea what possibly could happen.
Unknown:Does she break into
Rachel:breaks into another boat?
Margie:Armando Po? Where's Jake, my boyfriend? I just broke onto a boat where? Where is he? So but Jake has Jake's boss calls him into the office and says like, hey, we think we've got a lead on burn off and Jake's like, that's great. And, and the boss is like, it's thanks to your friend Allie. And Jake's like what? And he's like, Yeah, we got her she's gonna be involved in like this plan to learn Barrett off out of hiding so basically, they're gonna pretend that Ali managed to get the mass out of Mexico Yeah, like smuggled it and is trying to sell it
Unknown:but what is she gonna like?
Rachel:We can trip to Mexico Mexico
Margie:actually put that otter it's oh my god. So um, so the Jake is like, that's that's not going down because she's gonna try to sell it to burn off like that's yeah, and then burn off will come out of high because
Rachel:the the safest and best way to, to, to, you know, implicate a drug lord and also terrorist and someone who wants to overthrow a government is to have a random civilian with no security clearances. Who's a waitress? That's a great idea. It's
Margie:gonna be great to get out awesome. Totally. Oh, Jake's like No, no, that noise my girl ain't doing that he like barges into her seeing her San Diego apartment is like I am now ahead of her security like y'all can go fuck yourself she is now
Rachel:my property she was before but now like I'm actively and
Unknown:and she's just kind of like my like all I need to keep this Batman out well,
Margie:so he's so she Alli gets in touch with Barrett offs personal assistant
Rachel:can Can I just really quickly I want to like I know there's been a lot of crazy things and then like suspension of disbelief that kind of deal. I think the part where my suspension of disbelief really breaks down is the fact that she's able to afford a single apartment by herself right now. She does
Margie:not okay all right. She was living with Chrissy remember and dead Yeah, but she's now she's paying for it on her own. Yeah, but she was only gone for like she Chrissy died and I think like less than a week later. She was cheap and kidnapped on a yacht. So that's a short turnaround. Sorry.
Unknown:It was only 18 were covered.
Margie:Okay in the month. Yeah, so Exactly. She
Unknown:still has a week too bad.
Margie:So I'm Jay comes into her life again. And she's like, I really don't want you to be back like I'm in love with you. But I don't want you here because I am in love with you. Well, because she doesn't want to face that pain. Okay, she doesn't want to face the pain of having him okay. And so he and also he's kind of an asshole to her because he's kind of battling with these emotions don't say battling with these emotions of like I love her but like I'm gonna have to leave her again I'm also angry at her she decided to get
Unknown:because there's no work oh for drug agents in San Diego California
Margie:actually weapons agent so like he doesn't really deal with drugs so Okay, that's a book now the reason I mentioned it so but of course they they make up and they get to fuckin yeah so they
Rachel:the only way to make up the deal with
Unknown:there's no roommates
Margie:God fair enough goes down bear enough like they agree to meet somewhere
Rachel:it's gonna be decidedly he was okay with it. What bear and I'll suddenly Jake was okay with letting her do this. Oh, he
Margie:didn't really like she was kind of like I'm gonna do this So either you're gonna help me do it? Or I'm gonna like go get your other agent guys help me do it so
Rachel:right because the two people that led the army to them in the first place. They aren't going to be suspicious the second time around.
Margie:Nope. No. So Bear well bear enough just once the mask is trying to buy the mask from Ollie because he thinks the alley has stolen the mask.
Rachel:Oh, this is different than the other guy.
Margie:Yeah, this is Aaron off and bellissimo. bellissimo. Sorry. All right. Cool. Now, fair enough and bear enough just wants the mass.
Rachel:Got it. Okay, fair enough.
Margie:is going to pay Allie for the mass because he thinks that she stole it. Okay. So, deal goes down. It does not go well. Baron off basically grabs in Sword omitting kidnapping and many kidnappings in the 11th hour. Yeah, in the 11th hour, kidnapping in the 11th hour lasts about like 30 minutes at most. As she gets shot we get
Unknown:through the shoulder. So it's a hiccup in the schedule. Not even like you get through the shoulder
Margie:just above her heart, of course, but But it goes thankfully goes straight through it doesn't hit any major it doesn't hit the lung that's
Rachel:immediately behind that.
Unknown:Nothing just shows I mean, the ribs.
Rachel:Weird. It's like this magic bullet that just takes a random trajectory
Margie:we can have later she's out of the hospital Jake is like it said like, I love you. They've admitted their love to one another and their life affirmed like they have not affirmed the light. That boating with a with a bullet wound in your shoulder does not sound that great.
Rachel:You say that but we've had it happen
Margie:before the reporting you're gonna she's like kind of upset though, because she thinks that he's super happy, but on their way out of the hospital and she's like, great, she's probably happy because like, now he gets to leave again. And he's going on another mission and we're just gonna say goodbye to each other again. And so he rolls her outside in a wheelchair and suddenly she hears like, senior senior Lita alley, it's me girl. A little boy.
Rachel:Get that bitter child Bitches love children.
Margie:Like me girls like
Rachel:you marry me here. There's a
Margie:gal is like Jake said, Jake said that you were gonna be my mommy so Jake is like, will you marry me, Allie? And they get married. And then they act they also get a Jake's other kid from a previous marriage so that there's
Unknown:So Michael, I'm so sorry.
Rachel:I'm sorry. If I've been like, like, busting your eardrums this whole time.
Unknown:Beatty done mystery child in addition.
Margie:Because there was another child from his previous marriage and it but his ex wife had like kidnapped that kid and taken him somewhere else and he could never find him
Unknown:why it's
Margie:so at one point when he opens his his private investigation firm because that's what Jake does. At the end of the book. He opens up ifirm He hires all these people to help them find his son. And they adopted Miguel. And they find Michael and Allie Isabel a mother to two five year old boys.
Rachel:That went from zero to two five year old children real fast
Unknown:okay, I need to ask Yeah, important question. Where does
Margie:nowhere it's in the jungle. I think they do have sex.
Rachel:No, they have warm moist. Sex. Yes.
Margie:Under some words rain in the mud.
Rachel:Asking for some sort of infection. Yep.
Margie:Yep. Yep.
Unknown:Maybe that's why she had
Rachel:you have sex in the jungle one.
Margie:Oh, they had it more than once. So
Rachel:can we talk about all of the parasites lies that lay eggs in your skin and in this like rainforest level,
Margie:or is it Oh, yes. Rainforest level. Okay.
Unknown:Yeah, yeah. Believes Yeah. Uh huh.
Margie:Yeah. And I'll talk about it I didn't even mention it. There is another room happening alongside that one. That's like a smaller one. Is it? Is it BB? It's bb, bb and detective. The detective who's supposed to be looking at the alley. But detective was looking into alley detective Hollis or Hollander? Why was he doing this? Because she went missing.
Rachel:Oh, okay. Okay,
Margie:that my friends
Rachel:gave a shit about
Unknown:Yeah. Yeah.
Margie:So they Yeah. And they fall in love, which is actually a really cute romance seed. Rather, I feel like I give this guy like, I'm not telling the story very well, because he's like, I don't know. But then he does all the shit. Now. He seems like a dick. He seems like a dick. But in the book, he's written like, convincingly enough
Rachel:to say one of the things where when you're in it, you're like, okay, and then you get out and you're like, wait, wait a minute. Yeah, yeah.
Margie:But like, I feel like there are also moments that were less exciting of like them bonding a little bit and like I was asleep. The sweat was pretty good.
Rachel:Okay, so so let's get into raining real quick. So we usually we rate the books at the end. We rate the main male character, the female character, the plot, the smart and then the overall book. So how would you rate our he's a homeboy, I'm sorry, you can't convince
Margie:him otherwise Yeah, he's a homeboy, but he's like very to me because I've read the book. He's barely a homeboy.
Rachel:My way, I'm sorry, you've read it, you have more context than I do. But I would argue Hello home. I know.
Margie:I know. I get it and I get that I totally get it. But I've read the book. So that's
Rachel:fair. I trust your judgment.
Margie:i The girl I have to give her major props or resourcefulness.
Rachel:I mean, that's fair. Okay, so one to five. On him on him.
Margie:2.2
Rachel:is very specific. Well, that's
Margie:her
Rachel:3.2 3.2 Okay, you're really gonna make it hard for me to for me to make these these nice little like lights. Like writing things. Okay,
Margie:yeah, just fine. Yeah, you could do to kiss you could be like, Margie was stupid,
Rachel:too, because I was dumb. And I don't agree. I think he's a homeboy. Okay. You can only attempt rape. Well pretend to attempt rape so many times. Yeah. And by that, I mean, less than one.
Margie:So yeah. Okay, so that the plot, the plot is bananas. The boy is crazy. Yeah.
Rachel:You know, you've never been kidnapped and then taken to Belize. And then
Margie:No, no, no, no, no, when you told me like, you're so I'm not with someone. And Rachel will be like, I think that you're you're the one who's actually gonna have like a romance novel romance, and I was like, you take that back?
Unknown:No, no, you don't want to
Margie:that's one of my dreams. I'm more of agile Lizzie McGuire movie. All right. So I mean,
Rachel:if Zack could whisked me away, oh, no. To help sell missiles to foreign foreign government. I would have been so they're so they're
Margie:so they're
Rachel:okay, so um, post me with a literal child.
Margie:Oh, god. That was also like the like, let's do let's talk about the white savior ism of love. Like Jason
Unknown:You know why?
Margie:Bad adopting that child.
Rachel:Just my catchphrases in this podcast is fucking white people.
Margie:Crazy people. Oh my god, we suck so hard. The worst? The worst?
Unknown:Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, Jake's and he were going to be my mommy is like, crazy.
Margie:Oh, horrible. Okay, so let's see the plaque issue.
Rachel:It's one of those things where like, I want to get into it and talk like so much about this. But where do you even start? That's a whole nother podcast.
Margie:We used to say that when I was doing my master's degree of like, that's a whole other dissertation. Yeah,
Rachel:no, no. Where is it? For the plot two for the plot. 2.2 for him 3.2 For her to for the plot smut. Hey, a book can be trashed and still have good Smite. 3.5 3.5 All right. All right. And last overall, one to 10 Three, three. Okay. All right. Yeah. So it is spoken. So it
Unknown:shall be this won't go on.
Rachel:So, so I want to know what your thoughts on this. Yeah. Again, having never really like Not a lot of experience, at least with our, our format or the podcast. What are yours?
Unknown:Um, I also don't have a lot of experience with romance novels. Like I haven't really that many. So I'm just like, standing here with my floor. And I'm just gonna like is this like, for the ones
Rachel:that we read? So we try to pick ones that? I mean? So we started with, okay, let's do all kinds of romance novels. And it kind of got to a point where it's like, okay, let's pick the ridiculous ones. Because I feel like those are the ones that yeah, I don't know. Like when I when people are like, oh, yeah, I read romance novel, you usually think like, hey, look, sexy man on the cover, like that kind of thing. And especially to like, you know, younger, like teenage girls and stuff like that, who might not know any better. That's where we get a problem. So just kind of like where we're coming from is it's not okay, that shit like this is marketed market is romance. Yeah, because we know better. But not everyone that reads it does. Right. Yeah.
Margie:And a lot of the romance that we read that because we have that experience. We're like this, this this this is just there's nothing romantic about it. There's something about the sky that is sweet. Other than like, no healing, do things like consider his property and like not not yet about her interests or opinions. And it's
Unknown:like, yeah, just because they're screwing doesn't mean that it's romance. novel
Rachel:like, and we run into a lot of authors who like in their specific descriptions of themselves. They're like, I love an alpha male. It's like, okay, you are equating alpha to abuse. Yeah. And that is not
Margie:That's not okay. Okay. Yeah. And it's not the same because we can't we have I think we have had guys who have been kind of quote unquote, alpha.
Rachel:Yeah. And they're just abusive.
Margie:They're just abusive, but also but like we've had guys who are like, not dominant.
Rachel:No, they're they're quote unquote, alpha, but they're still good. Decent here. Good. Still
Margie:good decent people. Yeah, that I think, right.
Unknown:Right. Right. They have leadership skills.
Rachel:Yeah, it was the rugby dude. Yeah, the rugby there was one with a dude who was like an ex rugby player, whatever. And it was it very much fell into that. Like he he was CEO of a company. He was a quote, unquote, alpha dude. But he also like, gave a shit about her,
Margie:gave a shit about her was really gentle with her understanding of her past and it was super cute.
Rachel:It's possible. It's possible and everyone's probably get a gym, but this one was not.
Margie:No, no, it was not. Unfortunately, I bought something. Yeah, I bought it half
Rachel:price. But did you actually pay money for good money
Margie:for? Wow, I don't know why I can't remember the reason why I paid good money for I think it was just because I wanted like to have like,
Rachel:at least if you buy it at Half Price Books, you're just supporting Half Price Books. That's fine.
Margie:Right? We have had somebody buys a book from Barnes and Noble.
Rachel:I know. Wow, I felt bad for them. Okay, sorry, guys. Thank you for going on this adventure. We like to end with sort of what we're reading as recommendations for the listeners of like, when we do when we weren't, like neck deep in this dumpster fire. What were you reading to maintain your sanity? Yeah. So I'll ask Margie. And then if you want to tell us what you were reading as well, on here at both you guys are
Margie:totally. So I'm reading this book called S. It's actually by JJ Abrams. I think it's Douglas Dunst is the other name. He's like the primary writer though, right? It's kind of House of Leaves s square like, but it's like, it's the story called Ship of Theseus is the name of the book. But these two people are having this relationship of writing in the margins of what they think and what happens. Oh, I've heard of this, but it's really good. Yeah, I'm really I love it so far. So that's what I've been reading. I was also watching something recently. Was it's gone. Was it trashy? Anime? It was not trashy anime. Wow. Okay. I don't watch that much trash and night usually. Usually it's K drama. Okay. All right, Emily, what are you reading right now or consuming? media wise.
Unknown:I have been powering through my genre when I like really kind of need something that's not like classic literature is mystery novels, and I love mystery novels. And one of my favorite series that just came out with a new addition to it is by T Kinsey. And it's the lady Hardcastle series. And it's set in like I'm wearing. But it has a very modern sensibility of how they talk to one another and things like that. So fantastic series. They just came out with an he just came out with a new one like a couple weeks ago, and I
Rachel:all right. Oh, I'm super down. Yeah, I'm gonna put that one on my Goodreads. Oh, yeah. It's really love like that era. All right. Um, so I think that's it. That's usually all we cover. We recently changed it so that I do all of the plugs in the beginning of the book. So are the episodes we don't even have to do that now. Except if you want to plug your plug doubles one more time.
Unknown:Yeah, sure. Again, I'm Emily Edwards and I host the podcast called fuckboys of literature, which really goes hand in hand with textual tension. So I hope you guys listen. And I'm on most podcasters under the letters FB O L.
Rachel:Let me go ahead say so thank you guys so much for listening. We will see you again in two weeks. Thank you so much Emily for jumping on here with us at experiencing the magic of Modern Romance. And oh, thank you to Ala near you for the use of her song Oh love off the album be held. That is our intro and outro music and it is wonderful. And I think that's it. All right,
Margie:I'm trying to find the first sexy Oh God. Okay, and
Rachel:hey, check out our Patreon at patreon.com/textual tension for our under the covers episode. Yes. And remember, you can't search us because we do produce adult content. Yeah, so yeah. Alright, so bye, everybody.
Margie:All right, here comes the sex.