Textual Tension
The comedy podcast that unpacks the bananas world of romance novels! Tune in every other Tuesday as one co-host, either Margie or Rachel, recount a romance novel to the other unsuspecting co-host.
Whether you love romance, love comedy, or love both, join us on our truly bananas comedy adventure!
Textual Tension
Ep. 38: Alpha Centauri Lost
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Get ready to be blinded by science! And MIB! And...religious persecution? Okay maybe not that last one... But strap in everyone for a long, involved, and ridiculously fun sci-fi themed episode! Your co-hosts Rachel and Margie go deep in the alien paint as they talk about Gini Koch's, Touched by an Alien!
Yo, yo yo party people. Something new. Hi. Welcome to textual tension. I'm your co host, Rachel. Introduce yourself, Zachary.
Unknown:Wait, this isn't this isn't the intro intro. The pre show announcement. It's
Rachel:the pre show announcements first, I'll introduce myself. Really? Yeah. Weird. No,
Unknown:he did the same intro twice now.
Rachel:I switched it up. Okay, let's try.
Margie:Hello.
Unknown:Hello, everyone.
Rachel:And welcome to textual tension. I'm your co host, Rachel.
Unknown:And I'm not a co host. No, you're on cast husband,
Rachel:you're the husband dough. And every other week, I jump in here sometimes now with guests and give you all of the cool pre show announcements and the What's What in the world of the textual tension people's see, it's different. I see. Yeah, so I have a guest today, which is exciting. And the reason I have a guest today is because our beautiful husband Joe has become our apprentice editor in some cases. And in this case, he edited this episode. So please direct all complaints to his Bondo at textual tension calm. That's not a real
Unknown:thing. If anything's wrong, if anything is off, or there's some blips, or it's clipping or anything like that. It's poor training. So shit. You're right. Send that right back to Rachel.
Rachel:Okay, all right, fine, here. Fair. So we're gonna get into some announcements real quick. I actually have a couple. I know weird, right. So first off, uh, this is a long episode. It's so long. I know. I'm sorry. It's not that bad. I thought it was entertaining when I listened to it. But the reason it's long is because this book is a fucking roller coaster. And there was absolutely no way for us to cut it down any further and still have it make sense? So more textual tension for you, I guess.
Unknown:And it's fine. It's even longer because of this super long pre show announcement. Yep, pretty much. Sure. Welcome.
Rachel:That's why I don't mind making this go along are a huge shout out to all of our beautiful patrons. I will say this muddy bits in this book this week are great. And so if you want to hear about them, and my what would be my internal monologue during sex? That's weird. Oh, well, it's there. Now right here. Yep. Hey, had a hit up patreon.com/textual tension. And maybe check out all of our really cool incentives. You get tons of bonus content, including an extra little minisode for each week, where Margie and I discuss this muddy bits Heyo of the books. And like I said, this one's really really fun. Remember, though, you cannot search us on Patreon because we produce Do you want to say it? adult
Unknown:content? adult content? Sexy? That was my sexy voice?
Rachel:Yeah, you're right. So check that out. That would be wonderful. Another announcement is that we talk a little bit in this week's episode about another podcast that I absolutely love called Talking token
Unknown:and unexpected podcast I can
Rachel:talk in. Um, and we talked about that because my husband's amazing, as I mentioned in the podcast, and maybe they're gonna mention us on their podcast, which is super cool. So check out their podcast. It's amazing. It's near and dear to my heart. Y'all know how much I love Lord of the Rings, and it's wonderful. So please check them out. I'll talk about it a little more later. Um,
Unknown:and if you're coming here from there, yeah, if you are from there podcast Welcome. Welcome. And this is a real long episode. And it's not normal.
Rachel:No, it's the content is normal. It just took us longer to get through it. And that's fine. And if you are hear from them, hey, I love Lord of the Rings. Please hit us up. I'd love to talk about it with you on social media. Speaking of social media, how was that for a transition? Nice. We have our Instagram, Twitter and Facebook, Facebook. At textual tension pod pretty much across the board textual tension pod@gmail.com is our email address. And we have a website at textual tension pod.com Check us out on all those we're on Goodreads too. We leave reviews for every single one of the books that we we talk about in case you were wondering about that. And um, I think that's it. Oh, stay tuned. We're going to have a serious overhaul of our Facebook page coming up here in the month of April. So keep your ears peeled. That's a phrase right?
Unknown:No. Oh, keep your ears open. Keep your eyes peeled. Don't peel your ears, please. Or your eyes. That
Rachel:sounds awful.
Unknown:You keep your eyelids peeled open. That
Rachel:sounds terrible. My eyes aren't bananas. Okay. Well, strap in everyone. Get ready for some fun science and a really long episode and please direct all of your complaints to me because I probably didn't do A great job of explaining this just batshit crazy novel. So without further ado, please enjoy. Episode 38. Would you like to say it? I don't even know what it is. Oh cool. Alpha Centauri last tearing me apart from
Margie:Hello.
Rachel:And welcome to textual tension. Try something new. Oh, I'm feeling it a love hate relationship with romance novels. I'm your co host Rachel. And I'm your co host, Margie. Post trying something new. Every other week, one of us reads a romance novel and summarizes it for our unsuspecting co host this week. Margie is listening in. Okay, baby. Together. We attack what just happened? Oh.
Margie:That was a very like, unfulfilling. Orgasm. Yeah. Oh,
Rachel:girl, we need to talk about that. Welcome back. Oh, good. Oh, God. Welcome back, everyone. I just can I take a moment to appreciate the fact that we only really drink during excuse you Carlos. Those are my flowers.
Margie:So he just wants to spend time when
Rachel:he doesn't. He wants to eat my flowers. Sir.
Margie:Are you gonna be okay? Do you need help? Go
Rachel:okay. He's got anyway, we only really ever drink during my episodes. And it's entirely because we record mine second. Yeah, it is. It really is. And mine is we after the episodes gonna come out two weeks from now. We needed it.
Margie:Yeah, I'm glad that we decided not to drink for that episode though. And listeners once you listen to it, you'll understand.
Rachel:Yeah, um, but that's okay. Let's go to brighter things for a moment. Okay, first of all, here's why I have a teeny you're gonna find out why that's funny here in a minute. Martini
Margie:look is so good. It looks really?
Rachel:Yeah. Master Martini crafter. It has two ingredients. But we have some business to attend to yet first. Can I just say, Oh, yes, I have the most amazing husband ever. You do really? Really do. This is blocked me earlier. He did his best novel position ever. But this is gonna come out shortly after my birthday. Hey. And about two weeks after my birthday, actually. But for my birthday, my beautiful husband. Talk to one of my favorite podcasts, which is the talking token unexpected podcast. Yes, the
Margie:name is
Rachel:honest. Right? Love so good. And they are gonna listen to our podcast and talk about it on theirs. And I just wanted to spend a hot minute to talk about how much I love their podcast.
Margie:And are they gonna spill the tea spilled the tea and we're gonna spill the tea.
Rachel:To be fair, I'm way back in their archive right now. Because so what do they do? So what they do, they are two guys who love Lord of the Rings as much as I mean, you just you do you know, me and my Lord of the Rings? I asked you to that love you. And yeah, you introduced me to the movie Love? I did. Yes, I did. Um, and you should be. And they so they get together. And they start by doing a chapter by chapter read through of the books, which I get a lot. The biggest thing that I get from people when I say how much I love Lord of the Rings is I can never get through it. I couldn't read it. Right. It's hard book. Because, and I feel like actually was talking about this with my friend last night. The reason it's so hard is it's a different perspective. And it's a way of writing that like Tolkien is the master of showing not to Riley right? Yeah. And that's hard to get used to
Margie:talk about it to how like Tolkien is more about like scenery and all that stuff in detail. And then there's George RR Martin, who's all about the detail of the characters, and it's to write
Rachel:very, very different and I can't read games, I can't read them.
Margie:And I try I love Game of Thrones, and I love Lord of the Rings. So it's just like,
Rachel:it's different. There's different perspectives, but they do. So I started reading the book with their podcast chapter by chapter. Yeah, I'd read a chapter listen to an episode. And this is like the fourth time I've read them. And this was like I picked up on so much that I totally missed completely went over my head. It's like they notice things because I mean, I think at least one of them's an English teacher. Yeah, I think they both are. But they picked up on things that I just straight up didn't pick up on and what it ended up. I ended up reading past where the podcast was and still was able to like pick things out and notice and it's just like I appreciated the book so much more and you know how much I love it. So cool. All right. So I'm like, oh my god and like the fans are amazing. Like they have their, their uppers. That's what they call them. But they, they like, the fans like sending their Bywater posts, which is like, oh,
Margie:no, and they just don't even I limited knowledge. You get
Rachel:that and like they have fans that like record versions of the songs in the book and then play them on the air. Like, oh, it's so good. So I'm like way back in the archive right now going through because I'm in the middle of two towers right now. But y'all need to listen to the podcast. I'm so excited. And for like two days after he told me that I would just have these flashes of insight during my day of the talk and talking guys are going to talk about my podcast. Oh my god, I'm so excited. So you're gonna hear me talk about it in like the little intro thing for like, I wanted to really talk tell Margie about it this episode, and the next episode will say something too, but like, Guys, guys, go
Margie:listen to up talking token. Go listen. Yeah. Oh,
Rachel:it's so good. Yeah, a little bit of context for this one. Oh, I've actually had this one for a while. Okay, and on my shelf. Okay. And I just hadn't cracked it open yet. And we haven't had a really good Rachel science corner. And we had some small ones. We didn't really have a good yeah. So I decided like, like my
Margie:orgasm at the beginning of this podcast. We just We gotta go all
Rachel:the way. Yeah. And we did. Because I read this book. I picked it up. It's a sci fi book. And I wanted one or two really good Rachel science corners. Yes, I got an entire book. Is a Rachel science corner. And bad science? No, yes or no? Okay. It's a lot of we're gonna have to do a little bit of a weird format for this one. Because there's a lot of explaining away science that happens in this book. Like just like, oh, well, this is how this is. Why is this because of this? Why is this because of this? So we'll get to that Bear Bear world bear with me. But first, I'm going to give you this and you're gonna understand why my Martini is funny. Oh, okay. Right.
Margie:Such by an alien for the very first. Catherine. Okay, so listeners. The book is called Touched by an alien. And it's got to a lady with a vest that has like, a very, a Hells Angel. He has Angel Lee kind of vest. It's it's all leather vest. It doesn't fit her because wrapped vest. Yeah, it's cropped about like three inches. I mean, she does have a splendid gas and waistline. I am very envious of it. Um, I think she has red hair. Anyway, she's kissing this other dude who's in kind of like, you know what it reminds me of? And I've never even seen these movies is with a Will Smith men and black men and black. It reminds me of men and black men. Oh, no. And so they and the entire background. So they're both holding guns kissing each other, which also happens with the Witcher.
Rachel:Oh, good. Can I just say there's a dude dying on that cover?
Margie:Where these like black guys being blown up. Like and there's a lot happening in the background. There's a jet I think there's a dragon. Yeah, that does not have jets. Look through. Zulu is there. There's just like a lot going on at this moment where they're having a very tender moment and it's like this is not the time. This not seem like a good match. Well, okay, so it's my genie caulk.
Rachel:Yeah, maybe Coke,
Margie:whatever.
Rachel:But I said caulk the entire time. So hey, oh, CH Catherine kitty
Margie:cat. Are you fucking kidding?
Rachel:No. Just wait.
Margie:joins forces with gorgeous aliens to protect the Earth kick evil enemy but and save the day.
Rachel:Now flip it over in the back. Oh, no. Because you need to know and I'm just gonna sit here and sit my Martini. It's really long.
Margie:It was just another day in Arizona. And then the monster showed up. Marketing Manager. Oh, oh no. Catherine kitty cat.
Rachel:Kitty is the nickname kitty cat kitty cat kitty kitty cat.
Margie:had just finished a day on jury duty. When she stepped out of the Pueblo Kellyanne tape courthouse. All she was thinking about was the work she had to get caught up on. Then her attention was caught by a fight between a couple a domestic dispute that looked like it was about to turn ugly. But ugly didn't even begin to cover it when the man quote unquote suddenly transformed the huge wing and Monster right out of a grade Z. Z science fiction movie and went on a deadly killing spree. In hindsight, Kitty realize she probably should have panicked and run screaming the way everyone around her was doing and said she got mad searched. She got mad
Rachel:once this just came out All right, keep going her
Margie:purse were a weapon and armed with a Montblanc pen sandipan Fine, printed into action to take down the alien. In the middle of all the screeching and the ensuing chaos, a tall handsome hunk of a guy in an Armani suit suddenly appeared beside her. Beside her, examined to the body introduced himself as Jeff Martini. There it is, martini with the agency called out to an Armani clad colleague to perform crowd control, and then insisted on leaving her to a nearby limo to talk to his quote unquote boss. And that was how kiddies new life among the aliens began. I hate this.
Rachel:I can I just say, I didn't real I'd actually don't remember reading the back cover of that. Because you see the front of it and you just have to, but now don't open it gave it to me. The text
Margie:is so small
Rachel:book dude. Thick, but can I really say that is literally scene one in my notes. Is that description? Yeah, that's everything. Oh, like I did my job for me. Good. Okay. Anyway, so we're gonna get your well triggers we're gonna Okay, triggers first. You're right. Um, there's not a lot good. There's a lot of violence, obviously. But But. But light and flesh. This is the one where they use the word man flesh. Shut
Margie:the front door and merge
Rachel:the picture of the word man flesh used in this book. religious persecution y'all really? Yeah, that's the first one. What's new? Uh huh. Um, that's it. I think
Margie:we're the only people who could have fun with triggers.
Rachel:Yeah. Well, and fun is a strong word. It's more of just like cynicism. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. Um, yeah, I think that's, yeah, religious persecution is really the only one which is not what you'd expect, right? No, I didn't either. I do not. And I will also 100% Get this out of the way right up front. I fucking loved this book.
Margie:was so much fun. Okay, but it wasn't good. Yeah.
Rachel:It wasn't bad. It was spring. Good. It was a really fun Joy Ride. Okay. Yeah, I'm ready. Okay, so we'll get this out of the way now. Because this entire book is a Rachael science corner, I did pick some very specific things to go in detail on. Okay, so I have a couple I did math. I'm excited. I got to do math. So a couple like in depth science corner, okay, the entire book is gonna be a lot of it. So the way I want to structure this talk are time, there's not Taco Time. But damn, and Rachel, there's a lot of space stuff, which is my area of expertise. And I love it. I
Margie:you're also an expert on tacos
Rachel:and sex. Hey, girl. Um, so the way I want to structure this because it's a little different. The way the book is, is, there's a lot going on in the book. There's also a lot of exposition and science explanations. Air quotes around the science. Okay. Um, so what I want to do is I'm going to go through a couple scenes, and then I think you're gonna have questions. Okay. And I want you to ask me questions, and I will answer them how things are explained in the book. Okay, and if you do not hit a question, I think is important. I'll just tell you. Um, so think of questions and really think of questions like, like, Katie is, like, almost comically smart in her deductive reasoning for her, right, so just keep that in mind. So here we go. Strap in. Katherine, Kitty, cat, kitty cat. Okay, so the kitty cat. I don't actually know what she looks like. Because the book is from her perspective. Oh, okay, so you don't really get right. It's mentioned within the text, but I didn't I couldn't pick it. Right. Okay, I'm assuming she looks like how she does on the front. Okay, um, she's a comic nerd. Oh, I appreciate Jeff Martini however,
Margie:Oh, no. Martini that was the human name that he picked was Martini.
Rachel:Ridiculously handsome. Like everyone else in this organization was like, it's like Thor. It's everyone is ridiculously handsome in this organization. What's our Armani suit?
Margie:Really, really ridiculously good looking?
Rachel:Yes. Broad features strong chin light brown eyes, dark, wavy hair. No wedding ring. He does sound very sexy. Oh, and he's from Alpha Centauri.
Margie:What? Alpha Centauri Yeah. So okay.
Rachel:Take it for granted. Well, so alpha centauri mini science corner. We get into this later. Alpha Centauri is the closest star system To us cool. Yeah. Its own. It's a little bit short of five light years away from us. Oh, binary star system. I have a science corner about that. So I'll get into that a little bit later. So scene one.
Margie:Is it habitable?
Rachel:It does have planets in the habitable zone. Oh, I looked that up. But those plants were not discovered until after this book came out. Okay, but it's been theorized for a while. So, science dude, if you didn't know how much I love science and shit, especially Space Science strap the fuckin listeners, let's go jam. I'm reading. So scene one is pretty much everything that you read on the back of the book. I'll go over my notes anyway, in case I missed something, but literally, that's it. So, Katie is getting coming back from jury duty and witnesses a fender bender. It's a husband and wife and the two different cars. They get out the husband starts really bickering and my notes say when husband doe explodes into what I would call the perfect mixture of alien and emo slash anime Angel man.
Margie:image in my mind
Rachel:of a character. You're welcome.
Margie:Thank you. Okay,
Rachel:I never had the desire to be a writer. But every once in a while I get a jam. Showing with your words. Everyone freaks out and starts running away. Kitty on the other hand
Margie:for the furries.
Rachel:Hey, if you're into that cool, not my jam here, but that's fine. Kitty, on the other hand, grabs around in her purse until she finds a pen pretty much all she has, and just charges the dude stabs him in the video game style weak point in the form of a jellyfish looking thing on his back and he explodes she definitely just killed a guy.
Margie:How? Why? Why would she decide to be Griffin door?
Rachel:She maybe she's just a Gryffindor that's okay. I don't know.
Margie:I just I think that that's not how humans normally
Rachel:aren't any fair. Some humans are that way or like some people so here's part of the reason why like something out of the movies. Yeah. But like, Okay, if something crisis happened, yeah. Would you run away or help? I guess it's gonna help. I
Margie:wouldn't necessarily stabbed with a thing in the back. Yeah, so here I would get the woman out of there. So
Rachel:oh, she's dead. Oh, she died. Oh.
Margie:Yeah, especially she's dead. I be like, oh, about right GTFO
Rachel:I told you suspension is part of the reason I love kitties so much. She's an so you know, how do you remember the the mythology book where the chick was like way overpowered? And just like yeah, never wrong. She's the fun version of that. Oh, okay. So she's ridiculous over the top way better than anyone should be. But she's a blast, like written in such a way where like, you're like, I get you and maybe it's me because her internal monologue is my internal monologue. Kitty is me. Ridiculous. Like, there's actually been a couple sayings from this book that I've included in my lexicon to be a kitty than a Lydia. True. Hey, like so for it. You say the whole like, her normal people would panic. There's literally a quote in this book they've decided to start using because I love it so much where she's dealing with pressure. And someone's like, wow, you do really well with like, under pressure just like no, I'm just I just panic and style.
Margie:Yes, literally. Yeah, she's
Rachel:great. Um, so shadowy government organization shows up definitely not men and definitely not no, absolutely not just money. To be fair, she makes that joke a lot. And there's a lot of comments about no one laughed, but I thought it was funny. Imagine me please. Um, and basically say, Hey, you should come with us and join and stuff because that's not what normal people do. And we need not normal people. Alright, you
Margie:know what? That's fair. Yeah. She had a non normal reactions.
Rachel:Jeff is the first one on the scene. Also, is that my teeny? Yes. Also Jeff is super forward. So basically, their first interaction is she he just appears out of nowhere literally poof there. And she like in her. adrenaline fueled slightly panicking state looks at him registers. He's like, hottest model you've ever seen level attractive. Damn. And so she looks at him. looks at his left hand looks back. And he noticed.
Margie:That's kind of cute.
Rachel:He's just the entire time like, Hey, what's up? My name is Jeff. I want a big family one day. I hope you like
Margie:that's actually kind of funny.
Rachel:It's actually really fun. Yeah, no, this book was a roller coaster but a fun roller coaster. All right. Yeah. Um, so Kate goes with them because it's not like she has that much of a choice. No, I mean, she does and she very much She's like, I'm not just gonna go with you. I have questions. Yeah. But she ends up going with them. And like passes out at some point. Because finally, why? There's a reason it comes in later, but at the time or something no at the time, it's assumed, like what you kind of assume in the moment is, she's like really hopped up on adrenaline and just watched an alien explode and her entire life view is changed. It got a little overwhelming. How does Jeff react to that? A grabs her and puts her in the car. Oh, because she was going with them anyway. Oh, yeah. Right. So
Margie:you got that bridle style carry?
Rachel:Hell yeah. Um, we also meet he's also with a, a bunch of other top model level attractive men. Yes. In our mind suits. Yeah. And we also meet a dude named Chris, who, immediately like, Katy hates him, and he doesn't like her. Okay, like, that's the that's the vibe. Okay. Um, so let's get into some Expo about aliens
Margie:and shit. Okay, um, so yes, please.
Rachel:So, do you have any questions for me yet? At this point? I've mentioned a couple things that were weird. No questions yet. Okay. Because there's people appearing out of nowhere. There.
Margie:I thought that that that was a euphemism?
Rachel:No, like, literally out of nowhere.
Margie:Oh, hoof? Yeah, I had that. Question.
Rachel:So we learn about the alpha alpha centurions, wires. I'm gonna call them ACS from now. Because a lot. Okay. So,
Margie:like the book that I did for my live show?
Rachel:Yeah. A little bit. Yeah, but fun. And also, you know how in the last episode, you had to, like, break down the world of like, these exist, these exists, these exist. This is kind of like that. Okay, in that we just got to get a lot out of the way. Okay, then. Hopefully, it'll make more sense, but we'll try. We'll try. So Alpha Centauri and ACS. Have a lot of special snowflake cloud powers that us normal earthlings down. Okay. Okay. Not only are they all ridiculously attractive, yeah. All of them. Yeah. They certain ones have extra powers. Okay, essentially. So Jeff is an empath. The most powerful Empath of the ones currently living on Earth, he's really a powerful and pestles
Margie:exhausting
Rachel:what it is, and they make a point of that. So he he's an empath. He. They're trained from a really early age. Well, so usually their powers like the earlier they come on, the stronger they're gonna be. They usually come on around, let's think X Men which she likes, she makes that okay, comparison because comic nerd. Um, it's like puberty. Kennedy, okay. He's came on when he was three. Oh, my God. So he had to, like, grow up with that. And they're like, yeah, it was traumatizing for the kid because they learn how to put up like these mental blocks and like, stuff. Yeah, but what they do is after like, every, like, month or so once a month or whatever, they have to spend time in isolation chambers, just to like, de stress and like, get away from everybody. Okay, because they're constantly picking up on other people's emotions. If they don't, they can die. Oh, like, it's a legit thing. Oh, yeah. So he's a really strong Empath, which is part of the reason I kind of explained away as to why he likes her so much, so quickly, so fast, because he's like, I'm really in tune to you. And I like you. I'm certain other ones. So like, Chris, his ability, his image manipulation, okay. And he's one of those powerful ones of those in there. Okay. So he's like, head of media. So basically, what the media saw is, instead of a chick running up and stabbing an alien in the back, yeah, they saw a chick running up and taking out a terrorist that was trying to like, set off a bomb in the middle of the street. Dope. Yeah. Um, so yeah, I'm good. Thanks. Um, so and it's actually kind of neat. I actually really like Chris, you'll see why later. But they, they specifically call out like, he would have been an artist back home. Like he has to do all this stuff. And like, he's not an artist, but like, he's the soul of an artist kind of deal. Okay, um, and you also can read people from their pictures. Okay, so there's a little bit of woowoo as far as like, you know, the whole like, some people think that pictures take your soul bit of your soul. Like they talk about that a little bit. Okay. It's interesting. It was an interesting thing. So, ACs have two hearts. Okay, Doctor Who, so they move really fast. Okay, um, and actually,
Margie:why they suddenly appear? Yes, that's stupid. I hate it.
Rachel:So on Alpha Centauri and this this was dumb. The, the whole thing is basically on Alpha Centauri, everything moves a lot faster than here on Earth. We're just a lot slower than that. Hmm. They can't use normal human like they can't drive cars. They have human drivers because their reflexes are too fast.
Margie:I hate it. I hate it so much it comes into play once.
Rachel:And
Margie:let's see if you're too fast walk to fucking work bitch and
Rachel:the way they do usually. So the way they explain it was I had to reread it so many times. So, one of the drivers the only other human that's there is a dude who's kind of like kitty where he he was a like, famous Calvin Klein model. One of these parasite things, which is what they are, they're not aliens, they're parasites that attach on to people and like manifested. Yeah, right. The jellyfish thing. Um, weak spot. Oh, he had that happened during photoshoot. And he did what kitty did. He ran at it and killed it. Like he just knew he was gonna kill it. Right? So he got kind of absorbed into it into this organization. So he did the same thing as kitty. Exactly. Oh, wow. Okay, and he's amazing. He is fabulous. And in a gay relationship with one of the ACS is just an alien. Yeah. Oh, he's an alien. He's an alien. They're all all the really attractive Armani suit. People are aliens. Okay. Yes. There's a couple humans in the organization. But most of them are aliens. So, let's see, I gotta make sure I hit all these. There's so much I'm doing my best. Um, all of the field agents are men.
Margie:Okay, this part was, like, great.
Rachel:All of the super attractive chicks are the scientists in the organization. Okay, hmm. I don't know why. But Qt changes that in the end. So, okay, so that's good. At least. Now the part I really wasn't okay, with? Oh, no. And this comes up specifically, is that the Elvis and Taureans like, it's very rare for a chick to marry one of the dudes or like, get involved with one of the dudes because they're attracted to intelligence. So they really like like all the physicists and like
Margie:that, but still my
Rachel:so when I was reading this book, I started reading it. I'm like, This is gonna be fucking awful. Like that. And especially when I got to that part, I'm like, This is gonna be a shit show. And then I kept reading the book and was super here for it by the end of it, not that part. Okay, the book in general, like that is one not great part in an otherwise really good book. Kind of make sense? Yeah. It is. Alright, I know. And they don't end up with super smart people. So there's that I guess. I don't know. That part was weird. That's all I'm going to go in to for now. There's a lot more. Okay. That's kind of the first wave of exposition that you need. Okay. Okay. Oh, I'm sorry. I never explained the moving fast part. got started. He did. He said that they have two hearts. Well, yes. But the way it's explained in the book, so the male model is the one that explains it to Kitty. Okay, because the opposite Dorians like kind of trouble explaining it. Basically, the way it works is, and this took some mental warping to get my mind around it. If they can do anything easily, they can do it at super speed. So like, if you can run five miles and you feel fine. Like, say you're running for a marathon and you're like, Okay, I can do five miles. That's easy. Yeah, they can do that five miles as quickly as they want. Okay, yeah. Uh huh. Uh huh. Whatever. I'm not even going to touch on that for the science corner. Yeah, cuz there's no way for me to do No, no, no, also, they have teleport technology like teleporters. Okay, for like, long distance stuff. Sure. Sure. I told you strap the fuckin Yeah. Okay, let's just
Margie:go on. Go on.
Rachel:So meets the ex male model. His name, His last name is reader. I'll just refer to his reader. Okay. Um, I refer to the organization as men in black. The entirety of my does have another name. Yes. It's a fuck. I don't remember. Okay. Man in Black. Yeah, um, they take care of you on a bit of a tour of their whole operation right
Margie:to start.
Rachel:So the start First up, is a storage facility. Mm hmm. and New Mexico. Take a guess at where it's at.
Margie:Very 51. I don't know.
Rachel:Roswell. Oh, okay. I'm sure. So, things of note. It's really hot in there. People just keep showing up out of nowhere. And it's just outside of Roswell, New Mexico, as I say, Yeah, this is where she kind of puts two and two together of okay, what's got like, this entire time all the expo that I gave you, she's kind of figuring out based on shifts that's happening to her. Right, right. Or at least being like, Okay, this this, this and this are not normal, and I'm not going to accept it. What's the actual explanation? Okay, basically, right. And it's kind of what they're trying to do because they want to see if she can figure shit out and look the way she thinks like, it's almost like like testing like, Okay, are you good to be in the organization right kind of deal. Next step, or next stop is a teleporter style station that they have and They're going to be going to their main place like their main like headquarters. But first, they kind of have this this momentary realization of like, okay. Chris was able to his job was to try to keep Katie out of the media. But he wasn't able to he was able to change it. So it looks like she stopped a terrorist. Right? But her face was still out there, right? Well now she's become a target for this alien parasite thing, which means her family is a target to Oh, so her dad, her mom and all of her pets, which her parents have a lot of pets. They have four dogs had like three.
Margie:They finally did that though. Because like on every TV show, people are like, Oh, your family will be fine. And I'm like, Why did they know that word else?
Rachel:God, you have to trust me that this was a really fun book. Okay, the way I'm gonna explain it. It's gonna be weird, but trust me it was a blast. I'm so they make a quick pitstop. Well, Jeff, kind of like, they're all going into the teleporter a couple at a time. And Jeff's like, she's like, Jeff, I need clothes. I'm currently in a business suit. From jury duty. I'm a mess, right? I need something from my apartment. And he's like, Well, we kind of really need to go to this. She's like, just please. Yeah. Okay, final make a pit stop. So they make a pit stop at our apartment. Get her like, they get her a change of clothes. And then her apartment explains
Margie:good timing. Right?
Rachel:So the Get out of there, thankfully. Um, but so the
Margie:reason is their attendees moment.
Rachel:They have like really snarky like, okay, attention going on going on. Like they're both just like, like, she's just like, okay, all right. Sure. It's like, hey, my parents like hilariously over the top forward.
Margie:Okay.
Rachel:But it's, it's cute. It's funny. Yeah. Yeah. He got she makes one joke about like, he's the kind of guy that would offer to marry me on the first date isn't a and someone's like, yeah, he's like, whoa, whoa. Will you marry me? I'll ask you now.
Margie:That's adorable. That's hilarious.
Rachel:It's actually really fun. At first, I was not here for it. And then I really was. Um, so
Margie:you find all these good books? I'm so okay. Look at this cover. Yeah. This would be a good one. No, I did. Exactly.
Rachel:So Katie's dad's freaking out. Because he saw her. Yeah. And so he kind of calls and he's like, I'm going to call you every two hours. And like all this, like a professor somewhere. And also your mom's like in an airport in New York and like travel has been shut down because of these terrorist attack kind of deal. And so she calls her mom to make sure mom's okay. And something is weird is that she's like, Mom, just if you see anything weird, like, you know, like, she's like, I think I just saw something weird. And then the phone hangs up. Oh, no. So after that, instead of going to the main base, they go to LaGuardia in New York, right? To find her mom. And I should also mention that. So there's the teleporter stations. They have one in most, if not all like airports, because that's just the easiest way to get around since they're all in the men's bathrooms because all the agents are men. And it's
Margie:sad. It's like the baby changing tables. Hysterical
Rachel:though it leads to some funny moments. It's like her and Jeff just pop out in a men's bathroom in the middle of an air. Fair. Okay. And there's a lot of and the like, all of them, like in this group are terrible at lying. I don't know why but Chris ever they just cannot think on their feet and lies. We're like, kind of organization. They're just really bad at it. Like oh, hilariously bad. So she's the one who's like, Okay, everybody, like, she comes up with everything on the fly. It's, she's a fun character. She's me. Um, so they show up at LaGuardia. And her mom is currently on the tarmac getting attacked by a big demon looking motherfucker. And just has a Glock out. It is just wrecking his ship.
Margie:A Glock when she's on the tarmac.
Rachel:Her mother is a consultant, quote unquote. We're about to learn a lot about Kitty's mom that kitty did not know about her mom. Um, so they're, they're able they're they're all just kind of like off hoc and even the Alpha Centauri guys are like, oh fuck, because he this big demon looking motherfucker we find out. They call him their codename for him is Mustapha Lee's you know, like the demon from what is it? The fall to classical literature about the fall Paradise Lost, maybe, maybe, maybe, but reference to listen thoroughly. I was a demon. I was watching cats last night. Isn't
Margie:there a cat's cat name in the show? The name is awfully serious.
Rachel:That's please imagine giant cat from now on. But actually it's a demon looking
Margie:around me better.
Rachel:Yeah, older me is better.
Margie:I wasn't watching a new one just everyone knows. Like the stage version. I don't know what's what's weirder.
Rachel:Better? Yeah. But they so this guy is like the head of this other invading alien race, right? So it comes out so most people being infected by these parasites or like the husband dude has Bondo just immediately goes nuts because these parasites are attracted to negative emotions and like that kind of deal. Okay? Very rarely, there's certain ones where the people don't immediately go like, like, they kind of lay dormant a little bit and they strike a balance to where like, the people in their normal lives don't know that they have a parasite and new but they'll change into these parasites and those are the more powerful parasites kokai right, so Mustapha Lee's is one of those. Okay. Just so happens that his human counterpart, oh, no, is a super rich old dude. Who happens to be the head of a terrorist organization. Oh, that's fine. Whether or not those things happened mutually exclusive or not. Yeah, is like it's always kind of like we don't know. Maybe one thing happened before the other maybe there was a reason that both of those things like
Margie:it's fine. Yeah, it's fine. He's Yeah, yeah.
Rachel:So he threats right. So
Margie:mom will say hello. I just say right, and you're like, oh, no,
Rachel:it's fine. So kiddies, Mom it turns out is it consultant and by consultant you mean she's actually like really high up in US government? Oh, classified. She couldn't talk about her job going against these terrorist organization. Okay. Yeah, so that's why she's there. That's why she has a Glock that's why she's fucking shit up. So please get a hold of Katie. Oh no. And is going to like almost eat her it's kind of one of those. And she again panics in style and is like fuck What do I Extra Hold hairspray and sprays it into his mouth and he freaks out drops are they're able to get away? Okay, it's a thing. It comes up later. Okay, so they're able to get everyone away. This is this is technically when we learned that Jeff's an empath also at the time. I just threw it out there because it was because
Margie:he
Rachel:so she freaks out afterwards like so they'll like take well reader actually tells her about all about it. So they go back into the car with everybody including her mom and he's just like I need to sleep and passes out and everyone else kind of takes a nap because a lot happens. And so she's Katie is talking to reader and he's explaining Okay, Jeff's an empath. This is where we learned that if he doesn't get rest, he'll die. Like that kind of deal. Oh, he's like, he just did a lot. So he needs to sleep. Okay, that kind of deal. Um, next up main area. So we're still on our tour. Okay, that was just a side quote. Okay, so then they go to where their main our area now guess where their headquarters is? I don't know area 50 Oh, yeah, yeah, we're the same fucking three I'm gonna try Boston. I'm gonna try so hard there's six scenes Okay, and science things I'm gonna try so hard to go fast you all if this is a long episode. I'm sorry there's so much okay, go get back to headquarters. Finally get some rest also they bring kitties dad and their pets. Oh, good. They got all the beds. Yes, they got them all because parasites can anything living Yeah, they can attack you. So Kitty wakes up in the middle of the night with a nightmare. Really bad nightmare. And Jeff,
Margie:who's I'm waiting for this good empaths shit to come in
Rachel:Whose room is down the hall? Comes like knocking and barge he's like, are you okay? Like he he it's a bad enough nightmare that he wakes up from sleep. And is like, Oh my God. And so she's like, crying her eyes out like it's a bad one. So they like fall asleep on a recliner. He's just holding her. And then they wake up and sexy time ensues
Margie:I yeah,
Rachel:I was so excited for under the covers. Because it is the most it is the funniest sexy time explanation I've ever read.
Margie:Okay, fucking
Rachel:patriots. Oh, good. And this is where? God so much. This is where we get into a second exposition time about religion and shit. Oh, no, this is where we learn. So the Alpha Centauri Ian's god I'm so sorry everyone pour yourself a drink.
Margie:I don't even have a drink left. Oh, god, it's bad.
Rachel:So they have only Jeff is was born on earth. But he's actually like the first generation born on earth. Okay, they've only been here for a little while. Okay, um, and we find out that the officers that I like yeah that are here on Earth are here because really Just persecution. They're essentially exiled. Because there's like two you're born into your religion on Alpha Centauri. Okay, that's just how that works. And their group believes in that if you sin, your soul can be redeemed. Essentially, the other group does not. Oh, basically don't fuck up or you're dead does Oh, okay, great, right? Yeah. So they send them here. Um, let's see. And they also believe in science and like evolution. So yeah, there's that too. Oh, I have two hearts in here again. That's a thinker. She can hear his double heartbeats, by the way means he can have sex for a long time.
Margie:Can you hold out for a long time?
Rachel:He regenerates quickly. Okay, hmm. Um, we also kind of pick up at this point that something's kind of messing with Kitty's emotional output. And Jeff's picking up on it. Like she like he's getting emotions from her that she's not feeling.
Margie:What do you mean, she's not feeling
Rachel:well, so like, he's picking up on something that isn't there. So like he picks up on like, he's like, Do you have a parasite? No, but it's related. And that's a little weird, but she's able to be like, No, I don't I don't feel that. Yeah, I like you. You're cool. We've known each other for less than 24 hours, but you're cool. Yeah. And she's fully aware of that, by the way. She's like, it's kind of weird. But like, I'm not mad about it. Yeah. Okay. So we get a little bit of that kind of Expo, and we're about to get into more at the Expo. Okay. The GoTo Meeting. And we find out that not only is Katie's Mom, special government person. Yeah, sure. Her dad did a lot of help with he's a cryptology kind of guy. Cool. He's a professor but he also helps out the government with that kind of stuff. Okay, so they're looking at this book. So the the opposite Aryans, these parasites got to Alpha Centauri first, okay, they were able to kind of protect themselves with this, like ozone shield thing. Oh, science. But they weren't gonna stay protected forever. So the Alpha Centauri Ian's the kind of had dual purpose for exiling this religious group, because it's like, yeah, we're getting you away, but also you're distracting them and bringing them to Earth instead. Oh, yeah. Shitty, right. Um, so the reason they know this is because they have a book. So basically, these parasites had attacked another world that sent out essentially emissaries to warn people. Oh, wow. And so they had crashed landed on Alpha Centauri and had notes and so they're able to decode these notes and figure out off fuck like they didn't. Yeah, so you couldn't decode all of it before the parasites even came? Yes. Before they came. So they were released a little prepared. And then they sent these Alpha Centauri ins to Earth to to essentially draw the parasites away from Alpha Centauri. Okay, and at the same time persecute an entire religious organization. Yes, you do. Yeah. Sure. Well, it's not pagan. It's fine. What what Christianity appropriated that from another religion gasp anyway. Sorry. But Jesus, he was definitely born really close to the equinox. It's
Margie:fine. It's fine.
Rachel:It's fine. Anyway,
Margie:we can still party? Yeah.
Rachel:Saturnalia baby. Yeah. Um, so Kitty is kind of figuring this out. And her dad is looking at this religion. There's text that they have these notes that they have and like looking at it. And he and Katie kind of come to a realization at the same time that it was interpreted incorrectly. Oh, it's a religious text. Okay, so there's a lot of parallels. This is where things start to get weird. Start, there's a lot of parallels between this and the Bible. And this whole, like, these parasites were essentially cast out of their perfect world out into space. And wherever they're landing, they're making this like living hell, essentially. And so it I don't know.
Margie:Okay, yeah. Can you hear a ring? You're looking at the expression on my face?
Rachel:You have I'm so confused. Yeah. Okay. So basically, they were the flow sites were cast off of their parasites origin, it's actually I will say like, it's confusing to explain. It's really confusing to explain. Yeah, it's an interesting concept when it's written down, because basically what it is, is the the background of this parasites are that their world, their sun went supernova. Okay? They were cast out into space. And they've been basically since the Big Bang. They've been just poof, like, going and essentially attaching trying to find ways to maintain their existence. Okay, right. Right. And the way that the text is written these notes and they're translated is if you don't know a lot about Earth religion, then you might not pick up the similarities between being cast out of Eden. And like thing like like, there's a lot of similarities that go on and so they're that's what kind of tips them off of like we think this might be a religious text and it actually mimics a lot of like this other thing and this is related to this and like what came first who knows but so that they kind of are able essentially the end result is they're able to kind of realize that Mustapha Lee's who's like the leader of this, it's part of the reason he's Mustapha Lee's like he's his goal is to turn Earth into their new homeworld. Oh, essentially, which would be their own version of hell. Right? Right. There's some
Margie:I when I heard those version, the parasites own version or
Rachel:humans, okay, but the parasites version of like, their their good good old place, okay. mins? Hell so it's like, they're not like, like, the parasites aren't evil, like, aren't like the devil. They're evil, but they're not like, the devil. It's just like, the interesting parallels between these people getting cast out. And also with our religion, like, was our religion influenced by this? You don't know. And like, also, to kind of see what I'm trying to explain. Maybe sort of, I might just I have to fill you in.
Margie:So that religion was based off of this text that landed on Earth, that was supposed to be a warning.
Rachel:That text landed on Alpha Centauri. Right. Um, you also it comes search to come across at this point that it's kind of weird that it was mistranslated. Okay, because it was translated by a bunch of these other Centurion scientists, but the two
Margie:religions were based off of this text.
Rachel:It's implied that that maybe that happened, okay. But it's never like that. Like, we don't know, but maybe there's a lot of weird similarities. Okay. It's kind of like a like, well, maybe this was the case. Maybe this wasn't, but this is the end result. Okay. It's, I can't describe it better than that. You just have to read it. Okay. So listeners, I'm sorry. I finally, I've, I've reached something that I can't really do. I'll do my best. But I'll try to I'll try to answer whatever questions you have. And maybe I'll, what I might do is here, I'll do this in the shownotes. I'm going to go back and reread this section and try to summarize it a little bit better. Okay. So if this was confusing, and I'm sorry, check out the show notes. I will do a much more thorough explanation of it. They're very cool. Cool. So let's see. At this point, it also comes out got all these expositions things coming out to people like information and stuff is kiddie figuring shit out. Okay. Yeah, that people aren't telling, right. The first person that was sent here to Earth from Alpha Centauri was the leader of this essentially rebel religion or whatever, okay, which was essentially drafts grandfather. Oh, he was sent as an experiment. He'd be pretty old now. Huh? Yeah. Probably pretty rich, too. Oh, no. Mustapha lease was established as an Alpha Centauri and which means Mustapha Lee's has extra strength. He's probably aware that he is a parasite, and is like, super powerful. Wow. That's why and that's why he has such an interesting kitty. Because this is like the first person that like, he's been able to, like really get close to as far as like transferring the parasite to someone younger and more and stronger than the dying body of this old dude who is dying. Oh, yeah, right. No.
Margie:Okay. So he's interested in kitty. Yes. I'm sure Jeff takes that really well.
Rachel:Great. Fantastic. So good. Um,
Margie:drama.
Rachel:So they decide. Katie has this plan. She's like, we got to kind of lure out Mustapha, please, because he's going to make a move. At some point. He's getting desperate. His body is dying. Yeah, human or the Alpha Centauri body, but he's in his writing. We got to lure him out. And his generals essentially, right. He's not the only big powerful parasite. There's other ones right? And they're like, We have never killed one of those. She's Well, time for everything. Let's do it. But she killed one. She killed like a normal plebian 101 of the big power center. Okay, she's a special snowflake. She don't do anything, right. Because reasons. Because magic is real. Science mites is magic. That's the newest My Little Pony sciences magic. Magic. So, um, Jeff at this point has been kind of running on all cylinders. And he needs to rest a break. Yeah, he can't. There's no time to get a break. Yeah.
Margie:So he LACOB across the head.
Rachel:He at least gets a little bit of sleep. And at the time, so he gets a little this entire time.
Margie:I love Jeff though because he's like me. He's like if I do not get my Listen, I literally the last time I was here I slept 12 hours. I came upstairs to check on me.
Rachel:So, this entire time Katie's Mom has kind of been like Katie's Mom loves Chris. Okay, Chris and Katie hate each other. Hmm. And Katie's Mom, it's been like, like, really? You don't see this? And no, Chris is kind of like he really likes kitty. But he's kind of doesn't know how to deal with it. So he's being an asshole
Margie:supposed to be her and Jeff, right? Yes. Okay.
Rachel:So Jeff is passed out taking a nap covering cats. White really? Yeah. He's in her parents like apartment and like, there's all the pets are there and she walks in and he's passed out on the bed and cats are just all over him purring looking at her like what?
Margie:Ideal?
Rachel:Well, and up until that point, her dad hates Genesis
Margie:on a chain. Ideals woman.
Rachel:Well, her up to that point, her dad is not like Jeff, because he's so forward. And he's like, aware that they're having relations. Relations. Remember? Oh, right. Yeah. But he walks in and sees that he's like, Well, fuck the cats like him.
Margie:That's No, dude. Cats and dogs. No,
Rachel:it's strange. Dogs love them, too. Yeah. Um, so Chris jumps kitty in the elevator. And they make out Oh, and she at first is like, I don't want this, but I do because he's really hot. But I don't And then she's like, No, no, he's like, You're right. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Like, read the signals wrong. Like he like I and yeah, that's good. Right. And they kind of like, like, repair that, like, actually start building a friendly relationship after that of like, I read these signals way wrong, right. I did, too. I'm sorry. I really liked Jeff. And he's like, yeah, he's gonna know as soon as he like wakes up. And God this is gonna suck.
Margie:So Oh, god. Okay, God,
Rachel:let's get to the big battle.
Margie:Yes, please, please, please, please. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready after that. It's like Twilight. Alright, ready? Davos? Yes.
Rachel:Jeff is still passed out. Okay, he's because he just needs to sleep. So they pile into two cars. At the time. Yes, exactly. I own that pile into two cars with Chris. Jeff and reader in one car. And it's kitty and then two chicks from the science department where she's like, I need you guys with me in the field. You just have to be there like Cool. Great. Go. Yeah. So they're in the other car. And they're driving along and like, the girls are like, it's the car in front of us like moving just like it's a bumpy road. Kitty knows what's going on. And then she's like, I think this car is rocking and then all sudden the door bursts open and Jeff and Chris tumble out and Jeff is just so this wasn't Kitty's plan initially, but she's using it to her advantage because parasites are attracted to negative emotions.
Margie:Oh, no.
Rachel:I didn't mean for that to happen, but all right. We'll make it work. Okay. And Mr. Foley's and his big daddies. Yeah, are on their way. So there's six generals, and I would really enjoy it if in your mind, you imagined a full battle montage complete with background music. Okay, I'm gonna fill in what that background music is because there's background music. Because this girl, my girl. No, this is I think, I think this is the moment in the book where I turned off the gas. I'm here for it. Because she kicks ass completely. Okay, good. She's the only one that's like, really? You never thought to try this? Let's just do it. There's six generals. I think it's six. There's one that kind of looks like a giant stick bug kind of deal. They all look really weird and aspects. Poison. Oh, good. Yeah, there's one that is like, in my brain. I can fully picture it. It's like huge ears. But the ears are like Flappy wing kind of deal. Kinda like a giant bat the flight there. You can't see but echo one. Sure. There's a giant snake got a giant elephant. Okay, and was giant slug. Cool. And then there's metafiles um, so she district's first thought she's like, Okay, that one has really big ears. Music. So, in one of the Hummers essentially that they're in, she grabs her iPod because this is like 2010 This book came out right? plugs it in and my girl just starts blasting Aerosmith, Motorhead boys like hell yeah. So imagine that in the background. She's able to kill it. Okay, then she pits the giant elephant guy against the snake. Because they like start to get really confused for her. Yeah, and so they start fighting. She has the fabulously gay EX model attack the big poison death bug in one of the Humvees. Okay, he's just hitting it and driving over it all right all to just rockin Steve Tyler
Margie:in the way but I'm guessing though Mustapha legs is still gonna get Kenny.
Rachel:We're getting there um, calls in a favor because she's in constant contact with the people back at home base. Okay, and they have pretty much unlimited resources
Margie:done without her up until this point. Fucking without right not use logic apparently.
Rachel:I feel bad cuz I'm brushing over a lot of the romances and the saving grace
Margie:suddenly reminding all the Griffin doors Hey, you don't have to just use brute force. That's
Rachel:why I love her so much. I bought Ravenclaw in a world of Griffin doors.
Margie:I am a girlfriend door accurate.
Rachel:Anyway, I'm wearing my Ravenclaw sweater right now.
Margie:It's perfect. It's meant to me so she gets them to essentially
Rachel:bring you know those planes that dump water onto a flat like fires. Saltwater on the slug. There you go. Right. And she manages to scare Mr. fleas off because she talked with some before this happen. They kind of had a powwow with this really smart intelligent science chicks of Why did my hairspray work? Took Extra Hold hairspray has more alcohol in it. Oh, Alpha Centauri ins can't metabolize alcohol. That's why everyone's armed with hairspray. It's great. Okay, well basically they took pure alcohol and put it in aerosolized contain. Okay. I
Margie:was wondering, I was like, why don't you just get rubbing alcohol here alcohol?
Rachel:Um, yeah. So long story short, awesome, epic battle music, etc. They get like support air support from the Air Force, although one of the guys does die. And they're able they win. They beat the generals and they go to go back to the main place monopolies runs away. And they're like, Wow, he really let us get away easily. There's a bomb on our fucking car. So they get back in, right?
Margie:Why would he bomb their car if he wants key
Rachel:in there? Um, so they're able to get they get back to the portal and Okay, Jeff is wiped. Yeah, he can't do anything. He's bait. He means
Margie:like not but a lot of romance between the two of them. It's been
Rachel:right now he's kind of mad at
Margie:her. Oh, really? Yeah.
Rachel:Because it's just there's so much there's so much yeah. That like, this might be a special episode. I'm sorry. Um, they they do make up kind of in the middle of this battle. Okay, because she's like, look, obviously, something's going on. You're picking up on emotions that aren't there. Something weirds happening? Yeah, we kissed Great. Cool, fine. I don't like him. I like you. And he's like, Okay, fine. Like he gets really powdi. And then he like, well, like, no, like, I like, like, kicked puppy kind of way. Yeah. And that's like, how he's mad at her. Yeah. And then he kind of has a realization of, okay, yeah, you're right. I'm being dumb. Alright, I give him a little bit of a pass because he's emotionally exhausted. Like, so tired me constantly. Hopefully. You're Jeff and I'm Kitty.
Margie:I'm an empath. Whoo, shit.
Rachel:Um, it's not Whoo. It's science. I'm sorry. So they get back and he's like, he needs to be in an isolation chamber like
Margie:he's, yeah, might die. He's dying.
Rachel:So they kind of whisked him away. And there's some issues with the CIA, I'm not gonna go into, it's fine. So they whisk him away. And they teleport them off to their like main Science Center, right help with the two chicks that were there to help like the two science chicks that were in the field with them. Kitty realizes at this moment, there's some things that have been happening that have been like kind of weird. For instance, the translation of the notes, right. I mentioned that her dad who is a cryptology kind of guy, right is like it yeah, it's really weird that they didn't like triple check and run with all of these different algorithm like do all these right steps they didn't do it's kind of weird. The chip that was in charge of that is in league with Mustapha Lee's Oh, good. And kitty kind of comes to that realization as Jeff is whisked off to the area that she's at. And she's like, Oh, fuck, they're gonna kill him. Because she also has the realization that because Kitty has all of these realizations. I don't know why no one else did. That when Alpha Centauri Ian's and humans have kids together they're stronger. Because reasons
Margie:don't question why why? Why don't question
Rachel:well, because if they're stronger than they have more of a chance of destroying the parasites those parasites don't want that. Chris Oh, and Jeff are the two like, basically most powerful in their field.
Margie:So Jeff bangs her and gets her pregnant. Yeah, okay. That's why
Rachel:things are right by your feet like a dude just putting pegs on a wall. Or dots. This book, okay, okay. Okay, so so she's like, Oh, fuck, they're gonna kill Jeff. Yeah, I can't let that happen. Oh, no.
Margie:So her and Chris she gonna sacrifice yourself.
Rachel:I know, I have this in all caps. They steal a fucking jet.
Margie:Okay, too, because
Rachel:so they're in the teleporting? Like the, the the center where all the teleporters are okay, which is not where their main basis right is area. 51. Okay. They got to get to area 51 They can't trust anyone in that area right now. Right? They don't know who's in league with who, right. So they just go and steal a jet. Okay, wide area 50.
Margie:Jeff, and that's reason do they? They do
Rachel:after some craziness because again, Chris knows how to fly when in theory because everyone else nobody's ever done it in practice. He can't he's Alpha Centauri in our human are low low. So he's like trying to walk her through it and everything. And so finally, the the air support that they had during that big battle, right? They show up. They're like, hey, so we noticed that you just saw one of our jets. Let's talk you down. So they help them land. Okay, and they're like, guys, we're here to help. Also, we want to be part of your organization because this is fucking rad.
Margie:Okay, very top. Okay.
Rachel:So they're sneaking in. They pick up a baseball bat. And a ball baseball side thing about Chris and Jeff childhood. Okay, it's there. That comes into play later. So they sneak in and they hang on. Okay. So they're able to sneak in, they're able to save the people who are being held captive and they find Jeff. Yeah, and bitchy chick who is turned on everyone is in the process of she's about to sterilize Jeff. Because he's like, about to pass out. He's like dying. And she's like, Hey, he doesn't have to die. We just don't want him reproducing. Okay, it's a thing. Um, and kitties able to kind of distract her and get her like, a like, hello, cat. It's easier. Like wait her does you don't want it I want more, but is able to kind of get her distracted. And she starts like, going to fight back against kitty and Kitty just straight up murders her with a baseball bat. Very go. Go girl. Yeah, yeah. Um, so. So the day is saved. Jeff is shipped off to a isolation chamber. He is Ricki recuperates, just Yeah, Kitty sleeps for like, ever. When she is awake, like so she goes and checks on him in the isolation chamber and like, because she's like, cares about him. She's worried about you. I didn't just save your life. We've known each other for literally 48 hours. But still
Margie:I care.
Rachel:Yeah. Um, but she kind of keeps getting this feeling like she's being watched. It's kind of weird.
Margie:Oh, here there.
Rachel:Yeah, what was going on stray? Yeah, but she's like sleeps forever. last scene of the book.
Margie:Oh, boy. OB Here we go. Go. Mustapha Liu. Yes. So
Rachel:Kitty is on our way to a meeting. And the elevator opens. Oh, and Jeff's in it. Yeah. And she goes in and she's afraid that he's mad. Like he's mad at her. And he just totally jumps her in the elevator. Yeah, yeah, totally of elevator sex. Yeah, you just sit there. He's like, Yeah, I know. You're really uncomfortable about just like being in an elevator with me because what happened with you and Chris in the elevator last time, so I thought I'd just kind of get you over. So they have elevator sex. And also by the way, don't worry, the meetings cancelled. I wasn't like, yeah, it wasn't just like giving you a reason to just hang out in the elevator with me. It's true. And takes her down to like his like, his place in this whole complex. Yeah, there's like he has like his own space. Okay. His get away whenever he needs to get away from people right here. takes her down there. Couch sex ensues. Okay. Cool. Great. Good. Fantastic. Um, and also the elevator clip dings Oh, no. And old dude shows up. Yes, grandfather. I thought he was dead. No, he ran away. Oh, we
Margie:ran away. Yeah, okay. Okay. Right. Because I was thinking I don't know why I was thinking that like Mustapha just ran off as a parasite
Rachel:or No, no, he was still attached to homeboy. Oh yeah, homeboy. And he still wants to go after Katie. Why does
Margie:he want kitty so much? Why doesn't any Youngblood do,
Rachel:so Katie's Mom is in charge of going after a specific terrorist organization, right? This dude, she's in charge of said terrorist organization. Also, he's a parasite going against Jeff's organization. Okay, so there's this weird overlap where it's kind of it's coincidence I specifically say like, it's kind of coincidence but it's bleeding over, okay? Because his human or AC part of him is not necessarily aware of the parasite part, okay? But they've been together for so long that their goals are kind of bleeding into each other. So the dude the Alpha Centauri and part of him is a terrorist and wants to take out kitties mom, because she's the one trying to take down their organization. The parasite wants to get into a young person that's not dying. And so they're kind of crossing over. Okay, does that kind of make sense? It does. Okay, okay. So this is like final hours of this old dude. Okay, he's dying he's going to die right? And so there's like, you get this like the path of it's the parasite talking half of a 10 Breaking it's like back and forth. And so can you just keep them talking? Okay, totally keeping the parasite like trying to convince her of like, you can have whatever you want we just need to like do this and like all this stuff, and she's like, oh, yeah, that sounds great. And yeah, I like him he's really good at sex so if we could keep him that would be cool. And is like well you know, it will be great if you need an audience for all this like playing into the old dudes ego and like keeps them talking. Okay, go up to where everyone can see you take glorious control of everything. So she gets them to go upstairs.
Margie:Okay. Is
Rachel:just feeling he's just like he's tense yeah tenses, though. Yeah. She's like, kind of sending emotional like signals of like I've got a plan Yes. Yeah. Plan. She's like sending emotional signals to the people sure top to be like, run away also hide this where I need it. Okay, so he Mustapha is goes full Mustapha lays okay. And she's able to get in with the alcohol in this like, huge one on one essentially her against him kind of deal. Okay. And she destroys him. And is inducted into the Order. And this is again, the battle was where I started to really be on board with this book. I was so happy with the ending. Yeah, so I haven't gone into it a ton yet, because there's so much. But Alpha Centauri Ian's really can't they're not supposed to be met, like have serious marriage, married relationships with humans. It's a thing in there, like a rule that they have, essentially. And it's because they like tested the excepted. So Jeff's like, I will leave a wall. So the reason is, because when if they have kids, the Alpha Centauri like jeans or whatever are prominent, so like, the kid will have two hearts. They can have oh, they can't have that kid in a normal hospital. Oh, okay. Yeah, so that's why I'm so. So he's like, I'll leave the order, like this organization. We can go you know what, I'll just Yeah, with you. Like, I really like you. And she's like, I can't make you do that. Yeah. Because first of all, it's not feasible as far as hospitals and shit goes, right? You need an isolation chamber once a month, right? Like, can't do that. And he's gonna, you know, it gets really upset. And she's like, Dude, it's the 21st century. We don't have to be married. Yeah. Well, but, but don't. isn't that important to your family? She's like, I don't care. There's nothing against us just boning. Yeah, and being together, but not legally. It doesn't matter. Yeah, he's like, we really can't who gives a fuck people have kids out of like, without being married all the fucking time you want kids? We can still have.
Margie:Are you committed to me? Yes. Okay,
Rachel:we're good. Marriage is an illusion. Yeah. And, and he's like, Oh, great. Cool. And she's like, Yeah. And also, he's like, Well, let's have kids. She's like, No, no, I need time to love you. Yeah, I've known you for two days.
Margie:But that's adorable. That's already got kids and she's like, No, no.
Rachel:Okay, great. Great. And they go on vacation together because they deserve it. And a book that was a fucking ride. Thank you for hanging on every series um, the reason I didn't go into the relationship as much is because there was so much plot that if I did, it would make no fucking sense and I'm not convinced it did make.
Margie:So let's get into the ratings.
Rachel:Okay, well, let's get to the ratings. I I have a couple signs. Oh, right. Okay, is that okay? long but I love it. Okay, so as I mentioned, Jeff and Chris are first generation born and on right on Earth. Um, so it is specifically stated in the book that the parasites came to Alpha Centauri about 100 years ago. They didn't have technology to travel interstellar travel to Earth at that point, they had to develop it and then they came to Earth. So I was curious, how far away is Alpha Centauri? Alpha Centauri is 4.37 light years away from Earth? A while away from our sun, right? Slightly different for Earth. It is a binary star system. So that two stars so like orbiting each other like tattooing? Yes. Yeah, exactly. And there's actually a confirmed planet in the habitable zone, which means there's a chance it could support life around a star next to Alpha Centauri. Okay, Centauri Proxima are Proxima Centauri. So in the proximity of Centauri, so there
Margie:is a planet B, No, there's not a planet. Literally not a place to be.
Rachel:Well, actually, the naming system for these stars is Alpha Centauri A Alpha Centauri B. Yeah, but we can't get there and Proxima Centauri B. Okay. So it's planet V. Okay, it's a thing. There's also a very high likely that their likelihood that there are planets orbiting the double star system that are in the habitable zone. So it's totally feasible that there would be a planet over there that supports life? Probably not, we can't get there yet. No, we can't. Um, but so that's why it took them so long to get there is because they had to develop. It's only four and a half light years. Now. That's assuming they can travel at the speed of light. Right. So let's talk about space travel for a second. Okay, I'd like to take a moment to appreciate the word superluminal in terms of hyperspace, so faster than light travel, because it's just a good word. superluminal is faster than light. Okay, super luminal. Right. I just want to appreciate that I read that word and loved it. Methods of interstellar travel. This is what I did a lot of math this morning, and I loved it, and I have to share it. Just let your eyes glaze over if you get tired. So I picked three really interesting interstellar travel possibilities that I thought were neat. First is nuclear pulse propulsion. So this is methods of traveling to say another planet or Alpha Centauri, so feasibly methods that they would have to travel here, basically, drop what you're doing with nuclear pulse propulsion, is you have a space shift spaceship spaceship that has essentially a plate on the bottom. You're dropping nuclear bombs that are exploding and you're using the propulsion of that explosion to propel you forward. Okay, so using that velocity fun. Also think of it like a pogo stick but more exploding, right? Yeah, right. Introduced in 1950. Hmm. tested, it's the thing that works. Oh, shit. Really? Yeah. Fuck, cool, right? Um, so it's actually still in consideration today as a feasible option like you can get some pretty good propulsion out of it. And they even tested and built a small scale model in 1963. Interesting. And here's the fun part. Zack and I and I'll take pictures to put in my show notes. have documentation on that testing because it happened at Wright Patterson Air Force Base. We have newspaper clippings from when that was tested, because his aunt worked there.
Margie:So that's a way of growing a third leg. Yeah.
Rachel:Yeah, um, the tests that you need to do are illegal now. National Law. Right. Because fallout. Yeah. Second form, ion thrusters. Thrust. So my first basically, here's, here's the science explanation, electric propulsion that ionizes an inert gas to produce powerful thrust. Think of it like a giant Himalayan pink sea salt lamp, okay? Because you know, ions, okay, I'm sure. So basically, what it does is takes a gas charges it with electricity, okay? So an ion is just a molecule that has a charge so positive and negative. So one extra electron or one fewer electrons, okay. And it shoots out so that when when an electron has that it has a lot of energy. So it takes that and it shoots it out of essentially a nozzle and uses that to propel you forward. It's real. It's used, right like as in a so over 100 navigation satellites. Current us currently use an actual ion propulsion system to maintain orbit. We have deep space spacecraft that are being propelled by ion engines. It's a thing. We have documentation about this too, which is really cool. I got so I nerded out so hard because it sounds so science fiction, but it's real. Like NASA is developing it right now. Cool. How cool is that? And current max velocity is about point 3% The speed of light that'll come into play here in a second. Last one, totally science fiction in the realm called a Boussard. Ramjet. Okay, which is a hilarious name. It is essentially think of it like a, you know, there's like the hydrogen fuel was a thing for a while and cars, they were talking about it. Think of it like a giant space vacuum. Okay, because there's hydrogen in space, one to two atoms per centimeter in space. So that's the density in space. So, like a giant vacuum that sucks up these hydrogen atoms in space and converts them to fuel as it's going. So you don't have to carry the field with you. You might get some space. Yeah. Theory. Great. Practice. It would have to be huge. So big Yeah. Not practical. But they got me thinking. The Office Centurions now to be fair. Suspension disbelief. They so eat the flowers. They say they have hyperspace travel. So that's the thing. So but I was curious how long it would take using those three possible methods for them to reach Earth. Okay. Did the math. So
Margie:Betsy? Betsy keeps trying to eat the flowers listeners.
Rachel:So nuclear propulsion, maximum velocity is about 3.3%. The speed of light Okay, remember Alpha Centauri is like 4.37 light years away from our sun. At that speed, it would take 1,315.52 years to travel that from earth to Alpha Centauri. Okay, one using an ion thruster, which remember point 3% The speed right. 146,109 years Okay, roughly. And finally, the Boussard ramjet which is theoretically perfect conditions actually providing some fuel for it. So it's not just getting it from rice goes 16% The speed of light. Okay. 270
Margie:years. Go. Nice going on that.
Rachel:I was hung over when I did. But yeah, no, they wouldn't made it. I mean, obviously, hyperspace thing right? But
Margie:okay, but but but Rachel mattered to me. It was important, Rachel, fuck you magic. Fuck you.
Rachel:All right. All right. Now we're going to review reviews. I loved this book. I was shocked. I didn't think I would.
Margie:Because he's trying so hard to lay on your lap. Hi, sheet. Wow,
Rachel:you're doing great baby. Oh, you're stuck. There we go. Um, I didn't think I would. When I first started reading. I'm like, Oh, God, like I was making jokes to Zach about how bad it was gonna be right. And then all of a sudden, I was really invested. Good.
Margie:Thank you. We're passing the flowers back. Because the kids across our recording space.
Rachel:Um, but like, I was all of a sudden really invested. It just happened.
Margie:Are you just gonna lay on my lap now? Probably. Can you just do that?
Rachel:We're working on it. Um, so I've really loved it. It was actually it was a blast. It was fun. It was ridiculous. It was the perfect example of how all of the dumb romance tropes of they've known each other for two days and like all the shin can still be fun. Yeah, that's true. So I Okay, so chick I fucking loved her. She's a 400% Maybe four and a half. She's me. Okay. Like I mentioned how some of her internal dialogue started using another one. That's probably my favorite was well, that was an ignorance. I didn't know.
Margie:Oh, good. Love it.
Rachel:Okay for four and a half. Okay, him he was so cute. I would say like a four she's so
Margie:confused. She a little bit. See she's just like, I want to sit with you. But I don't
Rachel:write. I would say like a solid for for him to smile. That smile was actually really funny because it was all her internal monologue. And she was insecure about some stuff. And I was like, dude, me too. Same all the time. So I was really impressed with that too. So the smut I'd say
Margie:faster the flowers
Rachel:I would say like a three and a half. Okay. It was good. It was like middle The road was good. Um, plied. That was part of the fun is the problem. Like three or four because it really it was the science was fucking ridiculous. And some of some of the stuff they talked about specifically with like the religious persecution and stuff. I I read it and I was like, Oh, this is gonna be bad. This is gonna be awful. And it wasn't right. They did okay with it. So like three and a half, four. Overall, I give it like a six or seven, seven. Seven.
Margie:That's pretty high. Rachel is I loved
Rachel:it. Okay. I loved it way more than I would you read it again. Yeah, you would think I would. Hey, there you go. And I so the reason I think I loved it so much is because it was it was an okay romance novel. But the plot itself was so ridiculous. It was fun. Okay, so I'd read it not as a romance novel, I'd read it as a fun science fiction novel. And no, and that, isn't that kind of the, what we've kind of found like, like the one novel, or those scenes that we've made all along. Yeah, their insight is the whole time.
Margie:Like, we will wait, I want to see how far I want to let her believe. No.
Rachel:So I mean, that's how the one with the invisible dude, like the one that I had you read the rest of the series? Yeah, that's how that one was. It was just a really good fantasy novel. Right? Yeah. So I feel like that's kind of you. It was ridiculous. It was very Men in Black. very minute.
Margie:Oh, my God. Yeah. And that's why it was fun. Right. So men and black don't have good suits. Like I feel like the men have black they have like, decent suits. Decent. Not great, though. Not Armani.
Rachel:I will say okay, I would say for final rating, six to seven. Okay. I would recommend. Great it. Yeah, it was super fun. Read it. She's looking at something. Um, um, yeah, it was a blast. And I totally already talked about what I was reading. I'm halfway through to two hours. Wow. I know, had that thought because we had that deep conversation at the beginning. Did you enjoy that?
Margie:I did. It was a it was a roller coaster.
Rachel:I was. I'm exhausted. And a lot of time on my notes for this. I'm proud of you tune into my notes. And I'll even put pictures of some of the cool documentation about spaceship that we have. Because it's awesome. It's really cool. Yeah. Cuz it's like, I work close to space. Yeah. And it's space. ion propulsion is real. How cool is that?
Margie:See your I'm like, whatever. I know.
Rachel:Let me nerd so sorry. If you're into that listeners, hit me up. I love it.
Margie:If you're into that shit, hell yeah. slided, our DMS.
Rachel:Hey, oh, so Margie. I'm really excited to tell you about this in this book, too. I'm so ready because I need you to know about her internal monologue and how it's my internal monologue. But first, hey, thank you, Eleanor. You. Love me. Oh, you're great. Sorry that that was the transition, but it's fine. And
Margie:thank you guys so much for tagging along. Oh,
Rachel:hang on to your potatoes for that one. Because Jesus Christ. It was nuts. If that made not a lick of goddamn sense. Read the book. Yeah, it'll hopefully maybe, maybe, maybe maybe baby babies. Just know it's fun.
Margie:Come eat some of this cage. You look like he gave away the garbage. I am lost. I have lost all my Saturday.