Amethysts? Check. Highwaymen? Check. One of the craziest books Rachel and Margie have ever discussed? Double check. Join us as Rachel tells Margie all about Heather and Velvet by Teresa Medeiros. Strap on your kilt and grab your Scotch! We're going to Scotland!
Amethysts? Check. Highwaymen? Check. One of the craziest books Rachel and Margie have ever discussed? Double check. Join us as Rachel tells Margie all about Heather and Velvet by Teresa Medeiros. Strap on your kilt and grab your Scotch! We're going to Scotland!
Hail and well Mets weary traveler, you have stumbled upon textual tension. I, your co host and Bard Rachel, along with my traveling companions, Bitsy, the cat. And apparently all of the birds behind me chime in here every week, every other week and tell you what's going on in our world. Sorry, that was dumb. But I had fun. Welcome, how are y'all doing? I hope it's well, and I have a couple announcements for you guys this week. First off, if you want to tell me how you're doing and tell me whether or not you're doing well, you can hit us up on all of our social media at textual tension pod across the board. And we would love to hear from you. We take recommendations, we talk to you, we have a book club, so we can actually chat with you guys and hear all about you and your your life and your choices and talk about books and stuff. So check that out on our Discord and Facebook. I'm sorry, yeah, Discord, where the link is on Facebook and Instagram. There we go. I'm a professional, I swear. Speaking of social and supporting us, we have a Patreon and specifically, and I think very importantly, we have a new patron. So hey, RJ, thank you so much for supporting us, You are wonderful, and we love you so much. We specifically if you guys want to know what your support is actually able to to help us with, we were recently able to purchase a new audio recording software, which is going to make everything just so much easier for me up until now I've been using a free thing. And it's going to be really nice to have something that's a little bit nicer. So thank you guys so much for your support, you really help us out with stuff like that. And if you are interested in maybe checking that out our patreon and seeing what it's all about, head on over to patreon.com/textual tension, you can't search for us we do adult content. So you have to specifically put in that URL. But check us out head over there, there is all sorts of bonus content and all kinds of stuff on there. So and specifically, a lot of it is is out for free right now, we've been putting some of it out, including this week's episode, or extra content out so you can get a little, little taste a little sneaky snack of what you might be getting into if you were to support us. So head on over there and check that out. The under the covers is particularly good this week. And also, in our bloopers, there's a solid live commentary of the SpaceX launch. So check that out. It's really fun. Hey, if Patreon isn't your deal, either. That's totally cool. Honestly, the thing that helps us the most is if you could rate review and subscribe. That would be amazing. If you are heading on over here from the ladies of strange Welcome. I am super glad to see and hear you. And if you hear me say that and think well, Rachel, what's the lady's strange? Go check them out. Why haven't you yet they're wonderful. We just recorded an episode and they put it out this week. So check them out. And they're great. And we love them. And we had a lot of fun with it. So that's a thing. Um, I think that that is everything that isn't relating to this episode. So now let's get into the important stuff. A couple things about this episode. First off, there was some stuff happening downtown while we were recording this. So there is going to be some sirens in the background. I did my best to mitigate that. But there were some I live on a relatively Main Street. So there were some cops going by. So heads up about that. Second thing, we actually had a Rachel's science corner for this episode, I got to rant all about explosives. It was really fun. But this is a meaty episode. So it did not quite make the cut as far as what we could include in the time that we had. But I love it. And it's my pet project and my baby and I'm not getting rid of it. Are you kidding me. So instead, I am saved off that audio. And we will be putting it out later this week as a blog post. So I am actually going to be consulting with an expert and writing up a little blurb about that audio and about explosives and gunpowder and all this cool stuff. And you will be able to go over to our website textual tension pod.com and read all about that later on this week and listen to the audio that I cut out. It's a really fun little science corner guy. So stay tuned to our social media for that. That's coming out later this week. And finally we did in fact miss a trigger in this one and it's the one we always seem to miss we missed the racism Yeah, yeah, I'll just leave it at that. We realized it pretty quickly, but it's just easier if I jump in here and tell you that right off the bat. So there's some racism specifically English and Scottish. So I just want to give you guys a heads up about that. So I think that's everything. I'm sure if I miss something Margie will tell me later. So without further ado, please enjoy episode 45 Abandon all hope ye who enter here tearing me apart from Hello, and welcome to textual tension of love hate relationship with romance novels. I'm your co host Rachel and I am your co host Margie. Every other week one of us reads and summarizes a romance novel for our unsuspecting co host this week, Margie is listening in. I think
Margie:I've got to suffer in this you will really gotta suffer. I'm just getting those vibes from you. Like the the bondage vibes that that like hey, oh, that Christian Christian Greg gives Anastasia Steele
Rachel:hashtag not my Christian. And together, we unpack what the fuck just happened. Hey, y'all, do you notice how in sync that was?
Unknown:Yeah, we're actually together. I can play footsie with Rachel again.
Rachel:And thankfully, footsies is within six feet of each other like six feet apart. So it works. Well. We don't care. No.
Margie:I mean, I started making out with you the moment I got here. Zach got that tongue real deep. I dare
Rachel:you mystery. I know y'all were super excited, because as things opened back up, both of us felt that we were safe enough. And we both have been pretty much mostly quarantining. Anyway, so we're hanging out y'all. Yeah,
Margie:we're finally together and let's let's be real. I was I was gonna lose my damn mind. So welcome back.
Rachel:Or welcome for the first time you it is your first time listening. Especially because of the wonderful lady some strange Yay. All sup? Um, so this is our first last two weeks ago, we didn't have quite a normal episode that we did tackle Twilight, which was fun. Yeah. And this week, we're getting right back into it. And Margie, I figured we might as well start it. Wrap it up with a bang. Hmm, I'm so I'm here for it. We're drinking.
Margie:Yeah, Rachel said I've allowed to drink this time. I'm breaking my diet
Rachel:allowed unnecessary are two very different things. Um, so a little bit of story on how I found this one. I was trying to find a book. And I just I couldn't find anything anywhere. So I went to Goodreads to all of the lists that they have. And I saw one and I saw the cover and I was like, oh, and I couldn't find it anywhere. And then I read. I was like, maybe it's not that good. And then I read a review on Goodreads. And I was like I have to do.
Unknown:I just have to I can't wait to see Yeah, I'm really excited. And so
Rachel:I spent real money on this. Because I couldn't find it. Rachel that is a sin. It was a commitment to a bit it. I regret it. I don't I do I do. I I regret it. It was awful. It's so
Margie:bad. But I know Oh, that's also on your Amazon history now, which
Rachel:is terrible it is. So I'm going to give you there's a couple of covers to this book. And I was really upset because the copy that I purchased did not have the cover that made me want to read this book. Okay, so I'm going to give you the cover that made me want to give the read this book because my cover is so much more boring. Oh,
Unknown:I am ready. Give it give give me all right.
Margie:I'm not looking. Hey, it's relevant.
Rachel:I'm drinking so much.
Margie:Don't wonder you wanted to read this. Okay. It's cold. Heather and velvet. Hey,
Rachel:Margie. Who said there on the cover?
Margie:Is that Bobby Oh, sure. She did not write it. I swear Fabio is like every nationality under the sun. According to Romance Writers Native American at some point Yeah. Oh, yeah. We normally Yep. Yes, everything. He's everything by Teresa Madeira's.
Rachel:I think so. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Margie:It's just a terrific tale of larger than life characters in thrilling romance. Alright, so it's got this dude, is
Unknown:he up then is are they standing
Margie:together as a horse? I
Rachel:think he's on a horse but it's
Margie:not very clear. No, not like a Well,
Rachel:it'd be on a horse he could be power squatting, you don't
Margie:eat very well. The power squatting because like the water on his back for weight. The lettering on the bottom is is on the bottom and the bottom of the cover is very dark. So you can't really tell what he's doing down there. I mean, could be anything. Standing shirtless, looking at you breaking the fourth wall. Oh, yeah. And he's got some sort of lat leather strap over his chest and no shirt and no shirt. He's gonna He's such a thick neck. Well, he looks like he's got a V on his neck. That that elusive
Rachel:VENA elusive? No, no, he just has his pathway to prosperity just has a airline people guiding them in. That's why it's far away.
Margie:But then there's like, okay, so he's all the way down it's like either on a horse or standing I don't know what he's doing but there is a chick behind him looking at him very like I don't even know how to describe how what she looks like
Rachel:I get the vibe of who are you very well see, I
Margie:think the more worshipful look that I was going for she's got brown hair. It looks like either something's on fire in the background or because like the light coming off of their hair is like a golden she's got very 80s hair. Yeah, very they both Oh, yeah. So yeah, the lot. Okay. All right. Let me pull up a description. All right, here we go. But here's the book description. Okay, she was an innocent last. One moment gotcha baby. Lovely prudence Walker was living the life of a dutiful orphan. So her parents are very, very extra dead, so dead, so dead. The next she was like in a highway rands arms wounded in a foiled robbery attempt and thoroughly drenched from a storm. The Dred Scott bandit seemed harmless enough. Or so prudence thought until the infamous rogue stole her breath and her well with his honeyed kisses until she felt the isn't rapier
Rachel:rapier this
Margie:year announced Okay, until she felt the Rapier sharp edge of a sensuous charm. And something else.
Rachel:Oh God.
Margie:She was an innocent lass who haunted a highway man's dreams. She was everything Sebastian Kerr had ever wanted, but could never have an impish beauty with Amethyst eyes. Her eyes are purple. That's a look also
Rachel:I'm really upset that they say that in the description because we were going to play what gemstone is this? Oh, wow.
Margie:And so with an impish beauty with Amethyst eyes and wine sweet lips He longed to plunder. But even where are those lips but even as he drew prudence into his strapping man, he knew you. But even as he drew prudence into his embrace, he knew he must leave her for the gray eyed highway man was leading a dangerous double life one that left no route for love. She was an innocent last who hunted the highway. Highway man streams in a land of Heather, Heather, Heather, Heather and velvet. The courageous Beauty and her sensuous outlaw. ignite fires of passion that Blaze from the storm swept English countryside to the wild Moors of Scotland. Forging unbreakable bonds of love. I mean, I think that my favorite thing about this description though is still the beginning the dutiful orphan part. Like oh, so her parents are like super dead, like super dead is it like James the the Giant Peach where like they were eaten by rhinoceros.
Rachel:So I have to believe well, it's not out of the realm of possibility. So I'm not going to read the description that made me the rating that made me want to read this it starts with did not finish 11% And the reason I'm not gonna read it is because there's some spoilers in it. Okay, and I need you to be fresh for this. Okay, and triggers. That's what we're gonna hit Next. Did you make your bingo card? Forgot Oh, no. Well, listeners. Go ahead. Make your bingo card. Oh, make it a four by four. Three by three would be too easy. And we're back. Okay, cool. We waited for you. Perfect. Good job. All right. Get your get your little marker stamps. Ready? I had to make a list for this one. I did. Not Margie. I did. Well, I was going to I forgot so let's hope I get Okay, so sexual assault naturally.
Margie:Jesus Christ rhinoceros eating
Rachel:suicide. Okay, a spousal abuse. Okay. Child abuse. Good. Um, we have a Oh, and that's all flavors of child abuse. Like physical and verbal. Oh, good. Um, we have kidnapping. We have a Have you ever heard of this dude named Oedipus? Yeah, never heard of his complex. Yeah, right. So there's some solid reference to incest that wishes Yeah, but
Unknown:this dies. Maybe? God.
Rachel:We have to take my time so remember all of it rape. We create our soul. Oh, straight up rape or sexual assault and there's rape. Oh, perfect. Yeah, um, there is.
Unknown:Is there kidnapping on a yacht, not on a yacht is not involved no damage.
Rachel:No yachts involved, I think that's it.
Margie:Okay, that wasn't as bad as I thought. No,
Rachel:I, it feels like there's more when you're reading it, because there's so many instances of each of those things good.
Margie:Great. So alright, let's get started. Okay, well
Rachel:there's there's also like murder and stuff. Okay if that matters. Okay, so we have two characters we have Sebastian Kerr
Margie:what an air water guy.
Rachel:He has like flowing brown locks long refuses to conform to the social fashion norms of the day and that he refuses to wear a wig that is powdered
Margie:for that right. Yeah, it looks astonishingly like Fabio who
Rachel:honestly like mixture Fabio that's it just really muscley any Scottish and that's about that's about it all you need to know I'm prudence is Amethyst I
Margie:need to say you need to add like an effect to that like make it really I go
Rachel:amethyst? Would you like to hear the passage where he describes her eyes for the first time how long
Unknown:as it is not very long. Like not like Bible pass okay.
Rachel:For suits
Unknown:so they say for
Rachel:not saying Christ I have a lot of so stick around for under the covers y'all. It's gonna be another free one this week. Because I'm going to read passages. Ah, literal Yeah.
Unknown:Okay. Yeah, um,
Rachel:Prudence was caught in a trap of our own making paralyzed not by the accusing circle of light but by the strangers eyes which were the misty gray color of summer rain. She felt like a dowty moth beating its wings against a star. Amethyst, she repeated weekly. Perhaps the bandit was dreaming of gems. He had stolen your eyes. They're amethyst.
Unknown:Oh my God.
Rachel:They go bam. This is what you're getting yourself back.
Margie:That's a yes. It's definitely something I say to someone. I just bet. Absolutely. Absolutely.
Rachel:So prudence is really pretty and no ages specified. Only quote, barely a woman so who knows? But she's like, so she wears glasses and all this stuff. But she's like, has like really long kind of curly brown hair and like is like really pretty
Margie:natural naturally, but she's very so she's very, she's very young. You said?
Rachel:I don't know. Okay. I don't know what they're barely a woman means Yeah, 17 doesn't mean spinster what she's considered a spinster through most of this book, so I don't know
Margie:what that's so confusing. Because when I think a woman
Unknown:the first time I think like, Jeffrey Epstein kinda Oh, no, yeah.
Rachel:But uh, yeah, I don't know. And it's not the first time you'll be confused. So, strap in. All right. Prologue. Sebastian's Dead is dead.
Margie:Okay. Already got a Dead Parrot. Cool
Rachel:and abusive. Fuck. Dead Parrot. Oh, good. Both of those things. Yeah. Sebastian buries him. And he died from alcoholism. That matters. He barely alcohols.
Margie:There's no trash.
Rachel:It's not shown. It's just cause of death. Okay, fine. Um, so Sebastian buries him at their castle, and he runs away because there's a rival I guess in Scotland. It's
Margie:layered. It's like law. It's kind of like I think of it. It's like a lord. It's like a
Rachel:lord but a layer. I'm assuming that's a trigger actually miss racism. Okay. Um, yeah. But, yeah. So he various his dad and runs away because he's like, 11 at this point. Okay, really young. And he there is a rival Laird that his father has been telling him for his entire life is going to come and take the castle as soon as his dad dies. Okay. It's just like just the two of them at this castle now. Oh, wow. Okay. His mom is dead already. So he runs away and he swears they just gonna come back with enough money and influence to get his castle back.
Margie:Okay, I'm already gonna call like, This. This. This is a shame because that's actually a pretty good premise. Like it could have been. Yeah, I think so. It kind of spirals. Yeah, it's fine. Just say like, that is like a good premise. It's a shame that a turned into a bad book. Sure, you know, could have been a really cool romance.
Rachel:Oh, and there. There were instances in writing my notes where I read a section to Zach and he literally was like, Oh, my God, that hurt. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Okay, scene one. That was the prologue. So one. Prudence is out in a rainstorm. Last cat. Oh, now from this point forward, I will no longer refer to Sebastian as Sebastian. It's homeboy. Sebastian is homeboy. Okay, because the cat's name is Sebastian and he deserves it much more. Oh, the cat is Bastion homeboys homeboy. And the only reason I'm not referring to prudence as home girl, because she is a home girl. Oh really? Yeah, baby is because there's only one of them. So okay, homeboys homeboy. Okay, Sebastian is the cat. Okay, gotcha from now on, okay. In the process of doing this because she doesn't have her glasses on at the moment, and it's having trouble finding the cat. She witnesses a carriage
Margie:robbery. Oh, as one does, yes.
Rachel:So she witnesses is carried robbery. And at the same time this carriage robbery is happening. She sees Sebastian and yells his name, homeboy turns around his name right? A homeboy turns around to look and the carriage gets away. And in the process, he falls off his horse and breaks his ankle. Oh, yes. And as men leave, because that's what they're all told is if one of them falls Get the fuck out of there because then only one person
Margie:so it's like pirate code guy. One who falls The one who falls behind gets left behind.
Rachel:Exactly. Okay. Also, everyone's wearing masks. Oh, cool. Surely homeboy has a very bougie black silk
Margie:mask. Oh, I hope it gets COVID Nice.
Rachel:Skin syphilis. Oh, close. To the COVID-19 of 1791. No, wait, no,
Unknown:no, no. No syphilis works.
Rachel:Oh God, airborne syphilis.
Margie:Falling off everywhere.
Rachel:Pop, damn syphilis. COVID not airborne either. You're
Unknown:fine. Okay.
Rachel:So prudence checks on homeboy to see if he's okay. And she helps him to a a crafter set. So a crafter is a farmer essentially. Okay. It's like a farmer today. Okay, I hear you. And kind of helps him make it through the night with like, his broken ankle and stuff. And I gotta say, at this point, I was a little bit upset if only because it was pretty good so far. This all sound Yeah, they had really cute banter. She's like, you get your ass up this hill right now in a fake Scottish accent when he's like, I can't do it. It hurts too bad. Like, really cute.
Margie:And, and again, and this is not a bad premise. None
Rachel:of this is I couldn't understand why the review that I read read the way it did. And then I kept reading. Always a mistake. So first red flag. Oh, is they start some serious smooching. And she's like, kind of into it. But he's like, with a broken ankle on a bed.
Margie:Why do they start kissing like why?
Rachel:He just think she's so pretty.
Margie:Those Amethyst eyes. Chocolate hair, chocolate cha cha gray hair chocolate.
Rachel:And that's gonna be fun. With that, damn it. And also I should mention at this point, she has seen him without his mask, because this entire mask on and she sees it like
Unknown:no, no, this is the face kind of deal. Like, yeah, silk if that matters.
Rachel:So she has seen him about as mask as they're making out and stuff. And I this entire time, like she at first is like an awesome character. She's strong. She's smart. She's really smart. Like, and also like, she's like, Oh, I cleaned your gun and shows him his gun, like in a thing of water. And he's like, God, he fucking idiot. Like, it's not gonna work. And internally, she's like, it's easier to play dumb, because then they can't be mad. And now he can't shoot me. Like fair, right? Smart. Yeah. Smart.
Margie:Yeah. So like angry at her for the thing about like, breaking his ankle or
Rachel:Okay. Particularly, like I was an idiot. I shouldn't have moved. Like, I shouldn't have looked at her. Okay. Yeah. So, in the morning, some of homeboys, men show up, and prudence has to pretend to be blind so that they don't kill her for seeing his face and homeboys down for that. He goes along with it. He's like, Okay, fine. feature. And so she makes it back to her house. Okay, but
Margie:something tells me there's gonna be some kid that big happening here soon.
Rachel:Yes. But not in the way you're thinking. Oh, yeah. So she makes it back to her house. But she's spied on by one of his men who figures out that she's not blind. Oh, yeah. And there is so much mention of his previous female conquest during that entire scene. Female conquests I don't think that's the exact phrase that they okay. I just, yeah, there's a lot of So, interlude. homeboys meeting with his grandfather who was French. Okay, his mom was French, who was funding is abandoning bill. Grandpa is like really affluent and rich. Okay trying to get into parliament. And helping him make money for his castle. Okay, so his meeting with the Grandpa Grandpa is an asshole. He tells Sebastian homeboy, sorry, not the cat. He tells homeboy to kill the chick if she if he ever sees her again. She seen his face.
Unknown:Oh my god Sure, extra extraor Oh, that's so drama.
Rachel:It's gonna get so much more drama. And and homeboys like oh, don't worry, that won't be a problem. And he decides after leaving dealing with his asshole, grandpa. Oh, you know what? Fuck it. I don't want to be under his thumb anymore. I don't want to be doing this banding thing anymore. I'm going to get my money and influence in an entirely different way. I'm going to find a rich lady to marry.
Margie:Oh, oh, that that did not go the way I expected.
Rachel:None of this like when you read a book this bad you get like almost giddy about telling you but you almost don't want Oh, yes. Oh, because it's the payoff is gonna be so good. Okay, okay. Okay. Okay. So seem to prudence is hanging out at her aunt's house? Went who she lives with.
Margie:She's not a dutiful orphan. She'll her whole family. Well, no,
Rachel:her aunt is still alive. She lives with her on her ons like her benefactor. Hmm. Between you know, her name is Trisha I think
Margie:does she live in a cupboard under some stairs?
Rachel:No, but she is that about that level of appreciated your watch Brutus. Yeah. And she's basically considered a spinster like her Eva keeps trying to like marry her off to like kind of shady people and her aunt's kind of a bitch. And because like prudence wears glasses, and she always has her hair back in this leg. super tight knot. And I mean, because our aunt's always telling her how ugly she is. Oh, he's not ants. just jealous. I'll come up later. And she's thinking about so she's wandering her aunt's estate because her aunt is fabulously fabulously rich. Oh, well, that helps. Yep. And thinking about her a hot hunk of manmade man slash man flesh. She left me back on the menu. So she's wondering, and she sees that her aunt's newest Beau has showed up. her aunt's had like seven husbands.
Margie:Hey, her aunt and ever money? Have they all died under mysterious circumstances? They've definitely all died. She come up with a sheet like where the very log flowy robe shows? Yeah, sure. Okay, okay. I mean, all right. live your best life.
Rachel:Guess who prudence is aunts who she's related to newest fiance? Yeah.
Unknown:Yeah. Okay, okay. Okay.
Rachel:So at first, homeboy doesn't recognize persons persons recognizes him. Yeah, but he prints because she has a why she's the one wearing a mask because Princess Bride TM glasses and bad hair. Totally different. Yeah. Um, and he has this oboe moment where he proceeds to stare for the rest of the night after he puts two and two together and it's like, Oh, shit. I seen you. Yeah, yeah. So Oh, and by the way, his carriage boy that homeboy has shown up with is the dude that knows that.
Unknown:Oh, good. Yeah, good. Great. Awesome.
Rachel:His name is Jamie. Yeah, he's actually a cool dude. Okay, sounds good. Yeah, so it is definitely implied throughout all of this that he and the aunt are sleeping together. The house that prudence is in as well.
Margie:Oh, if they're supposed to get married then it's not great.
Rachel:I will let you judge later all right. God that was so that's that the the review in The Good Reads got to that point in there like he's having sex with her aren't in the same house as she is in while going after her in a romantic way. Okay,
Margie:that's the difference. Yeah, I did not understand that. He was going after her in a romantic way. Oh, good.
Rachel:Yeah, proceed with romantic my next note is proceed with romantic sneaking under an snows montage. Scene three is a montage. Okay, scene three. Oh, shit. I'm so sorry. We lot we missed a major point. Oh, that first night when he's staring at her. They're having dinner with other people from the neighborhood. Okay, the sheriff which is great. Oh, good. Ah, um, who definitely is the hots for prudence also, and everyone is talking very callously about how her father literally exploded.
Unknown:spontaneously combust,
Rachel:not necessarily spontaneously. So his or her father is a chemist was a chemist, specifically working on detonators, and gunpowder. Oh, and never had enough money in any money they get paid. sent off to Tricia because she was the baby of the family and needed the money, okay, ever. And during a experiment, he literally exploded and it is unclear as to whether it was suicide or not. Oh, he sends her away to catch something from the lab and then explodes. Oh, wow. No.
Unknown:Right. It's so strange every dinner in the middle of dinner, like
Rachel:father did had the good sense to not get exploded.
Unknown:We never talked about this again. Like maybe I will never bring up the fact that my father exploded again ever.
Rachel:So yeah, so she is really into chemistry and math and science because of this because she helped her father with all of this. So she's actually the only one that knows the formula that her father was working on when that happened. And like all this stuff, magic formula, magic formula, the formula, the formula, give me the form you ollie. Well, so he ended the montage now. So homeboy finds her in the library in the mornings and starts meeting her there and trying to read up on things like that she's interested in so gunpowder and calculus and chemistry books that she's reading. He is not successful in this he falls asleep. It's actually kind of cute. Unfortunately, that actually. This is where the In my notes I have ever heard about Oedipus. What about is complex? Because there is a lot of her comparing homeboy to her father, and how comforted she is and how it feels like her father. So that's fun. Okay, cool. This is not the first instance of this. I should also mention this is just the instance where she is, is referring to him as very similar to her father and like, he protects me and feels comforting just like my dad did.
Margie:That's I don't like the just like my dad did. The He comforts me and protect makes me feel protected is okay. It's the like my dad did. That's the problem.
Rachel:And there's these interactions with him and her where she's like, I promise when you get married, I won't be in the way I'll just be here. Like, you don't have to worry about me and all this stuff. And he's sitting there like ogling her the entire time and is like, don't worry, you won't have to worry about it as he like. undresses her with his brain.
Margie:Oh, this is like this is also like a weird what it reminds me of are those romance novels where it's like step sibling romance.
Unknown:Yeah.
Margie:It's worse. Oh, yeah. It's way worse. Get more work. Wait. And I one follow up question. Is it is it is it absolutely definite that the in this guy or sleeping together?
Rachel:It is both heavily implied and not? Okay. Very confusing. But at the same time, it is both. Oh, she's going to come to my bed tonight. And oh, no, I swear I haven't touched her. So and it's him saying that. So in my mind,
Unknown:I don't. Yeah, I don't believe him. Yes,
Rachel:absolutely. And a lot of references to women that he slept with. How does this man not have syphilis?
Margie:That's that is the eternal question of romance novels. Isn't it
Rachel:magic? Drazen of how have you not gotten pregnant? magic magic. Next, the baking incident? They're hanging out in the garden and something explodes in the house. Oh, no. More explosions. And Trisha is like, god dammit. I told her she could not use the kitchen for experiments and they go into the kitchen and like they're covered in stuff and like, and she like Trisha goes off on her and all this stuff. And Sebastian just watching like, what? What happened? The cat? No, I'm sorry, homeboy. I'm sorry, not the cat. The cat is around. Oh, no, it's homeboy. I'm sorry. And he just sits there. Oh, he's he's like hiding and watching because he keeps like, so did they know that? He's there? No. Oh, okay. But then he shows up afterward. He's like, still has that thief at heart kind of deal where he like ducks into corners.
Margie:I guess he's got like a voyeur voyeuristic complex or something?
Rachel:I don't know. But please try to like hold on, because this is gonna get more confused. Okay, fine. Yeah. Um, gentleman here. And no, she wasn't doing an experiment she was trying to bake. She's really bad at baking and I don't know how the hell you make tarts explode, but I want to know, Hey, we're back again. We had to fuck off for a hot minute to go watch a SpaceX launch. It was worth it. It was very cool. I could get Hey, check out bloopers to hear that live commentary. Okay, we I get to flick through this because there's so much yeah. Okay. So we're back in our montage. Okay. So there's the baking incident, right? And homeboy ends up helping parents clean up. And also the housekeeper is to spoon. Something going on with pruning. Oh,
Margie:yeah. So I thought you were gonna say like suspicious isn't like murder and that it was gonna be like clue.
Rachel:No.
Unknown:And then there will be other plot thing going on.
Rachel:There's more flat things. Hang on. Just hold on. Just okay. So, homeboy has started affecting local fashion because people are not wearing their he refuses wear a wig. I mean,
Unknown:honestly, the first opportunity I saw, were away, I would be like, Yeah, fuck,
Rachel:shit. Okay, there is an incident where prudence is in her bedchamber at night after bar keeps hearing, like, like rocks start hitting her window, and then a window breaks in utero. And she's like, going back and forth on but he's gonna be here. But I love him, I think but I've known him for this long like, yeah, that kind of yeah, as you do. Yeah. And she looks out and it's him obviously drunk. And yeah, and like he's quoting Shakespeare at her because of a previous conversation with her and suitors quoting Shakespeare at her. Sure. It Yep. And and that's the problem is at first I was like, Oh, that's cute. And then I kept reading. And I was like,
Margie:we still like the thing that the idea is very strange, but like, I don't know, it's just Okay, let's go on. Let's go. even hit the sexual assault the suicide
Rachel:for getting there. Jesus Christ, so I'm sure he's quoting Shakespeare and she's like, You are drunk. Yeah, go home. Yeah, like, I need you prudence and she's like, Oh, God. Fuck. And then, so she runs down and at first you're like, he's drunk. And then you realize no, oh, it's just been shot. And then you realize, oh, he's also drunk drunk went on a raid has been shot during said raid, and she has to help him through it. Oh, come on. Typical Wednesday night. Absolutely. And so like and this has been her and Jamie like his carriage boys slash person that knows that she saw him kind of deal right? Start to like, make you know, friends. Because like they're in the barn and people are like, they come out trying to find Trisha and the housekeeper come out trying to find them. Okay? Or like find her right? Because they because the housekeeper saw her leave. Right? And so she has to like stumble out and pretends to like be having an affair with Jamie. And just like, I'm so proud. Come with me. I will teach you the ways.
Unknown:I don't need to know the ways, though. Yep,
Rachel:it's fine. Yeah, it's pretty funny actually. Um, so.
Unknown:Oh, you big slug. Good prey. Yeah.
Rachel:And then we find out that prudence is an is an abusive asshole. Because she's jealous of how pretty prudence prudence is. I guess. That's why she's been like, like, Oh, you're you have this. You have this flaw and this flaw and like tearing her down emotionally when in fact, she's actually really pretty. Yeah. Um, also, shortly after it, okay, it feels like I'm going to this part really fast as because I need more time to explain the next part. Right. So okay, I am. Um, so then, Prudence sort of has this realization of Wait, homeboy might kill me because homeboy knows. Face like promised not to tell, but that doesn't mean and like, Jamie is a little bit like he hasn't killed her yet. Hasn't but Jamie like tells her he's like, he might kill you. Like this is like Jamie. And so she's like having this Trump struggle with it at one point and there's like a steamy point in the, in the woods, cuz she like hasn't been talking to him and all this stuff. Okay, there's a steamy point in the woods where he chases after her after she runs away for some reason, I think to find Sebastian again, and is like, yeah, this damn cat is a kitten at this point. I love him. And he's like, she almost drowns and he saves her from drowning. And it's like, I'm not gonna kill you. Okay, you're cool. I like you. And like, they make out stuff. Okay? Yeah, do as you do. Um, homeboy is like super not cool with bougie English life. Feels like he really has no choice at this point. Right? And Jamie is kind of like, sees this and he's like, Dude, you are losing everything. That is you. You do like this. You don't want this right. So a couple days before the wedding is supposed to go down. Yeah, there's a masquerade ball
Unknown:as there always is always always
Rachel:Jamie after having realized that that homeboy is not cool with this. Like isn't going to like is going to lose himself for doing this. climbs into prudence his bedroom window and is like, Alright bitch, I'm your fairy fucking godmother. Let's move prison power this shit. Gets all dressed up. And it's a masquerade ball. Guess who she goes as who? The Dred Scott bandit ah. Using all of homeboys stuff.
Margie:I'm here for that. That sounds Hi. I
Rachel:am but I remind you she walks downstairs dressed in all of the Dred Scott bandit Kirkpatrick which is his full name. All of his gear right in a ball with the sheriff is in attendance. Ah You're fucking dumb bitch.
Margie:Yeah. Could she have done it in a way that was like, people could still tell who she was? She could have. She didn't know why would she do that?
Rachel:Um, yeah. Also she meets homeboys, grandpa. Oh, guess his grandpa shows up. Oh, his grandpa is has this realization of Oh, you're trying to marry to get money and influence so you don't have to be around me. I'm gonna just pop in on this thing. And was Grandpa is particularly interested. Also remember his grandpa knows that he's Dred Scott. Right? So he sees this girl dressed up in his stuff, right? And probably pretty quickly puts to two. Oh, this is the woman that saw you. Ah, but our grandpa, his grandpa ends up being really interested and like he's a bit of an amateur chemist himself. So he like wants to talk to her because she knows who her dad is. Oh,
Unknown:yeah. Yeah. But she's like, he figures out who she really is.
Rachel:She knows or he knows and she's like, I don't know. Sorry, by have headaches. No. Okay. After having a very I'm not gonna call it steamy because it's really abusive interaction with him on the balcony.
Margie:Wait with homeboy or with homeboy? Oh,
Unknown:why is it?
Rachel:So like he starts? It's very much he's
Margie:just livid. Because she's wearing his clothes. Yeah. And
Rachel:like, she's like, well, and she's like, you know, like, You people are going to know because like, some of the stuff is very, very recognizable. Okay, his things and the sheriff. They're like,
Margie:Yeah, okay.
Rachel:And she's like, well, you know, I just, I thought it would be funny. And yeah, he's like, No, and then he like, grabs her arm so hard that he bruises her and starts kissing her. And she's like, No, no, and keeps doing it.
Margie:Yeah, there's a lot, a lot of that that happens in romance novels. Especially in like the 80s era. There was a lot of that like roughness, but it had to be with romance.
Rachel:And she's not into it. Like she's into it. She's not into right and yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, and this is Navy's romance. Oh, so Prince leaves and she's obviously very upset. And he has this moment afterwards of ifac Yeah, I'm kind of and so great. So he goes to his room, and he's like, Fuck the doors open Trisha is here. Oh, no. She's like, I was just returning your clothes hearten. I want to have sex with you.
Unknown:I don't know why.
Rachel:She wants to show him how much she cares so that he won't marry her fucking aunt? How about you just imagine your aunt. Oh, no. No, imagine there is a dude wanting to marry your aunt that also wants to fuck you.
Unknown:Yes. Now there's zero people on that list. Rachel.
Rachel:Imagine there is one. Because that's what this book is. That's the premise of this novel. Okay. Those proceeds the first required a stage of any relationship the finger banging stage. Oh, right.
Margie:You really really managed to find the ones who put finger bail.
Rachel:Like yeah, they finger fuck like crazy. Yeah. And prudence ends up leaving because right when they're about to have sex like he is poised to put it in there. He's like, You do know I still have to marry your aunt right but you only my mistress. Right your power and she's like, would you only marry like, like, be with me if I was rich and had a title? He's like, Yeah,
Unknown:that's so shitty.
Rachel:And so he she fucks up and yeah, the worst part
Margie:is the worst thing is he only puts his fingers up your up your vagina. All right. No, the worst part. Oh, no. is
Rachel:can you trust? No, he tells her Do you know what you're doing to me? And she's like, mild inconvenience and uncomfortable. And he's like, No, you're breaking my heart and she's like
Unknown:that's not how this works.
Rachel:So she fucks off. Yeah, um, and the next day actually know that night. He is arrested. Oh, good. And taken away.
Margie:Did he do something stupid again while drunk? No. She
Rachel:told the sheriff in and is like, okay, look,
Margie:okay, that's his whole girl.
Rachel:She's like, Okay, you can't kill him or like take him into custody. You just had to make him go back to Scotland and never come back into England again. Actually in an exchange, I will marry you to the
Unknown:yes, they are all stupids also
Rachel:extra and so she leaves and goes back to her home and finds out and like there's people calling for her they're like when she gets home and she's like, Fine I'll go meet with them because it's grandpa and another dude and other Junie know just another guy other dude sits down with her and and homeboys grandpa and his like, and homeboys like homies Grandpa is like, Hey, I, you know, I have some influence, but also this guy's been trying to reach you for a while. Turns out with your father's very beneficial service to the crown that the king has decided to bestow upon you a title and money. So she's a duchess now. Nice, but also, homeboy is God.
Unknown:Also your fault, and of
Rachel:Act One.
Margie:Okay, I'm back. One more one.
Rachel:All right. This begins act two, okay, which takes place a year later, or as I like to call it Abandon all hope ye who enter here? Because if you thought none of that made sense, strap in. None of this fucking makes sense. All right,
Unknown:cool. No, it makes sense. It's just really weird. Well,
Rachel:it's about to make less silly weird scene for Okay. Prudence is no a beautiful Dutchess in Scotland.
Margie:Great. Yeah, hurry. Sounds like everything went great. Let's edit now
Rachel:and she's so much smarter than her peers. She is so special and great. She's snowflakes. She also has been thinking about nothing but man flesh. Last year.
Margie:There's so many man flesh around you. Now it's syphilis covered for like, Man flesh.
Rachel:So she's been hanging out a lot with homeboys, grandpa, huh? Who was a douche canoe he is but not to hurt. Okay, once see, he really wants to get that formula. The magic formula, but he's like not pressuring her. They're just hanging out. Right? Like he's he's definitely putting on the facade of like, I'm a cool dude. Yeah, I just I
Margie:totally chill. But like, what's that formula?
Rachel:Boy? That changes fast. So, yeah, and she also meets the Laird. That's so homeboys castle. Oh, who's a super cool, dude. Is he nice? He's so nice. He's an older guy. He's super chill. And he's like, I just want I never wanted to take that castle out of force. I wanted to help him and he ran away. So yeah, he's a cool girl. Like, like the dad The dad character in this right? Um, that's actually really I know, he's a cool he's honestly. I'm not gonna say the hero because he has a part and what happens next, okay. But we also learned that homeboy has been reduced to straight up thievery and banditry instead of like the fashionable banditry that he was before now he's just like fashionable, you know, instead of like the silk mask, so he just has a regular man. Oh, man. Okay in Scotland. So during this fancy party in the Duchess, the Duchess prudence is house. They are robbed. Oh,
Unknown:by Yes. Yes. Oh, boy has no
Rachel:idea. She's a duchess at this point. And there precedes some steamy moments when he sees her because he's been thinking of her for the entire time. Yeah, of course. But like he's also looting her out. He's also been thinking about revenge the entire time. So that's fun. So great. Oh, great basis for a relationship. You know, revenge, right? gonna fucking killer, that kind of thing. Um, so they have some steamy moments. And that night, homeboy decided
Margie:steamy moments was looting her place. Yes.
Rachel:Okay, so like, smoldering looks. Oh, he's like, Okay, I want revenge so bad, but I forgot how beautiful she was. I forgot. Yeah, but this her eyes. Um, so that night, homeboy decides to go back and maybe try to talk to prudence by sneaking into her place, you know, communication. Communication. Yeah. Great basis for relationship. Um, so he's a writer a letter? Yeah. Well, no, I think sneaking in is you know, after seeing both your grandfather and the person that you think still your castle in that house as well, right, whatever, it's fine. So he shows up and he's like, going back and forth. Like, do I want to wake her up? Do I not I'm on her
Margie:bed. Are you What do I want to do at a watch or sleep? Before?
Rachel:He's not inside of her house? Just on the back? Okay. When grandpa shows up, oh, and grandpa's like, Oh, you're so predictable. And then naturally, Prudence wakes up? Yeah, all the shifts happening outside of her door. Right. So she comes out to and this is where grandpa reveals his master plan. That Zach was like, Oh God, so strap in. Okay, um, please also pull away from the mic because I know you're not gonna be happy about it. Okay, Grandpa reveals his master plan. Oh no, he really wants to learn that gunpowder secret. Yep guys turns out he's a Frenchie. And he wants to support the revolution in France. Oh, okay. Well, yeah, blame him for that through the English parliament and he hates English, but he's like, you know, going into infiltrate and stuff and he wants to send that gunpowder stuff to the French to help in the revolution, okay? And homeboys like, Well, I'm not gonna kill her. And he's like, no, no, I don't want you to kill her. I want you to marry her. Oh, okay. Because then you get your title and money. I get the gunpowder thing. And also you can take your Oh, no revenge every night. Oh my god. Yeah, Grandpa recommends homeboy raping her. Yeah, every night and he considers it and then he's like, No, that's not a good thing and then leaves. Oh, my
Unknown:God.
Rachel:It gets worse. Okay, let's
Unknown:go see my
Rachel:ended. So prudence is like the fuck just happened? Did she? So she listened all that. Oh, she heard it all. Okay. 100% was there for every bit of it. So prudence, the next morning comes down and discovers that she's had two requests for her hand in marriage. Oh, one from homeboy, grandpa. Oh, and one from the Laird. Oh, oh, yeah, actually, I'm sorry. It isn't the next morning. It's a couple days later after she's been like hanging out with a layer. And the layered I think hears about grandpa's thing. And he's like, Nope, it's me. I want her hand instead. Like tries to like no.
Margie:Oh, yes. So he's like trying to protect her. Yes. That's very sweet.
Rachel:He's a treasure mostly. Oh, boy.
Unknown:Get back.
Rachel:So her the lair decide, hey, you know, it'd be a great way to get homeboys attention. If we pretend to be getting married. And then I go and visit you. A bonus points by the way for foil and grandpa's plot in this process. Yeah. And then I prudence pretend to go visit you at your castle in a very unprotected carriage. Oh my
Unknown:God. Are you serious?
Rachel:With my friends and family? Oh, no. Just like and then we'll get captured and then I'll tell him everything. And then he'll he'll have to realize that no, you were trying to help him this whole time. You know, don't worry about the grudges had prison?
Margie:Yeah. Or the time that he thought about raping you every night? Yeah, it's about that's fine.
Rachel:Um, so the good news is it works.
Unknown:He gets right into that carriage.
Rachel:Well, actually, it's not him that doesn't think she's gonna get raped by another dude. Oh, and then they find him holed up in like a small cave than an animal used to hang out in just
Margie:hungover his shit.
Rachel:Bad news. He's always in a rough state. Yeah, he's been drinking a lot. Yeah, he is. There's another side plot that involves another chick that was ravished by the Dred Scott Kirkpatrick which is to say she had sex with them willingly. Oh, and she was with them as well and like tries to tackle homeboy. It's a side plot. We're not gonna go Yeah, yeah, it's upsetting. Okay. And he's like, sees prudence and is like, oh, no, I want her instead and takes her into this thing. And again, it's back and forth of I want my revenge but you're so pretty, but don't ever vanish, but I love you. Sex anyway. Okay, so for a small cave, so
Margie:he breaks her virgin barrier.
Rachel:Yeah, that Yep. Wearable clothes with a lot of people around them. Don't worry, though. Rape happens to other people. So we're worried about rape not happening. happens to her on actually. Another dude in the company. It's never explicitly stated is heavily referenced.
Unknown:Oh,
Rachel:homeboy, after they have sex, finds out that she's engaged. She's anyway. Yeah. And she feels like she can't tell him what's really going on at this. Why would
Margie:she she didn't Well, you know what, maybe at this point, she thinks maybe I should write him a letter.
Rachel:So hold on to your butts. Because it's about to get more confused by Ted's Great Good, okay. Um, so he finds out she's engaged and he's like, You know what, no, I'm gonna let everyone else go. But I've captured except for you. Yeah, of course. I'm gonna hold you ransom. Yeah, okay, I'm good. cuz you know, communication y'all.
Unknown:Why did anybody tell? Oh, good question on what she wants. She
Rachel:doesn't even tell him how she became a duchess. Right?
Margie:But like what's the whole point was for her to get kidnapped by him?
Rachel:Yes. She doesn't none of this plan Okay. Never actually does actually Oh partner does um, and decide he decides homeboy decides that the best way to do this whole thing is to hold her ransom but marry her before any ransom can be paid. Why not? Why not makes no goddamn sense I never explained why they get married me says so he drags her off to somewhere in Scotland and forces her to marry him.
Margie:Okay, a marriage under duress is not a marriage. We've been through this before he
Rachel:steals her way to his old castle because that was part of the ransom and old layered guy gives it to him.
Margie:So pretty much the layered guy just plays into the plan. Yes, just like well, I guess let's
Rachel:just because up until now, he's been such a nice guy.
Margie:Yeah, it would have been better if he had actually gone in storm the castle. Or
Rachel:basically what he asked homeboy asks in return for prudence proof ROI for four prudence, his return, right? Because he's still planning on returning her. After they get married. He's like, don't worry, you can get an annulment, which my question is, Why not marry her in the first place then?
Margie:Right? Seriously? And well and also like, you know, not that that Hymans or anything or anything like that, but like her virgin barrier is broken. You know? There's like, don't worry
Rachel:there are ways that week that like I won't get you pregnant and he's also like, I'm not gonna have sex with you because I don't want to get you pregnant because I want you to be able to enroll this if you want to. And then she's like, but they're always show me them and then they do.
Margie:So okay, just just go on. I don't understand. No,
Rachel:yeah, it's fine. I'm doing I'm swear I'm doing my best so they get married and he steals or wait, it was old castle. Now in return for her safe safety. He requests his old castle back, which she is given Yeah. Money from his grandpa, which he has given like 30,000 pounds.
Margie:Why Mrs. Grandpa care?
Rachel:And also he wants to be pardoned in England. Oh, sure. Why not? For one
Unknown:chick? Yeah.
Rachel:Duchess Yeah. One
Margie:Duchess, who was it wasn't a duchess two years ago.
Rachel:So you want to hear about um, homers backstory a little more. I don't know about next so Prince has been sleeping by herself in the Tower of this castle. All the castle is has not been touched since he homeboy left
Unknown:Oh, good. And just like my treehouse room as a kid.
Rachel:So she's been living by herself. And this is where we kind of find out that it's the same room she's sleeping in as the one that homeboys dad used to sleep in with his kidnapped abused wife. Because his dad kidnapped his mom, and then abused her and the trauma and him and then when she was pregnant with the second kid, she committed suicide
Unknown:I told you
Rachel:Hi, the 80s were weird. I did not expect this
Unknown:weird like labyrinth the weird
Rachel:right? Like not only yeah
Margie:your your your your sexuality and adulthood weird she
Rachel:committed suicide for on both herself and her unborn child. Oh, my God by stepping off of the parapet. Oh, yeah. The cliff.
Margie:No. Oh, God, what a horrible, horrible, horrible way to go. Yes, yes.
Rachel:Yes, indeed. So prudence decides, well, I still want him this is actually what I want it. I want him to be married to him. So I'm going to make myself useful. So it can't leave me.
Unknown:What has happened? I don't know.
Rachel:It gets more confusing. So,
Unknown:Robin, it's not confusing. I'm just very concerned.
Rachel:Strep, and we are only just into seeing six and there's one whole scene. Right. That's where things get more Buchwald. Just go. So prudence decides to make herself useful and starts like cleaning up the place and kind of starting to take over with renovation. She's like, alright, you need to do this when you go to county next. There are other people in this castle. It's just them too. And Jamie, it's just those three. What does Jamie he's, he really liked him and prudence or real actually, like really good friends. Like he really likes her.
Unknown:But what does he think of all of this? I
Rachel:know, he thinks it's fine. So prudence is like, don't you step on my clean floors? I just slept those now. Next time you go to town, you need to get a goat and all these things so that we can survive up here and like takes over. Okay, she's funny, actually. Yeah. And he's like, okay. And he's, so he's like, kind of like, touched by the fact that she's trying Jamie or homeboy. Okay, so This is where things get confusing.
Unknown:This Yes. Okay, this
Rachel:um so that a montage of them cleaning things up and both of them being super horny for each other during this entire time they have not had sex yet besides the one time and the animal whole. Oh god, you know that whole
Margie:hassle is probably an aunt is probably an animal.
Rachel:Yes, yes. Yeah, I don't have a great track record of places that they have sex. No,
Margie:this is not safe, not clean. No, always clean dirty.
Rachel:So this is where we find out about homeboys mother. She died is around this. Yeah, lots of Oedipus stuff. But this time it's with him comparing her to his mom. Switching it up. Why? Okay. Oh, the Laird shows up with his pardon. sees them having attendees moment without being seen himself and leaves instead. Cool. Don't know why. Okay. And they have sex after things finally come to a head with homeboy being like really angry and yelling and kind of like an abusive shit. And then yeah,
Unknown:Father exactly like his father's a lot of I
Rachel:don't want to be like my dad. And then he's exactly like his dad. And then they have sex. Yeah. Great. After they have sex. She drugged him and runs away to the other layers castle. Because she has seen this. She saw that the Lord was there. She saw it. So she drives him with Ludham. So he's sleeping after sex. And he and then she fucks off to the Lyrids castle. What is and this is where we learn that like this is where he tells her about his experience because Sebastian's Mom, sorry, homeboys mom, because Sebastian cat has been within this entire time. Oh, sorry. You're bored. He's hanging out. He's doing great. He is living his best life eating mice.
Unknown:I was worried about
Rachel:him if you didn't tell me the best boy. But so homeboys dad are homeless mom, um, was supposed to marry the Laird and was kidnapped by homeboys dad, and forced to marry him instead. Oh, my God. Yeah. Right. So and this is where the Laird is like, Oh, I thought you were hurt. You look just like her, which is okay, great.
Unknown:Um, everybody looks like
Margie:unless they look like a precious semi precious stone,
Rachel:this book was so long and it was so much of this so much. So I'm sure he Laird gives Prudence the pardon, and is like, take it back to him. And she's like, Oh, you're great. I gotta get back before he wakes up. Otherwise, you will be pissed. Mm hmm. Well, she isn't. Yeah, she she gets back and she's like, the lights on. And also, there's a big hole in the ground from where he buried the goal that his grandpa had given him before and, and it's not there anymore. Oh, so Shawn, the goal isn't there. Okay, so she goes up to where the light is. And he's awake. And he is pierced. Yeah, super angry. And he's like, What did you do with my gold? What do you do? I have no idea what you're talking about. What did you do with my gold? She's like, Fine, I dug it up and gave it to the children. Here's a couple questions I have in the village nearby. I have questions. How long does it take? It takes a while. It takes a while to dig up. To um, when the fuck did that happen? And do it by herself.
Margie:Just keep going.
Unknown:The children so yeah, children, the only children
Rachel:the children, um, glass and a half of wine in so he is past homeboy his past? Yeah. And he's like, You owe me money you owe me 30 grand. Cool. And she's like, okay, kindred, and his response is given work for me. Yeah. Both as a servant and as a slave and as sick stuff. Work out how much that costs and is 100 And she's like, Okay, wait, what? Sure. Like, what? No, I don't want it. She's like, Oh, you Sure? Absolutely. You want to have sexually fine. We have sex tonight and it's worth 30,000 pounds. How much is it worth to you? And they proceed to have sex?
Unknown:What though? Alright, just finished his fucking bunk. Rachel. I
Margie:don't understand.
Rachel:Damn since and she leaves the next day and goes back home. He takes care of Trisha her aunt's he kicks her out. Yeah, but she can get it an old she's probably not pregnant. She She's definitely pregnant. Yep. Um so he kicks her out and it's like I never loved you leave but he definitely and then
Unknown:this goddamn sense whatsoever
Rachel:nine I promise you having read the entire thing it makes no more sense to me
Margie:to trust you I completely trust you, Rachel.
Rachel:So the next morning Jamie's like, Hey, you have a package and hands him a brand new tartan that she had had made for him with a note and that is apparently what causes him to realize he's fucked up and he goes after her. This is the last scene I swear. Okay, so Brandon says traveling back to her aunt's house with a with her with the layered
Margie:toll. Why is she going back to her aunt's house? She's a duchess. And not goodbye. No any fuck? You're fine. No, fine. Yep.
Rachel:So um, as she's traveling back with the Laird because she's still technically engaged to the lady. Oh,
Margie:right. Okay. Yeah, she's, even though she's married. She ages someone else. Sure, fine, whatever.
Rachel:She gets a ransom note about homeboy from grandpa. Guess it was kidnapped while trying to search for her.
Margie:So grandpa kidnapped homeboy.
Rachel:So homeboy was searching for Funko and goes to that crafters hut. The farmer says sure. And he opens the door and and you just hear you're so predictable. And then he gets shot. No. So it's an it's from grandpa who's like, I want the gunpowder formula. I've shot your homeboy, your homeboy. If you want him to come to this hut by yourself and give me this formula. Okay, so she's like, No, I'm not gonna go. Absolutely not. And then proceeds to sneak away from the house and go Yeah, of course. Yeah. But and I cannot stress enough. I have no goddamn idea why she does this next part. Okay. She goes, thundering it on a horse with a cigar and brandy.
Margie:Heading. Actually, I completely understand that. That's fine.
Rachel:So pretending to be just super hard, like a huge hardest. Yeah. And she goes and meets the grandpa. And Sebastian has re broken his ankle and has been shot in the shoulder. And he's like, What are you doing? And she's like, playing all like, fire. Shoot him.
Unknown:I don't care. You will show up, bitch. Fine. No.
Rachel:So Grandpa has a full chemistry set set up in the kids. And you're in the atomic era? YES. Jimmy is learning about radioactivity, the wave of the future city on the grow. So he has it all set up. And he's like, alright, you can show me how to do this now. And she's like, Okay, fine. I'll show you and so she's walking him through it. And I want you to know, I called this before it happened, right? She's walking him through it. And she's the Create you need to do this. It's like I suspected as much Oh, you're so smart. And then she's got the last ingredient is a a flask of brandy, which she happened to have. And he's like, really weird. And he dumps it in and she tackles some homeboy out of the of the hut as the entire thing explodes, which is honestly kind of badass. It is. Yeah. And so she's on the ground. Half unconscious laying on top of homeboy, when who shows up, but we're not and the sheriff. They got buried. No, we're on to show up and her aunt has been mourning the loss of her fiance this entire time and is like, Oh my God, it was you too. The whole time. I knew it.
Margie:Oh my god, okay. And the sheriff
Rachel:is like, well, I have to arrest you because you're back in England, but I have to arrest you because you just murdered a guy. But I have to arrest you because
Unknown:the layered pop has you do the layer toss up to right.
Rachel:So the Laird pops up, also shows up and he's like, No, I'm the Dred Scott. It was very I am Spartacus. And they're all standing there and guess who keep saying Guess who because everyone keeps fucking showing
Margie:grandpa no yes
Rachel:I'm going to kill yeah so they killed the grandpa a second time because he's hard to kill apparently. The sheriff is like who the fuck do I arrest and then the Laird drops some serious knowledge and is like, and and this is the first time bear in mind that homeboy has seen the Laird knows that like he's like in he's like, like, you know, Oh, yeah. Like you're just hated us because my father kidnapped your love the love of your life valid. Yeah. And he's like, yes, my pregnant love of my life. Turns out Well hello so actually homeboys the son of the Laird who's a cool dude. kind of convenient. Yay. Sheriff has to arrest somebody. Yeah. So Sheriff still arrests homeboy, and takes him off. And he's like, don't worry. I have a pardon. It'll all be sorted. I have a plan. Yeah. So prudence goes back to living with her aunt. Because why? I don't know. Yeah. Because propriety, I guess. So we cut to a month later. Okay, so a month later, prudence is sitting in a courtroom going through with an annulment hearing because her aunt or aunt has forced her to do it. And she's like, I haven't heard from him in a month. She's like, well, if somebody was arrested, if something happened to him, I would know by now. So I guess he doesn't love me.
Margie:Oh, my God. The amount of times
Rachel:I just have communication. And in the middle of it, and the judge asked her I have to know unequivocably was this marriage consummated, and then all sudden the door personas him and his homeboy and the lady was like yeah, it was and it was great. And they leave and live happily
Unknown:ever after? isn't happy
Rachel:this money and titles
Unknown:all around? Yay. Yeah. So Oh, my God made it through. Yeah,
Rachel:tell me your thoughts.
Margie:I think it's just like, bad plot writing. And that's really nothing really the characters are assholes. The characters are assholes. Well, except for the Lord Laird.
Rachel:He was cool. Mostly, except when he was like, Yeah, that sounds like a great idea. Go get kidnapped. Do it fine.
Margie:I don't even think that. So I didn't read. I haven't read the book, obviously. But like, it sounds like even less that they were assholes and more of there's just they do these things that don't make sense. And there's no communication, right? There's no communication about it. And it it, it would be so it doesn't, it especially doesn't make sense. Because most of their problems could be solved. If they communicated. It's not even that like that is my biggest issue with romance shit. No one though. Because there is that thing, sometimes a romance novels where it's like, but wait, I can double li went out if I keep keep my cards close to my chest. You know, or I can protect myself by keeping my cards close to my chest. It's not the case. And that is not the case here. Everything could be resolved so easily if everyone just communicated with each other. I mean, I feel like I'm in a room with six people who only know who how to communicate by text. Not even text emoji. Yeah, emoji. Emoji. Hey,
Rachel:hey, homeboy. Eggplant.
Unknown:Peach. Oh.
Margie:So it's just like it doesn't there's no I guess there's less reason for the in communication. It's no, it makes no sense.
Rachel:Like you could literally like Okay, sure. Pretend to be kidnapped. Like, like go in like a very unprotected coach do the right thing. You'll probably be kidnapped by him. Hopefully. Right, right. You're lucky you were and you meet him and be like, Hey, I'm sorry. I love you. I'm a duchess. Now. I want to marry you also the Laird's cool
Margie:Yes. Say it. Literally never says yeah, there's there's no reason for her not to say any of those things. Unless she has some sort of kink for being legitimately kidnapped
Rachel:and very unhealthy, abusive sexual relationship. I forgot about the most important point. Oh, fuck what Sebastian lives happily ever after. Hey.
Margie:Oh, yeah, yeah, and then the whole Oedipus thing with him of the fact that he brings her to that castle to where is who he believes his father to be yeah kidnapped his mom. Like why is what is the psychology with that? Well, I
Unknown:have no idea. I think that
Rachel:was very interesting. That was also super weird. Was the the Oedipus complex? I don't know what it's called when it goes the other direction if it's the same thing or not. But it went both ways. She was comparing him to her dad and he was
Margie:the my honestly think that Oedipus Complex though it is. It is I think it's gender neutral complex of like,
Rachel:basically, Freud would have thought they all had oral fixation. Right? That's how Yeah, I would have had a fucking field day with these motherfuckers there are other terrible things that I just didn't have time to go into. I didn't terrible horrible things.
Unknown:Didn't have time. Okay.
Rachel:Don't read it
Unknown:for the little rice read it. Alright. Don't
Margie:read it. Now. Read it.
Rachel:I spent money on this. Yeah. zeros zeros crossing the board. So zero for her. Zero for him. caught his eye. He is borderline fuck boy.
Unknown:Very border
Margie:Well, I the fact I don't know why but the fact that he brings her back to that castle makes him a fuck boy in my eyes and that is the killer thing for me
Rachel:so I didn't go super into the thing that makes him a fuck boy for me but it is his incredibly anger he it's not even a related to his father who wasn't abusive type thing. It is a he is just an angry person that is abusing people out of anger. Oh, it's not comfortable. So zero for him. Oh, I never actually mentioned the racism. The racism is English versus Scottish race. Oh, good. Yeah, yeah, that's the thing that's peppered throughout. smaht No. Zero, plot? No, no. 00. Overall, don't read it.
Margie:I don't read it. But Rachel, what have you been reading?
Rachel:I've been reading the book club book.
Unknown:I know. You should talk
Rachel:about it. Okay, so we're only like six chapters in so free to jump back in. It's called Midnight riot. And it is. There are parts of it that I'm like, Okay, this is kind of weird. But for the most part, I'm super here for it. It
Margie:sounds really cool on the discord chat. Like I've been watching the chat and it sounds really fun.
Rachel:It's super interesting to see sort of how our discussion is evolved without spoilers because it's like stuff that happens in the first three chapters where like, some of us were like, okay, like, we're not super okay with this. Like, it's just not, I don't know if I'm into this Yeah, kind of thing. And then in the next three chapters, you're like, Oh, I see why that's a thing. This makes sense now, and then you get super into it. So it's like, it's really interesting to watch this discussion sort of develop. So check out our Instagram for discord. It's called Midnight riot in the States. It's called rivers of London in England.
Margie:I didn't know there was a dirname in England. Yeah. Wondering why Yeah, it's
Rachel:different. It's the rivers of London series. And for some reason in the US, they released it as an
Margie:Irish listener. So we do.
Rachel:Yeah, cool. Yeah. Yeah. So um, it's super cool. Check that out. Check out our Discord. It's actually been really fun. I think it was. Hi, buddy. Oh, file. Was I reading anything else? I don't think it was reading anything else. That's mostly what I've been focusing on. I've had a lot of stuff going on. So it's just but it's been like, a good book. And to be fair, I didn't want to do anything after reading this book. I was so like, blame you. Yeah, it was bad. Who could blame you hate but come back for the under the covers because I'm going to read some excerpts.
Margie:Next episode. Um, I actually had a good book. Oh, thank god. Yeah. So thank Christ. It's so ridiculous. It is still bananas. I'll take good and bananas. Yeah, it's good bananas, but it's still good.
Rachel:Well, I'm love and under the covers, I'm literally just going to go to my bookmarks and just start jumping through them. Perfect. Okay,
Margie:but let's let's say goodbye. Hey, y'all, you're
Rachel:great. And I love you. And thank you guys for hanging out. Yeah. Back to us. Yes. And huge shout out to the ladies of strange. Yes, we had a lot of fun on your episode. It was so much fun. Go check them out. Their podcast is amazing. Listen to me rant about space. Yes. Real fun. Yes. Alien aliens. Oh, great. Yeah, um, and I think that's about it. Yeah. Oh, Eleanor, you think are your song? Oh, love off the album beheld. Yeah. Real cool. And hey, everyone, stay safe and be cool. Yeah. Everyone be cool.
Margie:We love you can talk to your partner. Yes. Talk to your part for the love
Rachel:of communication is so important.
Margie:Yeah, I know I talk in our relationship. I talked to Rachel and Zach all the time constantly.
Unknown:Yeah, we are great. Until anon
Margie:Okay, now it's my turn. Go. Yeah. All right. All right. We love you. Marty wants to leave