It's a 50th episode spectacular! And it was definitely meticulously planned! Play along as Margie tells Rachel all about My Lady's Choosing, by Kitty Curran and Larissa Zageris. Just like we definitely planned.
It's a 50th episode spectacular! And it was definitely meticulously planned! Play along as Margie tells Rachel all about My Lady's Choosing, by Kitty Curran and Larissa Zageris. Just like we definitely planned.
Hello, and welcome to textual tension. Every other week, I jump in here, your co host, Rachel, and give you all sorts of really neat and fun updates that you were definitely really excited to hear about and have been waiting for the past few weeks to know about I know it. You know, I've told me twice. I got it. So I'm here to oblige. I hope you guys are doing well. It's been a really fun week here in the textual tension world because we have some neat stuff in the works. Specifically, we have neat stuff coming in from Amazon, just you wait. But before that, and the reason we're able to get stuff from Amazon, I need to tell to you, excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about our patrons? Because we have a new one. Their name is Ashley, and they're wonderful. Hey, Ashley, thank you so much. And if you Yes, you were maybe thinking about supporting us on Patreon, you can head on over to patreon.com/textual tension. Remember, you can't search for us because adult content and all that pesky stuff. But we're there, I promise. And you can go check out all sorts of neat, cool exclusive content, as well as some free stuff that you can check out if you would like to get sort of an idea of what you're getting yourself into. And if not, if that is not in the cards for you right now, which is 100% 1,000%, I would say totally fine. There is another way you can help us out, if you could head on over to your favorite pod catcher. I think that's what the kids are calling them these days, like iTunes, Spotify, whatever, leave us a review, rate us all that stuff. That would be amazing. It really, really helps us It helps us get out to other people. And if you just like, tell your friends about us, that'd be really rad. We do not pay to advertise the show. And all of our advertising comes from you beautiful, beautiful humans. So if you want to reach out to other people, that would be superduper. Cool. And, hey, if you want to reach out to us, maybe you have a recommendation, maybe you have thoughts on one of our episodes, maybe you just want to say hi, you can hit us up on all of our social media at textual tension pod across the board is on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, all of that stuff. We also have a website, textual tension pod.com. And you can shoot us an email through the website or just email us at textual tension pod@gmail.com That would be superduper. Great. And hey, I just want to say, if we can get serious for a second from the textual tension family to you, guys, thank you so incredibly much, because Margie and I just like I feel like we you know, when you go to sleep and you wake up and you don't like you feel like you didn't sleep at all. It's kind of how it feels like where we started recording. And all of a sudden, hey, it's Episode 50, which is crazy to us. So thank you guys, honestly so much. We absolutely love telling each other about books in general. And it's something that Margie and I have always done for as long as we've been friends. And so sitting down and being able to share something that we love to do with a genre that we love to kind of pick apart and enjoy with you guys is absolutely incredible. And we just have so much fun doing it. And we really, really appreciate guys for enjoying it with us. So thank you. And I mean, you're great. And we really really appreciate your support. So we're back to not being serious. Butts, butts, butts. And without further ado, here is episode 50. Playing the gay card
Margie:Oh, tearing me apart from Hello, and welcome to textual tension, a love hate relationship with romance novels. I'm your co host Margie, and I'm your co host Rachel every other week one of us reads and summarizes a romance novel for the other unsuspecting co hosts this week. That co host is
Rachel:me and Pringles and Pringles tubular cat stuffed animal.
Margie:Where are your real cats? I haven't seen them at all.
Rachel:They're sleeping it's net primate primo nap
Margie:primo nap time, and together we unpack what the fuck just happened. Okay, I just had to like toot my own horn here. Almost 50 episodes if not 50
Rachel:This is the 50
Unknown:good okay just a really good book for a listeners one of these days we'll
Rachel:do something special for a milestone Yeah, we
Margie:will but not now. Today. It's not that day for
Rachel:God God we're so for you. Like there's like a global pandemic or some shifting
Margie:happening. Actually, this is a good book to have for the Yeah, oh, no, that's good. That way. Oh, good. Like an interesting book away.
Rachel:Well, I'm glad one of us had some forethought.
Margie:So there was one other thing that I was there one other thing I need to say. You were tooting your own horn. Oh, because I actually remember the whole intro and I didn't forget anything. I'm so proud. I know. It's only been 50 episodes I'm so proud of you. I know. So. So Rachel, now that we've done this a few times, hey, oh, hey, oh, I'm gonna pass you the cover of thanks to Kelly for recommending this.
Rachel:My ladings my lady's choosing. Are all of these like Frankenstein,
Margie:though you're gonna read interactive romance? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah.
Rachel:No, you know what we totally new is the 50 this is the perfect book for this and it was a digitally Yes. Oh, this is so good. Wow. Okay, so it's my lady's choosing an interactive romance novel by kitty Curran and Larissa Zacharias. And the cover it's so the blue background and it's all like illustrated, but in like a vector illustration kind of thing. And there's a whole bunch of different scenes with arrows pointing to them. And one of them is a woman being like, dipped by a dude that kind of looks like Frankenstein. By under a tree another one is a woman. Standing next to a man behind a bush. I can only assume it's holding his or hiding his erection, getting and the dudes getting shot by Cupid. In one of them she is on the back of a Scottish horse with an Highlander. Hey, well, I'm assuming that was an assumption on my part. He's wearing a kilt. I have a terrible here. No, you're not wrong. And the other one she's a very suggestively sidling up to a mummy's sarcophagus and another woman is looking at her longingly. Is this a little bit gay? You did say a little bit gay. Be happy. Okay.
Margie:Find the description for you. Oh,
Rachel:man. You are the plucky but penniless heroine in the center of 19th century society courtship season has begun and your future is at hand. Will you flip forward fetchingly to find love with the bantering Baronet? Serve Benedict Granville or turn the page to true love with the hard working horse loving Highlander Captain Angus McTaggart. Yeah. Or perhaps race through the chapter is chasing a good and a rousing man gone mad, bad and scandalous to know Lord Garraway Craven always Craven or read on recklessly and take to the continent as the traveling companion quote, unquote, of the spirited an adventurer, some lady Evangelium or yet some other intriguing feet, make choices turn pages and discover all the daring delights of the multiple and intertwining storylines. And in every path, you pick beguiling illustrations bring all the lust and love to life Oh, it's a picture book. My police
Margie:guest on would love this book
Rachel:match. So how are you going to do you
Margie:planning it took some strategic but we are going to do and we're actually going to do it so that you can pick Oh, yeah, I really like tried to
Rachel:so we'll wait let's uh triggers first to get it out of the way. Okay. Oh,
Margie:God, there's so many Okay. All right, like well, there aren't so many and this isn't quote unquote a bad book like it's not like something where it's like oh, that's so horrible.
Rachel:Very bananas.
Margie:It is very bananas. Um, you know, attempted sexual assault is a big one par for the course unfortunately and like overall violence like people fly Yeah, I'm broodiness. broody. This was not
Rachel:a trigger. That's just natural. My natural state Oh, my goals singles. Um, he is a tube shaped tube of chips.
Margie:I hope that's it because like, once again
Rachel:I love you. Or it's fine. It's been Honestly, though, like, it wouldn't be a good textual tension episode if I didn't have to come in in the beginning and be like, Hey, y'all, we missed one.
Margie:Alright, so let me Yeah,
Rachel:I do have one question. Am I going to know how all of the stories turn out at the end of this?
Margie:We're gonna see how much we get to so I'll explain it okay. And we will figure it out as we go along. hit you. Alright. Which hurts. You like that? Yeah, you're not wrong. Alright, so our other players so you we've already described you. Yes. So then we have lady Evangelii. And Youngblood
Rachel:is Youngblood. No, I want her I like her.
Margie:She is a free spirited woman with a past and woman and Pastor capitalised. Hell yeah. And your very best only friend. She's a lover of intrigue, battle and experiments scandal attends her every move. Yeah, I want that one. Just wait. Oh god serve Benedict Granville. A well off relation of Lady Craven, your employer. You work as Lady Cravens constant attendant and she's a bitch. Oh, we'll get into her later. He's pretty witty and get ready to grab your handkerchief and yell
Rachel:Oh my god 10,000 1000 My other children you're my new favorite.
Margie:Captain ageist McTaggart, is a rugged Scotsman with a chip on his shoulder and a heart of gold. Not a man for society's remedies for frivolities frivolities he spends his days caring for the orphans and widows of recent wars. And every time I hear the word orphans Do you remember in Toy Story three I never saw oh my god, it's so good. At the beginning of Toy Story three of the going through like whatever the kids knew imagination and that there's this part where what he says, oh, no, the orphans and all the trolls come out on the train.
Rachel:Oh, I have seen that. Okay, yeah, exactly. We're talking about so every time
Margie:so I'm
Rachel:Fabio character.
Margie:I'm wearing matching Outlander. Okay. Yeah. So this guy is Fabio Lord Garraway Garraway Craven is so mad and bad. That word round the ton is even Lord Byron fans finds knowing him to be dangerous. wherever that is, I don't remember. I
Rachel:know that I I get that reference. Or Byron was fucking crazy. Who was he? He was a poet. And he also he was like a celebrity in his time and a poet and he so he hung out with Shelley, Mary Shelley and her husband. And also he was fun fact. He was the father of ADA Loveless, who was the first ever like programmer. Oh, yeah, woman, baby. That's right. Computer Science. My dudes. All right,
Margie:so prone to rageous and prolonged, unexplained absences. And no shortage. Shortage of shirts weren't open to reveal his rippling muscles. Yeah, that's Fabia lady. Craven son is master of hopes and manner. Could he also be master of your hearts?
Rachel:He wants to be master because he's probably a controlling asshole.
Margie:Okay, so. So, um, the way I'm going to start the story, and then once I explain this first scene, then I'm going to explain a few rules to you as to what's going to happen. Like a game show. I tried to design this so you get as many choices as you can. Okay, I'm so excited. Right. So our story begins with you on the way to Lady Evangelion. Youngbloodz party with name lady Evangelium. Youngblood.
Rachel:No, my name. Oh,
Margie:you just Rachel.
Rachel:You're just at Rachel. Lady
Unknown:Rachel. At this point.
Rachel:I'm not married. So it would be Armstrong Yeah,
Margie:Lady Rachel Armstrong. Yeah. With your mistress and employer lady Craven. Lady Craven is called the dragon around the tongue and it Dragon is a nicer way of saying bitch than she's a real dragon to you to. Immediately upon arrival eventually takes you under her wing. fairy godmothers you by giving you a much prettier ground down because your employer had given you this like really outdated shitty
Rachel:sound actually a bitch not just a bunch of guys saying, Oh, she's a bit Oh, no, she's
Margie:actually a bitch. And she's like, and also she's dependent on lady evangelists. She doesn't like Lady eventually, but she's depended on her for money. So that's why she's even going to this party. So Evangelium like, everybody has like, okay, so I'm really I might maybe I shouldn't say this. But I might be very weird and say that, like everybody has like they're the person who they envision to be their quote unquote, Fairy Godmother. Mine's Lady Gaga. Sure. I want her to fairy godmother. Me and her present. Yeah, love it.
Rachel:If everyone can get one celebrity that they totally want to fuck. They can totally get one celebrity that's like you are my fairy godmother? Yes,
Margie:exactly. So she's like, so I imagine Lady Gaga, also attractive lady gaga anyway, that's fine. She fairy godmothers you by giving you a much prettier gown and then introduces you to both Benedict Granville and Captain Angus McTaggart. Yeah, he's you she mother monsters? You she mother monsters? Me You're right. She mother monsters me. So are you rather Yeah. Now let's just be clear with so you've met now. Benedict Granville. Oh, it's Captain Angus McTaggart. That was your friend. So now let's just be clear with both of these quote unquote, encounters sparks are flying McTaggart or Mac as he is more affectionately known. Takes to you immediately. You actually take to him too, and immediately offered to give you give him this gold bracelet from your dead mother off your wrists to help the orphans. All right. Yeah. So very well. I'm very forward.
Rachel:I'm very generous, right.
Margie:And you're penniless and you're giving this gold bracelet.
Rachel:I'm an idiot. Yeah.
Margie:Okay, so Grandville is a douche canoe. He's like Mr. Darcy, except more extreme So, like he's not but he
Rachel:can be fixed through love. Exactly. Yeah.
Margie:Um, So in basically he insults you at the ball or this party by insinuating that you are only at that ball because you need the money. And you you're like, Oh, so you tell him that money is nice. Yes, but you also need someone kind good hearted, and like one smart and smart and ask if he's seen anyone. Yeah, so sick bird. Oh, but for whatever reason, you he like kind of takes that the opposite way of like, oh wow, like she can you know handle himself
Rachel:it's the whole like like oh a Spitfire nobody talks to me like that exactly.
Margie:But you and you find him intriguing for whatever reason you can't get his eyes out of your mind. So
Rachel:himself with this 10,000 A
Margie:year 10,000 A year. I'm just gonna keep saying it like Mrs. Bennett. So, so don't Rachel, you get to make your first choice. Okay, you can become a teacher. So, Mac offers you a position as a teacher at his orphanage. Okay, so he offers you that. So you can go and do that. Or you can go to Granville, fancy schmancy party. So you have to make that choice. So like you get invited to another one of his fancy parties. So what does what do you choose for your destiny?
Rachel:Oh, see, I don't like kids. So I don't necessarily want to go teach the orphans but also homeboys an asshole. But will lady Youngblood be Evangelion
Margie:be at the fancy party you have to choose? I can't tell you.
Rachel:Oh, dang. You know what, I'm a shallow bitch. I'm going to go to the party. All right.
Margie:So, um, we will go through that scenario, but, but you get to get me the fuck out of here and cards. Okay, so one is the gay card. Congratulations. You're gay and going to Egypt? Because you get kidnapped to Scotland. But it romance novels you become gay in Egypt. Okay, yeah. A rule that I've just established. Number two, the Thornfield Hall card, because basically you can go off and be a governess to Mr. Cravens son. So if you ever decide in the story of in this Granville story, hey, I do not like this anymore. I want to go on a different route.
Rachel:Those are my two. Those
Margie:are your two options.
Rachel:Okay, get out of dodge cards. Yeah. All right, because I'm curious what happens in the story. I will continue on, but also like, I really want to play that let's go give you game.
Margie:So and also like if we get through one we can go back and like
Rachel:yeah, I want to know what the other how the other stories play out. So grandpa's
Margie:fancy schmancy party, you arrive and of course, Granville insults you practically upon arrival, but he also gets his ass whooped by his bastard half brother, Rafe caddington. Ray Rice, Rafe, who's who says actually I have proof that our daddy married my mommy first. So truly I am the owner of Pemberley I don't remember what the fuck it's called. It's called literally like member Lee or something. Yeah, it's like not really forever, right? Um, oh, and while he's at it, you know, this guy? raves being a douche near this party. So basically, it's just insulted Grandville. Like right in front of his phrase in front of all of his friends. Uh huh. Um, he while he's being a douche canoe doing that he gives you a good feel up during the party. And it's like, oh, you know what, like, when when I get this place? You won't be my wife. But I'll make you my mistress.
Rachel:Oh, he's one of those one of those.
Margie:So your response is to hit him where the sun don't shine. Yes. I'm awesome. Yes. And Benedict's gives you his first compliment after that.
Rachel:He appreciate something that can can kick his half brother in the balls.
Margie:Yeah, apparently. So for whatever reason, you decide to look deeper, because you're a dumbass who actually cares about Granville? I don't like this guy.
Rachel:At this point, I'm like, I should have gone to the orphans. So
Margie:you go actually, so lady lady Evangelion is at the party. Yes. And you're like, Girl, like, I want to look deeper into this shit. Like, I don't know what's going on. But like, I don't know where to start. And I don't know when to stop. Right. Exactly. So like, I want to like dig deeper. And Lady Evangelium. Like, cool. Let's do it. Like let's be Let's investigate. So she takes you to a brothel in downtown London where basically the madam there's like rave. catting tomb is full of shit. His mother had already married someone before she even tried to marry Benedict's father. And that person is still alive in an insane asylum. So like the marriage, it's all very confusing, but basically it's like a breeding pitch. Yeah. So like rapes mom tried to marry Benedict's father. He's the older he's the older of the, of the two siblings right there. And, but she was already married to some dude who was in an asylum. So the marriage didn't stand and he found his Benedict's father found out about it was like, Well, this is not a legitimate marriage and went on to marry someone else. Next mother. Yeah, right. Okay, so you're like, Oh, my God, I got the sweet. Oh, awesome. Awesome. Awesome. And, but of course, right when you figure this out, you're like a little tipsy, too, because you've got too much champagne to drink. You've run into Benedict, and his entrance is and I quote, they're bursting through silken curtains piercing the night as a member what a sex Benedicta breaks through the entrance of Madame Crosby's chambers. This is so good, right. So Benedict's is pissed at you first snooping. He's like, look, this is none of your business. I will be fine. Stop putting your nose where it doesn't fucking belong.
Rachel:I'll put my answer. It doesn't belong. Hey.
Margie:Yeah, actually. So Rafe has a younger sister. And so he bent it. And it's also Benedict's half sister. So he's trying to look after her and like, he's like, Hey, look, she doesn't have any money. Because technically, she's a bastard child. If they get this inheritance, and she will be safe, and I can make it on my own. I know that I will be fine. But she's actually already in love with the farmer and like, doesn't want all this money and wealth and stuff like that. So like, you are like, hey, no, your sister doesn't want all that. And again, he says, like, look, this is none of your business. Like get the fuck out of here. And so, you go to cry against a wall as a woman would do in the regency era. Sure. But then turn around to be like, Bitch, please and go back up to him and say like, fuck that. Fuck all that and run into race. caddington Rafe, Rafe. Rafe is like a we're in a bottle and b You're tasting we're worse ladies like all aboard the rape trade. But you're so Rachel, I've given you should I should I gave an option this is where you could use one of your cards to get out of this situation.
Rachel:I'm not gonna lie like here's the problem. I'm really curious what happens next, but I still really will just want to fuck off to Egypt. So you will you tell me what happens next later? Yes. Okay, I'm going to fuck off to Egypt.
Margie:Okay, I'm gonna follow my heart. So you're like, Fuck this, you leave them you leave. Like, let's just say this. I'm going to kind of make up a little blue shirt to get you in Egypt. So like, you get out of that situation and Lady evangelists. And it's like, hey, like, why don't you just come with me to Egypt?
Rachel:You need to get away. Yeah. Anyway,
Margie:I'm planning on going on this trip to Egypt. So let's go. Alright, here we go. Pulling up. It's literally titled The gay card. I played the gay card. Alright, so you're pulling the
Rachel:board game RG.
Margie:I've got to make a guy. Hell yes. So you and you accept you're like fuck this. I gotta get out of here. I gotta get out London. I gotta get out from me. Fuck man. I gotta get out from the shitty job like in Greenville is a douche canoe so you and the lovely lady Evangelion go off to Egypt. And ever since you got off that boat or even on the boat sparks have been aligning. Yeah, have you? Yeah, immediately when you get off the boat you had to museum headed by a Mr Kemal? who's a friend of ladies mandolins unfortunately gasp The museum is wrong.
Rachel:Oh no no is all of a sudden Egypt detectives but gay Yes, yes. Oh man. Why didn't I do this to start?
Margie:Well, I didn't give you the option but I took
Rachel:it when I eventually
Margie:quickly figures out that it was her old quote unquote friend Delphi pomegranate I mean st Kwok I don't even know if there is a pomegranate flavor.
Rachel:I think there is it's like raspberry pomegranate or
Margie:Okay, okay. Yes, very pomegranate. Who did the robbing of the museum pump that's better but she's still only one item or turquoise scroll canister that she believes leads to the Sacred Stone of Hatha or the ancient or the sacred. It might be temple it's a stone here but I think it's a temple the ancient Egyptian goddess of love now legend has it that quote the temple can be raised again should two lovers enjoy loves Pierce, Pierce joy within its grounds?
Rachel:Oh baby, let's go get it on.
Margie:Read the fanfiction like that. Okay.
Rachel:Do you know why? it the the most the biggest achievement of my life ever will be when someone writes fanfiction about me in the context of this podcast,
Margie:oh, it has to be us together.
Rachel:I mean, I'm not opposed to that. It could be us going into a book. It could be literally anything. But y'all if you write fanfiction and want me to narrate it, I will 100% read that show my audio book the fuck out.
Margie:Okay, so, Kamal, the guy who owns the museum offers his study space that you in Evangelion can figure out where the pomegranate would have taken the super romantic scroll. Neat. Grapefruit. So you work together to find the magic. This is where it gets a little short. And I apologize. I
Rachel:don't know what happens. Oh,
Margie:yeah. So you work together to find this magical scroll. And you end up in a battle with pomegranate? Oh, my gosh, hold you hostage. Oh, see? So then you give it you're given this choice of like, beating the shit out of pomegranate or going off with her so she doesn't kill you? And I was like, No, I'm gonna beat the shit out of pomegranate. That was the choice I made. I'm making for you. I want you to Yeah, so we're on the same page. You beat the shit out of her and end up making out with Lady evangelists during this book. Lady eventually has this whole team in Egypt who are really trying to get this scroll back. And all of them are like, guess already.
Rachel:Be more gay, be more gay.
Margie:Then you end up having sex with Evangelion in the desert desert, which was very sad day. But like, go ahead.
Rachel:Yeah, it was a lot of places. I wouldn't want sand especially in like, Victorian era, because there's not a lot by way of like bathing in the middle of the desert.
Margie:Right. But you know what, I just thought of that. Was that there? Well knew because one of them was wearing pants, but like, they probably do have a lot of clothes on just because of the era. So I guess we could just take off those clothes and weigh them down. A little bed like a little blankie Oh, you're gay
Rachel:things? Sand barriers and
Margie:Berry. So you end up making out with Lady Evangelium then having sex with Angelina in the desert. Cool. And your love brings up the temple of Hathor up from the grout hell yet.
Rachel:And so then we're famous and rich and no one cares, right? Gay
Margie:and open secret and you actually go off. This is one of my favorite endings. You often have adventures together. Yes, I know. Oh, awesome. Oh, that's Yeah, yeah, like that. Alright, so you used your first card?
Rachel:I did I use my gay card card.
Margie:So do you want to find out what happens with Granville first, or do you want to go into Captain Angus McTaggart.
Rachel:I feel like we should finish Granville, okay, and then go back. Okay.
Margie:Alright, so to finish up with grand bills, you go so you go to cry against the wall, as a woman would do in the regency era, but then turn around to be like Bitch, please to Granville, because he's being a douche canoes. Yeah. And you run into rave caddington. And rave is like we're in a brothel and be your tasty morsel and he's like all aboard the rape train. But who comes along Benedict, he saves you from rape, good and says I've been brutish to you because I'm British to myself. I didn't think I would ever need worry about love or desire and you've swept into my life like a wildfire, making me suddenly concerned for the safety of things I took for granted the safety of my solitude the safety of the way things are. I see now that there is nothing safe and being so miserably unhappy than I am willing to let let my life be cooler listen cold without you.
Rachel:Alexa, if you're listening, I am giving my best to the judgy face just I'm so glad I played the gay card gets so glad
Margie:alright so they can it tries to murder Benedict with a silver tray covered a watercress sandwich is
Rachel:sadly a sandwich
Margie:you throw yourself between the two men are like no don't do this not worth it don't know don't you stop them from biting his Benedict bang him in the back of a carriage marry him and live happily ever after.
Rachel:I mean there I could have come out worse than that you could have but I also could have come out which was the more fun ending
Margie:time I read it that so I was the way I will say this the way that it's described in the book going to Egypt. It sounds like you're going on this grand adventure and that's being gay is fine, but I was like wait a minute, I wanted to go on an adventure to Egypt like
Rachel:to find like being gay is just a park right?
Margie:Though it was like and I also was imagining lady Evangelium being just like this fairy godmother character the whole time that's fair. So I was just kind of like my Cirrus
Rachel:like swashbuckling rogue
Margie:she is which I am she very much her and she very much is Alright, so now we're gonna get to Angus
Rachel:and roll it back again.
Margie:Roll it back again. Yeah, that sort so remember the party. Yeah, so
Rachel:we're back at the party are back at my grandmother's gold wristlet to an Angus
Margie:invite has invited you to come work for him and his orphanage teaching the child and you have accepted wow yeah no you didn't even know you had it in you I didn't I didn't like kids so you had there and start your first day of work of course the children adore you and you have the well under control in no time Mack is definitely interested in you to marry into it and he's I will say this out of all the characters in the book definitely the most attracted to Mac easily so like Mac is interested in need to sparks fly and right. Yeah, unfortunately, the orphanage catches on fire you get all the children out and then Mack like very sexually runs back in for one more kid and a dog for good measure.
Rachel:Becomes out his shirts Ripto Oh, yes. Artistic smudges of smell right? Ash all over him. Right? Yeah. Uh huh.
Margie:Timmy, the boy in the fire comes out grasping a sheet of paper with strange symbols on it and a name Constantina. Like that's the name on the sheet of paper. Tina Coniston. Tina, when Maxis he panics, obviously knowing what it means, but he gives you a choice. So you can he has nowhere for you to go the orphanage just burned down. Yeah. And he's like, can you find a job elsewhere? So your choice now Rachel, okay. You can stick it out with him in the orphans. Or you can find a job elsewhere. You can use your other card. Oh sure.
Rachel:Shit. Okay, I'm gonna have to really think about this. So I can either stay with hunk McMahon Lee, or go find a job elsewhere.
Margie:No, not a job elsewhere. Remember your other card? Right? Go and be a governess to this weird feeling call my job
Rachel:elsewhere. Oh, you know what? For continuity sake within the podcast, I'm going to follow hunk McMahon Lee, or let it be known that normally I would have been like a fat kid. Let's go to this thing instead. Although both I guess both enjoy.
Margie:Both involve children. These children are way better than the other child.
Rachel:I'd rather be with the orphans because they seem more down to earth.
Margie:So I think what we'll do is we will finish the storyline. And then we'll just go we'll rewind again and we'll say that you did the other storyline. But I will say this I was really drunk by the time I wrote that
Rachel:leave that in the pod
Margie:that storyline is the one that's like the most the weirdest and most confusing. Good. Yeah. It's like
Rachel:Alright, so I'm gonna go with one quick manly man flesh. Okay, I
Margie:have decided to stick it out. Hey, oh, with our snow.
Rachel:I'm gonna stick it in. He's gonna stick it Oh, right. Yeah,
Margie:that's how that works. Luckily, a mutual friend who also works at the orphanage Abercrombie, he's shirtless constantly and constantly posing you know, like at the mall?
Rachel:Can he be another storyline? I want to be with him.
Margie:No, he's not. Unfortunately, Crombie is
Rachel:one such a great name to the irony of him being named after a shirts or clothing store is not lost on me and being shirtless all the time. And three, I need to up my posing game.
Margie:So he has a Castle in Scotland, where you are all welcome to stay. Oh, how convenient was hoping I get kidnapped? No, you do not get kidnapped? Yeah. So I don't think there's actually any kidnapping in this book.
Rachel:That's honestly a bummer. Yeah. Like, well, it's
Margie:not a bomber. It's just kind of like that's like a standard in romance.
Rachel:And I would have expected that for a choose your own adventure romance novel. Now do
Margie:they think about it? It could happen. So from my account, there are seven people that you can end up with us in that so Wow, seven people that when we won't get to them all? Good if you wanted. No, okay. It would be too complicated. But when you're in Egypt, if you decide not to study with Evangelium in her library and be gay, you go on the separate adventure where you going into the market and you're almost kidnapped so I'm pretty sure kidnapped so but I just did not follow that storyline there. So on the way to the castle, things get spicy with the children in the carriage. No, no, no. So like you go into an inn. And
Rachel:it's your children. You're all going to share this room will you ever share
Margie:the great room so they share like the dining room? And you the in owner offers you and your quote unquote husband? A bedroom? And he's like, husband and you're like, yes, my husband like so. Cuz you're like, you do not need to sleep on the stable floor. Yeah, fine. Like we're in two adults here.
Rachel:Yeah.
Margie:So, but you you don't have sex in this room. You just have some space, right? It's pretty spice.
Rachel:I like a little bit of spice.
Margie:I like some spice. And but then he's like, No, I have to be honorable to you. Like waffle good is so lawful stupid by now. So he's like He runs off from you're in Florida sleep in the stables. And you can't help but keep from thinking Who the fuck is his Constantina? Like? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Rachel:Oh, does he have an illicit marriage? Oh, I hope so.
Margie:We didn't get to the castle. It's a bit worse for wear. It's rumbling and there's not much left to the name. I think Abercrombie who owns it, but I don't know McTaggart is like it doesn't really matter.
Rachel:This just castle looks like it used to be somewhat cheap, young adult clothing store. How strange
Unknown:cheap. Abercrombie cheap Abercrombie was expensive. Yeah, but
Rachel:the quality wasn't great. Yeah, the
Margie:quality was cheap and quality, which were you couldn't see inside Hollister Oh God,
Rachel:I am not claustrophobic the first time and only time I went into a Hollister I became claustrophobic yeah that moment Yeah. And I have asthma dude. The place smells right so much like while
Margie:remember I remember that was like a big thing when we were young to those stores but who is constantly and I will also say this there has been a quote unquote shadow that you've seen the corner of your eye that you stopped at? Yeah,
Rachel:we'll stop just thinks I'm too pretty
Margie:alright so but you hear more rumors around the village there was another file to the castle years before quits so one night you iMac are getting at it and you point blank who constantly
Rachel:sexy bits because he's still too honorable for that.
Margie:It's yeah, no seems like you're in a bathtub and you're just kind of like Oh, yeah.
Rachel:Okay, but he won't have sex with
Margie:you. Was at your head out of your dicks. And he's like, he tells you who Constantine is. Then you and then she is. And I quote The woman I killed gasp Oh,
Rachel:intrigue.
Margie:So basically Mack explains that one night constant so Constantina was an old flame of Abercrombie. And Fitch is so Constantino was Oh Aeropostale
Rachel:Yes. polystar
Margie:sisters might actually be better Holly star Hollister, holistic, holistic, holistic, holistic, whatever. Um, there's another one though, that I'm like, I actually American Wait, American Eagle.
Rachel:American Eagle. She's kidding. She's
Margie:American Eagle. So I'm American Eagle got really, really drunk when Mac tried to stop her from doing something stupid. And what was the stupid thing? It was swaying. She was. She was walking in a direction that she's like, into a neighborhood that she should not have been walking into alone. And so he was like, I think it was something like that. And he was like, listen, let's walk you home. Like let's get you out of here. And she just lashes out of him with a knife. As you do.
Rachel:I mean, Ben, Haven't we all been there? We've all been there just so drunk you're like fuck you I'm gonna murder you and
Margie:so he has like he was in the army or something like that the Navy and so he has some combat experience and so she falls off the bridge because he's trying to defend himself and like
Rachel:obviously not enough combat.
Margie:Yeah, yeah. So after telling you this story, and a way to
Rachel:go Yeah, right. How did you die? Well, I was trying to kill someone and drunk and rage and I accidentally got thrown over I hope that's how I go Oh gee. And you are going to be in charge of writing my eulogy
Margie:I'll just be like she was a dumb bitch. She
Rachel:went the way she
Margie:Zack and the dogs in the front row giving me the middle finger
Rachel:sex in the front row just pounding liquor. This is what a fun episode. I like
Margie:it. So you tell the story. And then you bond over birthing a horse together
Rachel:necessary step to relationship one finger bang this is our four legged child
Margie:and then you're like bonded over know his name. His name is paksa
Rachel:Oh my god, Charlotte rousse.
Margie:Navy gap Baby Gap,
Rachel:textual tension the podcast. I try to list all of the cheap, fast fashion clothing forever 21 Forever 21 Sorry now it's just 21 Is it? Yeah. Why? Because they're sophisticated now I guess. Oh sure new whatever, whatever. attainability justice
Margie:y'all, but so then, y'all Hey, finally have sex.
Rachel:Because you know what gets me going. birthing a horse
Unknown:horse Afterburn.
Rachel:Oh my god, we're both covered in blood
Margie:then it was
Rachel:my kissy noises
Margie:you beautiful to get actually one Hey, Zachary turned on.
Rachel:Okay, what do we do after birthing?
Margie:The question so you leave his room for I don't remember why. You get a little kid bounce. Okay, just to get like a slap in the mouth. Like don't scream hey, does this regimen like chloroform? Do you know there is no chloroform. You just kind of does that. And then this guy turns turns you around. And it's Ali. And you and Ali were childhood sweethearts and you had assumed him to be dead in the war. You thought he died in the war the war
Rachel:wars or did it the d&d copout when you're playing a d&d game is why is this thing happened? I don't know. Wizard FUCKING WIZARD.
Margie:And so in he's like, Look, your Mac is a traitor. He's betraying England, Scotland, wherever the fuck to France or somewhere and you're okay. In the war in the war? The war? You
Rachel:know that war? Yeah, that was that war.
Margie:Okay. All right. So where were we so?
Rachel:Ollie? He's alright. He's halfway kidnapped me because God all he can't fucking commit to anything. First, you halfway kidnapped me. You couldn't even commit to being dead? Yeah.
Margie:Apparently he is somehow a spy for England that his whole cell is dead and so good. It's not a good situation. Have
Rachel:I burst a horse with him?
Margie:No, see? No.
Rachel:How can I trust him?
Margie:Okay, so, but you do so you with this information?
Rachel:Tell me how he's betraying Scotland, England.
Margie:He's
Rachel:he generic
Margie:selling information to France? I think. Okay. Yeah. Like, this is how you'll win the war. Yeah, this is how you do
Rachel:because he, as a teacher of orphans is definitely in a place politically to get important political secret
Margie:parties. Okay, he said that he goes to the taun. Okay, he's a member at the top.
Rachel:So yeah, but are they really discussing important military secrets? And then he
Margie:gets somewhat drunk enough. And suddenly they have the nuclear launch codes? Yeah, fair, honestly. So you do the good thing, because I thought of you at this moment, because you can
Rachel:just talk and talk to him. You did? Yes. Yes, there
Margie:was an option. There was an option where you could like run off and go do some investigating yourself. Thank you. I channeled your inner logic, but I did I actually I opened my chakras, and I invited your CRM
Rachel:into me. Yeah. That explains the dreams last night. Yeah, honestly. Oh,
Margie:really? Hey, Oh, hey. So you go straight to Mac and ask Are you a spy? And he's like, Girl, have you seen this kill hell no. Because the patriotism of the color of the kill,
Rachel:right? Because you know, you can't ever want if you have a kilt it is in fact grafted to your skin at birth, so you can't take it off and replace it with trousers. Yeah, but patriotism. So then
Margie:you get a hella drama letter from Ollie saying meet him somewhere at midnight. And you've told Mack about Ali. He's alone. Of course extra. So you go and gasp It's actually Abercrombie and abrogation. Yeah, no, Abercrombie was the one who betrayed his country with Constantina
Rachel:is constituted dead or not because he
Margie:was dead. She is how she tried to kill she would got really defensive with Mac because she thought that Mac was gonna like betray her secrets. So that's why she like pulled out the knife so she wasn't just drunk because she
Rachel:didn't just fucking talk to him instead neither not cool. Everything can be solved
Margie:with communication so so important so he abercromby is like you know all our secrets now. I'm gonna have to kill you and your pulls out a pistol.
Rachel:Ah, clear as mud Clear as mud clues was great. I wasn't
Margie:so But
Rachel:you were so attractive. I'm also assuming he still doesn't have a shirt on
Margie:he does not go ahead if he does not show this jeans are really low on his hips
Rachel:and he's in black and white weirdly even though the rest of everything
Margie:got silly, sweaty, blue jeans, even though they're
Rachel:like, and he's on a beach Okay. On a beach with a volleyball and he smells like teenage muscle.
Margie:Oh, god, oh.
Rachel:Alright, so shoot me.
Margie:So he tries to shoot you. Win, but Mac suddenly pops out and is like you dickhead. And then all he pops out and it's like you take head and then together with all the Mac and the children help you subdue Abercrombie and you live happily ever after with math.
Rachel:I thought you were gonna say you killed Abercrombie. And I was like, children that made me like children.
Margie:I don't think that they killed him. I think they just quote unquote subdued him. Okay. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, so there we go.
Rachel:It's so good. I still don't like Mac but like, that was a fun ride. I like Mac better than I like Granville. Well, but we still have one more.
Margie:Right you do it Back Bay. Back, baby. Um, so let's see. All right. I don't have notes for this one. Okay, hey, I
Rachel:want to hear about this fourth.
Margie:Imagine after Do you want to go back to the Mac story and rewind or do you want to go back to the Granville story and ranville because he was a dick. He was so you're like, at the brothel? You're like, fuck this shit. Well, I think I literally figure out your own shit. You go home and you're like, you know what? I got this letter from Craven. Fuck it. Let's go. Let's just go to this creepy ass haunted castle.
Rachel:And is this the husband of your bitch? No employer, it
Margie:says it's, um, she he is. Well, she says aunt. Okay. She says okay. Um, and even she doesn't really talk. Oh, is the black sheep. I think it's either aunt or mother. But I want to say aunt is helping. And I don't want that as a mother in law. Oh, yeah. So so well, you don't want him as a husband either. Oh, no. Yeah. So you go there to is really extra hot to Castle. It is very described. You say
Rachel:I don't but I'm here for it so far. Okay.
Margie:Like, literally, you have to switch horses are something on your way there. And there's a really nice stable guy comes up to you is like or like, maybe it's a minister. And he's like, No, it's the stable guy. And he's like, Look, if you ever need help, like, just walk down here and leave me you want to reach me? Right? Exactly. Let me help you out. Not a lot of women have stayed there for very long. Good. And I like just so you know, this is a safe space for you. And you're like,
Rachel:hey,
Margie:you go to the castle you were introduced to and it's like a castle about your castle. Right? Yeah. You were introduced to like the head of staff. Okay, Mrs. Butts. And
Rachel:you tried to roll over that dead? No. I'm just imagining for bluecar from burger.
Margie:Good, so Well, actually, she's, um, she is horrific. She has been horrifically burned in her life. So she's somewhat disfigured. Good, which is even scarier. And literally, she was screaming when you first see her. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, she scares you. And so she's like, it's totally cool. It's fine. Like, actually, everybody who is employed here has a little something up with them. So somebody's like, well, so like, another I think another guy has like Tourette's or like, another person doesn't speak at all is mute or it's deaf. That's actually kind of awesome, right? So he's hiring all these people who probably wouldn't have gotten hired a little Swat. But he's also doing it because these people are good at keeping secrets because they don't want to get fired. Okay, okay. So so, you meet his son, Alexander. Okay. And is this child nine or 10? He's a brat. He's a horrible brat. And he like tries to hit your something immediately upon meeting you and you boxes yours? And they're like, listen here, you little shit. I've been charged now. Get your fucking and he starts to wail and then you're like, I guess then we'll never learn you'll ever learn about fencing. And he's like, you know about fencing? And you're like, Yeah, bitch, and I can teach you but you got to behave your fucking self. And you guys have been pretty loud at this point. So like, Lord Craven comes
Rachel:You got to teach my child so I'd play.
Margie:No, he's like, order and discipline, stop being fun and loud. And you're like your child is never gonna learn unless I give him some sort of like outlet, outlet and also like a discipline in order respect all of that, like he needs to learn all this and this is keys your son, right? Like you need to be better towards him. And sparks are flying. For whatever reason sparks are flying between the two of you. So whenever talks to me like this, I'm going to try my best to piece together this story. Holy shit, it is wild. So you start teaching this child, and there have been a couple of Legends running around this castle. One is on the inside of the castle. There is a ghost on the inside of the wife in an attic who is a ghost. It's a ghost. And the other one is that around the perimeter of the castle, there is howling herd at night. So one night,
Rachel:I hope this takes a supernatural turn. Oh please. Well,
Margie:how so like one night you decide to be broody? You decide to be broody? I mean Yeah, and you follow the sound of the howling into people into a graveyard?
Rachel:I mean, yeah, as all the places as you
Margie:would any recognize like in the castle there's just painting of his his former wife who died I can't remember how but she died. Sure. And you see in the graveyard, her gravestone because it's her as an angel is like the stone. And you're like, okay, they're under the moonlight all broody and Craven. Is that another grave? And he's like, Oh, yes. The governess meets the mistress. The mistress mistress of the house. Okay. Yeah. And she's into you know what, like, basically y'all get the bang in, in a graveyard and a graveyard. Okay. Get the bang it. I mean, so and he basically says he's like, I haven't been able to get you out of my mind since I first saw you. I'm so in love. Like so suddenly. Y'all are both in love. So wait.
Rachel:Y'all get to bang on his dead wife's.
Margie:Oh, yes. It's summer really dark and broody. And I'm pretty sure it's the great either get to banging or you get to make it out and kissing either way. It's a weird
Rachel:here's the problem. If I Rachel work novel, that's probably what would happen. Just my luck and like, god damn it. Well, fine.
Margie:Alright, so So um, we're gonna go with the the darkest timeline because why not? So instead of investigating the sounds inside the castle, you decide to further investigate the sounds outside of the cash cross for me becoming a werewolf. And, like, basically homeboys like, leaving suddenly he disappears for hours on end. You're right. He is a werewolf. Yes. So like, you should get this out? I don't think so.
Rachel:Okay. It's not hereditary. So that's good.
Margie:That's yeah, that's good. So um, I think in that timeline, you do kind of like, because there's these two timelines that you can take, and I took the one first, were suddenly literally pages before the end of the book of this story. He's a werewolf and he's like, No, don't look at me. Like I have to get shaved up and you're like, I'm not leaving you. I love you. Okay. Yeah. So then you both become werewolves together. Yes. Yeah. Good and be able to hear your howling from like, miles around. Alright, y'all are into it. So we're gonna get swagger howling. Okay. Okay. Oh, I
Rachel:know what we're we're into some furry shit.
Margie:So that and that it's so weird because it happens literally at the last minute. The last page. Okay, find out that this guy's a werewolf and you're like, What the fuck? And then part of that storyline is the storyline of you have to subdue the ghost of the castle of his dead wife, who was like, vengeful and hates you because you've taken her place. And she is like torturing Alexander the little boy. Oh, yeah.
Rachel:What a bitch.
Margie:I know. So you like subdue her? And then like Alexander's. Like, are you gonna be my mommy now? And you're like, yep, of course darling. And you live happily ever after?
Rachel:I like the one where I become a werewolf instead.
Margie:Well, you still have to deal with the kid though. If you become a werewolf. Yeah,
Rachel:but weird. Are you going to be my mommy now? Shit, right? No, I let's I want to become a werewolf. Let's do that one instead.
Margie:Okay, let me just read this aloud to you. Please do we must go my love you cried to the groaning Lord Craven. He rolls off you throws on a robe and accompanies you to locate the source of the banging. I know what the source of the banging was. Oh, you don't know before you find out You hear master Alexander scream is a pursued by the hounds of hell. You turn to Craven your eyes widen whore and you both race to the child's aid. As you round the corner you find yourself faced with something far more frightening than any hellhound Alexander's cowering in the corners clutching a stuffed toy tears upright streaming down his young face and front of him glowing with the unearthly light of Hellfire is his mother. The apparition turns to you with dead black eyes her lovely now the rested in a terrifying rictus grin. You've taken my place. This is the goal, but not for long. I shall take you I shall take you all back with me to hell.
Rachel:Okay, if I were in a romance novel I changed my mind I would be hurt because you're coming with me know you
Margie:bloody well won't cry as a reassuringly broader Yorkshire voice they're barely down the hall with the cross around her neck and a Bible that are only head is Mrs. butts out the way love she cries to you. Well, you and Craven stare. gobsmacked I take it back you don't destroy her. Mrs. Butts raises the Good Book high above her head Don't worry loves I've done this before I lost my arm and earned these scars. Oh,
Rachel:this is but is the real hero. Wow.
Margie:Lady Craven starts floating toward you uttering strange guttural noises that belong to no human language death dancing in her eyes. Get out demons screams Mrs. buzzers, she flicks holy water from a canister hanging out or hip. Christ suddenly she's silence thrown across the room with a wave of the creatures hand. Well this is butts groans from a corner that goes last and triumph but we're turning on Lord Craven my love she has is my dear husband. You will come with me you will suffer for all eternity to says a lot like in any ash episode. You throw yourself in front of him. Not while I'm here. You grab Mrs. Butts Bible and cross and thrust them at the ghost of Lady Craven you will have to take me take me instead and lead this family but I love them and there is not a thing I would not do to protect them. The specter reaches for you but as she does her hand starts to melt what is the she shrinks what is happening? A beam of white light burst through her and fills the room eliminating her many portraits and airy blue fire before they crumble into dust. The ghost of Lady Blanche craving royals and twists and agony no this cannot be nevertheless the light consumes or exploding her spectral form into nothing in her life in her place was a single red rose.
Rachel:Yeah, I would be that extra Specter. After I tried to kill someone and then got thrown off of a bridge, I would totally haunt it and be that person of like, Bitch, you're all coming with me.
Margie:Go to hell. I'm so awesome. That was it's fucking bananas. Oh, I don't think I did it very well. No,
Rachel:you did. Awesome. I think my favorite one was absolutely the gay in Egypt one.
Margie:Yeah. I totally agree. I think that one is definitely the most Yeah. So we're we're we ratings and review. Yeah,
Rachel:that was honestly so much fun.
Margie:That was it was a lot of
Rachel:it reminded me of a little bit was the the cat book from Halloween a couple years ago. Yeah. That was like, Oh, that was so much fun.
Margie:Um, as a character. It's hard to rate right yourself.
Rachel:Right. That's fair.
Margie:You're plucky but that's really.
Rachel:Instead of you. I want to rate each of the levantar Okay, good idea. Good. Yeah. So like, I I really like the idea of a choose your own adventure romance novel. Yeah. It's like, it feels like
Margie:I think we're gonna have to just do this differently. Like, well, I
Rachel:say we write all of the love interests, and then the plot and like, is there actually smart? No, there's not there's really no smart will not do this. So we'll have to, we'll figure something out. Um, yeah. So like, I really want to read and I've never really done the whole like point and click romance video game thing.
Margie:We tried me and
Rachel:tried. I wasn't fun. But it was just like, it was
Margie:really I will say this when I was there was this moment of realization when I was doing that one where I was like, I'd rather just read a book. Yeah, I know. It's so slow, right?
Rachel:I I will say I like I hope there's more of these style of like, actually out there out there. Oh, I'm sure I want to read more. I wonder if those authors have any more.
Margie:I like so. Okay, so, let's go by Grandville.
Rachel:Yes. Oh my gosh.
Margie:You're not fully appreciating that. Oh, I am. Yeah,
Rachel:it just makes me think of like 10,000 a year. Well, fuck Jane, you're my favorite now.
Margie:Seriously, so I would give him so we're gonna do it out of five. Yeah, I'm gonna give it to Yeah, I think that's generous. I feel
Rachel:like he just gonna have to To be fair, it's a choose your own adventure it was not like as a long way to develop your relationship but I felt like it was a suddenly like skate stay out of my way don't look into this it's not your place right? But I love you like it was right immediate turnaround right right it was very
Margie:Yeah. Okay, so two I would give Mac a three okay just because so like know that the problem with this book is that you can't get very well to any of the characters because there are so many of them Yeah, so they couldn't go really deep Heyo and to any of these
Rachel:I hate the like honor No, we can't have sex because honor I hate that because it's like, Bitch I want it to you know, yeah, my feelings matter too. Right?
Margie:Exactly. I mean, like if you want to if you want to learn about the bullshit of honor just go into Avatar The Last Airbender. Watch Zuko is arguably like oh otter, is it a real thing?
Rachel:Oh right. Well so best redemption arc ever ever but like I get the whole like I always feel like the honor is always like Oh, but I will I will solely your good name it's like bitch I want it to be solely just so
Margie:come on come on. The only thing about that is don't get pregnant. Yeah, you don't want that's just inconvenience. Yeah, yeah, pull up not
Rachel:100% effective but effective enough. Yeah,
Margie:usually. So and then Alright, so we did and then who was the third one
Rachel:the other dude well where else boy?
Margie:Oh, he gets a one. Yeah.
Rachel:I mean, sex in a graveyard on your wife's like grave? Honestly, if I were the wife I'd be pissed off too. Yeah, excuse me.
Margie:Oh extra as hell yes. To your bedroom my god I
Rachel:weirdly if there wasn't a kid in that one I really enjoyed that one. That one sick enjoyment like this is so dumb kind of way
Margie:was way too even for me. Way to Brittany. Wow. Way to bring your Highlander girl I am a Highlander girl way to Brittany. So I there was no balance like he was either like he was very like Severus Snape level of broody and yeah, to broody, to Bruni's your booty to better like to be your only source of light. I will not be your only ray of sunshine
Rachel:is not a healthy relationship code like dependence is not right. No. So, okay, so he gets one now my lady,
Margie:she's for Yes, she's an awesome lady. Magdalene is so cool, independent woman living in society. And then she's like, I'm gonna take this girl to Egypt and be gay with her. Yeah,
Rachel:we're gonna go sex in the desert. Fuck you guys. Thank
Margie:you, and it's gonna be the sex is gonna be so good. It's gonna raise a temple. Hell yeah. Yes. And it for too long. Yeah. Gyptian God, right and also, okay, so my little Griffin door heart. It's like, yes, adventure adventures out there.
Rachel:My little Ravenclaw heart is like, oh, sacred scrolls. Well, sacred scrolls. And also she's like swashbuckling and right
Margie:down for that. Right? Right. So she gets a four we love her. We love her best one.
Rachel:She's pretty freakin wonderful. The only problem I have with that entire arc, is my ass would be so sunburned after sex in the desert.
Margie:I think it's at night. Oh, that's fine. No, we're
Rachel:good then. Yeah, cold but that's why your soul keep you warm,
Margie:right? Yeah, that's we talked about all the like the the petticoats and all that is
Rachel:also true, dude. But seriously, wear long skirts in winter because you can layer so much shit under it. And it's so warm. way warmer than pants. There you go. Yep.
Margie:Um, next slide. Oh my god.
Rachel:I'm not gonna make you write each one individually. Just like
Margie:I think that it was. Okay, I think I would give it a three because they're all just like,
Rachel:the three dudes plots are like a solid like two and then her plot is more of a three three and a half. i Yeah, cuz I'm a sucker for like adventure, archaeology. There's a reason Indiana Jones and the mummy are both so good.
Margie:Yeah. And so fun. Right? Right. Super Down for that, right. Um, you could thread a needle with those eyebrows. I was just thinking in the money. My gosh.
Rachel:I know. But hey, to be fair, it was like, look at the time it was historically accurate. That part was okay. And it was it was like 20s Right? Yeah, that was
Margie:an eyebrow time we're vote on. Well, also when that movie came out. That was the 90s that too. They loved that eyebrows. I still hate my eyebrows because in the 90s Okay, so then all right,
Rachel:where were so smite didn't really happen. There wasn't really there. Was that smut? No. How are the images?
Margie:They're actually kind of bad. Are they? Oh, I'm excited. Okay, so
Rachel:we're under the,
Margie:I would say for the book. Let me just like, overall overall, I would give it like, it's really fun. Yeah, really fun. I don't think it's particularly well written but that's because the authors were so stretched between all these servicers. I was thinking to myself as I was reading it, I was just like, I'm super impressed. I don't know how they manage to put this all together in a Like, cohesive way No wonder there were two authors because they were probably just like, no, this doesn't make sense. You have to do it the other way. Um, so I was very impressed by that. However, I think it like because of that the story suffered, right.
Rachel:But at the same time, I feel like it was written to just be fun. It was Yeah, yeah. So I think you get super invest. I think it's a five. Yeah, I know the road. Sure. And I think for what it is, I think they executed it pretty very well.
Margie:Yeah, really well, so but I don't like I don't think that any let's put it this way. I don't think any other choose your own adventure novel could be better. Like I think that this is pretty much like, but we're judging it against everything else. That's how we do it on this podcast. Yeah. So but like I said, I think for what it is they did Hell yeah. That was really John. It was really fun. Thank you to Kelly for suggesting Oh, yeah, that was a thank you. I hope you enjoyed it. Molly. She Molly has written us a review and suggested something. Molly, I've not forgotten about you. It is coming. I promise. I promise.
Rachel:So when you weren't getting drunk and reading about werewolves,
Margie:I really am. Yeah. Typical. Saturday night for Margie back.
Rachel:Then what else? What other werewolf book were you reading?
Margie:Well, I wasn't reading about werewolves. I was reading a Discovery of Witches because I'm rereading that like vampires, witches and demons. So we mean, well, I decided but like in that world listeners, which is demons or demons.
Rachel:It's D, isn't it? Yeah.
Margie:Okay, demons, witches, demons and vampires. Vampires. I've decided that I am a demon. I could do that. Yeah, and you are a witch. Like I'm also I was thinking about it earlier today, though. I also I think that Zach is definitely a demon. Yeah. 100% He's
Rachel:got that 1% 100 I literally drink my coffee this morning out of a cauldron. I'd say I
Margie:love the witches. Thank you and I don't know love the witches I love so much. Um, that's what I've been reading. Anything else you've been consuming? I'm not consuming Oh gods and taking care of for cat children.
Rachel:They're really cute. Fuck me.
Margie:Why did I do I have listener so like I agreed to foster this mama cat and her three kittens. Like and that's where the drama was coming from. It's true. Rachel was like, that was shit together. Logic grant. Yeah, logic.
Rachel:They're really cute though.
Margie:They are so cute. They're so cute. They also still cower in fear. Yeah, but they're kittens and it could have been a week. It's only been a week and I'm already over it.
Rachel:I think that counts is media consumption. Cuz you've been consuming a lot of information on how to take care of kids. All right. Well, that was fun. Thanks, guys. tensional 50 episodes.
Margie:Yeah, that was thank you again, Kelly for the third time.
Rachel:That was so much fun.
Margie:That was it was hey, so thank you.
Rachel:Are you for the use of your song Oh, love of the album be held for the intro and outro of our program? Yes.
Margie:Yeah, we'll see you and under the covers if you'll join us there. Oh my god. I can't wait everybody