Have you ever wanted to sit down and have a conversation about smutty romance novels with a dad? Well don't worry, we did it for you! Your Co-hosts Rachel and Margie are joined by Mike and Darin of Irritable Dad Syndrome to discuss Cora Reilly's, Sweet Temptation
Have you ever wanted to sit down and have a conversation about smutty romance novels with a dad? Well don't worry, we did it for you! Your Co-hosts Rachel and Margie are joined by Mike and Darin of Irritable Dad Syndrome to discuss Cora Reilly's, Sweet Temptation
Well, hello, welcome to textual tension. I am your co host, Rachel, and every other week, I jump in here and give you all of the hot deets. That was a terrible way of saying that. Everything tell you about everything that's going on in our little world. And I have a super important announcement, we have a new patron. Hey, Rachel, thank you so much for jumping on that Patreon train and getting access to all of that extra super fun content. And hey, if you want access to all of that extra super fun content, head on over to patreon.com/textual tension and check us out. And remember, I haven't mentioned it in a while, you cannot search for us on Patreon because we do talk content. So you know, we won't show up with that. But hey, check us out. And if you maybe are not in a spot right now to support us totally fine. We would really appreciate it. However, if you would maybe head on over to like iTunes or something like that. And hey, drop us a rating and a review. That would be fantastic. It really helps us get our name out there and get the podcast out to all sorts of people and Hey, tell your friends that would be cool too. And if you do leave us a review and you maybes take a screencap of that and send it to us with some deets we will hopefully send you stickers. So hey, maybe do that. If you want to reach out to us on any of our social media, hit us up on all of the twits to grams, et cetera, at textual tension pond dock or textual tension pod. Textual tension pod.com is our website. Check that out too. You didn't contact us and has links to all of our good reads, etc. All that stuff. Hey, this, if you happen to notice by the title, we have a guest. So also check out irritable dad syndrome on all of the twits diagrams as well. And hey, you know, this is a really fun one. We were super excited to have them on. It was totally out of the blue, but it was a blast. And hey, have you ever thought it would be just an experience to sit down and explain a romance novel to your dad or a dad in general? Well, that's basically what we did and it was so much fun. So I really hope you guys enjoy it. Um, one last thing I know I've said it a couple times. But here's another reminder, we have a discord and we just added a new new page to our Discord for pets and stuff. So if you just want a bunch of real wholesome pets and videos of pets, etc. Check out our Discord. There's a link in our bio on Instagram and I think a link on our website as well. So you can come on over talk books with us talk random stuff with us. It's a blast. We have a ton of fun. So hey, check that out. So now without further ado, some romance novel wisdom for you. I just always remember because of synonyms Forgive me father for I have sinned and I'm sorry daddy, I've been bad are the same thing. God, and without further ado, here, my friends is episode 67. The act of love tearing me apart from a love hate relationship with romance novels. I'm your co host Rachel and I'm your co host Margie. Every other week one of us reads and summarizes a romance novel for the other unsuspecting co host this week. Margie is listening. And that's me. And together we unpack what
Unknown:the fuck the
Rachel:beautiful guys You did great. We have friends on. In case you couldn't tell.
Unknown:I don't know these. That's great. All right.
Rachel:You just stumbled in off the street and found a microphone. Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. Well, hey, guys. How's it going?
Unknown:We're fantastic. How are you? I'm not fantastic. I'm good. I'm not fantastic. Too many syllables. He
Margie:was annoyed earlier Mike said he was annoying.
Rachel:Alright, do you guys want to go ahead. Just take yourself introduce yourselves.
Margie:Your, your your from your life story ahead,
Unknown:Mr. Baron. And and my partner here is Mike and we're with irritable dad syndrome. And we've been invited to be a guest on this show a show that has absolutely nothing in common 100% with our podcast, yeah. And, and that not because of Margie and Rachel, you two are fantastic. But I'm really, really regretting being in a room with Mike right now. So
Rachel:I mean, we both come we have comedy kind of going.
Unknown:It's a side effect of the vaccine vaccine right. The swine flu. Yeah. messed me up that in the monster. Is that the problem? Yeah. And the fact that you showed up three hours late and all you brought was m&ms and mountain Z. Every time you told this story, it's gonna get a little further. We're gonna kiss. We have couples counseling booked any day now. Come too soon. Yep.
Rachel:Oh, God. Well, so we've kind of already touched on the fact that, really there's not a lot in common between our two broadcasts and that that scares me. For you. Yeah, because I'm concerned. How you guys are going to do because this is going to be? I'm going to go out on a limb here. Just crazy. Wild thought. Okay. Neither of you have read a romance novel. Have you? Ah, no, no.
Unknown:Well, I do I have a story I have. I have a story actually, for me. You can say neither. Neither of you have read a novel. The list I accidentally I accidentally read a choose your own adventure Romance. Romance novel. Oh,
Rachel:those are fine. Yeah,
Unknown:I had no idea. You accidentally do? Yeah, you know, it was in with all the other Choose Your Own Adventure books. And then there were like options to do things. And I was like, What in the hell is this? The closest I've come to a romance novel was some Sidney Sheldon books that I read back in the day where every now and then somebody gets it on?
Rachel:Well, this this one has a lot of getting it on. So real quick, because we're all fucking professionals. Do you guys mention the name of your podcast? Or did I just struck out for a second? We
Unknown:did. I mentioned it. I mentioned it again.
Rachel:Here double Dadson. Alright.
Margie:I have another follow up question to that. If you don't mind Rachel going in and just say no, I know that now. We I can guess the moment when you guys like, realize that your dad's but when did you realize you were irritable dads. When was the moment when you got to the ear? I
Unknown:think were pleasant. I don't think it's a long time to realize he was a dad. Or at least to act like a dad. This is
Rachel:kids around.
Margie:Why are there pictures of new boards on my desk? Honey?
Unknown:To answer your question, Mike and I we've been friends for a long time. Well, that's okay. Debatable friends. For a long time. Yeah, we've done it. My youngest son and his oldest son are friends. And they were constantly having playdates and scout meetings and basketball games. And every time we were at one of these events, we we gravitated towards each other because we're both idiots. Yeah. And we found out sure enough that we have a lot in common. We're all constantly talking. We wouldn't pay attention to anything that the kids were doing. We get in trouble all the time for that. We will have an hour long conversation about get your son made. Hmm. Yeah. And Mike had the brilliant idea of you know, it's like these conversations we have are are actually very fun. And he thought that people would enjoy listening to him. So we bought some microphones. And that's that's what we got going. And it turns out he was wrong. People don't like listening to it. And we're all because we have kids. We're irritable because we're around each other. I think. So. Yeah. It's good. Good, good. Fine. Give it terrier Asada here right now. So I get back to playing video. Maybe by
Margie:the end of it of this episode, we could heal their relation. Oh, no, maybe the job?
Rachel:Never go into a relationship trying to fix it. Oh, no, right. Right. 66 episodes. Never. All right. So I, whenever we have people on, I like to try to find obviously a book that kind of is related in some way. So in this particular instance, I looked for books with dads in them, okay. And most of them are very boring. So I picked one that Marty's like, you pick one with a with a father figure, right? And I was like, Well, I picked one with a figure that is a dad. He is a father. So it should be fun. It's gonna be a good time. Okay, I also try to pick the most problematic book that I can find. So I'm not looking. Yeah, Margie is not going to look, I'm going to go ahead and send you guys in the chat.
Unknown:Oh, Lord, now we got to do something.
Rachel:You do the good reads. listing for so the way this is going to work is I'm going to send you this link. And you guys are going to look at the cover and describe it. And then someone is going to read the description of the book. Alright, are you guys ready? I told me all right. So
Unknown:am I allowed to say something? Yeah, you guys now is the 50 Shades of it's the 50 Shades of whatever it is. It's like the guy in the suit. She a vampire with like butter Fang is sticking out sideways.
Rachel:Yeah, it does kind of look like she has a margin. What's What's the book?
Margie:The book is called sweet temptation. And you get back over there
Unknown:what I was standing over your mic you see you got your I gotta be like right on it. You gotta be like, okay in it like you're up on it.
Margie:You don't have to hold back.
Unknown:He's got like, what is he in a gang? Okay, so he's an orthodontist, so it's an orthodontist and a gang. He's done it. She's she's going to get her Fang fixed. Oh, wow. Yeah.
Margie:Yeah, that is super weird.
Unknown:So it's going to get her bang. Well look at it. Stick it through her lips.
Rachel:sweet temptation by Cora Riley.
Margie:And it's got like the lettering. It's a really dark background with two people. The guys turn to his side. Like he looks like he's saying something in passing to her. Like, I've got this really great dentist who could help you with those bags. But yeah, so badly.
Unknown:You want any loss?
Margie:She kind of like Megan she looks a lot like Megan Fox. Yeah. Yeah,
Unknown:I look big for her
Rachel:head. Yeah, I think tell if there's very obviously a contact situation happening. Okay.
Unknown:Is that Oh, is that a real person? Oh, wait,
Margie:she's got her hand up. Yeah, her hands up her hands up like around his arm. It's very, very uncomfortable. Honestly,
Unknown:she has him she's got him in a hold. Okay, so it's a vampire that is demanding free orthodontia?
Rachel:Yes, yes. Free orthodontic care. Yeah.
Unknown:It should be covered under any insurance. But it's not.
Margie:He's got a lightning bolt something at the bottom.
Rachel:I have no idea.
Margie:I don't know what it says on the bottom. No.
Unknown:I think at the very bottom it says Oprah's book club. braces. Actually braces were just the beginning.
Rachel:Think that Oprah would read this book. Let's see. What is she? What is this? She was wicked lovely and far too young. Oh, that's
Unknown:okay. Chris Hanson just jumped into the youngest Yeah, I wonder.
Rachel:Ah, well, let's How about Marty Do you want to read the description for me? I would be happy all right, so we're just gonna read the description All right, here we go.
Margie:And arranged marriage standalone mafia robots. That's a lot. Yeah, it is a lot. Okay. The first time Casio met his fiancee, she called
Unknown:he's a watch he's a watchmaker Casio Yeah.
Rachel:Oh, last name is I'm pretty sure Moretti and please imagine marzetti olives because I think he's heir to the olive fortune.
Unknown:Well, they named him Casio because Rolex was already taken by one of his cousins.
Margie:Alright, alright. Alright, so after losing his wife Casio was left to take care of two small children while trying to establish His rule over Philadelphia that'll make a yes yeah, now he needs now he needs a mother for his children and someone who can warm his bed
Unknown:Oh cheese Okay, here we go.
Margie:But in a traditional world as his choosing your wife is duty not pleasure. rules have to be followed traditions he did. That's how he ends up with a woman a girl barely of age.
Rachel:He Rachel I picked the worst one I could find because it is necessary whenever people come on as guests that the first book is awful.
Margie:Sure. So she may or might not be what he and his children need. But she's wicked lovely at a sweet temptation can't resist
Unknown:wicked vampire.
Margie:Julia, spelled with the giu l i A person
Unknown:is yeah, that's
Margie:always knew she'd marry a man her father chose for her. Only she never expected to be given to someone much older. How old is this mother fussy brawlin suddenly, she's supposed to be a mother to two small children which he hasn't even held a baby in her life. Why Julia quickly realizes that Casio isn't interested in a relationship on equal footing I hate everything about her mother always warned her that men of power like Casio don't tolerate insolence. Yet tired of being treated as a nanny and clueless child bride. Julia decides to fight for her vision of a happy family.
Rachel:Yep. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. So that was a book I chose was
Unknown:this on the dollar rack.
Rachel:It wasn't actually it was actually on a list of some of the most popular single dad romance
Unknown:novels. Okay. Okay. Yeah, so most popular single dad romance novel was a very wide array.
Rachel:So I actually noticed because I did I looked up a couple lists because I I don't I've never read a single data romance novel, it is a relatively recent topic, I guess of romance novels. And all of them are boring. So at least the descriptions were just like, awful. And so it was between this one and one about two people sharing office space in New York. Those were the options. So I went with one that I thought would be more interesting. Okay, it was well, it's staying cool. So I'm triggers real quick. Before I start telling you about the book. We have to go over what triggers are in the blood.
Margie:Sugar baby go
Unknown:right into the trigger. I don't even know what I don't know what's going on. Okay. papel. Okay. So this is a new thing triggers, like I said, like that certain words trigger some people like when I hear Darrin Cox, I want to fucking kill something. That's a trigger for me. So okay, she's gonna explain, I was making sure that triggers in the romance novel getting the same thing.
Rachel:They're the same. Yeah, it's. So the reason we go into triggers for books is because a lot of these books, market things that are really not healthy relationships as romance. So we like to make sure people know exactly what they're getting into.
Unknown:Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you're saying that these books that you read, sometimes have things in them that are not healthy relationship goals, or good examples of fulfilling relationship? Okay.
Rachel:Yeah, it is. It is shocking.
Margie:surprised by how much violence we've got.
Rachel:A number yes, that has been one of them. The number of relationships that start with kidnapping is truly upsetting. Oh, wow. really upsetting. So triggers, um, death, obviously. Torture, you know, threats against children. Yeah, their health safety life. traumatize very emotionally traumatized children in school in this book, incest.
Unknown:You know, adultery. The best part about an incestuous relationship is you never have to worry about whose family you visit at Thanksgiving. Wow, thank you. Well, wow.
Rachel:Wow. Yep, we're done.
Unknown:I will see you guys on irritable dad syndrome.
Rachel:And suicide. Good. Yes. So. Okay. Yeah, it has it all. I had to make a list. Um, the good news is, there is no underage sex. Okay,
Margie:so she's 18
Rachel:Barely. I know.
Unknown:I know that I know that the girl is underage. So now you spoil the book. I know that they're not gonna
Margie:know she is of age.
Unknown:Oh, they have so she was underage.
Margie:No, he starts underage he starts underage Oh, they don't have sex
Rachel:while she's underage. Okay,
Unknown:well that they have some class
Rachel:a little bit. Alright, so I'm going to go over characters and then I'm going to get into the actual book description right so we have Casio mr. watch all of the third
Unknown:way. Mister watch. They named the guy missed watch Oulun
Rachel:Yeah, no, it seems Casio already but I just imagined watches and marzetti olives. Oh, yeah. Okay. He's 33. Right? The underboss of Philadelphia. Excuse you.
Margie:There's a child first
Unknown:time we've ever had an asshole on our show. They're right by the camera.
Rachel:This is a thiness cat. Um, okay, so he's he is the underboss of Philadelphia, which I looked it up Philadelphia is actually a big mob city because my first thought was wait really? Philly? Of all places. Okay. Um, he has dark hair blue eyes and is shaped like a Dorito okay. Yes.
Unknown:So from the side you barely see him Yeah. Or
Rachel:from from the front really broad shoulders with a strong taper because he's very muscular.
Unknown:Imagine like the other way upside down. I was thinking he was like, Wait, hold. Did you just compare Chris Evans to a Dorito? Yes, that's good. I think I think if cat America was gonna be it would be cool ranch. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, yeah.
Margie:Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Unknown:Two hours later we start the book. Okay.
Rachel:So are other characters Julia? Julia starts in this book at the age of 17. Don't worry, she is 18 before they actually fuck. Okay. Okay. So there's that All right, so I break my book into scenes and i Congratulations, guys, you get to play a time honored game here in the textual tension universe called Spot the plot. Um, yeah, so the game is called Spot the plot. Basic. Basically, I want you guys to tell me whenever you think you found the plot.
Unknown:I already know the plot. He's banging some chick after she gets 18 Right. Somebody is gonna get tortured and killed. He looks like a burrito. Right? In the end. She leaves him right to script. She leaves him with the kid that she takes the kids he dies and some fire he or she takes she takes the kids to die. Well, maybe to you. She leaves him to die to everybody probably in a van that fell into the river in flames. While he was working on a watch done
Rachel:that that would be a far better book. So seen one. Let's get some setup. So Cassie was in a little bit of a pickle. Yeah. Um, see he's in his bedroom but covered in blood and his wife is dead. In front. Oh.
Margie:Right. Cool. Tuesday. Tuesday, okay.
Unknown:I hate it when that happens. i That's the worst. Yeah, it really is. That we're really ruined Christmas morning. Just yeah. Is it Christmas morning in this book.
Rachel:There is a Christmas morning in this book. Oh,
Unknown:my telepathy, telepathy. Latvia, your official. Official. telepathic abilities are coming.
Margie:Ariel in The Little Mermaid. I
Rachel:know. It's awkward, man. Oh,
Unknown:yeah. Okay, so you're,
Rachel:you're you're saying he's your Aqua Man. But seven? Sure. For sure. So, okay, so his wife is dead in front of him. And he really needs to clean it up. Just kind of.
Margie:It's like he needs to clean it up. Not cold.
Unknown:It's gonna soak into the carpet. You gotta get it before I mean, Jesus. You know,
Margie:the Do they even have carpet? It's probably
Rachel:on the bed. Oh, wait, there's carpet on the bed problem. There. No, they're in a mansion. They probably can afford carpet.
Margie:Yeah, yeah. Well, the new Casper mattress. It'll be fine. Yeah. Hi Casper. sponsor. Oh, God.
Rachel:So she's hella dead. And seen. She's good.
Unknown:She's not bad. She's hella dead.
Rachel:Oh, she's so dead. So cut to a little bit later. Um, Casio who is the underboss of Philadelphia and very busy doing things like running, you know, a drug ring and maybe some human trafficking and all the really nice things that his wife's body. Yeah, well, um, but he also he man, he's having to stay up at night and take care of his like, like, four month old and his two year old and it's just a lot of work. Like for what and I and he can't get a nanny for some reason. So he's just at his wit's end. And everyone's like, Look, I know we just married your wife, but you really need to marry someone here have the 17 year old. Well, and he and he's lying when I don't see a
Unknown:problem. Yeah, typical.
Rachel:So so he agrees to marry this 17 year old a week after his wife dies. And it's like, okay, oh, that's
Unknown:one week all this was like he won't get any he won't do that. We're talking from like Monday till
Rachel:apparently he is incapable of being a single father for a week. Wow.
Unknown:Fasting Cora Riley's world. My wife's been out of town for like two days, and I've considered remarriage. I'm like, you know, raising kids, by yourself as hard.
Rachel:As someone without children, I wouldn't know. Um, so I guess within this week, basically what happens is his wife dies, they go to the funeral, he has to deal with his children who are emotionally traumatized because their mom died. Right? And he just can't do it anymore. And so, at the funeral, someone came up to him was like, hey, you need to get married again. Look at this young girl. She's eligible. And he's like, No, she's too young. And then three nights later was like, okay, but I'm tired. Yes, I'll marry her. That's the first week of this book.
Unknown:I'm tired. Okay, I'll marry her. That's all up Sammy. Right there, mom. She's 17. Yes. But his kids. His kids are four and two
Rachel:notes. Four months old and two years old. Oh, four. Oh, yes. Four months
Unknown:old. Yes. Just put them in a laundry basket in a room. And then the other kid can't go anywhere. Yeah. Give him like a Nintendo.
Rachel:Well, he does he is give Cassie more credit. He's not going to marry her until she's 18. Oh, okay. So they have a gentleman. Yeah, they have four months. Okay, the biting is in four months. Four months.
Unknown:Has anybody figured out why his wife was covered in blood on the carpet in the
Rachel:No, they just drop that right at the beginning and are like, man, yeah, sure. I'm writing this from his perspective. So he actually knows everything that's happened, but I'm not gonna give the reader that. All right, okay. Yeah. I'm Julia is not particularly pleased with this arrangement. Okay. I can't imagine why, um, and we'll see how hot and rich he is. She hasn't met him yet. She doesn't know if
Unknown:she saw my boss and Billy is bloated, what's not he had a dead person. He had a dead person in his bed on a carpet just two or three days ago. And that magically goes away and now he's at the funeral getting women her dad
Rachel:is rich. So an underboss so that's why she's marrying her.
Unknown:Was she was his wife killed by the other underboss to get this thing moving? We're gonna wait did Mike spot the spot of the plot? Oh,
Rachel:you didn't? Tried to he tried to there are no prizes, except bragging rights. So
Unknown:that's enough for Mike.
Rachel:It is so Julia is not particularly pleased with this arrangement. She also does not have a choice in the matter. So she just kind of has to go with it. Um, and a side note that I think everyone here should be aware of everyone in the family is pretty sure Cassio killed his wife.
Unknown:Yeah, everyone here in this room was pretty sure. I don't know. I think he was framed. Okay.
Margie:He did pretty sloppily. Like if he's covered it blooded. Like he did
Rachel:have his own home.
Unknown:You wouldn't think he would just go to sleep. Well, I'm tired. I've been stabbing all night. Yeah, my arm is so sore. Yeah, now they have they have people who can take care of
Rachel:that. This is the mob. Right? Exactly. This this already
Unknown:doesn't make sense to me. Am I gonna be as a mafia movie fan? Is this book gonna piss me off? When we get down to the nitty gritty? That's I'm gonna I'm gonna get mad. Okay. Oh, I mean, it's the mafia. It's like I'm a full cannon right now situation over here. I need you to take care of and then Fat Tony comes in with I don't know Quito or Tony. Tony. Yeah, yeah. Big. They come within. Yeah, that's Sopranos. And then they take care that this is yeah. My problem with the book is this is like the worst mafia people. Yeah,
Rachel:yeah, they do reference a lot of the stuff that's happening in the mafia and a lot of stuff happens in the mafia, but it means nothing, right? Because there's no plot in this book. Right. So okay, same to a Casio comes by to meet Julia for the first time. And she ends up sneaking down to see him. Like to try to get a glimpse of him before she officially quote unquote, meet him at dinner or whatever. And accidentally Woopsie doodle. Thanks. See Daisy doodlee doodlee. Do they end up running into each other? Nope. Oh, damn. Hi, now and his first reaction is Oh my god. She's a child. Which, uh, yeah, yeah. No, fuck.
Margie:17 Yeah,
Unknown:I'm sure mother.
Rachel:I mean, I don't see what the fucking problem is. What's wrong? So his first thought is she's really young. She dresses in totally an inappropriate way for my wife. So that's gonna have to change. Although his wife
Unknown:She's covered in blood. So what does it matter? She's one of those 17 year old girls that gets a slayer shirt from hot topics.
Rachel:No, it's more of like, Kurt had the the, but she's the quirky girl. She wears sunflowers. Yeah, it's infuriating. Um, and she's way too insubordinate
Unknown:and young. Support?
Margie:Yes. Oh, in support?
Rachel:Yes. Yes. So his, what he tells her is okay, um, you're gonna do everything I say. And I'm gonna buy you an entirely new wardrobe that I pick out by. And that's his first interaction with her. Okay. Yay.
Unknown:He wants her to buy. Okay, go ahead, guys. So then he takes her to Kohl's because the sale right?
Rachel:No, he has servants to do that.
Margie:Great. Thanks. Okay.
Rachel:And that's pretty much it. That's their first meeting. He tells her. I don't like you change your looks. We'll get married in four months. I'll see you then. Bye. Okay, and they leave. And that's it. So we're starting out this relationship sounds great wrong.
Margie:I believe he killed
Rachel:his first she does not know Oh, good. She kind of assumes she knows his daddy. Okay,
Unknown:at this point in the book, do you look up from the book and think What am I doing with my life?
Rachel:Right? Um, that pretty much started at the beginning of this podcast Yes.
Unknown:Like this particular episode? Yeah, there's a general
Margie:in general, the my guests digital you guys do this I have to be honest with you guys so far. This is almost team.
Rachel:Oh, this is
Margie:incredibly. Okay. Last one that I read where you know the guy died inside her. Yes. Middlesex.
Rachel:Uh huh. Well,
Unknown:there you go. Yeah, way to go. So you come and go. Oh,
Margie:by the way she was 36
Rachel:Yes, yeah, yeah. No, she was 16. Right. So, um, so let's see. They don't see each other again until the wedding. So it is a four full months, which
Margie:is her wedding dress. Do
Rachel:you think? No, her mom does. Okay. My question is, why isn't she in school? Have a great show. I hope she's
Unknown:not neglecting her stuff. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So it took him a week to decide to marry? Yeah, this this chick after his wife died, but it took months for her to find her wardrobe. Well, no, no, no, no. It took a week for him to decide he was wanting to marry her. But he says oh, I can't do the responsible thing. I will do well, Mary four months later when she's of age, until then, around like she's my daughter and make new clothes. I start stop dressing like a whore. Oh,
Rachel:yes. Essentially. Yeah, you got it. Gotta turn
Unknown:you turn horror to three syllable word there that I've been in Tennessee for the past week. That exceed the wedding. Mike, Mike. Mike. We're on page three of the book. Okay, okay.
Rachel:Yeah, yeah, it's, I'm on scene two, I think six. So the wedding spine. She like props to her. She's kind of like, well, I got to make the best out of this situation. And like at the she only has like a minor meltdown once where she kind of like runs away and Casio sister who is actually a complete gym, his sister is fantastic. finds her and it's like I get it. My brother's a dick. But don't worry, he's not that bad. And we'll like we'll get through it together and then Casio shows up and prove everyone wrong. Oh good. Like being a dick. Yeah, um, so he shows up and he's like, um, so I know this sucks. But we kind of put it out to both get over it. Oh, and also like you know how we live are a mafia family and live in a traditional like, family I guess. We are gonna have to present the sheets after our wedding night So sex is going to happen present the
Unknown:presenting of the sheets that's yeah you got married? No, no, I missed
Rachel:you did you didn't know you didn't set him You didn't set them on the back of a chair.
Unknown:i That didn't happen
Rachel:after your wedding because that's what happens
Unknown:when that didn't happen goals and picked out the Martha Stewart set to get those nice, the thread count by thread count. I don't remember that in Jerry Maguire. I don't remember that the presenting of the sheets after the choir got to do with anything. It's a love story. But of all the love stories you bring Jerry Maguire into this it's a good love story. You complete me Jerry Maguire Yeah, you complete me Jeremy help you with my other one is Titanic and they went down in a boat. They didn't have time to present the bedsheets and it wouldn't have mattered anyway.
Margie:They did the work Mars, which is
Unknown:have bedsheets in the car. They weren't they weren't married, which is why she wouldn't let him on that raft.
Rachel:Yeah, that sounds like the Titanic that I remember watching. Yeah, that's in the deleted scenes. Yeah. Um, so back to the wedding night. Um so they do have sex. And Cassio kind of is a decent human being in that he's like look, I know it's not really a choice but like we can maybe figure something out as far as faking it goes but really not really. And then they have sex okay,
Unknown:it's fake what faking what
Rachel:the blood that they have to present to the entire family the day after?
Unknown:He couldn't he has the sheets for his wife he could have brought
Rachel:blood Do you think they're supposed to be
Unknown:Man Did they have a lot of sex
Margie:yeah those sheets just
Unknown:performed by we're gonna we're gonna do it on the floor on the chair against the wall yeah ceiling Yeah. Oh
Rachel:god I swear to god we're gonna get through the book we're gonna get through the book. So they do they present the sheets of the day after and they actually did have sex and they literally
Unknown:did they present the sheets to
Rachel:the next day. They have a brunch with family.
Unknown:The family the great Casio Yeah,
Rachel:the whole Casio family. Family. Oh, it's hella awkward. They literally put the sheets on the back of a chair and then
Unknown:here's the DNA to prove this when Jerry Maguire to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Rachel:they actually use Okay, so they actually have sex they present the sheets and all eat breakfast around it because
Margie:what? They ate breakfast
Unknown:oh, no, I told you she's a vampire. That's Why that's the thing that's she's a vampire. Hey, can you hand me the syrup? Uh, don't get it on the sheets. Yeah.
Rachel:I'm glad I'm not the only one that was horrified when
Unknown:I read that they ate breakfast around the sheets. Oh, yeah. This is yes. Yeah. So they're all at the I hop with the bloody sheets. Great.
Rachel:Yeah, essentially. So, because Casio is a really big important mob boss kind of guy. He doesn't have time for a honeymoon. So the night that day, they go back to his mansion. And Julia meets the kiddos and the dog for the first time.
Unknown:The dog. Oh,
Rachel:there's there's a door prize. There's a dog now. I'm sorry. But in order for there to be a plot twist, there has to be a plot.
Unknown:That's can't have a plot twist.
Rachel:Exactly. So there is a dog. Apparently it was his now dead. I almost said ex wife, which is not wrong. But not right.
Unknown:refer to as an ex wife, you refer to her as your widow or corpse? Well, you are the widow of the
Rachel:of the corpse that was your wife? Yeah. Yeah. Um, so the late wife had a dog. And Casio has decided that the best way to deal with this dog is to lock it in the laundry closet and just make it live there. Sounds like yeah,
Unknown:there are some Bulaga in there with it and it'd be fine.
Rachel:He gives it a fucking litter box. And I'm just like you
Unknown:litter box. Cora Riley, what the hell's wrong with you? So that's the author there and just making sure you're with us on
Rachel:my notes. I literally just so they meet the dog. Cassio hates the dog. And Julie is like, No, do not hate that dog. And do not put it in there. Oh, there's going to be some changes made around here. Oh, yeah. She meets the kids. And so the kids are Simona and Daniel Simone is the four month old Daniel's the two year old Daniel is currently like they're asleep. By the time they get home. Daniel is actually sleeping in his mom's old room. Oh, yes. Daniel has been very traumatized.
Unknown:Daniel still sleeping in the pool of blood or have they cleaned that up?
Rachel:They have cleaned that up? Yes.
Unknown:Down at the IOP those those blankets are down at the iPad.
Rachel:So you do get presented
Unknown:to granny Cassius. Sorry, we're just destroying your podcast should be a four hour episode.
Rachel:So you actually do get like, it's explained Daniel actually like was really traumatized by the death of his mom. So like he went from being potty trained to back in diapers because he started just wetting the bed again and he won't talk to anybody. He will not like interact with his dad. And he basically does nothing all day except play on like an iPad.
Unknown:Okay. Dark fast. This is Oh, yes. Okay, this is where this is the biggest bullshit part of the book. The kid at two years old the Boy Yeah. Was potty trained boys don't get buddy. Some boys get potty trained at six. Yeah, I'm potty trained. Just last week got last week. Justin Yeah,
Rachel:he's like, so he's he's I think two but he's going to be three that's usually
Unknown:the next number.
Rachel:Yeah, that is the next number. people skip over three. Well, I mean, like I mean, like
Unknown:usually he's a hard yeah, he's a hard to
Rachel:it's hard to advance to. Um, so that night they start to get steamy but are interrupted by the Boo.
Unknown:Oh, they Oh, okay.
Rachel:Okay, yeah, and and Cassia Cassie
Unknown:was that God damn baby starts crying again. From the in from the room with the dog in the litter box.
Rachel:Right? No different room. The baby actually isn't there its own room and then and then where's Aunt?
Unknown:What's her aunt Helen? What's the answer name? Hey, hey, Cassius. Cassius sister. It's pronounced ain't be
Rachel:the the answer name is Maya but she lives not with them. Oh, okay. It's just Julian Casio. Okay, right now. So So Cassie, I was like, I have to wake up early. Can you handle the child? And she was like, No, I have never touched a child in my life. So Casio has to go and like show her like okay, she's probably hungry. This is how you make a bottle you hold her while I do this and they like he like shows her and internally he's like oh fuck this is gonna be awful.
Margie:And and yeah, maybe you shouldn't have married someone who was just like offered to you.
Rachel:That is unreasonable
Unknown:tonight Can I can I miss the investigator who's solving the crime? This is a very odd story. This is not you
Rachel:this would not even halfway through it. Okay, so the next morning Casio gets up and goes to do mob stop mob stuff torture Some people run some drug rings. I still need some pasta
Unknown:and get a new pinkie ring. Yeah, yeah,
Rachel:yeah. And snort some cocaine the usual and Julia is like Alright, it's time to get some work done because obviously some shit needs to happen in this house
Unknown:right so she like at this place needs a woman's touch yeah essentially Yes
Rachel:actually. So she's like alright I'm sorry she's
Margie:barely a woman she's eight
Rachel:so she's like okay the dog we're gonna treat that like an actual animal and not a piece of you literal garbage um, the children well, they need new clothes because they have none of them in that fit because Casio apparently doesn't understand how clothing a human works and hasn't been buying them clothing um
Unknown:so some decor just buy spandex and it grows with the child does problem so it's it's very comfortable.
Rachel:So they go on like a whole montage of like taking the dog out on a walk because the cat the kids had apparently never done that before
Unknown:getting a montage in a book. Oh, there
Rachel:are three montage is
Unknown:in my notes. You were rock group survivor doing the soundtrack essentially.
Rachel:And we also get a little bit of a glimpse into the trust issues the Casio has. Raise your hand if you were surprised the Casio has stressed issues I
Unknown:am I the person who should have had trust issues was Casio six. Why are widow?
Rachel:No No he has trust issues because of her. We'll get to that. So he has trust issues and also is really a very jealous human which is a great combo. Surprise. Yeah. So Casio gives her two body guards to hang out with him her and the kids.
Unknown:Oh, there we go. Take a Bow Bow Bow. Oh. We're reading a romance novel by a guy named because there's a lot of banging needs to be happening. So far all we've talked about is I hop and putting dogs in rooms with litterbox right right where's the juice when the total absence of the frickin police
Margie:guys it's happened twice I've had twice I missed it with the sheets why don't why there was a presentation of sheets
Unknown:you were there when they talked Derek keeps distracting me with his bullshit I'm just sitting here
Rachel:you guys stand why there was a presentation of sheets right I get
Unknown:my doesn't I get no no wait hold on. I understand what was the reason for it. I don't understand that I why they would do that why? sheets but we weren't even over that. So I'm not bringing up the past here.
Rachel:So he gives her two body cards, one of them cards body cards. One of them is an old crotchety dude which like to be expected from Casio the other one also sounds helpful as a bodyguard. ex military
Margie:kinda you said old crotch the dude yeah, like Okay,
Rachel:I'm sorry. Older gentle. Oh, got like 70
Unknown:like Danny Glover title like Darren or Mike Paulie walnuts. Wow. Yeah.
Rachel:Good that the child has picked the loudest toy to play with.
Margie:That is your fault.
Rachel:You didn't lock though I own it. Um, the other one the other body card is young and attractive. Oh, and so Julia is like, well, this is weird. Why would he give me a young an attractive body guard? Mm hmm. Um,
Unknown:I'm thinking Handmaid's Tale here.
Rachel:Oh, no, no, it's a so the entire time during the montage of the day where she's like getting close to the kids and stuff. He is just being a little bit too friendly. And she's like, kind of keeping an eye on it. Like, this is weird. So just keep that in mind. So the next day, they're out at the dog park doing more family stuff, her earning the trust of these children and suddenly turning in magically into a competent person with children. And she notices Oh, my bodyguard guy. Oh, he flirted with that dude, I get it. He's gay. Thanks. Fine. Um, and so she can function?
Unknown:Not anything wrong. No, not at all. Not at all.
Rachel:Nothing at all. But she like confronts the dude, if he's like, she's like, Hey, so I think I know what's going on. And he's like, What are you? What are you talking about? I have no idea. She's like, No, no, you're gay. What? No, I'm not gay. No, you're gay. And Casio made you flirt hash you to flirt with me to see if I would stay faithful to Him. Fucking course you did. And he's like, No, and she's like, Ah huh. And so they ended up having so we're in the middle of X know, my second montage in this book, which is the nobody fucking trusts each other montage, right? There's literally several chapters of just Casio being like, I'm going to test you in this way and her being like, You are a fucking idiot. Back and forth. So much of this. So possible A trigger that I should have mentioned at the beginning is that there you do reference gay people being murdered. Oh good. Yeah. Because apparently Yes. Oh good because in the mafia no one can be gay if you're gay. You're gonna get murdered. So this dude being gay is like Cassie is the only one that knows he's gay, which is why he denies it.
Margie:So do Casio you know doing him? Yeah, absolutely.
Rachel:Yeah.
Margie:You want to get rid of the toy? No, I
Rachel:think it's hilarious. Okay.
Margie:Can you guys hear that?
Unknown:Yes. Yeah. It sounds like someone's got a tambourine. Yeah. No jug ban. Okay,
Rachel:so trust in sex montage. So basically, the next couple chapters of this book are them learning to trust each other, and having a lot of sex.
Unknown:Who's having sex Casio and Julia? Julia?
Margie:Yes. Is a romance novel. Probably will be. With the bodyguard, that would have been a nice twist has
Rachel:been very nice. Actually. No, it's definitely Casio and Julia. But even by our romance novel standards, this book has a
Margie:lot of sex. We'll get into it and under the covers, but how is
Rachel:sex so they say the word pussy a lot, which I am not particularly a fan of that word, but it is. So it was my own personal hell. But they do describe and not just pussy but it's a lot of you have a fuckin beautiful pussy, or your posse is gorgeous, and it is terrific. Um, so there's a lot of that a hallmark it's also extremely wet. Sex is very wet. Hence, hence
Unknown:the presentation of Mike's Hallmark card was thank you for showing me your pussy. Yep, Casio. Yeah, pretty much.
Rachel:So they have a lot of sex. He shows her his beach house. Bitches love beach houses. It could be both with the amount of sex that they have. It could be both and I will say props credit where credit is due. There is actually some like cute and good wholesome interactions between Casio Julia and the children. Hi. Yes,
Margie:but she's 18.
Rachel:Yeah, yeah, they do. They scream? She gets the kid to start talking a little bit. He buys Carmel apple. Um,
Unknown:yeah. And the thing stuck in it. Have we gotten to the thing yet? No. You got that fixed. She got that there's a thing on the cover of the book.
Rachel:She married an underboss. She can afford good quality dental surgery now.
Unknown:Okay. It's just you think she would have done that before the photo for the book scale retainer to that thing back up? Yeah, you'd really think snaggletooth McGillicutty. Go ahead. And back to you.
Rachel:Take it away. So I would also like to mention and this is, there's a lot of stuff going on sort of in the background of this, quote, unquote, relationship that is about the plot. I'll describe it to you. And you tell me if you think of plot. Cassius boss starts murdering a bunch of people. Oh, Lord. Um, don't worry. He ends he's fine.
Unknown:I'll stop worrying. Yeah, yeah, I
Rachel:know. I know. You're worried. And so worried about Casio and he gets in a fight with her with her brother. Because they're alone together at home. Julie has a brother. Julie has a brother when we haven't heard about a brother, because he literally just showed up.
Unknown:Oh, okay. And there was a sister to this like the guy who like you like a castle yours and you never seen him and then all of a sudden he needs to borrow money. He wants to sleep on your couch type of thing or
Rachel:technically Casio is her brother's boss. So okay, this whole side plot is that her brother is the son of an underboss. And he's going to become an underboss. But he wanted to make a name for himself. So instead of working for his dad, he left and worked for Casio to try to make a name for himself away from the place. He's gonna rule. There. That was the it was
Unknown:just went up chalkboard. Yeah, yes.
Rachel:Oh, yeah, absolutely. So basically the, under the underboss Yes. Um, so. So the thing with a brother is that her brother came to visit her and I will say her brother was at the wedding. So like he has been referenced in the past, but her brother came over to visit because she hasn't seen him in a while. Right? So they're just sitting chatting while she's taking care of the kids and Casio comes home and four weeks out and gets in a fight with her brother because How dare his wife be home alone with another man? That is her brother? Right? Right. Yes. But you'll remember incest was a trigger. So we'll roll back around to that. So surprise. Turns out Julia is fantastic with children. She's great.
Unknown:She was she was just a child a few pages ago. She's like, let's all get happy meals. Yeah,
Rachel:come on. We can share our toys. So, um, who wants to hear about Castillo's backstory finally you know where it started? And stuff. So we're about to learn about that. So basically, throughout this book Julia has like 12 times told Casio, I wouldn't make this marriage work. You have to trust me a lot. So finally he decides, Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you all about my backstory, and I really think that it's gonna ruin our relationship. But you asked, so I'll tell you. I killed my wife. Well, oh, well, wait, wait, wait. I cause I didn't actually
Margie:manslaughter. I said,
Unknown:I honestly didn't. I thought it would be more than that. So I didn't think it would just be like, okay, yeah. No, such an optimist.
Rachel:He said he killed him. He killed her because he blames himself. So the actual story here's what happened. Okay, here's what happened. So his wife he and his wife it wasn't arranged marriage like these marriages are and she hated him. absolutely hated his guts like is
Unknown:named Casio Well, her name I'm ex lady.
Rachel:I don't know her name is Gaia. So we know Mother of the mother of the earth. Okay, um, yeah, so apparently there's a an alliteration thing going we have Gaia we have Julia gees everywhere. Um, so she hated it. Well, that's
Unknown:the same sound but close enough. Okay, Professor Cox. Well, okay,
Rachel:let me spell. Murder. Why she's a bitch. So here's what happened. She hated him. The only time she would have sex with him was when she wanted something from him and she slept in different bedroom and just hated his guts. Absolutely despised him. So he walked came home one day, found his kid playing on the iPad. Apparently that's why the kid is now playing on the iPad all the time. And, uh, his kids like Hey, Mommy, and her and my uncle are upstairs playing.
Margie:Oh,
Rachel:there's the incense turns out she and her half brother have been begging for like $8 So So before
Unknown:half brother then what's the problem?
Rachel:Just basically cousins at that point
Unknown:halfway I'm sorry.
Rachel:So he walks in on them mid coitus. And
Unknown:that's the act of love Darren guitar
Rachel:that's the name of the episode The act of love. So he she's screaming he throws her in the bathroom and grabs the dude and takes them down to the murder basement and tortures him now to be fair murder. You don't sorry you live in
Unknown:a basement can be a murder basement if
Rachel:you try hard and believe in yourself. So
Margie:there are a basement so would be good for a murder
Rachel:could host that down. So to be fair, they were pretty sure this dude that his wife has been fucking that's also her brother kind of was also a trader. So he kind of had it was also a trader and screwing Casio his wife so you know double whammy. So Casio instead of interrogating him, he the dude's like, oh, by the way, and your kids, they aren't yours. And I was wondering SEO literally beats a man to death with his bare fists. So
Unknown:redeeming quality knights.
Rachel:So Cassia murdered her lover. She was also heavily pregnant at the time with Simona
Unknown:Um, wait, wait, kiss. Oh Cassia murder whose mother? Lover lover not mother lover. Okay, okay.
Rachel:She was heavily pregnant at the time, but she hates Cassio and now knows Cassio murdered her lover so she's like, Alright, I'm gonna kill myself and the child that's inside of me. So they basically sedate her for four months she gives birth. And then she kills herself. What I What What about this doesn't make sense. I don't understand.
Unknown:She's She's five months pregnant. Okay, so they sedate her. Yeah. To get through the rest of them. Yeah.
Margie:Wake up and kill herself. She
Rachel:kills it while she apparently is starting to improve like she gets she delivered. She delivered the baby. Yes, he's
Unknown:action. So Oh, okay. Then. She then she kills herself. As one does. Yeah.
Rachel:So and leaves a note and of all the things in this note the note. Yeah, the thing that bothered me the most out of all the things in this book is a normal book, and then you get to the The the note the thing that bothered me the most out of this entire book was that it's a normal, it's an ebook. So normal text in ebook format, and then you get to the note and the note is a literal fucking clipart image of some blood stained paper with a fake script for the note that is just fucking pasted in the middle of this ebook in
Margie:color, Mike, I think that this is with the cashloan has started to wear off.
Rachel:So yeah, so she basically Cassia blames himself because he killed his wife's half brother that was also her lover and his wife then blamed Casio and decided that the best way to get back Casio would be to murder her own children and herself. But then she's like, Oh, but they might be my lover's children. So I'm just gonna kill myself instead. That was it. So does
Margie:she have the second dish?
Rachel:Yes, she has the second kid have the second one is that once a bonus Sonoma Sonoma William Sonoma
Unknown:you know, it's like if you have so many that's in Arizona. It's beautiful this time of year. So many plot holes. Donor
Rachel:dots. All right. Can we finish this fucking book? I
Margie:need to finish the book.
Rachel:We need to finish the book. And I will say minor props to the author in that when I was actually reading it. It did make the the plot progression made sense. Wait, we haven't even spotted right I'm sorry. There isn't the the series of events like I understood what she was saying. But now that I'm having to describe it to another human, I was like, oh, yeah, that was really fucking dumb. Ha.
Margie:put her to sleep for four months
Rachel:because she was going to harm the child.
Margie:And her so I did they let her
Rachel:she wake up apparently starting to get better. Okay, so
Margie:she wasn't like totally asleep. They just gave her so she was sedated. Like she was like chilled out like maybe.
Unknown:Okay, I have a question. Yes. Just one. Oh, well, I've got plenty of questions. I'm gonna I'm gonna limit it to this one. I think yeah. So there was there was the the four month old and the two year old. And then there's the dead wife. Who? So she the dead wife was the one who at five months pregnant. They sedated her for four months. Where's that? Where's that baby?
Rachel:So that's that's the four month old so they she didn't kill herself until four months after she had the child.
Unknown:Oh, I thought she killed herself and meat. Okay, okay. Yes. All right.
Rachel:Okay, because it's gonna make us go even more off the rails. We're not even gonna mention the fact that Cassio murdered her the the dead wife's parents after the wife killed herself and the doctor that was there. And everyone that witnessed it. We're not even gonna get into that.
Unknown:Oh, man, and then the guy. So on lattes at Starbucks. The cake pop person.
Rachel:All right. So we're getting into the trust montage. This is the third montage in this book. Trust falling. They don't but they actually like,
Unknown:oh, you fall right. Oh, gotcha. Just enjoy that over there.
Rachel:Casio and Daniel start to actually trust each other again. Daniel basically asks Julia like, Hey, is my dad a bad person? Because my mommy told me he was and so she has to explain to him. Well, no, but internally she's like, okay. So he starts talking again. They have his birthday party. And Julia magically knows how to cook food, even though she doesn't because she's the daughter of a rich person. They have Christmas together. The kids start calling Julia mom and they finally admit that they love each other Casio and Julia do it's a whole thing. It's just a whole bunch of love and everything. And now we're gonna cut to nine years in the future. What? Yeah,
Unknown:so this was after like the Hallmark movie, the Hallmark Christmas
Rachel:movie. We essentially had the Hallmark Christmas movie and it faded to black and now it's coming back up nine years in the future nine years in the future.
Margie:Where was the plot of this book? Was it just about them learning to trust each other? We're
Unknown:still now you're looking for it. Okay, it's nine years later, the blocking now. Now she's a Jedi good.
Rachel:Towards the end of this trust montage. I should also mention that Castillo's father has a little sit down with Julia. Oh, and it's like, hey, so when are you gonna have kids? We need
Unknown:to talk about you having some children.
Rachel:Yes, exactly that.
Margie:And I know you did the deed.
Rachel:And she's like, Excuse me. I have children. These are my children now. Like, I am their mother. I can't have another child. There's two of them already. Like this is a lot of work. And I'm 18 Still, and he's like, Yeah, but wait Okay. This is before the nine years later, sorry.
Unknown:Yes. Before this is seven, no, I can add.
Rachel:This is at the end of the trust montage. Okay, we're still in the trust montage. And she's like, Well, what do you mean? She's like, well, but the Cassius children aren't his. She's like, well, but Cassio elected not to have a paternity test, because he didn't want to know because he loves them no matter what. And he's like, that's fine. I did, though, and they're not his kids. And she's like, Okay, well, I don't care. Yeah,
Unknown:they went on Maury.
Rachel:Yeah, essentially, essentially. Yeah. And so she's like, I don't care. We're still not having kids. Now, at this point. There are three people in the world that know for that know what happened with Cassius while everyone else including Cassius boss has been told kind of like a dumbed down version of this
Unknown:person. Yeah, right. Okay.
Rachel:We're, if you can see on my last page of notes, here we are. This is the trust montage. Okay. This is all we have left in the book.
Unknown:Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. That's like you're on the car. We only have 400 miles left. Okay.
Rachel:Pretty much. This is page three of notes. So I'm cut to nine years now. We will cut to nine years later. So that we mentioned nine years later, they finally decide Yeah, we don't want the tap that other kid. So we're gonna have another kid. He would be and everyone's happy because legitimate children. Yeah, he's 4042. Yeah. 43 something. Yeah. Pretty damn. Old for having a kid. Yeah, he's 42. And she is a whopping 2727. Um,
Unknown:so vampire.
Rachel:Yeah. Yeah. So really ageless. So they decided to have a kid everyone's happy because yeah, legitimacy. Great. But Julia is like, No, these are still my children. It does not matter. This one will still be the underboss not the one that I'm carrying. It's the thing. Um, and Cassie is dead on his deathbed. Oh, by the way, we're jumping another eight months. So now she's eight months? Correct. Okay. Um, tells Julia's dad about the whole shenanigans. Oh, good. Yeah. See, his dad is on his deathbed right now.
Unknown:Cuz How can you have How can you have trust? Yeah, it's fine. If you're if you're hiding things. So. So
Rachel:Cassius, dad tells Julie's dad about the whole thing, because he's on his deathbed. And he wants to make sure that his lineage is perpetuated throughout the mafia ranks, I guess. And Julie hears about this and freaks the fuck out. Because she knows that her dad and mom are going to tell everybody, so she's like, No, I'm driving to your house, and we're going to have a conversation about this. And her dad is like, No, I'm gonna tell people that don't She's like, No, I'm gonna do it. Don't do it. I'm going to do it. She's like, fine. So she leaves and goes to Cassius boss, who is the only person that can stop her dad from telling everybody I guess. Okay, so Tassie his boss doesn't know about this. Okay? Yep. Which is a problem because he likes to murder. Well, he's so cute. Okay, when he feels like he's been betrayed. So she tells him she's like, Hey, you need to make sure. So who's he gonna murder? Well, Casio shows up. Yeah. And is like, No, I'm gonna tell you about all of this. And then everything's fine. Why? Why? This whole book has been leading up to this whole like, oh, but we lied to him. He's gonna see it as betrayal. Oh, no, He'll never find out, like so much quote unquote, tension throughout this whole fucking book. And it gets to the point where they have to tell this guy that he lied that this is the right story. And the guy's like, alright, don't do it again.
Margie:Don't lie again. Or don't have incestuous children again,
Rachel:don't lie. Okay? Yes. I'm still waiting for someone to raise their hand and say they found the plot. Well, the point
Margie:is, you know, he was children. She said, like, that's really what the plot is and how upset people are that these children are the product of incest. Well, hey, all right.
Rachel:All right. Couple more notes before we comment on too much further on that. Everything's fine. Literally. Nothing happens. Everyone makes up she has the baby end
Margie:of the book. So it's like the end of the it's like the end of Twilight when they have a war is over.
Rachel:Yeah, it's done. No.
Unknown:And they never addressed the fan. No,
Rachel:they never addressed the thing. Oh, come on.
Unknown:No. You know, there's like, you have Jaws the movie jaw? Yeah. And like one of the top movies or whatever, but there's like a bunch of sequels. Right. And in every single one of the sequels, you know that somebody is gonna get eaten by the shark at the beginning right at the end. Someone's gonna blow the shark up. Right? But you don't remember anything in between those two scenes. Right? That's how I feel right? I know. I know that he woke up with like bloody sheets. And everybody's okay. I don't know what the hell happened. Exactly.
Rachel:Now I would go ahead and throw this out for your benefit. This is one of the Mortain books that we've covered.
Unknown:Okay, okay. Yeah. Okay. That doesn't make me feel any.
Rachel:It shouldn't just, you know, experienced it
Unknown:yet. It's very disturbing. Yeah, it's got like Blue's Clues. It's tame, but it's disturbing. Level
Rachel:rich horror version of blue sky
Unknown:cartoon Blue Dog and no is just buried somebody in his backyard. Exactly. You know, something's going on there. Now, are you
Rachel:blue? Someone's been murdered. Help me find the clothes. Right?
Unknown:What? It's behind me. Yeah, where I was. And it's hard to animate discontent and a blue dog, but you can really
Rachel:see this ad in his eyes.
Unknown:I'm sorry. I've said it before. And I'll say it again. I don't enjoy reading. I mean, I know how I'm very good at it. I can read I just don't like reading can't read a clock. Right? God? How long did it take you to read the this book? Did you do? Like, are you one of those that can read a book in a weekend? Or?
Rachel:Um, this one took me about four hours. Four hours.
Unknown:Okay. This for me? I would have closed the book and said the hell and that's four hours just completely wasted.
Rachel:Oh, absolutely. There's there are a lot of books. And the biggest reason we kind of do this is because there's a lot of books where like I said something that is not romance, something that is like sexual assault is viewed as romance and when you're young and you're reading this, you don't have that context. You might not understand that this is not an okay relationship. Right? We do not think that is okay. So we like to read those books and then destroy them.
Margie:Are you telling me that kidnapping is not a good basis for a relationship?
Unknown:We'd say Hello, Beauty in the beast. We've been
Rachel:over this. It's not great. Right? Yeah. So yeah, so this one was tame as far as the problematic parts? No, um, I will say so after we get through the book. We do rate it, we will rate it. There were some parts of it. She actually was like kind of an okay character. Okay. She like had a personality kind of a little bit. She wasn't a piece of cardboard. Barely. And she like had emotional development. And Cassie also had some emotional development.
Margie:I mean, it's hard. I will say this Casio yeah, there's literally he's coming up from nowhere. Yeah, it was a very low bar he's coming up from I don't want to take care of children and locking a dog in a closet. So
Rachel:right not starting out.
Unknown:Just the dog ever get out of the dog. The dog came out
Rachel:everyone accepted Him for who He was.
Unknown:What was the dog's name?
Rachel:Oh, God, Lulu. Lulu. So I feel like we discussed normally what what we do is after we just got through it, go through the books, quote unquote plot. We will discuss it in a literary fashion and then roll I feel like we did a pretty good job doing a literary analysis as we were going through it. But if anyone has any closing thoughts, we can real quick get to writing
Unknown:closing thoughts. I love how they just skip major. All kinds of major plot points. And let's just move on to this and this and this. And this. Because it's like nine years of stuff. How long was this book? 82 pages? Probably. I mean that's a lot. Oh, no, no,
Margie:that was that long for like, Haha,
Rachel:the thing that got me with the book honestly, like having read it is that there were so many things that happened. That didn't matter. Yeah. Like the his boss goes on a killing spree. And they mentioned he has killed a bunch of people. Oh, no, this could be bad for us. And then nothing happens with nothing. He really does not come up again in the book. And that
Margie:seems really important. Yeah, like, Yeah, more important than some incestuous little kids
Rachel:and, and like, it started out strong because it literally starts from his perspective talking in the first person. And he knows what happened to his wife and he's covered in blood, but they're not going to tell you that and it's like, okay, but like, if you want me to believe that I am reading a book from this person's perspective, I should know this. So it starts out strong writing
Unknown:and see for me if I was reading this though, the whole time I would be waiting for some type of an investigation to happen right? Exactly. None of that. No, none of that happened. There was no no nobody even Hey, hey you do it and happen to know who might have killed her widget? No, no. Nobody a damn thing No, I you feel Bo was nowhere to be one bow. I just have one more question. How's the dog? You have a dog in
Rachel:my I think the thing was like she couldn't decide whether she wanted to make a book that was entirely character driven or a book that was plot driven. And so she tried to add any qualities. Yeah, well, okay, so ratings real quick. So we rate the two main characters, the plot and the sex on a scale of one to five, and then we do an overall one to 10 rating for the book. So, Casio, he's got a one, maybe one and a half, because there was at least some growth there. Julia, she gets a two she was a decent human being to start and became more of a decent human being so that was fine. But they're both pretty much cardboard, right? Like there was not a lot of personality there. Their personality was overusing the word pussy and being wet. The ply so tired doesn't exist. So that's good. The sex was my own personal hell. Just bad. Um, so those are ones and overall, I'm gonna give this book probably
Margie:a one. A two. Whoa, whoa, yeah.
Unknown:Okay. And that's out of five. That's 10 out of 10. Okay, yeah, okay. Yeah.
Rachel:That's don't just
Margie:don't Well, believe it you guys copies of this book if you want to buy one for?
Unknown:Well, I was gonna ask how many you know, this is a comedy podcast, it's so easy to take this. And you know, it's kind of like the MST 3k version of romance. You know, you can just you know, on that show, they just bash old horrible movies is what makes it entertaining. But that's I was gonna ask how many times do you do a book that has that's like really good. And then you turn it into an actual, so not an actual review podcast. But
Margie:we have had books where we've been surprised when we were like, this was actually really good. But we've also had books where we weren't we knew that the book was probably going to be good because it's gotten a lot of good reviews. Although that does not although that does not mean anything. I think. Ours on good, right? Well, it's I guess it's more like our friends have told us oh my god, this book is so good. And you have to cover it because I'm looking at one right now. Red, White and royal blue is over on the shelf. And we loved that one. But our friends told us that it was awesome. Which is one of the reasons why we covered it. But we usually do get books from like book our book reviews, when people send them into us. Or the requests that people for us to read them. They're bananas. They're usually
Rachel:usually terrible like we it's like you said when the the worst the book is the more fun Yeah, so it is so we tend to try to go for books that are a little more ridiculous just because it's funny. But we do definitely like we break try to break it up with a good one every once in a while and she
Margie:usually gets the book good ones so I usually like find the like horrific ones like though it's some that I've covered I will never recover
Rachel:there actually have been there like the cover of the book is like, Oh, this is going to be bad. There's a man without a shirt on you can't see his face and everything is blue. It's gonna be awful. And it turns out being actually like a really good book. Right? So it's, it also
Margie:is the the whether something is a best selling novel means nothing, nothing. Not right. New York
Rachel:Times bestselling author list is jack shit. It's
Margie:Worthless. Worthless. Yeah. So I mean, we know that because 50 Shades of Grey is one of the top selling books ever, ever, ever, ever?
Unknown:Well, when you're one of these authors, who, you know, you've, you've had four or five good books. And once you start, once you start selling a lot of them, you can put out crap from from then on. Because as soon as your book comes out, Oh, yep. Darren, Darren's got a new novel. And then they go by it. And then I mean, I wonder how many how many bad books someone has to go through before they don't buy the the,
Margie:you know, the industry's changed as well, though, because of self publishing on Kindle, like digital self publishing.
Unknown:So seriously, there was not one word, not one page in this book where they mentioned the thing.
Rachel:No, no, because it's so to be fair, it's not actually a thing. It's just really poor choice by the artist and lighting wise. It's a fact but it looks like
Unknown:yeah, it's a fan. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Rachel:So hey, thank you guys so much for going on that fucking ride with us. Yeah. Welcome to the world of romance novels. I hope your first one was terrible.
Unknown:Oh, she's talking to us. Yeah,
Rachel:I'm talking to you.
Unknown:People listening No, Darrin? Yes. This is your first romance novel that you've heard talked about in a podcast. Yes. That your party
Rachel:Thank you, listeners for going on this ride. And I hope you feel like you understand the romance novel genre a little bit more. I don't know if your daughters I
Unknown:do. Well, Mike, do
Margie:you have a daughter?
Unknown:No. I have two boys. Right.
Rachel:Do you guys want to go ahead and plug your plug cables one last time?
Unknown:You want to plug us Absolutely. If you enjoyed what you heard me and bike by each other. Okay take to enjoy listening to me and Mike bitched at each other you can do more of that by going to irritable dad syndrome calm and listen to we've got 2829 episodes when we may that may be it at all we do. We have we do that the tweeter, the facebook, instagram instant grab. Yeah. We have we just did the link tree thing. I was so excited about that. Link tree now. Yeah, I didn't know we did the link tree. Yeah, yeah. So but yeah, irritable dad syndrome. We're having a lot of fun. We're enjoying the podcast. It has absolutely nothing to do in common with this one. But we have a lot of fun doing it. So yeah, people want to check us out. Please do.
Rachel:Yep. Yeah, check them out. We'll
Unknown:try. Oh,
Rachel:thank you. Alien area for the use of your song. Oh, love off the album be held. That's our intro and outro music and we love it. So you know, credit where credit's due. There we go. I think that's it. Yeah. Anyone have any parting words? Are we ready to get into some sex?
Unknown:Let's get into this. Let's get into the sex and stuff.