Grab your old-timey jungle hats and Khui-nine, we're going on a good old-fashioned space colonialism adventure. Your Co-host Margie is telling Rachel all about Ruby Dixon's Ice Planet Barbarians! Just in case you were wondering what all of this blue horned and horny alien hype was all about!
Check out our Instagram : Twitter : Facebook : Goodreads : Website
Grab your old-timey jungle hats and Khui-nine, we're going on a good old-fashioned space colonialism adventure. Your Co-host Margie is telling Rachel all about Ruby Dixon's Ice Planet Barbarians! Just in case you were wondering what all of this blue horned and horny alien hype was all about!
Check out our Instagram : Twitter : Facebook : Goodreads : Website
Hello, and welcome to textual tension. I am your co host, Rachel, and every other week I jump on in here and give you guys some updates about what's going on and remind you of how you can talk to us and all that stuff. You know, the most important stuff you'll hear all day, probably, I don't know, maybe I actually do have a couple updates for you guys, we have. And this is honestly, I think, the most important, some new patrons. Specifically, we have Shaq coming in at the third tier, which means you get to come hang out with us during our monthly live stream, which as this comes out to most of the world is tomorrow on Wednesday. So that's going to be an absolute blast. So if you Yes, you want to come hang out at our monthly live stream, head on over to patreon.com/textual tension, you can search for us we do adult content. So you do have to put in that URL, but there's all kinds of really cool stuff over there that make it totally worth it. You could do listen to all the bloopers or all the under the covers, or all of the recorded live shows or bonus episodes and all kinds of neat stuff. So head on over there. Check us out on our Discord, which is totally relevant to this particular episode. There's a link to that on our website textual tension pod.com. And on our Instagram textual tension pod. You can also check us out on all the other social medias and textual tension but um, we have some really neat new merch on our merch store, again on the website or link in our Instagram. That is all the proceeds go to charity. So it may not be pride anymore, but we are still reppin our kick ass pride themed gear. So head on over to our T public store and check those out. And hey, we're still doing that review, rating review push thing. So if you want to head on over to like iTunes or wherever, wherever you listen to your podcast and drop us a five star review, or five star rating that would be really, really awesome. For every five star rating we get. We are donating $5 to the Trevor Project, which helps at risk LGBTQI plus teens. It's a really awesome organization. So literally when when nobody loses please do that. That would be amazing of you. And boy, I think that's about it. Strap in y'all. This one's a doozy in a fun way, but a doozy. But first, before we can get to the episode, we need to get some romance novel wisdom up in here. And I think I think I have a really fun fact this time that you are really going to enjoy statistically speaking, given how many habitable planets are in the universe, somewhere out there. There's someone that looks exactly like you, but has a third nipple. Anyway, without further ado, please enjoy episode 74 The worst avatar tearing me apart from
Margie:Hello, and welcome to textual tension, a love hate relationship with romance novels. I am your co host Margie. I am your co host Rachel every other week one of us reads and summarizes a romance novel for the other unsuspecting co hosts this week. That co host is Rachel
Rachel:It's me it you me hello from Earth.
Margie:Add together we unpack what the fuck the fuck just happened just
Rachel:happened.
Margie:Rachel, I really wanted to just like dive in. Usually me and Rachel like before the show even starts we have a little bit of banter about what's going to happen. And I didn't even want to get into that because there was I will say this on our messenger I was saying like Rachel, you are not ready. You are not ready. But Rachel Do you know who was ready? I am. Who? Our discord. They prophesy on. They foresaw what was in my balls.
Unknown:Is it that book? It's that book. It's the book dice played it barbarian. And it was so
Margie:so so so to preface this a little bit. Um, I had gotten the book like probably a week ago, and Janelle was also on the discord and also listened to the podcast texted me a picture of the discord. I was like, Are you reading this because I told her I was gonna be reading this book next. And I was like, oh my god, that is so weird. The cooking is so then and then this afternoon. I got an A message from my friend. Hi. Hannah who I don't know if she listens, but if you do, Hi, Hannah. And she, me and her have known each other since we were 10. Or even, I think five. G Brett messaged me and sends me of a picture of a Facebook message that she got from one of her friends who says, hey, it was like one of her friends who's a new listener, just like they haven't done I split it barberries yet, but I hope they do it soon.
Unknown:Oh, my God.
Margie:Like two hours ago.
Unknown:It's fate. It's fate. Fate. It's so it was meant to be here.
Margie:So Oh, rachel on that. No, I'm gonna send you the Amazon link for this goddamn horrible nightmare book. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I found it to be a nightmare. I know a lot of people. But I all I
Rachel:know was that there's some science corner. Yeah, so I did look into some side work. But I'm so just 100% Delighted. Oh, I'm delighted. I
Margie:believe our Discord like foresaw the future. knew my thoughts toward
Rachel:my heroes. Everyone join our Discord. Yes, yeah, maybe you'll be psychic. Also, does everyone get psychic powers when they join the discord? Oh, oh, I I haven't even clicked on it yet. But I'm getting just that little time. And yeah, is
Unknown:this an audible sale?
Rachel:Boy, sure. There should oh, I want to listen to it so bad. Oh my god. All right. We have ice planet barbarians by Ruby Dixon. Which is, if that is not a pen name. Wow. Oh my god. Okay, so I apparently cannot extend the cover. Because it will just give you a sample of the book. So we're just going to look at the little tiny one. Okay. It has a chick on it. And a blue dude, that's just motorboating our her
Margie:just motorboating zactly.
Rachel:Well, so in this particular instance, he's putting his face in her tents and I can only imagine going
Margie:a song of his people.
Rachel:That is all I can imagine. And I Yes, I did. Yeah, well, I tried to do that thing where you like make your lips make the funny noises but my headphones that but my headphones flung off so it didn't work. So she's like, facing you. And like our heads back. Like she's like an extra seat or whatever. And she's in front of. Yeah. And she's in front of space. So you know, he probably dead. He's a blue dude with long blue hair that's facing away from you. And honestly, great back. Fantastic. Yeah. But his head's just inner tits.
Margie:You did mention that she's very blue. Right? I just want to make he's very blurry
Rachel:blue. Yes. Extremely blue. He also is probably dead in space, but frozen. And which hey, we've already discussed how you would die. Oh, yes. That wasn't happening. We discussed how you would die in space. So he wouldn't frozen to death. But you know, he's blue. And you don't see any of him. And it's ice planet barbarians science fiction, romance. Oh, my God. This is a tiny description. Oh, no, that's it. Oh, my God. There's 24 books. And don't worry. They're all in Kindle. And
Margie:the first one. This is the first one of the series. Yes. Yeah,
Rachel:it is. Georgie and Vettel. Okay,
Unknown:don't. Wow,
Rachel:you'd think being abducted by aliens would be the worst thing that could happen to me. And you'd be wrong, because now the aliens are having ship trouble. And they left with a cargo of human women, including me on an ice planet. And the only native inhabitant I've met. He is big, horned, blue and really, really has a thing for me. They missed out on the biggest opportunity to say he's big, horned and horny. And I'm really upset.
Margie:Yeah, they did. They did it. That's your job though. You're the girl here, Rachel. Oh, I'll
Rachel:be the Yep, done. Absolutely. 100%
Margie:and I want to mention to like okay, so artists chord I went into that of like, they prophesied the future. But Rachel, you also know that I am a slot for tick tock. And so a really, really popular right now is it's been trending all over booktalk I was like, Okay, it's finally time to read this nightmare of a novel. And so here
Rachel:we go. Relevant. You're ready for gonna be relevant. Yes. And we're gonna go
Margie:we're gonna be so relevant. Right? Oh,
Rachel:It's the only time in my life thank you for bringing me into this moment it's not
Margie:hot girl summer it's a it's a heist kidnapping high abduction summer
Rachel:wouldn't it be cold
Margie:well they're gonna get hot it's gonna get spicy. I have abduction I like hot abduction summer out of a cold abduction suburb but you know cold addictions
Rachel:well it's okay that it's hot because this will cool you off
Margie:there you go okay. Triggers here we go hit sexual assault forced abortion Stockholm Syndrome good.
Rachel:Just tried to sled on over that one
Margie:and I also want to note that I play my friends Dave at the wrong spot on my notes for triggers. So head up Adana. Sorry, you're so triggered
Rachel:Okay, so what was the last one? I was too busy reacting to abortion.
Unknown:Oh, we're probably gonna hit more. Okay, yeah, this is
Rachel:really giving me major Atlantis vibes like the yes book we ever day. All area. Great. Yeah. malaria infected. Yeah.
Margie:Right, boy. All right. And I have to be honest with you, Rachel. I did not remember to look up what this girl looked like. So they might not even get the book to be honest with you. Well, there's options about him. One
Rachel:there are. I am going to assume she looks like she does on the cover. So like generic brown haired, skinny layin white lady, right? Yeah, exactly. You know, alright then the MC romance novel heroine.
Margie:So we have Georgie Georgie is a drive thru bank teller, who has just woken up to discover that she's been abducted by aliens. Rachel
Rachel:man Tuesday's Am I right?
Margie:Just the worst of the Third Bank. So Jada? What happens you wake up you're like I was gonna go to TGI Fridays after work.
Rachel:That's why I had to stop banking it for third I just I couldn't do it anymore. It was like every fucking week and it was terrible.
Margie:So Rachel, I want you to just get right into it because we got to science quarter a big abducted by aliens. Do you have anything about what does he look like? Okay, well, so we'll then we'll go into the aliens after that. Okay, she knows that she's been unconscious for so this is back to Georgie. Georgie knows that she's been unconscious for a while she wakes up feeling groggy and disoriented. And she wakes up and like on the floor of a hole of like, a just metal walls like It looks like a ship and she's like, where's Ami?
Rachel:So she was just like at work. And then all of a sudden Whoa,
Margie:she wasn't aware she was sleeping in her bed. So she's in her pajamas. I just I joke about being picked up outside.
Rachel:I bet she has to pee so bad,
Margie:baby, but she does not mention it.
Rachel:Of course magical. There in space in space. No one can see you. Oh, no.
Margie:There's lots of that actually that happen. They talk about that kind of stuff. Because there's no toilet in this room. There's just a bucket.
Rachel:Yeah, right.
Margie:She wakes up great. Georgie wakes up next to a girl named Liz who tells her she the first thing that Liz tells her is like Do not scream. Don't Don't scream. Liz explains that they're about like 10 or so girls in the locker that they're in. Six of them are unconscious. They're like in like a on a wall and like hyper hibernation. Sure, yeah. Like cryogenically frozen if you have like, I'm sure and some of them are still conscious. And they've been kidnapped by alien slave traders. They are all 22 years old with little to no family healthy and not pregnant. And here's the trigger. One girl was pregnant and the pregnancy was terminated immediately. When they found out she was pregnant. They were just like, yeah, they just vacuum that shit right out.
Rachel:I will take I will take wholly unnecessary details for 500
Unknown:weights. Just remember what I said.
Margie:So it's graphic. Oh, yeah. Good. Um, all of the girls have I think there are like, at this point. There's nine. It's like eventually there are a total of 11 girls on the ship. So all of the girls have been microchipped. And for you know, tracking and
Rachel:sprinkles No. Actually, like pet microchips like cuz, like not their real names and it just random pet names. You know, I
Margie:think you mentioned that like a quote unquote veterinarian comes in and ships them.
Rachel:Yeah, fair. Humans would be humans would be the dogs of the Space World. Let's be honest.
Margie:I don't know these guys sound pretty bad. I'm not well, so. And some of the girls have already been subjected to sexual assault by the aliens. Good. When they scream their punishment is sexual assault. Like, rape.
Rachel:We are starting off.
Margie:So, so strong. So Rachel, let's talk about some likelihood. All right, there are aliens out there already that can that can reach us that can reach out okay, okay. We're not. Okay. Like, okay, so we get to the likelihood of that, right. Very slim, slim to none. And then you have the part of like, yeah, they happen to also have dicks. It's like,
Rachel:Excuse me? Yeah, like, um, let's do if we'd like, perhaps a little bit of alien taxonomy.
Margie:Sure.
Rachel:So wait, excuse me. This would be our first Rachel citescore Rachel science corner. So okay, so there's two things that I really wanted to go into this because Margie just mentioned aliens. How similar to us would they be? And it's an interesting question, because there are two forms of thought with aliens. There is something called like the mediocrity. What is it the mediocrity principle. And then there's the Fermi paradox, which is probably the one you've heard of. So the, the mediocrity principle, Carl Sagan was really like a fan of this one and a few other people. That basically it's that like, life on Earth is there's so much out there that yeah, it's probably like pretty common, like multicellular organisms, like complex or not like exactly like human form, but like, multi celled organisms. And disclaimer, I'm not a biologist, I hate chemistry. So you know, whatever. But multi celled organisms are probably pretty common. And that comes down to evolution, right? Because it is over an very long, extended period of time. It is, in general more beneficial for groups of things to come together and benefit off of each other. Right? It's I mean, it's like civilization. I
Margie:hold on to that. And that's really what you're gathering.
Rachel:Hope good. So great. So it's probably pretty common to have multi celled organisms now what the actual, like, makeup over those organisms are? Can fairy
Margie:white. That's what I'm like. Yeah, so
Rachel:our best guess carbon based probably just because carbon is a really nice, happy element that a lot of stuff like, okay, that said, silicone is very similar to carbon. It could be silicon based life forms, which sounds very squeaky but it could be and they don't have to breathe oxygen. They could like filter feed like things at the bottom of the ocean like which honestly probably more likely than humanoid. multi-celled Yes. Humanoid probably. Paradox. He Yeah, the Fermi Paradox basically says that. Yeah, according to statistics, there's so many things out there that yes, logically speaking, there's so many planets that could be inhabited around so many stars and billions and billions and everything. What Why is it not obvious? So if it's not obvious, then there must not be. So that basically is that we're special? Personally, I'm more in the mediocrity camp, because we're not spending we're not you know,
Margie:I'm not we're not Rachel. So both of those. Those those theories include, right that aliens would definitely have dicks.
Rachel:Oh, probably. Yeah, they would probably have dicks. They would probably be really attracted to pink, hairless things that have tins and they would probably have a masterful understanding of this one plant its culture and and in the middle of this one solar system in the middle of billions of stars. Exactly. Yeah.
Margie:Okay. So we're back to Georgie. And she, there are she's noticed that there are two different types of aliens on the ship. They're both equally horrible, but she's noticed two different types. And they both have three dads. I don't neither of the species of aliens speak English. And so one of the girls, Kira has been given an ear chip that magically translates all of what they say to her and that's how we know what they're saying.
Rachel:If they don't speak English, how do they know about these women?
Unknown:Okay, Joe.
Rachel:I'm accepting that they've been adopted by aliens and adopted ducted fed adopted
Margie:it's like an animal shelter when they get to the planet
Rachel:that's what I'm thinking Damn microchips the whole thing. It's yeah, yeah. All right sorry planetary Humane Society.
Margie:Accept this is like you made this more like PETA
Rachel:no. Oh no.
Margie:So every other day or so another girls brought in so they're kept in this like hold for multiple days and they're given water and these quote unquote, what they call seaweed bars, like one in the morning and one in the afternoon. I'm imagining those things that Chris Evans gotten Snowpiercer that really made a bug. How do they know what see we know they know what it takes? Like they know that it tastes like seaweed. No,
Rachel:I mean, how did the aliens know that? Never mind again yeah, I've accepted that I've been adopted by aliens.
Margie:So I about a week or 10 days later, the girls start to notice that their ears are popping and they're like okay, I guess we're taking off and leaving the planet
Rachel:they were on the planet the whole time I guess. And okay, you know what No, I'm not I'm
Margie:not gonna keep going NATO's on Mars. Other Guy. Okay, God
Rachel:there you did into the vacuum of space. They were PSAs we expelled them from we say we're not the imposter.
Margie:So our girl Georgie is coming up with a plan. She wants to fight her way past the guards to the actual captains of the ship and the demand that they return them to Earth that's gonna go well well she's kind of I think that there and she talks to the other girls in the room and they're all kind of in agreement like it's better to try to fight our way out of this as opposed to just like being cattle you're
Unknown:probably not um, but Okay,
Margie:so there are a couple like a couple of girls are like I don't think this is a great idea. But Georgie is like it's it's all we got. So like go through with it, and it's decided that Georgie will scream. And when a guard comes in to assault her, the rest of the girls in the room will charge him and take his weapons. Okay, it's gonna go great, right? Unfortunately, this does not happen. But Georgie does end up taking the alien out on her own by bashing his brains in she grabs his weapon and bashes his brains in. I mean, go girl, right. All right. But also unfortunate, unfortunately, their quote unquote, I would call it like a pod has broken off from the main ship and is heading for a crash landing on a random planet. Why we'll get into how, okay, and into that. So when George, they crash into this planet, getting the shit beaten out of them in the process. And when they wake up, they have no idea. You know where they are.
Rachel:That would be another fun science corner of what they have survived that my gut reaction says, oh, no, absolutely. That
Margie:was my thing. I'm like, no, they would not know I
Rachel:mean, if it here impromptus science corner, if it has an atmosphere like Earth, then your primary deceleration mechanism is going to be friction between you in the air, which heats up a lot. And sure, it's probably you know what, no, it might not actually be shielded against that kind of thing. So left,
Margie:here they left we're assuming that they have left Earth's atmosphere.
Rachel:So yeah, but they have to reentry into another planet. Right?
Margie:Well, they didn't say that. If it left though, could it? Does that mean that it could reenter as well?
Rachel:Not necessarily.
Margie:I'm going to argue for the aliens and say that this is a ship like a trading ship. So they probably are bouncing off of planets. They're still gonna hit the ground real hard real fast. Yeah,
Unknown:yeah, real hard.
Margie:Apparently. They so when Georgie wakes up, she has a broken wrist and at least some severely bruised ribs. And she's one of the lucky ones though. Some girls have to like their faces are bashed in, or they've got broken legs. It's not good. Not good.
Rachel:I mean, at least they have seven injuries. But again, that's like, yeah, that's gonna hurt. That's gonna hurt them.
Margie:And Georgie is once again, she's not really forced to take the lead, but she's the one who's in the best shape. So they're like, Alright, let's get you to climb out of here. You can at least put your head out and see what's out there. You go, you go. Well, she and like I said she is in the best shape and she also is the type of character to take the lead. And she's like, I guess I'm the leader now. Great. Okay, so she puts on clothes puts on the clothes of the guy that she killed for warmth because all she had was her pajamas on Okay, yeah. And she's when Georgie like tries to exit the pod. She's still kind of hopeful because she's like, maybe we're still on Earth. Maybe we just crashed landed right? Back on Earth, you know, and one of the other girls is like, that's that's not the case and George's like, I'm still hoping, because she opens it and she's like, Whoa, it's covered in snow. The world is just covered. And so she's like, maybe it's like Antarctica, and she looks up and there's two suns. So she's like, okay, no, that's that's not our planet now. Um, well, so let me explain this. So Kira had heard with her earpiece that they the slave traders were running into a spot of trouble, like there was someone on their tail or something like that. So they dumped the booty the girls on this?
Rachel:Yeah, they did.
Margie:And today are planning, but the girls are like, they're going to come back and pick us back up. Because apparently Kira was like, we were extremely valuable to them. So oh, they're gonna they're planning like, once they lose whoever's chasing them. They're gonna come back for the girls and pick them back up and take them wherever they're destined to go. Okay, okay. Yep. Yep, yep. So anyway, we get back to Georgie. And, uh, she's trudging through the snow to find something, anything to help them like this whole part. I'm like, This sounds like a real bad idea. Like, I'm the type of person where I'm like, you don't know what that's know, quote, unquote, is made out of you don't know what the atmosphere is like. You don't know. Like, you could be dead in minutes.
Rachel:Yeah, I mean, like, the fact that she can breathe. Taking the Xbox, however. Did you know other things can freeze like
Margie:acid? Yeah. Right. Yeah. So I mean, good. She encounters a stream with fish that leapt out of the water to eat you. So she started she gets off to a great start.
Rachel:I thought, Okay, again, this book is not a book. It is Swiss cheese.
Margie:So, you know, taste fish is not a magic carp.
Rachel:No, it uses thrash but it will be okay will actually
Margie:struggle. And then she comes upon a small forest with trees with blue leaves that apparently are feathery. Which sounds kind of cool. Yeah. And while she's in that forest, she gets caught up in a snare by the ankle, which like should have broken her leg. But no.
Rachel:Okay, What? What? Oh, nope. This This hurts my science brain. This hurts my science brains so hard. cuz I'll give I'll give them this. If if she can breathe and move around then it's probably not like an ass frozen acid snow, whatever. It's probably actually water but the chance I know that's the thing. I'm crash landing on a water based place so low.
Margie:Well, maybe though I will. Okay. Gonna play devil's advocate. I mean, the aliens that dropped them off. probably knew that these women could survive there but it's true. But until they can pick them back up they wouldn't want their their booty to die while there. Is that good? Good. Sweet, sweet. Sweet Sweet Earth asks to die out.
Rachel:To be fair, they did send a guard guys they're like to the pod. Maybe they expected him to like take care of them or
Margie:Yeah, true. Not well take care of them more like, Well, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Rachel:Not great. Yeah.
Margie:Keep them alive basically. Yeah, you go. herd them like cat. Exactly. So she's up in the snare and she sees something moving around her but she's like all the bloods rushing to my head. Like I'm a pass out and she does she passes out.
Rachel:Okay, I'm just imagining like the predator you just hit clicking.
Margie:Well, actually, oh. Clicking with purring anyway. Um, okay. Now we switch perspectives to Bechdel Bechdel is a native on this planet. And he has just caught he's a native on the planet and he's a hunter on this planet and he has just caught Georgie in his snare. He comes up to her and he's like, what is that? What is the thing and so he's like I can't even tell so you like drops her on the ground which also should have like killed her out Yeah, should it really hurt but she's unconscious so like whatever. And she drops her on the ground bounce and he comes up to her and immediately knows oh my god she's my soulmate I'm resonating with her resonate becomes a big do you resonate that's what they do they resonate yeah
Rachel:they work oh my god. Wow,
Unknown:mom. Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. That's the
Margie:one they resonate with so much. They start pairing so resonate is like their queen, which we'll get into their soulmate.
Unknown:Mama Mom, mom, mom. Wow, mom looks like a medical texter beats
Rachel:ping. Oh my god.
Margie:All right, so he picks her up and carries her to a nearby cave. Okay, so
Rachel:like a fucking the fucking Yeti thing from Star Wars. Let's
Margie:do Bakley Yeah, they actually describe this planet as hop, which is the planet where it Lucas gets? Yeah. Alright, so
Rachel:when do they When do they cut open a tonto,
Margie:you don't do that? Well yes they do. Anyway. So um, Now Rachel, I want you to clear your mind for a second. Oh, it's done. I hypothetical situation. You discover a hot humanoid alien unconscious near your home. So you're you bring the alien to safe location? Because you do. What do you do next?
Rachel:And they are are they conscious at this point? I know what I would do, but I'm just gonna go shot in the dark and say he tries to have sex with her.
Margie:So uh, so is would you are would you not perform oral sex on that alien? While there are gotchas
Rachel:that he used to think that orgasms would help with his stereo drowning, so you know what? Sure, why not? Maybe their medicine is just not as good.
Margie:Yeah, we'll get to that. So you wouldn't do that though. That's what the US government would approve of.
Rachel:You know, I personally, I like a little bit of foreplay first.
Margie:So why not just get Dean in that policy paint. All right.
Rachel:Well, assuming it's a you're gonna laugh, you know what that is? Oh, no, I'm just my
Margie:clitoris a third nipple that one Gotcha. Ah Oh,
Rachel:that hurts. Oh my gosh. All right. So, ah, all right, tool
Margie:strips are down to quote unquote, ensure she has no wounds, which she does. So he doesn't do a good job. And then just gets deep in that pain. Like I said, and that is what Georgia wakes up to. And she wakes up to, she's like, well, I feel suddenly much better. What is this sensation? And it's an orgasm, it's an orgasm coming. And she wakes up to a horn dude, go horn like so. He's got this big blue alien. seven feet tall horns. glowing eyes going down on her. Oh, when he has a tail.
Rachel:Is it prehensile?
Margie:I don't know.
Rachel:Can he move it? Like a like a? Like, like a monkey type thing? So
Margie:like, I don't think that's wrong, though. Okay. And she does try to stop him even though like her body is like, oh, yeah, we're here for this. She's like, No, what is happening? No. Yes. But he ends up holding her down and making her come. He has a lot of good fun as like playing with her clitoris because apparently he's ever seen one before. Come back to me. Rachel. Come back to life. Oh, I'm back.
Rachel:I'm gone. I'm hiding. I won't come out ever again.
Margie:No, no, we're here. We're here on this quest. We're here on this journey with Georgie. What if you don't I know you don't but you know we're gonna get this frozen tundra of not hot. Great. Yes. It's gonna be good. Um, so then he's he makes her calm. I think he makes her come at least once. I don't remember if it's like more than that. He flips her over and tries to have penetrative sex with her. And she kicks him in the chest at that point. She's like, No, we're not doing this. And but that does absolutely nothing to him because of course not. He's like enormous and has super alien Clark Kent strength, and the kick ends up just hurting her foot. Yeah, and he
Rachel:can't understand her presumably. No. But you think that the universal sign for no would be flailing and trying to get
Margie:away? So that's what he's like. Okay. Okay, got it. So he actually he's like, we switched a backdoor but he's like, furious. And he's very confused because he's thinking like, Hey, why does it make me want to have sex with me? What the hell gives? Doesn't she know that? I will take care of her forever. He's very confused culturally. He's like, Excuse Yeah. It's now like this is just what you do with your mate.
Rachel:Excuse me, sir. She wasn't she was
Margie:unconscious Tony, I don't know, Tony this entire time so this entire time and I mentioned it before he keeps mentioning that she's missing her quote unquote queen. And this like CUI is mentioned this entire book but at this point we do not understand what CUI is and neither does Georgie obviously, cuz she can't even speak his language. Okay, so he but she wakes up and she's like, What the fuck is happening? And he slowly he's like, chill school. You're safe here like he does the best he can to like, make her feel safe and like be like, it's okay. That's fine. Not gonna do anything. He earned her trust back by building up. He builds her fire to keep her warm. He tries to feed her something that, but she can't eat it. Like she's like, I cannot eat this stuff. It's disgusting. I'm sorry, I can't eat it.
Rachel:Oh, no, I just sexually assaulted you. Hey, let me build you a fire. That'll make you feel better. Okay,
Margie:I mean, so I would say this is like I should Well, it's a very high stress situation for her. She's just trying to survive. Yeah, so I think that like that's anything is a win at this point. That's gonna keep you alive. That's fair. And that Bear Grylls would it get down on some some blue alien? If the blue alien was like, Hey, I will feed you and make you a fire.
Rachel:Can we rewrite this entire book but instead of Georgie it's Bear Grylls, it's Bear Grylls
Margie:does the Badger bear crawl spec Grossberg grows maybe that's not a good analogy, because Bear Grylls like actually does know how to survive in this bitch does not
Rachel:Yeah, oh my god. It's bear quit Bear Grylls more. I'm
Margie:Wow, mom. Wow. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that like, she has few options right now. So she's all of them are absolutely all of them are bad.
Rachel:And if I want to advocate he was not okay. He was not aware that it was assault.
Margie:Yeah, again. Yes. And he become more aware later. I'm not trying to like I did not
Rachel:particularly the worst devil's advocate, right? No.
Margie:Um, so she, they both fall asleep. She wakes up in his arms in the morning. Because you know, okay, resonating thing. Rare, rare, rare, rare the next day, which is a different planet. So who really knows, like how long a day is for them. He takes around his back and they start heading keys. He is heading back towards his stripe. On the way like so. She he finally gets some food into her by killing an animal and he feeds it to her raw. But remember right now, they do not speak so they don't speak the same language. They've managed to like, Uh huh. Communicate? Very, in very basic terms. Uh huh. And she's very confused. Because she's like, he, like looks at me, like, I greeted the moon and thinks I'm wonderful and amazing is trying to take care of me and, you know, loving on me, and I'm just gonna let this slide because he's keeping me alive right now. But there are very different like I said, there are different trajectories. He's just trying to get her back to his tribe so that he can quote unquote, give her a query, which, whatever the fuck that means, at this point, and she is trying to get back like trying to get back to her friends because she's like, this guy's Yeah, they're probably dead. He's got water. Like it's better than nothing like and I just got to check on them. I gotta know what's going on.
Rachel:Right.
Margie:So but, you know, on the way like I said he so at one point, they stopped at a stream for a bath. You know? She's felt sure. Yeah. And that's what she wouldn't work at the real. Like the uphill.
Rachel:Margin. You said he had a tail.
Margie:He has a tail. Rachel. He has a tail dick.
Unknown:For her pleasure.
Margie:And it's Oh Morbus his dick is enormous. And he also has a small nub above his dick. Like, though, like he's a rabbit, I will not be not yet.
Unknown:Going further yet.
Rachel:Is he a fucking Jackrabbit vibrator marching?
Margie:Like he's like vision for the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It's just a wrap. There's
Unknown:a vibrator vibrates.
Rachel:He has four Oh my god. He's literally the vision of a human man attached to a vibrating dildo. Awesome. Wow.
Margie:So he his tongue is also ribbed. Um, what she noticed during the oral sex, and he has this sort of like, so like the, the rib, whatever this is kind of like all over his body and like certain places, so she like notices that and she's like, Hey, like like I said, He's completely blue. He's absolutely wrapped
Rachel:up and just trying really hard to think of what evolutionary purpose that could serve and so far I got
Margie:well, so it'll be interesting because I'll explain later but he also has three fingers on each hand and three toes on each foot.
Rachel:He He's like the worst avatar. It is. There's the episode title, the worst avatar
Margie:and his horns and like a tail I mentioned earlier. All right. So the baby that what she's very glad to do as she was freaking disgusting. And he's like, this is one of those moments where I'm kind of like playing devil's advocate with this book, because I'm like, he's not doing any like, and not that he should. But I'm like, she's like, okay, he obviously has a direction. But he's like, very down to business. He's like, let's just get this girl clean, get her feeling more comfortable. Like get her taken care of. He's more concerned with taking care of her.
Rachel:When you set the bar, three feet on the ground, it's real easy to get
Margie:out. Right?
Rachel:Right.
Margie:Great. Um, so after they're nice and cleaned up, Vettel ends up taking Georgie to another cave to like spend the night cuz he's like, we're not gonna make it back to my tribe tonight. And she's not happy about that. Because she's like, No, I want to go up the mountain. I want to save my friends who are still trapped up there, that stupid ass box. And she's determined to like, go up there and make sure that they're okay. And, uh, and she's like, I'm gonna do it even if I have to fucking do it alone in the dark. So she marches out of the cave and Bechdel is like, trying to tell her Don't leave. Stay here. Stop moving. Stop, stop, stop and then swoop. She falls into a deep hole in the snow and lands into a soft pile of snow. Luckily, she didn't fall that far. Okay, but unluckily she is surrounded by other aliens. But these ones are not like Bechdel Georgie describes them actually is looking more like Star Wars Wookies like Chewbacca, but white and they make like hooting sounds, which sounds kind of cute.
Rachel:It does it sounds freaking adorable.
Margie:So at first, she's like, they're kind of cute. Like they're not doing anything. They're not moving. I'm not moving. Maybe this will be okay. But she's forgotten. Wookies are known to rip people's arms out when they lose a game. So what do you think they're gonna do to her for breaking into their home?
Rachel:Honestly, honestly, I'm really glad the answer isn't rape. Oh
Margie:my god.
Rachel:100% this book?
Margie:Right. Yeah. In the meantime, Bechdel above is panicking is desperately tried to reach Georgie. And when Jordan So Georgia is kind of like, okay, maybe they're gonna be like, chill with me and she kind of reaches out our hands so they can sniff her hand and they for the creatures like freak out. They start attacking her they start grabbing her hair pulling her hair. Um, luckily Vexcel comes to the rescue. He grabs her kills the color features of the process and then carries her out of the cage of PE over his shoulder. Injuries that he said he checked for but that he got too, too interested in their pussy. Maybe should remember that she's like, fucking bruised or broken ribs now.
Rachel:It's probably fine. It's magic alien. Exactly. Whatever.
Margie:When Vettel takes her back to the cave. This is when she Georgie finally has a meltdown. She starts to cry. In fact, a compressor bestie can without the luxury of language. He gets her war, wraps her wrist finally he holds her. He makes her fire and actually cooks the meat for her so she doesn't have to eat raw meat.
Rachel:Yeah, has She shut her eyes yet? Because I imagine
Margie:magically not yet. And so she they're sitting together this cave and she's like, I'm exhausted. I'm bored. Like now I'm like, I just want to think about something else. So she's there's pointing at things in the cave. And it's like telling me the word for that in your language. And so they kind of play the game. And eventually they kind of run out of things to talk about in the cave. And so she starts pointing at his body parts. Okay,
Rachel:you know what, when life gives you pleasure aliens. make lemonade large
Unknown:Yeah, blue lemonade. So
Margie:Georgie starts flirting with him physically, obviously. And she's like, I'm ready for it. I want some Aliah deck. And actually Bechdel tries to hold back he's like, whoa, hold on. Like, I don't want to pressure you. I don't want you to feel pressure like he says He's, he doesn't say it but like she sees yeah all over his face. And she's like, Hey, man, I want some dick.
Rachel:Priority priorities. Yep.
Margie:And so she kisses him what she has never done before. Apparently his people do not kiss. Okay, but he gets the drift pretty damn quick and they have sex. And actually we've already gone over the detail one detail that I was going to give you. If you want more detail head over to our Patreon
Rachel:I don't cut I'll be there details under the cave that detail
Margie:is remember that nub has a very particular use for a very sensitive part of George's anatomy. Yeah, so they sleep that night together in the cave and the next morning vecto leaves the cave like briefly to do something or just like do reconnaissance or something like that. And he discovers another one of the girls in the snow it's like cowboy fuck, and she's dead She's frozen to death. Oh no, that's to death. Battle comes back to the cave frantic and that takes Georgie to see Dominique and then Georgie feels like horribly guilty. She's like I've been getting some alien kick. When my friends are suffering. We need to go up that mountain right now. In fact I was thinking like I didn't know that there were other women no matter no wonder she was so frantic. Hmm. So they get back to instead they boned instead they boat so they get back to Georgie spaceship you know like the original on the she came in where all the girls are. And the girls are actually they have packed up snowballs together and they start lobbing that back till they see him. Oh, that's really Giorgis like hey, no, no cuz rectal immediately it's like getting pissed. And Sheila Georgie is like it's cool. Bechdel it's fine, girls, it's fine. Hey, ladies, meet my new friend. But remember, so the he she comes jumps into the pod and he jumps in after her. And remember Kiera and she says the air thing is wearing your thing, right? A translating device? Yeah, so when Vettel says something she actually understands it and at one point when Georgie is trying to ask Bechdel Hey, can we eat that animal that you have to doubt that is on your belt did Akira is like uh, he just asked if you want to meet with him? What's going on? At Georgia he's like, oh my god guys, I'm so sorry. I can explain a Akira is like anti quote. I don't care if you fucked at a tire stadium but of aliens if you give me something taught to eat which fair? Fair.
Rachel:Wow,
Margie:okay, yeah, so meanwhile vecto is having other thoughts he is stoked because finding five other women outside of Georgia is great for his tribe. His tribe is running out of females
Rachel:my Mars Needs
Margie:wow,
Rachel:I just see I honestly was a little bit afraid that he was going to go into this den of women and just be like while I'm
Margie:while I'm while I'm while I'm gonna perform oral sex on all these women as a greeting is that just something he does? Hey, she's cuz she's like, I don't know.
Rachel:I can get behind that with a greeting.
Margie:Not if you don't know the person.
Rachel:Well, you know,
Margie:but they also oral sex. A backto is also very excited because now we can communicate to a certain degree with Georgie and he's like she's my mate. I'm gonna go hunting protect my mate ladies while I'm gone and the girls are like what the fuck is happening?
Unknown:Okay
Rachel:they fit in there with a dead guy
Margie:also they probably threw him threw him out I forgot about the dead I completely forgot about the dead guys the dead guy
Rachel:and it's Steve it's fine they just like propped up by the corner he's he's like the frozen like pointing guys at top of Mount Everest like
Margie:oh, that's so sad. So when while he's gone? A Kira explains or laser a cure? I can't remember which one explains to Georgie what happened to Dominique which she basically just lost her mind to ran into the snow. Okay, yeah, they also which sounds like hysteria, she could have used to go orgasm. Um, snow madness.
Rachel:So. So
Margie:they also briefly discuss queen and Kira can't figure out what it is either. She's like, even my translating device can't tell me what query is supposed to be. And we still don't really know what it is. It's kind of described a bit like a soul but an extra soul that gives you superpowers
Rachel:This is so avatar
Margie:All right, so now efectos query is demanding semplici. So once the girls are ready to go to sleep, that tool takes away it takes Georgie to another part of the ship, and he tries to have sex with her like it's not their night. They barely have any privacy. They basically don't have privacy. And he's like, Nah, I need some. I need some like, good. Good. third nipple. And the other girl is third. Yeah, the other girls know that it's happening or like, yeah, get a girl. And I'm like, a 21 year old a party where you're hooking up for the first time. Like, you're all on an alien planet. What is happening? Hey, toes are not real women.
Rachel:Blue lemonade. Blue lemonade.
Margie:Beyonce is lemonade. God, only blue, blue. Like, oh, gosh, Rebecca.
Rachel:So I do have a question. Does the translating device only work one way?
Margie:Yes. So she can't speak the language, but she understands what that tells day. Um, so the next day Bechdel has to give some difficult news. He can't take all the girls with him at this point. So he just he's going to leave with Georgie. And they're going to go back to his tribe and try to find help they so Georgie and Bechdel head back out. They have a long day of hiking together through the snow and he takes her to another cape. Only this one looks different to Georgie she notices that the inside of it seems smoother. It's less Rocky, and the floor seems perfectly smooth. So she's like, this is weird. Like it just seems like it's like really hollowed out. The walls are completely frozen over but she feels like she can see something on the other side of the ice. So they have sex though. So that kind of distracts her from that. And Bechdel gives her like a lit torch. And she starts melting some of the ice and discovers a control panel. The cave is a Swiss ship.
Unknown:Oh my god. Okay.
Margie:I'm at the Rachel, what do you do with the frozen computer?
Rachel:I have so many answers that are not going to be the right one.
Margie:I suggested that she use the on off button, turn it off and you know or wiggle the mouse or hack into the frame. But once she melts enough that the ice off Georgie figures out how to turn the ship on and it actually speaks English. It has like a million languages on it. It's like the sea Threepio of ships. Oh like I could see, I haven't really given up.
Rachel:Oh, Jesus. I can I can't I am physically incapable of doing bad sci fi novels anymore. Yeah, that's get
Margie:real worse. This is actually an interesting detail that I thought was pretty clever. So the ship has an AI system and explains that it crashed on that planet that they're on about 300 years ago and years on the planet not earth years. And it was a pleasure ship of vectors ancestors and the pilot died and there was no co pilot and their distress signal malfunctioned so they were stranded on this planet.
Rachel:Okay, so they haven't evolved to survive Yeah, Planet. Yeah. Okay, okay. Okay. Okay, I
Margie:find that kind of interesting. I thought that was a like a cool detail
Rachel:so if a clever it's a pleasure ship that it's literally all these people were literally built for fuck and and wow again Yeah, so much inbreeding. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's how you get the little nubbin in brief
Margie:so vectors ancestors had to figure out how to survive on the planet because hey, turns out the atmosphere is slowly poisonous. The computer why? pewter explains and I quote, The planet has only exposition but merely Yeah, the planet has an element in its atmosphere that is toxic to human kind and also to it's spelled sa K Ah, that's Bechdel species sock sock. Okay, I don't know. It is a gas that has not yet been discovered by humans as it does not exist in any form on Earth. Your body's not equipped to filter it out of the air. Once you reach toxic levels of the ailment, your body will slowly shut down the socket your side VEC doll with his back doll exists in mutualistic symbiosis with a creature they refer to as Queen. The Queen enhances the body of its host to make subtle changes in order to allow it to thrive and otherwise high hostile environment. Those who originally found themselves stranded on this planet lasted eight days without the symbiotic relationship. The Queen modifies its hosts, Jenner genetically modified Cuisinart, symbionts and buxom. I don't know our symbiote system Beyonce, our alter to perform at lower temperatures and to filter the chemicals from the air that the body cannot process and improves the host recovery from wounds and segments and ensures the procreation of viable offspring.
Rachel:Do not have the time nor crayons to explain why all of that is wrong. No,
Margie:that's it. Alright, so now I want you to bear two things in mind number one when Bechdel found Georgie it was his queen that told him it was his soulmate. So it was the creature living inside of him. That's terrifying. I know number two I hate that Georgie thought this entire time she could not get pregnant. Is she currently
Rachel:pregnant?
Unknown:Anyways, so
Margie:So what's Georgie discovers all this in English and discovers that once she has this symbiotic sum, what this what Symbios whatever she can't live without and she's like, she only has eight days, remember? And then when she gets it, she can't get rid of it. Like she will be dependent on it's like that. Um, yeah, yeah, um, the computer asks her Georgie Hey, do you want to grandmother Willow language download so like computer forces Georgie to listen with her heart so she will understand what the lasers straight to George's eyes. Alright, so Georgie passes out for a few minutes, which scares the hell out of Bechdel. And when she wakes up, she can speak his language. Convenience. Good. Yeah, great. And fucky silently have a way to talk. And they do. And like when we get back to my tribe, we will take down this certain creature and we'll have plenty of query for you and the other one, and Georgie is like, listen, dude, you're not my mate. I don't have a queen. I don't know if I want one. I don't know if I want you to be my mate. And it breaks his goddamn heart. But he respects it. She's like I have Okay, every single choice taken from me. Do you need to leave this one with me? And he's like, yeah, fair. Okay. Like I love good on him. I don't want to lose you. But
Rachel:yeah, this is the first time you've been able to talk.
Margie:He resonated with her. So Oh, my mom. Yeah, right. Um, she's his crystal. So the Himalayan salt lamp.
Unknown:Yeah. Wow, my
Margie:energy's
Rachel:just Oh, it's just so many dance.
Margie:So the next day, Bachtel and Georgie arrive. efectos tribe in fact will immediately introduces his buddy Roush to Georgie as well vechicle introduces George introduces Georgie to Roche as ports are hard. Look, it's my bed shots what he does. Look it's my edge and rehashes shocked but also like you found a woman gave me buzzy but like he's like you actually found another woman because they're they're in short supply.
Rachel:What happened to the women?
Unknown:Okay, all right. Great. Church,
Margie:they didn't arrest right. You know, what are you gonna do if you don't?
Rachel:Boy that the worst would
Margie:be don't resonate. bexel introduces Georgie to the rest of his pals who are also very on board with the idea of more human women after seeing Georgie with Actel. And they all agree shares are gonna take off in the morning to go back to the ship and find the girls. And Meantime, a healer looks at George's rest and determines I can't really do anything because you don't have quite so do that. What are ya and then Georgie back to love sex. And vegetable explains that the reason why he resonated with her is because the Queen knew that they would be able to have children together. Don't you just say it is okay.
Unknown:Yeah, a lot. Thanks. Yeah, I hate
Margie:this author as a breeding King.
Rachel:Which is fine, but Whoa. How about consent? Ha.
Margie:Consent?
Rachel:How about informed consent? Well,
Margie:that's the other thing. George's like, wait, wait, hold on. You can get me pregnant. You can get me pregnant. Oh my God. And when was my last period? Oh my god. And she's mister. She's late. She realized that she's late. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, hold
Rachel:up. Hold up. Hold up. I will accept bad alien biology. You know what I won't fucking except women being on a planet for three days
Margie:longer than three days, I think at this point.
Rachel:Has it been longer than two weeks?
Margie:Yeah, I don't know. She just knows that she's late. And I'm also like, you can be late to distress you can be late to the malnourishment you due to the injuries that you sustained? This is not uncommon. Ahmed, why did you this is what he's like. Sure. Like you already have a kitten side you I can tell okay? Yeah
Rachel:this is bad bets bad alien biology. They're bad human biology
Margie:ecologist
Rachel:the internet Yeah, the internet.
Margie:Um, so she's not happy about it but she comes back comes back around to it pretty quick because of course she's falling for she does so I will say this that I didn't mention this before, the place where battles tribe is is pretty cool. It's actually like the inside of a mountain that's basically hollowed out and there's a there's a hot spring inside. That's cool. But when
Rachel:you're on a planet, and you meet a dude who has a dick, who you can't have sex with, why would your instant reaction be? Probably there's probably not some weird space disease and or childlike.
Margie:Like genetically. We can't have kids so there's no way like there's no way I could have a baby with this dude.
Rachel:My top priority would be space STDs. It's like syphilis, syphilis, it's just so much worse.
Margie:They wake up early in the morning to leave with the group and they actually stop in the ship and they the some of the men I don't think all of them but some of them get the grandmother Willow English downloaded into their brain Great. Get back to the ship the women they're not doing well. Can't imagine why they're all weak. They're malnourished, and they're dying from a planet literally trying to poison them. The men feed the women ones out there. And there's a moment when so when a guy read in this book, when one of the guys resonates with a woman, you know, like the their qui, whatever. That's when they start hurting. Yeah, exactly. So Georgia hears that sound while they're in while the men are with the women down in like this hole. And she's like, Who the fuck is resonating right now? We are not doing this right now. This is not the right time. Get your shit together. Get your dick out of your brain. No resume
Unknown:fucking Himalayan
Margie:gal my whole get those ions from somewhere else. Oh, and guess what? Our girl Georgie didn't mention to vector that there's that that half of the women are in pods asleep. So he assumed that he was only coming back to get five other women. And then she's like, whoops. There are six more in pods and they're hibernating and he's like, why all excited boy women. Yay. So when the men and Georgie when they get to the ship, Georgie talks to the girls in private on their own. So it's just just as chicks. But just as chick things. girl Girl Talk Georgie explains the symbiote parasite problem. The resonating the fact that if you resonate with someone that means that they can get you pregnant, and that a man may resonate with you even if you don't like them and then you're stuck. So Georgie is competent that Bechdel would never let any of the men force their way upon the women as he is chief of the tribe convenience, but we're like the women don't know that. Like I would just be terrified. I will be like I just met these big blue s alien dudes and boy, am I hungry and thirsty but and sick. But man Oh, wait, man, this is grim. Uh, so they discuss why are they so rare, rare, rare, rare. Wow, I'll
Unknown:never get all while.
Margie:So they discuss their options. And Georgie tells them they can stay here with these men and take on a query and survive. Or they can try to like get back to that spaceship and see if it'll actually work. And if they can get it to fly back to their planet. Now the women not including the ones in hibernation. They agree that they are that they believe that the best option is to stay because they might have tried to take the ship, but they are also ill and weak and malnourished. And that they feel like we couldn't do anything even if we wanted to.
Rachel:I mean if given the option, it's really honestly the best. Yes, the
Margie:lesser of two evils right. And they're also of the threat of like, hey, our kidnappers are gonna come back for us probably they're gonna come back for their cargo. We I would rather not be cattle to them. I'd rather like have these men who are compassionate and kind at least seemingly seems like the better option right now. And also super strength and also super strength. Um, so they agreed to take on a queen, they wake up these other women. And God can't even imagine how that went over. Like they don't explain it very well.
Rachel:What the fuck did I do last night is like Wait, what
Margie:the fuck is happening? Georgie tells Bechdel that they're all going to stay and he's like, Oh my god, this is the most amazing thing ever. And And 100 So Bechtold sent out a hunting group to like go find something for for these women to eat. They come back all excited because they're like, Hey, I saw Coates Potts can't pronounce this creature and alien thing is nearby they're enormous they're hard to kill but guess what they carry a lot of Queen them. Great a lot of Queen a lot of Queen going on. Great. So a lot a lot of Queen. So so much quick God for days. I'm drowning in weight. They they get to this saw, whatever it is, I kept imagining it as a woolly mammoth which just made me sad. I didn't like the idea of a woolly mammoth being slaughter Yeah, so Bachtel takes down this creature in about a minute he cuts it's open it's hard to reveal the query worms which I have there's that parasite parasite and with George's permission, he cuts Georgie in the neck and the Queen wriggles in Georgia passes out and wakes up with query powers. So she's warm now i She has energy she seems strong. Hello pregnant. Cheeses next are pregnant now that she's
Rachel:so alien pregnant, so alien.
Margie:The rest of the women also take on the queen. One of the men or one of the men rat host, as we mentioned earlier, immediately resonated with one of the women it just carried her off. And vectus like, fine. He's not gonna hurt her. That's the last thing he wants to do. Yeah, fast, stochastic.
Rachel:And they watch
Margie:the ale so the aliens that were gonna come and pick them up, they watch them like fly in like see that the cargo is empty and basically fly back out in the middle of that. Georgia having sex like see that happening? Mid coin is literally, they both pause as he's thrusting. Like watch the ship leave the atmosphere. Make a Wish Oh, god, okay, so can I can I just give some initial thoughts that I wrote down? Wait, was that the end? That was the end. That's where it stops. That's where it stops. That was
Rachel:so anticlimactic. Which is ironic, given the content of the buffet.
Margie:Yeah, I mean, I think that the climactic part was probably Bechdel taking down that gold animal and also their tracking devices went off. So they knew that those aliens were coming so they cut them out of their arms. And like threw them in a cave. Great aliens. Yeah. Yeah. So that's kind of like that, but it's not like it's it's very I think what the author was trying to do was she wanted this first book to be very straightforward because she was just trying to establish Yes, apples lore. So this story seemed to me like, I mean, once you get past the alien abductions, like it's kind of like okay, she goes out, she wanders. She wanders away try to find help. finds this dude, dude ends up falling in love with her. They get help for the rest of her friends. The end. Sure. And she made many, many blue friends along the way. Many blue babies, many blue avatar friends. Okay, so All right, I'm just gonna hit Mila. Sexual assault so unfuckin necessary to the plot? No, just Yeah, absolutely. No, you did not. It was not necessary. In fact, it was horrific. I mean, I didn't just go into deep detail. I wonder why but it was really bad. Oh, good. I have any feelings about that. I hate it so much, but most of them are hate. The author tried her mate tried her best to make it seem like this is all consensual. But here's the thing. This is the best possible option for these women out of a bunch of horrible other options. This is a survival a story not a romance. Like no, it is a horrifying avatar story of survival. Yeah, yeah. I mean, again, going back to Bear Grylls, he would definitely take on the queen
Rachel:with that queen I love but for when it would be like, he'd be so on board for that.
Margie:You'd be so on board for it. And he would also be like, he would be like a venom situation again, where like he's actually talking to his queen. Yeah. So I one thing that I did like about this book is how understanding Bechdel was with the cultural differences between the two of them. Once he understood when she was confused, and when she was scared. He was like, whoa, okay, step back. Let's try it out. Let's come back and he 100% The whole book did respect her decision of like, I don't know You know, if I want to take on a query, I don't know. Yeah, do that. I don't know if I want to try to get off this planet. And he's like, I can't make you say, like, I want like, I love you, I want you to say but and he, most of the men are on board with that. And do the other ones. He's like, You better fucking be on board. I will make you on. Okay. Yeah. All right. All right. I was not much of a fan of George's character. Maybe because I couldn't. I wasn't resonating with her. But uh, ma ma, ma, ma ma ma ma. She was jumping on that Bechdel train way too quickly. Especially since she's just like, been thrown onto this planet. She should be severely traumatized. Should you be horrified that she's not going back to Earth? Like I would be really sad to leave Earth I love it like to be a mourning period, or Jeff Bezos is usually here on this planet. But other than that, a lot of the time I'm like, Yeah, I like food and wine and doing shit. Like I have a lot of life to live here. I'd be sad to leave. Yeah,
Rachel:I get being in survival mode. But I imagine there's got to be some amount of mourning period for why there has to be exactly
Margie:yeah, I mean, the thought of never having Frank's Red Hot again, literally brings tears to my eyes right now. Like I am, I feel the world feels colder. Without Frank's Red Hot in my life. That feels so much colder. Without price red hot. Overall, though, I just don't see the hype. Like it's crazy. It's wild. But like, it's nothing. A lot of the themes too, aren't things we've never seen before. We've seen aliens. We've seen a major cultural differences coming together.
Rachel:It was a bad sci fi monster. Fuck book. It was like, if it sounds it could be a fun ride. I don't think this one particularly was
Margie:and you know, if we're gonna do a cross cultural romance. We pick up something like war prize, which we talked about before. We absolutely love it. Actually, I was thinking about what could be really fun is if we did war prize together and explained it to another podcast group.
Rachel:That could be fun. I do read your book. And yeah, very good. Yeah. It has a very good, like, cultural differences kind of thing that is much better than this.
Margie:Well, I won't say that though. Because actually, in this book, the cultural differences. Like she didn't write that part badly. I would say more. It's fair. All the sexual assault. Yeah, yeah. That is really kind of put the damn.
Rachel:Yeah, yeah. So
Margie:I asked me, I think,
Rachel:well, so I follow up to you not getting the hype. I am always amazed that certain books take the world by storm when it's like, right, because like, there are so many better ones out there. Now, don't get me wrong, a guilty pleasure read 100% on board, but like, I just wished that some of the books that like, I feel like deserve a little bit more would get
Margie:sometimes i Yeah, like and I think that I was thinking about this. It's a marketing thing. I mean, she must have marketed this book brilliantly. And she probably marketed it honestly on booktalk which was a smart idea because it's kind of a new platform. So a lot of barbarians
Rachel:got hit me with Georgie You're welcome. Discard you
Margie:resist she gets a two is because she does have leadership skills that are really good. Her instincts are usually pretty good. Except for like, you know, walking into a cave like falling down into holes. Yeah, well, you know, but she loses it because like, she has almost no personality. Once she gets to this planet. Yeah. I have no idea what kind of person she was before she ended up on this planet, which is like really concerning.
Rachel:Yeah, that's fair. Yeah. Yeah. You really don't get that. Okay. What about vecto? Bechdel. whoever the fuck? He gets,
Margie:um, he gets a three because he was fine. He wasn't great. Again. It was that kind of thing of like, I have no idea who you are other than chief of this tribe and a hunter. You?
Rachel:You have no personality that you resonate. Wow.
Unknown:Wow. Mom, mom, mom, mom.
Margie:Like you did that with this girl. That's really like your deal. But I will give you an extra point. Because you were not awful. Well, I shouldn't say that. You were actually pretty understanding considering that you couldn't even speak to this woman. Yeah, speak the same language. I think honestly. He and He respected her. Which if we're going to go back to Pocahontas. jumpsuits in the movie did not resented real life did not respect Pocahontas at all 100% Don't wait, what? Set her people and she never did the same thing with him of one being less or more than the other. Uh huh.
Rachel:Yeah, see? That's fair. That's bad. This could have been way worse if Yeah, yeah, yeah. I again when you bury when you bury the bar
Margie:when you lay under that hops No.
Rachel:Oh, Jesus, man, Kayla. Kayla over on Discord. I can hear you screaming from here. Yeah, just Yeah. Screaming. I can hear it.
Margie:Is it pain or pleasure? Pain?
Rachel:She's an astrophysicist.
Margie:Oh, right. Okay, pain. Oh, right. Yeah, of course.
Rachel:Horrible. Okay. Sex.
Margie:The sex was actually not bad. Which I know.
Rachel:That's honestly probably why it's so popular.
Margie:Yeah, and the fact that seven foot tall just barbarian ribbed for her pleasure literally read for literally, literally, I mean, he's literally like, I know I made this analogy earlier, but he's like vision. Vision was built. Yeah. rabbit vibrator. Like Tony Stark started with a rabbit.
Unknown:Oh, good. Yeah, good. I want I
Margie:was like, hey, some downloads. So a three. Man am I am
Rachel:I curious?
Margie:It was very, uh, like, I liked the exploratory aspect of it, where he's like, learning about her body at the same time, and figuring out what she likes and didn't like, I found that sexy.
Rachel:Okay, that's fair. You know what? That's fair. And then plot.
Margie:Okay. Jesus, what a fucking I'm gonna give it a two and a half. It was because of the road, middle of the road. It didn't really have anything that well, you know what? No, I'm actually going to give it a a one and a half. Because rape was so unnecessary. It was not necessary to apply. It was stupid, and I hated it. And then if you took that, even if you took that away, I would say okay, this is pretty like, we knew what was gonna happen. And it Yeah, happened.
Rachel:It. And better, more. There are better ways of showing that someone is a bad human with more depth. Right than just, yeah, yeah. Um, I'm going to add an extra category for science and give that a solid zero. So overall, one to 10. Three. Okay.
Unknown:I mean, it wasn't like, honestly higher than I expected.
Margie:I know. I know. And I don't know why. I think the only reason why I'm making it a little bit higher is because of Bechdel. Yeah, I did find him to be I would call him an hour boy. Except for you know, the initial rape. Well, yeah. Yeah. But he also culturally did not know that was wrong. And when he found out he was like, Oh, shit, didn't a bed. I've done a bad. So,
Unknown:uh huh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Rachel:I Margie. I hated that. Thank
Margie:you. You're welcome. I read it Rachel. Pages.
Rachel:Oh, wow. That's actually that's not that bad. That's really short. It is.
Margie:It was really short. It was really really Yeah, but a lot of details I had to I had to yeah, get into through sift through. I don't know how that was. Yeah.
Rachel:They discord. You're welcome. What what are you going to? I don't know how we resonated
Unknown:while Mom Mom discord.
Margie:We resonated.
Unknown:Oh my god. Oh my god. You were so crystal the whole time her soccer Himalayan salt lamp.
Margie:Oh, wow.
Rachel:We just had to turn it on. We just had to turn it on. God dammit. Well, RJ What were you reading when you weren't reading this? Please tell me I'm
Margie:literally reading persuasion. Jane Austen. Nice, but that's really what else have I been into? I just been doing a lot of cooking lately, too. Which has been really fun. So night. Yeah. Um, and so I also love Buzzfeed Unsolved, and Shane and Ryan are back and I've just been there back. Oh, yeah.
Rachel:That's nice. Yeah, that's wholesome.
Margie:Awesome. So what do I need? Ah,
Rachel:man, I'm so glad that I plans to get cocktails after this.
Margie:Yeah, I'm good. pour myself a nice glass of one. Dude.
Rachel:Hell yeah.
Unknown:Thank you guys so much.
Rachel:On that fucking topical ride with us. Yes. Hey, Eleanor, you thank you for the use of your song. Oh, love off the album be held. It's great. It's about
Margie:um, you know, pot
Rachel:Ah, yeah, well, I guess I guess our honestly our signing off should be like, Hey, I hope you find the one that you resonate with.
Margie:I don't know if I hope that while my mom we resonate with you guys, we love you, Mom. Bye