Textual Tension

Ep 5: The Lightning Prick

• Textual Tension • Season 1 • Episode 5

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Hello everyone! This week listen in as Margie tells the story of How to Tame a Beast in 7 Days by Kerrelyn Sparks. Sparks fly (heh, heh) between Luciana and Leofric, but can their love survive assassination attempts, b&e, and actual lightning shooting out of homeboy's fingers? 

We also have a special announcement! We will be releasing a Christmas episode on Christmas day for all our wonderful listeners and then another episode the WEEK AFTER. We've got THREE WEEKS of great episodes coming your way so get stoked!

Rachel:

Warning. The following podcast contains adult themes, including but not limited to, adult language, adult dragon Animorphs problematic encounters with potential love interests, steampunk vampires, potentially unhealthy relationships, Goblin kings and hosts that read way too far into silly romance novels. The opinions expressed in this podcast are entirely those of the hosts listener discretion is advised. Oh, tearing me apart

Margie:

Hello, and welcome to textual tension, a love hate relationship with romance novels. I am your co host, Margie,

Rachel:

and I am your co host, Rachel.

Margie:

So every other week one of us this week it's me. Margie is going to summarize a romance novel for other unsuspecting co hosts. It's Rachel. March.

Rachel:

No, tell it to yourself. Fuck this wait now.

Margie:

Very lonely podcast. Very sad. So um, yeah.

Rachel:

I'm so Okay, guys. We've been chatting this up to each other for a while. And it's easy

Margie:

each other to this has got to be like one of the worst slash best novels that I've read so

Unknown:

far worse than valerian

Margie:

in a different way, rightfully this novel. So I'll go ahead and put this out there. This novel does not have like, much if any sexual assault, which is great. All right, fantastico on board for that. But everything else is terrible. Wonderful. Every life. So

Rachel:

Rachel, I'm so ready. Ready? So

Margie:

how we're gonna start this is I'm going to pass the book slash computer that I have over to Rachel and she's going to read the title and look at the cover and

Rachel:

I'm not going to take a drink of my tea. I don't want to spew it everywhere.

Margie:

She has not seen this before. No, no. Okay, you ready? Please don't drop my computer. Oh, no.

Rachel:

Oh, no, it's upside down. Not looking at until

Margie:

I forgot to get it right. Yeah. Okay, so

Unknown:

this is not my type. It's a dude.

Margie:

Out. Uh, sure. What battle chiseled muscles.

Rachel:

Well, He's, um, so you don't want to dude, he's a little bit overweight has like manboobs he has like the muscular equivalent of manboobs because he's like, yeah, he's like Vin Diesel. He's always arched in such a way that his abs like go inside of him. And so his boobs are like overhanging over his abs. I don't understand this. Um,

Unknown:

I will say body rock rockin famous.

Margie:

His face is like very his expression is very strange. He looks

Rachel:

trying so hard not to fart.

Margie:

He looks a particular like a baby. That's like, like, yeah, no,

Unknown:

it's not great. Yeah, that's exactly a baby that's about to poop. Awesome. Fantastic. Yeah, no, it's not great.

Margie:

You haven't said the title? No, I

Rachel:

haven't. Sorry. The title of his book is how to tame a beast in seven days. Oh, okay. It's the first in a new series. The book is very helpfully told us that the author's name is bigger. And also her last name happens to be sparks. And it's bigger than her first name. I'm assuming so that the she thinks people might pick it up thinking it's Nick. Who was Nicholas spiralis. Wow. Merlin sparks. Well, Lars

Margie:

and Carolyn and Carolyn is smelled so special snowflake. Oh,

Rachel:

very special snowflake. Oh, wow. Yeah. Oh, there's lightning behind him too. And snow. I think snow maybe? Light. No,

Margie:

I know. Ray. Well, that comes in.

Rachel:

Okay, all right. I'm going okay. I'm gonna read the description of this. Y'all. My type involves a lot of muscles and a beard and long hair and this is not it. Alright, I like the lumberjack vibe. Okay. Summary. Luciana grew up on the Isle of Moon hidden away because of her magical powers. But when her father arrives, he offers her a choice remain on the island or return with Him and marry the beast of Benwick in order to save their legacy and her father's life. Y'all stay thanks. And a book. Lord Leah, heck, Lord Leofric

Margie:

Leofric frack the paddywhack oh

Rachel:

my god, the beast of Benwick has not been touched since he was a child. That's awkward. That is a very Unfortunately,

Margie:

a complete lie. Okay. Kabuli lies

Rachel:

so just a really unfortunate phrasing. I'm bored with the power to harness lightning explains a lightning. He is a dangered everyone he touches when he meets his patrol, he expects a loveless, lonely marriage until he discovers she's vastly more powerful than he realized. But is she strong enough to withstand his touch? They can survive their love will alter the future of the kingdom, but will their extraordinary powers cost them everything? Boy, I don't know what to find out.

Margie:

You ready for this? already? So like, just the day. I mean, I was reading so I found this book in the library. And I just saw how to tame a beast in seven days. And I was like, Oh, this is happening now. Um, I think the second one is called What's it called? So I married a sorcerer. Yeah, okay,

Rachel:

so another disclaimer, in addition to my type, I don't like rom coms. Movies books. Fine. It don't like rom coms. I have seen how what is it the how to how to change dragon know how to get a guy in seven days or whatever. I have not seen that. That one or whatever that one is. I've seen that one, right. I'm not. I don't know how to feel. Your feelings are hard right now. Go for it. Okay, so rip the band aid off.

Margie:

Okay. But before we before summary, right? Well, there's no there's no, like I said there's not really not bad stuff. Yeah, there really isn't.

Rachel:

Wow, no. Okay. You know, if for some reason we do run into something, we will mention it. Yes. But I'm

Margie:

I know, that's like the only good thing happening for this book. Nice. So we don't have to go into any of the bad bits. But um, we are going to play choose your own adventure. Yes, yes. So there are two plot points that like art integral to me explain the plot, but we only have time for one. So you have to choose which one? Okay, want me to explain? Right?

Rachel:

Let's see. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Okay, that sets the mood.

Margie:

Do you want to hear about the man who can transform into any animal but he can only be a man for two hours out of the day?

Rachel:

Okay, sounds like a d&d character. Or

Margie:

the male delivering seals. You choose one?

Rachel:

How is male spelled in the second one? Ma i L? Okay. That makes it less good. Um, oh, yeah. That would have been that would have been way. Way better. Oh, Jesus. No.

Margie:

And also in the shownotes. I will be explaining both of them. Okay. So like are, you're just gonna have to suffer. Okay, yeah, that's fine.

Rachel:

Um, I got the seals, okay. It has to be seal. Okay. I mean, like, I'm interested in the man, but

Margie:

they are a little bit intertwined. So I will like kind of sugar dusting. Okay, dude, but it's like not so.

Rachel:

What did I win the prize? Sure. Great. Sure.

Margie:

Sure. Okay, so we had to do a little bit of background into this world. So the prologue explains that the world we're in which is Earth One Earth, Earth land, which is like if you're gonna call, do what you just put or

Rachel:

hey, oh, just just put it D on it. new catchphrase,

Margie:

which is the A and the E. And that's the old so it's like earth, air air. Air slam. Okay earthly earthly, and I don't know. So but why even bother changing names just don't So, but there are four where there are four kingdoms spread across a continent and another kingdom that is situated between two islands. So the mainland kings and the islanders worship different gods Okay, the the mainland worships like God, we're just gonna call him that, like, sure. Praise be the light, whatever. Alright, so much like Catholicism. So okay, I

Rachel:

made a Dark Souls reference, but I know you didn't get it. So Praise the Sun. That's for you listeners on

Margie:

the island. They worship the goddesses have the two moons. So there are two moons in this world, like in Star Wars? Sure, sure. Fine.

Rachel:

I mean, I am hella into goddesses of moons. So I'm down for that. Well, they're

Margie:

called Luna unless up but that's like a little detail. You didn't need to know that. So anytime a child is born, when the two moons embrace IE, they can clips each other. Right? That child was born with supernatural powers. Oh, yeah. So on the islands, those children are protective. And we're kind of worshipped and like loved whatever. And so

Rachel:

here's my question. If you are a family, and I'm assuming there is some sort of identifiable pattern to the moons, why doesn't everyone just plan it? Well, okay to heavily increase their odds. Well, here's the other side of the human gestational periods different,

Margie:

I don't know is on the mainland. On the continent if you are born if you are quote unquote embraced so that's supernatural powers you're immediately killed Nate you're also immediately killed if you are twins and especially if your twin girls because that's like supposed to be representative of the two goddesses

Rachel:

that seems like a thing you wouldn't want

Margie:

to kill but okay yeah but like on the mainland they worship sun god and if you don't worship the sun god you get your head chopped off

Rachel:

me yeah so I love yourself a religious based totalitarian right

Margie:

right so that I'm on them so on the mainland where are the central plot takes place the king there is a complete tyrant Nate so just that's just like a little bit of dusting of what we got right mega asshole. So yeah, he's Yeah, so into two the first character is our first character is Luciana she was raised on the islands with four others what she called their sisters. Okay, they're not they're not biologic touch or whatever they're embrace and they were all dumped on the island embraces way better than touched. Yeah. They're embrace Okay, so and they were dumped on the islands because their parents didn't want them to die on the mainland. Okay, so but they all grew up together. Um, so But one day, Luciano, his father arrives on the on the May on the island. Okay, what and she's never met her father. He arrives with a casket, which apparently contains Luciana sister, Tatiana died at sea. So her dad shows up. And he's like, Yo, I'm your dad. And Luciana is like, great. I don't really care that much because she's like, you abandon me here and he's like, No, I ran into you here because I didn't want you to die on the mainland.

Rachel:

Why couldn't you just stay there?

Margie:

So that's, that's explained later. Okay. But the mom was was to stay with Luciana but she died in childbirth. Okay. And Tatyana was supposed to go with the dad. So it's like, it's like, pair track. Cool. They separate with the two kids but like, it didn't work out that way. So if this

Rachel:

devolves into Parent Trap, I will definitely hell i Wait, what was dead?

Margie:

Well, actually, that'd be think about it. Sorta.

Rachel:

You have my interest.

Margie:

Okay. So the father is actually kind of good dad because he says, You know what, you're happy here. I'm just gonna leave you here. But the she grows up in a convent for these two goddesses and the mother of the convent is like no, you're not going to leave Luciana without telling her the whole truth. And Luciana was like what hold true. And he's like, Well, if I go back to the mainland without you then they're going to chop off my head because his plan was he was going to come to so the tyrant king told the dad that Tatiana the dead daughter has to marry this beast of Benwick

Unknown:

oh my god it is The Parent Trap Guy No it's just a twin swimming swapping places. Yes. They're twins wise only one of them half pounders

Margie:

will they both did they both did and was the one go back to the place where they were going to kill? Well, they were hiding the powers. So that's what I was gonna go into. Give me a minute.

Rachel:

Will you so many questions? Okay. Okay.

Margie:

So the the twins power was like a talk to the dead. Neat. Yeah. So while the dad and Luciana are having this conversation, Tatyana the sister is like talking to Luciana is like, Hey, I'm your sister. What up? I'm your twin. I look at you. And she's like, but now I'm dead. I died at sea. So basically, the tyrant king has decreed that, like, Tatyana has to marry this beast of Benwick. And if so, even if Tatiana is dead, like the if the dad came back to the king and said, what my daughter's dead like the king would still consider that treason that she didn't marry. Marry the beast of Benoit because that's a rational human. Yes, because he didn't fulfill the order of the king. So the dad comes to the island and he's like I need I'm begging you to pretend to be your sister Tatiana, and marry the beast of Benwick so that I won't die.

Rachel:

Okay, this is a roller coaster. Yes, it's already damn high octane. Right. So and also

Margie:

the tyrant king once basically once this girl to die, like let's make this very clear, she wants the dad to fail. Because if the dad fails, he gets to kill the dad and then he inherit the king inherits all the dad's land because he's

Rachel:

okay. Okay, so like, I know, this is not a great romance. No, but that's actually kind of a mildly interesting story, at least the way you described it. Okay. I

Margie:

think that I'm actually describing it better than actually describing. I believe that it's not because it's also like there's also the sprinkling of it's very confusing because they're the conversation Tatyana keeps cutting in And it's like being very annoying because Tatyana is really annoying Luciana is like a very MarySue character and Tatyana is very like, oh my god, like, I was like, so annoying. Like that kind of person. Everything is like every everything's pink and sparkly and like not. Oh,

Rachel:

if you like that fine. Everything in me is resistor, her.

Margie:

She's very surface. Let's put it like that she's very surface level.

Rachel:

Everything in me is resisting the urge to reach across and punch you in the face. But I love you. Because you did the voice. It's Oh, yeah, I'm gonna be like that. It's fine. Just Well, that's fine. I hope we don't mean

Margie:

though.

Rachel:

I love you. I would never do that. I just had a quite another question.

Margie:

One note I did want to make is that the Duke gets really mad at the mother, like the person who's been raising Louisiana because he's like, why does she have an island accent? As if he doesn't understand how accents work? She was raised on the island. What other accent would she have? The girl always says Ye Ye is that have you know? Yeah. Oh,

Rachel:

no, that's upsetting. So does he know that she's not the one he was supposed to marry? No. So then, okay, so it makes sense to do be concerned about that. I guess

Margie:

who the the beast? Benoit. Yeah, yes. He think he doesn't like he kind of slowly figures it out during the book. But he doesn't really care that much. Because he's like, I didn't know where anyways, she has a different name. Yeah, she has a different name and background. It doesn't really matter that much to him. Okay. And also, he's also being kind of hunted by the king and the king wants him dead too. Because he's like, he just hates him. Pretty

Rachel:

much, homeboy. The King is a douche

Margie:

canoe to scale. Okay, so. So next we're introduced to Leofric or thankfully LEO SHORT. Yeah, God, why would you even name him Leo? Frank. I don't know what the frick frack. paddywhack What the frick? Yes. So um, there really isn't anything to tell you about like the interesting to him other than telling you about his power, which was which is like big. He controls like power is an object. It's like every basically every spring and summer when the storms roll through the lightning just finds him and he gets struck by lightning and he absorbs that power.

Rachel:

That's unfortunate. That that just really puts a damper on living your life man.

Margie:

Well Lincoln is poor Fred is like always tried to find ways for the lightning not to find like Dungeons like he puts him in caves and always the lightning strikes him and it just like destroys any building that

Rachel:

this is like some like I'm just imagining this pink panther style like searching stock it or better yet, Scooby Doo it's like montage with a running in and out of doors like being chased by the with chased by lightning that's how my mental picture of this played out.

Margie:

I love it well so also though, it gives him the power of like you can once you get struck by lightning he gets like super speed super strength like he can shoot an arrow and will always hit his target like translate since these other powers that's where it's like power 1234 Again, so the only problem is he can't touch anyone because if he touches someone they get electrocuted. And they die. He killed his nanny when he was five doing that on yes metal is hell. And I want it note at this. hisses we are oh, so

Rachel:

please, please rant Margie. I enjoy my rants.

Margie:

He is not a virgin, but she is how does that make sense? So it's described that he has a summer there's a droughts and so there's no storm so therefore his power dwindles. And there's this one chick who's willing to have sex with them. He was real thirsty that he was so thirsty. He didn't kill the woman that had sex several times.

Rachel:

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, you know why that is? Because a woman is only valuable if she's if her virgin barrier has yet to be Falcon punched through

Margie:

oh my god, okay, really? Really my

Rachel:

fault really? But like

Margie:

Yeah, I know it's so it's so frustrating because it's like you could have also had it so that like she could have been this more interesting person of like having kind of these romances on the island and like he only kind of like going out and having a good time. But instead you make her this Mary Sue and then he's like this he's got still got to be the stud even though you've already established in the book that it doesn't make physical sense for him to be a stud. No, I don't I can't both be well also. Yeah, that too. Why can't they both be but like don't make

Rachel:

sense or I mean, have him be wanted her not? God forbid. Shake it up for us.

Margie:

Yeah, exactly. Like that really pissed me off. The author. You know, you didn't even have to make that a point but the author I made it a point to establish that she's a virgin and he's right. Not ladies.

Rachel:

If you're not a virgin,

Unknown:

that's okay. Some

Rachel:

sometimes we're all living in sin. That's fine.

Margie:

I think everybody lives in sin somewhere and we just like not Yeah, yeah, no, no, it just really pissed me off. I'm

Rachel:

like, god that's so I'm not even going to get into the women's rights bit that I have to go in. I've been feeling very spicy in the feminism corner this week for some reason. So that's, um, I'm gonna head off that rant right now.

Margie:

Okay, so Leo is ordered to go and meet the girl he's scheduled to marry at a nearby Castle by the king but King is literally like Get your ass

Rachel:

over there kings a great wing man, basically.

Margie:

Yeah, but he's also planning to kill both of you just wants them to get married so that he can kill them pretty much. Oh, wait,

Rachel:

that's not what you're supposed to do. Anyway, man. Oh, shit.

Margie:

He's so like, The King is trying to assassinate both of them. Okay, well,

Rachel:

I need to change my way man stretch for my friends.

Margie:

That it's like so much. So he but Leo's like, Nah, I'm gonna go to go save a nearby town from a dragon attack instead. So he does that he goes and kill the dragon. before it goes who beats his patrol?

Rachel:

Why? What so let's let's because he

Margie:

is I will say this he is Lord Protector of the realm.

Rachel:

Okay, this is fine. But I'd like to backpedal for a second and take a literary view on this. What was the point?

Unknown:

It's things like

Margie:

stablishing strength. I feel like that okay. Okay, the author just wanted to see where he's a badass you know?

Rachel:

I'll accept that. I just when shit like that happens. I like to backpedal like why I like to pull a Socrates and be like fucking why

Margie:

so but while he's doing this he's terrified for his wife his future wife has you know his patrolling cuz she might be headed because she might be here well if he's not there but also like he knows that the king is going to be after her because he wants the king remember once her dad's land Okay, so he's trying to King is sending out you. Leo already knows that the king is gonna send out assassins to kill this boom. Right. Right. Right, so

Rachel:

well. So here's another Sorry, I have a lot of questions. Many questions have been raised. Um, does the king have magical powers? No. Why not? Not just kill him.

Unknown:

They got is a very valid question. Literally shoot

Rachel:

lightning from his fingertips. Murder that motherfucker. Okay,

Margie:

well the other thing that I was pushing through this whole book is like, why hasn't a coup been staged yet? At some some level because the king is the old seems to be the only person the only reason that I can figure out is money like the king is paying these people a bunch of money to be to be assassins and kill this badge and kill this guy.

Rachel:

Yes, but when she's like powerful, like, you know, there was a lot wrong with that last book we read but at least cat was like, Hey, fuck you and murdered shit that was coming after her. Like,

Margie:

nah, this fish just talks to the dead. Okay, yeah, so well, so but eventually they both make it to the castle where they're supposed to meet Leo though decides he's gonna be extra drama. And he's gonna pretend that he's not there like he's gonna pretend just to be a regular soldier basically. Why? Again? Looking why because he feels like if he goes incognito, it might be a better way to try to find the assassins that he knows are there so

Unknown:

or you could just shoot lightning out of his fingertips that everybody oh my god, but

Margie:

like he's going like full Aragorn to like he's got his hood up. Joe.

Unknown:

Joe, you ever take our Lord Aragorn name in vain? Never. Never know. Don't put your head up. No, no. Why would you ever compare those to be

Margie:

described as riding a dark horse? He's got his hood up so that you can't see his eyes, but she can quote unquote, feel him looking at her. And they're already super attracted to

Unknown:

this, okay, a little bit on board. When you're first describing the plot. I was like, this doesn't sound that bad. Maybe it's not gonna be

Margie:

that bad. I want you to know that he's like, watches her broodingly three times before you actually meet her in person. And when he needs her purse, he doesn't tell her that he's her Botros okay I need a hot second. Yo, what the frick frack paddywhack

Unknown:

His name is no Leah fuck because what the fuck we have fuck I'm laughing

Margie:

oh no he's like kind of guy he and he also I think like once her not to know who he is I think it's kind of like he wants like a power move over her and he's watching her watching her he's like finding out really weird shit like she talks to herself well she's talking to the dead you know she's talking to her sister like other dead people okay Palace actual question. How

Rachel:

much does he know about her

Margie:

nose? Well he knows about Tatyana because that's who he's supposed to marry. He doesn't know anything about Luciano what so did Tatiana have different powers? Luciana had the Tatyana at the same powers but like Luciana and Tatiana is personalities were very different. Okay Tatyana was very Barbie well, but he knows that she has powers No. Remember in the kingdom if you're embraced you get killed the only reason Leo has been killed yet which has never really fully explained

Rachel:

is because they can murder any point because like he's rocking showdown

Margie:

fight Exactly. Whereas her powers are just talking to the dead so like she can't defend herself if somebody comes up and says like, Hey, you're a brace. I'm gonna fucking cut off your head

Rachel:

you mentioned there was a lightning theme science corner Oh yeah. And

Margie:

oh well we have a got even got oh yeah,

Rachel:

no, but you don't know how excited I am for this.

Margie:

Oh my god. Okay,

Unknown:

so you don't know.

Margie:

So um, Leo keeps a very low profile but like over time he just slowly adds more and more guards around her because he's convinced that she's like in danger all the time. So um, when Luciana gets to the palace or gets to this castle and remember the king is not I want it known that the king is not at this castle. This was where he ordered Luciana and Leofric to me up

Rachel:

the Telus catchy I hope there are Dr. Writing there and the dudes like you know, this is a trap, right? Yeah. Okay,

Margie:

well, that's pretty much Leo's hole. That's that's kind of why he's trying to

Rachel:

say that's why he's besmirching the name of our Lord and Savior Aragorn. Right.

Margie:

Yeah, okay. It's trying to be like, he's trying to keep it on the DL that he's there basically, because he knows he doesn't you know, he doesn't want more danger. And he's trying to figure out who this is that these assassins are sure. So during this time, Luciana has been trying to go to another tower in the castle because it's the tower that her mother died in and Luciana is trying to get to talk to her mom.

Rachel:

Ghost so I go so she trapped in one spot.

Margie:

Not really in this book because Tatiana has been following Luciana everywhere.

Rachel:

That's gonna make sex awkward. Yeah.

Margie:

Also, there's no sex of this book, but we literally don't have time to get into it Okay, well there's a go sex was good hookup.

Rachel:

Will you please put that in the show notes? Because I need I have a medical need to know. Okay, great.

Margie:

If we inside I'll get into it. So like one night there she goes to this other tower. And she's falls asleep there. And she wakes back up and she goes back to her room where she had kind of like created one of those like fake that things with like the fake body things with the pillows, you know, like they do in the movies. And she's sees that a sword has been stabbed through it. Oh, that's that's assassination attempt number one.

Rachel:

All right, keeping track. Yes. Good. Yes.

Margie:

So the next night Leo has her move to the other towers so that he can put like a bazillion guards around her. But he's also Yeah,

Rachel:

so there's a dude who's at making her move to all these places and having a bunch of guards around her that says he's like just a guard and not like not this dude. She's

Margie:

Leo is doing this through her dad. So Leo is talking dad to business things but I can't remember for dad actually knows that Leo is there are like okay, I don't think that that he does I think that he's like kind of Leo's kind of doing these underground ways of like making these orders making these things happen. Sure. Cuz why not sketchy? Why the fuck? So this is one of my favorite parts. Like I said before, Leo during this book has been slowly adding more and more guards around her because he's can like he's really getting paranoid and kind of for good reason. Like she's already been almost assassinated once. Awesome. Yeah. So he's like, puts all of these guards around this tower. But then he's like, Nah, I want to see her.

Rachel:

Seen her? No, he's dropped on her. Great daughter. He's

Margie:

with stalking her. So instead of just telling the guards who he isn't going in and seeing her he decides to fight his way up there. So he climbs up outside of the tower where she is, beats up the many guards sees posted outside her door and then like breaks into a room.

Rachel:

Oh, no, no. My brains catching up. Um I'm gonna leave this with a very solid resounding What the fuck? And we can move on

Margie:

Okay, okay we have fuck come on that Luciana is like, fuck this assassin is actually going to kill me because he broke into the room and she doesn't know who this guy is. And so our home girl grabs a candelabra and he's like, I'm gonna murder this bastard in the tower with the candelabra Do you like but catches her almost immediately when she walks it takes one look and it's like, oh, no, wait, this bitch would kill me. And just kind of like strolls around the room making small talk. And one of the first things out of his mouth is I came to make sure your room is secure. Did it just be up all of our guards that he had posted?

Unknown:

I know.

Margie:

He's so dissatisfied with her guards to because he managed to beat them up as if he doesn't have superpowers.

Unknown:

Also, he can't touch anyone or he killed them.

Margie:

He has gloves on. He's like thick leather gloves on that he wears all the time.

Unknown:

works. Okay, okay, hold on. So you know how in the first book ever guys go back and listen to the first episode. It's great. You gave me a warning. Oh, I

Margie:

should. I'm sorry.

Unknown:

No, no. Goddamn Atlantic and I'm never gonna get that raft. On Mars without potatoes.

Margie:

So sorry. Go back to the first episode, guys.

Unknown:

Oh my god, I just, I've just been so upset by something that you shouldn't be that you can't form.

Margie:

We're not even at the part where you should be really upset. We're not there yet.

Rachel:

Okay, okay. I'm mentally prepared now. It's slow. I will mentally prepare myself for worse.

Margie:

Sure, sure. You are okay. I'm not so he keeps going around. I just love the fact that like he's super pissed at these guards for not being good enough when he beat them up with his superpowers.

Rachel:

Oh, oh, no. Yeah, so

Margie:

he keeps going around the room like finding little things wrong with the security like he's employed by ADT. But he's still has not told her that he's the person that's supposed to marry her and he doesn't.

Rachel:

So to be fair, I would not want to marry a person who did that. Yeah, me neither. So

Margie:

to end the awkward ADT small talk. Homeboy jumps out the window before more guards around. Okay, bye. Goodbye. I'm out. But that of course, she's already like, oh my god, I'm so hoarding. She's into it.

Rachel:

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Sometimes Viennese Kinkade some people have that's fine if you're doing it with a partner that agrees that's totally into it and you have set up safety nets and everything and that's totally cool there's so

Unknown:

furious You're shitting like eagle is like not helping I love it but it's not helping. I'm sorry guys. I'm so sorry

Rachel:

I'm being so

Margie:

loud. Okay, so we move on guess what it's time for choose your own adventure.

Rachel:

I really I'm gonna back up so I don't like yeah, so you

Margie:

don't murder anyone with your sound Sorry. Okay door as if I'm a break. So a couple of times in this book. So before Luciana left the island, she made a pact with their sisters that she would send that we get letters back and forth to one another. Right. Okay. So but important, but you know, it's like she's pretending to be Tatyana she doesn't know anyone on that island. Technically she's not supposed to. So in order to do this, the herd sisters in her agree Okay. At dawn Luciana has to go wade out into the ocean. Like pick up a glass bottle that's going to be left by the seals you with me so far? Nope. Keep going and then Wade back to the shore and then the letter will be in the glass bottles that glass bottle but the seal seals have left her

Rachel:

one that's not suspicious. i Please tell me and I will be on board if this is the case that one of her sisters abilities is to talk to animals. Correct? Okay, good. Okay, I'm okay with that. Surprisingly,

Margie:

yes. Okay, so um yeah, so that's you choose your own adventure. So like twice this happens, and like the homeboy gets so mad because he's not he doesn't stop her from doing it, which I'm kind of like okay, well, you know, at least give her a freedom, I guess. But he's also like, stalks her while she's doing it and she comes up with the most ridiculous lies. She's like, No, I want to go swimming at dawn because it'll be bracing and our guards are like, what

Rachel:

decision shitting guards to not trust?

Margie:

Oh, yeah, there's one of her guards. Totally useless. It's really funny. So I feel

Rachel:

like you need to videotape my reaction to when this guy does get really bad. Just to put in the show notes.

Margie:

That's good idea. I

Unknown:

was just like,

Margie:

okay, so over the B over the beginning of this book, A man has been producing and pursuing producing. That's what we're doing producing a podcast. I'm suing Luciana thinking that she's Tatiana. His name is Bushehr. Okay. bougie but literally everyone in this book calls him Captain book. Captain what Booker? So yeah, finally Horners Luciana and demands her love and is like trying to kiss her Luciana is like, I know Get away from me get away from me. How am I gonna

Rachel:

come in and get the fuck out of them? Yeah, exactly.

Margie:

So homeboy has none of this he grabs Lord booger and rips him off Luciana and then finally tells Louisiana who he is like thinking it's gonna be like this big dramatic reveal. And she's pissed. Good. Yeah, she's pissed. She's like, she she kind of gives them hell for it. She's like, How dare you like I've seen you Why didn't you just tell me who you were? That would have made things so much better we would have been on equal footing

Rachel:

This is the first time in this entire fucking book we've had a rational human reaction right thing okay,

Margie:

but but homeboy also challenged his Lord booger to a duel over Luciana which I want to emphasize is completely pointless because like he's she's betraying the truth to Lord Leofric or whatever we have fuck Leo. Fuck so um, it doesn't matter who wins, but they do.

Rachel:

But also one of them has superpowers. How do you think that's gonna

Margie:

go so it's agree that he's not getting us the lightning powers. Okay, so but it's also revealed the next day though that Leo wants to have this tool to get everyone in the castle to the same place so you can have his dog sniff out who the assassin was that tried to kill Luciana

Rachel:

Can we just have the entire like a background track of but um, but um, but uh,

Unknown:

but uh, but

Rachel:

basically what this is

Margie:

so they, which they do Leo and Leo wins the fight and Captain Booker is banished and they find the assassin and the assassin they caught that they've caught spills the beans that there are at least two more assassins in the castle and they're all going after Luciana.

Rachel:

There has been no touching up to this point has there no cool

Margie:

that there's no sex. I don't think it's still like at least like I think past 60% of this book. Okay. All right. Yeah. So the next day, Luciana is working in the gardens surrounded by three guards. But like she's in the open, which homeboy has is very unhappy about. So he goes running to like, go like, get her out of the open, like you can't be in the garden. And it's actually a good idea because she's almost hit with an arrow. Ah, so that's assassination attempt. So I want to emphasize in this book that like, while all this is happening, there is definitely like sparks and chemistry how these two characters it's not very like it's very forced. It's not organic, because there's no personality with either of these characters, but I'm not better. But so he's like, he decides to have lunch with her one day in her tower, just the two of them have romantic. Of course, she drops drops a grape. Of course it lands in homeboys lap. Of course, she grabs it, did she throw it?

Rachel:

How do you drop something across the table into a dude lap touching his dick

Margie:

through his clothes. But he's so shocked that she can touch him, and she pulls her hand back immediately. Because yo,

Unknown:

no, no, no, no, no, no, he was wearing gloves. And he could touch people with gloves on and pay if she touched his dick, supposedly through the super well insulated leather, it would have been fine anyway.

Margie:

So he's shocked that she isn't shocked, shocked. Yeah, I'm shocked that she doesn't get shocked and he's like, What the heck happened? So he literally grabs her hand again, and puts it on his deck. And she add Rachel, look at me. Look at me. I need you to look at me for this next bit. She says are you Feeling anyway anything and I shit you not her responses there's something hard in your breaches and I think it's moving

Unknown:

like no no this is not this is not a thing that someone wrote on paper and publish there's

Margie:

dead trees dead

Unknown:

global warming is no worse this every time

Margie:

okay so thank God they're interrupted to be told to like for something I don't know And so later on we come to assassination attempt number three death by poison in bowls of soup at this point Luciana smother is like fuck this I'm out his

Rachel:

again second secondary countdown for me second normal human response in this book

Margie:

well actually though his response to the response is not good. So he's like with his idea is because they're supposed to be married anyway remember is that I'm signing everything over to Leo and so and then you and Leo are going to get married and so once that hat but here's the thing once that happen all of the assassination attempts against Luciana and the Duke are going to end because even if they do right exactly they're gonna go after Leo and nobody can can Leo like every you know people No, kill Leo. That sounds sort of logical thought. Sorta. But it's also like here you go honey, go and marry this dude, hurry up.

Rachel:

You're a woman you don't need property right

Margie:

also and also the ghosts of Louisiana's mother is there at that point and she's totally pushing her daughter at this dude to even beyond the grave. Her mom was like no bueno.

Rachel:

I can't decide what's worse.

Margie:

Thank you Next.

Rachel:

Ghost mom wing man. Poseidon wing man. Oh what is work guys we want to hear from you. I need to know ghost mom like man beside dad wing man. So very important to me.

Margie:

Yeah, yeah, well mob does help out a little bit later so. So over the next few days, Leo and Luciana see each other more get closer and closer. And there are no assassination attempts. So they're like maybe we're good now. Maybe like it's all in the past. But what's a romance novel? Without a quick nap? I ask you

Rachel:

Oh, good. listeners. I want you to put a peg in this moment. Come back next week. Keep going.

Margie:

Okay, okay. So she's she's claws are formed and taken down to a catacomb that's also apparently in this castle that is filled with bones. So we have an

Rachel:

impromptu science corner. chloroform does not take you out that quickly. Okay,

Margie:

so um, this assassin. So this is an assassin is like your bait for the billion arrows that I'm going to have hit your husband. So like the husband's going to come running, the arrows are going to be released at Leo. Like that's the idea. And it's very like, like the various like mustache twirling. Like,

Rachel:

when I want to kill someone that's difficult to kill Rube Goldberg machines are the best option.

Margie:

Yeah, so he's like, he's like your bait. Good luck with that by and he like pieces out. He's not even gonna bother to make sure that this guy's gets dead.

Rachel:

That is the most you caught me monologuing bullshit. The Incredibles heading? Right? Okay.

Margie:

It's like Austin Powers to remember that. Yeah, like he's like, you're not even gonna make sure that this actually works. There's only one guard. This doesn't even have a guard there. Like there's nobody to convert, like to confirm that this happens or that she stays. Stays Plitt

Rachel:

we need to take pictures of my facial expressions. Because I know I'm sorry guys. I fully realized this is an audio medium, but my brain and my mouth are not connected. So yeah, yeah, words, so

Margie:

can't worry. This is the part this is that I've been waiting to tell you. So um, but of course there's a big reunion. Leo finds her he saves her she saves him Hurray. Actually, though it's Luciana his mother Ariana, and please imagine Ariana Grande.

Unknown:

John. John with that hair that gorgeous.

Margie:

Oh, hell yeah. I love it. Um, she says Luciana. Ariana Grande obviously is a ghost. And Ariana Grande reveals

Rachel:

Ariana Grande is obviously a ghost.

Margie:

Thank you. Next. Ariana Grande. We're feels that when she was pregnant, it's sitting in the tower. A lightning bolt came through the sky into the tower and electrocuted her while she was pregnant with Luciana and Tatiana, which makes Luciana and Tatyana immune to lightning wait until the anti vaxxers hear about this shock in utero can protect you from lightning those are my notes on that how do you feel about your hero Rachel? How do you feel about it could you explain to our listeners week for Okay, so Oh wait, I gotta pull up. So everyone, I want you to know that I'm Rachel sister is

Rachel:

a forensic toxicologist her biology

Margie:

and her name is Sarah. And so I Sarah i She listens. I had never talked to Sarah before. Hi, Sara, thank you so much for your help. So I texted her and I said, a character in this book is struck by lightning while pregnant with twins. Later on the book, it is revealed that the twins are immune to lightning. Now being a biology expert, can you please tell me if it is possible to be immune to lightning? And she responded, hi. And I would just say no, because it's essentially just electric currents. And then I should probably explain my train of thought for the electricity your body has to produce currents in order to achieve muscle movement and production. It's a necessity of life so I mean immunity to that would more or less death sentence.

Unknown:

Oh my god. When do I get to science corner? Oh, now

Margie:

now closing.

Rachel:

Rachel science corner. Hi, everybody. I'm a fuckin electrical engineer. God damn it. Okay. No, no. Okay, that is like, here, let me I'm gonna paint an analogy. Um, when my mom was pregnant with me, she got in a bathtub and fell asleep on Oh, and she took in a lot of water. But she survived. That's okay, so now I'm immune to drowning. Same thing, none of that happened. I'm fine. My mom's great. But it's a physical phenomenon. You cannot be immune, the immune physical. So the way your body fights off infection is you are exposed to something, your body creates antibodies. And the next time you are exposed to that thing to one of two things happens either your body fights off that thing with antibodies, or your body made the wrong antibodies and you're allergic to it. That's why you're never having an allergic reaction until unless you have had something the second time Fun Fact of the Day. You can't make antibodies to electricity. Because it's electricity. Electricity is the movement of electrons across atoms. So atoms are constantly moving electrons from one to the other. So when you flick on a light switch, what's actually happening is all those atoms are passing electrons from one to the other. That's an electron you know part of an atom that makes up your body. I hope to God you don't have antibodies against fucking electrons because you would not exist. You would be a black hole. No, sorry, black holes are made up of matter. You would literally be a void. I feel better now. Continue. Sorry. I just didn't know I needed to rant about science. There's so much more I could say but I just science is a beautiful mistress that will never let me down.

Margie:

Thank you science. This book did Whoa, boy. Whoa, Mama. It's still it's in. The writer in me gets really mad at this book later in a little little bit of time.

Rachel:

The scientist in me wants to. I'm so mad.

Margie:

So I want to say like fine. So he's like all Leo's all excited. She says she's immune to lightning. Whatever. Okay.

Rachel:

I know. I know. But every time you say that phrase, my eyes roll into

Margie:

the sunset. Yeah. So like she's not getting electric shocks by him. Let's just say it that way. There we go. Yeah, there we go. And so they can have sex. So he's thrilled with that. He's like, Oh, sure. He

Rachel:

has fun back kids. It's only electrocution if you die. Yeah. Why don't you just get tracked?

Margie:

So they have a great week of just having sex. I am disappointed that there's no lightning in the sex like Ah,

Rachel:

damn, yeah, but I got my juices going. I wasn't electricity joke. Sorry.

Margie:

So they The King is like, okay, come on time to come to the castle and actually meet me now that you're like a newlywed couple. On the journey, one of the guards betray them, but in the end they finally catch the hurt third assassin who re

Rachel:

was having sex the equivalent of a marriage ceremony cuz that's gonna be awkward for all the guests. What do you mean? Do they ever actually get married? Yeah, there was a week of

Margie:

that thing of like, it was basically like a quickie wedding. So like, they got married, and they were two witnesses. And then they were like, Okay,

Rachel:

that's good. Because if sex was the equivalent of marriage in this world, then there is this a witness

Margie:

of the book though, where like, they get married, and they still think they can't touch. So like, they get married, but they can't like yeah, have sex like anything. So it's not consummated. Like,

Rachel:

I mean, not that that matters. But the same time.

Margie:

Yeah, it's just strange. She's upset with that, too. It's

Rachel:

obviously so sad it to our canyon of plot holes. So Well, so here's

Margie:

this is where the writer meet starts to get a pest. So now, only now well, like this whole book. Let me just okay, this is Sue. Now, this is where the book is weird. Because there's, you know, there is a villain in this book, and it's the king, but he's kind of like a far off villain, right and he's sent these three assassins and now these three assassins are gone, like the problem has been taken care of. So they're all killed. They're all killed. Yeah. And so the author is kind of like well, what do I do now? How do I propel the plot? So she comes up with the bright 86% into the book and they meet the new villain? What this villain is basically Mystique from X Men or he or she can take on the the appearance of anyone. Yeah, this villain is given no name. There's no description behind who he or she is. There's nothing no backbone structure at all.

Rachel:

The table in which our microphones are standing are becoming the only solid thing that is holding me to this ground plane of reality.

Margie:

So this mystique character kills the prince. The prince not homeboy, not homeboy Prince and pretends to be the prince so like he has the body and takes on the appearance of the prince. Right? Okay. Leo figures this out and now. Okay. Oh, I guess it's because Luciana and Tatiana are talking and Tatiana is like hey girl, like you do realize the prince is dead right? And Luciana is like the princess right here. And Luke taught you out? It's like Nope, he's dead. Like here's this ghost I was gonna say she can see ghosts right? She goes it out. Luciana figures it out really knows about her powers. Yes, he does. So he kind of like slowly like there are a lot of things in this book that like as you can see, I could not can there's so many broken pieces of this book that I just couldn't couldn't include every physically

Rachel:

hurts me, right? If I didn't have very expensive recording equipment on the table, I would have flipped it about 30 minutes ago.

Margie:

So so they unfortunately though after the princes killed this mystique character gets away and they're like, fuck now there's this person who can pretend to be anyone running around. But they managed to get to the castle where the king is. And Leo figures out that the king has been mistaked so like Mystique has taken over the king and the king is actually dead. Okay,

Rachel:

I feel like with me she should have been the one to figure that out. But I get that yeah,

Margie:

okay, so he figures it out. Leo kills Mystique, this mystique character that we never figure out who they is, what their intentions are anything. Any of that, you know any of that villain backbone structure that you need in a book. Just dead he's dead. Sure, sure.

Rachel:

By you know what, that's the most believable thing in this book so far. Yeah.

Margie:

Um, so, um, since he's Lord Protector of the realm and the Duke, you know, become the king. He is now the king. She is now the queen. She's pregnant. They live happily ever after the end.

Rachel:

I'm so dissatisfied.

Margie:

Oh my god. Oh my god. I got to that new villain part. And I was like, What the actual fuck?

Rachel:

I'm so upset. Yeah, you've reduced me to I don't even know I am a shell of a human. I'm just that was published on trees died for that. Money has been exchanged for that

Margie:

people paid for this. Like I got to sue the library people paid by me this book. And I also want to know what really pisses me off about this Goodreads rating is that yeah, it's 4.04 and all of the reviews were good. She goes again, she's going into the corner.

Unknown:

Hey, you have forsaken me. Oh my god. I try so hard to be an optimist about the human race. I feel a chorus to my person

Margie:

got to get back to the to the mic, baby. Come back. Alcohol. Oh my god. Whiskey yeah we do we do we really need a drink after this one. I'm so sad. Yes. So but they also in the kingdom they make it so that if you're embraced like you're not going to be murdered and you can worship whoever you want to reform right so reform

Rachel:

because really fast abrupt change definitely goes well for every single kingdom. Can you hear the sarcasm? I hope so. Okay, so I don't really know where to start with reviewing on this one. So I'm gonna take the lead yeah,

Margie:

I've actually wrote down once this in my first thing is, and I quote this book plot wise was a hot mess. Yeah, like there really wasn't applied. And we're going to go by, like the notes that we took on our last. So we mentioned in the last episode that we were going to start a book Dell, right? Yes to book Dell test, which was like, so proud of that character. Yes. A character how they have to build each other up. Yes. And I said that they have to each have their own separate, like, motivators, right? And they have to, and I think I came up with a third one, which is like they have to be, like, either better or worse at the end of the novel, they can't be the same people that right, right, well, there has to be some out there has to be some sort of change. This fulfilled none of those criteria. No, none of those, because they do not build each other up. If anything, they keep each other on the same plane. Like it's weird because like, together, they become like 75% of one decent character, one human have one human like because she is such a Mary Sue throughout this whole book, and it's really painful. It's just, she has really no personality, besides the fact that she loves her sisters.

Rachel:

Great. And she can talk to the dead. We should because I feel like I felt a little bit weird about this lab between the lab for the last episode. What would you define as a Mary Sue? Because I feel like I want to make sure that I think you're using it correctly. I don't think I was so sorry guys. The way that

Margie:

I first heard it described is it's a very like Bella Swan from Twilight character where you can literally put anyone into that role like they're in. Okay, you can put like in my mind and place yourself into the character

Rachel:

in my mind it is someone who's the author writing themselves into a character and making them ridiculous,

Margie:

like making them ridiculous but also kind of making them flat so that the person who's reading it can self insert themselves into what's happening. Okay, I so she has very like she's she has reactions that you can use that aren't that interesting, because it's like anybody would do that.

Rachel:

Right? Right. Yeah, so I always thought of as like a super overpowered super like, I'm the best ever like just like an untouchable.

Margie:

I felt like the other way I feel like it's the other way around.

Rachel:

You're probably right listeners. Please tell us what you think it probably rounds what you think

Margie:

a Mary Sue in my book is that somebody who's very a self insert, okay, so like I always imagined I was imagined Bella Swan from Twilight. That's a very good yeah, analogy. Like she's just very like she kind of just like floats along. And here's another way of putting it. Everything in the plot happens to her. She doesn't do anything to put pronouns are

Rachel:

really good. Okay, okay, then. Yeah. Then I'd like to put my formal apology now Kat was not a Mary Sue? No, she had personality in spades. She was hella overpowered though.

Margie:

Yes. Okay. Yes. So that's the opposite spectrum that's for kind of like a almost on the other end of that spectrum is like Katniss Everdeen. Where like, she's like, completely, like pushing the plot does everything, everything with the blackboard, which honestly, I would prefer that yeah, this MarySue type of character where like, everything is happening to her, because that's not how life works right right now. So yeah, every time

Rachel:

for formal apology, sorry, guys roast me on the interwebs.

Margie:

Um, they're not. So neither of these characters really lift each other up, they keep each other kind of at the level of met our marriage. There's no trying to make themselves better, just not electrocuted. That's really it. Like they, there's nothing and there's no and like I said, there's no like, change between them from the beginning to the end of the book, you know? And I feel like it may just be because this is a book in a series. It's not necessarily you know, but it's like the technically this is a standalone novel, because we're not going to really hear as much from the first one and the first one in that series. There's no chance of the mystique character ever even being talked about before. No, no. The only thing we know about this mystique character is that they're embraced. That's it. Okay, three evil embrace person. That's the only thing that's

Rachel:

maybe my only guess is that it was a chance to show that there are evil embrace people. Yeah,

Margie:

yeah. I guess so I don't I don't really know. So like at the end of the book it's kind of inference that like, her four sisters are also like princesses or something in these other kingdoms. Great. Yeah, so special snowstorms. All of this actually is a special snowstorm because it's five special snowflakes. Yeah, and God knows science says you only need five snowflakes to make a snowstorm. So, um, oh, I'll send one. No, no, I'm laughing at it is this book probably took about 45 minutes to write.

Rachel:

Did it take longer than that to read? Yeah, it was a travesty.

Margie:

Oh my god. It was and it just wasn't written well, either way, the way that she I wish I had it with me. I wish I had my Kindle with me. Because like, the way that the author described the different accents was by pretty much making Luciana say ye instead of you.

Rachel:

You eat so, okay, I am putting out a call to my listeners. Our listeners. Yes, please. I need you to restore my faith in humanity because I'm actually legitimately so sad about

Margie:

this. Yeah, actually. Send us good books. Good books, please.

Rachel:

I do have one in the works that you might have actually already read, but I haven't. Okay, so I'm like, really excited and it's a good book. Okay, so I have one of those no works. Thank God

Margie:

because but I personally thought this was a little bit better than the name King just because there was no rape. That is a low bar.

Rachel:

That did nothing to make me feel better about humanity. No,

Margie:

no, no, it doesn't. It doesn't. I like this book a little bit more palatable. So

Rachel:

good books to save our faith in humanity. Also, pictures of kittens. I would take either Yeah,

Margie:

yeah, I would love please tag us in pictures.

Rachel:

Please. So okay, so official ratings on one leaf board. Okay,

Margie:

just one one. I mean, if we have to give them anything, I would give Leo a one. Mary Sue excuse. Excuse me. Luciana Lucia one and the plot a one because it's all horrible. And I hate it so much. This got worse ratings. Oh, and remember, there is no sex in this book? No,

Rachel:

no, I don't why? That was something that could not go into my brain. That'll be in the show notes. Don't don't put pictures of go sex and

Margie:

go sex. Oh, would you? Oh, yeah. Okay, so um, thanks for listening, guys. Whoa, hold on. Yes. Oh, yeah.

Rachel:

Okay, so, I personally, just in the last hour of being told about this novel cannot fathom anything else ever. So I'm gonna need you to tell me what you read. When you also couldn't fathom anything I've ever.

Margie:

I've actually been reading a lot of stuff lately, which is great. So I finished this book called I finished that book called The Hazelwood. Oh, yeah, I did really like it. It was a refreshing take on like the teen drama novel. Okay. I know. I'm a fake young adult. Yeah. All right. We are. We both are. So it was a good read. It was fun. Yeah, I liked that one. I also read this book called What was it? The Darkest Minds, okay, just like this new one. It's getting a movie. It's like also, it's teen dystopian angst drama book. Neat. And I the character also was very much a Mary Sue. However, in defense of the book, I did order the second one from the library. Okay. All right. So it was it had a plot? It does have a plot.

Rachel:

Yeah. Just a giant hole. Right. Yeah. Okay.

Margie:

Yeah, that's what I was reading. At least

Rachel:

you had an escape. So I'm glad you had a way out. So yeah,

Margie:

um, to get back I think now I'm actually have this book about Mao Zedong. That it really it's a really interesting history.

Rachel:

That sounds exactly like it would trigger all of my anxiety. I'm really

Margie:

excited to read it. So I think I'm gonna read Oh, tell me about it.

Rachel:

Sorry. Okay. That's fine. Anxiety is a bitch, y'all. And I happen to know what my triggers are.

Margie:

I I've had really bad anxiety over the past week, too. So I've cut caffeine because I'm like, nope, nope, nope. Mental Health. Y'all strong. Stay strong. Take care of yours. Take care of yourself. So um, thanks for listening, guys. Yeah, thank you so much. We we have a special announcement. Yeah. So

Rachel:

we have a little bit of a special announcement we well, no special but because

Margie:

especially that's gonna come out next week. Right? Yeah. Okay.

Rachel:

So we're going to do as our our holiday present to you. We're going to do a Christmas themed special it's

Margie:

going to be released on

Unknown:

Christmas

Margie:

Day. So So holidays, happy Christmas Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, annual. And you'll

Rachel:

Yeah, whatever. Whatever you miss infestors Whatever you choose to celebrate, yes, we accept you all and we love you all.

Margie:

So please, please, please, please rate review and subscribe.

Rachel:

Yes, anything you guys can do if you guys want to get on your pod catcher of choice Yes. And give us a five star review that would be super helpful. Um, it would be wonderful and if you want to hit us up on Twitter or G go

Margie:

yet we are see tetrapod Instagram, textual tension pod

Rachel:

Facebook don't have

Margie:

Goodreads sexual tension,

Unknown:

Gmail textual tension

Margie:

pod@gmail.com

Rachel:

You passed your test

Margie:

oh it also we have a website and listen to all of our episodes there. It's textual tension pod.com We will also have our show notes there and those go a little bit more in depth about like go Sex

Rachel:

and the other part of the Choose Your Own Adventure Yes. And just sort of more of our thoughts as we're reading it so I found it actually is super helpful because guys, I listen to these a lot when I'm editing them to have show notes up while I'm listening and it adds a little

Margie:

bit extra and it's also like there are things that we don't catch Yeah, yeah when we're reading it the first time right we want to put it into the show notes I actually added a couple other extra lines to

Rachel:

your show notes right episodes I was still really upset and get the whole cat and Griffin saying

Margie:

there is one thing that I also want to think I wanted to mention about this book is that it takes place way over seven days. I was gonna say off like they meet like the I think the time period between when they meet and when they get married is seven days but that's really it like that's

Rachel:

when they meet me or when she finds out who he is meet.

Margie:

I think when when they first see each other Yeah. Oh god you're the light in your eyes just died.

Rachel:

So did my soul Yeah, I'm guys I'm sad. Don't don't drink your feelings. On that note. I'm gonna go drink my feelings.

Margie:

Yeah, go we need to we heard it like right like It's medicinal at this point. So bad.

Rachel:

All right. Well,

Margie:

yeah, rate review. subscribe. We'll see you guys next time. And we'll

Rachel:

actually see you guys next week for Christmas special. Yeah, so we'll see you next week and then a week after that because we're not going to mess up our normal schedule just for Christmas. Where's that cool

Margie:

you got you guys yo. Oh, and thank you to Ayla. Nereo for our song.

Rachel:

Yeah. Oh, love off the album be held. Yes. Hey, we remember that too. All right, thanks. Now for real z's. We love you all.