Ep 6: A Merry Hallmark Christmas

Welcome to our CHRISTMAS SPECIAL! In this episode listen as Rachel tells Margie about The Trouble with Christmas by Debbie Mason. Will Madison Lane find the true meaning of Christmas...Colorado? What else will she discover in the small-town of Christmas? Perhaps handsome sheriff Gage McBride?

We will have another episode coming out next week listeners! So you get THREE WEEKS of episodes! Merry Christmas to all and to all healthy and loving relationships all around!

Transcript

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Rachel: 0:00

Warning. The following podcast contains adult themes, including but not limited to, adult language, adult dragon Animorphs problematic encounters with potential love interests, steampunk vampires, potentially unhealthy relationships, Goblin kings and hosts that read way too far into silly romance novels. The opinions expressed in this podcast are entirely those of the hosts listener discretion is advised. Hello, and welcome to a special Christmas edition of textual tension where we have a love hate relationship with romance novels. I'm your

Margie: 0:55

co host, Rachel and I have your co host, Margie, and Christmas.

Rachel: 0:58

Merry Christmas. This is Christmas day this is being released if you don't celebrate Christmas. We love you too. And happy holidays. Yeah, let's do this one. whatever holiday you choose. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, yeah. Um, so normally, every other week, we read a romance novel, and one of us tells our unsuspecting coast, what the fuck just happened, if anything, if anything. This week is a little bit special because I your co host, Rachel read a Christmas themed romance novel. By the way, guys,

Margie: 1:29

I'm wearing a jiggly hat. Yes.

Rachel: 1:32

She's wearing a jingle hat. We are both drinking some mulled wine to get into the spirit. It's great.

Margie: 1:40

soukous was best present and future.

Rachel: 1:43

So we're going to be drunk on stream and it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Whatever.

Margie: 1:47

Please drink responsibly.

Rachel: 1:50

We're both over 21 Yeah, it's cool. So wait.

Margie: 1:54

21 Yeah, well.

Rachel: 1:57

A woman never tells her age because that would devalue her as a person beyond childbearing age. Well, let me put a damper on my scaling feminism for a second.

Margie: 2:07

All right. So happy holidays.

Rachel: 2:09

Happy holidays. Happy oh my god, guys. Okay, so I read a Christmas themed book well, and Whoa, boy. Just wait. It's like

Margie: 2:21

Christmas Hanukkah Kwanzaa. Kohli

Rachel: 2:22

Christmas, Hanukkah, Hanukkah. And you'll. So I'm going to be telling Margie about this wonderful book. I have a physical book for you to say to cover. Oh, and I'm afraid the cover is not that interesting. I'm gonna give this to you. And then we'll do our disclaimers after you read the back of it.

Margie: 2:41

Okay, so she's right. It's not that interesting. Oh, my God. Hmm. Okay, so the book is titled The Trouble With Christmas. And it has it's just basically like a red door with covered in white snow with like, with like a with a wreath on the front. And there is this really weird part of the roof that looks like it almost says a skull. Oh, I didn't notice that guy at the top. It almost looks like two eyes from a skull. That's what made me think of

Rachel: 3:13

Oh, yeah, well, so I think it's supposed to be ornaments, but it's creepy as hell. Yeah, you

Margie: 3:16

don't look that was my first impression of it. So but the My favorite thing about the front of this novel, is that it's great new series, exclamation point. Great. Low price.

Rachel: 3:29

The bar high.

Margie: 3:31

It's $6. Like, store late. It's

Rachel: 3:35

worth. I got it at the library. I didn't pay that much. Because I have yet to support someone with these books yet.

Margie: 3:41

It's it? Well, yeah, but it's just kind of like $6 for a romance novel, though. I wouldn't pay more than five like if I were UDF and really

Rachel: 3:49

desperate on the romance novel. Maybe I will say okay, okay, there are some that actually were good that I purchased. So I

Margie: 3:56

like out what Outlander, people will pay

Rachel: 3:59

a lot of money for there are some that I did purchase but I've never started a series by purchasing it. I got it from the library every time so I did not pay $6 for that book, basically. Okay, so

Margie: 4:13

that's the cover. It's not she's right. It's a very interesting cover. It says Christmas Colorado will get you in the spirit for love all year long. Okay, Jill. All right. That's Jill shalvis A New York Times best selling author, which if there's anything I've learned from this podcast, being a New York Times bestselling author

Rachel: 4:33

means nothing low bar means nothing.

Margie: 4:36

All right, here we go. Um, unfortunately the date and library thing covers up the what this says all the top a little bit. Oh, I need to pull it up. No, it's okay. Cuz I can still read the description. That's all that matters. Okay. Resort developer Madison lane is about to lose the one thing she loves most in the world. Her job dubbed The Grinch Who Killed Christmas Madison spoil the deal that would turn Queens In Christmas, Colorado into a tourist winter wonderland. Now the citizens want her fired but the company gives her one last chance, sending Madison to the small town to restore the holiday cheer. For Sheriff gage McBride. No Hot Shot executive for New York City is going to destroy the dreams of the people he loves. But one look at this beautiful woman and it's his heart that may be broken. And just a few days, Madison causes more trouble than he's had to deal with all year. He can't decide if she's naughty or nice, but one thing is for certain Christmas will never be the same again. You know what the sounds like? Yeah, a Hallmark movie. That's just a just so it says on the bottom, come celebrate a Christmas you won't forget. Yeah, okay. It's just. It's great, right? No, it kind of just sounds like a man. I think that in my romance novels, if I'm gonna say like, I like a little danger, right spreads. So

Rachel: 6:02

here's my thoughts on it. Okay, I'm sort of in the beginning. To be fair, the Dean library did not have that many Christmas themed romance. Okay, fair, they did not fare. Um, actually, after, this is great. You're gonna love this. After I found this one. I was telling a guy at work that the whose girlfriend listens to the podcast and loves it, that I was doing a Christmas one. And he's like, I almost bought you a romance novel, because they went to the bookstore. And they had a display, specially for Christmas themed romance novels. And he found one that was like, a Texan for Christmas. And I'm like, God, damn, it would have been so much better.

Margie: 6:39

Did you see on the Instagram that I posted? Like six? Six? Yeah, they're like six. I was at Joseph Beth booksellers. And they had like a section that was just novels. And they were like, look, look, go to if you go to our Instagram, at textual tension pod. Right. You can tell us if you've read any of those.

Rachel: 7:03

Okay, so the book back. So brief. So real quickly, we like to go over any trigger warnings you might have. There is some, oh, gosh, alcoholism, okay. But these are all just in passing reference. So there's a little bit of passing reference to alcoholism, passing reference to abuse. And that's it. Okay. All right. This is, well, you don't know how right you are with the whole darkness of this book.

Margie: 7:34

So oh, I mean, come on. Look at it. Look at the front cover. It looks like

Rachel: 7:39

Okay, so this is the part that I have been the most excited about this entire, like past couple of weeks that we've been planning this. i This book inspired me. So we're actually going to start off Oh, with a little bit of so afraid. A little bit of another sort of another type of a summary of the book. Okay, that I wrote. Okay, we're going to set the mood a little bit. Perfect. Are you ready already? Towards December in Christmas, a small mountain town in need of a miracle shits about to go down. We follow Miss Mattie a New York bookkeeper. content with her life no need to look deeper. When Maddie meets gage a career share at hunk. Things start to get steamy. I mean. Miss Maddie hates Christmas, the town and the season and this Hallmark ask plot will show us the reason. A catfight a pageant, a slandering plot thriller and kidnapping because why the fuck not. So strap in my friends and grab some eggnog. It's the warm fuzzy season and we're going

Margie: 8:55

whole hog. Well, instead of applause because You totally deserve

Rachel: 9:04

so a poet I am not really proud of.

Margie: 9:09

You aren't that was incredible. How long did that take you to write? I

Rachel: 9:12

don't want to I don't want to say I am

Margie: 9:15

still so impressed. I am so impressed. I was like, I thought I was clever with my old Choose Your Own Adventure shape? No, this bitch brings in a fucking poem.

Rachel: 9:26

So I was going to do the entirety of my notes that way. But that would have taken so long it would have taken on time and it would have not we wouldn't have had as good of a chance to talk about it right. So I figured we'd open with a nice get in the mood.

Margie: 9:40

I saw that as your notes as I was like, what's she doing?

Rachel: 9:44

I flagged my poetry muscle I'm gonna

Margie: 9:47

have to I'm gonna need a picture of that for the Oh, absolutely. Yeah, check us out. Check it out girl guys and girls.

Rachel: 9:53

Yeah, so I ran that by multiple people to make sure the meter is very difficult. I read books cuz I don't do poetry so,

Margie: 10:02

I what I am so impressed. So, so, so proud of you and inspired me. That was amazing.

Rachel: 10:11

So, um, so let's get in. Okay, this beautiful, beautiful novel, this beautiful, heartfelt something. Um, so, as repeat listeners will know, I tend to like to start off with a description of the characters. I actually had a really hard time finding this one. So I know that Maddie has blonde hair, okay, and a really rockin body, but she dresses usually a little bit I'm gonna say frumpy but not not to flatter her body. Yeah, um, for the most part, um, engage I know is mostly about it. He's a career share of hunk

Margie: 10:51

all Did you ever watch once upon a time? Yes. I'm thinking of the sheriff from lunch. Oh, that's what I'm gonna do. That is. That is also much. I'm okay with that. Right? Yeah, I'm fine with it. I'd rather see that actor in that role than in his future. Okay. Oh, 50 Shades of Grey? He's Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. That also Prince Charming is not going to Prince Charming. Prince Charming. The sheriff. Oh, the church sheriff. No, no, in the first season. He was the sheriff in the first season. Like dude, there's a dude who's a sheriff in the first season and the evil queen pulls out his heart.

Rachel: 11:32

Get the check. I'd be down for that. Well, also

Margie: 11:34

the Mad Hatter in that show was the Winter Soldier.

Rachel: 11:36

Oh shit, right. Yeah, great show. Well, the first couple seasons the first season

Margie: 11:41

was fabulous. Everything takes on hell anyway.

Rachel: 11:45

Anyway, okay. So let's get into it. Repeat listeners will know I like to break things into scenes. So scene one. Madison, Madison Lane turning is a finance person, accountant. Is that the right word? I said finance. What? finance person accountant? bookkeeper? Yeah, I said bookkeeper. Yeah. Okay. For a company that is neither of our profession No. For a company in New York, that builds and manages vacation resorts. Okay. So the president's son present name is Joe the president's son Harrison is basically out for her job. Like he which he's not a finance guy. I don't know why whatever. And he's pushing for a resort in a small town called Christmas Colorado, which does not actually exist I looked it up

Margie: 12:32

throughout the town. I know there's a town called Christmas somewhere.

Rachel: 12:34

Yeah, but it's not in Colorado, Colorado. Um, so he's pushing for this resort and Christmas is gonna be like a ski resort is basically what I gathered from it. And Maddie who is like Joe is like she's friends with Joe she considers herself more friends with Joe she did the numbers and it turns out that she's like the the resort will be closed in a year like it'll go bankrupt in a year because there's not even a direct road from the highway to this town. Like okay, it's not a good place for a resort

Margie: 13:03

Okay, that's a that is bad plan

Rachel: 13:04

it's very bad bad planning. And so she did the numbers would like

Margie: 13:09

build a resort no one could get to what is the shining? What's the point?

Rachel: 13:13

Well, that probably would have been more interesting. So he or she does the numbers and tells Joe she's like like this is going to like ruin your company you're going to make so much money into it's not going to work out right the numbers don't lie. And so this is where I need your marketing expertise. Okay, because this is the entire crux of the plot. And to me it is book while Oh, I'm

Margie: 13:38

so excited. Okay,

Rachel: 13:39

so this is in New York. Okay. We are joined today but our by our little L little elf helper Bitsy, the kitty cat. Yeah, that's you Good job. You will have a voice real face for radio busy. So the quote unquote media gets wind of this. And how she was the one that said no to it because numbers and they run a story titled The Grinch that killed Christmas with a picture of her. Okay. All over we're talking like CNN. Like Fox all the big ones I guess.

Margie: 14:19

Okay. Okay. Did this book come out? I don't know to start with Alright, go

Rachel: 14:24

on. So okay, the there are literally protesters outside of their building, protesting her. So show the president of this company is like, Okay, well, this is not good. This is very bad. We're getting very bad publicity. You need to fix this. And by fix it, I mean, I'm going to send you an accountant who, or bank bookkeeper, whatever, who has no market experience to this town in the middle of Colorado to convince the townspeople that they this this resort is not a good idea for them. Go do it.

Margie: 15:02

Okay, so let me make sure to save face. Let me make sure that I have this right. Okay, so this woman made a logical decision to say, this town. This will not work. Yes, this ski resort will not work. Yes, it will sink a bunch of money to something that will not work. Yes. The media got wind of this. Yes. And I will say this, the media's response isn't bad. It's, you know, they're trying to make a story. And in a way, they're not wrong that like she said, No, that this wouldn't work. It sounds like they kind of went in one direction with it, which is wrong. They shouldn't have villainized her for it. Yeah, what journalism is meant to do. But, you know, that's how journalism is working today, unfortunately, right on both sides. Okay, so they did that. And then the President turns around and says, let's stick that person who everybody hates into the town. convince people that this is a good idea. Okay. That's a solid. You don't want to do that. Okay. That's what I saw. Yeah. Okay. So,

Rachel: 16:05

to be fair, I'm not a marketing person. I don't even run our social media guys, because I don't do social media that much. Right. So I wanted to bring in Margie as my expert for today, one of several

Margie: 16:16

so I welcome Yeah, I am, uh, my notes I

Rachel: 16:19

have. Is this a thing? Guys?

Margie: 16:21

I do have a Master of Arts in media and communications. So I do and I did my dissertation on dark media. So I know the dark side of the media. This is what you don't want it.

Rachel: 16:36

Oh my god, there's a cat in your lap. That never happens ladies and gentlemen ever

Margie: 16:39

happens. Bitsy never comes into my lounge. Chrissy hates people that aren't

Rachel: 16:43

mean Christmas. Oh my god. Homework did. She's letting me pet her. Oh, this is gonna be a long episode. I'm just practicing this now. But it's a Christmas special. So I don't care. It also she's

Margie: 16:55

hitting it. She's hitting the mic.

Rachel: 16:58

She needs her voice to be heard. Oh, oh, I see. Okay. Most of my friends don't believe I own a second cat because she's never seen.

Margie: 17:14

She never even comes out for me. She only comes out the middle of the night when I'm sleeping here. Yo, I still love you. Anyway. So what I'm going to make a bad example of what you would actually do here lace, which is so everybody remembers her Bombay, which I remember her amay especially because it was in Cincinnati. That's my hometown. It's where unfortunately the gorilla. There was a tragic, there was a tragic incident. But the the the response at the, at the Cincinnati Zoo was a very good response to her rhombi which is deflecting. So there was so much media response to what happened with her Robbie that the next big thing that was going to happen at the Cincinnati Zoo, was the hippo Fiona rugby, baby hippo, Fiona, whom everybody knows and loves now, and if you don't know and love her look her up because she is all over social media and say, I know, I know you're fine. So, um, they deflected. So they they took a they, they you know, they didn't they sort of buried the bad story under the good stuff. Sure. It's kind of like that tends to be what you know, it's like fertilizer. Unfortunately, they may they were getting a lot of media attention already. So fertilizer to for you. And I guess I shouldn't call that's a bad analogy. But

Rachel: 18:36

well, I'm sorry. It makes sense. It was very

Margie: 18:38

sad. It's so but that's like a good immediate example of what you would do now that in the example of this book, you would not like

Rachel: 18:46

the one person in her in like

Margie: 18:49

Rob Bay into Christmas.

Rachel: 18:51

Like what they

Margie: 18:53

did.

Rachel: 18:54

It was not great nose. Okay, so it's not a thing. I'm not crazy. Yes. You are not crazy. Okay, awesome. So Maddie is sent to Christmas. And at this point, I will say Maddie hates Christmas, the town and the season. Because she hates small towns. We'll get into why later and she just doesn't like Christmas. We'll get into why late. Okay. Um, so she makes a grand entrance into Christmas. She gets a rental car. She's driving to Christmas and remember no direct route from the highway Christmas. So she a New Yorker who doesn't drive much anyway and is all of a sudden driving in Uber, right? She straight up so they put a moving Santa sign on the way into Christmas. What like a waving oil, okay. And it's motion activated. Which can I have problems with that on an engineering side? Right. So a civil engineering side. Okay, anyway, um, and she it startles her and she slides off the road and runs into it and crashes. So and this is All right, literally, the townsfolk are sitting in town hall waiting for her. Because, you know, you plan your town hall meeting about this literally the night that she gets into so

Margie: 20:10

that's creepy too, isn't it? That's so creepy. That's like Stars Hollow shit,

Rachel: 20:18

right? It's terrifying. So this is where we meet gauge gauge MacBride. Oh, like he saw that name. The sheriff in this town.

Margie: 20:29

The Saudi big enough for the two.

Rachel: 20:32

She he has to go with a couple of his. His deputies to help her out like she's fine. They give like an ambulance there and all this stuff and she's fine. She has busted up her face. Like the airbag went off. So she got into a car wreck. Yeah, at the Santa. Yeah. Okay. And Brooke the Santa which is a great start. She the airbag went off. I know the airbag went off. Okay, so her lips are like super swollen right now she looks like a kewpie doll is what they call her. I know. This woman.

Margie: 21:01

I'm assuming he's gonna kiss her though at some point with her bruises.

Rachel: 21:05

No, she's not. He's not actually Oh, good. Okay. Are you ready for this strap in? Oh, for a healthy relationship that develops over about a month. The first time in the entirety of this podcast. We've had a healthy relationship that develops over. Sorry, spoilers advice. Have you found it right?

Margie: 21:27

All it took was the miracle of Christmas

Rachel: 21:29

miracle Christmas at Hallmark. Fitzy stopped playing with our very high tech sound dampening blanket. It's fine. Same thing. Anyway. So she insists Well, half of it is her insisting and most of its gauge insisting of you still have to go get this presentation. I know. You just got into a car accident. But there's a group of people they're going to riot if you don't, right. I know.

Margie: 21:54

This really? Makes no sense. Like, it sounds like the people are gonna riot they're already mad enough. Anyway, there's nothing she can say. It's mostly a bunch of old people too. Oh, yeah. There's no way she's also like, it seems like it's a bunch of old people, though. They wouldn't want this resort to be built there. Like they wouldn't want to destroy you like the good.

Rachel: 22:15

We'll get into that. Okay. But so she goes and she's like, You know what, no, I am going to do this. Because screw you guys. Your town is dumb. You're Santa is Don't blame her for that. So she beats us being so annoying.

Margie: 22:29

really loves me tonight.

Rachel: 22:31

She just wants to love you guys. I know the crazy eyes. But so she gives a presentation. And most of the people fall asleep in it because it's real boring. Because she's a numbers person. marketing person. Yeah,

Margie: 22:43

yes. This the marketing person, right? She's basically

Rachel: 22:46

trying to convince these people, she's like, look, here's what's gonna happen, all of your nice little mom and pop towns are going to be great for a little while with the first influx. And then as soon as you get people realize it's a quote unquote, resort town, they're going to start putting in competition, right? And the competition is going to run your mom and pop businesses out of this. Right? Yeah, so she's okay. coming on. And my logical point

Margie: 23:06

of view coming at it from like, if you love this town, don't destroy

Rachel: 23:09

it. Exactly. And that's what she's trying to get across. But she did it in a really boring way. And the people are pretty set in their ways. As far as No, you're killing our town because our towns gonna, like die without this extra bit of

Margie: 23:19

I mean, also, that kind of makes sense, too, because it's like, they're probably not getting that much new.

Rachel: 23:25

Yeah. Because there's no, okay. So she still gives IT people fall asleep, and she doesn't commit anyone. So the main person that's leading this sort of anti Madison campaign, is there's two people there's an aunt Nell, who is gages great aunt. Mm hmm. And she is the sassiest older woman. So the whole reason the media got ahold of this and like all of they got a bunch of like cards from children and all this stuff. And we'll go over in the New York, you know, at the office to try to convince him that it was all her she was writing and cram. Like, she is like the major. My god. She's the matriarch of this town. So her thought is, I just need to convince Madison lane to stay for like, a week, a couple weeks, maybe. And convince her that this town is worth it. Like that's her brain. If the math doesn't work, the math doesn't work. Yeah, but if you ever tried reasoning with an old lady? Yes, uh huh. Yeah, right. So, hey, we love you if you're an old lady.

Margie: 24:27

You're actually probably the people who read these. Hey, I'm not old yet.

Rachel: 24:34

Right. Okay, well, Wow, way to put a bummer on Christmas.

Margie: 24:39

If anything, though, you have to remember I'm the Grinch cynical. Yeah, I have no love in my life. Everyone is fine.

Rachel: 24:47

You have Betsy. See? There's love. Okay, so

Margie: 24:51

you say what's yours in your lab? Well,

Rachel: 24:54

so Madison goes to leave. She's going to the hotel that she's staying at and she He's going to be leaving the next day. She's like, I'm done with this. I'm going home. I'm so Oh, and I'm sorry. I didn't mention the other person who was against this. The other person is Dane. What's his first name? Oh, he

Margie: 25:12

sounds like the antagonist. His last name

Rachel: 25:15

is Dane. I can't remember his last name. Yeah, I think I've written somewhere. I'll read it later. But it's awesome. Dan. He's the head of the the town paper. Okay. Right. Christmas Chronicle. So he's like taking pictures of her with giant wipes and like all this stuff, super incriminating photos. So she cuz if you're

Margie: 25:35

an ugly woman, you know, status? Anxiety naturally.

Rachel: 25:39

Yeah, let's define you. Yeah. So I just want to preface like, That's sarcasm, guys. Okay, good. 100% sarcasm serious, um, which maybe it's the alcohol that makes me not want to do that, right. So, um, she goes to leave. And when she goes to leave, all of a sudden she hears like a thump on the back of her or someone banging on the back of her car and two guys are freaking out and she stops, she comes out. And there's aunt Nell laying on the ground behind her car. And two guys are freaking out. Because like, you just hit her. Like she was coming to talk to you. And you backed into her and yada yada, yada. And so gage comes out. Yeah, Gage comes out and looks at the scene at his great aunt and is like, Hey, have you set it up? Put it No, no, we're not gonna. Yeah, she's not gonna back down at all. And Fred and Ted are the two guys are her friends. This pair? Great. But so they're like, trying to put this on her and everything. And they're like, now she's obviously faking like, it's fine. He takes her to the sheriff's office and everything. He's like, Yo, she's bringing out she's like, I'm gonna get like a charge for something yada, yada, yada. Yeah. And she's like, No, it's fine. I do get a little bit for it's not frisky but like there's some tension in the right and the sheriff's office. And so sexual tension, textual tension, textual tension, but so she gets a call from her boss, because apparently all of a sudden, everyone gets word of this immediately that this happened. Oh, and so her boss is like you need to stay for a couple of weeks to save face. Take care of this woman back into

Margie: 27:20

you can't go into the recording box. Everyone she

Rachel: 27:23

wants to be in the box. Oh, now I have Carlos to great.

Margie: 27:27

It's a party. Yeah, it's

Rachel: 27:29

a Christmas party. Here

Margie: 27:30

you go. Your turn now?

Rachel: 27:32

Great. The parents awesome. Um, but so her boss gets word of this almost immediately. Which is weird to me. Oh,

Margie: 27:39

I mean, it's the it's post Twitter. Yeah, but this is like

Rachel: 27:41

evening, like it's late night? No, that's not weird. Okay. All right. Sorry. Okay. Not weird, I wouldn't know. But he gets word of this. And he's like, You have to stay for a couple, like at least a couple weeks and take care of this woman that you ran over to save face. Okay,

Margie: 27:55

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that is not what what happened at all. Okay, good. No, I'm not crazy. No, and that that boss would have taken that person out immediately and just paid a lump sum of money. That's

Rachel: 28:06

right. So, um, she ends up having to stay with Aunt Nell to take care of her.

Margie: 28:14

This so Hallmark. This is such a

Rachel: 28:17

fucking Hallmark marked as plot. Okay, so, at this point, we're going to take a hot second, we're going to talk about the two different families so by families I mean, gauges, fantasies. Westeros. Pretty much we're gonna talk about gauges family and Madison's family. So when they go back to on nails house, Madison drives on nail back to her house where she will be staying the next little while.

Margie: 28:42

And the is just okay with this.

Rachel: 28:45

She wanted it. Oh, she engineered this whole thing. Okay, she wanted her to stay so that she could stay and see the town and be like, No, it's worth saving. That is

Margie: 28:54

not the first way that I would like get someone to stay at its house. Now. I would like to destroy the road. I like do Yeah, well, literally, she

Rachel: 29:03

hates small towns. Madison hates small towns and we'll go into why later but so she drives she's driving on now to her house and like gets her all set up everything but as they're leaving the like they get to her house, which is like a Victorian era like house. Yeah, whatever. And the their bus stops by and two kids get off and then two little girls. One is like maybe I would say six. They don't really explicitly say it but I would say six aliens like anywhere between 2010 and 13. Okay, not really sure. Okay. And the older ones getting bullied. And so as soon like then like gets hit in the head with a snowball and so Maddie goes Mama Bear picks up a snowball and pegs this kid with a snowball honestly my response right? Well, except to the media is the thing right now. Guess who gets a picture of it? Honestly, my response Yeah, and I know but um, anyway, um, so. Gauges family. These are his two Oh, he has daughters. Oh, again. First time dude has that kid. Yeah, in a book that we read. So again Lily is like six or seven. Uh huh. Annie is 13 Yeah, well yeah Lily and Annie are real cute. Um, he was married He was previously married to a country music star Sheena McBride.

Margie: 30:18

Wait what? Maha Sheena McBride McBride

Rachel: 30:21

any think there's any relation to maybe Martina McBride? Probably not.

Margie: 30:28

Um, and the true story, right.

Rachel: 30:32

biopic. Yeah. Um, so he was divorced. He was once married, and it comes out later, but I'll go through it. And now he married her. There wasn't a ton of like, they're both like the golden children of this small town because they both look young and attractive, right. And he got her pregnant. And he was a good guy and did the right thing and married married her but he didn't love her. Right. Okay, so that whole thing, that's the thing that happens, um, Madison's family grew up in a small town. This is where our triggers come in a little bit and why she hates small towns. Her mom was kind of naive and easily taken advantage of. So she was with her dad Matty's dad is was drunken abusive. And she has her mom, I will say like, I've never been an abusive relationship, but I feel like she wrote this mother's character very well, because it's like she every time she wanted to leave, she couldn't because

Margie: 31:22

right and also in a small town, and so people are gonna is that people were gonna judge you if you love your husband. It didn't really matter what exactly

Rachel: 31:30

right, right, right. Yeah, I feel like she wrote that very well. But her mom in an attempt to like she was a waitress at the diner, she found she kind of had a reputation for finding other people to give her attention because she was getting bad attention. Right. So she found another guy who happened to be married, and they were going to get married, even though he was already married. Right on Christmas. Hey. And she told her daughter to Hey, cusion she was like 13 I think hey, go wait at the church. We'll meet you there on Christmas after the service and then we'll leave like it was a running away kind of thing. They died in a car accident on the way to the church. Oh, so they never showed up. So Maddie was made fun of a lot because she was called daughter before. Or and a lot of people in the town small town blamed her mom on this guy's death because this guy was a well respected guy in the neighborhood even though he was gonna run away with a woman that wasn't his wife. And yet, she was like Annie's age. So she was young. Oh, right. So that's why she hates small towns and hates Christmas. I think that's understand that is totally legit. I will give this lady credit. What does it Deborah. Sorry, Debbie Mason, I'll give her credit. She writes a damn good carry.

Margie: 32:44

I don't know what her her name is smaller than the title. I didn't know.

Rachel: 32:47

Yeah, we didn't mention that. Um, but she writes a very, very detailed backstory character. Like they're each character has a very specific goals. very specific, very detailed background, like there are reasons for everything actually done very well. Alright, so

Margie: 33:05

my guess is that book del test, she really does. It's pretty great.

Rachel: 33:09

She actually this one passes a lot of the book, which sucks because it's Hallmark, but whatever. Hey, if it works. Um, so we're going to kind of lump the next little bit into a couple into sort of like, we're putting a lot of this book into a small bit, because it's really just a beautiful comedy of errors that happen to this over and over and over again. Because someone is sabotaging her time and Christmas, trying to the townspeople against her.

Margie: 33:34

You've mentioned the kidnap to oh, we're getting there.

Rachel: 33:38

We're getting I love some good nap. Well, it's not great. It's not well implemented. Unfortunately,

Margie: 33:43

it's a romance novel. Is

Rachel: 33:44

it ever well implemented kidnapped is also worse than you think.

Margie: 33:49

It's also not a very effective way to get what you want.

Rachel: 33:53

I will say it's not how it doesn't go how you think goes alright. It's not implemented. Well, okay, theories Now go. Okay. But so, I in my notes again, guys, I like to do scenes. So this is scene three through six. Okay, even though it's a lot more than that. It's just a lot of chapters shoved into one because it's like, a bunch of stuff just happens in the middle. But really important stuff happened at the beginning, right? Yeah. So Mary proceeds to have to stay for several weeks and gets into all sorts of shenanigans. So I will list off some of the shenanigans she gets into. Okay, and we'll see how this goes. So she gets into a cat fight with the mom of the kitschy peg with a snowball. Oh, that goes up in the Christmas Chronicle. Okay. slandering her again right? This Yeah, slandering plug comes in. i And Katie McBride. The sheriff has to deal with all of

Margie: 34:43

this right? I love Alba. He loves it too. He's

Rachel: 34:46

at first she's like, god damn it and then where's like, okay, she's kind of cool, pretty and kind of fun and she's really good with my kids and dammit, like really good with like, like, she's great with kids. Um, but and Annie Is me as a child so that that she gets roped into learning how to bake cookies without now turns out terrible. Not a good beggar. Okay, so and now usually makes like, dozens of cookies to give out at this cookie exchange at this local thing and she's injured quote unquote. So she has to walk

Margie: 35:20

employ her to do it right

Rachel: 35:22

exactly because for her because Madison is essentially forced into being her little helper with all right,

Margie: 35:27

a little alphas we will

Rachel: 35:29

call her that. Um, so they turn out awful because she's a terrible Baker, but she tried. Um, she has to help with the Christmas kids pageant. She is a god awful singer. Like they talk about how it sounds like a cat way of like being hit against a wall. Real bad. But she makes it really fun for the kids because she has no shame about being Oh,

Margie: 35:51

that's what I was saying. Last night. I was at Tokyo kitty that just like a karaoke bars, isn't it? And I was like, It's not about how good you are. It's about your enthusiasm, confidence.

Rachel: 35:58

Yeah. Which is funny because his ex wife is a country music star. That's so true. Yeah, Annie is apparently a really good singer. Oh, which is cute. Yeah. Um, and super shy and like Madison gets her to like, she claims she gets to play Mary in the show. And like also, it's Oh, it is heartwarming. heartwarming. Now, as heartwarming

Margie: 36:21

is a Hallmark card. Pretty much homework sponsor.

Rachel: 36:25

No, please.

Margie: 36:26

I'm sorry.

Rachel: 36:27

I'm gonna beat her that she has to be a part of the Christmas Parade, which is actually really funny because

Margie: 36:33

they want to put the person that you hate

Rachel: 36:37

was parade. So she's actually trying, like really hard to help out around the town because she wants to convince them that no, I'm here to help you. Okay, she's trying and actually people are starting to come around or at this point, okay. It'll be okay. But all of this stuff that's happening has all been put in the Christmas Chronicle. in bad light, right? All of this. So Christmas Chronicles out together. But so they put her in a super skintyte elf costume. And they put an extra Santa who turns out to be like a drunk dude. Oh, like she, she she deals with Santa actually pretty well. So they got a random dude to play Santa. Not a good guy. And so after the parade, in this point, like her engage, like starting to, like, go each other. Okay, I'm not like full on date, but like, right be interested in seeing each other. And afterwards at this like party that's happening afterwards. She's like, okay, just gonna hate the sun. She goes, Hey, I want to show you something and like, like, slowly gets him over into the closet and like, guess what, you're going to be Santa and starts. Because she's like, I kicked the guy to occur to the curb because he tried to cop a feel. So you're gonna be saying now that's so cute. But Dane gets in and gets a picture of her putting Santa Claus out like taking Santa Claus off of him. Okay, and that goes into Christmas Chronicle. And everyone is like this guy for the Christmas Chronicles sounds like a decade is big. But so it's it's funny because I'm like, everyone in town just chooses to not remember the part where gage and Sheena got divorced. Because they're their golden couple, right? So every time they see a picture of them together, they get a little bit up in arms about it because it's like, well, no, he's married. No, he's not. Yeah. So they're divorced. Yeah, so that's the thing. So that goes into the Christmas Chronicle. She's being slandered this whole time. Yeah. She helps with the parade floats before the party happened right? And actually there's this whole plot point where like the prey floats get vandalized and they blame her for it and she takes the fall because who had actually was was the kid that she hit with a snowball first Oh, and it's because he has a tough home life and she like actually goes out and like finds him because she's afraid he's gonna commit suicide and like all this stuff, like there's a whole like whoa, I know it's so deep it's weird Whoa, okay, affecting that. Um, and yeah, so next I'm gonna read this next bit my notes afterward at some point her engage getting on Yeah, and I say at some point because so all this time they're like actually starting to develop a relationship and like actually starting to see like oh well this is my background this is your background like we actually like work well together. This is what I'm trying to do like third right it's a healthy relationship we all Yeah, values her as a human good. Weird right

Margie: 39:28

or weird in one of these novels, right? Okay. Um,

Rachel: 39:31

but so they get it on don't describe the sex at all. What they literally are like, Oh, they're having like a sexy bit and like a sexy time in the hot tub. And then he's like, they're like talking up how much this is a great this is gonna be and then it's just like and afterwards so it cuts me Kylie Yeah. Cuts the sex which so that part was the part where I was like, this is homework, isn't it? That's I mean, I'm okay with it. Not really. novels have to have sexy bits in it. Sure. It's just not what I was expecting. No, it's

Margie: 40:07

not at all. I was expecting like, that's very okay.

Rachel: 40:12

I wasn't expecting um, I think it would have taken away from it if they didn't. Yeah, that's because this is more of the emotional side of romance than it is the physical side of romance. I would say it's less erotica, more romance, romance, which is good. Like we wanted to kind of show the difference between those two. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So they get it on and talk about it and then gauge his ex wife shows up. Oh, so a little bit of background real quick on this. So Annie is convinced that her parents are going to get back together? Convinced. So it's really tough because her and her data like no, but Sheena is like trying

Margie: 40:50

Oh, Sheena's into it. She's back together

Rachel: 40:52

not because she loves them. But because she's the golden child. They have to be together that kind of deal. So she comes in and this is like the first time she's even been in town for Christmas. Like she won't Oh, yeah. It's she's not a great mom.

Margie: 41:08

So she's just not around.

Rachel: 41:09

No, she's never around. Because she's a big time country rock star. Yeah. So she like tries to take over the pageant, and it ends up being like, the kids are having fun. And so Maddie finally is like, no, what, no, fuck this, you're gone. And like, kicks her out and takes over and the kids are having fun again. So there's a lot of like, showing that Maddie is way better than this lady. Okay, um, and she like tries to seduce gauge at some point.

Margie: 41:31

Sounds like gage had like two really drunk nights. And that's how he ended up with his children almost.

Rachel: 41:36

Actually, at one point, they accidentally have a hookup during like the last Valentine's Day because they were both drunk. And it was Valentine's Day. And so he accidentally hooked up with her again. And that's part of the reason and he thinks that

Margie: 41:47

because you're like, get back together, right? Oh, sad. Yeah, but But I mean, like, if she's around 10 to 13. That's the age where you really start to hope that your parents are going to get back together. Yeah. From what I know, my friends who had divorced

Rachel: 42:00

parents as a child of a divorced family, you know, 100% wrong. Yeah. Um, but yeah, so this entire time, like gage and Madison are like actually having a decent relationship and like having a normal life. He's trying to kind of keep it on the Download because he is the share of town. He's like, elected official, like, okay, so he's trying to kind of keep it a little on the download. But he's like, head over heels. He really likes her. He's trying really hard. She's trying really hard and that they have Spats and stuff. Yeah. But it's usually like one of them is like, Oh, I'm an idiot. I see it from your perspective now. And they talk it out like human beings, right? Again, weird for romance. Yes. Nice. That's very nice. But so all this comes to you. So that's kind of, I know, I went through that really fast. It's the middle of the book. But it's just a lot of stuff that happens. It just basically comes down to Mandy's trying really hard to make the people in this town like her. It's actually starting succeed. But someone out there is slandering her and her engage are starting to create a relationship together. Okay, that's what it boils down to. Right? Um, the one special thing I will say is that, at some point, she starts actually shopping downtown, and this town has, there's like a high fashion like sex shop. Don't worry, I'm bringing in an expert here in a second. So like that she like goes and she makes friends with the the lady who's in it. And then there's like a bakery and everything. And all these places. Like she's an accountant person, like to money person. All these places are like, like the lady who runs the bakery. She feels bad about charging what she should charge. She doesn't know what to charge for baked goods, even though they're amazing. Yeah, so there's all these things where she's like, I could be a financial consultant, you guys could make a lot of money. You're really good. So she's like, trying to help them. That's so cute. Yeah. And she's so like, she's starting to be like, I could like consult these people and really help them get off the ground and write this stuff. Yeah. So that part is a bit important. It'll come later. But at this point, when I was reading this book, I was a little confused, because it is a quote unquote, small town. Yes. There's a lot of shit in this small town. Yes. So I'm going to bring in an expert on small towns, okay. And we're going to have a little bit of discussion. I'm going to ask him for things that are in the small town that he grew up. Right near. Okay. Yeah. All right. So this is my expert. Everyone. Meet my husband, Zack. Say hi, Zach. Hello. So Zach. While he didn't grow up in a small town, he had family lived in a small town that he visited very regularly during the summer, right? Yes. Yeah. So your small town was called Thornhill, Tennessee. So I'm aware Tennessee and Colorado are in very different places. But when I think of this Christmas, Colorado, I think of a town about the size of Thornhill. So according to a 2010 census, Thornhill had about 1236 people day it's a small town, right? Yeah. Granted, I'm not good with like, population numbers, but that's kind of what I assumed this town to be based on the descriptions of the book. So I have a list here of things that are in this town. And I went Zach to tell me whether or not they were in the town he grew up going to a hospital.

Unknown: 45:10

The nearest hospital to Thornhill Tennessee is about 60 miles away.

Margie: 45:14

Oh my god. That's so

Rachel: 45:15

scary. A police station.

Unknown: 45:18

There is no police presence in Thornhill Tennessee only a county sheriff ambulance fire etc. Volunteer firefighters that live you know 1015 miles away.

Rachel: 45:29

I'm a sex and high fashion shop. There are new stores I should also mention I mentioned before the name of this sex on high fashion shop is the naughty and nice. Oh, yeah. So that that sort of leads into my next one a bakery?

Unknown: 45:47

Sure. Home bakery. Close enough. My grandma made stuff.

Rachel: 45:52

Victorian style houses.

Unknown: 45:54

No, the house has their hand built by the people that live in the hills.

Rachel: 45:59

sort of figured Cool. Any chance there might be a shootout slash hostage situation that some form of police force can take care of. Okay, all right. Um, yeah, so all those things happen in Christmas, Colorado. Um, a small town, quote, unquote. I was really confused because that seems like a lot of stuff for a small town. So thank you. You're welcome for a Validating my point. I appreciate you, of course. So I don't think this is like I mean, it's a smaller town. I don't think it's a small town as I'm explaining a

Margie: 46:35

small town as in like, oh, like what I'm imagining is like Gilmore Girls Stars Hollow. I've never seen go mugger well, so like they have like a labeling town meetings, but they also have like Luke Steiner, and they have like, restaurants and stuff like that

Rachel: 46:50

way. I think the thing that gets me is that the way this is described is like at the town hall meeting where she's going trying to present to them it sounds like everyone in town, is there. Why?

Margie: 46:59

Everybody is going to this sex shop.

Rachel: 47:02

Right? And it's run by a former Miss January. How much

Margie: 47:06

is she charging per item? Per dildo? That's a keep

Rachel: 47:12

sex shop. I mean, like intimate attire. Oh, yeah. So I thought that I mean, if you're from a small town, maybe a small town that's a little more like Christmas, Colorado, let me know, I would genuinely like to know, I've been just Lauryn Hill, Tennessee. For what it's worth. There's not a lot there. Right. So I'm very curious. Because again, Tennessee is not Colorado, but I thought it would be fun to get a second opinion about that. Okay, so we're getting towards the end here where things are gonna start happening again. Oh, okay. Now Maddie finds out that after all this slander and stuff is still going on for her Maddie finds out that her old boss Joe actually stepped down. Oh, from the company, was his wife is really sick. So he wants to be with his wife. She took a turn for the worse. She's in bad shape. So he shuts down. Okay. Which means his son takes over the one that's out for Matty's job. No. So she's fired. She gets fired when

Margie: 48:10

he fire her though, if he takes over his dad's job.

Rachel: 48:13

You know, that's a good question. He just doesn't like or I guess.

Margie: 48:16

I don't know. That's very strange. Oh, I don't know. No. Says you got the more power for job but you're gonna fire the person. No,

Rachel: 48:24

I know. It's weird. Okay, fine. Whatever. Whatever. Yeah, so he fires her. So Maddie is like, I mean, obviously she's down about it. She like she thought Joe was her friend. And she didn't even hear this from Joe. She heard it from Harrison. Oh, sad. Yeah. So she was really bummed about it. I thought that happened before it sucks. Yeah. So she goes to tell now who at this point, like, they're actually like, pretty good friends. Like, yeah. warmed up to each other. And they're, they like each other. And a lot of people in the town like Maddie Childress she's gonna leave and nail starts to like, feel like she's sick. And she's like, you're faking it again? There's nothing I can do. I have to go and sign this paperwork for them. Fire yada, yada, yada. No, no, it's actually having a heart attack. Oh, no.

Margie: 49:07

Yeah. Finish up that mulled wine girl

Rachel: 49:10

done. All right, with brandy. Hey. It's a fun night. Yes. So no, actually, I just have a heart attack. And Maddie does CPR on her. Oh, and she ends up getting to the hospital and she's okay. She ends up being okay. Which you like nail Ted and Fred you actually like, because they're just like sassy old people there. And Manny's like you know what? I'm not gonna leave like I gotta make sure she's okay. I want to be here for her because like, I like her and like we're friends yada yada. And she's like, an gauges like you did the numbers. You're You're smart. You know that. This isn't going to work right? She's like, Yeah, she's like, I trust you. Are you going to fight it? And she's like, Yeah, I'm gonna fight it so she ends up staying in the town because she's like, No, I need to fight this it's gonna bankrupt looks like it's gonna take the town and like, get rid of all local businesses. Hey, building each other up, right? Does that just saying very good? It's a good job, right? Um,

Margie: 50:08

so also he's like, he knows that she's an she's an expert. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Rachel: 50:13

But she's actually smart and knows what the hell she's talking about. Yeah, God forbid, yeah. Um, so she agrees to stay, she's gonna fight the deal through town. So she doesn't she has to get a bunch of signatures. She has to like, try to get everyone on her side as well, which is tough. It's really hard. engages still trying to keep the relationship kind of on the Download because again, elect officials Shane is in town, right? So he's like, she's gonna leave after Christmas, but fine, but that whole thing's going on. And she's not super happy about it. But she understands. Right? Um, well, our friend Dane. Oh, God, he packets picture of them kissing who? Gage and Madison? Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. So he gets a picture of them actually like being a couple. Okay. He plays prints it. And it seems like every time she's slandered, she's making progress. And every time she's slandered, people are protesting her and then go back to loving her. And then that sounds like a topic.

Margie: 51:10

Right? Well, it sounds like also though, coming from a journalist side. Here's my Dane is a bad journalist. Yeah, he needs to find another story like Well, other things going on in the town. I can assure you as motivation.

Rachel: 51:24

Just wait. Oh, I'm so people are starting saying she's a homewrecker because again they refuse. Yeah. I believe that. So cue heartfelt speech on the back of a truck with a megaphone. Oh boy. And her admitting that she loves gage and that hey, they're not married anymore. No matter how much you choose to believe that they are. Good girl straight up heartfelt like climax of the movie. Hallmark Hallmark in the background, yada yada yada. I inch gauges kids who disclaimer. I don't like kids that much. myself right here ks kids are adorable. Oh, and they like come over and like Lily like runs over and grabs the megapixel. Like in front of Sheena. It's

Margie: 52:22

great. Okay, um, does she? She's really good as she, um,

Rachel: 52:26

she starts to realize that like, oh, Gage likes this girl and like, I'm the one kind of being an asshole. She starts to development. Yeah, well, horrible thing is like, the reason she's back and like trying to get back with Gage is because she has a throat condition like something's wrong with her throat so she might not ever be able to sing again. So she's like, this is her one fallback to be like, famous quote unquote. Oh, okay, but she never got a second opinion. And actually, it ends up not being epic. It's okay. But so cute. Again, cue heartfelt speech on the bed of a truck with a megaphone. Everyone's like, oh, yeah, we are being assholes, aren't we? And they except her. So and at this point, I'm back a little bit. Harrison has come out to this town. Because he knows that Maddie is fighting him. Oh, and I was like, Okay, fine. We're going to put it to a vote. I'm going to be there to represent this company and try to convince everyone to do this. Right. Right. On this point, we learned that Dane was his contact

Margie: 53:27

a

Rachel: 53:28

Dane needs money. Family No. Okay, so he's trying to push this deal and slander Madison in any way he can because Harrison's gonna give them a big payout and everything if he does oh my god, a villain was motivations that are like relatable.

Margie: 53:43

They actually know who they are. Right listen to the last episode.

Rachel: 53:47

So I'm i Okay, well, so all this comes out. She has a heartfelt speech and everything and everyone's like really on board with her and realizes Hey, this is why this is a bad thing. And she tells Harrison to go fuck himself, which is awesome. She's like no fuck you. Girls it right? Yeah, she's actually a strong character. gasp so I just want to show you the amount that I have left in my notes here.

Margie: 54:14

Okay, and it just see a CAPS kidnapped

Rachel: 54:17

no one's engaged in a while.

Margie: 54:19

Oh no, I knew it. He said oh, it's gonna go the way you write.

Rachel: 54:26

Oh, Jane has a backup plan. He kidnaps gauge because gauge has started to like push for no show he didn't yet date or gauges like ramped. He. So So Dane has a backup plan because he knows shits going down and he's still needs money right and gay just started putting the dots together, started putting two and two together and realize that this is why Dan's doing this. Okay, so he's on Dan's trail and actually go tries to like sneak up and go after him without him knowing Oh sneaks up on him in hit like hits him on the back of the head and like knocks him out. That's

Margie: 55:04

him. I'm sorry.

Rachel: 55:05

Sorry, Dane hits gauge on the back of a head knock gauge out. Okay. I have a couple problems with this. One gauge is huge. It's

Margie: 55:13

gonna be hard to carry. He's

Rachel: 55:14

huge. Also, if you knock someone unconscious, like they don't just pass out for a while they get brain damage,

Margie: 55:19

right? Yeah, it's not dangerous, like the kid will do that. And maybe Trump and it's not right. So movie trip, and it's like actually really dangerous. You shouldn't do it. Your brain is very, very sensitive. Yes. Yeah.

Rachel: 55:31

So that happens. Also, deadweight is very hard to Yeah. Can you imagine one guy trying to like carry this like, I'm gonna it's probably at least 180 I was gonna say 250. Really? He's buff. Okay, he's dance. Oh, God dance dude. Ptolemies dance. So in Yeah, my dead

Margie: 55:50

dragging 250 pounds

Rachel: 55:52

in my grappling experience. I'm gonna say about 250 Oh, like, okay, yeah, big dude. Um, so, yeah, those are my problems with that. But gage gets kidnapped. This is the last three chapters of the book. So throw in the kidnapping. Fuck now you need your climax. Sure. Well, because the heartfelt speech on the back of a truck wasn't one. Okay? No. Um, so he requite he's like, No, I need$250,000 in ransom for this dude. Like, he's gonna ransom him for money because he needs money. The whole town doesn't

Margie: 56:25

have that much money. But Madison

Rachel: 56:27

has a lot of it. Madison has this thing where she's like, I need to have a year's worth of salary in savings. Because it's like, That's just her thing. She's like, I want to be financially independent. Yeah. Okay, because she's a strong independent woman character that God forbid. So she's like, Alright, I need everyone to you know, put in whatever they can if you guys can raise like$150,000 which still seems like a lot. I put in 100,000. Yeah, so she's like, ready to put in 100,000, which is not all of her money. chick is stacked. Okay. Well, stacks on stacks on stacks. Right, like boobs stack, you know, and she's Amani. Yeah. Um, so she puts in because that's as much as she has access to at the moment. But gage just escapes and makes it back to town. Good for Gage, nothing happens of it. They never have to give the money away. They're waiting. They will they do bring it around because she's waiting at the church at midnight. Okay, which like, awesome, tearful embrace. Well, heartfelt reunion a little bit, but actually, well, a little bit, but he also has like, a pretty bad concussion.

Margie: 57:32

Oh, that much of one. Oh,

Rachel: 57:35

but yes, that's accurate. Right? Well, good. Um, so like, which they, you know, they bring it back. He's like, waiting for her mom at the church and like, whatever. And so she's waiting for him at the church with a ransom money and everything. Okay, um, but he ends up escaping with mild hypothermia, a pretty bad a very bad concussion, and the help of his friend Ethan, who was the mayor of the town before but his friend is the mayor. Okay. So he escapes and he, like, is okay. And he's like, Finally, because the like, Hey, I do love you. And I don't care about keeping it secret anymore. So like, he kind of has that moment too, which is nice. So the book, we're getting towards the end, the book ends with the Christmas pageant, which Madison has been working on with the kids and everything and yada, yada. And should they have the Christmas Pageant? And then afterwards, she gets a call from Joe, the old president. He's like, hey, you know, my wife is doing better now. You got a Christmas mirror? Yeah. And she's like, you know, I'm really sorry. I had no idea that he fired you. I would have told you if I'd known and like all this stuff. So it was all like a misunderstanding on his part whole thing. Harrison is going from the company like all that stuff. Yeah. Happy, warm, fuzzy feel. Yeah, there's

Margie: 58:50

that Hallmark moment Hallmark moment.

Rachel: 58:52

And she has spreads for him was shocking. The phone Don't be pregnant. No, no, thank God. No. But I do have an agenda that involves but no. But, um, so. So her surprise for him is that Ethan This dish is the mayor that is his friend wants to put in put his hand towards running for Senate. He wants to be a politician. Oh, cool. And he's kind of always one of those throughout the book. So they need a provisional mayor. Well, he does that and they made Madison the mayor because he needs elections

Margie: 59:25

and also people the town in nine 900 of them already know her and

Rachel: 59:29

also like, that is in no way what the book was going for up until this point. Yeah, that's a good point. They're like she's gonna be a financial adviser and help all these people get their businesses. Yeah, no surprise mayor.

Margie: 59:42

That actually would be I would have enjoyed that ending way more. Yeah, and surprise me that's kind of like, honestly also kind of like my last novel, where it was like the cube like the characters didn't even want

Rachel: 59:55

to know it was just out of nowhere and

Margie: 59:58

then the author's like no perkiness. stick that there to kind of weird. That's a left field.

Rachel: 1:00:03

That was one of the like, I read that not that book like the the chapter and I was like, Wait, that's it? Yeah, what just happened? So so because I read that and I was like, Wait, what just happened I read, you know, there's always the sneak peek in the next book. Yes, I read those first couple chapters of the next book. There's another book it's a series honey, the same character, no different characters, right. So it follows different characters in the town of Chris was called Okay, so in the next one follows the owner of the bakery. Okay, who Madison was going to help with like getting her like charging the right amount for her bakery. Okay. Yeah. Whose husband has been MIA in Afghanistan for like, oh, a year and a half. So it follows her and her like two year old son and all of this stuff. And Madison's pregnant Of course, yeah. Because it's a continuation right?

Margie: 1:00:49

Yeah, cuz you can't be happy unless you're pregnant. I will say

Rachel: 1:00:53

actually, like, she likes kids. And he likes kids. And so they're Oh, that's actually yeah, that's just like an

Margie: 1:00:59

every almost always only one where we haven't had a pregnancy. I

Rachel: 1:01:04

think that pregnancies really? Yeah, I mean, not like the pregnancy the main chick, because like, the wallerian she wasn't pregnant. One one's with the dragon Animorphs they weren't pregnant. That one hasn't come out yet. Sorry, guys. Um, there's most of them haven't been doing isn't demons wasn't pregnant. No, I don't think I got a single pregnancy. I think this is the first one that we can take us in demons. Yeah, we did have the one chicken thing but she wasn't the main lady.

Margie: 1:01:31

She wasn't the main lady. I know. We've had well, the one I just read. Listen to the last episode. She was pregnant. Oh, I

Rachel: 1:01:36

didn't know she got pregnant. Yeah. You're right. You're right. She got pregnant. Okay, so

Margie: 1:01:40

she's probably double pregnant because her mama twins so she's probably pregnant with twins.

Rachel: 1:01:44

She gets struck by lightning and

Margie: 1:01:46

no, she almost drowned. So therefore they can't draft right. Sorry, I'm sorry. Went back to that episode. So bad. Um, but we can't deny that's true. Okay.

Rachel: 1:01:57

Yeah, no, it's a trade. I in my opinion, either usually ends in like a very serious lash wedding relationship or a pregnant pregnancy. So she was pregnant and the next one, which again is fine. If they don't both want kids and it's totally cool. That's fine, but it is definitely a trope. Yeah, so it was holy Hallmark Batman. This was a hell of a hallmark novel. Yes.

Margie: 1:02:20

It was so Hallmark it was so I do like gauge. I like that. She sounds cute.

Rachel: 1:02:26

I was so so we're going to get into like writing and reviewing guys with the book. I was incredibly impressed with her ability to write characters that are relatable, believable and well fleshed out. Yes, every single character had a damn good backstory. Like they were really good characters. The plot just made no sense.

Margie: 1:02:46

The plot sort of made sense sort of

Rachel: 1:02:49

what she was going for it wasn't believable it was it was a Level Level

Margie: 1:02:54

rival it still had the motivations but it was like this isn't how the real world works.

Rachel: 1:02:58

Yeah, exactly this idealized we want to the big city is bad. And she doesn't like small towns, but small towns are the heart of America. Yeah, it was very much that vibe, which I did not love. Yeah. Again, it was it was one of the things so honestly, I will be perfectly honest. I know we joke around like on the romance novel scale of characters, and then also the actual book level of characters where like, Jane Eyre and Pride and Prejudice are the most fully developed types. They might be a five for me. Wow. I know, because if you took Madison and put her in any other book, she has her own motivations. She has a very detailed backstory like believable outcomes for herself as a person. She's financially stable. She cares about her own financial, like independence and being a human that can support herself. Mm hmm. She makes total sense. And when she meets Gage, like there's that little bit of like, Oh, he's

Margie: 1:03:54

hot, but she isn't fall apart, like lose her personality, because he's there.

Rachel: 1:04:00

Yeah, I mean, to be fair, the only reason I call it a four and a half is because she does do a little bit of like, I don't she she backpedals on disliking Christmas a lot, but I understand her motivations for doing like

Margie: 1:04:14

a bull. It's also kind of like it's a Christmas romance. All right. So like that doesn't surprise me that.

Rachel: 1:04:20

I think my again my big thing we kind of touched on last week was asking why. Yes. And she always had a y always yes, there was always a will. I really like my job and I care about Joe so I'm going to try to make these people like me. Or, you know, I have to obviously on nail is the matriarch of this society. Like if she goes with something a lot of people are going to follow her I need to convince her to like me, so I'm going to try to help her put up Christmas lights or bake cookies or whatever. So there was always a lie. And it was actually really well done.

Margie: 1:04:51

So how about the book Dell test? I think it passed. I think it sounds like it has to me too.

Rachel: 1:04:56

Yeah, it absolutely she they build each other up. They Again, I have a couple spots, but it's always like a, like, look, yeah, this happened to me in my past, it's in my past, this is what I've done change from it. And this is and it was always a converse. It was a very, I am in a very healthy relationship right now. And I love my husband. You heard him earlier. It was a healthy relationship. It was very much a arguments where Yeah, people got angry, but it was more of a discussion, it turned into a discussion

Margie: 1:05:26

sorry, saralee bad, it just means I mean, as long as you're conversing about something and building, you can still you can still build upon a disagreement, you know, right. Even though you have a disagreement, it doesn't mean that you're not getting it

Rachel: 1:05:38

right. And it was always one person realizing like, Okay, I'm overreacting or I'm taking this in a way that it shouldn't be taken. And accepting that they're wrong right and like there was always like this level of maturity of their of know, maybe I'm the one or maybe you know, or someone realized, okay, maybe I'm being unreasonable and like they actually can't have adult human conversations about getting over arguments which it's Christmas miracle we got a book

Margie: 1:06:06

that did that. Oh my God even happens in Hallmark no matter their

Rachel: 1:06:10

you see, that's why I'm so torn because I'm like, it was legitimately like as far as like actual romance and believable characters and well developed and the plot was weird and dumb. Yeah, but the characters were great. But it was a hallmark novel. Yeah,

Margie: 1:06:24

yeah, it's I don't want it is it's not that creative or original at all. Like that's kind of what I mean. Like what did it say on the front cover again, great low price. That's for a reason. It's not that original, right?

Rachel: 1:06:37

I hate rom coms. I make no joke of it. This felt like I was reading a little bit. So the characters themselves incredibly well developed and defined and everything like they even had support networks of friends and like all this stuff, right? Really well done.

Margie: 1:06:53

Weird. Yeah.

Rachel: 1:06:55

It's like a three for the plot. Not even because it was like buck wild, crazy. It was just not believable. Yeah, but the characters were wonderfully defined with their own motivations and everything and a healthy relationship that

Margie: 1:07:08

people have this idealized version of what living in a small town is like versus what it's actually like. It's not for everybody. No, it's not. And it's also not like this. Wonderful.

Rachel: 1:07:20

It's not idealized, it does. Nothing should be idealized, like living in like a giant city shouldn't be idealized. You know, just like living in Thornhill, Tennessee. Right, exactly. And that was that was the it was very much the, you know, small town, or all that. So again, characters as far as like, if you took them out of this book, maybe that could be another part of the book. Yeah. If you took them out of the book, they would absolutely stand up on their own. Okay. In a very good one. Yeah. So if you put took them and put them in some, even if it was like a completely different genre, yeah, they would stand up with their own motivations and everything, but

Margie: 1:07:56

together was not very good. Okay. So that was weird. So that I think that covers the trouble. The trouble with Christmas. What are you reading outside of the trouble with Christmas?

Rachel: 1:08:06

Oh, I know. I've been on it for a long time. I am still working my way through the name of the

Margie: 1:08:11

way it is a very it is thick with a disease steak of a

Rachel: 1:08:15

book. It is three C's of thick. Yeah, it's perfect. But I will say I'm thick with two C's, right? So I teach a right I had a club at one of the libraries in our local town. Well, locally, one of the one of the local libraries, one of the local libraries and the librarian that like sits with me and like sort of shocked like they always have to have like a library chaperone. She we've been talking about books lately. I recommended the podcast to her. Oh God. But she recommended a book called Caravelle to me which she liked read that book. Yeah, read that book. So she likes doing adult stuff. And she recommended that one and it's she said it was kind of like the night circuit is it's a more young adult.

Margie: 1:08:56

It is it's more young adult I think that the plot is a little more fantastical. Yeah,

Rachel: 1:09:02

definitely it's my night circus.

Margie: 1:09:04

I like the night I liked The Night Circus I am more of The Night Circus on a pedal if you if you if you've never read The Night Circus, technically,

Rachel: 1:09:12

a romance novel technically it is really the Night Circus.

Margie: 1:09:15

So you need to read if anybody out there has not read The Night Circus.

Rachel: 1:09:19

It is probably my favorite non Lord of the Rings book.

Margie: 1:09:22

Yeah, I mean it's up there for me and the rings is another interesting thing about it is that the more you read it the more times you read it the more you catch and the more beautiful because

Rachel: 1:09:30

every late fall like around like late November I always get in the mood for the night circus.

Margie: 1:09:36

Yes. And like all I want to do all I would want to do with a nice circus is honestly just like, I think if I were physically there, it's kind of like Hogwarts we always do. Yeah, I would just want to I just just walk around.

Rachel: 1:09:50

Yeah, walk around the tents. Yeah. So but so I kind of started reading that one, but I think my ebook returned to the library because I got that one on the library's ebook stuff. Yeah. So I need to get that one again but again I'm still showing my way for the heavy mute that is that I'm tell you off my I don't spoil it for people Sure. Yeah, so that's kind of what I've been doing in the meantime. Which probably gonna be the same for next week because there's only a week before we

Margie: 1:10:17

Yeah, we're gonna only we're gonna release our next step. You guys in a row? Yeah guys, you get three episodes. Yeah, yeah. So that is your Christmas miracle

Rachel: 1:10:26

Christmas present. Yes. holiday Christmas Hanukkah Kwanzaa Miss Mahana Kwanzaa but that's a good way to quantica and you'll present

Margie: 1:10:35

from us from us i textual tension I

Rachel: 1:10:37

textual tension. We love you.

Margie: 1:10:39

Love you, America which send us Merry Christmas. We wish you happy holidays. Merry Christmas. Yeah, absolutely. Um, we'll be thinking about you guys. Thanks for Thank you for listening.

Rachel: 1:10:48

Yeah, we we really, you know, because it is Christmas all and we've had a little bit of wine not enough to like, really get drunk, but enough to make me sentimental. I heard him say tired. But I just want to say like, really? Thank you guys. Like we have a lot of fun doing this. And if we're being perfectly honest, like this is what we just do when we hang out anyway is talk about books done books that we read good books, we I've been mostly done books we read. So being able to kind of like share this with you guys and actually talk about has been

Margie: 1:11:16

really fun, and we're glad. And we're glad that other people have enjoyed our humor.

Rachel: 1:11:21

Right? Exactly. So I'm goddamn hilarious. I don't know about you thing. Okay. But for yourself, we have a really good time doing this. It's honestly one of my favorite things to record. So Merry Christmas to all. And

Margie: 1:11:40

to all a happy and safe night. Right,

Rachel: 1:11:43

exactly. Oh, but also before that was that would have been a really good closer if we remember to do all of our social media.

Margie: 1:11:49

Yes. Okay. We will after. So you guys, you can find us on our website textual tension pod.com. We are on Instagram textual tension pod at textual tension pod. On Twitter, we're at T tension pod. And we are on Goodreads I need to update it. That will be in the show notes. So that'll be in the show notes. Check out our show notes on the website. We do put up more stuff about like the episode like we put on notes, just our thoughts, our thoughts, things we made. We do put on the cover cover right covers on the show notes.

Rachel: 1:12:25

What is it? Where can they find the show notes,

Margie: 1:12:26

the show notes. If you go to the website textual tension pod.com You'll go to the top of the page and either says notes or show notes. I can't remember what I'm

Rachel: 1:12:33

like that you can also listen to all of our previous episodes on the website can

Margie: 1:12:37

and you can also listen to our episodes on iTunes, Spotify, really any podcast country yet. Yes, Google Play. I got a soul workout. Cool. So but you can listen to it. You can also write on our website.

Rachel: 1:12:49

Yeah, our website. And yeah, I think we'll see you guys next week. Next week. Exciting. So wait,

Margie: 1:12:57

right review rate review, subscribe. Yes, yeah.

Rachel: 1:13:01

So let's do this one more time, a textual evening to all

Margie: 1:13:06

and to all a spiciness