Textual Tension
The comedy podcast that unpacks the bananas world of romance novels! Tune in every other Tuesday as one co-host, either Margie or Rachel, recount a romance novel to the other unsuspecting co-host.
Whether you love romance, love comedy, or love both, join us on our truly bananas comedy adventure!
Textual Tension
Ep. 80: Technical Difficulties
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Margie is back this week battling technical difficulties, an absentee co-host, and hot mob bosses to bring you a brand new episode! And can we just say, she crushed it. This week, Margie tells a super secret guest all about Cruel Saints by Michelle Heard. Is this the good mafia romance we've all been waiting for?
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Hey, everyone, you are probably surprised to hear my voice this week. But it's been a time. And I know we've been saying that for a lot of episodes, but oh my goodness. So just to let you guys know, for this episode, me and Rachel tried to record and we started recording. And then and I'll mention it's in the episode, but Rachel had some major technical difficulties. So and since she was already having kind of like a bananas week, I was like, Babe, it's fine. Please just let me handle this. So I did. However, my setup is not as great as Rachel setup, she has a whole tent, I have an apartment with two very noisy cats, very high ceilings, and only one microphone that doesn't really pick up any background noise. So it was a time editing this and I'm just gonna have to ask you guys for grace because it's probably one of the worst episodes audio wise, um, it's still really funny. It's still really fun, you're gonna have a great time. I just kind of wanted to prepare you in advance and also apologize for it because I know that I'm not as good at right as Rachel at the editing and all of that, but I am learning so thank you for your patience and the grace as I continue to learn how to edit properly. Um, but yeah, that's what I got. And um, I don't think that we have any new patrons this week but thank you for the patrons who exist thank you to everyone on our Discord we're having so much fun on there head on over if you haven't already and just check it out. Make some new friends and you know talk about any Asha and post pictures of your cats and dogs. It's really good fun. And because I didn't say that the end of the episode thank you to Ala Neri you for use of her song Oh love off the album be held it is a bop. And in fact, we love it so much we use every two weeks. Um, and for your romance novel wisdom of this week. Just remember that it's never ever, ever too late to become a horse girl. Oh, tearing me apart from sign. Hello, and welcome to textual tension, a love hate relationship with romance novels. I am your co host Margie. And I'm Janelle. Every other week one of us reads in summarizes a romance novel for the other unsuspecting or coerce co host this week that co host is my best friend Janelle.
Unknown:Thanks for having me.
Margie:Together, we unpack what the fuck just happened. And it's perfect timing because the sedatives have just worn off of genetics.
Unknown:So coming to I'm not sure what's going on.
Margie:You don't know where you are. You don't know what year
Unknown:it is really?
Margie:Well, that's the blindfold?
Unknown:Of course. Of course. I'm sorry.
Margie:Well, and I'll tie your hands here in about 45. Maybe, baby Oh, no. Oh, my solicitors. Rachel has had a time recently. And so let's say I tried to record with her and that her hard drive just died. So if you'd like to support that, please join the Patreon. It's great. Lots of good content, lots of good content bloopers, we have a holiday episodes and all that and you will help Rachel get a new hard drive which now she desperately needs the Pourcel apparently Mercury is still retrograde for her. And yeah, so I literally, Juno was coming over to my house tonight. And I opened the door for her and I said, Hey, I have a surprise for you. I don't know how you're gonna feel about it. She was like, Oh, God. That I opened the door and I was like, surprised you're recording it down to the chair.
Unknown:She at least got me some whiskey first.
Margie:was the first Yeah, yeah, but this is all very coerced. And if I have to tire down, I will. And guess what? Now? You're gonna hear the well. Just just open. Yeah, I want you to open the link. Tell me what you think. Oh,
Unknown:let's see it's loading. Oh, is this your show me? Oh, one of your mafia boys. It's just the do on this one.
Margie:It's just the dude. Yeah, yeah. Well,
Unknown:she's a USA Today bestselling author. So yes, yes.
Margie:So tell us more. What's what is the cover look like?
Unknown:So it's this man who looks like he's either in pain or like praying. Exactly.
Margie:I hope you stole his chair.
Unknown:He's just kind of held to his chest and He's just got this kind of distressed eyes closed look on his face. Maybe he's longing for a woman to kidnap I don't know. Could be some pretty good. Okay, I'll give them that.
Margie:There's only subtle kidnapping in this book. Oh, really? That's really subtle cut kidnapping. Yeah, so cruel saints only subtle kidnapping. Well, is it kidnapping? We'll get into? I
Unknown:don't know. We'll find out. We'll
Margie:find out. Yeah, yeah, you'll have to you might have to be the judge on that. You might have to be the tiebreaker
Unknown:if I have the authority, but I'll do my best. And then there's just some like buildings behind him. It looks like some kind of like, you know, like, older, almost European city or something like that. You know, like, stone buildings. The title is bigger than the author's name in a suit. He's got like a fade and a beard.
Margie:Typical hot Guy. Guy, whatever. I see guys from the mafia. This is what they look like. Pretty much. Yeah, white
Unknown:shirt is the only thing he could have gone for a black shirt.
Margie:Yeah. Yeah, especially he's gonna get blood on my shirt. Exactly. Yeah.
Unknown:So hard to get the
Margie:club soda for blood. That's true. Yeah, yeah. All right, read the description.
Unknown:Okay, let me get back to the description.
Margie:Let's see
Unknown:an arranged marriage mafia.
Margie:You're doing great.
Unknown:alliances are made, loyalty is owned love is taken. Little did I know my love and freedom will be taken to form a new alliance. Brutal, possessive and dangerous. Lucien is feared by all including myself. When his father's assassinated, Lucian takes his rightful place as head of the Cutrone family. They rolled the mafia with an iron fist, and he set his sights on my family. Until now we've been the only threat but when a new one emerges, my father is forced to arrange a marriage between Lucian and myself. He might be handsome, but he's not the kind of man who loves
Margie:an order to love you have to be
Unknown:capable of love. Like maybe like sociopath or something, maybe not. Maybe, you know, okay. But to continue. He takes what he wants and right now it's my body, and I belong to him to name but the question remains, will our union be consummated in blood or love? That's the question every issue they have period sex is both true. That is true. You can't love so I guess it can't be love. It's gonna be blood. Right? This has darkened triggering context. I don't know if
Margie:I'm about to tell you about that target triggering God got like, slight kidnapping. Definitely murder. Well, yeah, it's got a murder gun violence. Right. Oh, good. Yay. Yeah. No, so happy about it. neglect and abuse. Um, I think that's it. I think I'm sure we'll I doubt I'm sure gonna tell you all the way also, I didn't write any notes for this. So it's gonna go really well. So I'm just gonna, first I'm gonna break down the world that these people live in. And then I'll break down our two main characters. So we live in our world except add invincible mafia. So you have the mafia mafia? Mafia, who are the Italian Mob? Right? Like, yeah, bring 1920s to the present, basically. Yeah, I imagine with a smartphone phone. Yeah, definitely. I gotcha. The brava so that's the Russian mafia. Yeah. And then there are other like crime syndicates that are like, sort of referenced and put on like, like smugglers and yeah, all those type of dealing drug dealing kind of people. Human trafficking, is that like a human actually, well, not in this one. But in another in another book in the series? There's human trafficking. Yeah, you do love. I mean, we, we hate some human trafficking around here. We really do it really not only that, but it's also kind of funny, because like the human trafficking that we had at the beginning of this podcast that like doesn't really exist. Like across the stage, and like barter, I got human beings. Like, I, I guess that has happened before. I'm good. I know what's happened to the mass. It's just not how human trafficking really works. Now. Anyway, um, but those are the triggers for this book. And a place that I want to mention is St. Mark's, which in another book we had, it was like two weeks out of the year where you weren't allowed to kill anybody. Oh, okay. Oh, well, um, so but in this book, it's a place So if you're at St monarchs, it's like a castle. And I think it's like either Sweden or Switzerland. It's like somewhere in Europe. And it's where all the mafia people go to hang out and quote unquote train
Unknown:to be in the mafia. So is it kind of like a like safe zone like,
Margie:neutral area? You're not You're not supposed to kill anybody there. However people still do. It's just, it's just very much frowned upon. Yeah, not upon by most society. So we have seat monarchs, and that's kind of where a good portion of this book takes place. Alright, so now we have our two characters. Elena Lucas, who she is a loot, she's the daughter of Valentino. Lucas. Which What a fucking name? Yeah, quite. And she does not know who her mother is. She just knows that. She's like, she's. So she's obviously MaineCare because she's missing a parent. Yeah, exactly. And she's been quote unquote, raised by her father, which means like, you pretty much just locked her in a room and hope for the best childhood.
Unknown:I was hoping at least like here's like, a need to take care of yourself,
Margie:though. You know how that other book had that? That she died? Yeah. No, there was none of that. Yeah. Yeah. So he was really neglect comes in. That's what the neglect comes in. And then here comes the abuse. So her is her father's right hand man is Dante and I can't remember his last name. But Dante is pretty much what the name implies. He's an asshole. And he both physically and sexually abuses Elena from 17. Onwards, and he is in his 40s. Oh, yeah. This poor girl. She's having a real time. Yeah. So at the very beginning of this book, this is when she's 17. She actually has made a friend. And it's out. His name is Alfonso. And he handles the horses in the stable, because she works. Horse girl. That's the worst girl they just have horses on this property. And I'm like, You didn't even give her a horse girl personality. Come on. No doubt. This horse. Not right now. That's how she and her dad could bond if they were gonna save a horse together. Yeah, but that there's dots i What do you do with dog day?
Unknown:The horse kills him. That's why she loves the horse. She has to save the horse from the murder trial. It all makes sense. The horse is her life partner.
Margie:Anyway, she goes out to the stables to be Alfonso who's not a horse. And well, and so on. So it's pretty much her hookup, buddy. Yeah, so she's like, same age as her. They're like flirting, getting it on yada yada yada. And they start having sex down in the stables and then guess who walks it on? Dante? Yeah, whoa. And he's like, ooh, alright. Yeah, whore. Well, that's not how this he has occurred. And then I'm just gonna say the way that she says it later in the book. He forces her to go down on him while he's pointing a gun at Alfonso. Oh, great. Yes. And then when he's when Dante finishes, he just shoots Alfonso anyway. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, that's the beginning of this book. This is really, really dark.
Unknown:Dark, I'm gonna guess her life can only get better.
Margie:I'll get into that. We'll see. We'll feel this out. So it's four years into the future. She's now 21. And she's pretty much been living like captive in her own home for the past four years, which is Dante is her quote, unquote, personal protection. So I owe it to her dad knows that Dante is doing this. But at the beginning, so the next chapter in the book, Elena is on her way to St. Monarchs. And she's very surprised because she's like, I never thought my dad would hand the business off to me. I always thought that he was getting handed off to Dante, but he's sending her to see a monarch to quote unquote, like get trainings and she doesn't want to do it at all. She's like, I have no interest in being in the mafia. But you know what, it's a few months away from Dante. He's not going down. He's not going She's going by herself. So she's like, this is an opportunity. Maybe we can actually like change my life and make it better. Or at least like, and also her father's like, oh, by the way, you're gonna marry Dante. Oh. And it's just silly Dante can like legitimately take over that side of the mafia.
Unknown:Well, this is like my child so my air is inheriting this but Dante you also get
Margie:right it's really Dante just getting she's using her as it like to to her father. She's not she's like she is literally a horse just to be like sold off.
Unknown:Yeah, we're like in back in like, medieval times or something where it's like, I just need to like get something from my daughter. She needs to be married off to someone so I can gain something. Yeah. Awesome.
Margie:So and the one thing that Dante tells her when she goes in like don't talk to anyone, like don't you're not there to make friends and she's like, that's fine. I don't really want to get along with mafia people. That's totally okay. And the other thing he says is like Lucas, loose, Lucian Cutrone is going to be there.
Unknown:Don't talk to him. Oh, whenever you pick a specific person who say don't talk,
Margie:and Cutrone, the Cutrone family is the only family that the Lucas family, quote unquote, vows to like, they're the only people that they'll listen to, because the cronies are technically like the real leaders of the mafia, right? So she gets there. She's like, Yes, I'm free of Dante. She goes up to her room, she looks across the hall, and there's this smoking odd dude with route, gorgeous route eyes. And she's like, whoa, Lucian. Cutrone has definitely grown. And she's, but she's like, Nope, don't want to talk to him. Don't want to have anything to do with them. And, but he's looking at her. And he's like, mysterious, sexy woman.
Unknown:Oh, so he doesn't recognize her?
Margie:not know. He just has no idea. So that's the other thing. I'm like, so she's been locked in a room for years. And nobody has seen her. Yeah. And so later on, he likes Pfizer, again a couple of times in the buildings like who he she like no idea who Why is she here? And so the woman who runs St. Monarchs, Madam Keller invites Elena to dinner with her universally, she's there. And she goes downstairs and loosens there as well. And so Lucian, Mount of color, and Elena also to the table together and of color introduces Elena to solution and vice versa. And solutions. Like I didn't know that he your that your father had a daughter, like oh, like I had no idea even existed. And she's like, Yeah, cuz my dad didn't involve me in business. Like I've never been involved in any sort of business and I don't want to be involved in any somebody's business and solutions. Like then why are you here? Yeah, good question. Good question. Like I'm here for me. I'm just here for me and he's he just not take that answer. He's like, No, people come to mafia boarding school. Boarding schools. gobbling up your boarding schools story then. And she's it's so eventually Elena kind of gets pissed because she's like, Listen, I don't want to talk. I genuinely don't want to talk to you. I genuinely really don't want to get to know anyone here. I'm going to take dinner by room peace out so okay. Pollution says McDonald's, Madam teller. And he's like, tell me everything. Well, yeah, yeah. And she explains like, she's been held captive basically by your dad in the past four years and like she's not he really is just used her as a trading card. Essentially,
Unknown:you know, that's known outside of her own family that like she's not she's not Alina like Madame teller knows that. Like she is just upon and like, like, she knows all of this, even if the world at large doesn't. Yes, madam Keller kinda does everything.
Margie:So the only reason that Madame Keller knows is because she does everything because there's another character who goes on later in the book. And he's like, I didn't know that your daughter like it's like, oh,
Unknown:that's just like, maybe he had to explain to her to get her there and say monitor something. And that's why she knows right?
Margie:Well, I think it's more than Madame teller has spies everywhere. Oh, she's like, you know, so. Okay. Let's fast forward here a little bit. So we move back to Elena. She's just happy to have a little bit of freedom. She's in her room. And but she's like, kind of, she decides she hasn't even really been allowed to go outside. Oh, gosh, yeah. She like goes outside. And she's like wandering the grounds. Like, I fucking need a minute. And Lucy, Lucian, of course, finds her. And they have like, another talk. And I don't know that he's just trying to like, like, Wheedle her out.
Unknown:He just wants more information. Like he wants to understand her
Margie:understand, like, why are you here and all this stuff. And he doesn't really get anything from her. But the thing that I like from the scene is that despite the fact he's not forceful, so he she's like he tucking grabs because she has. And so he, but he picks up on that really quickly and he puts his hands up, he's like, and she's like, I want you to leave. I want to be left alone. And he's like, Okay, I'm gonna just have a guard. Make sure that all the cruise is clear for you, but I'm elite. Okay. Literally, low bar is so low. Janelle are is underneath the mountains of St. Mark's. Yeah, it's like a man listen to me once or it's the best I've ever met. Thought Yeah. That's good. Um, so the next day the next morning early in the morning, one thing that I'll leave it does what a Learn how to do is shoot a gun. So she's gonna take like gun shooting lessons I don't know what are those called? Shooting lesson something like that and she goes early and Lucian sees her there it's like really early morning like 6am and he sees her there and at the firing range and she does not know how to shoot a garden it's very apparent and he's like Why did someone hand you a gun when you've never obviously never held one in your life? Yeah, that's
Unknown:like just a gun safety issue. Like if you were trying to make sure people don't die on your St Mark school island like maybe don't hit people guns with them.
Margie:I think that the person who was who was supposed to teach her assumed that she had held a gun before because she's mafia bait and so he's like there's this next scene where like he's like your let me show you and he does the whole behind. Oh, yeah. He smells or photo goes soft and
Unknown:soft a good descriptor of said
Margie:tell you anything. So he tells her I will teach you I will give you more lessons every morning to help you because I think it's a because he likes her quote unquote soft scent. But also, like you will kill yourself there. Yeah. And he also knows at this point to Madame Keller did tell a little bit about Dante. Like, okay, well, he he knows that he's supposed to marry Dante. Gotcha. And Elena's was to marry Dante and he's like, Fuck, I hate that guy. Like he's
Unknown:disgusting. Okay, so he knows Dante.
Margie:aisled like he's gonna have to marry this she's gonna have to marry this complete scumbag. So um I can't there's like two scenes that kind of happen one on top of the other. Okay, I think this is this is the way that it goes is so they're heading back Monday. Oh, Lina and Lucia and they're gonna like go eat lunch or something after shooting a bunch of things. I don't know as you do. Right? Yeah, you
Unknown:should watch again. So then you eat lunch?
Margie:And Salinas will you have a visible guest?
Unknown:Dante? He shouldn't be Wow. They're not married yet. He can't see her he didn't wear pink with them at lunch.
Margie:These are the only pants but at least this is the only guy that I could shoot with now. So um, so Dante is like, sees her with Lucian, and it's pissed immediately because he's like, he's like I told you to stay away from pollution Cutrone, and you're literally walking to lunch with him. After having shot lots of lots of guns. That's we're supposed to shoot guns to
Unknown:sexual assault and shooting guns.
Margie:So he drags her up to her robe to her suite to like, quote, unquote, have a talk and he tells Lucia This is not of your fucking business. I think Lucian thinks this is immediately his business because he had it was none of his business. So So Lucian follows them and basically walks in on Dante beating the shit. Oh, God. Like she's already she's already. Oh my god. So beats the shit out of Dante. Like, Dante wanted punch. And then like Dante, back evolution just spreads out as he says, fucking do it. Because then I'll kill you.
Unknown:Like, please do actually, please remove this man
Margie:for an excuse to kill Dante because he or he hates him at this point. Yeah. And so Dante is like, pretty soon, she's gonna be my wife, and I'm gonna control almost half the mafia. And I'm going to fuck you over and loosens like, that's funny. I already control half of the mafia. So go fuck yourself. So Dante leaves and Lucia and Elena have a very soft moment of like, she's like, trying to hold herself together after he like kind of gets Yeah, like after she regains consciousness. He's bruised, battered. Lucian call some ice to from room service to be like, are you okay? I'm okay. And he's like, Oh, I don't think you're okay. So, like, he hugs her and hold her and she's like, kind of like, if I keep hugging him. She's like, has a pull away? Because she's like, I keep hugging you. I'm gonna start crying. Yeah. And then he's like, No, bear hug. And she starts just sobbing. Oh, for girl I know. She's just like, so upset, overwhelmed, upset. And at the same time we go back to Lucian, and he's kind of getting overwhelmed too because he's like, What are all these emotions that I am feeling? towards this woman, right? Like I've known her a few days, I've known her a few days. I've never felt feelings like this before for anyone
Unknown:else to not have like any love or something very quickly seems like he is like having all these
Margie:groups should actually I think that they tried to make him sound tougher in the description actually, then he really is.
Unknown:He seems like really pretty nice for like, especially a mafia romance. Like he seems very caring and helpful.
Margie:I mean, I think that when they say that he's ruthless, he's ruthless towards people who like rob him or someone who loves or something like that.
Unknown:Probably like in like a like mafia mob context. He's probably ruthless, but like to women, he's like, No, soft protect,
Margie:but something must have said protect. Oh, um, and he is very. And before this all happened, so sorry, I think scenes mixed up. But there's a scene where middle of the night she runs out to the secret garden because of course, there's a secret garden. Yeah. There's a secret garden and she runs out to it. And she's like, like, starts soccer like no, she has a panic attack in the middle of the night. She's doing about Dante, she gets up and she's like, I just gotta get on my right. So she leaves a room because that's the secret garden. And like, she like kneels in front of this fountain. And we're, like, staff, it and she's like, praying to God, like, Please do not make me marry Dante, please, please do not marry Dante. Like, I will do any. And she looks to her left the solution. And he's like, you're gonna have to give me a good reason to kill him. And she's like, well, so now we fast forward, God
Unknown:sent Lucinda her. Yes, he's a cruel saints. It's perfect.
Margie:He's not a horse.
Unknown:That's true. That was very disappointing. If only he were a horse. Like that one. There's that one like mobile game where there's like a horse with an anime boy face.
Margie:And you'd like race him? Yeah, we like that. So we could send our password Back to the Future. These two are hugging in a room. And at this point, Lucians like, I have the feelings. I've caught emotions. Oh, no. We leave her room. And actually, he calls us. Okay. He calls his dad. And he's like, Daddy, what is it? I caught emotions. Is that's like we what? So we'll buy context. This is actually a really bad time, because local Lucas family and the Cutrone family have been threatened, there's an outside threat to both of their families, which is why Lucian and Elena were sent to St. Monarchs because their parents were both like, Let's protect these eggs. Put them in an S. It'll be safer for them. Right? It'll just get them away from all this until we figure out what the threat is. So is so I'm solutions dad. This is literally the worst time ever. And then Lucia it's like, yeah, I know. Especially since Elena and Dante are going to get married in two weeks. Two weeks. Oh, god. Yeah. So his dad is like, it's so Lucian status like fuck, are you serious? Okay, you got seven days to figure out whether you really like this girl. And if you do, I will talk to her dad and see if we can like arrange a marry like,
Unknown:I mean, like look, attorneys are in charge anyway. Right? So I feel like they could probably kind of force her dad to like, I mean, I'm sure there's some kind of you know, you gotta make a deal.
Margie:You gotta make a deal and I'm sure there will be something with like her dad and Dante already kind of having a fucking weird relation, murderous relationship
Unknown:there together. Her dad does. Okay. I'll make my daughter his beard, and then no one will suspect.
Margie:I mean, except for the fact that like, Dante is raping his daughter.
Unknown:Yeah, that's real gross.
Margie:Yeah, we don't like villains we but that includes queer villains. Not if rape is involved. That's, um, so is that's like you have a week to figure this shit out. And Elena, since like, the whole thing with Dante has been hiding in her room. And it's like, I just don't want to go out. I don't want to see people I'm I don't know. And she's also scared because she knows what she's supposed to be marrying Dante and Julie. She's terrified. No idea what she's going to do. And so she's ordered room service was planning in her room, and there's our door. This is three days after the Dante attack. And she'll the door and the solution. And she's like, What are you doing here and grabs her by the hand and he pulls her out of her and then he's like, you're you have been fucking hiding for long enough. And she's like, What are you doing and he drags her he drags you down the hallway eventually pro throw over his shoulder because she's like, cuz she's like, stop at what are you doing? And he's like, the only way that the guards will stop me is if I try to, and she's like, you're gonna try to kill him. He's like, Oh my God. So he picks her up and carries her with their secret.
Unknown:The secret garden where God called Lucian to save
Margie:her. Exactly, exactly, exactly. And he's, she's like, What are you doing? He's like, Okay, this is the only way I could get your attention. Attention for what? This kisses. Oh, okay. And she's like,
Unknown:Oh, you see the power packs? There's some good packs, and you're like, Mrs. Okay.
Margie:Okay, which is pretty much what happened. She like puts her hands on, it's just, like, gonna push him away. But she's like, No, I actually kind of like this. And so they break out for a few minutes. And it's really good. And then she pulls away. She's like, whoa, stop too many. I have too many of the emotions.
Unknown:Also, I'm getting married to another dude, like two weeks. And even though I hate him,
Margie:yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We got to do what we got to do. So she leaves she and he stays in the garden. And he's like,
Unknown:does he talk to God?
Margie:He does not talk to God. He just sits there. And he's like, Fuck, I thought that that was gonna be like any other kiss like it was gonna be other girl girl and he's like, nope. I think I have the love. He has been affected
Unknown:by the things that happened at St. Mark's Do you think they would? They would have protection against that, but apparently not.
Margie:I'm sure that Madam Kelly does keep a stock of like gold tinted condoms. Trojan anyway. So he's like, fuck, that was a really good cat. So he gets a call from one of his closest friends. Alexi. Alexi is the world's greatest.
Unknown:How convenient that there was greatest success and we call it
Margie:the world's greatest saucer calls him and he's like, Hey, dude, bad news. Your dad was just assassinate. They're coming after you. Oh, you better run. He's out sitting outside, right? He's in the secret garden from him. He's like, what he does, and we're super close Lucian and him. And he's like, What? What the fuck? And Alexis like your dad is dead. They are coming for you. Wherever you are. You need to get to Madame Keller's office is the only safe place for you because her office is apparently like a fortress. But of course she's Dumbledore. Right? Yeah. You're right. Love it. Um, so he's like, darts inside. He barely manages there's like a ring of shots. And Alexis, like my brother, so likes these brother Carson. There's like, Uh huh. Yeah, so Alexi, in person. Is it Carson who comes first? Because I think yeah, Carson comes first and then Alexi meet them after that with so Alexi, and all these all of these guys also have romance novels. And Alexi, Alexey also has what's called a what's it called? custodian, custodian. And the custodian is basically a Lexi's bodyguard for life. So Dimitri has, has like, promised his life to save Alexis. So Lexi is the greatest assassin Dimitri is also like a super good assassin because he's protecting an assassin right? So they're all on their way. And Lexi's younger brother Carson, who's also an assassin, and they're all on their way to say monarchs like, like, subdue whoever these people are, but they are 20 minutes out solution, or 20 minutes out. So let's see, tell solution. Get inside madam Miller's office and stay there until I get there. He runs inside and they're already like shots are ringing. They're already there. And he does not have to madam pillars officer first. No, yeah. It's up to Elena's room. And he's like Elena. Elena. Before she opens the door, he dragged her out of her out of her room and down into mountain Keller's office and Elena's like, what is going on? And a question from Owens and gets in the office is like, I can't even talk. Like he's just so overwhelmed. He's like, killers like his dad was murdered. Give him a sec.
Unknown:Are people coming after him? Here the shots outside? And Elena's like, oh
Margie:my god, I'm so sorry. But she's also very confused because she's like, Why did you come again? Others air stash. So Carson shows up first, and they secure the ground and they make up planned to leave and like once the Browns are secured. Elena's like okay like, Guess we're all good. And she tries to walk past Carson. Aleutians like Nah, she's gonna be with us and Carson grabs Oh, okay. And she's like, What are you doing? I can. So she thinks it's like she's a bartering chip, because she's like, I know that you probably think that like, my dad has nothing to do with your dad. Yeah, sure.
Unknown:Yeah. And like you're gonna keep me as hostage so that you have
Margie:me. Yeah. And Lucian. So she tells Lucia, she's like this is, don't do this. I'm worthless. Like, my dad doesn't care about me. And so you probably wouldn't care. So they vote but he's like, Nope, you're coming with us they leave with so Alexi and Dimitri also get there. And they leave in a bulletproof car. On their way, as they're leaving, they like go through a town. And they notice a car is following them. So they stop their car, the car behind them stops and pollution just like opens fire. Oh, wow. On this other car. Like you motherfuckers you think you could kill my dad and that's probably guilt kill me. Fuck you. And he gets those guys are dead. They don't get any information from them. The only thing that they find out is that the person who has killed his father's name is Umbria. And she's a Greek woman.
Unknown:Yeah, totally new. Don't really know. Yeah.
Margie:Yeah. And they're all like, What the I don't know who that is never heard of this person before what is happening? And so Lucian gets back in the car. And he's like, oh, like drama, and she's been really quiet. Oh, no, she's having a panic. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So she's like, having flashbacks of what happened with Donta and Alfonso? Yeah, yeah. So she's like, Trey, ill. They take her to a safe house. She's very ill. And it's very sad, but, and she's also like, really freaked out because she's like, Listen, I don't know how this is going to end for me. I don't see this ending well, and Lucian, and she's like, you told me before, like, if I don't give you what you want, or I do something that you don't like, you would kill me. And he's like, Oh, shit, I really regret those words now. I love you know, cool. And he's, and he's like, Listen, do you want to go back to Dante? And she's like, No, yeah. That's like a low bar. And he's like, Yeah, so you're gonna come to my house, you're gonna come stay with me. It's gonna be chill, so they get to his house. And she's still so on the way in the car. She's kind of inching towards solution because like Carson, she's in the middle and then there's a solution and she's like, I'll choose the monster that I know better. To go over and Lou she puts his arm around her and it's kind of a cute bow and I love it. Because I'm trapped. And she does she does like she's kind of also like she doesn't know what to think. Yeah, because the abuser whole life you know? Why are you treating me like Why are you treating me like an actual human being and so I was ragging on you they randomly kissing you with a secret garden? Yeah. off really well.
Unknown:What do you like stop touching her
Margie:so she he they're looking at each other like all intimate in the car everyone
Unknown:else like what? Why versus why?
Margie:Well, Alexi is actually looking at Lucia did like you got it. Yeah, he totally he already knows. And he actually like blues Elena's made the tree Yeah, yes.
Unknown:Let's go get lunch
Margie:well, I don't like C has been called like, quote unquote, the matchmaker. Oh. Set up all the match. So in the car, though, Lucian is sitting with Elena and they're looking at each other all intimately and he's like, What are you thinking? And she's like, can you stop the wedding between me and Dante? And Lucians like, do you want me to? And she says yes, more than anything. And he's like, you're not married. Stop worrying about it. And she's like, cool, bro. Sounds great.
Unknown:BFFs are
Margie:so what actually cares about my future minimally? Whoa. So they get to Lucians house his aunt is there and his aunt Ursula who? Yes. Poor unfortunate souls. Please imagine. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Do you live off of the Mediterranean Sea? So your wins with the Caspian Sea? I don't think he's Mediterranean. I don't know.
Unknown:I'm not quite
Margie:so sure. So they and she's Ursula super sweet, but she's also very confused as to why ln is there? Air? You shouldn't and his brain is already thinking like, Okay, I'm gonna marry Elena. I'm marrying her. Yeah, he's already like, decided he wasn't told anyone yet. Nach nach. And let's, I'm thinking. So, but it's really sad. Like, Lucia shows her to your room to Atlanta to our room. It's like, get comfortable, get settled. Here. Don't worry about it. And she goes in and the door closes behind her. And she's like, another locked door. And she goes to open the door, the door opens and she sees Lucian. And he's like, you're free to go out the house. Like it's okay. Go where you want.
Unknown:Oh, yeah. And like, it's like, such a low bar for her to be like, I can walk around the house and not stay in one room.
Margie:Right? Yeah, it's so yeah. So later on. He's, uh, Lucian is sitting in the living room, like, after a long day. I'm like, fuck, like, arranging a funeral. And trying to figure out who the fuck killed his dad. And he's just sitting there. He's like, I know, I'm not going to sleep. And Elena comes downstairs and she's getting a glass of water. And she like surprises her so much. She spills the water all over herself. She's wearing a white t shirt. And so she's really subconscious. Shit. And she turns around and like hides under account or like, under account. And he's like here and he takes off his shirt and hands it to her. She gets to see his rippling pectorals. We already know the effects those have had on her. Exactly. And she's like, and she likes what she sees. It's very apparent. So they he's like, want to keep me some company. And she says, Sure, they kind of get to know each other a little bit. And extending like right next to each other. And he's like, tell me about your childhood. And she's like, it was bad. It's like, I'll be Habad it's a little like, oh, Dante raped me and then murdered my only friend. Yet Lucian is this purse at this point? Yeah,
Unknown:I would imagine. Yeah.
Margie:And he's like, and she's like, well, can Will you kill Dante? For me? And Lucia is like, Fuck, yeah, I will already tell you like, just tell me why not get rid of? Yeah, well, he he told her that he wouldn't make her marry Dante. Um, so she's like, Cool beans. Yo, next day rolls around. And he's Aleutians, like, Hey, we're gonna have a meeting later. Like, you need to be there. It's chill. And she's like, Oh, Elena is like, okay,
Unknown:like, why are you including me? Why
Margie:are you including me? And she realizes her dad and Dante are going to be at this meeting, too. Yeah, yeah. So she gets this meeting her dad onto a boat there and immediately when Dante shows and ablution holds up a gun to his head, and is like, alright, take out the trash. Well, here's the thing, though. Valentino's like, you want a war between our two mafia groups when we're both in trouble right now in danger right now? I don't think so. You kill tonto, you're going to start a war between the two of us. And Lucia puts this kind of way. But Lucian,
Unknown:you kill both of them. Elena becomes the crime board you marry you have one big happy crying family.
Margie:That was what he would have thought of if he had been a horse
Unknown:would have a horse would have thought of that. A horse would violently triple both. And it would have been
Margie:and they wouldn't she would have been able to become a horse girl. Yeah, exactly. And she would ride
Unknown:his back for miles through the wilderness
Margie:solutions like alright, well, you know, we're gonna work together because we got to get rid of this Umbria person make a deal. Or together peace and all good between the two of us. If I gonna lay it out, we get married. And Elena is like, what the fuck? That was not part of the deal was not heard of the deal. And she's like, ultimate betrayal. Like literally ultimate betrayal. And you're strapping the into something else. Exactly. And that's what she says later. So she storms off and on like to the to the sea, because like they're apparently they live on the coast or whatever. So she goes and storms off, and Valentino agrees to this. And he's like, wait for you to become my son in law. He's like, Oh, and it's a week too soon, like so she's gonna get married. Luton in a week and Lucia and Valentina is like perfect. That's fine see in a week can't wait to hand my daughter over to someone I don't know it's gonna be great see at the party. So Lucian walks out follows Elena. And it's not really a great conversation. I don't think that there was any way for the author to make this good. Maybe this was the ruthless part. Yeah, yeah. Pretty much solutions. like listen, I thought you'd be happy. You don't have to marry Dante. It's just like, Yeah, but I have to marry you. You're just trapping me into something else.
Unknown:Yeah, exactly. This is not like I did not choose this as my own free will. That's a problem.
Margie:Yeah. And so he eventually he just kind of drags her back into the house. Yeah, yeah. So we skip forward a little bit. Alina is sitting with Ursula. And they are planning the wedding together. And Elena is like, I don't, you know, I don't care. I don't know. I don't really, you know, I don't want to do this. Like, and she doesn't say that. She's still very polite and respect. Yeah, there's been a little bit of an interlude of they had the funeral. And she Elena was also at the funeral. And like, she was like, offering comfort to both Lucian and Ursula. And so she doesn't care. Yeah, she's like, and so later on, Lucia, so when they're playing, when Ursula and Elena are planning for the wedding, all it was was kind of like, not really that into this not enthusiastic, and pulls her aside is like, thank you so much for being a comfort for my aunt at the time. You know, like, I really appreciate that, and Elena's like, yeah, you know, I'm human.
Unknown:I'm a good person.
Margie:I'm not a shitty person. And solutions, like why don't you want to marry me? Why are you so against marrying me? And she's like, because it's I'm giving up all of my freedom. You know, I went to St. Monarchs to gain my freedom back. And now I'm going to have to give it all up. And he's like, Well, don't go like, you're free to come and go as you please. Like, you can do what you want. Like, we're just going to be married. And she's like, I can leave the house. Like, I can do things like they don't the thing that I don't like about this conversation is that they don't really specify like, she'll be able to have a career or will be able to, like, go out and make friends and have her own life. It's more because he says he even says like, at the end of the day, he expects her to be home.
Unknown:Yeah, like if it was we are married, and like, yes, these are the legal documents, but you can literally live your own life if you want to. And that's fine. Right? That would be still not great, but a lot better, better. Right? Then like, oh, well, you can leave the house, but you still need to be home every night. Right? Right.
Margie:And like, you know, I think to myself, only she's been so just, like, kept in a cage wrapped, that she has no idea what freedom even would look like, like freedom. Her is walking outside. Right? Yeah. Like she's no concept of it. Right? So in five to 10 years, how is she going to feel when she's like, Hey, I want to go off and do something else. Like I want to like have this career. I want to do this, I want to go to school. And illusion says you can't do that. Because you're a mobsters wife. Like it's not safe for you. Like but I
Unknown:didn't choose to be a mobsters wife. So
Margie:because she has this limited basis of her own freedom and free will. She's actually like, whoa, this sounds really good to me. Like I'll be up and go as I please. And he's been she's also like, and but she's also preferences or abuse. Because she says, you know, like, what if you get mad at me one day, and you know, today, there's no lock on that door. But Morrow, like, there could be a lot of fun. And he's, listen, we're gonna fight, but we're gonna make up like, I will never hit you. I would never do anything. Like, like, well, we'll work it out. We're gonna get into disagreements, but we'll work it out every time. And she's like, What if I make you mad? And he's like, oh, we'll just torture you sexually until you're screaming for my cock
Unknown:that's also like, not okay. But that's hot.
Margie:So, you know, um, so the wedding day comes out. And she marries Lucian. I enter they go into the reset, like the reception and happens it starts like old very old time. Actually. The shitty thing is her father is at the wedding of course because he has to pass off property. Yeah, but Dante is also what the why why we could rape her.
Unknown:Oh my god. Seriously, what the fuck you
Margie:get Dempster riper. So she goes, Elena goes to a court. She's a mobsters now wife, so she's gonna have a second after party dress. That's From her ceremony, she goes upstairs with a with a personal guard to change into her other dress. Well, she's up there. And Dante take the guy with the silencer and kill well, it doesn't kill the guard almost kills Leo. But Leo poles throws we got that
Unknown:going for Okay, well, great, glad Leo's All right.
Margie:Ready? Ready Polina seriously, what the fuck? Luckily Lucians like, hey, Elena is cod. Fuck Dante is gone. Yeah. And so he runs upstairs, saves her from Dante and then punches the lights out of Dante, and then strangled him to death. Finally, well, and finally, very, like, I don't know how to describe because we get it from a layman's perspective, and she just sits there and she watches it. And she's like, I am not going to miss a single fucking second.
Unknown:I wondered if she like, like, scared of him or no,
Margie:like, she's into it. She's like, watching it. She's like, and she like, goes through it. She's like, he bleeds like I bled. He's he struggled for breath. Like I struggled for breath, like he does. Like, she's just like getting like this Arsis out of it. And so he finally dies. And I got associate, Lucian is like, freaked out. He's like, he's holding her and he's like, tried to like, hold her down. They're sitting on the bed together. He's got his coat wrapped around her at this point. And she's just like, totally calm. She's like, she's like, I'm, he's gone.
Unknown:That's what I wanted forever.
Margie:Literally all I wanted. And she thanks, Lucia. And he's like, Thank you for keeping your promise. Thank you for killing him. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's like, Oh, he Lucia is almost freaked out because he's like, a, like, You're too cold too, okay with this. And she's like, listen, genuinely, I'm just relieved and she like, leaves, Lucian leaves. She sits with Ursula and like, gets changed to another dress. And he goes downstairs and he almost kills her father.
Unknown:I mean, fair, he
Margie:would deserve it to wax her father across the face with a gun. Like, you leave with your life and you're lucky to leave that get the fuck out of my house after what you did to my wife. Okay, so wife that night. She's Elena's very nervous about that night cuz she's like, we're gonna have to consummate the marriage a little bit later, Lucian, they go into solutions, bedroom, and lotions. Like we're not having sex tonight. Don't worry about it. I know you're not comfortable with it. But let's have some snuggle time. And so they have some snuggle time. And it's very cute. So he's like, you're not we're not having sex until you're comfortable with it. Which is like, love. Love that love the bar is so low bar is on the floor. So what's the next like? Big? Oh, okay. All right. So there's, we're almost to the end, almost there. So, you know, montage of like, he's trying to treat her he's like, go out and buy shit, here's a credit card, have fun, you know, go out and have a good time with my aunt's, you know, right, go do things. And one day, they all go to get lunch together and like whatever city they're in, and they're attacked there. They Umbria tries to take out Lucian and Elena and probably I think Ursula too. Like they're just like shooting shooting in the restaurant. And actually, Elena becomes a badass, which is very cool, because Lucia actually does get shot. And so she kind of takes over control is like, okay, that guard do this, this go do that. Pull up the table, so they can't see us like, we're gonna fucking survive this. And that's when she so he. Lucian has already told Elena that he loves her. But he's like, You don't have to be that he'd said to her. You don't have to tell me. Yeah, I just want you to know it's fine. At this point, she's like, I'm not dying without telling you. I love you. So she tells him she loves him. And they get back to the house. And they have sex. Good. It's good. So they have sex. And you know, it's fine. Like it's, you know, not I mean, no, actually, well, it's it's good. Like, I wouldn't say I wished for a mafia romance that it would be a little less vanilla. Yeah. But you know, it's fine. So life goes on, um, and one day, Lucia and tells Elena, I want you to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe because I don't want anything that Tino bought for you in my house, Bear. And she's like, sweet, so she's shopping with Aunt Ursula and she gets a phone call. And she's like, she answers the call. And it's like a Lita. It's your mother. I have Lucian. Come here in 15 minutes or he's dead. Come to your father's house in 15 minutes or he's dead.
Unknown:Her mother who she never heard anything from? Yes. What is your mama's Greek lady is trying to kill everybody.
Margie:So Elena is like Oh, fuck it, so she doesn't even thing she's like she escapes out of that store on her own, and she goes to her dad's house. And so Lucia gets a call on his phone. And it's like one of his guards who's saying, like, I can't find Elena, I don't she ran off. She took off. And he's like, What? What the fuck is happening? So then he gets another call. And it's Elena's mother, who's like, Hey, I've got Elena, you got 15 minutes to get here, or I'm going to kill her. And Lucia at least as the presence of mind say, I need proof of life. And so she texts a picture of Elena and sends a solution. And so the solution calls Alexi and it's like they got my wife so Alexi is like, okay, cool. I'll bring the rocket launchers literally they bring the rocket launchers. So your wife so at the Elena has is at the house. Her father has also been kidnapped by her mother. So um, to the end, it's like Ava her so her mother's name is Eva. Slash Umbria. And Ava is like, so I'm getting revenge on your father because he was an abusive ash asshole. And I'm also Yup, I know you love to be with him. Ad A and then Ava is also like, and I was supposed to be married to Lucians father, but Lucians father fell in love with another woman. And so that's why I killed Lucians father as revenge. That's a shitty. Yeah, yeah,
Unknown:he fell in love with someone else. That is not a reason to kill. Yeah, well, you know, you had a bad marriage.
Margie:Well, a bad marriage.
Unknown:Bad life.
Margie:She and she like, oh, no, no, it's not. I mean, like, so. Um, oh, he was like, wow, I've got a gray background. So good. So Lucian, meanwhile, is like assaulting the house. And Elena start, like Elena looks over at her mom is stabbing the fuck out of her dad. stabbing him in his genitals seems a little much for a romance novel. Yeah. Well, but But you know, stabbed a lot painfully. So like he but Elena is looking at this happening. And she's like, Okay, I don't care about my father. But I know that I'm gonna be next like my mom has a lot of her mom has a lot of resentment towards Elena to because Elena is the reminder of the horrible life that she had apparently. I don't think that Ava is 100%. Mentally there's something going on. But so Elena actually attacks her mom. And it doesn't go well. Elena gets stabbed in the shoulder and that's when Lucian barges into the room and Ava's got like a knife to Elena's neck. And there's all or a gun to Elena's head. There's already a knife and Elena shoulder. And Ava's like move, and she dies. And Lucia is like fuck, I can't get a clear shot on Ava. And that's the point. And so like, Eva says, I'm doing my daughter a favor by killing you. And that's when Elena like, pulls out the knife in her shoulder and stabs her mom. Oh, yeah. And then she like pulls away from her mom. And that's Lucian. Shoots Eva. So wow, a lot of bloodshed. Lotta a lot of action. The end of this book la rocket launchers played a big part. She did they do? I don't remember. I just remember that. They said. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. let you down. I mean, I'm sure that they just blasted them at the front of the house. Yeah, I mean, what else do you do with a rocket launcher? Yeah. Um, so, you know, happily ever after everyone ends up alive except for her parents and his dad. Dante, but that's that's a bonus. Yeah, that's a good one. And her mom. Yeah. The landless family could just go, go like, go to hell. Welcome to hell, Sal. Yeah, right. Oh, so we skip to like, I think a few years later, she's pregnant. Yay. Of course she's pregnant. They always get pregnant. I don't know how you could be a good parent will also be good. The mafia. I don't seem very dangerous. Yeah, like guns lying around? Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, that's a cruel saints. Yeah. Yeah. So now I got to do some writing here. Um, so uh, Elena's character one to five. I'm gonna give her a solid three. She doesn't really have many hobbies, personal interests. I don't know anything about her other than she's been abused. But considering that all she's been is abuse, she's still a pretty strong character who stands on her own and cares. Like she has a heart. And I, yeah, like Korea from reactions makes sense. And I'm going to give Lucia for just because he's a man and so therefore he has more autonomy. And so I know more about him. Yeah, yeah, he did more. So let's see what's the next one, uh, the plot. I really liked it because it's my thing, but it's like I knew everything that was going to happen. I well the only thing the only I think surprised was the her mom at the end because her mom hadn't really shown up. He knew that it was like a woman who was control who was Umbria. So I guess I should have expected it. But like they didn't the her mother is only referenced like I think two or three times in the book. Settle. So overall, the smite a two. I mean, it's just so vanilla. You know, and I know I've read this other books by this author she does. It's just this book. That's very vanilla. Well, and also there's this there is like parts where she, she's like, let me go down on you. And he's like, No, I'm sorry. I can't I don't think that that's a good idea. Right now we're having a great time. We don't need to do that, which I kind of was like, because later on she says like, I was you know, like, no, no, it's okay. I want to do this in the moment. But then later on, she's like, Okay, that was actually good. That he did that. Yeah. Well, in the moment, she said she even felt like she wanted to but she said, but later on. She was like, Yeah, that would have been very, very triggering, and would have ruined the moment. Yeah, yeah. So that's more when he was thinking about so much to the plot. I give out of 10 I give or the book overall. I mean, I think it's just middle of the road. So I'm gonna give it a five. Yeah, yeah. And I and I think that Lucian is barely he's either like an hour boy, barely, or he's just a boy. But the bar is so low thing. The bar is so low, really so low, that he doesn't really even get an opportunity. Yeah. Can you give him operate? Can you give him credit for saying like, you're free to move around the house. So yeah, that's it. So big round of applause to Janelle, for coming in. And being my best friend to doing this with me, thank you so much. And if you're, if you're a member of our Patreon, head on over to under the covers, because Daljit is gonna have to listen to some sacks. Ooh, boy. All right.