Happy What the February?! listeners! In this, the most romantic of months, listen in as I, MArgie, tell Rachel about Elizabeth Hoyt's The Raven Prince. While this book breaks some barriers in terms of romance age range and having characters who have had their virgin barriers broken, it still has some very outdated superhero rules and miscommunication mayhem. Enjoy!
Happy What the February?! listeners! In this, the most romantic of months, listen in as I, MArgie, tell Rachel about Elizabeth Hoyt's The Raven Prince. While this book breaks some barriers in terms of romance age range and having characters who have had their virgin barriers broken, it still has some very outdated superhero rules and miscommunication mayhem. Enjoy!
Warning. The following podcast contains adult themes. Our hosts are just too romantic saps that love overthinking and overanalyzing their favorite literary genre the thoughts and opinions expressed are entirely their own listener discretion is advised. Oh, tearing me apart from
Margie:Hello, and welcome to textual tension, a love hate relationship with romance novels. I am your co host, Margie,
Rachel:and I'm your co host, Rachel,
Margie:every other week one of us is going to read a romance novel and then explain the plot to our other unsuspecting co host. And then we're going to unpack what the fuck just happened
Rachel:and discuss and discuss, write, review and review
Margie:all of those things.
Rachel:So if you are a new listener, welcome, you have joined us in this the month that contains the most romantic of holidays. Groundhog Day I love you guys, it's the romance month. It's the Hallmark romance month. So we actually didn't think about if we were going to do something special for the romance month until like, a month ago. I feel like oh shit. So we would like to formally welcome you here at textual tension. We would like to welcome your friends listeners to what we are terming what the February or fuck in February I
Margie:can hear what the frick frack February Yes,
Rachel:something along those lines. Tell us which one you like. Yeah, but basically this month, we are going to go out of our way to find some of the most ridiculous and off the wall romance novels we possibly can. And I hear you saying but Rachel and Margie, but you do everything already been finding ridiculous. Oh, honey. We have been shielding you.
Margie:Oh our sweet summer children sweet
Rachel:summer children. We have been shielding you So Robin, this is gonna get fun. Get ready to have your
Margie:Bergeon barrier broke.
Rachel:Unfortunate of phrases. Okay, so this week, Margie is going to summarize for me the unsuspecting co host. Yes, I'm drinking coffee, which I usually drink decaf guys so I can see smells. Let's go.
Margie:Okay, okay. So first thing I'm going to do is I have the cover of the book that I read on my phone, right? Actually, before I do that, I want to tell everyone to rate review and subscribe. Super healthy super helps especially just like even just a five star review on iTunes. Just so yeah,
Rachel:we we don't do anything to advertise the show yet. So we're totally by word of mouth. So if you could, you know you can share this with someone that you think might enjoy our ridiculousness, please. It would mean the world to us. And maybe we'll come up with some incentives at some point for something like that. Yeah. One of the things I get like a fuckin free book. I don't know. Yeah, one of the podcasts I follow if someone tweets about them, they use their name as a character in the show. So that's fun, fun things like that.
Margie:I don't think we want to be called anybody, any of our listeners. Oh, boy. That's not a term of endearment, though. No, not for us. Okay, so I just wanted to put that out there before we started. And I want to explain how I found this one. This one was actually like a my Kindle for a really long
Rachel:should I be judging you? That's the question. Yes. Okay, great. Go done.
Margie:And I found it because I looked up. This was like, two, three years ago, feminist romance novels. I was trying to find something that I was like, could still respect myself, but also enjoy finding
Rachel:what we all strive for.
Margie:Maybe so maybe, maybe this book is the beginning of my idea for the podcast. Okay. All right. So
Rachel:this lady is this. This February 12. The two days before the Hallmark Valentine's Day holiday, also, a day before my birthday, this so this is a birthday gift to me, basically, is what you've given me? Yes. Okay, great. Are you ready? I'm so ready.
Margie:I'm gonna give you the like hover. The funny thing about the cover is I'm going to give you the one that I saw original right? There's two great libo I'm gonna show you both of us. So this is the one that I
Rachel:Oh, I've seen this lady's name before but
Margie:yeah, she's right. I think she's read a lot read written.
Rachel:I'm gonna give you one guess as to which is larger. The name or the title? Well, you're right. It's the name. The author's thing the author James. So it is. This is the Raven Prince by Elizabeth Hoyt. Oh, wow, look, it's a special low price according to this sticker. Oh right underneath,
Margie:there's a reason.
Rachel:Right underneath there's a big red sticker, that's a special low price. So we have a little bit multicultural here. It so it looks a little bit like okay, so everything is this beautiful shade of lavender. And on to the right, just coming into the frame. There's a lady in this lavender dress that looks like like a Southern belle kind of dress, but it split up to the vagina. Um, and a dude is just centrally behind her grabbing her arm. And oh, no, that's her. That's her hand that's holding open the vagina slip. But he's behind her and they're like, they might kiss the you don't know. But she looks like she might be like, I don't know. Asian American. She's not not but in this in this cover. She's not American. Okay, in this cover. She looks a little multicultural here. So maybe we're you know, representing some. I think getting diverse here.
Margie:The only thing the weird thing about it is that I think the guy kind of looks like Nathan Fillion red castle. Oh, look at him. Oh, no. I mean, that he would he would totally be up like Landon, are you kidding me?
Rachel:I would, but I gotta say Nathan Fillion would absolutely pose for a romance novel cover.
Margie:So that's the old one. That's the old cover. Original cover. All right, what's the new one is the new cover which I think is just a sexy but like, tries to be more classy.
Rachel:Oh, that's so much class. It's less like Harlequin romance. Yes. This one has like the back of a lady that is systematically being undressed. And you can kind of see the dude's hands and there's a really attractive Red Jewel down her back. Yeah, that. In this one. Her name is much smaller than the title of the book. There's a review on this. It says I didn't want it to end. Wow, I really liked it. Alright, so real quick trigger warnings for this book. Margie. There are none.
Margie:Great for real. Like I really can't think of any. Okay, yeah. Neat. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. All right. Let's get into again, so maybe that's why I didn't think of it but great. Yeah,
Rachel:we definitely didn't have to stop midway through the description and record this part. It's fine.
Margie:It's fine. So this book got 3.98 on good raves. And I mean, the reviews were kind of like sure, unfortunately, they're not that interesting. They're not like that that grape gave
Rachel:me that description. Do I need to do this in a central voice? It looks like I need to read it in a central voice to do it. Is it tis the season for central
Margie:Margie, Google something
Rachel:like where the Goodreads app is?
Unknown:Very Okay, here you go. All right.
Rachel:There comes a time in a lady's life. Window. widowed Anna Ren is having a wretched day. Let's just join. I don't. Okay. After an arrogant male on horseback nearly squashes her. She arrives home to learn that she is in dire financial straits. When when she must do the unthinkable. What is this word? The URL of swatting him is. Okay, all right. I'm a professional.
Unknown:Professional white.
Rachel:I don't good question. The URL of sorting em is in a quandary. Having frightened off two secretaries Edward Edward de RAF needs someone who can withstand his bad temper and boorish behavior and find employment. When Anna becomes the URL secretary, it would seem that both problems are solved. Then she discovers he plans to visit the most notorious brothel in London for his manly needs. No, no go. Marks Okay. Well, Anna sees red and decides to assuage her womanly quotation marks, desires with the earliest lover.
Margie:I know one of them is needs and the other one is desires.
Rachel:Because women can't have needs women have
Margie:sexual needs. Only once. Okay, so there you go. Are you ready? Are you so ready?
Rachel:I mean, at least she's the one going after it at this point based on the description. All right, all right. Yes.
Margie:So there are like scenes in this book where you're like, okay, like feminism. Good for you. Okay, but it's also like not the plot. No, the plot is just like so. Ridiculous. We've superhero rolls out. It's just awesome.
Rachel:Okay. All right. Let's get into it. Paint me a word picture, Margie. So,
Margie:here's the scene scene. We have Anna read in the road. She's walking home. And suddenly this dude on a horse. It's very Jane Eyre as is this like, the horse rears up and throws the dude off the horse.
Rachel:Okay, so like some straight up taking? Yeah, taking a thing from Jane. Yeah, totally
Margie:it Victorian era. Victorian era England. I'm sorry. I should have said that. Not London. A little country town. Okay, little country town. We will be going to London, but not right now. It's in London. So she tries to help him out. But he's like, No, I'm a man. And she's like, and she's like, busting your ass laughing. I was like, you idiot. You just got thrown from your horse
Rachel:listeners. I don't think you can hear my eyes rolling. But trust me they're wrong.
Margie:She also describes a bit ugly, which is another which she changes her mind about oh, well, which is another very Jane Eyre thing because like, she's the beginning of Jane Eyre. She's like, Nah, I don't you are not good. Like, Oh, yeah. So yeah, he's mostly just not good looking, though, because he's pox scars. But that's really okay. It's like,
Rachel:sure. Yeah, it's Victorian. England, right doesn't?
Margie:Yeah, well, just if you're the elite, you don't, because you don't get things like the plague. The plague is for poor. People who don't have money
Rachel:right now naturally, Money Money is basically like one of those bubbles that you live in.
Margie:Okay, so Anna Ren is She's a 31 year old widow, which also is like, not a virgin yet. And also someone over 30 Yeah,
Unknown:okay. Okay. There's already breaking barriers. Breaking Barriers.
Margie:It's okay, just gonna keep going. She lives with her mother in law and they're made house or like housekeeper or what have you when they're little cottage? Okay, because like, back in those days, if you had any money at all, you spent it on a made? Sure, sure. Whatever. So and his former husband Peter passed away like a couple years prior and didn't live them with much to live on because he was like, I'm gonna live it doesn't matter. I'll make everybody money, but then he died. Well, thanks a lot. Thanks, Peter. So Anna's like we need to find some work at bats. Otherwise, we're going to be destitute. But like like I said earlier, I love how they have a Maid of the House, but they're about to be destitute, you cannot
Rachel:expect them to suddenly they're perfect porcelain hands with dishes and food.
Margie:What is the mother in law doing? Being a woman in those times will sue Yeah, well, Anna, though her dad had taught her like Latin and Greek and she was educated and read. Yeah, so she can do you know? Yeah, so she's educated. So she's like, maybe I'll become a governess. Right. Maybe I'll just become someone who like reads to old people, which apparently was a thing back then. So okay, so money.
Rachel:So she already knew this was happening before she had the interaction with Yes. Okay. So yeah, it's covered there. Like she finds out now she already knew she already knew.
Margie:Like, and it's not that was the other thing about the back cover is that it's like, they're not freaking out about it. They're not about to die or anything. Just kind of like, well, we need to make some money like, right and her mother in law like makes the lace which doesn't even make a lot back then.
Rachel:Really, it should I should start as fuck.
Margie:I mean, it didn't apparently, the way that they described it, they were like the lace. You know, it adds value when it's put on the dress, but like, by itself doesn't have a lot of value. So it tatting
Rachel:lace is a bitch and Yeah, well, she said there right now you are again.
Margie:It takes way way long. Yeah, so she's like, No, I'm not doing that. So then we're cutscene Okay, so now we're introduced to Edward de Raph. You want to know what daerah beads
Rachel:in what language?
Margie:It Dutch it means Raven. Well, so like. Yes, I did. I thought it was something French. And so at the beginning of the at the beginning of every chapter, there's like this little segment of a fairy tale that's called the Raven prunes. So that's kind of interesting. It's kind of interesting, but also like, you would think that like there would be parallels between like the fairy tale story like the story story, there is not it's like this fairy tale story is like a Beauty and the Beast story. So like raven like kidnaps the girl and brings her back to his castle and that is not really what happens in the story. So
Rachel:It is something that if implemented correctly could be a really good thing yes it is implemented is
Margie:not in place. It's a critically and it's really unfortunate because the fairy tale story is written kind of pretty.
Rachel:I don't know if it's like sad because I'm a sucker for fairy tale. I
Margie:don't know if it's like the Raven. I've never heard of The Raven prints as a fairy tale. The author had stuck it in there or She wrote it herself, but it was I liked it. I was just kind of like, but this From what I recall, I'm like this does not have Okay, fine. So, uh, so then we're I told you his last name means Raven. But here's one way he is described. The Earl had a disconcerting tendency to growl
Rachel:because said by
Margie:his like, steward of his house,
Rachel:I will say this is going because this has now become my metric for anything. And least he's not looking at lower.
Margie:He does talk about her mouth a lot. And for Dara
Rachel:damn sexy lips, so yes.
Margie:Exactly. Awesome. Okay. So I was hoping he would just call like a crow, like, you know.
Rachel:rustles my jimmies.
Margie:Yes. So the URL, you know, Edward de Raf, aka bird brain needs. bird brain needs a new secretary, basically someone to write down things for him send letters, etc. He's the worst handwriting on the planet. So that was a thing you got back then? I don't know why steward can't do it. But whatever. So the URL tells his other Butler, the steward, whatever he is that he needs to find the URL another Secretary by the day after tomorrow, or that steward would be fired. Okay, yeah, this is a did I mentioned this book was also the inspiration for The Devil Wears Prada. Give me my second secretary. Now now. So while Birdman is brooding, we learned that when he was a child, his entire family died of the pox. D Yeah. Like and he had like siblings, like little siblings and everything. They all died. He almost died as well. But all did to him was leaving with a bunch of pox scars. So
Rachel:did you happen to look up what the pox is? Isn't it just it's not?
Margie:It does, but I did actually I love pictures of it. And like it can. It can, like, leave you with some scars. But
Rachel:for some reason my brain went chickenpox. Yeah, it's not Yeah, smallpox. Well, that's
Margie:the way it was described, as you know, when people have a lot of acne scars. Yeah, that's kind of what it looks like. But it's like on your whole face. So your whole face is a little modeled. So back then that was very wrong.
Rachel:Because nowadays, it's like, oh, look, your face is interesting. And I like yeah,
Margie:it doesn't matter. So. But back then it was like good, right? Yeah. So um, so we also had a first wife, okay. Both of them. Yes. He had a first wife and she she did not die. She died in childbirth. Okay. And she also cursed her dad's knave, as she was dying for making her bury this bird.
Unknown:Yeah, so it's dark.
Rachel:Damn. Yeah, that. Wow, we are starting on a dark. Yes. So meet the child survive.
Margie:I'm assuming not okay. All right. Okay, so but now BirdBrain is back to his house. Like the house that he grew up in. He had been out of it for a really long time. And he's getting it ready because he has a new engagement to a new young lady, like a high social standing or all the rest of that. He's going back to the house like get it ready for her so that you know when they get married, they can just move back into the house great by the next day, and still walking around the village looking for a job. Nobody is hiring her. But she meets BirdBrain steward, okay, out on the street. And I love her reactions. They're like kind of chatting, you know, like, and the stewardess like, oh, you know, I'm really looking for a secretary. I'm kind of starting to freak out because I'm gonna get fired. And she pretty much just tells the steward so I'm taking the job. You're welcome for the help. See you tomorrow at the store, like is it okay, that
Rachel:was it not before?
Margie:It's just back in those days, right? We're always men also men. Okay. So he's the stewardess like, Well, he did say that it couldn't be a woman. And so it's fair. It's fair. Wow. Yeah. Oh, good.
Rachel:I wish that's how Job stolen shields
Margie:makes a ton of money. So she is thrilled about that. So the first day of her job bird bird brain actually isn't there but Anna accomplishes the work before her and all goes well. Fine. BirdBrain returns from London, which I don't know why he was there. Okay, that's fine. And Richard doesn't need a reason. He comes into the library where she's working and he finally meets her and thinking that she's a dude but he catches her beating his enormous dog a bit of cheese. And he's like, What are you doing sitting at my secretary's desk? And she's like, I'm your secretary. You want to know what what the color of his eyes are?
Rachel:I swear to God, if you say celadon.
Margie:celadon, okay. It is hot obsidian which I don't think is
Rachel:possible. Okay. Here's how I'm imagining this color. So obsidian is
Margie:gray. Black. It's yeah, it's a type of stone. Yeah.
Rachel:So here's what I put. It's very reflective. So imagining black that is shining red. You cannot convince me otherwise. Great.
Margie:Well, she's into it. And does it do it? I don't know. Great. So unfortunately, this book does have something acaba with 50. shades. Okay, wait, so I still
Rachel:never read 50 shades. Well, I read half of it. Okay, so I'm the one that has to read that I get it.
Margie:Yes. So every damn time and it does something with her mouth. Like every time we have to hear about it from BirdBrain and the effect it has on him. And I'm just like,
Rachel:this is penis twitching. Yes.
Margie:I just don't need to hear about it. I know enough about the male anatomy. Okay, if he's attracted to her any data about I don't even hear about ways I stopped loving.
Rachel:I just had the visualization just
Margie:every time she does something with her mouth.
Rachel:You just see his pants to shift a little bit.
Margie:That is one thing you don't have to be about dudes.
Rachel:Oh, my. Okay, we're good. All right. Yeah. All right. Well, back
Margie:then to pants were a lot tighter. Right. So there's there's no hiding. It's good butts though. So they start working together. They have a good banter. And
Rachel:is he okay with the fact that she's a woman like, does he care? He?
Margie:He doesn't really care. Because at that point, he's already seen her work. Because she was he was handed her work, right? And he was like, huh, this is very feminine script. Okay, just see, but it's a neat and tidy so he doesn't really care. And then he meets when he's like, Well, she's a good secretary. So it doesn't really matter that much to me. And also, he's super attracted to her. So kick, kick her out of his office. I'm
Rachel:impressed for both things. My one of my current favorite phrases, I wouldn't kick her out of the bed for you crackers. either, neither one.
Margie:And the two of them start a little game with the dog. So here's this big old dog that follows him around everywhere. Mr. Rochester, very true. Didn't even think that pilot will so bird brain has never actually been to this dog. He's very bitter about everything. He's like, Oh, I saved the dog off the side of the road. And that followed me home without follows me everywhere. And it's like, you can't just say he went you like the dog. You can't just say that. If you didn't want the dog, he wouldn't let it follow you around everywhere.
Rachel:Oh, my God,
Margie:just your emotions.
Rachel:Okay, she, how else will she melt his icy heart? Your reaction tells me that's what happens.
Unknown:Uh huh. Okay.
Margie:So they started with the dog where she tries to come up with names for the dog and he has to agree to with up like Adonai and Duke. So they have a good first day together. And he's already super intuitive to the point where he's like, No, you can't walk home alone. Here. Here's my carriage take that home. So she starts riding in his carriage every night. Oh, okay. I totally mean it's a mile away. But Wow. What a gentleman the gentleman. Well, he's also super insistent on it. After she leaves. He's already like super concerned. Okay. She's going to get home. Okay. What's gonna happen to her? Like he's like, Yeah, super protective already, basically. Of course. Yeah. So Anna gets home and her mom in law is like how did your day go? And this is how she describes her brain to her mother in law. He does have puck scars on his face, but they are very noticeable. Really. Besides he has a nice thick black hair and a handsome dark eyes and his voice is very attractive, beautiful, even especially when you speak softly and he is quite tall with very broad and muscular shoulders. So avoid being she's into him too. Yeah, like completely what their mom in law is like, Bitch Get your mind out of the carriage to realize he's adorable and she's like, I know mom. Jeez, let me live my life.
Rachel:So he's a woman in Victorian era. She's not allowed to have sexual needs. Oh, no, right. She is She
Margie:is. And she's actually in the book. She's like, she hasn't had sex in seven years. Oh, poor girl. Yeah,
Rachel:I mean, unless you don't you're not into that. That's fine too. But if you are in seven years, poor girl. Woof, woof udupa
Margie:So the next day Anna is working at you know what's called the office. So Anna is working when she runs out of paper and starts looking for paper and bird brains desk. And she's looking around when she finds a bill for a place called Aphrodite is grotto with a picture at the top of a threesome between a nymph and two Seders. glassy and she she gets upset because she's already like getting possessive to she's like, Wait, he can't have sex with other people. She says
Rachel:everyone can have sex with whoever they want unless you're specifically in a relationship with them. And even then if you talk about it, go for
Margie:your best life. Okay, so but she she also thinks to herself, society might not expect celibacy from the URL, but they certainly expected it from her Anna. He is a man who go to houses of ill repute and romp all night with alluring, sophisticated creatures. While she as a woman was supposed to be chaste and not even think of dark eyes and hairy chests. It was simply not fair. Not fair at all. Oh, girl, right? Oh, yeah. Um, so everything goes smooth. Like, everything's fine. Like work is going great. Until one day I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me. It is riding back to her home in the carriage and she spots a young woman laying in a ditch.
Rachel:Every damn day.
Margie:It's Jane Eyre looking for
Unknown:another parallel
Rachel:you know, you said this, so Okay. And I almost didn't pick it up. And when I did
Margie:this go. But seriously, how often did this happen back in the day where women were just wandering the wilderness. Oh, wow.
Rachel:I guess rite of passage, right. Not a real woman unless you've wandered the wilderness for a little while going through Bacchanalia.
Margie:So Anna takes the girl in inner carriage back to her own home and and has a doctor examine the woman and everyone in town is like turn this woman out of your house right now. She's a prostitute. And Anna is like is not going to happen. The girl's name is Pearl Pearl stays here until she gets better and she could then she could do whatever she damn well pleases when he gets three single women living in a house you know and they have in common what's gonna what's gonna happen and it's like, you know, we're you know that we're good people just, you know, just because we're associating with her. I don't know. I don't know. People are stupid. Okay, so Bob BirdBrain finds out and he is livid. Why? He's like, you get off doing that's gonna damage your reputation. You're the light in your eyes. So and she's like, for what helping a defenseless woman get back to help like, get back to hell like oh my gosh, she's reasonable. Yeah. And BirdBrain for bids Anna for bids her from associated with Perl and Anna comes up with the best response ever. What of all the men who made her what she is by associating with her? She asked. No one worries about the reputation of the men who patronize horse.
Rachel:Okay. I understand why when you looked for feminist romance novels, this came up,
Margie:okay. But I want you to know, this is a three part trilogy. And I read another one of the books in the trilogy. And in the next book, a girl gets stabbed. And then immediately the dude is like, I need to have sex with you right now. Okay. So they get into this massive argument and Anna leaves assuming that she's fired. But the next night the next morning bird brain shows up at Anna's house banging on the door. She's still in her nightgown, everybody that was still there night gowns and tells her she's not fired and almost apologizes. Almost almost
Unknown:Okay. All right. All right.
Margie:He kind of he's basically like, I've heard I've got a temper. And she's like, Yeah, okay, do and he's like, I've heard I intimidate people. I hope I don't intimidate you and she's like, you don't?
Rachel:Okay, that's actually kind of cute. It's actually like it. Like he it's almost like he's coming to her like bashfully like a lot. Yeah. Have a temper? kind of cute. I kind of like that interaction.
Margie:Okay. Yeah. It's I was like, I was kind of more hoping for an apology. Like yeah, sorry. If it is character growth yes it is character and
Rachel:response is pretty great well I'm fucking not alright so fuck off
Margie:oh so this whole time the whole beginning of this book sparks are flying right there so super attracted to each other and we'll like I said she's been trying to get bird brains dog a name and she finally settles on one. Joc Jacques Jacques Jacques Jacques Jacques is a French like Jacques yet J O CK jock. And she says that if she can get the dog to come if she calls jock then that's what bird brain will name him. If not, bird brain gets a kiss from jock. From Anna, so she's like their vote with the garden and she's like screaming jog, jog, jog. And finally, he's like, like, Dude is like this close so close to her face. They just hear the dog like right next to him. And he's like, damn it. Yeah, but it's
Rachel:it's actually pretty funny too. So I actually kind of like the interactions between these two characters. Yeah, I think I prefer her. Like mostly just he's like over the top broody but she's kind of a Spitfire and I and yes
Margie:yes well and she's I don't think she's so much a Spitfire is like like just being like no like i She's not yeah this is not right this is not fair. I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do so you can get over yourself right you know she's not afraid she doesn't she's not afraid of losing anything or you know people thinking ill of her well it's like well placed into the plot to those they just like her like poking a stick at that it's like this is actually a plot point this is
Rachel:well done I think at least so far surprises me considering the
Margie:cover but at this point the URL must be
Rachel:the URL must be
Margie:sated.
Rachel:Forget everything I said over the past five minutes no.
Margie:So he decides he's gonna go to Aphrodite scrod I would love it because he thirsty for the widow he thirsting for his secretary but Anna knows where he's going and his his Jesus Christ but and but he did during this time. She's gotten to know Pearl and she's also gotten to know who's the prostitute is getting better and a house right? But she's also gotten to know her sister coral. And no they're not like secret mermaids no I was literally reading and writing the notes and I was like wait Pearl coral. Do they have a sister named Ariel? Like what the frick is this? My
Rachel:mouth was legitimately open to say that they're mermaids. They're not okay.
Margie:I wish I wish but they all live in Aphrodite ascribe grotto to so like so they're
Rachel:nymphs. Yeah. Okay. actual name. Weird man. Oh god, thank god.
Margie:Oh god. Yeah, actually.
Rachel:That's why he's going to the Bronco illogically
Margie:accurate that would be a lot to us that I would not see coming but
Rachel:it would be pretty damn good. It
Margie:would be really good but he's also been talking about our lips the whole time so it'd be really confused. He's by he's there you go. Um, so with coral Anna hatches a plan and it decides that she is going to go to London with pearl and coral and she is going to go to Aphrodite grotto herself and get herself set up with BirdBrain nice he died but she doesn't want the URL to know that it's her so the night but
Rachel:no no
Unknown:no no communications no
Margie:the day so so she decided disguise decides to wear disguise in the shape of a butterfly mask Okay,
Rachel:all right. No, I take issue with this. Why is it a fucking Raven mask? Right?
Unknown:So true.
Margie:Even coral though is like this is probably not gonna work. Like this also sub like Sailor Moon Tuxedo Mask it's like well said superhero rule that if you can't see my cheekbones you will never discover my true identity.
Rachel:Okay, I'm sorry but the Green Lantern movie was terrible. fucking movie that was good. Of course. I know. It's you. You think cover your cheekbones means I don't know who you are.
Margie:Well, so like and also she's her lips are uncovered and he's been staring at her lips the entire book. And he doesn't recognize her so she gets there.
Rachel:She just she gets on with him.
Margie:So it works. Yeah, he does not recognize her and they spent a magical night together in Aphrodite grotto. They don't say anything to each other the entire time. He like blows you like it's actually pretty hot. They like he like, you know, flips her world upside down. It's really good sex. It's awesome. And he says one thing the entire time they're together and it's at the very end tomorrow like tomorrow tomorrow night or something like tomorrow night, and she's like, Oh crap, it'd be bad to do this once. So yeah, it's pretty spicy though but I'm just like you would you wouldn't recognize like body language or like anything about her her hair like anything? Well, so here's why I called him BirdBrain because of just like,
Rachel:here's the part that you she didn't she forgot to write down as in addition to the mask, she was also wearing a full bodysuit that just had the boobs I've been trying to open and a shower cap
Unknown:is that we get you go like America doors store. Oh, yeah, no. Huge rubber suit.
Rachel:I said that. And now that I'm thinking about it, I'm very uncomfortable. Please keep going.
Margie:So they do that for two nights. They have like, amazing, amazing sex. And he actually requests her for another night. But she's like, No, fuck boy. Have I gotta get back to our village before you go. You go. Yeah, cuz he's like they're on, you know, ostensibly to the public. He's there because he's gonna meet his fiancee who lives in London is really going to like hook up with this girl. Yeah, and he's super sweet goes back to the village too. And he's super upset because he like never learns the identity of this person who's been begging in the brothel. And she never came back. Uh huh. That third night so he's like, where did she go? What happened?
Rachel:God
Margie:so but so in and in those two nights they never kissed? Okay, which Anna is like really upset about? I mean she got the deck so like, you know,
Rachel:so I'm probably going to be wrong but here's my guess he finds out that she's been gone from work for the past couple days and maybe starts to put two and two together No, no Wow.
Margie:BirdBrain for a reason. Okay, he's detect a bird brave Yeah. It's really bad pretty so but they both so she they both head back to London not together obviously. Yeah, but and they go back to work together and at one point a horse nearly crushes Anna in London are back in the bed back in the bed. Okay, so they went back to bed village they're both back at work together and she almost gets to get smooshed and so of course, like he this is a weird thing that the author does. So of course, like she's terrified like she's like I almost got killed. He's got a strong arms around her. And you know what? You know what? I've just had a near death experience. You know what I want someone to kiss me passionately.
Rachel:Would it shut you up?
Unknown:It would shut me I feel like so I'd like just shaking my head.
Rachel:So my when I my adrenaline goes nuts like when you know if say you're driving and someone else hits you or or jumpscares jumpscares are bad for me. I get fighty Yeah, and that's why like I hate jumps. Might be into that I want to punch somebody so I feel like if someone tried to do that to me I'd fucking DECA
Margie:just like a weird time and like I said this is the thing that the author does where the the dude The girl will get into danger. The dude saves her. And then the dude does something sexual Herstal like I told you in the next book like she gets stabbed he takes her home the doctor looks at her very quickly says she's fine and then he like closets the doctor out of the room. It was like okay, we're gonna bang right now.
Rachel:I mean, I think here's my trying to rationalize it or at least in some way make it okay is the whole like, adrenaline pumping like oh my God, thank God you're safe. I thought you know you weren't and then
Margie:let's get to it. Okay, yeah, I guess that's fair. But I just like the one ad little bit of whiplash you know, when
Rachel:I do get fighty I've never wanted had to have immediate sex afterwards. I just want to hit something. Yeah, yeah. So that's what I'm not saying different things.
Margie:So he they kiss, but then he suddenly remembers that he's engaged. It's funny he didn't think of that you know, at the brothel.
Rachel:Therefore his
Unknown:sex workers are not real people. Sorry.
Rachel:Let me see about this. They are sex workers.
Margie:But they're but they're also not real people. Okay, that's that's complete. Yeah. Okay, so, um, God,
Rachel:I hope I hope people have know us well enough to know when we're being sorry, right now sadly, so scary. I'm really bad about giving dead can deliver some things and not explaining myself after. Right?
Margie:Well, I just wanted to say that be like sarcasm. So he tells me so BirdBrain tells Anna, we can't do this. I'm engaged. I'm in love, like, you know crazy about you but I'm engaged and she
Rachel:says that's not what you said the other night.
Margie:She should have ah, but like it would have been so weird like you let's say that that's where the story ends but they get married and everything right up in the scope of their love and then she strips down and he's like, wait a minute, I recognize
Rachel:recognize that bush?
Margie:I don't need a butterfly basta rescue. recognize you. Good. Okay, so um, he also tells her that he has to marry this other girl, his fiancee because he has to build a family with this person. And it's been safely assumed around the village that Anna Ren is barren. Because she didn't have children with her first husband. Okay, so she and her first husband were married, I think for four years and they never conceived. Interesting. Yes. So they always assumed she's buried,
Rachel:because that's what you assume. In those times. Yes. Sarcasm.
Margie:Yes, exactly. So they're both it's really, really awkward then to be working together. Yeah, it's like, but they're all They're still spending lots and lots of time together. He buys her roses to put her in, put in our garden. It's very cute. I think that that's kind of cute cuz she'd been talking about flowers with him a lot. Like she would point things out that are in his like, manner and be like, Oh, those are so pretty. You could do these and this and this thing with it. And he's like, I know nothing about Pfizer so well, she while he's in London. Ah, so she's like gonna plant them. So she's like, bends over to do something and she does this weird thing where she'll tuck her hair behind her ear with her pinky finger. And he recognizes the move from the sex worker, Aphrodite is Grotto of all this. All the things and he figures it out and he like remembers other things to wear like stewardess like, Oh, she didn't come to work while you were gone. Right. And personally, right. And yeah, you're Yeah, personally right. And he's but BirdBrain is Yes. Any corners are in the garden is like, it was you I figured you out. And he takes it to mean that she just wanted to bang him but there was no emotion behind it at all. And he's kind of he's upset about that. And he even goes so far to say were there other men? No shit. Yeah, yeah.
Rachel:So because it's okay that he sleeps around with others, right? Yeah, okay. Yeah. All right. Yes. Yeah, feminism, y'all. Yeah.
Margie:And she tries to convince them she's like no, you know, like please let me talk to you like let's talk about this and he just walks away because you know communication
Rachel:took the word right out today,
Margie:so I know right so she doesn't go back to work and a day or two goes by time is irrelevant and a construct anyway. Construct its arrival This is one of my favorite parts. Oh no. Except for the butterfly basket. Beautiful not recognizing your okay.
Rachel:Why wasn't your Raven mask?
Margie:Like, like, go go buy the book or like, a little creepy
Rachel:would make him willing to call when he comes. He said that she wrote that right. That's exactly what happened.
Margie:Yes, yeah. So um, but BirdBrain sends the steward to Amis house, and doesn't come himself the time. himself. Well, yeah. But a birdbrain has his steward asked Ghana to marry BirdBrain for he doesn't just ask her itself. He makes a steward do it for him.
Rachel:I'm like, God, this poor steward.
Margie:so uncomfortable. And so obvious. She says, No. Obviously she says no.
Unknown:And other chick did. So
Margie:we're getting to that. Okay. So the next time BirdBrain actually comes in person. Because she says no. And it's like, the fucking maybe won't marry me. And she's like, nobody knows any. Because so he's like, all worried like, I've soiled your honor. And she's like, nobody knows. Except for you that I was there. Right? If anything, I soiled your honor. Because I knew that you were there every like, I can get the receipts. Okay. Like, why are you making a big deal out of this? God and so he's like, I have to marry you. Like we've had sex now. So I have to Yeah, yeah.
Rachel:So Jesus H Christ.
Margie:Yeah. So those other sex workers you know, they mean nothing but Anna, respectable lady,
Rachel:he's actually married to all of them. Surprise polygamy.
Unknown:Come join my brood rise to
Margie:the Chozo gross never watched it.
Unknown:Glad I did.
Margie:So, so but so she's like, I'm not coming back to work. I think it's really inappropriate for me to come back to work. Sure, you know now and he's like, okay, fine, but I'm gonna keep your wages because you didn't fit fulfill like up until the pain point of you know. Yeah and so she's like well crap I've already owe people the village money which is a good idea. And so we effectively traps her because she's like, he's like, I can't leave now I need my money. Yeah. So once she goes back to work BirdBrain is doing everything in his power to seduce her and get her to marry him. At one point, he stops a carriage like they're both riding and adjust to make out with her. At another point, he starts taking off his shirt while it's just the two of them in the room. And he keeps calling her dear. He does that in front of other people two
Rachel:nostrils are flaring. No. I was like kind of okay with almost every book. Okay.
Margie:Even I think it may be about Blake landed or something.
Rachel:And then, no, I was never okay with it. If I did, I lied. No, like she's a respectable lady. So as soon as I have sex with her and not the you know, God knows how many other ladies I just deflowered if you will. Not okay. And I have to marry her even though I'm already engaged to someone. Fucking No. So yeah, when they get married, how the fuck is she gonna know that he's not going back to the Aphrodite play.
Margie:Oh, that's so true. I didn't even think about that. My Yeah, yeah. Oh
Rachel:my god. Okay.
Margie:So they have more very close intimate moments. And they're kind of like, she's sort of let's see me. So yeah, very, very spicy. Spicy. And he does figure out that she was she was at the Grotto, only to see him like, she was kind of like a revolving door. You know, you have to wonder because like we Cuba to the Rado. The lady at the front desk basically was like room six. I was looking for you. But nobody knew he was nobody was supposed to know. I don't think he was coming that night. So he should have maybe questioned that from the get go. Yeah, yeah. Well, somebody was looking for it. BirdBrain. Right. Right. So he basically gets her to come to London with him as his quote unquote, Secretary. He's taking her to London to hook up
Rachel:at the Aphrodite place. Yes. Not at the
Margie:Aphrodite place like
Rachel:it is home. Oh, wait. So it's home isn't in the village? Oh, sorry. I'm
Margie:not explaining this. Well, no. Well, I get a house in the village. And he's like another place in London. People have multiple homes. Right. So I know. He's, he takes her to London to hook up with her so that people in the village will be like, ooh, scandalous. Yeah, yeah. But
Rachel:yeah, because they're definitely not already talking. Because in that time right now, Secretary, right. Uh huh. Yeah.
Margie:Well, so um, they are they're finally like, getting happy and loving and everything is good. And he BirdBrain goes to the fiance, his actual fiance's house on his like, break it off? Yes, he does. And he's the guy who explains why he's actually honest about it with the Father. And the dads like you were going to leave my daughter, a very respectable young lady who can bury your children to marry this barren widow from your little village.
Rachel:How did he think it was gonna go on?
Margie:I know, but he doesn't really care. He's like, sorry about it. See? Yeah, like I didn't marry her. You can have your it is what it is. Sorry, dude. Yeah. So But while this is happening, and it gets blackmailed. There are people in the village who had been following her and kind of like, you know? Why? Because juicy details. They were paid off by someone
Rachel:who cared enough. I'm sorry. There always has to be a why in this case, I don't think there's a y
Margie:there's there is a Y. It's just not that important. It's like this. It's this big girl from the village who just really really does not like Anna. Okay. She does not like Anna because there is a really good reason. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, sure. She's kind of I think Phyllis, the character's name is Felicity is jealous. So she's working for the URL, and they're like, you know, okay, something's going on. Yeah, something spicy, something spicy. So they blackmail Anna by saying like give us 100 pounds or we're going to tell the the Earl's actual fiance that you've been hooking up with him
Rachel:he just told them
Margie:tell them he told him he was marrying this widow for the village not that he was hooking up with Okay, so like yeah the bolts and BirdBrain is fluffed so very very for Lord. Oh for bird brain it till finally what a bird brains bird friends is like you idiot there was a black whale though the fireplace that didn't get properly burned she was trying to protect you. So there's a duel and Aphrodite is grotto BirdBrain wins and he tells Anna he loves her it doesn't care they can't make babies he just wants to be with her but they do make babies
Rachel:he wins he loves or doesn't care that can't do the dirty children and then they spawn great
Margie:so like here's this here's the little black meal side but Felicity hates Anna like I've said I think it's mostly because she's hanging out right with but she also like Felicity happens to have a child that looks remarkably like Anna wrens former are deceased husband. So Felicity was hooking up with Mrs. Okay, yeah, yeah, no
Rachel:wonder she doesn't okay. Okay, that that makes a little bit more sense.
Margie:Like leave it alone and still Hello he's dead
Rachel:right and I'm sorry I misspoke I did not mean the word spawn I meant that they could lay eggs together
Unknown:nests they haven't
Rachel:they have little baby very well. So
Margie:the the scene where like there's an epilogue, of course, the babies
Rachel:are you hungry?
Margie:There's an epilogue where a thing they're describing the David and I gave gave birth to their first child. And she dies
Rachel:because she's 1700 We might as well and
Margie:so like he's like very, very, very anxiously waiting because he's already lost one wife, childbirth, and so like the midwife gives him a glass of like brandy or you know, some sort of alcoholic beverage. And he just sits there in silence doesn't drink it. It just waits like so nervous. And then finally like the midwife is like, come up now. And he takes the whole bottle
Unknown:into bed with his wife and baby and then dies because he craves so much like I don't know he's like seven feet tall. Okay, it's like it's like one drink
Rachel:and twisted meaning he was part of the Harlem Globetrotters. Traveling
Margie:globe. That is a weird Dogru episode.
Rachel:Every 90s cartoon had a cameo by the Harlem Globetrotters. Especially Scooby Doo. So why drew why can't we have a romance novel that has a cameo? Harlem Globetrotters.
Margie:Okay, so we're gonna move on to the room viewing but this is more just like reviewing your critical trick isn't mask
Unknown:not recognize. Just staring at her lipstick tips.
Rachel:Hey, love is blind. In this case,
Margie:so at the time, I hate butterflies too. So the tackiness of a butterfly bats way so you want to.
Rachel:So okay,
Margie:okay, a lot, a lot. A lot. There is actually a lot of content doing back.
Rachel:Okay, so there's actually some some parts of this that I'm like, okay, that's kind of cute.
Margie:Yeah, there's a couple. I do like the couple overall, like,
Rachel:as far as far as Victorian era romance novels that are written in modern day go. It could have been a lot worse because I have absolutely attempted to read too. And have not been able to finish either of them. So yeah, yeah. So it
Margie:will get worse and also so for I read this book, right. I tried to read the other book. No, I didn't get through it. Uh huh. I got to the stabbing point and I was like, what? We're done. And you know what it was called? The serpent Prince.
Rachel:He's not even
Margie:true. Well, so the fairy tale is called the Ravens. Yes. Yeah.
Rachel:What stills is the second book with the same characters.
Margie:It's so remember his friend at the end who came up like hey, guess what, this is the line. smell though. It's it's the other care. Yeah. Okay, so all of them all these three guys like fine, fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wonderful.
Rachel:Alright, so I want to hear your thoughts then break it down for me. Um,
Margie:so the first time I read this I was kind of like, this is not bad. It's actually pretty good. It's the problem is is that like, when you start to think about it starts, especially but it's not the first especially the sex scene in the Grotto, you start to really think about it and you're like, wait a minute, what? What, and I think the reason why I didn't think about it the first time was that I was like, oh, yeah, like this
Rachel:is it was a well written sincerely saying, Hey, I appreciate a well written sexy. Yeah, yeah.
Margie:So I was kind of like, oh, you know, like, didn't think about it. And then the second I was like, Wait a minute.
Rachel:Wait a tick. Hold on.
Unknown:Ah,
Margie:oh, and I also want to know that the the pearl, the sex worker ends up marrying the steward.
Unknown:Oh,
Rachel:I'm okay with that. Yeah, very much. Okay
Unknown:with that. Yeah. Okay. Am I cute?
Rachel:That's pretty cute. Yeah,
Margie:yeah. So I would give this book
Rachel:in both kits a dive soon. Yeah. Were the pox.
Unknown:Yeah. Smallpox that if she was a Oh, right. Yeah, she's
Rachel:gonna lose their noses. It's fine.
Unknown:Oh, God would have syphilis
Rachel:was rampant in that time. It's cool.
Margie:It's fine. It's fine. Whatever. Um, we'll also though that Anna's probably gonna die. They're all gonna die for
Unknown:Probably. Probably. They were going to a whorehouse or somewhere else. A brothel a problem.
Rachel:If, I mean, he probably has syphilis. So now she robbed Yeah,
Margie:exactly. Exactly. It's fine. Whatever. It is a very high and Victorian era bra. I'm sure they weren't totally clean. It's
Rachel:all go mad together. Great.
Margie:Awesome. Okay, review. So for in terms of romance novels, overall. I would give this a three. Okay, solid middle of the road. Yeah. I mean, I think that like a five has to be like really breaking the barrier and amazing me and I was like, the story did not amaze me, especially the ending. I was kind of like, like, you know, that whole blackmailing thing. I was just not interested in it. At the time I was reading the book. I was like, this is just a boring subplot that I don't have any investment in. So I think that they'd done something a little more interesting on the side. Yeah, that was like happening. Like it was very like nefarious moustached work. Yeah, exactly. And so it's just kind of like
Rachel:this. Hi, this made into the tracks of this train.
Margie:Yeah, so I was just kind of knit on the plot, but like, the romance was cute. The rainbow was pretty cute. All right. They were both pretty feisty. I liked how they were both, like over 30 people because I'm approaching 30 I need some romance in my life. Well,
Rachel:I don't know. They're both over 30 They're both happen. It's still happening. There's still hope.
Margie:In terms of care, okay, so the characters I really liked Anna. I would give her for probably BirdBrain. zard because he's not intelligent. No, he's not until he Well, he does. Well, so there is character development, because he recognizes that he does things wrong. And then he tries to right, who's wrong? Right. So let's get on with three, three. Okay, all right. I feel like for a romance novel, it gets the job done, because there's this cute romance. And then there's these really hot, sweaty scenes and like, okay, you know, you want a Saturday afternoon romance romp. Do it great. It, it is good for that. So what about the plot? Um, like I said, I think the plot of their romance is pretty funny and cute. It's funny, because it's just so ridiculous. Yeah, like, and I love the part where he was kind of just driving her crazy at the end, because marry me. And she's like, now, that part was very proud of prejudice a
Unknown:little bit. Getting out of spray bottle. No, yes, no, no.
Margie:That part was pretty funny because she really he really does, like try to drive her crazy in both good and bad ways. But like the I think that I would like I said earlier, I wish that the author had built a plot around their romance that was a little more better. Interesting, right, like,
Rachel:so here's, here's the ultimate question. So if you're new to the podcast, we like to, we created this thing that we have referred to as the book Delta book delta. So we're still the book bill test is still in beta, beta testing, beta testing. So if you have any recommendations hit us up. But our current book they'll test is specifically, do the characters build each other up? Do they better each other? Is their character development? Is there a strong female and male characters that hold up on their own? So those are our current sort of criteria. Yes. For the book belt test,
Margie:I would say for holding, like, standing on their own as characters. Not that okay, they can't Anna for sure. But that's right. It's written well, it's not 100% written her perspective, but like, mostly hers. Yeah. So I would say like, yeah, she can BirdBrain barely, yeah, I mean, he kind of has, like, he has these motivations to like, get a family like to get some pregnant right now pretty much in America, someone, but it's just like, there's nothing really in his life outside of that. Yeah. And that's just kind of like, bear my structure of a human, but they are both very saucy, and very sassy. And so that works well with each other. So like their relationship with each other. You know, it's it's, I guess it's strong. Right? It makes sense.
Rachel:Because so this I think, with the actual Bechtel test with movies, I think that there's kind of those, those ones that are like, passed with flying colors. Definitely fail and kind of middle of the road. Is this one middle of the middle of the road? Yeah.
Margie:And in terms of building each other up, it's another one of those things where, like, if it had a stronger plot all together, there would be more opportunities for that, but there really wasn't, you know, so. And he does like he has some character development. Because he, like I said earlier, he changes over the he recognizes his mistakes with her right, but she doesn't really she's never really that apologetic about deceiving him in the Grotto.
Rachel:Yeah,
Margie:she told me she doesn't need to be she says she's sorry about it. Well, she does. I think in a sense of she does. She didn't tell him who she was that night. Like she didn't give him the full information. In case it's substates. That's that's sexual assault.
Rachel:Well, but here's my thought on it is she? She wanted sex. So she went for it. Yeah. Right. And also, she did it in a place that he was going to go and have sex with someone he didn't know anyway. Okay, fair. Yeah. So I don't I don't necessarily think she needs to be apologize. I think that you know, if he's upset about it should be like, okay, look, this is why I did this thing. I don't know if you have thoughts hit us up. Now. You may be asking, say I do have very strong opinions on your bookshelf test. Where can I go
Margie:or anything else? You can hit us up at Twitter, detention pod? Instagram. Textual tension, pod, website, textual tension, pod.com. Email, textual tension pod@gmail.com. That's all of them. Right? That's all of them. Boom. We're also actually though we are on Goodreads, Goodreads, Goodreads, and we do make comments on every book. So if you want to like hit us up there, find our comment and hit us up there. We'd love to actually comment. Yes, we do. So this was my what the February is that butterfly bass. That's pumpkin butter. Butterfly bask Oh my god. So you guys have pictures of butterfly baths?
Rachel:To us. Please do and I want to know what a quote unquote sexy butterfly mask would look. Yeah, I feel like it's possible but like iridescent. Or like a black lace kind of thing. That would be fine. Well,
Margie:maybe Venetian. Yes.
Rachel:Hit us up and I'm still waiting for pictures of cats. Yeah, I still haven't gotten those but
Margie:the frick back paddywhack guys, you guys like in? Right? So you get to like, get on our page. See?
Rachel:Alright, so um, yeah, I think thank you guys so much for sticking around. Hit us up if especially if you have any recommendations for books. Oh, thank
Margie:you to our friend Adam at the public library for giving rights Lissa book. Valley Public Library? Yeah.
Rachel:So if you are in the Cincinnati area, there's a slight possibility that something might be in the works between us in the Cincinnati Public Libraries. So maybe I'm not saying anything. 100% yet, but stay tuned. We also want to thank the artist ala near you for song. Oh, love the album be held. There we go. Um, yeah, so please, because I'm so excited. Come back two weeks from now.
Unknown:I can do it right now. Yeah, it's true.
Rachel:You have to wait listeners for my addition to what the February hole baby. Pair yourself. It is. Beautiful. Yeah. So come back two weeks from now for the conclusion. The exciting conclusion to what the February have a wonderful Valentine's Day. Yes. Even if it's Valentine's Day with a glass of wine, watching a rom com or something or
Margie:what I'm doing
Rachel:even better hit up our Goodreads recommendation for a good romance novel to read on your Valentine's Day. All right. Okay. We'll see you guys two weeks from now. All right.