Who said spooky was only relegated to October? Certainly not us! Your co-hosts are getting spooky again with In Her Thrall, by Chloe Parker! We're here to answer the age old question: if one dude is good, are 3 better?
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Hello, and welcome to textual tension. I am your co host Rachel, every other week I jump on in here and give you guys the what's what, who's who, etc, about what's going on in our little world. Hey, guys, I'm back. You may have noticed that last week, Margie did our intro and she crushed it can I say, but I'm back after two weeks of traveling, and it was crazy and insane. And that's okay. Because I'm so happy to be back and back to the world of sanity, mostly. So, let's go ahead and get through this real quick so that you guys can get on to the good stuff that you're here for, which is the episode. Hey, we have a Patreon. Go ahead and check us out at patreon.com/textual tension, where there's all sorts of cool stuff there. We talk about the sex, we do weekly, or monthly live streams. If you are a $10 patron you get quarterly gifts from us which I am biased, but I think they're pretty rad. And it's a good a good time. We have a lot of fun over there and we have a special $10 Patreon discord as well and a normal discord and normal social media. So you can check us out at textual tension pod across the board on all the social medias and on Discord. You can find that link in our Instagram profile link. Outside of that I don't think we have really any other major announcements for this week. So that was fast and quick and easy into the point. And I think I'll go ahead and give you some romance novel wisdom for sitting through my little spiel. Hey, how many decks does it take to get to the center of a city? All right, I was kind of proud of that one. So hey, just thank you guys for listening. I really appreciate you and I we really appreciate you sticking around for all of our technical difficulties and all of our crazy shenanigans that life tends to throw our way and just hey, thank you. We really appreciate you. So without further ado, here is episode 81. Zero to 666 and nothing flat
Unknown:tearing me apart from
Rachel:Hello, and welcome to textual tension, a love hate relationship with romance novels. I am your co host Rachel and I am your co host Margie. Every other week one of us reads and summarizes a romance novel for our other unsuspecting co host this week. Margie Hey, it, you,
Margie:it Mito
Rachel:it you dough. Together, we unpack what WHAT THE FUCK THE FUCK just just happened? That's pretty
Margie:good. For remote.
Rachel:It was honestly Yeah. I'd like to take a moment to say hello to all of my co workers that have decided to tune in and listen to my podcast now that they found out about it.
Margie:Hi, Ursa.
Rachel:Hello. Yay. Yay. Yeah. Hey, guys, please don't judge me too hard. I'm alright. or do whatever. I'm not stopping.
Margie:Follow your heart. Just don't get the science wrong now, Rachel. Oh, there's
Rachel:no science in this. Oh, don't worry. All right. It's funny. I Margie just mentioned that she was pulling a Rachel. I'm pulling a Margie. You have no notes. Do you? These are my notes.
Margie:I love how I knew immediately what that meant. Like, oh, no, I know myself. I know what's happening. I know what I do. I know who I am.
Rachel:I have three whole pages on this hotel sized notepad.
Margie:I thought you were gonna say it was on a hotel something book and it was like, Oh, what is this about?
Rachel:I wrote it in the Book of Mormon. No.
Margie:Oh my god. Actually, there's
Rachel:no Bible in this hotel room. Oh, yeah. I'm on a work trip. So I'm recording from my hotel room. Hi, everybody. Okay, so I wasn't ready to give up the spook. It's still spooky. In my brain. Yeah. So I picked a spooky season book. I picked a book that we Okay, there is a little bit of context here. So on Instagram, we get a whole bunch of ads for this one author who's totally like self published, and usually I try to avoid the self published books. Uh huh. Because 50 Shades of Grey. Yeah. And a lot of it is like big blue alien kind of stuff. Alright, then around spooky season, she started putting out ads It's for one that I was like, oh, so
Margie:the author started putting out ads for us. Okay.
Rachel:And it was spooky. That was the whole point. It's a novella. It's actually not that long. Okay, it's long enough but yeah. And I just the more I saw, the more I couldn't not. Oh, hey, I was expecting it to be terrible. Here. Let me I'm very curious.
Margie:I'm equally curious if not more curious. Okay, here we go.
Unknown:Oh, uh huh.
Margie:The first thing that came up was in her Thrall a paranormal romance. Harker Heights book one and I already I already love. The title of the book in her heart just sounds frickin amazing. Uh huh. Oh, shit.
Rachel:We got vampires baby got their pikers
Margie:um, it's my Chloe Parker. And the image is just a woman standing by herself. She's wearing she's standing in front of the moon. And I have to say that is an accurate like, Moon picture. Which sounds weird, but like I can see the face in the moon or like what I imagined to be the face in the moon. Anyway, we
Rachel:curate Moon pictures. In our romance novel, cover,
Margie:yes. And so she but she's standing in front of kind of like a archway, a brick archway, and she's got bright red hair. Wearing a gorgeous black gown. That's like open back and she's like, looking towards us but and facing away from the archway and it's kind of like,
Rachel:there's a lot. There's a lot of bedroom in those eyes. Yeah, there's
Margie:a well, I feel like it's more kind of like, like there was something. She's like, hearing something whispered in the wind. Like that kind of vibe. And she has a boss rose tattoo on her back. Yeah, it's
Rachel:pretty cool. Yeah, yeah, there's row towards the bottom.
Margie:Guess there's roses towards the bottom. The author's name is smaller than the title. And like I said, again, I I obviously it's night time because well, no, but it's nighttime because the mood is out. We're gonna assume that it's nighttime. Yeah, yeah. All right, let's I'm gonna read the description if I
Rachel:can, like fuck Chloe Parker. I don't remember if he said that.
Margie:Oh, I don't know if I said that either. Yes, it is by Chloe Parker.
Rachel:All right, ready? So ready.
Margie:Rumor has it there's a beautiful beast stalking the English countryside. For hundreds of years. The Van Helsing family has searched for the creature Dracula a demon of the night that stalks the shadows for hablas Pray Love you're already giggling frustrated you'll get you'll see why freshly returned from service in the Great War.
Rachel:You know that one? Specific it is that one? That great war. Oh, it's just World War
Margie:One or World War Two. What do you mean World War Two. Damn it. Freshly returned from service in the Great War. Van Helsing air Jonathan Wakefield finds himself in the English countryside on a hunch that the creature is taking a new form. The Lady of Harker Heights Bianca IV shade I love how he comes back from war. And he's like, I think that bitch is a vampire. Yeah,
Rachel:you know, Laurel do that.
Margie:I think you got some PTSD. We'll get there huh? Each year on All Hallows Eve Bianca hosts an extravagant ball. That's why he thinks and Jonathan is slated invitation. He breaks with other vampire hunters.
Rachel:And she has to be a vampire.
Margie:Shy scientists Marcus writer and charming occultist Edward Shelley. Oh, that's not that's. That's not subtle at all. Yeah. Remember, Mary Shelley? Yep. Storm confined to the guest to the manor for the night. Jonathan, Marcus and Edward find themselves irresistibly drawn to the beautiful Bianca Wait, what? And they soon learned that there is secrets in the archives? And perhaps even a greater evil that the vampires herself? Will the Met escape with their lives or will they fall under the vampires? Thrall. Okay, uh huh. Can I keep could I read it till the end? Because there's
Rachel:a little bit more I mean, you can if you want,
Margie:I yeah, in her Thrall as a male male female male standalone paranormal romance featuring a powerful heroine and a group of passionate men straight out of a Penny Dreadful Crimson Peak meets The Great Gatsby in this heated night at Harker Heights. Okay, I want to say what they get this is gonna totally spoil Crimson Peak, but There better not be any sibling fucking there's no sibling. Thank god, okay. Don't ruin Tom. Hiddleston for me again. No more sibling fucking I'm over it. No
Rachel:more incest is not a trigger in this book. So This one. Um, um, okay, triggers. The reason I picked it is the moment I read Marcus Shelley, I was like, Ah, no, you can't
Margie:work. It says, oh, it's no, it's Marcus Ryder and oh, sorry, Edward shall Edward
Rachel:Shelley. I was like, you can't? You can't pull that shit. Right, we gotta see what's up here. And, I mean, it's set in the 20s, which is pretty cool. I will give it that.
Margie:I just still, like, caught up with all of it.
Rachel:i Okay. Well, okay, we'll get into it. I will just going into it. I will say the writing, which is my biggest concern for self published novels was very good. Okay. And in my book, you can get away with a lot when the writing is good. There were still moments though. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was like. Oh, all right. Triggers. Yes. Well, there is some murder. Oh, okay. So PTSD, there's some war reference war war. And
Margie:for
Rachel:that would be the big one, wouldn't it?
Unknown:Yeah. Foul damn wires,
Rachel:I would argue, be the biggest one, you know, but racial. Maybe
Margie:I shouldn't stereotype. I mean, even though they're vampires, it doesn't mean you know, it means that they drink blood,
Rachel:they literally doesn't mean it has to be sexual.
Margie:Come on, don't drink
Rachel:blood. Well, it's not just the vampire in this case.
Margie:Alright, go on. Uh huh. So
Rachel:we are going to structure this a little bit differently. Okay. Namely, rather than giving, like telling the story in chronicle chronological order as per like, how it's presented the book, so I guess, like, in the order, it's presented in the book. Yeah. Sure. You all have been traveling for two weeks straight. Anyway, yeah. Instead, I am going to go into the backstory of each of the characters. Okay. And then get into the story that's happening, because there's a lot of like, exposition times in the book, and it just, to me makes more sense to give you the background of each person first.
Margie:Are you telling me that there are going to be flashbacks?
Rachel:Oh, so many flashbacks. And also, there's a lot of people there. There's a lot of people to keep track. Yeah, there's a lot of horses in this race. All right.
Margie:All right. All right. Well, I mean, there are four people in this relationship. So four horses
Rachel:in this relationship. So the boys are back in town. The boys are back in town. Jonathan Wakefield, and my description for each of these is like two cent two words. So my words and then give a description. Okay, Jonathan Wakefield, haunted Van Helsing. So he is a descendant of Van helped the Van Helsing so Allah Okay, Cuellar Okay, Allah Abraham Van Helsing, the, you know occultist the kill Dracula think Oh, cool. Well helped. So He is a veteran of the war and war. Do I need to put an effect on our voices every time we say the war? Yes. Every time the war but so he was he was not aware of his fan Helsing bloodline, until he went to war and it turns out World War One not only was it a bunch of countries being like Well damn it now we have to fight because some guy died. Actually history factory history facts was Rachel
Margie:sighs Archduke Ferdinand
Rachel:not anymore so he went to the front and not only was that the case of the war also Eldritch Horror being monster. Yeah, France. Oh, sure. So people died. But he Yeah, when it
Margie:rains it pours
Rachel:when it rains it wars.
Margie:But uh but I bang bang, boom.
Rachel:I am not proud. I'm not proud. Okay, I'm proud. So he kind of accidentally was in the infantry that was trying to fight that dude and turns out because of his Van Helsing background, and bloodline. He's immune to like magic and stuff. Like, convenience. Yes. So he survived but has major PTSD from that. Go. That'll do it. I've read enough to know what
Unknown:Jay Z's gone by.
Rachel:So he met Marcus Ryder and Edward Shelley in the war, so it's never gonna get old. Marcus is a scientist. He was a scientist and a doctor who was on the front taking care of people and trying to figure out exactly what was happening with this monster and being a scientist and a doctor. Medical Doctor was also trying to kind of like create a super serum kind of situation for Okay,
Margie:so it would be helpful to have Captain America against the giant eldritch won state.
Rachel:Yeah. Beings the most ethical of scientists. He experimented on himself.
Margie:Oh, so he's trying to hold this shit out.
Rachel:Okay, move that surprises nobody. He's basically Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Unknown:Oh, cool.
Rachel:Uh huh. Uh huh. Yeah, there's there's some there's some influences. Are you are you are you catching? Are you picking up on that?
Margie:Yeah. The only a little very subtle, very subtle. Yeah, we're only as subtle as like a punch in the gut.
Rachel:I was thinking the Kool Aid man. Yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah. The Kool Aid man punching you in the right right. Then we have Edward Shelley, who is not a hulking monster he is however, a real smooth magician man. So he gives like shows and stuff like with sleight of hand and everything quote unquote, but he's legitimately like a magician like he okay does magic so he so the important thing being all three of these people are immune to magical influence like on their brain kind of thing. Okay, and helps him because of his blood mark is because of his monster inside and Edward because he is a magician. Edward also was on the front helping them try to figure out what the hell to do with that, you know, the pesky little little little thing that is the eldritch being that apparently was part of World War One.
Margie:No, just on top of World War One, which is already a horrible about go here's an eldritch monster man wrote that in the trenches for you. You'll love it.
Rachel:Excuse me, sir. My interest to you in some Eldritch Horror with your
Margie:just may interest you in some other horror on top of your horror. Yeah, I
Rachel:was having a very bad day.
Margie:Everyone was having a very bad war. Okay,
Rachel:so there's our boys. Then we have Bianca IV shade,
Margie:a shorter name. I feel like there's so many vampires though, who are named like Bianca. I think that there's yes because in Dresden Files there's another vampire and she's the head of a clan and her name is Bianca. She's part of the red vampires I think.
Rachel:I think it's Oh god. I don't think her name is a reference to Dracula. But she is a reference to Oh, Harker Heights. She's a reference to Mina Harker.
Margie:Oh, right. Right. Of course. Of course. Right. Yeah,
Rachel:so cuz that's the name of her castle is Harker Heights. Oh, cool. Yeah. So I, Bianca IV she lives in a castle outside of a village in northern England. And,
Margie:as I mean, as as you fucking do, she's gonna lean into that aesthetic as hard as she can.
Rachel:100% Yeah. And she is 100 like toda tip 100% of vampire. Absolutely. She also collects women who like collects, not like in a bad way, but in like a Oh, you have some magical ability and are ostracized. Come to me. Come come live here.
Margie:So she's not collecting them. She's mothering them. She's Mrs. Weasley.
Rachel:Yes, she's Mrs. weaseling. Them. Vampire, Mrs. Weasley. What if Miss Weasley but vampire? We don't know.
Margie:We don't know her lifestyle.
Rachel:We're about to. Okay, so we're gonna get into her background in a little bit. We need a little bit of context first for her. So it's time for the story. So Jonathan, has had a bad day, no good, very bad day, and is making his way to an inn in a town in the north of England to meet up with his friends Edward and Marcus. They have been invited to a very exclusive and ostentatious party at heart. And it is a party that happens every year on Halloween. And it is being filmed by Bianca IV shade who they're pretty sure maybe drink semen blood on the rig.
Margie:But how do they know that? Like I How do you know I
Rachel:living by herself in a castle away from people?
Margie:So she's a wealthy woman, okay. She's a wealthy woman, and so therefore she's a vampire.
Rachel:I'm pretty sure that's a requirement for being a wealthy woman, isn't it?
Margie:I just feel like I just my thought, would someone is a loader and maybe because of like their past history, it definitely makes more sense. But like, I'm not thinking to myself, hmm. Hanging out by themselves a lot. And they have a lot of red stuff around their mouths. Maybe it's like tomato juice. I think can vampire.
Rachel:No, no, no, it's fine. It's lipstick. You're good. It's lipstick. That's right. You're right. Yeah. AppSec. Yeah, no. So they think she's a vampire. Because she's a wealthy woman up on a castle hill. Yeah, really? Yeah. I'm, I'm sure there are reasons. But no,
Margie:but they don't. I'm sorry. I feel like very like questioning today, apparently.
Rachel:Did I remember? I mean, so they talk about how she like hoards these women, which is the way that I'm going to keep referring to that, even though it's not true.
Margie:That's the concern. That would be the concerning part. For me. I'm like, What is why does she have all these women?
Rachel:Yeah. Like,
Margie:are they there? I guess they're well,
Rachel:and she's never seen during the daytime, I guess. So if you're a wealthy woman, with a lot of female girlfriends that live like in your carriage house, you're probably a vampire. Okay,
Margie:I have so many friends that are vampires. And I support their lifestyle.
Rachel:You might be a vampire. If there's the there we go
Margie:to your Creator if you have these symptoms.
Rachel:If you've been drinking blood for greater than four hours
Margie:if you can't stand the smell of Olive Garden Breadsticks.
Rachel:That's just a sad existence. Yeah. So okay, so they're meeting in this pub, he's had a really bad time of it just getting there like, it's been a minute. And so he finally like makes it to this pub. He hasn't like slept in two days. He's kind of really hungover and just like having a tough time. And he meets his friend in this pub, and they start discussing what they're going to do, because they've been invited to this party. And they're trying to figure out whether or not she is a vampire. And if she is, they need to take care of it. Jonathan is relatively new to this whole Van Helsing thing. So he's kind of like, not super sure of himself. So he, he has this is going to come into play later, but he has a little bit of like this misguided, misguided, but this like, I have to do it because I've been failed to do this. I guess even though like, he doesn't really know what he's doing. So he's
Margie:like, I have a destiny. I don't know how to fulfill it, but I definitely have one.
Rachel:Yes, exactly. Um, so they are like, they're spending the night in the end and the next day, they're going to this party. And here's the first thing that I was very pleasantly surprised at with this bug. We've had a couple group romance kind of poly romance kind of situations. And it is every single time. Just a bunch of dudes and one chick. And that's it. And there's no other anything happening. I'm looking at you five fucking werewolf brothers and one lady. If you're not on the discord, if you're not sorry, if you're not a patron. Check that out. Yeah, looking at you. We've had a lot of that this one in my brain makes a lot more sense. Because it turns out Jonathan and Edward kind of have a friends with benefits situation happening.
Margie:Okay, okay.
Rachel:I don't know if you're going to be like three dudes and a chick. It makes the most sense for me to have maybe you
Margie:don't suddenly just become bisexual because you see a woman that you're attracted to. And then you're like, Oh, my friend is actually pretty hot too. Huh?
Rachel:Right. That's not how that works. So yeah. So
Margie:so how are they gonna figure out that she's a vampire? Are they door dashing all of guarded to her house?
Rachel:I don't have anything waiting to come back. I tried nothing. I
Margie:felt that it was really funny.
Rachel:It was very funny. And I I think it was because I was trying to come up with something else. That was funny. But my hotel Brian was like, No, you're good. I mean, it could have been you older Uber Eats from the 90s. You know, the 1920s all the times.
Margie:That's the pub that they're at right yield all of garden? No,
Rachel:it's ye oldie medieval times. That's what they're at. So the next so they have a very brief but intense love affair that night and then the next day's party three of them are the two of them. Just the two. So it was just Edward America. So it's our magician friend. And sorry, to Edward and Marcus, Edward and Jonathan. It's our magician friend and our Van Helsing brand. Okay, so they have had a thing going on for quite some time. But both of them are like, Well, yeah, but like, I realize that they don't feel anything for me. So I'm just gonna have to be here for like, just just be happy with what I get from them separate so they feel the communication or
Margie:the same thing for each. That's the thought that they're having towards each other.
Rachel:Yeah, so one person will be like, Oh, but But I understand he doesn't have the same feelings I do. So I just have to be happy with the moments that I get with him. And then the other one is like, but I understand that he doesn't have the same feelings that I do for him so
Margie:super cool. Men can't talk to one another they're fucking each other but they can't talk to one another
Rachel:ships fucking in the night yeah, so yes. Ships ships taking in the night. So I should also mention, no one else knows about this torrid love affair. Marcus does not know. Like, they're they probably assumes but they don't know. It's all us. Yes. Right. Um, right. So it
Margie:is the 1920s they probably weren't broadcasting that.
Rachel:Yeah, fair. So the next day at our party. Oh, and Margie. I do have a job for you. Oh, I do need you to count the sex. Okay, so we've won one. Because this book was labeled as a paranormal romance. I would argue it's a paranormal erotica, but I'm gonna leave that for you to decide. Okay, okay. Yeah, so sex in the in the in. Okay, so at the This party is fucking bumping?
Unknown:Yeah, like,
Rachel:and it's something is in the air. Probably literally that everyone is like, Let's Get rekt
Margie:first of all, dude, Lakers breadsticks. I'm telling you why.
Rachel:No, there's no breadsticks. That's the thing. It's so amazing. There's no unlimited breadsticks. So, they, there's like, imagine the ballroom scene from labyrinth. But like, like meanings D percent. hornier
Margie:it was already 30% in my brain. It's always in my brain.
Rachel:60% hornier that's really horny. With like a 200% increase in the amount of liquor and drugs.
Margie:They should be dead shits bumping. They should be dead. If you told me he was smoking already drunk at high as fuck it. What do you were a liar.
Rachel:That's the most amazing thing. So imagine that. So okay, ballroom scene from from labyrinth. 60% of hornier 200% increase in just drugs? Yeah, and everything is Art Deco and gold.
Margie:sounds sexy. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah.
Rachel:Damn it. Yeah. So so they show up at this party and it's already been going on for a hot minute and everyone is just having a great time. Do they know where they are? Probably not. But everyone's having a good time. And Marcus is kind of like on the outside of everything. Like he He's really He's kind of always on edge because he's always trying to keep his monster inside. Like his his Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde situation. Um, so he's like, kind of hovering to the outside trying to stay away from people. Jonathan, kind of wades into the group and Edward especially does because Edward is suave as hell and is like, Yeah, it's fine. I can handle myself and is Brian too arrogant? So he is like wading through any C's on the stairs. Miss IV shade and she has you get a little bit of her perspective. She is not happy about having this party. She does not enjoy it. It's not something she wants to be doing. Okay, it's necessary for sort
Margie:of the aesthetic right?
Rachel:For the static yeah with a bit committing to the back of the bed. Yeah. And she also has been having dreams of these three men for quite some time.
Unknown:Oh, oh.
Rachel:So she is like sees them and is like oh, here we go. All right. All right. All right. Let's see where this goes. So hi. Sheesh Edward meets her and is immediately like, I'm not Like, in a daze or a Thrall, or whatever, but I would die for this woman immediately, like huge attraction kind of situation, okay, and they dance and he actually tries putting like a little bit of a glamour on her of like, Please like me, and she's not having it and calls him on his bullshit. Good for her. Uh huh. Yeah. Um, and so like, they have this interaction. And then she ends up meeting Marcus. something kind of similar. Gets him to dance, but he's like, super on edge. And scary. Yeah. And then she meets Jonathan and she just kind of like, has moments with each of them. And there's this like, three way mutual attraction with Edward and Marcus being like, alright, and Jonathan being like, but no, I'm a Van Helsing. I can't do this. No.
Margie:Okay. John, and Shawna, then come on, give her a chance. Just because she's a vampire. Doesn't mean she's a bad person.
Rachel:So that night, they are and this is it is all very like snapshot kind of thing. So we had the snapshot in the in the town, we had the snapshot at the party. And that night, so the way the party works every year, the guests all stay in the guest wing of this castle. And then Bianca stays in her own personal private wing of the castle. Tonight, she decided that our boys are going to stay in the same wing of the castle as she
Margie:Yes, ma'am. I mean, it's easier to fuck someone if they're the same wing of your castle.
Rachel:Margie, why would they? Why would they do that?
Margie:experience you don't want them on the other side of your castle? That's right, you have to get like well, except for then you can lean into the aesthetic of carrying a lantern while wearing a night gown and just very much like, like looming through the castle. Yeah, but like as you search for your long lost lover hallway.
Rachel:If the single hallways long enough, you can do that anyway.
Margie:Yeah, yeah, that's true. Right? Yeah. So you don't even that's why you should have them in the same way.
Rachel:Yeah, exactly. Right. Right, right. So she's showing them to the rooms. And her and Edward are the last ones together, which actually is for a really cute reason. Because like she shows Jonathan to his room. And she goes to show Edward to the next room. And Edward notices that Marcus is like suddenly real panics about having to be alone with Bianca and while like controlling his like Monster and everything, and is like, I'm actually I would like to be closer to the library. If you don't mind in case I have trouble sleeping. Marcus can take this room. And it's actually very sweet. Oh, yeah. So she's like, shows me the robin bros. Pros be 11 Bros, we stand a love and bro. And she goes to her room, but not before getting real. smooshy with Edward, outside of his room,
Margie:good for her
Rachel:good for Hell yeah. And for that for them. And they both kind of have a moment of like, Oops. Oops. And she has she runs away.
Margie:Not what I would have expected. I would have been like, maybe she's like, I don't know. Like, I guess perspective.
Rachel:And the reason she's like that is because she accidentally bid his lip and like tasted blood and it was like, I'm going to eat all of you. I
Margie:need to leave. Oh, okay. Okay, yeah, you
Rachel:get that first bite of chocolate cake and then just have to shove your whole face and then
Margie:just have all of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah,
Rachel:she has more self control than I do is what I'm saying.
Margie:So a millennia practice, perhaps,
Rachel:you know, perhaps, so she, it goes off to her like steady and liar. Oh, scary. Oh, I guess it was in the shadows creeping on Edward and Bianca. Guess who was creeping in the shadows. creeping on. Edward in Bianca. It was a boy Jonathan. He's not happy.
Unknown:No. Yeah, yeah. So
Rachel:they like have a little bit of a confrontation of like, Hey, we're supposed to be like murdering her. Well, they want to go out in the middle of the night and like poke around the castle and like try to find whatever clues they can right. And so he kind of confronts Edward in like Edwards room is like, what the hell because he's really jealous but like, can't understand his emotion is so he's taking out an anger as you as one does
Margie:as as a man does. Yes. That's a white man does.
Rachel:He is both of those things. So
Margie:I don't understand these feelings. So I'm going to scream instead.
Rachel:So I'm gonna be mad about it.
Margie:That's the one anger that's the one emotion that is afforded to me. angry, angry, anger and lust
Rachel:is less than emotion. Yeah, so he like, they have a conversation his room and it ends again. In sex.
Margie:You know, I
Unknown:mean, we're at two to
Margie:word to your right word to.
Rachel:And while that's happening, um, Bianca is in her study, doing some research on some, some some old vampire lore. And
Margie:have I not been again, I've been there 1000 times attic.
Rachel:And that is She is like, you know, she's she's hanging out and all of a sudden she hears someone at the door of her study and she's like, it's got to be Edward. Edward had to have come back. But actually it's Marcus and Marcus has been sleepwalking. Oh, and I'm just imagining
Margie:Mark ruffle I'm sorry.
Rachel:Marcus is his goddamn cinnamon roll. He's
Margie:also as a whole have just Yeah, it is now
Rachel:so he's like he's like oh shit and then he notices that he's with her alone and kind of freaks out. So he wakes up he does wake up oh god he freaks out when he notices that she he's with her alone and his monster who likes to call himself Mr. Smith very Jacqueline Hyde comes out right so it's it's not like a monster hulk out kind of situation. It's like subtle changes like this dude has like so it's like split personality. Kind of but he it does still have like super like super speed and strength and like all that is he's basically described as like, he is Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He is basically all of like, uncontrolled vise that Mark I have. So like, he wants to go out and gamble and like hang out with hookers and like all this stuff. Like he goes crazy. Okay, and is not a nice being. And okay. Bianca like knows she's like, something's changed. Okay, who am I talking to right now? And because she's like, trained in the occult, obviously. Then it's like something is up. And she like actually sits there and has a conversation with this like Mr. Smith or whatever and is talking to him and is able to talk him down and get Marcus back in control.
Unknown:Okay. Oh, and Mark is like you.
Rachel:Oh, and she's like, Yeah, because like I am attracted to you and but not that other one. And he's like, for me and then they totally fuck yes. 333
Margie:That's very like also though, I did not expect the fucking I expected the Neko I did not expect about this. He seems like he's a little bit more of the shy one because of
Rachel:his Yeah, for him. So for him, it was very much a and she like to put it on even ground is like, I completely understand what it's like to have a monster or something inside of you that you can't control. And I might be able to help you. Also, I'm a vampire because you were just really vulnerable with me. And I feel like I need to be vulnerable back so that you know,
Margie:so. Now that we've like gotten all that out on the table, we should just have it
Rachel:on the table and naked. Yeah.
Margie:Now that we fared ourselves emotionally, let's bear ourselves physically. Perfect. Let's perfect. Yeah, so first thing I want from Mr. Smith. This is Dick beggar.
Rachel:Right. That's it. I just want to know, and I don't and I'm really upset. I'm not upset. Mr. Smith was an asshole. Yeah. That's what does. Yeah. So after a very graphic sex scene.
Unknown:Oh,
Rachel:a lot of she drinks his blood. No, she doesn't drink His blood that time. That time?
Margie:Yeah, well, that. Yeah. So yeah. I don't know if you know that about vampires. But like,
Rachel:she does drink pig's blood is a vegan vampire.
Margie:She's a vegetarian vampire
Rachel:Aryan vampire. Yeah.
Margie:She's a member of the colon glam.
Rachel:She does die in sunlight.
Margie:Oh, bummer. She's sprinkles. Rachael. Yeah.
Rachel:So they finished they're finished up blinking and Marcus falls asleep and they're like cuddling, and whatever. And while there, I do apologize. I have to jump back and forth between people a little bit. So while they're doing that, Edward and do the damn deed, doing the damn deed. Edward and Jonathan have finished up and they're starting to explore the castle
Margie:doing the dam deed after doing the dam deed. Hey, so Julian, we're doing the dam deed.
Rachel:Edward has his own little adventure in the library where he starts poking around and then Yeah, the castles haunted. So ghosts come out and he gets a hell of freaked out and there's a lot of ghosts.
Margie:I would expect nothing less. Okay, so many ghosts driving this,
Rachel:right? So many ghosts. So he gets freaked out and goes back to his room. Jonathan on the other hand is poking around in
Margie:her shots at the party. He shouldn't have
Rachel:split the party. It's about to get weird though. Oh, is it was it before? No. So Jonathan's
Margie:for it was all consensual sex. It was very sudden, consensual sex, but it was all consensual sex
Rachel:start to get weird again. So three. Oh, so he finds of course the secret book door. Yay, pull a
Unknown:book out all that's counting the esthetic things I
Rachel:know it's so esthetic, and finds the secret ritual chamber.
Margie:I think that vampires I don't know why maybe because they're like a dead on dying. Like, I wouldn't think that they'd be into rituals.
Rachel:How about we get into a little bit of Bianca's background?
Margie:Okay, let's do it. It's
Rachel:important and relevant. Okay, so Bianca, has not always been the person at Harker Heights. And in fact, there was a previous vampire who lived there whose last name was Harker. Go figure. And he had a an unfortunate vise, which is to say, stealing people from the village.
Margie:You know, it's not a it's not a good hobby. At least. You know, at least don't get them. This is the one time you don't want to eat local. Right? Yeah. Like people start getting people start getting it starts to get a little sauce.
Rachel:Right? Well, so she was taken by him and she was one of his favorites. And like, he eventually turned her into a vampire. She managed to get away from him at some point and escape because he was every of the bad things, just all of the
Margie:all of them all. And
Rachel:she has spent the rest of her on death on life. Trying to capture him and destroy him because he's a bad boy. And yeah, so that she's actually set up this ritual chamber and it's the reason she has these yearly debauchery festivals on Halloween. She's trying to lure him she's totally using all these humans as bait 100% Oh, okay,
Margie:so yeah, so I like the woods that book called a write like The Great Gatsby. Yeah,
Rachel:yeah. Yeah, like that right debauchery trying to learn
Margie:Lord Daisy. Dough party I've got across the lake except my house is haunted, and I'm a vampire. It's fine. That's fine. It's B,
Rachel:I want to read. Um, so. So she's trying to lure him out with all of these people as offerings essentially of like, kill them.
Margie:Morally not great.
Rachel:It's, it's what I would call a gray area. I also love
Margie:that she's she only throws this party once a year. Yeah, it's because she's putting the veil of her eggs in one date basket.
Rachel:The wit the veil is thinnest Margie. Okay,
Margie:I but like they're not clear. Like, they're not calling from something. On the other side. They're calling another vampire who very much wants to drink blood? What's the point at the veil? is I mean, is he still is this universe or is he crossing over? Enjoy blood?
Rachel:That's a good question. He's in the universe. It? I never. I never was fully clear on that. Just I think it's hashtag aesthetic.
Margie:Oh, of course. Sorry. I should have just honest. Come on.
Rachel:So um, so she has set up this ritual chamber. Basically, it's like this magical circle that if she can lure him into it, it will strap him in there
Margie:and release all her eggs in one basket except it's assault circle,
Rachel:and then and then expose him to sunlight.
Margie:Okay, okay. So good.
Rachel:If it matters, all of the ghosts are the ghosts of people that he's killed. That she was
Margie:okay. I'm sorry, baby. You're leaving so hard to the aesthetic that you've forgotten about logic. This is not this is not the best way to go about this. It seems like at all.
Rachel:Well, it is. So that's the problem. He is the Dracula. He's the OG he is incredibly powerful. So this is That's why she's doing all that research on like vampires so
Margie:she thinks he's gonna fall for this fall. into this.
Rachel:We're getting there. She's going for it. So yeah, but he didn't show up on the night of the party, so she's pretty sure.
Margie:Oh man, I'm shocked.
Rachel:Marty. He's definitely not going to show up. It's fine. It's definitely not going to happen. We're safe another year.
Margie:Yeah, well, except that now she's in trouble because if he does come she's got three boyfriends there that she has to now protect.
Rachel:Oh, but he didn't come on Halloween. You know, the one night the one night I'm
Margie:glad that he would come. Yeah, it'll be fine. Yeah, yeah, we won't
Rachel:show up. No. Definitely not definitely not. Okay. So
Margie:tell me what he gets there. Like 1201 on November 1. He's like, Oh, bitch. You surprised now are chill.
Rachel:No, no, it's almost November 2. Okay, so right. Okay, of course. So Jonathan has found Don't you hate
Margie:those Legion flights they always get you their life so
Rachel:late. Fuckin spirit. So. So Jonathan has found her weird ritual circle and she like had set up like trip wires essentially magical trip wires and is like, Oh God, someone's in my sort of my fancy circle room. So she runs over to like, check on it. Look, I've been traveling for two weeks getting there. So she shows up in Jonathan's there and finally confronted her is like, I know you're a fucking vampire. Like I'm gonna kill you. It's my job apparently. What are you gonna do my job?
Margie:And she's like, well, or or Catherine? Just have sex in my Secret Circle row.
Rachel:You know? It's funny. You say that? So she in a show of like, Yes, you are correct. I am a vampire. We have a similar enemy. We're both trying to kill Dracula essentially, in a in a fit of a vote of confidence. Ties herself to her own altar. At which point Jonathan flexor and drinks her blood.
Margie:Okay, wow, that went from zero to 666 and about point two seconds
Rachel:oh, that's the title of this episode. zero to six six. 6.2 sec.
Margie:i Okay, so that's for?
Rachel:Yeah. Also, he drinks her blood. 06 and four seconds in between four sexes. Apparently. Van Helsing are half vampires. So they're not vampires, but they do get stronger from drinking blood. And he didn't know that until this precise moment.
Margie:Until he was like, I'm fucking horny. And blood sounds all right. We're just gonna go out. Just go deep in the balls deep, my dear. Yeah, yeah. Go deep in the blood go deep and aesthetic
Rachel:that happens. Here's this was so erotica. It was not. Okay. Um, I just
Margie:want to have a sex scene with all four of them though. It's
Rachel:getting there. So finally, Edward and Marcus finds him covered in blood that's not his own. And they're like, What did you do? Because both of them are totally head over heels for this woman that they've known for 23 hours. Yeah, and you guys sure look. And so they they find her and save her because she's like bleeding out in vampire world. Oh, and, and then she's like, I'll need rest. But what's his face might show up but he probably won't. It's probably fine. I'm just so weak. I can only heal myself faster if I drink human blood.
Margie:Convenience, you've got three two and a half humans hear the other ones like any Yahshua half thing. Actually two of them are like any Asha half things.
Rachel:So Edward and Jonathan are both real mad at John are sorry Edward and Marcus are both real mad at Jonathan because like, basically just had a mental breakdown. And yeah, so they like grab Bianca and take her to Bianca's bedroom and just leave him which seems like a poor choice to me. And they're like, No,
Margie:we gotta go. I don't know what to tell you. Go find the shower like go rinse off, hose down outside. I don't care, but we could not deal with you too right now.
Rachel:So, so they just go back to her bedroom and like, Marcus is like, I got this. I got this. My Mr. Smith, my monster boy doesn't want me to die because he doesn't want to die so you can drink My Blood and if it gets to a point where you can't stop yourself and also I'm dying, I'll get away it's fine. And they do that.
Margie:Why don't they just like cut one of them? Give her like a cup of blood. Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. This that like you're right,
Rachel:the aesthetic of sorry. And also blood is sexy. Right and it leads to threesome.
Margie:Okay, so we're getting closer. We're like, we're edging to the foursome.
Rachel:It still has not. It's been 24 hours.
Margie:Yeah. Yeah. Five sexes. Yeah. And then you think about it and higher years five, or we were at six. We were at five. That's fine.
Rachel:And we had Yeah, Castle, we had that. That. Yes. This
Margie:is five. Yeah, this is fine. Yeah, five sacks. So
Rachel:and Jonathan is having a straight up mental break of like, but this is what I was meant to do. And the only reason that my friends would love her is because she has them in her spell like a vixen or whatever. They both do it you
Margie:are totally also under threat. Go to ask your doctor.
Rachel:He's like, but, but they're supposed to be immune. But they must not be she must be too powerful. And it's like, dude, if they are why are you? Yeah, well, yeah, that's arrogance. Yeah, so he literally spends the entire night creep it outside of the door.
Margie:Is this covering naked and covered in blood?
Rachel:He's not naked, but he is covered in blood still. He's just standing outside the door fucking creeping the amount,
Margie:just
Rachel:so finally in the morning, Edwards like, oh, yeah, I should probably go talk to him and goes to open the door. And he's just standing there with a knife in his hand. And he's like, Hey, buddy.
Unknown:Hey, I'm
Rachel:sorry. I love you. I got it. Not actually, I love you. Like he's didn't admit his love. But like, dude, got a killer. Sorry. And so they like have a full on fight. Yeah. Which ends in him stabbing Marcus who's already lost a lot of blood.
Margie:Good. Good.
Rachel:And, yeah. And, and storming off and getting kicked out of the castle by Edward. Gone.
Margie:Jonathan. Jonathan is now gone. How are they going? For some now?
Rachel:Oh, see? You're on the edge of your seat. Yeah,
Margie:come on.
Rachel:So Marcus is recovering slowly but surely. And they all just like actually sleep during the day and like, get a hot cuddle
Unknown:pile,
Rachel:cuddle puddle. Um, and the next evening, they get up and Edward and Marcus are like, hey, we'd like to stay with you. And she's like, No. And they're like, No, we definitely want you she's like, okay, cool. But like, I'm trying to kill Dracula. And you guys are liabilities. No. And they're like, huh, and then guess who shows up?
Margie:It's either Jonathan or Dracula. And I think it's Dracula.
Rachel:Is Dracula?
Unknown:Yeah.
Rachel:Greg. No, swear at you. That was a that was a joke. And SpongeBob didn't when I was little, I super didn't understand. And now that I'm older, it's the funniest shit. I know. The Hash Slinging Slasher knows for to do so good. So, he shows up. And Bianca basically is like, Oh, shit. Okay, well, the only way to keep them alive. Because is to convince him that I didn't leave him of my own volition, and that I'm still loyal to him. And that these are my thralls. Okay, get on her feet. All right, good for her good for her and on her feet. Um, and so we're gonna, we're gonna leave that scene where it is. We're gonna jump on click over to Jonathan. Okay. So Jonathan has made it by this point to the end. And he looks like hell and he needs a bath and he's just, he's
Margie:able to that blood is far beyond exfoliating at this point,
Rachel:right? It's really gross. Yeah. And the innkeeper is like, Hey, buddy, you need to do Doctor, I'm fine. Are you sure? Cuz I could get a dog?
Margie:Yeah, I could totally get one here in about right. Uber doctor is a thing. Yeah,
Rachel:he older Uber doc.
Margie:Doctor, Dr. Uber can come. So he's
Rachel:like wakes up and he's like, some feels weird. In fact, something in the air
Margie:probably only still on your skin.
Rachel:Oh, and he runs out and he meets with the innkeeper and is like, Hey, keep everyone inside. Do not let anyone else in this door and also try to keep everyone in the town inside because Jonathan has felt the change in the air. Because not only did Dracula come back, he brought all of his thralls with him.
Unknown:Oh,
Rachel:a little bit or going after everyone in the town.
Unknown:Oh,
Rachel:it's a bloodbath. The only person that can save everybody is a Van Helsing that now has a very suspicious taste for blood and makes everyone else think that he's also a vampire because of it.
Margie:I mean, like, which is fair. Yeah, yeah.
Rachel:So please, while all of this is happening in what we're about to cut back to the castle while this is happening, I'd like in the back of your head. Just imagine a murder montage with John and also drinking. Everybody's blushing.
Margie:Okay.
Rachel:There's a lot of blood.
Margie:There's a lot of blood. There's a lot a lot of shits going down a
Rachel:lot of shits happening. So at the castle, and this is I'm just okay, I'm just gonna describe it all in one go. And just get it out there and over with rip the band aid off as it were. Basically Dracula's like alright, I'll only believe you if you won't have sex on this table right
Margie:now. Did I know that was gonna happen? Ah. Apparently gave me some holy water to cleanse me Jesus. Apparently
Rachel:that's bit Margie. That will hurt. You know that. Oh god. That's true. Apparently. That's Dracula's kink. Drac you like to watch? No, like she likes to watch his lady be fucked by other people.
Margie:Oh, so she doesn't fuck her? No.
Rachel:Oh, so he has the other two. Marcus and Edward do.
Unknown:Oh,
Rachel:he watches.
Unknown:Ah.
Rachel:There's blood everywhere. There's table sex. Dracula's just being a creep in the corner.
Unknown:Ah.
Rachel:Is it still hashtag aesthetic?
Margie:Unfortunately, a little bit. It's like the sex still. If we're going with the Crimson Peak thing, like the sex still makes me really uncomfy. Like it just a different type of gmefi.
Rachel:Yeah, that's fair.
Unknown:Yeah.
Rachel:So she is finally able to be like, Look, I really like these thralls. And I did just drain a lot of their blood from them. They need to go recover. So you guys go to my room, which also happens to be warded an essay from Dracula. And I'll take Dracula and we'll go get a snack. Yeah,
Margie:well, you better hurry up. The whole town is going to be out of snacks here real soon.
Rachel:Yeah, they they learned in the course of that that he let his thralls loose on the town. So they all think Jonathan's dead. And the town probably is to kind of in a moment of oh fuck, we just need to survive which like I guess they do.
Margie:Dracula like keep all the sustainable because like, if he's just going from town to town, killing everyone. Seems like you wouldn't be able to get away with that for too long before other towns will be like, hey, this shifts happening like my cousin Greg, just like totally, and his whole family and all their friends and their whole neighborhood got annihilated.
Rachel:Well, so this isn't the first time that he's done this to this town either.
Margie:keeps coming back out and leaves you alive. It's like oh, yeah, your seeds. He'll grow.
Rachel:Yeah, right. It's fine.
Margie:It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.
Rachel:So so she like tries to convince him to go down to that chamber thing. And she's like, leading him in that direction. Meanwhile, Edwards takes Marcus back to her room, and is like trying to like, Oh, God, like you've been through a lot. You've lost a lot of blood. Like this is not good for you. And Marcus starts getting horribly sick and he's like, really not doing well. And it turns out the reason is because he's kept Mr. Smith inside for too long. And Mr. Smith is finally like, Nah, motherfucker. Someone's about to hurt my girl and we're gonna have to go take care of that and
Margie:breaks free. So Mr. Smith is also in to her.
Rachel:Yeah, Mr. Smith is like There's actually some interesting internal dialogue that with Marquez going on where he is like, it's this like in his brain dichotomy of horror goddess horror God, it's like he is like, No, I love this woman like she's fantastic and hot. And his other one is like, but she's only mine and the fact that she's having sex with other people means she's a whore. But she's my whore. It's a whole thing.
Margie:Yeah. Okay, just continue.
Rachel:So, we're gonna leave this scene with her getting Dracula down into the the circle. And Marcus turning into Mr. Smith. All right, that's where this Okay, and we're gonna cut over to Jonathan real quick. Jonathan is out of the town. He saved everybody. Good for him. But was then run out of town because you know, he was drinking a lot of blood. And so everyone in the town was like, Yeah, good. Leave, leave. Just leave. Don't you hate it when you get run out of town for drinking too much blood on the streets.
Margie:Rachel, like, you don't need to bring up my past. Okay. Listen, I felt like a very strong call out. I know. You know, we don't need to talk about Minneapolis. I mean,
Rachel:but the important thing, there's been a lot of character growth something. Honestly. Yes. Like you've improved so much as a person therapy's helped so much. Yeah, it's fine. It's fine. We're fine. Um, so Jonathan, though, he's been run out of town. He is currently trying to figure out a way to sneak back into the castle because he's realized that he fucked up and needs to like talk to Edward about this shit, right?
Margie:Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So it's, it's always really awkward, though, to make up when you're covered. And you're one of your lovers blood,
Rachel:or in this case, a lot of other people's that you've also been consuming because it gives you
Margie:Oh, yeah, that's gonna make it. Yeah, do I get this? But I believe in him, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Love. I believe it is a cool blood. Blood, blood.
Rachel:So he's sneaking back into the castle. And he he gets to the grounds and he thinks that they're dead. He thinks that Edward and Marcus are totally dead. And he is going to have to sneak back in in there and kill Dracula on his own. So he gets to the grounds and he's trying to like figure out how to get inside. And ghosty pops up and leads him to a secret entrance because the nice really don't like Dracula.
Margie:Okay, they're like, the enemy of my enemy is my friend.
Rachel:I mean, Dracula is the one that killed them all.
Unknown:Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Rachel:And the veil is real thin right now. So you know, right,
Margie:like, convenient veil,
Rachel:that convenient veil. So they lead him into this room, and it's a room that hasn't been touched in decades. And he finds a journal. And it is written by multiple people, but the number of people writing in it just decreases over time until it's just Bianca because this was when she was healing before she got turned into a vampire. And it's them her and what were two of her friends who died trying to figure out how to kill Dracula.
Unknown:Oh,
Margie:that's so sad. I
Rachel:know. And he finds it and he realizes, Oh, this is that circle that she's created. Like she's trying to do this like, Okay, right. He's much more on board with her. So he's like, Oh, shit, okay, I gotta go get to that circle and see if I can get him to that circle. So he's sneaking through the castle and he makes it and he shows up and is helping like he he like Kool Aid man his way into the room. Right as Bianca is like, like Dracula figures out what Bianca is trying to do as far as getting him into the circle and like starts fighting her. So Jonathan comes in his like, enemy my enemy. My dude, let's both kick his ass. Yeah. So they start fighting together. And then and they get him into the circle. It works until they kind of maybe a little bit forget that Dracula's Dracula and can turn into a cloud of bats and just out away from the circle. Oh, right. Yeah. The convenient that's convenient. Convenient bets.
Unknown:No, you
Rachel:Yeah, so he's like, gets away from the circle and he's fighting them and he's trying to get away and then who else Kool Aid man's his way into the room. But Marcus. So okay, but it's not Marcus. It's Mr. Smith, Mr. Smith. So okay, he comes in and starts fighting Dracula. And then Edward shows. And everyone's fighting Dracula.
Margie:Everybody was fighting Jacqueline's like everybody was. Bad could also be a very good episode. The title everybody was fighting. But the ghosts started fighting Dracula and the bat started flying in fight somehow fighting Dracula.
Rachel:It's funny you say ghosts?
Unknown:Yeah.
Rachel:So it's almost done at this point and Bianca and like the top of this, like secret chamber thing, I guess is open. I don't know how whatever. Yeah, so right, Bianca gets stuck into this circle and is like, you know what, no, fuck it. If I have to sit here and like pin you to the ground while we both die, that's what has to happen. So she's like, pinning him. And it's like, the sun is just about to like, come over the horizon and fry them. And all of a sudden, she started to like, feel heat on her skin and everything and all of a sudden this blanket of shade. Like comes over her. And it's all of the ghosts being like, Nah, dude, we got you. And so the ghosts which place with her and hold him down and let her get away from the sunlight and he dies and she sort of
Margie:that's what I would like to call convenient ghosts.
Rachel:It reminded me Oh, yes. Go do sex. Mokena but ghosts. And it reminds me of the ending of the pelan or series like the naming and everything right? Like all that sort
Unknown:of. Wait, what more? You Raise Me Up so like he killed Dracula?
Rachel:This is a very musical episode. I love it. So
Unknown:ah,
Rachel:so good news. Ghosts killed Dracula. I guess. Bad Hey, Mark is kind of accidentally got like, real hurt and is dying.
Unknown:Oh,
Rachel:Bad News Bears.
Unknown:Sons bears. I'm
Rachel:Jonathan and Edward are like Oh, shit. And obviously Bianca is like this one. I liked this one. Come on, man. And it's really exude. And so Jonathan looks at her and goes all right. Turn him into a vampire. And he's like, yeah, yeah, I'm okay with that. Actually.
Margie:That's also very surprising. He's hit so I don't know if I want to give Mr. Smith more power. Well,
Rachel:so his thing is he's like, he's like, they are reasonably sure that Mr. Smith will die and be replaced by this vampire demon disease thing. Whatever advance.
Margie:It is. Very optimistic. Good news.
Unknown:That's what happened. Chick.
Rachel:Good news. That's what happens. Oh, it does suck. You know, I don't know why they thought that would happen. But apparently they did. And it worked. I don't know why.
Margie:Well, okay, then the power of love. And vampire ism
Rachel:and vampire the power of love of vampires. That's another great episode title. So, after like a day of letting the vampire do its thing. Marcus is what is wakes up as a vampire and is super hella horny and hungry. So he eats a bunch of blood from Bianca and then they have sex and then Eric comes in and they have sex and then Jonathan comes in and they have sex.
Margie:Wait, does that count as one sexual encounter? Or three? Because the six or eight
Rachel:techniques to because Marcus and Bianca have full sex. And then Edward yes and and John. And then Jonathan comes in and they're all like, come on over and they all have sex.
Margie:So they don't so but they're so Jonathan and Edward kind of kind of almost come in at the same time.
Rachel:They Edrick comes in first and is like getting ready to get it on. And then Jonathan's comes in and is like, yeah, all right, and then jumps into
Margie:Okay, okay. Okay, so like i Okay, okay. And Marcus is like, Let's fuck it. Let's bucket.
Rachel:Yeah, so they get it on and they have great for some sex. And also Edward and Jonathan tell each other that they love each other. Ah, my No. All right. They both are like, Yeah, I was an idiot. I was too. I like you.
Margie:So are Bianca and Marcus. Just sit Wait, it's Bianca and Marcus. Right?
Rachel:Yes the other so they're all a giant couple. Now
Margie:I know I've just I'm just imagining Bianca mark is sitting over there like
Unknown:oh how
Rachel:pretty much and then and this is the part that actually because I will admit I liked this book. It was actually it was weird. It was actually though concept wise, various static and cool. They essentially create their own little monster Fighting Group Allah The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, and are gunning to go on more adventures together and also FUCK YEAH. When they fuck again at the end,
Margie:right? Well, da Yeah, right. The okay, we did it. Well give it some ratings.
Rachel:I was I was honestly, I realize it, it was weird as hell and it always sounds that way when you actually describe like, explain it to someone else, but when you're reading it, it was like, the aesthetic was pretty onpoint
Margie:and so it did a good job of drawing you in despite the craziness of the story.
Rachel:Exactly. Like all the crazy sex was like, I'm not gonna lie. I was on a plane, I actually skipped a lot of it. But the rest of it was pretty okay. I was not mad about it. I'm going to give it like, okay, Jonathan, I'm gonna say uh, for all of the characters were very well fleshed out they had a very good background. So for for all of our boys and for Bianca because they had fully fleshed out backstories they had problems they were fighting their inner demons like it was really good, right. So everyone gets a for the plight was wild. I'm gonna give it a two, two and a half to two and a half.
Margie:Yeah, I I feel like well, just being a bystander from what you've told me. I'm kind of like, it's one of those books where the threat of the enemy is scarier than the actual enemy ended up being. Is that me? Yes.
Rachel:Pretty much. Yeah, you're reading and he shows up. You do have this moment of oh, fuck, and then they like fight a mini dies and okay, it's yeah, like, it's fine. Yeah. But, yeah, I'm gonna have like, two, two and a half. Smite was fine. It was like a two and a half, right? Yes. A lot of it.
Margie:There is a lot, a lot of it. So it sounds like it was a quantity over quality in this book.
Rachel:I mean, the quality wasn't that bad. I mean, it was it was fine.
Margie:thing. It's, it's fine. It's not right. It's not terrible. It's
Rachel:It wasn't bad. And it was mildly enjoyable. But it was it was okay. Yeah, I have three. Overall, I'm gonna give it like I'm gonna give it a six, six and a half.
Margie:So is this first polyamory on the podcast? Or have we had polyamory before?
Rachel:I think we've done it for special No, we have we've done it. We had the werewolf one where? Which
Margie:werewolf one?
Rachel:You had done it? And I don't remember if it was for a Halloween episode.
Margie:Was that the Oh right. Yeah. And she's like she was the was that the radio kitty and the Radio Hour?
Rachel:No. It was the one with the chick and then the like two friends that she thought were gay. And she was selling them at apartment and then they add protection the apartment? Oh,
Margie:yes, of course. Okay. Yes, yes. I remember now that this is way better than that. It is,
Rachel:which is a low bar. No, this one actually. I mean, honestly, it wasn't. I didn't hate it. It was fun. And I'm going to give it like a six and a half because I want to read subsequent stories about them because the characters were incredibly interesting. Okay. Okay. Like, I really liked the character backstories it was very interesting. Okay, so I actually rather enjoyed it. It was, again, I skipped some of the sex because I was on
Margie:polyamory.
Rachel:I didn't find better polyamory and to be fair, every time I've had one that I thought I was gonna hate, it ended up being good. So I'm really
Margie:upset about it. Our podcast the other day said that that's what I said that that's what kept happening. So
Rachel:that's what keeps happening. We're going to end this on a little bit faster than we probably normally do our outro so thank you, Ellen area for the abuse of your song a love of the album beheld. Just know listeners that the only reason we're speaking to the ending is because my hotel internet is crapping out on me.
Unknown:Yeah. Yay.
Rachel:All right. We love you all.