Textual Tension
The comedy podcast that unpacks the bananas world of romance novels! Tune in every other Tuesday as one co-host, either Margie or Rachel, recount a romance novel to the other unsuspecting co-host.
Whether you love romance, love comedy, or love both, join us on our truly bananas comedy adventure!
Textual Tension
Ep 12: The Countess of Monte Cristo
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Welcome back listeners! Listen in this week as Margie tells Rachel about The Princess and the Barbarian by Betina Krahn. You ready to learn about the seven pleasures of Mercia, because we can't WAIT to tell you about them! More info on the book here: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/818203.The_Princess_and_the_Barbarian
Warning. The following podcast contains adult themes. Our hosts are just too romantic saps that love overthinking and overanalyzing their favorite literary genre the thoughts and opinions expressed are entirely their own listener discretion is advised.
Margie:tearing me apart from Hello, and welcome to textual tension, a love hate relationship with romance novels. I am your co host, Margie,
Rachel:and I'm your co host, Rachel,
Margie:every other week, one of us this week. This week, it's more Margie will be summarizing a romance novel that they read to the other co hosts that week is this week. It's me, Rachel, and we will overanalyze and overthink this romance novel and unpack and unpack what the fuck just happens.
Rachel:Welcome, guys.
Margie:Welcome to this tool to our adventure if you're new here and
Rachel:share together Yeah, oh my gosh, if you're not new, you might notice a little bit of difference in sound because we are constantly improving guys.
Margie:When she says we she needs her.
Rachel:Like it's most of our sounds are entirely because it bothers me. So
Margie:I listen. And it's like,
Rachel:Y'all, I listen to these like five times before and put them out. It's cool. It's, it's fine. It's fine. Yeah. All right. Awesome. Let's start, man. Let's get into it. I'm so ready. So
Margie:already. First of all, I want to explain how I got this book because it's it's a magical adventure. I truly love hearing about how you got these books. This is what is so good. This actually came to us from Twitter. Okay, yes. Yes, it was the one that was mailed to me. So she found it in the little inner in a little free library near her house. And I like commented on it. Her name is Irene. Um, so her name is Irene. She's at romance MFA on Twitter. And you love find her at rom MFA. Sweet. Yeah, yeah.
Rachel:So did you just post a picture and you happen to see Yeah,
Margie:she posted a picture about like some texts excerpt from the book. Oh, man. It's about like the excerpt was that the dude did it his beard looks like like a hedgehog or something like that. And I was like, that's amazing. Please help me with this book is she'd sent the cover to it. She was like, do I want to just mail it to you? And I was like, yeah, so we got a piece of mail at my parents house as well. That said textual tension. Yes, yes. I bet your mom loved that. She loved it so much. Oh, great. So that's how I found this book. And
Rachel:I was so ready. I needed this gift right now.
Margie:But I'm gonna hand it so be handed the book to Rachel
Rachel:Oh, it already
Margie:turned around
Rachel:Oh, wow. Oh, wow. So can I just say first of all how much I love that everything on this is gold. Yeah. Last shiny. Yes. All right. From the author of my warrior's heart, Bettina Kron, The Princess and the barbarian The title is
Margie:bigger is that the author say the title is
Rachel:bigger than the author's. Oh, so this is interesting because the front is just like gold with like, I want to say I know what this plant is because it's overtaking my fucking their morning glories and
Margie:oh, yeah, they're horrible. They're horrible. Yeah,
Rachel:full of morning glories. And very large like what you'd expect to see and like a fairy tale font of the princess and the barbarian. But then on the spine, which is blue, the back of the spine are blue. Not they're shiny gold. That's where you have the picture of a lady who is just like melting into Mr. hunky barbarian with just the most fabulous hair. You know, I think if I got back to Carla's hair, I might. Oh,
Margie:yeah. That would be great. Well, my hair is also read so you could
Rachel:we need to figure out a way for Zack and I to recreate some of these. Yes, book covers
Margie:for Graham. So good for the ground. Great.
Rachel:I did tell you next Halloween. I'm going as Fabio right? Yes. And he's dressed yes is one of my ladies. Good. I'm gonna throw over my shoulder and walk out of the room at some point. Um, you also list
Margie:that book was written in 1993 published in 1993
Rachel:It says all this
Margie:Oh, you sweet summer child.
Rachel:Wow. Okay. All right. So I need Oh, the back. Okay, so y'all, you know how like, sometimes the back of books have like, instead of the description it'll have like reviews and stuff. I thought that's what this is. But no, it is the description. I will do my best to differentiate with my voice, the talents of my voice. The difference between the very large purple font and the normal font. All right lovely temperatures and devoted to her subjects. Princess theorem must marry before she can can be crowned queen of Mercia. But her reluctant search for a husband has plunged her into gravest peril entered into the arms of a handsome barbarian, diamond in the rough, powerful hot blooded as cunning as he is untamed sacks, Rohan rescues Thira from a brand of brand a band of savage mercenaries only to demand as his reward three nights of pleasure in the royal beauty is bad. The Barbarian even as all Mercia falls victim to sex is Rob beguiling charm. The proud Princess vows to resist the scoundrel who has breached the battlements of her sheltered world, but a passionate irresistible yearning and treats Thira to surrender her heart and kingdom to this sun Bronze warrior who would vanquish her enemies to win her steadfast love. This sounds like something that batas tipplers would do. Also does. Yeah, it does shout out, check out their podcast. Yet more on that later. But like, wow, I'm like, so excited because this is so y'all. The reason we do this, obviously we I don't know if we get it across enough. We love romance. Yes, we really do. I do. Like I was having a rough week last week. And I sat down and read two, three romance novel you three days because I just needed that. Right? Like we love it. And we fully realized that we overthink it because you know when you're in it, we've talked about this before when you're reading it, you're like this is great. This is grateful. And then you stop and either you're like, yep, rose colored glasses or you're like, wait a minute,
Margie:hold on, or you come up for air and you're like, Wait, what just happened?
Rachel:So if you don't do that, we're here to do it for you. But this is like when we make jokes about like the stereotypes of the Romans. No,
Margie:this thing fulfills every single one of them. It really does.
Rachel:It's the stereotype which y'all we don't love the stereotype. We'd like to change the stereotype but we do appreciate appreciate the stereotype is pretty fun.
Margie:Absolutely. And it's also like, I think that you have to laugh. Oh, these books like it's
Rachel:and like, I love the ridiculous ones. Like legitimately enjoy thoroughly enjoy the ridiculous ones. Yeah, but also they're fun to laugh at some.
Margie:Absolutely. Oh my god and this one. It's like, it's less problematic. But there is a lot of just ridiculousness. I like ridiculous. I'm so excited. And I also do a little history lesson. Yes.
Rachel:I bet it has some beautiful Smarty bits, which is honestly that's why you why you read the 90s and 80s.
Margie:Well, you were reminding me though when you were doing the rounds. What you were invited the up was Princess Diaries to have you ever seen that? Chris Pine at his I love Chris but so much. Just be it's so sexy with Anne Hathaway. It's just everything you mean?
Rachel:She's very sexy people.
Margie:Right? Exactly. I love this. And B, but there's no sides of it. There's this guy in it. Who he's like he's called. He has to make like royal calls. Horrible voice Oh, no. So it's like really a bitch. I can't even want to watch it. But you should watch that movie anyway, cuz it's actually good. All right, yeah. Yeah.
Rachel:So trigger warnings then you said it wasn't very problematic which
Margie:wasn't very problematic. There's it's like cocaine dusting again of sexual assault.
Rachel:Powdered sugar to cocaine. Alright, to be fair, cocaine is booger sugar.
Margie:So all right. So light dusting of sexual assault. It's like it's it never happens. You're just kind of like
Rachel:things where again if you're reading like this is this is hot. This is great. And then afterwards you're like,
Margie:yes. Very well. Very well put. Yeah, yeah. So yes. Are you ready? So ready? So again, the princess and the barbarian by Bettina Cron. It actually it actually has a pretty low Good Reads writing. I was surprised because it's like, it's so poorly written. Right? So like a lot of other books I read it's 3.61 Okay, I'm just kind of like, huh, yeah, I'm sorry, like on the force, but it's it's on average, but it's above average, but I think it's also like this was written before the internet and before Good Reads and all of that. So I think there's a lot less there aren't weren't as many reviews. That's fine. So that's very fair. Yeah. So our story takes place in France in the year 1262. Okay, yes.
Rachel:What was going on in 1262?
Margie:No, I'm sorry. I'm just gonna debunk something like, oh, I liked you. But yes, so our story the prologue begins with introducing a character sacks ruin
Rachel:sex. Is it ruin or ruin? Or I think it's our O UEN. Okay, I've been kind of kinda like ruin. Yeah. Because of like, the, you know, hang on sex ruin. Because there's been a lot of instances where I've gone back and notice things about names. Yeah. Homeboy ran and the Raven Prince just saying, but, um,
Margie:well, that it should have been princess. Okay.
Rachel:All right. Is it supposed to be like sex and ruin?
Margie:I don't think so. I don't think it's that deliberate. I think that that's fair,
Rachel:but I want you to know that you probably won't be able to convince me otherwise. Okay, keep going.
Margie:Okay, so the the prologue begins with sex ruin, who is a rather unenthusiastic mercenary.
Rachel:Okay. Is he like, a hilarious er type mercenary where he's really good at it, but just doesn't want to be?
Margie:Not really that so much is like he's kind of done with pillaging. I'd like to think he wasn't doing but much if any raping. Okay. Yeah, that's fine. And he just kind of wants to settle down, get himself a castle and a harem full of women. I mean, he does actually say that
Rachel:life goals. Like, let's be honest, I would love myself a castle inherently. Both men and women, let's be honest.
Margie:So he's kind of like talking with us, right? It's very funny seated away because he's like, cut is sitting there. He's getting like, he's kind of grouchy. And he's talking to his friends.
Rachel:Women, exactly.
Margie:These people around him who are on the floor, just like dead or dying. whining about tired of all this pillaging, this is hilarious. I know. So that we get it. So we have that we know his motivations from the get go, which are kind of which is kind of great. Chapter one opens with the princess of Mercia. Thira. Now you may be wondering as I was what the frick is Persia?
Rachel:It gives me very much a like was the British like Anglia, East Anglia and like all that kind of wrong vibe.
Margie:Oh, wrong. And right. So in the book Mercia is a secret city that exists in Brittany, France, is hidden away in the mountains. And none of the other European countries really know about it. It's incredibly wealthy, though, due to the weaving skills of its citizens. So that's what they traded. I don't know how the people don't you know, the other countries are like, Hey, where'd this come from? And they're like, do they have a cape? And they just say, a secret study of like,
Rachel:the way they're like their people, like go out? And they're like, Yep, I'm definitely from the east. I'm from the East here. Look at these beautiful things I got from the east. So from the east,
Margie:they make incredible fabrics across between silk and wool. Oh, yeah, that actually sounds so terrible. Yes, it is. And that's described in the book as well. In the real world, Mercy was a kingdom that existed in the UK between 609 100 ad. There was never however any princess named Thira that I could find, nor was Mercia a secret city as it was described in the book. Also, by the time period of when this book begins, Mercy is 300 years God and England has already been united into one kingdom. Also Britain is part of France. It's not actually in the UK like okay, because I was so it's so I was getting so confused to this book because I get go on this journey. And they're describing Mercia and I already Googled okay, what's Mercia? But the characters are in France they're not in the UK are they gonna somehow crawl like the total doesn't exist yet
Rachel:there. There was your first problem you Googled before
Margie:so true so true. So I will say
Rachel:like some torn because actually like I really enjoy that Mercia was an actual kingdom and like based on like an actual thing but also I don't know if you're gonna use that you could you could have come up with any name I didn't have to the Mercy appreciate that they did a little bit of legwork but
Margie:didn't have to I don't know if they if they did or they didn't like
Rachel:I'm trying to just thought oh that's a cool that's a cool name dad grabbed it,
Margie:you know that yeah, that's that's fine. Um, but like, so we're just gonna say that mercy is the sister kingdom of Genovia. Back to the
Rachel:trees in our in our magical fanciful France principle, if you will.
Margie:And Mercia does have orchards so maybe they're growing pears there too. I don't know. Maybe. So to get back to the story theory, the or the princess, the nuns? No, no, no, I can't remember how to pronounce it. nones, France to scope out a potential husband with her best friend and Countess Lilith.
Rachel:I love that it makes it sound like she's hunting. She sort of is like, I'm just imagining her going to a ball, looking around, dropping down among the guests, and then coming back up with night vision goggles. Looking around,
Margie:where's that potential suitor? Well, so in this story, I'm gonna get into it like she has to actually like the person. That's like, it's a it's almost a requirement. It's not otherwise she won't. That's so
Rachel:awesome is the other way around is it's usually like the whole like you are patrolled to this person you've never met and then you happen to be soulmates?
Margie:No, it's not like that at all. Right? Well, so she's kind of she's, she doesn't really want to find a husband though. So in order to be crowned queen, Russia, her parents are dead. So she should be queen, but she has to have a king in order to be queen, which is stupid, which kind of, you know, she mentioned that she mentioned that in the book. She's very like, I'll get in she says, don't need a man to validate it was the blight of her otherwise perfect life. She had to marry to be crowned queen of the kingdom. She already ruled. They say that. So it was as if her learning her wisdom, and her hard work meant nothing unless validated by a man her husband.
Rachel:Jesus Christ. Yeah, go 93.
Margie:I know, right? I know. I know. I know. So it's like she mentioned that the laws are based on old CELT Rules of Order of propriety and mercy and value order above everything else. And they do that's like a cultural thing, which I'll get into it later. But actually a solid amount of world building. Yes, yes. Yeah, it's kind of cool.
Rachel:Very impressed so far. So
Margie:she goes to She's literally spying on this potential suitor so she has this friend vision goggles. A little Okay, a little bit and nonce he's like gonna have this guy over for dinner. And she's going to literally look through a pupil in the wall and see if she can marry this dude. Oh, yeah. So she does like she Lilith are setting are. They're they're doing it. And they see the guy and he's completely disgusting. Like, no, like grabbing food from waiters. He's severely overweight, he smells he's ill. So not only does this drink, eat and drink and eat basically not good. And so she's relieved because she's like great I the last guy in France who is considered quote unquote suitable for Mary's so now they're gonna have to figure out something else and that could take years right you know, her elders in her town. But like the elders in our in Mercia are also getting very concerned because there's also a prophecy.
Rachel:Promise there's always a prophecy that says
Margie:these seven woes, one for each night, the bed of the ruler goes on filled with trouble and contention, right, the kingdom will be cursed chaos in the land and in the seasons, and the hearts of men and in their reason the sky will withhold its tears, but women shall weep. The seed will wither and the wounds shall sleep and it goes on but she like cuts off her friend. She's like I don't want to hear anymore. That's
Rachel:that's like a well written prophecy. Yeah, I've been a little bit of a poetry cake lately. And I dig that. Yeah, I'm not usually poetry but you
Margie:were probably wondering what they meant by that. The seven woes one for each night the bed of the roller goes unfulfilled.
Rachel:She needs to get to fuckin is basically what I got.
Margie:Yes, but it's specific, specific kind of luck. Okay, the marriage tradition in Mercia is that the the ruler the princess or the prince has to spend seven nights with one person. Not consecutively. And then that's worse than married. Yeah, that's what makes the married and that's what makes the other person like king or queen.
Rachel:Hmm. Okay. Yeah, that's kind of awesome. And also really sucks for Ace friends, huh?
Margie:Yeah, yeah. But wait, you know what, though? Actually, it might not because in this book later on, not specify sex. It does not specify sex. Yeah, it's just seven nights with one person. So. So Lilith is literally counting. She's the Countess. She counts the nights. That theory is with someone else. Yeah, I know. I know. I know. I know. So she's like her best friend companion. You know, like,
Rachel:the best romance pun? Yeah.
Margie:Yeah, yeah. She literally counts.
Rachel:I know. We've had some crazy crazy books and everything I am loving. It is so much roller coaster than the Badger man.
Margie:Oh my god. I might like such a low bar. Okay. I'm setting that bar. So
Rachel:But let's think about this. This came out 93 The Badger man came out in 2018.
Margie:Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think that one thing I will say about this book too is that it's well written like, like, Cadence. Why you like it? eloquence?
Rachel:Yeah. You can get away with a buckwild plot. Yeah, as long as it's written well, right. And yeah, like, honestly, I don't care what the plot is. If it's written well, I'm on board, right? That was the problem with it. Yeah. You listen, I'm sure. Right. Anyway. Yeah. So,
Margie:um, so they. So Thira and Lilith are like, Okay, this guy's disgusting. I'm not gonna obviously, I'm not gonna marry him. So they're staying with her right now. They're at their friend Henry's house. Henry is still kind of like courting this Duke because he's forced to now even though she's not gonna marry him. So, the year and Lilith are like, Okay, let's go back to our place. But it's already dusk. It's not really a good idea for two women to go out on their own but they're very sheltered and Mercia it would be fine. Right? nones. It's really not fine. So they go out there go heading back to their house. They get lost. And around. Yeah. Do you remember? Do you remember that? See, that's still late, where she gets lost in the woods and has the no good very bad day. Yeah. Imagine that with these two girls. It's like, well, Oh, hell no, me. So we're at the end of it, though, theorists stops the gang rape of a girl who's not older than 13 by some mercenaries. She's Yeah, she's a bat. I will say that she's, I love a badass. Yeah, she literally tells her that she's going to count until they like have the girl. They're obsessed with counting numbers again. It's this really weird cultural thing. They count everything. Okay, yeah. As it should be like as if she could do something at the end of the counting. Right? Like, so they like have the girl and immediately grabbed the euro. Yeah, yeah. Nach egg carrier off somewhere Lilith? Luckily, that was left behind. So someone hears theorists screams is that our homeboy? It is not our homeboy, okay? And sees her get taken away and is immediately like, oh, no, that shit is mine. His name is Drew Stan de bearville
Rachel:They're like, No, no, that's fine. Is that what he said? No, no. Oh, no, that shit is mine. Oh, that shit is mine. Yeah, and it's a drusen Druce. It's
Margie:D R U S T A N. Justin, Justin de bearville at all you need to know about him right now is like he's an enormous douche. Kudu. Awesome. And he has a very weird fetish. Okay, he has for taking the virginity of royals. I mean, and he doesn't know that she's a royal. He just knows he sees that she's wearing white and that she looks wealthy. So he's like, Okay, I want that posting.
Rachel:All right, you know, in that time period, that was probably a pretty solid fetish to have if you
Margie:get well. And he's also like, he is either the youngest of three or five sons. And so he's not getting much money from dad. Like he's not getting anything. So everything. So he kind of won
Rachel:CEA and let's let's be fair, let's give him let's give him you know, benefit of the doubt. When I see a woman being carted away by a lot of people for to be gang raped. My first thought is ah
Margie:fine, or if I Okay, so then someone else hears theorist screen, and that is sex ruin. And he's like, okay, at the pub, having some drinks. And he describes the screams before he actually does anything about it. So he's like, Oh, that's the scream of like a girl who's in trouble. And then she screams again, he's like, Oh, that's the scream of like somebody who's about to get raped. And really, maybe you should do something about it. Sacks. I know. No,
Rachel:you've never watched leverage, did you?
Margie:I did watch like the first season. Okay, there's, um,
Rachel:there's the like, mercenary guy. Here. There's love. There's Elliot. There's this ongoing joke where every time he's like, Oh, that's this gun whenever they hear something and they're like, how did you know? He's like it makes a very distinctive sound. So I'm just imagining how did you know she's getting raped? It's a very
Margie:literally it look yeah. Oh, no, yes. Oh, yeah. So but he finally he's like listening to it. And he's like, Okay, I can't take it anymore. Yeah, so he runs out and he saves the Euro with the help of help of his friend guess scar, labor it okay. Libra means the noise. I was just curious. So I looked it up. So Sachs runs with the Euro over his shoulder and finds a place that's open where they can hide so he's like trying doors, you know, like I found one and so they like it's kind of like Scooby Doo again. It goes inside the door and then he closes it that they go running past Oh, yeah.
Rachel:So did he literally just run up grabber and run away? I really thought
Margie:that he bought them a bit but like there were like six of I think there were like six of them into a You know, Saxon, right I think a scar so they were just trying to get away. But it he does mention saxes, like it's taking six guys to hold this chick down. Yeah. Like, you know and he's like kind of impressed. Okay. So, you know, like, girl she's not gonna win but like, right it's It's impressive that takes that many. So they he takes her to like, like kind of a kitchen something like that just into an open house right? And he's like, Hmm, what am I gonna get in payment for saving you and she's like payment? Why can't she just be a decent human being?
Rachel:Unless she calls him on it? Yeah,
Margie:well, so it's they argue it's heated in more ways than one. Hey, oh. And in payment, he demands a kiss. And he gets it. And she's into it, too. He literally though there's this point where he like takes her dress. And he he takes some lapel lapel. And he like stabs a knife into the lapel of the dress so that she can't get away from the wall.
Rachel:There are other ways to do that. But okay, I
Margie:think she was into it. Yeah, she was like, oh, you know? She was like, no, no, like she was saying. It's like, it's like one of those things where it's like she say, though, but then like, once he kisses her, she's into it. So yeah, a lot. Okay, but
Rachel:yeah, but at the same time, I guess like if she actually is into it, then like, girl get what you want. Right? It's that really where
Margie:I live? Nice. Yeah. Great. Yeah. So um, he does let her go though. She goes back. She does find her way. Yeah, he lets her go. She goes back to her house. Like it's all fine. Where's Lilith? And all the way Lilith went divine help. Okay, so she went into like a bar. And she does manage to find some sort of help, but it's like already too late. Right. Right. Like just theoret in them all meet up at the house together. Yeah. So but remember that Duke de Ville guy that I mentioned earlier? Yeah. He was looking for that Birgit barrier and finds out that she's a princess. So he wants to even more so he's got a bunch of mercenaries in the city. They're a bunch of assholes are taking over nouns basically. And he's like, Okay, if you find a girl in a white gown, bring that shit to me. Which apparently not a lot of girls wearing white gowns and not a lot of girls change clothes. Right? Oh, okay. Well, that time I think it was a cultural thing to have like in her city royalty wears white. Okay, yeah, okay, that
Rachel:makes sense. Yeah, we need a term of endearment for people for dudes that are like the opposite of homeboys that are like actually decent people at least mildly so yeah, I guess homeboys reserved for all assholes and slight assholes we do we need hmm maybe we could do homeboys good and fuckboys bad.
Margie:I don't want to switch it now. Man. That's gonna be what
Rachel:do we make fuck boy. Good now cuz fuck boys aren't great. Yeah. We'll think about Yeah, well
Margie:think about if you guys come up with anything that we know, let us know. So the Duke of verbal actually takes the city of nonce with a legion of mercenaries bandits, etc. The next morning, so Okay. Henry wakes up and tells Lilith and Thira you need to leave the city, it's time to head back to Marcia because otherwise, I can't guarantee that you guys are going to be safe. Yeah, in the city. And she doesn't theory doesn't know this theory doesn't know that the Duke of Orville is actually after her. Just like she just thinks that she keeps getting bad luck.
Rachel:That's fair. I would immediately assume that some dude I've never met before is after right? Because he wants to do well. Yeah.
Margie:But I guess what I'm saying is that like, it's probably a good idea that they're leaving because she doesn't know there's that extra level of danger. Right? Right. So he's but because she's wearing all white again. I don't know why they decided to do that with Yeah, really? She's kidnapped by verbals men on their way out of the city. She and LLF Okay, and but oh boy, not
Rachel:home boy.
Margie:Oh boy. Oh, boy. He's bad. Sorry, homeboys. Bad sacks, spots theoret and Lilith getting kidnapped. And he starts to put two and two together and his mind is like, if I could say that bitch up, but there's obvious she's obviously got money. Right. So someone back home is going to want her.
Rachel:He has motivations that aren't sex.
Margie:Yes, he does. Wow. And so he wants a big fat payoff for saving her and bringing her back whenever she needs to go. So Saxon Giscard save both save theory and Lilith again. I managed to get away from rebels army.
Rachel:What about our boy? Our boy that's good. Boy naturally our boy Yeah, our boy our boy. So our boys.
Margie:Oh, that's good. I like that a lot. Okay, so um, so our boys sacks, David from Thira for saving her again. And Thira tell sacks that she's nothing but the clothes on her back at Saks looks at them. That'll look pretty nice. So give this to me. Um, but rather than take her clothes sack says, No, I'll just spend the night with you instead. And she says, okay, one night with me and then you can get it get us back to this little town called like bow between. That's like, kind of where another one of our friends or we can get help if she actually a virgin. I want to say yes, but it's not I, I want to say yes. Okay, but they never like they don't make a big deal. They don't make a big deal. And that was the other thing that worked. This tradition, though, is that if she sleeps with somebody for two nights, and her virginity is taken, it doesn't matter. Yeah. You know, because that's not seven nights, right? You still, you know, she could go off and find somebody else. I take this. Yes, it's hard. Yes. So she just can't spend seven nights. And it's not even consecutive. Yeah, yeah. Okay. All right. So cool. Yeah. So, um, they strike a deal. They're saxes, like sacks and theory are like, okay, one night together, and then, you know, then you get us to this little town. Yay. consensual say. Yeah, yeah. Well, sort of like they don't really have a she doesn't really have a choice either. Because she, she Lilith aren't gonna be safe enough to go right on her
Rachel:own. But I feel like she's the kind of lady that would have said no, if she wasn't, because like, if she's able to she fights off people like crazy. She's probably like, Ah, no, I don't know, I get that vibe from her.
Margie:Maybe Yeah, maybe?
Rachel:I don't know.
Margie:I think that the level, it's more explicitly put in the book of like, the level of danger that Okay, and so she doesn't really, I don't think that she really feels like she has a choice. And when it happens when she starts to deal she's like, okay, you know, I'm not and she tells me she's like, I'm not actually gonna do this. Like, I'm gonna get away with it somehow. I'm gonna make it so that I don't have to do this. Okay, so um, so they get back on their horses. They ride for a while they make camp and, and but while they're making camp theorists terrified because she's like, Oh, God, I'm gonna have to sleep in the sky. Like, she's nervous. And so she manages to steal a knife from guest gar. Okay, yeah, Julie puts it in her boot. So that night when sex is like, okay, sexy times start now. You're a pulls out the knife. And it's like, actually, no, it sticks it up to his stomach.
Rachel:Awesome. And, of course, he deserves her.
Margie:No reason not.
Rachel:Her like, oh, no, he
Margie:doesn't do that. Right. He's like, we sex is pissed. Because it's like, what the heck, we agree to spend the night together. And she's like, Yeah, we agreed to spend the night together. Doesn't mean that we have to have sex. Okay. And she, and he's like, literally kind of throws a little tantrum. Yeah, I like the sexy times. Like, yeah, so. And he tries to seduce her. And when she says no, he's like, then go the fuck to sleep, because that's what I'm going to do. But she's like laying there. And she's like, shit. Am I gonna hold this knife up to him all night? To see that's really? Because here's the thing. I don't know if if she hadn't had the night and she had not wanted to do it. Would he have forced her? I don't know. I can't tell. And it does take away from his character a little bit. Yeah, I wish that like there was.
Rachel:That's fair. Y'all respect your ladies. Right? Well, as always, ladies respect you, man.
Margie:And Lilith also counseled us as a night spent together. So would have been a lot. If I were the writer, I would have made it like so that she was like, not comfortable with doing it. And then sacks is like, okay, that's why we don't have to do anything. And then the next morning, there's still that consequence of them spending the night together cuz Lilith counts. Right? So now she's got one. He's 1/7. Okay,
Rachel:here's the question now. Is their character growth from this point?
Margie:I say the relationship grows. Yeah, a little bit. But I think it's more he end up respecting her and like, yes. Oh, totally. Throughout this book. He totally respects so yeah. It's not
Rachel:like great, but I'm okay with it. Because it grows. It doesn't just maintain hands.
Margie:Totally, totally. And he, I'll explain that later. But like you, I love how he changes in this book. That's cool. Yeah. So the next morning, the Euro is pretty confident where she and Lilith need to go to get back home alone. So she awaits. So she wakes Lilith silently. And they both get back on their horses. And they escaped together because they're like we're like we're done. We don't need another night with you guys. Peace out. Right like we don't want your protection anymore. We don't need more nights and only to run into verbal soldiers again look. Tierra de Yeah, yeah. So she has to run back into the arms of sacks and drive another bargain. Another night this time as he describes it of pleasure.
Rachel:Okay, oh, still open to interpretation. Yes, maybe I get a lot of prelate pleasure out of playing skee ball.
Margie:It's like It's like the biggest it's like Deadpool the beginning of Deadpool where they go on their first date, right? Like let's put the balls at holes. Literally just arcade? Yeah, you don't know, you know? So but she says fine he fights off the soldiers again. Apparently this Duke hired some really shitty soldiers
Rachel:or or he's our boy is great. Our boy
Margie:is really great. But yeah, and Thira and sacks and scar and Lilith head off again from Mercia and I want to note that like while this is happening, like gas cars got the total hots for nine. Yeah, yeah, they're very like I like their relationship because it's very much like Han Solo and Princess Leia. Super cute. Uh huh. Yeah. So later that same day the the Scooby Doo gag that's what I call what I Okay, so comes upon a town where Thira and Lilith were planning to meet some friends and get some help and some other companions for the rest of the way back into Mercia. However, they find that unfortunately, the little town has been thoroughly pillaged and raped, raped and pillaged by the Duke of by douche canoe, verb elf,
Rachel:fucking douche canoe he
Margie:is. He is. So Thira is forced to strike another bargain to have sex take her the rest of the way home. She willing to give him a second night of pleasure. So they have they not had their first night. They have not had their first night of pleasure yet, right. So that night, however, so he tried that night, Sachs is hoping to get his first night of pleasure. But they run into a storm and they're all forced to be in a crowded tent altogether.
Rachel:Sat Well, I don't see the problem. Why couldn't you have a night of pleasure?
Margie:Hey, Why could he have a light of pleasure that be it's interesting that that doesn't count? Because like, what is this? This princess was having like orgies all the time.
Rachel:I just mean, everyone in that room is now one. Yeah, right.
Margie:Wavy? I don't know. But this she doesn't count it. Well, it does. I count it. But the next day, they're trying to cross a shallow stream when Thira jumps off her horse to grab a drink of water. And do you remember that scene and Fellowship of the Ring when the chick uses elvish to create a torrent of water that wipes out the ring rights?
Rachel:In the movies? Yes, yes.
Margie:In the movies. Sorry. Remember?
Rachel:Can I Can I just I have to fulfill that I'm actually just actually I do indeed. Arwin live Tyler.
Margie:Yes. i And that's what happens here. Except it just wipes out theoret I don't even know what that's possible, though. I'm like, it rained a lot the previous day. But that's not how rivers and streams work I don't
Rachel:think can be possible. Okay, depending on it like a dam could have broken upstream. That's true, or I mean, it's like have you seen like, in like deserts and stuff where there's rain and the it rains really quickly, so the ground can't absorb it all. And so things like will rush in. But usually that's like right after it starts raining, right? Yeah, yeah, by the way, y'all it's raining now here.
Margie:So she gets swept away. And sax goes running off on his horse after her is just having a little she's having a really bad day. No good. Very bad day. Good. Very bad day. And Lilith and Giscard left behind, so they like, yeah, yeah. And Sachs was like running after her for literally like miles and miles and miles and he starts to get very concerned because she can swim. She can swim. Okay, not only but okay, but she's also just getting exhausted. The water is freezing cold. Yeah, good thing. She's wearing white. Yeah, it's great. And so finally she kind of, I don't know, she ends up like, she ends up in a place where like, the current isn't carrying her right. So she just has to swim to the shore. Sacks goes in after her gets out of the water, but now they're really far from their friends. And she's like, freezing to death from hypothermia. Hmm. So he gets it's cute. Okay, sets up a fire. Like it's all warmed up. Is that what boy it's like that a book that you had the steampunk book, where he's like, You have to take off your clothes. You're gonna freeze to death? Just like no,
Rachel:because y'all that is what happened. By the way. If you get if you dunk in freezing water, take your clothes off yourself up. Yeah, so I realized I'm saying y'all a lot this time. I'm not southern.
Margie:It's because a bot is simpler. It's because of bots. Yeah. Just listening too much. Yeah, too much. Just enough. Yes. So um, he saves her he builds her fire. He convinces her to get out of her wet clothes. And He nursed her back to health, which is kind of cool. He does during the night like she's our boy. He's our boy. Yeah, he's been our boy our boy. Yeah. So um, he spoons her right next to the fire that night. So but for Lilith, this counts. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. Cuz like she's not there. But she's like, well, she's alone with us. So it's a night spent together. That's two nights. Uh huh. To seven so
Rachel:she like accidentally make him king. That's nice. That would be really funny.
Margie:Yes, it would be. So they start to get it on the next day. The next morning because she's finally all warmed up and fine. And but then like, logic wakes up and she's like, Wait, hold on. Wait. I don't want to fall for the sky. I can't do that. And she like kind of pushes him away. It's like, keep your hands to your frickin self and he gets pissed. He's like, What the heck? We were having
Rachel:such a good time. You were my baby bird. Yeah. nursed back to health.
Margie:Yeah, literally, literally. So he tells her that she can ride his horse with him the next day, but Oh.
Rachel:You're welcome. But only
Margie:if she says pretty please. Which being a stubborn ass princess, she says no to. And she's just walking beside him all day while he's on his horse. She's so stubborn. Because she's so and he gets pissed because he's like, Just do it. Oh, my God. And she's like, No, I had, she does. And so
Rachel:I love super prideful characters that are just being
Margie:stupid. Well, and he also was like, trying to get more nights out of her. So he quote unquote, saves her from a snake. It's not a non poisonous snake. And so that earns him another night of pleasure. So now we're on three that he hasn't fulfilled gotten VA.
Rachel:That puts him up to five like,
Margie:yeah, yeah, close. Um, so and then there's one other night that they spent together before they get to share. Yeah, so that's a really nice and then three nights that are unfulfilled. It'll be six. Yeah. By the time that she meets up with Lilith, yeah, she's already got three under her belt. And she owes him another three. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. And so they get close enough to Mercy. So the other thing about this is that like, the Euro doesn't want guests car and our boy to know where Mercia is a secret town. So when they get close enough, they tried to do the same thing. They get up the next day or gets up the next morning and she kind of like wakes Lilith up. They get onto their horses and they tried to ride away. And of course, the boys are like, Wait a minute. You're not getting away with that one. Yeah. So they ride it after that they get into Mercia. Mercia
Rachel:didn't realize they were being followed?
Margie:Yeah, they did. They did. They tried to get away.
Rachel:I don't. Okay, that's fine. You know? Yeah,
Margie:I think at that point, also, too, like she was probably scared enough that she wasn't thinking really. And there was nowhere else for her to go. You know, even if she like managed to get away from him. She could have gotten lost like, right. So um, so they get into the city. She gets off her horse, he gets off his horse, and he just immediately grabs her around the waist like a barbarian haha. Like a barbarian would add up all the towns, all the city people, her people are so happy to see her. But they're like, they're the people of mercy are kind of naive and just very sweet. So they always have everything very sheltered. Yeah. So they're kind of like, Hey, we're so happy to see Thira who's this weird guy holding her by the way? This is very strange, but they also like don't do anything to get him off of her. Okay, because they just assume everything's fine. It's fine. It's fine. So Thira offers him more money than our boy can even imagine our boy sacks. Can you imagine? It's literally I think at one point, she offers him half her half at the treasury of Mercia, which is like also not good ruling.
Rachel:It's not what it is like, take a hit my dude. Yeah, like I will give you half of this city. Right? So just leave me the fuck
Margie:yeah, just leave and never come back. And he's like, Ah, no, I'm gonna get my three nights. Thank you my three nights of pleasure. And so some
Rachel:expensive night. She's very expensive.
Margie:Well, that's her glasses likes her to his like, he's like, man, she just like she smells like buddy. Yeah, I mean, so. But it's really that part. I was like laughing my butt off. Because it was like her elders or the advisors or like, so three nights. Thought maybe like, four or five or seven.
Rachel:Really bad. Easy. Technically not quote unquote, eligible.
Margie:No, he's eligible. Every man is eligible. Okay. Yeah. All right. Yeah. So they don't even know him. They don't. Okay. The other thing they don't know him. Like I said, they're all very naive. Okay, they're all very sheltered. And so they're like, everything's fine. You know, and even even the euro in a way is because like back in nonce she was just walking around like, right and she wasn't gonna get into any trouble. And she, you know, she did. So they're like, oh, okay, just three nights. You can have her.
Rachel:Oh my god.
Margie:Yeah. And so Thira is like, What if I refuse and she realizes that she can't because she's like, she and Lilith is like, Yeah, it's true. Like he she owes him three nights and you know if she's honorbound to do it, you can't go insane No, like she's a roller she has to stand by her word. Right. So she's like,
Rachel:it still doesn't have to have sex. Yeah. Things
Margie:can be other things. But we know what yeah, we know we've they've been insinuating the entire book, what that exactly what pleasure is. So, over the next few days, he does give her lots of pleasure. It's a pleasure. You know, it's a pleasure, but so like, well, so And before that, they will it was like, Yeah, but like, she already was with him for three nights. And then the elders are like, Wait, why do you have to do? Well, so that they're more like, wait, what he's gonna be? He's, uh, he'll practically be king then. Because it'll be six or seven nights and that's when they really start to panic. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So no idea up to this point. He does not he doesn't find out. He finds out that night at dinner. Oh, they're all talking about it together. He's like, wait, what? I can be king. Oh, no, that sounds okay. That sounds just fine. By being vague. Very, thank you very much. And so he does start to give her three nights and three nights a pleasure. Let me tell you, they are a pleasurable awesome, they're awesome. They really see me very spicy. And very, like, not rushed through. Okay. Yeah.
Rachel:So we all are aware what this book is a vessel for Yeah, I get it.
Margie:We get it but it's like it was nice. That's nice. So every show Britain's Maxis and mercy I told you, they're obsessed with counting. So even things like bags full of beans. They will count every single bean in the bag. Okay, not just weigh it
Rachel:count every single one to
Margie:sort that out that he's like let me teach you the seven different ways to pleasure someone. So every night he teaches her like at least one way if not two ways to pleasure someone Okay, so and he's like okay, so at least seven
Rachel:I think there's more than there's way more than
Margie:this so like it's like okay, this is the night where I'm gonna teach you how to really kiss someone. So count all the different types of kisses that I give you. Okay, yeah, sure. Yeah, whatever. So but um are black has been around yeah, he has been well that's the other thing about his character is that he's been all over the world because he's fought battles all over the world. He's a mercenary like somebody pays them a bag of gold. He's like, Okay, I'll go kill some people for you. Sure. Nbd
Rachel:like a rape and pillage
Margie:but so during the day though, Saxon guess gar are learning more and more about Mercia. And sax is our voice X is holding more, more and more love with both Mercia and Thira. And like seeing how much she loves her people and how much she wants to protect them. And like I said, they're very naive and very sheltered. Right. So they don't have things like they have a forge, but they never make weapons. They're not prepared for any sort of anything to happen to them. And sacks is like your rich city that nobody knows about. are going to find out about you. And then how are you going to defend yourself?
Rachel:Right? Well, I'm already expecting our douche nuke to to come in writing. For me,
Margie:I can make an appearance. Yeah, yeah. But like Thira is very against this because she's like, No, like, I need to protect my people and like, don't make them be fighting. And he's like, Thira I'm trying to protect your people trying to do what's best for them, Please trust me. And that's the thing that I liked about their relationship was that like, the moment he found out that he was in love with Thira, which was pretty early on. He was like trying to, I don't want to say change himself, but trying to adjust himself so that he fit into her life. So like, he changes his appearance, he he shaves his beard and cuts his hair and gets actual, like mercy and clothes so that he can like, you know, he's putting in the effort. He's putting in a lot of effort to like, not only be with her, but just to be the right man for her and for
Rachel:her rather than making her fighting with Yes, yes. Because I think that he recognizes
Margie:like, She's the real royalty here. Like, if I want to be a part of her life, I have to like, you know, make allows me adapted to that. Exactly. And there is a point in the book where, you know, they they just got finished with some pleasuring Hey, oh, and he's like, You won't trust me with your people. You know, I really do have the best interest at heart and she's like, I don't really know you. You've never told me anything about you and it's better like fine. And he carries her naked back to his room. And it's like, here's my past and my bag, and he shows her the Spurs and he's like, so I was. I had my father was a nobleman. I went to war. For a king, I came back all everything I had was gone. Like typical kind of typical stories. I've been fighting for other people ever since. Please let me fight for you. And so he like pledges pledges themselves to Britain through the protection of mercy, it becomes a first night.
Rachel:I am so pleased.
Margie:I know it's very, it's very. It's very cute. Yes, there is still kind of things where theory is like, please don't teach them how to fight. Like don't teach my people how to fight. And he's like, they have to learn. Yeah, and the reason for that being is douche canoe. Dave Orville. They discovered a spy in their city, who's from the Duke and they capture him and they throw him in jail. They actually don't even have a jail. They throw him in a row but the castle. Right, there's so unprepared. And but they also have like, you know, a small battalion or something sneak into the city. And they kidnap Thira that's really that's what he wants. Yeah, the Duke wants. He wants that. Virgin pussy. She's
Rachel:not a virgin. She's
Margie:not anymore. Right? But she also still has a ton of money. Yeah. And
Rachel:oh, you're not a virgin. Oh, you're rich and that's fine. That's fine. low incidence. Turns out my king is also rich lady.
Margie:Well, he's also like, she's a princess. Like I want to be king. Uh huh. So it's actually kind of awesome because they're so
Rachel:sure that the night that she's with him to count don't say oh,
Margie:boy, they would so our boy sacks though, goes in after her almost immediately he figures out that she's in there he goes in after her he gets caught. Of course, he gets like that. There's like a whole she kind of pretends that like oh, he's just this guy. Haha, he's not anything that's special to me. Don't even worry about it just so that he's kind of ignoring and so she pretends that she's on her period so that she doesn't have to spend the night with night with homeboy girls like I want to get my debut and she's like, No, I don't want you know, I love him period. No, it won't work. And so she gets away she gets sacks out so she breaks sacks out of his like little prison or whatever. And then they both go back into Mercia and so she saves him ah yeah yeah no take it hard so um the the manager mercy ins do fight really well which I'm like how is that possible they fought in their lives they fight off the the the Dukes army
Rachel:we've already established though the Duke hires some pretty shady so he does a pretty
Margie:shitty soldiers and there is a fight at the end between the Duke and Sachs and of course Sachs wins and kills the Duke they throw the Dukes body over a wall over a cliff basically and are like your Duke is dead leaves damn car they do with the rest of the army just leaves. Yeah. And I'm like
Rachel:Swiper No sweat.
Margie:So then theory at one part. So the ending of the book I also really, really liked because fear goes up to our elders and says like, Okay, can we just make him king now? Like, I don't really want to worry about this last night of pleasure. Like she kind of takes it into our own hands. Yeah. Which I like it's like it's not you know, it's not kind of phrased so forced upon her. It was her own decision. Right. And yeah, he becomes a becomes king and they live happily ever after.
Rachel:I am so pleased right now.
Margie:Are you pleasantly surprised in a way
Rachel:like this is I'm so happy. Oh, God. Damn, I did it again.
Margie:No, I like that. It's great. Don't
Rachel:see you all that much. I feel like I'm putting on airs when I shouldn't be but your pinky does not translate well in audio media. But she did
Margie:she did have a noise
Rachel:like we I always I don't know I very often discount the quote unquote older like what you think of as a stereotype the stereotype right of like, of Harlequin romance novels, but like, I would not have picked that up. That's so good, though.
Margie:It was good. It was good. Like it. I think that it wasn't it wasn't really that surprising if you know what I mean. Like I kind of knew what was gonna happen and like, a lot of the stuff was very, like, surface level symbolism like she's wearing all white. Yeah. Tuberville is always described in all of his army. I don't know how they did this. Were all black. Yeah, so it's like
Rachel:it was it done. Take that AP English class from high school. Yeah, it takes some some literary analysis, if you will.
Margie:Yeah, it wasn't. Yeah, it was. Yeah. So
Rachel:speaking of analysis, though, let's get into it. Let's
Margie:get into it. Let's, let's break into that.
Rachel:Oh, so real quick before I get into it, I want to mention so Margie and I had a little bit of a discussion. Talking about the fate of our pod. No, not really, but a little bit. We decided that we want to change up Our scale a little bit. Yes, it doesn't make a lot of sense. And for us to Oh, yeah, really different one to five scale. So up until now, if you're new listener are already here, we've had essentially two one to five scales not by like choice just kind of happen. One of what we called it quote unquote, the Romans scale and then quote unquote, the actual novel scale which opinions have been raised and were totally valid. But that's not really fair, because romance novels or literature, yeah, it's all good literature. And we do love our romance novels. So we are modifying that and we're going to do a one to 10 scale. So we're just going to expand what we consider like instead of one to five, I think one to 10 will kind of run the gamut a little bit more. And then also at the end, we want to do a sort of a one to three additional reading that is a one being gone by it to being maybe find in your library or a little further, we don't spend money on APA give it a read and then three Bing do not spend money on this. So like it anyway, yeah. Um, so that that's kind of what we adjusted our rating scale. This is all fluid. So if you guys have any additional thoughts or opinions about this, let us know. And we maybe will take it into consideration. We like to hear feedback from you guys.
Margie:And we so are we We're still gonna rate characters, right? Yeah. Okay.
Rachel:Found characters. I think we'll still be a one to five. Yeah. But then the overall book rating is going to be a one to 10. Yeah, okay. Yep.
Margie:So the book, I would give a five
Rachel:overall book or let's, okay, let's do characters first story. And then overall, good idea.
Margie:Right. So the characters I loved. Oh, and also guess gar and Lilith end up together. And they do. But that was one criticism I have of the book is I wish that there was more about them because I loved guest star. It's really cute. Loves guess, guys, so my type. And I was like, I'm not hearing enough about though. And also like, they kind of they're very, they're romance gets more jilted because, like, it feels like it's whiplash, right? And one moment, they're like, not in love at all. And then at the end of the book, like they're, they're head over heels. And I'm like, You did not build the build that up, and I'm right, where I didn't hear enough about their antics I wanted to hear right. So anyway, um, so in terms of characters, I would give our our boy sacks.
Rachel:I love him.
Margie:I love him so much. I want to give him a for though, because written wise, because in the beginning of the book, he was taken away a little bit was taken away, because I don't know. Yeah, what he would have done.
Rachel:But again, I feel like that can fail. I agree with the four because I think five should be reserved for like, over the top really credible. But I think that maybe 3.5. But
Margie:yeah,
Rachel:I feel like, I'm okay with the I didn't like because yeah, it's not it's not good. It's okay. It's bad. But there's so much character development as the book goes on that I I liked that there was that starting point, right? Because I feel like if it already started with him, 100% like, oh, no, I totally respect you. And he wouldn't show the growth wouldn't have as much
Margie:punch value. Yeah, yeah. And it was that's one thing I liked about the character, his character a lot, that there was a lot of growth. And there was also like, a lot of like, number one on the books. I'll test this. And he also had these own motivations. Yeah. That would that word fulfilled over the course of the book. I don't think he planned to become king, but he still got what he wanted. Right. And he changed her Thira Yeah. Which is sweet.
Rachel:Right? So I mean, let's we're all on the same page. Here. This blog was a little bit buckwild and kind of funny in that way because it was ridiculous, but the characters and stuff were well done like enough that you're okay with it, right? Because it's okay, like it was. Again, it's very stereotypical it is but it's good stereotypical, it's not bad stereotypical,
Margie:I'm going to give the Euro a three because she's not it's interesting motivation wise. Okay, as I felt Saks was that she was a little more one dimensional right and Saks was because there was there were no there were less secrets with her. You know, she didn't there wasn't much to discover write about her as a person she from chapter one until she grew yeah grew but like you knew everything about her there were no mysteries there was no like self discovery or anything.
Rachel:If you like she didn't have as fleshed out of a background as sex.
Margie:She did in a way but like, but it was she did but it was like already. It was obvious from the beginning because she's the princess of this kingdom. And it was kind of like oh, yeah, there you go. Like you've you had to know everything you need to know right in chapter one. And I was like, Okay, there's an also her character got like a little bit annoying to read. Because it was a lot of her complaining. A lot of times when she's complaining again, though. There were other instances where she was like being really stubborn and really strong. And I liked that about her character. But there are other times I was like, okay, so it kind of balanced out. Yeah. But it was also like, I'm just tired of hearing the wind. Yeah. And sax was too.
Rachel:Okay. All right. So we established his three and a half. She's a three. She's three. Okay. Yeah. Cool.
Margie:And then plot ply wise. Like the reason why I love it is because of the Celtic bag. I read that Celtic man, I lost it. Oh, my God, but accounting
Rachel:bit, and I, I'll admit, like, I am a sucker for ridiculous over the top plot, as long as it's done well, and Ryan did well. So like, I love it. It's hilarious. It's crazy. But
Margie:it's really crazy,
Rachel:very well implemented.
Margie:I think that what they should have, because there didn't know who this Duke was that she didn't even know anyone was after her until like the end of the book. And I think that they should have like established more that he was an enemy, not just this like, because it's kind of like he's, in terms of the story of the Duke is kind of like riding on their coattails. Right? And
Rachel:he doesn't he's just there. I mean, let's be honest, if we're talking about just in booked terms, he's just kind of there to provide the necessary right agonist. Yes, yeah, fine, which is fine.
Margie:But it's also kind of he wasn't that interesting of an antagonist, I guess and add that much to the story. I would have liked it because yeah, I don't know.
Rachel:As like a solid
Margie:three. Yeah. Very middle of the road. Hey, all right. Well, not middle of the road. Yeah, I would say the pockets. Yeah. Solid, solid three. Okay. Yeah.
Rachel:So three and a half for our boy sex. Three for a home girl Euro Thira. All girls are home girls. That's just until we branch into the buy and lesbian genre, which will probably happen eventually. All girls
Margie:will do it for for LGBTQ month.
Rachel:Yeah. I like the idea of homegirl and our girl get until we have an AR girl. It's all homegrown. Yeah. And then solid three for the plot. So overall, one to 10 What would you give this book? Oh.
Margie:I want to just give it a middle of the road 555554 and a half to five. Because the thing is, is that it was not. It didn't surprise me at all. That's fair. I was like, from beginning to end. I was never like, what? Yeah, right. You know, I was ever amazed.
Rachel:No way. What moments? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I love those. And I mean, let's be clear. Five is not any weed dad. No, it's not that at all.
Margie:Yeah, it's still and you know, in terms of the one to three scale, let's say 1.5 to two. Okay, you know, because like I wouldn't, I would never buy this book, right? To buy it. But like if you're It's Sunday afternoon, you're at the library for whatever reason, or even a little free bike. Yeah, grab it like it's not a bad. It's not a bad afternoon read.
Rachel:Okay, so it's a it is the the better side of a two. Yeah, okay. Sure. Grab a
Margie:shirt. Grab it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Rachel:Cool. That's, I like this. This was good. This was good. This was very good.
Margie:Yeah, this was my palate cleanser. I'd be like, oh, and I'm wearing one It surprised. I wouldn't know that. This was supposed to be what the February.
Rachel:Okay, but yeah, you didn't
Margie:get it? I didn't get it in time.
Rachel:So I don't think it would have fit for what the February because it's so good.
Margie:It was Yeah, I mean, like, I want to call it good. I'll call it fine. Like, it's fine. You know, it's
Rachel:fine. Yeah. Yeah. Well, so when you weren't reading that? Because we're gonna remember the time people had to come out. I definitely forgot. So what were you reading? So I
Margie:finished the book. Really good. I highly recommended for you. Okay. It was really it was good fun. Um, and right now, I'm actually reading Ken fall. It's a column of fire. It's historical fiction.
Rachel:I'm a fan of historical fiction.
Margie:I love historical fiction. So and my reading Oh, and I was rereading the naming. Alien time. You guys should all read the Navy. Chicken series.
Rachel:Good series. I suppose. Eleanor is just a very good
Margie:young adult. It is it is. I love it. Yeah, cabin
Rachel:just okay. Oh, great.
Margie:So I was rereading that. Yeah, very cool. Yeah.
Rachel:So thank you guys so much for listening and so much for coming back after what the February um, I'm glad that we all survived that roller coaster together. Yeah. Um, so if you would do as a huge favor and go ahead and rate review and subscribe. All those wonderful things. Come shoot us a five star review. It wouldn't mean low world to us. If you tweet at us and or if you like, what's it called on Twitter where you should? Oh, retweet. Retweet. Hey, cool. Yeah. If you retweet us or tweet at us, I don't do the Twitter y'all. I do the Twitter. You do the 21 this week. We will as an incentive, we will tweet at you a completely out of context quote from a romance yet. So yes, yes. So we will start compiling those now and we will send one out to you with no context behind
Margie:whatsoever. Um, but it has to be a sexy bit weird to be weird.
Rachel:So and let's be honest, if you prefer something not weird or prefers not to do it, we won't do it. Why would like just a random Roman,
Margie:just slide into your DMS we could do that. We can follow you you can follow us we can make those scratch my
Rachel:back. I'll scratch yours. Um, yeah. So go ahead and do that. And speaking of Twitter, our Twitter is tetrapod Facebook. Textual tension. Goodreads textual tension Gmail.
Margie:Textual tension pod@gmail.com website. Textual tension pod.com
Rachel:The Graham textual tension pod Hell yeah.
Margie:Textual tension pod Yeah, yeah, that's all of it. That's all we did it all we did it all. I do have a Facebook now we do a
Rachel:video on Facebook. We've had it for a little bit now. Yeah, it seems you're doing pretty well. Also, this is super exciting. And I'm not sure this is coming out. I think this will come out. Just before it y'all we're going to podcast on
Margie:pod fest thank you to Buzzsprout for
Rachel:right for giving me a ticket. Yeah, if you're a pod Fest and you happen to see Margie wandering around possibly with a T shirt with our logo that
Margie:possibly I want
Rachel:you to interrupt take pictures we'll get to our Instagram yes yeah. And keep an eye out for cool pictures from pod fest
Margie:Yeah, exciting pod fest 2019 Baby Yep, yeah all right.
Rachel:I think that's just about it. Yeah, this was a good one. I nailed it so much. Yes, I know I'm so happy breath of fresh air right this now I need a snack.
Margie:Yeah
Rachel:All right. Yeah, we
Margie:we have to do one more thing though after we did cuz we gotta do I gotta read. Oh, oh. So if you want to stick around after the The beautiful thing that we have this with you? Well, so after the beautiful music that was provided to us by Ayla. Nereo on the album be held. Oh, I love her song. Thank you so much.
Rachel:We are going to sort of pilot a new segment called what is Margie doing on Tinder now so yes around. But if you aren't gonna stick around. We'll hopefully see you in two weeks. Thank you guys so much for listening. And we'll see you next time.
Margie:Bye. Okay, so here we go, guys. Oh my god. I got your name. I got this fumble solidly a homeboy. Oh my god. He's such a hole. Oh my God. And he was really handsome too, which is kind of he was a doctor of like, just as a doctor. Yeah. And he
Rachel:has time to paint.
Margie:Okay, so guys, I'm hella single.
Rachel:Just Ellen not really enjoying this.
Margie:So I started messaging homeboy, actually. Do you want to do this? Like kind of roleplay Oh,
Rachel:do you want to homeboy? I do indeed. Okay, I'm going to read this in a sexual Okay, I'm gonna
Margie:I'm actually going to text this to you. Okay, so are you ready? Yeah. Hi, how are you? What sort of things do you like to paint
Rachel:usually animals or mostly naked ladies?
Margie:Well, okay, make this worthwhile tell me how you would paint me
Rachel:I have an art room in my condo on 12th floor. With views of city and stadium we can hang first get nice wine. Then ideally I would like you to be in hiney thong black or may be red and be topless. Sitting on a cute chair. I have spreading legs but against the chair backrest casually flashing part of one nipple. Generous cleavage? Are you topless, are you
Margie:okay? Hands there's a lot of
Rachel:hands folded on backrest top. And looking straight in my eyes. Emoji with two hearts for eyes. Winky kiss emoji,
Margie:okay, and that there's more. forgot there's more. But wait there's more. Okay, that's
Rachel:either use black, white and pink theme. Pink is just for sensuous spots like nipple or lips or perhaps part of pussy lip Are you aroused when you go?
Margie:Oh,
Rachel:oh, I'm a doctor.
Margie:Well, like so my friend was saying. He was like the only way you could say my friend was say the only way you could have saved that. It's my like, like said picture of a stick figure with justice.
Rachel:Oh, that would have been good Very good. Oh
Margie:my god just so much work being on Bumble like and let me get shit like this
Rachel:that was that made my day what do you say?
Margie:I said that yeah fuckin lol I
Rachel:read it to when I let one of the guys at work read it I was like you want to hear this? Just God just facing hands oh my god like,
Margie:right? It's so horrible well and so how is this what you're describing physically possible to
Rachel:because he's like oh yeah no it makes no sense.
Margie:Yeah he likes to be spread and then part of pussy lip casually seen from one side oh my god just
Rachel:that's beautiful
Margie:No it's horrifying
Rachel:it's beautiful as a third party it's
Margie:been uh huh thanks for listening guys.
Rachel:Yeah thank you thank you listeners for being part of that beautiful part of my grief. Oh so great. All right, and seen