Listen Up with Host Al Neely
Hi, I'm Al Neely. I've spent most of my life asking, " Why do people behave a certain way? Why don't people understand that most everyone wants basically the same thing? Most everyone wants their fundamental need for peace of mind, nourishment, shelter and safety."
What I have learned is that because of an unwillingness to open one's mind to see that some of the people you come in contact with may have those same desires as you do. We prejudge, isolate ourselves, and can be hesitant to interact, and sometimes we can be belligerent towards one another. This is caused by learned behavior that may have repeated itself for generations in our families.
What I hope to do with this podcast is to introduce as many people with as many various cultures, backgrounds, and practices as possible. The thought is that I can help to bring different perspectives by discussing various views from my guests that are willing to talk about their personal experiences.
Hopefully we all will learn something new. We may even learn that most of us share the same desire for our fundamental needs. We may just simply try to obtain it differently.
Sit back, learn, and enjoy!
Listen Up with Host Al Neely
From Haiti To Healing
A teenage diary named Nancy. A snowstorm walk after a father’s refusal. A boot camp commander who sees what no one else did. Yasmin Charles joins us for a fearless conversation that traces a path from Port-au-Prince to Brooklyn to the Navy—and into the kitchen where healing meets hunger.
We open with the shock of migration and the ache of colorism, not in headlines but inside a blended family. Yasmin describes bullying, parentification, and the quiet violence of church masks—how scripture can become a shield that hides wounds instead of treating them. A single moment in boot camp flips the script: being chosen to lead becomes proof that her voice belongs in the room. From there, the culinary track and nutrition science collide, and she begins teaching food as medicine without sacrificing flavor, pushing back on an entertainment-only food culture that feeds epidemics of obesity and diabetes.
The story turns raw and practical: deportation as a teen, a sister’s suicide attempt averted, and months living in a car while attending Norfolk State. Those pages forge her mission as a homelessness advocate. She lays out a dignity-first blueprint—keys, private rooms, on-site therapists, and job support—arguing that empathy and structure solve what charity drives rarely do. Along the way, we unpack choosing a child-free life, setting boundaries with family, and reframing forgiveness to include real healing. Yasmin’s voice is clear, warm, and unflinching, and her recipes for resilience are as useful as her kitchen tips.
Come for the story, stay for the tools: nutrition you can use tonight, language for trauma you can carry, and a vision of community that looks like care. If this conversation moved you, follow and subscribe, share it with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find these stories and join the conversation.
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YouTube: Listen Up with Host Al Neely
Hello everyone, I'm Al Neely, and welcome to Season Four Listen Up Podcast. And today we have chef, culinary educator, and author, Yasmin Charles. You may have seen her on the 757 Cooking Show, right? Is that Hampton?
SPEAKER_01:The Hampton Road Show, um, Coast Live. Yes. Uh in Richmond. I uh Virginia this morning, once a month.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:So I'm my rounds. Yes.
SPEAKER_02:An amazing, amazing person. Um just thank you for coming in.
SPEAKER_00:Well, thank you for having me. I'm excited to meet you and uh meet the team. It's it's it's nice to be here.
SPEAKER_02:Yes. I uh I knew about you for several years. I had been looking at some of your posts on social media. Yes, sir. Then I had the opportunity to go to a Taca uh event here in Virginia Beach where you were there. And um at that moment I said, I need to get her on. But I always thought you were amazing, but I had the opportunity recently to get your book, and the book is called The Cost of the American Dream Spirit of the Homeless Soul, right?
SPEAKER_01:Yes, the Diary of a Homeless Soul Diary of a Homeless Soul. Yes.
SPEAKER_02:So had an opportunity, just got it, so I read about a third of it.
SPEAKER_01:I love it.
SPEAKER_02:It it's amazing.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you, thank you, thank you.
SPEAKER_02:So, what inspired you to write the book?
SPEAKER_01:Well, I I wanted to give those of us who grew up in dysfunctional families, in blended families, um immigrants a voice. And um, I had been writing a diary for years since I was 19 years old. And um in one particular time in my life, I was really having a hard time just trying to figure out my journey, who I was. And I went back and I sat down one weekend and I read all four of my diaries, and it completely floored me. Because from 19 all the way up to my late 30s, I kept diaries throughout my military journey. And and I realized, Yasmine, you've got a story here that needs to be told. And I've realized if if if I can put this story out there, it's gonna res resonate with so many men and women, and and and here we are. I'm really proud of it. Really proud of my work.
SPEAKER_02:So when I picked the book up and I started reading it, it starts in the very beginning of I think the first few years um before you came to the United States. That is correct.
SPEAKER_01:That is correct. So my so I grew up in Haiti, born and raised in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. Okay, and uh, and so every chapter in the book takes the reader to a different city or different country around the world. Um, I like to label my book as as the military version of um Eat Pray Love. I I believe it was a book by Elizabeth, I forgot her name, but it it's it takes you all across the globe. And so we start in Haiti, and then we moved to America in New York, and then we go to Chicago, boot camp, Japan, Australia, and all these amazing places the Navy took me to. And uh there's a chapter in there about Norfolk State, my college years, and um going through veteran homelessness and coming out of that. So it's it's a wonderful, wonderful read.
SPEAKER_02:Right. One of the things that I I noticed that there's so much that I can talk about. Yes, but I think I really would like to focus on you coming from Haiti, um growing up in the United States of America, okay, and um just having your your father and your stepmother here with your sister. And um when did you come, at what age did you you you come here?
SPEAKER_01:Excellent question. So I was 12 years old when my older sister and I came to the US to join my father, his wife, and new family. It was it was a culture shock. Um, different weather, different language. Um my father, I didn't really really know him growing up in Haiti. I was five years old when he left the island. And then when I joined him, I was 12 years old. And then his wife, my stepmother, I met at the airport. So imagine the trauma now of leaving everything you knew behind: the language, the culture, the food. And now it's cold, and I don't really know this man. Is she gonna like me? You know, I now have new siblings, I have to learn the language, it's a whole different school system. Um, but eventually I adjusted. You know, just like all of us immigrants who, you know, move whether wherever you come from, you know, you you adjust to American life.
SPEAKER_02:So, how many sisters and brothers did you have uh from your father's mother's okay?
SPEAKER_01:So my mother and my dad had three children, and then when he moved to America and married my his now wife, um they had five. So collectively there's eight of us.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_02:Wow. That's quite interesting.
SPEAKER_00:Big family.
SPEAKER_02:Um, you talk about the challenges of colorism. Ooh. Okay. Yes. And I think I want you to talk about your experience because I've experienced that as well. So I I probably experienced the opposite of what you did. But can you you talk about that a little bit?
SPEAKER_01:Well, you know, at the time, as a as a kid, teenager, I didn't even know what that was because coming from a majority black country, there was no such thing as, oh my goodness, you're black, right? We were the majority. And so to experience colorism within my own family was shocking. Um, and so for a long time, I had a feeling that my stepmother didn't like me, but I couldn't quite connect the dots. I didn't couldn't I couldn't understand why. But it was her friend from church who told me, Yasmin, these are the things that she says about you behind your back. You know, she used to call me um Tinoa, which translates the little black one, yeah, in comparison to my older sister who's about your complexion.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And um, yeah, and I was like, okay, Yasmin, okay, this woman really does not like you.
SPEAKER_02:So is it a you think it's a USA United States thing?
SPEAKER_01:I I I think it I don't think it's just that, because the ex colorism exists in in places like India, in in the islands, in Africa, where a lot of black women, you know, they things are changing now, but they're, you know, they they've been known to bleach their skin. Um, but unfortunately, because of the history of slavery, um, we've had a lot of women in that generation, like my stepmother's generation, who, you know, didn't think that doxing women were beautiful. And on top of that, if you imagine now, um I look just like my mom. Okay. So imagine now you're seeing this child that your husband um birthed with a woman, right, with his previous girlfriend. And it's like I'm I'm in my in my in my mind, I'm thinking, well, you know what? Every time she saw me, she probably saw my mother.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Yeah. And I think that happens lots of times when you have a blended family.
SPEAKER_01:For sure.
SPEAKER_02:And it tends to um the male child.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_02:If a stepfather comes into the relationship, it's usually targeted at the male child.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02:So I I I'm assuming it's the same.
SPEAKER_01:It's the same. And I'm and I and I just thought about something Bishop Jake said some time ago. He said, oftentimes when a man does not like or love the mother of his children, okay. This is profound now. Oftentimes that child reaps the consequences. So even if my stepmother did not like me, but I also think because my father didn't really love my mother, he never stood up for me. And so I was never, I never felt protected by him. Um to say, hey, you know what, this is my child, you don't treat her that way, you know. And the thing is a lot of adults, when they when they go from one relationship to another, yeah, they don't have the tools on how to heal the blended family. Yes. My father didn't have the tools, you know? Yeah, whipped it.
SPEAKER_02:Was she Haitian?
SPEAKER_01:Yes, everybody was Haitian. Everybody's Haitian.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. The community in New York when you were growing, is it a large Haitian?
SPEAKER_01:Large Haitian community, especially in Brooklyn, near Flatbush Avenue. Um, we went to an all Haitian church. I sang in the choir. That's where I made my first, you know, boyfriend. And, you know, yeah, very, very large Haitian community in Brooklyn on Flatbush. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Um, you also in the book you talk about being bullied.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, yes.
SPEAKER_02:By American kids.
SPEAKER_01:Middle school, my first year. It was tough. You know, middle school kids in general, they're they're mean. They mean. But there's another level of meanness that they bring on when you are an immigrant, you know? And at the time You didn't speak English very well. Didn't speak any English actually at all. It was my first, my first six months in, and it was a culture shock. Um, and I remember our teacher used to actually allow our class to be dismissed before the bell rang because they knew that those kids were waiting for us outside. And um it was, I got into my very first fight within the first three months of me being in America. It was it was shocking. Kids just you just pick on you for anything. You know, you don't speak English. Or I think from what I remember, I was I I was a I was good at volleyball. And so our team won because I was a teen captain, and so she was upset about that. And um, and eventually I was transferred to another school and um and things got better for me.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:You're so with your mother and father, you're the middle child.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, I'm the second oldest. Second oldest.
SPEAKER_02:Second oldest. There's three. You have a brother.
SPEAKER_01:Three, middle, um, so oldest sister, myself, brother, and then five half siblings.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and the in the book you talk about your sister's. Let me make sure I'm pronouncing correctly, Eunice. That's the name I gave her in the book. Okay, okay. We're gonna say that.
SPEAKER_00:To protect the innocent, yes.
SPEAKER_02:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_02:Um, also in the book, you keep referring to Nancy.
SPEAKER_00:Yes.
SPEAKER_02:So, you guys, I'm gonna give you a little bit. You have to go by the book. It's just amazing.
SPEAKER_03:Thank you.
SPEAKER_02:So give us a reference to what Nancy is.
SPEAKER_01:Nancy is the name of my diary, and I and I gave her that name after reading the diary of Anne Frank.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Um, and also gave her diary, and every time she would put in an entry, she used to address her um her I can't remember what she used to call her diary, but I got inspired by that. And Nancy is the real name of my choir director um in Brooklyn, and I just admired her. And so in my head, she was my friend, and so I named my diary Nancy.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, that's amazing.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So your sister. The fight that you're talking about, your sister, she was she's quite different.
SPEAKER_01:Very different for me.
SPEAKER_02:Um, personality and than you. All right. So you had to take up for your big sister, huh?
SPEAKER_01:Are you referring to you referring to the suicide attempt?
SPEAKER_02:No. Okay. No, the fight.
SPEAKER_01:Which fight?
SPEAKER_02:Okay. You were saying that there were people that were constantly picking and agitating.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, back to the back to the bullying? Is that what you're referring to? Yes. Okay, gotcha. Okay, so I remember one particular time we school got dismissed. Yeah. And we were walking towards the bus station, the B-41 towards Flabbush Avenue, and uh, that girl just kept pushing me and picking on me. And uh my sister was like, you know what, just ignore them. And I and I just couldn't take it anymore. And so I turned around and I just I just and I fought her back. And that's that's when I knew I had something else in me that she didn't have, even though I was the younger sister. Okay. Yeah. I stood up for myself. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I think that was amazing.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, thank you.
SPEAKER_02:The um you also referred to um your relationship with your father, and you were you felt like they brought you guys here. Well, it was your mother's, she was trying to bring you guys here so you guys could have a better life. Is that correct?
SPEAKER_01:Correct. You know, I historically Haiti has been very unstable. And so the story that I was told, now that I'm older, was that my it was my father's cousin who went to him and said, Listen, Haiti's very unstable right now, and you have two girls growing up back there, and if something happened to them, that's gonna be on you. And so him and his wife decided to bring us here. But from what I also understand was um, we were brought here, this is uh these are all his words. We were brought here to help his wife raise their kids. So I was parentified. Um, and that happens a lot in big families, in a lot of Caribbean families, where you've got the older siblings who take on the responsibility of raising the younger siblings. And for me personally, it built a lot of resentment because I didn't get a chance to be a kid. Granted, I love my siblings, but as I mentioned in the book, um, it was not my responsibility to take care of my stepmother's children, you know, and I missed that on a lot growing up. Didn't get to go to the prom. I didn't get to be a normal teenager. So it was a lot. It was a lot. And and that affected me psychologically a lot. Um, when you are parentified as a child, you don't get the chance to develop as a kid, as a normal kid. And so now that I'm older, um, I am a child-free woman by choice. Um and now I'm really yeah, I am now in a place where I am learning to re-mother and refather myself. And that's a powerful, powerful self-awareness to realize that certain things your parents didn't give you when you were growing up. So it's never too late to give those things back to yourself.
SPEAKER_02:So the reason you decide not to have children is that because of your experiences as a child, you believe that that is part of it.
SPEAKER_01:Um but another on another thing too, having the chance to be in the military and traveling and being around other women, um, I've come to to the realization that a lot of West women, we have been conditioned to believe that our worth and our purpose is to solely be mothers and to be wives. But then again, being exposed to military women, I realized, you know what? I can do so much more than just, you know, being a baby machine.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know what I mean? So it it it it opened up my mind.
SPEAKER_02:Um I'm gonna bounce around a little bit.
SPEAKER_01:Sure, sure, sure.
SPEAKER_02:Because you're you're stimulating some of the some of the things I read in the book.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, sir.
SPEAKER_02:So one of the people that you thought was really fascinating when you were in the military was um was it petty officer Martinez?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, yes.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:You amazing. This is this is boot camp now.
SPEAKER_02:Why was she so amazing? I think it's a lot of people.
SPEAKER_01:She was confident. Um, she was one of our um division commanders. Yeah. Um, when she walked in that room, she, as petite as she was, a tiny white woman now. Okay, she commanded the room when she walked in. Matter of fact, it was between three commanders, we had two men, and it was her. She was tougher than the other two guys. And I love that about her because growing up, I didn't have a strong female figure in my life.
SPEAKER_02:Um I think you were probably everybody's strong female figure.
SPEAKER_01:Because growing up, growing up, my I had my mom, my stepmother, and then being in the church, to me, this the women that I was around, it was either they were silent or silenced. And so going to boot camp and then coming across this woman now, I would, I was blown away by that. And I remember the very first time she noticed me while we were standing at attention, and she said, Charles, where are you from? And I said, I'm from Haiti, ma'am. And she said, All right. The fact that she noticed me, even today now, that gives still gives me goosebumps.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:She noticed something in me. And uh, yeah. But after Martinez.
SPEAKER_02:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So you you wind up becoming the um the leader of your I became the leader that the um yeah, in boot camp. I I was in charge of all the girls. It was Division 921.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Went to boot camp February 14, 2000. It felt like yesterday. Um, it it just grew something in me. The fact that I was handpicked by, matter of fact, this time I was handpicked by one of the male commanders. He said, Charles, come here. You're in charge now. That that shifted something in me because most of my life I felt inferior, less than I was a family scapegoat. And so um to be around other people who saw something else in me was the beginning of my my healing, I could say.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:It was powerful. It was powerful. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So let's go back. I'm bouncing back your own. I love it.
SPEAKER_00:You got you got some great questions there.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, so uh well I thought it was fascinating. Yeah. So I'm gonna try to give everybody enough. You guys are gonna have to read this book. This is just amazing. So you your worth when you talk about how small you felt when you asked your dad for some money. Okay. So was that the lowest point in your you would you say?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, that's trauma, that's triggering right there.
SPEAKER_02:Is it?
SPEAKER_01:Um I remember that. I was 16 years old. Um and the thing is, the job of a father is to protect their daughter.
SPEAKER_02:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:To be there, to make them feel worthy and loving.
SPEAKER_02:And be an and and be a vision of it what you want your daughter's husband.
SPEAKER_01:To look like, exactly. Matter of fact, I was just reading on that just last night.
SPEAKER_02:Right.
SPEAKER_01:Um, yeah, I was 16 years old, and I remember that particular day, um, there was a lot of snow on the ground. Living in Brooklyn, you know, a lot of ice. And so I did not want to walk to school. Midward high school, midward high school in Brooklyn, next to Brooklyn College. So I walked into his bedroom and asked him, and I asked him for some bus fee. I think it was$8 or so. And um, and without any hesitation, um, his wife was in there and he said in Haitian Korea, Umetmashe, you can walk. Humiliating, embarrassing. And she stood there, she she had nothing to say to him or to or to me. And um I walked out of that bedroom and uh I I walked to school. It must have been a good 12 to 15 blocks from Beverly Road down to Bedford Avenue. Um and I and I felt embarrassed, I felt small. But in that moment, I also felt something rise up in me. I said, I will never ask that man for money again. Right. And I got my very first job at a KFC. That's right. On F. I got a chance to wear pants because then we were so legalistic, you know, church girls don't wear pants.
SPEAKER_02:Was she did were they regular church attenders? Did they attend church all the time?
SPEAKER_01:We went to church every Sunday. Every Sunday. Okay. We had choir practice on Saturdays. He went to uh they went to Bible study on Wednesdays. Yes, we were church folks.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:We had a, we had, we had a wonderful mask on. What a mess in the households. Yeah. Got my first job making$5.15 an hour, and I felt liberated. I felt seen. I felt free. I said, yes, I have my own money now. I don't ever have to ask you for anything.
SPEAKER_02:See, that's where it all started.
SPEAKER_01:That's it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:You've been climbing ever since.
SPEAKER_01:I've been climbing ever since. The thing is, rejection as as painful as it is, because it really hits you deep when it comes from a parent. But at that moment, though, you have a you have a choice. Or you're gonna let it take you down, or you're gonna use that rejection and turn it into your superpower. And that's what I did.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:16 years old.
SPEAKER_03:Wow.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, in every family, there's a scapegoat, there's a black sheep. And you get to decide what you're gonna do with the with that trauma. It became my superpower.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Um that was a very touching moment for me.
SPEAKER_01:Mm-hmm. Why? Do you have daughters? Do you have girls?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I I I I have I have to say I'm probably more favorable to my mom, my sisters, and my nieces. I just I just think women are amazing.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you.
SPEAKER_02:And um, so I I tend to see see their worth probably I I would say that's wonderful.
SPEAKER_01:More that's awesome. My father just didn't have it. He he either didn't have it, didn't know to give it, was never got it himself, so he didn't have it to give. Yeah, you know, and on top of that, when you when you see your children as servants, yeah, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. So another thing that I I thought was really um really touched me was when you went back to Haiti.
SPEAKER_01:And uh um was it the the deportation you're referring to? Yeah, but that was tough.
SPEAKER_02:With your mother-in-law, your father, and your your stepbrother.
SPEAKER_01:It was it was my it was my 17th brother weekend, and I hadn't seen my mom in five years. So I was excited going back home. And uh, so the the so it was myself, my father, his wife, and my younger brother who was three at the time. So I'm thinking I'm gonna go see my mom for a couple of weeks and come back, you know, for school.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And uh yeah, he left me there.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. So I think the part that touched me the most is when he got up, and when you say he got up, and then he told everyone that he had been listening to your conversation.
SPEAKER_01:My phone calls, yeah, recording, yeah, yeah, private conversations with my friends, with my first crush. Yeah, because when you're a teenager, you're very uh you're very fragile.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_01:You know, I felt very small in that moment. I'm in the midst of the entire family in Haiti, and he embarrassed me like that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:You even though you're a teenager and you know, you're still dependent, you still want some independence for your confidence.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So that one uh that that really That stung.
SPEAKER_01:That stung a lot. I was very angry. Yes, very angry at him.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Wow, you've you've really dived into that book. I love that. No, I'm not need to apologize. I love that. I I love that because the thing is every single one of us has a story. And um, and especially within our community, we spend so much time brushing issues under the rug, and then we wonder why somebody goes off.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_01:You know what I mean? They it's it's it's as parents, we have to do better with our children.
SPEAKER_02:Right. You know, so I appreciate you talking about it because these are the things that I want people to know and understand. And then um one of the things that you you just talked about was going to church. And you know, you had a a face um for the public, and then you had a ritual for church.
SPEAKER_01:That's right.
SPEAKER_02:And um it's different, and I feel like most families are like that. And um, it's just difficult.
SPEAKER_01:A lot of us use religion, Christianity, as a as a cover-up. The young people now call it as a beard, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Rather than deal with what's really going on in the family or within yourself, we stuff our pain, our anger, our trauma, our wounds with church scripture, with church events, with activities. Meanwhile, you got people just dying on the inside in the pews.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_01:Um, and and it I think it's about time that we embrace mental health a little bit more within the, especially within the black church, whether you're from the islands, from Africa, or from right here in America, we have we have to open that door. Um, if you go see a therapist doesn't mean you're crazy, right? All of us go through some things in our lives. And for me, going to see my therapist, matter of fact, I have an appointment next week. To me, it's like checking in with a dentist. Every couple months or so, I'm gonna check in with her just so I can have have somebody help me process certain things because life is gonna continue to happen to all of us. And so um, we need to stop shaming people for going to therapy because all of us in some way are dealing with some things, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Right. And be patient, be patient, be kind, have grace when you're dealing with people. Exactly. So I I think that also teaches you just going to therapy, okay. What is that person dealing with?
SPEAKER_01:That's true. And I'm gonna just say something else too. The church focuses so much on forgiveness, and and of course that's wonderful. That's what the father has taught us to do.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_01:But um, I'm gonna pull a point here from something Miss Iana Vincent once said. For many of us, we've been conditioned to forgive, forgive, forgive, but then what do you do with the pain? What do you what do you do with the anger, the rage, right? I've forgiven you, but that pain is still there. So how what do I do, what do I do with it? Many of us have not been taught to deal with our wounds, with our trauma, right?
SPEAKER_03:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, we stuff it with scripture, with with preaching, but then we're still walking around angry.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_01:Raged.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_01:So we we have to open that door. Pastors need to encourage their members to go see therapy. Right? Just because you've forgiven your father for, if I may say, for abusing you, doesn't mean you need to be in their midst every Sunday now. You know, I can forgive you and still set some healthy boundaries to protect myself. Yeah, I love my family, but over the over time, I chose myself. I chose myself over a system that made me feel small, belittled, listened, crazy. I got tired of it. And over time, the family scapegoat has to leave. This because that's what we're created to do. You can't heal in an environment that broke you.
SPEAKER_02:Um so you're dealing with people that don't understand why they why they do what they do. What they exactly, exactly. And it's just um they're hurting you because they don't, they can't express they can't come out of the system.
SPEAKER_01:I remember many years ago when I first told her going to therapy. My therapist told me, Yasmin, and and what I did was I I gave I had her read a letter that I sent to my family. It was a 13-page, 11-page letter, and I just lay it all out. It was at 35 years old, I eventually just kind of led the floodgates open. And so she read the letter. She said, Gasmin, what I'm seeing from this letter is uh, and she was also moved in the prophetic to that therapy. She said, How your father sees you is how everybody else in your family sees you, your mother, your siblings, and everybody else. So, in order for you to heal, you had to pull yourself away from that environment that broke you. Um it was tough to hear, but I had to do that for myself in order to become who I am today and still become it.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Um I want you to talk about why you went into the Navy. It's okay.
SPEAKER_03:Yes.
SPEAKER_02:What made you want to go to the Navy?
SPEAKER_01:It was an honor to serve. Let me just start with that.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Um, at 20, 21 years old, I I was six months out of culinary school. I was working in Manhattan as a pastry cook. And um I joined the Navy for many reasons. Number one, I wanted I wanted to find myself. Um, the second reason was I felt like I had nothing to lose growing up in that family. I I felt like I didn't belong. Um, there was no love. And then on top of that, I got robbed at gunpoint one late night coming from the restaurant in Manhattan. So that was traumatic for me. Um life at home was not that great. And um I my love for New York just completely went out the window after that, that robbing situation. And um, and I just thought it would be fun um to to travel the world and see what's out there for me. Because going up in in my culture within that church community, every girl I remember, I remember from the choir, we're getting married like every other every other weekend. I said, There's gotta be more to life than becoming somebody's wife in your early 20s.
SPEAKER_03:Right. And just repeating the screen. Exactly.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I I I have been a bridesmaid more than I could count.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_01:And I just wanted a different life. And boy, I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I'm so glad I did. Um, because being around these women, amazing women, enlisted in officers, it was like looking out in the mirror for the very first time in my life. I said, Yasmine, look at the strength of these women. That's in you too. And so they helped me cultivate that. Um, it was it was an honor to serve. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So right now, you're Haitian, you're female, you went into the military. Yeah. This was in the early 2000s. Right now we have the the political climate in this country. Um, women are under attack, um, immigrants are under attack.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So, and we all know what happened in the last campaign for the the election with with Haitians. Um during that time and period, um what was it like to go into the military knowing you're all of those things?
SPEAKER_01:Was it back when it was back during my time?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:There were no issues. Um we didn't have this this climate that we're dealing with now. Um I don't know if I would recommend anybody of color to join the military right now. Um I if I may be so honest, I would not be proud to call that man my commander-in-chief. There should be honor when you put on that uniform. Um, I don't know if I if I was in my 20s now, I don't think I would have wanted to enlist right now. Um, because as a leader, you set the tone. And to fire um, my goodness, the very first female chief of naval operations because she's a woman. That stung a lot. Matter of fact, the man who was in that position many years ago when I was in was my boss. I was his chef. So to see a woman in that position finally, I I I stood tall, proud to see her. Um come I forgot Admiral Lisa, I forgot her last name. Um, she recently retired. Um, it's a different climate now.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:As I mentioned, I don't I don't think I would enlist in the military, considering where we are uh with politics and and this hatred for immigrants because in our military, we have just like in New York City, it's like a melting pot, right? Right. Um when I went to boot camp, I met girls from also from Haiti, from Jamaica, from Romania, from from France. Yeah. It's a mixture of everybody, and that's what makes our military powerful. So now we're trying to get rid of DEI and the military. We're trying to get rid of so much.
SPEAKER_02:That's what makes um the United States of America great.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, but we're gonna bounce back again, I really believe so. Yeah, yes. That's a great question.
SPEAKER_02:Well, it I just doesn't make sense to me. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't make sense to me. I of course I didn't I went to college, so I don't know. So wanted to talk about that. But while you were in the military, you had an opportunity to um travel. And uh loved it. You did. Yes. Okay.
SPEAKER_01:I loved it, I loved it.
SPEAKER_02:And that's where you started cooking, is that correct?
SPEAKER_01:Well, my cooking journey began way before the military. I went to culinary school in New York City. Oh, I worked in many in restaurants in Manhattan, and then I so I already knew when I went in, joined when I enlisted, I knew I wanted to become a cook. So I cooked on a ship for the crew for the first three years, and then I became an admiral chef for uh another three years. And then during my last command, I had a chance to work with a Navy dietitian um at a naval hospital in California. And being in her space inspired me to go to college to study nutrition in the human body. And I'm so glad I did because most chefs um have very little education on nutrition. And so now with what I do on television and on my YouTube, I'm able to combine uh nutrition education with culinary techniques because we really need that in America. Um, we have a huge issue with obesity, hard blood pressure, heart disease, and uh we need better nutrition education in the kitchen, and so I'm happy to be um to fill in that gap. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Is it a cultural thing um or is it something else? Because I I tend to think we use food as a place of comfort.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Right. And of course, uh there's some really good food types of food, and I I I use it as a comfort as well.
SPEAKER_01:But um do you see that as a possible place for people to have a release from issues and trauma and well, you know, food food is embedded in our psyche because we, you know, if you think about it, we can't live without it, right? We've we've been obsessed with food since the beginning of time.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_01:We need it to survive, we use food to gather, we use food to celebrate. So it's a wonderful thing. But the problem to me in America is food has been presented primarily as entertainment and indulgence versus um presenting food as medicine. Um, and so, but we can do both, in my opinion. And so most chefs, especially those who are on television, they present food solely as entertainment. And so a lot of folks now, when they watch these shows and they think, you know, a burger about six inches tall, you know, it looks it's amazing, but then your blood sugar level is gonna go through the roof. And so my job um is to bring nutrition education in the kitchen, especially in the Commonwealth now in Virginia. Um, but it's also culture. Um, food is meant to be enjoyed. It's we we should love sweets because we all need sugar, but the problem in America is added sugar. It's the added stuff, the processed food that's killing us. Um the CDC projects that by the year 2030, half of the population in the US will be obese. And when it comes to our children, we have about one out of every three whites and one out of every two black and Hispanic children who are either obese or diabetic under the age of 19. Why? Because we're feeding them too much junk. And so we need to find that balance there, right? We can have the cake and the cookies, but then let's incorporate more fruits and vegetables and let's also exercise.
SPEAKER_02:So um so you spend a lot of time educating people.
SPEAKER_01:That's what I do. That's what I do now. That's one of the reasons why I'm I do the Hampton Road show. I've done the I've done uh Coast Live and I drive to Richmond once a month now for their morning show to bring nutrition education in the kitchen. The food tastes amazing, right? Looks amazing, but it's also good for you.
SPEAKER_02:Yes. Yeah. I I think that's amazing. Thank you. The um we're gonna go back a little bit here.
SPEAKER_00:Sure, sure. I love it, I love it, I love it. It looks good.
SPEAKER_02:So the um your relationship as with your father. Um there's an area where it changed where he actually said, you know, he loved you and he was proud of you.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, that was the very first time he said that to me. This was in boot camp. Very first time I ever heard my father say he loved me. And I remember just feeling because in boot camp back in the day, you get to make, I think, one phone call per week. And um, and me being away from him for I think a couple weeks now, I guess my absence was felt. Yeah. And it was the very first time he said it to me. And and I couldn't, I couldn't receive it at first.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Because it had never said it.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, he probably always thought you were amazing and just probably could not.
SPEAKER_01:I I I don't I don't know. What I don't know what's in his mind, what wasn't in his mind then, and I don't know what's in his mind now. Um, but our relationship is non-existent today. Oh because I I chose myself. I I had to choose myself.
SPEAKER_03:You meant by the time. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I had to choose myself. Just as my therapist told me years ago, he said, Yasmin, how your father sees you, is how your the rest of your siblings see you. And it's not in a positive way. Um, I was the the bold one, the truth teller, the one who said, You know what, I don't, I don't like the way you talk to me. You know, I I I use my voice and I got punished for it by getting deported, by getting beat to the point of bleeding. There was a lot of abuse going on, a lot of verbal abuse, and uh and I was that kid compared to my older sister who spoke up. And I don't know if you got to the point where she attempted suicide.
SPEAKER_02:Yes. Um Yeah, you can you talk about that? Yeah. That that was disturbing.
SPEAKER_01:That was disturbing. It was a it was the I think it was a week or two after I came back to America from my deportation because What happened was my school officials realized that I was not back in school after the summer break. So they called the house and said, Mr. Charles, Miss Charles, where is Yasmin? Because the thing is, it's illegal to deport a minor. You can't do that unless the only only the authorities can do that. So I was brought back to America because they got scared. And uh and I remember one particular Sunday, my older sister just she didn't want to go to church. And um, and so we drove, um, we left the apartment, we drove to church. But during the entire service, my my instincts just told me, yeah, has been there's something off here, something's wrong here. And I and I just could not wait for the service to be over for us to go back to the apartment. And and I remember as soon as my father parked the car, I just took off running and I went in, ran to our room, and my older sister took an entire bottle of pills. And um and I and and I I felt as if God just for some reason they never came out of the car at the time. They were still downstairs. It was just me and her um in the room, and then I remember picking her up, and I looked her in s in her eyes, and I I just saw death. I just saw death. And I remember taking her body. We um I dragged her to the bathroom to have her gag up all the pills, and and she did that. And I God just really protected her that day. And and I was that angel in some form or fashion. And I'll I remember the conversation we had on that bathroom floor. She said, Yeah, I mean, shh, shh, don't don't tell, don't ever tell anybody. So he had been our little secret for years, up until you had her permission to put it in the book? I didn't need her permission. I was in that story. It was it was traumatic for me, too. Gotcha. I changed her name.
SPEAKER_02:There we go. Okay. Did she ever tell you why?
SPEAKER_01:Um, you know, we never talked about it after that.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:She she back I I don't I don't remember if we ever brought it up, but she was not the kind of person who would open up to me and say, This is why I did it. But I know she was suffering in silence. And to my father, she was the good girl because she was the quiet one, she was the light-skinned one. She was she was the more responsible one. And you know, come to think of it as the elder sibling, it it it it's a lot um to be the older sibling. And so she she she took it all in. But for me, I was very verbal about my trauma and how they mistreated us, and so but she she kept quiet. And so silence can be deadly. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So I guess you dating boys was out of the question back then, huh?
SPEAKER_01:Very, very, very strict. But you know, growing up in the church, you had your little crushes in the church.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_01:Um, but uh, but I'm I as I mentioned earlier, I'm a happily single woman. And I'm I'll be honest, on behalf of women like me who who choose not to marry, um, I'm happy that marriage never found me because to me, marriage and singleness are both, they'll they'll they're both gifts. And women have been um shamed for too long for not being a wife and a mother. So I'm proud to be that face for women who choose not to marry. Because just like the apostle Paul talked about in the Bible, it's better not to marry. So why don't preachers talk about that more? Because I feel like when you're single, but if you if you choose that lifestyle, I feel like it is the higher calling, in my opinion. Because now you because you have you have more time to focus on God and serving your community because it it takes a lot to be a mom and a wife, in my opinion. Yeah, but when you're single, you you're focusing on him, and that's the higher calling.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. I hear you. Um when you came back, you went to school, Norfolk State. Yes, you talk about a period where you were homeless.
SPEAKER_01:Yes. That was dark, that was super dark. I didn't I didn't have a support system. And that is a story of many veterans who, once we get out of the military, especially those of us who join in the first place to get away from family, to get away from horrible situations, whether it's your neighborhood or absentee parents, whatever the issue was. So when you come out of the military, it's it's it's a there's a period of adjustment that we go through. And so if you don't have that support system, um, it it gets very difficult. And so I found myself as disciplined as I was with my money, um, as determined as I was to finish school, um, I felt it was, yeah, I lost my apartment, slept in my car for three months, uh, parked at Norfolk State University. Um, but as painful as that experience was, it changed my life forever. Because for the very first time, I mean, I have always been a passionate person, but to put myself in the shoes of homeless people was like, wow, if this kind of can happen to me, Yasmin? Yeah, this can happen to anybody. Yeah. So now I am a proud homelessness advocate, and I'm actually partnering up with Norfolk's uh Community Services Board to be the boots on the ground, literally walking around the city, talking to them and finding out how we can help them out. Because I feel like when you've gone through an experience that bad, right, I rather talk to someone who who walked in my shoes versus someone who's suited up. You've you don't know what it's like to be an alcoholic, you don't know what it's like to be ABC. You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So the fact that I went through that experience and I'm who I am now, where I am now, I feel like I they I can relate to them. So that is part of my work now as an advocate. Um, to be that voice, that face. Um, and I really think homelessness can be easily solved if we would just show more empathy. Um, that comes from both our politicians and the church. Um, because I remember when I was going through my hardship financially, I was go I was attending a church and they didn't they didn't step up for me. Now, is that what they're supposed to do? You know, they could have done a little bit more, in my opinion, because churches collect so much money through tithes and offerings, and they're now planting churches like Popeye's and McDonald's. My vision is if you can buy another church building, you can buy an empty K-mob building, an empty farm fresh building, and turn that into a military-style, college-style dormitory, and everybody gets a key. And then in that same building, we can have therapists and and folks who help them with their resumes and and all the things just so they can get back on their feet. Because to me, spaghetti dinners, haircuts, that's not solving the problem of homelessness. These people need some serious help here.
SPEAKER_02:You I they probably don't think out of the box because maybe, like you said, they're they haven't been in those situations.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And if another thing also with shelters, they don't they don't work because as an adult, nobody likes to be placed on a curfew. Especially if you have a pet or if you got a child. Um it it it's it's not a an effective program for everyone. And I think that's why building a dome-style barracks, military barracks for the homeless and everybody gets a room is a more effective way to deal with homelessness in America. Yeah. That's just my opinion.
SPEAKER_02:I like the idea. Never thought about it like that.
SPEAKER_01:Because there's nothing more powerful than the sound of your own key. You know what I mean? Even if it's just a shack, a tiny room, right? The size of a barracks.
SPEAKER_02:Right. So I'm gonna have to finish reading the other two-thirds of the book.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you.
SPEAKER_02:Uh but I would love for you to come back.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_02:And uh just just talk about judgments. Yeah, there's so many things that I didn't get to.
SPEAKER_01:There are so many layers to me.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, you know, the traveling, yes, um, the church, and then your your chapters on sex and you like that. I didn't get to those.
SPEAKER_01:But church girl talking about sex. Wasn't that something? Yes.
SPEAKER_02:Uh I think it's needed.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's needed.
SPEAKER_02:It's it's the things that you put in the book are things that that's why I wanted to start with your childhood. These are things that everybody experiences. For sure. And there's an issue in society to talk about those, and there's a an issue for people to share any of those things because they don't people don't talk about them, so they don't know the you know, every someone else has the same experience. That's true. That's true. That is so true. So, like you said, I love it. I I'd rather learn from somebody that's been homeless than I've got to be. Right.
SPEAKER_01:There's someone who's never exactly who's never never experienced it.
SPEAKER_02:So um, you come back?
SPEAKER_01:Um I would love to come back. Thank you so much. Yes.
SPEAKER_02:We're gonna probably have to cook. I don't know how I figure it out. But anyway. Sounds good. So tell us where we can find you, what social media platforms?
SPEAKER_01:Yes, thank you. So I am on Facebook, I am also on YouTube, Yasmin's Cooking Show. Um, once a month I drive to Richmond to do their morning show, Virginia this morning.
SPEAKER_02:What time is that show?
SPEAKER_01:So that show um it shows at 9 a.m. Uh once the next time I'm actually gonna be up there next week, Tuesday for Veterans Day. So I'm gonna be saluting, uh honoring my fellow vets in the in traditional military chef's coat with a touch of pink.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I can't wait. And you can also find me on TikTok. Now I'm on TikTok, Lord have mercy, and on Instagram. So Yasmin Charles and on all social media platforms.
SPEAKER_02:That's awesome.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you so much. Thank you.
SPEAKER_02:Thank you for coming in and sharing with us.
SPEAKER_01:Appreciate you. This was great.
SPEAKER_02:Thank you.
SPEAKER_01:This was wonderful. Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_02:Absolutely. Yes. That does it for today's episode. Listen up. We'll catch you next time and listen up. If you enjoyed today's episode, I'm gonna ask you to click on the links below. Follow, subscribe, become part of the conversation. And remember, listen up.
