The Me Inc Podcast
A series of inspiring conversations with individuals fully embracing this experience called life. Listen to gain insights and perspectives into how you can lead a happier and more fulfilled life while exploring emotional intelligence to navigate the challenges and opportunities that come your way with greater ease and resilience.
The Me Inc Podcast
Episode #5 - The Resilient Journey: Adapting to Change and Embracing Growth with Edem Assogba
What if you could learn the secrets of resilience and adaptability from someone who has faced numerous challenges? Join us for an inspiring conversation with our guest, Edem Assogba, a financial analyst, and self-proclaimed half-baked philosopher. We venture into his incredible journey starting from Togo, West Africa, to the United States, as he navigates marriage, fatherhood, corporate America, and even a traumatic brain injury. Edem's wisdom on embracing a growth mindset and maintaining a daily routine to support his wellbeing is inspiring.
Throughout our discussion, Edem shares the invaluable lessons he gained from facing various inflection points in his life. He opens up about the impact of moving away from home, embracing new environments, and learning to set healthy boundaries. His experience overcoming the challenges of a demanding career, while still being a supportive husband and father, is a testament to the power of self-care and discipline.
Don't miss out on Edems's pocket-sized philosophy on transforming insights into action, and how developing a self-compassionate internal dialogue has helped him thrive in all aspects of his life. His holistic approach to self-care, including sleep, exercise, and being part of a supportive community, will inspire you to make positive changes in your own journey. Tune in for a truly motivating conversation filled with valuable life lessons, and discover the incredible resilience of the human spirit!
So I had a whole lot of my identity wrapped in there. This is what I am, this is what I want to do. So when that happened, i was faced with a hard choice and I had to let that part of my identity die so that I can reinvent myself and knew to do the stuff that I needed to do at the time. Remember, if you don't have a lot of choices, you have to figure out what you need to do. You get it done.
Speaker 2:You are and will always be your most valuable asset. Welcome to the Me Inc podcast. a series of conversations with individuals living happy, healthy and engaged lives, while exploring the importance of emotional intelligence to thrive in this ever-changing world. My name is Nigel Franklin, a CPA MBA and a certified emotional intelligence coach. My mission and passion is to enable others to be that best version of themselves by understanding the importance of making investments in their physical, mental and spiritual well-being. Let's start the show. When I first met Adam, a financial analyst and self-proclaimed half-baked philosopher, i was immediately impressed by his unique insights and perspective. As we became part of a mastermind group exploring philosophy and personal development, i've gained from his insights and it supplemented my growth journey.
Speaker 2:In this episode, we dive into Adam's inspiring story of starting over, adapting to change and finding balance in all aspects of life. From moving to the United States, from Togo, west Africa, to navigating the challenges of marriage, fatherhood and corporate America, adam's resilience and adaptability has been an invaluable asset. We discussed the importance of staying open-minded and willing to learn from life lessons, as well as how to let go of our over-identification with the mind, set boundaries and accept help from others. Adam's wisdom on embracing a growth mindset and maintaining a daily routine to support his wellbeing is also truly inspiring. One of the most impactful messages that resonated throughout our conversation is the impact of our self-talk on our interactions with others and our perception of self. Adam's journey of overcoming obstacles and refining his internal dialogue has not only allowed him to be better support for his family, but also forge a successful path in life. Join us as we explore these valuable life lessons and delve into the incredible resilience of the human spirit. Super excited for today's conversation, i have with me Adam Asopa. How's that?
Speaker 1:Close enough Yeah.
Speaker 2:We've had this thing that I was gonna botch his name. As for Adam and I met in 2018 and cultivated a relationship from then And I would say, as I talked about at the end of the last episode, what we get to explore today was the reverse mentoring relationship, in that, over the last few years, i've been able to learn a whole lot from Adam. We're also part of a group. We meet If you would call it a mastermind where we talk philosophy, just ways of being better. I think we explored all the merits of thinking about thinking, and then started learning that we needed to add action to thinking. Adam, welcome, i'm excited for this conversation more than you would, i think. Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thank you, very excited as well.
Speaker 2:As we start every episode, who's Adam? Introduce yourself. Let the audience get to know a little bit more about you.
Speaker 1:Adam is a husband, a father, a son, a financial analyst and half big philosopher and recreational meathead. But that's the short one. We can get more into more of the long answer.
Speaker 2:I'm going back to 2018 and one of our first notes that we shared And for the audience. Adam and I met when I was overseas, in Indonesia, and if you know me well enough, you know that I like to test people And Adam and I feel bad about this now that I'm talking about it, adam, but Adam and I started a conversation on personal development and I gave him an assignment, and the assignment was to read this book called Resilience and then come back to me with as many ideas, as many learnings, as he possibly could. This was the first of many, many exchanges that we have, so we're going to start on the philosophical quote. It was from page 16 of Resilience and it's on Shraddha.
Speaker 2:You highlighted this and you send it back to me And it said the question is are you aware of the philosophy you have, the assumptions, beliefs and ideas that drive your actions? Are you aware of the way those assumptions, belief and ideas add up to shape your life? Can they stand exposure to the light of day? So we're going to jump right into that half-baked philosopher that you are And, looking back, philosophy is a way of life. Let me hear how you found your way to the half-baked philosopher that you are.
Speaker 1:It has a very interesting before we jump in. at the time I just closed on our first house, so I had zero dollars to my name.
Speaker 2:What.
Speaker 1:I was portioning food and work, just so I don't go into the hole. So most of everything is spent paying back the credit card stuff that I dug myself into to get a closing call, fixing stuff in the house And so like that. So you say I'll read this book.
Speaker 2:I was like, ah, So you had so this book has probably been the biggest return, has its biggest return on investments that you've actually probably had then, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure, for sure. At one point I was just like yeah, it seems like a weird guy. I like weird people, So I got the book and the rest is history.
Speaker 2:Wait. so thank you for calling me weird. That's usually how everyone comes in. Everyone else has said it's a pleasure to get invited to the show. Thank you, adam Bless you.
Speaker 2:I'm weird, so I like weird people Back to that idea of weird, and I'll just go back in time a little bit. It's like finding people who don't make you feel weird, who talk about the same things that you talk about. And when we started the book club I hate calling it a book club because it was more than that. What it really was it was just finding a place for like-minded people to meet and share ideas. And when I say that, i remember walking into the lunch room that day and there were a lot of folks, a lot of our coworkers, talking about game of thrones. And I walk across the other side and you and Dr Drew, they're standing there talking about philosophy, talking about stoic philosophy, and I remember going these weirdos And I was like I found my people.
Speaker 2:I don't know if I've ever shared it with you, but I took so much notes when we first started having those meetings because I was always so impressed at how far along or how it evolved, the thinking of the group was You guys were meditating, you were reading a lot, you were trying to find ways of just being better. That was the most self-aware, driving period of time of my life where I was doing my research, But man, it was so inspiring for me. So I think when you say you're grateful, i think I'm more grateful and I probably don't share enough with you guys how grateful I am that I was able to connect with you guys when I was, because I think fasting everything else that we hear in that self-mastery space this is some of the things that we talked about. So tell me about what's formative behind the pocket-sized philosophy Philosophy as a way of life, philosophy as a way of what? what's the foundational part of how Edm approaches life?
Speaker 1:Yeah, thanks. I like to think about it in inflection points, pick up the lessons along the way, see which framework I can put them in and how I can use them in the moment and later on. So basically gathering lessons from life and try to put it in framework that can be used and reused over time. So I can take you through a few of the inflection points in my life So far, the major ones at any rate and then we can go through some of the lessons that I picked up along the way so I'll say.
Speaker 1:I'll say the first one Pretty much is moving to the US. Prior to that, i was a young kid in West Africa of Little-class family, living in a suburb. That was a high school physics teacher, mom was a was an accountant and Everything was pretty good. Didn't have to work, didn't have to do anything except just eat, sleep, wake up, go to school, get good grade. So that's what I did at least. I don't know if my dad would agree, but I try to do that to a certain extent. I just leave both here and there, but overall was pretty decent. And then we moved to the US and even before that we had some relatives and family friends that Were living here.
Speaker 1:So you hear stories. Some of them will be all about the ground, others will be all about opportunities, or even if it wasn't stated as As opportunities is more like how they came and spend the vacations. We get a sense that the dollar was just flowing because they come in and have fun It's just parties and have nice clothes, nice shoes, nice everything, gifts. You're like, oh, this is nice over there, i want to go as well, right. And then you land in New York, the airport. You can't understand the word of what they're saying over the speakers. You were like, wait a minute, i took English, this is not it. Take me back.
Speaker 1:The first thing there is the language barrier. Then you have The weather. That's different. The cold is something That I sometimes you can under estimate it because we already used or acclimated to it, but it's something totally different and the willpower that you have to muster to go about should be when you get hit in the face With that cold air on the east. Yeah, so that's just a couple of the things that were different. Now We have to adapt to. And then you also have different culture, different school systems and Now also responsibility. Now, all of a sudden, 19.
Speaker 1:I have to start working and, as lucky as I am, i had two jobs. Just from the start was a server I have Was a cashier in Georgetown University in Washington DC. Funny story about that there was some Hello African Machinima brothers. They came in the one and a bison, which is what they were Muslim. They were asking me if bacon had pork in it. I Didn't know what bacon was. I didn't know that bacon was pork, so I told them no. So to this day I told you myself I didn't know, but they trusted me because I spoke French. So, yeah, that was one of the biggest barriers, talking about having to learn and Understand what's what, and so you can't imagine how many things I messed up along.
Speaker 2:I think language and transmitting ideas, feelings, whatever else, being able to communicate, is something that actually eases the nervous system considerably. Where do you find the confidence to go about it? because change is hard and change is Changes constant. Yet But where do you find the confidence to keep pushing forward?
Speaker 1:There was no confidence there whatsoever, it was just the willingness to Go at it fail and the commitment to get better Speaking, get a better understanding of the culture, try to figure out my way in this new land, so to speak. So is the commitment to. I kept me going. Of course, every time you make a mistake like that Or you mess up an order, i had someone bail me out, but it was hard. But it was the idea that I have to keep going like this because, like we talk about this a lot, i don't have a lot of other options, so I have to make the best of the options that are in front of me.
Speaker 1:And those were just the first couple of jobs When I started university. The next year, though, i had to drop the cashier job because it was a bit much, but along the way I had a few other jobs Anything just to get by, anything not to increase the student loan. So at some point I was working as a home health aide. At some point I was working as a residential counselor for individual with disability, work at the airport, cleaning planes, at tutor I did anything.
Speaker 2:It is legal.
Speaker 1:Sign me up. I just need something right because that work ethic. I need to make money because responsibility is very important. Talking about framework, how'd you get to it? The first thing is for this one keep an open mind. I have no idea what I'm gonna find along the way, but I'll try my best and Prepare to lose some things To gain other things, because it's opportunity cost. I was already in university. Back home I was ready to let go of that that. I started building something new. All that plus the commitment to Always trying to improve, always trying to get better, though those are the lessons that I pick up from that first Infliction point so then the whole student of life stuff thing started early then.
Speaker 1:Yes, It started really early, because I have this idea in my head that every Person that you meet or every Situation that you get yourself into has something to teach you, and that is life showing up in those different forms to teach you a lesson. So you must Stay ready to get the lesson Incorporated for the framework around it so you can reuse and just keep moving forward.
Speaker 2:So you have that framework, but then you get punched in the nose. That kind of they'll say you get you landed here, but it seems like that's starting over, because 19 year fully formed. So what's that transition like coming over?
Speaker 1:It was a miss bag. Some aspect of it were more positive than others. You always have a little bit of More opportunities for sure, because back home is a lot of people are smart, a lot of people work hard. You don't necessarily get the opportunities to get a career out of what you like doing, was excited about the possibility of actually pursuing something that you enjoy, so, yeah, you're gonna put in the hard work, but at least you know there's a greater chance to get The result that you want. So that was great. The part that wasn't so, what you want to say wasn't so flattering was I had to work for the first time.
Speaker 2:So so you're saying that in moving your, the socio-economic status that you had was very different, so you didn't work up until that point.
Speaker 1:No, it was middle-class kid living in the suburb.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:I'm working, taking care of me. All I had to do was go to school, get good grades, and My dad was happy. Yeah, creating any trouble, not getting into fight. So long as you keep to the books, you do what you're supposed to get good grades.
Speaker 2:Life was easy. You said you were starting with that first one, but what are the other inflection points?
Speaker 1:yeah. So I was going through school. At that point I was living with the young lady that was helping me Fix my orders. I started dating at some point along the way we're going to school and I Was in junior year and University Morgan State University But I got into a car accident, ended up in the hospital, was in a couple for a couple of days, had all kinds of broken stuff, traumatic brain injury and The whole shebang.
Speaker 1:I had to take therapy to be able to Even think properly, suffer a lot of memory loss, cognitive Downgrade. That was another really tough one because I was in the middle of the semester and I didn't want to Spoon my graduation. So I have to take a w if draw on all the classes that was already taken. And when I came back And the following semester, i just took my regular course and then had to test out of the other classes. That's where it got hard, because I went back to work as well. So it was a lot on the plate and Having to manage through all that.
Speaker 1:Some of the lessons were you can't do everything and you can't expect To be the same what you were before, because I had some issues. I can't remember some things properly, i can think about some other things properly. So one of the lessons is I have to let go of that over Identification that I had with the mind and my ability to think and do math by that point had to die, so to speak, and I Have to take responsibility for the things that I can do, move for moving forward and also prioritize. I can't do everything, so I have to make sure the stuff that I'm getting into Are actually very important, because I don't have a lot of time and I have a lot of stuff on my plate. So Those were the biggest lessons, for sure. Having to say no to people That's another shifting identity, if you will.
Speaker 2:How is saying no a shift in identity? How do you reflect on that? Because I know I would say that you are very agreeable. But how is that a shift in your identity?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you think I'm agreeable. Now, i was very agreeable. I was pretty much ready to help anybody. Jump in, if you need me, let's do it, that kind of thing. But if you don't have healthy boundaries, then you end up overworking yourself and it's not helping anybody The people that are relying on you. In some instances there's some things that they can do for themselves. By you offering that or exaggerating or over offering yourself or overextending yourself, you're robbing them from the ability to do for themselves.
Speaker 1:To a certain extent I was doing that. I was just all over the place, spread two things and with the situation I had, i could not handle doing that. So I had to become someone different, someone who says no because he just doesn't have the capacity, just doesn't have the bandwidth. And the flip side of that is starting accepting help, because one of the reasons why I was able to make through is that I got a lot of help.
Speaker 1:My best friend at the time we're still like really tight to this day. He'll pick me up, give me rides anywhere. I couldn't drive when I came off the hospital, so he'll give me rides everywhere. I have friends helping me with past semester notes and books and whatever else I needed. That was another humbling experience The ability to now extend the hand and accept help from people, which is something that if you're always the one extending, you're not really good at accepting help. That's where the shift of identity is. One side of it is being able to say no, and the other side is actually accepting and receiving help from people because I didn't have any other choice And I was very grateful to get that.
Speaker 2:That's a that, again, i'm listening to and then I'm going that those are at such a young age. Those are very, very deep and strong life lessons. Okay, i'm still listening. Go for it If that isn't the last inflection point.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no. So after that I was able to pass all of my classes. I did get two B's, but again, try and let go of the perfectionist thing. I over identified Mr Smartman, so graduated on time and just kept going. Everything went well. I interned on the company we worked at together. Then I got a full time offer, but they were in Jersey and I was in Maryland at the time. I had to get into the workforce corporate America no longer cleaning planes.
Speaker 2:I can't imagine how happy you must have been to be there. I think sometimes, when I was starting out my career as well, it was really interesting to people didn't understand why I was so happy to be there. But I'm like, if you understood the jobs that I had before right, you would fully appreciate. I think the like my first job, i think I made like 30 grand or something like that, or 32 grand, but the year before I made $7,000. So I was still doing extremely well, but neither say go ahead. So the third inflection point you're in corporate America, now you're in a different, on a different trajectory. And then what?
Speaker 1:So I had to move to New Jersey. By the time my life was very pregnant with you married by this time as well.
Speaker 1:So talking about being a grown little man and putting the car before the war, so a lot of stuff. Yeah, the young lady that helped me get the job at IHUB was helping me fix the orders in the kitchen, helping me sign up for community college and all that. We ended up getting married and still married to this day. We were expecting our first child and our daughter came in two weeks after I started working and they were still in Maryland. So that was a lot to navigate between two states, having the responsibility for the first time to be someone's dad and also can corporate America.
Speaker 1:Like, my dad was a teacher, my mom was was an accountant, but not in corporate America, and the cultural background wasn't there, as you always say. I couldn't just go to them and ask them what to do. So a lot of stuff. I needed to learn a lot of stuff. I didn't know The idea of how do you carry yourself in the corporate world. that was something completely foreign to me and I had to figure that out. At the same time, i was on the actual where you're track, so I had to study a lot to keep passing these exams because I was on a student program.
Speaker 2:So what's the actuarial?
Speaker 1:path. Actuarial science is something between math and finance, or you can say math applied to risk. So actuarial science was that most of actuaries were working insurance companies, some work in the government, some work in consulting, but basically the idea is to study risk and how to make risk profitable. And one of my old mentors used to say an actuary is always wrong. The idea is to be the less wrong possible. Okay, that encapsulates pretty much. If you have a phone and they give you insurance on it, some actuary is calculated how much you should be charged for that. To be fair. If you have a car, you have insurance on it.
Speaker 1:Say that someone calculated that. So that's basically what an actuary does. And to be able to do all those calculations you take a lot of professional exams which are really hard. So had to study hours upon hours to be able to pass each one of them And that was tremendously difficult to do that And, like I said, the first time, being a dad, it was very important for me to be present.
Speaker 1:That it was, if you will, part of my identity. But my child was a few hours away and every weekend I would drive down. So I was driving between New Jersey and Maryland for the first six months. That took a toll. I was working.
Speaker 1:I think the corporate side of things worked pretty well for me, right, because I was very observing. I would ask questions, i would try to figure things out And I would watch people how they will work, carrying themselves, and I would try to emulate the winning behaviors. But that exam and dad part is where things broke a little bit, because it was just too much and I wasn't really recovering properly And my idea at the time was just commitment 100%. If you're working, 100% working If you're studying, 100% if you've been back home in Baltimore, maryland, you're just 100% a dad and a husband. You help intensive diapers the whole nine yard.
Speaker 1:And the question becomes when do you rest? And the answer was I don't. And I signed up for an exam. I forgot the time of the exam because I usually take my exams in the late morning. I showed up at 11, turns out this exam I signed up at nine. So I had a technical failure on that exam. That counted against me on the program. That was one of the hard lessons I was saying in that inflection point, because you cannot pour from an empty cup, as they say. You always have to find ways to replenish.
Speaker 2:I really like that analogy. You can pour from an empty cup, so you're not recovering well and you're still going through the inflection point.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and speaking of pouring, i remember coming back in the office that Monday and then my director was like hi, how was your exam? and I just broke down crying.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry you have me, and if there's no crying in the office, like you didn't know this First law of corporate emergency.
Speaker 1:I shall not pour tears in the office.
Speaker 2:If you go back through that. That inflection point is that you're getting all the things that you want on the career path that you want and then, because you're having everything or you're doing everything, you fall down because you weren't necessarily recovering, so you weren't taking care of you. What was the consequence of that?
Speaker 1:The immediate consequences that I lose that seating so they have a way of tracking exam progress in most student programs and insurance companies and consulting firms that hire actuaries. I had a fail for that exam, so that was the immediate consequence, the medium term consequences that ended up losing my job because I wasn't passing exams fast enough. And that failure caught up with me the next year when I had another child. So I was on my second child at that point and I just lost my job. Basically, i went to a meeting like the usual one-on-ones that I had with my advisor at the time and before going to the meeting. So there is this food trucks in Newark that I love because if anybody knows me, everybody knows I love rice right. So I go and I get the rice with lamb, white sauce, hot sauce with salad hours. Hey, it was awesome. So I brought it back. I put it on a counter Let me go to this meeting, i'll come back and enjoy my rights.
Speaker 1:I go to the meeting and then found out That I've ended the rotation, which was a few weeks From the closing, or from termination of the rotation I'll no longer have a job. So then I had to scramble and Try to figure something out before this. This Rotation ends, otherwise I'll be on the street. Two kids move someone's child from Maryland to New Jersey and now you don't have a job to support them. So we're going back to the immigrant mindset. Right, you have to do whatever it takes. The season of the crime is back on, so Pull back in the old days of whatever he takes, if he's legal, i'm doing it. And At that point, basically the only thing I could do was to look at my skill sets, take responsibility, and There's one concept from stoicism that comes to mind here, which is a circle of influence, what you can do, because there's a whole lot of things that I couldn't do anything about.
Speaker 1:So I had to sit down, be honest with myself and figure out What can I do. So basically, i apply for every job I was on my level that mentioned any skill that I could Market to someone to get hired. Pretty much internally, externally, i was just talking to everybody. Mind you, i'm an introvert and at that point I was like more bigly introverted, i wouldn't talk to anybody. So, by social skills, interpersonal skills, yeah, they need to work. So it's hard reaching out to people and trying to figure out how am I gonna get a job in this couple of weeks before this rotation? and but that that was there was a medium-term consequence of not recovering properly in Previous one, so that had a long tail, if you will.
Speaker 2:So it's interesting that you saying that you started right back where you Can, because this is that, like the beauty of life, sometimes it takes you right back to where you started. There are a few things that humans beings must do. We need a challenge to master and a problem to solve. If we are trapped in a life where everything is provided for us, our minds fail to grow, our relationships atrophy and our spirits to teary. There's someone I was chatting with and we were talking about that idea of starting over, and it's not really starting over, it's starting from where you are Just making a good assessment of the current situation and then moving, for it's the action without direction really leads to progress. So you know where you've come from and you know the direction you want to go in, so you keep, you keep moving in that direction.
Speaker 1:Plus, like we talked about earlier, right, we have all the learnings and the framework from the prior experiences. That's what I meant by went back to immigrant mindset, because that's the framework. I already got the lesson, so I just had to dust off my notebooks and apply the lesson one more time. It's like the bike once you learn how to ride, you know you can get back on it anytime. That was the idea behind that. What do I know? What am I capable? What the skills that I have? What can I do with those skills? and Just be committed to seeing it through, because I have a responsibility to my family. At that point I can't just be like I lost my fingers. It doesn't buy formulas, doesn't buy diapers, so whatever buys diapers. That's what I was going for but then you did land well.
Speaker 2:And it's funny It says again another thinking is like the journey of a thousand miles starts with one step, but also The. It's also how the journey to nowhere begins. So what's the next step? and I'm going through it because I'm still with that framework Understanding, being honest with yourself, understanding the direction, accountability, understanding that you'll lose something, but then still keep moving towards your goal.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, I'll get into that real quick is the idea of Letting some part of you die We talked about earlier, is that when I found out about the career path of actuary of science also, this is me, so I had a whole lot of my identity wrapped in there. This is what I am, this is what I want to do. So when that happened, i was faced with a hard choice and I had to let That part of my identity die so that I can reinvent myself and new, to do the stuff that I needed to do at the time. Remember, if you don't have a lot of choices, you have to figure out what you need to do. You get it done.
Speaker 1:If there's not a thousand choices, it's very narrow. It's clear to provide for my family, i need to find something that is legal, that I can do, is It might be brutal, right, but I have to let that part of me died so that I Can't do the stuff that are in front of me that I need to do. So that was part of the framework for that I guess, committed to my family and they're well-being, letting that part die and basically focusing on What I could do, what was in my power, the circle of influence. But yeah, like you say, moving on from that Transition or that inflection point, i landed a job in accounting of all places.
Speaker 2:Whenever everyone saw a couple of the guests who've come on it have talked poorly about accountants And you guys still need to remember I am still an accountant, that it, so just be careful.
Speaker 1:No see, I counted is a nice career path. Some of my best friends.
Speaker 2:All right, thanks for that right there. If you're enjoying the content so far, i have a small favor to ask I would love for you to be part of this podcast community by subscribing to the show. By subscribing, you won't miss an episode, ensuring that you stay up to date on the latest discussions and insights. But wait, there's more. If you Finding value in this podcast, i'd kindly ask you to spread the word, share this content with someone who you think might enjoy it, which will greatly help in growing the the reach of the podcast. Thank you so much for your support and And let's keep exploring this fascinating conversation. You're 31 years old, three kids, your wife's away at medical school now. How the hell do you balance it all? You still find time to work out. You still find time to participate in our group meetings. You still send me stuff to read, to listen to. I'm always baffled, right. How do you wrap your head around Balance and getting all that stuff done?
Speaker 1:first of all, I'm very triggered. I am 32.
Speaker 2:Be triggered, then I don't know.
Speaker 1:I think it goes back to all the lessons along the way. You learn a little bit at the time and then you accumulate all these frameworks and In lessons that you try to apply to the best of your ability. At the current moment I would say it's the latest inflection point, with wife being away, having three young children at the moment and Basically, the framework that I try to apply is Self-care is one of the things that I learned from filling that exam and Because I wasn't recovering properly, right So I like working out, and working out in the morning helped me be energized for the rest of the day, right, so that's why I do that. I make a schedule and make time for doing some kind of workout activity walking, running, lifting All those make me feel energized for the day. And then we talk about other tenants of overall health making sure Your sleep is dialing, making sure you get some sunlight in your eyes in the morning. If you're taking caffeine, make sure you take it early in the day So it doesn't negatively impact your sleep.
Speaker 1:All those little things are tools that I learned about along the way and in order to do What I need to do, in order to show up as my best self, as you like to say. I need to do all those things to take care of myself. So I don't see it necessarily as a chore, but I see it as Someone says I think it was Simon Sinek or someone else who says it being burned out is not as a consequence of Doing too much, by doing too little of the things that re-energize you, something along those lines. That's exactly right to Working out, reading, learning Are things that really get me excited. So I try to find pockets in the day where I could do that. I try to schedule some of them in 30 minutes here, 15 minutes here, 45 minutes there, where I can do that, so that I have the energy To show up at work and be fully committed to that, show up as a dad, be committed to that, show up as a brother, as a husband, because there's a lot that is Ask of us on a day-to-day. So finding opportunities to be able to do all those things that give us energy And you mentioned also the group meeting on the calls.
Speaker 1:This group is, if you want to think about Taking care of yourself holistically mind, body and spirit. Is this the spirit part being part of a community Of people that help each other, keep each other accountable. So that gives me a lot of energy. Back Is a lot of recharging so that I'm able to do other things that I like to do. So I would say yeah is all those come from the mind, come from the lessons learned along the way and Taking care of yourself so that you can show up as your best self.
Speaker 2:It's back to the resilience book that we're going through. Right so says. Resilience Is the willingness and ability to endure hardship and become better by it. It is a habit that sinks its roots in the soil of security. How are you filling your cup now? what? what actually helps you to not make that mistake again? I?
Speaker 1:Do sleep every now and again, but on the whole, i think I'm doing much better because We've worked on a daily routine how to set up your morning right, so the things I would talk about didn't in the morning, even if it's just five minutes, ten minutes, some kind of Breath work to re-energize yourself gets on, lighting your eyes on in the morning. Make sure you're asleep good because, as you say, the best way to start the morning is how you go to sleep the night before. That's tremendously important. Making sure you check that sleep regimen and Really nice gift I have on my finger here and all right, that helps me like check How is the quality of my sleep? It's not just that I'm in bed for nine hours, eight hours or however I can squeeze in, but what is the quality looking like? what are the things that are impacting my energy level throughout the day and how can I manage that and And show up as my best self?
Speaker 2:you touched on some things and I'm recalling us setting up the morning routine and what's for the audience As part of the group that we've had. So we started meeting in the pandemic when I think I was starting school And I was rethinking the way I learned. I knew I wasn't in school for 20 years and just how my mind works It's how do I read dress, how I learn, how I retain information. So I invited the book club at the time to do a speed reading course with me. It was a speed reading and retention course to that filling your cup and doing things that would make you You feel alive. We actually met every day after class for 21 days in August of 2020 And then we continued that for the next. We still do it up until this day. We meet twice a week, but by the end of 2021 we've met more than 120 times.
Speaker 2:One of the things was that morning routine structure breeds Discipline and discipline breeds performance. So we all Practiced for a significant amount of time What our morning routine would be and it's actually amazing for me and I don't know if I've ever shared it, but with all of the tenants, although I pushed back against a lot of it at first I started tracking my sleep once I got sunlight early enough and it was really amazing, so I don't know well. Maybe share, adam, what that morning routine is and don't take it as something that's prescriptive, because it's something that we played around with.
Speaker 1:Sure, share what that, that morning routine is yeah, and some of it involves over time, but pretty much the idea of the morning routine is like your garden Right, if you want beautiful flowers, you don't go spraying perfume on the land. What you do is take care of the soil. So the idea of the morning routine is to make sure the Accessory, the soil, is taken care of, making sure is sure that the garden has all the nourishment and everything that it needs, and the flower would just blossom and bloom of its own by anyway. Going back to The morning routine, the first thing you do you get up, you make your bed, you brush it it with your not dominant hand.
Speaker 1:You drink eight ounces of water, you get out or, depending on the order, some people prefer to do the seeding or breath work before getting out and getting sunlight. You can do it in reverse as well and get some kind of activities going. Even if you're not gonna go to the gym Right away in the morning because lack of time, or you just prefer to go in the afternoon, you can just do some activity for ten minute, fifteen minute jumping jack, jumping rope, whatever it is, just get your body moving. So those were the cornerstone of our morning routine wake up, make your bed, brush your teeth with your non-dominant hand, drink It is the water right away. Do some kind of breath work or seeding Slice meditation work and then get some sunlight in your eyes. That was set off your circadian rhythm for the rest of the day, for falling asleep later.
Speaker 2:Yeah for the audience at some of us. So I didn't like the making your bed thing because I just thought that I didn't want to subscribe to everything, but I think I finally got it, maybe Six months into our practice, whereas the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. Although it's small, the small things do matter. They all made fun of me, but I continued mine. Mine was a little bit different, so sometimes I read ten pages a day can give you a book a month. That was the litmus test, that, and then I think from my portion of it, i added the hand above the door and the Actually gave myself a high five before I start the day. I started you that shit, excuse my language. That makes me feel good still, even just thinking about the high five in Meaning just that way, of all the things that make you feel great. But the question where we started was how else are you filling your cup?
Speaker 1:Yes, also, stop and celebrate the winds along the way. I think that's something very important that Sometimes we forget to do, like you get a promotion at work or you help your kids ride Bike for the first time without training wheels There was a really big thing and sometimes we just brush over them. That's Tremendous to just take the moment to look back how far you've come and celebrate the winds along the way, because This journey can get hard sometimes and it does help to take a moment to take it in. It helps the continuation of the journey, if you will.
Speaker 2:I don't know if I've ever shared this with you, but I think one of the more the coolest thing that I've reckoned of witness in in in our interaction was I remember you were Promoted and it was the first time you did a quarterly presentation but we had done the whole framework of Practice. So practice you knew when it was coming. You can start practicing months in advance. You were so happy when you executed against that first quarterly review But then you taught your kids to ride the bike and you were a hundred times happier Then when and I just remember sitting if there was one time where I figured, ah, maybe I'm missing something here, that was the time, because you are so happy in that moment and back into that same the spirit, part of the, that Tripod of managing us, it's really the things that make you feel good over, really what energizes you. And it's actually amazing to see that.
Speaker 2:I want us to move on to the, the lesson that you're learning. You share and You share it in this pocket-sized philosophy on that handle right. Where does that come from? because again I'm going back to all the things are happening. It's easy to make an excuse that you're not sharing what you're learning. You Make the, you have the goal of posting ever so often. What was what drives that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was funny. I remember I was at your house, we were putting together your desk, right, and you Asked me a question and I was like Why would you ask me that question? because when I have the same opinion about that subject, unless you're looking for the echo chamber or something like that and then I just went back to fixing the table and you were like, really Like that just come out of your face. That's just one example of Stuff that just come out of my mouth and I don't necessarily Way properly, i don't know how to calibrate properly, because for me it's just Something that came to me and if you ask me later I'll probably forget. And I remember you telling me There is this book that you always had around where we were in the book club, and then you take notes and then you say Sometimes things will come to you and it's useful to write them down because Next time you forget about it and this was very precious, it might help you, it might help somebody else, you never know. So I always have the habit of Writing things down when insights come to you like that. And I remember you offer me a booklet that you got from Rome when you went on the trip that time and you came back with it and you gave it to me And drove at the time and it says Basically, you wrote in a bit switch to action, go back to the vice. So that one was the first day of point. Then I was talking to our mutual friend, vanessa and she mentioned, oh, oh, you're my pocket size philosopher. And I was like, oh, that's interesting. So that made a connection with the book, was a small booklet that was pocket size. I put those together and that's how I started the Instagram page and the idea of the Instagram pages.
Speaker 1:The same way, eric Gritton or someone will write something in a book That would just sparkle some tuts or some insight and I'll send me on the path for new learning, new frameworks. Well, if I had a question about how exactly can I integrate a lesson, i read something. So I'm all here. Someone say something is spark something within me. That's the way I just want to give back. So if I have an insight, i'll write it down. Then I'll get a poster posted on Instagram That might spark something within someone. I don't know, but just the way of giving back and all the tremendous Spark moment, live-up moments that I got from reading stuff or hearing someone say something. It's just a way of putting that back out. You always talk about that when we have conversations about all these ideas And taught a good. How'd you put it back out? How do you make someone benefit from it? So that's one way of me trying to do that.
Speaker 2:That's interesting and thanks for sharing that. I believe we all live a connected life. When we're not, we want to Acknowledge that or not.
Speaker 2:We're all intertwined in this experience, right? I think last week for the first time. I always say I always talked about this experience called life and I realized It's my experience called life. It's very individual. I appreciate you sharing it in that way, because sometimes you never really connected the dots right, because you know what that, that little, and it's important for at least for the audience, like the little things that would Pay it forward or roll forward, and in this instance what I'm talking about It's.
Speaker 2:I think I was just on a trip to Rome and on the way back I was like, let me bring something back for the guys who I interact with. So how we anchor the show is by exploring what you learned from your first EQI assessment. To temper it just a bit, you did a In our group. We did one an year one and then we followed up the assessment 12 months later to see the progress that we made. So maybe you can just, if you don't mind, sharing what were some of the key lessons that you learned in the first assessment that you have.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was a good one. So the first assessment for me, what came out was that my internal seftal was not that great. I was hypercritical of myself. So what that does is I have a lot of ideas in my head but I want to necessarily express it or speak up in meanings so that comes out as oh he doesn't know, or this guy isn't competent. Something that we did take a look at and we tackled.
Speaker 1:We utilized very straining form again practice, set up habits and checking with each other to see how we're doing, against the goal of getting better at that, and I showed up in the second assessment. The internal dialogue was much better and also being able to speak up and ask for some of the things all of them still work in progress. Negotiating, asking for some things got much better. But I had some other things we talked about more of going away from school, so that kind of impacted also the stress tolerance aspect of things.
Speaker 1:How do you manage challenges And that's the great thing about the EQ assessment right, it's not like this is who you are and it's stuck to you. This is how you're showing up now. How can we manage and improve it so that you can achieve the goals that you have on the board, and then we check it again and see how we're doing, and then we continue to improve upon that. So those are the things that I learned that how you talk to yourself really matters and that shows up in your interactions. And by not speaking up in my case, for instance, i'm not just rubbing myself, but I'm rubbing other people of the opportunity to hear maybe a contribution that would have helped the team, that would have helped them. So that was very important to be able to work on that And as a result of some good things came up.
Speaker 1:I was able to ask. As you always say, if you don't ask the answers, always no. If you have that negative self-talk within yourself, you can't even go and ask for stuff. Being able to ask the question with my situation, can we work on an arrangement whereby I can be remote so that I can support my family, because that's important to me, but work is also important to me, right? Being able to just have that conversation alone was a result of all the work we've done in trying to monitor that internal chatter and stacking up proofs that you can do, that you have something of value to contribute, which was something that was necessarily there in the first assessment. So I would say those are the main things that really stood out to me.
Speaker 2:What's coming to mind is that the subconscious is eavesdropping on your self-talk. Back to that same, whether or not you think you can or you think you can't. Either way or right. That is an actually really one looping all the way back to where we started. You talked about having that an identity and being able to lose that identity, understanding that there's a cost of it. In the assessment that you did, was there anything that popped up that you said you can see your identity in it?
Speaker 1:Yes, definitely the negative self-talk. That one was something that was stuck to me, if you were, and I had to let that aspect wither and die so that the aspect of me that could actually speak up can show up, because I think about them as both being there at the same time. But the negative self-talk is choking the life out of the speak up part of it. The negative self-talk has to die or you have to lose or loosen or dilute that part a bit so that other aspect of you can show up, because we are far more complex and complicated than we think. Usually we identify one side or the other. That's why we should be comfortable being flexible and letting some things reduce or go down or turning the volume down on some aspect of us or letting those aspects die so that we can continue to grow and move forward.
Speaker 2:So I would say that negative self-talk I like that one right, turning down certain aspects of ourselves or our lives or conversations that we have with ourselves so that we can amplify the parts of us that we need to grow. So anchor question for us what's the through line through life and how do you tie that into the pocket size philosopher that you look at now?
Speaker 1:As far as I can remember, always being open to experience as a student of life is really the true line for me, and as a student of life, i recognize that class is always in session and that life is trying to teach me through experiences, people and challenges.
Speaker 1:Always being able to listen, take the lessons, incorporate them in such a way that they can be evergreen. We talked about if you have a similar or another challenge. You already got the lessons somewhere in one aspect of your life because you have to carry it forward in the other aspect. So it's like a tool belt. Just keep on collecting the tools. All of them, or most of them, are going to be useful in one experience or the other. So I would say the true line for me really is being a student, being open, taking in the lessons, incorporating your life as much as possible and the pocket size philosophy. So I would say pay that forward, help somebody else, spark curiosity, spark an idea with someone else so that they can also take it and move it forward. It's the small things in life.
Speaker 2:The way you say it makes it seems like it's an easy task.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying. The exam in life is the hour of living, but the exam in life is not the working hour.
Speaker 2:I was going to end on that quote. I think it's the first part. Is it a Socrates quote that the exam in life is the unexamined life is not worth living? And I think Willie Allen added that the exam in life is no bargain, in a movie in the 1980s. So that's one of the things that we follow through on. We've gone over and over again, i think it's that no man stands in the same river twice And although you're always seeking self awareness, you can add action to it, it's for nothing And that the work that we're doing it's hard but it's worth it, because the exam in life, the unexamined life, is not worth living.
Speaker 1:No worth living. But the exam in life is no bargain.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for the time. I appreciate this. I also appreciate the opportunity to keep learning from you And, as always, i look forward to the next time that we chat. Thank you, thank you, thank you Appreciate you, brother.
Speaker 1:You too.
Speaker 2:All right, wrapping up this episode in the most simply stated manner, what stayed with me? Change is constant, but to manage change, we can actually work our way through it with an open mind, having expectations or standards for ourselves, but with the understanding that we will lose something as we change, that we should be willing to lose something as we grow and evolve. But balance is in self care. Whatever we're doing, whatever our goals are, whatever our situation or circumstances are in life, we can actually manage it by managing ourselves. I hope you enjoyed diving into this fascinating conversation with Adam and I, but before we go, i want to express my gratitude to all the listeners for tuning in. Your support means the world to me.
Speaker 2:If you haven't already done so, be sure to subscribe to the podcast. If you haven't done so already, be sure to subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss an episode. And if you love what you heard, share it with someone. And I'd appreciate also if you'd leave a review. Your feedback helps me improve and also to reach more listeners like you. Remember the conversation doesn't end here. Please leave me a note Nigel Franklin-Way on Instagram or Nigelatmeandhelpcom. Until we meet again in this space. Stay curious, stay inspired. Thank you so much for your mental space in these last few moments. Take care.
