Cookbook Obscura

S02E07 - Chip Chantry and the Sautéed Chicken Breasts

Shannon Devido, Aubrie Williams, Ralph Andracchio Season 2 Episode 7

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0:00 | 56:01

This season's cookbook is 50 Shades of Chicken. This New York Times Best Seller is the parody cookbook you didn't know you needed, and we're here to show you some of the surprisingly good recipes from the book.

This week we're talking about basement speakeasies, sitcom spin-offs, Circus Peanuts, and a never-made Jaws sequel with the Chip Chantry. Chip is a stand up comedian, television writer and actor who can be seen in his role as Kyle the Liar on the Netflix’s comedy series Tires, and his debut comedy special Move Closer. He is also co host of the Sunburnt Podcast as well as a recurring guest on the “Doug Loves Movies” and “Todd Glass Show” podcasts.

Show Links:

50 Shades of Chicken

Chip Chantry Website

Chip Chantry @ Instagram

Chip Chantry YouTube

Sunburnt Podcast w/ Chip Chantry and Thomas O'Brien

Grab the recipes on our Instagram
Watch the show on our YouTube
Connect with the show on our Facebook

Ralph Andracchio

Welcome to the show that turns obscure recipes into awesome conversations. It's Cookbook Obscura. This show is all about finding an odd recipe, grabbing an odd friend, and eating odd food together. This week, the show welcomes the amazing Chip Chantry. Chip is a former grade school teacher turned award-winning nationally touring stand-up. He's a TV writer and a cast member of the Netflix show Tires, and now he's eating chicken with us. Who would have thought? Want more weird recipes in your life? Don't forget to hit that subscribe button and share the show with your friends. Want to see what we're eating? Of course you do, so check out our youtube channel for the complete video of this episode as well as our Insta for the recipe and behind the scenes clips. And now let's eat! Ventriloquist dolls.

Shannon Devido

Wait, say that again? 

Ralph Andracchio

Dan just showed me an inn online that's like a museum of ventriloquist dolls. And I was like, absolutely not. We're not going to do that.

Aubrie Williams

That's where you sleep? Like people pay money to sleep there?

Ralph Andracchio

There's people that pay money to do worse than that.

Aubrie Williams

Fair, fair, fair. I believe it.

Ralph Andracchio

I mean. But no, that's no. I'm not good with uncanny valley stuff. I don't know, actually. And I don't care to know.

Aubrie Williams

Is it by the love motels in the poconos is there like one on anyone...

Ralph Andracchio

Probably.

Shannon Devido

Yeah

Ralph Andracchio

If I had to guess, probably.

Shannon Devido

There's a dummy inside one of those like champagne flute tubs.

Aubrie Williams

That is a nightmare. That is my worst nightmare.

Ralph Andracchio

That is, yeah, that's my worst nightmare just because why would you ever want to see that angle of anybody? That is the most unflattering.

Aubrie Williams

Oh, yeah, like a real human, not even a ventriloquist dummy.

Ralph Andracchio

Yeah, no, yeah, anything. Like, that's just, no. No.

Shannon Devido

How do you get in it? Like, is there a little ladder?

Ralph Andracchio

There's a stairwell on the back end that's hidden. There's like a little spiral staircase up the back.

Shannon Devido

Wait, are you being serious or that's actually the case?

Ralph Andracchio

I'm being serious, yeah.

Aubrie Williams

How do you know this? Have you?

Ralph Andracchio

I don't know. I have the internet.

Shannon Devido

Y ou did just get married.

Ralph Andracchio

I did. I did. I just got married. We eloped and our rings that we ordered didn't fit. So we are wearing, I like years ago bought two of these dumb, it's a bottle opener ring that I bought at Urban Outfitters for like 10 bucks and I got a couple of them and I was like these are our rings now and we forgot about them but it was it was a fun thing and we were like hey at least we got backup rings so...

Aubrie Williams

So good.

Ralph Andracchio

Wearing this until our new ring... it was our fault for buying them online. They're beautiful rings but we printed out a ring sizer because they said hey just print this out and wrap it around your finger and you know you're good to go. It was not, we were not good to go at all.

Aubrie Williams

You should have went to jeweler's row, but like, like it could be problematic.

Ralph Andracchio

I, yeah, we, we fell in love with our rings and we wanted them. And so we, we, we bought the package where you could return them for free one time, but I was smart and I ordered, they actually have like a ring size r kit, like a plastic one. That's like, that's what we should have got the first time. And now we know for sure. So we're good.

Aubrie Williams

That's awesome.

Ralph Andracchio

Oh my God. So yeah.

Aubrie Williams

Well, congratulations.

Ralph Andracchio

Thank you. I appreciate it.

Aubrie Williams

We're ready for the party always with your.

Ralph Andracchio

Yeah. At some point we're going to have a big party where everybody, cause we, I mean, we had 20 people in our house, which was like the limit. We could have invited 700 people and still not been done because we, we both know so many people that we wanted to be there and we're just, we couldn't. Yeah. It's, it was, it was a lot already with that few people so we'll we'll rent a big space and have a huge like reception party whatever at some point. I don't know.

Aubrie Williams

Well, we were happy to be there.

Ralph Andracchio

Thank you. I'm glad you two were there. Speaking of big parties, this show just keeps getting the big gets. I don't know how we do it. There must be some slush fund that we're paying people with.

Shannon Devido

It's our chicken fund.

Ralph Andracchio

It's our chicken fund. What?

Aubrie Williams

Oh, I said the sexy chicken brings all the guests to the yard.

Ralph Andracchio

It It does. Yeah. And this yard is full of sexy guests. Case in point, tonight's guest, stand-up comedian, TV writer, best of Philly comedian, I might say, co-host of the Sunburnt podcast. You can see him on the Netflix series Tires. And he's going to be here tonight eating some sexy chicken with us. Chip Chantry is here.

Aubrie Williams

Welcome.

Ralph Andracchio

Look at that. What?

Chip Chantry

Good evening. Evening, everybody. I mean, it is a big get, as you said, to get me. I don't know who else you could get that's bigger than me. Who's next week? Ben Vereen or Mason Reese, maybe? I don't know. Somebody, a big get. Somebody you're going to get.

Shannon Devido

Ben Vereen is actually going to be in full Zubily Zoo gear.

Aubrie Williams

I was going to say.

Shannon Devido

I'm sorry. It is a bigger get.

Chip Chantry

Okay. Maybe the girl who played Judy, the sister who disappeared in Family Matters. Shoot for the moon after me. You got me. Go big or go home.

Ralph Andracchio

That is big, yeah. Is Ben Vereen still alive, by the way? I hope yes.

Chip Chantry

I hope so.

Ralph Andracchio

I can't take it if he's... No. Yeah, Aubrie, can you look that up?

Aubrie Williams

 Yep, yep. Googling.

Chip Chantry

It is. Here we go. He's 78 years young.

Ralph Andracchio

Oh, thank God.

Chip Chantry

Okay. yeah okay so he's got and Mason Reese is still with us I believe too so.

Shannon Devido

Okay, he is racist or he's not racist?

Chip Chantry

No, Mason Reese is still with us. Mason Reese I cannot tell you. I would hope and assume that Mason Reese loves people of all backgrounds and I mean he seems like a very smart man so, yeah.

Ralph Andracchio

We'll see. Oh my gosh, I have so many questions but because you've done a lot of stuff in your life and first, you used to be a teacher, fourth grade teacher, yes?

Chip Chantry

The big four, baby, yeah.

Ralph Andracchio

The big four. How long did you do that for?

Chip Chantry

15 years.

Ralph Andracchio

Shut up. What?

Chip Chantry

Yeah, I did it for technically 16. Yeah, 15 years. My first year I taught, I just got a part-time job teaching the gifted and talented students where you pull them out once or twice a week. It was like second grade through fifth grade. And then I started teaching fourth grade, and I did that for 15 years.

Ralph Andracchio

Wow. What, what made you leave? Was it that you get, did you get burned out or did you just find comedy and said, I'd rather do this instead?

Chip Chantry

The children, just the children. They're just rotten, just awful. No, it was, it was, I mean, it was both. It was really for comedy. I got my first TV writing job. So that was when I, when I wrote on my first TV show, that's when I, I literally, I kind of just quiet quit or maybe ghosted my job to a certain extent. I, so, in 2012 I took a sabbatical for a year because I knew like I was doing a lot of comedy but you guys know how it is I'm basically doing full time jobs but I'm not getting paid for full two full time jobs you know so it's not like I'm making a living just doing stand up at that time and then I took it so I took a sabbatical just to like do that for a year and then I knew I had to come back for at least a year and so I came back for a year I ended up doing two and then I was just so burnt out my now wife she was like you have to choose, you have to do one or the other so I was like all right it was in 2015 it was in June I was like I'm gonna come back for a one last year just save as much money as I can and then I'm just heading out and giving it my all you know. And literally as fate would have it six weeks later I got a phone call from my friend John McKeever who was a comedian in Philly who was writing on a show for NBC up in Stanford Connecticut and said hey they need a new writer I showed them your stuff they liked you so I went up for a meeting they gave me the job so that was the beginning of August so I just like had this job for a few weeks and I had to go to my boss after like two weeks I was like hey I kind of have to go back to teaching unless you think you just want to keep me around he's like no you can stick around so I was like great so I just so I like I left in June and I was like see everybody in the fall and then I just never showed up again in the fall. Like obviously I told my boss I wasn't coming back but uh yeah I just everybody thought I was coming back I thought I was coming back and I just left . Have not looked back since.

Ralph Andracchio

Yeah.

Chip Chantry

Yeah.

Ralph Andracchio

Oh my god.

Chip Chantry

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so now I'm sitting in my basement doing podcasts. You know how it is.

Aubrie Williams

You made it.

Ralph Andracchio

Out of the frying pan, into the fire.

Chip Chantry

Speaking of which, I had some frying pan action today.

Ralph Andracchio

Yes! How was the whole experience of cooking this recipe for you?

Chip Chantry

So, first of all, I am not a chef by any stretch. I don't cook very often. So, this is was a bit of a reach for me and I was like okay I gotta do this and here's the thing like I'm also an anxious person so like everything gets built up so you see the recipe and I'm like oh this is gonna be a day's worth of work and so difficult, and like I gotta crush these things I gotta do this and that and then I gotta. And then you do it and it's like besides like the marinating part which you don't do anything it's like oh that took 15 minutes and it was easy and great. So t hank you for broadening my chicken horizons.

Ralph Andracchio

Oh, thanks. That's the first time that anybody's ever thanked us for broadening their chicken horizons.

Chip Chantry

Yeah. I'm also somebody– like are you– one of my biggest fears about cooking is I'm always afraid I'm going to undercook something and then get salmonella or whatever. So, so far, it's been a couple hours. Fingers crossed everything's good. But like I think I did okay. I think I did all right.

Ralph Andracchio

You would probably know immediately. If, if something was not right, your body would immediately start to reject it.

Chip Chantry

So I don't want to get into this story on this, such a podcast, but a couple of weeks ago for the first time ever in my life, I got food poisoning and it was the worst experience of my life. But it was, it was, yeah, it was, it was, I lost 10 pounds though. So I'll take that. So, Hey, a little food poisoning diet. I might, maybe I'll start that plan and let people, you know, just like serve them under cook seafood, and then we'll all lose those LBs.

Shannon Devido

Do you ever want to eat that? Oh, sorry Aub.

Aubrie Williams

Oh, no. I said there are better ways to lose weight, I think.

Chip Chantry

Yes. Many, many. Yep.

Shannon Devido

Do you now dread eating that food that you got sick on?

Chip Chantry

I don't know. At first, I still remember this is, and by the way, this is not a good food, but years ago, I think it was just the stomach virus or whatever. But you know how like even if you get sick the last thing you eat before that. I had papa john's pizza I was in my 20s right and for years I couldn't eat papa john's pizza and really who needs to eat papa john's pizza anyway. So it's like wasn't a big loss. Uh so I had I think what did it was a rogue muscle. I had muscles and I love muscles so much. I have not had them since it's been it was like uh end of january so it's been a month and a half two months. I haven't had it yet but I think i'm gonna go back. I, I we're gonna see. I'm going to test those waters and see if it's, it might take a little, might take a little bit, but have you guys ever had that? And have you stopped eating something?

Ralph Andracchio

Yes. Yeah.

Shannon Devido

That's why I asked.

Ralph Andracchio

Yeah. I, uh, I had, when I was little, I ate Irish potatoes, the, the coconut with the brown coating. Yeah. Uh, and then that night immediately threw up everything in my body and I haven't touched one since. I know it wasn't because of those, I just never again. But then, uh, like maybe 20 years ago, I, I got food poisoning from an egg McMuffin, but I still love them and I still eat them. So I guess it's just how attached you are to that particular food.

Aubrie Williams

Maybe. Yeah. I had a similar thing happen. Like I ate some shrimp stir fry, like Chinese food and I got food poisoning. And then every time afterwards, like before I ate the stir, like the a shrimp stir fry because I would eat it again. It took a while, but I would feel that pain in my stomach. It would be such a weird reaction, but I'd still eat it.

Chip Chantry

Yeah. If you love it, you love it. Yeah.

Ralph Andracchio

Do you want to dig in while we're talking about it? I know, Chip, you already ate.

Chip Chantry

I did. I got too excited. I ate it all this afternoon. I'm so excited to see your...

Ralph Andracchio

How was it?

Chip Chantry

Okay. All right. I'm so Okay.

Aubrie Williams

I also, I...we chose a cookbook that's only chicken, which is very dangerous, and I didn't really think about it til once we started going strong. You know, like I'm like oh there's a small window. Like I've done some chick'n, like fake meat here, because I just like, I got rancid chicken once and I opened it and it smelled like rancid chicken and it was like right before the podcast and I was like we're not doing this. I'm getting like Daring chicken.

Chip Chantry

Yeah, no, no, no. That's not the time or the place. How's it going? How's it going, guys?

Ralph Andracchio

This is really good. Holy cow.

Aubrie Williams

I always like double check it because I'm like.. it's really salty.

Ralph Andracchio

Oh, Aubrie, did you want to read the recipe? You want me to?

Aubrie Williams

Oh, yeah, I can. Wait, I just went off the thumb. Let me chew this bit. So today we cooked sauteed chicken breasts with aromatic brown butter, which it was, and hazelnuts. Serves two to four. Just some coriander seeds, some chicken breasts, some kosher salt, grated orange zest, which I can really taste and I like. Some black pepper, some nutmeg, some butter, and some toasted hazelnuts or almonds. So I did not get to that part because my chicken was freaking out. And it was so like the whole downstairs is a little smoky right now. So...

Chip Chantry

My wife walked in from the, from the office today. She came home from work and the first, she was like, boy, this place is smoky. And I, you don't, you don't realize when you're in the midst of it, but yeah. Yeah. By the way, I didn't have hazelnuts. So I just dumped two quarts of Nutella in and mixed it in. Totally fine. Worked out. Just.

Shannon Devido

Yeah. That's what I was assuming it was when you said hazelnut.

Chip Chantry

Just, yeah. I just, I just, I just dip some chicken in some Nutella. Totally works.

Shannon Devido

Yeah, like a breadstick. Yeah.

Aubrie Williams

I've never tried that, and I do like a weird combo, so that sounds really good.

Ralph Andracchio

No, this tastes really good. I use almonds because I couldn't find hazelnuts, and it still tastes wonderful.

Aubrie Williams

I had almonds, and I chopped them up, but then when I took the chicken out, I cut it immediately to check it, and one chicken breast was raw inside.

Chip Chantry

Oh, yeah.

Aubrie Williams

They were a little frozen, so I cut them in half, and then I let them thaw more in the fridge, but this one seems okay.

Ralph Andracchio

I have one of these bad boys. They're like a thermometer with a little probe on it. It was like 30 bucks on Amazon or something like that. This is really a lifesaver. I would get one. I would recommend everybody get one.

Chip Chantry

What's the temp for chicken? What is it supposed to be?

Ralph Andracchio

165.

Aubrie Williams

So I have one of those too, Ralph, and I put it in in the pan and it was 165 in both of them, but when I cut it in, it was like translucent pink inside of one of them. And I was like, how did this? That gives me a pause, honestly.

Ralph Andracchio

Always check your meat before you take it out.

Chip Chantry

I think the big thing, and again, I am not a chef, so it's basically like, as long as it's not pink inside, right? Is that the telltale? Yeah.

Aubrie Williams

Although there is some, like, if you ever get thighs or like a chicken drumstick, there sometimes are like red and pinkish spots.

Chip Chantry

There are. Yeah. Yeah.

Aubrie Williams

Which always freaks me out. I'm like, oh no.

Chip Chantry

Yeah, me too. By the way, one of the directions was, and I apologize to the listeners if I, I'm a little stuffed up and I have a little bit of a cough, allergies are just rampant right now. One of the directions was literally like, I think it was when it was like cooking the hazelnuts or the, whatever the nuts were. And it was like, cook them until they are aromatic. Cause that's one of the words you're like, till you smell it. And it was like, I'm smelling nothing today. I got nothing.

Aubrie Williams

Oh no.

Chip Chantry

No idea.

Ralph Andracchio

That's why your house was smoky.

Chip Chantry

I just ballparked it. Yeah.

Ralph Andracchio

That's what I like about cooking versus baking because cooking is more of an art and baking is more of a science. If you're baking, you can't eyeball it. But with this, I eyeballed a few of the ingredients and it still turned out beautifully. Yeah.

Chip Chantry

It's like improv versus stand-up, I feel like. Baking is like stand-up. Improv is up on the stove in front of everybody. Yeah. You're yes-ending that chicken.

Aubrie Williams

Making it beg for it, as the recipe says.

Ralph Andracchio

Have you ever done improv?

Chip Chantry

I have, a little bit. I'm not kidding. I was in an improv group for a little while, a duo, if you will, called, we only ever made a few appearances, but Chris and Chips, Kristen Finger and Chip Chantry, a duo. Oh, my gosh. I love that so much. That's awesome. She would, and this was always the shtick but the schtick is also 100 true um i like she would force me to do it because like it's totally out of my comfort zone and i like i because i'm not good at it but like i i love the challenge i guess so it's like uh and of course it's kristen finger who is the best so she could just carry me you know but my thing too and i know it's and i i took i took an improv class i'm trying to think of uh jo joanna joanna something it was through PHIT years ago i think uh

Aubrie Williams

joanna schmidt maybe

Chip Chantry

i Yes, I think that's what it was. And she was great. It was a great class. But, like, I'm a stand-up comedian. And it's like whenever I do improv, it's like I need to get to the punchline as quickly as possible. I need to make everybody laugh and get off a stage. And it's like I know that's the exact opposite of what I'm supposed to do. And I try. And it's, you know, so it's a– but I do. I love doing it when I get the chance.

Ralph Andracchio

Do you get nervous anymore? Because, I mean, you've done a lot. You've done. years of stand-up, you've won awards, you're on a TV show, you've written for TV. Is there anything that makes you nervous anymore?

Chip Chantry

I think I get more annoyed. I feel like at this point, I know what I am doing. I don't want to put it on the crowd and blame the crowd, but it's like, is the crowd going to buy what I'm selling? I know it's my job to win them over, but sometimes you walk in a room and you're like, this just... Okay, I just did... Actually, what day is it? Tuesday? It was a week ago. It was last Monday. It was last Monday. I was in Indianapolis. I was doing a corporate gig for– I won't say who, but it was for like a car dealership, a bunch of car dealerships. And they were fine. They were decent for a corporate gig, but it's like for those, it's like it's different. Like there's different expectations, and they might not be ready for comedy, or they might not want comedy rather than like so it's just like all right I'm in this weird situation how do I make this make this work so but I don't necessarily get I mean when I first started for years like I couldn't eat the day before I performed like it was like could not do that now do you guys get nervous or did you get nervous because it's you know it's like there's obviously a couple different moving parts but do you guys get nervous

Aubrie Williams

I always do yeah

Chip Chantry

yeah

Aubrie Williams

I get less nervous now that I like, I think age helps. I really do think that's it. Like I'm a little more comfortable in my own skin regardless. So like that, that definitely helps, you know?

Ralph Andracchio

Yeah. I get, I get nervous right before I go on. So like in the green room, I'm fine. And then they're like ready to announce me. And then my body's like, get it out now. And then I have like five seconds of, shitting my pants and then I'm fine. And then I go on stage.

Chip Chantry

You know, I don't know if you guys, I don't want to date you guys. I probably have.

Ralph Andracchio

I'm a catch. What are you talking about?

Chip Chantry

Oh, hey. Date as in far as like carbon dating here. Oh, I assume I have a couple of years on you guys. But like one thing that I was talking to some people, some other comics recently, and we were doing this sort of private gig at this like hoity-toity club up in North Jersey. And I feel like I'm also at the age now too where I feel like I'm always performing for crowds that are older than me or younger than me like it's rare that I get my people you know 30s 40s because you know and think of it a lot of people like they're you know married of kids or whatever they're just not going out like they did in their 20s or maybe they're retired they're going out again or they're in some sort of club or whatever where you go and it's just like so I feel like I'm in this weird middle ground too I don't know if you guys get that at all but it's it is a weird I feel like I'm in a weird spot where I'm playing for 70 year olds or 23 year olds.

Ralph Andracchio

I get that. I get that teaching classes. Like I'll, I'll say something where my frame of reference is very much like late seventies, early eighties, TV shows and music. And I'll say something and then just like blank faces staring back at me. And then I want to kill myself.

Chip Chantry

Yeah. Like if you make reference to Webster getting swept away by that, that thing of balloons, it's just, they don't, they, they're just, stare at you they're like what are you talking about yeah

Ralph Andracchio

yeah people getting caught in

Chip Chantry

I mean you're literally talking to the guy who made a Ben Vereen reference who was on Webster that's right wow

Aubrie Williams

never watched Webster but based on him swept away by balloons I want to find that clip immediately

Chip Chantry

it's it's literally it's just the uh the the opening credits so it's

Ralph Andracchio

that's right the stop motion credits yeah yep yeah yep um oh I forgot almost forgot Shannon, did you want to, you don't have to, but did you want to read the story for this recipe?

Shannon Devido

Oh, yes. Of course I do.

Ralph Andracchio

And explain a little bit about why we do this.

Shannon Devido

No problem. So thank you so much for asking. I'm a terrible cook. Probably worse than you, Chip. Not probably. I am. And so I don't cook these recipes. One, because I'll I'll kill myself and, or burn my house down. So, but I am a mediocre actor. So we have a story that is before each recipe that was written for the 50 sexy shades of chicken. And so this is the story that precedes the sexy chicken recipe.

Chip Chantry

And just remind me, so this is an entire cookbook. Yes. 50 recipes. 50 recipes. And so it's all sexy. It's

Shannon Devido

all sexy chicken. All sexy chicken. Okay. All very sexy recipes. And it's a New York Times bestseller. That is accurate.

Chip Chantry

Oh, not Fifty Shades of Grey. This actual cookbook.

Shannon Devido

This cookbook, yeah. I mean, Fifty Shades of Grey may also be. Yeah. But whatever. But we, yes, this cookbook is. And these stories were written by– What is FL Fowler? FL Fowler. Yes, FL Fowler. So if you know of who that is, this sexy chicken pen name, please let us know because we really need to know who wrote these stories. And fair warning, it is very, very sexy.

Chip Chantry

Oh, all right. So I may need to hold my ears at some point.

Shannon Devido

You may need to. I usually do. And I'm always very uncomfortable. Okay, so. Here we go. Okay, today's story is called, okay, it's called Red Cheeks. I guess we'll find out why. I just, oh, also one thing I should say for those who have not listened before. I have not seen this story before now. Ralph has sent it to me just now. So this is a cold read. So please don't judge my acting.

Chip Chantry

And by the way, just to get it in the right frame of mind, Shannon, Just by the name of it, I hate it already. You should. Please proceed.

Shannon Devido

You're in the right headspace. Okay. He pulls two small red orbs from his jacket pocket. Holy shit, what are those for? Apples, he says. I thought we might play with these tonight. While you cook me? I'm shocked. They're awfully big. My inner goddess looks up from her yoga magazine, google-eyed, and starts caggling madly. He nods slowly, his eyes darkening. I've learned to be apprehensive when he brings me fruit. Will you season me after No. For a second, I register a tiny slab of disappointment. He chuckles. You want me to? I hesitate. I just, I don't know. What used to feel wrong now feels so right. Well, tonight, you may just have to beg me. Oh my. Do you want to play this game? He continues, holding up the apples. You can always take them out if it's too much. I consider my position. He looks so rude. roguishly tempting, unkempt hair, and recent cooking dark circles dance with gastronomic thoughts, his lips raised in an amused smile. My inner goddess is already on her knees in supplication, still kegling and ready to beg for forbidden fruit. Yes. It's a relief, actually. Finally, a pair of red cheeks that aren't mine. Scene. Uh... Okay. Do we still think this was from the chickens' point of view?

Aubrie Williams

This one feels different.

Ralph Andracchio

This one feels different.

Shannon Devido

Yeah. But not really, though, because, like... I'm wondering if we're supposed to put the fruit in the mouth of the chicken. I don't know.

Aubrie Williams

Or like an other oriface of the chicken.

Shannon Devido

Oh, God.

Chip Chantry

I feel like kegling came up a number of times. Is that the first time this has come up? Has it come up in past stories?

Shannon Devido

No.

Chip Chantry

It just came out of nowhere. Just out of n owhere.

Aubrie Williams

I couldn't tell if you said kegling or kegling. And then you said it again.

Ralph Andracchio

Kegling, yeah.

Shannon Devido

Maybe I read the wrong word.

Ralph Andracchio

No, it was kegeling.

Shannon Devido

Just wanted to make sure.

Aubrie Williams

There are things going inside cheeks. I mean, not to be.

Chip Chantry

Here's my question. I'm sure you have delved into this before, but who is this for?

Shannon Devido

These are great questions.

Chip Chantry

Who is the demographic? I can understand that because I feel like there's a couple of Venn diagrams it's like sort of like sexy people you know swingers kind of whatever you know whatever and then there's cooking people and then there's comedy people because there's humor you know it's the frame of you but it's just a very you know what I mean like it's just

Ralph Andracchio

it's people who enjoy Fifty Shades of Grey slash fiction or fan fiction who also like to cook

Aubrie Williams

yeah

Ralph Andracchio

right so that's yeah I think that's where the Venn diagram

Chip Chantry

It's like if Daryl and Timeree had a show on Food Network.

Ralph Andracchio

Right. Yes.

Shannon Devido

I'd watch that show.

Chip Chantry

I would watch that show. As would I.

Shannon Devido

But I also don't think they would write stories from the point of view of the food.

Chip Chantry

No.

Shannon Devido

Because that's a horrifying thing that they have done here. Yeah. It's just so weird. It's just so weird. Like if they had wrote sexy stories that were like, we use food in like the bedroom i'm like these are stories like then you'd be like okay well yeah i'm on board but like every single story here is about a man and i'm gonna say man i'm sorry no offense um but uh is about a man uh fucking a chicken and i just think these are questions that need to be raised about why that was the choice yeah and

Aubrie Williams

i mean never a good idea but

Ralph Andracchio

I do need to, I do need to say from all my years of hosting porn stash, I want to make a disclaimer or, you know, educate everybody. If you're going to play with food, try to stay away from anything dairy based because it goes rancid very quickly and it smells. So don't do that. But also if you're going to play with anything, inserting anything anywhere, make sure it has a flared base, always a flared base because otherwise it will get stuck and you can't get it out and you will go to the ER

Aubrie Williams

Thank you for dropping that knowledge.

Ralph Andracchio

I just needed to make sure that we all were aware. I don't know who's listening to the show. Feel free to explore, but try to follow those rules.

Shannon Devido

Can I ask a really naive question?

Ralph Andracchio

Yeah.

Shannon Devido

What do you mean by a flared base?

Ralph Andracchio

Do you know those Christmas tree ornaments that Ikea sells sometimes that are just like the cone top and then it has a little stem and then there's a base?

Shannon Devido

sure

Ralph Andracchio

that's what i mean like the base should be bigger than the what it's connected to it so it flares out

Chip Chantry

like bell bottoms yeah

Ralph Andracchio

yes exactly got it

Chip Chantry

uh by the way i think i have an idea of who this might be for

Ralph Andracchio

oh great great

Chip Chantry

Gonzo

Shannon Devido

Yes. You nailed it. I never thought of that before, but now I'm going to read every one of these stories as Gonzo, and I think it's going to make it so much better for me.

Ralph Andracchio

That makes absolute sense.

Chip Chantry

Yeah, I think that's

Aubrie Williams

great, but it's really going to take it.

Shannon Devido

I'm going to work on my Gonzo voice between now and the next time we record. Sure. Yeah,

Chip Chantry

I think that's who the demographic is right there.

Ralph Andracchio

Have you ever had a crush on a Muppet?

Aubrie Williams

Oh, good question.

Chip Chantry

I feel like when I was a little kid, there were some fraggles that were like, you know what I mean? Because that's Muppet adjacent. Yeah. I can't remember their names, but like they were, yeah. Red. Red was one, right?

Shannon Devido

Yeah. She had those great pigtails.

Speaker 01

Yeah.

Ralph Andracchio

That's a good point. Yeah.

Shannon Devido

And then there was the one fraggle that looked Bea Arthur?

Chip Chantry

Yes. Who doesn't love Bea Arthur?

Shannon Devido

No one I know.

Chip Chantry

By far my favorite Golden Girl, by the way.

Shannon Devido

Oh, 100%.

Chip Chantry

Head and shoulders. No pun intended because she literally was head and shoulders above them. By far. She was my favorite because Bea Arthur reminds me of so many ladies I knew growing up that worked with my dad or from my church or whatever. They would just smoke a pack a day and were kind of scary, but also were super sweet at the same time. You know?

Aubrie Williams

Yeah. Yeah.

Ralph Andracchio

Yeah.

Chip Chantry

Yeah. Yeah.

Ralph Andracchio

She, that was, she was on Maude too. Right. Which was a, that was a spinoff of, was that a spinoff of Archie Bunker?

Chip Chantry

All in the Family. Yeah. I think so.

Ralph Andracchio

Yeah. Yeah. Oh man. And then now they're trying to redo golden girls with three, three gay guys.

Chip Chantry

Okay. With only three.

Ralph Andracchio

Right. Well, you can't, you know, you can't totally rip it off. Yeah. Stop, stop trying to remake stuff. Like how, like every time anybody does it, it never works. You're trying to like capture lightning in a bottle again. And it's not golden girls was like this right place, right time, the right actors, the right everything. And it was amazing. Just let it be.

Chip Chantry

And it's timeless. It still holds up as a great show. We need to remake bad shows, make bad movies again. Like this movie sucked. Let's try it again. Yeah.

Ralph Andracchio

Yeah. Absolutely. I agree.

Shannon Devido

That's why they've done Fantastic Four eight times.

Ralph Andracchio

Oh my God, yeah. This time will be better because Pedro's in it.

Shannon Devido

Exactly. That's what I mean.

Ralph Andracchio

We're all well aware. Okay, speaking of that, is there a movie that you would want to redo because it was so terrible?

Chip Chantry

I feel like this is an obvious one, but I, my favorite movie of all time hands down and what and I like I can say is just objectively one of the greatest movies all time is Jaws Jaws one of the best movies ever that that slope down of the of the sequels just were just so so steep but the last one was such a farce that I would love to take one more shot at Jaws the revenge and just put a bow on it because it's so bad it's so bad it's like two is bad Jaws 2 is boring, and it tries to recreate some of that, but it's just not there. Jaws 3D is actually fun because it's schlocky and it's goofy, and it had the 3D thing. It was in a water park. So, like, it actually has some redeeming values, and Jaws 4 was just a disaster, and it needs to be remade. How about you guys?

Ralph Andracchio

Jaws 8. Jaws takes Manhattan. I think that I would like to see that one.

Chip Chantry

I actually– this is not to get off on a total tangent, but I actually did this at– Study Hall is the show. I actually gave a speech on this one time. I won't get into the whole thing, but Jaws 3 was the greatest movie that was never made because Jaws was made in like 75, Jaws 2 was like 78, and then they tried to make Jaws 3 right away. They wanted to make it a slapstick comedy. It was going to be about the making of Jaws, basically, and it was just this big farce, and it was a slapstick, like literally the first scene was Peter Benchley the author of Jaws swimming in a swimming pool in Hollywood at night and a shark attacks him in his swimming pool so like that's what it was and it had this amazing cast it had Joe Dante who directed the Burbs and Gremlins and all this stuff it had John Hughes was one of the writers a young John Hughes the guy who did Simmons, Matty Simmons the guy who was he was the head of National Lampoon Magazine and had produced Animal House was on board for it and they were ready they were in production and Steven Spielberg was like you're not doing this you're not making a farce of my baby and he threatened to walk so they stopped the movie and then that's why there's such a big lapse because it's like it was like another five years until Jaws 3D was made so yeah I should have done it I know oh man

Aubrie Williams

come on now

Ralph Andracchio

okay questions we have I think it's time for our lightning round. Yes. Yeah.

Chip Chantry

Before we get the lighting round, I hate to do this, and I don't know if you have to edit this out. Can you guys talk among yourselves for 30 seconds? I'll be right back. Yeah. I have to refill my water. I just got to keep hydrating because of my stupid allergies. 30 seconds. I'll be right there.

Ralph Andracchio

Absolutely. Okay. We'll leave this in.

Aubrie Williams

And silence.

Ralph Andracchio

And just contemplative silence for 30 seconds. I want to see slapstick jaws.

Aubrie Williams

Me too.

Ralph Andracchio

that would have been perfect

Aubrie Williams

I was trying to think of a bad movie I would want to remake but I'm like blanking right now but like oh god maybe like Problem no see I think it's good though Problem Child 2

Ralph Andracchio

I can't I have to think about it I don't I don't know I can't think of a movie that I absolutely hated that I would want to revisit

Aubrie Williams

although like yeah Kristen Finger and I were talking about She's the Man And recently, and Shannon, we've had this convo too.

Shannon Devido

I do love that movie.

Aubrie Williams

I love it too, but it's like, doesn't-

Shannon Devido

It's very problematic.

Aubrie Williams

But I'm like, would we try that? Would we try that again? I don't know. No. No, let it die.

Ralph Andracchio

All right. So lightning round for questions. We ask the same questions of all of our guests to try to delve into your psyche a little bit more. We fancy ourselves armchair psychiatrists. And by the end, hopefully we will have diagnosed you with something.

Chip Chantry

I hope so. God, I hope so. As does my wife and most of my loved ones would be very appreciative.

Ralph Andracchio

All right. Question one. What do you think is the sexiest food besides chicken?

Chip Chantry

Well, obviously it's chicken from a New York Times bestseller. So we know that.

Ralph Andracchio

Right. Absolutely. Second, besides.

Chip Chantry

Okay. It's got to be. It's got to be like some sort of like dessert, some sort of like whipped cream pie, like chocolate pudding, a pie, something like just like something creamy and sweet and tasty. Like, OK, you guys know Christian Alsis, right? Do you guys know Christian analysis from the Fico brothers and all of that? He and I are going on a little a little date in a couple of weeks. I think it's in May. We are going to I don't know if it's the Academy of Music or somewhere, maybe the Kimmel Center. to go see herb albert and the tijuana brass wow from like the 70s like you know uh all that stuff and he had that famous album that like my parents had it it's i think whipped cream and other delights where it was literally this like beautiful naked lady who's just covered with whipped cream and so i think that that's what made me go to that so i think that's what it is it's like whipped cream and like yeah like pie something like that yeah i think it's something sweet and good gooey.

Ralph Andracchio

Absolutely. Aubrey, I screwed up. I took your question. I'm sorry. You can take my number too.

Aubrie Williams

No, you didn't. I said two and five. So you were right.

Ralph Andracchio

Oh, okay.

Aubrie Williams

I think I did. I think I just said it out loud. You

Ralph Andracchio

said it in your head.

Aubrie Williams

And we're all mind readers. All right, Chip, what would your sexy cookbook be called and why? I

Chip Chantry

gave this. Okay, here's the thing. I think mine would be called So a sexy cookbook, mine would be called, how do you like your pancakes? Okay. How do you like your pancakes? Cause we've all heard that thing. Like, Oh, how do you like your eggs in the morning? You know, it's like, Oh, I'm picking you up and you're going to stay over it. I can, I can cook pancakes. Like again, I'm not a, I'm not a cook, but like I can make pancakes. I can make chocolate chip pancakes. I can make blueberry pancakes. I can make whatever. I can make Mickey mouse shaped pancake. Right. I can do that. So what if it's just like a sexy cookbook? just different recipes for pancakes under the guise that, like, I'm picking a lady up, she's staying over, and I'm making her breakfast in the morning. So it's Chip Chantry's How Do You Like Your Pancakes.

Aubrie Williams

This is beautiful if you don't make that cookbook regardless.

Chip Chantry

Yeah. I think it has to happen.

Ralph Andracchio

I also, as soon as you said it, I heard it, like, negatively. How do you like your pancakes? Like... Maybe that's me.

Chip Chantry

Like I'm a spotlight in the driver's side window. How do you like your pancakes?

Ralph Andracchio

Step out of the car, sir.

Chip Chantry

God, I love pancakes so much.

Shannon Devido

Can I help write the sexy stories for the pancake?

Chip Chantry

I mean, if you're not, I'm not doing it. So yes, yes. If you're not attached, Shannon, this is not happening.

Shannon Devido

It's just, it's just the guys. No. Okay. All right. Number three. Who is the sexiest food mascot?

Chip Chantry

This is hard. Okay. Yeah. By the way, not a lot of lady mascots I've come to realize. You know what I mean? I will say, I mean, I think Wendy. Wendy from Wendy's. Going back to Red from Fraggle Rock. Maybe there's a theme. there wendy from wendy's you have the sun made gal right she's she's good uh but i mean then you have like i was just thinking like general like in general like i mean just the one-two punch of tony tiger and chester cheetah like those are just two guys who like they're they take control do you know what i mean like they're great yeah and then chester cheetah is like that one uncle you have that like never got married just sort of like bachelor lifestyle like always did a little bit of coke but you didn't really realize what it was until years later and then like kind of has this weird condo and he's a there's always like a new chick in his convertible you know like one of the like that's chester cheetah like i feel like that's who that is yeah and then and i know i'm giving it to the tricks rabbit is just down for anything like i don't know about sexiest but i mean just a freak so you got that and then i gotta say i gotta say The California Raisins are literally in a Motown singing group. Yeah. Is there anything that competes to that level of cool or sexy? So I think me personally, I got to go Wendy from Wendy's, but like, man, the California Raisins, how cool were they? Were the temptations, basically.

Ralph Andracchio

Yeah. Speaking of diagnosing somebody, that is a huge pendulum swing from one to the other.

Chip Chantry

Yeah, yeah. You got to look for the best in everybody.

Ralph Andracchio

Yeah, right?

Aubrie Williams

Wow. I love that you sprinkled in the Tricks rabbit because he is down for anything.

Ralph Andracchio

He is down for anything. Yeah. I mean, yeah, he's hawking tricks. What else?

Aubrie Williams

He hasn't. We've had a few repeats in your life.

Ralph Andracchio

That's true. I think you've, yeah. Okay.

Shannon Devido

California raisins have not come up though, which I find very surprising because I agree with you. They are sexy.

Chip Chantry

Yeah, they were just, I mean, What is cooler than being in like a doo-wop group or a Motown group? Nothing.

Shannon Devido

Nothing.

Ralph Andracchio

Yeah. Speaking of offering people things the day after, what snack would you put in your sex dungeon to offer guests?

Chip Chantry

So, you know what? Not that I have a sex dungeon, but like I'm literally in my basement right now. This is my basement.

Ralph Andracchio

Looks like a sex dungeon.

Chip Chantry

It is literally like a– I can't show. My God. Great, but it's like, yeah, it's, there's, there's, there's a whole bar over here. It's, it was literally, so it's, it's in South Philly there. You can't see it because I do actually have a light over here, but there is a, it's going to burn it out. But, uh, uh, yeah, it is, uh, it was a sixties and seventies, like working speakeasy bar in South Philly. Like,

Ralph Andracchio

Oh man.

Chip Chantry

Yeah. Like this, the guy who like he overhauled it. There's like, there is a, uh, a turntable that comes out of the wall, uh, full working bar. literally black glass coffee tables. So you know what they were doing on those coffee tables back in 72, right? So, and just if I can get, I don't know if you'll be able to see it, but the carpeting, can you see the carpeting?

Aubrie Williams

Oh, that's beautiful.

Chip Chantry

Oh yeah. Right. So I'm thinking like, this is kind of my spot. It's going to be like anything from the sixties, you know, like sixties, seventies, like, and I was even thinking back to like, my mad men era my great like remembering like being a little kid like in my grandparents like they had a bar in their basement so it's got to be like just your your staples like it's just to like because especially if it's a sex dungeon like you're getting a workout right so you need to replenish so like honey roasted peanuts like bar fair like bowls of like you know like the the salted peanuts or the honey roasted peanuts uh maybe some pickled eggs you know like the back of the bar like a jug of pickled eggs um and And then Charles chips. Do you guys remember Charles chips? I'm dating myself again. The, with the, the, the truck that used to come, the tins of Charles chips. So potatoes, potato chips and pretzels.

Aubrie Williams

Yes. No, he's got it.

Chip Chantry

He has got it. Look at that. Yes, Ralph. Yes. That's exactly what I would have. I would have that. And then finally, the last thing I would have is, do you guys remember these mints? Cause yeah, to have mints right because you're you gotta have good breath you're drinking a lot you're doing god knows what you're you're eating all this stuff um my grandmother used to have these they were like white mints they look like picture like this they were almost square but little sandwiches they were almost like the size of like a die like dice with the with the jelly in it it was like the white top of the bottom and the different color jellies in there yeah i would have a whole shitload of those

Aubrie Williams

yeah oh wow like a martini glass full

Chip Chantry

yes yes and so yeah And all of those things would kind of be like in martini glasses or whatever, like around the bar. Cause you need salt, you need, you know, like your protein, you need all that stuff back. So that's what, that's what I'm putting in there.

Ralph Andracchio

Okay.

Aubrie Williams

Whoever, whoever's, whoever's commissioned in sex, sex dungeons, talk to chip. He's got some ideas.

Chip Chantry

I'm ready to tell. I'm ready to go.

Ralph Andracchio

Yeah. Some good ideas.

Chip Chantry

Yeah. Yeah. Just right. A little lower third.

Aubrie Williams

We'll scroll. Um, Kidding. All right, the last one. Marry, fuck, kill. Runts, the candy. Circus Peanuts, the candy. And Snickers, the candy, not the action.

Chip Chantry

Yeah. Okay. Circus Peanuts, I feel like, get unfairly maligned. They're not good. They're terrible.

Ralph Andracchio

They're terrible.

Chip Chantry

They're not good, but I feel like there's also a punching bag for, like, what's the worst thing in a result of Circus Peanuts, right? Runt, remind me, runts were the little candies that were like shaped like the fruits, right? Is that right?

Shannon Devido

Yes.

Chip Chantry

I was never a big fan of those. Never liked, I feel like it was like a lot of work for a little payoff. So I'm killing runts. Okay. I'm killing runts. I'm fucking circus peanuts because, hey, they're soft and there's some redeeming value there. Not much, but hey, hit it and quit it with the circus peanuts And then, I mean, what is more satisfying than marrying a Snickers bar? I mean, it has everything. A Snickers bar has– it has every one of the food groups. It has everything you need. It's probably the number one Halloween candy or at least in the top three probably. Yeah, it's a staple. Got to marry Snickers.

Aubrie Williams

Nice.

Ralph Andracchio

That was the most well-thought-out marry, fuck, kill I think we've done.

Chip Chantry

Yeah, yeah. When I do marry, fuck, kill, mine are very logistical. Yeah.

Ralph Andracchio

Absolutely.

Chip Chantry

I take all the sexiness and fun out of it and I just get down to logic.

Aubrie Williams

Yeah, that's a commitment.

Ralph Andracchio

Yeah. And if, if a circus peanuts were ever put on trial, I would want you to be their lawyer because that was a really great defense.

Chip Chantry

Yeah. I think I just, I feel like they're unfairly. Again, I'm not saying that they're good food, but like, I feel like there is a, I have not had one in years, but like, I feel like there is also a little bit of a nostalgia around them like oh I don't like these but I didn't really like these when I was a kid but at least hey I'm at my grandma's house or something so there's yeah so there's something about you know what food I love because I feel like you would get them sometimes around the same place are the the orange slices but like they were like the jelly you like the jelly do you know what I'm talking about with like the sugar on them you know greatest thing in the world yeah I feel like you would get there's a place called Ports in the World uh where i grew up in Norriston d i think and i just learned actually very recently that there was one in northeast philly too i think but it was called ports of the world it was this big uh department store and they had like a candy set like there's like the jewelry section and then there was like the candy section where you could like go and they were like you get a pound of whoppers or you get a pound of circus peanuts or you get a pound of whatever and uh yeah so there's some nostalgia to them

Ralph Andracchio

yeah no absolutely yeah circus peanuts are just they they taste like memory foam and I can't and I have tasted memory foam. Yes, I will. I will admit to that.

Shannon Devido

We all have.

Ralph Andracchio

You're no better than me.

Aubrie Williams

We probably all have. I don't hate circus peanuts, although I haven't eaten them recently, recently. I feel like they'll show up at my parents' house every once in a while. You can only eat one. It's like It's like eating icing with a spoon. Like there's a threshold and it's one.

Chip Chantry

Well, I feel like it's a very neutral food. Like it's not a bad food. There's just not a lot going on with it. So it's just, so again, I think again, unfairly maligned.

Ralph Andracchio

Unfairly maligned. We've used that phrase a lot. I think that's what this episode will be called.

Chip Chantry

Unfairly maligned circus peanuts.

Aubrie Williams

Yeah, that's circus peanuts new marketing.

Ralph Andracchio

um as we uh careen quickly towards the end of this episode this was a this is a good one this is fast

Chip Chantry

and by the way and thank you so much for like it was like now i have a new recipe that i was like oh i feel confident making this it was like delicious it was

Ralph Andracchio

There are absolutely no stinkers in this book every recipe we've done so far from this book it's a funny book but the recipes are fucking delicious

Aubrie Williams

yeah yeah good chicken recipes which is probably why new york times best seller

Chip Chantry

yes so thank you for broadening my horizons.

Ralph Andracchio

Absolutely. I've been thanked by many other men for that, so I appreciate the last in a long line. Any final thoughts? Where can people hear you, feel you, smell you, taste you?

Chip Chantry

I... Excuse me. Will this be coming out in the near future?

Aubrie Williams

In theory.

Shannon Devido

How near?

Chip Chantry

You'll be dropping at some point. I would just love for you to find me at Chip Chantry on all of the socials, including YouTube, where I have a new special called Move Closer. It came out this past year. I would love for you to find it on YouTube. Follow me on YouTube. I also, probably by the time this will come out, we'll have more episodes out. I have a podcast called The Sundburnt Podcast with my good friend Thomas O'Brien coming out. Yeah, so just find me on all the socials at Chip Chantry. Yeah, that's that. And look out next fall for my I'm writing a book. It'll be published out called How Do You Like Your Pancakes? with foreword and stories by Shannon DeVito.

Shannon Devido

We're very excited about it.

Chip Chantry

It's a labor of love.

Shannon Devido

Yeah. We really put our heart into it. I'm so sorry. What did you say?

Aubrie Williams

No, I was just trying to pre-order it.

Shannon Devido

Oh, yeah, you can.

Chip Chantry

Oh, you can do pre-orders. Just Venmo me. Just Venmo me $ 35.

Shannon Devido

Venmo the both of us.

Chip Chantry

Either us, $35 each.

Ralph Andracchio

Yeah. Any final thoughts, Shannon or Aubrey?

Aubrie Williams

This was actually one of my favorite chicken recipes. Like I feel like it's a good, and I feel like I want to try it with the toasted almonds or walnuts or whatever, hazelnuts, whatever the thing was. I have them ready to go, but like the pan was so gross and I saw that half my chicken was raw. So I was like, I don't put anything else in that pan. We're not doing it.

Ralph Andracchio

Food safety. Yeah. Shannon, any words to live by?

Shannon Devido

Words to live by? I would fuck a California raisin.

Ralph Andracchio

Yes!

Aubrie Williams

Yes! Words to live by.

Ralph Andracchio

I think that's where we end our episode. Thank you, Chip, for being here. This was awesome.

Chip Chantry

Thank you guys for having me. This was great.

Ralph Andracchio

Thank you everybody for listening, and as always, remember to eat responsibly. Good night, everybody.

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