no-transcript hey.
Speaker 2:Happy Saturday everybody.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, what are you guys up to? Are you going?
Speaker 3:to put Land of Eme on. Yeah, that's what I was going to do. What about?
Speaker 2:you.
Speaker 3:George.
Speaker 1:Hello family. That's classic, you know. Just breaking the momentum, I'm also going to Land of Eme. I'm pretty excited about that'm also going to land a beam, you know I'm pretty excited about that.
Speaker 3:It's going to be good times. Welcome to the 14th session of the third season.
Speaker 1:This is the 54th episode. Wow, yeah, yeah, studio 54 episode.
Speaker 3:Wow, yeah, we're going crazy tonight.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we can't describe how crazy we're going tonight, because it's a family-friendly stream.
Speaker 3:It's true. Welcome Princess Funnybone. Welcome welcome, hello hello, hello hello Last time on the Land of Eme stream you guys went into the stone, caused some hijinks met up with Weldar, Ran away from the sorcerer.
Speaker 1:We brokered a peace with Helner of the Red.
Speaker 3:That is true, that is true, and you delivered the egg, but it was under some hijinks in circumstances. The egg, the Scrockwing broke out of the egg, sort of transformed from some weird alchemical stuff. That went on and the sorcerer tried to lightning bolt you.
Speaker 1:As he does, but we survived. I'm mostly concerned about this new Scrockwing. They got born covered in the alchemical experiment drippings.
Speaker 3:Yeah, actually I'm worried that's going to be like a BF.
Speaker 1:What is it? A BBEG, big, bad end guy.
Speaker 3:I'll never come back to haunt you.
Speaker 1:No, you know, what hasn't come back to haunt us is the manticore. No, also the witch also the witch, yeah yeah, I was saved the manticore I know, but I was hoping to run into her again just to see how she's doing just as well.
Speaker 3:You know this is uh. This is a big world. This is the land of aim here. It's not uh, it's not all about you, about crafting a cute, tight story. It's organic, it's real.
Speaker 1:You don't want to see Linda again. Linda and her starving children. I do want to see Linda again. I don't care what anyone says. I love Linda. Linda Wow Same joke Sad, but true.
Speaker 3:Linda, you guys have made it to Wally's Waffles and Borgs with your family friend, childhood friend Welder.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think he was going to do the Hot Haunts Challenge. Yeah, I think we were all going to give it one more shot. I will continue to do this Happy Dunstan says hey, it's Riley and Galen. Hey, Happy how you doing there guy Happy to see you.
Speaker 3:Whoa, who's a stiff.
Speaker 1:He's cool. He's cool, he's with us, he is Happy.
Speaker 3:Kyle, he's an old pal's with us, he is Happy kind of he's no pal, that guy's a Felmog Knight, ain't he? We will just destroy him. We sort of grew up together.
Speaker 1:He's cool, he's cool, he's going to do the Howlin' Hot Challenge. In fact, we all are.
Speaker 3:Whoa Well, good luck. I'm the only guy that's ever done it, the plaque.
Speaker 1:The plaque on the wall Is is Hellnarr with us? I forget what he did or what his deal was. He left, Remember. We like split off and like right into the desert.
Speaker 3:He went the other way. Hellnarr would never be caught dead in Wally's waffles and waffles.
Speaker 1:Yeah, cause he, he obviously doesn't have an ounce of class. He also has a gluten intolerance, so, like the waffles are a no-go, wow yeah, cannon Wally is like hey, got some gluten-free waffles over here.
Speaker 3:It's just a war conch Wally comes up to your table and says you really want to go through it again.
Speaker 1:I'm ready, my guts are ready. I've never been more ready than this moment in time look, last time you really trashed the uh, the bathroom you should. You should just have like a designated hot haunch bathroom.
Speaker 3:I mean in a perfect world, but uh, you know you should just have like a designated hot haunch bathroom. I mean in a perfect world, but you know I got so much plumbing here. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:The fact that you have plumbing here is a miracle in and of itself. I'm going to blow an eye for clues to show that there's an outhouse outside or it's built over an abandoned well. Yeah an abandoned well.
Speaker 3:We're going to taint the groundwater.
Speaker 1:They should charge for it. Princess Funnybone, it would be a investment to pay for itself in a matter of days. I honestly just want to give it a shot. Though I'm giving it a shot, I can't not do it. It costs copper how do we have money? Oh, geez, I don't. I.
Speaker 3:I got four copper pouches, four copper pouches, I you just walk in here, get the handling hot challenge and you gotta feed my family here.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean I assume that you get it free if you succeed, it's a long shot. It just cuts to us washing dishes for the rest of the day. I'm going to plop down copper for all three of us. Oh, I spend one copper pouch, the other two, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3:You got some copper left.
Speaker 1:It works out. It works out. At least it wasn't ancient coins, can you? Imagine yeah so Set the scene. Set the scene, Ben. What's the lighting?
Speaker 1:like it's dark, it's red, you know it's like lanterns, you know or you know or candlelight, I mean sorry, the fire flicker is in our eyes candle abra mounted on the ceiling. It's almost romantic for for riley and welder it's got like. But I'm ruining the moment for them. A really densely patterned green carpet. It's like a red lobster inside. Oh, like shag carpeting that's never cleaned the ceilings are a little lower than you'd like, but it creates the ambiance. Yeah, there's like various masks on the wall, wargheads.
Speaker 3:Wargheads A lot of wargheads. Leslo, your old pal Galen is doing some stand-up.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, check this guy out, hey Laszlo.
Speaker 2:Laszlo.
Speaker 3:Hey, look at this guy. That's great how you doing so, galen what's he doing?
Speaker 1:Where are you folks from? Huh, you know where we're from. I'm going to start heckling.
Speaker 3:Hey, what do you call a group of witches in a hot spring Soup? That's funnier than my joke.
Speaker 1:I'm going to be like Galen, you should get up there, Get up on stage. Telefilm no, I got to eat the haunches, I got to eat the haunches, I gotta eat the haunches Haunches. If I get on stage, I'm just gonna retell Norm MacDonald's moth joke.
Speaker 3:A three boggarts walk into a bar. A boggle walks under it. Okay, get it. I do a boggle, walks under it. Okay, get it. I mean I do technically. You see, uh leslo kind of mumble to himself and then he does a pratfall and everyone just like starts laughing. But it looks like he's suffered a concussion or something, just like starts laughing.
Speaker 1:But it looks like he's suffered a concussion or something this guy needs medical attention he like consistently falls back on, like just physically harming himself, yeah, to get like the, the laughs that he needs to feel alive. It's rough. I would. I would pull leslo aside and tell him he's better than this, but I don't know that he is. You know, I'm not sure, I'm not sure that's true.
Speaker 3:Wally brings out three hot, steaming plates of hotches. Just a whiff of them like burn your nostrils.
Speaker 1:Yeah, our nose hairs are singed like in a very Ren and Stimpy fashion. It's like close-ups on our noses and you just watch them turn ashes.
Speaker 3:Just like watch the nose hairs, just go yeah.
Speaker 1:I assume it's no napkins, no drinks.
Speaker 3:Of course no napkins no drinks. Alright.
Speaker 1:Alright, alright, alright. I'm going to roll for Weldar first.
Speaker 3:A small crowd gathers around you.
Speaker 1:They start chanting hot haunch, hot, haunch hot, hot haunch.
Speaker 2:Oh, there's a ward, there's a ward Weldar rolls a four.
Speaker 1:Do you have any bonuses?
Speaker 3:Well, it's a disadvantage roll you gotta. Let's see how much worse Weldar bonuses. It's a disadvantage roll.
Speaker 1:Let's see how much worse Welder is.
Speaker 3:It's nearly impossible. He's already failed.
Speaker 1:He's been so used to the really bland food that Felmog Knights eat. They just eat gruel and unflavored and unseasoned meat. It's all very pragmatic food. It's double force. They just eat onions like apples.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's like all very pragmatic food. Yeah, it's double force. They just eat onions like apples.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's good, no, no.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you see, weldar just excuse himself without saying anything and run to the bathroom.
Speaker 1:Everyone starts cheering as the first one falls.
Speaker 3:He's like knocking people over. Excuse me pardon me. Who's up?
Speaker 1:next. I'm going to give it a shot. I'm going to lick my lips and take a bite. Remember, riley, don't touch your eyes. Oh no, you shove a haunch into your eye. I touched my eyes. Take a bite. Remember, riley, don't touch your eyes. Don't touch your eyes. Oh no, you shove a haunch into your eye. I touched my eye Riley.
Speaker 3:You know, maybe one time crush Weldar. He's occupying the bathroom. You have little choice to barge in there or just run outside.
Speaker 1:You're banging on the door and he's like Occupado, it's Occupado. I'm going to unceremoniously open the door and see if I can yank him out. It's like make a posed mic check.
Speaker 3:Yeah, make a might check princess funny bone that's solid.
Speaker 1:Don't look into the trap I looked at the trap seven seven all right, it's a success, with a twist um maybe, maybe riley succeeds in unseating welder, but now they're both in there yeah, and the least romantic moment possible. I totally freak out. I'm screaming for him to get out.
Speaker 3:He's like more scared of you right now.
Speaker 1:Her eyes are like full on. She's like a berserker Get out of here.
Speaker 3:Weldar stumbles out of the bathroom with his pants down and just runs out the front door and everyone laughs hysterically.
Speaker 1:Meanwhile Galen starts playing yakety sass Just cuts to happy Dunstan, like with a squint, like going like I hold up a haunch to Happy Dunstan, and then I look over at Leslo and I say come on, leslo, you want, you want a haunch go get him Galen is Leslo interested or no? Or is he still concussed?
Speaker 3:leslo's, concussed and vomiting, yeah, oh, never mind oh hey, it's something.
Speaker 1:Don't let him go to sleep. Don't let him. Don't let him fall asleep. He might never wake up. I feel like every time we attempt the howling hot challenge, it's always the most disgusting scene in the Land of the Apes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it doesn't get much worse than this.
Speaker 1:All right, galen, he tucks in, he tucks into a haunch.
Speaker 2:Almost had it.
Speaker 1:Almost had it. Almost had it. It's a vitality check, was it? Yep, that's a vitality check, was it? Yep, that's a three.
Speaker 3:Not good enough. No, the good news is that you're not immediately. I feel, fine, it's all good, you got the bubble guts, but you're going to wait it out.
Speaker 1:Yeah. The only real danger is that you feel kind of good. So you have another one. You know what, I'm on board. I'm on board. You know what I think? I'm building a tolerance. You sure about that? I say, yeah, I'm going to tuck into another.
Speaker 3:Actually, this is not that, not as bad. This is gonna be a five.
Speaker 1:I mean it's just as bad. I use a quest point all right he powers through it. Yeah, I got this. I got this. Oh god, never had two of them before you can do it.
Speaker 3:I mean three. You're not actually finishing either of them just like taking a bite.
Speaker 1:You're kind of like aborting it and then like trying.
Speaker 3:You're failing and then trying again. I think it means you're probably throwing up a little bit. Oh God.
Speaker 1:Definitely sweating. Just wash it down again.
Speaker 3:The crowd dissipates a little disappointed. But happy is just beaming. You're never going to do it. You're never going to do it. He slides over. I'll keep trying.
Speaker 1:Three frothy milks. Yeah, what are these? Just freshly squeezed, they're actually just out of the yak, they're a little bit warm still Right out of a one-gulop.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was one galop elk.
Speaker 1:So good, cannon. Well, um, that was a great quest, guys. Failure number two We'll circle back in about 40 episodes. Attempt it again. Can't not do it.
Speaker 2:Can't not do it.
Speaker 1:Can't not do it. It was worth the expenditure of one quest point in a pouch of copper.
Speaker 3:I love the idea that you guys will try so many times and never do it.
Speaker 1:The numbers are very, very, you know, not great.
Speaker 2:It's not great.
Speaker 1:But I'm always going to give it a shot.
Speaker 2:I want the glory.
Speaker 1:I got to be on the wall.
Speaker 3:All right, weldar comes just shuffling back inside. He looks like he's seen a ghost.
Speaker 2:Oh, I act like nothing happened. You saw a higher power.
Speaker 1:Yeah, did you guys both use the same bathroom? Nope, two different bathrooms.
Speaker 3:I don't want to talk about it, mm-mm.
Speaker 1:Mm-mm. Here I kind of like shove the milk closer to Welder.
Speaker 3:How'd you guys talk me into this people?
Speaker 2:you know, live.
Speaker 1:This is it's it's. It's a feat, it's a, it's a thing that we've wanted to do and accomplish, that we can get our names on the wall, and we thought it'd be fun. And meanwhile she's just eating, she's just like drinking, shot after shot of half and half, little half and half packets. I like that. Somewhere in I don't know, surf or something, there's a half and half factory that produces these little cups of half and half, and then she stacks the cups within one another and just keeps sipping them. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:The table's covered with them. Hey Barkeep, give me a fizzy whiz.
Speaker 1:Classic. A new classic.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 3:Respect that.
Speaker 2:You respect that All right well.
Speaker 1:Give me a.
Speaker 3:Fanta orange. Wow, let's get down to brass tacks, okay, I don't know what that means. It means we had some business to discuss about the Sarpathy, right, yeah, spill the beans.
Speaker 1:Weldo, I mean, if you want to Stop buzzing.
Speaker 3:I mean, if you want to stop buzzing, I have it on good authority.
Speaker 1:The black candle specifically is a branch of the fell mug yeah, they're working with one of the companies, the big three.
Speaker 3:What?
Speaker 1:I think we know who it is with one of the companies, the big three. What I think we know who it is. I say have you ever heard of the name Justina?
Speaker 3:Brink, I think you've mentioned that before. Oh.
Speaker 1:She has a work, I tell you.
Speaker 3:Must be her. Look, I don't know. They've got deals with everybody for various purposes. Where?
Speaker 1:are the Sarpathy located? They're all over the place, but nowhere at the same time Like Well, you've been to their main lair. Well, that's true. I take all that back. I forgot.
Speaker 3:And it's there that they're going to place the Izvek and summon Ek to this world.
Speaker 1:That's no good.
Speaker 3:You can't let that happen. Right now, the Felmog are supplying warships in the Scalawag Strand, scouring the ocean.
Speaker 1:Oh, they're still looking. Haven't got them all yet so they don't have them all, excellent, but they think there's one in the Scalawag Strand.
Speaker 3:There could be two. They've amassed possibly four or five of them already. There are only seven. My god man.
Speaker 1:Well, it's a good thing we got a ship of our own.
Speaker 3:Old noggin. I've heard that Ulfrix the Cruel has been summoned.
Speaker 1:What is an Ulfrix? Who heard that Ulfrix the Cruel has been summoned? What is an Ulfrix? Who is an Ulfrix? Is he one of the Black Handles? Yeah, what do we know about this?
Speaker 3:Ulfrix, you see Wally eyeing you guys. He's within earshot.
Speaker 1:We look over at Wally, who looks at us, who looks at him?
Speaker 3:And Walt Arlene's in closer. He's a powerful warlord, I mean, he's sort of legendary among the Felmog. At this point they say he's got treasure somewhere in the Scalawag Strand and that's the real reason he's there.
Speaker 1:Is he there to guard it or he's trying to find it again?
Speaker 3:To find it again.
Speaker 1:How did he lose it?
Speaker 3:There's a bunch of legends, some pirate named Wally the Freebooter or something. You say Wally.
Speaker 1:Oh. I'm going to raise the empty bowl of half and halves and like to Wally. Like bring more. He reaches down for the half and halves. You grab his hand.
Speaker 3:Spill it, wally what are you guys talking about over here?
Speaker 1:huh, I'm talking about some old stories, I guess, about rebooting.
Speaker 3:we don't like old stories here. No old stories, I guess, about a freebooter. Yeah, we don't like old stories here. No old stories allowed, just new stories. You love old stories?
Speaker 1:You love old stories, Wally. You ever heard of Wally the freebooter?
Speaker 2:No, never heard of him. No.
Speaker 3:I mean, I've heard the name Wally, because that's my name, wally, but it's actually Walter. So I'm pretty sure that, uh, we're not related yeah, yeah, I think I heard that.
Speaker 1:I heard walter the freebooter. Walter, um, can, can I? Uh, discerning I Okay what I want to discern. So again, it's like you know, create a weakness or vulnerability in someone or something. I want to make that his weakness. He has a weakness for pirate paraphernalia, like he just can't help himself but like put, put it up like he loves it too much and like a lot of it says like Wally the Freebooter on it, or it's like pictures of him with other pirates, like with a caption Freebooting since like 1873.
Speaker 3:Alright, go for it, I'm gonna do it.
Speaker 1:That's 10. Let's see, is that a blunderbuss on the wall? Is that one of those pegs that they hit people with? They usually keep the sails in? I don't know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the pegs that they hit people with. They usually keep the sails in, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, that's just a boomstick.
Speaker 1:A boomstick. Yeah, only a freebooter would know what that is.
Speaker 3:Listen, what are you trying to do here?
Speaker 1:We're trying to get to the bottom of this.
Speaker 3:Bottom of what. The whole Mucklins could be in danger. I could be in danger.
Speaker 1:We're all in danger. This is bigger than us. I say you ever heard of some guy named Ulfrix the Cruel?
Speaker 3:He, uh, he grabs you both by the arms away from wildar. He kind of like smiles it off hey, hey, yeah we'll be right back bringing that guy in here and talking about all for extra cruel. Wally the freebooter. He's the one that told us he's on our side.
Speaker 1:There's a reason why I settled down and started up this joint here, huh, he's the one that told us he's on our side.
Speaker 3:There's a reason why I settled down and started up this joint here. Huh Left that old life behind.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the Hot Haunts Challenge. We know that's the reason for everything. Not that far behind, because Ulfrex is back.
Speaker 3:Look, I got into some deep trouble with Ulfrex and I hid the treasure. Where did you hide the treasure? Somewhere on Terror Island.
Speaker 2:Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-bam.
Speaker 3:I figured if I ever needed it one day I'd go and get it. But you know I haven't needed it and it's just better that way, that it's just out of sight, out of mind. All freckles are cruel. Bad, bad news.
Speaker 1:Well, you know he's looking for that treasure. And there's a whole fleet of warships and, even worse, they're working with the sarpathy I don't care about any of that stuff anymore. This is my life well so this won't be your life for much longer if the Sarpathies summon their evil Dragonball thing, their evil Dragonball thing. Well, you know, you could be living a whole lot better if you opened up a second Wally's.
Speaker 3:What is a second?
Speaker 1:Wally's oh.
Speaker 2:Third, wally's Third.
Speaker 1:Wally's. Third Wally's Whole chain.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we got one in Scalawag Strand, we got one in Harp's Edge.
Speaker 2:What Wally's?
Speaker 1:Express. You're doing a lot better than I thought you were.
Speaker 3:Yeah, here's the franchise map he handed.
Speaker 1:He gives me the whole licensing deal.
Speaker 3:It's like actually one of the.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a placemat with all the franchises on it. On the backside is a maze that kids can use crayons to like. Try to find a way out of. Yeah, yeah, the maze is actually the map to the treasure on terror island. Yeah, it's a. It's a closer to danger, farther from harm situation.
Speaker 3:It's like oh yeah, it's right here. No one would ever believe it.
Speaker 1:It couldn't be that easy, could it? I forgot we were talking. Oh yeah so we turn to Wally and we'll say like, look, we can't let them. All of your franchises, everything it's in danger. The Serpati are rising up, they're planning something. We're going to summon Ek.
Speaker 3:So what do you want from me?
Speaker 2:We want your help. We want to beat him to it.
Speaker 1:We want to find the treasure. Find the eyes of Ek and prevent them from ever getting into the hands of Ulfricx or the Serpati. Well, do we think that we'd get Ulfricx to just stop helping the Serpati if we gave him his treasure? Is that kind of an implication Like if he got what he wanted, he'd leave them, he'd leave.
Speaker 3:He'd stop helping yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean, it is his treasure, it's technically his.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I mean that's up for debate. We can backburner that idea.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we'll park a lot. Yeah, park a lot. There might be something to it.
Speaker 3:Look, if you want to go get the treasure, you can't have it all what. I'll draw it on a map for you.
Speaker 1:He flips over the placemat. Yeah, draws like Just an X A crude what I'll draw.
Speaker 3:I'll draw it on a map for you. He flips over over the place matt, yeah, jaws. Like just an x, a crude mountain and an x on the mountain, and like a a path from hornswoggle hornswoggle port to the X.
Speaker 1:Amazing, that is amazing. Um, okay, I say, well, we got a ship. I guess at Mucklin Harbor we could head down to Hornswoggle yeah, we do.
Speaker 3:We do have a ship. Don't let anybody at Mucklin Harbor catch wind of what you're doing, because they want a piece. Mum's the word, I mean we're going to be on the level and watch out for that guy you're with. He's bad news it's a Felmog, can't be trusted.
Speaker 1:I think we have to trust him.
Speaker 3:I think we can trust him. It I think we have to trust him. I think we can trust him. It's been my experience that all Felmogs Just bring a lot of trouble with them.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's true.
Speaker 3:Just then you see the doors fly open and the hammer is standing there.
Speaker 1:That's not good. I was waiting for this guy.
Speaker 3:Oh hey, weldor the hammer.
Speaker 2:Weldor the.
Speaker 1:Hammer Weldor the Betrayer. Oh my gosh, can I immediately try to Kuda Grime?
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 1:No, I am going to do something unexpected. Okay, get a break. I'm going to flip a table and try to get out the back.
Speaker 2:Oh my god.
Speaker 1:Right when everyone's silent right after he speaks, I'll be like let's get out of here.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like try to just escape all right, there's like instant commotion um. I pulled the fire alarm flips over the bar like yeah, uh, weldar, in his uh, disheveled state kind of stumbles towards the flip table and the hammer says you're a hanged man now Weldar, weldar, lets out a fart from his bubble guts.
Speaker 1:It's like his lowest moment. He's been excommunicated and he's sick.
Speaker 3:why don't you guys make a check to run moment yeah. He's been excommunicated and he's sick. Why don't you guys make a check to run? I do it.
Speaker 1:I do it, I may not. Oh boy, what is the actual check Ben?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I believe it's actually the person with the worst stat. Oh, you're right, you're right.
Speaker 1:Is it?
Speaker 2:the nimbleness. Yeah, so it's me.
Speaker 1:It's me. I get all the way to the threshold but then I see no one's advanced.
Speaker 2:I'm like I have to run back.
Speaker 3:What is your total? George Three, Okay, yeah, so you kind of you don't escape.
Speaker 1:But I kind of go to help Weldar and can't pull him away, so I'm stuck with him.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'll say. The upside is that you're not cornered but you just kind of run in a circle um through the tavern like, just like jumping over tables and people.
Speaker 1:Um can I do something real quick.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Hero of the people Once per session, swaying a number of regular peasant folk to help my cause to the best of their ability. I just I'm going to like try to get everyone to Like. I don't know a food fight Like you know what I mean. Dude, that's great. I was actually just about to eye for clues to find the unfinished baskets of the Howling Hut challenge.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Eye for it Right oh man. Yeah let me see if I can inspire them to food fight. Without saying it, they'll know that we need to get away from these guys, and everyone hates those Felmog dudes anyways.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Let me Inspiration him. You're my inspiration, you're my inspiration, it's a seven might slow him down a little bit, but the people will definitely like it's above a six, so they should be swayed, I suppose right.
Speaker 3:S-U-E-D um, yeah, you see, uh, wally pull out a two-handed long sword from behind the bar.
Speaker 1:Wow, which is like larger than him, because he's a short man and well, I can't, well I can't die, so he's got plot armor.
Speaker 3:He he shouts get out of here, this is a family restaurant he does like a groundskeeper, like rips his shirt off yeah tattoo of a skull with wings.
Speaker 1:It's uh, as you see, on his shoulder freebooting the number four and then L-Y-O.
Speaker 3:Uh, weldar, I mean um the hammer. He. He is unable to attack you guys. He's just kind of like wading through people who are like shoving food in his face and like selling his armor he's been like eight times yeah, so on the next round you guys will have George, you'll have a plus two bonus if you want to run do?
Speaker 1:I do want to run. Uh, I guess I have to do the. I'll be the one who does it. Um, plus this will be plus one totes. Uh, it's a critical run. Yes, when I, when I say my, countrymen.
Speaker 2:I thank you and I leave.
Speaker 1:Get the heck out of there. Yeah, you guys bolt out. Grab Welder by the hand and leave him out. See you later, Galen.
Speaker 3:The last thing you see is the hammer just covered in pie and whipped cream.
Speaker 1:That guy hates us so much, so much, I feel like for every time that he kicks our asses or our butts we should humiliate him Okay. Hop on the back of FB. Every time we hit a bump in the road, all of us like let out a collective fart. It's a horrible roll to see if it's wet wow yeah, it is, can I? Just can I just automatically fail, so that's true.
Speaker 2:It's so gross.
Speaker 1:I use a 10. It's great. It's the funniest role, but I got a role for Weldar too. Let me see. Oh God, that was for me. This is Weldar. That's a one. He is at his lowest. He knows he can never go back to the felmog now. Yeah, he's genuinely excommunicado, so he's gonna be despondent. For the rest, for, like the next requests, yeah, we got to get him armor that's like white in color or something like to symbolize well that was not with his wet farts but he says he's a hanged man.
Speaker 3:Now I don't know if you heard what the hammer said.
Speaker 1:I thought you already knew that. Yeah, it's like tarot decks.
Speaker 3:It means that I'm of the order of the hanged man Excommunicated from Felmong.
Speaker 1:So you're like banished, with all dishonor.
Speaker 3:Exactly.
Speaker 1:Oh man you don't get to pension.
Speaker 3:Whatever you guys were experiencing with that Halnar feud, this is a hundred times worse.
Speaker 1:Gosh, we're sorry, weldar. We got your back, though Stick with us, we'll see you through. We got your back, though Stick with us, we'll see you through. We gotta do what's right for the Mucklins.
Speaker 3:By order of Felmog, I have to wear the tabard of the Hankman. That sounds cool, but why would I do that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, why would you do that? If you're Like, why would you still follow those instructions?
Speaker 3:I guess if I really cared about the ways of the Felmog. Well, do you really care? I don't know that I do.
Speaker 1:How does that feel? How does it feel to say those words? I toss him a Wally's Waffles and Works t-shirt that I napped on the way out, he like puts it, stretches it over his armor. I'll use every power I have to make that true.
Speaker 2:Face. Wow, this is really soft, yeah, face wow this is really soft yeah what is this tri-blend?
Speaker 1:it's 100% puma cotton blinks.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean blinks, it's true. It's true.
Speaker 1:You actually use nine alveolates to make it happen yeah, I'm tapped out, george, it's up to you, oh, to make. Yeah, no, here, let's do it, that's right. Yeah, yeah, um, so I guess, what should be? We gotta, obviously we're running away, but what should? Should be, obviously we're running away, but what should be? What direction should we go? George, the crake, the crake Maybe Want to zigzag? Just Fort Bulwark, I don't? I mean, are we like imminently in danger, or are we just making travel checks?
Speaker 3:I mean, are we like imminently in danger, or are we just making travel?
Speaker 1:checks.
Speaker 3:Uh, I mean you're kind of in danger. The hammer is not going to be waylaid by those people for long, you know you've been using hot seven day food fight.
Speaker 1:It's like they just keep throwing banana cream pies and he keeps slipping and he can't get up.
Speaker 3:So what what?
Speaker 1:is the plan for traveling. I mean, I guess we could go to Fort Bulwark, I don't know, maybe just straight there. The faster we can get to see, the faster we can. That's kind of what I'm thinking. Yeah, let's do that. We'll go straight to Scalawag Strand and reconnect with Noggin who has? Hopefully completed the building of the ship. Since we've been gone, we get there as just a pile of lumber.
Speaker 3:I'm glad you're back Now we can get started. What I traded the ship for a paperclip.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that sounds about right With 100%. It's got more money than anybody is saying. And he's like look, and he bends it. It's a lockpick. It's a paperclip, I traded it for it. It's a lockpick.
Speaker 3:All right, make a travel check.
Speaker 1:Go for it, george. I believe in you. I believe in the power of love. Nice Power of love, that's 11.
Speaker 3:All right, we can move to Hexos.
Speaker 1:Dos Hexos Just go into SPL HQ and, like Wazinski, so it's an uneventful journey and Riley I'm so concerned we're going to run into another werewolf, because I imagine that werewolf was not Leslo, the one that was around SPL Chasing us from Krogland True Oof, that's a six. I mean, it could be worse.
Speaker 3:It's a bump in the road.
Speaker 1:It's not a bump in the road.
Speaker 3:So roll, a d6 and whatnot.
Speaker 1:One Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum dum. I believe, that's getting lost. Yeah, we might still go the right direction.
Speaker 3:You're only moving one hex.
Speaker 1:Hmm, a Jonah hex, if you will.
Speaker 3:Yeah, a Jonah hex. One, two, three, four, five. This way it could be worse.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Okay, you don't get far that day, kind of get turned around and everything's so flat, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's no frame of reference for anything, it just stumps as far as the eyes can see. There's no landmarks at all because SP spl is literally just like a mound with a door. Is is very much so, uh, camp for the night. Yeah, I know, should I push through? Yeah, I think maybe we should push through. What do?
Speaker 2:you think, let's push through? I yeah.
Speaker 1:I think maybe we should push through. What do you think let's push through? I'm down, I say everybody tuck in, going to be traveling all night. I'll make another travel check.
Speaker 3:That's a disadvantage at night.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm. Son of Redondo. Wow Ooh, where were those rolls when I was doing the hot haunch challenge? You know that would have done it, cause I would have an 11 plus one quest point. I could have done it.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's possible.
Speaker 3:It's possible, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I feel so good that night as we're traveling. I say, man, I really feel like I could take that hot haunch challenge this moment in time. So we move one, two, I make it to the edge of the crack.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I say hot haunch and you just hear a sad like wet fart from Welder. Are you guys? Do you have?
Speaker 1:food? Oh yeah, we always have food. Well, somehow we have not expended my last. Oh no, we just have the one, nacadonkey.
Speaker 3:Well, I guess you guys kind of ate a bunch.
Speaker 1:We did eat a bunch, but we have to see if the lizard eats it. Yeah, check the lizard first. I mean, it's just we haven't made that check in a while.
Speaker 2:Claudia.
Speaker 3:Crack.
Speaker 1:No, weldar picks up the chicken lizard by the scruff of the I don't know lizard, I guess, and he says take that out of your mouth. And he pulls the rest of the Naked Donkey out. He says your creature is gummed Nakedadonkey.
Speaker 2:Sorry, I didn't really just need to taste.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it just needs some flavoring in its life.
Speaker 3:I'm not eating it.
Speaker 1:It's disgusting. It's fine, I wipe it off and put it back in the bag.
Speaker 3:So you guys are tired as you travel through the night. Are you going to stop here or are you going to keep pushing?
Speaker 1:I think we should stop in the crack yeah, are we considered in the crack ben or do we have to make another? I think we have to go one more. We're like at the edge of the crack. Well, you're technically in the crack.
Speaker 3:You're just not near sven you're more you're more towards chara oh, uh, I ask.
Speaker 1:Uh, well, do I say hey, you ever uh wanted to meet a chicken?
Speaker 3:no, can't say have sounds awful, she's not so bad all right then.
Speaker 1:Good talk, good talk. Hey, chara, we're hoping to use your guest room, we should you want to. You want to push through one more check to get to the the the bridge area? Yeah, go for it, disadvantage. Is it still nighttime or is it just like one check at night?
Speaker 1:you've ridden through the, through the four night uh so yeah, um, yeah I forgot the morning, so I'm going to make um, the crack, uh, with sven, our home, and hearth. Amazing, um he's, he's actually built quite the encampment into the sheer cliff face itself. Yeah, I'm going to say that the crack is home for now.
Speaker 2:We set our hearthstones.
Speaker 1:Wow, so we can eat and shelter here. I love it. We pull in just in time to hear Sven's morning yodel. How does that sound?
Speaker 3:Well, you'll have to make another check to get there.
Speaker 1:I think it was Riley's turn. Another dispatch, no, no, it's morning now, though, so we're just at a minus one for being exhausted. Oh 13, check you out, check you with the minus one. Whoa amazing, amazing. How about them apples?
Speaker 3:You know, yeah, you make it to Sven Completely exhausted.
Speaker 2:Hey.
Speaker 1:Sven, we could use some R&R man Like Riley. Just face plants and collapses. We've got some nasty folks on our tail. We were hoping we could hunker down here and avoid them.
Speaker 3:Oh, hey guys, you look terrible, but come on in. Things are going great at the crack, as you can see.
Speaker 1:It's hopping. It's like a metropolitan crack center.
Speaker 3:It's a crack factory, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a crack den.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 3:Welcome to the crack den. This is the new inn that we built. Oh, this looks great. How's the food? It's very addictive.
Speaker 1:Wow, what do you guys put in it? It's like Doritos. Yeah, wow, they put Doritos dust on everything.
Speaker 3:Some call it crack dust.
Speaker 1:Crack dust, it's bright orange and it goes on all of our tortilla chips. God, I'm going to eat and immediately after I eat I'm going to fall asleep in my soup, and the only way that I don't drown is because Gantland shoves me aside. Yeah, I just kind of hold her up and let her breathe a couple times, like let her back down for a few bubbles pop up and hold her back up again. I sleepily eat the rest of the stew, yeah. So what are the benefits?
Speaker 3:of hearth and home.
Speaker 1:So the benefits are the party can eat and shelter here and nightly we can recover 2d6 courage. We can also keep important items here without any fear of them being stolen, and I get advantage on all tinker checks here. So I could repair the flying machine. Wow, that'd be amazing. Or attempt to repair the flying machine yeah, I want to try to procure armor. Die for Weldar, I could buff it out, make him shiny. Let's make him Weldar the white. Let's like make him.
Speaker 3:Weldar the white.
Speaker 1:Give him white armor, you know what I mean. You know what I mean. Let's do it. I don't have an ability, but I would be willing to like pay or make a streetwise check because that's a thing. I can tinker things, but I'm no alchemist. Yeah, maybe sven can help me procure it from like local Yaljackeries. The local Yaljackeries Procure what White armor dye for Wildar's armor. He wants Wildar to be reborn as.
Speaker 1:Wildar the White. He might not be on board for this idea, but I'm just going to do it. And he'll wake up and see his armor. He sleeps in his armor and then, and he'll wake up and see his armor. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And he sleeps in his armory and he's he's wearing the Wally shirt.
Speaker 1:No pants like heart boxers.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he's wearing heart boxers Like an Acme cartoon. Um, I don't know how that process would work, you know. I don't know that process would work, you know.
Speaker 1:I don't know. It's just like in Diablo you right click it and then yeah, yeah, I wonder if it would have to be. Is Felmarg armor magical? Is that like kind of it's deal?
Speaker 3:no, he doesn't have magical armor. Weldar doesn't, I'm sure other Felmog knights do, or Frix the Cruel does. For sure, and that's why I stole it. There is an herb called White Flame. I'm just going to say that that's that will provide El flamablanca.
Speaker 1:Wow, I love it. Do you have it?
Speaker 3:No, well then come out for your high horse. You ain't dying. No, I'm a white.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I ain't doing it. I'll tell Will there about it in the morning. I'll see what he thinks about it instead of just unilaterally making the decision to die as armor for him. I like the idea of him surprised by it. I'll stay up all day looking for it.
Speaker 3:You want to talk to the Yelljacks?
Speaker 1:I always want to talk to them and box with them.
Speaker 3:Make a charm check, and what are you saying to them?
Speaker 1:Make an intimidate check instead. No, I, I say friends, friends Fellow pugilists. We shadowbox little. I say how have you been? I've not seen you in some time. Who is the new champion?
Speaker 3:That would be Brodix.
Speaker 1:Good, good, good good. It is good that the pugilist ring is still alive and thriving, brodux you've got a new challenger. No, no, not what I meant. I just wanted to pay an homage to him.
Speaker 3:You see a really swole Yaljak step out of a yurt. I say wow.
Speaker 1:A Hulk Hogan mustache. He calls everyone brother.
Speaker 3:Hey brother, he looks like Bolo Young, like his chest.
Speaker 1:Wow, he just like flexes his pecs a little bit, he doesn't say anything, and then he starts going.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, yeah, he doesn't say anything.
Speaker 1:And then he starts going here, here, here, I love it. I say I'm looking for an herb, I'm looking for white flame.
Speaker 3:Do you have any herb traders perhaps amongst your ranks? You've asked the wrong yellow jack. He punches me make a charm check but not guide your.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's. Uh, it's gonna be good enough. I'll make sure that I actually replied the right bonus, because there's been a lot of plus one and always minus two and additional minus one. Oh, so it's plus one minus what's my I? I, I have weird rules for my charm. Uh, so I'm actually. It's an eight. I'm going to use a quest point and make it a nine. You don't you're not cursed anymore, though I just have the.
Speaker 1:Was that the stuff? Yeah, no, that's the scars. It would be. The disadvantage was the curse of the smelliness.
Speaker 3:Oh, bear stuff. What is the scar?
Speaker 1:stop struggling. Um sorry Bears on my desk the scar I've just. I think I got horribly disfigured. So I'm plus three to intimidate. Oh, that's right, minus two and an additional minus one to charm. But what is? It was like a what is your?
Speaker 3:natural charm. What is your?
Speaker 1:actual skill. My natural charm is plus one. I once was a charming man.
Speaker 3:I don't think it would be minus three. I think it was minus two.
Speaker 1:I wonder if the additional minus one was temporary and it was from the mutations? Maybe, possibly. Oh, the perpetual farts. No, no, no, no, no. I wonder if the additional minus one was temporary and it was from, like, the mutations? Maybe, possibly, oh, the perpetual farts. No, no, no, no, no. The ridges on my face and all the other stuff.
Speaker 3:Oh yes, that was temporary, yeah but I think the minus two was like because I died and got wounded Right.
Speaker 1:So I don't think you should have minus three though. Yeah, so then, minus two or so, my total of total of minus one yeah, so it's uh still an eight, it's a nine and I use it yes, all, right, now, it's an eight.
Speaker 3:No, it's an eight. Yeah, no, I'm like I no I did.
Speaker 1:I'm like I did do my math right. I know I did my math right confusion yeah, here, here, here. This will. This will settle everything. How you doing there, buddy?
Speaker 3:hey, struggle is real the struggle is real, so you go back down I don't know what I named this broad x products. I don't forget what product, but he looks like he's gonna wind up for a punch and punch you in the face, but then he goes look over there yeah it's like the riley's like I didn't.
Speaker 1:I didn't flinch, though, and a couple of y'all jacks notice and they nod. That is good, it is good.
Speaker 3:So he's pointing to a witch or like a you know, a shaman. Y'all jack, who's sitting, uh, peacefully.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, he's got like flowers in his hair. Uh, I I sorry. I go over to the shaman and I say ah, honorable shaman, seek a seek an herb, white flame herb. Perhaps you've heard of it.
Speaker 3:I have heard of it. Perhaps I have some.
Speaker 1:Perhaps I would offer some ash blossom in exchange for it.
Speaker 3:Hmm, If you can find it in my stores, you can have it for it. Hmm, if you can find it in my stores, you can have it for trade. Amazing, he just has a big trunk, like several trunks, full of dried herbs. You'll have to make a search check to find it.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna make a search check to find it. I'm gonna make a search check, making a search check. I've used up a lot of good rolls, though I mean this is it's only a matter of time before Bernard abandons my rolls. Bernard, my search is minus one.
Speaker 3:You abandoned us long ago. There it is.
Speaker 1:There, it is, there, it is, yep, yep. I say is this, it Is this, it None of it is. Nope, he's sitting on it and he won't tell me about it.
Speaker 3:You cannot find it there, then you must go out into the wilds.
Speaker 1:Oh, dear, I do it. I go into the wilds exhausted.
Speaker 3:It lies in the used-to-be forest.
Speaker 2:We are in the used-to-be forest.
Speaker 3:Precisely.
Speaker 1:I will not sleep today and I will go out and look for this because I feel like it's important. I bow and I say namaste and I walk away. Wow, wow. I'm going to wish him good luck. I'm fired. I'm fired from this. I'm going to actually, Galen, I'd love to go with you. You know what? No, I'll go with you. No, I'm fired from this. I'm going to. Actually, I'm like Galen, I, you know I'm, I'd love to go with you. I'm, I'm, you know what? No, I'll go with you I'll go.
Speaker 3:No, I don't know. I'm going to say there's like a limit. Follow your dreams.
Speaker 1:How far you can push yourself the village and just false face, flat and snores.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean though.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, I totally respect it. It's a limit to our lum. Yeah, so I think Galen is pretty exhausted. He'll fall asleep. I feel like we'd be pretty safe in the crack for the time being. Yeah, it's home and hearth. We should be. We're safe, yeah.
Speaker 3:Should be, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1:Just, we wake up to like a city burning in the sand.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:The bridge utterly destroyed. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Kill everyone. When I wake up in the morning, I don't know how long do we sleep when I wake up in the morning yes, sunlight hits your eyes. I, uh, I'll go over to Sven and I'll I'll watch him. Yodel, I'll politely clap and I'll share a cup of morning tea with him.
Speaker 2:Beautiful, beautiful.
Speaker 1:Beautiful, I say Sven, look, you've done an amazing job with the place he's wearing, actually like regalia now. It's kind of like one of those um chains of order around his neck. It's cause he's like the regent of the crack or whatever.
Speaker 3:They're all. They're all wearing bait, wearing the equivalent of like bowling shirts.
Speaker 1:Like, like. It says like stew. It says Sven yeah, it's in like wonderful cursive. It's got like yellow and red stripes on it. Yeah, yeah it's amazing, I say uh, everyone who's an employee has the same uh colored shirt.
Speaker 3:Huh well, you know, I wanted to give a professional vibe, you know I mean like this place is a well-oiled machine. It is it is.
Speaker 1:It is a well-oiled machine.
Speaker 3:It is.
Speaker 2:It is a well-oiled machine.
Speaker 1:You've done quite a thing here. It's amazing how one random encounter can become one of the core NPC elements and locations in the land.
Speaker 3:Yeah, never thought of it that way. But Look, I get the sense you guys are running from something. You guys, uh look pretty haggard coming in. You got that strange uh pale looking fellow.
Speaker 1:yeah, he just needs to get out more you know, yeah, that, and he was real sick. But uh, you know, we just we needed know we're on the run from between you and me. We're on the run from a nasty film lock guy that isn't a fan.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you want me to smash him in the head, comes this way Um we do right.
Speaker 1:I say, sven, you've done so much for us.
Speaker 3:I would hate to risk we do right, love, that I say, sven, you've done so much for us.
Speaker 1:I would hate to risk our enterprise at the crack. We don't want to get you in trouble.
Speaker 3:Oh, my hand is real big.
Speaker 1:It hurts. His hand is as big as both of us combined. I mean I can just he's gone. Yeah he's like you know, just pick him up, throw him down the crack, he's gone, not a problem anymore.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't like to do it exactly. I like to be a nice guy, but every now and then.
Speaker 1:I tell you what maybe whenever we come hang out here, you watch out for that guy and make sure we can get a good night's sleep, and if he starts some trouble, feel free to clock him.
Speaker 3:Will do, will do.
Speaker 1:I'm going to go to sleep Like rest. I'm going to leave the flying machine here Because I actually don't have any. I only have four materials.
Speaker 3:I don't think that's it, I think.
Speaker 1:I got materials last time. I have the materials and we used them to create the skiff to move the flying machine. I thought I got some from the Silver Quest.
Speaker 3:To repair this flying machine is going to require considerable materials.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I assume. So I figured, instead of dragging it around, we could leave it here, because it will be safe. What if we just hunker down and repair the flying machine In case the ship is not ship-shaped we?
Speaker 3:could do that. You will have to give up FB to fly, whereas she could go on a ship.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she can definitely just follow us in the ground.
Speaker 3:Cross the water.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, she floats. We've established this.
Speaker 3:I mean, it would be a very useful vehicle to have like on the ship. You know, that would be pretty cool. Yeah, I think. I'm going to say roll like 5D10, and that's how many materials you need.
Speaker 1:He's going to roll all ones. We're going to repair it right now. Do it, do it. You want me to roll it? Yeah 5d10. 5d10? Look, it's ones, it's all ones. Are you rolling it? No, no, you should roll it 5d10. I like mine real better. Yeah, it's not. A couple of those are good, that's about average it really is.
Speaker 1:Make a note of that, all right. Okay, you know what? I feel kind of bad that we kind of ruined Weldar's dreams and his life, but I get the sense that maybe it wasn't the life he wanted. I think he did just was born into yeah, exactly right, I mean it's.
Speaker 1:He didn't know any better. He didn't know he could want other things. He didn't know he could have, yeah, a life outside of that. He's going through the five stages. Right now he's he's in denial, going through the five stages. Right now he's he's in denial. Um, galen turns to riley and he's like oh, I thought he was in the crack. Uh, sven laughs because he's, he's my kind of guy. Riley is like a sleep on a park bench overlooking yeah, like a dip in the crack. Um, yeah, ben, so how long will we spend here?
Speaker 3:just to like recover from our overnight excursion, I'm going to move us into the crack proper I think just you know, spending the night would be sufficient to be rested, but you could spend longer if you wanted no, I think it's good.
Speaker 1:I still want to make like the search check at some point to find it's very, very yanni today, uh, to find the um white flame for weldar's armor cool um, cool, could do that on the way, because you'll still be in the used to be forest yeah. Well, why don't we hunt for that material while we travel to, uh, um, uh? Yeah, I was gonna say hornswoggle, but we're going to mucklin harbor first to get the ship got a little bit of a ways to go.
Speaker 3:Look at this. Certainly do should we go?
Speaker 1:should we stop by? Uh, certainly do. Should we go? Should we stop by? Uh, the orch the orch. I feel like Orchmeyer or Orchstuy would take us pretty far out of the way. That's true. True, be close to Sklunch. Missed that guy hellberry berryton yeah a feudal tyrant now yeah he's the, he's the shadow ruler of the orches my lord, I believe this is folly.
Speaker 1:Here's what you should do it's like kurtz and heart of good. Yeah, um, I will. Maybe we should just head. We can go to Bogwatch. I suppose we don't have to stop there. We've never been to Camp Mudbank, though, have we?
Speaker 2:I don't recall have we been to Camp Mudbank.
Speaker 1:I think we might have. I think we went there when we were. We were escaping at this way.
Speaker 3:Oh sorry, sneezes nice mute, yeah, I know it was a good, good quality right there um sinkhole.
Speaker 1:I thought we went like did something sinkhole that took us to my bank, but I don't. I actually don't remember that is possible. I know that 2220 is a boiling dark water lake. I have that noted. We've been near there before. That's rough Pirates of Dark Water, wow. Well, either way, let's get this traveling on the road. We'll just head south. I'm going to see what we get. That was terrible. I used my last quest point, just kind of bumped it up to a 6 at least. Otherwise a 5 is what now it is a failure with a plus.
Speaker 1:Oh, failure with a plus oh sorry, it's a dangerous encounter yeah, I'm like, okay, if it's a failure with a plus, I'll take it. So dangerous encounter I think I'd rather bump it up to. If it's a failure with a plus, I'll take it. No, yeah, so dangerous encounter, I think I'd rather pump it up to a bump in the road. So let me roll a d6. Pump it up, pump, pump, pump, pump it up. That's a quattro cinco.
Speaker 3:Quattro, that is bad weather.
Speaker 1:Ooh, it's inclement as we exit the crack. Who would have thought of it snow this time of year.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I hate when we get snow on the crack.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you got like icy tundra going on.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:It's totally unexpected, we're all underprepared and freezing.
Speaker 1:Yep, yeah, so move your piece and you have disadvantage on this next check. All right, so I move, we move. Two, though, still right, or is just one all right? Rolling, do we? Whoa whoa? You could have also eaten the hot haunches I could have. That's what I'm talking about. I would be immortal. Now all I want to do is go back and just roll until we get on that wall. Yeah, that's a solid 13.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's pretty great. Roll a d100. D100.
Speaker 1:Fly back. I'm out. Let's see 45. 45.
Speaker 3:You meet a goblin who is dwelling in a small hut that's completely enveloped in a large bird cage like.
Speaker 1:So you see this little hut and there's like a big cage around it huh, I mean, it's like is he free to enter and exit, or does the bird cage keep him in?
Speaker 3:well, you see birds in it.
Speaker 1:They're like oh so he lives in an aviary pigeons uh ahoy, there pigeons are as big as him.
Speaker 3:They're the size of cats you see, the ground is just covered in bird poop and this person who comes out of the hut is actually just like Radagast.
Speaker 1:He's covered with bird poop and his beard and his nest hair. You should put down some newspaper, maybe. What now?
Speaker 3:How are?
Speaker 1:you, I'm Chelsea. Hi Chelsea. I'm Riley. That's Galen.
Speaker 3:We're just passing through what's have you come to send a message.
Speaker 1:Oh. No we haven't, but do we have any messages we want to send?
Speaker 2:Maybe to Noggin yeah prepare to sail.
Speaker 1:We're on our way. Yes, actually we would love to send a message.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:To Ancient Coins please.
Speaker 3:You can send a message just about anywhere in the Mucklins and my pigeons will do the trick.
Speaker 1:How much is it to send a message? I've just thought of a second message I'd love to send.
Speaker 3:Well for you, you know, I'm just training these fellas, so copper coins. I start writing down, dear you, you know, I'm just training these fellas, so copper coins.
Speaker 1:I start writing down dear hammer, you suck I was about to say how do you spell neener, neener, neener, that we could send to the hammer.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 1:Great minds, great minds. One to the hammer, one to the noggin. Yeah, perfect, I'll pay for it now, where are these messages heading? Oh lord, I spend two copper pouches, oh no it's worth it no it's worth it. It's worth it. We have one more copper pouch left well, now we got to get that treasure because we need to eat. Yeah, oh no, we have a silver pouch and then some gold coins and ancient coins.
Speaker 3:Still, we're okay oh okay, I thought copper was all we had. Ancient coins will last us a while yeah.
Speaker 1:We're never going to spend it. We are wealthy.
Speaker 3:Riley had no idea.
Speaker 1:Wait, we have money, don't worry about it. Don't worry, wait a minute, galen. We've been sharing a hot dog for like two weeks, all right, all right. We have very different definitions of having money. I mean, you know, whenever we have money, you tend to go gambling. I don't know that that's really the case. I mean, I would like to have like a bowl of noodles. Zona. Read it back. She has gambled away so much money.
Speaker 3:Sven actually was asking Galen, who just rebuffed him numerous times because he wanted to play Huzzah Riley didn't hear about it.
Speaker 1:I can't hear about it. I've got the itch, got the Huzzah itch.
Speaker 3:Chelsea says where are you sending this?
Speaker 1:uh, mucklin, harbor mucklin harbor to a fella named old noggin actually that's not his name, I just only remember old noggin lumbly pendergoose.
Speaker 3:That's the guy and uh, where is he located in town? Uh?
Speaker 1:I guess he'd be on the docks, god yeah I think he's on. He's building a ship and second message.
Speaker 3:Second message is to one uh gentleman hammer. Where's this person located?
Speaker 1:Probably about a hex behind us.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Imminently pursuing us, running at full speed on a warhorse with a posse of mercenaries. Do we want to do something other than just a straight up? Like you'll never catch us. Message like be like if you're real, felmagnite. Like you'll never catch us. Message like be like if you're. If you're real, fell muck night, you'll meet us here I was thinking something along those lines. Yeah, I knew and we won't show up. Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you want to uh you know, the only problem is my pigeons. I mean, they're trying to go to certain locations in the Mucklins. Uh, I could leave a message if he comes this way.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay, yeah, yeah. Um. I guess uh message says if you uh to prove you're not a coward, what do you think? Go on Insult his manhood. Meet us at Krogland One fortnight from now, from now At high noon, and we'll hash out our differences. With the sword Signed Thunderblade Phoenix Turk, phoenix Turk, yeah, and Phoenix Turk sign Thunderplate. Phoenix, dark and Phoenix Dark. This is not enough for him.
Speaker 3:It's just in the corner is this some kind of LARPing situation you guys are up to yeah, do you do LARPing? My son LARPs he's. He lives in Bogtown oh they got like this LARPing league out there.
Speaker 1:LARPing league. She has a warehouse flat with about 12 other people.
Speaker 3:Yeah just these kids, they're just aimless. You know these days. You know what I mean. I try to bring them on board. Just these kids, they're just aimless these days. You know what I mean. I tried to bring them on board my pigeon messenger business here and he just won't have it. He just wants to play his games, his LARPing games. He's reading comics, he's going to comic conventions at Beezleber.
Speaker 1:Berf, there's nothing wrong with any of those things. I say you know, reach out to your son, you know, send him. And I gave her one of the rickety stitch pens. I say, wow, send him one of these, you know, and tell him you still love him and think of him. I think he'll appreciate that this carries a lot of street cred in certain circles and then he can sign up him and think of him. I think he'll appreciate that this carries a lot of street cred in certain circles and then he can sign up at landabeamcom for more.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Tell him, if he wants to LARP with a new rule set he can go to drivethroughrpgcom and find the Landabeam beta bundle for free. Join our Discord.
Speaker 3:She's writing all this down in text for a messenger pigeon.
Speaker 1:Yeah actually a bunch of uh uh larpers may come in handy. He said he's located in uh bogtown. I'm sorry you mean cannon fodder like they're just battlefield no because they're actors we could like fake it we could fake.
Speaker 3:Oh, they're not acting, they're very, it's very, and die.
Speaker 1:No, because they're actors. We could like fake it, we could fake it.
Speaker 3:Oh, they're not acting. They're very scary. It's very real. It's very real to them Even better.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's not a lie, they're all addicted to fizzy whiz.
Speaker 3:It's a mess.
Speaker 1:I say, riley, you've seen how these guys fight. They just throw pebbles at each other other, yelling lightning bolt. What's that gonna do against? The hammer those are spells, george galen, those are spells yeah, yeah, yeah. I just you know galen doesn't feel good about the idea that these people are just gonna die and feel the battle, but it's kind of hilarious riley holds the pouch of marbles her own spells, that she used to larp with like dear to her heart.
Speaker 1:I turn my back and I feel like a plink off the back of my armor as Riley mumbles like Magic Missile. I like it.
Speaker 2:I like it a lot I like it too.
Speaker 1:What's going on? What are we doing? Let's see. We left a message for to derail the hammer we left a message to derail the hammer to meet us in a fortnight at Krogland, which we will not attend.
Speaker 3:Sent a message to.
Speaker 1:Noggin to prepare the ship. It's a very, very small chance that that works. We'll take that risk.
Speaker 3:You can do two more hexes for the day.
Speaker 1:Nice One. Two we're inside the Orchmire. It's horrible. Farts everywhere. Weldar drinks the water. We let him. Farts everywhere. Oh, don't drink that water, weldar. No water, we let him. Oh, don't drink that water, weldar. No, let him learn, let him learn he's sick this entire trip he'll toughen him up. Yeah, little Giardia never hurt anyone.
Speaker 3:Oh my gosh so do you guys want to push it to Mucklin Harbor today, or do you want to, you know, wrap it up?
Speaker 1:or I say we push it to Mucklin Harbor and that'd be a good place to wrap it up if we make it, it's a journey day. We're going to get some XP from traveling on these hexes. You know what I'm saying. It is nightfall, we've moved four hexeses. Yeah, we're going to camp at the edge of the Orchmire. Hexeses, we're lulled to sleep by the gentle burbling of the mire itself and myrgatotes. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Sweet saccharine fart smell.
Speaker 1:Yeah, since we're still at the edge of the used to be forest, can I make one last search? Check for that? White fire, white yeah, white flame yeah go ahead, I'm a blogger. I was just shaving. I gather unwanted attention. I think Let me go back to the thing. Yeah, I definitely don't. I think Let me go back to the thing. I definitely don't get to choose.
Speaker 2:Find a random herb.
Speaker 1:Yeah, come on, come on, come on, come on. I have to open up that chart. Dude, I think you get it. What Is it? A pick one, or does it happen to be 11?
Speaker 3:According to the master document. Okay, which is all.
Speaker 1:Oh, there it is.
Speaker 3:It is. Yeah, white flame, this is 11. What that's White Flame? This is 11.
Speaker 1:What? That's? The front door. That's amazing. I mean it was worth the unwanted attention. I say well, dar, I got a surprise for you. You'll see it in the morning. It's not going to go well. I love the idea you desecrated my family's armor yeah, we've had it for generations. You can always get another thing to die back.
Speaker 3:It's fine, um I feel like two is bad it is bad yeah, why don't you make a? I feel like two is bad, it is bad, yeah, yeah. Why don't you make a trickery check? Riley Helmet does not apply, but just the how your note oh, okay goes off the answer to your question is without a hitch.
Speaker 1:uh, so should I roll I? Yeah, yeah, you can roll Nine.
Speaker 3:Goes off without a hitch.
Speaker 1:I'll take it XO, XO.
Speaker 3:The thing you encounter right now is not the hammer.
Speaker 1:I'll take that. That's totally worth it. That's totally worth it. It is instead the Scrockwing Looking for a tag. Oh no, We've rolled 96 before, I think to be clear. Right, yes, it was 97. Oh okay okay, okay, I use a quest point to bump it to 97. For comedic reasons. Yeah it's worth it, it's's worth it.
Speaker 3:You don't have as you guys are at camp um, a sort of regal looking fellow um, and you've actually encountered a vampire before, so you immediately recognize this creature as a vampire. I agree, oh gosh but Weldar doesn't know.
Speaker 1:We've never encountered him we don't tell him we're all like pulling our armor up around our necks. You know like, hey, how's it going, buddy?
Speaker 3:he seems very interested in what you're doing.
Speaker 1:What like eating.
Speaker 3:Just his expression and his body language as he comes over to you.
Speaker 1:Like curiously observing us.
Speaker 3:Hello.
Speaker 1:I say hey, I say hail, fellow traveler, come sit down by the fire and join us. Warm yourself. Yes, I'll stand right here oh, we should never have invited him into our circle. Is that a thing? Dang it, I forgot what is it you're? Eating garlic naan yes I like open my mouth and I've put two garlic cloves like fangs and I go is that a joke? No, I don't do that. Big boy rules, big boy rules, it was a joke. No, I don't do that. Big boy rules, it was a joke.
Speaker 3:I don't appreciate those type of jokes.
Speaker 1:You aren't from Castle Clangweir, by any chance, are you?
Speaker 3:No no.
Speaker 1:Ah, I heard rumors of your people over there.
Speaker 3:I'm from the far north.
Speaker 1:How far north?
Speaker 3:How far north?
Speaker 1:Past Scrockwing Mountain Scrocknest Mountain.
Speaker 3:Yeah, your mind is so small.
Speaker 1:Galen like feels his head a little bit Confirming.
Speaker 3:There is far more to see in this land. Well, I'm a log man.
Speaker 1:What hex are you from?
Speaker 2:What hex are you from?
Speaker 3:I am from the realm called Inkvale.
Speaker 1:I am two sandboxes away, at least.
Speaker 3:Perhaps even four or five, depending on how big each individual release ends up being Inkvale.
Speaker 1:We've met some Inkvale spiders, I think.
Speaker 3:Those are inkpot spiders fool. Oh, you're so learned.
Speaker 1:You are fool. Oh, you're so learned. You are, in fact, you're very learned. We'd love to pick your brain.
Speaker 3:I would love to pick your brain.
Speaker 1:But you see, the difference is, you mean that literally.
Speaker 3:I don't, I don't.
Speaker 1:Oh, you don't. Oh, it's a good thing. I ate a lot of garlic, a ton, yeah Lots of garlic.
Speaker 2:All we eat is garlic, garlic for days.
Speaker 1:Garlic. For days I hold up an onion and I take a bite out of it, thinking it's garlic.
Speaker 3:What interests me most is this sleeping man here.
Speaker 2:He's more powerful as a vampire.
Speaker 3:Very tired, is he sick.
Speaker 1:He is very ill.
Speaker 3:He has the look of the northern folk.
Speaker 1:He's actually from River Country. Believe it or not, you may have heard of him the white flame.
Speaker 3:I have not, it's newish. Can I sit down actually?
Speaker 1:yeah, no problem, just like switch on the nimbus hammer. Yeah, it's like a fog machine, but it coalesces at the end of your hammer. It's like lightning rattling around it. Yeah, it's like gently lightning around, no problem. Yeah, it's like gently lightning-ing around, no problem. Uh, certainly I move to sit, like kind of I sit between him and Welder, though, so he can't like immediately like pounce on his neck.
Speaker 3:Perhaps you could tell me what I wish to know. Shoot sport. What are these northern folk doing in these parts?
Speaker 1:You know, they're kind of all over the place. I wish I had some idea. Do you, galen? I don't know? Do you really have no idea? I'm lying out of my teeth? Okay, I was making sure. I say what. No, I say I have, nary, a clue. What do you think? Oh well, I don't think you'll have any issues From us then. I don't like them.
Speaker 3:What do you think? Oh well, I don't think you'll have any issues from us, then I don't like them either. They've overtaken my lands up north.
Speaker 1:I begin dying his armor.
Speaker 3:They've poisoned the minds of my people. Yeah.
Speaker 1:He's a Felmog, to be clear, right Black.
Speaker 3:Handle. We know all about him, and now I see them in their ships in these areas.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the ships are bad news. Real bad news Is that where you're headed To Muckland Harbor to check out the ships, it's where I just came from.
Speaker 3:Oh, I travel these lands doing what I must, are you?
Speaker 2:hungry.
Speaker 3:Hungry no.
Speaker 1:Riley's sweating bullets. No game face at all, my belly is full.
Speaker 3:He smiles and you see, like blood on his teeth.
Speaker 1:I say I respect your lifestyle. You know everyone has to eat. I say, how do you choose your Prey? Is there an ethical moral code to it, or is it simply follow your hunger?
Speaker 3:I'm genuinely curious sure you know, I would like to uh drain the life of someone who deserves it or who does not deserve life.
Speaker 2:But you can't always know.
Speaker 3:Sometimes you're just hungry yeah.
Speaker 1:You're not yourself when you're hungry and he goes on to say sometimes you're just bored and you know how you eat when you're bored, or you're stressed and you're just bored and you know how you eat when you're bored.
Speaker 3:You know it's like, or you're stressed and you're just kind of binge eating.
Speaker 2:Really, I eat all the time yeah.
Speaker 1:We like, as when the morning comes and we look, there's like just strewn bodies up the road from Mucklin Harbor.
Speaker 3:We follow it all the way, like a gazelle, in the center of the camp yeah road from mucklin harbor we follow it all the way in the center of the camp.
Speaker 1:Yeah, toodaloo. Um well, uh, you're. You're welcome to uh spend the night with us, that is, if you're not hungry anymore. I'll, I'll stay up talking with him if, if we're concerned, I can, I would be happy to. Riley gets no sleep. Be at a disadvantage? Yeah, neither of us get sleep, just terrified. I stay up dying his armor, uh, drying welder's armor, and I explain to what's this guy's, what's? What is your name, good wampir?
Speaker 3:Good question.
Speaker 1:You've been known by many names, I'm sure.
Speaker 2:Is it Gary?
Speaker 1:Yeah, nose-for-a-too.
Speaker 3:My name is Norm-for-a-too.
Speaker 1:Norm-for-a-too, not under the late great Norm Macdonald.
Speaker 3:Oh.
Speaker 1:My name will be randomly generated by the NPC generation tool and then vampirified.
Speaker 3:If only I could find it.
Speaker 2:Ah, yes.
Speaker 3:If only I could find it. Ah yes, if only I could find such texts, text, text, text Text. It's great content, right, you guys?
Speaker 1:Yeah, we gotta, let's talk about big events coming up. Everything's crazy. You know what I mean. My name is Marthal. Marthal, of course, short for Martholomew, of course, indeed, I had an aunt named Martholomew. I say that sounds like a northern name yeah, we've already established that I'm from inkvale yeah, sounds like an inkvale name. I knew that until like four minutes ago.
Speaker 2:Galen didn't even know inkvale existed yeah.
Speaker 1:I say well, mothal, I know it seems like you might be on the up and up as much as you can be in terms of the ethics of your hunting, and I appreciate and respect that. I want to tell you about this man here, weldar. Weldar was once a Falmog that you despise so greatly. He's probably done things that you despise as well, but he's forsaken it all. I hope that you believe in second chances, because this man will be reborn as Weldar the White on the morning and hopefully he'll love it. He might not, but he's sworn to help us in our quest to eradicate the uh serpathy threat from our, our lands, a threat that I I often worry may be making its way to inkvale I see have you seen increased serpathy activity up there?
Speaker 3:I can't say that I have, but I haven't been there in many years we also happen to be enemies of the felmog ourselves, sort of, and uh one is sleeping with the enemy, I see no, no, we grew up.
Speaker 1:I look, I look. We grew up with this guy. I look at Riley, we grew up with this guy. He's our pal. I mean, he's made an enemy of the Felmog as well. And you know, now we're headed south to put a wrench in the works, as it were, to those nasty guys. And you know, we're being chased by a giant murderous juggernaut of destruction.
Speaker 1:I say sure you could you could, uh, easily take the hammer. I'm sure. I'm sure If anybody's going to be delicious, it's that guy. What does he look like? He's he's swollen. He's an engorged neck of a man. It's all neck, 90% neck. He's at engorged neck of a man. He's an all neck, 90% neck. He's at least 6'5". Yeah 10%, hammer 90% neck Big hammer. Big hammer and depending on how much time he spent cleaning up after we covered him with pies.
Speaker 1:He is in black armor as the other ones are and he's, you know, probably just a couple of miles behind us. Well, he's probably at Krogland. We sent him there, ah, krogland.
Speaker 3:That's always a good hunting ground.
Speaker 1:We immediately warned him about the cotton candy.
Speaker 3:We immediately warned him about the cotton candy.
Speaker 1:Ah well, perhaps I'll take care of him for you if I come across him. What if he like. What if the hammer becomes a vampire? Hmm, a thrall.
Speaker 3:No, no, Thrall yes, Thrall yes.
Speaker 1:I don't think you want to make him a vampire. Yeah, I in the meta sense. I'm sorry, I wasn't adding the conversation.
Speaker 3:Bad dude.
Speaker 1:Yes, but it would be poetic yes, the enemy is at your beck and call and you use him to dispense your justice against other. Felmog knights it's perfect, it's beautiful, I love it. And Stutherfell Mognites it's perfect, it's beautiful.
Speaker 3:I love it. This has got me very excited. I'll take my leave now. Hold on.
Speaker 1:I'm concerned that we're going to create a monster here. I'm okay with that. It's exciting.
Speaker 3:You have created nothing, he says, just walking. I chase after him, but he's like so.
Speaker 1:He's vanished. It just walking I chase after him, but he's like so he's vanished, like it's just shadows. He's split into 40 paths. You hear him yell Bat and then he's like I'll see you later, bat.
Speaker 3:I'll see you later.
Speaker 1:Oh god, I'm gonna rewatch all of those?
Speaker 3:what?
Speaker 1:we do in the shadows. It's a masterpiece yeah, highly recommend highly recommend Jackie Daytona yeah well, that's not gonna bite us. I mean literally it's not going to. He's not going to bite us, I mean literally it's not going to, he's not going to bite us. True, we both wake up in the morning with like fang marks.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you guys are thralls we're now NPCs rolling characters, oh yeah that's fine, and he's a vampire and he overthrew his master and he's hunting us across the land, of being 10 times as powerful as well, you know what, guys?
Speaker 3:I think I'm gonna end it there today doesn't get any better than that. That's peak entertainment yeah, we had a longer longer uh interaction there than expected, but no worries, were you.
Speaker 1:I'm just curious. Like it was a perilous encounter. Is it like one of those things where, if we no, it was just a wandering creature oh, it's just a wandering creature. I was, I was curious. I'm like well, I wonder if it was just like. Oh, it was just a wandering creature. I was, I was curious. I'm like well, I wonder if it was just like we talked our way out of certain death. But he was just a curious vampire curious.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean the gm could play it different ways, like you, you have the hammers after you, right, yeah? So like I feel like, if they're extenuating circumstances, if you roll a wandering creature, it's probably the thing that's like trying to get you right, but since you've taken care of the hammer for now, um, there's the option to just roll a random creature and then see what its disposition is. Copper well spent half of the dispositions. Half of the dispositions are non-threatening.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. I love that about the sandbox. I know we don't do this enough. Where we dissect how the sandbox works, I'm always curious about what goes into the sausage.
Speaker 3:Land of Eme After Dark is where we discuss the nitty gritty.
Speaker 1:We'll have to ask folks, but would people be interested in us doing a live stream in the not too distant future where we actually use the random tools to generate an adventure, like a one-shot adventure, Just like scratch build one Looks like Evan our Discord is running like we just scratch and build one. Looks like Evan. Our Discord is running Wally's Waffles and Rats this afternoon. I know that's not a random adventure, but speaking of people running adventures, that's exciting.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, that's awesome, that's very cool. But, yeah, maybe, if there's enough, yeah, princess Funnybones on board. I mean, just like I remember when you guys started doing this whole actual play, what, 54 sessions ago, it was more about discussing it and looking at the mechanics and playtesting and kind of talking about them.
Speaker 3:The first episode was literally just like let's kind of just start playing just to showcase things. Then it got out of hand Clearly Right this campaign clearly has become epic.
Speaker 1:but, yeah, I think let's, let's see. We'll ask people on discord and if you're watching and you want to play land of aim, you can totally download the beta rules for free. They're at land of aimcom. Or drive through RPG and make sure that you join our discord, because there's people that are constantly looking for jams and groups and, uh, you should not have much trouble putting together a group, even a small one like ours.
Speaker 3:Um yeah, I think there's a group kind of in the works. If you want to get in on that, yeah, right now there is a group in the works.
Speaker 1:If you want to get in on it. Get in on that right now. There is a group in the works if you want to get in on it. They seem to be super nice and fun and shout out to Gaming Ghost Gals art that she's posting in Discord.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, love it, love it.
Speaker 1:Awesome, we've got several different artists who've been posting, like the past couple of weeks. Yeah, the post your character's channel has been bumping, bumping, thumping and pumping, indeed, indeed, indeed. So, yeah, thanks for joining us, everybody. We'll be back next week. Same time, same channel, and if you want to learn more, go to Land of Beam dot com.
Speaker 3:All right. Thanks, Princess Funny Bone, for hanging out out and, as always, we will see you next time. Farewell.