Land of Eem: Actual Play

We Tried to Join a Noodle Gang and All We Got Was Food Poisoning | Land of Eem Fantasy Actual Play S05 EP04

• Ben Costa, James Parks, George Higgins • Season 5 • Episode 4

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🍜 What starts as a secret bard concert with a speakeasy vibe takes a sharp left turn into Bogtown’s most feared storefront: Nork’s Noodles. In this episode of our Land of Eem Actual Play, the party dives into criminal intrigue, kitchen warfare, and dangerous loyalties in the heart of the Mucklands.

The plan was simple: pull a Yojimbo, infiltrate a gang, and free the streets with clever moves. But behind the counter at Nork’s, things got messy fast. From Bonnie Bad Apple’s loyalty trials to Ronaldo’s blistering kitchen tests, our heroes found themselves neck-deep in a syndicate that runs more like a Yakuza chapter than a noodle shop. Bad clams, a missing ring, and a poisoned dish turn dinner service into a deadly power struggle.

Hooch steps up as royal taster with reckless bravado, Brendo battles for survival in the kitchen, and chaos erupts when the knives come out. With coppers swarming the penthouse, the crew escapes with a map of Nork’s hierarchy and a chilling clue: someone is using food as a weapon, and the rot runs deeper than the broth.

⚔️ If you love whimsical fantasy RPGs, heist-style actual plays, and a mix of humor and high stakes, this episode is packed with everything that makes Land of Eem unforgettable: found-family chaos, criminal intrigue, and roleplay-driven adventure.

👉 Explore more at www.landofeem.com
. Download the FREE Quickstart Guide, or grab the full Land of Eem RPG—created by Ben Costa and James Parks—from Exalted Funeral, your FLGS, or favorite online retailer.

🎧 Don’t forget to follow, rate, and share this podcast with your fellow TTRPG fans. Who do you think poisoned the clams—and how would you flip the gang without burning down Bogtown?

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SPEAKER_11:

Hello, my friends, and welcome. Hi, gentlemen, gentlemen, happy Saturday. This week has flown by. It has. It has flown by. Though I will admit it feels like we played last month to me because so many things happened this week. That's what it feels like to be old. I guess. No, it's not true. None of it.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't share any of these sentiments. Um feels like yesterday we played. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_11:

I I don't.

SPEAKER_10:

Gotta tell you, I really don't.

SPEAKER_11:

I really know it's fine.

SPEAKER_10:

Um, but I'm excited to be here with you this morning playing the Land of Eam RPG.

SPEAKER_04:

What is the Land of Eam?

SPEAKER_00:

I'm glad you asked, Georgie!

SPEAKER_04:

How does this not work?

SPEAKER_10:

The Land of Eam RPG is a brand new RPG. It's the beta RPG for uh a game that uh we're working on that uh is inspired by the Rickety Stitch and Gelatinous Goo graphic novel series.

SPEAKER_02:

As well as all of our other projects that we're working on, such as Dungeoneer Adventures coming.

SPEAKER_11:

May 31st, 22. Dungeoneer Adventures coming from Simon Schuster's Classic Alatin. Simone Schuster. Schuster. Um, you can download Landeam, the beta rules. You can download them at Landeveam.com or uh drive through RPG. And uh if you're looking for a group to play Landeam, check out our Discord. It'll be available in the link at the bottom of this video. Which I will add while we're on the stream.

SPEAKER_02:

All right, uh so you know let's dive back in. You guys are in Bogtown, as is always the case with this new campaign.

SPEAKER_10:

Um Limin's up in Bogtown. I'm digging it.

SPEAKER_02:

Last time you uh took part in a secret underground bard concert. Brendo even performed.

SPEAKER_11:

A beautiful uh song about uh hot dogs. Yeah, you know, tube stakes, tube stake mind blown.

SPEAKER_02:

NACA donkey tube stakes. However, there were uh spies at the show who only wish harm upon Pandora Cider House, uh Smoodle gang to be exact, and uh they kind of just want to bring down the competition by ratting out uh this whole secret barge show thing.

SPEAKER_11:

It's the only place in town that has a secret barge show that we know about, or are they competing secret barge shows?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, you know, you have it baked into your backstory that your mom does that sort of thing.

SPEAKER_11:

But my mom worked at a speakeasy as a singer, a lounge singer, right? Yeah, yeah, it's true. Very new, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything in this campaign is black and white.

SPEAKER_02:

So, like uh, you know, uh uh uh uh uh she's involved with the tricky toe gang.

SPEAKER_11:

Sounds bad when you say it like that. It is bad. It is bad. It's bad.

SPEAKER_10:

The tricky toe gang are nasty blokes.

SPEAKER_11:

Uh I am concerned. Color me concerned, you know.

SPEAKER_02:

Now, George, before we start, I don't think you did your homework. I'm guessing. I probably didn't to change your uh ideal and flaw because you never used them. That's right. Um I did not. I didn't uh You know, this might be a time where you can pursue your personal quest around all these bards. Your mom is a bard. Don't know where she is. You know, I'm not I don't want to tell you how to play the game. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_11:

Um sorry, I I missed the second part about the bard because I was trying to find the flaws list to do my homework right before the teacher asked us to turn it in. Since we're among bards, I think the suggestion was we might be able to pursue your personal quests. Uh I've been pursuing my personal quest. I've been giving myself XP each quest. Because I'm a bard.

SPEAKER_03:

Classic self-jamming George.

SPEAKER_11:

Doing bard things, I mean, you know. Um, yes, we might be able to pursue my personal quest. You're correct.

SPEAKER_08:

Indeed.

SPEAKER_11:

Indubitably. Um yeah, while we get this show on the road, I will hunt down where I have the ideals and flaws. Or is it in is it in our shared the shared daily bob? Has it changed? Or is it still in our free beta bundle rule book, which you can download at drive through rpg.com.

SPEAKER_02:

No, I mean you should have a more updated version. Okay. I don't know, Georgie.

SPEAKER_11:

I don't know. It's fine. We'll deal with it. I'm just gonna do something and say that that is my ideal.

SPEAKER_02:

Wherever you like made your character.

SPEAKER_11:

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02:

Whatever thing you looked at to make your character. I think there's a Google Doc.

SPEAKER_11:

I believe it was a shared screen. Thanks everybody for uh watching us do our administration live on the side. Now that all the red tape's out of the way. Yeah. It's down to playing. It's fine. Uh, we'll do the homework after this session.

SPEAKER_10:

GM is not amused.

SPEAKER_11:

No. GM hates when I don't do my homework.

SPEAKER_10:

What did you play? Oh my gosh, I was just about to say that.

SPEAKER_09:

What?

SPEAKER_10:

It's a it's a reference to something that happened to us in third grade. Oh, wow. That's right. You heard that right. It's a reference to something that happened to us in third grade. There was a teacher and there was a student who didn't do her homework, and the teacher asked, Did you play instead of doing your homework?

SPEAKER_11:

And Ben and I have joked about that forever because it's like scolding a child.

SPEAKER_10:

Yeah, it's scolding a child for playing.

SPEAKER_01:

Did you play instead of doing your homework?

SPEAKER_10:

Uh no, actually, I didn't.

SPEAKER_11:

She she talks to her shrink every Friday about that moment in time. Yeah, buried with us. Third grade knowledge. Hmm. Are there shrinks in Land of Eam? Yeah. Just do some lore building. Totally, I imagine. I love that idea.

unknown:

Of course.

SPEAKER_11:

We're gonna go pose the personal psychologist to uh whoever is the leader of Nork's Noodle Gang. We're gonna inception them. It's gonna be it's gonna be like Tony Soprano. That's how we'll infiltrate. It's uh it's true, all of it.

SPEAKER_02:

Alright, we spent 10 minutes basically uh doing nothing, so let's jump right in to the land of Eam. Now we'll jump right into the Land of Eam.

SPEAKER_11:

Um Kid Cataran is about to stomp the lights out of the uh the fin folk. Was it the finfolk he was carrying out? Yeah. And I believe Hooch tells him to stop. Yeah, I told him to stop um because we can use this guy and potentially infiltrate the gang. Because uh, I imagine like any other gang in uh Bogtown, they're always recruiting. And um we were going to uh not only mess up their plans, but see if we could do a little bit of uh Yojimbo where we get the gangs uh working against each other for the for the benefit of the people. Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna you burn a power really early. I love it. All right. Uh and then before you know it, um Hooch and Brendo are standing in a lineup in front of the uh the drill sergeant for the Norx Noodle gang about to get their first their first initiating like initiation job. Um I'm gonna have to stop Gulf. Okay, all right, all right.

SPEAKER_02:

That's like a that's like a later barred power.

SPEAKER_11:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

You have with with uh Oh, that's like a more of a montagey thing.

SPEAKER_11:

This is more like we're in a specific situation. Okay, all right. And then the guy spilled his no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_02:

But that is something that exists. It's like very exciting. Yeah. Just like teleport the party.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah, you just montage it to something else. All right, cool. No, no, that's fine. So then uh I think we need uh bring this guy somewhere to interview him. I said we can I turn to Cade and I say, Hey Cade, you got somewhere we can uh got somewhere we can interrogate this guy?

SPEAKER_02:

Uh yeah, I know back down into the basement for Pandors. Oh, that works too, I guess.

SPEAKER_11:

I turned to Hooch and say, where were you thinking of? I take a bite out of a burrito. I'm sitting at the bar. Yeah. Um and then the party was in the basement again, and Hooch had a burrito.

SPEAKER_02:

We need to like put burritos in Pandores now. Sorry, sorry, I don't know where that's gonna be coming from.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah, it should be like a cider house chimichonga or something.

SPEAKER_10:

Yeah, wow. Ciderhouse chimichonga.

SPEAKER_11:

They're like they're like sweet savory, they've got cinnamon and apples and like, you know, I don't know, meat. For joles and carnitas. Yeah. Rat meat. Rat meat. Yep, no, everything rat meat. Yeah. So are there rat farms?

unknown:

Probably.

SPEAKER_11:

This is one of my favorite things about yeah. It's one of my favorite things about playing on Saturdays is I get to question the lore.

SPEAKER_10:

In the Land of Eam rats hatch from eggs.

SPEAKER_11:

Right. Yeah, that's how it is in real life. I don't know what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_02:

It's almost a believable lie. Alright, so you got you got the Fin Folk Zill the Gill. Um, he's Zill the Gill.

SPEAKER_09:

Zill the Gill.

SPEAKER_02:

That's he's uh tied up with real rope this time.

SPEAKER_04:

All right, Zill.

SPEAKER_13:

Here's how it's gonna be. We won in the gang. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_08:

I mean I won't be a gang.

SPEAKER_12:

Okay, I heard everything that's going on.

SPEAKER_11:

I punch him. They get a dark side point. Wow. I don't. I French tickle him with my feathers.

SPEAKER_03:

Not this again, please. I say, I'm gonna keep tickling ya.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm gonna keep tickling ya.

SPEAKER_10:

All you gotta do is introduce us to the recruiter. That's it. And we'll let yeah, well, well, that and uh never misses with pennies again a penny again.

SPEAKER_11:

Pandor? Pandor. Penny Pandor Penny Pandor.

SPEAKER_12:

Alright. Fine. Fine.

SPEAKER_06:

Fine. Fine. Fine.

SPEAKER_12:

Alright. Are we done?

SPEAKER_01:

Like what what yeah, no, I keep tickling him. Yeah, we're done. Uh lead leader.

SPEAKER_11:

I don't believe you.

SPEAKER_10:

And uh remember who's got their eyes on you, and I'll I'll point at Cade.

SPEAKER_11:

Cade does he have eyes? His whole head is an eye. He's a beholder. That's why he wears the helmet, so you can't you don't turn a stone. Spread that rumor. No one sees King Catter in space.

SPEAKER_02:

Look, do you want to go now or what? Uh yeah, we'll go now. Or what? That's a good idea. Alright, he leads you out. You guys walk through the town. Um he takes you down to uh the bowl. The bowl. Everybody make a realms check. Oh boy.

SPEAKER_11:

Realms.

SPEAKER_08:

Eight.

SPEAKER_11:

Uh six. I know things, but with a twist.

SPEAKER_05:

It looks safe.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, you guys are being uh cased by some copper hats.

SPEAKER_11:

I'm very tempted to uh call their attention to me and ask if they remember me from my police academy days. Is anyone I recognize, Ben? No. We should have kept those. I know, I know, I know, I know. It's fine. I know that that's not gonna keep working. I just like it, okay.

SPEAKER_02:

That was like an hour.

SPEAKER_11:

No, I mean, but it changed my life. It didn't change theirs too. Uh yeah, so so the copper hats. I knew I should have brought you guys. Why? Why are you gonna turn us into the copper hats?

SPEAKER_13:

It's alright. We'll lose them. Where? Um there.

SPEAKER_11:

And I point to a hole. That's a garbage can. I I get out of the garbage can. Um we'll lose them. Uh what would it be nuts if I just started running? Like if I bolt. It would be. You have hide in plain sight. I mean, you could I would disappear.

SPEAKER_10:

I know. That's what I was thinking. I could disappear, and they wouldn't.

SPEAKER_11:

I start blending in the crowd. And then you know what? Can I blend in the crowd with uh Zilda Gill? Like to help him blend to the crowd. I say just walk with me, follow me.

SPEAKER_02:

This uh I'm gonna say no.

SPEAKER_11:

So I will blend into the crowd just to and then James can hide in plain sight so that we stop drawing as much attention to us? Does that make sense? Or then it's just Zill the Gill walking?

SPEAKER_02:

Zill the Gill can try to do it on his own.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah, yeah, okay. All right, well, I'm gonna I will blend. I'm blending. Blended. Uh Ben, what is blending in the crowd uh attached skill? Is it stealth? Sneak. Yeah. Uh I got a six.

SPEAKER_02:

Um success with a twist. You lose sight of uh Zildagill and he is spotted by the copper hats and kind of uh flips out running.

SPEAKER_11:

Stabbing people. Oh no. Um could I uh let's see can I like see if I can't like look for like a really big guy, like a big person, and uh bump into him and then use uh fibbing to tell him like hey, those two guys and point at the copper hats, they just lifted your purse. My purse?

SPEAKER_10:

My purse like a coin purse.

SPEAKER_11:

Like a coin, I know um make a trickery check.

SPEAKER_02:

You you see this uh wug walking by. All right, I'm used to fibing all of wugs.

SPEAKER_10:

Okay, that's uh that's an eight.

SPEAKER_02:

Do I use an quest point? Are you going to like actually take his purse or what?

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11:

Then you should use a quest point. Yeah, I mean I'm using quest point.

SPEAKER_10:

I've really got to think about it. I I can make a sneak or another trickery.

SPEAKER_11:

All right, oh yeah, nimbleness. Nimbo. I totally do it. It's an 11. Get it, get a nimbo check, check.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. He he feels around his waist and goes, What?

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, those two guys they just grabbed your your coin purse and bolted. Come on!

SPEAKER_02:

He grabbed you.

SPEAKER_10:

Come on. I'm like under his arm now. This is not what I planned.

SPEAKER_02:

He's like, he's dragging you. I'll I'll run with him. I'll run with him.

SPEAKER_11:

He tucks you like a football.

SPEAKER_02:

He's barreling through the crowd and like knocking over tiny people. Hey, get back here. I love it. Um the copper hats don't seem to notice their their intent on following Zildegill. Um see what old Zildegill does. Uh he uh he goes one way and and the copper hats split up.

SPEAKER_11:

Uh-oh. Uh Ben, can I be trying to catch up to them?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, what do you want to do?

SPEAKER_11:

I just want to try to catch up and follow Zildegill when they split because I have a feeling that James is not going to be able to.

SPEAKER_02:

Make a perception check.

SPEAKER_11:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh you have no idea where Zill went.

SPEAKER_11:

It's this slippery little guy.

SPEAKER_10:

Um, is there anybody around that like look would we be able to like identify town guard?

SPEAKER_11:

Oh uh, like the people who are on our team?

SPEAKER_10:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11:

So to speak.

SPEAKER_10:

Wait a minute. I I mean, are the copper hats in uniform?

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

They're in copper hats.

SPEAKER_11:

Oh, okay. Never mind. Never mind.

SPEAKER_02:

Town guard is like so the town watch is so small. Like you guys are one of the few members.

SPEAKER_11:

How close are we to crossbow guy?

SPEAKER_02:

You're in a different district.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah, he's in gutter gutter span.

SPEAKER_02:

You guys are in like the gentrified, you know, like downtown.

SPEAKER_11:

The bougie area.

SPEAKER_02:

Fascinating. So yeah, the situation is basically Zill is out of sight. Um you could still do something with its guards, copper hats, or you could just bail. I think we have to bail. Well, hooch, you may have trouble because you're with this wug.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm gonna make which one do we go after?

SPEAKER_10:

Uh is there one that's still on the tail of Zill.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh or they just go two different ways. You'll have to make a perception check as well. Okay.

SPEAKER_11:

I will go for it.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, that's uh yeah, no one has any idea where he went.

SPEAKER_11:

Um, Ben, I'm gonna make up a positive, I'm gonna use good news. Make up a positive fact about an NPC, and I'm gonna uh make up that that Zild never welches on his promises. So he's gonna come back and find us and get us in. Like he's not gonna give up on that. That's our deal. All right, let me see if this works. Really good usage.

SPEAKER_04:

Uh let's make some realms. Come on, baby. All right, it's a six.

SPEAKER_02:

Success with a twist.

SPEAKER_11:

I mean, maybe the twist is that it's definitely not happening anytime soon.

SPEAKER_10:

Oh, that's classics.

SPEAKER_11:

I mean, he's gonna make good on it. Uh maybe not tonight. He's not gonna come back and find us, but maybe like at some point in the near future.

SPEAKER_10:

Um, I'm gonna tell the wug, like, you go that way, I'll go the other way, so I can split up from him. All right.

SPEAKER_11:

He nods. I mean you stop at an orcs noodle stand and buy noodles with his money. I was gonna say, how much did Hooch lift from this wug? Three ancient coins. Three ancient coins. We are in a uh the more gentrified area. He's obviously a civilized wug. He was wearing a uh uh like a bowtie collar. Uh nothing.

SPEAKER_02:

Roll it roll a d6. Um if it uh four, five, and six is silver, one, two, three is copper.

SPEAKER_11:

Love it. I just found out how we're gonna make money for the rest of the campaign. James, roll a d6. Oh yeah. Five silver pouches. No, just a pouch of silver forms. Five silver pouches, which I spend immediately. I give the guy the pouch because they have to do that, because I don't understand money or don't care. And I'm not there to supervise.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't know if the rules that you have to give, isn't it something different?

SPEAKER_11:

Hey ZBS Universe. Welcome. Welcome to the stream, buddy.

SPEAKER_10:

Hello. The rule is I like don't understand how money works, right? I think there's like mechanics to it though.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh yeah, I mean it's your usage die is higher or something.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah, it was probably like on a one or a two, or one thing. One two one through four. All right, I'll do it. Uh D8.

SPEAKER_06:

D8. Hmm.

SPEAKER_11:

You do it. You do it, you succeed in handing over all your soldiers. Um, and it just at that moment I catch up to Hooch and I watch him slurp down the last of the noodles. I say, Oh, did you get one for me? Oh you want the broth? No, I don't want broth. None left anyway, sorry. Yeah, you like pour it on your head and it just gets absorbed.

SPEAKER_02:

You're like nutrients. So are you did you actually you actually wanted to go to Nork's noodle?

SPEAKER_11:

I did, yeah. That's I felt that my character would just if you had no idea where Zill went, then you just want to get it. I make a perception check and I look up and it's Zill behind the counter serving you noodles.

SPEAKER_10:

So the next place I was gonna go is be like, hey, you've seen Zill. So to see if the Norks person would know.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah, I catch up with Hooch out of breath. I say, I lost him.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, yeah, if you ask uh a worker, they're like, uh who's asking?

SPEAKER_01:

Uh, just a pal of his. We're supposed to meet up for uh a little something, you know, like a fish show business.

SPEAKER_02:

He gives you a weird look and he says, Um, Bonnie. And then this big uh wug woman comes out immediately in love. The bars she looks um pretty formidable. She has tattoos and uh she throws like a dish rag over her shoulder as she comes in.

SPEAKER_11:

So then how do tattoos work on a wug? Do they not are they not like are they not like covered in fur? Does she have to like shave her fur?

SPEAKER_00:

No, they're not covered in fur.

SPEAKER_11:

Are you thinking a bug bear? No, I thought a wug had like a dog head.

SPEAKER_02:

No, no, that that was just in the chart which I was gonna just I thought every wug was like that.

SPEAKER_11:

No, it was cursed.

SPEAKER_03:

The head of a pug.

SPEAKER_02:

I thought that every wug had the head of a pug this entire time. The wug is the the blacksmith that opens oh that's a wug.

SPEAKER_11:

I just you know, I never I never knew that in all these years of playing with you guys. I assumed every wug looked the same. Yeah, she wouldn't be able to show off her like Dwight Schroot tattoo. Yeah. Wow, does it feed Sphere's in Battlestar Galactica?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh god. Sorry. Um hey Bonnie, so uh I was supposed to meet Zill. Me and my partner are supposed to meet Zill. Don't come around here talking like that. Oh, I see. I got it. All right, so uh yeah.

SPEAKER_13:

Um, I got a question.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh do you have an application for employment? If you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02:

You job here.

SPEAKER_01:

You can see from behind the counter. That's true, but I figured we'd be a very valuable asset to the Norcs organization.

SPEAKER_11:

I say, wait, you guys can't prejudicially not hire him because he's short.

SPEAKER_04:

What I can't sit on a box? You can't sit on a box?

SPEAKER_12:

Uh what is the world coming to?

SPEAKER_11:

Uh equal rights for equal lefts, my friend.

SPEAKER_12:

What he said. Do you even know how to make noodles? I can learn.

SPEAKER_11:

You boil them, you mash them, you stick them in a in a stock. Do you have any uh job experience?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. Um I've got real sticky fingers.

SPEAKER_10:

Um, I'm really great at disappearing. And uh I've been known to bullseye a slingshot uh when I need to.

SPEAKER_00:

Um Ben, can I know where a lot of great bars are and I can recruit people?

SPEAKER_11:

Can I impersonate the new current noodle chef and like mirror their actions completely and make it look like I know what I'm doing?

SPEAKER_02:

In terms of uh were you gonna like jump behind the counter and no?

SPEAKER_11:

I'm just gonna be like, look, I can do exactly what he's doing and like go through the motions.

SPEAKER_06:

Uh sure. Charm.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah. Ten. Nice. I perfectly mirror the guy's actions. Say, look, I can I can do it just as good as that guy.

SPEAKER_02:

She chuckles, uh, but the the guy is like really mad that you're mimicking him.

SPEAKER_11:

I don't stop mimicking him when he gets like irritated.

SPEAKER_10:

I get irritated here. You get us a cart, we'll start cranking in the money.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

All right. I get it. I get it. Um telling you, Zill will vouch for us.

SPEAKER_04:

We're good people.

SPEAKER_13:

You know Zill, huh? We do.

SPEAKER_01:

Where is the one? That's why I came here. I wanted to find out where I was. Supposed to meet him, you know. He's he's supposed to, you know. He bailed on us. Join the cultural organization, if you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_12:

Look, you want to work a shift? Come in tomorrow. That's a start.

SPEAKER_02:

I high fiver.

SPEAKER_10:

I high fiber as soon as I get the deal and leave.

SPEAKER_02:

She shakes her head and walks back into the into the back.

SPEAKER_03:

All right, Brendo, we're in.

SPEAKER_00:

We're part of the gang. Yes. So now what are we gonna do?

SPEAKER_11:

Uh uh I turn to Hooch and I say, well, we should get our tattoos.

SPEAKER_00:

That's a good idea.

SPEAKER_11:

We're going hard. We both get like a a cup of noodles tattooed on our arm. You got the dough? No.

SPEAKER_10:

No, I spent it all on the noodles. I spent a silver pouch of coins on noodles.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah, we go do the thing where, you know, like uh they'll do free haircuts or discount haircuts because they're trainees. We go do that for tattoos.

SPEAKER_10:

Wow.

SPEAKER_11:

We don't do that.

SPEAKER_10:

Get really bad Norcs tattoos.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah. Spelled wrong, it's spelled N U R K Z apostrophe. Um so we're gonna work a shift at this George.

SPEAKER_10:

Yeah, we should uh aside from skimming off the top, we should uh we're just petty criminals. How can we utilize this to learn about their organization?

SPEAKER_11:

Um every uh I will spend a quest point and make up a positive fact about every Nork's Noodle stand uh and uh say that every Norse Noodle stand is not only this might be too much. I just want to say they have an org chart in the back room in the manager's office. This is the second time we've done org charts in this campaign. Um yeah, an org chart for the entire like how the Nork's noodles fits into the Norks Noodle gang in the hierarchy. Why is this positive? It's a positive uh positive fact about uh it's definitely not a negative one. I mean, I can use a negative one. I'm just trying to make up a positive fact.

SPEAKER_10:

How about like how uh Nork's noodle stand is like a top?

SPEAKER_11:

Uh well I was gonna say like it's positive in the sense that they're so well organized. It's not talking about a very highly organized gang that uses org charts. Very formalized. They require uh very bureaucratic. Yeah. They're actually run like the Yakuza, extremely like steeped in tradition. A lot of people are missing fingers in the Nurse Noodle gang. It's Pasta Samurai.

SPEAKER_10:

We should we should steal the uh the operations manual to learn all of the secrets.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah, or yeah, no. Um, I don't know, Ben, are you are you on board with me using that power for that? Is that positive enough?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, I mean is it not in keeping with the spirit of it it's like it can't just be um okay a benefit to you, like you know what I'm trying to say?

SPEAKER_11:

Like yeah, no, no, no, I get somehow for the organization. I mean it's that they are so organized as the upside. Um no they got a really good tract for promotion, which means they get good people.

SPEAKER_02:

All right, they're very organized. It's gonna be difficult for you guys to uh stay afloat if you just all right.

SPEAKER_11:

Do the benefits outweigh the risks? Huge. I think so. I think if we can well, yeah, we get we gotta roll. Essentially gaining trust amongst the management of the noodle organization so that we can get access to the chat. There it goes. Yes, yeah, yes, critically succeeds. They're the most buttoned-up tip top organization.

SPEAKER_00:

See, right now I'm washing lettuce, but in a few years I'll be doing fries.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah, fast forward a decade and we've worked our way halfway through.

SPEAKER_02:

Um yeah, we can we can actually use the new downtime rules uh right now.

SPEAKER_06:

Let's do it.

SPEAKER_11:

Nice. Okay. Walk us through downtime, Ben. What do downtime mean?

SPEAKER_02:

Uh, you guys are gonna spend a week working at Nork's Noodles.

SPEAKER_11:

I love it. This is per this is like I'm very happy about this. What's our yeah, what's our wage? We just get paid in noodles. I'm cool. Well, we get paid in exposure.

SPEAKER_02:

One of the downtime options is work. The PC works a regular job to earn money. Uh roll a D12, both of you.

SPEAKER_11:

I love my uniform. Nine to five.

SPEAKER_02:

So, Brendo, you earn two pouches of copper coins.

SPEAKER_11:

See, I told you I was better than that guy in chopping noodles.

SPEAKER_02:

Now it says uh for five, PC can't find work. We're gonna interpret that as like you're really on thin ice.

SPEAKER_11:

Frequently just like caught eating things instead of like serving things, noodles directly out of the receptacle. Um you give too much change. You know what that would be on brand, you're being a cashier and you're just giving out all the money. Like they can't trust you to work the register.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh so you guys are like in the thick of it, you're you're uh you're under a lot of pressure because um there's just like a line just wrapping around the street. Uh you guys are sweating, it's hot back there. Um you've barely gotten time to check out the work chart.

SPEAKER_11:

Um but it's there. Yeah, it's my giant mushroom head is in a is in a hairnet.

SPEAKER_02:

Um hooch, you're kind of at your wit's end. You're like, you don't know if you can come back and do this tomorrow.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know, Bringo. This isn't like what I thought. I can't work for a living.

SPEAKER_04:

I can't even read your writing. What does this order say?

SPEAKER_00:

Whether those rat eggs or rat eggs it's all noodles. There's no difference.

SPEAKER_04:

There's toppings, man. There's toppings.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, take all that shrimp you want. Hey, is that what you want? Here's some olives.

SPEAKER_02:

Bonnie Bad Apple comes uh out from the back and she picks you up by the head.

unknown:

Boop.

SPEAKER_11:

I kick and scream at nothing.

SPEAKER_02:

Listen, she like takes you to the back. I've had about enough of this. All right. Why don't you uh pack up your things and leave? You definitely you definitely know Brendo.

SPEAKER_00:

I know I'm I know I'm the thanks, Money.

SPEAKER_10:

Order up. Um I'm gonna say I'm gonna blurt out that like it's like I can't work a noodle thing. I'm trying to join the gang.

SPEAKER_11:

She just chopped your head off.

SPEAKER_12:

That's what you don't understand. That's what you don't understand. If you don't have discipline, organization, order, how can we ever bring you into the gang?

SPEAKER_04:

You lack discipline, hooch.

SPEAKER_01:

Brent Oh. Uh look, I just need some time. If I if I could just if I could just go over the org chart, understand your operations manual or something, but there's people that are just screaming for noodles that I don't understand money.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't know how many times I gotta say this, uh, hooch. Why don't you go join the tricky toe gang or something? They'll they'll take a scrub like you.

SPEAKER_10:

Are you serious? Like who's it?

SPEAKER_02:

She uh she seems exasperated and just says and uh rips off your apron.

SPEAKER_11:

I take off my fake mustache and shame.

SPEAKER_02:

Um left standing there in the kitchen. People are bumping into you like out of the way, hooch.

SPEAKER_10:

I'm gonna in my depression, I'm gonna just like wander out, like I'll nod to Brendo and then I'll go all the way to the end of the line to get some noodles. And then when it's finally when it's finally my turn to get some noodles, I'll be like, hey, hook me up.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm gonna go join the tricky talking.

SPEAKER_11:

I'm not working the register, I'm still working noodles. I can't I can't hook them up. I look back at Hooch and I'm like, Hooch, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_04:

I'm sorry, I gotta keep chatting noodles.

SPEAKER_11:

That's the first time I've felt disappointed by this. Like not getting a fire camera.

SPEAKER_10:

Not being able to get not being able to get the noodles.

SPEAKER_11:

You actually consume like eight containers of noodles like per shift.

SPEAKER_10:

Eight containers of noodles per shift. Okay.

SPEAKER_11:

Um, I'm going to uh I'm gonna wait out the rest of Brendo's shift, and then I'm gonna spring an idea on Brundo.

SPEAKER_10:

What if one of us joined the Norx Noodle gang and the other joined the Tricky Tug gang and we met in the middle? And uh I don't know.

SPEAKER_11:

What if we split up the party?

SPEAKER_10:

No, I'm like trying to figure out a way that we could still like go to both places together.

SPEAKER_11:

Um I wonder if there's a way I can get you back in.

SPEAKER_06:

Uh Silver Guilty finally shows up.

SPEAKER_04:

By the way. I say, Zill, are you gonna work a shift?

SPEAKER_13:

Yeah, I don't work in here. Oh, yeah, well, we did, and I got fired. Really?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I got uh I got canned. Uh I can't count money, and I apparently have been eating eight cups of noodles per shift. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, a troggle could uh do this job. What's wrong with you? I knock him unconscious with rough.

SPEAKER_04:

He doesn't think uh uh he thinks too abstract.

SPEAKER_12:

That's true. I'm an artiste. Okay. Right, so uh you don't need me then.

SPEAKER_05:

No, I want to join the gang.

SPEAKER_00:

It's like say uh the hardest gang to join in the world. I I don't understand. I got all these skills, I'm underutilized.

SPEAKER_11:

Um, Ben, can I use gossip to create a negative or secret rumor about a person, place, or thing? I want to create a secret rumor about Nork's Noodle Gang. Uh that that they like they seem really organized in the service, but they do have an enforcement arm that they don't like to talk about. Where uh Hooch might blend in as a ruffian, knocking people out. I become a thumbbreaker.

SPEAKER_04:

Yes. Uh seven.

SPEAKER_02:

All right. Um Silva Gill says, all right. Look, I wouldn't do this if Kate Cataran wasn't, you know, a threat to my life. Um I found a note from him, by the way. Reading.

SPEAKER_12:

Do you threaten you?

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah. Can't read.

SPEAKER_12:

All right. Just follow me, okay? Uh I'll I'll try to talk some sense into Bonnie.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay.

SPEAKER_05:

All right. All right. Let's see if we can uh give this another chance.

SPEAKER_02:

Um he goes into the back with you.

SPEAKER_12:

He says, Listen, Bonnie, you know, this is my friend here. You know, he yeah. I know you said he's not Norc's material, but look, he can he can be an enforcer.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, he's got the goods. She looks at you and says, The shrimp.

SPEAKER_04:

Break my thumbs then.

SPEAKER_11:

I uh look. I'm tough than I look, and I like I I drink some spicy mustard out of a little cup and slam it down like it was a shot.

SPEAKER_02:

You can have to do better than that.

SPEAKER_11:

Two of two of them.

SPEAKER_02:

Um here she uh pulls out a bag. It looks like they're noodle bags. Um says, eat this. I do it. No problem. Make a make a vitality check.

SPEAKER_11:

Oh boy, it's all still alive. I oh's challenge is nothing to this guy.

SPEAKER_02:

You you when you reach your hand in and you like put in your mouth, you felt it wriggle.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And then you swallowed it, and like your gut kind of like bubbled for a bit, but like I was a cartoon swallowing dynamite. But you seem great, actually. Uh you've never felt better.

SPEAKER_01:

And those are great. Why aren't those on the menu? They are on the menu. Oh.

SPEAKER_13:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

You just gotta cook them first.

SPEAKER_13:

Oh, I ate it.

SPEAKER_04:

Hey, you got any more of those rats back there?

SPEAKER_00:

I was about to say roar.

SPEAKER_10:

I ate it roar. It's like you plucked it out of me.

SPEAKER_12:

I ate a roar. All right, that's uh that's quite impressive, actually.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh you can be our new taste tester, that's for sure. Wow. Uh all right, no problem.

SPEAKER_01:

No problem. I can do that.

SPEAKER_02:

I can do that. Nork he needs things you know tested before he eats them, as uh people ought to kill him and whatnot. So I mean, I've never seen anyone just have no effect whatsoever.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, you know, I've always had a strong constitution.

SPEAKER_11:

This is where I die and split in two. Chest burster pops out. Um, which would be uh the most hilarious.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, yeah. I I would be happy to taste any food for Mr. Nork. I just appreciate you giving me a second shot at this.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, I've been working real hard, giving it 110%, and uh and it's pretty good. And I like I'm dipping shrimp and like eating them while I'm talking just directly from the and uh you know I'm ready.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm ready to take it on, I'm ready to take on these challenges. And uh when do we start?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, Zil, why don't you get them set up?

SPEAKER_12:

All right, buddy. Come on, let's go.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, can I be like, oh, uh, one more thought. Uh I usually roll uh in the dad with my uh with my Brendo here.

SPEAKER_13:

Um you know he's he's the star chef now, I hear. That's why he should be cooking for Nork.

SPEAKER_01:

I assumed to keep Nork safe.

SPEAKER_00:

He would be the one preparing the food, I'd be tasting it. I I I I don't know if I can work like this.

SPEAKER_04:

I I uh I say put me in, boss. I can do it, I can do it.

SPEAKER_02:

All right, Brendo. Yeah, you have you have a break coming up. You can uh get off the the cooking. You come back there and uh Zill's talking with Hooch.

SPEAKER_11:

I try my hand off my ship's tail.

SPEAKER_12:

I don't know where the heck this is going, okay. It's it's really uh stressing me out though, I gotta tell you. Because uh Bonnie, he's not someone you really want to mess with.

SPEAKER_05:

I kind of got that sense when she picked me up by the head.

SPEAKER_12:

So um tell me, tell me what I'm supposed to do here.

SPEAKER_10:

Well, we wanted to join the gang. You know, we're looking to preserve our own legacies. And uh, I mean, how much higher can you get than the Royal Taster guy?

SPEAKER_01:

Huh? Am I right? Although, what are they gonna do with the last one? He's gonna be upset.

SPEAKER_11:

Um, I think so, Hooch, I think what we should we should tell Zill, like, you know, he's almost paid his debt to us and Cade Cataran's almost off his back, but we'll let him know when we need him again, kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01:

Look, you keep Bonnie out of our business, and we'll keep Cade off your back.

SPEAKER_02:

Perfect. I like it. Yeah. Um, make an intimidation check.

SPEAKER_11:

Uh zero intimidate. Because I think we need to discuss what we're gonna do.

SPEAKER_12:

One. I can't do that. I can't do it like that.

SPEAKER_00:

All right, maybe just uh you're good.

SPEAKER_12:

You guys are on your own. Okay, I I did what I did, I got you in the door. My debt's paid.

SPEAKER_10:

All right, we'll be we'll be looking out for you.

SPEAKER_12:

You'll see this won't be the last time you see us. You better hope it is.

SPEAKER_11:

He pulls out a knife, stabs Brenda, stabs Hooch in the gut, and walks out.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm the taster, I'm the guy.

SPEAKER_03:

Um I am the guy. So good. Um, all right.

SPEAKER_11:

Uh yeah, can we what's it called?

SPEAKER_02:

Um chart?

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah, we want to look at the org chart, and then we should we should discuss what gang are we pitting North Noodle Gang against.

unknown:

Right?

SPEAKER_11:

We said we're gonna use Jimbo's. Okay, the tricky toes, yeah.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

So what are you trying to glean from the org chart?

SPEAKER_10:

Well, it would be great to learn who's in charge of what, and so we can like zero in and find out some of their weaknesses and then exploit them and do the same thing as with the tricky toe gang.

SPEAKER_11:

Um so we can free Bogtown from the clutches, the clutches of uh organized crime, soften them up. Okay, yeah, we want to look for weaknesses in the org chart, maybe. Um not pinch points or something, but like see who who maybe identify critical numbers like if they disappeared.

SPEAKER_10:

Like, what does Nork do all day? Like what is uh what who does Bonnie report to?

SPEAKER_11:

Um because if Bonnie is dangerous to us, maybe we could like win over her boss.

SPEAKER_02:

Bonnie Yeah, or or sabotage directly to Nork. Nork lives in the penthouse above the building you're in right now.

SPEAKER_11:

Oh shoot. Nork lives in the penthouse above. Well then if I'm his taster and and you're gonna prepare his meals, George, then we'll get we'll be able to get close enough to communicate with him and observe. Alright, so Nork lives in the penthouse above the bulls, nork's noodle hut. Um because ideally, we would want to like start sabotaging the organization and like going after lieutenants and turning making them seem untrustworthy. Well, the fact that the there's worms or whatever, like creatures in the noodles is one way to sabotage them. Pretty sure he knows. I mean, or just a public serve him. Oh public uh loves it. Uh I mean I might we could do uh expose. Interesting. I don't know. All right, but we'll we'll pocket that one. Yeah, we'll pocket that idea. What really goes into Nork's noodles? Yeah, that'd be amazing.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, we get we gotta go find Dungeoneer magazine.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah. Wow, actually, that would be amazing to leak articles, leak articles into Dungeoneer magazine. Oh, that's brilliant. Okay. That's that won't that that could potentially hurt Nork, but we don't know enough about the Tricky Toes other than they're super dangerous. So it's time to go join the tricky toe. Yeah. Um is there anything else we want to find out from this org chart? Like like Ben, does uh who are who are the big mucky mucks in Nork's Noodle Game? Can we identify them?

SPEAKER_02:

Um so Nork is like the main show.

SPEAKER_11:

Right.

SPEAKER_02:

Um and they've got locations all across the mucklands, basically.

SPEAKER_11:

Um and they're I mean their main racket is you know yeah, like what what is their main income source besides Norfolk's Noodles Huts? Or is that it? That's that's the thing.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean they deal in organized crime and like the the noodles are kind of a front.

SPEAKER_11:

Uh-huh. That's their whatever olive oil, like in The Godfather. So um so just like any kind of conceivable organized crime they probably have their hands in.

SPEAKER_02:

Kind of Yeah, they deal in extortion and protection and uh like the usual smuggling.

SPEAKER_11:

Is do you already have like a kind of list of lieutenants or anything like that? I don't want to put you on the spot to make up a bunch of names. I was just wasn't sure if it was already part of the sandbox.

SPEAKER_02:

Um not what I'm looking at, but we can like roll some randos.

SPEAKER_11:

I love rolling randos. Yeah, it might be nice to just like flesh out oh yeah, 93. 9374, oh man. Got a scuff done dude. Dun dude. Scuff dun dude.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh he is a boggart strong arm. Oh dear.

SPEAKER_11:

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Tattoos all over her face and arms. Oh wow.

SPEAKER_11:

Alright, so he's essentially the head of the Yakuza enforcement arm for Norse Noodle Gang.

SPEAKER_10:

Norks Noodles is so Yakuza-y now.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah. I mean, it just it makes sense. It makes sense.

SPEAKER_02:

And then we got uh Captain. Is that is that a name or a rank?

SPEAKER_13:

It's Capo, but uh it's a name, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I call him Cappy. Uh Captain Spamwidge. Call an audible on that.

SPEAKER_11:

Um GM's discretion.

SPEAKER_02:

That's another bogger. He's a herder. Interesting. With a barrel of explosive explosives on their back.

unknown:

Wow.

SPEAKER_11:

So so if if Scuff Dun Dude is kind of like the enforcer branch. What is this guy? Like locally sourced materials? He's like hoarding. I think he's like uh oh, hoarder or herder? Herding, sorry.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, okay. I think he's like the uh kind of uh supply chain or yeah, like managing people, maybe herding cats.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_10:

All the low-level employees that uh are like ourselves.

SPEAKER_11:

There's like a three-he's middle management.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Middle management.

SPEAKER_11:

Okay. When when uh are we supposed to do the whole cooking and tasting for Nork? I didn't even ask Bonnie. I've been doing it during this entire conversation. I've just been feeding you stuff to see if you die.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh they bring out as you guys are uh in the kitchen, um, you see someone hauled out in a body bag from upstairs.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh no, former guy.

SPEAKER_11:

I I turn to Bonnie and I say, Well, we're not gonna use that meat right there.

SPEAKER_03:

We think we are opportunists. We're not animals. This is going crazy. I like your uh resourcefulness though. Uh you went from Bard to Uruk hai.

SPEAKER_02:

Reads back on the menu voice. Um Brendo, you also see on the the list um you know Nork's personal chef.

SPEAKER_11:

Oh, we gotta kill that guy.

SPEAKER_02:

And uh what's her face? Bonnie grabs the the chart from you and says, What are you doing? And then he she crosses out a name like the former taste tester.

SPEAKER_03:

All right, hooch.

SPEAKER_11:

Uh you are uh okay, all right. I'm ready. I'm feeling fear for the first time.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh hey, don't touch this, okay? This is this is not for you. So orchid chart.

SPEAKER_01:

No sacred. No problem, no problem.

SPEAKER_11:

We have just so much respect for nothing is more sacred than the chain of command.

SPEAKER_01:

I I totally understand. So uh what uh what are uh what are my tasting? Some uh some waffles or something.

SPEAKER_12:

Uh well, get yourself ready for dinner.

SPEAKER_02:

Um clams this afternoon.

SPEAKER_05:

Bad clams, bad clams, that'll do it to you every time.

SPEAKER_11:

I like I like the idea that Hooch has an iron stomach and whatever he eats will not kill him, but it still may kill Nork.

SPEAKER_00:

Interesting. Can I survive a poisoning? Yeah, it's fine, boss. It's fine.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, it's really good. So good.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh, why don't you come with me? I'll show you around upstairs.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, all right.

SPEAKER_02:

Brenda, what are you doing? Why aren't you uh why aren't you cooking?

SPEAKER_11:

Oh uh my shift is over.

SPEAKER_13:

Cooking for Norc.

SPEAKER_11:

I was gonna go up and see uh if they needed a sous chef up there or something, you know? Master Saucier.

SPEAKER_01:

Since he's the best chef at the organization, you know, we figured Nork would like to uh, you know, I mean I've been slaving away in the kitchen for so long.

SPEAKER_11:

I thought I thought I might. Yeah, you can can't you tell that I'm not like the other chefs around here?

SPEAKER_02:

Uh Brendo, make an inspire check.

SPEAKER_11:

With advantage. Thank you. We'll do uh My inspiration is plus two eight. I I use a quest point. I make that a nine.

SPEAKER_02:

All right. You can be the Sioux chef. But uh if um Ronaldo doesn't like you, I can't control.

unknown:

Wow.

SPEAKER_11:

Uh I say is Ronaldo the personal chef. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10:

I grab my knives and I take the handkerchief out, wipes away the sweat, exasperation.

SPEAKER_02:

All right. Um you're brought up stairs. I do. Um yeah, you're you're s you you're put into a little uh suit because Nork doesn't like to see people in shlubby clothes. Or no clothes at all.

SPEAKER_10:

Yeah, I only wear a belt and suspenders, so I've got gloves on look at that.

SPEAKER_11:

Look at those gloves. Yeah, yeah, I got gloves on. I'm color coordinated. Um okay, I'll put it on and uh prepare myself to be in front of them the man himself.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, uh he is um kind of an intimidating guy.

SPEAKER_11:

Ronaldo or Nork. It's like in my head, he's like the Baron Harkonen, but I can't like just this giant guy. He's flying around. Oh, he is not far off, not far off.

SPEAKER_10:

He's like Tony, Tony Soprano meets the Baron Harkonnen.

SPEAKER_02:

Um he's he sits down, he's like you know, morbidly obese, and uh he's got all the all the stuff is starting to come out to him. Um, Brendo, you're pulled into the kitchen. Let's do it. You're being ordered to uh you know pour some things and get things ready and mix things up.

SPEAKER_11:

I do it all.

SPEAKER_02:

Make a uh sort of check. Whatever it is, I rolled a two.

SPEAKER_11:

It's already bad. An athletics check. That's a one then.

SPEAKER_03:

Wow. You are not keeping up.

SPEAKER_04:

Immediately knock up for a big one. This is the big leagues. This is the big leagues, guys. I can't do it.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh Ronaldo just chews you out, like uh Gordon Ramsay.

SPEAKER_11:

He puts uh two pieces of bread on either side of my head and he says, What are you? And I say, An idiot sandwich.

SPEAKER_03:

That is correct. Now lick up what you spilled. I can't, I have a beak. It gets in the way. I can't lick things. Then you're good for nothing. Okay?

SPEAKER_09:

Get out of my kitchen.

SPEAKER_01:

That's just a bucket of pine salt.

SPEAKER_11:

Wow. Pine salt, cannon, land of beam. Um, can I uh narrate the desired outcome of the situation?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, the current situation is that you are failed.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah. You guess I can't narrate that as like uh coming back and redoubling my efforts kind of thing.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh probably not.

SPEAKER_11:

Okay. You have that to narrate. Can I can I narrate that Norc drops dead? Too much, too much. I should have narrated my time in the kitchen.

SPEAKER_02:

Um you're going to cut back to hooch. Yeah. Um the food is being brought out, and you gotta you gotta taste it.

SPEAKER_11:

Alright. Um I'm gonna bow deeply to Nork and say, Your Majesty, before I uh before I die eating this food. You see a plate of steam clams.

SPEAKER_10:

What is this? This is uh metal. What am I making? Not metal.

SPEAKER_11:

Vitality. Vitality. Vitality, of course. Oh no, that's a three. See the body bags getting pulled out.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my gosh. Um, yeah, you start to feel ill.

SPEAKER_11:

Oh no.

SPEAKER_10:

What did I eat? It was like uh chitlins. Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know what that was, but it's it's it's not good.

SPEAKER_03:

He looks at you and says, uh, all right, we're not eating that. No, no, not eating that. Eat something else.

SPEAKER_11:

Oh eat something else. All right. Um, you should just make that face after everything you eat.

SPEAKER_10:

Uh I actually enjoy it all. It's like I have a bottomless stomach.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10:

That is a nine.

unknown:

Huh.

SPEAKER_11:

I take one extra bite before handing it to him.

SPEAKER_03:

That's good. Hey, hey, what are you doing? Double check it. Hey, I'm being thorough, Chief.

SPEAKER_10:

And I put my thumb, my, my fist up to bump with it, and he doesn't.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, you are starting to feel weak.

SPEAKER_10:

Okay. All right. That's not good. Um, can I uh in order to keep going, can I uh connect my repelling harness to the ceiling and like hoist myself up? What?

SPEAKER_02:

It's like hanging there like a baby.

SPEAKER_13:

I gotta keep going. I gotta keep going.

SPEAKER_02:

You go. All right. Um all your vigor skills are rolled with disadvantage. You're weakened right now. Oh man.

SPEAKER_04:

No, man.

SPEAKER_10:

Oh no. Okay. So do I do I have to eat more?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, there's some sort of weird fish with uh with a pizza fruit in its mouth.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh god, with disadvantage.

SPEAKER_10:

All right, here we go.

SPEAKER_11:

You notice that it's not cooked.

SPEAKER_10:

That's a three.

SPEAKER_01:

That's a three.

SPEAKER_10:

I throw up on Nork. I throw up on Nork and then I go limp in the baby kit in the baby hanger. Like it's like Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, uh Hooch, you see them putting Hooch into a body bag.

SPEAKER_04:

Um he's not he's not dead yet. Oh my god! Oh my god, the other guy's not dead!

SPEAKER_13:

He's alive, we've gotta save him.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh Hooch, you're poisoned and weakened.

SPEAKER_09:

Oh no.

SPEAKER_10:

I'm poisoned and weakened.

SPEAKER_02:

It would seem that uh somewhere along the way from the kitchen to the table, there's uh something weird going on.

SPEAKER_11:

Oh I I run out into the the dining hall and I say, My liege!

SPEAKER_04:

Wow, someone has tried to kill you.

SPEAKER_02:

Are you jogging a Nork? Yeah, my liege.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, what else is new? Can't find good help these days. Who are you? I'm the Sioux chef. You're fired. This guy's trying to kill me over here. Oh, your head chef? Yeah, he is. Now, Ronaldo, uh, we go way back. He would never do that.

SPEAKER_11:

Why do you think there have been so many attempts on your life lately? Because a guy's like you.

SPEAKER_04:

I didn't even touch anything. I spilled the cake.

SPEAKER_03:

What are you trying to say? Question.

SPEAKER_11:

There's a rat.

SPEAKER_03:

Make noodles out of this guy.

SPEAKER_09:

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01:

I can't help you. I'm dead.

SPEAKER_09:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

You're not dead, James. Um, I mean you're feeling super ill. And I mean, people are putting you into a body bag.

SPEAKER_10:

Hold on, hold on. I got one more in me. I can do it. I can do it. I like unzip the bag and and I'll like pull my limp legs like across the the floor to try to taste one more thing.

SPEAKER_09:

It's like just stares at you. You did good, kid. Just let it go.

SPEAKER_10:

No, just I got one more in me, Chief. I got one more in me. Because maybe I can I can kill him if I survive one. If I survive one, he'll be poisoned.

SPEAKER_03:

All right.

SPEAKER_11:

Wow. Every night the clams are poisoned.

SPEAKER_00:

I can do the clams.

SPEAKER_11:

Ben, can I make a perception check to see if anyone around is like intent about the clams?

SPEAKER_10:

Uh sure.

SPEAKER_11:

You know what I mean? Like, like, oh, like maybe it's like Ronaldo like staring from the doorway, his eyes are blazing. 11.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, Ronaldo definitely seems uh acting weird in this whole exchange.

SPEAKER_04:

I uh I say, Hooch, don't do it, the clams are poison. The clams are poison. I said, look at Ronaldo, look at his eyes. Maybe he wants a bite.

SPEAKER_09:

Yeah, maybe he does want a bite.

SPEAKER_03:

You're telling Ronaldo to eat it. Telling you to eat it, hooch. We'll split it.

SPEAKER_01:

Hey Ronaldo, come on over here, buddy boy. You made these clams really for the boys.

SPEAKER_02:

Shoot, I can't have to narrate something uh Nork for this to happen.

SPEAKER_11:

Okay, I'm going to Can I can I use narrator to retro, like to kind of retcon something, like that Ronaldo brought out the clams himself?

SPEAKER_02:

Um I mean you could use it to like influence the situation now. I have an idea if this instead of having James do something.

SPEAKER_11:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

If this doesn't work, I have an idea that's cold.

SPEAKER_11:

Uh I don't know how to do this. Because I want I want basically want Ronaldo to have to eat this. Um I got an idea. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Yeah, yeah. Go for it. I'm gonna slingshot a clam into Ronaldo's mouth. Wow. Just knock him out with uh disadvantage.

SPEAKER_13:

If these aren't poison, they watch this.

SPEAKER_09:

Well you shoot norcing.

SPEAKER_10:

I'm laying down as I shoot it and it lands into my own mouth.

SPEAKER_09:

Bad clams.

SPEAKER_10:

Oh classic, classic. Now do I roll vitality for the clams? Disadvantage? This will be the end of me, George. I've actually I will die this foot.

SPEAKER_11:

It's the end of the campaign. You're both gonna die. I'm already gonna get chopped in the noodles. That's pretty good.

SPEAKER_01:

That's an eight. I can make that a nine.

SPEAKER_11:

Paralyzes you from the waist down. Oh, that's that's clean. That's clean then. I can make that a nine with my last quest point.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11:

Wait, wait, that that means that you're gonna survive the clams.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean you're still unpoisoned previously.

SPEAKER_11:

Right, right, right, right.

SPEAKER_10:

But you survived the clams. Is it better that I send the clams to him and he gets sick?

SPEAKER_11:

I think if you send the clams to him, he's gonna die.

SPEAKER_00:

But that Ronaldo.

SPEAKER_11:

How do we implicate him in this? Alright, I I will not use a quest point. You know what? Uh how about this? Um no. What if you send the clams and then I narrate that and as uh as Hooch sent the clams to Nork, Ronaldo burst into tears and confessed everything that he had poisoned the clams. Okay. See if let's see if this happens. Uh inspire. God, my rolls.

SPEAKER_01:

No, Nork's gonna eat it.

SPEAKER_11:

Uh my rolls.

SPEAKER_02:

Um yeah, that is a s a failure with a plus. Um eats it.

SPEAKER_11:

He does we we just dismantled Nork's noodles entirely. Uh oh, the plus the plus is that uh Ronaldo is actually part of the town guard and it's a plant by the mayor.

SPEAKER_10:

The plus is Ronaldo like has one of Ronaldo's rings, is is slipped into the dish.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_10:

What does that mean? Like he likes like a food is he's got a ring that's distinctly his and it's slick, it's it fell into the dish.

SPEAKER_11:

I love it.

SPEAKER_10:

All right.

SPEAKER_02:

Um I just kind of want to cut to like uh ambulance sounds 911 challenge.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah, I I love that there's ambulances in 510.

SPEAKER_02:

It's just copper hats, they're like cranking a siren. Oh, I love the old crank ones, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah, it's uh Ecto 1 screaming through the streets.

SPEAKER_02:

Everyone is, you know, going to Nork first. Uh hooch, you're kind of like I go to hooch. Discarded on the side.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah, I I I go and grab hooch and like tend to him. My mushroom body is beginning to dissolve. Hooch have these noodles I grabbed from the kitchen.

SPEAKER_02:

He's looking pale, like the color is uh draining from his mushroom cap.

SPEAKER_11:

Can I uh load right now? Can I force him to throw up? Epic or something. I mean, just uh some feathers in in the mouth, tickle his throat, make it through him. Sure. Try it. What kind of check would this be? Maybe like a uh like some kind of know-how. Like, can I do it like a like a wilderness check? Like a like an anti-heim like a like a like an in an indigenous comedy check. Yeah. A lore check? All right, lore to know. That's an eight. Uh I will use another quest point to make that just a nine.

SPEAKER_04:

I say, hold on, Hooch, I gotcha. Gotta make you throw up.

SPEAKER_11:

I'm gonna roll a d6 to determine how many feet I projectile vomit. Six feet. Uh which coincidentally is how far Nork is from you. Directly onto Bonnie.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

All right, Hooch. Uh, you're no longer weakened, but you're still poisoned. Uh, you're gonna have to get it like an antidote or something.

SPEAKER_11:

Oh my gosh. Let's go beat up Ronald. Yeah. I'll I'll put I'll put Hooch on my back and I'll go over to uh interrogate Ronaldo.

SPEAKER_03:

I thought I told you to get out of my kitchen. Look, we know what you did.

SPEAKER_11:

Start taking up the kitar, and I say, I'm gonna melt your face off if you don't give us the antidote.

SPEAKER_03:

What he said. I don't have any antidote. I'm not alchemist, I'm a chef.

SPEAKER_11:

Say, well, those are bad clams, and it had your name all over it. I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, I think you do. I think you do. He thinks you do. We saw your ring and the clam. Is that true?

SPEAKER_01:

What's that you're preparing right now?

SPEAKER_12:

Raffi flan. A flan? Well, how about you take a bite? Fine.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Uh he takes a bite.

SPEAKER_11:

Can I try to shove one of the clams into Ronaldo's mouth? Sure. I said you on this. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Like a mic check.

SPEAKER_11:

Perfect. That's my prime stat. Nope. Easily overpowered by Ronaldo. He shoves it in my mouse instead.

SPEAKER_02:

You're making a big mess, like pots are flying everywhere. Yeah. Um, you kind of push Ronaldo back and uh he says, Help! Help! And then the other chefs come to his aid.

SPEAKER_11:

It's a three-on-one fight. I got this.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, you're you're facing down like three chefs with cleavers, push knives.

SPEAKER_11:

Uh hooch, I think we need to get out of here.

SPEAKER_10:

I'm poisoned, but I I might be able to knock out two of these guys.

SPEAKER_11:

That's a ridiculous concept that a poison is like, ooh.

SPEAKER_02:

So, I mean, this is a conflict now, so it's they're not unsuspecting. Right. That's uh all right.

SPEAKER_11:

I'm gonna attempt to parlay. What do you want to say?

SPEAKER_00:

I'm gonna say, guess who's been poisoned to the boss, fellas? Ronald's Ronaldo's tyranny is over now.

SPEAKER_10:

We're gonna take him out.

SPEAKER_11:

What do you say? What is this? I don't know.

SPEAKER_10:

Uh it was I don't know.

SPEAKER_11:

We're gonna we're gonna it's a mushroom thing.

SPEAKER_10:

It's a mushroom thing, okay? Yeah, his tyranny's over. You're a great cook. It doesn't matter what he says.

SPEAKER_11:

He's the one poisoning this food. He won't even eat his own clams.

SPEAKER_02:

Um what are you gonna roll here? Inspire? Charm?

SPEAKER_11:

I'll do inspire. Oh, I have an idea. Um, Ben, can I narrate one of the chefs? It's hilarious. Can I narrate one last action? Yes, and and then okay, so I'm gonna say so bad. I'm gonna say, and then the real assassin chef, because it wasn't Ronaldo, the real assassin seizes opportunity to rally the other chefs against Ronaldo and starts like taking up the uh the mantle of like, yeah, we gotta get Ronaldo out of here.

SPEAKER_01:

Um I thought we established that Ronaldo was the actual poisoner, though.

SPEAKER_11:

I mean, you know. Are we sure? A lot of things are in flux right now.

SPEAKER_10:

Clearly, we gotta take them all down.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah, there's been multiple poisoners in the kitchen. Everyone's trying to kill Nork. And all they've succeeded in doing is killing.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm gonna say this is uh only going to further obscure everything. You won't actually know one way or the other the other.

SPEAKER_11:

Okay. I mean, it might be worth it to get out of this conflict. What do you think, James? So it's up to you. Jimmy, you got thoughts? Um, I'm gonna do it.

SPEAKER_03:

Ripping the band-aid off.

SPEAKER_02:

Let's see that one, baby.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_11:

Uh called it. Called it. These have been exceptionally bad rolls, and I'm out of quest points. Yeah, I'm out too. Uh we start blurring yakity slacks, and we run. I I pick up hooch and I run out of the kitchen.

SPEAKER_02:

All right, yeah. It was a failure with a plus. I think the plus is that they are just confused by what you're saying.

SPEAKER_11:

Um the whole statement's ridiculous.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh you guys run out of the kitchen. They're kind of chasing you by the time you guys are running down the stairs. Uh you take a look and you see that um Norcus is alive, but not looking too hot.

SPEAKER_07:

Oh man.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh Hooch, you're not doing well either. You're like Brendo, you're gonna have to like help her. Yeah, I'm going down.

SPEAKER_11:

I say uh oof. Can I first aid him?

SPEAKER_02:

There's no time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_11:

I this is where I die in your arms, Gerald. Brendo, Brendo, yeah. What were we gonna say? Make a check. I used all my powers on stuff that I should have used my powers on this for.

SPEAKER_02:

Make a mic check, Brendo. All right.

SPEAKER_11:

Come on, Bernard. All right, we're getting there. It's progress, it's hope.

SPEAKER_02:

All right, it's success with a twist. You are able to carry him out of there and run off. What's a twist?

SPEAKER_07:

Should we leave something behind?

SPEAKER_10:

All of the ships and Ronaldo are right on our tail.

SPEAKER_11:

That may not be untrue. Yeah. What if yeah, that would be fun. That'd be bad, but yeah, we should do it. Maybe someone's following us. Okay. Bonnie is training her crossbow. Yeah, Bonnie is following us. Yeah, that's terrible. Alright.

SPEAKER_01:

Alright, let's let's just have an idea to really hurt.

SPEAKER_11:

We've single-handedly burned all of our hard work in Nork's Noodle Games. No, I don't think so, because he's sick and we've know that there's worms in it. We could plant the story that the worms made Norc sick. Oh no, that's not good. Because then he could say maybe it's an accident.

SPEAKER_02:

Alright, I'm gonna say that you guys are running away through the streets, and um, you're trying to get to Pandores. Uh but Bonnie catches up with you right before you're able to uh get inside. And uh that's where we're gonna end it. Because this is uh this has been a mess.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah, there's like there's been nothing it's kind of hard to GM a quest where every fail is rolled, or every roll is failed. Every roll is failed, yeah.

SPEAKER_10:

At some point, it's just alright, you guys lose the land.

SPEAKER_11:

Like our plot armor is just falling off left and right.

SPEAKER_10:

No, I have some I if we get into combat, I have a couple powers.

SPEAKER_11:

If we get into combat, you're still worm feast. I mean, it's like you're falling apart. It's over. And I'm we I'm hoping that underbrink can like cure your poison somehow.

SPEAKER_09:

The detective?

SPEAKER_11:

I mean, maybe she has connections.

SPEAKER_10:

Yeah. Alright, guys. Uh well, there's a cliffhanger for you.

SPEAKER_11:

Right? We'll see how these boys get out of it next time.

SPEAKER_10:

Next time on the land of Ean dot com. Watch Brendan of Solo as Hooch Fales from Poison.

SPEAKER_02:

Um XP.

SPEAKER_07:

XP.

SPEAKER_02:

Ah, you didn't really complete a quest.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah, we've we actually give up XP. I absolutely did not talk my way out of trouble.

SPEAKER_02:

You got into hijinks, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

True that. Um significant NPC, sure.

SPEAKER_06:

Norc, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Bonnie Norc. Did you solve a problem creatively? Did were any problems solved?

SPEAKER_11:

Um I was able to become the taster. Oh yeah, and then and then yeah, as we solved that problem of Hooch getting fired. After the first uh new creature types, nothing. What did what did James eat? Was that a new creature we encountered? No.

SPEAKER_02:

That's all I got. Three.

SPEAKER_06:

I'll take it.

SPEAKER_02:

And what did you guys know? Ials or flaws, no relationships quests.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah, we don't believe in relationships. Oh, you know what? I could have done soothing music to at least heal some of your powers, but we haven't been out of conf or heal some of your courage. We haven't been out of conflict long enough for me to do it though.

SPEAKER_10:

I guess my repelling harness is still in Norx's headquarters.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah, same. Meaning, yeah. I thought I would at least get some.

SPEAKER_10:

I I had plus one and everything.

SPEAKER_11:

Wow.

SPEAKER_02:

So I'll tell you, it's a little um harder to GM just solely off the sandbox, like just staying in one place.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah, I was wondering how that's gonna be. Well, you have to create a lot of details about a specific area. There isn't like a local map to go from site to site. You lose the ability to encounter a lot of different things, it's just an urban setting. It's a good like play experiment, though.

SPEAKER_02:

For sure. Yeah, I'm wondering, like, do I make you guys do travel checks within the town? I think so.

SPEAKER_11:

From region to like from locale to locale. Yeah, I think like uh because you'd run into a lot more random things when you make travel checks. That could be that we add to like travel checks in cities. And then um, I guess when we go from section to section, there should be um I mean there's we're not really pointing out like a time where we'd be resting at a campfire like we usually do and like building relationships, right? Well, I guess we could be going back to Pandors like we did last time, like every night, yeah. But we also fast forwarded a week, right? Just to like, you know, make some quiche. Yeah, it it's been it's just been a different uh game loop, as it were. Yes, right, and uh a lot of failures don't help either.

SPEAKER_10:

No, because it doesn't propel any back pedaling for the entire quest. Just trying to survive the failures of the entire quest. It's good.

SPEAKER_02:

Classic.

SPEAKER_06:

Classic ass.

SPEAKER_02:

It's it's it's still a struggle to like because we we're supposed to propel it, even though there's a failure, you know, like propel it in a direction.

SPEAKER_11:

Yeah, I I attempted that, but poisoned and weakened myself so bad that uh that that I couldn't I could no longer propel. We we were throwing up Hail Marys left and right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10:

All right, dudes. Awesome, fun. Well, um, thanks everybody for joining us. Um we'll be back next week. If you want to check out the Landaveam, you can download this map and the beta rules at landaveam.com or drive through RPG. And if you're looking for a group to put together or you're a GM looking for players, check out the Discord.

SPEAKER_11:

You can get the the link either at the bottom of this video or uh at landbeam.com. All right. Well summed up, friend.

SPEAKER_13:

Alrighty, take it easy, everybody.

SPEAKER_11:

Was that my thing?

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Ben Costa

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George Higgins

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James Parks

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