The Spider Queen | Land of Eem Actual Play S5 EP018

A swamp job sounds simple until the swamp gets a vote. This Land of Eem actual play episode kicks off with big news about our latest chapter book release, then dives into tabletop RPG chaos in the Quagmash: busted infrastructure, missing miners, and a foreman-engineer who can fix a broken compass, but only in exchange for something rare and waterproof.

That something is inkpot spider webbing. Which means barrels, river travel, and the world's worst question: what does a sentient spider want in trade? The supply run becomes a full comedy of errors, from a depot shopping crawl and a "Save the swamp" recruitment pitch to an ambush of sticky gutter snail mucus that turns simple movement into a panic puzzle.

Then the sandbox really opens up. The party rescues a stranded shrimp named Dwyn from saberfish waters, survives a blinding mucklin bat swarm, and follows a lost duck trail straight into spider territory. Cornered by inkpot spiders, they talk fast, lie faster, and improvise a "quack sickness" scam with trick gum that escalates all the way to an audience with the spider queen. They roll out with barrels of webbing, but victory has a price: a poisoned, half-suffocated duck and a lead on a very questionable healer, Dr. Puerto Rico.

Created by Ben Costa and James Parks. The Land of Eem RPG is available now from Exalted Funeral and at Friendly Local Game Stores and online retailers everywhere. Grab the free Quickstart Guide at landofeem.com.

Explore the world: https://www.landofeem.com
Join the Discord: https://discord.com/invite/2Y5h82W
Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/ricketystitch

Subscribe for more Land of Eem adventures, share this with a friend who loves fantasy comedy, and leave a review. What would your plan be when the spider queen says "prove it"?

Transcript

SPEAKER_12 0:40

Hello and welcome.

SPEAKER_04 0:42

Hey everybody. Hi. Happy weekend. Happy Saturday. Happy Eam Day. Happy long weekend. How are you guys doing? Oh, I'm really excited about uh next week, Mr. Casta.

SPEAKER_12 0:55

Oh, you mean because uh this book is launching?

SPEAKER_04 0:58

Yes, indeed.

SPEAKER_12 1:01

Whoa! Dungeoneer Adventures, Lost in the Mushroom Maze, starring Coop Cooperson.

SPEAKER_13 1:06

Jeez, geez.

SPEAKER_04 1:08

Yes, our new series, Dungeoneer Adventures, Lost in the Mushroom, starting with book one, Lost in the Mushroom Maze, is coming out on May 31st. You can buy it anywhere books are sold in North America. You should go check out your local

Weekend Greetings And Big Plugs

SPEAKER_04 1:20

bookstore and support your neighborhood bookstore.

SPEAKER_02 1:24

Ask them for a copy of Dungeoneer Adventures.

SPEAKER_14 1:27

It's a story of a kid named Coop Cooperson who attends an adventure school called Dungeoneer Academy and goes on crazy adventures with his pals to save the Land of Eam from the forces of evil.

SPEAKER_12 1:38

From the forces of evil.

SPEAKER_04 1:45

But enough of that. We're going to play some Land of Eam today. Um, this is the RPG that's set in the world of Land of Eam, is inspired by Rickety Stitch and Dungeoneer Adventures. And you can download it for free at land of Eam.com right now. But uh time is running out. Yeah, limited time after there. Because we're gonna be announcing our big crowdsourcing campaign for a smorgasbord of books, including this beautiful book, the uh Muckland's Realm, which is the map you can see here. This is uh the sandbox setting that we play in every week.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

Um yeah, I think plugging I'm plugging away over here.

SPEAKER_04 2:27

That's that's the last bit of plugs. If I wanted to talk about this new uh little chapter book, can I talk about it in Discord, people? You can there a channel for that?

SPEAKER_02 2:39

There will be. Ooh, we will create a channel for that.

SPEAKER_12 2:44

Yeah, you know, uh I don't know that we need its own channel.

SPEAKER_04 2:48

Oh, yeah, no, everything has its own channels, sub channels, 40 channels. Well, if Rickety Stitches got a channel, then Dungeoner Adventures would have a channel, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_12 2:56

I guess what I'm saying we should probably just consolidate the call Rickety should something else, you know.

SPEAKER_04 3:03

Call it book series. Yeah, butches classic. Classic.

SPEAKER_12 3:11

You know, you don't want two dead servers, you know.

SPEAKER_11 3:14

Whoa, wow.

SPEAKER_12 3:20

Uh let's uh let's jump right into the quack mash. Jump on the way I've been stuck for nine, ten, twelve weeks. A billion years of quagmash. Last time you wandered into sinkhole, the subterranean city or town, really, um, and you learned that uh there were some disappearances happening. Kind of due to uh the mayhem that your previous characters caused in a different campaign.

SPEAKER_04 3:55

I mean, I wouldn't say mayhem. It'd be

Recap In Sinkhole And Next Move

SPEAKER_04 4:00

hijinks, you know.

SPEAKER_10 4:02

Yeah, hijinks. A little bit of mayhem, a little bit of mayhem, just a hair.

SPEAKER_03 4:08

Okay, just a hair and mayhem.

SPEAKER_12 4:13

You guys left the lost willows last time, achieving your goals of kind of getting some information on the Tricky Toe gang. Um, and I think ultimately you're headed up to Bogtown.

SPEAKER_04 4:30

Bogtown Blitz. I think yeah, we do need to return to Bogtown and start using this information to Yojimbo everything. Yeah. And for those of the don't know, we're referencing the classic uh Yojimbo film. Um that uh was it Fistful of Dollars is like the remake of that with Clone Smith. And then uh strangers come into town and uh pit two gangs against each other to destroy them to save the town from the from the gangs. So that's offline.

SPEAKER_12 5:05

Well, that'll be great. I mean, if you could figure that out, you know.

SPEAKER_04 5:08

Also, uh Last Man Standing, starring uh Christopher Walken and Bruce Willis was another Yojimbo ripoff.

SPEAKER_13 5:14

Was it really? Yeah, it was so they remake Yojimbo just about every decade now.

SPEAKER_04 5:21

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure there's a bunch of other ones we don't know about. But the Yojimbo.

SPEAKER_12 5:26

There's like 40 stories in Usagi Ojimbo, or it's just some that's true.

SPEAKER_04 5:36

It's like a hundred series, there's a hundred different stories about like gamblers like fighting amongst themselves. He goes through and pits them against each other. Yeah. That's because it's a good story. It's a good story. No, uh, why improve on the classics when you don't have to? True.

SPEAKER_12 5:53

That's why we're playing Landa Eam. So so then it's based on the classic tale rickety stitch and Gelanda's goo.

SPEAKER_04 6:02

Yes, the classic tale. Classique. Um, does Zona Imbok actually have information we can use about this place? Was he with them? Let me see. I gotta consult the old tome.

SPEAKER_13 6:15

Oh, consulting the old tone.

SPEAKER_04 6:18

Yeah, because like this is kind of an interesting situation where he might have information that we would learn have learned as Riley and um Galen.

SPEAKER_12 6:30

Yeah, I mean, I don't actually remember what you guys did. I know there were skeletons involved.

SPEAKER_04 6:41

Well, I don't know. The word sync hole does not appear. That document's like 600 pages long. Yeah. Well, we tried. Um oh oh uh, what's the guy's name? Uh the Foreman. Um E. Ezraq Leem. Let me see if I know anything about him. Oh, there we go. He's a Spithra. There were strip room problems, and we solved them. But but I have no other stuff, but there was this is this is like very, very much glazed over at this point. Alright, well, we can't we can't let these skeletons hang out in this town. I mean, we gotta do something. Yeah, I think that that's that's gonna be what we decide as a group is is just we have to have to do something about these skilling tens. So we should go see Ezra Glean. Yep.

unknown 7:36

Cool.

SPEAKER_04 7:37

I decided to go see Ezraq Lean. Wait, maybe I'm misremembering, but we were were we gonna get him to fix something for Pez the Mighty?

SPEAKER_12 7:48

His uh digging is his compass, that's right.

SPEAKER_04 7:53

Yeah, we were gonna have him we're gonna see if he could fix the compass. So maybe we can trade some services for that since he's uh engineering whiz or whatever. Allegedly. Allegedlies. Okay, yeah, I say we do that. Um we can start hunting him down. So we spend the night. Uh let me see what

Pitching Ezraq Leem On A Trade

SPEAKER_04 8:13

my hit points are like, first of all. I need to recover some. I think I'm full. 14 out of 14. Yeah, I guess I'm full too.

SPEAKER_12 8:27

Well, nice. Cool. Um I mean, we can start the next day and uh head over to Sinkhole Station, which is kind of like the uh the main uh base operations for the maintenance workforce that like keep this place running.

SPEAKER_04 8:46

Uh the main gauche, if you will, you know.

SPEAKER_12 8:49

Do but you've noticed like the place is constantly on the fritz, like things are lights are flickering, like sparks are flying, things are leaking.

SPEAKER_04 8:59

But it's like tons of pipes in the walls that are slowly oozing water and swamp juice. It's like a rebel base being bombed by the Imperial. Yeah, of the Imperial Navy, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 9:12

Um, and then there you know, you walk through the the halls of this place, and uh you find Ezraq Leem's office.

SPEAKER_05 9:22

Ezra Lean.

SPEAKER_12 9:25

He's already started working for the day. He's kind of ordering workers to go this way and that. He's got you know big checklists that he's crossing off.

SPEAKER_04 9:36

I like the idea that because he's a spithra, he's like writing with one arm, directing some with the other, drinking coffee to the third. I was just about to say he's like stirring sugar into his coffee with another two.

SPEAKER_12 9:47

Yeah, he's definitely multitasking.

SPEAKER_04 9:49

Yeah, he's got a big brain. I'll say uh hello there, sir.

SPEAKER_14 9:54

Um mind if we uh take up a couple minutes of your time?

SPEAKER_12 9:59

What uh shouldn't you be off in uh sector seven?

SPEAKER_04 10:03

Uh we don't work here. Seven. I I turn around and I look up at the map on the wall. Well there's no sector seven.

SPEAKER_12 10:13

Yeah, there is. I don't know what you're looking at. Points like it was just stains. It was just stains. Who are you two?

SPEAKER_04 10:25

We just came into town. Yeah. We're uh we're we hear you're an engineer, and we thought maybe you could help us out with a little problem we've got.

SPEAKER_12 10:34

He's already walking and uh doing other things, pulling out some um plants. We should just like walk some blueprints.

SPEAKER_13 10:46

We should walk speed walk like right next to him. Yeah, not doing like those guys in Brazil who's like paperwork line.

SPEAKER_12 11:00

Uh so you're you're some hired guns, huh? You're looking for cash.

SPEAKER_04 11:05

Sort of. I mean, cash is not miners, are you? No. So we've never worked with the water. I mean, look at us. If I used a pickaxe, my uh my wings would break. Hollow bones.

SPEAKER_12 11:16

Yeah. Yep, having trouble with uh this influx of miners are just bad news. Oh, why is that?

SPEAKER_04 11:24

So uh are they getting driven out of the tunnels or they're just rowdy. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, we tried playing some music for them last night, didn't go so well. Half of them were into it, but there was a small contingent who just, man, they did not they didn't like anything. They just wanted to fight.

SPEAKER_12 11:43

So, what trouble are you talking about? Because uh I've got a whole list of trouble. Well look at his list of trouble.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

We got here with uh with a pal of ours that's also an engineer, but he's unable to fix his uh compass.

SPEAKER_04 11:56

He he's a shrim inventor. He's kind of a genius, but there's something wrong with his compass, and he can't identify what it is. Um, he's got a digging machine that uh he's did he come from Bogtown or he was going to river country from Bogtown or or he doesn't sound much like a genius if he can't get his compass working right.

SPEAKER_12 12:15

Uh kind of an idiot savant, you know.

SPEAKER_01 12:20

Yeah, uh I was thinking the same thing.

SPEAKER_13 12:22

He's like, yeah, he's like, he's got some blind spots. Yeah. But uh but he means well. In fact, he may be able to help this place.

SPEAKER_09 12:32

That's a tall order.

SPEAKER_12 12:36

This place uh wasn't exactly built with the best materials.

SPEAKER_13 12:43

It's just like paper.

SPEAKER_04 12:44

So maybe we can talk to the uh Senate and broker some better materials trade for you. The Senate.

SPEAKER_12 12:55

Listen, if you want some uh you're talking about doing a trade here, I think.

SPEAKER_04 13:00

Uh yeah, yeah, yes. Take a look at his compass, we'd be happy to do you a favor too. Trade Federation.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

Sorry, guys. Ah, sorry.

SPEAKER_12 13:14

Lost in another world. Well, look, um, we used to have a slurpworm problem, but that got taken care of. Trouble is the people who took care of that kind of rustled up some skeletons. Eventually that got taken care of. They kind of ran off down a hole full of witch breath.

SPEAKER_03 13:35

Uh yeah. And then there was an explosion in the distance. Or sorry, and then there is an explosion in the distance as Shade One was destroyed. Yes, I have all their exploits right here.

SPEAKER_12 13:45

I don't know about that, but uh some weird things have been happening ever since.

SPEAKER_04 13:51

What kind of weird things?

SPEAKER_12 13:55

Well, you have to talk to the miners really, but uh a few disappearances.

SPEAKER_04 14:01

Do they have uh like a foreman who's in charge of them or well?

SPEAKER_12 14:06

I'm I'm the foreman of this whole place. But I have not encountered the thing myself. I mean you you might want to talk to Zeb Xander.

SPEAKER_10 14:16

Zeb Xander. Okay, where where can we find Zeb Xander?

SPEAKER_12 14:21

In the undermines, you know, if uh that's not so much your speed, uh doesn't look like it. You guys look like a couple of well, I mean you don't look like adventurers. How dare you, sir? I mean, come on.

SPEAKER_04 14:38

What do you play play music? I play my shrimp guitar at him. He's a warrior poet. Yeah, yeah. You get really solemn when he says that, and I take a vow of silence.

SPEAKER_12 14:53

All right, well, uh, you know, I have some other problems here, you know. Uh all these leaks, I can barely keep up with the demands. You know, um I have only so many people and only so many materials, and uh I think I I think I might have uh stumbled upon a solution, though. Oh just uh I could use a couple of fellas to uh go out and get some more of this material.

SPEAKER_02 15:22

I think we could do that.

SPEAKER_10 15:24

Yeah, we can get this material, you'll take a look at Pez's compass.

SPEAKER_12 15:32

All right, I mean this this one I will actually have you uh leave leave the town though.

SPEAKER_10 15:39

How far are we talking, eh?

SPEAKER_12 15:43

Out into the quagmash. Oh boy. Oh all right.

SPEAKER_02 15:49

Um I

The Inkpot Spider Webbing Quest

SPEAKER_02 15:52

look at Brendo. Like, I'm not sure if I want to go back into the quagmash, but I'll do it if he's dish rug.

SPEAKER_12 15:57

Yeah. Hey, look, it's up to you. You want to go down into the mines and uh you know, potentially get disappeared yourself?

SPEAKER_10 16:10

I'm gonna or I'm gonna lean into Brenda and be like, that sounds like a lot more dangerous than just like going for some materials guy.

SPEAKER_04 16:16

Like, what are you doing? What is it's not like he's gonna need some wet rockets from thods?

SPEAKER_12 16:21

Yeah, not thods, but uh ink pot spiders.

SPEAKER_04 16:24

Um, I mean we know oh no, I don't know these guys.

SPEAKER_12 16:28

That was last good.

SPEAKER_01 16:31

Pisan.

SPEAKER_04 16:32

Um Paisan.

SPEAKER_12 16:36

I found that uh their webbing is quite uh sturdy.

SPEAKER_04 16:41

Uh uh forgive the ignorant observation I'm about to make, but aren't you yourself a Spithra? Do you not make webbing?

SPEAKER_12 16:50

Um, I mean that's a a private thing. Uh Brento. I don't know how these things work. He uh if he could blush, he starts blushing. He says, they they they produce very strong web. Uh and it's water resistant.

SPEAKER_04 17:11

Oh, okay. That's all you had to say. Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, um, well, how much of this webbing do you need?

SPEAKER_12 17:18

I mean buckets, barrels, as much as possible.

SPEAKER_04 17:26

Okay, a couple of barrels of webbing. Uh, I wonder if we could are inkpot spiders like I mean, they they're sentient. You can parley with them, but if we could trade with one? Yeah, like what what does an ink inkpot spider want? To eat something? We're gonna have to find yeah, they they always just want to eat, yeah. Alright, so if you give us a couple miners to sacrifice to the inkpot spider, I think then we get more something out. No, I'll be your children. Sure, sure. Where do you know where the ink pot spiders lurk in the adjacent hexas?

SPEAKER_12 18:04

I did come across a uh a nest up north. South of Orstei.

SPEAKER_02 18:15

Okay, that's not so bad. There's like a little island in there. Island of inkpot spiders.

SPEAKER_04 18:21

Um all right, I say we go for it. I look at the map, I look at Hooch, I shrug and I say, Yeah, let's do it. Seems close enough. Um, I'm gonna ask uh Leem like where we can get some barrels, some empty barrels to fill. You're gonna float them down the river, fill the habits.

SPEAKER_13 18:43

That's that's crazy, but yes, I was gonna suggest we could float them down the river.

SPEAKER_12 18:52

Uh he um he brings you over to a supply closet and says these ones are uh kind of busted, but if you fix them up, everything's busted around here. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_04 19:03

I take one of the barrels and be like, no problem, and try to fix it with Tinker. Oh, I can't wait to see this. Oh my gosh. Wow, all right. It's a 10, it's not a crit, but I do it still though.

SPEAKER_12 19:17

Um do you have any materials? I do.

SPEAKER_01 19:21

I have Oh no, I don't. We use them. Oh I thought I had three, but we used them. I totally forgot about it. We use them to try to fix this.

SPEAKER_04 19:29

I just put like my fist right through the barrel. Fix! Yeah, yeah. I mean, we could no, but so here's the thing. We have some, I'm sure we have some junk items you could have used in lieu of materials, right? Um I don't really have much on me at the moment. I give you my change of fine clothing. I'll put it on.

SPEAKER_10 19:51

I look fantastic. You do. Got like a giant plume in my hat.

SPEAKER_12 20:20

Um you guys can buy materials, so you keep that roll.

SPEAKER_04 20:25

Okay, yeah, maybe we'll do that. Um look at our funds. Oof. All right. Uh uh let's go to the uh material material. Hubbard's a bear down there, it seems. Yeah. Uh we have one ancient coin. Okay, that'll that'll last a while. And a silver pouch. So we're gonna try to just spend a silver pouch. I say, um, do you know anywhere we can get kind of a contractor's discount for repairing these barrels? We just need to get some materials.

SPEAKER_12 21:03

Uh yeah, you know, um go down to the uh the depot.

SPEAKER_02 21:10

They'll sell you some materials. We do it.

SPEAKER_14 21:14

We wander through the cavernous depot, just going down aisle after aisle, never finding anyone to help us. No one in an orange apron comes to help us. Yeah. And after two hours, we finally find the right aisle.

SPEAKER_04 21:31

Yeah. But it's blocked off by this like inshrim orange gate and shrimp forklift. Yeah.

unknown 21:39

Beep.

SPEAKER_04 21:41

It's just we both draw our weapons and we stand there at the ready. It's it's beeping. It's is it is it coming at us? We've never seen anything

Depot Shopping And Save The Swamp Pitch

SPEAKER_04 21:49

like it. It feels like it's a monster, but then the shrimp hops off and says, Mike, hey, yeah. My key tur is resonating with the forklift and is rolling to see if this is true. Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 22:02

What you said is very true. And it takes nine hours, but you uh find the place and uh nine hours. There's uh there's a little uh shrimp behind a counter. He can only see his eyes. And um he says, uh well, what are you doing here?

SPEAKER_02 22:24

Uh we're looking to get some materials. How much you want? Uh enough to fix this barrel.

SPEAKER_05 22:32

Uh, we think we need some more barrels, don't we?

SPEAKER_14 22:34

Maybe a couple more barrels if you got them. How much you got? We got plenty of money.

SPEAKER_02 22:40

We're flush with it. Show them. Show them, Brando.

SPEAKER_04 22:44

Uh, I hold up a silver pouch and I shrug. As he does that, I like put other things out that I want to buy, like candy bars and like a flicker.

unknown 22:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:52

Somehow the the the barrel material aisle is right next to the candy aisle.

SPEAKER_12 22:58

So you can get 10 materials for silver coins.

SPEAKER_04 23:01

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_12 23:02

That's a lot.

SPEAKER_04 23:02

Let's do it. Um yeah, let's do it. We do that. Let me roll to see if we spend it. Come on. The eight don't fail me now. It's a four. I would have spent it. I know, I know. We now have copy out coins. Cap yeah. Capier. Um let's see. So we thank the shrimp. Uh does he comment on my kitar at all? No. No. Kind of like keeps showing it off like different angles. Okay, fine.

SPEAKER_12 23:43

Um what are you doing?

SPEAKER_04 23:46

What? What are you doing?

SPEAKER_12 23:48

We're fixing barrels. You're kind of making me uncomfortable. Yeah, what is that?

SPEAKER_10 23:51

A cordless drill?

SPEAKER_04 23:54

Yeah, it says uh some Akita. Kita. That's classic. It is.

SPEAKER_12 24:04

Um a sh uh a boggle walks up to you and he looks like a young enthusiastic kid. He's wearing uh a cape, and he hands you a pamphlet and says, Save the swamp.

SPEAKER_04 24:20

I think you got your apron on backwards, buddy.

SPEAKER_09 24:24

Save the swamp, become a puddle jumper. Hey, we know I take the literature.

SPEAKER_14 24:35

Thank you. Thank you for I read it silently, and I don't quite let him go in case I have reference.

SPEAKER_12 24:46

So what do you say? You thinking about it? How do you become a puddle jumper?

SPEAKER_03 24:52

How did you create these high-quality pamphlets?

SPEAKER_12 24:54

Puddle point and uh take the oath. Okay, also pay the fee. Well, wait, wait, wait, wait. Feed? That won't be a problem. And then you just uh you save the swamp after that.

SPEAKER_10 25:11

Okay, just like that. Just like that. Save the swamp. Just like that for a fee. All right.

SPEAKER_12 25:18

Well, thanks for the go out and do the work, you know. You gotta go and uh preserve uh the wildlife and uh you know uh build uh dams and whatnot. Picking up a lot of trash beavers, yeah. You gotta help out the beavers. I see. It's called uh we got a beaver reclamation project going on. Ah, the BRP. I see flyers for that all the time. Exactly. You know, it's amazing. All these uh muck men kind of mucking up the joint, if you if you will, you know what I mean? And then uh causing ecological disasters.

SPEAKER_05 25:55

Yeah, I say what's your name, kid? Peach. Peach. Wait, Peach Dundee?

SPEAKER_12 26:03

No, you you're thinking about uh what's his name?

SPEAKER_04 26:07

Oh, I'm thinking of Hooch Dundee. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_13 26:14

Sorry, there's like three Dundee's in the sandbox, and my character's name is also Dundee.

SPEAKER_04 26:23

I didn't even you know it was like subconscious because right there in front of me, but I th I thought you were talking about backwater bundy for a moment.

SPEAKER_10 26:31

Oh, is that a puddle jumper too?

SPEAKER_12 26:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 26:35

Okay. Well, uh, thanks for the heads up.

SPEAKER_02 26:39

We're ever on puddle point, we'll have to check it out.

SPEAKER_12 26:44

Are you just uh blowing smoke?

SPEAKER_10 26:47

No, I use fib.

SPEAKER_09 26:53

You're like really insulted that he would think that you're lying to him. Not at all.

SPEAKER_12 27:06

All right, cool. Um uh then I'll add you to uh my list of potential uh puddle jumpers. Nice. I see that you're the first ones. B-R-E-N-D-O.

SPEAKER_04 27:19

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What? Nothing, nothing, nothing. So now you can write. He walks off.

SPEAKER_14 27:34

Alright. Um so we got the materials. Let's uh and if we hold on to that roll, we succeeded in repairing them.

SPEAKER_04 27:44

Right. So we got some barrels.

SPEAKER_09 27:46

We need to float on those barrels north towards where we will find Ilgaths. Dozens of them.

SPEAKER_04 28:01

What would be nice is is if we like captured a baby Ilgath egg and then brought it to Ezrachlim and he raised it as his own and he just used it like a cow. I mean, you know, whatever you do with the spinnerets, you know, used it like a cow. Yeah. Yeah, he needs a in his supply of this thing. Immediately turns it into a factory animal.

SPEAKER_07 28:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:29

Actually, that's that what if we like were able to negotiate a uh a trade-off where they could constantly get a stream of web wepping.

SPEAKER_04 28:40

Right. It's just like we have to figure out what the ink pot spider wants besides people. Right. Hopefully it doesn't want to just eat everybody. Probably does though. You're right. Yeah. Okay, so so now that we've gone to the depot, we shouldn't just head out of town, I guess, real quick. Yeah. We'll go north to 3221. Um, yes. I'll roll here. Roll it uh we end up back in town somehow. No, we're dead. That is gonna be a two. Would a three be better, Ben? Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_12 29:19

I mean, yeah, it's actually I can't guarantee that it will be better.

SPEAKER_04 29:25

Well, well, it it bumps it up to a different sort of bad, right? Mm-hmm. Okay, yeah, we're doing it.

SPEAKER_12 29:32

But within that, like I can't guarantee, you know. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:35

No, I totally get it.

SPEAKER_12 29:39

Uh okay, so roll to 100.

SPEAKER_13 29:42

So this literally just we are going up in a sinkhole elevator at the door opens, and this is what we see.

SPEAKER_04 29:49

Welcome to Earth, punches us, drags us back in. Couldn't be worse. It's Kate Catteran. He's bounty hunting us. Oh, that would be horrible.

SPEAKER_12 30:02

Okay. Uh something

Leaving Town And A Bad Travel Roll

SPEAKER_12 30:07

that's not in the sandbox, but uh I mean not in the best year.

SPEAKER_02 30:16

Really, make a note of that one. I haven't read quadmash, I haven't gone through Quagmash yet.

SPEAKER_04 30:26

It was the best jury, it was the worst jury, you know. That's classic.

SPEAKER_12 30:35

Um okay, you are walking through the mud, and um as you guys jump over a log, your feet catch on it. And you realize that you're you're stuck in some sort of um sticky substance.

SPEAKER_04 31:04

Oh no. I think we found what we're looking for. But I'm wrong.

SPEAKER_12 31:13

It looks like there's slugs or snails everywhere.

SPEAKER_09 31:17

Oh jeez.

SPEAKER_04 31:20

I I don't I it's like uh I start to wonder to myself, could we use this instead of the webbing?

SPEAKER_12 31:32

Um guys are both or what what's your uh defense?

SPEAKER_04 31:39

I am my defense is minus two. I'm zero. But but Ben I reserve

Gutter Snails And Sticky Mucus Escape

SPEAKER_04 31:46

the right to turn into a vapor. If like I can perceive I'm being threatened, does that make sense? But if it's a surprise attack, I think I wouldn't.

SPEAKER_12 31:59

Yeah, it's like a surprise. Um yeah, I guess we'll have to figure that out.

SPEAKER_08 32:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_12 32:20

Um James, you take one dread. Oh boy. Um Brendo, you take eight dread.

SPEAKER_02 32:30

What?

SPEAKER_12 32:32

Oh you are entangled, but if you turn into vapor, you can escape being entangled.

SPEAKER_04 32:42

Um yell pocket sand and turn into vapor. Wow. Pocket sand.

SPEAKER_12 32:48

Um hooch. You are slowed by this sticky mucus.

SPEAKER_04 32:55

Um do the snails that are around like look dangerous? They look like Gary from Spongebob.

SPEAKER_12 33:02

You've seen them before in Bogtown. Uh these are gutter snails, but they look a little different. They look larger than the urban ones. Wilderness, wilderness gutter snails. They look like they're hungry.

SPEAKER_04 33:15

Oh, like Andy Circus in King Kong.

SPEAKER_14 33:23

Um, I uh I'm gonna try to pull Brendo out of the slime.

SPEAKER_03 33:31

I'm already incorporated.

SPEAKER_04 33:33

Okay, yeah. Uh maybe we can try to collect some of this slime if we can just to try it out. Throw it in a barrel. Yeah, we'd have to capture the snail in the barrel. I want to get myself more stuck. Oh, actually, capturing a snail on the barrel is not a bad idea. Hey, well, you want to do some of this? And he's like, no, get that out of here. We don't need an infestation to gutter snails in here. Have you seen the back alleys? They're like we're littered with them.

SPEAKER_12 34:05

Uh so what are you guys doing? Um, how many of them are there, Ben? There is just a multitude. It's like a sport.

SPEAKER_04 34:16

Oh.

SPEAKER_12 34:17

I was like, critters.

SPEAKER_04 34:18

We're getting waylaid by critters.

SPEAKER_12 34:20

Creepers. Oh, creepers. Creepers. So, Hooch, you are slowed, meaning that you can't run. Your movement checks have disadvantage, and your defense is plus one. Oh boy.

SPEAKER_04 34:32

Wow. Um this is bad. I can I can interact with you, Hooch, so I can maybe fly you out of this. Uh well, I was gonna use disappearing act.

SPEAKER_09 34:41

Okay. And vanish into a barrel. So that I don't get eaten by snails. Because it's the worst thing I can think of.

SPEAKER_10 34:58

Oh my goodness. That's not good. So that's a five. I'm gonna use a quest point to make it a six.

SPEAKER_12 35:06

Um that's gonna have disadvantage just because you're uh oh wait, there's no way I'm gonna roll worse than that.

SPEAKER_04 35:17

Narrator, and then he did. And then I'm gonna make that a six. Okay, nice.

SPEAKER_12 35:30

All right, success with a twist.

SPEAKER_03 35:32

What a tweeze.

SPEAKER_12 35:34

Um you you escape except there's one like on your hand and it bites you. Oh god. These things you take two dread. Oh my goodness. But like you could easily just like hit this against the barrel and like smash it. I do that.

SPEAKER_04 35:58

But then when you smash it, I can't get my hand off the barrel. Like I'm gluing myself to everything. So so do you do you think we could use these things in lieu of the spider webbing?

SPEAKER_14 36:13

I mean, it's worth a shot if we want to like try to grab one and or grab a couple.

SPEAKER_12 36:18

I mean, it's like ooze.

SPEAKER_04 36:20

It's not it's not like a substance. Okay, okay, yeah, yeah. We're not really nasty enough to use this.

SPEAKER_12 36:26

Yeah. All right. Like if you put it on something, it would like slowly drip.

SPEAKER_04 36:32

And it's probably not waterproof.

SPEAKER_12 36:36

Um, but Brenda, what are you doing? You've just uh used your vapor, which means that you can't be entangled, but um, what are you gonna do?

SPEAKER_04 36:50

Throw a salty hand grenade. Oh my gosh, do I have salt? Uh salt. Salt. I don't have salt. Uh I don't I don't know because uh if he's if hooch is safe, I'd be more concerned about getting him out of there, and then that's it. Um, so hooch is doing what? I I use a disappearing act, so I'm can vanish.

SPEAKER_12 37:19

I think at this point you might want to like maybe the concern are your barrels, you know.

SPEAKER_04 37:26

Uh-huh. They're they're just crawling all over them now.

SPEAKER_12 37:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:31

Um can we push the barrels like into the water away from them so they they float free? Actually, that would be okay. I can I can narrator this where uh I'll just say, and then Hooch and Brendo sneakily pushed the barrels into the water, and the snails did not follow. For they feared it.

SPEAKER_12 37:55

No rhyming bonus. Yeah, do not Casco. Do not fear it.

SPEAKER_02 38:01

Because I do.

SPEAKER_04 38:04

Uh use a D12. It's six, but it is a six plus inspire. Plus two, it's an eight, plus one is a nine. Burn through quest points.

SPEAKER_02 38:19

A lower of it.

SPEAKER_04 38:22

Quest upon dust. Quest upon dust.

SPEAKER_12 38:25

In your vaporous form, you manage to push the uh barrels into the water without getting bitten. Hooch, you're inside like a hobbit.

SPEAKER_05 38:38

See, this barrel's really heavy. Hello, Brenda. What are you doing, man?

SPEAKER_04 38:41

Hooch. Uh-oh. And I pushed into the water already.

SPEAKER_12 38:47

Um, disaster averted. Is it disaster averted?

SPEAKER_04 38:54

I'm gonna use my man catcher to like row. Mm-hmm. Row down the river. Row in down to weaboo.

SPEAKER_12 39:04

Yes. All right, make your uh next check here.

SPEAKER_00 39:08

Okay, let's roll 12. Let's say uh eight.

SPEAKER_12 39:16

Okay, make a make a roll a D6.

unknown 39:21

Three.

SPEAKER_12 39:26

Okay, let's see what that means. Okay.

SPEAKER_09 39:35

I forget off the top. Oh, that is uh you guys are exhausted.

SPEAKER_12 39:40

This is exhausting. To be exhausted. Uh you take two dread and you're both tired. Just uh paddling along on these barrels has really tuckered you out. Yeah, come to the end of the day, and then um you're kind of in the area that you think the nests might be, but you're not you're gonna have to like search this probably tomorrow because you're both tired.

SPEAKER_06 40:12

Yeah, I was gonna say, Hey here, just take it out. My god, Georgie.

SPEAKER_04 40:18

Um let's set up camp in the safest place we can think of, and uh uh I'm gonna go ahead and use Swashbuckler to make up an advantageous feature. Like, oh look, there's a den, but it's actually a spider hole, and we go sleep in it. I don't do that. And we don't wake up. End of end of campaign. Yeah, end of champagne. Yeah. Um, no, so yeah, Ben, what are the features of the terrain here? Is there anywhere that we reasonably could sleep for the night?

SPEAKER_12 40:53

Yeah. You know, it's uh it's a swamp. You can find a roasting a little nook under a tree. You know, it's not the best place, but I prefer a cranny and find a spot.

SPEAKER_04 41:11

No crannies, only nooks.

SPEAKER_12 41:16

Um all right, let's set up camp and uh

Camp, Jerky, And A Full Rest

SPEAKER_12 41:28

so by the rules, you will have to like use all your time to be resting to become not tired.

SPEAKER_10 41:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:38

Yeah, that may that's fine. Um, because we still have some food. Uh, I'm gonna try to eat some jerky jerky boy over here. Breaking jerky, yeah. Couple of jerky boys. Uh roll a d6 to see if it is consumed. It's not. Beautiful. I feed the two of us, and then I always forget, Ben, how many hit points? It's like your level plus six.

SPEAKER_12 42:05

No, uh no, it's just it's just a d6. Just a d6, okay.

SPEAKER_04 42:14

Like a d6. That's six. I think about a fourteen. That was it. That was some. Is that for both of us?

SPEAKER_02 42:21

Or is that well, you have to roll your own uh healing three. I'll take it.

SPEAKER_04 42:28

You're responsible for your own healing. I'll take it. Okay.

SPEAKER_12 42:38

Uh so what is your jerky what is the dice at now?

SPEAKER_04 42:43

Uh so it's gone from D6, I assume, down to D4 now.

SPEAKER_12 42:49

Uh just stays at D6. Oh, perpetually.

SPEAKER_04 42:54

Oh, that's good. Okay, awesome until it's consumed. You know what? I I appreciate that because it would have felt a little bit bad. Like, we got a lot of good use out of it, but the fact that it stays at d6 is kind of nice. Like it makes it worth the gold. Our the seervil. Seervil.

SPEAKER_02 43:16

Seervil, as the bog roll junk monger would say.

SPEAKER_01 43:19

Give me all your searvel.

SPEAKER_12 43:28

Love the all right. Uh this goes on through the night. The night passes without uh interruption. You guys get a good night's rest, sleeping all through the night. You wake up another day in the quagmash. Um, search checks.

SPEAKER_02 43:49

I was just about to say I'm gonna search the I'm gonna search the area looking for any webbing or anything that would look like uh a big spider might be nearby.

SPEAKER_04 43:59

A Spiderman. A J Spiderman. That's a four. That's a nine? Uh uh yeah, a nine, flat nine for me.

SPEAKER_07 44:11

Nine.

SPEAKER_04 44:12

Nine. Um as uh Hooch is looking down. I actually end up looking up, and above him is a drooling Spider-Man.

SPEAKER_12 44:28

Wait, so what? What are these two roles?

SPEAKER_02 44:32

Uh I made my own search check. I rolled a four.

SPEAKER_12 44:37

Um, so it's like it's it's basically a travel check, but you're using search, so it's one person.

SPEAKER_04 44:44

Oh, sorry. We don't find nothing. We are uh oh my god, what's his name? Um Tim Meadows? Yeah, we are Tim Meadows in Spaceballs, Tim Russ. In spaceballs. Baseballs when they come in the desert.

SPEAKER_12 45:05

Tim Meadows is not in space balls. Yeah, it's Tim.

SPEAKER_04 45:08

I think it's Tim Russ. It's whoever played Tubak. Oh, you're I think you might be right. I made my Lord check. You made your space. Yeah. I've derailed this first baseball's Lord check. Uh all I can say is that it's on brand, guys. It's on brand. It is. So we find nothing. It's on Brando sim.

SPEAKER_12 45:33

Yeah, actually, roll a D100.

SPEAKER_04 45:35

Oh boy. Yeah, we we find the droppings of a Spider-Man. 13.

SPEAKER_03 45:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_14 45:43

Like for like the moment I rolled that, I forgot I was rolling a D100, and I was like, yes. Alright.

SPEAKER_02 45:50

But then realized that I'm an idiot.

SPEAKER_12 45:55

No. Um, you happen upon a shrimp who is stranded on this tiny island of sticks in the center of a pond, a murky pond, and she's like, when she spots you, she uh plead for help.

SPEAKER_08 46:14

Hey, what's going on?

SPEAKER_12 46:17

On unsure feet, kind of like backing away, like trying to stick to the middle of the this pile of sticks, and it's all uh like tumbling into the pond. She says, Hey, saberfish! Brang saberfish.

SPEAKER_04 46:32

Oh boy. Um, uh, can I get into one of the barrels? And like they're they're gonna eat your barrel, aren't they? Oh yeah, I guess they're big.

SPEAKER_12 46:43

Um, um, you hear this weird brain sound from beneath the water. It's like I love when things are named after the sounds they make.

SPEAKER_04 46:55

Um I say, hooch, hold on to this. And it's uh one end of 30 feet of rope. I say uh I'm gonna fly out the other end out to her. Oh fly, I fly the other end of rope

A Stranded Shrimp And Saberfish Below

SPEAKER_04 47:08

out to her to hold on to, and then I see if is it a moving pile of sticks like she can pull herself in?

SPEAKER_12 47:15

No, it's just like breaks apart.

SPEAKER_04 47:18

Um I'm I'm hopeful that between my strength check to make to like lift her off and Hooch's strength check to like tug her to the shore, we can kind of like leap assist her from the the pile of sticks over to the shore again. Um physics, physics check. Maybe if maybe if we were able to pull if we got Zonian Bok in on it and were able to like wrap the rope around a tree and pull super, super hard, we can pull her through the water faster than they can get her. Uh Zoni and Bok says, I do not do manual labor. I'm not that kind of mushroom.

SPEAKER_14 48:05

They're gonna put you back into it. We gotta save this lady.

SPEAKER_04 48:09

Yeah, or or we could loop, we could loop one end of the rope over a tree branch and then just like pulley her, pulley her up. Yeah, and then she could swing or climb the tree. Yeah. Okay, okay, that's a good idea. Let's do that.

SPEAKER_12 48:21

All right, Brendo, you're gonna have to use swashbuckler to create this tree.

SPEAKER_04 48:27

I respect that. Because here comes a 12 or 7. When I buckle, when I buckle swash, I add perception. How I wish I had increased that by one more. Uh, it's an it's an eight though, Ben. And this is above a six to be uh operational, or there's a drawback if I don't.

SPEAKER_12 48:50

Well, it's a six S with a twist.

SPEAKER_04 48:52

Okay. Um yeah, I'll save the quest points. Yeah, I gotta save the quest points. Um save the quag match, save the quest points. Yeah, so so we we'll do that. We'll it'll be uh a a branch. Is it that it won't tolerate more than one or two tugs on it, or is it that uh has a nest filled with muck on bats in it? Yeah, I think that that I actually really like that idea. Okay, it's like an alligator is just like sitting on top. Right.

SPEAKER_13 49:35

An alligator, I love it. Yeah, an alligator is better, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 49:38

Yeah, it's probably worse for you. Right, right, right. Oh well, that's hilarious.

SPEAKER_12 49:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_09 49:49

So yeah, how are you doing this?

SPEAKER_04 49:57

Uh I've so I'll loop the rope over that tree branch. Uh, and I'm gonna try to do can I make a stealth check to not piss off the alligators?

SPEAKER_12 50:09

No, you don't know that they're oh okay.

SPEAKER_04 50:12

Then then I'm being noisy and yelling down at this girl. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 50:17

I say, alright, hooch, you just gotta like tug and lift her off the ground and then she can swing back over.

SPEAKER_12 50:27

Sorry, hooch, make a mic check.

SPEAKER_05 50:30

I say, Alright, lady, you gotta you gotta jump.

SPEAKER_14 50:35

Um so that is a five. I could make it a six.

SPEAKER_04 50:41

Yeah, my final quest point, and I think I will.

SPEAKER_12 50:44

Okay. Okay. Um you pull up the woman, and she makes it to the to safety, but you've like just disturbed all of the mucklin bats, and they're uh just like all up in your face, hooch. Clawing and biting.

SPEAKER_14 51:07

I jump into the barrel screaming. That's a thing.

SPEAKER_04 51:18

I like got a thing about bats, like Indiana Jones has a thing about snakes. Yeah, bats. Why do it have to be bats? Why'd it have to be bats? Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_12 51:28

Um, that is an 11 on you. Okay, that's good. But its ability fluttering swarm on a nine plus attack, uh, the target is blinded and entangled.

SPEAKER_11 51:45

Um I back up directly into the water. Like I and I fall right in.

SPEAKER_12 51:54

It's a big clunk.

Muckland Bats, Chum, And Narrow Survival

SPEAKER_12 51:58

Uh, you also take two dread. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. You're sort of thrashing in like the shallow part of the water, so you're not completely submerged. Um, but now they're just like bats all over you, and uh presumably a fish somewhere. Uh like see like a huge ribbed spine come up and wiggle towards me. Uh Brenda, what are you doing? The the shrim is now like gasping on the shore.

SPEAKER_04 52:35

Going off my keytar while hooch drowns. Yeah, so so hooch is uh flailing in the water.

unknown 52:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 52:47

Yeah, let's let's start at the top of the round. Yeah, okay. So how do you want to handle this?

SPEAKER_04 53:01

Um I'm gonna try to shoe them, like bat them away, pun intended. Okay, and while while you do that, I'm gonna do a non-combat action also. I take the scum eater fish that we have, and then kind of just like break it up with my hands and throw it in to chum the waters so they so they go away from you. So they go away from you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not to send them into a feeding frenzy for you, necessarily. Yeah, they just they go they go mad with hunger. The blood drives them into a frenzy. The blood of their own.

SPEAKER_12 53:32

So hooch, actually, since you're entangled, you're basically like useless and oh yeah. You could just try to escape, really.

SPEAKER_14 53:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 53:42

I will actually I'm gonna dunk my head into the water to escape. Hmm. Like I'll like dive in deeper.

SPEAKER_12 53:52

Okay, I'll give you advantage.

SPEAKER_10 53:55

All right, let's see, let's see, let's see. Thank goodness. Thank heaven. Uh was that athletics?

SPEAKER_12 54:06

Nimbleness. Nimbleness.

SPEAKER_13 54:08

Okay, that's an eight.

SPEAKER_12 54:10

Okay. Success, the twist. Uh, you see the fish, right? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_13 54:17

It's like got this huge buck. It's like the fish from uh sword of the stone, just like I mean.

SPEAKER_12 54:24

Brenda, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_04 54:26

Uh so at this point, now that Hooch has kind of made a bit of an escape, I'm going to throw the um I'm gonna break up the scum eater fish that we have in our inventory and throw it in a little bit farther away to lure the fish away from uh hooch.

SPEAKER_12 54:43

All right, make a wilderness check.

SPEAKER_04 54:48

Come on, Brendo. Boo na does I believe uh boo boo. So um I all I do is smear fish all over my like it it's mold, like it's it's uh past its prime, and I've just got like mushy rotten fish on my hands now, and the bats love it. She starts to take egg. Oh god, give me some sugar sugar. That is horrible.

SPEAKER_12 55:26

Yeah, you see that the bats turn all their attention to you, Brendo.

SPEAKER_04 55:29

So you're safe from bats now, but I am not. As long as they don't knock you out of the tree into the water.

SPEAKER_12 55:36

Brendo, the bats go for you, but uh fortunately they they just uh kind of peck, they just go after the fish.

SPEAKER_04 55:48

They give they like they're like those little feeder fish that'll clean your feet off or whatever. Like they just they clean my fingers off entirely.

SPEAKER_12 55:55

You're surprisingly gentle.

SPEAKER_04 55:56

Yeah, yeah. Like I take off the very top layer of dead skin and my hands look like beautiful. Yeah, you you're totally my wings. I don't know. You exfoliate a bird. Let's take all the oil off of you. Yeah. I'm no longer. Feather a bird, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I've been plucked. Feather mites. This awkward skinny chicken. Yeah. Oh, all the all the feather mites are gone, yes. Yeah, and no longer mangy.

SPEAKER_12 56:24

Um underwater.

SPEAKER_03 56:27

Uh which had been down there for some time. I began to let the minus he couldn't even breathe. Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 56:39

So this is a miss uh with a plus. Um the the fish like lunges at you with its huge maw and kind of circles around you, like blocking off your immediate escape to the shore.

SPEAKER_04 56:59

Um I can make it so you can use disappear again.

SPEAKER_13 57:07

I'm gonna swim for the stick mound to get out of the water. Well, because if it's a blocking off the shore, I have nowhere else to go.

SPEAKER_04 57:19

Um I have to get out of the water. That's really funny. Uh God. Um is do you have an ability you want to use again? Because I can make that happen. Um I could use disappearing act again. Uh, but I don't have any more quest points. No, it's fine. Um, I'm gonna use I'm gonna do ode and uh roll plus inspire on a six plus, you can use an ability again.

SPEAKER_12 57:48

All right, so we're going to the next round. This is happening.

SPEAKER_04 57:51

Yeah, these are the two top of the round. Um axionase. Oh my good lord. I don't do it. You can't hear it underwater. The ode isn't penetrating the the swamp.

SPEAKER_12 58:05

You need some like water penetrating keitar attachments.

SPEAKER_04 58:08

Yeah, I'm like furiously twisting the knobs and everything, and it's just the lasers are the like of the lasers being pent off the water. It refracts like I can't hit you with the laser because you're not where I think you are. Deflects into space. Yeah, yeah. Someone in orbit, they they get an extra action. Yeah. You're like, oh yeah, uh fix this uh solar panel, you know, for the trim space program. Somewhere there's a shrimp in orbit above us in some kind of international space station.

SPEAKER_13 58:43

That's such a funny idea. Oh god.

SPEAKER_12 58:47

Oh right, Hooch, you are underwater, you're heading for the sticks.

SPEAKER_10 58:53

Yep, I'm heading for the sticks.

SPEAKER_12 58:55

Make an athletics check.

SPEAKER_10 58:56

All right, here we go. Swimming my heart out.

SPEAKER_14 58:59

That's 12.

SPEAKER_12 59:01

All right, you can't. I backstroke it. But what you uh see on the way over there are other fish. It's not just one fish in here, it's like multiple.

SPEAKER_14 59:13

Uh my eyes like go wide as I swim even faster.

SPEAKER_12 59:17

And you crawl up onto the sticks and you see like all around you like circling saber fish.

SPEAKER_01 59:24

Brando, this isn't going well.

SPEAKER_04 59:27

It's not, Hooch. I'm gonna fly this rope out to you.

SPEAKER_13 59:37

Oh, jeez. Just calamity after calamity.

SPEAKER_04 59:41

Right. No, so I tie one end to the stump or the to the trunk of a tree. I loop the other end over the same branch, and I tie the other end to him so at least he can try to like swing over.

SPEAKER_14 59:55

I can't. I'm like thinking of like that the Jurassic Park 2 where the guy's like trying to hook up the thing to pull him over the cliff, and then he gets eaten.

SPEAKER_12 1:00:03

It's like all right, Brendo, make a uh tinker check.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:08

All right, not that kind of bard, not that kind of bard. Not that kind of bard. Uh uh fumbling with the knots is the good knots.

SPEAKER_12 1:00:19

Are not great. So either hooch, you want to go with this, or Brendo, you could try to use your might.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:29

Okay. Uh that would probably be just as good. Um let me see if there's anything else I could do. Quick. Nope. Uh yeah, yeah, wow, wow. Okay, all right, I'll use my. It's actually not as bad as I thought it would be. Zero. I say and then I put a little extra oomph into it, and then use a little quest point, and it's a six.

SPEAKER_12 1:01:07

All right, success with a twist. The rope uh snaps in the process. It's oh it's used up. Just like my rope. Yeah, you're not putting it back together, basically.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:35

Yeah. All right. Um, I narrated her that this shrimp we saved is in fact a weaver, and she's able to repair the rope. No, um, go on. So hooch is safe though, yeah? And the bats have stopped bugging us. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:52

Okay, amazing. Well, that was counter, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:02

I tell her to stay a while and listen. You're welcome, lady.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:07

Yeah, sorry. I'm just I'm rolling up her name and stuff.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:10

Oh, because you knew we were gonna ask.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:15

Um Dwyn? Dwyn?

SPEAKER_04 1:02:20

Dwynne. Dwyn's Dwyn. No, no, Dwyn Dwin or just once. No, no, no. Just once. Dwyn just once.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:36

Dwin Stringlewick.

SPEAKER_14 1:02:40

Dwin Stringlewig. Wake. Wake.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:47

What were you what were you doing all the way out here?

SPEAKER_12 1:02:53

That's a good question. That is a good I got lost. You got lost on a pile of sticks. I lost my duck.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:02

Your duck? You want a new duck?

SPEAKER_12 1:03:07

She flew away. Uh, you know, I was heading to puddle point. You know, I got this flyer. Oh, I hold up my pamphlet. Puddle judge. Save the swamp. Yeah. And I thought, you know, that sounds like a really noble thing.

SPEAKER_10 1:03:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:28

Until the fish try to eat you. Yeah, are you sure you want to save this swamp?

SPEAKER_12 1:03:33

It wasn't just the fish. Um, my duck wandered into a uh a nest full of spiders.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:42

Oh, that's where we're headed.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:43

Yeah. Maybe we could save your duck if we hurry up. Big if my poor ducky. What's your duck's name?

SPEAKER_10 1:03:52

Watch the duck as like a as a welcome.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:55

Or it's it's gonna be like or something.

SPEAKER_12 1:04:01

My duck's name is Ducky. Ducky.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:06

Ducky Thompson.

SPEAKER_12 1:04:08

It's just just an ordinary duck, you know. It's not not a person. Like a regular duck. Yeah, yeah, it might be the sky is.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:17

I don't actually know the difference between just like a duck and a welcome because I yeah, I'm from the underland.

SPEAKER_12 1:04:23

You also don't know the difference between a mushroom and a mushroom.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:26

Yeah, it's true. Like you sit and talk to every mushroom that we come across. Let me tell you, guy, I've been having trouble. Um, well, I say let's go, let's let's go after those uh those spiders. Maybe we can yeah, save the duck before it gets uh devoured.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:51

Save the duck, save the swamp.

SPEAKER_08 1:04:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:56

Save the duck. That's a t-shirt that I'll buy when we get back to Zwinkle.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:05:03

Um she says, okay, uh, I'll take you there. You know, it's it's really scary.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:10

She's back on the pile of sticks, isn't she?

SPEAKER_12 1:05:14

No, no, she's not a fool.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:18

Um right, I take out my shield and our knees clatter together as we walk through the haunted forest, like like the tin man and scarecrow.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:05:32

Uh she leads you on, yeah, that the forest gets darker and stankier, and you start you start seeing some uh some spider webs. Regular spider webs.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:49

Not like the ink pot ones.

SPEAKER_12 1:05:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:52

Yeah, these are not waterproof.

SPEAKER_12 1:05:56

Um and then she stops and says, My duck went running through there like a fool. Fool of a duck.

SPEAKER_11 1:06:11

Fool of a duck!

Following Dwyn To The Spider Woods

SPEAKER_12 1:06:15

I think something spooked her, you know.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:18

Yeah, ducks are known to be very uh perceptive creatures and skittish, yeah.

SPEAKER_13 1:06:25

Yeah, all ducks in the land of Eam have plus three perception.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:28

Yeah, that's how they survived. They're like really innocuous creatures, but they have high perception. Um so so what is it's like a bunch of webbing that she skittered through?

SPEAKER_12 1:06:42

It's just a a path that's you can see spider webs everywhere. I see.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:52

Uh okay. So can we just chop our way through it, I guess? Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:07:00

At this point, it's not like blocking everything, but they're all scared. Okay.

unknown 1:07:04

All right.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:05

Let's see just yeah, announcing the fact that there is a spider. It's not ink pot. It's like regular teapot.

SPEAKER_12 1:07:12

Yeah, you can see like regular but large spiders, you know.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:17

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Spiders of unusual size. It's like arachnophobia spiders or whatever. Oh god. All right, we'll be like John Goodman walk in. Oh yes.

SPEAKER_09 1:07:37

So it's nice to meet a colleague. Just like stroll in.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 1:07:44

All right.

SPEAKER_12 1:07:47

How what what is your approach?

SPEAKER_04 1:07:49

Um my thinking is once we find like actually, I have an idea.

SPEAKER_14 1:08:00

Maybe I could use slingshot to like hit the webs and make them vibrate, make the spiders go towards where it's vibrating to clear the way for us.

SPEAKER_09 1:08:14

I mean that's yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:15

Because these are spiders we don't need, right? I don't want them to eat us. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:08:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_14 1:08:24

Um I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna I'm gonna sling shot in a in a different direction than we're headed right into the spider webs.

SPEAKER_09 1:08:33

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_12 1:08:38

That's a 10. Nice. Yeah, you kind of zip a shot like through a whole bunch of spiderwebs, and um you see like several spiders skitter towards the movement. Like Bruno, come on, let's go!

SPEAKER_02 1:08:59

I like rushing.

SPEAKER_12 1:09:03

All right, you you get past this first area and um gets a little darker, gets a little uh mustier. Um it's actually sort of hard to see, make perception checks. All right, I can see in the dark. We have a deal of advantage to perception check.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:27

Okay, that we see what's a seven for me, so not so not so good. Uh it's a nine, actually. Okay, or do I have disadvantage? No, it's just I just have advantage. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:44

Yeah, I make a nine. Okay.

SPEAKER_12 1:09:53

So Brendo, you're able to see some of this black goopy web in the darkness.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:01

Say, hooch. I think we're in the right spot.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:05

Yeah. Get the barrel.

SPEAKER_12 1:10:08

Hooch. You see it once Brendo points it up, then you notice that you've just stepped in some.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:16

Uh Brendo?

SPEAKER_05 1:10:18

We got a problem here, Bud. Not now, Hooch, the barrel. You gotta get the barrel. Uh I can't get the barrel. I'm kind of stuck in the web. Oh. Why'd you do that?

SPEAKER_04 1:10:29

No. Um, say, we're gonna have to cut off your leg then. There's no way you're getting out of the siren web. I'm going to struggle to get out of the web. Like I actually're gonna panic a little bit. Yeah, and try to like get my leg out because I'm starting to freak out.

unknown 1:10:51

All right.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:51

I like the idea that you can use abilities in a panic state where it's like higher risk of failure, but higher risk of reward.

SPEAKER_12 1:11:02

Well, what happens is uh you know, you're able to eventually pull yourself out, sort of like you you're getting there, but um two wing pot spiders come out of the darkness and reveal themselves to you.

SPEAKER_10 1:11:19

Oh, hey guys.

SPEAKER_12 1:11:22

And say delectable.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:28

I stand next to them and I say delicious. I say, what are we talking about?

SPEAKER_12 1:11:35

Uh they're coming towards Hooch.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:38

Say, no, he is not food.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:43

I announce myself and I stand between them.

SPEAKER_12 1:11:46

I beg to differ.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:48

I mean I parlay with you. What? I have an idea.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:56

I have an idea.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:59

Um, I'm I'm gonna eat my trick gum. Okay, and like make like ooze come out of my mouth. Oh, the yellow ooze, or just you have to get it.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:10

No, I have trick gum, so like my teeth will like turn black

Quack Sickness Con And The Spider Queen

SPEAKER_02 1:12:13

and like I'll get like black goo coming out of your disease.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:16

Yeah, that's exactly what I'm gonna do. I'm like, oh I'm so sick from the from the duck sickness. He's got quack sickness. Quack sickness, the quack sickness. Oh, like my my blood is poison.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:32

His man is full of quack.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:35

Don't touch him, don't even eat him. You need to carve him out of your web and get him out of it.

SPEAKER_10 1:12:42

All the web is tainted. All the webbing is now tainted.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:47

We'll dispose of it for you. We're cat quack specialists. Make a uh trickery check.

SPEAKER_14 1:12:53

I'm gonna use fibing to make an advantage on this one.

SPEAKER_09 1:12:56

Nice.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:59

Goodness gracious. That's uh that's an eight.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:05

Um, you see them look at each other and say, Is that a thing? Quacks.

SPEAKER_10 1:13:12

Oh, it's a thing. It's a thing.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:17

We better present it to the queen.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:20

Oh no. No, I should have used. Okay, all right.

SPEAKER_14 1:13:27

Pulling out every every lying ability I have. I'm pulling it out right now.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:32

They take their you know, big large legs towards you and say, Come, come. Like ghosts.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:46

Oh handsy. I mean, you're getting it right now by touching him.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:51

You can only get it from a duck, the most deadly creature in Quagmash.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:56

Yeah. Duck. The duck. We are going to feed the duck to the queen tonight.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:01

Yeah, you better not do that. The ducks have got me. We gotta get the duck. Look at him.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:07

Look at him. Look at his gills. It's turning me into a duck.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:14

Put something over his face.

SPEAKER_12 1:14:17

They start squirting web on your mouth. Who can't breathe. You're ushered uh deeper into their nest. Um, and you see like eyes glittering at you in the darkness.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:38

They're beautiful eyes.

SPEAKER_12 1:14:39

I fall in love. Um, but it's like basically pitch black in here, and uh Duane is is like huddled up next to you, Brendo, saying, What are we doing? This is insane!

SPEAKER_05 1:14:53

You wanted your duck, right? This is how you get ducks.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:00

This is how you do that.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:05

Could have gotten you a new duck, but no, you wanted this duck, so here we are.

SPEAKER_12 1:15:11

The spiders next to you say, uh, Your Majesty. We bring these trespassers. They say they have quack sickness. Is it is it true? Is it real? And you're not exactly sure who they're talking to in C until you see like these huge eyes open in front of you. And um it gets close to both of you with big head. It starts like you don't know if it's sniffing, but it's like chittering.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:49

Uh yeah, like yeah. It's gnashing itself and it'd be muffled behind the remove.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:03

What are you gonna say?

SPEAKER_14 1:16:05

Um I'm gonna say, uh, your majesty, like we got here just in time. There's a duck with quack sickness wandering through these woods. We've been tasked to capture the duck and bring it back to sinkhole so that we can find a cure.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:21

But I've been overcome by the sickness. I I'll soon be turning into a duck. We've got to find the original duck and get it out of here.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:33

Um, make him a trickery check at minus one.

SPEAKER_13 1:16:37

Oh boy, oh boy. That's a ten. Okay.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_09 1:16:46

Um the queen says uh give it to the duck.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:00

And the two spiders take this like bound duck in web.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:08

Careful, don't drop it. Say don't drop that duck. Don't touch the duck, only touch the webbing.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:20

Now put it in the barrel.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:23

You two. Uh he the the queen motions at Brendo and Dwyn. You don't seem sick.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:34

No, but we're we're handlers. We needed to properly dispose of the this this quack sickness duck.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:40

In fact, any web that's been that the duck has touched probably be compensated. We should be help everyone.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:47

Get get it into these barrels. You should just put all your webbing in these barrels right now. I mean, it's we'll wheel them out of here, and you should you should be us you should be safe.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:55

No, you can make more web, but you can't untaint web once it's been tainted.

SPEAKER_08 1:18:01

Really? Yes, science. Really?

SPEAKER_12 1:18:10

Where did the sickness come from?

SPEAKER_04 1:18:13

We again circle back to the duck.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:15

We think it was brought to Quackmaster by I look at Brando.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:20

The Tricky Toe gang, I I'm not sure exactly. Hush, keep the mount name out of your mouth. But yes, the tricky toe gang. We believe that they've been importing tainted ducks from the north. Importing, exporting. Yes. Uh import export business.

SPEAKER_12 1:18:37

But uh it's not the orches, then.

SPEAKER_10 1:18:40

No, no, no. The orches are suffering too. At least that's what occurred.

SPEAKER_08 1:18:46

Good.

SPEAKER_10 1:18:48

No, that's not.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:51

Do you do you have uh beef with the orches?

SPEAKER_12 1:18:55

Yes. If we would take this quack sickness into the midst of the orches, that would please us.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:05

Well, you'll have to load up all the quack sick tainted webbing into these barrels, and perhaps we can deliver it to them and spill it on their sty.

SPEAKER_10 1:19:18

Orchis. Their orchest. Um, like why do you want to do this to the orches? What have they done to you?

SPEAKER_12 1:19:28

They attack us all throughout the Quagmash.

SPEAKER_13 1:19:35

They attack you, you say.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:38

Unprovoked and unwarranted, I'm sure. Unprovoked and unwarranted. Clearly, her majesty is not worth attacking. No, not not shouldn't be attacked. She's worthy.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:49

We gotta go.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:50

We'll catch reservation.

SPEAKER_12 1:19:54

Uh the queen motions for her guards to uh fill up your barrels.

SPEAKER_10 1:20:04

I'll say I go all right. Uh well, we should be going. Uh, thank you so much. Uh, you are all safe now. I'm feeling much better.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:12

Uh we should we should uh be on our way and and to orch die to take care of those orches for you. Obviously, they're warmongering people. So so this is gonna be absolutely crazy and a bad idea. Should we try to steal some eggs while we're here?

SPEAKER_13 1:20:35

I don't know, man. That's I feel like we're on the razor's edges.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:42

I know it's uh yeah, I agree with you.

SPEAKER_12 1:20:46

You don't you don't see any eggs just out there? I swashbuckle them. I totally swashbuckle them.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:55

Um yeah. Not with the spiders, but with synchronous. I guess it really doesn't matter. We have a lot of barrels. Yeah, we've got the barrels, and we're not going to orch die, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_08 1:21:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 1:21:17

Um we'll travel, we can travel south to sinkhole.

SPEAKER_14 1:21:27

Um, I'm gonna say uh before we leave, I'd say like uh you've you've we want to thank you for helping us stop this plague from destroying the rest of the quack mash.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:37

In fact, the people of sinkhole would like to thank you. Um so just remember sinkhole good.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:46

Don't don't worry about those boys.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:49

They're they're gonna take care of this and uh there will be peace in our little quadrant of the world.

SPEAKER_12 1:21:56

Sinkhole. I've never heard of it. Oh, good.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:00

You just told her about a feeding spot. Next time we go into sinkhole, it's gonna be this like way. The next campaign will just be spiders like everywhere.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:08

Yeah. The feeding's good, boys! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_14 1:22:15

Um all right. I gonna like backpedal out of there or wheeling a barrel.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:21

Okay. Yeah, I'll I'll assist with the other. See you soon.

SPEAKER_12 1:22:26

Let it

Rolling Out With Web Barrels

SPEAKER_12 1:22:29

uh they don't say goodbye to you, they seem um disgusted by you, frankly.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:35

Yeah, it's good. We can use that. The duck softly quacks uh from deep within a barrel filled with whatever.

SPEAKER_12 1:22:43

So the duck, the duck is not in good shape. It's um because it's been like almost suffocated.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:52

Yeah, um, we need to find a doctor. A ductor. A ductor. That's can't you can't you help this duck, Rando?

SPEAKER_01 1:23:04

Ducky.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:06

Wait, look, just because of a bird? Uh yes. Uh um so I have an idea. It's unconventional. Ben, is it is this duck suffering because it's having difficulty breathing and it's been so like webbed up?

SPEAKER_12 1:23:21

It's like Frodo after he was all he's like all sick. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:26

But didn't he get injected with like venom though?

SPEAKER_12 1:23:30

Yeah, it could have been the case.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:32

Uh you know, Frodo or the duck? The duck. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:38

You know what I'm gonna I'm gonna say, you know what? I I know a guy, but I don't know. I don't know if we can trust him. But uh he he can he can make things work. He's just uh well kind of a ne'er do well.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:52

I I have an I have an idea real quick. What if we just fed him the jar of yellow ooze? Right? And then like become ooze. He becomes ooze, he gets out of the web. Maybe he gets rid of the toxins in him and he turns back into a duck later.

SPEAKER_12 1:24:12

I don't think getting out of the web is the problem.

SPEAKER_13 1:24:14

It's the fact that he's got poison pumping through his eyes.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:22

Uh yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_12 1:24:25

Who's your friend? Who's your friend?

SPEAKER_01 1:24:27

Uh his name is Dr. Dr. Puerto Rico. He is a uh Dr. Dr.

SPEAKER_11 1:24:34

Puerto Rico, he is uh DDP for short.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:38

He sort of lost his medical license, but he knows a thing or two about uh about the old circulatory system.

SPEAKER_12 1:24:44

I'll use kitty contact. He's not a vet.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:48

I mean he's uh uh good as good as. As good as.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:55

Um I like the idea that there's an accrediting body for physicians in the muckwork. Like someone gave him a license and then took it away. What power are you using? I'm using shady contact, shady manager.

SPEAKER_13 1:25:14

Like a doctor of ill repute who I know who can give me some advice.

SPEAKER_14 1:25:22

Okay, that's a nine.

SPEAKER_09 1:25:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_12 1:25:29

Um I mean, I'm gonna say that this guy is in a uh settlement of your choice.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:40

Yeah, I'll say he's he might be in skiff this time of year. You know, he comes out to the quag mesh twice two or three times a year looking for herbs and whatnot.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:48

Oh, and we have a swamp tavern in skiff, I think, right?

SPEAKER_09 1:25:54

Yeah, the knackered donkey.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:06

I think there was. Um sorry, carry on. Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:26:10

Well, I think James has to leave. He's got a hard stop. Uh I do. So that might be a good place to stop right there.

SPEAKER_14 1:26:18

Yeah, next time we'll take the the duck to Dr. Dr. Puerto Rico. Sorry, it just came out. I don't know where from.

SPEAKER_12 1:26:27

Uh yes. Captain Captain.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:31

What sickness did we say the duck has again? Quack sickness. I mean, no, no, the duck has just been poisoned by pot spiders. Oh no, no, but quack sickness is a completely fabrication.

SPEAKER_13 1:26:41

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no such thing.

SPEAKER_14 1:26:48

Wait, it's not real?

SPEAKER_03 1:26:51

The spider's been above us the entire time.

SPEAKER_14 1:26:53

I hand right before the right before it like fades to white. I'll hand them both uh sticks of gum. Gum, anybody?

SPEAKER_04 1:27:04

Gotta go. Okay. The last thing I've written in this quest and log entry is we need to get to Dr. Dr. Puerto Rico. P-O-R-T-A-R-I-C-O. Oh, P-O-O, Porta. Porta. Puerto Rico. Hey, Tommy

Duck Emergency And Next Session Tease

SPEAKER_04 1:27:21

Redford. R-E-E-K-O. Tommy, you've joined at the the last seconds of the stream, but thanks for your support today. Yes. Thanks for joining. Hello. Uh, should we do XP Sospaces or is are we uh if we're out of time, that's fine too. We'll do next time. I have got to chat, unfortunately. But I could do it before before next time.

SPEAKER_12 1:27:44

Okay, cool. If you guys are down. All right, we'll see if we can remember anything. That's fine.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:50

That's half the fun.

SPEAKER_12 1:27:52

All right, everyone. Uh thanks so much. Ah, cool. Thank you, Tommy, for being a fan.

SPEAKER_10 1:27:59

Yes, indeed. Thank you.

SPEAKER_12 1:28:02

Um, you can check out the Discord if you'd like. Uh and we'll be back next weekend doing the same thing, playing at 11 a.m. PST. So thanks everybody. Take it easy. Bye bye now.