Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Planning, Budgeting, Scarcity Mindset, Financial Freedom, Online Business

81 | Networking for Introverts: Transforming Social Anxiety into Genuine Connections (with special guest Rob Giardinelli)

• Erin Gray | Financial Mentor and Guide

Share episode

Got a question? Send me a text.

Do you feel drained or overwhelmed at the thought of attending networking events or promoting yourself in social settings?    Do you feel like marketing requires you to be someone you’re not?   Join me as I invited Rob Giardinelli, fellow introvert on the podcast to share how he helps clients turn networking into a genuine, enriching experience instead of a transactional chore. We explore strategies for building deeper relationships, shifting mindsets, and the importance of practicing patience and consistency in networking efforts.

In this episode we explore:

• Importance of authentic relationship-building in networking
• Shifting perspective from transactional to relational networking
• Techniques for gracefully exiting conversations without guilt
• Embracing introversion as a strength in social situations
• Setting confidence, purpose, and joy goals for networking
• Tips for scanning the room and finding connections

If you would like to connect more with Rob, you may do so here (https://www.eventmindset.com).  Check out Rob's free cheat sheet here on gracefully exiting conversations.

Ready to feel more confident with your money using Human Design? Join my FREE 4-part video workshop series where I show you how to use your unique decision-making skills with money.   
🔗 Sign up now: https://generatealifewelllived.com/create-financial-ease-with-human-design

Want to learn more? Here are your next steps:

Step 1: Join my FREE Facebook Community.

Connect, share, and learn how to master your money with other women just like you.

➡️ Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/941450038160915

Step 2: Grab your FREE Human Design chart

Curious what your Human Design chart reveals about how you're uniquely designed to make aligned financial decisions?

➡️ Get your chart here: https://generatealifewelllived.com/receive-your-human-design-chart

Step 3: Ready to transform your relationship with money and build true financial confidence?

Let’s create a strategy that feels aligned, intentional, and empowering—just for you.

➡️ Schedule your 1-hour Money Mastery Call here: https://generatealifewelllived.com/11-support

Money doesn't have to feel overwhelming. Let's create a strategy that feels nurturing and custom to you.

From my soul to yours,

Erin

Rob Giardinelli:

There was a little bit more relationship building, just kind of in the day-to-day world. But it's really easy to just make everything really transactionally oriented and I can tell you the people who are successful at those events understand that you can't develop relationships if you treat people like a transaction. People, first and foremost. They want to be seen, they want to be understood, they want to be heard, and if you do those things, that requires not looking at people transactionally.

Erin Gray:

You're listening to Generate a Life Well-Lived podcast. I'm your friend and confidant, erin Gray. On this podcast, we will explore all things money, business and self-development, including human design. I hope you enjoy the journey where I share everything that I know and am continuing to learn along the way, as I honor my heart's desires while inspiring and encouraging you to do the same. Do you want to network in a way that doesn't feel exhausting? Would you consider yourself an introvert that gets overwhelmed in big crowds?

Erin Gray:

This week on the podcast, I invited Rob Giordinelli, founder of Event Mindset, to share how he supports his clients, boost their confidence, grow deeper relationships and increase sales by attending events, galas, cocktail parties and fundraisers. Rob is an expert in understanding what it takes to create successful events. Over the past 15 years he's attended over 2000. Yes, 2000. On the podcast, we discuss why being an introvert can be your superpower to connect with people and stand out, along with strategies to leave a conversation when you're feeling ready to move on. It's a fascinating conversation. I enjoyed it so much. I think you're going to love it as well. Let's dive in. Hey, my friends, how are we today? So I've got Rob on the podcast. Thank you, rob, for coming on and sharing your time with us.

Rob Giardinelli:

I am thrilled to be here. Thank you so much for having me.

Erin Gray:

Yeah, so do you want to tell the listeners just a little bit about your backstory? I think it's kind of interesting even though I would consider both of us introverts, but I think it's really interesting of how many events you've been to and things of that sort.

Rob Giardinelli:

Glad to share, erin. So I have a. You know, I'm probably one of those people. It'd probably be the last combination of things you would ever expect one person to have in a career.

Rob Giardinelli:

So I spent 15 years in a bunch of different corporate roles and I was always the introverted salesperson. I was never kind of one of those people that was this brash life of the party or anything like that. But I was also very good at what I did. I was very competent and very good as an account manager and about a decade into doing that, I met my now husband, who he's run luxury lifestyle magazines for the last 20 years or so and his job basically was to go to all kinds of fundraising events, social events, openings, brand activations you name it, those types of things. So I kind of got thrust into this, and I was never the kid that was invited to cool parties in high school or anything like that. So I didn't really have, even though I've always been fascinated with people, I never really had experience to that world and I never really thought I'd be in it either.

Rob Giardinelli:

But about I don't know, four or five months, you know, after we got together, he was like have you ever considered writing about the events in Austin that you go to, and I had not. You know, I had a major in communication, so it wasn't like I didn't know how to write. So I started writing about events in Austin, even though we would go to events all throughout the state of Texas, so not just Austin but also in Dallas and Houston and San Antonio and some other cities. And for about five years I was basically doing the corporate gig during the week and then I'd have fly wherever for three or four days, come home, throw on a tux, throw on a suit, sometimes go to an event in Austin, sometimes have to drive, you know, three hours to any one of those other cities to go to something. And after about five years of that I really started to get burned out.

Rob Giardinelli:

But what I noticed along the way in that five years was the more events that I went to, kind of in this weekend moonlighting job that I was doing, the less tolerance I had for going to professional events, because they were often really poorly run. No one knew why they were there, they just weren't fun, they felt like a chore and I had just never been in a situation where it was like, okay, you can actually do something business oriented and have fun doing it. And it got to the point where in my last year in the tech industry I would, let's say I had client meetings in New York and a dinner I would deliberately like stay in Philadelphia or Boston and say sorry, I got to take the train, you know, and you know hightail it out of the city to avoid going to it. So after about five years of that's, when I kind of transferred into the publishing business and you know, was an associate, you know a COO, and you know, in addition to writing and covering all these events, and I realized, coming out of COVID, you know, in addition to writing and covering all these events, and I realized, coming out of COVID, that most everybody, even people who I was like oh gosh, they are such good entertainers Everyone was a little bit rusty and I really, you know, and a lot of people really struggle, coming off COVID with social anxiety because it was, you know, for a lot of people it was an excuse to unplug from the world and cocoon yourself and not have to deal with anybody if you didn't want to.

Rob Giardinelli:

So I started my practice event mindset where I basically fused what I did in going to all these social events with my corporate background to really help people who are anxious or feel awkward at business or networking events, really improve their confidence, help them grow their sales and their pipeline and, most importantly, develop deeper relationships with other people.

Erin Gray:

Yeah, I think what you said at the very end, the deeper relationships.

Erin Gray:

I think people look at networking. I don't know if you, I would love what you have found with your clients, but I think people hear networking and they think it's like a means to an end versus like who can I actually connect with and build true, real relationships? How can I serve them, support them? And it doesn't necessarily mean you're buying their thing, it just means like how can we like old school the way it used to be, I think, right, like when my dad and my my uncle would be like the good old boys. You know like in the terms of like, right Like when my dad and my my uncle would be like the good old boys. You know like in the terms of like you actually like, how can I support you? What do you need? And that was true connection versus I want to build up, like you said, your sales pipeline, but from a, from a very give me, get, get, get energy versus how can I give and how can I support other people in my network?

Rob Giardinelli:

Yeah, Well, I'm glad you mentioned the good old days because that's kind of you know, it's a lot of business events. A lot of people approach them very transactionally. Yes, and you know, in the good old days, like you know now, you can just order something online, whereas in the good old days, you know in the good old days, you'd have to drive there, you'd wait in line, you'd probably have to strike up a conversation with whoever you were in line in front of the cashier, whoever it was. So there was a little bit more relationship building, just kind of in the day-to-day world. But it's really easy to just make everything really transactionally oriented. And I can tell you, the people who are successful at those events understand that you can't develop relationships if you treat people like a transaction. People, first and foremost they want to be seen, they want to be understood, they want to be heard. And if you do those things, that requires not looking at people transactionally. It really requires you to have a good two-way conversation.

Rob Giardinelli:

If I can give an example, one thing that I always recommend if you're ending a conversation with somebody, never say can I get your contact information? Do not say that, say can we exchange contact information, can we share contact information. That way it feels like you've both got stakes in the game and you're not just there to get something out of them, because people are like, oh, I just want to close the sale, but they're like, well, they may actually want to get to know you. And people want to be in relationships that are two-sided, not one-sided. And if you say, can I get yours, even if they're of a client and they want to be taken care of it, does people buy stuff from people that they like? So if you're not sharing or divulging things about you and you're, you know you've got to really make it a two way street. And that's why you know, instead of doing I and you do we, you'll get a lot further.

Erin Gray:

Yeah, I always like to ask, like, how can I support you, which really surprises people a lot of times because they actually don't know what to say, because I think what you're saying they're so used to like. Oh, what are you going to try?

Erin Gray:

to sell me or what are you going to try to get me to do or get on my email list or you know, that kind of stuff versus like I genuinely had if you did right. There are people that I'm like you're not for me, and you know I leave it at that. But for the ones that I truly connect with, I do want to stay connected. And how can we, you know, how can I support you? And maybe that just looks like, hey, I'm really looking for this an insurance agent, do you know? Or a CPA, and I'm like, oh yeah, I've got plenty of people I can refer you to, you know, and I think, like you're saying, that we have been a transactional society for a little while, but I think we're going back to a relationship because we're like this doesn't feel good.

Erin Gray:

The other thing that I wanted to say is that I have I don't know if you feel this way, but I, when I used to, when someone would ask me can I get your contact number, I wouldn't feel strong enough to say, no, I don't want to give that to you, so I would give it to them. Versus how many people actually feel safe in their bodies to be like, no, I don't want to, versus they're doing it from like an obligated place and then you're already creating that energetic exchange. Versus like what you're saying is, you know, let's exchange numbers or how can I support you, which feels very much so like oh, it's almost like. Oh, wait, hang on, rob, wait, I want to learn more about you because you're not. It's like the boyfriend that just wouldn't leave you alone.

Erin Gray:

You know in high school, or like you know what I mean when you're in that energy. People don't want that. It's very pushing away energy. So I'm curious if that's kind of been your experience. Or, like you, you know you talk to clients about that because we think and we've been taught from the business world it's like, oh, make the sale, but the sale is like what happens at the very end, right, it's like there's this whole interchange and trust and liking and, you know, knowing about someone before that even happens. And I think you have to earn that and you have to. You have to. People can sense that even though you may not be saying the words, they energetically can tell if you care, if you just you're just trying to get something from them.

Rob Giardinelli:

Exactly, and you know what I. You know, one thing that I work with individuals on is you know I'll ask you know, well, what did you all talk about? And you know they'll say we talked about this. You know, cause it's not all business. I'll talk about some other things, and one thing that I have found to be extremely successful in relationship developing is, if you're reading an article online and you talked about that topic, send that to them and just say hey, you know, I knew we had this conversation. I thought you'd find this interesting.

Rob Giardinelli:

It doesn't need to be. You're not selling, but you're also in a. In one way, you're nurturing, but you're nurturing the relationship, but you're also you're making them feel special because you remembered your conversation with them, because we, you know, when you're at a networking event, you're sometimes talking to 15, 20, 30 people. So to be able to remember, oh, we talked about that. Or even if they don't remember, they're like. You know, I really do like that topic. I don't remember that we talked about that, but, wow, how cool that that person remembered that we talked about those things.

Rob Giardinelli:

That's a really easy way to build trust and a lot of the time it may be, you know, on a place you both travel to together, or a movie that you both liked, or an author that you. It can be any one of a number of things. It doesn't have to be about the end result at hand. Now, if that happens, great Cause that's. You know, that's a goal, because that's really reminding them why you're together. But people want to be seen as three-dimensional. So send things that are more than just about the ultimate I don't want to say goal but the ultimate thing that is, in a lot of business, people's minds about. You know, I want the transaction, I want the revenue, I want the sales secured.

Erin Gray:

Yeah, and I think it also, without doing this on purpose, it it does point you or, like, highlight you, because a lot of people don't stay in contact with who they talk to or they don't remember the name or they don't remember what they talked about. So it sounds so simple and so little, but it's such a big thing that I don't think a lot of people do anymore. Um, and I want to talk about. You said introvert. I would probably consider myself an introvert, but then when I get around people that I like hanging around, like you know, I love being with people. So what do you say to the people that are like, oh, I do not want to have to go to these types of events, or I don't, I'm not great at it, or they have a lot of stories around how they are at events like this?

Rob Giardinelli:

So here's the deal with not being great, and I've mentioned this when I was talking about kind of how I got to where I am now. You don't have to be the life of an event, and in fact I've never been to a successful event that didn't have a mix of introverts and extroverts, because a good event is like earth. Earth has oxygen and hydrogen to you know. Those two together create the right amount of air for life to live. And if you have a room with a hundred introverts, there's no oxygen in the room and plants die. If you have a hundred extroverts in the room, there's too much oxygen in the space.

Rob Giardinelli:

And anyone who's watched any thriller movie knows what what happens when there's too much oxygen in the room. So you need that balance. So for any introvert, I always start with saying there is a place for you, because the extroverts need somebody to talk to. Because if everyone was just talking, that's when fights happen, that's when real housewives moments happen, that's when all those things happen. So you know, know that there is a place for you. And once you realize that it takes so much of the anxiety Now, maybe not the awkwardness, but it does reduce the anxiety greatly as a first step, once you realize that.

Erin Gray:

Yeah, and people love to talk about themselves. Like I'm the person in the corner that people grav, yeah, and people love to talk about themselves. Like I'm the person in the corner that people gravitate to and I'm just like, tell me about you. And they love to talk. And I think, like you said, in a world where everyone's trying to get something, it's really nice to have someone genuinely listen to you and hear what you have to say and have that as a like a tennis match right Versus this one-sided um thing that occurs.

Erin Gray:

And I think that when you, for those of us that are more and I think I mean I go home sometimes and I'm like, ooh, I love all the humans and I need my own space, you know it's like a lot of energy.

Erin Gray:

So I always say, like, honor your energy, protect your energy and know where. Like okay, maybe maybe you don't stay the entire time or maybe you do give yourself a break, you know, and I also think for those of us that are more on the quiet side, it gives us a chance to to shine in a way that the spotlight isn't directly on us, because I think for a lot of us that feels a little intense. But I love one-on-one because I get to have deep heart conversations and I get to hear all of the things and I get all of the information out of people and it's really intimate, you know, and and yet. And it's a place where you get to also practice like truly being who you are, versus I think a lot of the business world be interested in your thoughts on this. A lot of the business world is like this facade right you have like the person that you're trying to be, versus truly who you are, versus integrating that Like you are who you are, you take yourself everywhere you go.

Rob Giardinelli:

Absolutely, and here's what I'll say about that. So I think there is a lot of pressure on people to show up authentically as their whole self all the time, and what I work with clients on is that in and of itself is anxiety inducing. So what I, what I tell people that I work with, is do you work out? And they'll say yes. And I say, do you do shoulder presses? Yes, and they'll I'll ask how? You know how many days a week do you do them too? Well, why don't you do them 365 days a week? Do you do them Two? Well, why don't you do them 365 days a year?

Rob Giardinelli:

Well, my muscles would tear and it's like if you use all your muscles all the time, they're going to tear and you're just going to get fatigued. So I view when you go to an event, you're exercising social muscles, so it's just like a workout routine, but it's for your social muscles, so it's okay. I don't want to say that there's a facade there, but there are certain authentic parts of yourself that you can more organically present in certain situations than others, and I think that's true with any, whether it's professional or personal, and, quite frankly, with social media now and LinkedIn and Facebook and all that you know, personal and professional, bleed over way more than they ever did. You know, than they, than they ever did 15 or 20 years ago, that's for sure.

Erin Gray:

Yeah, for sure I like that. You said that because it's not like, yeah, I think it's like where you have to. It's not the let it all hang out, but it's also like practicing, like if someone does say something that maybe you're like I don't necessarily agree with that, how can we have that conversation versus? I think in the past what I've tried to do or what I have done, is like just not say anything at all, not speak up at all, versus oh, tell me, like you having that more open, tell me more about like an understand and kind of engage that conversation and then you get to say how you feel versus I'm just not going to say anything at all because I don't want to rock the boat, I don't want to upset anybody and you're not used to speaking up, you know saying saying what you think and what you feel.

Rob Giardinelli:

Exactly, it depends on kind of the situation too. There's certain situations where you can challenge and then there's ones that aren't what I often and this actually kind of ties into something I work with introverts on so a lot of times they're like well, what do I say next? And a lot of times in those situations that you were just talking about, erin, is kind of when someone's talked for five or six minutes nonstop and they've kind of gotten there. So what I always tell introverts in particular, because they're like what am I going to say next? Think about the first thing that they said in their response to you that you wanted to ask a question on, and what you find is that the extroverts, who are intuitive, will be like I talked about that 10 minutes ago.

Rob Giardinelli:

You know, when you ask that question, one, they think you're really listening, but two, you can even kind of tune them out if you want to, if you're kind of engaging or you don't completely understand. But it allows you to kind of steer the conversation back to something where you may have common ground and that way you're able to kind of create, you know, create a synergy and a dialogue. For that, and especially in a social situation, you know, if you're in a boardroom, in a meeting and you don't agree, that's a different context than you know, with you all holding cocktails. So there's ways to do that. Now, that's not to say if someone really is off the rails, you know, you can definitely feel free to challenge them, but it just kind of depends on what that is. And if there's something else that you know, your conversation, a different place it could have gone, you know. So it's, it's, it's important to you know, you know, to you know, to you know, to recognize those things too.

Erin Gray:

To feel it out. I always tell people I talk out of both sides of my ass because on the one hand, it's like, yes, absolutely be who you are. And also like, know your audience and know like I'm not I'm never um, what's the word I want to use, denying who I am.

Rob Giardinelli:

But I also know I don't need to poke a bear who isn't ready to have that conversation.

Erin Gray:

You know, it's like. You know, like sometimes my kid will be like mom, you should have said I'm like they weren't ready to receive the message. There's no sense in even having the conversation. So it's like knowing where people are. I wrote down head versus body and I'm curious how many people, when they come to you are. So I call it heady, right. It's like what do I say? Like they're you know, you're you? You just said, like they're asking you. Like what do I say? What do I say? Cause they want to air quotes for those of you listening, do it right Versus getting into the body and like actually just connecting with someone and not having an agenda. I think when we try to have an agenda or we try to do it, so right, air quotes, right then we almost like don't allow our magic to come out because we think that there's a right way or a wrong way to connect with someone or to do this or to network and things of that sort.

Rob Giardinelli:

Well, and I always say you know, net events are like fingerprints. There are no two that are alike. So there isn't ever going to be a right way in every instance or a wrong way in every instance. It's just not. And you got to remember, we're human beings. There's 8 billion of us and we've each got our own thoughts and feelings. So to think that there's going to be some template for 8 billion people just isn't. You know, that's not real. As as lovely as that sounds, it's just not. It's not something that's going to happen and that's okay.

Rob Giardinelli:

And what you know, and people who get caught up in, oh what if this person doesn't like me? I ask every single person that I work with think about the last 100 people you met. Did you like all 100? And I don't know. I have yet to ever meet a person, and not just in my coaching practice, but anyone who's ever answered that question. Yes, there are going to be people you're going to vibe with and there are going to be people you don't vibe with, and that is absolutely okay. In fact, that's healthy, and especially if you're an introvert and you have a bad conversation with somebody. Remember, there's not. If you're in a room with a hundred people. There's 98 other people that you can talk to, and don't get hung up on that and that's where people get tripped up is it's one rejection, but there's dozens of other people that they can go talk to in a given space.

Erin Gray:

So what do you suggest for people that are like, okay, I'm open to it, like I do you know. So what do you suggest for people that are like, okay, I'm open to it, like I do you know, I'm not digging social media all the time. I do want to get out, I do want to connect in life with real humans. How do I, where do I start? How do I, you know, from a nervous system standpoint, where I'm not just like thrown into something that's like too much for me, and also, how do I, where do I even get started?

Rob Giardinelli:

So what I always say is and I did this when I moved I moved to Austin 20 years ago and did not know a soul, but walked up the jet bridge and I felt like Oprah when she went to Chicago and was like I just need to be here. And that's kind of what my, what my feelings about you know, austin Texas, austin, texas were get involved. That can mean you can join a board. That means you can volunteer. If you love animals, volunteer at your local animal shelter.

Rob Giardinelli:

If you had a child that recently had a serious illness and children's medical charities are your thing, go do that. If you were abused as a child and you want to, you know, want to pay it forward and help help other children in need, do that. If you love the arts, if you love ballet, if you love music, go volunteer for you know a monthly or weekly event that they have or their annual fundraising gala, just get involved. But if you do it with something that you already like and enjoy in a room with other people that you like and enjoy, you've already got something in common in a room with other people that you like and enjoy, you've already got something in common.

Erin Gray:

So is it through the volunteering I mean obviously a board, they probably have events, but, like, is it through the volunteering that it kind of naturally gravitates to? They probably have some type of events or fundraising events to support the nonprofit or yeah, that's absolutely the case, and a lot of the times with the volunteers it's.

Rob Giardinelli:

You know, you find out where your professional background's in and it's like, oh, we need a board member with that background set, like, if you're an accountant, they may want that, for you got to remember a board member. It's just like an event. You can't have 15 alphas on a board. So just because you may be, you know, a middle manager, doesn't mean there's not a place on you with a board if there's some high powered CEOs and I know plenty of top boards around the state of Texas where there are CEOs and then there's, you know, individual contributors on the same board, because each of them is going to bring something unique and different to the table.

Erin Gray:

I love that I actually was. I'm not on on the board, but I attended the board meeting of my kids school yesterday night and I actually thought of you. I was like, oh, this is so interesting. It was three hours long. Um, yeah, I'm like how nobody ever I did it online. You can either go physically there or be online. I chose to be online and I'm like nobody ever went to the bathroom for three hours. I'm like I can't.

Erin Gray:

But it was interesting to see, like I definitely you know finances, my background, so I was totally checking out the numbers and I was, you know, writing down my questions and you could see some people like you just said they, or what they were asking questions about was not even I would not even bat an eye over that, you know, and so it's really interesting. It's like I would not even bat an eye over that, you know, and so it's really interesting. It's like we all do all of us make, you know, um, it all, it all works right, Like we all need each other. We all need different, uh, characteristics and qualities, um, for all of us to to make it work, you know.

Rob Giardinelli:

And what I always like to say is a great event or a great engagement. It's a tapestry and everyone's got their part in it and, like with an introvert in particular, if you look at this big, beautiful tapestry that could be on a wall at a church, let's just say you're a part of it, you're not, the spotlight is not on you and I know that with a lot of people, especially coming out of COVID, they just feel if they do one little thing wrong at an event there's like this big, bright, beaming, shining light. And I've been to over 2000 events and I can tell you the only instances where someone I don't want to say made a fool of themselves, but where something bad happened, the only ones I remember, is when someone made a big deal about it.

Rob Giardinelli:

And the person who it happened to made a big deal about it. If other than that, I don't remember if other to made a big deal about it. Other than that, I don't remember. If other people make a big deal about it, I think that reflects more on them, because there's a lot that goes into an event.

Rob Giardinelli:

There's no such thing as a perfect event, and any person who's like, oh well, I can't believe that happened, it's like well then, you've never hosted an event, because all of us have had something bad happen at any event that we've hosted. So that's really the only time that I ever remember and you know I have the type of thing because I write about it on the eyes and ears. You know that I've seen so many like. You know, like deer in headlights looks at me when something's happened and I'm like it's okay, how about you take me over here and we get a photograph together, like, like I know how to kind of diffuse that situation now, but it's, you know, just press on, you know, because it's people are just as much as we'd like to think that we're the center of the universe, we're not and people are just, they're going to forget.

Erin Gray:

Yeah, yep, that's what I tell my kids. You're so special and you're not special at all because you know people.

Erin Gray:

Nobody's paying attention and you know. But you are really special and it is true, like we we do. We do think that, right, we think everyone's watching us, which is really like a reflection, like we're watching ourselves. We're judging ourselves. We are the one putting so much pressure on ourselves. Nobody remembers those things. They remember how you treated them. They remember how you felt when they or how they felt when they were with you. Those are the things they remember.

Erin Gray:

Um, so I wrote down slow and I want to know. You said, like where to start if you want to get your feet wet, and I want to know what do you see in terms of? When I say slow, like time, I think a lot of times people think, oh, I'm going to go do these things and I'm going to have these immediate results, versus I'm building these long-term relationships. So, like, what would you say to people like that are thinking, okay, I want to start doing this, but kind of, I don't want to say setting expectations, but also, this isn't something that I think you just go do and then you expect to get business. You know, from that event, it's not overnight.

Rob Giardinelli:

90% of life is showing up, but you can't show up just once. Yes, you have to show up over and over again. And you know because you know, when I went to my first event, I did not own a tux, I own one suit and didn't own a single sport coat. Now I, you know, have a much bigger wardrobe than I used to. But you know, there were some people that took to me right away and there were other people that were cool to me and eventually I became great friends with everyone's, just kind of got their own pace with stuff. So there's not a.

Rob Giardinelli:

I'm going to do the exact same thing with this and that's what I work with people a lot on, cause a lot of people get really tied up on, well, work with this person. Why didn't it work with this person? I'm like because, well, what did? How are these two people different? And they'll be like well, this person, you know, you know, likes to go party until 3am and this person's in book clubs. And I'm like, well, why would you think the exact same approach would work with both of them? So you know, you, you just, you need to just make sure that you're keeping, you're being grounded in that, with your expectations, and that one size you know one size doesn't fit all. I always like to say that I treat everybody with dignity, kindness and respect, but at the same time, I cannot treat them all the same. Yeah, because that's not fair to me, or or you or anybody else.

Erin Gray:

Yeah, yeah, and I think too the word that came to mind is like unattached or detached. I think with you when you go in with these expectations, I mean we've kind of already said this a little bit, but it's like you're putting pressure on yourself. You're probably also in your head and not in your body. You're also probably not able to just show up as who you are because you have all of these expectations. Versus just going and having a good time, like if you didn't attach business to it, if you just were like I'm just going to have fun and see who I can connect with, how much less pressure would you feel if you just showed up and just connected with people? Versus here we go back to that getting versus giving energy.

Rob Giardinelli:

Absolutely, and what I always do with the clients that I work with is there's three types of goals, and what I do initially with them is there's three types of goals, and the first event you're going to go to you're going to do one of each type, and the three types are confidence, purpose and joy. So you want to give yourself confidence that I deserve to be here, and a lot of people struggle with that, with their insecurities. Purpose is that's going to be your business. And transactionally, more transactionally oriented goal, I want to drive my career. But you have to have a joy goal, and the reason for that is most people view going to a business event as a chore. But if there is something that makes you look forward to going, I'll give you a good example.

Rob Giardinelli:

So let's say, someone throws an amazing Christmas party every year and they have these awesome, huge chocolate chip cookies. Well, you're going to want to make sure that you get there timely, because they're going to all be gone pretty quickly because you want to get one of those darn cookies. Well, you're going to want to make sure that you get there timely, because they're going to all be gone pretty quickly because you want to get one of those darn cookies. So you know that can be your joy, that you get to eat this wonderful thing, you get to savor this moment and savor this delicious piece of food that you want to have. So the joy can be as something as simple as that. It doesn't even have to be about joy with others. It can be if it's more comfortable for you, if you need to feel joy within yourself to spread it to others, do that and start with that, and start with you and and go, go out from there.

Erin Gray:

Yeah, I think that's actually how it has. I think that's how it has to be right, like we have to. It has to be an internal thing that comes and boils up out of us, versus we're trying to get Um, you said about earlier, about how it has to. You have to go to multiple and I'm curious just like any skillset right, the more you do it, the better you get, the less in. Um, intense is the word that comes to mind Like, oh, you know, nervous, I guess, is the word I'm looking for. And so after people work with you, is it that like that skill set gets built, that it's like, huh, okay, you know, like this feels fun, this feels engaging. I enjoy this. This is part of I mean.

Erin Gray:

They use that basically, as their call it, a marketing strategy, for lack of a better word but it's become this thing that they do, and when I say that, I mean who they be now right.

Rob Giardinelli:

Exactly, and it goes into kind of the more you show up, the more you're known, and I'll give you a good example of that. So when I first started going to events, a lot of times I would go to a gala, which was a cocktail hour followed by a seated dinner, and I would say the first six months to a year that I went to them, I just wanted to get to the table. I was like this is so overwhelming. I don't want to be a cocktail hour and I just I want this anchor to keep me afloat, which is, you know, the, the table where I can go and sit. Now the anchor is kind of the thing that weighs me down. Now I don't really want to go to the dining table. I want to mingle at cocktail hour, because I know that, because I've been doing it for a while, I know a good amount of people in the room that you know. I know that I could have more conversations, but when I'm seated I can only talk to the immediate, maybe two to six people, depending on how the table's set up around me. So just keep those. Just remember.

Rob Giardinelli:

It's an evolution, it's not something that's gonna happen overnight, but, just like with anything you do. If you practice and you show up, the results will come. But you have to show up. It's not a one-time thing. Anyone who's ever worked out or lost weight or trained for a marathon you weren't running 26 miles on that first run, I guarantee you. You have to build up to it.

Erin Gray:

Yeah, I love that you said that, because I think that's the key in anything right. It's consistency. In any area of your life, whatever, it's just like you're the person that shows up, whether that be with your business, whether that be you know, to events, whether that be working out, whether that be with your family, like you're just the person that shows up as that's the identity that you carry with you.

Rob Giardinelli:

Um, yeah, and and I one thing and that you carry with you, yeah, and I know I have one thing, and that you want to be there. Well, yeah, People sense that from them. But people sense that from a million miles away, Like and I've gone to enough events now where it's like I'm just like I can feel a dark presence of somebody. I'm like I'm going to go to this part of the room. Yep, you can just feel it and sense it.

Erin Gray:

Yep, you can just feel it and sense it so clearly. We're talking to the people that are like hey, I want to do something other than social media. What are some other ways we're talking to you?

Rob Giardinelli:

That's who we're talking to.

Erin Gray:

Because if you don't I mean here's the thing If you don't want to, it's like like what Rob said, it's going to show up like people, since, whether they are intuitive or not, that energy can be felt. And so, if it's one thing to be like, I want to do this and I'm a little nervous and I don't know where to start very different than I hate doing this, but Aaron and Rob says that this is another way to build my business, so I should know like it has to come from that genuine desire.

Rob Giardinelli:

And I'll give you a good example. Like an introvert, I can always tell if an introvert wants to be there versus doesn't want to be there, because if I start talking, a one word answer becomes a phrase, becomes a sentence, becomes a paragraph. Someone who doesn't want to be there? It's one word answers and that's at the point where you know you gracefully exit the conversation and go on to the next person. That's one of those. You know. If you're in a room of 100, that's probably one of the 10 or 15 that you're just inherently just not going to vibe with in a room. That's just. That's just human nature. For that, yeah totally.

Erin Gray:

Is there anything else that you want to add that I haven't asked you, or you wanted to, to comment on?

Rob Giardinelli:

So when you show up to an event, one thing that I recommend everybody do, no matter how introverted or extroverted you are, is, when you walk in, scan the room. You want to scan the room for all kinds of things when are the bars, is there a food station? Are there experiential activations like photo booths and whatever other experiences there are? Where are the bathrooms? And even in the most crowded spaces there is always a quiet pocket. So, especially if you're an introvert, where is that quiet pocket in that space? Because it just never ceases to amaze me no matter how crowded or packed or fun a room is, there's always a quiet spot. So that way you've kind of got a lay of the land and you can go ahead in. And if you're an introvert, in particular when you did that, scan the first place, you're going to go and you're going.

Rob Giardinelli:

You're not going to like me for saying this, but you go to the bar with the longest line and you stand there and the goal and I have done this, probably literally, I've probably done it a thousand times over the years and you've got someone in front of you and you've got someone behind you in that longest line.

Rob Giardinelli:

And the great thing about that is, is that the conversation is going to have an art, an automatic end date. There there is a natural expiration date because when that person in front of you gets to the bar or you get to the bar, the conversation ends and I will tell you, in all the years I've done it, I've maybe gotten two you know contacts out of it. It's not about that, it's really. It's almost like you know, almost like if you live in the North I grew up in the North If you live in the North and you want to, you know, get acclimated to the swimming pool, you go down step by step. That's really your way of kind of going step by step, instead of doing a cannonball on the deep end and just start with what brought you here tonight. How do you know the event host? It's just a really simple question because, remember, you all have a common thread or something in common by being there with whatever, if it's the organization, the business, the trade, industry, the school, whatever it is.

Erin Gray:

Oh, I love that because for us introverts we're like, oh gosh, where do we go? I mean, I don't like inserting myself in conversations and also hanging out. So I love that tip because it's like anybody can. Like you said, you're sandwiched between two people and you have an opportunity to, kind of it's soft start is what comes to mind, right, like you gradually work yourself up into it versus being thrown in it.

Rob Giardinelli:

Yeah, it's like if you live in a place that's really cold and you have to heat up the car and let it run for five minutes before you can drive in the morning. That's essentially what you're doing, and those of you who live in Minnesota will understand.

Erin Gray:

I love it, Rob. Thank you so much. Where can people find out more about you or connect with you?

Rob Giardinelli:

So, aaron, thank you for having me. So you can go to eventmindsetcom, email me at info at eventmindsetcom and if you visit my website, um, I have a um six ways to gracefully exit any conversation. Cheat sheet that you can download.

Erin Gray:

We didn't talk about that, but exiting.

Rob Giardinelli:

There's lots of ways to do it. So it's basically six kinds of common situations and ways that you can. You know you can exit the conversation and go on with your, go on with your evening and everyone's happy.

Erin Gray:

Oh my gosh, I love this Cause. Okay, I know we said we're stopping, but now I'm like okay, I have one more question, because for the people that aren't aware that, just talk at you, that we kind of talked about like protecting your energy, but like also really gradually or gracefully leaving when you feel like you're being talked at and they aren't aware that they are just talking at you, you know.

Rob Giardinelli:

Absolutely true. Remember, if you're at, if you're at something for four hours and there's a hundred people there, that would mean you could talk to everyone for about two minutes each. So it's about you know moving it along. So don't ever feel bad about ending a conversation at any event like that, because there's so many people that you can mingle with.

Erin Gray:

I love it. Thanks, rob, I appreciate it.

Rob Giardinelli:

Thank you for having me.