Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Freedom, Money Management, Abundance Mindset, Budgeting, Financial Planning

112 | Your Financial Team Works For You, Not The Other Way Around

• Erin Gray | Financial Coach, Former Certified Financial Planner and CFO

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Too many women in business walk out of meetings with their CPA, bookkeeper, or financial advisor feeling confused, unseen, or like they’ve lost a piece of their power. In this episode, I am breaking down why that happens—and what to do about it.

You’ll learn how to reclaim your authority in financial conversations, regulate your nervous system before stepping into money decisions, and create partnerships with your financial team that actually support your goals and values.

We explore:

  • How women are conditioned to defer financial decisions to “more qualified” experts
  • The role of financial trauma and nervous system dysregulation in fawn, freeze and flight
  • Subtle signs you’re giving away your power (like nodding along when you’re confused or agreeing too quickly)
  • How to ground yourself before financial meetings and ask questions that create true clarity
  • Why your financial team should be working with you—not above you

If you’ve ever felt like your voice disappears in financial conversations, this episode will help you reconnect to your intuition and step back into the role of CEO—of your business, your body, and your money.

Want to learn more or connect with me?


Step 1: Join my FREE Facebook Community.

Connect, share, and learn how to master your money with other women just like you.

➡️ Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/941450038160915

Step 2: Grab your FREE Human Design chart

Curious what your Human Design chart reveals about how you're uniquely designed to make aligned financial decisions?

➡️ Get your chart here: https://generatealifewelllived.com/receive-your-human-design-chart

Step 3: Ready to transform your relationship with money and build true financial confidence?

Let’s create a plan that feels aligned, intentional, and empowering—just for you.

➡️ Schedule your free clarity call here (https://tidycal.com/eringray/45-min-call-with-erin)

Money doesn't have to feel overwhelming. Let's create a plan that feels nurturing and custom to you.

From my soul to yours,

Erin

Erin Gray:

Have you ever left your meeting with the CPA or bookkeeper or financial planner, or even attorney, feeling smaller, maybe more confused, or like your voice didn't matter? In this episode, I want to help you reclaim your power, because your financial team is not the boss. They are your partners and you get to be the CEO of your money. They are your partners and you get to be the CEO of your money. So, whether you have outsourced too much of your authority or you just want to feel more confident in money conversations, this episode is for you. Do you want to create a system to stop avoiding your money? Maybe you're feeling guilt and shame when it comes to your finances. Welcome to your Money, your Rules.

Erin Gray:

I'm Erin, a former certified financial planner and CFO, and yet I used to avoid my money and had fear, no matter how much we had. I can't wait to teach you how I overcame my money avoidance and started consistently managing my finances in a really simple way. It's time to get comfortable with money. You can have the savings and the income and the investments and still feel unsafe. I know that, that feeling in your chest, what that feels like, that tension in your body when you check your accounts, the fear that it could all disappear or that when is the other shoe going to drop? I've lived there as well, and what finally shifted for me wasn't more money or a better system. It was learning how to feel safe in my body while having money. You know, when we carry these unprocessed fears, money can become a source of stress instead of a tool for expansion. And when we regulate our nervous system and reconnect with our inner wisdom, and when we regulate our nervous system and reconnect with our inner wisdom, money becomes this sacred partner, not something to control or avoid. If you're ready to soften your grip, release the fear and step into a more grounded, intuitive relationship with your wealth, I would be honored to support you. Schedule your one hour session at generatealifewelllivecom and let's create a financial path that supports both your nervous system and your soul.

Erin Gray:

So let's dive into why do we outsource our power. You know many women and I have said this on numerous podcasts many women are taught to outsource their financial decisions to someone more qualified. I think that this is done intentionally, even when we are very young, right, I mean, we're not talking about money how to manage money, how to have money, investments, things of that in schools Most of the time. You know, if you are my age or of my generation forties, fifties, sixties those are typically the age of my clients you know we weren't in a place where our voice was always honored or respected and we have been taught to kind of outsource our power to other people. This can come from, you know, financial trauma. It can come from nervous system dysregulation and that creates that, you know, freeze or fawn response. And if you look out, you know, in our, just our society, you know our culture really highlights and elevates what we call as financial experts, right as these authority figures, as if because they have all of this education, that they have all of this knowledge and that they know what is best for us. And I really want to encourage you to.

Erin Gray:

Just because someone has more knowledge than you doesn't know that doesn't mean that they know what's best for you. You know, one of the questions I always ask my clients is how does this feel in your body? Because you have to run it through your system first before we just take action on this. I think we are a society of fast action takers and I do believe that there is a place for taking action and consistent action. You know, building up that momentum, but not before we check in and we ask ourselves does this feel good to me? And we really have to slow down to see what the answer is, because sometimes the answer could be like it doesn't feel good but it's coming from a place of fear which is very different than this doesn't feel good and this doesn't feel in alignment with what I actually want.

Erin Gray:

So some signs that you might have or be giving away your power is maybe when your advisor and when I say advisor I mean bookkeeper, attorney, cpa, financial planner, whoever is around helping you. You know, if you are just nodding along in meetings but you feel lost because you don't want to interrupt, right you, you might avoid asking questions from coming from that place of fear of like looking and I'm air quoting nobody is dumb, but that is sometimes what women tell me like, oh, I didn't want to, I didn't want to look dumb or I didn't want to feel stupid. Um, maybe you have just blindly followed an advice. You know that doesn't feel aligned. I know one of my clients. I said I was asking her a question last week and I said well, what made you say yes? I said because what you intuitively knew ended up happening. So how did you get to that place? She said I wanted to do what I.

Erin Gray:

You know what I just told you, and everyone else told me that I was being a little bit too harsh or too abrasive or I wasn't being, you know, collaborative. And so I really encourage you to listen to your intuition, because your body, your soul, knows the way, your higher self knows the way, and when we you know, and and, and so I asked my client. I was like well, what was? What do you think the lesson was here. And she's like to listen to myself. I'm like absolutely, you know, our intuition is our best guidance. And so really, you know, part of the work that I do with clients is tapping back into this trust that we have with ourselves, with our true knowing, because we have abandoned ourselves and we have abandoned a lot of times our intuition. And so if you are just taking the advice and running with it before you are actually putting it through your filter, that might be one of the ways that you are outsourcing your power.

Erin Gray:

And you know it can be as simple as just not knowing what your CPA or bookkeeper is actually doing, like ask them questions, like, if they are getting saucy with you because you were asking questions, they may not be the best bookkeeper or CPA for you. I know that. You know there have been some women that have felt like that their CPA or that their attorney has talked down to them, and I just want to encourage you. You do not have to tolerate anything. Um, they when I say they work for you, what I mean is that they are in a collaborative space, a partnership with you. They are not driving the bus. You are, you are paying them and so, from that space of hey, we are co-creating together, but you're not the boss of me.

Erin Gray:

So if you feel like you can't ask questions, I really want you to ask yourself, first and foremost is that because of a belief that I have or that's actually what I am, you know, um, experiencing with this person Like, are they talking down to me? Are they short with me? Are they saying things like we've already talked about this? It's like that's fine. We might need to talk about this three or four more times until I get it Like. So I really want to encourage you to check in with your body the next time that you meet with your bookkeeper or your CPA or attorney or financial planner, like is this a meeting that you look forward to going or is it not? And if it's not, where is this coming from? Is this coming from how you are feeling when you are with this person? That they don't they don't necessarily give off the vibe of having fun and teaching you and encouraging you and supporting you, because I want you to know you deserve to be supported and to to have things explained to, even if that means multiple times.

Erin Gray:

You know, like, sometimes I have to tell you, know the CPA hey, layman's terms here like break it down to a five-year-old and if they can't explain it to a five-year-old, that's on them, not on you. Right, they need to be able to explain things to you in a very basic, simple term. So I want you to really start to shift your identity. Right, you are the CEO of your money. So, like I already said, your planner, your CPA, your bookkeeper, your attorneys they work for you. Your CPA insert whatever, right, they are consultants. Right, they are not someone who dictates. This is the way it goes.

Erin Gray:

I know I've mentioned before there have been multiple CPAs that I have challenged, and that is because, most often than not, some CPAs. They're trying to follow tax law, they're trying to minimize any type of audits, but a lot of times their consciousness is not where yours is right, so it is coming from a fear-based place. There is a difference between tax evasion and tax avoidance. Right, tax avoidance is a legal thing and sometimes there have been more CPA different CPAs that I've worked with that are more on the side of fear and very cautious because they're so afraid versus some CPAs when I pushed back they've been like, yeah, okay, you know, I could see that.

Erin Gray:

So, really getting clear for yourself and understanding what they are advising you on, understanding what they are advising you on, and sometimes I will even ask that question is this coming from you know, your own fear, or actually what you have seen? Or because of what you're interpreting? Like, tell me more about this. You get to ask those questions. You know you don't have to have all of the answers. You just need to feel empowered to ask really powerful questions. Like, tell me more, tell me the reason why. Like, I think that is such a powerful question because we get to get into the mind of this individual. So often, you know, people are giving us their advice based on their belief systems based on their consciousness, their awareness, their wealth consciousness, their you know, their business consciousness. So you have to ask questions so that you can understand where are they coming from, and I believe that we all deserve to have partners in our business right.

Erin Gray:

I have always said like I don't want to be the smartest person in the room. I want to have a team around me that helps me and knows more than I do. From a place of. We are all empowered and we all have our place Right, and so when we outsource and we give our power away to our advisors, that's not the goal, that's not the point. So, really, looking at it from the framework of, I have a team of people that help advise me and then I am the final one with the decision right. I'm the one that makes decisions. I run it through my filter first and then I make my decision.

Erin Gray:

So how do you start to reclaim your voice and regulate your nervous system? I think it starts even before you go into a meeting. So, when you know that you're going to hop on a call, what are some grounding exercises that you can do for yourself? What intention do you want to set for yourself, for your advisor, for the two of you together, energetically, right, making sure you write down your questions. No matter how you know basic you think they are, it's important to have those questions written down because then, because what happens is, if you are feeling dysregulated in a meeting and you don't have these questions, you probably aren't going to remember. I don't know if you feel this way, but when I used to go to the doctor I don't really go to the doctor anymore, I don't even have a primary care physician but when I used to go to the doctor, I would most of the time have my questions written down. But if I didn't and I was felt feeling rushed by them, because you know they have to, like, comply with all of the quick ins and outs and insurance and everything, if I didn't have my questions written down, I would feel rushed and then I wouldn't, I wouldn't remember my questions. So it's it's that same feeling. So write your questions down, make sure you get them answered, and answered to what feels you know good to you, not from like they've answered the question, but like do you actually understand the answer that they are giving you, and don't leave until you do so. Well, so, during the meeting.

Erin Gray:

What I have said multiple times to advisors is you need to slow it down a bit, and I know that that takes some um maybe working into for you, because maybe you've been told like you're too harsh or you shouldn't say that or that. That's you know a bitchy way to say that. You know what are some of those limiting beliefs that you might have. That came up for you when I said that. But it's okay to tell them hey, slow it down, layman's terms here. Wait a second, go back, go back to that again, cause I don't understand that. So, starting to pause when you feel confused, right, asking for that plain language, layman's terms what are you talking about?

Erin Gray:

One of the things I think to get into the habit of is saying that you need time to ponder it or run it through your filter, instead of agreeing with something immediately. I think a lot of times most often, you know a lot of people our advisors are probably in this like rushed space, and so if, if they are wanting you to make a decision because they want the decision to be made, to hurry up and do X, y, z or to move on to the next client, or whatever it might be like, it's okay to give yourself time and space, and I think when I say ponder, I don't necessarily mean go to your head, but I think there is some value in slowing down and really, like you know, when you're in someone else's orc space, being able to energetically be out of their space, and to give yourself time to ponder the conversations that were discussed. I mean, you might even come up with more questions after the fact that you would want more clarity on that. You could, you know, call or email them back and get clarity before you make another decision, and I think that allowing yourself the time to be able to make a really grounded decision, I think that that to me feels very loving and nourishing and, like I said after the meeting, taking some time to ponder and really think about. I always say that no decision made from an emotional high or an emotional low goes well right. We want to get to the state of neutrality, of clarity, and time is on our side. Now, if you are procrastinating, that's one thing, but I think more often than not, from what I've seen in my clients and myself, we don't give ourselves enough time to get to neutral. We are acting from either a high or a low and we are rushing the process.

Erin Gray:

So, giving yourself some time to after the meeting to really just be with yourself in your energetic or space yourself, so you can get clear and, like I said, you know you're probably going to have more questions and and that comes from allowing yourself to be with yourself and to ponder what was discussed in the meeting. So questions you know to to ask your advisors is how does this actually support my goals? Like, first and foremost, is making sure that they know your goals, they know what your vision is and making sure that it is supporting what, that you know, those goals and what your vision is. I always, like I said, you know, explain it to me in simpler terms or, if you can and you understand it, like, explain it back to them and say I think that this is what you're, you're, you're telling me, is this, is this what you mean? And let them say yes or no. Also, asking you know, are there anything? I always ask the question is there anything that I haven't asked yet? That I need to ask Because they see this all day, every day. They may not be thinking of that because they're just in the zone and so really be like hey, I may not have asked all the questions. If you were sitting in my shoes, what other questions would you be asking that I haven't asked yet?

Erin Gray:

No, your people, your team, is there to help and support you grow, and you deserve to have people on your team that do just that for you. Like, we do not have to tolerate any type of talking down or not getting back to us for a week or two, or you know any of the stuff that I hear from some women. Like we deserve the best. And if maybe that person that you hired might have been in the same alignment with who you were two, three or four years ago, but they might not be that way anymore for you, right?

Erin Gray:

You might have evolved, your consciousness has grown, and so if it's not working for you anymore, it's okay to break up, it's okay to find someone else that supports you, and if you're ready to stop outsourcing your authority, your power and really start leading your financial life with clarity and confidence, I would love to support you. You can book your coaching session at generatealifewelllivedcom and we can build a money system that works for your mind, your body and your business. Okay, I'll see you in the next episode. I would love it if you would leave a review for this podcast. It helps the show grow and I love hearing from you. And if this episode resonated with you and you have a business bestie who is also avoiding her money, will you share this episode with her? My mission is to help more female entrepreneurs feel safe and empowered with their money. Okay, I'll see you in the next episode.