Your Money, Your Rules | Money Mindset, Money Management, Abundance Mindset, Budgeting, Spirituality

156 | Are You Underearning? The Mindset Behind Women Undercharging in Business

• Erin Gray | Wealth Coach, Former CFP and CFO

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Ever feel that knot in your stomach right before quoting your price? What if it’s not about the numbers and more about safety, identity, and years of proving energy?

In this episode, I discuss the hidden patterns that keep capable women entrepreneurs in an underearning cycle, from people pleasing and perfectionism to nervous system responses that perceive “charging more” as a threat.

In this episode you'll learn:

  • Why women entrepreneurs undercharge and underearn
  • How people pleasing and perfectionism hide in pricing decisions
  • Nervous system tools to feel safe charging more
  • The difference between worthiness and price clarity
  • How to communicate value confidently and release misaligned clients


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From my soul to yours,

Erin

Erin Gray:

In this episode, we are going to be diving into why so many women, entrepreneurs that I have seen, are in this cycle of undercharging and possibly even under-earning, and how people pleasing can show up in your pricing and the work that is necessary for you to do in order to release these patterns so that you can finally charge what you want. I don't really like using the word what you're worth because we'll get into that, but really start charging what you actually want to start charging. So welcome back to your money, your rules podcast with me, your host, Aaron Gray. Okay, so let's talk about under-earning, like what actually I believe under earning is my, I don't even know, maybe my definition. I believe that it isn't just about consistently earning a lower revenue than you want. It's also about earning less than you are capable of. So it's it's this culmination of you want to earn more money, you are capable of earning more money, you have a desire to earn more money, and you aren't. Now, I do want to say here that if you are starting your business, if you are a new business owner and you're ramping up your business and you're earning and you're growing, and maybe you're not at the revenue that you want yet, but you are working towards that, that is very different. That's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about if you want to earn more money and you aren't, you aren't doing things and taking steps and action and being in the vibration of the person that is earning that type of money. Because I I want to share that because a lot of times I would, in a way, I would listen to podcasts, and let's say a coach or a mentor would say something and I would use it against me. I would apply it to me, but I wouldn't apply it in an empowering way. I would use it against me. So I just want to say that if you are someone that is on your way, right? Like there, like I've talked about the law of gestation, like there is some time of where you know you want to earn X and you're not there yet in the 3D observed world, but in your body and in your taking action and in your business in the 5D, you're already there. That's very different. It just takes a little bit for the 3D to catch up to the 5D world. That's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about you know you want to earn more, you know that, and you have a desire to earn more, but you've when you feel in your body about charging more, you're not doing it. So use your own deciphering skills and ask yourself and your intuition like, is Aaron talking to me? Am I one of those women who wants to earn more and is not earning more? So if you are one of these women that I want to earn more money, I'm capable of earning more money, and I'm not, then yes, you are under-earning. And the way that you will know this is like how I say in every episode is how you feel in your body. So here is how I'm gonna talk about a little bit about how under-earning like shows up or presents itself, and then how you can work through this. It always comes back to lack, right? Feeling like you aren't delivering enough. And when I say enough, I'm air quoting for those of you listening. So if you are over-delivering, or if you're constantly thinking what I'm charging isn't like I need to be doing more, you know, notice that not enoughness in there, that lack. So you are trying to over-deliver without increasing your prices. You are trying to compensate. So that would be that's one way. Maybe you actually don't ask for what you actually want, or you think that it's too much. And I'm air quoting as well. So you get what I always say, like you get in your head about the numbers, you start to overthink it, and you start rationalizing and why you're charging, and maybe you're like calling, you know, a bunch of people, like your business besties, or you're asking your friends, or you know, outsourcing your power and your are in your head versus in your body. Another one is is if you've had your prices, the same prices for some time, right? And like what is some time, you're gonna have to decipher this. You're gonna have to ask yourself these questions, like, have I kept my prices, you know, at where they're at for however long and I haven't been changing them. Why haven't I been changing them? Like, start asking yourself these questions, then you'll know. So if you've wanted to increase your prices and you haven't, or you've talked yourself out of it, or if you are feeling, I was talking to someone the other day about this, if you're feeling energetically like there's a mismatch, like you're you're providing this next level of value to people and you are, I wouldn't say resentment, but that's the word that comes to mind. Like you're just feeling mislike there is an energetic mismatch for the price that you are charging and the value that you are providing, because you might be afraid of you know having that money conversation. Just here you go back to notice how you feel in your body. And another one that I would give you is if you are discounting often. Now, I always say everything has a caveat, everything is nuanced, right? Like you always have to take whatever I say and then bring it through your own filter. But you know if this is you because you will resonate with it and you'll if you ask yourself in your intuition, you know, you will recognize yes, it is or no, it's not. But if you are discounting, let's just say a client that has been an excellent client and you just want to show some love and appreciation for just the amazingness that they have been for you, and you're like, you know what, I just want to give a discount. That's one thing. But if you're desk, you know, if you're discounting, I don't want to say everyone, but a lot of people that come through your door or, you know, on your in your online business, then that's where you have to start questioning. So this is where I always go back to don't outsource your power, check in with you, check in with your body, check in with your intuition and your business. You know, if you're getting started in business and you're choosing to charge a certain amount because you want to get more experience. Like I've had clients where they're they're starting out and they are like, okay, I want to start a little bit lower to kind of get some momentum going, which that could be whole debated as well. But let's just go with this exercise or example. You know, I want to get some momentum going, I want to get reviews, I want to get, you know, kind of work out my tweak tweaks, and I'm willing to charge a little bit less right now while I'm in this figuring out phase. Like sometimes people will do this during a beta program, right? So, but you always have to just go back to and loving your reasons and checking your energy. Like if you were to say, yes, I love my reasons because I'm going to let these people pay a lesser amount right now and it'll never be this price again. And I'm and I'm working on figuring out these kinks. And because that they are doing this for me, I'm willing to be at a lower price. Okay. But if you're like, oh, I don't know if anyone would pay that amount or I'm afraid to charge that, that's what I'm referring to. So you just have to play with this. You have to ask yourself. This is where you have to get really real with yourself and you have to start asking these questions. So I do want to say, you know, I feel like I live in these are straddle, this 5D and this 3D world so much. We're just having this conversation about how, you know, I have so much knowledge of the 3D, of working with attorneys and CPAs and bookkeepers. And most of those types of people aren't very energetically aligned. But I can speak that language, I understand what they're saying, I know where they're coming from. But then I flip back over up into my 5D of into my, you know, the energetic of it and understand why we are doing this, the mindset. But pricing, I mean, if you're really being honest, it's all just arbitrary, right? Like it's all just BS. It's just somebody decides that that is their perceived value for the price and the or for the value that they are giving to you. Because someone is always going to think you're too high, someone is always going to think you're just at the right price, and someone's always going to think you're too cheap. Like everybody has their own money story, you have yours, they have their perceived value. What is important about this is that if you want to earn more and you want to charge more and you aren't, then that's where the work begins. So, as with anything, this always I think comes back to, I don't want to say always, but it comes back a lot of times to safety. Like we make decisions whether we know it or not, inherently, right? Like biologically, to say to stay safe, you know, safety in the body, safety in the nervous system. And I also think that part of this with charging or undercharging is also a societal one. I experienced this in my family's business. I remember so often I would want a raise. I would know that the value that I was giving and providing was well deserving of the raise that I was asking for. So I would go to my dad and I would tell him, you know, why or I, you know, desired to have a raise. And then a lot of times what he would do is he would have me like list out or like explain myself why I wanted it, what I was doing for this increased, you know, amount. And when I say doing, what I mean is like hours worked because he kind of has a belief around, you know, time equals money versus value is how money is created. And because I could do things faster than some other people, because I had taken the time to understand taxes and really get into very specific things in the business that maybe most others that had worked with him had not. I made it look easy, but it that didn't take away from the value that I was providing. And so because it took me less time to do something, I don't think that he was really thinking like, look at all of the money that Aaron has saved us from understanding how taxes were, you know, like when I came in and I figured out how to do franchise tax and I understand, I understood how we were overpaying. Like I'm talking 50, 70 something thousand dollars of saving on franchise tax. When I understood how, you know, protecting our work and our bonding and, you know, it was probably over a million dollars that because we filed claims on other people's bonds because they weren't paying, we were able to be to receive that million. Had we not done that, had I not paid attention, had I not understood construction law and how that works and how time and dates are so sensitive and how all of that worked. I know it was more than a million. So it's just those things that I was, because of my wisdom and my wisdom came from time in motion, experience, learning. And because I could do it faster, easier, maybe than someone else, from his perspective, it didn't look like it deserved, you know, what I was asking for. And so when I would go to him and I would ask him for a raise, a lot of times I felt like I had to prove myself. And then I felt like I had to go to my uncle, and then I had to prove myself to him as to how I would do it. And sometimes they would be like, Well, what about this other PM? Like, we want to keep you guys at the same rate. I'm like, we're not the same, we're doing completely different things and our value is different. And yes, I believe everybody is valuable in an organization. And my role and what I was doing was deeply, my role deeply impacted the company. And because I used to feel like I had to prove all the ways that I was worthy of having or earning more money, not just owning my brilliance, like the Aaron now would have been like, this is exactly why I am asking for the raise. And if he wouldn't, let's just say, if he wouldn't have given it to me, depending, right? I I probably would have been like, okay, I'm gonna go work somewhere else because I value myself that much. I didn't value myself back then, so I didn't own my brilliance, I didn't own running a multi-million dollar company and all of the my own assets, right? My own mindset and my own brilliance and knowledge that I brought to that company. And so I began to equate more money with doing more things. Like I because I felt like I had to prove, then I would tack on more. Like when I look back on it, I probably did the job of three, it was probably more than that, more three people, right? For a long time, I was the bookkeeper, I was the CFO, I also was the HR person, I also was the insurance person, also kind of like managed, you know, the guys. Did they need anything, get them anything? I always did with all the truck stuff. So there was so much that I did that I did not give my credit myself credit for because I did it so easily and I made it look easy. And because I was taught also growing up that money or time equals money, I thought I had to work more, right? And so I did that for, you know, 10 years. So when I started my own business, I still had that belief. That was something that I needed to work through. I didn't own my brilliance of 15 to 20 years in business and you know, 15 years in finance and really owning like my clients are so grateful to be working with me because I have so much knowledge. I didn't own that because I didn't have a strong sense of self-worth and strong sense of my self-concept. And so I say all of this to say that if this is you, if you are resonating with something, you know, with what I am saying, I've been there. You know, I had to work through that. A lot of us are still here in this spot. And the more that we talk about it, the more that we work through this, the more women are actually earning what they want to be earning and what they believe they are capable of earning. Like I want that for all of us. I want that for each of you. So, because in my body, you know, it became unsafe. I wouldn't probably use the that that wording, but it became unsafe to ask for things, right? Ask for more money, because I knew I would have to like go to both of them and I would have to like plead my case. And it just felt like a lot of effort. And I was having to experience this and it coming from that proving energy, I just wanted to share with you so that maybe if you are experiencing this, that you see like, okay, hey, I'm not the only one. So if this brings up in you, like think about there's I'm gonna list a couple of things, like fear of rejection. You know, if I raise my prices, people might leave me, which is a very, if you think about it, it's a very lack mentality because you're not thinking if I raise my prices, more clients are actually going to, the ones that are gonna be my dream clients are gonna resonate with that pricing and that frequency. You're thinking more so of what you're losing. And I love to think of it that way. Like if I have a client that doesn't renew, I think what's happening is like I'm trying to go off script and just do my thing, and then I'm like going back and forth. So let me start from the top on fear of rejection. Okay, so let's talk about a couple of things that your body might be feeling as to why you aren't increasing your prices. So fear of rejection. So maybe you're thinking, if I raise my prices, people might leave, which that actually might be true, you know, and and the belief that I have when a client and I part ways is another amazing client is gonna fill their spot. I love all of my clients dearly and I'm not attached to any of them. You know, many of us are attached to our clients and our customers, and we are so afraid that if one leaves or, you know, several of them leave, what's gonna happen? It's like someone else is just gonna come that's at that new frequency for you. Okay. Another one might be or show up for you as perfectionism. So you might be thinking, I'm not ready yet. I just need a little bit, you know, more experience. Like this is one that I hear a lot of like I'll just take another course. I just need to do this first. I just need a couple more before I actually put myself out there, which to the mind it seems legit, but it's not helpful. And a lot of times it's not very true for many of us. I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and I told was telling her because she was asking me about some pricing. And I said, you know, you really have to account for the 30 years that you have in experience. You know, that is wisdom and that and that saves so much time and money and resources for your client. You know, the reason why I, Erin, can look at your books in 30 minutes and tell you what we need to do differently, or get on a call with you with your CPA or your attorney or bookkeeper, whatever, and know exactly what they are talking about isn't because I'm special. It's because I have done this for, like I said, what, 15, 20 years now? I'm trying to remember. Like I think I started financial planning when I was like 25. So you're paying me for my experience. I speed up time for you, I collapse time for you. I save you a lot of money and heartache by asking the questions that you aren't thinking about or you don't even know to ask. That's what you're doing with your clients as well. So really sit with this for a bit and think about how you are doing this, how you do have so much experience, how you are undervaluing that experience and that wisdom that you have gained over 20 plus years that you're able to provide for your clients. There is a perceived value for that. The other one I think comes up, I think with everybody, right? It's the people pleasing. And people pleasing shows up in all different ways. But how it looks like with under earning or undercharging is you don't want to, you might think or you say you don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or upset, right? That you don't want them to feel like that you're taking advantage of them or that you're charging too much, or just notice how each of these beliefs that I have mentioned, we have this within ourselves. And when we clear this up, you know, charging what we want to charge becomes easier because we're coming at it from our energetic level and our frequency that we are at at that time. So I do want to say here, because I don't believe I hear a lot of coaches talk about this like charge what you're worth. Your worth is infinite. There is no price on your worth, right? We all come into this world naked and completely worthy. We don't have to earn anything, we don't have to do anything, but that's not what you're charging. You're charging for the perceived value that they will be receiving for your service. So I always also like to ask myself, would I charge, like, would I pay for this? The price that I'm paying, would I pay for this? And if the answer is yes, then I most definitely charge that. So the way that because of the, you know, perfectionism or that thinking that like I just have to learn a little bit more, or the fear of rejection, or you know, the people pleasing, those limiting beliefs create safety through staying small. Like many of us have felt safety in kind of being invisible, not really being that one that's showing, you know, in the crowd of everyone. And a lot of us have equated safety and scarcity to kind of be the same thing. But that just keeps us in survival mode. So if this is something that you have been working through and you would love someone else to help you to work through this, to, you know, support you and cheer you on and root for you, but also like empower you to really get into the mind, to get into the body and help you see where your blind spots are and empower you so that you can really step into that next level version of you. I would be honored to guide you through this. All you have to do is just schedule the call, click the link in the show notes, and then you can find a time that works well for you. So let's talk about how the nervous system actually reinforces earn under earning, because I already said like under-earning probably is safe, right? Like you don't really have to upset anybody, you don't have to have those harder conversations that maybe you aren't used to having. I would also say here too, and I don't want to get into it, but I think this also goes a little bit back to sell selling. What are our thoughts on selling? I finally spend a long time in the making, but I finally purchased my car. And I was having the conversation with the sales guy, and I was like, these guys out here that I talk to, they don't even know how to sell. They think selling is forcing you into something. What selling actually is, is helping the client get what they want and asking clarifying questions. And sometimes that means buying a car with you guys, and sometimes it doesn't. And I think that we kind of have all of this twisted belief and just squirrely things around selling. But selling to me is a chance for me to get to know you, for me to find out what are you actually looking for? How, how do you want to be supported? What do you actually want? I get to ask you, are you willing to do what you need to do? I get to ask very specific questions about you and your business. I get to see where your mindset is, where your body is, where you are with your intuition. Like it's a conversation. And I listen. And so I just think a lot of times we think we don't want to have these harder conversations around selling. And selling is not about forcing someone to come work with you. It's about finding out how you can serve them. And if you aren't willing to ask some of these air quotes, harder questions to really make your client think, and depending on what you are, right? Like I have some clients that are coaches, I have salon owners, I have, I mean, like all kinds. So it really kind of goes back to what is your industry that you're in. So if it is, if you are having sales calls, you know, are you willing to just have a conversation and be there and listen versus what are you focusing on getting out of it? So the way that our body, because our body feels safe with under-earning, it associates or it will associate charging more as a perceived threat, right? If we already feel like money is a perceived threat, then we want to charge more money. That is even a bigger threat. So you might be overthinking things, you might feel unease in your body. And that is all that that is is your nervous system doing what it does best, is protecting you and keeping you safe. Shifting this pattern, you've got to help your body feel safe being seen, asking for what you want, receiving more, holding more, I call it the capacity to have more, right? Have more money, make more money, circulate more money, which all comes back to somatic practices and mindset work. So if you're feeling resistance, like if you've heard this and you're like, okay, yes, this is totally me. I'm totally under-earning, and you're feeling resistance to charging more. Here are some questions that you can ask yourself. One, what is the amount I actually want to charge? Or if it works better for you, like for me, I like to ask myself yes or no questions. You know, do I want to charge X and I'll hear a yes or a no? Do I want to charge Y and then I'll hear a yes or a no? And get to the place where your body says yes. Number two, how can charging more actually be better for my client and also for me? Three, if my business bestie was to call me and ask me these same questions, you know, asking myself, what would I tell her? And four, if I think about this in terms of just energy, because I think a lot of us sometimes get hung up on money, like the actual word of money. So you think of it in terms of energy. How do I look at it then? Somatic work when I talk about getting into the body, I think at the basis, it always comes back to worthiness, to lovability, and to our value. So, first and foremost is becoming aware, recognizing that you're doing it, asking yourself some questions, and then now creating a new pattern. You know, you have to, in order for the new amount to actually come into the 3D world, you have to normalize it. And you have to normalize it for your nervous system and just being with it. So, how often are you actually imagining receiving the amount of your new price? Like, do you imagine those new prices? Like I have Stripe. Like, are you imagining the new price going into your Stripe account or your whatever your payment processor is? How often are you saying it to yourself until you get to a place where it doesn't even affect your body? Like, are you able to just rattle it off? If someone were to ask you, what do you charge? Are you able to just say what it is? And you feel nothing in your body? How much are you actually building evidence for other women around you that are charging and making what you want so that you have the evidence list that if they can do it, so can you, right? Because if you believe that we all came from the same source, if they can charge it, so can you. And so when you change your energy and what I'm really mean is your frequency, you will naturally have some clients that don't continue to work with you. And that's perfectly okay. Like they're not on that new frequency. And that doesn't mean that it's a problem or that you're a problem or they're a problem. It just means that you're allowing space for the new clients on a new frequency to come to you. And this is what I will leave you with. We all can be earning more money. Like there is there's no, I don't see that there's any downside to earning more money because I truly believe that all of you that are listening, we all are light beings. You know, we are all elevated, have an elevated conscience, you know. We we want good for the world and humanity. And so when more money gets in the hands of women that love themselves, that want to create and have businesses and employees to support, you know, the employees and their families and the vendors or the contractors, or that that all helps and circulates money and allows everyone to elevate their lifestyle. And when we do this, we give permission to other women that it's possible for them to do the same. And that I truly believe that the world could use more amazing humans, more elevated, conscious humans that have a better relationship with money. Okay, that's what I have for you. As always, I love you. I'm rooting for you. Take what I say to heart, sit with it, ponder, live in that messy middle, be in that messy middle for a bit, and really ask yourself like, do I want to make more money? Do I want to charge? Do I want to increase my prices? You know, even ask yourself, are there clients that I currently have that I'm not really a hell yes for? If the answer is you can think of some, why are you keeping them on? Doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with them or anything wrong with you, right? But like we all get to like have the best of the best of the best. So, okay, I'll see you in the next episode.