180 | How Play Expands Your Capacity for Money, Joy & Feminine Leadership

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What if the fastest way to better work, calmer money decisions, and clearer intuition is more play?

In this episode, I share a clip from my most recent workshop on feminine leadership and show how bringing more play into your day can help you get out of your head and into your body. Your nervous system settles, self-consciousness fades, and creativity and self-trust come online.

In this episode, we cover:

• A practical definition of play 
• Feminine leadership as intuition, ease, and receptivity
• How scheduling play exposes hidden limiting beliefs
• Why fun and high performance are not opposites
• Expanding nervous system capacity gradually through play
• Receiving help, time, and money without guilt
• Shifting your self-concept 

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Transcript

Setting Up The Power Of Play

Erin Gray 0:00

Welcome back to Your Money, Your Rules podcast with me, your host, Erin Gray. Today I want to share a clip from a recent workshop that I hosted called The Power of Play: Returning to Your Feminine Leadership. And I think that the more that I dive into this, the more that I really embody this for myself. I see this where it is definitely needed in society. With clients that I, you know, work with, I suggest this. And so this clip is going to be around why do we play? What is the purpose of playing? How does it actually help us in our nervous system? And what are the benefits of playing? And how does that actually tie in to us returning to our feminine leadership, to us returning to our feminine energy? And I don't mean feminine as in woman, but I mean feminine as in flow, as in joy, as in ease and fun and less effort. So I think that play is getting more traction in mainstream. I had a friend just actually send me uh a podcast where they were talking about play on a well-known, I don't know the guy's name, Huberman, I think, labs, something like that. I think he's a neuroscientist. I could be completely off, but you know, just this recognition that playing and enjoying ourselves is important. And it is part of what we, when I say need to do, I don't mean as like you have to do this. I just mean it from the standpoint of how does it add value to your life and why do we actually want to do this? So let's dive in. You can hear a clip of the recent workshop that I had. So he describes play as it's going to be different for each person, but what he really talks about is how it is purposeless. Like there is no reason for playing. It's freedom from time, it's your diminished consciousness of self. So what I look at it is like you're actually taking yourself out of your ego mind and you're being in your body. And so you stop thinking about what you are thinking about and you're just in your body and you're just enjoying yourself and playing. It also allows us to get into flow. Like I think play for me, what I've experienced, play is like flow. It's like when you think of something that you love to do, and then you look up at the clock and three hours has gone by. That is what play feels like and can be like for you if you allow it to be that way. And the biggest thing is that it's really coming back to like the feeling that we get from playing. And when you think about anything we do is either for a feeling or it is to not feel a feeling, right? Like, why do we want what we want is because we want those feelings that we feel. It's not the actual thing that we have or the thing that we're going for, it's because it how it feels in the body. So if we can generate those emotions on a more consistent basis and be in that vibration of that, like, you know, law of attraction and vibration and how all that works, like we are just more so in that more flow state. And when I think about feminine, when I say feminine leadership, I don't necessarily mean woman, I just mean feminine energy and how we are more in flow and tapped into our intuition and to our knowing when we are in that state. So, why do we play? He, Brown talks about that it provides this sense of enjoyment, right? The suspension, like I already mentioned, the suspension from self, the consciousness that we experience, and a sense of time. And think about when you were doing something that you love to do, it's self-motivating. Like we want to do things that we enjoy doing. So the more that you have fun, the more that you want to have fun, the more you do it. And it's a pleasurable experience. And we are pleasurable, like we're seeking pleasure, avoiding pain, humans. This is what we want to do. And so when you are thinking about, if you're open to it, putting in the chat, how often are you getting up and thinking about what is fun for me? What are you doing for you before you get into work or um the kids or your spouse? Like, are you doing anything for you in the morning before you start your day that is pleasurable for you? And if you're not, that's okay. And the the next question is where are you allowing that for yourself during the week?

unknown 4:34

Yeah.

Why We Play: Motivation And Pleasure

Making Play Practical: Calendars And Beliefs

Play Versus Grind: Rethinking Work

Becoming The Playful Self

Fun And Performance Can Coexist

Choose Joy Now, Not After Success

Benefits Of Play: Capacity To Receive

Erin Gray 4:34

So Chrissy says, not often. And that's okay. Like I had to start. I feel like I'm I feel like I feel like I need readers. That's what I feel like. I feel like I need readers. Um, I'm intentional with play weekly, monthly. Yeah, but on all the daily. And that's okay, right? Like I had to start with uh how do you play? Like, what are you even talking about? Like I used to not take a lunch break. And like that was stuff that like I prid myself on. And then it got to the point where I was like, this is not fun, like not going and going outside and things of that sort. So really thinking about, okay, it's okay wherever you are. And it's just that awareness, like, this isn't a place that we have to beat ourselves up about. And okay, how do I want to put this more in my calendar? Like where I had to start was, okay, I'm gonna start calendaring play. Like I'm literally going to put that on my calendar and I'm gonna do it. And I'm gonna also see what does my brain tell me when I have play on the calendar, whatever it might be. Maybe it was going riding my bike, if it was when I was living in Hawaii, I was surfing or whatever. What was my brain telling me that was more important than that? And that is really important because then you get to see where are those little hidden limiting beliefs hiding in there that we need to, you know, work through or process. Also, it too, it lifts us out of the mundane. Like when we get in this, I think so often we get in this rut, we can get in a rut, right? Where we're just going through the motions. And I think when you when you are incorporating play, and I want to talk about our state of being as well, but when you incorporate play, when you value play as much as you value working, then it is easy to just get into that vibration versus I had a friend who read all the books and journaled and did all the things. And I told her, I was like, why don't we just go play? And then you can like, it'll automatically bring up like where your, you know, money stories are and things of that. Like, why are we? I think everything has its place, but we when we just go do the thing, you are in the vibration of joy, of having fun, of pleasure, of you know, I think joy and frequent um and love are on the same frequency. So it really has us, and I think a lot of us are very much in our heads and not actually in our bodies. And so when you think about the feminine part of us, the energetic part of us that is that it's just like we want to be that is being in our bodies. Like I have like this, I don't have the language, but it's like this, right? Versus very intellectual and cerebral. And the other thing is, is like we like feeling alive. Like when you do stuff you love to do, like we were sent here on planet earth, I believe, to enjoy ourselves, to have fun, to live the biggest, grandest life that we want to. I know some of us have been indoctrinated with church and things of that sort. And then we're taught that we have to struggle and we have to suffer. And like, I don't subscribe to any of that. Like, I don't really think that that's what God or source actually wanted us to do. And so when you are playing and you feel alive, think about how does that actually transfer into the work that you do? And you know, when you are take this from like you're not just something that we're gonna do as an action, right? Like playing is an action, but playing is like an actual state of being, right? So when you think about who you are, think of self-concept-wise, are you someone who like would describe yourself as someone who is playful and loves to play and loves to have fun and is maybe fun knee? So think about like your self-concept. If you want to, you can put in the chat. Like, what are a couple of things if you were to rattle off right now? What are those things that you would use to describe yourself? And then notice if play or joy or vibrancy or fun is in there and part of your self-concept. Yeah, I mean, I used to say that about myself too. Like I was very serious. I was not a fun person to be around about six years ago. Like that was not, I wasn't so nice. I would has a had a very short fuse, and I was very serious. And I thought life was very serious, and I thought that money was very serious, and I thought all the things were very serious. And I thought that seriousness equaled like getting what you want and taking care of business. And what I've come to realize is we can have fun and we can also accomplish what we want to accomplish. Like my daughter's not in gymnastics anymore because we definitely had a differencing of opinions with her coach, because some of the things that she came home and said to me, Grayson said to me, and we went and talked to her coach. And her coach was very much like, Well, I don't think that the girls should be playing while they're in practice. And I'm like, how come playing and also taking care of business can't exist in the same? Like, why can't we? Okay, when it's time to get on the bar, okay, you are focused, you are putting in your effort. And also when I'm done with my bar, then I can hang out and I can talk with my friends while I'm waiting in line to do my next, you know, thing. And she obviously didn't have the same opinion that I did. And so I think that we it is this and mentality, right? Versus this, it has to be this way or another. It's I'm not saying, oh, you know, we just get to do this all the time and we don't have to like, yes, there are parts that we want to have structure and we want to take action in that from that masculine energy place. But most of the time, if we are more in that free flow, fun, joy place that allows us for downloads to come in, to have ideas to for innovation to come in. So, okay, so I think I'm too serious and not very playful. And I would think, you know, also too, Christy, what I would start playing with is maybe you maybe believing that you are playful is maybe too big of a jump right now. But maybe get curious and being like, what would it be like if I was playful? Like just playing with that first versus I think sometimes when we think about our beliefs, we want to go from zero to a hundred. And sometimes if that doesn't feel true in the body, then that actually isn't what we actually act from. So if you think I'm too serious and not very playful, then maybe start changing it to stop just saying that, stop saying that completely and then start saying, what do I like? What would it look like to play or what would it look like to have fun? And like I said, I mean, this this was a a task for me. And I don't want to say task is in like dull and boring, but like, no, I had to put effort, like there are things that um, you know, we think of from an effort standpoint of like, you know, effort in your business or effort, like, but like this was effort for me to actually figure out like, okay, how do I want to start playing? How do I want to start actually bringing this in and making this a consistent thing for me? So yeah, and Amy says I've gotten more playful. I think also, too, like, what are we so serious about? You know, like when we really like boil it down, like what I always go to when my mind goes a little crazy is like when I'm 80, what am I gonna want to remember? What am I going to want to look back on and like be so proud of? Like, am I gonna be proud that I was just so serious in all the things? Or am I gonna be like, I'm so proud of myself that I had fun and I got to be with people I love and I went after what I wanted. And like it can be in, we can have that energy of having fun and also accomplish what we want. Yeah, 100%. We're definitely like we already have, like, I'm not teaching you anything you don't already know. You already know this. It's just a remembering of and a coming back home to. And so when you think about how you are, you know, Amy was saying in one area of your life, then you just I always talk about like just bringing that skill set over to the other. And so maybe you are playful in other areas of your life, but maybe business isn't something that you, you know, because we're taught to think about like I think the business culture is changing for sure, but it's very much a very has been masculine, like actual men, and also masculine energy of hustle and grind. Like I literally have grit a book on my shelf in my living room, right? And I think that perseverance is a very valuable trait. Like that teaches us things, that shows us things. But the like, I'm gonna just knuckle down and you know, I'm gonna just do the thing and I'm not gonna have fun while I'm doing it. It's like, what is what is the goal in that? And and I think also what you have to remember is when you are in that space, I think what you're forgetting is that you can feel any feeling right now. Like we think, like I said in the beginning, we think that when we achieve what we want, we're gonna get to feel the feeling. But the feeling has to actually happen right now, actually, in order for us to close the gap and get to where we're going. So we can have fun and we can also put in some effort and get down. And also, I would even change, like I had to change what work meant because to me, work always meant sacrifice. It meant hard work, it meant ignoring my family, it meant being very serious, uh, not having any fun, not allowing myself any breaks. Like that's what I had to look at, like what work was. And so I had to redefine like, okay, I've had that contrast. I don't want that anymore. That doesn't feel good in my body. What do I actually want work to feel like now? I want it to feel like just anything else that I do. It's something that I enjoy doing. And so it doesn't feel like work, right? I put in the effort, but it's something that I enjoy doing and I love being with you guys and with my clients and um doing my podcasts. So it's just like you have to possibly redefine what we are even thinking about work. Okay, so let's talk about what are the benefits of play. I think it is the fastest way to show us where we don't feel lovable, where we don't feel worthy, and we don't feel deserving. And it teaches us where we can increase our capacity to receive. So it's gonna bring up money stories, time stories, worthiness stories, because when you go do the thing you want to go do, if it involves money, it's gonna bring up money stuff. If obviously, if it involves time, right, away from work or your family, it's gonna bring that up. And that's such a beautiful thing because then you get to see, okay, where am I? I am limiting myself, right? Like sometimes we want to blame, like, oh, I can't because no, it's like, but we're putting that limit on ourselves. So I think it is such a beautiful way to just show us very quickly where do we not feel deserving of receiving. I remember when we still lived in Texas and Jason was a firefighter. So he was like 24 on. I don't know if he was 48, 96, or 24, 48. He worked at two different places. But, anyways, those days that he was away, I was full-time mom and running the family business. And I don't know how I got into surfing. We went to like a uh a surf ranch and I was like, I love this. This is so fun. And I was like, I want to go and I want to go back and I want to go on a regular basis. Well, part of going on a regular basis instead of because I was working, was also like, okay, I need to figure out babysitting for Grayson. So I had to get a babysitter and also I was gonna go spend money to go surf. And so that was like next level for me because it was okay to have a babysitter if you're gonna go out on a date or you're gonna go to work, right? But like to just get a babysitter to just go have fun, that was like next level capacity to receive for me. So it's going to show you like where are you limiting your capacity to receive? And I think that this is where we get to be really kind to our nervous system. So I didn't start with, oh, I know I want to travel by myself and I just went a month by myself to do that, right? I started with surfing one day for four hours or however long it was, and a babysitter and that amount of money. Like that's where my nervous system could handle, right? But then I gradually expanded my capacity to receive time by myself, spending money on myself, the dollar amount that I was spending on myself. So it doesn't, I don't know if, and you always have to check in with your body, but I don't know if it's always a helpful thing to be like, okay, I recognize this. I'm gonna go a hundred miles an hour because we have almost like that whipsaw effect of like, it feels too intense in the body. The nervous system isn't used to experiencing that. So think about, okay, what is like a little bit like I'm using like a rubber band, right? So if we expand the rubber band a little bit at a time, over time the rubber band gets larger. So think about for you, where can you increase your capacity to receive? Receive help, receive support, receive, you know, like money-wise of just allowing it to be spent on you just for you. I think, you know, I grew up like it was okay to invest in your business. It was definitely okay to invest, like in general, buy real estate, houses, private education, but spending money on fun was something that that was not okay. And I see still how my dad kind of struggles with that a little bit because that's just not something that he's consciously used to doing and puts money towards. Now, if he needs a new computer, he has no problem spending five, however many thousands of dollars on it, right? But that's not something that he's used to. Like the fun, the fun part for him isn't something that he's used to to doing. And so it's in the recognition of, okay, this is where I'm limiting, this is where I'm kind of uh minimizing my capacity to receive. And then when you take that into, you know, your business of like, where am I limiting support or in your work? Where am I limiting, you know, receiving support or hiring for help or you know, things of that sort because I have a story, like I have to do it all, or there's some story around money. And so just think about how is playing, how is increasing my capacity to receive also helping me in my business as well. I hope that you learned a lot from that little clip that I had in the workshop. I also want to note that I will be hosting monthly workshops. Every month is going to be a different topic because I really get them from the ideas from clients that I am working with and what I am seeing in the collective. So this coming month in February 17th, you can, if you want to join, I am going to be talking about identity and our self-concept and how that actually creates what we want in our life and in our business. So if you want to join me, I would love to have you with me. You can just click the link in the show notes to register. Okay, I'll see you in the next episode.