203 | Why Successful Women Struggle to Make Decisions and How to Trust Yourself Again

Why do so many smart, successful, and capable female entrepreneurs struggle to make decisions?

In this episode, Erin explores the deeper truth behind indecision, overthinking, and the constant search for certainty. She shares why most female founders aren't actually afraid of making the wrong decision. Instead, they're afraid of what will happen if they do and how they'll treat themselves if things don't work out the way they envisioned.  

Drawing from her experiences from advising entrepreneurs and leaders, Erin unpacks how perfectionism, self-worth, childhood conditioning, nervous system responses, and faith all influence our ability to trust ourselves and move forward. She challenges the belief that confidence comes before action and reveals why self-trust is built through making decisions, learning from the outcome, and continuing to move forward.

This conversation explores why so many high achievers become trapped in decision paralysis, waiting for more information, more certainty, or the perfect answer before taking action, and how that waiting often creates more stress, resistance, and stagnation than the decision itself.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why most female founders aren't afraid of making the wrong decision 
• The hidden relationship between self-trust and decision-making 
• How perfectionism keeps entrepreneurs stuck in indecision 
• Why decisions are simply data, not a reflection of your worth 
• The role of nervous system safety in taking action 
• How childhood experiences can shape your relationship with risk and uncertainty 
• Why confidence doesn't come from outcomes 
• The connection between intuition, faith, and leadership 
• The true cost of waiting and staying stuck in indecision 
• Practical reflection questions to help you make decisions with more confidence and self-compassion 

If you've been second-guessing yourself, waiting for certainty, or feeling overwhelmed by a decision you're trying to make, this episode will remind you that leadership isn't about having all the answers.

It's about trusting yourself enough to take the next step, even when you don't know exactly how it will turn out.

Because self-trust isn't built by making perfect decisions.

It's built by making decisions, learning from them, and knowing you'll be there for yourself no matter what happens next.

If this episode resonated with you, be sure to follow the podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs this conversation.

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Transcript

Why Decisions Feel So Hard

Erin Gray 0:00

Welcome back to Your Money, Your Rules. Today we are talking about something that I think every business owner or founder experiences that's making decisions. And more specifically, why so many smart, beautiful, capable women struggle with making them. Because in my experience, most people aren't actually afraid of making the wrong decision. They're afraid of what happens when they do, and they also are afraid of how they're going to treat themselves. So let's dive in. I think a lot of us grew up as really smart, straight A students. At least that's has been my experience with the women that I have worked with and, you know, the A's in school and all of this stuff of like doing it, trying to do it perfectly and not get it right. And we look at making these decisions. We've taken how we have been in school and we approach decisions like we're looking for certainty.

The Trap Of Certainty

Erin Gray 0:55

We want to find the perfect answer. We want the guaranteed outcome, the sign or the proof or the validation and leadership and owning your business, it doesn't work that way. The future is unknown. You can gather data, you can seek wisdom, right? You can do your due diligence. But at the end of the day, what I always say, like the buck stops with you. Like you've got to make the decision. You have to get information and data from the decision. You have to feel into it and do it and then see how it works. And the discomfort that we're so used to feeling, I think, is from that place of uncertainty. It's not like making a decision because you either make it or you don't, right? Or you make this decision or you make that decision. Like there's nothing there. That's the action. It's, but it's like, what is the feelings that it's bringing up within us that's creating the hesitancy in making the decisions? I have an actual post-it on my computer that says, I don't know the outcome. And I'm trusting God and myself, anyways, and I'm moving forward. I think for so many of us, you know, we think that also too, we're putting so much pressure on the decision that we are making versus this is just another step that we're doing and moving forward. So many of us attach, I think, who we are, our identity, what we think about of ourselves as a human to the outcomes. And we are so often attached to the outcomes that we are creating. So, you know, we have beliefs around like, oh, if this works, then I've done a good job, or I haven't messed up, or I'm successful, or I'm credible, or capable. Like insert whatever flavor you use or what your brain tells you that you, you know, when you are wanting to make decisions. And then we have stories around like if it doesn't work, right? Then we have those stories around like I'm a failure or this isn't going to work, or I'm irresponsible, or I messed this all up, or I should have known better. Like there's a lot of beating up energy when it comes to if we make a decision and it didn't work out. And I think for so many of us, we don't allow ourselves to just play and make some decisions. We've heavily put so much into like the money that we're going to invest, or if we hire this person and it doesn't work out, or all of these stories that we have created, and because we make it mean so much about us, versus we're just a human in a business making a decision and then making another decision, it feels heavy. We have attached our decision making to our identity, to our worthiness, to how we treat ourselves, for how we love ourselves once the decision didn't work out the way that we thought it would. And I want

Decisions Are Data Not Identity

Erin Gray 3:44

to say here that decisions are just data. That's it. They just provide information. And I have seen that the owners that are able to make decisions and not quickly as in like, let's hurry up, let's make decisions, but just the ones that are able to just make a decision, not make it mean anything about them, move on, gather the data, make another decision, just keep moving, are able to grow and to have a business that feels fun because you're not attaching your business about who you are as a human. And so, how can we, you know, like detaching our identity? Like, yes, so many of us love our business and it is a heart-led business, and it is coming from this place of I want to share and I want to give my gifts to the world and this business and this team and all of this. And yes, that is true. And also, like your business is its own entity, you are not wrapped up in that as well. So I want you to think about how you have been making decisions and then what stories have you been taking from your decisions. I have a client who was making some comments about like, well, I did this, and then you know, like I got a yes, but then it didn't work out the way I thought. It's like, who knows what your intuition, maybe you needed to actually have that exact experience to move through that. To maybe it was a it was a lesson in learning of loving yourself even more than you already do. Maybe that was what your intuition was wanting to teach you. Who knows? Like we want to judge, oh well, our intuition said this and then it didn't work out the way I thought. It's like, yeah, because that's what your mind was creating. Like we don't know everything that is supposed to be happening, right? Like this is the work that we're doing with ourselves and with God. And I think when we can really tap into that, He does have a bigger plan for us, that we need to let go of the control. That yes, you got a yes and you moved with it, and then you got in and you felt it and you listened to your intuition again and it was a no, like that's a beautiful thing. Maybe that lesson for you, like I said, was to recognize, you know what? I honored my intuition and I fell deeper in love with myself and I didn't beat myself up. Who knows what the lesson was? But when we're thinking that it has to look a certain way, we're also not letting the magic happen through our decisions.

Healing The Fear Of Outcomes

Erin Gray 5:57

The other thing I think that happens is we don't trust ourselves to handle the outcome. And this is a more nuanced and deeper level. Like this is, I think, where a lot of some of our wounding has come from. And we have taken that with us and maybe we haven't worked through it yet and transformed it. You know, if we have made decisions when we were younger and we were reprimanded, or we were even abandoned, or we were, or love was withheld from us, we are going to avoid making decisions because it was painful, right? When we did make decisions before and we got in trouble or we got punished, that is still in our body if we haven't transformed it and transcended it. So think about that you aren't that little girl anymore, right? The body may still feel that way. Like I have a friend who's like, yeah, I know, Erin, but the body still feels that. It's like, yes, that's why it's so important to be doing like the emotional release work, the tapping, the somatic work so you can teach your body that it's safe. But we aren't that little five or 10-year-old girl anymore, right? And so really making sure that you are caring for yourself on the emotional level as well as the body level, the intellectual, the mental, the spiritual level, like all of the different areas that we need to be honoring ourselves and supporting ourselves. So I think a lot of us are, you know, hoping that the decision is going to bring the confidence, right? Certainty happens first, confidence happens first. I talked about this on the previous episode. Confidence is an identity that we hold. So what you are trying to get from the decision, it's a taking energy versus I'm a confident person, I don't know how it's going to work out. Like I just said, like in my little post-it, I don't know the outcome and I'm trusting God in myself always. And I'm moving forward. And so when we are trying to make a decision to feel confident versus feeling confident first and then making that decision, you're never going to get confidence from something outside of you. And I think what we all need more of is more confidence, more love, more self-trust for ourselves. When you trust yourself, when you love yourself so much, when you are your biggest advocate, you know that you'll figure it out. You'll know that no matter what comes your way, you're gonna figure it out. You'll adjust, you'll learn, you'll make another decision, and you're going to treat yourself kindly. Like this is, I think, really important to take away here. Treating how you treat yourself after the decision or the outcome has happened is everything. You have a choice. You have a decision. If you are someone who is used to beating yourself up, then of course we're not gonna want to make a decision because we know how terrible it feels when we beat ourselves up and when we are our harshest critic. But if you were someone who is cultivating more love for themselves, more self-trust, and be like, you know what? No matter what, I'm gonna love you anyway. No matter what I'm gonna say, you know what? I support you. You acted on your intuition. I'm here for you. What did we learn? What can we take away from this and move forward? Like that changes the way that we make our decisions. When you know that you're no longer going to beat yourself up and you're gonna be there for yourself, you're more likely going to make decisions and make when I say quicker, what I just mean is like from when your intuition talks to you or however you hear or sense or feel your intuition, and when you receive those downloads and then you make the decision, right? I think a lot of times we don't close the gap, meaning from when we receive our intuition and our downloads to when we actually take the action, because we are afraid of how we're going to treat ourselves. We know that we aren't going to speak so kindly to ourselves. We know we're gonna spend maybe a week in shame versus, oh, okay, well, that didn't work, or it didn't work the way I thought it would. Okay, I'm moving on. So the goal here is to be the woman who trusts herself and who loves herself unconditionally, regardless of the outcome. And I think that for a lot of us, that's actually what our sole lesson is here is how can we be our biggest advocate and supporter and the person that we rely on and trust ourselves, not that we don't receive support, but like that we listen to ourselves above everybody else. I

Indecision Has A Real Cost

Erin Gray 10:13

think also, you know, indecision is a decision. When we aren't making a decision, that's a decision. So, and there is or are costs to that. Think about like the energetic exchange or the energetic overload or the energetic, the image that's coming to my mind is just like this heavy cloud that hangs over us when we haven't taken action, when we know we have received the downloads to do it. Think about how your momentum slows, your mental bandwidth, you're constantly thinking about that, you're going back to that. It's something that you're spending energy on, time on, emotion, right? Emotions on. So when you are waiting, you have to start asking yourself, what is the resistance here? Am I afraid to make a decision? Is it because I'm afraid of how I'm gonna treat myself? Is this an old story coming up from my dad when I was 10 of like I did something and I messed up and I got really, you know, in trouble for it? And that you really have to start digging into this deeper and be like, what is the resistance for me making a decision? Sometimes it's as simple as I just don't have enough information yet. And you got to be very clear and onto yourself about this because sometimes that's actually factual. Like, I don't have enough information. I actually do need a couple more questions answered for me to make a decision. And sometimes that can be very sneaky of avoiding making a decision. So here you go back to like you will only know because it's your body and you have to slow down long enough to get into it, to feel into it, to see where that is coming from. But sometimes it's like I actually don't have enough data. Like I talked to someone the other day and I was like, I'm a yes, but there's some things that we need to do foundationally first before we take, you know, where you guys want to go with this. And so sometimes that is the answer. Sometimes the answer is someone's telling me that I need to do this, but I don't really want to. My intuition's saying no, not to make this decision. You know, maybe it's you have been abdicating responsibility to an advisor for so long and they're suggesting you do something, and you're like, I don't actually want to do that. And the resistance is I need to actually stand up and say, I don't want to do this. And that's why that's coming up. Like there's so many different reasons why we aren't making decisions. Some of it is because we are afraid, some of it is because it's not in alignment with who we are. Sometimes it's because of how we're gonna treat ourselves after the fact. And sometimes it's like, I actually just need more data. And sometimes making the decision will give you more data, right? Like that happens a lot too. But I know for me, because I've gotten so clear on what I want and where I'm moving towards and what my expectations are, it's me asking a little bit deeper questions to get some information to then get that intuitive download or that hit. So just think about when you are, and the term that gets used or thrown around a lot is decision fatigue, right? Decision fatigue and making a bunch of decisions. And then decision fatigue, I think of like not making decisions or being in that indecision place. So just allowing yourself to, I think from an energetic standpoint, like how can you free up more energy and more like feel lighter? It's

Questions To Find Your Resistance

Erin Gray 13:23

like make a decision, then you will get data. So things that or questions that you can ponder on this week if we are attached to a decision or we're making a decision means something about us, like what am I making this decision mean about me as a person? Like those two things should be completely detached. If they aren't, start there. What outcome am I most afraid of? Outcome and also what am I like afraid of treating myself if I make this decision and it doesn't work out the way I think it should, the way that the mind thinks it should, what am I most afraid of? Do I trust myself to handle whatever happens next? And will I love myself no matter what the outcome

Faith Self Trust And Leadership

Erin Gray 14:04

is? I think the other thing too here, and I want to do a couple of podcasts on this, is the relationship that you have with God. I've always been a spiritual person. I haven't been religious because I think that there's a whole conditioning there, but I really truly believe in God. I believe in his power, I believe in so much of that spiritualness. And I think a lot of us believe in that, but I don't know if we move from that place. I think, like I talked about in my previous episode, like we think of it in theory, but if someone truly has faith, if someone truly believes in God, you would take the action. And so really start to question like, what is my level of faith? What is my level of connection to God? And, you know, am I moving from that place or am I thinking about this in theory, but I'm not actually embodying it and taking action from that place? Okay, so, and I'll leave you this with this is that one of the biggest shifts that I've experienced in my life over the last six or seven years is realizing that self-trust is not built by making and there are no perfect decisions. It's by just making decisions and then handling what comes next. And every decision that I've made has taught me something. It has given me data. It has strengthened my ability to trust myself to love myself at a deeper level. And I think that that's what leadership is about. It's not about being perfect, which doesn't even exist. It's not about having all of the answers. It's about certainty within yourself, within your faith in God, moving forward, even, you know, not knowing the outcome. It's about trusting yourself. It's about loving yourself and moving forward, even when you don't have all the answers. Because I really truly believe that our business moves at the speed of what our nervous system feels safe to move at, and also at the level or the quantity of our actions, right? Like how often are we making decisions? I shouldn't say quantity of our actions, the quantity of our decisions, right? If we are making decisions on a more frequent basis, we are gathering more data and we are learning more about ourselves. So

Closing Thoughts

Erin Gray 16:07

I thank you for being here for spending your time with me. And I'll see you in the next episode.